Covert narcisists are the most dangerous of them all - poisonous snakes, chameleons and wolves in sheep’s clothing! Thank you for your invaluable help and support dr Carter. God bless you ❤
OMG yes! I just discovered here last month that my younger sister is a covert narc Checked all the boxes with several examples of patterns of each. How did I not know this? Since 1970 I have been trying to "help" her through life. Even when her sugar daddy told me she destroyed him financially, it still took 6 more years before I came here to find out what the heck was wrong with her! She excels! I went no contact last month. Still ruminating but blessed she didn't destroy me financially too! I am emotionally okay. Thank you for being there for us! 😍
I agree husband's mom is one . People think we are crazy or wrong in our feelings. They are victims on a constant. Always acting they are perfect condescending, controlling. Want subservience
I've watched hundreds of hours of videos on RUclips about covert narcissism. Dr Carter's videos are, in my opinion, the best of the bunch. He's exceptional. And this video is a wonderful example of how good he is at nailing his subject. Yes, you've guessed correctly: I got caught up with a textbook covert narcissist. Am currently going through the extrication process. Dr Carter has been an invaluable source of sound, technical advice. I'm fine emotionally. However, I'm sure that if I needed emotional support, his would be equally invaluable. He's a special human being. No ego. Pure intelligence. An abundance of empathy. One of those great people who give, and expect nothing in return.
Narcissists are on their best behavior during the Love Bombing Stage. A lot of times it takes years for the mask to fall off, especially a covert narcissist.
@Bea_Survivor Cheers Bea🖐 it's nice to see you. I'm sitting just contemplating doing the washing up and your comment has cheered me up and motivated me!!! Thank you🙏I hope you are ok
Mine once told me after a night out as I was driving her home: “What do you really know about me? I only show you what I want to.” Maybe the ironically most honest thing she said towards the end of our relationship. It really made me think hard about it, and I realized that I knew not much at all. It was chilling.
Narcissists can't hide from those who know the signs of narcissism. If I'm around a person that is highly passive aggressive, always trying to compete with me, envying me a lot, disagreeing with everything I say, and trying to get a reaction out of me by using insults, I know that person is malignant narcissistic enough for me to cut out of my life. People who do that to me are just trying to take me down.
Their rules always change as you try to adjust to life. They are always steps ahead in their game. They join with another and attack you through the family and gaslight. They have their best interest in mind (not in heart), they have no real interest in you (just to dominate). They know how to complicate things to keep you.
I agree with the rules are always changing, I am not sure I agree with them being steps ahead, my experience has been they just refuse to accept reality and are very, very adept at deflection which may give the illusion of being steps ahead.
Overts are like roaring lions 🦁 that show you that they are the king of all animals, while Coverts are like snakes 🪱 that wrap themselves warmly around you, only to bite you with their venomous fangs and knock you unconscious when you least expect it. Tip for not getting attacked by a snake: Open your eyes wide and walk with firm steps, or even stomp on the ground with sturdy shoes, because they are very timid animals.
@roxymovie3938 I know what you mean. The only thing is that some snakes take advantage of your disabilities knowing that that you can't move quickly. I get days when my concentration isn't what it should be. These snakes take advantage of that. I appreciate the time you've invested to write comments when no doubt you need your own downtime 🕊🌸✨️💖🕯
@@amandaliverpool3374 Dear Amanda, thank you for your very kind comment, that I appreciate a lot. Yes, you are right, they take advantage of your disabilities to move quickly. They can even hypnotize you so that you cannot concentrate and focus on anything. Don't worry, my head knows the "mush-state" as well. Actually, writing these comments give me the oppurtunity to concentrate and relax at the same time. It brings me into some kind of flow. By the way, I am going for a couple of days to an island because I urgently need a change of scenery for my head is too much mush. Sending you lots of blessings and hopefully sunny and peacy warmth into your home ☀️🕊🙏💖🤗
@roxymovie3938 Dear Roxy 😊 Thank you again 🙏 That change of scenery sounds like just the tonic you need to recharge your batteries. My household has been managing better in recent weeks. My lads were very concerned about the way that snake slithered into my life. Trying to sort his issues had an effect on my health. Only one of the lads met him and wasn't impressed. The dog absolutely detested him. He's normally a big softy. I've blocked him in everything. I think it's best if I keep my own low profile for a bit. Take care 💖🕯🌸
They are very good at projecting a facade of being nice, even by having a group of people around that affirm it (that I find is the key to their success at remaining hidden), but over time you will notice that whenever there is 'drama', they are always at the centre of it, either by being the victim, or giving a show of support to a victim (the latter is how they maintain their facade of 'niceness') but it's an on going pattern of rinse and repeat. The danger though is that by the time you are aware of what they are really like the damage is already done and it's almost impossible to repair it.
Thank you for another wonderful video!! Covert narcissists are SO dangerous because they give the impression that they want to work things out and they'll use the right language, but nothing you say or do will ever be enough for them.
Coverts are skilled at giving the impression of positive qualities. The reality differs greatly. Pervasive deceit and victimhood are their cloak and armor. Ours is discernment and authenticity. Stay Healthy!
@@aaronkwolfeThe deception of their "impressions" led me to move them into my home to help. The start of their trying to dismantle my life was nearly immediate. I cleaned house (literally and figuratively) almost as quickly.
Funny because "fixing things" is what I am good at. A "trusted man" was the title or description of master craftsmen who worked for Kings and Queens. Rebuilding "trust" is possible. So Mr. Ruiz is speaking a half-truth in this. "Sometimes" is the qualfier clue to a half-truth. This is the problem: half-truths and litlle-white-lies we tell ourselves. "SOMETIMES bullies wear red dresses." cc. 2003
This video became No 1 in my list, no one ever has described covert narcissist like Dr.C so accurate because I have and I am still dealing with them and I am sure many of you on team healthy but no fear because Dr.C is here!
That's why till now I'm confused, because I don't know with who I was with?Modesty and niceness was rather cover for passive agression negativity cynicism paranoia hidden agression frustration hypersensitivity and victim mode
For a few weeks now, I have been trying an intervention. It's a small sentence that I say to myself(inner mammal) : I'M NO LONGER AVAILABLE FOR IT ! Not for their envy, entitlement, Trangulation, devaluation and so on. That makes me calmer. It doesn't always work, but that's part of it. 🤗
A psychiatrist taught me one that is easy to remember and use : " THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS!" it works, when temptations or manipulations pop up. Hoovers avoided!
A recent example that comes to mind is the leader in my previous job. Here are the steps I followed: 1. Superficial charm: He looked kind, but I felt something uncomfortable. 2. Lack of empathy and insight: He didn't listen to others. He was a poor problem solver and messed up the project. At this point, I was unsure if he was a covert, but I stopped trusting him. 3. Gaslighting: He blamed me for things he was responsible for. Finally, I discerned him as a covert and started making an exit plan from the job. 🏃♂💨💨🚩
Why are they insecure and still remain competitive? What drives them to such levels. Is this due to a cognitive dissonance. Thank you Dr C for your ongoing support and education. ❤
Such a pitiful and useless existence... To insult and humiliate, to play evil games, to have just one purpose in life... being the best at all costs... How come they never realize how low they think, feel and live?
Yes pay attention to the warning flags! For those like me who didn’t understand what was going on, I hope you agree that it’s comforting to learn what WAS happening and that more people will learn about the warning flags early on and will take action to minimize or eliminate the damage that can happen if a decent person tries to make things better when dealing with a covert narcissist. It’s just a battle not worth fighting.
Staying undercover gives a narcissist the ability to consolidate power and control which they meticulously calculate can be used once they have reached a point where they can elevate themselves to a superior position and be placed on a pedestal and be admired.
I was just thinking about how cowardly it is to relentlessly attack an empath all the while hiding behind a veneer of behavior dermed as respectable. How hypocritical covert narcs are!
@@Survivin2ThrivinYep - & it works! Should you say something to friends about how he is privately, they won't believe you. Might tell him, turn on you, & a Narcissist craves that "supply", sympathy, attention, & to get ppl onto "his side". ("Side? What side?") Maybe. But, it seems like maybe he acts as they do, to 'fit in' with them. If not like that AT ALL when home w/you - not likely afflicted himself...yet. Some ppl, quietly try to fit in with others by taking on their traits while around them. To be "like them", not be different, or "disagreeable", they might call it. I call them, "Tofu People" cuz' they take on the flavor of those they're mixed with. Back to themselves afterwards. BEST THING is to talk with him, ask him what he thinks of them?; ... how comfortable does he feel being around them? Low-key talking on topic. If goes well, maybe mention HOW GLAD YOU ARE that he is not just like them. Long as he feels safe to share his thoughts & you won't be hurt or mad at him for it... Opening lines of mutual communication is always a good thing & can be bonding if both feel secure. A true Narci tends to be worse behind closed doors & hard for them to turn it on & off easily. There sre many personality traits & behaviors that make up a Passive-aggressive or Covert Narcissist. It's not any 1 or 2 things, it's a Full Take-out Menu of traits! ~~>> "Big Tell" is if they're UNABLE to feel empathy for others.... has no remorse... NO apologies for cruel stuff they say/do. Those cross a line! Too many people may feel they're superior, entitled, righteous, selfish, &/or "perfect", blaming others for everything, never taking responsibility. We've all known people with 1 or more of those traits, that alone doesn't make them a Narcissist. Just flawed like the rest of us.🫠
That's a very astute observation. I found that too - they manipulate someone of authority while getting all of their "threats" (generally people who are just good at what they do) out of the way by causing trouble covertly. Isn't it sad that they go to such extremes to get what they want!
What I find astonishing is how clear and precise you are in outlining these disturbed individuals. I used to work with a covert narcisist and he was exactly as you described him.
Playing the long game is manipulation on the sly & way more stealthy but the stakes are greater so that instant gratification isn’t the point… it’s usually $
Its on your podcast sir I found what I was dealing with. Among all available podcasts all psychologists ( in my opinion) you are best of the best who show complexity of covert narcistism. All together with silent treatment. My favourite is " People who go in shut down mode what's going on" & " Silent treatment "
The most psychological damaging attacks are actually the subtle ones. At getonimo bay the Gurads used the Threat that violet actions were going to happen too detainee’s so much that the prisoners would suicide or beg for the beating they were being told was coming. The worst state a mind can be in is the fear of the unknown it’s actually easier mentally to be attacked then to wonder when and what will it be. Coverts use that method they have you on a string and relish in Fact you are waiting and wondering
I would say that they want affirmation and supply and sadly they believe they can only get that through control. However, I have been trying to take the high road while putting in place healthy boundaries and have noticed small changes in an aging covert narc spouse who is really a broken little boy. He still doesn't understand why I grey rock or have boundaries...and is stumped by that. I think his age has caused him to realize he needs to change if he wants some kind of relationship.
for my narcissist, the advantage is playing the "benefit of the doubt" card. ...always the "benefit of the doubt" *its a super double GOTCHA for them.* also, you owe them the benefit of the doubt, they feel, they do -NOT- owe you the same respect. .... rules for thee, not for me.
I was worried about the dog missing at the beginning! But Gus is here and this is so comforting, as you are, sir! Why didn't I have people like you in my life to live a light, free life? Thank you so much
@@stargazer3887 I like the words in the song that was originally in the movie Hello Dolly and then years later in the movie WALL-E: “It only, takes a moment, to be loved a whole life long.” Now we know what love is and what it is not, so we can remain hopeful for our future.
That is what we’re learning to do here, to be able to spot someone like this as quickly as possible and to sidestep or get away from them As soon as we realise who they are. That is why we are learning boundaries, which they hate, we are learning to create a strong inner sense of ourselves, which they hate, we are learning to spot red flags and see the true person behind the false self. The game is up then.
This is exactly our daughter who fawns all over my husband, her father, and is mean to me when he is not looking and he doesn't believe me that she does this. She and her husband have convinced our grandchildren that I am someone to be avoided, so I have no standing in the family. They ignore me or disapprove every chance they get when it comes to me. I have cut them off from my phone but have not told my husband. One time a while back I did this so they called him on his phone to talk to me and he pressured me to take the call. They use him to get to me. So the next time they did this I left the room without answering, I then got the silent treatment from him for several days.I have blocked them again and will remain silent again. My husband shows off when they are around and becomes like them but is not that way when they are not around. I don't care about the bullying any more, I am just thankful for the times they are not with us.
There are many benefits for them to stay stealthy. They can hide who they really are. It took me decades to find out something was wrong with my ex-friend. He looks so nice and charming, but he failed in marriage twice, and his first spouse ran away from home. 🏃♀💨💨🏠
@yukio_saito I think I know what you mean. Somebody I used to know wasn't upfront with me. Also they did alot of future faking. I honestly believe no contact is the only way! 🚫🔕❌️ Take care 💖🙏🌸
Always a deer caught in the headlights unable to relate since I had real life with which to cope. No car. Like an animal penned in with no way to get out.
They also express phony concern in order to play the victim without it sounding like backstabbing. They act harmless and helpless and downtrodden so that the person they're appealing to will try to help them by talking to the person causing their concern. This triangulation results in those people's relationship being harmed without them realising that the narcissist co-ordinated it on purpose, because they're so busy blaming each other for offense. And in the end, no-one sees the slander, but only remember everyone else's behaviour and words. If they do get caught out, they act like they didn't understand.
@michelepascoe6068 I would also like to add projection to this. They acuse an individual of something that they are actually doing. Basically, it's their own confession backfiring!
Best advice ever. The toxicity comes out later. Anger. Criticism. Need ro control. Like you said pay attention and move on. It can be difficult when you have been invested in the relationship but toxic behaviour doesn’t change. The anger is always bubbling up.
@hchayes9431 Oddly enough, I had a narcissistic friend who was a stalker! It wasn't easy, but I went no contact with her many years ago. I never once regretted it! It was such a relief! 🙄😊🤗
9:44 Gus starts snoring 🥰 and then at 11:02 coughs a bit I think he was in deep meditation in his place of internal peace ❤ Thanks again for another very helpful video, Dr. C
@@lishmahlishmah Hi lishmahlishmah. Even those of us for whom English is our first language love learning wonderful new words like that! I hope you are well
When you get discarded and smeared, and you know the smears to be untrue, find a place in your heart to think of them with DRC That way you can maintain a sense of peace.
Yes, it wasn’t personal. They would have done the same to whomever else that they had used. I also found Dr C’s suggestion to predetermine the good characteristics you want to be known for & put them into practice when dumped on. The key to both is to deter from their negative actions & instead focus on your positive strengths. Thank you for your excellent suggestions Stu ⭐️
@Mr8t0 Thank you for this very helpful and insightful comment. You've captured the essence of how to think and act healthily and positively. I'm always intrigued at the difference between "words that are easy to say" and "actions that are not always easy to do, and require emotional growth and healthy strength" Your phrase "....predetermine the good characteristics you want to be known for and put them into practice....." I think is a powerful reminder to us all of how to do this. Thank you
I wish I'd listened to my gut/instinct 20 years ago. 20 years later with covert narc/ocpd. Undiagnosed of course but I've worked it out. Not a life for anyone 😢
I have found that place of inner peace.. Narcissists do not have inner peace.. I can feel their chaos.. Whether it is a covert or a malignant.. I use my inner peace as guidance..
Excellent! Heart wrenching and soul opening. A lifetime of them unfortunately in my inner circle. My emotional limp is healing. You and our community of its truth is my crutches and casts. I’m healing. I’m aware of terror in everyday life because of a wealthy cult life where people believed their glitz and glitter and how awful for my sisters and I.
This is scary to me, it is so spot on to a person I’m close too. I didn’t think they were narcissistic hearing about the other types but the covert one is so exact. 😮
All your new videos are so great for listening during work & housework & chores, thank you so much for changing the world & for empowering the free & those who free others, I listened to all your new ones & about fighting back :) happy Labor Day to you & Gus & your wife & brother Dr. God bless you all!!
I like how Les Carter makes a distinction between the covert and vulnerable narcissist. He's the only one I've come across doing this. The labeling of the different types of narcissism is based on the outward behavior. There are narcissists who, on the one hand, show no grandiosity, yet they also make no attempt to get their hooks into to their targets with displays of vulnerability. They are perfectly unruffled. Just "nothing to see here!" They are, as Carter points out, very stealth with their vindictive behavior. Their insults and manipulations are done in a way that makes it difficult or impossible for the target to address without looking bad, and when addressed, the narcissist responds with the pretense that nothing is going on. And this is their entire schtick! There isn't anything "vulnerable" inherent to this behavior. It seems that other RUclipsrs, like Ramani, Magee, etc. simply cannot get over the conflation between the covert and vulnerable types, yet Carter can see it. I don't understand this.
Hi, you’re definitely in the right place and Dr Carter is a great help to all of us here at Team Healthy! Have a great evening it’s going to get better.👍
Yes great comments, of course, i feel like, go team healthy, you people rule, im getting way better on the peace and harmony, i seen Gus today, i thank about, how everyone is concerned, and thank you Gus, man Doctor, please people be ok, my Doctor is just, helping, helping, Dear Lord, help our people, or family, thanks community
This is my ex husband to thee tee! We have adult and adolescent children together and it is so difficult to watch my children fall for his manipulation. They have all finally discovered who and how he really is however him being their father still has them maintaining a limited relationship with him 😒
Hi Dr C (and TH)......A bit off this topic, but I'm interested in learning more about self care. It's just two words, and tho I've been listening and doing my best to learn for 3 years, I'm more aware than ever of the deep internal shift required to do self care in a way that is healthy for both yourself and others. Like so many topics you cover here, there's a whole world of thinking behind the words I'd be interested in your take on self care, and what others on TH have learned that works for them. Thank you
You’ve heard me say before, “Get up, do the right thing, go to bed.” This brings me much peace (a major component of self care), as I am able to live with fewer regrets and satisfaction in accomplishments. Consider what makes you the best you can be (and feel the best about yourself). Many consider DRC a staple.
Often we do too much for others, and not enough for ourselves. Aaron's advice about considering what works for YOU and acting on that is vital. Also, balancing your time (deeds for others, deeds for yourself) , validating yourself instead of looking for external validation, and being open to trying new things help. I have stopped being the reliable "Good Little Girl" and later "Nice, Accommodating Lady" that I was, living in dysfunctional systems.
@barbarakelly1916 Hi and thank you. That makes sense. Likewise, I have tried hard to no longer be the nice guy doormat that drops everything to 'do something' for others. Validating yourself is especially important. I give support nowadays willingly, and by choice, in a healthy way without requiring or expecting validation or anything back. I still find some who accept support, then later tell others you did nothing. Comments like yours help me keep learning. Thank you
Actually they’re so empty inside that they gaze in your mirror for identity & then break it out of malice as they go in search of a better mirror in an endless cycle
I find whatever they are the worst at that’s what they want to give you advice on. For instance if their children are homeless drug addicts they want to tell you how to manage your children. Or if they are spend-thrifts they want to give you financial advice. It’s hard to not say anything when you’re around them, even if it’s not in your character to criticize people.
I'm just plain tired of the game. They are pleasant and very helpful to others but so different to me. Will not be their verbal punching bag any longer. Sad way of life but taking care of myself now. Wish I had understood the red flags sooner.
Difference of opinion….my mom really started disliking me when I said that I wanted 2 kids when I grew up. She had 3, and was the 3rd born. She loved that my sister (also 3rd born) said that she wanted 3 kids (in reality she ended up wanting none)
Oh I have a friend now that I suspect is a covert. Very friendly, we call her "the mayor" because she's so outgoing. BUT she has this way of poking at you - very passive aggressive. She prides herself on calling herself the "trouble maker". As suspected, her poking - it became caustic. Usually with people that she believes have a better skillset then she does. She loves telling people what to do in a very covert way. So I've adjusted my behavior towards her. I can see how she manipulates people - by telling them over and over and over again about her "anxiety" to get others to do what she wants them to do. It's worked with our mentor. I'm not buying into any of it. So, I'm moving on bit by bit.
@@sturobertson6791 Yes, trying to do something well intended. I have a couple working against me, despite their outward appearance. They are putting on a good show but I see the signs. Thank you, have a great day.
@@t_nels Hi. I'm sorry you have a couple working against you. It's puzzling. You try your best, your absolute best to be nice, kind, supportive, decent, to listen and try to understand.....and you get accused of the opposite. Thanks for your kind message
Dr. Carter there is a phrase for the word covert which describes covert narcissism better in only a phrase except for one thing. It is gendered leaving out around half of the other when it comes to that color. Which apparently some who are often being remembered as being only black don't mind at all. Most of all when being bragged about to strangers in stores too as being their less expensive now wife. For sure when getting paid to be a shoe store clerk to help find a white man a pair of shoes who has just told you that is challenging when they are being expected to maintain an advantage when it comes to selling enough pairs of shoes to stay on there in the store. Well then maybe that was one of the reasons as to why I was the first to be let go from that shoe store soon after that shoe store chain got sold to other investors yet again. Because I wasn't that good at for example hiding my frowns and impatience when noticing for example that something was very different about THAT white man there in that shoe store. Since I am far less able to do a drop and roll when being shot at sometimes I must confess that I do in a pinch I do resort to staying covert at the time instead. Like the time that tall white stranger walked into our shoe store too with an electronic weapon he was waving around near me instead. Until he became alarmed and confused about how maybe only covert of a fool I was behaving around that only a 'carpenters level' which I wanted to get a closer look at at the time. Later my supervisor only thought I was just seeing things while being out of my mind when I reported to her what just could have happened that day. Since it was hard to describe at the time to police what that kind of weapon looks like could you please tell me how to make police reports without me then having to end up being maybe jailed for giving away state secrets instead of all of the bad guys getting jailed? I hear that one guy Julien Assange found out the hard way that can get tricky too sometimes. I hope all of us so called white and black folks can figure out how to all live to 125 years along with our children too instead of any one of us practising narcissism at all. Ever.
Bottom line is that (I have to admit) they are highly skilled at being cunning. Devious. Although right? I don’t know what they think they have to be so proud of tho. Like congrats. You’re practically an expert at deception. I think it would be better in life to become an “expert”about far better things. The folly of working so hard and applying themselves to such futile things. So smart that they’re stupid. Now that I’ve gotten a lot wiser to it, (and it’s a lot more clear that I’d love nothing more than to drop them etc) nowadays they engage in a lot of attempted bribing. (Toxic family). I think the one thing tho is how they fool all the others (nobody believes you as if to be shocked by what you claim or the ways they abused you), and you wind up having to find an entirely new support system and basically starting all over like a nomad or vagabond or refugee. And idk. Ha ha. Perhaps that is why something like “tiny home villages” or the alt living lifestyle appeals to me so much. (Van life. RV life etc). Not to mention how they so often leave you in such a precarious financial position to where you might have to get extra creative if you don’t want to wind up living under a bridge.
Interesting that their control is from mistrust. Could their control by mistrust be caused by their own lack of trustworthiness or something that happened beyond their control? I tend to think of my own experiences. When others have broken my trust, I havent resorted to then being controlling, but forgiving and learning then healing. I feel trust is necessary for personal health. Living with lack of trust is a miserable existence
I find covert narcissists to be really interesting. It shows that they know how ridiculous narcissists behavior’s and beliefs are or else they wouldn’t feel the need to be covert about it. Which also seems to indicate they have an awareness of other people’s thoughts/feelings of how ridiculous narcissists are.
Covert narcisists are the most dangerous of them all - poisonous snakes, chameleons and wolves in sheep’s clothing! Thank you for your invaluable help and support dr Carter. God bless you ❤
OMG yes! I just discovered here last month that my younger sister is a covert narc Checked all the boxes with several examples of patterns of each. How did I not know this? Since 1970 I have been trying to "help" her through life. Even when her sugar daddy told me she destroyed him financially, it still took 6 more years before I came here to find out what the heck was wrong with her! She excels! I went no contact last month. Still ruminating but blessed she didn't destroy me financially too! I am emotionally okay. Thank you for being there for us! 😍
I agree husband's mom is one . People think we are crazy or wrong in our feelings. They are victims on a constant. Always acting they are perfect condescending, controlling. Want subservience
They don't like criticism, everything and everyone is a competition to them, even their kids. They can't handle not being in control.
Yes husband's mom is like that. Tried to pit me against my sis in law and my best friend. I shut her down with that instantly . She got quiet 🤫
So true, the person you met is nowhere close to the monster they really are inside.
Empty monster
@@edwardspriggs5076 ten thumbs up!
If we only knew, then what we know now. So very sad. 😞😪😔
An insightful comment.
I've watched hundreds of hours of videos on RUclips about covert narcissism. Dr Carter's videos are, in my opinion, the best of the bunch. He's exceptional. And this video is a wonderful example of how good he is at nailing his subject. Yes, you've guessed correctly: I got caught up with a textbook covert narcissist. Am currently going through the extrication process. Dr Carter has been an invaluable source of sound, technical advice. I'm fine emotionally. However, I'm sure that if I needed emotional support, his would be equally invaluable. He's a special human being. No ego. Pure intelligence. An abundance of empathy. One of those great people who give, and expect nothing in return.
Amen to that 🙏 God bless Dr C and Gus too! 🐶🤗🐶 What would we do without him!!! 🙏
Indeed!💜🪻🌺🌻✨🐾🐾🐾
Absolutely. D.R.C!
Dr. C. No one is better. I am so grateful for his generous help.
I love Dr.C!
“Every day you’re presented with two choices. Evolve or repeat.”
-Unknown
Or repent
That's fantastic! I put it at the top of my white board. Thanks!!
Our task to recognise them early without getting ensnared by them, and try to stay separate and away from them as much as possible.
Gtsy Fred 👍
Narcissists are on their best behavior during the Love Bombing Stage. A lot of times it takes years for the mask to fall off, especially a covert narcissist.
@@racebannon96 🎯
Dr C, bless you. In a complicated world, you are a source of peace🙏🫂
You have such an encouraging spirit, Stu. Thanks so much.
Beautifully said, Stu.
@Bea_Survivor
Cheers Bea🖐 it's nice to see you. I'm sitting just contemplating doing the washing up and your comment has cheered me up and motivated me!!!
Thank you🙏I hope you are ok
Mine once told me after a night out as I was driving her home: “What do you really know about me? I only show you what I want to.” Maybe the ironically most honest thing she said towards the end of our relationship. It really made me think hard about it, and I realized that I knew not much at all. It was chilling.
Run Forrest Run!
🚩🚩🚩
"Listen to what you see." YES.
And visualize what your hearing.
I see what you are saying 🌸
Narcissists can't hide from those who know the signs of narcissism. If I'm around a person that is highly passive aggressive, always trying to compete with me, envying me a lot, disagreeing with everything I say, and trying to get a reaction out of me by using insults, I know that person is malignant narcissistic enough for me to cut out of my life. People who do that to me are just trying to take me down.
So true. I became good at looking for the signs.
Well said. "Narcasists can't hide from those who know the signs of narcasism".
That's a powerful sentence👍
Their rules always change as you try to adjust to life.
They are always steps ahead in their game.
They join with another and attack you through the family and gaslight.
They have their best interest in mind (not in heart), they have no real interest in you (just to dominate).
They know how to complicate things to keep you.
Well said. That's a helpful summary of their mindset
I agree with the rules are always changing, I am not sure I agree with them being steps ahead, my experience has been they just refuse to accept reality and are very, very adept at deflection which may give the illusion of being steps ahead.
@@elgallosabio4364 That's a good point.
Overts are like roaring lions 🦁 that show you that they are the king of all animals, while Coverts are like snakes 🪱 that wrap themselves warmly around you, only to bite you with their venomous fangs and knock you unconscious when you least expect it.
Tip for not getting attacked by a snake: Open your eyes wide and walk with firm steps, or even stomp on the ground with sturdy shoes, because they are very timid animals.
You might surprise momentarily but you better be sure a reaction is coming
@roxymovie3938 I know what you mean. The only thing is that some snakes take advantage of your disabilities knowing that that you can't move quickly. I get days when my concentration isn't what it should be. These snakes take advantage of that.
I appreciate the time you've invested to write comments when no doubt you need your own downtime 🕊🌸✨️💖🕯
@@t_nels Exactly!!!
@@amandaliverpool3374 Dear Amanda, thank you for your very kind comment, that I appreciate a lot.
Yes, you are right, they take advantage of your disabilities to move quickly. They can even hypnotize you so that you cannot concentrate and focus on anything. Don't worry, my head knows the "mush-state" as well.
Actually, writing these comments give me the oppurtunity to concentrate and relax at the same time. It brings me into some kind of flow.
By the way, I am going for a couple of days to an island because I urgently need a change of scenery for my head is too much mush.
Sending you lots of blessings and hopefully sunny and peacy warmth into your home ☀️🕊🙏💖🤗
@roxymovie3938 Dear Roxy 😊 Thank you again 🙏
That change of scenery sounds like just the tonic you need to recharge your batteries.
My household has been managing better in recent weeks. My lads were very concerned about the way that snake slithered into my life. Trying to sort his issues had an effect on my health. Only one of the lads met him and wasn't impressed. The dog absolutely detested him. He's normally a big softy.
I've blocked him in everything. I think it's best if I keep my own low profile for a bit.
Take care 💖🕯🌸
They are very good at projecting a facade of being nice, even by having a group of people around that affirm it (that I find is the key to their success at remaining hidden), but over time you will notice that whenever there is 'drama', they are always at the centre of it, either by being the victim, or giving a show of support to a victim (the latter is how they maintain their facade of 'niceness') but it's an on going pattern of rinse and repeat. The danger though is that by the time you are aware of what they are really like the damage is already done and it's almost impossible to repair it.
Thank you for another wonderful video!! Covert narcissists are SO dangerous because they give the impression that they want to work things out and they'll use the right language, but nothing you say or do will ever be enough for them.
They want control of the relationship.
Coverts are skilled at giving the impression of positive qualities. The reality differs greatly. Pervasive deceit and victimhood are their cloak and armor. Ours is discernment and authenticity. Stay Healthy!
Smoke and mirrors!
The qualities I saw were worth marrying and having children with. And it lasted for over 20 years. Then I became the target, and everything changed.
@@aaronkwolfeThe deception of their "impressions" led me to move them into my home to help. The start of their trying to dismantle my life was nearly immediate. I cleaned house (literally and figuratively) almost as quickly.
I became cautious about people with overly positive or nice qualities.
“Sometimes we can’t fix what has been broken. The act of surrender is accepting that truth.”
-Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.
Funny because "fixing things" is what I am good at. A "trusted man" was the title or description of master craftsmen who worked for Kings and Queens. Rebuilding "trust" is possible. So Mr. Ruiz is speaking a half-truth in this. "Sometimes" is the qualfier clue to a half-truth.
This is the problem: half-truths and litlle-white-lies we tell ourselves.
"SOMETIMES bullies wear red dresses."
cc. 2003
This video became No 1 in my list, no one ever has described covert narcissist like Dr.C so accurate because I have and I am still dealing with them and I am sure many of you on team healthy but no fear because Dr.C is here!
Fred, you are such an encouragement!!!!
Here! Here! Dr. C knows and shares his expertise so generously and teaches us to know exactly what we are dealing with!
That's why till now I'm confused, because I don't know with who I was with?Modesty and niceness was rather cover for passive agression negativity cynicism paranoia hidden agression frustration hypersensitivity and victim mode
For a few weeks now, I have been trying an intervention. It's a small sentence that I say to myself(inner mammal) : I'M NO LONGER AVAILABLE FOR IT ! Not for their envy, entitlement, Trangulation, devaluation and so on. That makes me calmer. It doesn't always work, but that's part of it. 🤗
Good job! It will click as your neural pathways catch up. One day you'll be amazed at a whole different internal set of responses...truly.
A psychiatrist taught me one that is easy to remember and use : " THANKS, BUT NO, THANKS!" it works, when temptations or manipulations pop up. Hoovers avoided!
@@lisbethbird8268 Thank I'll stay tuned 👍
@@barbarakelly1916 A demarcation tool, but one that is not recommended to tell your counterpart. 🤗
Since I learned about what a covert narcissist is, I don't ignore red flags hidden under their false facade. 🚩🚩👀
I was mocked recently by my ex about 'red flags.' It just so wasn't funny!
Red Flags: There's a front and a back , they can be folded up or flying high and not immediately obvious.
A recent example that comes to mind is the leader in my previous job. Here are the steps I followed:
1. Superficial charm: He looked kind, but I felt something uncomfortable.
2. Lack of empathy and insight: He didn't listen to others. He was a poor problem solver and messed up the project.
At this point, I was unsure if he was a covert, but I stopped trusting him.
3. Gaslighting: He blamed me for things he was responsible for.
Finally, I discerned him as a covert and started making an exit plan from the job. 🏃♂💨💨🚩
Why are they insecure and still remain competitive? What drives them to such levels. Is this due to a cognitive dissonance. Thank you Dr C for your ongoing support and education. ❤
Wolves in sheep’s clothing says it best
@@Geep1778 I’d go with “zombies in people’s clothing.” Wolves are noble creatures and sheep are supportive of all members of their flock.
Got the narcissist renter out...such a relief. It was a challenge
Good for you 👍 😊👍
Such a pitiful and useless existence... To insult and humiliate, to play evil games, to have just one purpose in life... being the best at all costs... How come they never realize how low they think, feel and live?
By Gaslighting themselves.
By Gaslighting themselves.
Yes pay attention to the warning flags! For those like me who didn’t understand what was going on, I hope you agree that it’s comforting to learn what WAS happening and that more people will learn about the warning flags early on and will take action to minimize or eliminate the damage that can happen if a decent person tries to make things better when dealing with a covert narcissist. It’s just a battle not worth fighting.
Staying undercover gives a narcissist the ability to consolidate power and control which they meticulously calculate can be used once they have reached a point where they can elevate themselves to a superior position and be placed on a pedestal and be admired.
I was just thinking about how cowardly it is to relentlessly attack an empath all the while hiding behind a veneer of behavior dermed as respectable. How hypocritical covert narcs are!
They used to only call that being a snake in the grass. Now some people out there call it only human. Only human instead of Man.
@@Survivin2ThrivinYep - & it works! Should you say something to friends about how he is privately, they won't believe you. Might tell him, turn on you, & a Narcissist craves that "supply", sympathy, attention, & to get ppl onto "his side". ("Side? What side?") Maybe.
But, it seems like maybe he acts as they do, to 'fit in' with them. If not like that AT ALL when home w/you - not likely afflicted himself...yet. Some ppl, quietly try to fit in with others by taking on their traits while around them. To be "like them", not be different, or "disagreeable", they might call it.
I call them, "Tofu People" cuz' they take on the flavor of those they're mixed with. Back to themselves afterwards.
BEST THING is to talk with him, ask him what he thinks of them?; ... how comfortable does he feel being around them? Low-key talking on topic. If goes well, maybe mention HOW GLAD YOU ARE that he is not just like them. Long as he feels safe to share his thoughts & you won't be hurt or mad at him for it... Opening lines of mutual communication is always a good thing & can be bonding if both feel secure.
A true Narci tends to be worse behind closed doors & hard for them to turn it on & off easily. There sre many personality traits & behaviors that make up a Passive-aggressive or Covert Narcissist. It's not any 1 or 2 things, it's a Full Take-out Menu of traits!
~~>> "Big Tell" is if they're UNABLE to feel empathy for others.... has no remorse... NO apologies for cruel stuff they say/do. Those cross a line!
Too many people may feel they're superior, entitled, righteous, selfish, &/or "perfect", blaming others for everything, never taking responsibility. We've all known people with 1 or more of those traits, that alone doesn't make them a Narcissist. Just flawed like the rest of us.🫠
Hierarchy is a great cover.
That's a very astute observation. I found that too - they manipulate someone of authority while getting all of their "threats" (generally people who are just good at what they do) out of the way by causing trouble covertly. Isn't it sad that they go to such extremes to get what they want!
What I find astonishing is how clear and precise you are in outlining these disturbed individuals. I used to work with a covert narcisist and he was exactly as you described him.
Playing the long game is manipulation on the sly & way more stealthy but the stakes are greater so that instant gratification isn’t the point… it’s usually $
Its on your podcast sir I found what I was dealing with. Among all available podcasts all psychologists ( in my opinion) you are best of the best who show complexity of covert narcistism. All together with silent treatment. My favourite is " People who go in shut down mode what's going on" & " Silent treatment "
A lesser “attack” over a long period of time has a greater draw than a stronger, but shorter one.
Deeper scars will take longer to heal ✨️ 🙏
I hope all goes well with today's medical appointment 👊🏽😊
@@amandaliverpool3374 Pushed back 1 week. Next Monday. Thx, though, for remembering.
@@aaronkwolfe oops 🤭
The most psychological damaging attacks are actually the subtle ones. At getonimo bay the Gurads used the Threat that violet actions were going to happen too detainee’s so much that the prisoners would suicide or beg for the beating they were being told was coming. The worst state a mind can be in is the fear of the unknown it’s actually easier mentally to be attacked then to wonder when and what will it be. Coverts use that method they have you on a string and relish in Fact you are waiting and wondering
Gus appreciates when you remember him❤
I would say that they want affirmation and supply and sadly they believe they can only get that through control. However, I have been trying to take the high road while putting in place healthy boundaries and have noticed small changes in an aging covert narc spouse who is really a broken little boy. He still doesn't understand why I grey rock or have boundaries...and is stumped by that. I think his age has caused him to realize he needs to change if he wants some kind of relationship.
I love you Dr. C! Thanks for all you do for us survivors!
for my narcissist, the advantage is playing the "benefit of the doubt" card.
...always the "benefit of the doubt" *its a super double GOTCHA for them.* also, you owe them the benefit of the doubt, they feel, they do -NOT- owe you the same respect. .... rules for thee, not for me.
I was worried about the dog missing at the beginning! But Gus is here and this is so comforting, as you are, sir! Why didn't I have people like you in my life to live a light, free life? Thank you so much
I'm pleased that despite a history of mentors, you're still learning. That really matters!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you, yes! And I try my emotions to follow my knowledge.
@@stargazer3887 I like the words in the song that was originally in the movie Hello Dolly and then years later in the movie WALL-E: “It only, takes a moment, to be loved a whole life long.” Now we know what love is and what it is not, so we can remain hopeful for our future.
That is what we’re learning to do here, to be able to spot someone like this as quickly as possible and to sidestep or get away from them As soon as we realise who they are. That is why we are learning boundaries, which they hate, we are learning to create a strong inner sense of ourselves, which they hate, we are learning to spot red flags and see the true person behind the false self. The game is up then.
This is exactly our daughter who fawns all over my husband, her father, and is mean to me when he is not looking and he doesn't believe me that she does this. She and her husband have convinced our grandchildren that I am someone to be avoided, so I have no standing in the family. They ignore me or disapprove every chance they get when it comes to me. I have cut them off from my phone but have not told my husband. One time a while back I did this so they called him on his phone to talk to me and he pressured me to take the call. They use him to get to me. So the next time they did this I left the room without answering, I then got the silent treatment from him for several days.I have blocked them again and will remain silent again. My husband shows off when they are around and becomes like them but is not that way when they are not around. I don't care about the bullying any more, I am just thankful for the times they are not with us.
How can I say this?
I see your husband as disingenuous. He does know, he's a part of their pack, you seem not to be.
There are many benefits for them to stay stealthy. They can hide who they really are. It took me decades to find out something was wrong with my ex-friend. He looks so nice and charming, but he failed in marriage twice, and his first spouse ran away from home. 🏃♀💨💨🏠
I realized he wasn't "nice." I stay no contact with him and his friends. 📵🔕🚫
@yukio_saito I think I know what you mean. Somebody I used to know wasn't upfront with me. Also they did alot of future faking. I honestly believe no contact is the only way! 🚫🔕❌️ Take care 💖🙏🌸
@@amandaliverpool3374 Yes. I keep no contact with them. 🤐
Over 25 years of complex trauma and control. Keeping my personal life in the sewer of their weird actions and invasiveness.
Always a deer caught in the headlights unable to relate since I had real life with which to cope. No car. Like an animal penned in with no way to get out.
They also express phony concern in order to play the victim without it sounding like backstabbing. They act harmless and helpless and downtrodden so that the person they're appealing to will try to help them by talking to the person causing their concern. This triangulation results in those people's relationship being harmed without them realising that the narcissist co-ordinated it on purpose, because they're so busy blaming each other for offense. And in the end, no-one sees the slander, but only remember everyone else's behaviour and words. If they do get caught out, they act like they didn't understand.
Michele’s new term for triangulation - “Phony Express.”
@@aaronkwolfe 😆 it can cover a lot of distance in a short time!
@michelepascoe6068 I would also like to add projection to this. They acuse an individual of something that they are actually doing. Basically, it's their own confession backfiring!
@@amandaliverpool3374 yes
@@aaronkwolfeGood one!
Best advice ever. The toxicity comes out later. Anger. Criticism. Need ro control. Like you said pay attention and move on. It can be difficult when you have been invested in the relationship but toxic behaviour doesn’t change. The anger is always bubbling up.
Narcissistics and stalkers are the same . They blend in to shadow their victims.
@hchayes9431 Oddly enough, I had a narcissistic friend who was a stalker! It wasn't easy, but I went no contact with her many years ago. I never once regretted it! It was such a relief! 🙄😊🤗
9:44 Gus starts snoring 🥰 and then at 11:02 coughs a bit
I think he was in deep meditation in his place of internal peace ❤
Thanks again for another very helpful video, Dr. C
I still prefer Guslighting to gaslighting, any day.
Guslighting. That made me chuckle.
Dr C, Team Healthy and... Guslighting👏😁
Such words' games make improve my English, not only my mood ☺️ Thank you
Use it (Guslighting), make it famous. There is no copyright.
@@lishmahlishmah
Hi lishmahlishmah. Even those of us for whom English is our first language love learning wonderful new words like that!
I hope you are well
What would I ever have done without you, Dear Doc. C., & of course, Gus! Sending out a hug from a very grateful listener🧡🌷🧡🌷🧡
Thanks, Stanley!!
I knew it . Husband's mom does that exact thing constant unsolicited advice
It buys them a lot of time, and gains supply.
And that is what they count on, your doubt.
@t_nels Exactly. I doubted myself. Everything seemed so genuine. The cognitive empathy threw me off guard!
What I find so intriguing is that my ex narcissist would talk and talk and talk and talk.......... but I stil never knew who he was!!! So sad
When you get discarded and smeared, and you know the smears to be untrue, find a place in your heart to think of them with DRC
That way you can maintain a sense of peace.
Thanks. Good advice Stu.
Yes, it wasn’t personal. They would have done the same to whomever else that they had used. I also found Dr C’s suggestion to predetermine the good characteristics you want to be known for & put them into practice when dumped on. The key to both is to deter from their negative actions & instead focus on your positive strengths. Thank you for your excellent suggestions Stu ⭐️
@Mr8t0 Thank you for this very helpful and insightful comment.
You've captured the essence of how to think and act healthily and positively.
I'm always intrigued at the difference between "words that are easy to say" and "actions that are not always easy to do, and require emotional growth and healthy strength"
Your phrase "....predetermine the good characteristics you want to be known for and put them into practice....." I think is a powerful reminder to us all of how to do this.
Thank you
@@sturobertson6791 Agreed. 100%
@nancytwigg4631
Cheers Nancy. Have a nice peaceful day🙏🫂
Good morning all, I hope you are keeping well.
Hi Snowbear 👋
@@amandaliverpool3374 That little wave 👋 is so cute! I must learn to use more emojis.
@@snowbear1877 🤗
You too ☀️
@@t_nels Hi Teresa!
I wish I'd listened to my gut/instinct 20 years ago. 20 years later with covert narc/ocpd. Undiagnosed of course but I've worked it out. Not a life for anyone 😢
I have found that place of inner peace.. Narcissists do not have inner peace.. I can feel their chaos.. Whether it is a covert or a malignant.. I use my inner peace as guidance..
Same. I no longer ignore coverts' inner chaos.
You get it!
@@yukio_saito it is nice to have other people that are on the same path as me..
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you.. Keep up the good work..
They thrive on chaos!
Excellent! Heart wrenching and soul opening. A lifetime of them unfortunately in my inner circle. My emotional limp is healing. You and our community of its truth is my crutches and casts. I’m healing. I’m aware of terror in everyday life because of a wealthy cult life where people believed their glitz and glitter and how awful for my sisters and I.
This is scary to me, it is so spot on to a person I’m close too. I didn’t think they were narcissistic hearing about the other types but the covert one is so exact. 😮
Gus wanted to voice his opinion about the toxicity of covert narcs.
I hope Gus is ok. He's the cutest! 🐶♥️
Spot on ...
It's secondary I suppose, but it's so CUTE how you and Gus interact!
It's amazing how many here see Dr C and Gus as double teaming to help us all.
All your new videos are so great for listening during work & housework & chores, thank you so much for changing the world & for empowering the free & those who free others, I listened to all your new ones & about fighting back :) happy Labor Day to you & Gus & your wife & brother Dr. God bless you all!!
Great to hear from you, Amy. Thanks for the encouragement.
@@SurvivingNarcissism ha ha ha ha you are so funny ha ha ha ha ha God bless
Glad i watched this today
I like how Les Carter makes a distinction between the covert and vulnerable narcissist. He's the only one I've come across doing this. The labeling of the different types of narcissism is based on the outward behavior. There are narcissists who, on the one hand, show no grandiosity, yet they also make no attempt to get their hooks into to their targets with displays of vulnerability. They are perfectly unruffled. Just "nothing to see here!" They are, as Carter points out, very stealth with their vindictive behavior. Their insults and manipulations are done in a way that makes it difficult or impossible for the target to address without looking bad, and when addressed, the narcissist responds with the pretense that nothing is going on. And this is their entire schtick! There isn't anything "vulnerable" inherent to this behavior. It seems that other RUclipsrs, like Ramani, Magee, etc. simply cannot get over the conflation between the covert and vulnerable types, yet Carter can see it. I don't understand this.
I just pleased my approach resonates. Thanks.
Whew ok. I thought Gus wasn’t gonna be with us for this one. Hes there in his spot ❤
You are good exlaining covert narcissism, thankyou! This is very helpfull to me.
Glad it was helpful!
Hi, you’re definitely in the right place and Dr Carter is a great help to all of us here at Team Healthy! Have a great evening it’s going to get better.👍
Yes great comments, of course, i feel like, go team healthy, you people rule, im getting way better on the peace and harmony, i seen Gus today, i thank about, how everyone is concerned, and thank you Gus, man Doctor, please people be ok, my Doctor is just, helping, helping, Dear Lord, help our people, or family, thanks community
I'm confused too. My nex had so many traits of all of the types of narcissist. He was one nasty narc package.
@@Hatbox948 Good summary!
I think they need to be committed!
Covert narcissists would claim that they are trying to help you, and then proceed to make sure you know how much they’re sacrificing for you.
Indeed!
@Pomeraman That would be my mom and husband! And as we all know now, mom's the reason I ended up with narc my narc husband!!! 😞😳😲
Doctor Carter, remind me. Have you had an episode about the cognitive issues a narcissist has?
Love you Dr C. Thanks ❤❤
Love received, with gratitude!
Gus really agrees with this one!
Nailed it!!
This is my ex husband to thee tee! We have adult and adolescent children together and it is so difficult to watch my children fall for his manipulation. They have all finally discovered who and how he really is however him being their father still has them maintaining a limited relationship with him 😒
Thank you Dr. C. And Gus :)
Our pleasure!
Hi Dr C (and TH)......A bit off this topic, but I'm interested in learning more about self care.
It's just two words, and tho I've been listening and doing my best to learn for 3 years, I'm more aware than ever of the deep internal shift required to do self care in a way that is healthy for both yourself and others.
Like so many topics you cover here, there's a whole world of thinking behind the words
I'd be interested in your take on self care, and what others on TH have learned that works for them.
Thank you
You’ve heard me say before, “Get up, do the right thing, go to bed.” This brings me much peace (a major component of self care), as I am able to live with fewer regrets and satisfaction in accomplishments. Consider what makes you the best you can be (and feel the best about yourself). Many consider DRC a staple.
@@aaronkwolfe
Thanks Aaron.
Your consistency and sincerity mean a lot
Often we do too much for others, and not enough for ourselves. Aaron's advice about considering what works for YOU and acting on that is vital. Also, balancing your time (deeds for others, deeds for yourself) , validating yourself instead of looking for external validation, and being open to trying new things help.
I have stopped being the reliable "Good Little Girl" and later "Nice, Accommodating Lady" that I was, living in dysfunctional systems.
@barbarakelly1916
Hi and thank you. That makes sense. Likewise, I have tried hard to no longer be the nice guy doormat that drops everything to 'do something' for others.
Validating yourself is especially important.
I give support nowadays willingly, and by choice, in a healthy way without requiring or expecting validation or anything back.
I still find some who accept support, then later tell others you did nothing.
Comments like yours help me keep learning.
Thank you
They are sincere with their insincerity!!!
Good one!
Inconsistency is a big red flag. 🚩
Thank you these videos are really helping me.
Glad they resonate!
Thank you Dr. Les, Gus and Team Healthy, always so helpful
Narcissism = Mirror Gazing
Actually they’re so empty inside that they gaze in your mirror for identity & then break it out of malice as they go in search of a better mirror in an endless cycle
Great video. It's like you know him 😅😂 Thank you! Your the best!
I find whatever they are the worst at that’s what they want to give you advice on. For instance if their children are homeless drug addicts they want to tell you how to manage your children. Or if they are spend-thrifts they want to give you financial advice. It’s hard to not say anything when you’re around them, even if it’s not in your character to criticize people.
Yep. They'll stand behind "I never lie" & take it to their grave as they're smiling @ you w/George Washington's teeth & Pinocchio's nose.
Oh I hate head games aren't they just the worst, honestly who has the time. Peace everyone
Absolutely 👍
Coverts are Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde. In public charming. In private neglect/abuse.
I'm just plain tired of the game. They are pleasant and very helpful to others but so different to me. Will not be their verbal punching bag any longer. Sad way of life but taking care of myself now. Wish I had understood the red flags sooner.
This is how my nex was. Everyone thought he was so nice. He wasn't.
"Better late, than never". Enjoy Freedom 2024 and Beyond!
@@Hatbox948 They are usually nice when they have an audience. Behind closed doors, the mask is off.
@@racebannon96 It certainly was in my case. I've never had anyone be as mean to me as my nex was. But, he treated everyone else like royalty.
Difference of opinion….my mom really started disliking me when I said that I wanted 2 kids when I grew up. She had 3, and was the 3rd born. She loved that my sister (also 3rd born) said that she wanted 3 kids (in reality she ended up wanting none)
Oh I have a friend now that I suspect is a covert. Very friendly, we call her "the mayor" because she's so outgoing. BUT she has this way of poking at you - very passive aggressive. She prides herself on calling herself the "trouble maker". As suspected, her poking - it became caustic. Usually with people that she believes have a better skillset then she does. She loves telling people what to do in a very covert way. So I've adjusted my behavior towards her. I can see how she manipulates people - by telling them over and over and over again about her "anxiety" to get others to do what she wants them to do. It's worked with our mentor. I'm not buying into any of it. So, I'm moving on bit by bit.
Poor Gus. Whoopimg cough🔅🔅🔅
It's's all fine until you get discarded for something you do that is entirely innocent and well intended.
Dr Carter's way of thinking DRC really helps
My comment disappeared. Agree! It's called good parented (the something).
@t_nels
Hi. I'm not sure if your comment was in response to mine, but I hope you are ok!
Thanks and have a fab DRC day
@@sturobertson6791 Yes, trying to do something well intended. I have a couple working against me, despite their outward appearance. They are putting on a good show but I see the signs.
Thank you, have a great day.
@@t_nels
Hi. I'm sorry you have a couple working against you.
It's puzzling.
You try your best, your absolute best to be nice, kind, supportive, decent, to listen and try to understand.....and you get accused of the opposite.
Thanks for your kind message
Dr. Carter there is a phrase for the word covert which describes covert narcissism better in only a phrase except for one thing. It is gendered leaving out around half of the other when it comes to that color. Which apparently some who are often being remembered as being only black don't mind at all. Most of all when being bragged about to strangers in stores too as being their less expensive now wife. For sure when getting paid to be a shoe store clerk to help find a white man a pair of shoes who has just told you that is challenging when they are being expected to maintain an advantage when it comes to selling enough pairs of shoes to stay on there in the store. Well then maybe that was one of the reasons as to why I was the first to be let go from that shoe store soon after that shoe store chain got sold to other investors yet again. Because I wasn't that good at for example hiding my frowns and impatience when noticing for example that something was very different about THAT white man there in that shoe store. Since I am far less able to do a drop and roll when being shot at sometimes I must confess that I do in a pinch I do resort to staying covert at the time instead. Like the time that tall white stranger walked into our shoe store too with an electronic weapon he was waving around near me instead. Until he became alarmed and confused about how maybe only covert of a fool I was behaving around that only a 'carpenters level' which I wanted to get a closer look at at the time. Later my supervisor only thought I was just seeing things while being out of my mind when I reported to her what just could have happened that day. Since it was hard to describe at the time to police what that kind of weapon looks like could you please tell me how to make police reports without me then having to end up being maybe jailed for giving away state secrets instead of all of the bad guys getting jailed? I hear that one guy Julien Assange found out the hard way that can get tricky too sometimes. I hope all of us so called white and black folks can figure out how to all live to 125 years along with our children too instead of any one of us practising narcissism at all. Ever.
Bottom line is that (I have to admit) they are highly skilled at being cunning. Devious. Although right? I don’t know what they think they have to be so proud of tho. Like congrats. You’re practically an expert at deception. I think it would be better in life to become an “expert”about far better things. The folly of working so hard and applying themselves to such futile things. So smart that they’re stupid. Now that I’ve gotten a lot wiser to it, (and it’s a lot more clear that I’d love nothing more than to drop them etc) nowadays they engage in a lot of attempted bribing. (Toxic family).
I think the one thing tho is how they fool all the others (nobody believes you as if to be shocked by what you claim or the ways they abused you), and you wind up having to find an entirely new support system and basically starting all over like a nomad or vagabond or refugee.
And idk. Ha ha. Perhaps that is why something like “tiny home villages” or the alt living lifestyle appeals to me so much. (Van life. RV life etc). Not to mention how they so often leave you in such a precarious financial position to where you might have to get extra creative if you don’t want to wind up living under a bridge.
They play victim so well also.
Love Gus! ❤️
I do too!
It’s a lot.
Devil forever searching for a mommy run 🏃♀️ no contact only way UP 🙏🤗🤗😊
Gus 💕
Hope Gus is okay ❤
Can you talk about hypochondria please?
I used to be so sweet. Now I play with narcissists for fun. 🤩
Interesting that their control is from mistrust. Could their control by mistrust be caused by their own lack of trustworthiness or something that happened beyond their control? I tend to think of my own experiences. When others have broken my trust, I havent resorted to then being controlling, but forgiving and learning then healing. I feel trust is necessary for personal health. Living with lack of trust is a miserable existence
It was more like a grunt!
@@jasonsneeden5934 I think you've touched on something really important there!
Very important comment!
@@SurvivingNarcissismLove this answer.
I allow myself to watch some videos and engage with them daily on some Tarot channels. Thank you. 🙏
I find covert narcissists to be really interesting. It shows that they know how ridiculous narcissists behavior’s and beliefs are or else they wouldn’t feel the need to be covert about it.
Which also seems to indicate they have an awareness of other people’s thoughts/feelings of how ridiculous narcissists are.