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7 Ways Narcissists Are Caught Inside Self Made Traps
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- As you experience ongoing frustrations with narcissists, you can easily wonder: "Can't they learn to do better?" Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists are unable to adjust because they are trapped by irrational life patterns of their own choosing. He gives 7 examples of traps that keep from maturing. Knowing how they also wish to lure you into their traps, your task is to develop awareness and resolve so you can live a free, healthy life.
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They assigned themselves to lead others, but they have no leadership skills.
That's perfect! Great.
Perfect evaluation
Narcs can't lead and yet they don't want to be lead. It's a dead end.
@@ASpringSymphony Ah man, I know that situation with someone so well - I've literally said if you wont follow then you need to lead but people decide if they want you as their leader. They couldn't take on that part. They just wanna lead.
👏🏽✨👏🏽👏🏽
1. Authoritarian Posturing
2. Trap of Singularity
3. Trap of Logic Defying Thinking
4. Trap of Constant Fear
5. Trap of Pseudo Love
6. Trap of Anger
7. Trap of Judgment and Contempt
"Control is an illusion, freedom is reality" that's beautiful Dr. Carter
He’s a regular sartre
That’s why they live in their heads.
Its true
Digital Mobile Post I get what you're saying, but that's a topic for another thread. You can be mentally free or trapped, with or without monetary freedom. Money gives you options, and more freedom to escape your reality. But mental freedom will elude you if you are plagued by your inner demons. I do think it's sad that, unless you've got the money, you can't afford one on one counseling with freedom to choose the best. Nor the time off from work for as many sessions as you need.
They both illusions!! But freedom is a better illusion!
They have the literal understanding of life at a child's level of understanding... you are literally dealing with a child in an adult's body when you deal with 1 of these folks...
My 8 year old child has more emotional intelligence than my parents with combined age of 145.
A greater truth has never been spoken! Amen.
Child? HA more like a toddler... nothing over 2 years.
She will use child like phrases . She's 45 I'm 54. Funny you say that it's so true
She says back to me anything I say to her. I say stop gaslighting, she says stop gas lighting. So sad
They create around themselves a most unpleasant atmosphere. When we are with them we have a bitter taste in our mouth, a nasty smell in our nostrils and we can’t wait to be away from them.... it’s so sad 💧
That says it all. You are so right!!
Oh, Dr C, it’s as if you were there.
Experienced “all of the above”
The resolve was to get out.
The reason being that:
I treasure my freedom too much
I’m willing and eager to connect with other individuals only in a fashion that allows us to connect in a mutual celebration of what’s right and what’s good between us.
When you need help from them, they don’t wanna know. When they need help from you, you got to be readily available!!
🙏🙏🏿
absolutely
Amen
You need a hour long walk in fresh air after one minute of the UGLY HATER!!
Very true for me. I always wanted to run away from him so I would make up reasons to leave.
He makes a pit, digging it out, and falls into the hole that he has made. Psalms-7:15
"Look at the one who is pregnant with wickedness; He conceived trouble and gives birth to lies." - Psalm 7:14
Amen
Amen!
Unfortunately no. The traps they set for themselves are: 1) fear 2) stubbornness 3) refusal to introspect 4) rationalizing 5) refusal to take responsibility for themselves 6) keeping secrets 7) lies
It's really one because fear drives the last 6.
Love this! Very accurate. They're fearful cowards, as sad as this is.
I know a Narcissist that's eat up with Constant Introspection, especially in Retrospect if a Relationship doesn't work out well for them. Wears my ears off rehashing things.
@T - Rex sorta. He actually will blame himself and take accountability. Unlike the Arrogant Grandiose Megalomaniac Types that won't.
Very true
G Mathis this is how my ex was also... I think this is more a trait of the vulnerable/covert narcissists... I started noticing the “introspection” usually ended with an excuse of some kind though, and is it *really* introspection when they have to rehash the same things over & over, out loud, to an audience (even if it’s an audience of 1, like it was with me) - they are basically ranting for 3 hours with no consideration of your time or opinion (it’s not an actual back & forth conversation) and focusing entirely on themselves... their favorite topic, naturally...
I love that there's a video almost every day. Best therapy I've ever had.
Ditto
Amen!!!
@Krishna Patel Amen.
All of the above ! Dr Carter is kindness & inspiration.
Same here ... it’s a blessing People like Dr. Carter exist and share their healing wisdom with us!
These traps - 100% accurate descriptions. They are inside a cage - and they want company in there. Keep 'em at arms length.
Well said! Thank you 💕
Yes definitely at a distance they are very child like
I try, but many people insist on worshiping an imaginary narcissist and will help the narc gather as many victims as possible with the promise of salvation when the only thing they do get is submission to a narc and guidance as to how to excuse everything they and their enablers do. How can we expect healthy behaviour from people when on Sundays they're told how to be the perfect victims and enablers?
@@stylis666 exactly my cousin told the narc how he grew up in church and all this stuff I dont get how u grew up in church the narcissist is cheating with u telling u she doin me dirty and ur helping her but yet u go to church and u praise God well if someone playing around with ur cousin u should help ur cousin and say ur not goin to do that to ur cousin instead of helping and enabling her she came down here stalked me and chase me almost got me in car crash and my cousin was babysitting her kids enabling her again how f up is that
Yes!
Even people like myself, who are not really narcissistic, can benefit from these videos. They are reminders not to be too self-centered and to watch out for bad habits and tendencies.
Exactly
Excellent point
Idk after breaking a generational narc cycle... I am going to be very self centered and have 10 times more self avocation. They prey on your lack of self centerness, forgiveness, and empathy. Believe me people who are in my life have proven to me they deserve and reciprocate my interactions. I was a big people pleaser, still am, but I've realized narcissist look for those things then try to make you their well of supply because they know you have a lot to give and they delight that it wont be enough for them, nothing ever is.
I've caught myself having behaviours that he's listed in previous videos... not too severely thank god but.. even just a little bit it has scared me very much. I believe my issues were environmental cause I'm starting to see some real patterns with my immediate and extended family and I've realized that they really all have it pretty bad and they just don't see it. So it's like no wonder I have some. But.. at least enough of it has not really come at the expense of others for the most part.
@@Junokaii smh
But even when they do it to themselves, they will blame you.
Yes, this is the favored tactic of narcissists. If they rage at your statement they will say you made them rage. I cannot count the number of times I have encountered this with them.
Everytime I've held my Dad accountable for the horrible of inconsiderate things he's done he'll say I'm being unreasonable and that I'm cruel and like to punish him for every little mistake.
Setting and enforcing healthy boundries is not a punishment Dad
Yes even when it's their actions causing them problems they always have a way to turn it around on you.
THASSSSS where i was going ....you BEAT me to it
No matter what you do, you will get the blame for doing something wrong.
They name streets after Narcissists. It's called "One - Way".
So v ery very clever I really needed that laugh
Funny
Good one
1) Authoritarian posturing: controlling, needs to win
2) Singularity: no “we”, they’re all that matters,
3) Logic defying thinking: facts and history don’t matter
4) Constant fear: defensiveness, easily threatened, insecure
5) Pseudo love: their love is admiration, transactional
6) Anger: harshness, passive aggressive, rage, bullying
7) Judgment and contempt: condescending, disgust, devaluation
Mind-numbing procrastination, obstinance, contrariness. These are three of the major traits of my narcissist husband. I have endured the Silent Treatment many times. He has never agreed with me on anything - he must take an opposing position always. It’s absolutely crazy making. I appreciate these videos so much. Learning the truth about my narcissistic husband has set me free. Time to set myself free.
Certainly is time to leave...RUN and dont look back
It's more than time....Quietly... vote with your feet. Leave and stay gone. Live your life.
Geez, I'm wondering if my husband is your husband's long lost twin. Exactly, my experience. I left 12 months ago. Best decision I've ever made.
My narc ex would do whatever he wanted but if I would suggest something he would disagree or turn it down.. like buying new furniture.. he would say "I am going to buy this, do you like it" and send me a picture but I couldnt say no because he would rage.. so he would just buy it.. and later on when I suggested to buy a new couch he would say, "it's not the time, we dont have the money" etc.. and a week later he would say, I just bought a new couch! It would drive me nuts..
Same as eating dinner.. we only ate dinner when he was hungry.. for so many times I asked him if he was hungry yet and said no, so I would eat a small snack.. and 10 mins later he would suddenly be starving and he needed to eat.. while I was like, dude I just ate a snack so Im not that hungry anymore cant you just wait for me now... it's like they drive you crazy on purpose.. and it all has to be on their terms..
@Siobhan Fogarty well he's my ex for a reason now xD.. at the end of our relationship I refused to cook dinner by myself because if I did, he would get home, quickly eat and go upstairs to game for the rest of the evening and that would leave me alone again for rest of the day (I was alone all day because he was at work).. so I said we cook together otherwise we dont talk at all anymore (that's not an unreasonable request right?).. and he started to complain because some of his friends gfs did cook for them.. and I was like, and they spend their evening together or not? He couldnt answer my question.. in the end he also used his work as an excuse to do none of his chores anymore.. like taking out the trash etc, because "he worked and made money to pay our rent" so he didn't want to spend his free time on chores.. and since "you don't work you have all the time of the world to do it" according to him.. so eventually I did all the chores and felt more like his mom or maid... when he said I didn't do a lot (while I did, he just didn't see it) I wished him the best of luck when I left xD good luck doing it all by yourself and working 40 hours a week.. talk about disregarding my efforts in and around the house..
Sorry for my rant btw xD
Dealing with these self absorbed individuals is difficult.
To say the least.
It's beyond difficult. It's always their way or be prepared to have everything blown up in your face.
@@jroberts1707 So you got out in 2004? I hope you are living a much happier and healthy life now. God bless.
@@ASpringSymphony , and it is always someone else´s fault, if a discussion is unavoidable. The twists and turns then are truly breathtaking.
@@sjwillis1137 , true and not every narcissist has a drinking problem.
Psalm 141:9-10
(KJV)
9 Keep me from the snares which they have laid for me, and the gins of the workers of iniquity.
10 Let the wicked fall into their own nets, whilst that I withal escape.
I always appreciate scriptural wisdom in how to deal with these awful characters. Thank you!!
Dakoder II, Amen
Over the years, I've told him that he's his own worst enemy! His black & white thinking along with his certainty that he's always right, sabotages what he's trying to accomplish. He's very resistant to any outside input but then blames other people when his idea fails. Ugh!!!
I'm almost laughing, but it's so sad. Ugh is right for sure.
Yeah, even the dog can be at fault. The narcissist I am dealing with was blaming and nagging about the dog for about a week.
@@mariaawake4502 😆 or traffic lights all turning red JUST to pissed them off !
It's frustrating when they start blaming their kids for things that are clearly their own fault. It doesn't matter if it's a toddler or even a baby. Anyone making the narcissist unhappy is being bad.
@@matilda1505 , as long as you are not in the middle of one of these childish tandrums, they sound truly funny ;-)
My covert narcissistic mother does this ALL the time. Continually craps in her own nest and wonders why nobody wants to be around her 😞
My cousins wife and I are in the same boat. Your mom is sick and all you can do is heal and help yourself. Best of luck on your journey, break the cycle.
This was my mom but she forgot to tell me what’s between her legs makes her uncomfortable. Of course I was bad at 4. Projections at it’s finest no 4 year old is so bad it deserves abandonment. So full of themselves they have mixed racers split there personality then hide it from them. 🤮 she was a Virgo Gemini. I’m familiar with the rainbow community. But I don’t mind male gentilita. Then we have to explain to other Narcs about Narcs how does the world even turn ?
Yea they said I’m not half Black lol. So is everyone a Narc? Because I sure do feel half Black and it was the cause of my abandonment ! If it doesn’t matter what in the hades was that?
Same with my father....
@Siobhan Fogarty And it's definitely a completely new phenomenon that no one ever noticed until the 4th century. Also, that chapter isn't talking about narcissists, the entire book is based on glorifying and submitting to one, just like the bible is. After all, the quran is basically just crafted after the bible and most probably because it worked to invoke unfalsifiable authority to force their authority on others and people these days still use it.
In fact, this video is a great video that, if you just change the word narcissist to religion or the preferred holy book or god or religious community, it will show that the religious are perfect enablers of an imagined narcissist and a narcissist enabling community that puts it as the highest virtue to praise and worship an imagined narcissist and the value you have is directly tied to your blind faith to it and how hard you try to excuse their narcissistic behaviour.
"And not even Muhammed knows if he will go to paradise as a reward." That's from the quran. No matter how much you please the narcissist, the "only way to the father is through me" said Jesus in the bible.
Be very aware what to cherry pick as inspiration. Maybe you don't take those books seriously - a lot of people do and you shouldn't encourage them to by quoting those books.
Boy howdy are you right. They are stuck at about 2 and 1/2. They argue about every dam thing. It is exhausting. Eventaully I would fly into a rage so it looked like I had a bad temper, but the oppositional defiance of EVERY DAM THING would wear me down
Please never stop publishing this videos. Very appreciated.
Thank you, and I plan to keep cranking. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Narcissism should really be exposed......I can't stand the trauma...:-(
This is all true. My mother desperately tries to control everything. Every little thing. Dad is a follower but he also tries in his covert way to control. Both ganged up to try and force me to think their way..or NO way. They got angry, threatening and insulting when I disagreed. I refused to bow to their demands and had my own mind. They shunned and insulted me for being "Stubborn". They raged and bullied like crazy. I couldn't show fear or they'd raise up even worse. As an adult I distanced and held my ground. Mom and dad went to a therapist to learn how to force me to do what they want. Dad told me this(!) The therapist said I'm an adult and have the right to do what I want. Dad was disgusted by this, still defiant and angry. Their resentment and hate grew so bad they became menacing and threatening to me. I no longer visit or call. I consider them mentally and physically dangerous..even in old age. Life is peaceful and good away from them. Therapy and positive self talk have helped me to let go. It's for the best. Old narcs are sad, angry people..not my problem anymore.
In Dr. Ramani’s videos, she said that narcs usually get worse as they age so you have to be prepared for the ugliness.
Mom at 84 is the worst ever. No dementia. Just mean, entitled, a skewed way of looking at the world, and plotting every minute on how to really eff up someone's day LOL
No contact is the best
It is a very wild attitude to think "I can do things quite well on my own without your input, but I would never want you to feel that way about yourself".
My manager actually got a look of anger on his face when I told him that I believed in myself and that I was good at my job.
It’s hard to talk about issues with someone that acts like your not even in the room!!
And I thought I was the only one who felt invisible....
They really are miserable people, and are clueless by choice. They like their prisons enough to stay there no matter what. They also live in the past which is just one of the reason why I believe they are so miserable. Thanks Doc, you have helped me immensely in the last year. Merry Christmas!
Yes!
Right. Change = ability to reflect and admit though. They are not strong enough to do the work so they stay miserable, bitching and self-victimizing the entire time.
Absolutely! My husband lives in the past and I want to move forward and be healthy! He always says that our relationship has never been easy. But life is never easy, but we can learn from mistakes and grow from them. Growth to narcissists basically equates to rebellion. Uniqueness is not celebrated, but looked down upon.
I've often felt like when talking to them that they're talking to me as a false caricature in their mind of what they've cooked me up to be and not who I actually am. Like it's a conversation with another part of their personality and not something between two people. I guess that's part of projection.
So true, and it is like talking to the 'other' personality within them!
Exactly
That is why the narcissist can't understand your thinking: the de-coding device is manipulated and broken.
I am guessing that they are traped in a false self, and the rules of the false self are to always be better than everyone, and to let everyone be assured of that. Its sad they wont have truy reciprocal connections.
Agree, but sad for whoever is trying to have relationship with them
Am I the only one that felt like he was just describing a typical right winger?
@@jezra4427 Yes,you are the only one.
After 20+ years I started calling him "doctor" before his name because he had to be right about EVERYTHING. Tiresome.
We put "professor" before my brother's name because he was the same way.
I started (sarcastically) replying to him with “yes sir m’lord” in a British accent after just 6 years... super tiresome individuals for sure!
Funny you should say doctor...I called him the judge and the jury because it was his way for all of us - “it’s simple, you just need to...” I despise that word, “simple”, nothing is simple!
@@janecalhoun153 Sadly, huh? I don't know how I was in such denial for so very long. He was my HS sweetheart and we married very young. I never expected what he eventually did. Looking back, all the signs were there but no one was talking about this then and I believed that it was me who was seriously damaged. The last few years he started saying, My Way or the Highway! How much more obvious can you get! I then started calling him Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.. Lots of the same things I now have read in books or heard in videos.
@@rfoley402 Makes sense to me. When there's literally nothing they're 'wrong about', what else do you say?
He is spot on!👏🏽 They love to use people. They don’t understand love. They are perpetually jealous of other people and miserable 😖. Thank God for everything. Especially, distancing me from these type of people. 🙏🏽
Life is Great!
Wish I had this channel when I suffered the covert narcissist husband for 18 years. I would'nt have given him 18 hours. Thank you for eduacting me. It helps for his relentless court cases now
Today, December 20, would have been my 45th Wedding Anniversary and I glanced over our wedding photos. In one photo, my husband was smiling. In another, I saw a rather stern face. Before we married, my Aunt saw my husband's business brochure. She pointed out that he had two faces in the photos, some kind and some quite stern. We were married for 15 years. He was very critical of me in our marriage, drip by drip, by drip. When people asked me why I decided to get divorced, my response was always "Well, he just wasn't a good communicator." I found Dr. Carter's videos two years ago. Lights went off. I didn't realize that I was married to a narcissist. Silent treatment, gas-lighting, criticism, the works, no empathy. Even after the marriage, he had an affect on me, especially when we were co-parenting two children. The last few years have been the happiest in my life because of the wisdom I have gained from Dr. Carter and two other therapists on you tube. I can see everything clearly now and I have compassion for myself and others. We raised two wonderful children. Our son is an attorney and our daughter is a breast oncology surgeon. I dated briefly and I have thrived as a single woman for 30 years. This may because I worked as an executive in the private service industry managing the estates and properties of ultra high-net worth families for 20 years (You would recognize their names). Married to my job, they became my extended families while working 24/7 as a gifted, well compensated, very co-dependent people pleaser. I resigned in 2010. So in memory today, I am grateful for my marriage because we raised two fine adults and that is an accomplishment to celebrate. So Happy Anniversary - job well done. We didn't work out as a couple, but we each did a great job as parents. What else can one hope for?
Dr.Carter is so compassionate.
Comin out of my cage and I've been doin just fine
Your course helped me immensely. It gave me such a better understanding of how I have to treat myself and know myself. It really opened my eyes to how I have given away my freedom for most of my life. I just never knew any different. I look at things differently now. Thank you!
Giving up yourself for your partner hoping they will return with real love and respect....still praying 🧎🙏😞
I was in very similar situation
But recently God granted me the strength and courage to dumb the loser for good.
And blame everyone else for being in their own trap. They are the best parent who’s children are falling apart. They are the saddest story of all, however most of it is either untrue or much embellished. Logic, reasoning...constant fear but such trouble makers. I just realized that someone I held very dear and felt so sorry for is probably a narc.
They are delusional & “yes” self-imposed traps. Yet live in their alternate reality of chasing that perfect life.
Oooooh I can't wait for this one. I know a narcissist who is currently in that very position. I tell you, it's like watching a twisted lifetime movie. Smh
@Jinx Fairy Yup! Which is why I vet with extreme care, who I let into my life, my heart, my inner circle. I have zero tolerance for narcissists! They are in one word, destroyers! May we all steer clear of them...as much as able.
@Jinx Fairy Don't let them turn your life into a Jerry Springer show. You know enough now.
Legally I’m in her trap. Mentally I’m free as a bird. Finally. I have to keep remembering that when she rages..... and that she will never understand what it’s like to be happy, content and loved.
Wishing Dr C and everyone else a happy, peaceful holiday.
Denial, deception, projection, deflection, OUTsight (juuust made that up, the opposite of insight) blame, shame
This is so accurate.
@@aik51912 we will see, I like to take a guess ahead of time! Wait a sec - are you an AI bot or a human?
Yes yes all of the above
ON POINT!! This is exactly how Narcs behave
The more I watch your videos, the clearer the narcissistic personality becomes, especially the more subtle forms. I emotionally put the narcs in my life at arm's length a long time ago without realizing why. I thought it was entirely my fault and now I see it was just my own defenses setting boundaries, creating a safety zone if you will.
Good Morning Dr. Carter: You are absolutely right about every trap you said they set for themselves; I've seen them get caught in all of them! Moreover, they blame you for their self-made traps! Keep good thoughts for me!
Narcissists like to constantly criticize you - and this is towards how you go about doing things .. any thing. So often I found my exes “input” about the way I’ve been doing a certain thing for years and it works for me ... tiresome and unwelcome. It’s one thing for them to give advice but it’s another for them to become angry I don’t take it.
They are all I , me , my , mine . Never us , we , ours , our . They also think that to admit to mistakes makes them weak , that's narcissists for you !
Unfortunately you are correct. Dr. C
My husband involves himself with ALL these traps. We have separated - he found himself a new supply who is young enough to be his daughter (19 years younger!) with three little girls. She is already convinced in a matter of weeks that I am the bad guy, he's the victim, and she knows him better than anybody else (like his whole family and me, his wife of nearly 11 years). So I let him go and I have way more peace in my life since. He's been living with her for just over a week now, and we are all waiting for the time when she comes to all of us and says "You tried to tell me...."
I grew up in. Dysfunctional environment... with my parents fighting all the time especially at night time when we were sleeping... as a kid I remember those scary nights when my dad would fight with my mum and smash things up 🤯 I was so scared that I didn’t sleep all night and I was absolutely drained-next day at school... I didn’t do good at school at all .. my concentration was 0 I was always scared , withdrawn and suffering ., but at time teachers would cal you lazy or stupid and unfortunately my mother was as cold as ice ... anyway I grow up leaving school very early and getting in to having to many boyfriends , drinking a lot ... from the age of 15 all because I hated being at home with my toxic family and my unloving mother... at the age of 27 I married love of my live my husband who saved me from myself... He is 13 yeas older than me and is of different nationality.. we have been together for 11 years .. happy and in love ... all this years I got abused by my mother verbally for marrying him... he is to old she says ... he is ugly .. you deserve better .. he is not our sort ( meaning nationality) Frankly she is a racist.. The only time she would be happy is if my husband I would give her money or presents 🤬Anyway to cut it short after 11 years of verbal emotional abuse and trying for a baby .. i finally got pregnant with IVF... when I told my mum it’s a boy : she said not good I’d rather you had a girl 😥 she asked me what you going to name? him ? I told her that my husband found a name she said no don’t allow that ... you find him a name that we like!!! So after all of this years of abuse ... my mother has finally touched me where it hurts the most 😥 so I hanged up on her ... she is now giving me the silent treatment no phone calls at all and I am left once again Exhausted... emotionally, confused and It HURTS 😢. All I ever wanted was for my mother to love me and be happy for me .. but no matter how good the news is that I give her she will turn everything in to misery. I am so tired.
i have gone through the same thing with my Parents (well almost the same) It was my father who always rejected me . All my childhood i believed that this is how parents should be ,,,up until i started to notice what other parents did for my friends and other kids , I realized that my parents were mean and i was so unlucky. I feel your pain as to this day i suffer with my life because of how i have been brought up. I am now starting to change and grow for the better . I want to be a good person. Just concentrate on that. Be a good person. We shall not let their behaviour poison us for the rest of our life.
@@chriswyma145 Sorry, they don't change.
They steal your joy, they just can't stand to see anyone happy because they're miserable stay no contact she's doing you a favor by giving the silent treatment, congratulations on your new little one teach him better and to be aware that not everyone is nice even grandma she'll show her true colors and kids are pretty intuitive
Perhaps it's time to go NO CONTACT, beloved! Congrats on your pregnancy! Wishing you, hubby and baby all the very best! ❤️
Catherine Praus Thank you. I will definitely try and be the best mother I can be to my baby boy 👦 when he is born. I truly must start accepting that my mother will not change and it’s me who has to change relationship with her. It’s hard though as I still love her and still hope one day she will be proud of me but maybe I’m just dreaming.
Before I married my wife, I asked God that he would let me change her haughty spirit. Turns out he had other plans. You can't teach humility to a narcissist.
You NEVER marry someone and hope they will change OR WORSE...
..HOPE YOU CAN OR GOD WILL "CHANGE "THEM !
If you dont like aspects if their character NOW...DO NOT MARRY THEM...THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE...run the other way..find someone who has a good kind character towards EVERYONE..I cant say this strongly enough...TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING...l didnt "trust my gut" & so was married to a narc for nearly 40 years too. (Oh to have Dr Cs info then.)...live n learn !! I live to help & tell others now!
@@wendyguymer5327 40 years😱Omg! I hope you found peace and happiness. 💕
I work with a narcissist. And she's always saying really strange things like "if that happened to somebody else I would laugh but I would be upset if it was me" if every time she does narcissistic traits and I playfully in a sing song voice say "naaaaaarcissist" is that still letting her know that I know what she is without having to engage back with her because it's not like I'm being rude. But I really am sick of her,
What a weirdo!!😣
I know it sounds like the logical thing in your mind to do. Call out the narcissist, but believe me there's no use. They'll end up saying you're the narcissist or they might say "What are you talking about..like Donald Trump?!" You have to remember it's a personality disorder, and they aren't able to self reflect. The only things you can do is have as little contact as possible with the person, and use the Grey rock technique. They're looking to get a reaction out of you. Don't give it to them. Be as boring as possible like a "grey rock " short answers. Don't engage. They aren't capable of change, and they think everyone else is to blame for the problems around them. Do your best to tune that person out.
Knowing is half the battle. I've cut off the toxic family members. I know i am better off without the headaches and feel peaceful and content with God's word and my accomplishments in life. I dont care about money or others views about me. I care about love and understanding and especially support for my children. The narcissist x wife lied and was able to take my kids to Seattle. I lost almost everything in my divorce. I bought a 30' sailboat i am half way done refitting and making into a live aboard. This is how you do it folks. Sail off into the sunset to be around for my kids. They need support and are stuck with their narcissist mom and grandparents most of the time. I say live and live freely!! We can all improve ourselves for the next relationship in life. I am looking forward to my recovery and having a caring intimate relationship that I deserve someday. You guys can do it too. Thank you Les.
He has got All the traps /cages!
I can't believe how its described exactly as it is. EXACTLY
If i did have any doubts about his behaviour its impossible to ignore the content of this video. It s so true.
Please keep these coming. I don’t have it to pay but your doing the world a great service and for those who, otherwise, would be left to figure it out because of money.
Very helpful information. The fact is that it is profoundly sad for them on so many levels.
Thank you for pointing out every aspect of my previous marriage. Every one of these 8 traps l felt l was responsible for. To hear these are their inventions and self traps have given me a freedom.of mind and emotion. I can celebrate being myself and not feel guilty about not taking responsibility for his unhappiness. It's his responsibility. Up to him if he choses not to. At LAST l can again like who l am and can be true to myself and love my inner peace. Thank you so much Dr Carter. I had to hear it to realise it and so accept it. I haven't wasted 20years. I'm not the bad and stupid person he said l am. . I'm ok with who l am. I actually realise l am ok.
I couldn't have said it better myself, when you described "the bear trap they put themselves into." The ones who tried to silent treatment their way out of that one eventually earned a one-way ticket out of my life. Doubling down on STUPID didn't work for them, ha ha
Mocking was the big one for my ex, mocked everything and anything under the sun. My preference for movies, food, friends, leisure activities...you name it. At odd times when his “creativity “ was short on supply he gave me “whatever makes you happy “response. Tried so hard, for so many years to believe there is still room for love.
Just got out of a 10 year relationship with a narcissist. He is engaging, funny, dynamic and active so it was hard to pull away from the good part. When I think of whether I would rather spend time with a person like that or a kind loving boring person, I think I would choose the former, but of course one is not limited to those extremes. Covid gave me the kick in the arse that I needed. At the beginning of covid, living on an archipelago on the verge of closing the last link with the continent, I was faced with deciding where and with whom I would spend a pandemic; my children and my native city or my partner on the windswept archipelago. I chose my children and packed my bags and left within 36 hours. I missed him at first and still loved him but knew he was toxic for me. Now, after a year, I just find him a bit sad as he has also had other friendships end. He's not a bad person; he senses something is wrong but doesn't have the courage to face it. He drinks to fill the void. He constantly talks to friends and circulates around the island visiting friends to fill the void. He can't bear to be alone. I wonder what will happen to him in the end. Et ainsi la vie. I start university in the fall in fine arts. I'm almost 65 years old! Ha!
Would you say that these people are often busy doing nothing like a hamster on a wheel ?
Oh my gosh how true is this?
Lol so true
That’s insult to hamsters , hamsters are industrious and smart , narcs are lazy , cowardly , morons
That is funny!
Thanks Dr. Carter! Your videos are such a huge part of my 'awakening' from Narcissism. Would you consider doing a video for how to deal with narcissist when they get a serious illness?
Thank you Dr. Carter. I hope you know how deep is your reach within narcissistic abuse victims/survivors. The damage this people do to a person is incalculable. They put you in a situation where you believe you’re worthless. Right when I thought living was meaningless I heard you putting names to everything that I had been through in my 30 years of relationship with my narcissistic partner. And I found my resolve. Thank you.
Thanks so much, Laura. Stay resolved and thanks for letting me be on your journey with you. Dr. C
Perfect description! Every point. I was just thinking about how the narc used to ask, did you miss me today?” Or “do you still love me?” (Short answer: no)
It would never even occur to me to ask those questions of someone who built their entire life around me.
Sometimes, when Dr. C gives examples of things narcissists say, I go back to moments throughout my life and things make so much more sense now than they did then. It's beyond therapeutic.
So pleased! Dr. C
A true God send today. Out of nowhere I got “ambushed” by my Narc...it was like he knew ( from out of town) I was wide open vulnerable... new stage to COVID, the holidays, isolation, lonely...BOOM. In for the kill. My emotions were out of control. ...I calmed & knew I needed support. Grabbed my phone & here you & your kind, calm, direct message surrounded me. I found the peace I needed to gather my strength & think. Thank you...for guiding me back to reason, purpose, “stand alone”! I can go & face the healthcare system tonight... I can come home & face the Christmas tree half decorated with no presents. I can! I’m actually working an extra shift Christmas so I can take the course! I feel it’s as important to me as my CEU’s!
Merry Christmas... I wish ALL PEACE & the JOY it will absolutely bring into your soul! Be safe!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣 He always tells me that life would be better if I would just listen and do what he wants me to do. But yet he can’t even pay his own bills always asking me to borrow money 💴.
Oh my gosh! How true is this?
Going through life in a constant state of angriness, It makes absolutely no sense to me.
It seems like a built-in punishment for them due to them being so angry with everyone
for no reason at all, but they will never see it that way.
Refusing to accept input is classic narc behavior. You can't tell them ANYTHING.
We stay out of their filthy traps!!we must,we must be in alertness to observe these miserable humans,how they act under fear,anger,envy,jealousy,desperation, disappointment!!tremendous unconsciousness!!🙏🙏
It amazes me that he finds any excuse or opportunity to blame me for everything wrong in his life. I gave him all of myself and he delegates me as his scapegoat and dumps all his negativity on me. I’m done with him.
I am currently living WRONG according to my narcissistic mother and sister, because I stopped communicating with them and my narcissistic father and brother. My wife now receives phone calls to deliver the guilt. The guilt HAS to be delivered. I had better feel it too, and change my ways and start performing my superficial convo services back up because those folks really need me. I’ve been suicidal for several years and the one thing I know, nobody is there for me. I’m the one in the wrong.
Strength to u we all understand here take care of u ✌️
My boss and my mom are like the same kind.
When you're talking about something, they're always making things about themselves.
Talking to my boss is like, he's always blaming and complaining about tasks that he as a boss has to do. Even if we're not nearby talking about problems.
- so damn right, Dr. C:
" they're in this constant cage of rage and anger"
Thank you Dr. Carter for being a venue of healing for everyone.
1 Authoritarian posture
2 The trap of singularity
3 The trap of logic-defying thinking
4 The trap of constant fear
5 The trap of pseudo-love
6 The trap of anger
7 The trap of judgement and contempt
A mental dead-end really.
This video explains a lot about several people in my life, in the present and in the past.
This is extremely insightful into one particular person in my life. It is sad that people are this way.
I SAW MANY VIDEOS, BUT I FINALLY FOUND YOU, AND I FELT THAT, YOU ARE MY ANGEL , AND DEFINITELY I'LL TRY THESE IDEAS OF YOURS AND HOPEFULLY BE ABLE TO LIVE IN PEACE, SACRIFICED MY LIFE , FOR KIDS.😕, GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DOC, 😊.
Thanks, Rosie! You're why I do the videos. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism RESPECT FROM MY HEART DOC, GOD BLESS. 😊
Freedom is in our hearts. No one can control the heart of another individual.
Spot on Doctor C. You rock! Thanks for your wisdom and insight. My ex covert narc wife of 33 years displayed all of these qualities. Very sad really.
Hello dr.Les Carter, each time your words are absolutely true, I have experienced all these traps with the bloody narcissistic , so weird situation, feeling like a stranger in his house, but free to do what I want with my days , dreaming of a better life without him, thank you for your talk, a good therapy every time. Respect and gratitude.
Control is illusion, freedom is reality. Thank you for every word in this message dr Carter.
It's amazing how you described my last boss in detail.
"I value my freedom too much." Words to live by.
my narc boss glares aggressively at me and watches me when I'm with a customer. Authoritarian, she kicks the baskets towards you, nasty. Then she brags that her husband bought her flowers on Valentine's day as if to say you have no husband. one upmanship.
I tried to discuss our relationship issues except that he never can see his part in it, it is always my fault
Karen I can totally relate with you. I have been with my husband for almost thirty years and not once has he claimed any responsibility for his involvement in our dysfunctional relationship. When I try to talk to him, he just turns everything back on me. I have been trying for years to get him to agree to go get marriage counseling and he either completely ignores me or he distracts by turning the conversation into something completely unrelated. I hope your relationship has not been as long as mine! Get out as quickly as you can. It doesn’t get any better just worse! I am trying to leave my relationship but between Covid and caring for my father who lives in our home, it seems practically impossible to escape.
I hope you do escape and stay safe!
First of all, thank you sir for all your dedication to healing people. I don't know how to tell you how miserable narcissits are. They simply just don't want to be happy.
I want to say a great congratulations to all the people who eliminated narcs out of their lives. We all deserve happiness
You indeed deserve happiness. Dr. C
The only answer is to eliminate the narcissist. They love their cages oddly enough. Pretty stupid way of living imo.
i mean most of these narcissist videos describe my mom but its eerie how extra accurate this one is
This is so accurate in describing living with a narcissist... Thank you Dr Carter ✨
I want thank you for the understanding approach you take on these persistent characters in our lives . We do love them. We just need to love ourselves more! Your recordings have been exponentially helpful and oh so wise.Thank you Sir !
Thank you, Kirsten. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism would ignoring people that fit these descriptions in the work place be appropriate? I'm 51 and seen a lot of things not looking to hurt anyone or make the situation worse for anyone else but I've had it with arrogance.
Freedom is the reality that I cannot please everyone all the time and I cannot control whether or not others will like or appreciate what I have to offer a team nor can I change anyone except for myself with the help of the Lord.
It’s their way or the highway! Fear is real,and love is distorted in their mind,and anger is triggered if you disagree or challenge them. Just walk away and and ignore them!
My covert narcissist husband committed suicide on 12/7, abandoning our 2 children. Thank goodness I did my codependency healing work (for 15 years!!) BEFORE this. So I am equipped guide my children through this needless trauma!! You and Laura have been a part of my process, and I thank you for it! I would love to speak with you some time!!
Thank you for the vital life line. I stopped and asked God to heal me (had lived on a steady diet of this for decades) and show me new ways of being, seeing, perceiving, and being in the presence of others - let alone relationships! I’m asking him to transform me right in the place where all of this cursing has been. Thank you for being wise, gentle, kind and generous. Surely you have a rich legacy.
❤️👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🏆
These videos are my therapy sessions ❤️
You're why I do the videos, Shumi. Dr. C
Narc’s definition of “true love” ...making breakfast for each other and going to antique stores.
True story. That’s was his answer when asked after 25 years of marriage, several years of turmoil within the marriage, and two years of separation. In an attempt to work on the relationship, i asked his definition and this is what he gave as his definition of “true love.” Not mutual respect. Not sacrifice. Not hard work. Not putting the other person first. Those all seem like “logical” answers, especially for someone trying to get back together with someone. Nope... true love is food and old shit.
Sounds about right - they are incredibly shallow individuals... their idea of true love is having their own needs met (at any cost) - ask them to name something they love about you and I guarantee the answer will be something you do for them, not an actual character trait or positive quality you possess.... my ex told me he loved me because I did his laundry.... woof.
@Siobhan Fogarty haha, right 😆 if only he did pay the rent... unfortunately I did that too 🤣🤣 he got to sit around all day watching conspiracy theory videos & yelling at the TV 👌🏻
Or it could be possible he's not as literal as you? To me his answer reflects cooperation and love for each other, as sustenance is prepared. Enjoying it together, followed by an adventure in which you both seek out treasures.
Regardless you both deserve to be with someone more akin to your very different personality types and interests. Or you will continue to butt heads and get your feelings hurt. Best to you both! 🌸
Talk about insecurities and defensiveness, I was involved with someone that he’d feel responsible for the obscure of things, ie, my car was scratched while being parked where he lived, I mentioned this to him and he took it personally, though I wasn’t blaming him, it was just a comment of what had occurred, he went into a rage. The other that comes to mind is we were vacationing and the apt’s water heater busted and there wasn’t any hot water, I told him that there wasn’t any hot water and he went into another rage. However, when he called the owner of the apt, he didn’t pitch a fit there. It makes it impossible to have any kind of conversation whatsoever. Good riddance.
Elizabeth de la Vega this is the kind of crazy making stuff they do that is so hard to explain to people who haven’t dealt with narcissists ! Your comment resonates with me big time!
@@ktwhimsy6946 - exactly. It is like stepping into the twilight zone.
O wow.... not come across anyone else who had that before.re the car story. Yes... I had the same... making him feel guilty apparently for things. Last one was I took his dog out and threw the ball and the dog misjudged and bit my hand.... not badly..just an ouch at the time. When i jokingly referred to it as part of the walkies tale he was all...well if it's too much bother dont take him out again..... so many things like that. Not anymore...binned him...miss the dog tho.
@@fabulousnewt770 -yikes. Poor doggie. Their interpretation is so warped, what they hear is, damn, your dog bit me and it’s your fault, nothing remotely similar to what you said. And my ex heard, “if you didn’t live in this dump of a place, my car wouldn’t have gotten scratched” or if you wouldn’t be so cheap, you would’ve rented a better place, it is totally bizarre and I’m so happy I no longer have to dissect my every word. Never again 😆
I had a good one just last night. Bought a supreme pizza hoping to share with him otherwise I would have just got vegetarian. He asked if I liked the pizza and I said yes but moreso got it for him to eat
His reply, oh another thing you can blame me for not enjoying..so over it!!!!!!
10 out of 10 stars! Excellent, interesting talk. Thank you so much Dr. Carter!
They have an odd way of relating to life.
Made me lol and is so true. I will never understand the chaos my MIL lives in. Chaos of her own design.
It's amazing how they surround themselves with so many friends and all of them will say they are just wonderful persons. At least my ex is like that.
Thank You, my freedom is life.
They're all the same ...evil and dysfunctional. Now I'm just loving myself more and anyone who chooses to be in my life will have to treat me well.💓
When you said "Hiding behind bushes" I nearly spit my dinner out laughing. Trust me, that's a good thing! I loved it! :)
Dr Carter you are the best coach when it comes to Narcissists.
Thanks! Dr. C
Your videos are amazing. This is the help I needed.
I cannot live without your videos !!