But it isn’t going to work out because their messed up, so no matter where they go…..garbage in can only = garbage out. So they don’t have the awareness to have a successful relationship so their screwed….we can take some solace perhaps in knowing they will have a miserable life no matter what. We get to live in a good way and basically they will suffer and we can just be happy about that since they are bad people.
It's a test too see if you are still interested in hanging out with them and their also trying too figure out where you are at in life as far as financially and money, asset's, power, and social stability and status!!! Go overseas too Thailand, Phillipines, Japan, Germany, etc!!! With that being said use caution there as well but I guarantee you you will enjoy and experience the culture, scenery, food, and all around atmosphere as well!!! The women in those countries are more feminine, submissive, respectful, polite courteous, and typically way more attractive than MOST amercian western women!!! Go by yourself fist and foremost and then bring a really good friend with you the second time but don't bring any women over there at all whatsoever!!! I can assure you that will ruin very special experiences you will have if you do!!! Get your passport 🛂 and get your ASS too MARS 🚀
Because people with narcissist personality disorder have no shame or remorse all though they'll pretend to to get the supply they need, they're very sick individuals no cure or help for it
While I can sympathize for people with avoidant attachment issues, I do draw the line there - they are not my issues, and it is completely unacceptable behavior to me.
Ditto. No time for them. Are They Giving Me Breadcrumbs? Coach Craig Kenneth ( avoidant attachment) It's impossible to have a texting relationship ---Natalie Clarice Texting is a toxic, avoidant behavior has been normalized in society. It's artificial intimacy.
It’s called mirroring. And if the ghoster didn’t see a problem with the time span they took to reply to you, then they’d be a hypocrite to see a problem with you taking the same length of time to reply back.
If you know you've done no wrong and still you get ghosted, don't chase after what runs away from you. That's my belief anyway. If you don't respect you, no one will.
Julie, I agree 100%. The problem is that they randomly reappear. I guess next step is restraining order. Blocking and going No Contact doesn’t work when they appear at your doorstep.
Women quite unknowingly betray men, and do not bother to ask how, or bother to listen. For example, women readily talk about mens sexual performance. This is betrayal that will get you ghosted. Feel free to disagree/come up with excuses.
@@salliegallegos918 You've probably got a narcissist there, that's horrible. But the reply was not meant for you, you obviously can't ignore someone on your doorstep
This is what I did. Feels good. Well actually it feels rotten but the only thing that makes it slightly less shitty is that I have the discipline to just let it go
What I like about this video and what stands out to me is that it doesn't villianize the other person. People are scared. People are hurt. People are incompetent. It doesn't make them evil people for not handling situations directly or responding how we believe they should. Just have compassion, for the other person AND for yourself, and always honor what your needs are. Thanks Kenny.
I never give a person a 2nd chance to ghost me! If i ever thought I was being too harsh and unforgiving, i simply remember how they made me feel when they initially ghosted me! I dont have time to waste my time! Be strong and set those boundaries, and most importantly, dont allow people to disrespect you! Great video ❤
exactly. people all say they are depressed that they don't reply. unfortunately, some people use it as an excuse. so people who really have issues will not be believed because of people who are immature to say they don't love any more
I hate you words, but I hug you kindly, pay for things, and respect your boundaries and do everything that looks like love = not a good definition of abuse 😜
I made a chick wait 23 days for a return text. I put it on my calendar. She ended up calling me early, 3X and I never answered. She said I must be doing so much and being so busy, how amazing she says. wtf? 😳 😂😂😂Lol She’s boring as f. This mirror works great but I’m no longer fans of them-
The matching part is so real and once you start doing that all the attention slaves (who just wanna receive without giving) start fading away from your life.
this feels like one of the more practical approaches out there that is not only effective but also is fair and reasonable by taking into account “everyone’s on their own journey.” seems super helpful with any communication/scenario, really. glad i found this channel :)
This video is GOLD. Thank you! Timely message for me! I always felt that the best thing to do with these types of people is to match their energy... YES!!!
Don’t. I accepted my ghoster back bc he claimed he was depressed and etc and we talked consistently and was good then he ghosted. One day I woke up to the silent treatment again and unsure why. So just talk to people who are emotionally stable. 🎉❤ peace and love
Boy are you being bamboozled! Start studying narcissist personality disorder Google study every piece of Information you can get drill it all into your head for months, there is absolutely no cure or treatment for this, he's doing it because he's seeing someone else and believe me it's more than one woman, silent treatment is a sick game to them they secretly enjoy hurting you and all this is abuse worse than physical trust me been through it
I wouldn’t even try to explain to them. My walls are already up and I don’t give second chances anymore. I just move on because that is who I am, that’s what works best for me.
I pretty well agree with this. If someone has clearly shown disinterest, then I think 1) they havnt earned my vulnerable analysis; and 2) I don’t want to invest in spending my energy and hope into explaining myself to them bc chances are they are avoidant and will not change, PLUS then they feel like they have the upper hand by knowing I am affected by their actions. And I don’t think someone who isn’t genuinely interested in me should know the inner workings of my thoughts to exploit later by breadcrumbing or playing cat and mouse games to satisfy their own egos of “getting me”.
@@irina1sirencan you give some female insight - I pursued a women and she showed a lot of interest along with a date ending with a kiss and texting for a week after with alot of good morning goodnight how’s your day. Then when I tried to set up the second date she ghosted…but is viewing my IG all stories immediately! Wtf ?
Sometimes it’s happening within a family. The Covid pandemic caused a lot of division in our society. You know some chose to have the Vaccine and others chose not to. This broke up a lot of relationships. Also current political differences. People have been so deeply affected by these issues.
Omg Kenny ! I feel so normal after listening to this video. I get triggered by the way some people communicate / respond over text and I didn’t know if I was the problem. I am open , communicative and have no problem being vulnerable , but I had to learn how to create a safe container for myself and match their behavior. This is not only true with abusive people , but for me is a sign of someone not wanting to invest . Either way, not everyone deserves our best .
Your exactly like me, i watch actions and if they do not match my efforts im gone. That goes for everyone, no one gets away with disrespecting me. We are adults and know what we are doing, i understand that sometimes its a genuine mistake but i dont wait around.
The narcissist I was with always said "I love you" but he never showed any affection. He wouldn't put his arm around me when watching tv and he walked 30 feet in front of me in public. He drove to Florida, 1,000 miles away and promised to call when he arrived. He didn't call. He sent a text message letting me know he had been there 6 hours and made excuses why he didn't call. I texted him back letting him know I was at the emergency room. He didnt read it until the next morning. Then he turned it back at me and asked why I didnt call him. That ended the relationship. When he came home I ghosted him for 2 months. I had enough. My motto now is " I give what I get "
This was SO helpful. What you share about 'staying boundaried' and knowing your personal boundaries determined by your unique trauma and healing balances, is profound and empowering. What you shared about 'matching' is brilliant. I might even double the time taken, as someone commented below. Thank you Kenny.
I really appreciate the practical-action focus. I find this kind of small but effective action steps are the most helpful things in my recovery. And trauma often blocks us from being able to think of those on our own.
I feel exactly the same. Wow. This is such a powerful message and spoken with such simplicity that every point became like a gold nugget for me. Thank you so very much.
❤Wow, this is similar to my experience today. And I thought to myself to “ghost” that person the same length of time as I had been ghosted. Long story short, it worked out for my good!!! I will continue to live my life joyfully and with integrity, not letting anyone steal my peace.❤ Thank you for sharing your story in this video. I am a new subscriber.
Love your videos, Kenny. Thank you for your wisdom. ❤ So enjoy my own company after years with a narc. Looking back, I can't believe what I went through - the pain, abuse, manipulation, deception, and devaluation. I thank God for the lightbulb moments that led to a journey of healing that continues with each day. I wish the narc well in their universe. My boundaries are like steel now and I'm super happy living in mine. ❤
I love your advice. Good Stuff! Being ghosted is abusive behavior. Being to needy can make me rush into relationships to fast. I have a clearer vision / plan to deal with people who are not fair. People's actions speak volumes! Love people for who they are not who you want them to be. Kenny you are a ray of hope!
I am still learning. I have been ghosted twice in the last 2 months. From a woman i have come to love deeply. But now i feel so disconnected i feel open to someone new. Which conflicts me terribly. I should know better at my age! (54)
You're an Empath, Kenny. We are a rare breed, these days. IMHO, you gave this person way too much leverage - you had three fingers up (three chances, three boundaries broken, three red flags), needs to be one count you're out. I, too, have had to toughen up. It's really against who I AM, but its self protection, people will hurt you these days, they don't care. We do not 'match them', we do not play their games, we are not them. Playing games is not natural to an Empath, you might pretend to be OK with waiting 4hrs to text them back, but you are not OK and ultimately, WHY would you even want to text back someone who has said one thing and done another, this person clearly is not someone to trust? Just get rid of them, there are 8 Billion other people out there, you dont need these people. If you accept these people, you will keep attracting more experiences like them.
If any man calls himself an “empath” then he doesn’t understand the psychology of attraction & has to break out of his emasculation, heal from trauma, & regain his mojo & masculinity.
In my option.... if they just ignored you without feeling anything bad or see you value. No need to express, explain anything about you to them... just skip them.. doing nothing.. no contact is better cos they are not worthy for ur time anymore.
Maybe we all need to add an extra element to our dating etiquette from the very start: A written disclaimer stating your texting and communication policy stating how you handle things, grace periods, and your boundaries. I know it sounds cold and calculating, but there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries for communications, and there's no better way than to put it in writing. There is so much confusion in human relationships! RUclips and the rest of the Internet are full of anguished testimonials demonstrating that.
I do not match bad behaviour with more bad behaviour. I send a text and tell them that whilst I don't agree with their communication style I know it comes from a wounded place so good bye and best of luck with their journey.
Love this! I’m way too sensitive to rejection to date! That’s why it’s easier to start as natural friends. More on dating for people over fifty, I mean, if I have to go through another narcissistic break up I’m gonna become a nun. How about matching what we give in relationships compared to what they give, I.e. lopsided relationships
Best to dodge the bullets in the first place. At the first sign of love bombing, future faking or gaslighting, recognize the manipulation, control and abuse for what it is and RUN! Boundaries, a backbone and a bs meter . Stand in your power. Speak your truth and have zero tolerance for crumbs, bs, disrespect or any abuse. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Opt out! Asymmetrical relationships are unbalanced. Transactional and conditional. Trauma Bonds are not about healthy love.
Thank you Kenny for being someone that focus LESS on the narc and more on the power/focus in yourself. I think so many channels here on YT only focus on the narc, almost obsessing, so these are good advices😊
Yes, you are right. That's a correct observation. Very few actually focus on "how" to process and value yourself. And doing it kindly to the other person and to oneself. Takes a lot of investigation, maturity and love.
Kenny, you are a mentor. Tried and true. Its great to have the opportunity to hear your wisdom. A father figure I did not have and am very appreciative of.
You're so correct , couldn't believe someone would have such similar thoughts on how to respond to ghosters, boundaries and matching, non negotiables. WOW..!
Really good. I’m right with you these days about matching (mirroring) the other persons interest or behavior. Sometimes I double their ghosting time. Ghost me 4 hrs, I’ll respond in 8 , etc. Can you give some examples of what you say when you let them know, if you do. A thing I noticed with narcissists, is that if you say to them you will begin treating them exactly as they treat you, they freak out!!! Sometimes anger and sometimes they run for the hills 😂. Never do they think, oh maybe I should treat you better.
Good points. As I suggested above, because of advances in technology, it seems that "dating culture" needs an update, something along these lines. Early in the relationship, clarify your communication/texting style. How do you do it? What is your personal custom? What make sense to you? These are YOUR boundaries. If someone ventures outside them, that's a red flag (for YOU). If the issue is not resolved within a reasonable time frame, and to your satisfaction, it's the END OF THE LINE (for you).
Maybe we all need to add an extra element to our dating etiquette FROM THE VERY START: A written policy stating your texting and communication etiquette, stating how you handle things, grace periods, your negotiables, your non-negotiables, i.e., your boundaries. I know it sounds cold and calculating, but there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries for communications, and there's no better way than to put it in writing. There is so much confusion in human relationships! RUclips and the rest of the Internet are full of anguished testimonials demonstrating that.
3 strikes. This is exactly what happened. I’m comfortable with your response. You’re right. It is on me - but my luck - I agree with you - I sure do not want it to feel like a game.
Iam also somebody who is open and gives a lot as in time and energy and an open ear to somebody that needs it and then, I feel hurt when they don't do the same for me. Not anymore!! From now on I'm going match what I get from others and not give away to much ar the start . Thank you so much!! You described me down to a "T" 😊
I’ve made detailed notes and u have a good point about childhood trauma and how it affects ur responses to cold narcicstic twats by I now know what I need to do to grow and protect myself.
I am right there with you, if someone does not respond to me, my e-mails, my phone calls, etc, I give them a few times and then I give up on them. I don't want any friends in my life who deliberately ignore me to manipulate. I will ask first why they didn't return my calls and I get an answer like: "I don't know", which tells me they were manipulating me and didn't have any other reason except to control me. Or they have no interest in me. I have no desire to pursue someone who has no interest in me. A kind reasonable person will tell us why they couldn't get back to us because they don't want us to feel badly. My daughter's family have gossiped against me for years and now they ignore my e-mails consistently, so I have stopped communicating with them.
It would be great if we could communicate like that but a narc will gasp and treat you as if you’re needy, clingy and insane and tell you they were just busy and don’t have time for tit for tat games then smear you to the world after they’ve lulled you in 25 times to believe you matter. Normal people yes but a normal person wouldn’t ghost and treat someone like that repeatedly so that person is a narc and needs to be cut loose. Otherwise, wash, rinse, repeat will just be endless with these types.
Excellent. Initially i wanted if this fits with Christian ethos - and for me it does! This gentleman is teaching us wisdom. How to guard ourselves. I haven't heard anything that purports to nastiness at all. Ghosting is so very very cruel. Mercy is not about allowing someone to rip our hearts apart with feelings of no meaning to life - i see explaining our actions if required without nastiness. So far this is good sense. Im very grateful x
Thank you for all your love and wisdom. I've been listening to you for a while, an you have helped me out a lot. I had to set my boundaries. I love that honor there boundaries.
Valuable insights and tools here. It remains fascinating to me how these issues seem to have grown given the advent of and increasing preference to text rather than call…or God forbid we actually just meet face to face and truly communicate! This is of course apart from any of the contributing factors of trauma. In terms of the limited aspects of communication within the medium of texting I much prefer to keep these exchanges to a minimum. Such as…”when does it work to give you a call?” Or, “are you free for coffee in the next couple of days?” There’s just too much nuance that is unavailable via text messaging. I appreciate your take on this, Kenny.🙏🏻
Good comment. Maybe we all need to add an extra element to our dating etiquette FROM THE VERY START: A written policy stating your texting and communication etiquette, stating how you handle things, grace periods, your negotiables, your non-negotiables, i.e., your boundaries. I know it sounds cold and calculating, but there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries for communications, and there's no better way than to put it in writing. There is so much confusion in human relationships! RUclips and the rest of the Internet are full of anguished testimonials demonstrating that.
Thank you so much for putting this video out there you look amazing in the purple This really helped me heal faster because now I realize I'm not a victim thank you
"Morals & values" Negotiables and non-negotiables... Watch their actions! Words but their actions don't follow up- red flag. Texting= response time & response length I'm very detail as well of my response. Check the level of grace. Get healing from trauma✔ Shalom family all over the globe🙏🏽 All praise to The Most High YAHWEH in MESSIAH'S name selah🙏🏽 Back to the notes: Everyone child trauma is different and morals & values levels are differents- got it✔ Keep yourself contain, keeping boundries no manipulation & maintain your emotions. Emotions are learned. Bravo for your recovery work sir & being super t transparent 💪🏾👊🏿👏🏾👏🏾 Wow! Don't project your life on them just get out of their way and keep yourself busy " get on with your own life" Awesome video!
thanks for sharing your insights and some powerful truths--love how you remind us that we are responsible for our own inability to have proper boundaries
Very interesting analogy on the feelings of intolerance when someone ghosts you. I’ve had tremendous trauma too even though I denied the magnitude of it. It makes sense when I meditate on it. Already subscribed! Thanks!
I totally agree with you. I have an issue with timing of text . If you text me and I see it im gonna respond. I dealt with abrupt abandonment and just got ghosted for a month it brought so much anxiety to me. I didn't know what i did and was very confused. Everyone has their phone on them like just answer the text, if your free or when u get free. Thank You for this i needed this.🙏🏾
Regarding "ghosting," my de facto answer is: SILENCE SPEAKS VOLUMES. There is MEANING in silence. Read between the lines. The meaning is: IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Don't waste time fretting over it. Time is precious. Get busy with your own affairs.
People like that are still sleeping they are locked in the Matrix. We are special Empaths! We read people very intuitive we were sleeping until we learned what happened to us, my mom is narcissistic my dad is narcissistic emotionally abusive and controlling I was the puppet they played us, I didn’t figure it out until I met this narcissist I felt like he hacked my programming through the experience with him I figured out my parents- and this is the real awakening moment. My advice is, heal by understanding, forgive yourself and them be at peace send yourself free live long and prosper 🖖 you came to earth to learn you had your lesson make sure you break the cycle 🔄 this is your mission on earth. Love light and Life.
I am a Christian too and I agree with you. I love the pychological aspect of it. But I always look at things from a Biblical perspective. After coming out of a really bad relationship in 2020 which I am still majorly damaged from albeit way better after making changes, I do agree that some of these things help to get with ones life on the rod to recovery after bad relationships. But having Jesus in my life was the biggest factor in my recovering.
@@CottonWoodBlues I was hurting when I was watching these videos and trying to understand things. But then I took the decision of walking by faith and not by my own limited understanding. I feel better. I’m happy I have Jesus.
Thank you - I was hurting then I saw another Christian on board and gave me such comfort. We Christians are part of a family even though we don’t know each other. ❤️
Jesus had discernment and said if they do not hear you, shake off the dust. We can bless and pray from a distance. Not playing games, when they show you're disposable@prithimadawson434
Thank you so much❤ ,our childhoods were the same Was ghosted and it hurt so much but because of my recovery knew my reactions were past trauma Ive decided no contact same situation I choose to protect myself ❤
A woman ghosted me through social media so after a few weeks, I unfollowed her. She came back but not for authentic connection but just to criticize and not take any accountability. She couldn't handle the fact that I was gone forever and seemingly just liked the validation I was giving her
I totally agree with having standards and boundaries. This may seem cutthroat to some, but if you really want authentic, genuine connections - it's necessary!
Kenny, I think some people are not very deep, so if you talk about something deep, and their schema can’t process the info, they go into brain fog 😶🌫️ and they just can’t respond at that point. I have found this to be the case a lot! 🤓
I analyze relationship dynamics just like. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks Kenny! P.S. my response to the ghoster is going to be nothing because they treated me like I was a nothing and made me feel like I was a nothing 🤬
I love what you’re teaching! But one major thing bothered me about this video, it’s very insincere to tell someone they haven’t done anything wrong when they have. A person not keeping their word is definitely wrong. Definitely. I think it’s impt to be honest with people and let them know when they’ve done something inappropriate or unacceptable. Thx for all your work! God bless! 🦋
@@kennyweissMy sons father would make a time to come pick up and vist with him and of course hed get super excited then major disappointed. I fixed that by giving late 10 minutes, Id say no no show or txt- call . Pack son up and go to park or ice cream make a day of fun. Before longer time went by. 10 min tops then out the door. Made it positive situation. We are waiting.. worked
At a certain point though you need to HEAL the trauma that constantly makes you feel unsafe. No one will cater to you, you have to heal yourself and accept people for who they are. Yes, eventually you meet people, and become the person as well, who wants to cater to the one you love. But that's out of love, not out of wanting to appease the other person's trauma.
I tell people in the beginning of building a friendship... I only attract and maintain friends who are healthy, empowering, loving, kind, who celebrate and support each other and make the world better! If they don't do those things... I lovingly leave the relationship. Only deal with people who make your life better. Once you set your standards you won't be triggered anymore.
Now at over 40, I’ve finally begun to only look to people’s actions to determine who they are. Maybe it’s naive of me, however, this was a sad and difficult lesson to learn about people. There are so many disingenuous people.
A ghoster can also be depressed person, or someone with adhd. BUT - and this is a big lesson for me - its possible to be empathetic to it and still say "look I get you have your reasons, but Im not going to be able to stay in touch with you and be a nice person, since this behaviour persists." I have had to cut a few people of for that reason. Kept giving them chances, but they need to go to the root of their behaviour, and I need to choose if I deserve to keep my peace or if I have patience with this in the long run. A tough lesson, even with friends.
Good points, esp. that "ghosters" can have all sorts of different reasons why they cease communications. We should not assume that they are necessarily doing something "wrong." At the same time, we should maintain boundaries so that, if they do surface again and we perceive their texts as nothing but a nuisance.
Can be , but he will be respectful and say about it and give peace to the other person so both will help each other, but if the person actions show up sickness and bad energy than he's totally bad person,
Ok... If i told my toxic guy (kindly) "hey...it took you 2 hours and 13 minutrs to respond hun, so in order to honor myself i matched ya" he'd say...."Well, well, well...how petty and immature is THAT, Christi?!" I cant win for losing with this man. He ALWAYS has an answer!
This quote helped me, "If they cannot love you where you are at, they cannot love you where you are going."
Well said!
When your actions don't match your words, that is a huge red flag no matter my history ❤
No integrity = no trust.
That's manipulation
Amen!
Yeah
Agree!
She ghosted you means she is with another guy. She comes back means it didnt work out.
He and she are interchangeable.
He goes out hunting and then returns to me.
lol…so true
Definitely on the money, and it's with more than one person simultaneously narcissist personality disorder! Been there
But it isn’t going to work out because their messed up, so no matter where they go…..garbage in can only = garbage out. So they don’t have the awareness to have a successful relationship so their screwed….we can take some solace perhaps in knowing they will have a miserable life no matter what. We get to live in a good way and basically they will suffer and we can just be happy about that since they are bad people.
I can't believe they would have enough nerve to try to come back to someone they ghosted-discarded!!
It's a test too see if you are still interested in hanging out with them and their also trying too figure out where you are at in life as far as financially and money, asset's, power, and social stability and status!!! Go overseas too Thailand, Phillipines, Japan, Germany, etc!!! With that being said use caution there as well but I guarantee you you will enjoy and experience the culture, scenery, food, and all around atmosphere as well!!! The women in those countries are more feminine, submissive, respectful, polite courteous, and typically way more attractive than MOST amercian western women!!! Go by yourself fist and foremost and then bring a really good friend with you the second time but don't bring any women over there at all whatsoever!!! I can assure you that will ruin very special experiences you will have if you do!!! Get your passport 🛂 and get your ASS too MARS 🚀
right???
Because people with narcissist personality disorder have no shame or remorse all though they'll pretend to to get the supply they need, they're very sick individuals no cure or help for it
Oh but they do try!!
That happens all the time. Maybe in their mind, they are not even ghosting you.
While I can sympathize for people with avoidant attachment issues, I do draw the line there - they are not my issues, and it is completely unacceptable behavior to me.
I’m with u on that
Ditto. No time for them.
Are They Giving Me Breadcrumbs? Coach Craig Kenneth ( avoidant attachment)
It's impossible to have a texting relationship ---Natalie Clarice
Texting is a toxic, avoidant behavior has been normalized in society. It's artificial intimacy.
Now that I'm thinking about it, it's future faking too! Leading you to nowhere
What is avoidance attachment issues?
Attachment Theory
You ghost them back, that's what you do
I ghost back too but at that point I know who they are and I’m done. They are game playing and jockeying for power, control and to degrade and demean.
karma
It’s called mirroring. And if the ghoster didn’t see a problem with the time span they took to reply to you, then they’d be a hypocrite to see a problem with you taking the same length of time to reply back.
I don’t ghost back. I’m now done, and I’ve gone NO CONTACT.
@@susanh1447 Get the hell out 👉
If you know you've done no wrong and still you get ghosted, don't chase after what runs away from you. That's my belief anyway. If you don't respect you, no one will.
Julie, I agree 100%. The problem is that they randomly reappear. I guess next step is restraining order. Blocking and going No Contact doesn’t work when they appear at your doorstep.
Women quite unknowingly betray men, and do not bother to ask how, or bother to listen. For example, women readily talk about mens sexual performance. This is betrayal that will get you ghosted. Feel free to disagree/come up with excuses.
Idk anyone who chases a ghosted? If they do they will surely get more of the same
@@jackdeniston59grown as you is don’t tell nobody this bs again 😒🤦🏾♀️ smh you deserve to got ghosted ‼️
@@salliegallegos918 You've probably got a narcissist there, that's horrible. But the reply was not meant for you, you obviously can't ignore someone on your doorstep
Boundaries
A polite wall
Remembering how peace & joy returned when they were finally out of your life.
Ultimate gift to ghost back: power of mirroring
This is what I did. Feels good. Well actually it feels rotten but the only thing that makes it slightly less shitty is that I have the discipline to just let it go
Same feels shitty but I’m not chasing a ghost
“Every emotional reaction we have was learned in childhood.” That really hit home…. Based on what I seen in childhood, I need some new skills! Wow.
What I like about this video and what stands out to me is that it doesn't villianize the other person. People are scared. People are hurt. People are incompetent. It doesn't make them evil people for not handling situations directly or responding how we believe they should. Just have compassion, for the other person AND for yourself, and always honor what your needs are. Thanks Kenny.
It’s funny how people have a problem with your behavior when you match theirs.
Right on 😂
I never give a person a 2nd chance to ghost me! If i ever thought I was being too harsh and unforgiving, i simply remember how they made me feel when they initially ghosted me! I dont have time to waste my time! Be strong and set those boundaries, and most importantly, dont allow people to disrespect you! Great video ❤
exactly. people all say they are depressed that they don't reply. unfortunately, some people use it as an excuse. so people who really have issues will not be believed because of people who are immature to say they don't love any more
Abuse is when words don't match actions.
I hate you words, but I hug you kindly, pay for things, and respect your boundaries and do everything that looks like love = not a good definition of abuse 😜
Future FAKING IS THE WORST.
I listened to the words.
WATCHED the Actions.
Yeah nah..
Didn't Match.
They ghosted.
So did I.
Bye Bye now
This matching is a badass move! That means ghosters that pop up after weeks can wait for you for weeks… they’ll go crazy 🤭
Hey, it's only fair!
Of course 🤭
I made a chick wait 23 days for a return text. I put it on my calendar.
She ended up calling me early, 3X and I never answered. She said I must be doing so much and being so busy, how amazing she says.
wtf? 😳 😂😂😂Lol
She’s boring as f.
This mirror works great but I’m no longer fans of them-
The matching part is so real and once you start doing that all the attention slaves (who just wanna receive without giving) start fading away from your life.
I agree with you Kenny, I’m a 3 strikes and your out. Self preservation kicks in. Actions really do scream loudest.
this feels like one of the more practical approaches out there that is not only effective but also is fair and reasonable by taking into account “everyone’s on their own journey.” seems super helpful with any communication/scenario, really. glad i found this channel :)
This video is GOLD. Thank you! Timely message for me! I always felt that the best thing to do with these types of people is to match their energy... YES!!!
Don’t. I accepted my ghoster back bc he claimed he was depressed and etc and we talked consistently and was good then he ghosted. One day I woke up to the silent treatment again and unsure why. So just talk to people who are emotionally stable. 🎉❤ peace and love
Boy are you being bamboozled! Start studying narcissist personality disorder Google study every piece of Information you can get drill it all into your head for months, there is absolutely no cure or treatment for this, he's doing it because he's seeing someone else and believe me it's more than one woman, silent treatment is a sick game to them they secretly enjoy hurting you and all this is abuse worse than physical trust me been through it
I wouldn’t even try to explain to them. My walls are already up and I don’t give second chances anymore. I just move on because that is who I am, that’s what works best for me.
I pretty well agree with this. If someone has clearly shown disinterest, then I think 1) they havnt earned my vulnerable analysis; and 2) I don’t want to invest in spending my energy and hope into explaining myself to them bc chances are they are avoidant and will not change, PLUS then they feel like they have the upper hand by knowing I am affected by their actions. And I don’t think someone who isn’t genuinely interested in me should know the inner workings of my thoughts to exploit later by breadcrumbing or playing cat and mouse games to satisfy their own egos of “getting me”.
@@irina1sirencan you give some female insight - I pursued a women and she showed a lot of interest along with a date ending with a kiss and texting for a week after with alot of good morning goodnight how’s your day. Then when I tried to set up the second date she ghosted…but is viewing my IG all stories immediately! Wtf ?
Absolutely - go on with your life and do things that make you happy. After all the abuse - why would you want them back?
Sometimes it’s happening within a family. The Covid pandemic caused a lot of division in our society. You know some chose to have the Vaccine and others chose not to. This broke up a lot of relationships. Also current political differences. People have been so deeply affected by these issues.
Omg Kenny ! I feel so normal after listening to this video. I get triggered by the way some people communicate / respond over text and I didn’t know if I was the problem. I am open , communicative and have no problem being vulnerable , but I had to learn how to create a safe container for myself and match their behavior. This is not only true with abusive people , but for me is a sign of someone not wanting to invest . Either way, not everyone deserves our best .
Your exactly like me, i watch actions and if they do not match my efforts im gone. That goes for everyone, no one gets away with disrespecting me. We are adults and know what we are doing, i understand that sometimes its a genuine mistake but i dont wait around.
My adult children feel I cut people off too quickly BUT if actions don't match words I'm out, contact is deleted. Life's too short for BS. 😊
At the end of the day, its your life to do as you wish, people come and go all the time.
And we feel fantastic by watching your videos after being ghosted
lol ! Thank you I wrote everything down🙏
when someone ghosts me I just tell them have nice life
The narcissist I was with always said "I love you" but he never showed any affection. He wouldn't put his arm around me when watching tv and he walked 30 feet in front of me in public.
He drove to Florida, 1,000 miles away and promised to call when he arrived. He didn't call. He sent a text message letting me know he had been there 6 hours and made excuses why he didn't call. I texted him back letting him know
I was at the emergency room. He didnt read it until the next morning. Then he turned it back at me and asked why I didnt call him. That ended the relationship. When he came home I ghosted him for 2 months. I had enough.
My motto now is " I give what I get "
You let it drag on waaay too long.
You ghosted him for 2 months. So after that 2 months did he finally give up and go “ back to the grave yard ?”
This is golden advise. This is spiritual growth
This was SO helpful. What you share about 'staying boundaried' and knowing your personal boundaries determined by your unique trauma and healing balances, is profound and empowering. What you shared about 'matching' is brilliant. I might even double the time taken, as someone commented below. Thank you Kenny.
I really appreciate the practical-action focus. I find this kind of small but effective action steps are the most helpful things in my recovery. And trauma often blocks us from being able to think of those on our own.
I feel exactly the same. Wow. This is such a powerful message and spoken with such simplicity that every point became like a gold nugget for me. Thank you so very much.
Never knew I had no morals until he said check them… Great video
I dated a man like that. Very frustrating. I left him. He was an avoidant, did what he wanted when he wanted and I would wait and wait .
But "waiting and waiting" was YOUR fault, not his. Set some definite boundaries and get on with your own life.
❤Wow, this is similar to my experience today. And I thought to myself to “ghost” that person the same length of time as I had been ghosted. Long story short, it worked out for my good!!! I will continue to live my life joyfully and with integrity, not letting anyone steal my peace.❤
Thank you for sharing your story in this video. I am a new subscriber.
What if you work at the same job, fortunately I haven’t saw him or his new women , almost a month now
Love your videos, Kenny. Thank you for your wisdom. ❤ So enjoy my own company after years with a narc. Looking back, I can't believe what I went through - the pain, abuse, manipulation, deception, and devaluation. I thank God for the lightbulb moments that led to a journey of healing that continues with each day. I wish the narc well in their universe. My boundaries are like steel now and I'm super happy living in mine. ❤
I love your advice. Good Stuff! Being ghosted is abusive behavior. Being to needy can make me rush into relationships to fast. I have a clearer vision / plan to deal with people who are not fair. People's actions speak volumes! Love people for who they are not who you want them to be. Kenny you are a ray of hope!
I am still learning. I have been ghosted twice in the last 2 months. From a woman i have come to love deeply. But now i feel so disconnected i feel open to someone new. Which conflicts me terribly. I should know better at my age! (54)
You're an Empath, Kenny. We are a rare breed, these days. IMHO, you gave this person way too much leverage - you had three fingers up (three chances, three boundaries broken, three red flags), needs to be one count you're out. I, too, have had to toughen up. It's really against who I AM, but its self protection, people will hurt you these days, they don't care. We do not 'match them', we do not play their games, we are not them. Playing games is not natural to an Empath, you might pretend to be OK with waiting 4hrs to text them back, but you are not OK and ultimately, WHY would you even want to text back someone who has said one thing and done another, this person clearly is not someone to trust? Just get rid of them, there are 8 Billion other people out there, you dont need these people. If you accept these people, you will keep attracting more experiences like them.
I hate being an empath!!!☹️😭
I'm an empath too. Sometimes I have to put up my wall's up. Ppl are too toxic sometimes!
An empath means childhood trauma
If any man calls himself an “empath” then he doesn’t understand the psychology of attraction & has to break out of his emasculation, heal from trauma, & regain his mojo & masculinity.
In my option.... if they just ignored you without feeling anything bad or see you value. No need to express, explain anything about you to them... just skip them.. doing nothing.. no contact is better cos they are not worthy for ur time anymore.
Maybe we all need to add an extra element to our dating etiquette from the very start: A written disclaimer stating your texting and communication policy stating how you handle things, grace periods, and your boundaries. I know it sounds cold and calculating, but there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries for communications, and there's no better way than to put it in writing. There is so much confusion in human relationships! RUclips and the rest of the Internet are full of anguished testimonials demonstrating that.
I do not match bad behaviour with more bad behaviour. I send a text and tell them that whilst I don't agree with their communication style I know it comes from a wounded place so good bye and best of luck with their journey.
Love this! I’m way too sensitive to rejection to date! That’s why it’s easier to start as natural friends. More on dating for people over fifty, I mean, if I have to go through another narcissistic break up I’m gonna become a nun. How about matching what we give in relationships compared to what they give, I.e. lopsided relationships
That's for sure.
Best to dodge the bullets in the first place.
At the first sign of love bombing, future faking or gaslighting, recognize the manipulation, control and abuse for what it is and RUN! Boundaries, a backbone and a bs meter . Stand in your power. Speak your truth and have zero tolerance for crumbs, bs, disrespect or any abuse. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Opt out!
Asymmetrical relationships are unbalanced. Transactional and conditional.
Trauma Bonds are not about healthy love.
It's funny how these abusers have dead eyes. Nothing inside
Thank you Kenny for being someone that focus LESS on the narc and more on the power/focus in yourself. I think so many channels here on YT only focus on the narc, almost obsessing, so these are good advices😊
You are so welcome
Yes, you are right. That's a correct observation. Very few actually focus on "how" to process and value yourself. And doing it kindly to the other person and to oneself. Takes a lot of investigation, maturity and love.
Kenny, you are a mentor. Tried and true. Its great to have the opportunity to hear your wisdom. A father figure I did not have and am very appreciative of.
You're so correct , couldn't believe someone would have such similar thoughts on how to respond to ghosters, boundaries and matching, non negotiables. WOW..!
Really good. I’m right with you these days about matching (mirroring) the other persons interest or behavior. Sometimes I double their ghosting time. Ghost me 4 hrs, I’ll respond in 8 , etc.
Can you give some examples of what you say when you let them know, if you do.
A thing I noticed with narcissists, is that if you say to them you will begin treating them exactly as they treat you, they freak out!!! Sometimes anger and sometimes they run for the hills 😂. Never do they think, oh maybe I should treat you better.
They will never introspect. It's part of their sick disorder.
Good points. As I suggested above, because of advances in technology, it seems that "dating culture" needs an update, something along these lines. Early in the relationship, clarify your communication/texting style. How do you do it? What is your personal custom? What make sense to you? These are YOUR boundaries. If someone ventures outside them, that's a red flag (for YOU). If the issue is not resolved within a reasonable time frame, and to your satisfaction, it's the END OF THE LINE (for you).
Brilliant brilliant brilliant
The roots of evil are embedded into the fact that one does not others respect one’s boundaries!!!
Maybe we all need to add an extra element to our dating etiquette FROM THE VERY START: A written policy stating your texting and communication etiquette, stating how you handle things, grace periods, your negotiables, your non-negotiables, i.e., your boundaries. I know it sounds cold and calculating, but there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries for communications, and there's no better way than to put it in writing. There is so much confusion in human relationships! RUclips and the rest of the Internet are full of anguished testimonials demonstrating that.
3 strikes. This is exactly what happened. I’m comfortable with your response. You’re right. It is on me - but my luck - I agree with you - I sure do not want it to feel like a game.
Wow Kenny you really nailed it by saying it depends on YOU not a set rule. Wow love it! New sub!
Iam also somebody who is open and gives a lot as in time and energy and an open ear to somebody that needs it and then, I feel hurt when they don't do the same for me. Not anymore!! From now on I'm going match what I get from others and not give away to much ar the start . Thank you so much!! You described me down to a "T" 😊
Match them. This is AWSOME. because i do have people in my life who takes a day to answer. Now i know what to do. Thank you for sharing.
I’ve made detailed notes and u have a good point about childhood trauma and how it affects ur responses to cold narcicstic twats by I now know what I need to do to grow and protect myself.
I am right there with you, if someone does not respond to me, my e-mails, my phone calls, etc, I give them a few times and then I give up on them. I don't want any friends in my life who deliberately ignore me to manipulate. I will ask first why they didn't return my calls and I get an answer like: "I don't know", which tells me they were manipulating me and didn't have any other reason except to control me. Or they have no interest in me. I have no desire to pursue someone who has no interest in me. A kind reasonable person will tell us why they couldn't get back to us because they don't want us to feel badly. My daughter's family have gossiped against me for years and now they ignore my e-mails consistently, so I have stopped communicating with them.
“Amazing.” Brilliant. Love that.
If they are a narcissist, there’s no point in calling them out on their behavior. Just ghost back, which at that point is a form of gray-rocking.
It would be great if we could communicate like that but a narc will gasp and treat you as if you’re needy, clingy and insane and tell you they were just busy and don’t have time for tit for tat games then smear you to the world after they’ve lulled you in 25 times to believe you matter. Normal people yes but a normal person wouldn’t ghost and treat someone like that repeatedly so that person is a narc and needs to be cut loose. Otherwise, wash, rinse, repeat will just be endless with these types.
Excellent. Initially i wanted if this fits with Christian ethos - and for me it does! This gentleman is teaching us wisdom. How to guard ourselves. I haven't heard anything that purports to nastiness at all. Ghosting is so very very cruel. Mercy is not about allowing someone to rip our hearts apart with feelings of no meaning to life - i see explaining our actions if required without nastiness. So far this is good sense. Im very grateful x
I love this video, it's so refreshing to see a different approach to standing up for Yourself. Thank You!
Thank you for all your love and wisdom. I've been listening to you for a while, an you have helped me out a lot. I had to set my boundaries. I love that honor there boundaries.
Valuable insights and tools here.
It remains fascinating to me how these issues seem to have grown given the advent of and increasing preference to text rather than call…or God forbid we actually just meet face to face and truly communicate!
This is of course apart from any of the contributing factors of trauma.
In terms of the limited aspects of communication within the medium of texting I much prefer to keep these exchanges to a minimum. Such as…”when does it work to give you a call?” Or, “are you free for coffee in the next couple of days?”
There’s just too much nuance that is unavailable via text messaging.
I appreciate your take on this, Kenny.🙏🏻
Good comment. Maybe we all need to add an extra element to our dating etiquette FROM THE VERY START: A written policy stating your texting and communication etiquette, stating how you handle things, grace periods, your negotiables, your non-negotiables, i.e., your boundaries. I know it sounds cold and calculating, but there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries for communications, and there's no better way than to put it in writing. There is so much confusion in human relationships! RUclips and the rest of the Internet are full of anguished testimonials demonstrating that.
Thank you so much for putting this video out there you look amazing in the purple This really helped me heal faster because now I realize I'm not a victim thank you
I so love all this honesty, directness, braveness. ❤
Perfect video for me right now! Spot on, massive huge thank you!
Wow. Hi Kenny, My name ie Doug McGregor. I just stumbled across you today. Most impressed!!! 10 out of 10. Seriously. RESPECT
"Morals & values"
Negotiables and non-negotiables...
Watch their actions!
Words but their actions don't follow up- red flag.
Texting= response time & response length
I'm very detail as well of my response.
Check the level of grace.
Get healing from trauma✔
Shalom family all over the globe🙏🏽
All praise to The Most High YAHWEH in MESSIAH'S name selah🙏🏽
Back to the notes:
Everyone child trauma is different and morals & values levels are differents- got it✔
Keep yourself contain, keeping boundries no manipulation & maintain your emotions.
Emotions are learned.
Bravo for your recovery work sir & being super t transparent 💪🏾👊🏿👏🏾👏🏾
Wow! Don't project your life on them just get out of their way and keep yourself busy " get on with your own life"
Awesome video!
Wow! This gives me the answers to how I feel most of the time with the friendship with a good friend.
Thank you, I've been on the journey to heal my inner child for my son who is three months old,❤❤❤
They usually don’t care at all when you match their actions , they are just not into you .
thanks for sharing your insights and some powerful truths--love how you remind us that we are responsible for our own inability to have proper boundaries
That was perfect! So helpful. So blunt. Thank you so so much!
This is amazing! I wish i knew all of this information before i met the past 2 narcissists i was involved with
Very interesting analogy on the feelings of intolerance when someone ghosts you. I’ve had tremendous trauma too even though I denied the magnitude of it. It makes sense when I meditate on it. Already subscribed! Thanks!
Staying busy is the answer, so much you can do for you
You’re so helpful. So glad I found your channel. Thank you! Going through this right now.
I totally agree with you. I have an issue with timing of text . If you text me and I see it im gonna respond. I dealt with abrupt abandonment and just got ghosted for a month it brought so much anxiety to me. I didn't know what i did and was very confused. Everyone has their phone on them like just answer the text, if your free or when u get free. Thank You for this i needed this.🙏🏾
Regarding "ghosting," my de facto answer is: SILENCE SPEAKS VOLUMES. There is MEANING in silence. Read between the lines. The meaning is: IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Don't waste time fretting over it. Time is precious. Get busy with your own affairs.
I need to remember that it is not what happens to me, it's important how I respond to it.
People like that are still sleeping they are locked in the Matrix. We are special Empaths! We read people very intuitive we were sleeping until we learned what happened to us, my mom is narcissistic my dad is narcissistic emotionally abusive and controlling I was the puppet they played us, I didn’t figure it out until I met this narcissist I felt like he hacked my programming through the experience with him I figured out my parents- and this is the real awakening moment. My advice is, heal by understanding, forgive yourself and them be at peace send yourself free live long and prosper 🖖 you came to earth to learn you had your lesson make sure you break the cycle 🔄 this is your mission on earth. Love light and Life.
This is great
It’s difficult as a Christian to follow this
But it makes psychological sense to me ❤
Agree.
I am a Christian too and I agree with you. I love the pychological aspect of it. But I always look at things from a Biblical perspective. After coming out of a really bad relationship in 2020 which I am still majorly damaged from albeit way better after making changes, I do agree that some of these things help to get with ones life on the rod to recovery after bad relationships. But having Jesus in my life was the biggest factor in my recovering.
@@CottonWoodBlues I was hurting when I was watching these videos and trying to understand things. But then I took the decision of walking by faith and not by my own limited understanding. I feel better. I’m happy I have Jesus.
Thank you - I was hurting then I saw another Christian on board and gave me such comfort. We Christians are part of a family even though we don’t know each other. ❤️
Jesus had discernment and said if they do not hear you, shake off the dust. We can bless and pray from a distance. Not playing games, when they show you're disposable@prithimadawson434
Thank you so much❤ ,our childhoods were the same Was ghosted and it hurt so much but because of my recovery knew my reactions were past trauma Ive decided no contact same situation I choose to protect myself ❤
You are a good man and a good communicator
You are amazing!!! Vielen lieben Dank für Ihre Wörter ❤
You have patience. After the 2nd lack of respond, I’m outta there. Period
Thank you for being so transparent. And helping others on their journey to healthier relationships ❤
You are so welcome!
A woman ghosted me through social media so after a few weeks, I unfollowed her. She came back but not for authentic connection but just to criticize and not take any accountability. She couldn't handle the fact that I was gone forever and seemingly just liked the validation I was giving her
Thanks for the video Kenny. Awesome stuff
I totally agree with having standards and boundaries. This may seem cutthroat to some, but if you really want authentic, genuine connections - it's necessary!
Thank you, I had been looking for so many answers for quite some time and you are giving them to me. I really appreciate your videos.
You are so welcome!
Kenny, I think some people are not very deep, so if you talk about something deep, and their schema can’t process the info, they go into brain fog 😶🌫️ and they just can’t respond at that point. I have found this to be the case a lot! 🤓
True. But it shows that they are not at his level. Not really an equal yoking and values are not aligned.
@@matilda4406 Yeah, plus the energy is off. Getting on the same frequency is super rare too.
@@DeepThinkersClub yes.. sigh..
I analyze relationship dynamics just like. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thanks Kenny! P.S. my response to the ghoster is going to be nothing because they treated me like I was a nothing and made me feel like I was a nothing 🤬
That's how I handle it. Nothing = nothing. Fine. I'll go on about my business. God knows I am a busy man! I don't have time for mind games!
I love what you’re teaching! But one major thing bothered me about this video, it’s very insincere to tell someone they haven’t done anything wrong when they have. A person not keeping their word is definitely wrong. Definitely. I think it’s impt to be honest with people and let them know when they’ve done something inappropriate or unacceptable.
Thx for all your work!
God bless! 🦋
Great advice! 💗 Thank you Kenny.
This. Is. Frickin’. EXCELLENT. Advice‼️Bookmarked!💯🎯✅👍Thank you for this!!!
Glad it was helpful!
@@kennyweissMy sons father would make a time to come pick up and vist with him and of course hed get super excited then major disappointed. I fixed that by giving late 10 minutes, Id say no no show or txt- call . Pack son up and go to park or ice cream make a day of fun. Before longer time went by. 10 min tops then out the door. Made it positive situation. We are waiting.. worked
I agree with you 💯 percent. Been there done that! Their actions must match their words.
At a certain point though you need to HEAL the trauma that constantly makes you feel unsafe. No one will cater to you, you have to heal yourself and accept people for who they are. Yes, eventually you meet people, and become the person as well, who wants to cater to the one you love. But that's out of love, not out of wanting to appease the other person's trauma.
I tell people in the beginning of building a friendship... I only attract and maintain friends who are healthy, empowering, loving, kind, who celebrate and support each other and make the world better! If they don't do those things... I lovingly leave the relationship. Only deal with people who make your life better.
Once you set your standards you won't be triggered anymore.
Now at over 40, I’ve finally begun to only look to people’s actions to determine who they are. Maybe it’s naive of me, however, this was a sad and difficult lesson to learn about people. There are so many disingenuous people.
This’ll be so helpful for me , now I understand myself either and it’s more important then the understand the other person ❤
This is so relatable to me. Thank you for this video.
I am so glad I found this, its like you spoke to me directly. Thank you so much
This is so helpful. I need new categories and definitions
Thank you. Very informative x
A ghoster can also be depressed person, or someone with adhd. BUT - and this is a big lesson for me - its possible to be empathetic to it and still say "look I get you have your reasons, but Im not going to be able to stay in touch with you and be a nice person, since this behaviour persists." I have had to cut a few people of for that reason. Kept giving them chances,
but they need to go to the root of their behaviour, and I need to choose if I deserve to keep my peace or if I have patience with this in the long run. A tough lesson, even with friends.
Good points, esp. that "ghosters" can have all sorts of different reasons why they cease communications. We should not assume that they are necessarily doing something "wrong." At the same time, we should maintain boundaries so that, if they do surface again and we perceive their texts as nothing but a nuisance.
Can be , but he will be respectful and say about it and give peace to the other person so both will help each other, but if the person actions show up sickness and bad energy than he's totally bad person,
emotional mastery / emotional maturity it is
Ok...
If i told my toxic guy (kindly) "hey...it took you 2 hours and 13 minutrs to respond hun, so in order to honor myself i matched ya" he'd say...."Well, well, well...how petty and immature is THAT, Christi?!"
I cant win for losing with this man.
He ALWAYS has an answer!
Then leave him be if he doesn't like what he hands out then he doesn't like you either nor himself
@@aprilchow-chee5281 Well said
Talking about himself😅