I did this too until I found someone who I walk dogs for who is a single man and I met him in person many times. I really care about him and we like each other however he is avoidant and a Ph.D. in psychology and had a private practice no less. He is now a lawyer and works for the government. He is a very nice man, but he only goes so far in a relationship and that is it! I may soon go back to my happy single life where I was for 20 years! We are both professionals, with no children I have been married however he never has and we are both over 63. I am too old for any games and I have my own money so while I do not need a man, I just wanted a man to share my happy life with.
i havent been with anybody for 9 years and i don't miss the bs at all when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage . Just gets lonely sometimes.
I totally agree with this! Ghosters tend to be avoidant attachment. They have a deep fear of intimacy and vulnerability and ghost when the relationship becomes serious and more commitment is expected
I had someone come after me and insist on the immediate connection, commitment and intimacy. Very quickly involved me in their life, immediately wanting me to meet friends, parents, coworkers, etc. Told me I was the one. It went on and on, and after a few months I felt safe and saw no reason not to trust. Then BOOM…they discarded me with NO real answer as to why. Just couldn’t. Yes, I’ve been in therapy and watching countless videos about narcissists. Worst pain of my life, and I’ve been through a lot.
Yes, I'm in the exact same spot. I'm so hurt and mad that he couldn't just talk to me. Gosting me is so immature and I lost a ton of respect for him!!!
Sometimes I get overwhelmed, shut down & am completely drained, unable to to people. Like a small wounded animal, I need a dark corner alone to get myself right. Not wanting to burden others with my depression & dispare. I reamurge when I have positive energy & support to give.
Turn to Jesus He loves you, He is the healer of the body And savior of the soul, There is True Hope in Jesus, God protects Psalms 91, He is the God of miracles Acts 2:21 And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved Jesus alone saves Trust Him with your salvation John 3:16 1 Corinthians 15 1-4 Moreover Brethren, i declare unto you the gospel which i preached unto you, which also ye have received, and with wherein ye stand By which also ye are saved, if you keep in memory what i preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain, For i delivered unto you first of all that which i also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures And that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the scriptures, Take care
Hmm maybe document when you always feel like that and if you see a pattern you know when you feel like that and you can tell people before that you will feel drained at least give explanation before hand. Or tell people that you sometimes just shut down
@@GabrielOsiuhwuthey are in a high paradigm, it sounds like they depersonalized the meaning of others behavior; not being identified with it. How someone else lives their life is up to them not me, so I should not take responsibility for their actions when they are their own being. I do understand the stress of having plans canceled or 'friends' going radio silent, but at the same time, you would be better off working on a project at home or going out and talking to other people and building those relationships
@@GabrielOsiuhwubasically instead of being in the frame of offense and betrayal, do your best to see it as it is, _____ person may or may not have the time, energy, attention and/maturity for this relationship to flourish. Edit: *adding* "so I reclaim my energy and focus so I can give it to the opportunities that offer what I'm looking for"
Don't think too deeply on it and just ghost them back, it's not worth trying to chase after them. If they can't take thirty seconds to text you back when they aren't busy? Then you don't have any time for their games and disinterest
Exactly. Its rude. Liars. They have bad characters. Narcs ghost. You ghost me I ghost you back. I won't chase people anymore. People are intentional how horrible they treat others. Enough is enough!
@@janetromey7522 had to weed out a flakey person who was a good friend of several years. His now ex wife walked out on him for another friend of his and got herself knocked up. It's crazy that I was more loyal to him than she was and he didn't respect or appreciate it. So much for bros over hoes......not complaining but it just goes to show one should have boundaries and understand their own value
@@janetromey7522 Amen, done with all these folks. I don't chase anyone, but sometimes, women, are jealous, may reasons. They can't keep up the game to long. Other reasons, don't care, if they show me disrespect a couple of times, or maybe once, now, I'm OUT. I'm real and dont have time with , they're important, but your not. Ok, bye, Forever, don't have time.
@@crystalsmith4187 You're absolutely right. People will push you as far as you let them when it comes to disrespect. Nip it in the bud. Don't tolerate disrespect for one minute. People show you who they are by the way they treat others. Why would you allow people around you that don't have respect for others. Low lifes.
This was the first explanation of underlying ghosting mechanics that reasonsted with what I intuitively picked up in my recent qhosting exeperience. What bothers me most (besides the feeling of rejection) is the cognitive dissonance it leaves one with. There was a strong connection and mutual infatuation. Everything felt wonderful, like the beginning of real long term love and then suddently a complete turnaround. It's confusing when you feel someones feelings towards you but how they act is telling you the opposite... I feel it's all about fear and control. Like everyone they want and crave love but can't deliver. There is also a lack of responsibility, and emphaty for hurting others in the process.
Getting rid of people who are abusive, who only want you around for what they can bet out of you without every reciprocating, is the smart thing to do.
I’ve been ghosted a couple of times and it was always when I needed validation on where things were going. I’d get to the point of being tired of not knowing if this guy liked me or he was just using me. After many months of seeing each other. I’d be so patient thinking they needed time and feelings would develop over time and if I didn’t rush too quickly with labeling the relationship. but really they were either narcissists or emotionally unavailable commitment phobics. It really suck when the chemistry was really strong and you also felt some kind of connection. So hard to find that. Maybe it was one sided. I’ll never know because they were too cowardly to be honest. 🤷♀️ If you check on these people years later on social media you’ll see they are still single and doing the same things. That’s then when you finally realize it wasn’t personal. So hard not to take that personally. Your self esteem takes a huge hit when someone does that to you after months of dating you. You feel disrespected and devalued. They also always contact you again years later.
So true about wanting to contact you years later 🤣 They think you still might be an easy target lol. I don't think a man's feelings for you are even about you. It's always about THEM. A man will treat ANY woman the same way he treats you. Don't take ANYTHING they do at ANY TIME personally. It is all about the kind of person THEY are. NOT YOU.
Yes they have light-switch feelings for people. They can turn them on and off. I tried to be in a relationship with this kind of person but it eventually leads to them cheating. ALWAYS. I think it's important to find out people's true definition of love before attaching. Find out if they think it's an "experience" or want it to be "free and in the moment." Some people will be expert at disguising their unsavory beliefs about relationships but they WILL show you in other ways like disappearing for a few days or not responding to texts in a timely fashion. Beware of the person who connects on an amazing level in person but seems to disappear for a few days afterwards. These are the signs you need to notice and stop with those insecure thoughts of, "I don't want to appear needy or desperate."
I have had them contact me years later & I just tell them it’s too late now. You strike while the irons hot. Since you didn’t, I’m sorry I’m not interested now. You’re right, years later there they are still on a dating site doing the same thing. There’s too many choices on dating sites nowadays, so no one can concentrate on one person.
They can't contact me because as soon as I know. I'm ghosted, they're blocked. And plus I know we're curious to know what happened but even if we knew. That's just with that person. Whatever their problem was nothing to do with us. O so they are doing a safe favor
I learned alot after suffering narcissistic abuse. Once I learned that I was suffering from narcisstic abuse, I never made that mistake again. I know what the traits are and I will never go back to those type of people. I have a healthy life now with boundaries. I did not know what was going on at first, but after the light was shed on my situation I knew exactly what to do. After my divorce, I met another narcissist. I saw the red flags and got out of that relationship right away and completely cut that person off. I am very selective when it comes to letting people into my life. I do not need a romantic relationship to be happy. My parents were narcissists and never accepted responsibility for the abuse they inflicted. They always defended themselves. My childhood was tramatic and I realized that the abuse really damaged me and ruined my life. I now have started a new life and have cut toxic people out of my life. I have peace I never had before. Narcissistic parents are extremely manipulating. They use the Bible verse "honor your parents" to justify themselves and to make their kids feel guilty.
That's exactly what happened to me and its easy to get very jaded after a while when everybody met sometimes is a nark. I hope you meet your dream partner.
In starting to realize the level of mental illness my mother has…when I was 8, I was in an accident involving a bully in school and had my face smashed into a curb..it broke my front tooth off, broke my nose and crushed my cheekbone and caused damage in my neck…I was eventually pulled from the school and sent to public school while my other 5 siblings stayed at the private school where the accident happened…my middle brother who is a junkie psychopath, took my school picture from the house and took it to school and let his friends write all kinds of crap on it…they drew big buck teeth and wrote Bucky whore and all kinds of crap on it..gave it back to him and he brought it back and gave it to me laughing hysterically…right in front of my mom..I was in 5th grade and my brother was in 2nd grade…the accident happened when I was 8 and my parents never took me to the doctor and the private school basically targeted and abused me in order to get me out …my mother to this day sees nothing wrong with what my brother did…I’m 44 now and I asked her last night if she remembered this incident…and she did…she basically blew it off as me over reacting
I really enjoy listening and watching your podcasts, Kenny. I am a bit older than you and grew up in a time when narcissistic abuse wasn't mentioned. I have done extensive research on this issue and come to realize I was the daughter of a narcissistic father. And, yes, emotionally-underdeveloped AND emotionally- immature people exist today, sadly. Keep up the great work, Kenny, and I must say, you have a beautiful smile. 😊
Congratulations! I am so sorry you experienced narcissistic abuse. If you are an empath, you have now elevated to Aware status. There is nothing more powerful than that!!
I had an extrem case of ghosting. Was in a relationship with someone for 2,5 years. Then a big tragedy happened in his family and bam! suddenly he didn't wanna have anything to do with me anymore. I tried for 2 months to get him to talk to me, explain why, what's going on, what I did wrong etc. But I just couldn't get through to him. I always thought we had a good relationship, but I guess I was wrong. I never wanted this relationship to end and i loved him with all my heart and i thought he loved me too. It's been over a year now and I still hurt from this sudden abandonment without any reason give and i still wonder today how he could cut me off like this after 2,5 years. I have been working hard on myself to not play the victim role and to blame me for this and to forgive him. Looking back now I'm glad it's over and I don't need a person like that in my life, but it is probably something I will chew on for the rest of my life. It's been very hard but every day gets a little better. This video has helped me to get some clarity. Thank you kenny
The truth is that most of us don't know how to tell the truth. We hide behind a mask that keeps us safe from emotional pain. Think "tears of a clown, when there's no one around". He was pretending. He wasn't being honest. He didn't know how to tell you so he just disappeared. There are worse ways to break up. I think the worst is when they start to be nasty to you until YOU break up with THEM. That is not nice at all and very painful. And cowardly. 🤮🤡🤪
@@A-RonHubbard He's just a coward. That's all. No balls. I bet you wouldn't take him back now. You might think you would, but the truth is you wouldn't be able to trust him again. To heal from a broken heart you have to cry, cry, cry. Cry until you have no more tears left to cry. When you are finished crying you won't feel broken any more and you care anymore. Only then can you move on. Try it and you will find I am correct. 🙋🫂💔
For example what could have said as a friend? I find it more difficult than in romantic relationships. What should I say to a friend, also when l don't want to hurt her, but don't want to continue the friendship?
Some people really do have different standards for friends. For example I’m very low maintenance and can sometimes go a year or more without talking to long distance friends. Neither of us have problems with it and just pickup where we left off, but we are also guys and I know women tend to be closer as friends. I have a suspicion some people see romantic relationships in the same way (for whatever reason) which is one reason for ghosting. Doesn’t make it right, because even to me I find it extremely disrespectful to be that distant in a romantic sense, but it is an explanation
@@clownworld4655 I think ghosting also depends on the level of intimacy establishment. If you're sleeping together, talking about your fears and past etc. it's only right to match the goodbye with the connection. Ghosting doesn't match that level of intimacy is therefore ethically wrong.
Liars, manipulator's and cluster b's always ghost, fine with me. I've had friendships for thirty years and they are friends, when people ghost you be grateful.
I’m crying watching this video. Thanks for your honesty because now I know that my denial has been wasting so much time and creating even more damage to my heart, my soul and my mind. I’m the One picking a ghoster. Regards from Switzerland
You have spoken the truth regarding the matter, and yes I agree. It’s about damn time we acknowledge these issues and their reasons and work on ourselves, so that we can be better holistically, and that the world will start treating each other with honesty instead of hiding behind walls, and causing people to question their worth. There are so many people out there who don’t speak up, and are suffering in silence, be it the ones being ghosted, or the one ghosting. Once again, heart touching, great and informative video 💯. Viewer from Singapore 🇸🇬
Kenny Weiss, this is the BEST video I ever seen regarding "Ghosting". I totally agree with you about how the internet/texting has changed our society and how people think and communicate these days.
Oh wow This opened my 👁👁's SO much I feel like between the two, I may be a ghoster but I've definitely been on the receiving end of being ghosted & it's definitely not a good feeling at ALL when someone's basically making you feel like they're denying your existence & then when they want (or feel like they need) something that they can get from/out of you, they randomly just show up out of nowhere acting like they didn't ghost you for the past 2-3 days, weekend, month...etc etc
This applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. Yes, you are so right about our damaging childhoods although some are better than others. You are right that most of the time we are the problem because it takes two to tango. On another note, there are times you have to step back from people with whom you have gotten involved. The difficulty is to know when it a healthy act or not. Thanks for this great video.
These are exactly what the person who ghosted me ever said!! I don’t want to tie up to my phone, I was busy, blah blah blah. Hard to open up, hard to share, hard to communicate. Thank you for this video!
thats the first thing these ghosters say when confronted followed by "don't make me feel guilty". I mean ghosting is the most heartless thing anyone can do. I mean its worse than even an assassination.
It does something to the person their ghosting deep down especially when the ghosting happens after a postponed intimacy …when u don’t let ur guard down until there’s a level of trust and comfort…and they’ve gotten u to that point…only to ghost u immediately afterwards…yeah…that does some serious damage to an already damaged person or psyche …most people aren’t smart enough to realize they’re causing more harm then not by doing that type of thing to someone they know has trauma issues ….
@@w8what575 They Aren't doing it for YOUR benefit that's for sure. Don;t blame yourself for one minute. You didn't deserve it. No one does. It's all in them. Pure inability to be honest. You dodged a bullet gf, Celebrate that ! 🥳🥳🥳
Thank you for explaining this. I have met someone like this. He came after me. Relationship wise. After the fifth ghosting And research I have just learned to except it. At the time I was going through stuff too so I really needed my space too. He’s like a 7 year old child coming around for comfort, and as soon as he knows your still fine with him he’s gone”. It’s like he need you only when he” needs you……thank god I never stepped over the line, because of the red flags. we are just friends 😊8 years and counting
I love your light switch analogy. Once I figured out how I was accepting this behavior I realized I never had a clear idea of what my real needs were in friendship either. I wrote down what I needed and realized I wasn’t even sure what my friends needed. I never ghosted but had a few ghosters. As my need for emotional intimacy changed so did my relationship needs. I had a wonderful therapist help me through this.
I love this Kenny! I figured out all this about me too. it's been quite the realization and profound moment of transformation, self forgiveness and deeper understanding and love not just for myself as well as my union with everything. Thank you, you are so Fabulous!!!! XOXO
I’m a ghoster. I’ve recently been diagnosed as having autism (Asperger’s) what your said Kenny is absolutely spot on. I’m a 50 year old female. I’ve dated a few people in my life and I usually walk away, I don’t want attachment and other than being blunt and saying it’s over I’m gone. I am aware I do not want confrontation. I don’t always know what to say either. I had a very detached childhood and I’ve been used in relationships for money at the time I had no idea i had Asperger’s. I have to say that I’ve found a lot of people break up they automatically look at the other person and blame them. We rarely look at ourselves. I did and found out about my condition. We have to remember there’s two people in every relationship. Two minds with different ways of thinking. It’s an interesting subject.?
I'm autistic also but get very attached. Something I do though at times when a person appears I'm not interested in I don't know how to tell them. Because I either say nothing or I have no filter. Theres no middle ground.
I too am autistic however everyone seems to blame everything on being autistic. Same thing for ADHD, I have this for years. I get tired of everything people do wrong and blaming it on ADHD. I find this to be a cop out. If you are a ghoster, try and find a way not to do it. Have some growth mindset that you can do it (stop being a ghoster) instead of having a fixed mindset. It takes work but one can do it.
@@debral9651 Hi Deb. In order to break up with someone in a kind and respectful manner you DO have to talk to them face to face. Think about how YOU would want to be told. Tell them that you like them but your feelings aren't strong enough to commit to a relationship with them. You had thought they might be but now you realize that they aren't. Tell them you don't want to waste their time, and you can't see them anymore so you can both move on. . That is kind and honest. Have some reason to leave immediately so they can have time to process this information. They will have to grieve the loss and cry like any other loss. If you can, call the next day to show that you have respect for them. You should expect some tears but if they become angry or abusive you should remove yourself. Don't give them renewed hope and just repeat what you said before. You can google lots of ways to break up gently. 💔
Its good to k ow what is going on with us but your articulated everything so well and having read plenty on the mind brain connection, you have full control and are 100 % responsible to work through your childhood traumas so you can improve and not ghost others anymore. Labels are the lazy persons excuses to not dig deep and feel their pain and learn to develop healthy behaviour. You sound like one of those perfectly capable people. We can't go hurting people because we feel uncomfortable with out pain and dealing with our issues. I encourage you to now start the work within, now that the Dr gave you a label. It's even easier now for you, it's official, you understand exactly what to work on and where to start. I am tired of society making excuses that we simply need to get a label, perhaps pop some pills and walk through life passing along our damaged goods. You are 100% responsible and capable so don't be lazy. I have gone through so much and had tons of childhood trauma but I always did the work and we must be gracious to our journey and pain we have had, yet we must be real and go to work. I had to be strict with myself and not feel sorry nor be defensive. When we are honest with ourselves, we can work through everything.
When I have been ghosted, even in real life, I am thankful. Let’s me see before I am in deep. I have been doing a lot of forgiveness work. Not perfect, but ready to look forward in my life instead of backwards. With the men I do meet, amazing how much pain they are projecting towards women in general. I am in shock and awe that they will attempt to gaslight me in the very first conversation we have. Waiting for a guy who I can have an authentic conversation with. Right now, a lot of “my way or the highway” conversations happening. I used to feel the need to help them. Not so much anymore.
That's my new way of acting. No more deep investment in the "internet friends". I have some acquaintances online, and that's fine, but our interactions are quite superficial. What I've noticed that most of my online friends (female friends) used to treat me as an unpaid therapist or a shoulder to cry on. I was their personal ER and crisis management centre. they weren't interested in talking about hobbies, neutral topics, anything else but the drama. Their drama.
I was a Ghoster for 20 years, not knowing how much I hurt men. I was broken, unable to love ❤️ from fear of getting hurt. I was the one with the problem, NOT the men I was dating. It was never my intention to make men suffer, I was a sick individual in therapy. I stop taking calls the moment a man said or did something I dislike. I learned about the word ghost last year. I had a horrible childhood. My detachment was unprecedented. I didn't take pride that my ghosting could cost anyone harm. That's why I live by myself with a dog. Thank you Sr. I learned something new.
Kenny great info! I'm one of the odd ones out (not a picker).... I have one sister in the Grandiose Narc Range and another in the Vulnerable Narc Range. Many of the online videos focus on "picking" a partner within these ranges.. Mine is unique because the first range was unavoidable with 2 State Bosses, luckily that was solved with time. The Sisters are unavoidable because of being relatives (also not picked) and now adults and difficulty with dealing with an elderly parent. Actually the two bosses helped me understand and navigate the grandiose narc sister... So negative experiences can be beneficial! This video helped me understand the sister who is the multiple ghoster who has flipped on and off throughout the years! The interesting thing is that she can never share in others successes but is always jealous and can't hear about them. Also unfortunately.... her children now are ghosting her! I feel sorry for her because she lives such a lonely and bitter life.
Kenny u are legend. As u say we are all perfectly imperfect but gees u sure put yr heart and soul into improving yr self and us lucky folk who have come across yr Chanel are also reaping such life changing rewards. Bless you for sharing and caring.
Sometimes I am not sure when it's ghosting or just people are busy or whether I have crossed some personal or professional line. So I try not to assume it's ghosting until I've exhausted all other logical reasons...
Let's say we are friends and you said or did something, which crossed my boundaries. I would tell you about it, because I would like to discuss it, be honest about my feelings, my expectations and I would hope for reconciliation. And i would also hope to be treated in the same way by you, if I did something hurtful. Busy.... no one is THAT busy. There was time in my life, when I was super busy, and still made time for my friends, because meeting them was something super pleasant to me. Like a reward for a hard work. They were NOT treated as an unpleasant chore. I remember I was sick like a dog, having a terrible flue, and I still wanted to chat with my bestie of this time via video call. Because seeing my friend was my medicine, and cheered me up. On the other hand, I have been just ghosted by a friend of mine, whom I saved life 3 times. Not metaphorically. She ghosted me, because now her problems are solved, she has a new job and a new (rich) boyfriend. I don't match her new very busy schedule and a new posh life... . I believe she thinks that if she needs me, I will be there, waiting for her phone call or a text message. Nope. Take it from me, and I have a HUGE life experience with people of different kinds. People who truly value you won't risk losing you. There is no such thing as "too busy". If a person respect you, then they may call you and say: "Listen girl, I am having an apocalypse here now. I have to deal with it right now. I will call you back in two weeks, and they we will chat". And they DO call back in two weeks. If they don't try to reschedule the call, don't answer the text for a long time ( a week or more) , give you a promise but don't deliver, then you can safely believe you are not valued enough to have your needs or feelings considered. I have NEVER EVER had a situation, when someone who truly respect me ghosted me "for valid reason". You will never exhaust all logical reasons. You need only one : where there's a will, there's a way.
There's also a difference between someone who abruptly ghosts you without any indication the relationship was in trouble and someone who suddenly ends communication after a squabble with you over something. My older brother was the former with me
You are amazing. Thank you for this presentation. I am guilty of these traits. I am a work in progress. But it begins with self awareness and accountability. I am a deeply traumatized person. But I am making efforts to change these awful behaviors.
Ghosting is an escape from taking responsibility. A mature attitude would be to end the conversation with a polite phrase like "I don't want to continue this conversation any longer. Take care." Politeness is respect for others and for oneself.
It only takes a minute literlally to tell them how you feel ghosting is just a new way people who dont know how to communciate like a real adult do they jist ghost you like a teeneager
More dangerous than the ghosters are the people who light-weight ghost. They stay in your life, pop back in and pop back out as though you're a special restaurant of theirs. Those people cause more damage than the one who makes it clear how they feel through a ghost.
Thank you for your clear and not judging explanation. Coming from a childhood you explained. I struggle a lot with my fear of confrontation. I really don't want to hurt no body with my acting, I just can't help if somebody comes angry against me to stand my ground so I disconect from the situation by stop communicating Im in therapy, it's a long way out of it.
Thanks, Kenny! This is the best explanation of ghosting (abusive,avoidant behavior) behavior that I have heard. I liked the light switch and dangling carrot metaphors. The “broken picker” comment was funny but eye opening! I have watched this video several times, and it teaches us sooooo much more than a lesson about ghosting!
My ghosting 👻 👻 tactics did come from fear based abandonment issues from my dad not being in the home as a child. This internet dating is full of narcissistic connections and knowing the lack of emotional interest from most men (looking more for physical hookups) I got so turned off an kicked them off my universe before feeling rejected 🙅🏽♀️ an disappointed ☹️. I know now not to give my number out so fast an vet the person before deciding to level up to a stronger connection. Internet dating is definitely not for me!
@@ann-louisegustavsson5008 I love connecting too but todays dating market is so full of self-centered men who want the goods instead of a real connection!!
Thank you for your posts. I had learnt a lot, unfortunately only when I was really sick from this abuse.... extreme empathy is a fear based abuse. Yes.
alot of ghosting is just people not reciprocating interest … there are lot people that need validation and attention but don’t give none in return… chasing without equal interest is exhausting
I was ghosted a few times by mind so called friend. I’m happier now because I’m not so hurt anymore. It took counselling to help me let go of the self blame🤗🤗
Interesting, astute thank you. I'm old, glad to be. I also am tech challenged, no social media. When i was a young dysfunctional, ghosting happened but we did not have this terminology. I'm loaded with attachment issues, but being a goody goody i felt an obligation to be honest delivering rejection, saying no. The huge pleasant surprise was that people are complimented by candor spoken respectfully. And they appreciated
That is me, and I hate it, I have massive sections of my life missing to dissociation and I watch friends slip away and all I can say is I'm still here if you need me.
This is so bang on I'm seriously living this. Holy smokes... I for some reason am attracted to unavailable men. Why. So frustrating. I really do want deep connection and love. This is on me. Where do people meet ppl . I can't do online dating...I just don't feel connection. I need to get out there and maybe get hobby and meet ppl. This was eye opening.
If you had unavailable parents, mostly father, then you simply have a blind spot. I had that one. I couldn't predict things, because toxic behaviours were perceived by me as normal. Because they were "normal" in my home. felt you had to "win" Daddy's feelings, if you were constantly triangulated with something or someone, then you believe that chasing unavailable people is a natural thing to do and that all people play cat and mouse in their relationships. My newest discovery - go to a local cafe. Chat with a bartender/barista/waitress. Such people know a lot of people. If this person will get familiar with you, if you talk about nice things, about life , about your hobbies, they will introduce you to other customers, who like similar things. That's what I chose to do after being constantly disappointed by online "friends". And it works.
Well, I'm planning on " ghosting " my old self. I liken my life to a snow globe, I'm gonna shake it up, then decide where and how much I allow the " snow " in certain areas. No more letting it fall wherever. Been working on Self Discipline, and want some BIG changes. Good Luck to all this year as we self IMPROVE.
I agree with this but I also think there's another situation that happens when people ghost, like I've started to. I've learned that you can't change people and talking to some of them is a waste of time and energy. I would say that they are the narcissists in my situation, and God is pruning them out of my life. I'm much more at peace and confident in myself since doing this. I pray for them and leave them in God's hands where they belong. I do love and care about them but I was the only one in the relationship doing that. We are responsible for ourselves, and others are responsible for themselves. I only have room in my life for people who add to it, even if it's just being grateful for my giving. God bless you all.
What you describe is not ghosting, but No Contact. No Contact is a reaction to abuse. If a narcissist stops talking to you,then it's ghosting. Intention is crucial here.
Good stuff! I appreciate your channel you are bringing so much clarity to individuals ,like myself who desparately need it!Keep up the great work Kenny! It sure is making a big difference !
I really love how you explained it and how precisely you were!! I recently deal with someone like that something I never experienced in my life but everything you said was very accurate it was a turmoil like a roller coaster for me but dump him after I realized what was happening
HAHAHAHA, Kenny I am crackinggg listening to this! I have been ghosted alottt and now I understand why! Its so true!! I cant believe that the guy I alow to hurt me the most name is Kenny, and the one who is opening my eyes name is Kenny. Alottt of lo e to you!!
Indeed, it had been a torment never knowing when they will strike. I have lost my sense of security, and live in the constant shadow of the ghoster. He is well aware of my fear of him and impact it had on me for decades.
Kenny in my opinion I have come to believe that on online most people are emotionaly immature and pshycologicaly disturbed and when a normal person goes online they start getting affected by these disturbed unstable people-the internet is just a playroom a hook up place of emotionaly unstable disturbed people that pretend and live in a delusional world-its role playing and they can be anything they want.
I think it’s a bless to maintain the continuity of life without having to deal with the ambiguity that comes by acknowledging completely ceasing someone or something’s presence. Keep it rolling 😊
@@maeveduff8932 They know why you left; there's nothing to explain. Unless they're a moron, they know why you left. Let's say you give an extension explanation, and they want you to stay or talk some more; are you going to continue to explain yourself? When does it end, when THEY say they're content with your explaination for leaving or when you are satisfied with explaining yourself? Using your criteria for cowardice, if you decide to leave and they don't accept your reasoning, you are a coward. It's not a matter of cowardice for leaving without explanation; it's a matter of no longer dignifying their abhorrent behavior with an undeserved answer.
Someone who ghosts you is showing you lack of commitment towards you because of lack of commitment to urself ie being a people pleaser but not caring towards yourself...
Depends….does that person make u feel like a better person or do they make u constantly wonder? Ghosting is also a tactic that abusive people use to hook their claws into vulnerable people inexperienced with their type of abuse…I was very naive when I went out into the world…I had no idea that my ex husband was abusing me emotionally by cheating on me and then blaming me for him cheating because I was not living up to his expectations…I spent half my adult life trying to fix myself to make him happy…after 14 years of his bs..I finally had enough when I found myself on a bridge getting ready to jump because I didn’t do his laundry right and woke up to him screaming and spitting in my face that if I ever touch his laundry again he was going to beat the ever living hell out of me and put me in the hospital! I had done his laundry the entire time exactly the same then one day that happened. He was doing this kind of mind screwing in front of our sons…my oldest son being old enough to have learned that’s how he could treat his mother…my oldest son physically attacked me on a few occasions over having to help carry in groceries or do his homework when he was a teenager and then I found out that he was telling his school that I was violently abusing him and he was terrified to go home in hopes they would pull him from my custody and let him live with his dad…who wanted nothing to do with him…he went as far as trying to have me arrested for things I’m not even physically able to do..my son is 6’ tall 300 lb football player…im 5’ tall and petite….they were the reason I left my ex…because he was starting to abuse them and I couldn’t protect them from him any longer …I made the mistake of trying to hide the fact their dad didn’t want to have visitations anymore…he would cancel for the visit and go spend the weekend partying with his new wife..or one of his other girlfriends instead…I tried to protect my son but it backfired…I should have let him experience the abandonment he was receiving …even if it broke my heart..I still struggle with that deep seeded belief that no man would want a woman like me…that I am the reason why my ex had to cheat and financially neglect us and steal from us and leave us with no food etc…nothing hurts worse then a toddler crying and hanging on u because he’s hungry and there’s nothing u can do about it because their father decided he needed another motorcycle helmet and spent every last penny on it instead of food…when he was specifically told it’s al we have left for food…and I had two more weeks before my next paycheck and not even a cracker to feed my sons…I lost 16 lbs in two weeks and had no vehicle while he had 7 car payments and lived a life of Riley at my expense..when I kicked him out, I was on the verge of losing everything…I had to barrow money from my parents to turn the electricity back on and buy diapers for my youngest son and my co workers brought me a bunch of commodities food that kept us fed …I was very blessed to have met the people who helped us through those hard times…there were very few of them that he hadn’t gotten to…most people were giving false testimony and making themselves look like fools in the end when it was proven they were lying for him to punish me…I was turned into cps over 24 times when my ex husbands attorney finally sent the state a letter threatening a law suit because my ex thought I was turning him in because he was too stupid to realize that every time he turned me in, they had to investigate both parents lol…so he thought they were questioning him because I turned him in..,lol..what a moron! So he did me a favor by having his attorney write that letter lol…he eventually got to my boss through a friend of his that also worked where I did and got me fired…he’s had me fired many times and had intentionally made life difficult for us…these types are monsters and the only way to get away is to block and ghost..
Thank u so so much for sharing your information. I did what u did.. left all dating sites for ever!! They did my head in not to mention broke my heart lol. I no am aware of the signs of a ghoster thank god. Thank u for helping people. Luv and light🙏🏼🦋
So much true about toxic internet dating how many ppl give up wounded due to dysfunctional fake techno communication that leads most of the time nowhere it's fertile land for scammers were lots of men and women loosing their savings it's insane !
My childhood was a mess. Mom was dumped into an orphanage while her parents were alive. My dad was th number 8 child. He was brought up extremely poor in the reconstruction era. His mom was probably a dead mother. I'm sure a black woman in the late 1800's had her share of trauma. So her comes me into all of this toxic mix. So I'm off to read your book and watch other videos.
It sounds like your parents had a strong potential to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is crazy making and traumatic for their children. I'm sorry that you are joining our club. 💔🫂🙋
@@Miniver765 You are RIGHT. He grew up in a worse era - JIM CROW - IN Ottumwa, Iowa. I was mistaken. My dad was born in 1910, the 8th child of a very poor family.
Damn this was very interesting. Afraid/unable to feel intimacy. Reject/block those who call/come onto me. I know that I have a type of avoidant personality/behavior. I can ghost people that cross my boundaries. Sure those are not always clear but we all want decency. When i ghost, I do so permanently, no looking back. You are also right about the society of what we watch/experience through our screens. That becomes an out, avoidant/escape. We crave that connection. No wonder men watch pron and women useless romantic/dating.
It feels good to realise I'm not a victim. That I picked this, I'm a ghoster too and I've ghosted them back a few times before they eventually cut me off. I'm too scared of love to work on healing this, I think I'll just sit in the pain
I totally respect everything said here because it is true; however at times, when it's a case of someone who has a personality disorder or codependency, boundaries set up by another person is often seen as ghosting to them. Even if guidelines were discussed before boundaries were set and when limits are pushed by the individual with codependent or BPD, NPD behaviors and boundaries are set in motion WITH communication.....it will still be viewed as offensive and as ghosting. I've been in both situations a bad ghoster in my younger years (like teens and early 20s) and a boundary setter ( communicating limits and expectations and adhering to said limits and expectations ) we owe no one anything.
Thank you for this information I didn't even know why he use to ghost me so much . I eventually dumped him so he can ghost 👻 himself that was the only way out for me.. ✅
I’ve officially given up on dating after this, our society, the internet, has broken our society.
I did this too until I found someone who I walk dogs for who is a single man and I met him in person many times. I really care about him and we like each other however he is avoidant and a Ph.D. in psychology and had a private practice no less. He is now a lawyer and works for the government. He is a very nice man, but he only goes so far in a relationship and that is it! I may soon go back to my happy single life where I was for 20 years! We are both professionals, with no children I have been married however he never has and we are both over 63. I am too old for any games and I have my own money so while I do not need a man, I just wanted a man to share my happy life with.
i havent been with anybody for 9 years and i don't miss the bs at all when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage . Just gets lonely sometimes.
how about a Non- dating Scenario? ( Case in point 4 adult childrens Ghosted US). so So SAD.
Yes it has )-:
They're more old fashioned in the country. X
I totally agree with this! Ghosters tend to be avoidant attachment. They have a deep fear of intimacy and vulnerability and ghost when the relationship becomes serious and more commitment is expected
I had someone come after me and insist on the immediate connection, commitment and intimacy. Very quickly involved me in their life, immediately wanting me to meet friends, parents, coworkers, etc. Told me I was the one. It went on and on, and after a few months I felt safe and saw no reason not to trust. Then BOOM…they discarded me with NO real answer as to why. Just couldn’t. Yes, I’ve been in therapy and watching countless videos about narcissists. Worst pain of my life, and I’ve been through a lot.
Yes, I'm in the exact same spot. I'm so hurt and mad that he couldn't just talk to me. Gosting me is so immature and I lost a ton of respect for him!!!
Sometimes I get overwhelmed, shut down & am completely drained, unable to to people. Like a small wounded animal, I need a dark corner alone to get myself right. Not wanting to burden others with my depression & dispare. I reamurge when I have positive energy & support to give.
Wishing you happiness
Turn to Jesus He loves you, He is the healer of the body And savior of the soul, There is True Hope in Jesus, God protects Psalms 91, He is the God of miracles Acts 2:21 And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved Jesus alone saves Trust Him with your salvation John 3:16
1 Corinthians 15 1-4
Moreover Brethren, i declare unto you the gospel which i preached unto you, which also ye have received, and with wherein ye stand
By which also ye are saved, if you keep in memory what i preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain,
For i delivered unto you first of all that which i also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures
And that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the scriptures, Take care
Hmm maybe document when you always feel like that and if you see a pattern you know when you feel like that and you can tell people before that you will feel drained at least give explanation before hand. Or tell people that you sometimes just shut down
People who quit talking to me is like the trash taking itself out.
None of my business what other people think of me. I embrace it as a blessing.
Right! It still hurts though if you liked or loved that person.
Dont you get tired of being disrespected though?
@@GabrielOsiuhwuthey are in a high paradigm, it sounds like they depersonalized the meaning of others behavior; not being identified with it. How someone else lives their life is up to them not me, so I should not take responsibility for their actions when they are their own being. I do understand the stress of having plans canceled or 'friends' going radio silent, but at the same time, you would be better off working on a project at home or going out and talking to other people and building those relationships
@@GabrielOsiuhwubasically instead of being in the frame of offense and betrayal, do your best to see it as it is,
_____ person may or may not have the time, energy, attention and/maturity for this relationship to flourish.
Edit: *adding* "so I reclaim my energy and focus so I can give it to the opportunities that offer what I'm looking for"
Funny metaphore! It's a great name for that attitude, indeed.
Ghosting is not only abusive it’s childish and cowardly behavior.
💯 I agree with this.
🙌🏻
In every case?🙄
@@jeanval428 you said that, I didn’t. You decide for yourself what works for you.
@@Kelly-sl6vz asked?😒
Don't think too deeply on it and just ghost them back, it's not worth trying to chase after them. If they can't take thirty seconds to text you back when they aren't busy? Then you don't have any time for their games and disinterest
Exactly. Its rude. Liars. They have bad characters. Narcs ghost. You ghost me I ghost you back. I won't chase people anymore. People are intentional how horrible they treat others. Enough is enough!
@@janetromey7522 had to weed out a flakey person who was a good friend of several years. His now ex wife walked out on him for another friend of his and got herself knocked up. It's crazy that I was more loyal to him than she was and he didn't respect or appreciate it. So much for bros over hoes......not complaining but it just goes to show one should have boundaries and understand their own value
@@georgiakritikos4955 they show us who they are and are not.
@@janetromey7522 Amen, done with all these folks. I don't chase anyone, but sometimes, women, are jealous, may reasons. They can't keep up the game to long. Other reasons, don't care, if they show me disrespect a couple of times, or maybe once, now, I'm OUT. I'm real and dont have time with , they're important, but your not. Ok, bye, Forever, don't have time.
@@crystalsmith4187 You're absolutely right. People will push you as far as you let them when it comes to disrespect. Nip it in the bud. Don't tolerate disrespect for one minute. People show you who they are by the way they treat others. Why would you allow people around you that don't have respect for others. Low lifes.
This was the first explanation of underlying ghosting mechanics that reasonsted with what I intuitively picked up in my recent qhosting exeperience. What bothers me most (besides the feeling of rejection) is the cognitive dissonance it leaves one with. There was a strong connection and mutual infatuation. Everything felt wonderful, like the beginning of real long term love and then suddently a complete turnaround. It's confusing when you feel someones feelings towards you but how they act is telling you the opposite... I feel it's all about fear and control. Like everyone they want and crave love but can't deliver. There is also a lack of responsibility, and emphaty for hurting others in the process.
Absolutely. You described a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Now I'm so happy he rejected me and I'm 💯 % over it. There where so many red flags and wouldn't have ended well.
Getting rid of people who are abusive, who only want you around for what they can bet out of you without every reciprocating, is the smart thing to do.
Being ghosted is a gift.
Thank you! Have you noticed, though, that they re-materialize at your doorstep? Restraining order.
@@salliegallegos918 yes. I've had ghosters come back, too
Still disrespectful though
I’ve been ghosted a couple of times and it was always when I needed validation on where things were going. I’d get to the point of being tired of not knowing if this guy liked me or he was just using me. After many months of seeing each other. I’d be so patient thinking they needed time and feelings would develop over time and if I didn’t rush too quickly with labeling the relationship. but really they were either narcissists or emotionally unavailable commitment phobics. It really suck when the chemistry was really strong and you also felt some kind of connection. So hard to find that. Maybe it was one sided. I’ll never know because they were too cowardly to be honest. 🤷♀️
If you check on these people years later on social media you’ll see they are still single and doing the same things. That’s then when you finally realize it wasn’t personal. So hard not to take that personally. Your self esteem takes a huge hit when someone does that to you after months of dating you. You feel disrespected and devalued. They also always contact you again years later.
So true about wanting to contact you years later 🤣 They think you still might be an easy target lol.
I don't think a man's feelings for you are even about you. It's always about THEM. A man will treat ANY woman the same way he treats you. Don't take ANYTHING they do at ANY TIME personally. It is all about the kind of person THEY are. NOT YOU.
Yes they have light-switch feelings for people. They can turn them on and off. I tried to be in a relationship with this kind of person but it eventually leads to them cheating. ALWAYS. I think it's important to find out people's true definition of love before attaching. Find out if they think it's an "experience" or want it to be "free and in the moment." Some people will be expert at disguising their unsavory beliefs about relationships but they WILL show you in other ways like disappearing for a few days or not responding to texts in a timely fashion. Beware of the person who connects on an amazing level in person but seems to disappear for a few days afterwards. These are the signs you need to notice and stop with those insecure thoughts of, "I don't want to appear needy or desperate."
I have had them contact me years later & I just tell them it’s too late now. You strike while the irons hot. Since you didn’t, I’m sorry I’m not interested now. You’re right, years later there they are still on a dating site doing the same thing. There’s too many choices on dating sites nowadays, so no one can concentrate on one person.
They can't contact me because as soon as I know. I'm ghosted, they're blocked. And plus I know we're curious to know what happened but even if we knew.
That's just with that person. Whatever their problem was nothing to do with us.
O so they are doing a safe favor
💯
I was ghosted for the first time 3 years ago. It was devestating. Now i know, he is a professional ghoster and just a wounded idiot.
😂😂
I learned alot after suffering narcissistic abuse. Once I learned that I was suffering from narcisstic abuse, I never made that mistake again. I know what the traits are and I will never go back to those type of people. I have a healthy life now with boundaries. I did not know what was going on at first, but after the light was shed on my situation I knew exactly what to do. After my divorce, I met another narcissist. I saw the red flags and got out of that relationship right away and completely cut that person off. I am very selective when it comes to letting people into my life. I do not need a romantic relationship to be happy. My parents were narcissists and never accepted responsibility for the abuse they inflicted. They always defended themselves. My childhood was tramatic and I realized that the abuse really damaged me and ruined my life. I now have started a new life and have cut toxic people out of my life. I have peace I never had before. Narcissistic parents are extremely manipulating. They use the Bible verse "honor your parents" to justify themselves and to make their kids feel guilty.
That's exactly what happened to me and its easy to get very jaded after a while when everybody met sometimes is a nark. I hope you meet your dream partner.
🌹❤️
In starting to realize the level of mental illness my mother has…when I was 8, I was in an accident involving a bully in school and had my face smashed into a curb..it broke my front tooth off, broke my nose and crushed my cheekbone and caused damage in my neck…I was eventually pulled from the school and sent to public school while my other 5 siblings stayed at the private school where the accident happened…my middle brother who is a junkie psychopath, took my school picture from the house and took it to school and let his friends write all kinds of crap on it…they drew big buck teeth and wrote Bucky whore and all kinds of crap on it..gave it back to him and he brought it back and gave it to me laughing hysterically…right in front of my mom..I was in 5th grade and my brother was in 2nd grade…the accident happened when I was 8 and my parents never took me to the doctor and the private school basically targeted and abused me in order to get me out …my mother to this day sees nothing wrong with what my brother did…I’m 44 now and I asked her last night if she remembered this incident…and she did…she basically blew it off as me over reacting
I really enjoy listening and watching your podcasts, Kenny. I am a bit older than you and grew up in a time when narcissistic abuse wasn't mentioned. I have done extensive research on this issue and come to realize I was the daughter of a narcissistic father. And, yes, emotionally-underdeveloped AND emotionally- immature people exist today, sadly. Keep up the great work, Kenny, and I must say, you have a beautiful smile. 😊
Congratulations! I am so sorry you experienced narcissistic abuse. If you are an empath, you have now elevated to Aware status. There is nothing more powerful than that!!
I had an extrem case of ghosting. Was in a relationship with someone for 2,5 years. Then a big tragedy happened in his family and bam! suddenly he didn't wanna have anything to do with me anymore. I tried for 2 months to get him to talk to me, explain why, what's going on, what I did wrong etc. But I just couldn't get through to him. I always thought we had a good relationship, but I guess I was wrong. I never wanted this relationship to end and i loved him with all my heart and i thought he loved me too. It's been over a year now and I still hurt from this sudden abandonment without any reason give and i still wonder today how he could cut me off like this after 2,5 years. I have been working hard on myself to not play the victim role and to blame me for this and to forgive him. Looking back now I'm glad it's over and I don't need a person like that in my life, but it is probably something I will chew on for the rest of my life. It's been very hard but every day gets a little better. This video has helped me to get some clarity. Thank you kenny
Oh that's rough! Yeah you deserve much better! 💜
Same as you, except my ghost happened after 5+ years! It's still hard.
Damn I’m sorry to hear. And here I am being butthurt about being ghosted after a seemingly good first date with a girl I really liked
The truth is that most of us don't know how to tell the truth. We hide behind a mask that keeps us safe from emotional pain. Think "tears of a clown, when there's no one around".
He was pretending. He wasn't being honest. He didn't know how to tell you so he just disappeared.
There are worse ways to break up. I think the worst is when they start to be nasty to you until YOU break up with THEM. That is not nice at all and very painful. And cowardly. 🤮🤡🤪
@@A-RonHubbard He's just a coward. That's all. No balls. I bet you wouldn't take him back now. You might think you would, but the truth is you wouldn't be able to trust him again. To heal from a broken heart you have to cry, cry, cry. Cry until you have no more tears left to cry. When you are finished crying you won't feel broken any more and you care anymore. Only then can you move on. Try it and you will find I am correct. 🙋🫂💔
They ghost as a power trip. They do that to ppl they think are higher than them. They do it when they're intimidated and jealous of a person.
That could be, I never thought about that.
thank you my friend just texted me after ignoring me for 3 months. l dgaf now and l don't think l want to see them again
I cried when I listen this.Thank you. I never had a normal parents and I am opssesed with person who come and go 🙏❤️
6 months after being ghosted by a long term friend I wrote and asked her if she could not have found a kinder way to end the relationship.
For example what could have said as a friend? I find it more difficult than in romantic relationships. What should I say to a friend, also when l don't want to hurt her, but don't want to continue the friendship?
Some people really do have different standards for friends. For example I’m very low maintenance and can sometimes go a year or more without talking to long distance friends. Neither of us have problems with it and just pickup where we left off, but we are also guys and I know women tend to be closer as friends. I have a suspicion some people see romantic relationships in the same way (for whatever reason) which is one reason for ghosting. Doesn’t make it right, because even to me I find it extremely disrespectful to be that distant in a romantic sense, but it is an explanation
why even bother? they are a piece of art. Fix your own judgement, stop blaming others.
@@alv4120 The truth. It's very important
@@clownworld4655 I think ghosting also depends on the level of intimacy establishment. If you're sleeping together, talking about your fears and past etc. it's only right to match the goodbye with the connection. Ghosting doesn't match that level of intimacy is therefore ethically wrong.
People simply ghost because they have tons of options and the irony of this is that they always end up alone and miserable.
so true
Agreed
Yes, I have abandonment issues, the more he blocked me, the more l needed to prove how worthy I'm. Most of the l will leave first so l can powerful.
Liars, manipulator's and cluster b's always ghost, fine with me. I've had friendships for thirty years and they are friends, when people ghost you be grateful.
I think you're right!!
Yep all the people who ghost me does have a cluster b personality disorder.. omg
Woa you just pulled my card with this video. The fantasy of commitment without the actual commitment.
I’m crying watching this video. Thanks for your honesty because now I know that my denial has been wasting so much time and creating even more damage to my heart, my soul and my mind. I’m the One picking a ghoster. Regards from Switzerland
I wouldn't ghost you. You look fantastic.
You deserve better ❤
I ghosted my therapist lol I am my own problem. I appreciate finding these videos
You have spoken the truth regarding the matter, and yes I agree. It’s about damn time we acknowledge these issues and their reasons and work on ourselves, so that we can be better holistically, and that the world will start treating each other with honesty instead of hiding behind walls, and causing people to question their worth. There are so many people out there who don’t speak up, and are suffering in silence, be it the ones being ghosted, or the one ghosting. Once again, heart touching, great and informative video 💯.
Viewer from Singapore 🇸🇬
Im completely off dating sites its a confidence killer
Very, very truly spoken. Our society became impoverished in having actual eye to eye connections.
Thank you very much!
Absolutely!
Kenny Weiss, this is the BEST video I ever seen regarding "Ghosting". I totally agree with you about how the internet/texting has changed our society and how people think and communicate these days.
Oh wow
This opened my 👁👁's SO much
I feel like between the two, I may be a ghoster but I've definitely been on the receiving end of being ghosted & it's definitely not a good feeling at ALL when someone's basically making you feel like they're denying your existence & then when they want (or feel like they need) something that they can get from/out of you, they randomly just show up out of nowhere acting like they didn't ghost you for the past 2-3 days, weekend, month...etc etc
This applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. Yes, you are so right about our damaging childhoods although some are better than others. You are right that most of the time we are the problem because it takes two to tango.
On another note, there are times you have to step back from people with whom you have gotten involved. The difficulty is to know when it a healthy act or not.
Thanks for this great video.
These are exactly what the person who ghosted me ever said!!
I don’t want to tie up to my phone, I was busy, blah blah blah.
Hard to open up, hard to share, hard to communicate.
Thank you for this video!
thats the first thing these ghosters say when confronted followed by "don't make me feel guilty". I mean ghosting is the most heartless thing anyone can do. I mean its worse than even an assassination.
It's not the intimacy, it's the potential abandonment.
It does something to the person their ghosting deep down especially when the ghosting happens after a postponed intimacy …when u don’t let ur guard down until there’s a level of trust and comfort…and they’ve gotten u to that point…only to ghost u immediately afterwards…yeah…that does some serious damage to an already damaged person or psyche …most people aren’t smart enough to realize they’re causing more harm then not by doing that type of thing to someone they know has trauma issues ….
@@w8what575 They Aren't doing it for YOUR benefit that's for sure. Don;t blame yourself for one minute. You didn't deserve it. No one does. It's all in them. Pure inability to be honest. You dodged a bullet gf, Celebrate that ! 🥳🥳🥳
This is the best explanation about gosters. By the way, your outfit is very stylish and looks really good on you.
Glad you think so!
Thank you for explaining this. I have met someone like this. He came after me. Relationship wise. After the fifth ghosting And research I have just learned to except it. At the time I was going through stuff too so I really needed my space too. He’s like a 7 year old child coming around for comfort, and as soon as he knows your still fine with him he’s gone”. It’s like he need you only when he” needs you……thank god I never stepped over the line, because of the red flags. we are just friends 😊8 years and counting
I love your light switch analogy. Once I figured out how I was accepting this behavior I realized I never had a clear idea of what my real needs were in friendship either. I wrote down what I needed and realized I wasn’t even sure what my friends needed. I never ghosted but had a few ghosters. As my need for emotional intimacy changed so did my relationship needs. I had a wonderful therapist help me through this.
I love this Kenny! I figured out all this about me too. it's been quite the realization and profound moment of transformation, self forgiveness and deeper understanding and love not just for myself as well as my union with everything. Thank you, you are so Fabulous!!!! XOXO
Many people are unaware that there is such a thing as ghosting, - thus they consider those of us who have been ghosted over and over for - as “crazy”.
Haha, this is perfect. Being open is your best virtue. Excellent explanation of why it's important to be aware and validate silence.
Your outfits are always so stylish
Thank you for answering a question I hadn't asked. You've filled the gap. Best wishes.
Glad to help!
I’m a ghoster. I’ve recently been diagnosed as having autism (Asperger’s) what your said Kenny is absolutely spot on. I’m a 50 year old female. I’ve dated a few people in my life and I usually walk away, I don’t want attachment and other than being blunt and saying it’s over I’m gone. I am aware I do not want confrontation. I don’t always know what to say either. I had a very detached childhood and I’ve been used in relationships for money at the time I had no idea i had Asperger’s.
I have to say that I’ve found a lot of people break up they automatically look at the other person and blame them. We rarely look at ourselves. I did and found out about my condition. We have to remember there’s two people in every relationship. Two minds with different ways of thinking. It’s an interesting subject.?
I'm autistic also but get very attached. Something I do though at times when a person appears I'm not interested in I don't know how to tell them. Because I either say nothing or I have no filter. Theres no middle ground.
I too am autistic however everyone seems to blame everything on being autistic. Same thing for ADHD, I have this for years. I get tired of everything people do wrong and blaming it on ADHD. I find this to be a cop out. If you are a ghoster, try and find a way not to do it. Have some growth mindset that you can do it (stop being a ghoster) instead of having a fixed mindset. It takes work but one can do it.
@@debral9651 Hi Deb. In order to break up with someone in a kind and respectful manner you DO have to talk to them face to face. Think about how YOU would want to be told. Tell them that you like them but your feelings aren't strong enough to commit to a relationship with them. You had thought they might be but now you realize that they aren't. Tell them you don't want to waste their time, and you can't see them anymore so you can both move on. .
That is kind and honest. Have some reason to leave immediately so they can have time to process this information. They will have to grieve the loss and cry like any other loss. If you can, call the next day to show that you have respect for them. You should expect some tears but if they become angry or abusive you should remove yourself. Don't give them renewed hope and just repeat what you said before.
You can google lots of ways to break up gently. 💔
Do you feel proud of destroying people’s emotional life like it doesn’t mean anything? Should we give you an award or what?
Its good to k ow what is going on with us but your articulated everything so well and having read plenty on the mind brain connection, you have full control and are 100 % responsible to work through your childhood traumas so you can improve and not ghost others anymore. Labels are the lazy persons excuses to not dig deep and feel their pain and learn to develop healthy behaviour. You sound like one of those perfectly capable people. We can't go hurting people because we feel uncomfortable with out pain and dealing with our issues. I encourage you to now start the work within, now that the Dr gave you a label. It's even easier now for you, it's official, you understand exactly what to work on and where to start. I am tired of society making excuses that we simply need to get a label, perhaps pop some pills and walk through life passing along our damaged goods. You are 100% responsible and capable so don't be lazy. I have gone through so much and had tons of childhood trauma but I always did the work and we must be gracious to our journey and pain we have had, yet we must be real and go to work. I had to be strict with myself and not feel sorry nor be defensive. When we are honest with ourselves, we can work through everything.
When I have been ghosted, even in real life, I am thankful. Let’s me see before I am in deep. I have been doing a lot of forgiveness work. Not perfect, but ready to look forward in my life instead of backwards. With the men I do meet, amazing how much pain they are projecting towards women in general. I am in shock and awe that they will attempt to gaslight me in the very first conversation we have. Waiting for a guy who I can have an authentic conversation with. Right now, a lot of “my way or the highway” conversations happening. I used to feel the need to help them. Not so much anymore.
I’m lucky to meet people organically just by being social out and about. Ghosting happens and lots of unintelligent people emotionally out here
That's my new way of acting. No more deep investment in the "internet friends". I have some acquaintances online, and that's fine, but our interactions are quite superficial. What I've noticed that most of my online friends (female friends) used to treat me as an unpaid therapist or a shoulder to cry on. I was their personal ER and crisis management centre. they weren't interested in talking about hobbies, neutral topics, anything else but the drama. Their drama.
I was a Ghoster for 20 years, not knowing how much I hurt men.
I was broken, unable to love ❤️ from fear of getting hurt.
I was the one with the problem, NOT the men I was dating.
It was never my intention to make men suffer, I was a sick individual in therapy.
I stop taking calls the moment a man said or did something I dislike.
I learned about the word ghost last year.
I had a horrible childhood. My detachment was unprecedented.
I didn't take pride that my ghosting could cost anyone harm. That's why I live by myself with a dog.
Thank you Sr.
I learned something new.
Respect to you for getting help. Thanks for being honest! You got this.
Respect for your bravery. 👍
I can relate. Thank you for the share
Thank you for sharing and a willingness to change 🙏
The question is, did you really not know the pain you were causing?
Kenny great info! I'm one of the odd ones out (not a picker).... I have one sister in the Grandiose Narc Range and another in the Vulnerable Narc Range. Many of the online videos focus on "picking" a partner within these ranges.. Mine is unique because the first range was unavoidable with 2 State Bosses, luckily that was solved with time. The Sisters are unavoidable because of being relatives (also not picked) and now adults and difficulty with dealing with an elderly parent. Actually the two bosses helped me understand and navigate the grandiose narc sister... So negative experiences can be beneficial! This video helped me understand the sister who is the multiple ghoster who has flipped on and off throughout the years! The interesting thing is that she can never share in others successes but is always jealous and can't hear about them. Also unfortunately.... her children now are ghosting her! I feel sorry for her because she lives such a lonely and bitter life.
Kenny u are legend. As u say we are all perfectly imperfect but gees u sure put yr heart and soul into improving yr self and us lucky folk who have come across yr Chanel are also reaping such life changing rewards. Bless you for sharing and caring.
Sometimes I am not sure when it's ghosting or just people are busy or whether I have crossed some personal or professional line. So I try not to assume it's ghosting until I've exhausted all other logical reasons...
Not your issue, theshould tellyou. Keep your boundaries, ghosters have numeracy and also keep boundaries! Keep safe!
Let's say we are friends and you said or did something, which crossed my boundaries. I would tell you about it, because I would like to discuss it, be honest about my feelings, my expectations and I would hope for reconciliation. And i would also hope to be treated in the same way by you, if I did something hurtful.
Busy.... no one is THAT busy. There was time in my life, when I was super busy, and still made time for my friends, because meeting them was something super pleasant to me. Like a reward for a hard work. They were NOT treated as an unpleasant chore. I remember I was sick like a dog, having a terrible flue, and I still wanted to chat with my bestie of this time via video call. Because seeing my friend was my medicine, and cheered me up.
On the other hand, I have been just ghosted by a friend of mine, whom I saved life 3 times. Not metaphorically. She ghosted me, because now her problems are solved, she has a new job and a new (rich) boyfriend. I don't match her new very busy schedule and a new posh life... . I believe she thinks that if she needs me, I will be there, waiting for her phone call or a text message. Nope.
Take it from me, and I have a HUGE life experience with people of different kinds. People who truly value you won't risk losing you. There is no such thing as "too busy". If a person respect you, then they may call you and say: "Listen girl, I am having an apocalypse here now. I have to deal with it right now. I will call you back in two weeks, and they we will chat". And they DO call back in two weeks.
If they don't try to reschedule the call, don't answer the text for a long time ( a week or more) , give you a promise but don't deliver, then you can safely believe you are not valued enough to have your needs or feelings considered.
I have NEVER EVER had a situation, when someone who truly respect me ghosted me "for valid reason". You will never exhaust all logical reasons. You need only one : where there's a will, there's a way.
There's also a difference between someone who abruptly ghosts you without any indication the relationship was in trouble and someone who suddenly ends communication after a squabble with you over something.
My older brother was the former with me
You are amazing. Thank you for this presentation. I am guilty of these traits. I am a work in progress. But it begins with self awareness and accountability. I am a deeply traumatized person. But I am making efforts to change these awful behaviors.
Kudos Eve. At least you are self reflecting and seeing the seriousness of your actions. Blessings
Ghosting: when things are better left unsaid or
when there’s nothing left to say.
or you are not playing the game the way they want it
Ghosting is an escape from taking responsibility. A mature attitude would be to end the conversation with a polite phrase like "I don't want to continue this conversation any longer. Take care." Politeness is respect for others and for oneself.
It only takes a minute literlally to tell them how you feel ghosting is just a new way people who dont know how to communciate like a real adult do they jist ghost you like a teeneager
Ghosting: weak ass shit
More dangerous than the ghosters are the people who light-weight ghost. They stay in your life, pop back in and pop back out as though you're a special restaurant of theirs. Those people cause more damage than the one who makes it clear how they feel through a ghost.
Thank you for your clear and not judging explanation. Coming from a childhood you explained. I struggle a lot with my fear of confrontation. I really don't want to hurt no body with my acting, I just can't help if somebody comes angry against me to stand my ground so I disconect from the situation by stop communicating Im in therapy, it's a long way out of it.
Thanks, Kenny! This is the best explanation of ghosting (abusive,avoidant behavior) behavior that I have heard. I liked the light switch and dangling carrot metaphors. The “broken picker” comment was funny but eye opening! I have watched this video several times, and it teaches us sooooo much more than a lesson about ghosting!
My ghosting 👻 👻 tactics did come from fear based abandonment issues from my dad not being in the home as a child. This internet dating is full of narcissistic connections and knowing the lack of emotional interest from most men (looking more for physical hookups) I got so turned off an kicked them off my universe before feeling rejected 🙅🏽♀️ an disappointed ☹️. I know now not to give my number out so fast an vet the person before deciding to level up to a stronger connection. Internet dating is definitely not for me!
I'm pulled towards ghosters, but by the same reason. Fear of rejection makes me fear vulnerability and intimacy. I love connection.
@@ann-louisegustavsson5008 I love connecting too but todays dating market is so full of self-centered men who want the goods instead of a real connection!!
It's truly brutal.
You’re not lying. The dating pool kind of sucks for men & women now
I love your blues--background decor, and your jacket. I guess that is calming. Anyway it is delightful to gaze at.
This is the best thing of heard In a long time. Thank you for articulating it so very well. Resonates unbelievably. 🙏🙏
You are so welcome
Thank you for your posts. I had learnt a lot, unfortunately only when I was really sick from this abuse.... extreme empathy is a fear based abuse. Yes.
alot of ghosting is just people not reciprocating interest … there are lot people that need validation and attention but don’t give none in return… chasing without equal interest is exhausting
I was ghosted a few times by mind so called friend. I’m happier now because I’m not so hurt anymore. It took counselling to help me let go of the self blame🤗🤗
You’re right. We have to admit we have a role. You have helped me get power back. Thx.
Excellent!
Interesting, astute thank you. I'm old, glad to be. I also am tech challenged, no social media. When i was a young dysfunctional, ghosting happened but we did not have this terminology. I'm loaded with attachment issues, but being a goody goody i felt an obligation to be honest delivering rejection, saying no. The huge pleasant surprise was that people are complimented by candor spoken respectfully. And they appreciated
Eye opener. Absolute truth. Thank you so much!
Thanks for listening!
That is me, and I hate it, I have massive sections of my life missing to dissociation and I watch friends slip away and all I can say is I'm still here if you need me.
...I've done the same thing, some time ago...withdrew completely from the dating sights....great video👍👌
Thank you that’s very kind of you to say😁
This is so bang on
I'm seriously living this. Holy smokes... I for some reason am attracted to unavailable men. Why. So frustrating. I really do want deep connection and love. This is on me. Where do people meet ppl . I can't do online dating...I just don't feel connection. I need to get out there and maybe get hobby and meet ppl. This was eye opening.
If you had unavailable parents, mostly father, then you simply have a blind spot. I had that one. I couldn't predict things, because toxic behaviours were perceived by me as normal. Because they were "normal" in my home. felt you had to "win" Daddy's feelings, if you were constantly triangulated with something or someone, then you believe that chasing unavailable people is a natural thing to do and that all people play cat and mouse in their relationships.
My newest discovery - go to a local cafe. Chat with a bartender/barista/waitress. Such people know a lot of people. If this person will get familiar with you, if you talk about nice things, about life , about your hobbies, they will introduce you to other customers, who like similar things. That's what I chose to do after being constantly disappointed by online "friends". And it works.
Well, I'm planning on " ghosting " my old self. I liken my life to a snow globe, I'm gonna shake it up, then decide where and how much I allow the " snow " in certain areas. No more letting it fall wherever. Been working on Self Discipline, and want some BIG changes. Good Luck to all this year as we self IMPROVE.
I agree with this but I also think there's another situation that happens when people ghost, like I've started to. I've learned that you can't change people and talking to some of them is a waste of time and energy. I would say that they are the narcissists in my situation, and God is pruning them out of my life. I'm much more at peace and confident in myself since doing this. I pray for them and leave them in God's hands where they belong. I do love and care about them but I was the only one in the relationship doing that. We are responsible for ourselves, and others are responsible for themselves. I only have room in my life for people who add to it, even if it's just being grateful for my giving. God bless you all.
Yes but when you ghost you don’t go back. A narcissist comes back when they need you.
What you describe is not ghosting, but No Contact. No Contact is a reaction to abuse. If a narcissist stops talking to you,then it's ghosting. Intention is crucial here.
"My picker's broken" 🤣🤣🤣 Yep, This is sooo true...They can only play, if we play too.
Good stuff! I appreciate your channel you are bringing so much clarity to individuals ,like myself who desparately need it!Keep up the great work Kenny! It sure is making a big difference !
Thank you! I am really happy to hear you enjoy what I teach and you feel it is helping you
I really love how you explained it and how precisely you were!! I recently deal with someone like that something I never experienced in my life but everything you said was very accurate it was a turmoil like a roller coaster for me but dump him after I realized what was happening
HAHAHAHA, Kenny I am crackinggg listening to this! I have been ghosted alottt and now I understand why! Its so true!! I cant believe that the guy I alow to hurt me the most name is Kenny, and the one who is opening my eyes name is Kenny. Alottt of lo e to you!!
Indeed, it had been a torment never knowing when they will strike. I have lost my sense of security, and live in the constant shadow of the ghoster. He is well aware of my fear of him and impact it had on me for decades.
Wow… I like that!
What a beautiful and insightful way of explaining a very complex topic.
I really liked this video that confirmed a lot.
Thank you so much!
Kenny in my opinion I have come to believe that on online most people are emotionaly immature and pshycologicaly disturbed and when a normal person goes online they start getting affected by these disturbed unstable people-the internet is just a playroom a hook up place of emotionaly unstable disturbed people that pretend and live in a delusional world-its role playing and they can be anything they want.
Can a ghoster be family member? For instance, an adult child who ghosts their mother, brothers and other family members?
Great question. Yes they can
Yes. Ghost away.💀
I don't call it ghosting; I call it no contact from abusers.
I think it’s a bless to maintain the continuity of life without having to deal with the ambiguity that comes by acknowledging completely ceasing someone or something’s presence. Keep it rolling 😊
text can also move into the direction of meeting! just calling would also not help, you have to meet!!
Ghosting is closure 😌
When there's nothing left to say or
when things are better left unsaid.
Cowards way out
@@maeveduff8932 They know why you left; there's nothing to explain.
Unless they're a moron, they know why you left.
Let's say you give an extension explanation, and they want you to stay or talk some more; are you going to continue to explain yourself?
When does it end, when THEY say they're content with your explaination for leaving or when you are satisfied with explaining yourself?
Using your criteria for cowardice, if you decide to leave and they don't accept your reasoning, you are a coward.
It's not a matter of cowardice for leaving without explanation; it's a matter of no longer dignifying their abhorrent behavior with an undeserved answer.
Someone who ghosts you is showing you lack of commitment towards you because of lack of commitment to urself ie being a people pleaser but not caring towards yourself...
Thank you for all the hard work you do on yourself to help us, ☺️💗🙏
You are very welcome😁
If someone is abusive and you want to sever contact,blocking someone can be very necessary!
Exactly. What’s the difference. No contact because someone has been abusive or ghosting?
Depends….does that person make u feel like a better person or do they make u constantly wonder? Ghosting is also a tactic that abusive people use to hook their claws into vulnerable people inexperienced with their type of abuse…I was very naive when I went out into the world…I had no idea that my ex husband was abusing me emotionally by cheating on me and then blaming me for him cheating because I was not living up to his expectations…I spent half my adult life trying to fix myself to make him happy…after 14 years of his bs..I finally had enough when I found myself on a bridge getting ready to jump because I didn’t do his laundry right and woke up to him screaming and spitting in my face that if I ever touch his laundry again he was going to beat the ever living hell out of me and put me in the hospital! I had done his laundry the entire time exactly the same then one day that happened. He was doing this kind of mind screwing in front of our sons…my oldest son being old enough to have learned that’s how he could treat his mother…my oldest son physically attacked me on a few occasions over having to help carry in groceries or do his homework when he was a teenager and then I found out that he was telling his school that I was violently abusing him and he was terrified to go home in hopes they would pull him from my custody and let him live with his dad…who wanted nothing to do with him…he went as far as trying to have me arrested for things I’m not even physically able to do..my son is 6’ tall 300 lb football player…im 5’ tall and petite….they were the reason I left my ex…because he was starting to abuse them and I couldn’t protect them from him any longer …I made the mistake of trying to hide the fact their dad didn’t want to have visitations anymore…he would cancel for the visit and go spend the weekend partying with his new wife..or one of his other girlfriends instead…I tried to protect my son but it backfired…I should have let him experience the abandonment he was receiving …even if it broke my heart..I still struggle with that deep seeded belief that no man would want a woman like me…that I am the reason why my ex had to cheat and financially neglect us and steal from us and leave us with no food etc…nothing hurts worse then a toddler crying and hanging on u because he’s hungry and there’s nothing u can do about it because their father decided he needed another motorcycle helmet and spent every last penny on it instead of food…when he was specifically told it’s al we have left for food…and I had two more weeks before my next paycheck and not even a cracker to feed my sons…I lost 16 lbs in two weeks and had no vehicle while he had 7 car payments and lived a life of Riley at my expense..when I kicked him out, I was on the verge of losing everything…I had to barrow money from my parents to turn the electricity back on and buy diapers for my youngest son and my co workers brought me a bunch of commodities food that kept us fed …I was very blessed to have met the people who helped us through those hard times…there were very few of them that he hadn’t gotten to…most people were giving false testimony and making themselves look like fools in the end when it was proven they were lying for him to punish me…I was turned into cps over 24 times when my ex husbands attorney finally sent the state a letter threatening a law suit because my ex thought I was turning him in because he was too stupid to realize that every time he turned me in, they had to investigate both parents lol…so he thought they were questioning him because I turned him in..,lol..what a moron! So he did me a favor by having his attorney write that letter lol…he eventually got to my boss through a friend of his that also worked where I did and got me fired…he’s had me fired many times and had intentionally made life difficult for us…these types are monsters and the only way to get away is to block and ghost..
😢I’m so sorry for all the anguish you’ve been put through.
"My pickers broken"
The light switch example was great.
This is probably one of the saddest thing I’ve ever heard… I would also like Kenny to be my professional
BEST outlook! great vid
I really like this man. His words help me.
Love it perfect assessment of this behaviour ❤
Every video I have watched Kenny you always touch on a point that so very important. This video was no exception. As always, Thank you so much Kenny!
You are very welcome
Thank u so so much for sharing your information. I did what u did.. left all dating sites for ever!! They did my head in not to mention broke my heart lol. I no am aware of the signs of a ghoster thank god. Thank u for helping people. Luv and light🙏🏼🦋
You’re welcome 😁
So much true about toxic internet dating how many ppl give up wounded due to dysfunctional fake techno communication that leads most of the time nowhere it's fertile land for scammers were lots of men and women loosing their savings it's insane !
Great information !!! Much love
Same to you!
I love your decor and you dress so elegantly and artistic! Thank you for your videos dear 🙏
a very frank sobering and enlightening analyses. thank you.
You're very welcome
I appreciate your honesty and being real.
Brilliant, funny presentation, what you described is absolutely true.
Thank you
This is a great video! Thanks for posting!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Cuh u speakin FACTZZZZZZZZ !!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
My childhood was a mess. Mom was dumped into an orphanage while her parents were alive. My dad was th number 8 child. He was brought up extremely poor in the reconstruction era. His mom was probably a dead mother. I'm sure a black woman in the late 1800's had her share of trauma. So her comes me into all of this toxic mix. So I'm off to read your book and watch other videos.
Are you saying your grandmother was alive in the late 1800s?
How OLD are you? Having a hard time believing your comment is legit.
It sounds like your parents had a strong potential to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is crazy making and traumatic for their children. I'm sorry that you are joining our club. 💔🫂🙋
@@leanne123 Thank you.☺
You must be extraordinarily OLD if your father grew up during the reconstruction period! That was 150 years ago!
@@Miniver765 You are RIGHT. He grew up in a worse era - JIM CROW - IN Ottumwa, Iowa. I was mistaken. My dad was born in 1910, the 8th child of a very poor family.
Damn this was very interesting.
Afraid/unable to feel intimacy.
Reject/block those who call/come onto me.
I know that I have a type of avoidant personality/behavior.
I can ghost people that cross my boundaries.
Sure those are not always clear but we all want decency.
When i ghost, I do so permanently, no looking back.
You are also right about the society of what we watch/experience through our screens.
That becomes an out, avoidant/escape.
We crave that connection.
No wonder men watch pron and women useless romantic/dating.
Thank you Kenny! Appreciate your video’s.🙏🌸🕊
You’re welcome
It feels good to realise I'm not a victim. That I picked this, I'm a ghoster too and I've ghosted them back a few times before they eventually cut me off. I'm too scared of love to work on healing this, I think I'll just sit in the pain
I totally respect everything said here because it is true; however at times, when it's a case of someone who has a personality disorder or codependency, boundaries set up by another person is often seen as ghosting to them. Even if guidelines were discussed before boundaries were set and when limits are pushed by the individual with codependent or BPD, NPD behaviors and boundaries are set in motion WITH communication.....it will still be viewed as offensive and as ghosting.
I've been in both situations a bad ghoster in my younger years (like teens and early 20s) and a boundary setter ( communicating limits and expectations and adhering to said limits and expectations ) we owe no one anything.
Thank you for this information I didn't even know why he use to ghost me so much . I eventually dumped him so he can ghost 👻 himself that was the only way out for me.. ✅
These are the most helpful relationship videos on yt