My mother questioned everything I did and said to the extreme degree. Never being taken at your word and never being believed is so harmful to children. I get very anxious, overexplain, and then become angry any time anyone questions me, even friendly people asking friendly questions out of curiosity. It's an automatic response. Very timely video. Thanks, Kenny! 😊
+I also get very defensive when someone asks a question! I realized I was never believed by my mother (maybe both parents) mom ruled the house though. it even crept into my early adulthood.
Exactly. That 'fear' is more relevant than being 'misunderstood'. Confident people say things the way they see fit...not overtly concerned being understood or not...
@@artanddesign8006 As @earthrooster1969 put it, I also think that that ‘fear’ of not being taken seriously might also be what any narcissist would sniff out as his/her supply like a shark follows the trail scent of blood in the water.
Yes! I do this because everywhere I turn, people misunderstand what I’m trying to say and in part, much of that is because I just feel like I see the world in a completely different way. It’s not all black and white, but a whole world of colors in between. And people think because you say one thing, that means something else just because they can’t expand their thinking to allow for such things to be possible.
@@Lacroix999Thank you! This is how it happens with me as well. I sometimes feel like I'm taking crazy pills because I will try to be very precise with my wording so as not to be misunderstood only to have the other person claim that I said something else, often because they are ignorant of certain concepts or words.
As a scapegoat, I'm going to be blamed no matter what. If I can explain my position and persuade them of my righteousness, I won't get blamed! But of course, it's futile. Remember, I said No Matter What.
Or also attempting to reason them into wanting to hear you out. Trying to convince them why you’re worthy of their understanding. Feeling inherently below others personally as if not allowed accommodation or even reasonable excuses for anything not completed perfectly in specific way.
@@ladylucid1169 Yes, this resonates with me the most rather than the video. I don't remember feeling ignored, but I do remember massive misunderstandings and just wanting to be heard. Perfectionism, so not wanting to start without running your ideas past someone for validation. It seemed like I could never do anything right in some people's eyes (except in school; schoolwork was a very validating thing, although peer relationships very often were not). I also felt sometimes that I simply did not understand social construct, because in polite company, if I said something I would get shushed, but my sisters could say the same thing shortly thereafter and not be shushed. Hmm, so I realized that the ignoring would be that sometimes I had to repeat things multiple times to get acknowledgement that anyone heard me the first or second time; this would be in the midst of group interactions including family.
My heart breaks when I notice that my inner child starts exaggerating and even making up fantastic stories just to get noticed. To be noticed I had to resort to extremes. Over-explaining to random strangers has been extremely uncomfortable for me and them. I feel the pain of strangers over-explaining and just want to stop them and say - "you're okay, you can just be, you don’t have to frantically convince me to like you." Feels good to be a human being and not a human doing or impressing.
I think there is also over explaining when you feel afraid of someone’s anger. For example, not feeling safe to set boundaries or say no so you feel the need to explain your boundary or decision. This can be a conditioned protective response also learned in childhood akin to fawning used to avoid triggering anger in insecure aggressive people. They don’t accept simple a no. They demand explanation. And if you don’t provide one, watch out.
Im a huge over explainer too Kenny. The shame when reflecting back afterwards really resonated with me. It’s obvious now I’m frustrated from being completely codependent with someone emotionally unavailable and projecting all over the place in real life.
Great video. I love your channel, book and podcast. Your advice is helpful here. But actually sometimes I find whenever you might repeat yourself I like it. I think you are a kind, warm person and it actually comes across as enthusiastic and personable, authentic and lovable rather than overly cerebral and distant. I am happy I found your channel and resources. You have helped me very much and I often listen to you - on repeat! 😊
My parents had hard lives too, but they did Choose to ignore me all the time, I can see WHY but it was not my job to parent myself then, now I have the ability and am doing the work. I do a lot better but it is taking years to break the patterns down and retake the power it has for my little self who is still wounded and always will be, but I can be friends with that and reclaim my self... you are right, I knew since I was 7 years old that I was on my own. Some of my dreams, OMG.
My mother often gave me the third degree, and pressured me to explain myself. She also shamed me constantly for my behavior which felt like I had to explain how wrong I was to her so she would be satisfied.
@3:51 "I am hoping that if I can put the words together in a way that matters to YOU, I'll finally get your attention!" Wow! I can so relate to that. That was me with both my parents, who were often too busy to notice. Mom was often too preoccupied on the phone talking with friends to give me attention. Dad was always too busy correcting my grammar to really hear my talking points.
My over explaining started after marrying a man I didn’t know has inattentive ADD and Aspergers. For many years I thought I wasn’t communicating well. Now I need to unlearn to over explain 😞
Video was recommended. Didn’t think I needed it but it was very insightful and helpful. I do notice my harmed inner child comes out here and there and the last step of pausing before you enter spaces will REALLY help me. We are now safe secure and protected in Jesus name fr. ❤ Thanks so much for this content. You have a new subscriber.
This makes so much sense. My mom and sister were very one-sided and needy. They would talk without pause. I desperately wanted them to take interest in me and my life but they were too self-interested to care about me. So, I overexplained to try to get them to hear me. I also felt very judged and felt that I had to explain my decisions and imperfections even the smallest ones to avoid the criticism. It was my way of trying to head it off before the snarky comments were thrown my way.
Also, I’m 40 and finally feeling that there is an adult inside me who can calm my wounded inner child. It’s like an awakening of a little confidence idk.
This is untrue... the need to explain can come from constantly being accused and it can happen later in life such as the teen years encountering teachers or police or bullies it does not have to originate with parents
I am really going to work on the last suggestion in this video, bringing the 'adult' into the world more consciously. All too often I'm leaving the 'child' me to roam around and try and make sense of things that are going on day to day, and reacting as such. And this is coming from a human who is 60+ years old. Thank you for the great content.
I don't believe over-explaining initiates or originates with a parent it comes from an experience where someone demands that you explain something whether you were young in life or whether you were mentally broken but that does not mean it has to start with a parent at a very early age
Many folks today heavily struggle with A - The need to be right no matter what and B - With having their conditioned belief sets challenged in any way. Think of all that we were just subject to over the past 4 years!?
Oh my word, you are one of the only people that verbally expressed what I recently learned by intense introspection/self-analysis (something I have lots of experience with, unfortunately) - blaming ourselves gives us a measure of power. Because feeling at the mercy of others seems to magnify the sense of shame, rejection, & powerlessness. And if self-blame was reinforced by those around us (especially in our formative years) by their blaming us as well for whatever was going wrong at the time, then that is often going to become our *default setting* (for lack of better words) when faced with this sort of suffering.
In my case I keep explaining myself because I'm always afraid that people will get the WRONG impression of me- why I'm doing or not doing something etc. It's very important to me that people do not accuse me falsely.
Curiously, I would think the majority of school teachers probably subconsciously chose their careers by experiencing this need for attention early in life.
Sorry, but I was thinking, "Kenny is not succinct." But always self aware and same area, different outfit and still matching. Too adorable! On a serious note, I've tried to remember the event of origin of a feeling. Even in meditation or before I go to sleep. It doesn't come up. And I know I have a lot of memories but can't access
Thank you. Sometimes when I’m going through a lot, I have been tuned out. It’s so hard to be present. I see my poor daughter over explaining trying to get me to be there. I feel so bad. I apologize and tell her it’s not her that I’m tired or have some things going on. I need a little time and I will be more available soon. I’ve been grieving some tough losses and I’m trying to balance it with taking care of her needs. I’m so tired.
@@suzannortega6671 I realize that but nobody is perfectly present 100 percent of the time. That’s not realistic. If you have ever been very ill or tired or dealing with the death of your parents, you are not giving your all but doing the best you can. Your response lacks compassion and feels judgemental. It’s like saying, “sorry not sorry.”
6:47-6:57 This is honestly an amazing insight. Sometimes I'm feel so embarrassed and ashamed of how I have acted I want to fall into a victim mindset, because than I could have an excuse for not having control. That isn't healthy, and I must be able to own up and fix my genuine faults. What you described makes sense, since it's the reverse. To be constantly ignored by your parents must be painful, and would make you feel powerless. So it makes sense why a young child would blame himself, so he then would feel he has power, and therefore he thinks he can change things. Wherein really in this situation he is innocent, and his parents did the wrong. I have definitely over-explained and over-apologized in the past. I got work to do.
feedback: I feel that you explain so you stay near those that feel hurt by truth and until they say aaaa now I see the light (were this goes) and you are incredible
This personal stories are so helpful to me, because i see myself in it, also helps me remember my own stories, as well as giving myself permission to experience it.
I felt like the scapegoat in my last marriage-he was EXTREMELY abusive -verbally & mentally. My family made me feel like that too, sometimes-although they have no idea 🤷🏽♀️ what I’m talking about.
Hi Kenny! Really great, enlightening video! I was wondering what advice you might have when the people in your life are insisting that you DO keep over-explaining and over-sharing, to the point where if you keep perfectly normal things private, they accuse you of pulling away, keeping secrets, actively deciding to become unavailable. I’ve felt so much more at peace internally since guarding myself more against doing those things, but now I’m being attacked, or those around me are making themselves into victims of my own “emotional neglect” and it’s just so confusing. I’ve felt extremely present with them, before they brought this up (and it was brought up in SUCH a confrontational way), but they’re saying it’s all fake, it’s not enough, I’ve pushed them away, etc etc etc. please, if you have any advice, I’d be so grateful for it. (For clarity, it’s not a parent, but sibling) also, would you say that that’s codependent behaviour? Enmeshed behaviour? I’m really trying to parse through what’s going on.
Who is explaining, I am telling you what I want , it will come through HSBC legal HONG KONG or The American power companies and some will dearly pay for this mostly in US and UK.
Dang!!! Great talk! This parentified child of 2 addicts and 3x Vietnam Vet....I appreciate your efforts and direct suggestions/information! God bless you, so many of us who are chronic "over-explainers", we've struggled, beat ourselves up and so much negative self talk and shame....I've had some loving ppl start to tell me abt this and I'm so grateful, I so badly want to heal....
From what you've said i can clearly understand the reasons behind. But one question ,why I'm so annoyed when have to listen to people (even myself) who explaining something over and over again. I 'm really appreciate your dedication, thank you so much. ❤
The bonus tip was especially useful tool I think, especially as I think about stepping into potentially contentious discussions or topics with my ex wife about kid stuff. I turn into this blithering mess trying to explain myself and she gets increasingly demanding the more I talk and just tears everything apart that I’ve prepared to say. It makes setting boundaries almost impossible with her too, because then I feel compelled or manipulated into over explaining boundaries so that she can just ignore them and abuse me even more since she sees the boundaries as new buttons to push.
Because I can’t not do it. In my family, I think especially my dad, if I didn’t explain, he would get violent and not stop questioning until he was satisfied. So whenever I’m with others, I feel afraid to not explain. Also the act of conforming even with disapproval was made in me likely due to my dad too that would get physical if I didn’t conform to want he wanted. Because I’m sure I didn’t listen to want he said in the past and he physically did stuff to make sure I had to conform to it. All these made me have no sense of personal will.
Hi Kenny. Thank you so much for this video. I have struggled with this for a very long time. This was very calming and comforting and has given me some new hope.
I’ve found it so helpful to tell my inner child when a task is just for adult me and my higher self. It’s lead to a few beautiful moments where she feels free and just excited for drive there on a beautiful day.
May be explanation is needed in important relationships = explanation after an event is kind of conflict resolution skill , I think in the explanation part we can be vulnerable of our needs and also asks for others need ( provided both parties have secure attachment style and least cognitive distortion) and for people despite communication if act in disrespectful way - tell them "shut the fu*k off" no need to overexplain ...
Powerful stuff man , I gotta be there for the little guy within now he's been giving freedom thos morning (after watching this video, Journaling and many tears ) from having to manage my life up to now , and get to be the source of the love that I feel instead , IL take the reigns now in my communication and interactions with adults and he can come out and play with the dogs and cats and other kids sometimes 😊
I feel the desire to be heard is because we wanna talk to ourselves. The other is just a reason. When we don’t talk to ourselves clearly and don’t understand what we think or feel we end up having a deep desire to talk to someone else and connect. The fact is the chances of getting such a person who will consistently connect every single time with you is probably Siri or Alexa. 😬 in other words its non existent or is god itself.
Knowing how to weave in and out of these emotional states is huge! Definitely something I'd never considered. I love talking to my little self. I sit side by side with her on a set of porch stairs.
Kenny you explain and rexplain so we get it how we can receive it and it speaks to us. I reasly like and see your caring intention. I also find tgat relistening to a pidcast or many on the same topic is the benefit of hearing the same from different angles. Also true saying it once is also a stmnt to others, Ill say it once so listen
My parents were like that also. They would just sit in their favorite chairs and tune everyone else out especially eachother. They never disgust anything Infront of us kids. There was very little family conversation going on in our house.
My mother questioned everything I did and said to the extreme degree. Never being taken at your word and never being believed is so harmful to children. I get very anxious, overexplain, and then become angry any time anyone questions me, even friendly people asking friendly questions out of curiosity. It's an automatic response. Very timely video. Thanks, Kenny! 😊
I can relate. 🥰
Same
I'm not the only one? Thank you.
I had a boyfriend like this. He's the one who did damage.
+I also get very defensive when someone asks a question! I realized I was never believed by my mother (maybe both parents) mom ruled the house though. it even crept into my early adulthood.
I think most people including me, over explain due to fear of being misunderstood
Exactly. That 'fear' is more relevant than being 'misunderstood'. Confident people say things the way they see fit...not overtly concerned being understood or not...
Yes! 💯
@@artanddesign8006 As @earthrooster1969 put it, I also think that that ‘fear’ of not being taken seriously might also be what any narcissist would sniff out as his/her supply like a shark follows the trail scent of blood in the water.
Yes! I do this because everywhere I turn, people misunderstand what I’m trying to say and in part, much of that is because I just feel like I see the world in a completely different way. It’s not all black and white, but a whole world of colors in between. And people think because you say one thing, that means something else just because they can’t expand their thinking to allow for such things to be possible.
@@Lacroix999Thank you! This is how it happens with me as well. I sometimes feel like I'm taking crazy pills because I will try to be very precise with my wording so as not to be misunderstood only to have the other person claim that I said something else, often because they are ignorant of certain concepts or words.
As a scapegoat, I'm going to be blamed no matter what. If I can explain my position and persuade them of my righteousness, I won't get blamed! But of course, it's futile. Remember, I said No Matter What.
And I over apologize too
Sorry to hear that.
I hear you, me too.
Yes me too
For me, some of the over explanations are partially due to being massively misunderstood.
Or also attempting to reason them into wanting to hear you out. Trying to convince them why you’re worthy of their understanding. Feeling inherently below others personally as if not allowed accommodation or even reasonable excuses for anything not completed perfectly in specific way.
@ladylucid1169 Yes, l hear you and can totally relate 😔💞
@@ladylucid1169 Yes, this resonates with me the most rather than the video. I don't remember feeling ignored, but I do remember massive misunderstandings and just wanting to be heard. Perfectionism, so not wanting to start without running your ideas past someone for validation. It seemed like I could never do anything right in some people's eyes (except in school; schoolwork was a very validating thing, although peer relationships very often were not). I also felt sometimes that I simply did not understand social construct, because in polite company, if I said something I would get shushed, but my sisters could say the same thing shortly thereafter and not be shushed. Hmm, so I realized that the ignoring would be that sometimes I had to repeat things multiple times to get acknowledgement that anyone heard me the first or second time; this would be in the midst of group interactions including family.
My heart breaks when I notice that my inner child starts exaggerating and even making up fantastic stories just to get noticed. To be noticed I had to resort to extremes. Over-explaining to random strangers has been extremely uncomfortable for me and them. I feel the pain of strangers over-explaining and just want to stop them and say - "you're okay, you can just be, you don’t have to frantically convince me to like you."
Feels good to be a human being and not a human doing or impressing.
You’re adding a lot of happier years to peoples lives with this content, I’m so grateful to find this channel. Thank you!!
I think there is also over explaining when you feel afraid of someone’s anger. For example, not feeling safe to set boundaries or say no so you feel the need to explain your boundary or decision. This can be a conditioned protective response also learned in childhood akin to fawning used to avoid triggering anger in insecure aggressive people.
They don’t accept simple a no. They demand explanation. And if you don’t provide one, watch out.
I don't think it's just from childhood. It can be from adolescent too.
Yes, this resonates with me too. They want/ expect an explanation then complain you talk too much…narcissistic 😢
16:10 - „You’re safe. I am here. I’ll protect you.”
When I heard this, tears broke through. Thank You Sir Weiss for sharing. ❤
Im a huge over explainer too Kenny. The shame when reflecting back afterwards really resonated with me. It’s obvious now I’m frustrated from being completely codependent with someone emotionally unavailable and projecting all over the place in real life.
Great video. I love your channel, book and podcast. Your advice is helpful here. But actually sometimes I find whenever you might repeat yourself I like it. I think you are a kind, warm person and it actually comes across as enthusiastic and personable, authentic and lovable rather than overly cerebral and distant. I am happy I found your channel and resources. You have helped me very much and I often listen to you - on repeat! 😊
My parents had hard lives too, but they did Choose to ignore me all the time, I can see WHY but it was not my job to parent myself then, now I have the ability and am doing the work. I do a lot better but it is taking years to break the patterns down and retake the power it has for my little self who is still wounded and always will be, but I can be friends with that and reclaim my self...
you are right, I knew since I was 7 years old that I was on my own. Some of my dreams, OMG.
“It is not our pain.” Wow 🥺 that touched me
Think about him having to overexplain all that purple.
😂😂😂😂
My mother often gave me the third degree, and pressured me to explain myself. She also shamed me constantly for my behavior which felt like I had to explain how wrong I was to her so she would be satisfied.
I am so grateful for these videos of yours. I over-explain, and it gets me into trouble. Thank you.
Yes I’m an over explainer and also say “sorry “ all the time for unnecessary things
@3:51 "I am hoping that if I can put the words together in a way that matters to YOU, I'll finally get your attention!" Wow! I can so relate to that. That was me with both my parents, who were often too busy to notice. Mom was often too preoccupied on the phone talking with friends to give me attention. Dad was always too busy correcting my grammar to really hear my talking points.
I never knew that this video , is what I needed my whole life. Thank you soooo much ❣️
My over explaining started after marrying a man I didn’t know has inattentive ADD and Aspergers. For many years I thought I wasn’t communicating well. Now I need to unlearn to over explain 😞
Video was recommended. Didn’t think I needed it but it was very insightful and helpful. I do notice my harmed inner child comes out here and there and the last step of pausing before you enter spaces will REALLY help me. We are now safe secure and protected in Jesus name fr. ❤ Thanks so much for this content. You have a new subscriber.
This makes so much sense. My mom and sister were very one-sided and needy. They would talk without pause. I desperately wanted them to take interest in me and my life but they were too self-interested to care about me. So, I overexplained to try to get them to hear me. I also felt very judged and felt that I had to explain my decisions and imperfections even the smallest ones to avoid the criticism. It was my way of trying to head it off before the snarky comments were thrown my way.
I wouldn't have to overexplain if I'd have just _explained_ in the first place.
Also, I’m 40 and finally feeling that there is an adult inside me who can calm my wounded inner child. It’s like an awakening of a little confidence idk.
This is untrue... the need to explain can come from constantly being accused and it can happen later in life such as the teen years encountering teachers or police or bullies it does not have to originate with parents
You can also be constantly accused of things you didn’t do by a parent as well who never believed you so you’re constantly trying to prove yourself.
I am really going to work on the last suggestion in this video, bringing the 'adult' into the world more consciously. All too often I'm leaving the 'child' me to roam around and try and make sense of things that are going on day to day, and reacting as such. And this is coming from a human who is 60+ years old. Thank you for the great content.
I don't believe over-explaining initiates or originates with a parent it comes from an experience where someone demands that you explain something whether you were young in life or whether you were mentally broken but that does not mean it has to start with a parent at a very early age
Sorry..but one random experience doesn’t result in a lifetime of a specific speech habits. This is well documented.
Many folks today heavily struggle with A - The need to be right no matter what and B - With having their conditioned belief sets challenged in any way.
Think of all that we were just subject to over the past 4 years!?
Considering how dumbed down society is today I think it’s no surprise people over explain.
I do it becasue of a fear of being judged based on a misinterpretation of what I was trying to say.
As soon as you said what that child piece of us needs is grace and forgiveness I broke down. You are exactly right.
Oh no.. I do that same thing. I over explain so much.
Awesome. I’ve learned much through my grandchildren about what little children need and now I can apply that to my inner child. Thank-you
Oh my word, you are one of the only people that verbally expressed what I recently learned by intense introspection/self-analysis (something I have lots of experience with, unfortunately) - blaming ourselves gives us a measure of power. Because feeling at the mercy of others seems to magnify the sense of shame, rejection, & powerlessness. And if self-blame was reinforced by those around us (especially in our formative years) by their blaming us as well for whatever was going wrong at the time, then that is often going to become our *default setting* (for lack of better words) when faced with this sort of suffering.
In my case I keep explaining myself because I'm always afraid that people will get the WRONG impression of me- why I'm doing or not doing something etc. It's very important to me that people do not accuse me falsely.
as speaking, he is overexplaining ;-) No?
Yep! It’s me. I grew up with nice but emotionally unavailable parents. I have ADHD.
Curiously, I would think the majority of school teachers probably subconsciously chose their careers by experiencing this need for attention early in life.
Haha that’s a good point!
Sorry, but I was thinking, "Kenny is not succinct." But always self aware and same area, different outfit and still matching. Too adorable! On a serious note, I've tried to remember the event of origin of a feeling. Even in meditation or before I go to sleep. It doesn't come up. And I know I have a lot of memories but can't access
❤️Thank you so much for making these videos!!!❤️
How to stop over-purple yourself…😈👾😈
Thank you. Sometimes when I’m going through a lot, I have been tuned out. It’s so hard to be present. I see my poor daughter over explaining trying to get me to be there. I feel so bad. I apologize and tell her it’s not her that I’m tired or have some things going on. I need a little time and I will be more available soon. I’ve been grieving some tough losses and I’m trying to balance it with taking care of her needs. I’m so tired.
Pray and you ll get the power
Sorry you’re having trouble but when you have a child, it’s not about you anymore. You must put yourself aside to be there for the child.
@@suzannortega6671 I realize that but nobody is perfectly present 100 percent of the time. That’s not realistic. If you have ever been very ill or tired or dealing with the death of your parents, you are not giving your all but doing the best you can. Your response lacks compassion and feels judgemental. It’s like saying, “sorry not sorry.”
6:47-6:57 This is honestly an amazing insight. Sometimes I'm feel so embarrassed and ashamed of how I have acted I want to fall into a victim mindset, because than I could have an excuse for not having control. That isn't healthy, and I must be able to own up and fix my genuine faults.
What you described makes sense, since it's the reverse. To be constantly ignored by your parents must be painful, and would make you feel powerless. So it makes sense why a young child would blame himself, so he then would feel he has power, and therefore he thinks he can change things. Wherein really in this situation he is innocent, and his parents did the wrong.
I have definitely over-explained and over-apologized in the past. I got work to do.
Your videos are excellent.
Excellent podcasts. I just want to say you are an extremely elegant well dressed man. Love your style
Wow. A heartfelt thankyou for this video.
feedback: I feel that you explain so you stay near those that feel hurt by truth and until they say aaaa now I see the light (were this goes) and you are incredible
No comment 😂😂
This personal stories are so helpful to me, because i see myself in it, also helps me remember my own stories, as well as giving myself permission to experience it.
Thanks.. I often over explain myself... Will try these suggestions.
Thank you and I hope you heal
This is a timely video.
Thanks for explaining this.. ha ha..seriously, I appreciate this information. thx
THANKS I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS SOME TIMES I OVER EXPLAIN THINGS AND DIDN'T KNOW WHY .👍👍🤗
I felt like the scapegoat in my last marriage-he was EXTREMELY abusive -verbally & mentally. My family made me feel like that too, sometimes-although they have no idea 🤷🏽♀️ what I’m talking about.
Thanks...for caring, sharing, being compassionate. Same here pretty much...GodBless youvery much😇
You are so welcome
Hi Kenny! Really great, enlightening video! I was wondering what advice you might have when the people in your life are insisting that you DO keep over-explaining and over-sharing, to the point where if you keep perfectly normal things private, they accuse you of pulling away, keeping secrets, actively deciding to become unavailable. I’ve felt so much more at peace internally since guarding myself more against doing those things, but now I’m being attacked, or those around me are making themselves into victims of my own “emotional neglect” and it’s just so confusing. I’ve felt extremely present with them, before they brought this up (and it was brought up in SUCH a confrontational way), but they’re saying it’s all fake, it’s not enough, I’ve pushed them away, etc etc etc. please, if you have any advice, I’d be so grateful for it. (For clarity, it’s not a parent, but sibling) also, would you say that that’s codependent behaviour? Enmeshed behaviour? I’m really trying to parse through what’s going on.
Bravo 👏👏 thank You!
Great explanation of why we overexplain. Validating and helpful for my healing. Thank you.
Who is explaining, I am telling you what I want , it will come through HSBC legal HONG KONG or The American power companies and some will dearly pay for this mostly in US and UK.
Dang!!! Great talk! This parentified child of 2 addicts and 3x Vietnam Vet....I appreciate your efforts and direct suggestions/information! God bless you, so many of us who are chronic "over-explainers", we've struggled, beat ourselves up and so much negative self talk and shame....I've had some loving ppl start to tell me abt this and I'm so grateful, I so badly want to heal....
From what you've said i can clearly understand the reasons behind. But one question ,why I'm so annoyed when have to listen to people (even myself) who explaining something over and over again. I 'm really appreciate your dedication, thank you so much. ❤
The bonus tip was especially useful tool I think, especially as I think about stepping into potentially contentious discussions or topics with my ex wife about kid stuff. I turn into this blithering mess trying to explain myself and she gets increasingly demanding the more I talk and just tears everything apart that I’ve prepared to say. It makes setting boundaries almost impossible with her too, because then I feel compelled or manipulated into over explaining boundaries so that she can just ignore them and abuse me even more since she sees the boundaries as new buttons to push.
Your sick nasty wife no doubt goes out in public and starts this garbage with other men.. your problem has become a problem for society in general.
Because I can’t not do it. In my family, I think especially my dad, if I didn’t explain, he would get violent and not stop questioning until he was satisfied. So whenever I’m with others, I feel afraid to not explain.
Also the act of conforming even with disapproval was made in me likely due to my dad too that would get physical if I didn’t conform to want he wanted. Because I’m sure I didn’t listen to want he said in the past and he physically did stuff to make sure I had to conform to it.
All these made me have no sense of personal will.
Very powerful presentation!
Learned from growing up with a narc who'd twist everything and make you feel you have to justify everything you do, made me good at teaching though.
Is that the same reason for oversharing ?
I miss my family
Hi Kenny. Thank you so much for this video. I have struggled with this for a very long time. This was very calming and comforting and has given me some new hope.
I’ve found it so helpful to tell my inner child when a task is just for adult me and my higher self. It’s lead to a few beautiful moments where she feels free and just excited for drive there on a beautiful day.
Thank you so much mate. I was wondering what the heck was up with me , I’ll keep your vid for to remind me❤
Great insights! For me, over-explaining came from being made to feel stupid. I had to explain the details before my answer was seen as worthwhile.
May be explanation is needed in important relationships = explanation after an event is kind of conflict resolution skill , I think in the explanation part we can be vulnerable of our needs and also asks for others need ( provided both parties have secure attachment style and least cognitive distortion) and for people despite communication if act in disrespectful way - tell them "shut the fu*k off" no need to overexplain
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Powerful stuff man , I gotta be there for the little guy within now he's been giving freedom thos morning (after watching this video, Journaling and many tears ) from having to manage my life up to now , and get to be the source of the love that I feel instead , IL take the reigns now in my communication and interactions with adults and he can come out and play with the dogs and cats and other kids sometimes 😊
I feel the desire to be heard is because we wanna talk to ourselves. The other is just a reason. When we don’t talk to ourselves clearly and don’t understand what we think or feel we end up having a deep desire to talk to someone else and connect. The fact is the chances of getting such a person who will consistently connect every single time with you is probably Siri or Alexa. 😬 in other words its non existent or is god itself.
Mr Kenny, I don't know how to thank you for this great information thank you sir love you from India
It's like your talking about me. My mom would say if you explain too much , it means you're lying.
Bravo 👏 You broke this down & explained it just right!!
Wow! Thank you! You explain this so cleary❤❤❤
Thank you! That last tip is everything!!
Glad it was helpful!
Knowing how to weave in and out of these emotional states is huge! Definitely something I'd never considered.
I love talking to my little self. I sit side by side with her on a set of porch stairs.
Kenny you explain and rexplain so we get it how we can receive it and it speaks to us. I reasly like and see your caring intention. I also find tgat relistening to a pidcast or many on the same topic is the benefit of hearing the same from different angles. Also true saying it once is also a stmnt to others, Ill say it once so listen
Thank you for you genuineness and revealing your inner self, this is a wonderful clip
I don't want to stop though. Stop me. You can't.
God bless you. Thankyou 💜🕊💚✌️☀️☮️🕯💫
I instantly subscribed when I heard your voice. Thank you for being you 👍
Wow, thank you
Thank you from Morocco ,this resonates with my life.
This is such a helpful video... thank you!!!
Omg this is absolutely true ❤😮
My parents were like that also. They would just sit in their favorite chairs and tune everyone else out especially eachother. They never disgust anything Infront of us kids. There was very little family conversation going on in our house.
*discussed
Sorry for the typo, thanks for the correction
I can relate with that!!
@@suzannortega6671 did it drive you crazy growing up too?
(Thank for all the healing that you've done)
Seeing this video at a great time. Seen the RUclips short version first
Lucy you got some “spraining to do!
I appreciate your videos, advice and suggestions. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
10/10 video 💪🏽🔥
How do you know where it is in your body?
Excellent! Now I know why I over explain! Thank you!
What a fantastic video, so real
Your message is profound and life changing. Ill be watching again, taking notes, and sharing. Thank you.
Love the video. Thank you