How To Respond To A Ghoster Who Comes Back
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2023
- How To Respond To A Ghoster Who Comes Back
Narcissists, love avoidant's, toxic people and ghoster's are notorious for employing passive-aggressive, confusing, manipulative text message strategies to hook us in, so it's important you know how to respond.
I will show you how to ice them, protect yourself, keep your boundaries and more.
This video is a handy resource if you find yourself dealing with a narcissist, love avoidant, toxic person or ghoster on a regular basis!
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This quote helped me, "If they cannot love you where you are at, they cannot love you where you are going."
Well said!
When your actions don't match your words, that is a huge red flag no matter my history ❤
No integrity = no trust.
That's manipulation
Amen!
Yeah
Agree!
She ghosted you means she is with another guy. She comes back means it didnt work out.
He and she are interchangeable.
He goes out hunting and then returns to me.
lol…so true
Definitely on the money, and it's with more than one person simultaneously narcissist personality disorder! Been there
While I can sympathize for people with avoidant attachment issues, I do draw the line there - they are not my issues, and it is completely unacceptable behavior to me.
I’m with u on that
Ditto. No time for them.
Are They Giving Me Breadcrumbs? Coach Craig Kenneth ( avoidant attachment)
It's impossible to have a texting relationship ---Natalie Clarice
Texting is a toxic, avoidant behavior has been normalized in society. It's artificial intimacy.
Now that I'm thinking about it, it's future faking too! Leading you to nowhere
What is avoidance attachment issues?
Attachment Theory
I can't believe they would have enough nerve to try to come back to someone they ghosted-discarded!!
It's a test too see if you are still interested in hanging out with them and their also trying too figure out where you are at in life as far as financially and money, asset's, power, and social stability and status!!! Go overseas too Thailand, Phillipines, Japan, Germany, etc!!! With that being said use caution there as well but I guarantee you you will enjoy and experience the culture, scenery, food, and all around atmosphere as well!!! The women in those countries are more feminine, submissive, respectful, polite courteous, and typically way more attractive than MOST amercian western women!!! Go by yourself fist and foremost and then bring a really good friend with you the second time but don't bring any women over there at all whatsoever!!! I can assure you that will ruin very special experiences you will have if you do!!! Get your passport 🛂 and get your ASS too MARS 🚀
right???
Because people with narcissist personality disorder have no shame or remorse all though they'll pretend to to get the supply they need, they're very sick individuals no cure or help for it
Ultimate gift to ghost back: power of mirroring
This is what I did. Feels good. Well actually it feels rotten but the only thing that makes it slightly less shitty is that I have the discipline to just let it go
Same feels shitty but I’m not chasing a ghost
You ghost them back, that's what you do
I ghost back too but at that point I know who they are and I’m done. They are game playing and jockeying for power, control and to degrade and demean.
karma
It’s called mirroring. And if the ghoster didn’t see a problem with the time span they took to reply to you, then they’d be a hypocrite to see a problem with you taking the same length of time to reply back.
I don’t ghost back. I’m now done, and I’ve gone NO CONTACT.
@@susanh1447 Get the hell out 👉
This matching is a badass move! That means ghosters that pop up after weeks can wait for you for weeks… they’ll go crazy 🤭
If you know you've done no wrong and still you get ghosted, don't chase after what runs away from you. That's my belief anyway. If you don't respect you, no one will.
Julie, I agree 100%. The problem is that they randomly reappear. I guess next step is restraining order. Blocking and going No Contact doesn’t work when they appear at your doorstep.
Women quite unknowingly betray men, and do not bother to ask how, or bother to listen. For example, women readily talk about mens sexual performance. This is betrayal that will get you ghosted. Feel free to disagree/come up with excuses.
Idk anyone who chases a ghosted? If they do they will surely get more of the same
@@jackdeniston59grown as you is don’t tell nobody this bs again 😒🤦🏾♀️ smh you deserve to got ghosted ‼️
@@salliegallegos918 You've probably got a narcissist there, that's horrible. But the reply was not meant for you, you obviously can't ignore someone on your doorstep
Boundaries
A polite wall
Remembering how peace & joy returned when they were finally out of your life.
Abuse is when words don't match actions.
“Every emotional reaction we have was learned in childhood.” That really hit home…. Based on what I seen in childhood, I need some new skills! Wow.
I dated a man like that. Very frustrating. I left him. He was an avoidant, did what he wanted when he wanted and I would wait and wait .
It’s funny how people have a problem with your behavior when you match theirs.
What I like about this video and what stands out to me is that it doesn't villianize the other person. People are scared. People are hurt. People are incompetent. It doesn't make them evil people for not handling situations directly or responding how we believe they should. Just have compassion, for the other person AND for yourself, and always honor what your needs are. Thanks Kenny.
I never give a person a 2nd chance to ghost me! If i ever thought I was being too harsh and unforgiving, i simply remember how they made me feel when they initially ghosted me! I dont have time to waste my time! Be strong and set those boundaries, and most importantly, dont allow people to disrespect you! Great video ❤
The narcissist I was with always said "I love you" but he never showed any affection. He wouldn't put his arm around me when watching tv and he walked 30 feet in front of me in public.
He drove to Florida, 1,000 miles away and promised to call when he arrived. He didn't call. He sent a text message letting me know he had been there 6 hours and made excuses why he didn't call. I texted him back letting him know
I was at the emergency room. He didnt read it until the next morning. Then he turned it back at me and asked why I didnt call him. That ended the relationship. When he came home I ghosted him for 2 months. I had enough.
My motto now is " I give what I get "
I give what I get great advice. Ty😊
I do not match bad behaviour with more bad behaviour. I send a text and tell them that whilst I don't agree with their communication style I know it comes from a wounded place so good bye and best of luck with their journey.
when someone ghosts me I just tell them have nice life
The matching part is so real and once you start doing that all the attention slaves (who just wanna receive without giving) start fading away from your life.
this feels like one of the more practical approaches out there that is not only effective but also is fair and reasonable by taking into account “everyone’s on their own journey.” seems super helpful with any communication/scenario, really. glad i found this channel :)
Your exactly like me, i watch actions and if they do not match my efforts im gone. That goes for everyone, no one gets away with disrespecting me. We are adults and know what we are doing, i understand that sometimes its a genuine mistake but i dont wait around.
My adult children feel I cut people off too quickly BUT if actions don't match words I'm out, contact is deleted. Life's too short for BS. 😊
At the end of the day, its your life to do as you wish, people come and go all the time.
And we feel fantastic by watching your videos after being ghosted
lol ! Thank you I wrote everything down🙏
I wouldn’t even try to explain to them. My walls are already up and I don’t give second chances anymore. I just move on because that is who I am, that’s what works best for me.
I pretty well agree with this. If someone has clearly shown disinterest, then I think 1) they havnt earned my vulnerable analysis; and 2) I don’t want to invest in spending my energy and hope into explaining myself to them bc chances are they are avoidant and will not change, PLUS then they feel like they have the upper hand by knowing I am affected by their actions. And I don’t think someone who isn’t genuinely interested in me should know the inner workings of my thoughts to exploit later by breadcrumbing or playing cat and mouse games to satisfy their own egos of “getting me”.
Wow Kenny you really nailed it by saying it depends on YOU not a set rule. Wow love it! New sub!
I agree with you Kenny, I’m a 3 strikes and your out. Self preservation kicks in. Actions really do scream loudest.
Love this! I’m way too sensitive to rejection to date! That’s why it’s easier to start as natural friends. More on dating for people over fifty, I mean, if I have to go through another narcissistic break up I’m gonna become a nun. How about matching what we give in relationships compared to what they give, I.e. lopsided relationships
That's for sure.
Best to dodge the bullets in the first place.
At the first sign of love bombing, future faking or gaslighting, recognize the manipulation, control and abuse for what it is and RUN! Boundaries, a backbone and a bs meter . Stand in your power. Speak your truth and have zero tolerance for crumbs, bs, disrespect or any abuse. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Opt out!
Asymmetrical relationships are unbalanced. Transactional and conditional.
Trauma Bonds are not about healthy love.
It's funny how these abusers have dead eyes. Nothing inside
Omg Kenny ! I feel so normal after listening to this video. I get triggered by the way some people communicate / respond over text and I didn’t know if I was the problem. I am open , communicative and have no problem being vulnerable , but I had to learn how to create a safe container for myself and match their behavior. This is not only true with abusive people , but for me is a sign of someone not wanting to invest . Either way, not everyone deserves our best .
Don’t. I accepted my ghoster back bc he claimed he was depressed and etc and we talked consistently and was good then he ghosted. One day I woke up to the silent treatment again and unsure why. So just talk to people who are emotionally stable. 🎉❤ peace and love
Boy are you being bamboozled! Start studying narcissist personality disorder Google study every piece of Information you can get drill it all into your head for months, there is absolutely no cure or treatment for this, he's doing it because he's seeing someone else and believe me it's more than one woman, silent treatment is a sick game to them they secretly enjoy hurting you and all this is abuse worse than physical trust me been through it
I love your advice. Good Stuff! Being ghosted is abusive behavior. Being to needy can make me rush into relationships to fast. I have a clearer vision / plan to deal with people who are not fair. People's actions speak volumes! Love people for who they are not who you want them to be. Kenny you are a ray of hope!
I really appreciate the practical-action focus. I find this kind of small but effective action steps are the most helpful things in my recovery. And trauma often blocks us from being able to think of those on our own.
I feel exactly the same. Wow. This is such a powerful message and spoken with such simplicity that every point became like a gold nugget for me. Thank you so very much.
I so love all this honesty, directness, braveness. ❤
❤Wow, this is similar to my experience today. And I thought to myself to “ghost” that person the same length of time as I had been ghosted. Long story short, it worked out for my good!!! I will continue to live my life joyfully and with integrity, not letting anyone steal my peace.❤
Thank you for sharing your story in this video. I am a new subscriber.
What if you work at the same job, fortunately I haven’t saw him or his new women , almost a month now
Kenny, you are a mentor. Tried and true. Its great to have the opportunity to hear your wisdom. A father figure I did not have and am very appreciative of.
You’re so helpful. So glad I found your channel. Thank you! Going through this right now.
You're an Empath, Kenny. We are a rare breed, these days. IMHO, you gave this person way too much leverage - you had three fingers up (three chances, three boundaries broken, three red flags), needs to be one count you're out. I, too, have had to toughen up. It's really against who I AM, but its self protection, people will hurt you these days, they don't care. We do not 'match them', we do not play their games, we are not them. Playing games is not natural to an Empath, you might pretend to be OK with waiting 4hrs to text them back, but you are not OK and ultimately, WHY would you even want to text back someone who has said one thing and done another, this person clearly is not someone to trust? Just get rid of them, there are 8 Billion other people out there, you dont need these people. If you accept these people, you will keep attracting more experiences like them.
I hate being an empath!!!☹️😭
I'm an empath too. Sometimes I have to put up my wall's up. Ppl are too toxic sometimes!
An empath means childhood trauma
If any man calls himself an “empath” then he doesn’t understand the psychology of attraction & has to break out of his emasculation, heal from trauma, & regain his mojo & masculinity.
Absolutely - go on with your life and do things that make you happy. After all the abuse - why would you want them back?
Thank you for all your love and wisdom. I've been listening to you for a while, an you have helped me out a lot. I had to set my boundaries. I love that honor there boundaries.
I love this video, it's so refreshing to see a different approach to standing up for Yourself. Thank You!
Love this! Found your channel today and am so glad ❤
This video is GOLD. Thank you! Timely message for me! I always felt that the best thing to do with these types of people is to match their energy... YES!!!
Really good. I’m right with you these days about matching (mirroring) the other persons interest or behavior. Sometimes I double their ghosting time. Ghost me 4 hrs, I’ll respond in 8 , etc.
Can you give some examples of what you say when you let them know, if you do.
A thing I noticed with narcissists, is that if you say to them you will begin treating them exactly as they treat you, they freak out!!! Sometimes anger and sometimes they run for the hills 😂. Never do they think, oh maybe I should treat you better.
They will never introspect. It's part of their sick disorder.
I totally agree with having standards and boundaries. This may seem cutthroat to some, but if you really want authentic, genuine connections - it's necessary!
Your words are just GOLD !!! ❤
You're so correct , couldn't believe someone would have such similar thoughts on how to respond to ghosters, boundaries and matching, non negotiables. WOW..!
Perfect video for me right now! Spot on, massive huge thank you!
Great advice! 💗 Thank you Kenny.
Thank you so much for this! Amazing video 💖💖💖💖
Great stuff Kenny
This is so relatable to me. Thank you for this video.
Thank you. I needed this.
Thank you Kenny for being someone that focus LESS on the narc and more on the power/focus in yourself. I think so many channels here on YT only focus on the narc, almost obsessing, so these are good advices😊
You are so welcome
Yes, you are right. That's a correct observation. Very few actually focus on "how" to process and value yourself. And doing it kindly to the other person and to oneself. Takes a lot of investigation, maturity and love.
A ghoster can also be depressed person, or someone with adhd. BUT - and this is a big lesson for me - its possible to be empathetic to it and still say "look I get you have your reasons, but Im not going to be able to stay in touch with you and be a nice person, since this behaviour persists." I have had to cut a few people of for that reason. Kept giving them chances,
but they need to go to the root of their behaviour, and I need to choose if I deserve to keep my peace or if I have patience with this in the long run. A tough lesson, even with friends.
Excellent chat....I loved the tips! Information is power...to understand yourself and those you deal with!!! Thanks so much. K
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you. Very informative x
This guy is the best I swear.
Excellent. Initially i wanted if this fits with Christian ethos - and for me it does! This gentleman is teaching us wisdom. How to guard ourselves. I haven't heard anything that purports to nastiness at all. Ghosting is so very very cruel. Mercy is not about allowing someone to rip our hearts apart with feelings of no meaning to life - i see explaining our actions if required without nastiness. So far this is good sense. Im very grateful x
I’ve made detailed notes and u have a good point about childhood trauma and how it affects ur responses to cold narcicstic twats by I now know what I need to do to grow and protect myself.
Thank you. Very valuable lesson.
This was spectacular
Absolutely brilliant. Thank you very much, you have taken off the pink glasses off my face. 🙌
Wow, what a piece of great advice!
I agree with you 💯 percent. Been there done that! Their actions must match their words.
Excellent
Informative. Thankyou for sharing your intelligent advice!
You are a good man and a good communicator
Thank you! Great video!❤🙏
Ty you so much Kenny. I use everything you taught me, to help in coaching my clients. 👍They are always amazed
Valuable insights and tools here.
It remains fascinating to me how these issues seem to have grown given the advent of and increasing preference to text rather than call…or God forbid we actually just meet face to face and truly communicate!
This is of course apart from any of the contributing factors of trauma.
In terms of the limited aspects of communication within the medium of texting I much prefer to keep these exchanges to a minimum. Such as…”when does it work to give you a call?” Or, “are you free for coffee in the next couple of days?”
There’s just too much nuance that is unavailable via text messaging.
I appreciate your take on this, Kenny.🙏🏻
thanks for sharing your insights and some powerful truths--love how you remind us that we are responsible for our own inability to have proper boundaries
Big thank you. Boundaries!
Thank you for being so transparent. And helping others on their journey to healthier relationships ❤
You are so welcome!
Fantastic insight .
I appreciate your counsel.
Thank you, I've been on the journey to heal my inner child for my son who is three months old,❤❤❤
Loved this and definitely pay attention to actions over words and matching how people show up 👌🏻
I am so glad I found this, its like you spoke to me directly. Thank you so much
This is extremely helpful
Match them. This is AWSOME. because i do have people in my life who takes a day to answer. Now i know what to do. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for your content. I love your style of dress. Happy Saturday!
Brilliant brilliant brilliant
The roots of evil are embedded into the fact that one does not others respect one’s boundaries!!!
Wow! This gives me the answers to how I feel most of the time with the friendship with a good friend.
I needed this
Thank you so much for putting this video out there you look amazing in the purple This really helped me heal faster because now I realize I'm not a victim thank you
Perfect timing. Thank you so much.
You are so welcome!
Iam also somebody who is open and gives a lot as in time and energy and an open ear to somebody that needs it and then, I feel hurt when they don't do the same for me. Not anymore!! From now on I'm going match what I get from others and not give away to much ar the start . Thank you so much!! You described me down to a "T" 😊
Thank you Kenny
This is amazing! I wish i knew all of this information before i met the past 2 narcissists i was involved with
Thank you, I had been looking for so many answers for quite some time and you are giving them to me. I really appreciate your videos.
You are so welcome!
Thank u for this information
Wow! That's a nice video, bravo!!!!! Interesting points!!!
Thank you very much!
Kenny, I can relate with your sentiments.
Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. For me it’s also matter and it hurts me unfortunately.
Thank you so much❤ ,our childhoods were the same Was ghosted and it hurt so much but because of my recovery knew my reactions were past trauma Ive decided no contact same situation I choose to protect myself ❤
This is excellent advice. Where have you been my whole life.
This was so educational thank you for this ❤
Happy to help!
And what an amazing video to end your amazing day! Thanks again Kenny.
I feel like I resonate with your experience and outlook
New sub!! This was amazing. Thanks will be definitely doing this.
I am glad it was so helpful. ;-)
I totally agree with you. I have an issue with timing of text . If you text me and I see it im gonna respond. I dealt with abrupt abandonment and just got ghosted for a month it brought so much anxiety to me. I didn't know what i did and was very confused. Everyone has their phone on them like just answer the text, if your free or when u get free. Thank You for this i needed this.🙏🏾