There are only two kinds of people in the world of the narcissist: tools and enemies. You're either a tool to be used to meet the narcissist's needs or you're an enemy.
I would say … you don’t even know… but people here do know.. not only did this family refuse to be happy no conversation in joy about the Lord but if you came in complaining about this pastor or the wife or the one doing day care. You could get involved for hours maybe. Always trying to bring you down to the point of wild accusations that make no sense… that’s enough I suppose
I’ll never forget those words. Why are you so dam happy Once o got sick. They would not help me. Lost 68 pounds Checked in for starvation and dehydration. The staff wanted them for it I protected them ( stupid I know ) 20 days later. I got back. They said move I don’t want the liability of you dying on my land. Not so nice gal That began my education Now I can spot one of them at twenty feet. I’m healthy happy and everyday is Saturday
@@TeresaLipot yes! I have done that also to people. LOL! The ones that totally dislike what I am doing with my life, I just smile and speak to them kindly even though they are not kind to me. It really annoys them.
Narcissistic people have no problem telling you what they think about you, but they don’t take it too well with you try and call them out on their activities.
If I called my dad out on his s...; he would get angry and tell me how wrong I am and to apologize to him for allegedly lying to him. I refuse to apologize, I am not lying.
1.Someone with strong discernment who can't be charmed or easily influenced 2. Someone self sustaining that doesn't have a need that they'll try to "help" them with. 3. Someone like me NOW!
When my narcissistic sister says “I pray for peace in this family” it’s really a window dressed version of “I pray that everyone in this family will see things my way”
Narcissists masking as empaths is very common. Probably 60%+ of this comments section is made up of people thinking they are the victim/good guy, but as we all know, that's exactly how a narcissist sees themselves.
The moment they feel they are losing an argument they start name calling and flinging false accusations at you while telling you “You don’t know what your talking about!”….. And, “Your just jealous!”.
Early on, a narcissist will want to know many things about you, including mistakes you’ve made, they might seem very non-judgmental but later this ‘ammo’ will be used ( possibly as a half-truth ) against you.
Made that mistake. A decade later, any vulnerabilities or mistakes I’ve shared have been weaponized against me when I try to hold them accountable for bad behavior.
Narcisists do not like people who tell the truth, are authentic unapologetically, and love other people. They hate the most beautiful qualities we can have as human beings. Thank you dr Carter. God bless you❤
We do all have our own perspectives, but truth is not subjective. The truth is important, especially when dealing with people who are liars. @@coachwhitford7315
its because they dont have those things so they want to destroy you in all ways to be better looking and put you in depression and all and sad thing is is that they some was threated same way and then do it the same to others.
I’m convinced that this type of person cannot tolerate ANYONE else unless they’re in total control of the relationship. They seem to hate even themselves. What a blight on the human race.
My sister couches her narcissism in religion. Finally, a few years ago I put her on blast and went no contact. Highly doubtful that she will step this way again. Or, any other narc actually . "Blood does not make family. Love and respect makes family". I'm all done.
It's called spiritual bypassing. Not uncommon. I knew a man that was "an excellent methodist layman" as purported by his peers. His oldest wasn't a boy. You wouldn't believe the brain damage he did to her. Worse yet, "mommy" let it happen.
My half-sister (currently 71) is similar. She is not very religious, but she volunteers for a church. That would be wonderful except for the fact she tells personal friends and relatives how much she hates it, how everyone is doing everything wrong, and how no one listens to her. Yet she chooses to stay a church volunteer. I think she is actually quite happy about her situation as a church volunteer because it "usually" gets her "public praise" and "private sympathy".
Yes, and that same exact quote also hit me and made me stop and think about all kinds of examples of the "absence of love". I couldn't help but think of past religious studies that describe God as love, and a certain horrible place in the afterlife where God (Love) is absent. Even people who are not religiously inclined have heard of it, regardless of beliefs. And those of us who have endured the absence of love in relationships, we know how it feels.
Good one, after 3.5 years I stood up to him and he took me OUT! His vengeance was intense and then he told me he didn’t have deep emotional connection with me…really? But I think you are correct
and, just to be clear, you can love someone and want the best for them, but not agree with aspects of their choices or lifestyle. This is especially true if it impedes on the direction of society and the freedoms therein. unfortunately, from what I have seen, the majority of people cannot handle subtlety of thought, even to that small degree. The real narcissists are those who have been gripped by ideological possession, to quote a smarter man than I. They are those who have been compelled through emotion by propaganda to believe the totality of a given ideology that they themselves have not actually unpacked or been critical of; to a fault.
@@devilsoffspring5519 You’re right that there are some people who attempt to build their self esteem at the expense of others. That’s not healthy and not stable because even they know at the end of the day that they used and dehumanized others to make themselves feel/look/acquire better. So the question is, what have they actually built? Actual, meaningful, stable self esteem or is it just a house of self aggrandizement through bad behavior cards? I say the latter. It’s not real and they know it. They ultimately dehumanized themselves by behaving as they have.
@@thereisnoninadria What you say is quite true, but the Narcissist will never see it that way, or admit it. However, it is "stable" because it's self-generated. Building yourself up by putting others down is SOP for Narcissists.
My husband hates me so much go about to destroy my name to who ever cares to listent.He goes to my place of work, my children school and church also am so heart broken,I pray God send me a helper to pull me out of this misery 😢
@leighleigh8725 In this time in our time on earth they are more people falling in on the dark side they are letting in the dark spirits and they hate the people of light they have let in the evilness and they love the hell that there in especially if you are a believer in Christ they will come after harder and form a army against you take that as a sign that you on the right path it’s hard but we are in school on this earth don’t give in this is all of the devil just like racism, narcissist, mental illness, any isms it is all hate which is all of the devil. And he is well and alive. A lot of people don’t realize that Lucifer is the god little g of this earth he has permission to Temp us and to put false thoughts in our head.
@@MeyiSanni. You have to set your intention to do that for yourself. No one else can or even wants to unless they’re another narcissist. Learn how and what to do and before you know it you’ll leave the stormy past behind.
Only if they think they will "win". They don't want a physical fight if you can smash them. But then they will get tricky and sneaky - if you let them.
my ex would always say "I hate being the smartest person in the room" lol. ... I did not understand her cockiness because I did not understand people who were highly narcissistic .... she was my first and will be my last
Narcissists definitely have more than one face or persona that they show in different situations, but the narcissist is fully aware of them and in control of them. A narcissist will, for example, behave one way (usually quite well) when they know they are being recorded or watched in public by people they want to impress or who don't know them, but in private they become abusive with people who do know them.
To my view they all seem possessed by the very same 5 year old entitled monster. The more of their moves you know from learning patterns, the more you see every one of them pull the same gaslighting garbage
They have different masks they wear in different situations. They actually lack a fully developed internal world and have less developed core personalities as a result.
I believe that there’s more than 2 kinds of people that narcissists can’t tolerate. They hate all people who don’t give them 100% loyalty and praise and support of everything they say and do!
@@amarbyrd2520Mine could be SOOO charming in public; behind closed doors it was like "Mommy Dearest". And the switch occurred in a split second. So, doesn't BEHAVE like an overt narc 100% of time, but is a narc 100%. As she got older, the veneer cracked and she became more obvious... the hard part was people would say "it's age/dementia, it's not really her". I have news for them: It was always her and that's who she always was.
First of all narcissists cannot tolerate those who disagree with them & furthermore they hate anyone who dares to criticize them 😂 my way or the highway thinking till the death 😢 stay strong ❤
I had to leave the highest paying job I ever had, solely because of 2 raging narcissists. They just drove me out. But now I work remotely (no toxic office environment/ coworker encounters!) and I’m happier at my current, lower paying job. Life is full of twists and turns but it always works out in the end!
@gal1885 Remote work is the BEST for emotional health. Every place I've ever worked at in person there have been at least 2 narcissists (I call them sociopaths - essentially the same thing), and then their flying monkeys (or "apaths") and they lose their power when we're not in the office. They still have some power, mind you, but nothing like in person. It is such a relief! Every office I've ever worked in has been toxic. Every single one.
@@gal1885 Indeed! They gaslight the heck out of us. Trust yourself - it has taken me quite a while to get there, and preferably to not get on their radar if at all possible, because if I do, all hell breaks loose (for me, not them). Not always easy, because they spot an empathic person right away. I've tried to learn as much as I can about these creatures. I don't call them human - humans are their prey. Humans are not on the top of the food chain, sociopaths are. I'm always learning, and I've had to learn a lot about myself in the process.
The minute they know that they cannot control you they are outta there. ..and I say "good riddance"! Your life becomes so much easier without their constant noise.
Yes and no. Unfortunately I married a toxic Narcissist parasite who will not let go. I struggle daily, I fight back, I set boundaries, the piece of sh** only laughs at my efforts and tells me to my face: I'll do it anyway. And he does. i remember something very true I read somewhere:: They don't choose weak partners. They choose the strong seeming ones from good families with a good education who have good jobs and then they start to wear them down in order to destroy them. The destruction of a human being, the complete destruction, seems to be their biggest reward. It makes them proud, then they feel they have achieved something. But a good person lies in the dust in pieces so that the narc can prance around and show off what a wonderful '(irony) specimen he is.
My mother and father were both diagnosed with NPD. They gave me away to my grandmother to raise me when I was 6 years old, and adopted my sister, who they went on to nearly worship. I asked my cousin who had been around then when my folks gave me away, as to why they did it. She said, 'even when you were very young you were intelligent, and always independent, and frankly, they despised you because of this; they neglected you, ignored you, and then finally convinced your grandmother to take you".
I hope your grandmother was good to you. As painful as it was, they did you a favor. I am just curious as to how in the world they were able to adopt a child after they had given you away. They must have been highly manipulative to be able to get people to lie for them like that! Adoption agencies turn away people who have given their kids up, or had them removed by the state.
I was battling for my sanity walking on egg shells all the time hurts and is very hard to do. Having a child gave me the strength to get up and get out. I dislike saying this but it is true. At times through our lives I often thought she herself felt such sorrow. He also physically abused us.
1. Anyone who challenges their paradigm (their understanding of the world/events at large). 2. Anyone who challenges their behavior (their attitudes towards others). 3. Anyone who challenges their antipathy (their lack of love). Thank you, Doctor Carter.
Yes thank you Dr. C… I try to practice your dignity, civility and respect but the boundaries with me are very discerning. I have noticed how a narcissist quickly loses their temper. They are in a variety of places from churches to grocery stores for example. Happy holidays or Merry Christmas Dr. C 🤔❤🇺🇸
Antipathy is thinly veiled hate. A veil easily broken over the slightest infraction! I got 49 years of it from my mom, half brother, and step sisters. So trust me, I've lived it. (Not meant as mean, just my experience.)
This subject should be core in grade school. I am an empath that suffered narcissists into my adult life, wondering what made some people blind to other peoples' right to there own opinion. Narcissism is one of the largest problems on the planet. Life could be much more pleasant if we were all made aware of them earlier in life.
They didn’t want us to know… my mother a covert narcissist taught me about wolves in sheeps clothing while also telling me (as young child) I would get struck by lightening if I did bad when she wasn’t watching as God was always watching. Interestingly she’s now 90 and I’m 53. Her and my sister really did a number on me right before thanksgiving so my kids and I did not go to dinner this year. No apologies so karma had its way…she fell ironically coming out the church hitting her head on a car landing on pavement. Bruised up but nothing broken. My sister just got out of hospital from pneumonia….. Mom called to invite just me and kids for Christmas with a humble tone I haven’t heard in years. It’s crazy!!!
I've been saying this for years and couldn't agree more. It sickens me that we spend 13 years (Australia) at school and come out of it totally ill equipped for the real world. There should be a 'life schools' class in year 11 or 12 and as part of that we should be taught about both narcissists and sociopaths.
@@retsamnogard they wouldn't be narcissists or sociopaths if you could see them at the gate. They've been here since the beginning of time and gaslit their way into normalization.
@@retsamnogard COMPLETELY AGREE. I loved Maths at school. But much of it has no use at all in the real world. Whereas unwitting, prolonged contact with a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath can have huge effects on your mental health, and possibly even physical health. Yet nobody even gives you a clue about it. Madness!
So true. I'm thin and athletic at 51 163 lbs. She told me I make her feel bad about her body because she feels chunky next to me. She asked me to slow down and have fat handels.
I have told the narcissist in my life that he is the prosecutor, judge and jury for everyone. No one can interject an opinion other than his because he has already decided what is correct based on his own opinion. Nothing else matters.
Yes, and in my case it was particularly when the narcissist couldn't control me to get out of my own reality. People who care try to understand other people. Narcissists are convinced it's not worth the effort because it doesn't benefit them somehow.
The psychological laziness is spot on. They will do everything to not grow or improve instead of investing that same energy into simply doing better and being better.
Absolutely. My narcissist sister works in a law office for attorneys and has abused her position for years. In her mind she’s passed the state bar & holds a medical license. In reality she’s not ever even received an undergraduate degree. She is truly the worst person I have ever known which is why I have gone no contact.
My ex assaulted me dislocated my shoulder and left BLACK bruises. He fled afterward and a girlfriend took me to the ER. The doctor called the Police. A detailed report and photos were taken. I was moved to a shelter for my safety. When we went to court his family had hired HIM a FEMALE attorney that represented VICTIMS of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. 😂
You can't have healthy boundaries with a narcissist they don't allow that. Just leave don't expect them to change the weather changes narcissistic people don't. When you call them out on their lies and bad behavior they deny and project.
You’re right. My narc is my stylist. We have worked together for 20 years. I moved to management in the office and my narc expected me to share private information with her. When I said I would never do this she iced me out, giving the silent treatment, trying triangulation with me and the owner. Over and over again. Right now, I am counteracting her silence with my silence going no contact. There will be paperwork from management going forward I will handle it like I would any other tenant. She is moving her business to another location this will happen in 2 months. I’ve thought about canceling all my appointments in person but upon reflection, I’m going to do this through her booking site instead, hence no contact. The woman in the suite behind her is going to be my new stylist. She’s so nice so REAL. It’s been a very exhausting year and a half. The day she leaves I’m removing her from social media. If I do it now, she’ll play the victim and we all know narcs do this. Trying to talk with her is asking for more insanity. I do not like her. I don’t trust her. She brings nothing but toxicity into my life. She brought this on herself. I’m good with it.
I’ve always been a truth teller, have tried to come from a place of love, and I’m “different” from other people in many ways. In retrospect, it is exactly these 3 strikes that led me to quit my last job where there were 2 narcissists that despised me. Thank you for all of your videos that have helped me to believe that A) I wasn’t crazy, B) that I deserved dignity, and respect, and C) that self love is the key to unraveling their narcissistic insanity. Still haven’t found a job, but I am so much happier and have peace of mind like never before. Thank you!
Stay strong a job is a job and easily replaceable your mental health is not .next time you start a job ,keep to yourself do your job at best and do it well have your armor up and don't open up to anyone . If you get a gut feeling around someone you will know second chances are the best to start over 🤙
I had to leave the highest paying job I ever had, solely because of 2 raging narcissists. They just drove me out. But now I work remotely (no toxic office environment/ coworker encounters!) and I’m happier at my current, lower paying job. Life is full of twists and turns but it always works out in the end!
I'm so sorry you experienced that! Narcissists at work are awful; we spend more time in our jobs than at home. I'm glad you got away and you *will* get another job. It'll happen; keep your chin up. 😊😉
And don't forget that them hating you is actually a compliment. They KNOW you know, they Know you have boundaries and are not afraid to speak the truth.
Very true, but I also believe that a narcissist would prefer being disliked over being seen as irrelevant or inconsequential to someone who had the supply they wanted. EDIT: when you go "no contact" with them.
I had a boss that pushed me out of my job by making false accusations. I wanted to know why he hated me so much. He said "You are different. I don't know what to do with you". I was the only female on an all-male crew but what really seemed to bother him. is I pulled my weight and did all the required tasks. That term "You are different" really is a sore spot for me......
I so get that. My narcissistic father scapegoated me and in the last year of his life during one of my many visits where he berated me or said something negative every time he I showed up, he told me “You’re different than my other two, they are more like me.” These other two have continued the scapegoating since he’s passed and I am low contact. The family sees the rift in my relationship with the sibs as my being so different in my personality style. Of course they have no real idea what I’ve been dealing with because it’s always been my job to protect my siblings and I realized I did it so long that I was denying the reality of their abuse.
@@dnk4559 I've always been different than everyone in my immediate family. I was always more like my grandma (my mother's mother), and isn't it interesting that my mother (the narc) always hated both me and my grandma?
Narcissist do "whatever works" to elicit a response out of you, usually one of misery and suffering that makes the narcissist feel more powerful. Narcissists also assign you a role to play, direct from their alternate reality in their imagination. And when you don't conform to this role, they feel powerless. Rinse and repeat.
Sounds like you weren't compatible with the team, and everyone involved is better off. Did you want to stay on a team with a leader who couldn't relate to you?
@marysullivan3881: I agree with “what they say, think.” I do care about what they do though, because in taking advantage of people children and vulnerable adults are exploited. I stand up at that point to let my feelings be known. They damage people so badly with their cruelty.
Yes. After the first two or three months of creating a relationship or friendship, you never really have a decent conversation or straightforward fun times ever again. Then you hear them making the same jokes, conversation points, suggestions to the next potential supply! Conversely I have true friends for many decades and we never run out of things to talk about or do.
Thanks for that comment/question, and Doctor Carters answer. That scenario was present between my Father and my ex Partner. They at loggerheads was the catalyst that hastened my (partners) relationships demise
@doppelganger6091 You are correct that kindness doesn't matter to the narcissist, but the narcissist is absolutely not the one and only person in the universe. What I have learned is that in the end, I have my own self and my own conscience to deal with. With healing I have felt better, but in feeling better I am also able to feel more regret for the times in my past I reacted in a way that I am not happy about. So kindness has become important to me, since I still have all the negative thoughts about abuse, but now I also know those thoughts will pass and I will be happy with how I handled a negative situation -- the narcissist was not at the center, focus or forefront of anything.
Sadly this sounds like my son who, before he got the toxic C-jabs, was gentle and loving and has slowly morphed into a narcissistic monster. Im heartbroken and miss my grands but now even my two grandchildren who used to be sweet are now filled with fear and trepidation… My son tried to move his family back to our home, so he had free rent, food and luxury utilizes since he was jobless and it didn’t work out because he was abusing, demeaning and disrespecting me and I called him on his abusive manner so he called me mean and crazy and so they left unannounced and now he’s ghosted me. May God bless them all and cast out the demons in their minds and hearts, in the name of Jesus!
For the first time in our ten-year marriage, I disagreed w/him politically. I haven’t forgotten what he said. “I don’t see how you and I can look at the same event and see two totally different things. That scares me about our future.” He would occasionally tell the truth by accident. This was one of those times. We divorced a year later.
Wow! I had three strikes against since birth. I'm diverse, speak truth, and love. My mother is a narcissist, and we never got along. Thank you for sharing this information 🙏
It took my becoming an adult and moving away from home to begin individuation from my mother, though I was aware from an early age of how sick I felt physically, mentally and spiritually because of her -- compared to everyone else like school teachers, friends of the family, people on TV, etc. It took a long time for me to realize that if people didn't like me, it was because I was mimicking her behaviors. But mostly, I had to be the peacemaker as a child and carry everyone else's anger because my feelings never mattered. Telling the truth was one way for me to get my mother's rage out of my soul.
This is the best description of my Mother I've heard. This is why I am only now developing boundaries. I'm autistic/ADHD and I now know why she never loved me or even could accept me for who I am. I'm all of the things narcissists can't tolerate. She did set me up for a life of struggle and narcissist relationships that were traumatizing and damaging. Thank God I am by nature a person who is stubbornly determined to be self-aware. That alone has saved me.
" ... a childish egocentricity " -- PERFECT ! , but the narcissist ALSO needs a TARGET, so if you remove yourself from the picture, they will seek-out the closest NEW target .
I told my sister I am going to be homeless and asked if I can stay with her. She told me Sorrrrry!!! There is nothing I can do.😢 Never trust a narcissist.
Right. My ex narc did that. It lasted about 2 weeks and then it was his preferences for everything. Food, restaurants, TV (constant sports), when to do laundry, etc. 🥺
Yes. I have heard others describe it as actually reflecting back to you the best, most idealized parts of yourself. When you are initially charmed by a narcissist, you are really just being flattered by the good aspects of yourself and your own personal interests. Some call it "love bombing". And in exchange for this one and sometimes only most flattering bribe, you will get nothing but breadcrumbs from now on and be expected to forever reflect back to the narcissist the reflection of themselves that they want everyone to believe is true about them, even though it is a false self.
Always ignore them and run farrr away from them and try to stay away from them as much as possible!!!! REMEMBER to disconnect both online and offline when dealing with them the no contact method!!!!!
Being a vegetarian with a narcissist parent can make every family gathering and shared meal a nightmare. They can make you out to be a villain for demanding "special treatment" instead of choosing a menu that everyone can eat. They might even lie and tell you something is vegetarian when it actually contains meat. They will never accommodate your life choices or respect your personal standards. In other words, they can behave exactly as described in the video.
Yes you are exactly correct. I have the same kind of story from the opposite viewpoint. I have had insulin-dependent diabetes for 40+ years, meaning I was diagnosed at age 12. Where narcissists in my past were concerned, they openly bragged about how much effort they took to make "special" foods for me while everyone else got the non-diet food. Back then they thought "diabetics CAN'T have sugar!" Well, the problem was, I didn't have the type of diabetes requiring that kind of diet. My narcissistic mother and relatives were behind it. I have always been made to feel excluded, like an outsider, by the toxic family of origin by means of "being helped" when I didn't need any of it. I was stuck between eating the "special" food I didn't really want, or the "real" (non-diet) food which made me look unappreciative and irresponsible, though I was neither. Just as a side note, I can eat whatever I want so long as I test my levels and give myself the correct amounts of insulin for it, sometimes adding more doses later if necessary. This is what the body would do naturally.
@@SaltyFloridian In my experience picking out the meat would still be cause for offence, even if done without any verbal comment or complaint. With some narcs any behaviour that does not conform exactly will be used as an excuse to take offence. And they do love to take offence.
We had a difference of opinion one night and she created a poll on social media asking "Would you be offended if your bf said this:...." The fact I didnt leave right then and there reveals to me how trauma bonded I was.
Mine ran to fb anytime I wouldn’t agree with him.. he was more concerned about what a stranger thought then the person he was with!! They truly sick and delusional
Wow! Do you know my mom? Spot on exactly. I'm almost 62. I've lived with this crap since I was a kid. I've finally decided I'm done. I have disabilities and it's hard to heal with all this garbage. Thank you!
What about when you point out a narcissist is absolutely wrong and it infuriates them to the point that they need retribution. They break things, throw things away, give your personal property away, threaten to hurt you.
My former father-in-law is a narc. Other than his arrogance, the first red flag I saw was him telling me "Who is filling your head with that stuff?" when I wouldn't go along with his views. Two things stuck me about his statement: 1) His belief that I was incapable of drawing my own conclusions, and 2) That he viewed people as objects to manipulate (i.e. "filling their heads")
I had a boyfriend many years ago who used to say that to me whenever I didn't like something he was doing to me. He accused me of "being influenced by your friends", as if I'm not smart enough to figure out for myself if I'm being abused!
@@christinelamb1167 That is exactly how I felt about it. My ex, narc father-in-law's daughter, did the same thing as him. Their arrogant message is "You are too stupid to think for yourself, so I better be the one who puts ideas in your head ... not someone else."
You describe two of my mother's traits. She essentially viewed me as her own personal creation, and deemed that it was my obligation to her as her daughter to think, feel, like/dislike any thing in the world as long as it was identical to hers. I was nothing more than a blank slate to her, and I spent my life fighting with her so I could differentiate from her and BE WHO I AM. One of the most painful realities for me was that I was such a failure at fulfilling her dreams. She only told me I was loved by her when she was disappointed in me and frustrated that I was not who she needed me to be......"I'm only saying/doing this BECAUSE I LOVE YOU". I'm 78, and still frustrated and hurt that the biggest failed relationship in my life was with my mother, literally right up to and including her death....
My narc sister called me over to her house the day before I went on holiday. I was "wising up" to her at this point and basically offered little help with her problem as I was going away. She told me that if she had known she would have come with me and I told her that was the reason she wasn't told. The silence was deafening as I took my leave. 🤣
I’ve called them out, however, they became enraged and proceeded to take revenge upon me. The narcissist neighbor harassed & stalked me for 20 years. I finally moved. I still have nightmares about this individual. They can be dangerous like my neighbor.
When I was younger I attracted narcissists, I was controlled and mistreated I felt really lonely in those relationships. It took 10 years of being single to figure out that I was never attracted to them, they came into my life through friends then I ended up with them I was under the misconception that these men loved me, they actually wanted to possess me. So I put up strong boundaries, now I’m happy with my husband who is like me, he is worth the wait.
I said I didn’t buy from a certain online shop that they buy from all the time. When they asked why I said that it’s all stuff from China and I don’t want to buy slave labor goods. They actually said “ well they feed them “ ! Being a person with deep Christian compassion and empathy, I was dumbfounded! I actually couldn’t even respond!
people who they see as flawed or weak (they have nothing but contempt and zero empathy or compassion) and honest/authentic ppl, are my guesses. they "like" other narcissists, people who have the same "values" (or lack thereof) as they do. other gossips, other con artists, other liars are their "people"
In my experience narcissists have no capacity to like other people. However they will interact with ease with people they can easily control. I know a female NP who interacts easily with men who don’t challenge her but she can’t stand strong women.
Both of my siblings are severe narcissist and my mother was a Grandiose Narcissist and oral history shows that our Grandmother was a malevolent narcissist with sadistic tendencies , 🥶😬🥶😔
thank you SO much for this. i recently suffered the famous narcissistic discard by a friend of 45 years for, not disagreeing, but simply questioning an issue. this is the clarification i sorely needed.
Wow…. I think this may have happened to me recently. A friend of 40+ years took issue with me and I stood firm. It ended in a standoff. I usually don’t engage in arguments but this matter was important to me. We haven’t spoken since. I’m not ruminating over it and I couldn’t care less if it’s the end of a friendship. I was not deserving of the criticism and attack she dished out.
Must be going around. A friend of 17 years attacked everything I was doing in life. I disagreed, told them I was living my life according to how I wanted to, not them, and they could chillax as I would continue to be just fine. Hasn’t spoken to me since. I’d say I miss them, but I don’t. Spent too many years trying to appease the bossiness and I’ve had enough.
I think when we finally understand the dynamic we look at those who have surrounded us for years. Chances are you have friends who acted in a way you were comfortable with once but are no longer. You might realize they are conniving behind your back to keep their mask on. That discard is easier because you never had the familial bond and you've realized they never had your interest at heart.
had the same thing happen; ex-friend now, but she apparently couldn't take no for an answer in how i wanted to spend my bd, although she agreed she was just like me (this was all said over the phone); then came the phone message that tried to guilt trip me...nope! enjoyed my day!! returned her calls and she hasn't responded back. i asked for a few minutes with her to discuss all this privately in person...no response and no response since. silence tells me Everything!
Wow 45 years?! I’m sure you must be hurting, and confused, but when a door closes a better one opens…I think you will vibrate on a higher level now that you’re free of this toxic person, making way for a new positive influence in your life…a friend or otherwise! Keep your chin up!
I just spent 11 years married to exactly who Dr. Carter described in this video. He frequently said he wanted peace, which really meant "I don't want you to talk to me or ask me to do anything, but I do expect you to keep up the laundry, cooking, shopping, outside yard, etc. And don't expect ANY affection or thanks from me! Oh, and remember that I am always right...." I filed for divorce and now I am accused of being a their and more. It's almost over. Thanks to Dr. Carters videos I have learned enough to know what I am dealing with and that he won't change.
My late stepfather was very intolerant of my differences. I confronted him about it and set boundaries with him. I told him that he had to respect my differences. If he didn’t, I would limit my exposure to him.
This explains exactly how my ex passive aggressive narc justified her behavior. Years of me trying to sit down in a calm setting to discuss issues and fights and was met with stonewalling. So much silence during our fights it was insanity. These thoughts were so pervasive I couldn’t break through. So I had to break free. Thanks Dr C. It does get better in time…
👍🌻🌹STONEWALLING IS JUST A PHYCHO CONTROL TOOL THEY USE...THEY ABUSE U ALONE WHEN NO 1 CAN C IT ...I USED 2 PIK UP THE PHONE ASKING NARC SHALL WE C WHAT VICTIMS ASSISTANCE THINKS OF YOUR ACT??..THEY ABUSE PPL IN SECRET...PREPARE 2 B ABANDONED ONCE U R ON 2 THEM U R THE NEW VILLAIN..WHO WAS IT B 4 HEY? OH YA THE BODIES PILE UP IN THIER LIFE..BECUZ WITH AN IDIOT NARC THAT'S YOUR CRUEL CHOICE..B ABUSED OR B ABANDONED & U R THE NEW VILLAIN THEY USE 2 COAX PITY FROM THIER NEW TARGETS ...I CHOSE 2 DISCARD THE NARC MYSELF...I BARELY GOT BY I WAS TRAPPED AT HOME NO SUPPORT NO FAMILY NO FRIENDS & SUFFERING FROM THE ABUSE & I WAS SO BROKEN😕😵..SADLY A COMMON SITUATION.. EVENTUALLY THINGS TURNED AROUND IN THE BEST WAY 4 ME & MY LITTLE DOG BECUZ I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE 4 US..NARC ALMOST RAN OVER MY SCOOBIE DOO..NOT SO SURE HE WASN'T TRYING 2 DO IT ON PURPOSE BUT JUST MISSED😢..THAT WAS THE DAY I SAW THAT EVIL IDIOT HAD 2 B DISCARDED & BTW SUMTIMES "THEY R LOOKING 4 U 2 DISCARD THEM" ONCE THEY HAVE A NEW TARGET..THEY R VERY MANIPLULATIVE...BUT ITS ACTUALLY "THIER NASTY DISCARD THRU MANIPULATION" NARC WAS PURE TRASH HE WAS & STILL IS 2 THIS DAY..NO CHANGE..JUST A LOSER...CHANGING JOBS HOMES DASHING OUT IN RENT & HYDRO BILLS/FAST COMPANY HES ALWAYS CYCLING THRU VICTIMS..HE SHOPS 4 NEW TARGETS ON FACEBOOK OF COURSE LIES PUTS HIS OWN PICTURE OF HIMSELF 2 ADVERTISE HES SAYS HE'S SINGLE WHEN HE'S LEGALLY MARRIED... SUCH AN IDIOT HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED 2 GET DIVORCED 2 MOVE ON 2 A NEW VICTIM.. HE HAS NO SHAME...NO MORALS
'I couldn't break through, so i had to break free'... Brilliant! That's exactly what i had to do. I had to leave someone behind who sadly couldn't see it, was blinded to the truth & was too entrenched in it, but that was his choice.
The one I'm dealing with currently - a neighbour either stonewalls or is exceedingly aggressive. Unfortunately there are issues we are sometimes needing to discuss. I've been threatened with police reports for non existent crimes, but if I avoid or ignore them they then come after me and try to engage. Crazy making!
#3 is key... if a person IS surrounded by friends, family and associates whom they love & care for and who love & care for them, the narcissist cannot get a 'foothold' because there are too many people involved in the person's life that they would have to contend with. In many ways, the narcissist is very much like a groomer or pedophile in that they search out lonely/abandoned/hurt/damaged/confused/compromised/ people to pounce on and work their evil ways on.... and it can only happen if the 'target' isn't already ensconced in healthy, meaningful relationships. Sad sad sad. They are conniving, manipulative opportunists of the highest order and should be avoided at all costs.
Yes, the more alone you are the more susceptible you are to attracting a narc. They have the ability to hone in somehow and say all the right things to get you to spill whatever beans they're interested in - or can be used to their advantage. I have to go around with my jaw wired shut, as I seem to miss the innocuous little questions they somehow insert into the conversation!
My ex once yelled at me, “You empaths and the need for the truth!” Shocked me because I had never called myself an empath. But he was right, I am one and I do need the truth.
Using feelings as a crutch to justify their outbursts and tantrums is a go to for narcissists. Most are quite sociopathic and insecure, especially when exposed during a manipulation.
Now I know why my in laws didn’t like me! Especially my brother in law! I want to love and get along with everyone. But it gets turned around on me and suddenly am the person who is hard to get along with and starting trouble! They take kindness as weakness!
Thank you so much Dr. Carter. I was raised by narcissist. I am a therapist and started studying about narcissism before it was widely known about. At the time the DSM-IV had it and still has it under personality disorder Cluster B but it didn't click that my mother meets criteria until I was able to really look at how her treatment shaped my thoughts actions, and self-esteem shortly after I obtained my license. I have studied on the topic nearly every day since 2012. You are, in my opinion the best therapist out there on this subject. Thank you for not only allowing me to gain insight into my own life but allowing me to use it in therapy I do on my clients that have a narcissist in their life. I cannot express how appreciated and valued you and the work you do are.
Everytime husband and I fight because he can't tolerate my opinions and ignores me and causes me to feel angry, we won't talk for a day or two. Then, a week or so later, he starts to tell me what he thinks and it is my opinion or idea that he ignored. He always has to take my thoughts and turn them into his. IT DRIVES ME NUTS!
Dear Katejo,…..And you think this existing Is Healthy ?…….Not talking,…1-2.Days,…1-2Weeks,,.He is controlling,,..and you are a En abler,……When are you going to GROW A SPINE! !,‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️. This is why Men rule,….. Oh by the way,….Have you noticed their is a certain ‼️STENCH SMELL ‼️. Stand-On-Business !!!!!!. ,…
I opted out of spending christmas with my toxic family members. Tried to come out with a different way of seeing my grandpa without seeing my aunts and oh man did all hell break loose. Then when i wouldnt budge these people called my mom and my husband and had a fit about how dare i ruin their christmas lol. Amazing.
I watched a video from a diagnosed narcissist who spoke on being scared/intolerant of autistic people. Mainly because they can’t read the autist (delayed processing plays a big role in this). Can’t break them away from their routines and lifestyles. And def will harshly tell the truth of the patterns they see. Fascinating.
@@mkryuyes definitely. I’ve found in my own life that they have a different reaction to narcissists….I think autistics can spot a sociopath very easily and the sociopath knows. I’m an infj ‘seer of souls’ and there’s no soul to see! But with narcissists (mum and ex husband) they don’t like when I call out their behaviours. Especially now that I’ve educated myself on narcissism. It makes things worse because they become angry and just ramp up the behaviours but I can’t help but speak the truth. The only time I won’t tell the truth is to protect feelings or if I’m in danger.
Integrity. When you stand firmly in your beliefs (this includes diversity) and still allow others - including the narcissist - to think and express their own beliefs then the reaction I've experienced is that the narcissist feels threatened. Now, I haven't said anything against them, but the fact that I disagree means - to them - that I'm A threat. So, when the narcissist belittles or attacks another person and you don't join in, the narcissist sees you as judging them and even attacking them. Maintain your integrity and you will have narcissists as your enemy.
Called my stepfather out at Christmas about 10 years ago over something he fabricated...had support from in laws and wife on calling him out. It didn't go down well at all for him...we haven't spoken since, he kept my mother away from me and didn't tell me when she passed away. My life is still better than ever because of that day I told him what was what. Sad about mum but she chose her path, I made it clear that I was still there for her but sadly he had her completely controlled.
Yep, my narcissistic mother did not let me talk to my dad before he died. All because I did not give her control over my bank account. :( She panicked that her narcissistic supply was dying.... and wanted me to be the new supply. Pathologic narcissist. :( I've since found out she did a lot of sociopathic things after I left the house (I left after high school..... never went back.). She was evil incarnate. I am no-contact since last fall. Life is so much BETTER, except for the occasional flying monkey hoover attempt.
I take pride in knowing that by being true to myself I've been triggering Narcissists my entire life of 63 years. My Dad was a WW II veteran with undiagnosed PTSD, coped with alcohol and Narcissist Behavior. 😊
Yes!! If I ever disagree with ANYthing, or have a different experience, it's seen as somehow being disloyal and rejecting them personally and not just having a different experience.
Narcissists 🎭 can't tolerate... 1. Healthy people 2. Happy people Healthy people know who they are, so they can create strong boundaries. >> Narcs can't step over them. Healthy people do what they think, and think what they do so they are authentic. >> Narcs can't brainwash. Healthy people are able to love and their love is genuine. >> Narcs loathe genuine love. Healthy people are able to care and they are able to ask for help, so they are able to give and receive. >> Narcs are careless, only takers. Healthy people are honest with themselves (authentic) and are honest with other people, so they are trustworthy and can also trust other people. >> Narcs do not trust anybody. Healthy people take care about themselves (self-care, the basic) and so they know what they need and fulfill their needs on their own. >> Narcs are needy people. Healthy people are able to control their emotions for they don't want to harm other people, so they are protective to themselves and others. >> Narcs are dysregulated. >> Narcs need others to control. Healthy people are able to be vulnerable for they know that this guides to intimacy. >> Narcs avoid any intimacy. >> Narcs fear vulnerability. Healthy people are able to be open for they know that this connects them with other people. >> Narcs have lots of secrets. >> Narcs can't attach to people. Healthy people are curious because they are interested. >> Narcs are only interested in temselves. Healthy people are respectful to themselves and to others for they know that every human being is unique and valuable. >> Narcs are disrespectful, harsh, mean. >> Narcs think only they are special. Healthy people have an empathy that comes naturally. >> Narcs only fake empathy. Healthy people know that they need to learn in order to grow to become the best version of themselves. >> Narcs think they already know everything. Healthy people know that life is an ongoing process with lots of changes, ups and downs. >> Narcs do not want to change. Healthy people are confident from within for they know that everything they need is already there. >> Narcs can seem confident from the outside/facade but at the core they are fear based. Healthy people are tolerant and flexible for they know everyone has flaws. >> Narcs are unflexible controllers. >> Narcs feel flawless. >> Narcs are revengeful. Happy people are .... 》Please, fill in the blanket 》 And I will make a list 🪄 for happy people >> Narcs are the opposite!!! Happy people find joy and beauty in innocence. Happy people are thoughtful and kind to others. Happy people cooperate. >> Narcs dictate. Happy people are happy much of the time. >> Narcs are the opposite much of the time. Happy people love unconditionally. >> Narcs "love" comes with conditions. >> Narcs cannot respect differences. Happy people are at peace. Happy people drive Narcs crazy.
I worked for a Narcissist Sergeant at my Sheriff's office. His complete and utter lack of empathy (along with bouts of narcissistic rage) was his defining characteristic.
Says he loves… NOT ! The Ego is in the way. It’s conditional for him. He’ll love bomb you as long as you agree. Which is fake love. Says he’s not angry…. If his outburst twirling in circles is not anger. I’d hate to see his anger. Since there was a family disagreement he’s not spoke since. It’s all conditional for him. You’re are only his family if you believe everything he says and demands.
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
People with strong boundaries who have no problem calling them out and seen the monster behind the mask.
You're white hot, Fred!
That is my ex-coworker. I easily saw through he is toxic, but he become more and more antagonistic. Finally, I ran away from the job.
🏃💨💨
The longer a person has to deal with the narcissist, the more boundaries that become necessary.
We should still call out poor behavior.
@@yukio_saitosaw through that* he...
There are only two kinds of people in the world of the narcissist: tools and enemies. You're either a tool to be used to meet the narcissist's needs or you're an enemy.
🎯💯
🎯💯
💥 Nailed it!
Well said
Yes exactly!
They also can’t tolerate people who are genuinely happy.
And they can't tolerate happiness in general
I would say … you don’t even know… but people here do know.. not only did this family refuse to be happy no conversation in joy about the Lord but if you came in complaining about this pastor or the wife or the one doing day care. You could get involved for hours maybe. Always trying to bring you down to the point of wild accusations that make no sense… that’s enough I suppose
I’ll never forget those words.
Why are you so dam happy
Once o got sick. They would not help me. Lost 68 pounds Checked in for starvation and dehydration.
The staff wanted them for it
I protected them ( stupid I know )
20 days later. I got back. They said move I don’t want the liability of you dying on my land. Not so nice gal
That began my education
Now I can spot one of them at twenty feet.
I’m healthy happy and everyday is Saturday
I like shouting "Good Morning Neighbor, have a great day"!!
To my narcissistic neighbor.
It enrages her.
😮
😁😂🤣😭
@@TeresaLipot yes! I have done that also to people. LOL! The ones that totally dislike what I am doing with my life, I just smile and speak to them kindly even though they are not kind to me. It really annoys them.
They hate it when you can see exactly what they are
They hate IMMEDIATELY. How do they so quickly ascertain that you can see through them?
Their problematic attitude and behavior!
Not only see, but point out to them who they really are.
most of all when you call them out on it...yes.
They hate it when THEY see the way they are.
Same thing kind of.
Narcissistic people have no problem telling you what they think about you, but they don’t take it too well with you try and call them out on their activities.
Exactly 💯
If I called my dad out on his s...; he would get angry and tell me how wrong I am and to apologize to him for allegedly lying to him. I refuse to apologize, I am not lying.
The karma is real so their eyes see as their behaviour will do , their words return back to them after.
woah.
@@joansrusticsoapsjoan2111 totally !!! Ugh. Their Evil
1.Someone with strong discernment who can't be charmed or easily influenced
2. Someone self sustaining that doesn't have a need that they'll try to "help" them with.
3. Someone like me NOW!
I have 1 and 2 😧
Glad to hear it! Take care 🙏❤️
Well done!
@@robertruge2916 💥
They only want to "help" on their terms. If they decide helping you would be slightly inconvenient they will abandon you in a second.
When my narcissistic sister says “I pray for peace in this family” it’s really a window dressed version of “I pray that everyone in this family will see things my way”
Narcissists masking as empaths is very common. Probably 60%+ of this comments section is made up of people thinking they are the victim/good guy, but as we all know, that's exactly how a narcissist sees themselves.
Sounds like my aunt. Yeesh.
😂😂😂
Absolutely! 😉
So well said
Healthy communication.
Healthy debate. Narcissists are 100% incapable.
They can't even put words together to make a complete sentence
The moment they feel they are losing an argument they start name calling and flinging false accusations at you while telling you “You don’t know what your talking about!”….. And, “Your just jealous!”.
They can't have an adult conversation.
BOOM
Don't ever share your soul's wounds and hurts with a Narcissist. They will go for the jugular and accuse you of playing the victim.
Correct.
They can do far worse. At your most vulnerable moment, they will tell you, it's your fault for the soul's wound.
Early on, a narcissist will want to know many things about you, including mistakes you’ve made, they might seem very non-judgmental but later this ‘ammo’ will be used ( possibly as a half-truth ) against you.
Made that mistake. A decade later, any vulnerabilities or mistakes I’ve shared have been weaponized against me when I try to hold them accountable for bad behavior.
True That!
Narcissists are soooo exhausting
And boring!
THEY ARE, TOO!
Since I am not in contact with my narc, I don't care for his excuses/lies, I feel free!
Yes! They are...
Emotional black holes!!
Narcisists do not like people who tell the truth, are authentic unapologetically, and love other people. They hate the most beautiful qualities we can have as human beings. Thank you dr Carter. God bless you❤
We do all have our own perspectives, but truth is not subjective. The truth is important, especially when dealing with people who are liars. @@coachwhitford7315
its because they dont have those things so they want to destroy you in all ways to be better looking and put you in depression and all and sad thing is is that they some was threated same way and then do it the same to others.
Explains why I was confused
Yeah 😕
I have described it as being the sheep backed into a corner, but the dog is continuing to bite the hocks 🤨🤨🤨
Sick and tired of it!🤨
I’m convinced that this type of person cannot tolerate ANYONE else unless they’re in total control of the relationship. They seem to hate even themselves. What a blight on the human race.
My sister couches her narcissism in religion. Finally, a few years ago I put her on blast and went no contact. Highly doubtful that she will step this way again. Or, any other narc actually . "Blood does not make family. Love and respect makes family". I'm all done.
It's called spiritual bypassing. Not uncommon. I knew a man that was "an excellent methodist layman" as purported by his peers. His oldest wasn't a boy. You wouldn't believe the brain damage he did to her. Worse yet, "mommy" let it happen.
My half-sister (currently 71) is similar. She is not very religious, but she volunteers for a church. That would be wonderful except for the fact she tells personal friends and relatives how much she hates it, how everyone is doing everything wrong, and how no one listens to her. Yet she chooses to stay a church volunteer. I think she is actually quite happy about her situation as a church volunteer because it "usually" gets her "public praise" and "private sympathy".
Religious narcs are the worst
"Blood does not make family. Love and respect makes family" Dostoevsky and Tolstoy brought this out in their novels.
True Dat...❤
So true- “narcissism is the absence of love.”
Yes, and that same exact quote also hit me and made me stop and think about all kinds of examples of the "absence of love". I couldn't help but think of past religious studies that describe God as love, and a certain horrible place in the afterlife where God (Love) is absent. Even people who are not religiously inclined have heard of it, regardless of beliefs. And those of us who have endured the absence of love in relationships, we know how it feels.
Yes; exactly!
Good one, after 3.5 years I stood up to him and he took me OUT! His vengeance was intense and then he told me he didn’t have deep emotional connection with me…really? But I think you are correct
and, just to be clear, you can love someone and want the best for them, but not agree with aspects of their choices or lifestyle. This is especially true if it impedes on the direction of society and the freedoms therein. unfortunately, from what I have seen, the majority of people cannot handle subtlety of thought, even to that small degree. The real narcissists are those who have been gripped by ideological possession, to quote a smarter man than I. They are those who have been compelled through emotion by propaganda to believe the totality of a given ideology that they themselves have not actually unpacked or been critical of; to a fault.
💯 True
“Self esteem is not built at someone else’s expense.” That’s a beautiful way to phrase it. Thank you, Dr. C! ❤
Ameen
Except that for many, many people it IS built that way, and for them it works just fine. Look at authorities, for example.
@@devilsoffspring5519
You’re right that there are some people who attempt to build their self esteem at the expense of others. That’s not healthy and not stable because even they know at the end of the day that they used and dehumanized others to make themselves feel/look/acquire better. So the question is, what have they actually built? Actual, meaningful, stable self esteem or is it just a house of self aggrandizement through bad behavior cards? I say the latter. It’s not real and they know it. They ultimately dehumanized themselves by behaving as they have.
@@devilsoffspring5519 Full of Narcs
@@thereisnoninadria What you say is quite true, but the Narcissist will never see it that way, or admit it. However, it is "stable" because it's self-generated. Building yourself up by putting others down is SOP for Narcissists.
They hate loving, truthfull, open minded people...got it 😊❤
Yep!
My husband hates me so much go about to destroy my name to who ever cares to listent.He goes to my place of work, my children school and church also am so heart broken,I pray God send me a helper to pull me out of this misery 😢
@@MeyiSanni
Escape. Get a Divorce.
@leighleigh8725
In this time in our time on earth they are more people falling in on the dark side they are letting in the dark spirits and they hate the people of light they have let in the evilness and they love the hell that there in especially if you are a believer in Christ they will come after harder and form a army against you take that as a sign that you on the right path it’s hard but we are in school on this earth don’t give in this is all of the devil just like racism, narcissist, mental illness, any isms it is all hate which is all of the devil. And he is well and alive. A lot of people don’t realize that Lucifer is the god little g of this earth he has permission to Temp us and to put false thoughts in our head.
@@MeyiSanni. You have to set your intention to do that for yourself. No one else can or even wants to unless they’re another narcissist. Learn how and what to do and before you know it you’ll leave the stormy past behind.
They become aggressive physically when being rejected, ignored.
Yes they do !
Also when they hear "no"
Absolutely! And they become physically aggressive when you challenge their lies and when you catch them cheating.
Some of them, but most are passive-aggressive.
Only if they think they will "win". They don't want a physical fight if you can smash them. But then they will get tricky and sneaky - if you let them.
They can think they are smarter than everyone else around them!
AMEN!!
Big time
When they're actually profoundly stupider!
my ex would always say "I hate being the smartest person in the room" lol. ... I did not understand her cockiness because I did not understand people who were highly narcissistic .... she was my first and will be my last
......while saying things that show how mind-numbingly stupid and ignorant they are.
I’m certain that narcissists have more than one personality. They have no morals and contradict themselves often
Narcissists definitely have more than one face or persona that they show in different situations, but the narcissist is fully aware of them and in control of them. A narcissist will, for example, behave one way (usually quite well) when they know they are being recorded or watched in public by people they want to impress or who don't know them, but in private they become abusive with people who do know them.
To my view they all seem possessed by the very same 5 year old entitled monster. The more of their moves you know from learning patterns, the more you see every one of them pull the same gaslighting garbage
They criticise and tell many lies to get their way and to look good over others.
They have different masks they wear in different situations. They actually lack a fully developed internal world and have less developed core personalities as a result.
That's very true
The singular recompense here is that the Narcissist is the loneliest person in the world
I believe that there’s more than 2 kinds of people that narcissists can’t tolerate. They hate all people who don’t give them 100% loyalty and praise and support of everything they say and do!
Massive exaggeration. Not every narcissist is full-on 100% complete and utter narcissist all the time.
@@patsk8872 my mother was and my sister still is. 100% all of the time.
@@virginniaherring8381I think it also gets worse the older they get
@@amarbyrd2520Mine could be SOOO charming in public; behind closed doors it was like "Mommy Dearest". And the switch occurred in a split second. So, doesn't BEHAVE like an overt narc 100% of time, but is a narc 100%. As she got older, the veneer cracked and she became more obvious... the hard part was people would say "it's age/dementia, it's not really her". I have news for them: It was always her and that's who she always was.
Former friend I had is exactly that way!
First of all narcissists cannot tolerate those who disagree with them & furthermore they hate anyone who dares to criticize them 😂 my way or the highway thinking till the death 😢 stay strong ❤
They are NEVER WRONG, so yep….anyone who dares to question or criticize them is going to get their wrath.
its about a power struggle with them , and its founded in self hatred and insecurities
@Silence_between_waves Exactly, it is NOT you it's them, really.
❤
Totally
I had to leave the highest paying job I ever had, solely because of 2 raging narcissists. They just drove me out. But now I work remotely (no toxic office environment/ coworker encounters!) and I’m happier at my current, lower paying job. Life is full of twists and turns but it always works out in the end!
@gal1885 Remote work is the BEST for emotional health. Every place I've ever worked at in person there have been at least 2 narcissists (I call them sociopaths - essentially the same thing), and then their flying monkeys (or "apaths") and they lose their power when we're not in the office. They still have some power, mind you, but nothing like in person. It is such a relief! Every office I've ever worked in has been toxic. Every single one.
Nothing is worth destroying your health and your peace. 💚
@@Mantras-and-Mystics thank you so much for the reply ❣️
@@avennewessel8699 I’m so glad I’m not alone…they really make you feel like you’re the problem…and yes they are sociopaths!
@@gal1885 Indeed! They gaslight the heck out of us. Trust yourself - it has taken me quite a while to get there, and preferably to not get on their radar if at all possible, because if I do, all hell breaks loose (for me, not them). Not always easy, because they spot an empathic person right away. I've tried to learn as much as I can about these creatures. I don't call them human - humans are their prey. Humans are not on the top of the food chain, sociopaths are. I'm always learning, and I've had to learn a lot about myself in the process.
The minute they know that they cannot control you they are outta there. ..and I say "good riddance"! Your life becomes so much easier without their constant noise.
Yes and no. Unfortunately I married a toxic Narcissist parasite who will not let go. I struggle daily, I fight back, I set boundaries, the piece of sh** only laughs at my efforts and tells me to my face: I'll do it anyway. And he does. i remember something very true I read somewhere:: They don't choose weak partners. They choose the strong seeming ones from good families with a good education who have good jobs and then they start to wear them down in order to destroy them. The destruction of a human being, the complete destruction, seems to be their biggest reward. It makes them proud, then they feel they have achieved something. But a good person lies in the dust in pieces so that the narc can prance around and show off what a wonderful '(irony) specimen he is.
YES
My mother and father were both diagnosed with NPD. They gave me away to my grandmother to raise me when I was 6 years old, and adopted my sister, who they went on to nearly worship. I asked my cousin who had been around then when my folks gave me away, as to why they did it. She said, 'even when you were very young you were intelligent, and always independent, and frankly, they despised you because of this; they neglected you, ignored you, and then finally convinced your grandmother to take you".
😮 I'm lost for words!!
Thank you for having the bravery to share this.
I'm sorry that happened. Mother did the same to me.
I hope your grandmother was good to you. As painful as it was, they did you a favor. I am just curious as to how in the world they were able to adopt a child after they had given you away. They must have been highly manipulative to be able to get people to lie for them like that! Adoption agencies turn away people who have given their kids up, or had them removed by the state.
Maybe bc they are afraid of your light
A truth teller in a family with alcoholism and narcissism is either a prisoner who has shut down, or they are battling for sanity.
I was battling for my sanity walking on egg shells all the time hurts and is very hard to do. Having a child gave me the strength to get up and get out. I dislike saying this but it is true. At times through our lives I often thought she herself felt such sorrow. He also physically abused us.
That's how my childhood was. I moved out at eighteen.
Battling for sanity here
@@user339Well done. You are not alone.
Both!
1. Anyone who challenges their paradigm (their understanding of the world/events at large).
2. Anyone who challenges their behavior (their attitudes towards others).
3. Anyone who challenges their antipathy (their lack of love).
Thank you, Doctor Carter.
Yes thank you Dr. C… I try to practice your dignity, civility and respect but the boundaries with me are very discerning. I have noticed how a narcissist quickly loses their temper. They are in a variety of places from churches to grocery stores for example. Happy holidays or Merry Christmas Dr. C 🤔❤🇺🇸
@@elanahammer1076 Especially churches.
@@Mantras-and-Mystics Especially everywhere.
@@brotherlittlefoot2216 True. Just grew up in a church with my narc mother as the head honcho. So I get especially triggered by the word "church!"
Antipathy is thinly veiled hate. A veil easily broken over the slightest infraction!
I got 49 years of it from my mom, half brother, and step sisters. So trust me, I've lived it.
(Not meant as mean, just my experience.)
This subject should be core in grade school. I am an empath that suffered narcissists into my adult life, wondering what made some people blind to other peoples' right to there own opinion. Narcissism is one of the largest problems on the planet. Life could be much more pleasant if we were all made aware of them earlier in life.
They didn’t want us to know… my mother a covert narcissist taught me about wolves in sheeps clothing while also telling me (as young child) I would get struck by lightening if I did bad when she wasn’t watching as God was always watching.
Interestingly she’s now 90 and I’m 53. Her and my sister really did a number on me right before thanksgiving so my kids and I did not go to dinner this year. No apologies so karma had its way…she fell ironically coming out the church hitting her head on a car landing on pavement. Bruised up but nothing broken. My sister just got out of hospital from pneumonia…..
Mom called to invite just me and kids for Christmas with a humble tone I haven’t heard in years. It’s crazy!!!
I've been saying this for years and couldn't agree more. It sickens me that we spend 13 years (Australia) at school and come out of it totally ill equipped for the real world. There should be a 'life schools' class in year 11 or 12 and as part of that we should be taught about both narcissists and sociopaths.
@@retsamnogard they wouldn't be narcissists or sociopaths if you could see them at the gate.
They've been here since the beginning of time and gaslit their way into normalization.
COMPLETELY AGREE. I'm almost certain that it's far more common than figures would suggest too.
The official %s seem far too small.
@@retsamnogard COMPLETELY AGREE. I loved Maths at school. But much of it has no use at all in the real world. Whereas unwitting, prolonged contact with a narcissist/psychopath/sociopath can have huge effects on your mental health, and possibly even physical health. Yet nobody even gives you a clue about it. Madness!
They don't like people thinner and in better shape.
In other words, envy.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Mine criticizes anyone and anything.
So true. I'm thin and athletic at 51 163 lbs. She told me I make her feel bad about her body because she feels chunky next to me. She asked me to slow down and have fat handels.
When faced with the choice of being right or being loving, they will ALWAYS choose being right.
The thing is they are always WRONG too lol 😂 dumbest ones 😅
I have told the narcissist in my life that he is the prosecutor, judge and jury for everyone. No one can interject an opinion other than his because he has already decided what is correct based on his own opinion. Nothing else matters.
The Judge
They loath people and concepts that they don’t comprehend nor care to understand. Theirs is life based on fear.
On target!!
Last sentence is an eye opener!
@@well_weatheredAs much as they crave control, they themselves are controlled by fear. They think it can offset, but it never can.
Yes, and in my case it was particularly when the narcissist couldn't control me to get out of my own reality. People who care try to understand other people. Narcissists are convinced it's not worth the effort because it doesn't benefit them somehow.
Yes and my partner actually said he loathed me and I was shocked and hurt. Now I know it's what they are.
3 ways to cause narcissistic injury without trying: Authenticity, Excellence & Integrity. Thank you, Dr. Carter! Namaste :-)
@dalelerette206 They can't against of the fruit of the spirit
The psychological laziness is spot on. They will do everything to not grow or improve instead of investing that same energy into simply doing better and being better.
They think they don't have to, they are perfect already. Delusional.
They're quick to hate on your looks talents hobbies and your joy. They tend to demonize everything.
Its called CONTROL.
When a narcissist gets involved with law enforcement and the judicial system, watch out! The narcissist starts looking to circumvent any blame.
Yes/TG I’m a survivor 🕊️ 😊
Absolutely. My narcissist sister works in a law office for attorneys and has abused her position for years. In her mind she’s passed the state bar & holds a medical license. In reality she’s not ever even received an undergraduate degree. She is truly the worst person I have ever known which is why I have gone no contact.
My ex assaulted me dislocated my shoulder and left BLACK bruises. He fled afterward and a girlfriend took me to the ER. The doctor called the Police. A detailed report and photos were taken. I was moved to a shelter for my safety. When we went to court his family had hired HIM a FEMALE attorney that represented VICTIMS of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. 😂
The worst ability they pride themselves on is to be able to con the courts and have officials think you harmed them. Your the perp.
Yes totally. Experienced this..
You can't have healthy boundaries with a narcissist they don't allow that. Just leave don't expect them to change the weather changes narcissistic people don't.
When you call them out on their lies and bad behavior they deny and project.
You’re right. My narc is my stylist. We have worked together for 20 years. I moved to management in the office and my narc expected me to share private information with her. When I said I would never do this she iced me out, giving the silent treatment, trying triangulation with me and the owner. Over and over again. Right now, I am counteracting her silence with my silence going no contact. There will be paperwork from management going forward I will handle it like I would any other tenant. She is moving her business to another location this will happen in 2 months. I’ve thought about canceling all my appointments in person but upon reflection, I’m going to do this through her booking site instead, hence no contact. The woman in the suite behind her is going to be my new stylist. She’s so nice so REAL. It’s been a very exhausting year and a half. The day she leaves I’m removing her from social media. If I do it now, she’ll play the victim and we all know narcs do this. Trying to talk with her is asking for more insanity. I do not like her. I don’t trust her. She brings nothing but toxicity into my life. She brought this on herself. I’m good with it.
So true that!
I’ve always been a truth teller, have tried to come from a place of love, and I’m “different” from other people in many ways.
In retrospect, it is exactly these 3 strikes that led me to quit my last job where there were 2 narcissists that despised me.
Thank you for all of your videos that have helped me to believe that A) I wasn’t crazy, B) that I deserved dignity, and respect, and C) that self love is the key to unraveling their narcissistic insanity.
Still haven’t found a job, but I am so much happier and have peace of mind like never before.
Thank you!
Darkness always hates light. Hope you find a job where you are much happier! 💕
Stay strong a job is a job and easily replaceable your mental health is not .next time you start a job ,keep to yourself do your job at best and do it well have your armor up and don't open up to anyone . If you get a gut feeling around someone you will know second chances are the best to start over 🤙
I had to leave the highest paying job I ever had, solely because of 2 raging narcissists. They just drove me out. But now I work remotely (no toxic office environment/ coworker encounters!) and I’m happier at my current, lower paying job. Life is full of twists and turns but it always works out in the end!
I'm so sorry you experienced that! Narcissists at work are awful; we spend more time in our jobs than at home. I'm glad you got away and you *will* get another job. It'll happen; keep your chin up. 😊😉
And don't forget that them hating you is actually a compliment. They KNOW you know, they Know you have boundaries and are not afraid to speak the truth.
They don’t respect boundaries
They don’t respect anything.
Or anyone
No contact is the way to go to get some peace
@@georgycolson6743 not if you’re stuck in the workplace with them which I am struggling with at mo
They don't like being disliked, and get upset if your opinions arent mirrored off of their side.
Very true, but I also believe that a narcissist would prefer being disliked over being seen as irrelevant or inconsequential to someone who had the supply they wanted. EDIT: when you go "no contact" with them.
They can’t love those that truly love.
Love is patient, kind, respectful, calm, and refuses to belittle others, and treats others as equals!
I had a boss that pushed me out of my job by making false accusations. I wanted to know why he hated me so much. He said "You are different. I don't know what to do with you". I was the only female on an all-male crew but what really seemed to bother him. is I pulled my weight and did all the required tasks. That term "You are different" really is a sore spot for me......
I so get that. My narcissistic father scapegoated me and in the last year of his life during one of my many visits where he berated me or said something negative every time he I showed up, he told me “You’re different than my other two, they are more like me.” These other two have continued the scapegoating since he’s passed and I am low contact. The family sees the rift in my relationship with the sibs as my being so different in my personality style. Of course they have no real idea what I’ve been dealing with because it’s always been my job to protect my siblings and I realized I did it so long that I was denying the reality of their abuse.
@@dnk4559 I've always been different than everyone in my immediate family. I was always more like my grandma (my mother's mother), and isn't it interesting that my mother (the narc) always hated both me and my grandma?
Narcissist do "whatever works" to elicit a response out of you, usually one of misery and suffering that makes the narcissist feel more powerful. Narcissists also assign you a role to play, direct from their alternate reality in their imagination. And when you don't conform to this role, they feel powerless. Rinse and repeat.
Sounds like you weren't compatible with the team, and everyone involved is better off.
Did you want to stay on a team with a leader who couldn't relate to you?
Misogynist
The only thing narcissists hate the most: ignoring them.
@@HaiNguyen-zh8cv everybody hates being ignored though lol
my narc mother ignored me hm
When they realize you just don't care what they say, think or do, they deflate. You just move on and ignore.
@marysullivan3881: I agree with “what they say, think.” I do care about what they do though, because in taking advantage of people children and vulnerable adults are exploited. I stand up at that point to let my feelings be known. They damage people so badly with their cruelty.
Thanks for showing us why narcissists seem so boring to interact with.
Yes! At the end of the day, they’re actually super boring! Wow, wouldn’t they hate that ‘label’?! 😊
It is impossible to have a normal conversation with them, they only want a debate or a row.
Yes. After the first two or three months of creating a relationship or friendship, you never really have a decent conversation or straightforward fun times ever again.
Then you hear them making the same jokes, conversation points, suggestions to the next potential supply!
Conversely I have true friends for many decades and we never run out of things to talk about or do.
I would describe them as “ shallow.”
Nil sense of humour, peacocks on steroids.
I have to imagine a narcissist can't stand another narcissist or perhaps they cancel each other out.
It becomes like 2 rams butting heads.
Thanks for that comment/question, and Doctor Carters answer. That scenario was present between my Father and my ex Partner. They at loggerheads was the catalyst that hastened my (partners) relationships demise
They def don't like other narcissists.
If you have a choice between being right and being kind, always choose kind. --Wayne Dyer.
People pleasers should not take this advice.
I agree with Wayne!
@doppelganger6091 You are correct that kindness doesn't matter to the narcissist, but the narcissist is absolutely not the one and only person in the universe. What I have learned is that in the end, I have my own self and my own conscience to deal with. With healing I have felt better, but in feeling better I am also able to feel more regret for the times in my past I reacted in a way that I am not happy about. So kindness has become important to me, since I still have all the negative thoughts about abuse, but now I also know those thoughts will pass and I will be happy with how I handled a negative situation -- the narcissist was not at the center, focus or forefront of anything.
They don't understand kindness. They don't understand no. The only thing they get isbgray rock them.
@@LisaValentine1hear hear. Some folks don’t understand kindness. It is better to be right in those rare cases , being nice gets F all. Nope
Sadly this sounds like my son who, before he got the toxic C-jabs, was gentle and loving and has slowly morphed into a narcissistic monster. Im heartbroken and miss my grands but now even my two grandchildren who used to be sweet are now filled with fear and trepidation… My son tried to move his family back to our home, so he had free rent, food and luxury utilizes since he was jobless and it didn’t work out because he was abusing, demeaning and disrespecting me and I called him on his abusive manner so he called me mean and crazy and so they left unannounced and now he’s ghosted me. May God bless them all and cast out the demons in their minds and hearts, in the name of Jesus!
For the first time in our ten-year marriage, I disagreed w/him politically. I haven’t forgotten what he said. “I don’t see how you and I can look at the same event and see two totally different things. That scares me about our future.” He would occasionally tell the truth by accident. This was one of those times. We divorced a year later.
Wow! I had three strikes against since birth. I'm diverse, speak truth, and love. My mother is a narcissist, and we never got along. Thank you for sharing this information 🙏
The darkness cannot comprehend the light. We had the same mother!
It took my becoming an adult and moving away from home to begin individuation from my mother, though I was aware from an early age of how sick I felt physically, mentally and spiritually because of her -- compared to everyone else like school teachers, friends of the family, people on TV, etc. It took a long time for me to realize that if people didn't like me, it was because I was mimicking her behaviors. But mostly, I had to be the peacemaker as a child and carry everyone else's anger because my feelings never mattered. Telling the truth was one way for me to get my mother's rage out of my soul.
@@danielkaiser8971 You are resilient. I'm grateful you are here.
@danielkaiser8971 blessings to you 🙏. I completely understand. I wish you all the best on your spiritual healing journey
Right there with you ricardajames5769. I've been no contact since 2004 for these reasons you listed above.
I wish you so well!
This is the best description of my Mother I've heard.
This is why I am only now developing boundaries. I'm autistic/ADHD and I now know why she never loved me or even could accept me for who I am. I'm all of the things narcissists can't tolerate. She did set me up for a life of struggle and narcissist relationships that were traumatizing and damaging.
Thank God I am by nature a person who is stubbornly determined to be self-aware. That alone has saved me.
You are not alone!
same here
keep it up! :)
same here
keep it up! :)
Of mine too
Getting even with u
" ... a childish egocentricity " -- PERFECT ! , but the narcissist ALSO needs a TARGET, so if you remove yourself from the picture, they will seek-out the closest NEW target .
I will never understand their feeling of rejection when individuals around them are being who they were created to be! What a sad world they live in.
They want to tear down the good and the true. To call a spade a spade, they're demonic - and want to deprive you of your joy and destroy your light.
More so it is sad for the rest of us, really
No matter what you do for them, nor how often, it will never be enough. They will always feel rejected! Sadly I am learning this experience.
I told my sister I am going to be homeless and asked if I can stay with her. She told me Sorrrrry!!! There is nothing I can do.😢 Never trust a narcissist.
They are the most selfish creatures on earth !! Evil
You're not alone. Me, too. The great thing about life is, we make wonderful friends who become our "sisters".
I find that in the beginning of a relationship they will pretend to believe and enjoy whatever you're into. In my experience.
Right. My ex narc did that. It lasted about 2 weeks and then it was his preferences for everything. Food, restaurants, TV (constant sports), when to do laundry, etc. 🥺
Yes. I have heard others describe it as actually reflecting back to you the best, most idealized parts of yourself. When you are initially charmed by a narcissist, you are really just being flattered by the good aspects of yourself and your own personal interests. Some call it "love bombing". And in exchange for this one and sometimes only most flattering bribe, you will get nothing but breadcrumbs from now on and be expected to forever reflect back to the narcissist the reflection of themselves that they want everyone to believe is true about them, even though it is a false self.
@@danielkaiser8971 So true, and well said.
Always ignore them and run farrr away from them and try to stay away from them as much as possible!!!! REMEMBER to disconnect both online and offline when dealing with them the no contact method!!!!!
Being a vegetarian with a narcissist parent can make every family gathering and shared meal a nightmare.
They can make you out to be a villain for demanding "special treatment" instead of choosing a menu that everyone can eat.
They might even lie and tell you something is vegetarian when it actually contains meat.
They will never accommodate your life choices or respect your personal standards.
In other words, they can behave exactly as described in the video.
Yes you are exactly correct. I have the same kind of story from the opposite viewpoint. I have had insulin-dependent diabetes for 40+ years, meaning I was diagnosed at age 12. Where narcissists in my past were concerned, they openly bragged about how much effort they took to make "special" foods for me while everyone else got the non-diet food. Back then they thought "diabetics CAN'T have sugar!" Well, the problem was, I didn't have the type of diabetes requiring that kind of diet. My narcissistic mother and relatives were behind it. I have always been made to feel excluded, like an outsider, by the toxic family of origin by means of "being helped" when I didn't need any of it. I was stuck between eating the "special" food I didn't really want, or the "real" (non-diet) food which made me look unappreciative and irresponsible, though I was neither.
Just as a side note, I can eat whatever I want so long as I test my levels and give myself the correct amounts of insulin for it, sometimes adding more doses later if necessary. This is what the body would do naturally.
@@mbi9005 Damn! I feel so sorry for your daughter.
I usually just pick out the meat or eat around it. No special treatment needed.
@@SaltyFloridian In my experience picking out the meat would still be cause for offence, even if done without any verbal comment or complaint. With some narcs any behaviour that does not conform exactly will be used as an excuse to take offence. And they do love to take offence.
@@mbi9005 Maybe she was a vegan narcissist? 😂
We had a difference of opinion one night and she created a poll on social media asking "Would you be offended if your bf said this:...." The fact I didnt leave right then and there reveals to me how trauma bonded I was.
Or take they're authority to much
Thats stupid
Mine ran to fb anytime I wouldn’t agree with him.. he was more concerned about what a stranger thought then the person he was with!! They truly sick and delusional
Wow! Do you know my mom? Spot on exactly. I'm almost 62. I've lived with this crap since I was a kid. I've finally decided I'm done. I have disabilities and it's hard to heal with all this garbage. Thank you!
Egocentric to the point of being childish, Is so apt. You describe them so well, thank you.
So true, they throw their toys out the pram all the time… even at 63 years old🤷🏻♀️
Perfectly describes trump
Person(s) who expose their games and lies.
So true. I'm good at lie detection, but I no longer point out their lies.
That dog on couch is living the comfortable lifestyle.
What about when you point out a narcissist is absolutely wrong and it infuriates them to the point that they need retribution. They break things, throw things away, give your personal property away, threaten to hurt you.
Threats need to be reported to law enforcement imo.
They hate boundaries and I love enforcing them to warn them I am not the target 🎯
My former father-in-law is a narc. Other than his arrogance, the first red flag I saw was him telling me "Who is filling your head with that stuff?" when I wouldn't go along with his views. Two things stuck me about his statement: 1) His belief that I was incapable of drawing my own conclusions, and 2) That he viewed people as objects to manipulate (i.e. "filling their heads")
I had a boyfriend many years ago who used to say that to me whenever I didn't like something he was doing to me. He accused me of "being influenced by your friends", as if I'm not smart enough to figure out for myself if I'm being abused!
@@christinelamb1167 That is exactly how I felt about it. My ex, narc father-in-law's daughter, did the same thing as him. Their arrogant message is "You are too stupid to think for yourself, so I better be the one who puts ideas in your head ... not someone else."
This brings back memories. My friends were always faulty, always joked about.
They weren't all bad friends.
You describe two of my mother's traits. She essentially viewed me as her own personal creation, and deemed that it was my obligation to her as her daughter to think, feel, like/dislike any thing in the world as long as it was identical to hers. I was nothing more than a blank slate to her, and I spent my life fighting with her so I could differentiate from her and BE WHO I AM. One of the most painful realities for me was that I was such a failure at fulfilling her dreams. She only told me I was loved by her when she was disappointed in me and frustrated that I was not who she needed me to be......"I'm only saying/doing this BECAUSE I LOVE YOU". I'm 78, and still frustrated and hurt that the biggest failed relationship in my life was with my mother, literally right up to and including her death....
@@christinelamb1167. OMG - you also dated my ex husband!
My narc sister called me over to her house the day before I went on holiday. I was "wising up" to her at this point and basically offered little help with her problem as I was going away. She told me that if she had known she would have come with me and I told her that was the reason she wasn't told. The silence was deafening as I took my leave. 🤣
Perhaps the truth-teller is practicing a virtue which the narcissist palpably lacks
I’ve called them out, however, they became enraged and proceeded to take revenge upon me. The narcissist neighbor harassed & stalked me for 20 years. I finally moved. I still have nightmares about this individual. They can be dangerous like my neighbor.
When I was younger I attracted narcissists, I was controlled and mistreated I felt really lonely in those relationships. It took 10 years of being single to figure out that I was never attracted to them, they came into my life through friends then I ended up with them I was under the misconception that these men loved me, they actually wanted to possess me. So I put up strong boundaries, now I’m happy with my husband who is like me, he is worth the wait.
Pleased for you that you were able to figure it out!!
It's not just, 'I own the truth', but also often it's, "I own you".
I said I didn’t buy from a certain online shop that they buy from all the time. When they asked why I said that it’s all stuff from China and I don’t want to buy slave labor goods. They actually said “ well they feed them “ ! Being a person with deep Christian compassion and empathy, I was dumbfounded! I actually couldn’t even respond!
people who they see as flawed or weak (they have nothing but contempt and zero empathy or compassion) and honest/authentic ppl, are my guesses. they "like" other narcissists, people who have the same "values" (or lack thereof) as they do. other gossips, other con artists, other liars are their "people"
You're right on point!
You NAILED it completely!
In my experience narcissists have no capacity to like other people. However they will interact with ease with people they can easily control. I know a female NP who interacts easily with men who don’t challenge her but she can’t stand strong women.
Both of my siblings are severe narcissist and my mother was a Grandiose Narcissist and oral history shows that our Grandmother was a malevolent narcissist with sadistic tendencies , 🥶😬🥶😔
"I'm a very loving person*"
*If you can manage to meet all my conditions and if you even come close, I'll add some more.
Yes, indeed. A desperate need to wipe the smile off of your face because of their dysfunctional win-lose behavior.
thank you SO much for this. i recently suffered the famous narcissistic discard by a friend of 45 years for, not disagreeing, but simply questioning an issue.
this is the clarification i sorely needed.
Wow…. I think this may have happened to me recently. A friend of 40+ years took issue with me and I stood firm. It ended in a standoff. I usually don’t engage in arguments but this matter was important to me. We haven’t spoken since. I’m not ruminating over it and I couldn’t care less if it’s the end of a friendship. I was not deserving of the criticism and attack she dished out.
Must be going around. A friend of 17 years attacked everything I was doing in life. I disagreed, told them I was living my life according to how I wanted to, not them, and they could chillax as I would continue to be just fine. Hasn’t spoken to me since. I’d say I miss them, but I don’t. Spent too many years trying to appease the bossiness and I’ve had enough.
I think when we finally understand the dynamic we look at those who have surrounded us for years. Chances are you have friends who acted in a way you were comfortable with once but are no longer. You might realize they are conniving behind your back to keep their mask on. That discard is easier because you never had the familial bond and you've realized they never had your interest at heart.
had the same thing happen; ex-friend now, but she apparently couldn't take no for an answer in how i wanted to spend my bd, although she agreed she was just like me (this was all said over the phone); then came the phone message that tried to guilt trip me...nope! enjoyed my day!! returned her calls and she hasn't responded back. i asked for a few minutes with her to discuss all this privately in person...no response and no response since. silence tells me Everything!
Wow 45 years?! I’m sure you must be hurting, and confused, but when a door closes a better one opens…I think you will vibrate on a higher level now that you’re free of this toxic person, making way for a new positive influence in your life…a friend or otherwise! Keep your chin up!
I love your quote “self esteem is not built at the expense of others”
Narcissism is an "I" disease. Narcissists are everywhere. Protect yourself at all times. Distance is the best defense.
I just spent 11 years married to exactly who Dr. Carter described in this video. He frequently said he wanted peace, which really meant "I don't want you to talk to me or ask me to do anything, but I do expect you to keep up the laundry, cooking, shopping, outside yard, etc. And don't expect ANY affection or thanks from me! Oh, and remember that I am always right...." I filed for divorce and now I am accused of being a their and more. It's almost over. Thanks to Dr. Carters videos I have learned enough to know what I am dealing with and that he won't change.
My late stepfather was very intolerant of my differences. I confronted him about it and set boundaries with him. I told him that he had to respect my differences. If he didn’t, I would limit my exposure to him.
Conditional love is not love, it is control. Control ≠ love. Ever.
This explains exactly how my ex passive aggressive narc justified her behavior. Years of me trying to sit down in a calm setting to discuss issues and fights and was met with stonewalling. So much silence during our fights it was insanity. These thoughts were so pervasive I couldn’t break through. So I had to break free. Thanks Dr C. It does get better in time…
👍🌻🌹STONEWALLING IS JUST A PHYCHO CONTROL TOOL THEY USE...THEY ABUSE U ALONE WHEN NO 1 CAN C IT ...I USED 2 PIK UP THE PHONE ASKING NARC SHALL WE C WHAT VICTIMS ASSISTANCE THINKS OF YOUR ACT??..THEY ABUSE PPL IN SECRET...PREPARE 2 B ABANDONED ONCE U R ON 2 THEM U R THE NEW VILLAIN..WHO WAS IT B 4 HEY? OH YA THE BODIES PILE UP IN THIER LIFE..BECUZ WITH AN IDIOT NARC THAT'S YOUR CRUEL CHOICE..B ABUSED OR B ABANDONED & U R THE NEW VILLAIN THEY USE 2 COAX PITY FROM THIER NEW TARGETS ...I CHOSE 2 DISCARD THE NARC MYSELF...I BARELY GOT BY I WAS TRAPPED AT HOME NO SUPPORT NO FAMILY NO FRIENDS & SUFFERING FROM THE ABUSE & I WAS SO BROKEN😕😵..SADLY A COMMON SITUATION..
EVENTUALLY THINGS TURNED AROUND IN THE BEST WAY 4 ME & MY LITTLE DOG BECUZ I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE 4 US..NARC ALMOST RAN OVER MY SCOOBIE DOO..NOT SO SURE HE WASN'T TRYING 2 DO IT ON PURPOSE BUT JUST MISSED😢..THAT WAS THE DAY I SAW THAT EVIL IDIOT HAD 2 B DISCARDED & BTW SUMTIMES "THEY R LOOKING 4 U 2 DISCARD THEM" ONCE THEY HAVE A NEW TARGET..THEY R VERY MANIPLULATIVE...BUT ITS ACTUALLY "THIER NASTY DISCARD THRU MANIPULATION" NARC WAS PURE TRASH HE WAS & STILL IS 2 THIS DAY..NO CHANGE..JUST A LOSER...CHANGING JOBS HOMES DASHING OUT IN RENT & HYDRO BILLS/FAST COMPANY HES ALWAYS CYCLING THRU VICTIMS..HE SHOPS 4 NEW TARGETS ON FACEBOOK OF COURSE LIES PUTS HIS OWN PICTURE OF HIMSELF 2 ADVERTISE HES SAYS HE'S SINGLE WHEN HE'S LEGALLY MARRIED... SUCH AN IDIOT HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED 2 GET DIVORCED 2 MOVE ON 2 A NEW VICTIM.. HE HAS NO SHAME...NO MORALS
'I couldn't break through, so i had to break free'... Brilliant! That's exactly what i had to do. I had to leave someone behind who sadly couldn't see it, was blinded to the truth & was too entrenched in it, but that was his choice.
The one I'm dealing with currently - a neighbour either stonewalls or is exceedingly aggressive. Unfortunately there are issues we are sometimes needing to discuss. I've been threatened with police reports for non existent crimes, but if I avoid or ignore them they then come after me and try to engage. Crazy making!
I’m trying to get out of that exact situation right now. It’s exhausting
We're supposed to be tolerant of the narcissist's irrationality and intolerance!
I'd prefer the word, aware.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Awareness is threatening to narcissists for sure!
Just try to be tolerant it will drive you insane!
Uh .. No no nope
No! A narcissist will tell you you should tho! I don’t believe they are “good at the core” - so best avoided. No need to “accept” or “tolerate.”
#3 is key... if a person IS surrounded by friends, family and associates whom they love & care for and who love & care for them, the narcissist cannot get a 'foothold' because there are too many people involved in the person's life that they would have to contend with. In many ways, the narcissist is very much like a groomer or pedophile in that they search out lonely/abandoned/hurt/damaged/confused/compromised/ people to pounce on and work their evil ways on.... and it can only happen if the 'target' isn't already ensconced in healthy, meaningful relationships. Sad sad sad. They are conniving, manipulative opportunists of the highest order and should be avoided at all costs.
Yes, the more alone you are the more susceptible you are to attracting a narc. They have the ability to hone in somehow and say all the right things to get you to spill whatever beans they're interested in - or can be used to their advantage.
I have to go around with my jaw wired shut, as I seem to miss the innocuous little questions they somehow insert into the conversation!
My ex once yelled at me, “You empaths and the need for the truth!” Shocked me because I had never called myself an empath. But he was right, I am one and I do need the truth.
Using feelings as a crutch to justify their outbursts and tantrums is a go to for narcissists. Most are quite sociopathic and insecure, especially when exposed during a manipulation.
Now I know why my in laws didn’t like me! Especially my brother in law! I want to love and get along with everyone. But it gets turned around on me and suddenly am the person who is hard to get along with and starting trouble! They take kindness as weakness!
Thank you so much Dr. Carter. I was raised by narcissist. I am a therapist and started studying about narcissism before it was widely known about. At the time the DSM-IV had it and still has it under personality disorder Cluster B but it didn't click that my mother meets criteria until I was able to really look at how her treatment shaped my thoughts actions, and self-esteem shortly after I obtained my license. I have studied on the topic nearly every day since 2012. You are, in my opinion the best therapist out there on this subject. Thank you for not only allowing me to gain insight into my own life but allowing me to use it in therapy I do on my clients that have a narcissist in their life. I cannot express how appreciated and valued you and the work you do are.
Everytime husband and I fight because he can't tolerate my opinions and ignores me and causes me to feel angry, we won't talk for a day or two. Then, a week or so later, he starts to tell me what he thinks and it is my opinion or idea that he ignored. He always has to take my thoughts and turn them into his. IT DRIVES ME NUTS!
Dear Katejo,…..And you think this existing Is Healthy ?…….Not talking,…1-2.Days,…1-2Weeks,,.He is controlling,,..and you are a En abler,……When are you going to GROW A SPINE! !,‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️. This is why Men rule,….. Oh by the way,….Have you noticed their is a certain ‼️STENCH SMELL ‼️. Stand-On-Business !!!!!!.
,…
I opted out of spending christmas with my toxic family members. Tried to come out with a different way of seeing my grandpa without seeing my aunts and oh man did all hell break loose. Then when i wouldnt budge these people called my mom and my husband and had a fit about how dare i ruin their christmas lol. Amazing.
I watched a video from a diagnosed narcissist who spoke on being scared/intolerant of autistic people. Mainly because they can’t read the autist (delayed processing plays a big role in this). Can’t break them away from their routines and lifestyles. And def will harshly tell the truth of the patterns they see. Fascinating.
Do you know if sociopaths also feel the same way narcissists do about us aspies?
@@mkryuyes definitely. I’ve found in my own life that they have a different reaction to narcissists….I think autistics can spot a sociopath very easily and the sociopath knows. I’m an infj ‘seer of souls’ and there’s no soul to see! But with narcissists (mum and ex husband) they don’t like when I call out their behaviours. Especially now that I’ve educated myself on narcissism. It makes things worse because they become angry and just ramp up the behaviours but I can’t help but speak the truth. The only time I won’t tell the truth is to protect feelings or if I’m in danger.
This explains my truth telling immunity. I have to have strong boundaries to cope with life in general an I can not lie to save my life.
Integrity.
When you stand firmly in your beliefs (this includes diversity) and still allow others - including the narcissist - to think and express their own beliefs then the reaction I've experienced is that the narcissist feels threatened. Now, I haven't said anything against them, but the fact that I disagree means - to them - that I'm A threat.
So, when the narcissist belittles or attacks another person and you don't join in, the narcissist sees you as judging them and even attacking them.
Maintain your integrity and you will have narcissists as your enemy.
Called my stepfather out at Christmas about 10 years ago over something he fabricated...had support from in laws and wife on calling him out. It didn't go down well at all for him...we haven't spoken since, he kept my mother away from me and didn't tell me when she passed away. My life is still better than ever because of that day I told him what was what. Sad about mum but she chose her path, I made it clear that I was still there for her but sadly he had her completely controlled.
Yep, my narcissistic mother did not let me talk to my dad before he died. All because I did not give her control over my bank account. :( She panicked that her narcissistic supply was dying.... and wanted me to be the new supply. Pathologic narcissist. :( I've since found out she did a lot of sociopathic things after I left the house (I left after high school..... never went back.). She was evil incarnate. I am no-contact since last fall. Life is so much BETTER, except for the occasional flying monkey hoover attempt.
I take pride in knowing that by being true to myself I've been triggering Narcissists my entire life of 63 years. My Dad was a WW II veteran with undiagnosed PTSD, coped with alcohol and Narcissist Behavior. 😊
Yes!! If I ever disagree with ANYthing, or have a different experience, it's seen as somehow being disloyal and rejecting them personally and not just having a different experience.
I was told you shouldn't have your own ideas just the ones I taught you. These ideas I did not like!
Narcissists 🎭 can't tolerate...
1. Healthy people
2. Happy people
Healthy people know who they are, so they can create strong boundaries.
>> Narcs can't step over them.
Healthy people do what they think,
and think what they do
so they are authentic.
>> Narcs can't brainwash.
Healthy people are able to love
and their love is genuine.
>> Narcs loathe genuine love.
Healthy people are able to care
and they are able to ask for help,
so they are able to give and receive.
>> Narcs are careless, only takers.
Healthy people are honest with
themselves (authentic) and are
honest with other people,
so they are trustworthy and can
also trust other people.
>> Narcs do not trust anybody.
Healthy people take care about
themselves (self-care, the basic)
and so they know what they need
and fulfill their needs on their own.
>> Narcs are needy people.
Healthy people are able to control their emotions for they don't want to harm other people, so they are protective to themselves and others.
>> Narcs are dysregulated.
>> Narcs need others to control.
Healthy people are able to be
vulnerable for they know that this
guides to intimacy.
>> Narcs avoid any intimacy.
>> Narcs fear vulnerability.
Healthy people are able to be open
for they know that this connects
them with other people.
>> Narcs have lots of secrets.
>> Narcs can't attach to people.
Healthy people are curious because they are interested.
>> Narcs are only interested in
temselves.
Healthy people are respectful to themselves and to others for they know that every human being is unique and valuable.
>> Narcs are disrespectful, harsh, mean.
>> Narcs think only they are special.
Healthy people have an empathy that comes naturally.
>> Narcs only fake empathy.
Healthy people know that they need to learn in order to grow
to become the best version of themselves.
>> Narcs think they already know
everything.
Healthy people know that life is an
ongoing process with lots of changes, ups and downs.
>> Narcs do not want to change.
Healthy people are confident from
within for they know that everything
they need is already there.
>> Narcs can seem confident from
the outside/facade but at the core they are fear based.
Healthy people are tolerant and flexible for they know everyone has flaws.
>> Narcs are unflexible controllers.
>> Narcs feel flawless.
>> Narcs are revengeful.
Happy people are ....
》Please, fill in the blanket
》 And I will make a list 🪄
for happy people
>> Narcs are the opposite!!!
Happy people find joy and beauty in innocence.
Happy people are thoughtful and kind to others.
Happy people cooperate.
>> Narcs dictate.
Happy people are happy much of the time.
>> Narcs are the opposite much of the time.
Happy people love unconditionally.
>> Narcs "love" comes with conditions.
>> Narcs cannot respect differences.
Happy people are at peace.
Happy people drive Narcs crazy.
I love how you process, Roxy!
Happy people find joy and beauty in innocence.
Absolutely 💯 ❤
Very well thought-out and stated. 👌
So on point, once again 😊. I ditto Dr. C’s reply to your comment 💛
Best thing to do with narcissists is set boundaries. About 500m away from them. They're never worth the hard work.
I worked for a Narcissist Sergeant at my Sheriff's office. His complete and utter lack of empathy (along with bouts of narcissistic rage) was his defining characteristic.
Says he loves… NOT ! The Ego is in the way. It’s conditional for him. He’ll love bomb you as long as you agree. Which is fake love.
Says he’s not angry…. If his outburst twirling in circles is not anger. I’d hate to see his anger.
Since there was a family disagreement he’s not spoke since.
It’s all conditional for him. You’re are only his family if you believe everything he says and demands.