I want to thank everyone who has commented and lent their support in this very difficult situation with Arthur. My concerns for him are very great being alone in New York even though I have people looking after him. I speak with him at least twice a day and I am hoping that we can help him stay safe in New York City and perhaps understand that material things are not the most important things in life. I will not be able to respond to these comments individually as I usually do, but please know that I have read each and every one of them as they come in. I am so grateful for this wonderful supportive community that we have built here together. Much love and all good things your way. Sandra
Please know i don't expect anything back!. Just- please, take care of yurself & author. I'm so glad u have grown adults/ children that r in touch with u & r helping u... Much love sent 🌟❤🙏
This is timely. I'm now 65 and alone...all alone. My kids have their own lives and have no room for me. They really don't want to be bothered by me. It hurts and is scary at times. I do have my faith and a few friends and am finally retired. This video helps, you are a very brave special lady.
I’m same age as yourself and same situation with my kids .. putting energy into my self and health now ... in a million years I would not have envisaged this outcome however no more tears 😭 now every day I now appreciate the new found freedom ❤️
62 and same. Two years ago 5 people in this farmhouse but through death, divorce, and kids leaving home I am now the only one. Nights were really scarry at first but finally adapted. The loneliness, especially in a rural area is something else. My family has always been my life and now they are gone. I remind myself that this is our lot in life if we live long enough. Think of my grandmother's and great aunts that outlived spouses by decades and try to channel their strength:) Wish you strength and wellness. So glad I found this channel. Just Reading the comments makes me feel less alone and more empowered. God Bless
Totally understand, similar situation with the kids and grandkids. So much time and energy invested. I still would do it again, but dang! Long distance hug :-).
This is so true - it isn't about you, Sandra, he is just realizing what anchors him, what make him himself and he needs to be where he feels safe in his memories. I don't think he sounds mentally unstable - why do you say that - he just wants, and is entitled to, live his life in the remaining time he has in a way that comforts him. Perhaps he wasn't entirely honest in the past few years, and would really much rather have been in New York all along. Please don't sell his things without his explicit agreement - this could be a very cruel thing to do to him.
I’m 68 years old. I have a few close friends but basically on my own. I thrive. I moved to La Paz, Mexico 6 months ago on my own and spend my time with a few friends but mostly with my dogs. I’m very happy. Loneliness just doesn’t visit me although I sometimes miss human presence. I deal with that by going on long walks with the dogs through the street markets, talking with people, sitting at outdoor cafes and chatting with people. I’m driving alone with three dogs back to Houston, Texas in January and will drive back to La Paz in April. I’m unstoppable
My father is 92 and of Norwegian heritage. He lives in Florida now and talks so often of wanting to to Norway to see the fjords just one more time. He is too frail to go but I think toward the end of his years he is afraid to lose his attachment to what means so much to him as an individual. I see a similar yearning in Arthur to recapture his essence and his vitality, symbolized by his apartment and his lifelong treasures. This has nothing to do with you, it’s an individual quest, and I am so sorry for the suffering you must feel, as I would. You are so beautiful, insightful and generous to compose and share your thoughts here. You are not alone. Sending strength 💪🏻🙏🏻❤️🕊
My husband passed away this past April. We had known one another since we were thirteen and had been married for over 50 years. Finding myself as a single person has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. What have I learned? Take one day at a time and look for joy in each day. Spend as much time as possible with dear friends and loved ones. Be grateful. Allow yourself to cry but don't live there. Have hope for a beautiful future.
Amen Sandra, I live alone and wouldn’t change it for the world! I have grown more in my solitude and I learn everyday! My practice of gratitude helps me stand tall! Take care and thank you for the wise words♥️🥀♥️
I am a 70 year old man and really appreciate this video. As I look at my parents life, their friends and now my aging friends, I realize the importance of loving yourself. I believe you take the best care of yourself in all aspects of life in order to improve the quality of your death. We’re all going to die. I believe the healthier you are physically, emotionally and mentally your death won’t be as bad as someone who didn’t take care of themselves.
I've been alone for 30 years and I have to say I love it and wouldn't have it any other way - I'm not good in relationships, never have been, never will be. I think you did the right thing in letting him go. Women do much better alone than men.
Sandra, my heart aches for you. My husband walked out of our marriage after 32 years and divorced me. He set up house keeping with a woman old enough to be his daughter. It completely shattered my heart. I didn't deserve to be treated so cruelly. If anything, I had put up with his verbal and emotional abuse for years. His womanizing almost drove me away. I prayed for my husband for years! Going through this tore our family apart. Our children were grown and we have grandchildren. I have started my life over. I live alone, got a dog and through time and by God's grace have moved on. It's been twelve years since our divorce. Life is too short and precious to carry anger and hate. I have drawn closer to God and I am content. I just turned 65 and my ex is 70. I feel like I deserve better than the way he treated me and now she can deal with his narrassist ways and running around. I am so very sorry your going through this! It breaks my heart, truly, your so precious and deserve to be happy. I got me a dog, the best companion and had him fixed. So I'm fixed, he's fixed and we are both content!. May God give you strength as you take one day at a time. I will tell you. my faith in God has helped me so much and choosing like minded friends. A small circle of friends, but true friends. Sending you best wishes and a hug from Texas!
How fortunate that your very sad reflection is just that, a reflection, and not your destiny. I am glad that you are free from an abusive relationship which offers you nothing, not love, companionship or security, not even friendship. You wouldn't want to ever find yourself vulnerable and ill with him for support, would you? No! Go forward and breathe a big sigh of relief that he isn't your ghastly weight to bear. Your splendid 4-paws companion is a superior choice of friend, loyal and loving. So be loyal and loving to this special soul 💜 and your life will become sweeter by the day. Get out there with your little mate and walk and see nature all around you. The best people have doggies, and cats, you will meet lovely people and smile again. I feel it 🥰💗🌻
Thank you for this. My husband of 40 yrs passed away October 29th. He was sick for 8yrs and I took care of him. He was only 67 and before he became ill we traveled and were always going on another adventure. I really dont have the words to describe these past 2 weeks without him. But what I have come to realize is just what you said, live in the now,. I am only 66yrs old and full of live. Before he passed he told me to keep living and as difficult as it may be at times I know I can do it as long as I embrace this day as a gift. Thank You again for this Beautiful heartfelt message.
Thank you. Loved your video. I’m 60 and love to live alone with my cat and dog I eat healthy and do light weight training I listen to music every day and like fashion. I don’t want to marry again. My partner was abusive emotionally and I was getting burned out. I prefer being on my own. I’m grateful for everything and give thanks each day. Take care every one ♥️
My husband left our 40 year marriage two years ago (his loss). After recovering from the lies, heartbreak, and betrayal, I feel blessed for the new life God has given me. I love the peace I feel and happiness I once had lost. Confirmation that I would never go back. You don’t realize how much of yourself you lose when you’re in the midst of an unhappy life. I thank God everyday for my blessed life. Your videos are always an inspiration. You are going to do amazing because you are a strong lady. Wishing you many Blessings.
Thank you very much Debbie. I am so happy that you have found peace in your life now that you’re away from all that abuse and betrayal. Nothing worse in a relationship or a marriage then someone who is unfaithful. So happy that you have found peace in your life. Blessings your way
One of the hardest lessons we have to learn in this life is to “let go”. You have done your very best with this challenging situation and you have done it with love, dignity and grace. God grant you the strength to endure this sad separation from Arthur and may He keep you both safe and well. Thank you Sandra🙏🏼❤️
I had to live through the sad ending of my father's life and all of the difficulties that presented. End of life begins way before death and has many hard times associated with it. Hang on, Sandy!
At 71, I feel very alone also. My husband is disabled and I am the sole caretaker. He has had many surgeries and severe rheumatoid arthritis. Your videos are inspiring and lift my spirits. Thank you so much, you are a very strong person. 💜
I too am 71 and I'm so sorry that you feel alone. My daughter's uncle had rheumatoid arthritis and passed about 5 years ago. Being lonely is no laughing matter. It can consume you if you allow it to. Although I am not alone, I have been as I am sure everyone has. You get advice to get involved with your church family, do something that you like, crafts and such. Well what if you have done all this and still feel lonely? Loneliness is within actually. One has to learn to be with yourself and enjoy it no matter what you are doing. Being a caregiver requires quite a lot of patience. My daughter at 49 is taking care of her terminally ill husband now for the past 8 months. She is doing a wonderful job as a nurse and as a caregiver. I admire her so much. I too, admire all the caregivers in the world. You also are one of them. I'm sure your husband appreciates it too. Always remember to be kind in your words and you will have no regrets during this time. I took care of my mom for 10 years and understand all the emotions you are going through. I have put you on my prayer list my dear. I am here if you need to reply.
It's nice of you to take care of your husband. But being 'primary caregiver usually exacts a huge toll on the person giving the care. Be sure to make time for yourself too. Get your nails and hair done or a massage. I see many caregivers who are burned out as caring for those with physical and mental challenges can be draining, unrewarding and often thankless. Join a group and go out at least once a week. Take good care of yourself.
I think Arthur just wanted to go down memory lane with his materialistic stuff and sit in that memory for a short while. Men do not do well by themselves though, so I believe he will find that YOU are the treasure ... and will want your company more than anything. He will be back soon. Praying for you both to find rest and peace in whatever the outcome will be.
@@GeorgeFlippin hmm.... not sure I'd agree with that..? How come there's more widows than widowers, and stats say men alone have more health problems ( women tend to guide men towards a healthier life style & calm them in times of stress )
It’s a profound privilege to hear your thoughts and to receive the insight and encouragement you share with your community. Thank you Sandra and be assured that what you share truly touches others. You certainly have touched me…Hugs❤️
Yes Sandra I agree with you,I did the change 17yrs ago and never regretted.I live by myself and start loving it from day one,It was hard at the beginning but like I always said I bought my total liberty and I m happy.I wish to you Peace ,health, and happynes.Lots of hugs from Texas.
Your message has touched me deeply. Each day is surely a gift to wake up and continue on the journey. Each chapter has a story and sometimes it doesn't go as we think but as you say, we are never alone. God bless you, Sandra. Thank you for making a difference. Love, Peace and wishes for all good things.
The Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Hey Sandra. I’m only 20 so I expect I will encounter the lessons you have shared in this (and all of ur other) videos time and time again, and I just wanted to say I appreciate & cherish your wisdom. I aspire to live my life with a similar frame of mind to the one you often share on here. Upon reading some comments, a resounding sentiment appears to be that a lot of parents feel scared to approach seniority & the ensuing separation from their children that naturally follows. Your message today has helped me to feel more secure in grappling with the lonely stages of life, and has also reminded me to act with empathy when connecting with my parents as time progresses. Thank you. From a big fan.
Wow Cailyn you across as so mature and wise and yet you are only 20. (I won't post on here what I was like at 20 y.o. other than utterly daft!) You also sound like a kind and compassionate young adult. A pleasure to know in rl. You go girl and keep
@UC7zIS3R4mzmnb3c3llZXCEQ I feel you. But I read a quote that has helped me in many ways : 'Be the grown up you needed when you were a child' or be the person you need next to you, take pleasure in doing little things that bring you joy, whatever that is that makes you feel good, not in a rush but embracing your soul a little bit everyday. True, all of us get a dose of things we didn't deserve but who better than ourselves to know what we DO deserve and what can make us happy, even if it is just something that makes us laugh for 10 minutes. Lets do more of that and don't welcome sad thoughts, I battle those bastards daily with all my strength and say "nope" I won't give you that space in my mind. Today I deserve to be happy, and that has helped me to take one day at a time and pull myself out of that gloom. All the best!!!!
Dear Dear Sandra I admire your courage, class, wisdom, tenacity and you are definitely a survivor. I have always enjoyed my own company and enjoy a small circle of friends and family. I need a lot of space to have some serene time. I love your conversations and always look forward to each one. Thank you for being so honest and open. I believe you might just enjoy the break to find out deeper meanings about yourself. God Bless
Yes, Sandra, there's nothing quite like being alone with no relatives. Medical professionals never make accommodation for someone who's really alone, other people don't understand what it is to be alone with NOBODY to call on. I'm so sorry to learn about Arthur's mindset. Wishing you all the best.
You made a very wise decision for your own sake. As an 81 yr old, retired nurse who has lived alone since 1987 and is content, the happiest I've ever been. My hope is you've had a complete evaluation of your husband by a qualified physician as he is showing signs of dementia. You may not notice it due to his personally. Soon it may become evident that he can no longer make his own decisions. Just be prepared for this and possibly look for a Fiduciary. in his area, not just for finding reliable support services for him but to be there until you can travel for a medical emergency. I can tell you are a wise woman; I am hoping for the best for you.
I am 68 and have been alone for 4 years. I can honestly say I have never felt such peace as I do now. I spent my life trying to please the man in my life and after my last relationship with a very narcissistic man, I decided I’m done. It is time to learn to love me and have the freedom to do what I choose to do! It is very liberating and I’m very proud of how I’ve come through this time. I wish you peace and love; it’s time to be selfish!💖🥰
Yes, too few people elaborate on the peacefulness and joys of living alone after negative relationships and grown children’s departure. Alone is Peace. Alone is Joy. Alone is Freedom. So many positive aspects to be explored.
I’m very sorry to hear about your situation with Arthur. My husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack in our home July 21, 2019. I miss him every day and sometimes find it hard to go forward. I go to exercise three mornings a week, and get together with friends who are widows as well to see a movie or go to dinner, but it’s not the same as being with your spouse. It was very lonely especially during Covid, but things are getting better. You’re right we are never alone…the Lord is with us giving us strength and purpose for living.
A lesson I learned many years ago through a tragic occurrence, is that we do not own anyone, be it a spouse, children, or parents. We have to learn to accept this no matter how difficult it is. I believe you did the right thing letting Arthur go his own way. I hope for the best for you and your family ❤️
I just came across your blog today, Sandra, and enjoyed your talks. I’m past 86 and My second child invited me to come for a winter break in TX. for 2 wks. Today I got in the hot tub with help and I thought I was in heaven. Listening to your philosophy of life is just like mine. Keep the good work going! Arthur just want’s to do it his way. Just like Frank Sinatra’s song. Good night.
Oh Sandra, you are living my nightmare. I started dating my husband when I was 15 so my whole life has been wrapped around him. I'm now 80 and cannot imagine being alone. Thank you for sharing your experience. We have trouble controlling ourselves so how can we even start to control others. I must remember your words of wisdom. I wish love, strength and health.
Sandra , thank you so much for being with me today ! the first time I have seen and listened to you . I am a 70 year old lady from the UK , living in Bulgaria ! my partner and I came here 15 years ago , but he died , 6 years ago and left me alone. Indeed the first time in my life I have ever lived alone ( +5 dogs ,2 cats). After a few years of grieving and stress , realising I can never return to the UK for financial reasons , having my daughters and grandchildren wanting me to go back ! I am now Me ! I love me , I talk too much , I laugh and sing , paint and craft and sew and garden , and cook and eat , see friends now and again ! walk my doggy's virtually everyday ! my dear doggy's. Sandra I also play scrabble and chitter chatter to my daughters and a few friends on the internet face time is soo much better ! I so relate to you as I'm sure many of the widows and divorcees do , one gets lost when there is 2 ! I am so blessed with my life , even though I cant hug my family I know we have a bond of love. Arthur sounds a great fellow no doubt a handful too , but wishing you luck to get him back to the sea and sand. You are an inspiration Sandra , not just because your so active and glamorous at such an age , but because your spirituality shines , we are closer to the cemetry gate than the school gate ! no time to sit and regret , Lots of hugs Maria x
I never knew what being alone really was until the death of my 15 year old dog, i was his care taker specially during his last 3 years and he was my companion since he was a puppy, my son moved to another country and I had no one but my self, the loss of my dog was the most difficult thing I've gone through (still going)
I think a lot of us can identify with losing a pet and the grief that we go through missing our four-legged family. I think the best thing to do when you are grieving if it’s feasible for you, is to rescue another dog and give it at home. You’ll know when it’s time. You will be saving a life as well as elongating yours.
My husband passed ten years ago the only constant is my twelve year old dog. I am in a new state,I know she will pass. I plan to love a new dog when she passes,which will be difficult. So many dogs need love and at 75 I have lots to give,it won't be her and will hurt alot. Don't give up on life.
I was happily married for 40 years when my husband suddenly left me. I was so dependent on him that this was devastating and the last thing I ever thought would happen. I have taken one day at a time and am gradually building my life back. It still isn't normal nor my goal to be alone. I have hopes of his return home but mean while face my new reality. Each day is a challenge! Thank you for sharing your journey. It is comforting to know that I am not alone but sorry too for your heartbreak! My prayers for your grief process and struggle!
Oh I pray that you change the locks so that when he comes back, you can say, I am happy and you are not welcome here any longer. You deserve to be treated better & I hope that you realize it very soon! 💛🙏🏼
I would love to find out how you survive without him …. I lost my husband of 34 years , he left me. I am bonded to him … together since age 18 …. How do I go on without him. I tried EVERYTHING… now I stand , hoping for the day he returns.
I take care of dad, who will be 90 in April. It is difficult, seeing him fade, this year. Mom passed September two years ago. My divorce to a toxic man was final the same time. I will be alone at 58. I never had children. I see no one. Thank you, Sandra, for being there and so helpful. Bless you, lovely lady!
I just want to encourage you to seek new friendships & hobbies. 58 is young! I know you have the responsibility of your father, but you are free to make decisions and do what you want without being tied down. I pray that you won’t be lonely for long!
Firstly credit to you for helping your dad in these later years and properly your mother before she passed. I split from wife end of 2020 and moved in to help my mother who now has a bed downstairs due to I’ll health, then I discovered I had cancer in 2021 at 44 and after finishing 2 months of chemotherapy and then another 2 months of chemotherapy once a week and radiotherapy 5 days a week. I gave up work temporarily because of physical nature of job and will have a operation on removal of the saliva gland and a benign tumour in the parotid gland around new year. It is hard especially when your alone but your a good soul with good heart and looks and hopefully you get the love and attention you deserve. 🤞🏻🙏
I'm almost there taking care of dad at 86. My mom passed 10 years ago. I'm not alone yet, but I feel it coming. I feel a shift taking place. Two brothers and one sister haven't talked for 11 years. I release it.....I am ME!!!
Dear Sandra I was almost in tears when I first saw this video...I thought Arthur had passed away. The tears turned to joy, as I continued to watch your video, knowing Arthur was still with all of us. Near, far, wherever you are please know I CARE for both of you. Love from Karen
I've been stuck for the past year grieving the loss of my mom. She urged me, over the years, to never get too attached to things and to never rely on others for my personal happiness. I haven't been able, for the past year, to live those truths she told me, as Ive been yearning to be loved and needed by my elderly father, who, has rejected me through his actions towards me. I have been mourning the loss of both my parents, basically, and stuck in a deep rut. Until today, I really thought my personal happiness was contingent on pleasing my dad, being his caretaker as I did with my mom. But today, after watching your video, something clicked in my head and suddenly I felt a sense of peace and clarity. Thank you so very much for sharing your experience.
Sandra, I hope you will realize that your happiness depends only on you and not others and how they feel about you. Letting go and moving forward in your life is the best thing that you will ever do. You are whole and you were worthy all good things in life.
@@lifewithsandrahart thank you, I really needed to hear some words of compassion and kindness. I am working towards feeling worthy and self sufficient emotionally. It feels so full circle right now, having grown up watching Romper Room and feeling, as a child, joy and a sense of mattering after watching it. To feel that again, From a former Romper Room teacher fills me with those feelings again. Thank you, again.
no you did your best when they were living.we all been borh with our past actions goods and deeds..when we are born ..death is certain.we all die..i too grived for my dad..i could not be giving and caring for my father..as i had a v dominant man..may you be well and be compassionate...do not be sad..every second live well to your best...as we all have to go..thats all we take with..tc
Parents are a big influence but you are an individual. It's not selfish to think about yourself at times. You weren't born to serve. If you understand what I mean. You cant make everyone happy about everything but overall you can please your patents and yourself. Remember too, patents aren't always right about everything.
I’m divorced and 72. My elderly dad lived with me for 10 years. I had to take an early retirement when his health started declining. I was his caregiver (with some help) for the last 5 years of his life. Being a caregiver was the hardest job I’ve ever done. Now my dad is gone and boy do I miss him. I have children and grandchildren close by, but boy do I miss my dad. It has taken me 2 years to redo his room. I just shut the door. The house sure is quiet. I got a puppy for company and I try to stay as busy as I can (I have chronic back pain). Again, boy I miss my mom and dad.
I still miss my parents so I understand. Getting a puppy will help you though. Dogs are best friends. Your father was lucky to have had you help him for 10 years. He probably lived longer because of your care
It was tough when my dad died, he was our rock, always there. I felt like an orphan alone in the world. Five years later, one day I suddenly felt the burden of grief lift from my spirit and didn't even realize how heavy the loss physically felt before that.
This video is so timely for me. I was recently widowed after my husband’s very sudden and unexpected death in August. We were together for 44 years, married for 41 (HS sweethearts). We were constantly together. I am definitely not ready to be alone. Before he died, Eddie was very insistent about retiring in Florida, which is where we both grew up. I have noticed that many older people have a strong desire to go back to the home of their youth before they die. It’s almost like a primal urge. I once read a quote by a psychologist that said children who have a neglectful or abusive childhood often transfer their emotional attachment from people (who have always let them down) to possessions. This coping mechanism was hardwired into me from a young age, so I understand Arthur’s need to go check on his things. Thanks for sharing your life with us and for the wisdom and advice that is always so helpful and comforting to me. God bless. 💝
My hubby so wanted to go home to OK and we did but now - he wanted to take care of his mom but she has made it clear we are not needed or wanted and especially because of the virus🤷so right now we are apart - I'm at my daughter's with new granddaughter and he went to where he could find work- it's hard but God is in control and I'm trusting in Him🙏 your encouragement is so amazing and yes you are not alone and letting go brings so much peace 🕊️
As a widow of almost 4 years I appreciated all your thoughts. When I found myself single again it took quite a while for me to come to terms with my own life. But I’m now planning lots of vacations that I know my husband wouldn’t have wanted to do, I also found new activities that I really enjoy with other women who also are single. It’s a good time ( still have moments of grief) but they’re not as frequent as they were.
I'm sorry you're alone now. Thanks for sharing your widsom. Arthur sounds like the dementia patients I've cared for - I hope things settle into a comfortable place for both of you.
Love your courage, strength, wisdom and compassion. Arthur is lucky to have you in his life and he seems like a a lovely man too. Hopefully it will all sort itself out. Stay strong and look after yourself. We are all here to support you xxxxx
I really needed to hear this today. My husband has cancer. He’s taking treatments for it now. We’ve been married for 41 years. We never know what life will sent our way. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I’m praying for Author too. Take care of yourself ♥️
I feel the same way and my husband is fighting cancer right now as well. I pray your husband will beat this and I am praying my husband to beat this as well!
Thank you Sandra! I am 77 and lost my first husband when we were in our 20's. My second husband lived int the neighborhood and we met and later married. We are now married 49 years. He is in bad health and I am living in fear. Your video helped me realize I need to get rid of some of MY, wordly possessions, and "Let Go of my fear. I know God is with me, becarse he has shown he is, troughout my life. I am a former school teacher and now, I teach yoga. This year, I have taken up guitar and piano. Thank you for this post. I am anxious to see more of your positive posts. Sending Love and preyers, Charlotte.
Just found your video. I am 68 and alone too, I am lonely I live in Miami. I try to keep busy and immerse myself in things I like I spend time with my daughter and granddaughters but they have their own lives.. living in the now it’s what’s important. My partner is 83 and he has decided to be alone and do his thing! I understand completely what you are saying… best of everything to you and I love your positive attitude!
After my Grandmother died my mother maintained her mental attachment, and talked about her often. When mother was 90 she started crying one day, and said she missed her mother, and wanted to hold her hand again. I said, « how old was Grandmother when she had you. » She said about 30. I said how old was she when she died? She said 96 years old. I said how old are you Mother? She said 90 years old. I said what is 96 and 30. She said, « 126». I said so How old would Grandmother be if she were here? She had a neo recognition, and started laughing. I said - no matter how much you miss her mother it probably isn’t realistic to think she might remember you at the age of 126 would it? You see she was thinking as if her mother was still alive _ all those years she missed her. At the time Grandmother died mother had to have had closure. She flew with my Grandmother’s body in an airplane back to where my Grandfather was buried and had a funeral again. So they had 2 funerals. I guess it’s okay not to give up, but keeping things in realistic terms is probably good too, right. Well maybe my math isn’t perfect, and I feel a little guilt for writing this. But, I’m sure you see what I mean. Mother, and Grandmother needed each other, but living in reality is okay too. Even with the guilt.
My life is currently under scrutiny by myself. My husband has a mild case of Alzheimer’s and dementia. It has changed his personality. I am very blessed with him, he doesn’t try to control our money, he isn’t physically abusive, and he is still lucid enough to make his own breakfast and wash his clothes. The problem is me. He is my second husband and we had a wonderful life together. The last 10 yrs have been a real struggle because I’ve taken him to every dr trying to find the drug that would help him. The end result is it just is what it is. I’m learning that this is my third husband, the second one having drifted away. I’ve learned that I didn’t cause the situation, nor can I control it. I’m very grateful for people like you who share your life experiences. Together, we can support our sisters who are beginning to have these life experiences. I am now my new companion and learning to enjoy my own company. Good luck and God bless all of us who are in this journey
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I would like to suggest that you look into Dr. Mary Newport (coconut oil for Alzheimer's) and the use of cannabis products for your husband. A RUclipsr has posted a series of videos of his mother's journey with Alzheimer's, and how much marijuana has helped her: "Alzheimer's and THC Marijuana." ruclips.net/channel/UC-t7hBj8BNQ-D2w0jDQiK9A
Joyce Z Hi Sandra, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I’m married to an obstinate husband now for 55 years and do understand what it is like as they get older. My husband has chronic dementia now and I try to live day by day but it is so hard not to wish things were like they were years ago when he was ok. Thank You for your video. I hope you find peace and Arthur comes home to you.💕❤️
I'm 80. Next month we will be married for 60 years. My husband has dementia, also. Physically, he is perfect but his mind is a little bit worse every year. Like you, I try not to be bitter but it's hard. We had such plans to tool around the country in our little camper but now I drive in our community with him content to sit in the car. Sandra's video touched me deeply as did your post.
Oh" Sandra such a massive challenge for you. Your life is so precious and you will go forward concentrating on putting your good health at the top of your list and working your way through things that give you great joy" I'm 75 have been living alone for many years with no family in New Zealand my home, My life is uncomplicated and I put my good health first and have good friendships and enjoy my happy disposition while living a balanced lifestyle. I just love watching your very inspirational Videos. They add peace and serenity in my life.
I'm 27, accidentally came across your video. I have been living away from my family for the past 7-8 years. My dad got a heart attack at such a young age and I flew back to be with my family. I don't see a future here in my country so I'm in desperate need to move out and start my life somewhere else again. But I'm scared to leave my family. I'm at that age where I constantly worry about my parents' health. I'm scared that I might not see them again. I always think that I'm running out of time to be with them. I feel like the time is ticking. I'm stuck between the need to follow my dreams and leaving my parents and little brother alone. Thank you Sandra for this video. This made me realise that if something is bound to happen then it will. For the time being I have to live my life. My parents are still capable of doing things by themselves. So I should focus on my life while I have the freedom of mind to do so. So that someday when the time comes I can be with them and take care of them.
What do your parent say? Have you talked to them? Most parents don't want to hold their children back. They probably want you to move, maybe take them with you.
@@Lingchow1 Yes I did. They want me to move and settle down wherever I feel comfortable. And later on, when I have enough funds to support them they are ready to move with me. It will take few years for me to do that. I'm scared in the mean time they will need me and I won't be there to help them in an emergency.
At 27 you have so much more to look fwd. to ! Yes, I'm sure that feeling of being stuck between obligations to yr. Mother & Father and aspirations for seeing yr. dreams satiated. Good for you you have a full life. Also yr. words tell me you're a sensitive, empathetic, considerate being. That is a valuable gift. What may be helpful to you is implementation of strategies. Go , move elsewhere, however have a nest egg should there be a need to return quickly. Also we are fortunate to have phones and Laptops to keep us in constant visual communication with those living on the opposite side of this planet. Really nothing is stopping you except you. The majority of parents don't have children to keep them around . They seemed to have raised a successful human being. They would want you to follow yr. desires. Make sure your concerns as to their welfare are addressed so you not bound by limitations which in the fullness of time you'll resent and regret. Nothing stopping you from daily contact should you have genuine concern. Be happy ... Over my life I've found half the concerns I'd had never raised their unwanted heads. Bon Voyage !!!!
I've been widowed since 2008. It was difficult being alone but now I love it. God bless you and your family during this time. Suggestion, maybe have a couple of cams in the apartment and have viewing on your phone or computer. That may give you comfort that you can keep an eye on him as well while in Florida. 🤗
Our beautiful, elegant Sandra, I know this has been very hard on you. My dad lived into his 90s and he became very erratic with his demands. He began to want to move from one place to another. Never satisfied. It eventually was diagnosed as Alzheimer’s. He got to the point he would not listen to me either. He began saying I was stealing his money, etc. he moved back to his childhood home…in search of something. I had to let him go to. I cried all the way there. It ended in his sister taking a lot of the money he had, and when she couldn’t get hold of more she brought him back. It was a long sad journey journey but fortunately I had the strength to see it through. He got so he didn’t know who I am. And I had to put him in an Alzheimer’s care facility because he was always wanting to travel. Arthur may be having a beginning of a bit of neurological symptoms of some sort. Or he may just needed to touch his former life for a while. I remember him talking about all his friends are gone now. He may feel like he has lost all the bits that made him who he is. He will find, that the touchstone of his life, is his beautiful wife. That his old books and memories in New York, mean nothing without the sight of you making him his favorite pot of soup, or smiling at him from across the room. You rest up, read and spend time on self care….breathe in the peace of no demands on your time or energy. He will return to you, hopefully at peace about letting go of the apartment and the old life. Saying goodbye is a great gift you are giving him. Blessings to you both. Hang on…..I know he adores you. It is easy to see when he looks at you and speaks of how proud he is. Hugs, judy
It has been noticeable, too, that when Arthur complained about being all alone he almost blamed you for being so preciously there. There’s no one else to blame for anything because everyone else is gone. You always took that very well when he put it right there on camera… contradicting himself by saying how wonderful he thought you were and are, how he adored you, and how it’s only you-and that won’t do. Ha ha, who else can be blamed except the ones we love the most, ourselves and our most precious ones.
What a dillema you've had to go through, dear Sandra. I understand completely when you say you have to let go. God bless you 🙏 You really are such a brave strong woman. This can't be an easy time for you, but you get that inner strength when the rubber hits the road.. Although we don't know you, we feel like we do, because of your honesty and transparency. We are with you ♥
You are simply amazing. Please know your "podcast family" loves you and is holding you in prayer. Thank you for sharing this very personal story with your usual clarity and wisdom. Take care, dear Sandra.
You are a very wise, smart soul. Anyone who has u in their life is blessed. My husband of 59 years, just passed away in June. Lost my dog, my youngest son had a terrible accident on a bicycle. I’m lonesome, scared, and worried about the future. I admire your strength. I loved what u said about yesterday, today and tomorrow. Bless u Sandra. You are very beautiful physically and spiritually.
The most challenging part of being alone is staying motivated. Its easy to be part of a team that is working together, taking care of one another, the friendship even the mundane day to day. Its difficult to find a new balance and stay motivated when you are only taking care of yourself.
I'm learning how to walk the strange life of solitude. My husband died suddenly at 66, November 27, 2019. I have my family in the area but day to day life is by myself other than occasionally getting together. Bless you all whom find themselves alone. I had Roy for 40 years. I'm struggling but trying.
I have followed you since almost the beginning and truly admire your grace. I have seen several of Arthur’s appearances on your channel and it was quite clear that he has a strong mind of his own. I wish you both well during your time apart.
I am single.. over 60.....by choice through divorce. Praise goodness....there is divorce. The first week...after he was gone...after that 33 yrs of prison term thing called marriage was complete......I remember going to bed and I felt fear. Not fear of being alone...bc that felt glorious.... but fear of how I would care for all the things...the house...the land...the car...alone. That fear lasted about 3 nights. But after that it was gone. Life is glorious now. I care for everything myself. It's an amazing thing how life gives us opportunity to change and grow independence at any age. I always say...everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson in everything. God bless you in this time of changes. You are a strong woman.
At 75 I am alone. I lost my husband last year. My kids are the other side of 🇬🇧 and come down to help but basically I’m alone. I’m planning little trips by myself and looking forward to my new journey. Love to you all ❤️
Sandra, thank you for being authentic and sharing what is going on in your life. You have given me many concepts to reflect and ponder. Life can definitely change for any of us in a heartbeat. I know that on a deep celluar level because my daughter was killed by a drunk driver, I am 71 years and and I watch your videos because of your kindness, authenticity, honestly and willingness to be open and share what life is really about. Please be good to Sandra, and please know you make a difference in my and many people's lives. Thank you Sandra.
Oh dear Sandra, I’m speechless and you are so gracious. My ex husband and I separated 20 years ago on a very bad note and I remained alone with our two teenagers. You are so right about everything, life and people are so unpredictable and nothing is ever guaranteed. My heart is with you, and I wish you all the best for the next few weeks. I wouldn’t want to venture an opinion or anything on a matter that is so personal. Much love ❤️
Beautifully expressed valued insights i wish I had a friend like you. I've lived alone for almost a total of 7 years since my daughter moved out. I've been single for a little more than 20 years. Life alone is so freeing to do whatever I choose from moment to moment and live in the now. I have fewer thoughts of romantic relationships snd more of a relationship within. It wasn't easy at first but since I moved past mothering the teenage years and had time to reflect I've been enjoying my time alone more and more. Its not about being selfless or selfish but about learning more about how you feel about things and to those things may change sometimes. So being there for myself the way I was for my child is a great gift. To anyone goingg thru separation anxiety just know it gets much much better. Your courage and strength is always beautiful and I know you will expand your attributes even more. God bless you and your loved ones. 💖
Newly divorced, after 22 years. Lost both of my parents, my little brother, my best friend, my community. But I’m making my own decisions and I have to trust myself. I have realized that it’s so much easier to see myself as a trustworthy human. Good information sister!
Your husband thinking and mood I believe is a result of age. Living alone though is difficult to both women and men but I believe is more to men. I worry much for him. I am glad you have done and arranged everything for him and you are still checking on him. This is a burden to you no matter how you think on living for now and believe on self love, you wouldn't stop thinking of your another half, your husband. But one think that I believe is your creator is always with you both; particularly with you to comfort you and with him to protect him. Surely, all will straighten out soon. You have done all you could, nothing to regret. Take care of your self. When you are well and strong so shall he be. Thanks for sharing. My prayer to you both.
You made the right decision to stay in your home. He is in a manic state of mind and there is no way anyone can reason with him. We all have to travel our own road whether our spouse is living with us or not. Illness, dementia and other factors interfere in our happy ever after. But, as women we must be strong. I have outlived my child and now see my beloved husband becoming weaker. I probably face being on my own in the future but I know I will still be me. Being able to love and trust ourselves is so very important.
"It's okay to be alone.. Being able to enjoy the freedom of just being me" THE MOST SATISFYING & LIBERATING STATEMENT THAT I'VE HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF HEARING IN QUITE A WHILE
Amen Doctor! I’m 64, been divorced for 22 years. I raised my son alone, faced death, had a double lung transplant four years ago. Son has graduated from an outstanding university, graduated from flight school and is now an aviator for our Air Force. He married last year and now I’m going to be a grand mother! Do I want another man? My goodness NO! I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. God bless you and yours!
I just found you, and you are so very precious! I lost my mom when I was in my twenties, and I'm now 58. Many times, I've wanted for her to be here so I could hear her wonderful words of wisdom. You have her gentleness, compassion, and wisdom. I look forward to hearing more from you. Much love ❤️
Welcome. I am so happy you found me and I hope you will come back and share your thoughts with us often. I’m sorry you lost your mother so early in life. I am sure she is watching over you
You have such a beautiful soul. You are taking care of Arthur’s safety needs and understand that you cannot create his happiness or control him. It wouldn’t make sense to put yourself in a situation that is not good for your health in every way….you need to keep yourself healthy in mind, body and soul or you wouldn’t be helpful to Arthur, yourself or anyone else. ❤️❤️❤️
My husband passed in 2016 at age 87. Until he became disabled, somewhat mentally and physically, he spent much of his time building things in his “shop”. I had retired and got used to being alone. We had no living children and lived in a neighborhood where we had no friends. I moved back to NC shortly after he passed and have lived alone. I was married for 48 years. I miss the things I did with my husband, but I am an introvert…. was a professional illustrator. Now, I find it difficult to be creative, but I take one day at a time.
Barbara, I understand how you are feeling right now. Many times creative people are loaners and they are quite well-adjusted being by themselves. The one thing I really would love to have you do, though, it’s get back to your creative work. Your creativity is so much a big part if you and by returning to the Artist inside of you, you will be more fulfilled. It will take baby steps, but I hope you will open up that part of yourself again.
My husband died in 2016 but we had living apart for a few years before he passed because he was difficult to keep living with yet kept our relationship and stayed in touch , see each other, for we had been together since we were 18, Im 64 now. I have been alone since 2010. And have never found anyone all this time and dont think thats for me anymore . I now put my focus more on drawing closer to God and spiritual healing . I enjoy being alone now, I’ve learned to embrace it. I do have family, but dont see them much, and thats ok. Peace comes from loving ourselves and knowing from where love originates and comes from so we can know how to love ourselves. this is what I’ve learned .
I’m almost 50. Since my last relationship ended 6 years ago I just can’t bring myself to bother with a relationship. My youngest is 8 , so she is here a lot and I still work a bit (semi retired). I get lonely but I don’t have another break up in me. My grown children stopped talking to me after I developed epilepsy. God bless you, I hope the leaves fall where you need them too.
My mom and dad faced so many changes in the last 5-10 years of their lives. Dad had to go to a nursing home because of his health. Mom lived with my husband and I off and on for 6 years. While dad was in the nursing home he and my mom talked on the phone several times a day. Dad said he'd be okay as long as he could told to my mom daily. It was hard for mom to have to let go and have dad at the nursing home. Like you, she had to rethink how to live her life since it wasn't centered around my dad like it had been. It's so very true: Growing old isn't for sissies! I learned from my mom how much strength and courage it takes to redefine one's life in the midst of growing older. Mom did her very best to be joyful and make each day count. Prayers for you on this new life journey.
Thank you.for this video! My husband of 49 years took a fall and when the ambulance took him,I never saw him again,he died,your video helped me realize some things. Stay well and thanks again
Thank you for such a touching video. “Accepting the things I cannot change”….so important. I have lived alone for many years, except for occasional visits from grands…pandemic changed that a little. I make lovely changes in my home and rearrange things. Nice walks in the area and I drive on quiet streets. I recently started tutoring online by Zoom. Lots to learn but I was determined. My age of 73 has taught me much. Yes, live for today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here. So, so true….. Arthur’s spirit somehow wanted him to go back to his early roots. Only the Lord knows why….You are a very strong woman and will manage. Pray it is a short stay. Life is so unpredictable. Thank you again for the incredible video. We all needed this!
I’m a 21 year old female and I didn’t have many adults I could look up to, so your wisdom means so much to me. Thank you for sharing, you’re a beautiful soul.
My mother is 95. Like your Arthur, she has a strong mind of her own. She had a bad fall a few months ago, out of the blue. Now she has developed dementia. She is utterly self absorbed now. It’s very tough when this disintegration of their minds starts to happen. Exhausting for everyone. I’m sorry you had to cancel your birthday cruise. It would have been a nice break for you. You’re an amazing woman. Much respect to you.
Thanks Sandra you are so correct. My husband of 23 years is dying of ALS. I am the only caretaker and we have no kids or family to help. I am learning or revisiting all 3 concepts that you mentioned. The stress drains me so I enjoy my dogs, garden and RUclips videos. I no longer push myself to finish every chore but break down all things to more manageable proportions. I am alone since he can’t even speak or eat but I try to enjoy what freedoms this situation affords instead of dwelling on loneliness. Thanks!
I think your way and I certainly understand what you’re going through Robin. How fortunate your husband is to have you as his loving caretaker. The energy that you are expending is enormous. Blessings and strength your way. Please know that you are in my thoughts.
Beautiful wisdom from a beautiful soul❣️ I enjoy watching your videos because of your calming spirit and Arthur’s sweet feisty spirit is so sweet to watch. Blessings for February. Sending much love n hugs to you and Arthur through this season of life. Happy Birthday from Texas🌺
I became a widower at the age of 47 . My world was torn into a million pieces after 25 years of marriage. He was my everything. I am blessed with 4 wonderful children who love me unconditionally. It was one of the hardest thing I ever went through. God gave me comfort through the years. Learning to let go , appreciating life and yes loving who you are. Memories are can be wonderful or sad but it is part of your life. After 15 years I married again to another wonderful man . Yes I am blessed. But I learned to live alone ,but I now embrace everyday. Thankful for every minute I can love and be loved . Life can be beautiful if you just take time to enjoy . Even a good cup of coffee can be the highlight of your day. I will take it. 😊
Dearest Sandra, I am sure you are worried and concerned, but Letting Go is one of the greatest tools we women learn. As mothers, daughters, wives, sisters and friends, we spend a great deal of our lives having to “let go”. As our children are growing up, we must let go throughout every stage of their lives. Our need to care for and protect those we love is so great and therefore the practice of letting go becomes a matter of our survival. You are blessed and a survivor. I hope and pray for your peace and comfort. Love Dee♥️
Oh Sandra, Arthur is a handful! He reminds me of my dad, he didn't take to ageing well. I am ageing the same way!! It keeps them young and vibrant as much as it is annoying/scary. I LOVE being alone, I miss it. I was alone for 20 years and now in a 24/7 life and I find it draining. I hope you can enjoy your time alone and do things you love! I love Arthur too, he is a fighter just like you! Bless you both. xx
Sandra your talk is so encouraging. I am alone. Not married, 65 years old. I am blessed connected to you. God bless you. You are a wonderful soul. May God protect you always and in all the ways
Thank you so much for posting this. With my husband in hospice now, I’m facing being on my own, too. It helps to hear that while I’m going to be single, I’m not truly alone because there are others in a similar position. ❤️
Sandra, I am so sorry for what you have been going through. I think it is Arthur’s age that is intensifying this. My Ma will be 96 in April and for the last tear and a half she thought everyone was going to steal her things. She would obsess over her things and wanted to know where they were at all times. If she couldn’t find something she would swear that somebody stole it. She became very paranoid over her things and worried about them. I know you worry but honestly they can’t help it and you will never convince them that their possessions will be oKay. They get a thought in their head that gets caught in a loop and plays over and over and makes it even more real and frightening to them. You cannot reason with them, it will only wear you out. Please continue to take care of yourself As that is all you can do about it. The better you take care of you the more you will be able to be there for Arthur. Love and prayers to both of you, Sheila
Sandra, my heart goes out to you. I pray that Arthur gets through this moment and realizes that his possessions are just material things and that you are the real treasure! Stay strong - wishing you and Arthur comfort and peace!
Hi Sandra I couldn't of found your video at a more appropriate time. My partner of 26 years has incurable cancer. Although I appear to be coping, inside I'm a mess. Anxiety goes through the roof. I worry for my partner tremendously. I've been trying to centre myself and stay in the moment. Your video has been so helpful. I'm grateful for your words. Thank you. P.S I love your hair colour and style, it's beautiful and yes I'm envious ❤️😁🇬🇧
Dear Sandra, I am retired nurse and have seen many deaths. This is usually not talked about much. What I want to say to you may be difficult to hear but is true. Everyone knows when death is near, and with that being said, they choose their time to let go. Many may disagree with this, but I truly believe it. There is an old saying that a dog will go to the woods to pass. The why...is what is hard to understand. Knowing Arthur from your videos...I would say his leaving was more about sparing you from seeing it in your home. A final gift from him to you. Time to adjust to life alone while he is out of the home, but still a phone call away. Love and hugs, Hazel
Hazel you are right on the money. My 92 y/o father did the same thing. I had one last visit with my father 5 days before he died he definitely did not want me to be there and was more comfortable with his hospice nurse and was able to go peacefully that way.. very good wisdom on your part. I hope that Sandra can take some comfort from that.
My husband and I were childhood sweethearts he died in 2014 at the age of 64 from a massive stroke. To say it was devastating doesn’t do it justice. I have my children around but it’s just me and my dog Otis who I got the year after I retired. I have adjusted to living alone and 99% a time I love it but there’s always that time when something goes wrong or I have to make a decision and it’s just me. I’ve always been a strong woman and strong minded so I try to take care of my affairs on my own and not involve my children; but recently I did have surgery and had complications from it and you are so right you look for today you don’t know what tomorrow’s going to be.. with my husband‘s death I was reconnected with the church and I have a wonderful church family and a wonderful belief in Jesus Christ. That has been my saving grace through all of this. Because you live alone your thoughts get the best of you especially when you get older and you become fearful and anxious no matter how strong you are. During this illness I relied a lot on prayer my Bible, my women’s bible study on zoom; the only thing I can’t do is go back to church right now which I truly miss. And I worry about Otis he is five if anything ever happens to me what’s going to happen to him? Thankfully I am on the road to recovery right now but I have stuff in place if something happens to me to take care of him. You have to think of the future somewhat♥️ and I know when my husband was in the nursing home because he got too sick to stay at home I was always worrying about him always up there before work or after work and on the weekends , but thank goodness he had a great place that he was in. You’re always going to be worrying and concerned about Arthur, that’s just the way it is unfortunately or fortunately no matter which way you look at it. You’re a strong woman you can get through it even if it takes a second at a time.
Faith, I don't know if you've thought of this or not, but you can make provision for your pet(s) in your Will. Set money aside for Otis for his maintenance and medical care so that whoever you find that agrees to provide his forever home won't have an expense, because, as we know, the older a pet gets, the more the vet bills are, prescriptions, etc., and many times people who would love to provide a home for him couldn't do it if they had to cover those costs. I hope this is helpful and will alleviate some of your concerns.
Hi Sandra. I recently discovered your channel -- among the most beautiful here on RUclips, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your stories and experiences. Life is indeed unpredictable and the equanimity with which you discuss Arthur is testimony to a maturity and wisdom that I deeply admire. Without going into detail, I can tell you that I experienced something similar in a relationship many years ago; it was painful and devastating and she refused help. Many years have passed, my children are now young, thriving adults and all is well. But I learned during those years that, in the final analysis, we are in control SOLELY of our own thoughts and behavior. Today I am retired and live alone; I have a couple of close friends and am fortunate that my kids, although quite busy with their lives, are local and make time for me once in a while. Your video above reminds me how much I treasure the time we spend together, and for that I wanted to thank you. PS: the song that introduces your video brought me to tears; the lyrics and melody are so simple yet so stirring and beautiful. I never would have heard it had I not visited your channel. Regards, david
Sandra, my heart goes out to you today. I feel you did what you had to do, so Arthur could be where he needs to be right now. And maybe one day he will wake up and want to come right back home! Meanwhile, you take good care of yourself.
I respect your decision. I'm 59 single and alone. I make the best of it. I haven't received a Christmas gift since my parents died 6 years ago so I give myself something. As for Thanksgiving I will sleep in and praise God for the goods I have. I hope to see Arthur in a video soon.
One thing I’ve come to know throughout my life for certain is, “You can’t control other people. You can only control yourself.” My husband, although he treated me well, was very headstrong and pretty much always ended up doing what he wanted/needed to do. We even lived apart for six years when he moved to another state because he wasn’t happy where we we living and I needed to stay behind for my job and my own sense of security etc. I commuted back and forth every 2 or 3 months so we could be together …this was all with my agreement, but none the less it was what HE needed to do. He passed away at the age of 51. We were married 33 years. I’ve been alone since that time. I’m 65 now and really never wanted anyone else. He was the other half of me. I still find it hard at times being a “Me” instead of a “We”. The only thing I can add is….shouldn’t we ALL do what we want or need to do? His life was way too short and I am glad he at least got to do what he wanted to do. No one is promised tomorrow. Yes living every day in the now with each and every one that passes. Be well with many Blessings.
oh dear i am on the path of buddha..most of our stories is v similar..been in dhamma make me come out of been sad and angry...my best wish may all of you live in the moment mindfully .it will make next moment better..with metta s
I'm in my mid 50s and I enjoy living alone. I enjoy not having to get anyone's opinion before I spend or make other decisions. I spent so much of my younger days being that supportive girlfriend because I have a certain amount of corporate knowledge but now I can pursue my own dreams, start my cooking Channel and my day job takes up a lot of my time.
There is a big difference in being in your fifties and being in your sixties. Do the big things now! Make sure you have a stable home and income , have a health checkup and do what you need to stay healthy, explore creative outlets (you will Need these in the future), build up a network of supportive friends who are doing Interesting things themselves and don't bother with false friends and empty socializing that will drain you of energy and motivation. Do these things now. Don't wait until you are retired and then say "Now what?" Things have changed in the world and this is what we're up against. Hardly any of us will have the option of being Granny who has her own room in one of her children's homes, surrounded by grandchildren, doing small tasks and being cared for until we die. It is sink or swim. Prepare the pool now when you still have the energy. 🌻
@@katella, I prepared the pool, but then the pandemic emptied it for me. Job, friends, hobbies - all gone. Now I'm scrambling to salvage some semblance of a life. I'd agree that the 50s, while still working and active in the world, are very different from the 60s!
I lost my husband in 2005 and it took years before I came to grips with living in the now. And actually felt guilty for a while and missed him so much. Still miss him but I know he’s with me and wants me to live my life to it’s fullest , so I keep trying. I’m 70 and being alone is very hard, but I keep on as I said.
Thank you. IT took me three years to learn these lessons. I was married 49 years at the age of 21. My husband had Parkinson and I hardly knew who I was. His death was a surprise to me. It took guts to go on.
Oh my, Sandra. My first thought, no matter whatever happens in my life is this: God is in total control…!!! This is always the only logical solution for me in my life. Adaptation is definitely a virtue…equal to patience, is it not? Sending you lots of love…you and Arthur will remain in my prayers.
I’m 72 yo & in good health. I never married or had children. Now, I live in Florida, & my big fear is dying & no one knowing for weeks. I have sisters that live in other states so I am truly alone. I try to remain grateful for what I do have.
It has been my experience, especially with older men over 90, that they are aware they probably don't have much time left on this earth, hence they seem to want to spend their last days in a place where they were either brought up (if the memories were good ones) or want to go back to a place where they have cherished memories. The fact your husband kept his apartment in New York speaks volumes. I don't know if I'd upset him by getting rid of it or arrange to get rid of the possessions that seem to be precious to him. Get rid of them after he passes away, but not before. It sounds to me like he's come to the point in his life that he thinks he's going to die and wants to be around things that are familiar to him and give him solace. It's too bad you can't be with him or even in the same city as he goes through this period of uncertainty. It's possible he will realize that being alone surrounded by his possessions in his old apartment won't make him feel fulfilled or comfortable, but my guess is even if he doesn't feel fulfilled there, he may not want to leave simply because of his old memories which make him feel rooted. Honestly, it's truly amazes me how many older men want to do exactly what your husband has done. My thoughts are with you during this unexpected twist in your life journey.
Oh, Sandra, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Yes, we never know what life has in store for us and it can be so scary. I hope you and your son will be able to talk some sense into Arthur in February. We are here for you whenever you feel like venting. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love you, Sandra.
I needed to hear this video. My husband of 47 years passed away suddenly 2 months ago. I find myself struggling with other people's expectations of what they want me to do or be. I spent 47 years loving my husband but as you said ... you become a couple and you make compromises and somehow mesh 2 people's ideas into 1 that both can live with. Now I find myself alone and I've got to learn how to be ok with it. How to make decisions on my own. How to make friends. 10 years of care giving meant mostly being alone just the 2 of us. He was content with being alone and I gave in to make him more comfortable. It's all so new and fresh and my heart is broken. The idea of venturing out on my own is terrifying. But, I am going to do it. I am planning a vacation to be alone with my thoughts and not hear what other people think I should do. The down side of this is that I have never taken a vacation by myself. I've never done a lot of things by myself as I married right out of high school. But, I am a big girl (65) and with precautions I think I will be fine. Thank you so much for reaching out to others. This video was a blessing to me. ~Sherrie
Sherrie, I’m so sorry for your loss, but your husband would want you to carry on. Good for you that you are going to take a well deserved vacation. There are single tour groups and cruises where single women have safety in traveling. Life goes on. Best of luck to you.
Sandra, please take comfort in knowing that I think this is a natural part of aging and is not personal. My grandfather wanted to go back to where he lived before he died, because in his mind life was simpler. We all know you can never go back, but sometimes as we age we long to. Hang in there and know you are never alone because God has you in his loving arms. Prayers for you and Arthur for the best outcome for you both. Hugs.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
I want to thank everyone who has commented and lent their support in this very difficult situation with Arthur. My concerns for him are very great being alone in New York even though I have people looking after him. I speak with him at least twice a day and I am hoping that we can help him stay safe in New York City and perhaps understand that material things are not the most important things in life. I will not be able to respond to these comments individually as I usually do, but please know that I have read each and every one of them as they come in. I am so grateful for this wonderful supportive community that we have built here together. Much love and all good things your way. Sandra
Keep strong you are a beautiful soul!!!
God bless you and Arthur.
Please know i don't expect anything back!. Just- please, take care of yurself & author. I'm so glad u have grown adults/ children that r in touch with u & r helping u... Much love sent 🌟❤🙏
Yes, you have people that love and care for you, your kids and Arthur (even when he is misbehaving 🙃) and all of us!
You are just so lovely! Thinking about his wants and needs and loneliness
Please look after yourself also, live in the Now and practice mindfulness x
This is timely. I'm now 65 and alone...all alone. My kids have their own lives and have no room for me. They really don't want to be bothered by me. It hurts and is scary at times. I do have my faith and a few friends and am finally retired. This video helps, you are a very brave special lady.
Here’s to new beginnings cheers 🥂
Many find themselves in an almost identical situation. You are certainly not alone. It is tough and takes a lot of adjustment.
I’m same age as yourself and same situation with my kids .. putting energy into my self and health now ... in a million years I would not have envisaged this outcome however no more tears 😭 now every day I now appreciate the new found freedom ❤️
62 and same. Two years ago 5 people in this farmhouse but through death, divorce, and kids leaving home I am now the only one. Nights were really scarry at first but finally adapted. The loneliness, especially in a rural area is something else. My family has always been my life and now they are gone. I remind myself that this is our lot in life if we live long enough. Think of my grandmother's and great aunts that outlived spouses by decades and try to channel their strength:)
Wish you strength and wellness.
So glad I found this channel. Just Reading the comments makes me feel less alone and more empowered.
God Bless
Totally understand, similar situation with the kids and grandkids. So much time and energy invested. I still would do it again, but dang! Long distance hug :-).
My heart goes out to you. He isn't choosing his possessions over you. He's just aging and he's facing end of times. We all do this in a different way.
This is so true - it isn't about you, Sandra, he is just realizing what anchors him, what make him himself and he needs to be where he feels safe in his memories. I don't think he sounds mentally unstable - why do you say that - he just wants, and is entitled to, live his life in the remaining time he has in a way that comforts him. Perhaps he wasn't entirely honest in the past few years, and would really much rather have been in New York all along. Please don't sell his things without his explicit agreement - this could be a very cruel thing to do to him.
Charlotte, you are very wise. And kind to offer this helpful insight, which is hopefully some comfort.
Agree
Time is never ends.
Time is never ends.
I’m 68 years old. I have a few close friends but basically on my own. I thrive. I moved to La Paz, Mexico 6 months ago on my own and spend my time with a few friends but mostly with my dogs. I’m very happy. Loneliness just doesn’t visit me although I sometimes miss human presence. I deal with that by going on long walks with the dogs through the street markets, talking with people, sitting at outdoor cafes and chatting with people. I’m driving alone with three dogs back to Houston, Texas in January and will drive back to La Paz in April. I’m unstoppable
Your life sounds idyllic!! Stay happy! X
@@Pazymaspaz you are so kind. I wish you a prosperous life. You’re special
@@deeprollingriver52I’m 38 and I dream about retiring in LA PAZ BCS I love it there it’s such a beautiful place
My father is 92 and of Norwegian heritage. He lives in Florida now and talks so often of wanting to to Norway to see the fjords just one more time. He is too frail to go but I think toward the end of his years he is afraid to lose his attachment to what means so much to him as an individual. I see a similar yearning in Arthur to recapture his essence and his vitality, symbolized by his apartment and his lifelong treasures. This has nothing to do with you, it’s an individual quest, and I am so sorry for the suffering you must feel, as I would. You are so beautiful, insightful and generous to compose and share your thoughts here. You are not alone. Sending strength 💪🏻🙏🏻❤️🕊
That was a lovely reply Mabel!
Yes this is a precious comment and so true ,,
Hello Mabel
Beautifully said, Mabel!
Mabel, I think you hit the nail on the head.
My husband passed away this past April. We had known one another since we were thirteen and had been married for over 50 years. Finding myself as a single person has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done. What have I learned? Take one day at a time and look for joy in each day. Spend as much time as possible with dear friends and loved ones. Be grateful. Allow yourself to cry but don't live there. Have hope for a beautiful future.
🌹
He will come back home, blessings 💐💐💐💐💐
Beautifully said
You are brilliant.
God bless you . I’m praying God will ease your pain . I’m also sending all my love to you . ♥️🙏
Amen Sandra, I live alone and wouldn’t change it for the world! I have grown more in my solitude and I learn everyday! My practice of gratitude helps me stand tall! Take care and thank you for the wise words♥️🥀♥️
So agree, Marci and Sandra! 70 widow, i so enjoy my rocking chair and seems like my generation didn’t know what self care was.
@@cathymiller9746 blessing dearest Cathy, at 66 I fell I have just started to live! Take care and be well dearest! ♥️🥀♥️
Hi 👋 Marci, can I please ask you a question?
And there's a time for everything in the right season.
Hello Marci
I am a 70 year old man and really appreciate this video. As I look at my parents life, their friends and now my aging friends, I realize the importance of loving yourself. I believe you take the best care of yourself in all aspects of life in order to improve the quality of your death. We’re all going to die. I believe the healthier you are physically, emotionally and mentally your death won’t be as bad as someone who didn’t take care of themselves.
Very profound hope you are doing well
I've been alone for 30 years and I have to say I love it and wouldn't have it any other way - I'm not good in relationships, never have been, never will be. I think you did the right thing in letting him go. Women do much better alone than men.
Sandra, my heart aches for you. My husband walked out of our marriage after 32 years and divorced me. He set up house keeping with a woman old enough to be his daughter. It completely shattered my heart. I didn't deserve to be treated so cruelly. If anything, I had put up with his verbal and emotional abuse for years. His womanizing almost drove me away. I prayed for my husband for years! Going through this tore our family apart. Our children were grown and we have grandchildren. I have started my life over. I live alone, got a dog and through time and by God's grace have moved on. It's been twelve years since our divorce. Life is too short and precious to carry anger and hate. I have drawn closer to God and I am content. I just turned 65 and my ex is 70. I feel like I deserve better than the way he treated me and now she can deal with his narrassist ways and running around. I am so very sorry your going through this! It breaks my heart, truly, your so precious and deserve to be happy. I got me a dog, the best companion and had him fixed. So I'm fixed, he's fixed and we are both content!. May God give you strength as you take one day at a time. I will tell you. my faith in God has helped me so much and choosing like minded friends. A small circle of friends, but true friends. Sending you best wishes and a hug from Texas!
Your 65 years young, the divorce has set you free from abuse. Enjoy your time, it will be alright
❤️
How fortunate that your very sad reflection is just that, a reflection, and not your destiny. I am glad that you are free from an abusive relationship which offers you nothing, not love, companionship or security, not even friendship. You wouldn't want to ever find yourself vulnerable and ill with him for support, would you? No! Go forward and breathe a big sigh of relief that he isn't your ghastly weight to bear. Your splendid 4-paws companion is a superior choice of friend, loyal and loving. So be loyal and loving to this special soul 💜 and your life will become sweeter by the day. Get out there with your little mate and walk and see nature all around you. The best people have doggies, and cats, you will meet lovely people and smile again. I feel it 🥰💗🌻
Hugs and GOD bless you @Vivian stidham 💐
I'm so happy you've found peace. You should never miss an unhappy relationship, you and everyone deserves to be treated well.
Thank you for this. My husband of 40 yrs passed away October 29th. He was sick for 8yrs and I took care of him. He was only 67 and before he became ill we traveled and were always going on another adventure. I really dont have the words to describe these past 2 weeks without him. But what I have come to realize is just what you said, live in the now,. I am only 66yrs old and full of live. Before he passed he told me to keep living and as difficult as it may be at times I know I can do it as long as I embrace this day as a gift. Thank You again for this Beautiful heartfelt message.
I'm so sorry for your loss♡
You are a wonderful person and may God bless you for staying with him and taking care of him. At least he passed away knowing you loved him
🙏🏾💗🕊
If you want to do it, you will.
Thank you. Loved your video. I’m 60 and love to live alone with my cat and dog I eat healthy and do light weight training I listen to music every day and like fashion. I don’t want to marry again. My partner was abusive emotionally and I was getting burned out. I prefer being on my own. I’m grateful for everything and give thanks each day. Take care every one ♥️
You are very young dont let a horrible man dictate your life keep your heart open,❤❤
My husband left our 40 year marriage two years ago (his loss). After recovering from the lies, heartbreak, and betrayal, I feel blessed for the new life God has given me.
I love the peace I feel and happiness I once had lost. Confirmation that I would never go back. You don’t realize how much of yourself you lose when you’re in the midst of an unhappy life. I thank God everyday for my blessed life.
Your videos are always an inspiration. You are going to do amazing because you are a strong lady. Wishing you many Blessings.
Thank you very much Debbie. I am so happy that you have found peace in your life now that you’re away from all that abuse and betrayal. Nothing worse in a relationship or a marriage then someone who is unfaithful. So happy that you have found peace in your life. Blessings your way
One of the hardest lessons we have to learn in this life is to “let go”. You have done your very best with this challenging situation and you have done it with love, dignity and grace. God grant you the strength to endure this sad separation from Arthur and may He keep you both safe and well. Thank you Sandra🙏🏼❤️
Self love and so many 💕 moments
Hi 👋 Mavis, can I please ask you a question?
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
Hello
I had to live through the sad ending of my father's life and all of the difficulties that presented. End of life begins way before death and has many hard times associated with it. Hang on, Sandy!
At 71, I feel very alone also. My husband is disabled and I am the sole caretaker. He has had many surgeries and severe rheumatoid arthritis. Your videos are inspiring and lift my spirits. Thank you so much, you are a very strong person. 💜
I too am 71 and I'm so sorry that you feel alone. My daughter's uncle had rheumatoid arthritis and passed about 5 years ago. Being lonely is no laughing matter. It can consume you if you allow it to. Although I am not alone, I have been as I am sure everyone has. You get advice to get involved with your church family, do something that you like, crafts and such. Well what if you have done all this and still feel lonely? Loneliness is within actually. One has to learn to be with yourself and enjoy it no matter what you are doing. Being a caregiver requires quite a lot of patience. My daughter at 49 is taking care of her terminally ill husband now for the past 8 months. She is doing a wonderful job as a nurse and as a caregiver. I admire her so much. I too, admire all the caregivers in the world. You also are one of them. I'm sure your husband appreciates it too. Always remember to be kind in your words and you will have no regrets during this time. I took care of my mom for 10 years and understand all the emotions you are going through. I have put you on my prayer list my dear. I am here if you need to reply.
It's nice of you to take care of your husband. But being 'primary caregiver usually exacts a huge toll on the person giving the care. Be sure to make time for yourself too. Get your nails and hair done or a massage. I see many caregivers who are burned out as caring for those with physical and mental challenges can be draining, unrewarding and often thankless. Join a group and go out at least once a week. Take good care of yourself.
I think Arthur just wanted to go down memory lane with his materialistic stuff and sit in that memory for a short while. Men do not do well by themselves though, so I believe he will find that YOU are the treasure ... and will want your company more than anything. He will be back soon. Praying for you both to find rest and peace in whatever the outcome will be.
Well spoken Sherrie! I agree 100%.
Will also pray for Sandra and Arthur.🙏
Beautifully said, Sherrie. I'll be praying for these 2 precious people & you as well.
Actually, a LOT of men do quite well by themselves. Nice try.
@@GeorgeFlippin hmm.... not sure I'd agree with that..? How come there's more widows than widowers, and stats say men alone have more health problems ( women tend to guide men towards a healthier life style & calm them in times of stress )
I Agree!
It’s a profound privilege to hear your thoughts and to receive the insight and encouragement you share with your community. Thank you Sandra and be assured that what you share truly touches others. You certainly have touched me…Hugs❤️
Yes Sandra I agree with you,I did the change 17yrs ago and never regretted.I live by myself and start loving it from day one,It was hard at the beginning but like I always said I bought my total liberty and I m happy.I wish to you Peace ,health, and happynes.Lots of hugs from Texas.
Your message has touched me deeply. Each day is surely a gift to wake up and continue on the journey. Each chapter has a story and sometimes it doesn't go as we think but as you say, we are never alone. God bless you, Sandra. Thank you for making a difference. Love, Peace and wishes for all good things.
The Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
@@Jenifer_G I say that prayer daily.
@@carola3046
Hi, Carol, from Australia.
@@Jenifer_G and hi 👋 to you from Pennsylvania. Bless you🙏🏻
😘
Hey Sandra. I’m only 20 so I expect I will encounter the lessons you have shared in this (and all of ur other) videos time and time again, and I just wanted to say I appreciate & cherish your wisdom. I aspire to live my life with a similar frame of mind to the one you often share on here. Upon reading some comments, a resounding sentiment appears to be that a lot of parents feel scared to approach seniority & the ensuing separation from their children that naturally follows. Your message today has helped me to feel more secure in grappling with the lonely stages of life, and has also reminded me to act with empathy when connecting with my parents as time progresses. Thank you. From a big fan.
Wow Cailyn you across as so mature and wise and yet you are only 20. (I won't post on here what I was like at 20 y.o. other than utterly daft!) You also sound like a kind and compassionate young adult. A pleasure to know in rl. You go girl and keep
your beautiful nature. Love from England, UK.
@UC7zIS3R4mzmnb3c3llZXCEQ I feel you. But I read a quote that has helped me in many ways : 'Be the grown up you needed when you were a child' or be the person you need next to you, take pleasure in doing little things that bring you joy, whatever that is that makes you feel good, not in a rush but embracing your soul a little bit everyday. True, all of us get a dose of things we didn't deserve but who better than ourselves to know what we DO deserve and what can make us happy, even if it is just something that makes us laugh for 10 minutes. Lets do more of that and don't welcome sad thoughts, I battle those bastards daily with all my strength and say "nope" I won't give you that space in my mind. Today I deserve to be happy, and that has helped me to take one day at a time and pull myself out of that gloom. All the best!!!!
You are a very valuable creator in our RUclips community; thank you so much ❤️
Thank you very much
Dear Dear Sandra I admire your courage, class, wisdom, tenacity and you are definitely a survivor. I have always enjoyed my own company and enjoy a small circle of friends and family. I need a lot of space to have some serene time. I love your conversations and always look forward to each one. Thank you for being so honest and open. I believe you might just enjoy the break to find out deeper meanings about yourself. God Bless
Yes, Sandra, there's nothing quite like being alone with no relatives. Medical professionals never make accommodation for someone who's really alone, other people don't understand what it is to be alone with NOBODY to call on. I'm so sorry to learn about Arthur's mindset. Wishing you all the best.
You made a very wise decision for your own sake. As an 81 yr old, retired nurse who has lived alone since 1987 and is content, the happiest I've ever been. My hope is you've had a complete evaluation of your husband by a qualified physician as he is showing signs of dementia. You may not notice it due to his personally. Soon it may become evident that he can no longer make his own decisions. Just be prepared for this and possibly look for a Fiduciary. in his area, not just for finding reliable support services for him but to be there until you can travel for a medical emergency. I can tell you are a wise woman; I am hoping for the best for you.
I am 68 and have been alone for 4 years. I can honestly say I have never felt such peace as I do now. I spent my life trying to please the man in my life and after my last relationship with a very narcissistic man, I decided I’m done. It is time to learn to love me and have the freedom to do what I choose to do! It is very liberating and I’m very proud of how I’ve come through this time. I wish you peace and love; it’s time to be selfish!💖🥰
Yes, too few people elaborate on the peacefulness and joys of living alone after negative relationships and grown children’s departure. Alone is Peace. Alone is Joy. Alone is Freedom. So many positive aspects to be explored.
I love living alone too. Good for us!
Iam 71 and since 2003 divorce I love be alone I love my live now more then 20 years ago 🤗I learn dow to be alone and happy
@@halinakoziol4054 It is a wonderful life for me also.
Lovely... 👍👌
I’m very sorry to hear about your situation with Arthur. My husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack in our home July 21, 2019. I miss him every day and sometimes find it hard to go forward. I go to exercise three mornings a week, and get together with friends who are widows as well to see a movie or go to dinner, but it’s not the same as being with your spouse. It was very lonely especially during Covid, but things are getting better. You’re right we are never alone…the Lord is with us giving us strength and purpose for living.
Kathy Briscoe I know exactly how that feels. After 28 years, I still miss him every day. God bless you. 🙏
A lesson I learned many years ago through a tragic occurrence, is that we do not own anyone, be it a spouse, children, or parents. We have to learn to accept this no matter how difficult it is. I believe you did the right thing letting Arthur go his own way. I hope for the best for you and your family ❤️
I learned this when I turned 25 and I don't even have kids or a husband yet
Yes. All the best.
💯 gospel
I just came across your blog today, Sandra, and enjoyed your talks. I’m past 86 and My second child invited me to come for a winter break in TX. for 2 wks. Today I got in the hot tub with help and I thought I was in heaven. Listening to your philosophy of life is just like mine. Keep the good work going!
Arthur just want’s to do it his way. Just like Frank Sinatra’s song. Good night.
Dolly thank you so much for coming across this blog today. I think you’re right the authors always had to do it his way
Oh Sandra, you are living my nightmare. I started dating my husband when I was 15 so my whole life has been wrapped around him. I'm now 80 and cannot imagine being alone. Thank you for sharing your experience. We have trouble controlling ourselves so how can we even start to control others. I must remember your words of wisdom. I wish love, strength and health.
Sandra , thank you so much for being with me today ! the first time I have seen and listened to you . I am a 70 year old lady from the UK , living in Bulgaria ! my partner and I came here 15 years ago , but he died , 6 years ago and left me alone. Indeed the first time in my life I have ever lived alone ( +5 dogs ,2 cats). After a few years of grieving and stress , realising I can never return to the UK for financial reasons , having my daughters and grandchildren wanting me to go back ! I am now Me ! I love me , I talk too much , I laugh and sing , paint and craft and sew and garden , and cook and eat , see friends now and again ! walk my doggy's virtually everyday ! my dear doggy's. Sandra I also play scrabble and chitter chatter to my daughters and a few friends on the internet face time is soo much better ! I so relate to you as I'm sure many of the widows and divorcees do , one gets lost when there is 2 ! I am so blessed with my life , even though I cant hug my family I know we have a bond of love. Arthur sounds a great fellow no doubt a handful too , but wishing you luck to get him back to the sea and sand. You are an inspiration Sandra , not just because your so active and glamorous at such an age , but because your spirituality shines , we are closer to the cemetry gate than the school gate ! no time to sit and regret , Lots of hugs Maria x
I never knew what being alone really was until the death of my 15 year old dog, i was his care taker specially during his last 3 years and he was my companion since he was a puppy, my son moved to another country and I had no one but my self, the loss of my dog was the most difficult thing I've gone through (still going)
I think a lot of us can identify with losing a pet and the grief that we go through missing our four-legged family. I think the best thing to do when you are grieving if it’s feasible for you, is to rescue another dog and give it at home. You’ll know when it’s time. You will be saving a life as well as elongating yours.
😥
So Sorry!!
Very true
My husband passed ten years ago the only constant is my twelve year old dog. I am in a new state,I know she will pass. I plan to love a new dog when she passes,which will be difficult. So many dogs need love and at 75 I have lots to give,it won't be her and will hurt alot. Don't give up on life.
I was happily married for 40 years when my husband suddenly left me. I was so dependent on him that this was devastating and the last thing I ever thought would happen. I have taken one day at a time and am gradually building my life back. It still isn't normal nor my goal to be alone. I have hopes of his return home but mean while face my new reality. Each day is a challenge! Thank you for sharing your journey. It is comforting to know that I am not alone but sorry too for your heartbreak! My prayers for your grief process and struggle!
Oh I pray that you change the locks so that when he comes back, you can say, I am happy and you are not welcome here any longer. You deserve to be treated better & I hope that you realize it very soon! 💛🙏🏼
I would love to find out how you survive without him …. I lost my husband of 34 years , he left me.
I am bonded to him … together since age 18 ….
How do I go on without him. I tried EVERYTHING… now I stand , hoping for the day he returns.
I take care of dad, who will be 90 in April. It is difficult, seeing him fade, this year. Mom passed September two years ago. My divorce to a toxic man was final the same time. I will be alone at 58. I never had children. I see no one. Thank you, Sandra, for being there and so helpful. Bless you, lovely lady!
Robin, Seeing those we love age and perhaps turn into different people is very difficult. I’m struggling with that right now
I just want to encourage you to seek new friendships & hobbies. 58 is young! I know you have the responsibility of your father, but you are free to make decisions and do what you want without being tied down. I pray that you won’t be lonely for long!
so sad in dying alone. in the philippines we have a very close family ties. no one will die alone.
Firstly credit to you for helping your dad in these later years and properly your mother before she passed.
I split from wife end of 2020 and moved in to help my mother who now has a bed downstairs due to I’ll health, then I discovered I had cancer in 2021 at 44 and after finishing 2 months of chemotherapy and then another 2 months of chemotherapy once a week and radiotherapy 5 days a week.
I gave up work temporarily because of physical nature of job and will have a operation on removal of the saliva gland and a benign tumour in the parotid gland around new year.
It is hard especially when your alone but your a good soul with good heart and looks and hopefully you get the love and attention you deserve. 🤞🏻🙏
I'm almost there taking care of dad at 86. My mom passed 10 years ago. I'm not alone yet, but I feel it coming. I feel a shift taking place. Two brothers and one sister haven't talked for 11 years. I release it.....I am ME!!!
Dear Sandra I was almost in tears when I first saw this video...I thought Arthur had passed away. The tears turned to joy, as I continued to watch your video, knowing Arthur was still with all of us. Near, far, wherever you are please know I CARE for both of you. Love from Karen
I've been stuck for the past year grieving the loss of my mom. She urged me, over the years, to never get too attached to things and to never rely on others for my personal happiness. I haven't been able, for the past year, to live those truths she told me, as Ive been yearning to be loved and needed by my elderly father, who, has rejected me through his actions towards me. I have been mourning the loss of both my parents, basically, and stuck in a deep rut. Until today, I really thought my personal happiness was contingent on pleasing my dad, being his caretaker as I did with my mom. But today, after watching your video, something clicked in my head and suddenly I felt a sense of peace and clarity. Thank you so very much for sharing your experience.
Sandra, I hope you will realize that your happiness depends only on you and not others and how they feel about you. Letting go and moving forward in your life is the best thing that you will ever do. You are whole and you were worthy all good things in life.
@@lifewithsandrahart thank you, I really needed to hear some words of compassion and kindness. I am working towards feeling worthy and self sufficient emotionally. It feels so full circle right now, having grown up watching Romper Room and feeling, as a child, joy and a sense of mattering after watching it. To feel that again, From a former Romper Room teacher fills me with those feelings again. Thank you, again.
no you did your best when they were living.we all been borh with our past actions goods and deeds..when we are born ..death is certain.we all die..i too grived for my dad..i could not be giving and caring for my father..as i had a v dominant man..may you be well and be compassionate...do not be sad..every second live well to your best...as we all have to go..thats all we take with..tc
Your mom was absolutely RIGHT…. I wish you strength and happiness…you have a life to lead and deserve to be happy and proud of yourself xxx
Parents are a big influence but you are an individual. It's not selfish to think about yourself at times. You weren't born to serve. If you understand what I mean. You cant make everyone happy about everything but overall you can please your patents and yourself. Remember too, patents aren't always right about everything.
I’m divorced and 72. My elderly dad lived with me for 10 years. I had to take an early retirement when his health started declining. I was his caregiver (with some help) for the last 5 years of his life. Being a caregiver was the hardest job I’ve ever done. Now my dad is gone and boy do I miss him. I have children and grandchildren close by, but boy do I miss my dad. It has taken me 2 years to redo his room. I just shut the door. The house sure is quiet. I got a puppy for company and I try to stay as busy as I can (I have chronic back pain). Again, boy I miss my mom and dad.
I still miss my parents so I understand. Getting a puppy will help you though. Dogs are best friends. Your father was lucky to have had you help him for 10 years. He probably lived longer because of your care
It is hard.
It was tough when my dad died, he was our rock, always there. I felt like an orphan alone in the world. Five years later, one day I suddenly felt the burden of grief lift from my spirit and didn't even realize how heavy the loss physically felt before that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you are ok. Wish you love❤
This video is so timely for me. I was recently widowed after my husband’s very sudden and unexpected death in August. We were together for 44 years, married for 41 (HS sweethearts). We were constantly together. I am definitely not ready to be alone. Before he died, Eddie was very insistent about retiring in Florida, which is where we both grew up. I have noticed that many older people have a strong desire to go back to the home of their youth before they die. It’s almost like a primal urge. I once read a quote by a psychologist that said children who have a neglectful or abusive childhood often transfer their emotional attachment from people (who have always let them down) to possessions. This coping mechanism was hardwired into me from a young age, so I understand Arthur’s need to go check on his things. Thanks for sharing your life with us and for the wisdom and advice that is always so helpful and comforting to me. God bless. 💝
My hubby so wanted to go home to OK and we did but now - he wanted to take care of his mom but she has made it clear we are not needed or wanted and especially because of the virus🤷so right now we are apart - I'm at my daughter's with new granddaughter and he went to where he could find work- it's hard but God is in control and I'm trusting in Him🙏 your encouragement is so amazing and yes you are not alone and letting go brings so much peace 🕊️
Thank you so much for your wonderfully insightful comment! It is so helpful. ❤️
Hi 👋 Pam, can I please ask you a question?
I see this with beloved pets as well. I know my cat was my best friend. :(
Sending love 💕
As a widow of almost 4 years I appreciated all your thoughts. When I found myself single again it took quite a while for me to come to terms with my own life. But I’m now planning lots of vacations that I know my husband wouldn’t have wanted to do, I also found new activities that I really enjoy with other women who also are single. It’s a good time ( still have moments of grief) but they’re not as frequent as they were.
Hi 👋 Heidi, can I please ask you a question?
@@patrickmckinley9937 yes
@@heidibrandenburg8449 Okay Heidi but I don't you will be okay talking here publicly. I suggest we talk about it on Email✉️🙏🙏... What do you think?🤔🌹🌹
@@heidibrandenburg8449 What do you think?
@@heidibrandenburg8449 Run don't walk Heidi. Weirdo scammer!!!
I'm sorry you're alone now. Thanks for sharing your widsom. Arthur sounds like the dementia patients I've cared for - I hope things settle into a comfortable place for both of you.
Merry me
👧😍❤💍🌷
I m intrested really
Alone I m
Yes, I agree. I was a nurse for 20 years & for me I see dementia in a loved one.
Love your courage, strength, wisdom and compassion. Arthur is lucky to have you in his life and he seems like a a lovely man too. Hopefully it will all sort itself out. Stay strong and look after yourself. We are all here to support you xxxxx
I really needed to hear this today. My husband has cancer. He’s taking treatments for it now. We’ve been married for 41 years. We never know what life will sent our way. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I’m praying for Author too. Take care of yourself ♥️
I feel the same way and my husband is fighting cancer right now as well. I pray your husband will beat this and I am praying my husband to beat this as well!
Thank you Sandra! I am 77 and lost my first husband when we were in our 20's. My second husband lived int the neighborhood and we met and later married. We are now married 49 years. He is in bad health and I am living in fear. Your video helped me realize I need to get rid of some of MY, wordly possessions, and "Let Go of my fear. I know God is with me, becarse he has shown he is, troughout my life. I am a former school teacher and now, I teach yoga. This year, I have taken up guitar and piano. Thank you for this post. I am anxious to see more of your positive posts. Sending Love and preyers, Charlotte.
Just found your video. I am 68 and alone too, I am lonely I live in Miami. I try to keep busy and immerse myself in things I like
I spend time with my daughter and granddaughters but they have their own lives.. living in the now it’s what’s important. My partner is 83 and he has decided to be alone and do his thing! I understand completely what you are saying… best of everything to you and I love your positive attitude!
After my Grandmother died my mother maintained her mental attachment, and talked about her often. When mother was 90 she started crying one day, and said she missed her mother, and wanted to hold her hand again. I said, « how old was Grandmother when she had you. » She said about 30. I said how old was she when she died? She said 96 years old. I said how old are you Mother? She said 90 years old. I said what is 96 and 30. She said, « 126». I said so How old would Grandmother be if she were here? She had a neo recognition, and started laughing. I said - no matter how much you miss her mother it probably isn’t realistic to think she might remember you at the age of 126 would it? You see she was thinking as if her mother was still alive _ all those years she missed her. At the time Grandmother died mother had to have had closure. She flew with my Grandmother’s body in an airplane back to where my Grandfather was buried and had a funeral again. So they had 2 funerals. I guess it’s okay not to give up, but keeping things in realistic terms is probably good too, right. Well maybe my math isn’t perfect, and I feel a little guilt for writing this. But, I’m sure you see what I mean. Mother, and Grandmother needed each other, but living in reality is okay too. Even with the guilt.
I m alone
Merry me
I like u really 👧👧😍😍❤❤🌷🌷🌷🙋
My life is currently under scrutiny by myself. My husband has a mild case of Alzheimer’s and dementia. It has changed his personality. I am very blessed with him, he doesn’t try to control our money, he isn’t physically abusive, and he is still lucid enough to make his own breakfast and wash his clothes. The problem is me. He is my second husband and we had a wonderful life together. The last 10 yrs have been a real struggle because I’ve taken him to every dr trying to find the drug that would help him. The end result is it just is what it is. I’m learning that this is my third husband, the second one having drifted away. I’ve learned that I didn’t cause the situation, nor can I control it. I’m very grateful for people like you who share your life experiences. Together, we can support our sisters who are beginning to have these life experiences. I am now my new companion and learning to enjoy my own company. Good luck and God bless all of us who are in this journey
Beauty in your poetry.
Such a sad situation for so many women in later life. So good though you have realised it is not your fault etc, but so hard xxx
@@barbarahaynes7036 no o
My heart breaks for you. All I can say is stay strong!!!!
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I would like to suggest that you look into Dr. Mary Newport (coconut oil for Alzheimer's) and the use of cannabis products for your husband. A RUclipsr has posted a series of videos of his mother's journey with Alzheimer's, and how much marijuana has helped her: "Alzheimer's and THC Marijuana." ruclips.net/channel/UC-t7hBj8BNQ-D2w0jDQiK9A
Joyce Z
Hi Sandra,
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I’m married to an obstinate husband now for 55 years and do understand what it is like as they get older. My husband has chronic dementia now and I try to live day by day but it is so hard not to wish things were like they were years ago when he was ok.
Thank You for your video. I hope you find peace and Arthur comes home to you.💕❤️
I'm 80. Next month we will be married for 60 years. My husband has dementia, also. Physically, he is perfect but his mind is a little bit worse every year. Like you, I try not to be bitter but it's hard. We had such plans to tool around the country in our little camper but now I drive in our community with him content to sit in the car. Sandra's video touched me deeply as did your post.
Oh" Sandra such a massive challenge for you. Your life is so precious and you will go forward concentrating on putting your good health at the top of your list and working your way through things that give you great joy" I'm 75 have been living alone for many years with no family in New Zealand my home, My life is uncomplicated and I put my good health first and have good friendships and enjoy my happy disposition while living a balanced lifestyle. I just love watching your very inspirational Videos. They add peace and serenity in my life.
I'm 27, accidentally came across your video. I have been living away from my family for the past 7-8 years. My dad got a heart attack at such a young age and I flew back to be with my family. I don't see a future here in my country so I'm in desperate need to move out and start my life somewhere else again. But I'm scared to leave my family. I'm at that age where I constantly worry about my parents' health. I'm scared that I might not see them again. I always think that I'm running out of time to be with them. I feel like the time is ticking. I'm stuck between the need to follow my dreams and leaving my parents and little brother alone. Thank you Sandra for this video. This made me realise that if something is bound to happen then it will. For the time being I have to live my life. My parents are still capable of doing things by themselves. So I should focus on my life while I have the freedom of mind to do so. So that someday when the time comes I can be with them and take care of them.
What do your parent say? Have you talked to them? Most parents don't want to hold their children back. They probably want you to move, maybe take them with you.
@@Lingchow1 Yes I did. They want me to move and settle down wherever I feel comfortable. And later on, when I have enough funds to support them they are ready to move with me. It will take few years for me to do that. I'm scared in the mean time they will need me and I won't be there to help them in an emergency.
You can learn a profession in IT and similar to work on distance. It might be very useful🙌
At 27 you have so much more to look fwd. to !
Yes, I'm sure that feeling of being stuck between obligations to yr. Mother & Father and aspirations for seeing yr. dreams satiated. Good for you you have a full life. Also yr. words tell me you're a sensitive, empathetic, considerate being. That is a valuable gift.
What may be helpful to you is implementation of strategies. Go , move elsewhere, however have a nest egg should there be a need to return quickly.
Also we are fortunate to have phones and Laptops to keep us in constant visual communication with those living on the opposite side of this planet.
Really nothing is stopping you except you.
The majority of parents don't have children to keep them around . They seemed to have raised a successful human being. They would want you to follow yr. desires. Make sure your concerns as to their welfare are addressed so you not bound by limitations which in the fullness of time you'll resent and regret. Nothing stopping you from daily contact should you have genuine concern. Be happy ... Over my life I've found half the concerns I'd had never raised their unwanted heads.
Bon Voyage !!!!
You will have to let go of your parents one day. Will you continue the CIRCLE OF LIFE and create your own family? Time to STEP up the dating game.
I've been widowed since 2008. It was difficult being alone but now I love it. God bless you and your family during this time. Suggestion, maybe have a couple of cams in the apartment and have viewing on your phone or computer. That may give you comfort that you can keep an eye on him as well while in Florida. 🤗
Hi 👋 Robinson, can I please ask you a question?
Okay dear but I don't you will be okay talking here publicly. I suggest we talk about it on Email✉️🙏🙏... What do you think?🤔🌹🌹
Our beautiful, elegant Sandra, I know this has been very hard on you. My dad lived into his 90s and he became very erratic with his demands. He began to want to move from one place to another. Never satisfied. It eventually was diagnosed as Alzheimer’s. He got to the point he would not listen to me either. He began saying I was stealing his money, etc. he moved back to his childhood home…in search of something. I had to let him go to. I cried all the way there. It ended in his sister taking a lot of the money he had, and when she couldn’t get hold of more she brought him back. It was a long sad journey journey but fortunately I had the strength to see it through. He got so he didn’t know who I am. And I had to put him in an Alzheimer’s care facility because he was always wanting to travel. Arthur may be having a beginning of a bit of neurological symptoms of some sort. Or he may just needed to touch his former life for a while. I remember him talking about all his friends are gone now. He may feel like he has lost all the bits that made him who he is. He will find, that the touchstone of his life, is his beautiful wife. That his old books and memories in New York, mean nothing without the sight of you making him his favorite pot of soup, or smiling at him from across the room. You rest up, read and spend time on self care….breathe in the peace of no demands on your time or energy. He will return to you, hopefully at peace about letting go of the apartment and the old life. Saying goodbye is a great gift you are giving him. Blessings to you both. Hang on…..I know he adores you. It is easy to see when he looks at you and speaks of how proud he is. Hugs, judy
It has been noticeable, too, that when Arthur complained about being all alone he almost blamed you for being so preciously there. There’s no one else to blame for anything because everyone else is gone. You always took that very well when he put it right there on camera… contradicting himself by saying how wonderful he thought you were and are, how he adored you, and how it’s only you-and that won’t do. Ha ha, who else can be blamed except the ones we love the most, ourselves and our most precious ones.
Hi 👋 Dear, can I please ask you a question?
What a dillema you've had to go through, dear Sandra. I understand completely when you say you have to let go. God bless you 🙏
You really are such a brave strong woman. This can't be an easy time for you, but you get that inner strength when the rubber hits the road.. Although we don't know you, we feel like we do, because of your honesty and transparency. We are with you ♥
Bless you and Arthur💛 God guides and provides🧡
True. Sandra has real practical strength.
U are a very strong woman.God bless your heart
You are simply amazing. Please know your "podcast family" loves you and is holding you in prayer. Thank you for sharing this very personal story with your usual clarity and wisdom. Take care, dear Sandra.
Yes. We are all holding you in our hearts, minds and souls in holy prayer. You are cherished by each of us.
You are a very wise, smart soul. Anyone who has u in their life is blessed. My husband of 59 years, just passed away in June. Lost my dog, my youngest son had a terrible accident on a bicycle. I’m lonesome, scared, and worried about the future. I admire your strength. I loved what u said about yesterday, today and tomorrow. Bless u Sandra. You are very beautiful physically and spiritually.
Oh Lori, you have a lot to cope with, all at once. I am so sorry. I hope you will find all the strength you need, as you go along.
Relax. You have to look for things and rebuild. Speaking from experience here. One day at a time. You will be fine if you don't sit still.
The most challenging part of being alone is staying motivated. Its easy to be part of a team that is working together, taking care of one another, the friendship even the mundane day to day. Its difficult to find a new balance and stay motivated when you are only taking care of yourself.
I'm learning how to walk the strange life of solitude. My husband died suddenly at 66, November 27, 2019. I have my family in the area but day to day life is by myself other than occasionally getting together. Bless you all whom find themselves alone. I had Roy for 40 years. I'm struggling but trying.
@@nancygulino7115 sending 💗
I find the opposite to be true.
Alone is beautiful!
@@patriciastewart2537 you are obviously more easily motivated than I am
@@patriciastewart2537 you are obviously more easily motivated than I am
I have followed you since almost the beginning and truly admire your grace. I have seen several of Arthur’s appearances on your channel and it was quite clear that he has a strong mind of his own. I wish you both well during your time apart.
I am single.. over 60.....by choice through divorce. Praise goodness....there is divorce.
The first week...after he was gone...after that 33 yrs of prison term thing called marriage was complete......I remember going to bed and I felt fear. Not fear of being alone...bc that felt glorious.... but fear of how I would care for all the things...the house...the land...the car...alone. That fear lasted about 3 nights. But after that it was gone.
Life is glorious now. I care for everything myself. It's an amazing thing how life gives us opportunity to change and grow independence at any age.
I always say...everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson in everything.
God bless you in this time of changes. You are a strong woman.
Beautiful Sandra. Thank you.
At 75 I am alone. I lost my husband last year. My kids are the other side of 🇬🇧 and come down to help but basically I’m alone. I’m planning little trips by myself and looking forward to my new journey. Love to you all ❤️
I'm 75 too. Its lonely.
I m intrested with u
I m alone
❤😍
so sad in dying alone. in the philippines we have a very close family ties. no one will die alone.
Sandra, thank you for being authentic and sharing what is going on in your life. You have given me many concepts to reflect and ponder. Life can definitely change for any of us in a heartbeat. I know that on a deep celluar level because my daughter was killed by a drunk driver, I am 71 years and and I watch your videos because of your kindness, authenticity, honestly and willingness to be open and share what life is really about. Please be good to Sandra, and please know you make a difference in my and many people's lives. Thank you Sandra.
Yes. Please be good to Sandra. I want you to conserve your energy for you. Sandra. We need you to continue living a long time.
Oh dear Sandra, I’m speechless and you are so gracious. My ex husband and I separated 20 years ago on a very bad note and I remained alone with our two teenagers. You are so right about everything, life and people are so unpredictable and nothing is ever guaranteed. My heart is with you, and I wish you all the best for the next few weeks. I wouldn’t want to venture an opinion or anything on a matter that is so personal. Much love ❤️
Hi 👋 Nadine, can I please ask you a question?
Beautifully expressed valued insights i wish I had a friend like you. I've lived alone for almost a total of 7 years since my daughter moved out. I've been single for a little more than 20 years. Life alone is so freeing to do whatever I choose from moment to moment and live in the now. I have fewer thoughts of romantic relationships snd more of a relationship within. It wasn't easy at first but since I moved past mothering the teenage years and had time to reflect I've been enjoying my time alone more and more. Its not about being selfless or selfish but about learning more about how you feel about things and to those things may change sometimes. So being there for myself the way I was for my child is a great gift. To anyone goingg thru separation anxiety just know it gets much much better.
Your courage and strength is always beautiful and I know you will expand your attributes even more. God bless you and your loved ones. 💖
Hi 😍❤
Newly divorced, after 22 years. Lost both of my parents, my little brother, my best friend, my community. But I’m making my own decisions and I have to trust myself. I have realized that it’s so much easier to see myself as a trustworthy human. Good information sister!
You certainly are on the right mindset! Best to you.
We could chat if it helps draw strength
Yes - same here - divorced after 22 years, parents have both passed away. Drawing on my creative self and growing everyday.
Your husband thinking and mood I believe is a result of age. Living alone though is difficult to both women and men but I believe is more to men. I worry much for him. I am glad you have done and arranged everything for him and you are still checking on him. This is a burden to you no matter how you think on living for now and believe on self love, you wouldn't stop thinking of your another half, your husband. But one think that I believe is your creator is always with you both; particularly with you to comfort you and with him to protect him. Surely, all will straighten out soon. You have done all you could, nothing to regret. Take care of your self. When you are well and strong so shall he be. Thanks for sharing. My prayer to you both.
You made the right decision to stay in your home. He is in a manic state of mind and there is no way anyone can reason with him. We all have to travel our own road whether our spouse is living with us or not. Illness, dementia and other factors interfere in our happy ever after. But, as women we must be strong. I have outlived my child and now see my beloved husband becoming weaker. I probably face being on my own in the future but I know I will still be me. Being able to love and trust ourselves is so very important.
Hi 👋 Olivia, can I please ask you a question?
Hello olivia
Yout text struck a few chords...thankyou olivia.🐞
May God bless during this difficult time. My husband and I don’t have children so I fear being alone as well.
How are you doing dear?
"It's okay to be alone..
Being able to enjoy the freedom of just being me"
THE MOST SATISFYING & LIBERATING STATEMENT THAT I'VE HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF HEARING IN QUITE A WHILE
In a loving partnership you have the freedom to be yourself in addition to the unconditional support of another.....
And that’s what Arthur is probably doing.
Amen Doctor! I’m 64, been divorced for 22 years. I raised my son alone, faced death, had a double lung transplant four years ago. Son has graduated from an outstanding university, graduated from flight school and is now an aviator for our Air Force. He married last year and now I’m going to be a grand mother! Do I want another man? My goodness NO! I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. God bless you and yours!
I just found you, and you are so very precious! I lost my mom when I was in my twenties, and I'm now 58. Many times, I've wanted for her to be here so I could hear her wonderful words of wisdom. You have her gentleness, compassion, and wisdom. I look forward to hearing more from you. Much love ❤️
Welcome. I am so happy you found me and I hope you will come back and share your thoughts with us often. I’m sorry you lost your mother so early in life. I am sure she is watching over you
@Life Over Sixty With Sandra Thank you! I'm sure she is too. ❤
@@paulinejanosko9381 I lost my Mom at 23. My Dad when I was 9. I'm 46. It can be incredibly difficult at times. So much they and I, missed out on.
You have such a beautiful soul. You are taking care of Arthur’s safety needs and understand that you cannot create his happiness or control him. It wouldn’t make sense to put yourself in a situation that is not good for your health in every way….you need to keep yourself healthy in mind, body and soul or you wouldn’t be helpful to Arthur, yourself or anyone else. ❤️❤️❤️
My husband passed in 2016 at age 87. Until he became disabled, somewhat mentally and
physically, he spent much of his time building things in his “shop”. I had retired and got used
to being alone. We had no living children and lived in a neighborhood where we had no friends.
I moved back to NC shortly after he passed and have lived alone. I was married for 48 years.
I miss the things I did with my husband, but I am an introvert…. was a professional illustrator.
Now, I find it difficult to be creative, but I take one day at a time.
Barbara, I understand how you are feeling right now. Many times creative people are loaners and they are quite well-adjusted being by themselves. The one thing I really would love to have you do, though, it’s get back to your creative work. Your creativity is so much a big part if you and by returning to the Artist inside of you, you will be more fulfilled. It will take baby steps, but I hope you will open up that part of yourself again.
Thank u for your truth
My husband died in 2016 but we had living apart for a few years before he passed because he was difficult to keep living with yet kept our relationship and stayed in touch , see each other, for we had been together since we were 18, Im 64 now.
I have been alone since 2010. And have never found anyone all this time and dont think thats for me anymore . I now put my focus more on drawing closer to God and spiritual healing .
I enjoy being alone now, I’ve learned to embrace it. I do have family, but dont see them much, and thats ok. Peace comes from loving ourselves and knowing from where love originates and comes from so we can know how to love ourselves. this is what I’ve learned .
I’m almost 50. Since my last relationship ended 6 years ago I just can’t bring myself to bother with a relationship. My youngest is 8 , so she is here a lot and I still work a bit (semi retired). I get lonely but I don’t have another break up in me. My grown children stopped talking to me after I developed epilepsy. God bless you, I hope the leaves fall where you need them too.
I pray someone finds and be kind to your heart ♥️ one day. It’s not easy being lonely 😔 but we get thru it. I pray your health improves.
I understand what you mean. I hope life will treat you kindly and you'll connect with another who'll care for you heart and soul ♥️
My mom and dad faced so many changes in the last 5-10 years of their lives. Dad had to go to a nursing home because of his health. Mom lived with my husband and I off and on for 6 years. While dad was in the nursing home he and my mom talked on the phone several times a day. Dad said he'd be okay as long as he could told to my mom daily. It was hard for mom to have to let go and have dad at the nursing home. Like you, she had to rethink how to live her life since it wasn't centered around my dad like it had been. It's so very true: Growing old isn't for sissies! I learned from my mom how much strength and courage it takes to redefine one's life in the midst of growing older. Mom did her very best to be joyful and make each day count. Prayers for you on this new life journey.
Thank you.for this video! My husband of 49 years took a fall and when the ambulance took him,I never saw him again,he died,your video helped me realize some things. Stay well and thanks again
Thank you for such a touching video. “Accepting the things I cannot change”….so important. I have lived alone for many years, except for occasional visits from grands…pandemic changed that a little. I make lovely changes in my home and rearrange things. Nice walks in the area and I drive on quiet streets.
I recently started tutoring online by Zoom. Lots to learn but I was determined. My age of 73 has taught me much. Yes, live for today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here. So, so true…..
Arthur’s spirit somehow wanted him to go back to his early roots. Only the Lord knows why….You are a very strong woman and will manage. Pray it is a short stay. Life is so unpredictable.
Thank you again for the incredible video. We all needed this!
I’m a 21 year old female and I didn’t have many adults I could look up to, so your wisdom means so much to me. Thank you for sharing, you’re a beautiful soul.
My mother is 95. Like your Arthur, she has a strong mind of her own. She had a bad fall a few months ago, out of the blue. Now she has developed dementia. She is utterly self absorbed now. It’s very tough when this disintegration of their minds starts to happen. Exhausting for everyone.
I’m sorry you had to cancel your birthday cruise. It would have been a nice break for you.
You’re an amazing woman. Much respect to you.
Thanks Sandra you are so correct. My husband of 23 years is dying of ALS. I am the only caretaker and we have no kids or family to help. I am learning or revisiting all 3 concepts that you mentioned. The stress drains me so I enjoy my dogs, garden and RUclips videos. I no longer push myself to finish every chore but break down all things to more manageable proportions. I am alone since he can’t even speak or eat but I try to enjoy what freedoms this situation affords instead of dwelling on loneliness. Thanks!
I think your way and I certainly understand what you’re going through Robin. How fortunate your husband is to have you as his loving caretaker. The energy that you are expending is enormous. Blessings and strength your way. Please know that you are in my thoughts.
"Live In The Now" Thank You, Sandra. I send you a ton of Blessings & Happiness
Beautiful wisdom from a beautiful soul❣️ I enjoy watching your videos because of your calming spirit and Arthur’s sweet feisty spirit is so sweet to watch. Blessings for February.
Sending much love n hugs to you and Arthur through this season of life. Happy Birthday from Texas🌺
I became a widower at the age of 47 . My world was torn into a million pieces after 25 years of marriage. He was my everything. I am blessed with 4 wonderful children who love me unconditionally. It was one of the hardest thing I ever went through. God gave me comfort through the years. Learning to let go , appreciating life and yes loving who you are. Memories are can be wonderful or sad but it is part of your life.
After 15 years I married again to another wonderful man . Yes I am blessed. But I learned to live alone ,but I now embrace everyday. Thankful for every minute I can love and be loved . Life can be beautiful if you just take time to enjoy . Even a good cup of coffee can be the highlight of your day. I will take it. 😊
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY. YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS BRING ME HOPE. BLESSINGS TO YOU AND ARTHUR.
Dearest Sandra, I am sure you are worried and concerned, but Letting Go is one of the greatest tools we women learn. As mothers, daughters, wives, sisters and friends, we spend a great deal of our lives having to “let go”. As our children are growing up, we must let go throughout every stage of their lives. Our need to care for and protect those we love is so great and therefore the practice of letting go becomes a matter of our survival. You are blessed and a survivor. I hope and pray for your peace and comfort. Love Dee♥️
Hi 👋 Dee, can I please ask you a question?
Oh Sandra, Arthur is a handful! He reminds me of my dad, he didn't take to ageing well. I am ageing the same way!! It keeps them young and vibrant as much as it is annoying/scary. I LOVE being alone, I miss it. I was alone for 20 years and now in a 24/7 life and I find it draining. I hope you can enjoy your time alone and do things you love! I love Arthur too, he is a fighter just like you! Bless you both. xx
Hi 👋 Serenity, can I please ask you a question?
Sandra your talk is so encouraging. I am alone. Not married, 65 years old. I am blessed connected to you. God bless you. You are a wonderful soul. May God protect you always and in all the ways
Thank you so much for posting this. With my husband in hospice now, I’m facing being on my own, too. It helps to hear that while I’m going to be single, I’m not truly alone because there are others in a similar position. ❤️
Sandra, I am so sorry for what you have been going through. I think it is Arthur’s age that is intensifying this. My Ma will be 96 in April and for the last tear and a half she thought everyone was going to steal her things. She would obsess over her things and wanted to know where they were at all times. If she couldn’t find something she would swear that somebody stole it. She became very paranoid over her things and worried about them. I know you worry but honestly they can’t help it and you will never convince them that their possessions will be oKay. They get a thought in their head that gets caught in a loop and plays over and over and makes it even more real and frightening to them. You cannot reason with them, it will only wear you out. Please continue to take care of yourself As that is all you can do about it. The better you take care of you the more you will be able to be there for Arthur. Love and prayers to both of you, Sheila
Sandra, my heart goes out to you. I pray that Arthur gets through this moment and realizes that his possessions are just material things and that you are the real treasure! Stay strong - wishing you and Arthur comfort and peace!
Hi 👋 Slyvia, can I please ask you a question?
Hi Sandra I couldn't of found your video at a more appropriate time. My partner of 26 years has incurable cancer. Although I appear to be coping, inside I'm a mess. Anxiety goes through the roof. I worry for my partner tremendously. I've been trying to centre myself and stay in the moment. Your video has been so helpful. I'm grateful for your words. Thank you. P.S I love your hair colour and style, it's beautiful and yes I'm envious ❤️😁🇬🇧
Dear Sandra, I am retired nurse and have seen many deaths. This is usually not talked about much. What I want to say to you may be difficult to hear but is true. Everyone knows when death is near, and with that being said, they choose their time to let go. Many may disagree with this, but I truly believe it. There is an old saying that a dog will go to the woods to pass. The why...is what is hard to understand. Knowing Arthur from your videos...I would say his leaving was more about sparing you from seeing it in your home. A final gift from him to you. Time to adjust to life alone while he is out of the home, but still a phone call away. Love and hugs, Hazel
I agree with this. Sandra can get used to him being gone.
Beautiful response Hazel❤️
I agree.
I agree with this also.
Hazel you are right on the money. My 92 y/o father did the same thing. I had one last visit with my father 5 days before he died he definitely did not want me to be there and was more comfortable with his hospice nurse and was able to go peacefully that way.. very good wisdom on your part. I hope that Sandra can take some comfort from that.
My husband and I were childhood sweethearts he died in 2014 at the age of 64 from a massive stroke. To say it was devastating doesn’t do it justice. I have my children around but it’s just me and my dog Otis who I got the year after I retired. I have adjusted to living alone and 99% a time I love it but there’s always that time when something goes wrong or I have to make a decision and it’s just me. I’ve always been a strong woman and strong minded so I try to take care of my affairs on my own and not involve my children; but recently I did have surgery and had complications from it and you are so right you look for today you don’t know what tomorrow’s going to be.. with my husband‘s death I was reconnected with the church and I have a wonderful church family and a wonderful belief in Jesus Christ. That has been my saving grace through all of this. Because you live alone your thoughts get the best of you especially when you get older and you become fearful and anxious no matter how strong you are. During this illness I relied a lot on prayer my Bible, my women’s bible study on zoom; the only thing I can’t do is go back to church right now which I truly miss. And I worry about Otis he is five if anything ever happens to me what’s going to happen to him? Thankfully I am on the road to recovery right now but I have stuff in place if something happens to me to take care of him. You have to think of the future somewhat♥️ and I know when my husband was in the nursing home because he got too sick to stay at home I was always worrying about him always up there before work or after work and on the weekends , but thank goodness he had a great place that he was in. You’re always going to be worrying and concerned about Arthur, that’s just the way it is unfortunately or fortunately no matter which way you look at it.
You’re a strong woman you can get through it even if it takes a second at a time.
Faith, I don't know if you've thought of this or not, but you can make provision for your pet(s) in your Will. Set money aside for Otis for his maintenance and medical care so that whoever you find that agrees to provide his forever home won't have an expense, because, as we know, the older a pet gets, the more the vet bills are, prescriptions, etc., and many times people who would love to provide a home for him couldn't do it if they had to cover those costs. I hope this is helpful and will alleviate some of your concerns.
You can specify in ur will about your dog. You can pick a friend and set aside some money for your dear dogs care.
@@robinignaczak124 yes my daughter Jocelyn‘s going to take Otis for me, hopefully I will outlive him even though it would be sad💚💚
@Roland Kettle you said this to multiple women, i’m not interested in this isn’t the place for trolling
Sandra, three words come to mind: Strength, honesty and, perhaps most clearly, GRACE.
Hi Sandra. I recently discovered your channel -- among the most beautiful here on RUclips, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your stories and experiences. Life is indeed unpredictable and the equanimity with which you discuss Arthur is testimony to a maturity and wisdom that I deeply admire. Without going into detail, I can tell you that I experienced something similar in a relationship many years ago; it was painful and devastating and she refused help. Many years have passed, my children are now young, thriving adults and all is well. But I learned during those years that, in the final analysis, we are in control SOLELY of our own thoughts and behavior. Today I am retired and live alone; I have a couple of close friends and am fortunate that my kids, although quite busy with their lives, are local and make time for me once in a while. Your video above reminds me how much I treasure the time we spend together, and for that I wanted to thank you. PS: the song that introduces your video brought me to tears; the lyrics and melody are so simple yet so stirring and beautiful. I never would have heard it had I not visited your channel. Regards, david
Sandra, my heart goes out to you today. I feel you did what you had to do, so Arthur could be where he needs to be right now. And maybe one day he will wake up and want to come right back home! Meanwhile, you take good care of yourself.
I respect your decision. I'm 59 single and alone. I make the best of it. I haven't received a Christmas gift since my parents died 6 years ago so I give myself something. As for Thanksgiving I will sleep in and praise God for the goods I have. I hope to see Arthur in a video soon.
Hi I live in Florida. Your story touched me. I would like to send you a gift for Christmas. 🤗
Gloria, that's kind of you. But instead donate 10.00 to animal shelter. So kind! It sucks but what cha going to do, pay it forward.
Could we all maybe share a little love, thoughts and care on this day by way of a card from where ever we are in the world?
One thing I’ve come to know throughout my life for certain is, “You can’t control other people. You can only control yourself.” My husband, although he treated me well, was very headstrong and pretty much always ended up doing what he wanted/needed to do. We even lived apart for six years when he moved to another state because he wasn’t happy where we we living and I needed to stay behind for my job and my own sense of security etc. I commuted back and forth every 2 or 3 months so we could be together …this was all with my agreement, but none the less it was what HE needed to do. He passed away at the age of 51. We were married 33 years. I’ve been alone since that time. I’m 65 now and really never wanted anyone else. He was the other half of me. I still find it hard at times being a “Me” instead of a “We”. The only thing I can add is….shouldn’t we ALL do what we want or need to do? His life was way too short and I am glad he at least got to do what he wanted to do. No one is promised tomorrow. Yes living every day in the now with each and every one that passes. Be well with many Blessings.
No one is promised tomorrow. Now THAT is something to be grateful for when we wake up every morning - it's a bonus! Thank you!
Oh! So your husband was just 18 when he married you? To have been married for 33 years and he was just 51 when he died. So very young!!
oh dear i am on the path of buddha..most of our stories is v similar..been in dhamma make me come out of been sad and angry...my best wish may all of you live in the moment mindfully .it will make next moment better..with metta s
I can stand with you with the experience you have had mine was somewhat the same
Absolutely
I'm in my mid 50s and I enjoy living alone. I enjoy not having to get anyone's opinion before I spend or make other decisions. I spent so much of my younger days being that supportive girlfriend because I have a certain amount of corporate knowledge but now I can pursue my own dreams, start my cooking Channel and my day job takes up a lot of my time.
Best of luck to you and your freedom years. Now is your time to live your dreams. Thank you for sharing
There is a big difference in being in your fifties and being in your sixties. Do the big things now! Make sure you have a stable home and income , have a health checkup and do what you need to stay healthy, explore creative outlets (you will Need these in the future), build up a network of supportive friends who are doing Interesting things themselves and don't bother with false friends and empty socializing that will drain you of energy and motivation. Do these things now. Don't wait until you are retired and then say "Now what?" Things have changed in the world and this is what we're up against. Hardly any of us will have the option of being Granny who has her own room in one of her children's homes, surrounded by grandchildren, doing small tasks and being cared for until we die. It is sink or swim. Prepare the pool now when you still have the energy. 🌻
good for you...i am73... living alone since 30... and takes some creative connecting when things like pandemics come along👍
@@katella, I prepared the pool, but then the pandemic emptied it for me. Job, friends, hobbies - all gone. Now I'm scrambling to salvage some semblance of a life. I'd agree that the 50s, while still working and active in the world, are very different from the 60s!
@@gertanckaert3023 is it scary to live alone that long? I am 40 and planning to stay alone for all my life.
I lost my husband in 2005 and it took years before I came to grips with living in the now. And actually felt guilty for a while and missed him so much. Still miss him but I know he’s with me and wants me to live my life to it’s fullest , so I keep trying. I’m 70 and being alone is very hard, but I keep on as I said.
Thank you. IT took me three years to learn these lessons. I was married 49 years at the age of 21. My husband had Parkinson and I hardly knew who I was. His death was a surprise to me. It took guts to go on.
Oh my, Sandra. My first thought, no matter whatever happens in my life is this: God is in total control…!!! This is always the only logical solution for me in my life. Adaptation is definitely a virtue…equal to patience, is it not? Sending you lots of love…you and Arthur will remain in my prayers.
Hi 👋 Lady, can I please ask you a question?
I’m 72 yo & in good health. I never married or had children. Now, I live in Florida, & my big fear is dying & no one knowing for weeks. I have sisters that live in other states so I am truly alone. I try to remain grateful for what I do have.
It has been my experience, especially with older men over 90, that they are aware they probably don't have much time left on this earth, hence they seem to want to spend their last days in a place where they were either brought up (if the memories were good ones) or want to go back to a place where they have cherished memories. The fact your husband kept his apartment in New York speaks volumes. I don't know if I'd upset him by getting rid of it or arrange to get rid of the possessions that seem to be precious to him. Get rid of them after he passes away, but not before. It sounds to me like he's come to the point in his life that he thinks he's going to die and wants to be around things that are familiar to him and give him solace. It's too bad you can't be with him or even in the same city as he goes through this period of uncertainty. It's possible he will realize that being alone surrounded by his possessions in his old apartment won't make him feel fulfilled or comfortable, but my guess is even if he doesn't feel fulfilled there, he may not want to leave simply because of his old memories which make him feel rooted. Honestly, it's truly amazes me how many older men want to do exactly what your husband has done. My thoughts are with you during this unexpected twist in your life journey.
Yes. The soul wants to travel the most familiar and well loved route when exiting this life.
She seems controlling and a bit of a problem. Not him.
Maybe bring some of his most special possessions down to your home in South Beach? It doesn't have to be one or the other 💞
Oh, Sandra, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Yes, we never know what life has in store for us and it can be so scary. I hope you and your son will be able to talk some sense into Arthur in February. We are here for you whenever you feel like venting. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Love you, Sandra.
I know how hard this must be for you because I've watched what my mother has experienced since my dad died almost 9 years ago. Sending you love. ❤
Hi 👋 Jane, can I please ask you a question?
I needed to hear this video. My husband of 47 years passed away suddenly 2 months ago. I find myself struggling with other people's expectations of what they want me to do or be. I spent 47 years loving my husband but as you said ... you become a couple and you make compromises and somehow mesh 2 people's ideas into 1 that both can live with. Now I find myself alone and I've got to learn how to be ok with it. How to make decisions on my own. How to make friends. 10 years of care giving meant mostly being alone just the 2 of us. He was content with being alone and I gave in to make him more comfortable. It's all so new and fresh and my heart is broken. The idea of venturing out on my own is terrifying. But, I am going to do it. I am planning a vacation to be alone with my thoughts and not hear what other people think I should do. The down side of this is that I have never taken a vacation by myself. I've never done a lot of things by myself as I married right out of high school. But, I am a big girl (65) and with precautions I think I will be fine. Thank you so much for reaching out to others. This video was a blessing to me. ~Sherrie
Sherrie, I’m so sorry for your loss, but your husband would want you to carry on. Good for you that you are going to take a well deserved vacation. There are single tour groups and cruises where single women have safety in traveling. Life goes on. Best of luck to you.
Start with a short vacation not something too far away and let everyone that loves you know where you are and knows how to call you one step at a time
Sandra, please take comfort in knowing that I think this is a natural part of aging and is not personal. My grandfather wanted to go back to where he lived before he died, because in his mind life was simpler. We all know you can never go back, but sometimes as we age we long to. Hang in there and know you are never alone because God has you in his loving arms. Prayers for you and Arthur for the best outcome for you both. Hugs.