Today is my 3 year anniversary with my covert narc husband. I feel absolutely nothing today as I did a year ago when I found Dr. Carter's channel and began to understand many things. I can't even cry from the pain, I just feel dead inside. It's hard to pick up and leave when there's a child involved and he's the sole financial provider. It feels like I'm standing at the base of Mt. Everest when I think about finding a new and better life for myself and my child. It's also hard when the covert narc plays the suffering victim role and begins to make me question if I am in fact the mean one for being resentful and bitter towards him. My body and soul rejects the narc from three years of emotional and intellectual verbal abuse I've endured regularly. If I can keep my interior peace and remember not to feed his need for negative supply, I could come out on top. This life is only a pilgrimage anyways, the pain and suffering won't last forever. Actually, I feel so defeated.
@@alba7165 ❤️ We never walk alone- hang in there- keep learning- Don't give up- remember You Are Precious, Worthy and Beautiful- Your child is Blessed to have you as Mum- BE BRAVE! The numbness WILL begin to melt, and you WILL start to Heal ❤️
@@Healed2Day I hope you can understand how much I've needed to hear these words at the exact moment I read them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.😢❤️
After watching this, it occurred to me that this is the reason why they gather data from you; to save it for another day when they want to dredge up things from your past...
1. overt lies 2. projection 3. spin half truths 4. coy "I can't say" insinuations 5. describe matters about you out of context 6. Demonize people who support you 7. Tout their own personal positive characteristics
Narcessists have the memory of an elephant, for whatever that might come in handy at one point later in life. Always about you. No recollection of their own behavior
Mine would start something in private just to provoke me to react in defense. As soon as my emotions were stirred up they'd "go public" with whatever it was and drag everyone they could into it, pointing at me and saying "look how crazy she is!". It's a sick game they all seem to like to play (making you look like the unstable one). I stopped falling for the bait once I realized what the game was.
Who here has had a narcissist in their family turn one of your siblings or parents against you? This just happened with my younger brother, who was always my best friend--and now hates me. I'm completely devastated.
I feel for you. Yes a family member took me to court to block me from my own mom for 3 yrs, huge legal bills, trying to steal $ etc. Long story...most painful thing ever...wounds from a friend or family cut deepest. Keep your head up. It seems like it will be forever but give it time. Hope it works out somehow for you💜👍
I’m so sorry:( yeah this happened to me as well. My dad is narcissistic and I was always the scapegoat child and my sister was the “golden” one, and my dad managed to turn her against me. He would manipulate her to say straight up evil things to me and I think she now may possibly be seeing the truth about him, but at this point, the damage is done. It’s sad because when we were kids my sister loved me and looked up to me and we could’ve been really close. Unfortunately my dad has raised her to be just like him and I don’t think I can ever fully trust her. It’s devastating when narcissists do this to their children. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. :(
Fake concern is another tactic, starting sentences with...'I'm really worried about so and so'...before launching into a damning account of all your faults that they are trying to address...
I agree. My partner does the same. I asked why I had spend the past half an hour (at least) listening to my many faults and there is not a mention of his. His reply was I was not to push his buttons. To anyone who reads this and is going through similar. Make a good and safe plan with all the help you can and GET OUT OF DODGE SET YOURSELF FREE!!!!
One told someone that I was "acting erratically." It's one of those adverbs that begs a solid example, which she didn't have, because it was a lie. So there was that, plus projection, plus possible concern trolling. If a narcissist says they're worried about you, they can easily insinuate that you're mentally unstable, pathetic or a "loser" just by using a certain tone of voice.
I went thru this with someone who was supposed to be my friend but in reality was using smear tactics and actually now goes around telling people what a victim she is.
My mom has been worried about me since I met and obviously married my husband. Its amusing because I am the happiest I've ever been, the most at peace and true to myself but it isn't within her preferences of how I should be happy...so she's worried about me. Not to mention my boundaries apparently prove that I'm in a toxic marriage...yeah....makes so much sense lady.. 🤣🙄🤦♀️
Thank you. The relationships with narcisists are emotionally draining, their arrogance, entitlement and deceitful actions are sometimes too much to bear.
It’s always a competition with the narc. Narcs aren’t good listeners unless it’s something that they can use against you and they’re masters at planting seeds of doubt. Long before I knew what a narc was, I asked my ex why do you act like parenting is a competition? I knew then that something was off with the narc.
I noticed that right away when after my son was born, 27 years ago, he bragged about how he could swaddle him so much better than me. It went on from there!!
I don't talk about certain situations in my past or specific situations because I learned there is no need to retraumatise yourself from my therapist. Living through it is enough.
Can’t wait for this one! What surprises me is that the people they round up against you, don’t have a mind of their own to question the motives of the narcissist or see through the madness!!?? Oh, I know why- bc most of them are narcissist too.
...or in a worse boat than you are. 👍 I'm the problem child because I'm "too honest". My siblings have been through hell and my dad has been under Narcissistic abuse for YEARS. We are not allowed to have a relationship, he is not allowed to do what HE would like to do and if he does and she notices he's really enjoying himself and it begins to involve others then she brow beats him to death until he's made to give it up. Makes his life a living HELL until his thinking aligns with hers. (He's technically step-dad to two of us. Doesn't matter to him/us but interesting factor)
@@sarahsselflovelifestyle463 so true. So thrilled being able to see/hear 'clearly'. Still hurts, still causes a rage inside @ this moment of the 'final' 'Last' Stage LEFT. More angry with myself. 'It Will Pass'! Keep your eyes wide Open, the road ahead will be more than Bumpy. (they're comin' out of the woodwork-Lol) Praise Lord Jesus. ♡
This video is exactly what I need. The good ol' smear campaign has made my life very bitter. Of course, on a conscious level I know that people who are really important to me and who really love me would never give credit to the narcissist and her flying monkeys. But nobody talks about the moral damage caused to me...
And it hurts so badly when it's your own family - children and parents - who are deceived and believe the lies. That formula makes one think one is painfully aware of being alone. Yet, it gives one the choice to move forward bc one knows one has not forgotten how to love - hence the ability to feel the pain. Keep loving. Love is Life. Keep living. On a lighter note, may the Illusive Butterfly of Love land on your nose and expell laughter from your soul! (Better a butterfly than its progenitor, the caterpiller!) Lol! God bless! He heals. 🙏💕🕊🤗
I feel ya. My malignant GM ran a smear campaign on me. Phase 1- he told all the employees that I was manic depressive & was a trigger away from suicide. Whenever I'd walk into the office, the employees would scatter. Phase 2- sent his flying monkey (my supervisor) to me telling me the GM needs to see you. I said sure, give me 5 minutes. He said, no, be back here tomorrow @ 5 a.m. I asked why? He said because my GM said that you're severely depressed. I couldn't believe my ears. And, nobody is in that early. I walked into the meeting w/ 4 people in the room. My GM & 4 of his monkeys. My GM told me he's a doctor & demanded to what's wrong with me? When I replied nothing wrong with me..he looked @ his monkeys & said "see, classic denial." He then stands up over me, places a pre-filled form in front of me ....puts a pen in my hand & says "sign it" as his monkeys are now standing right behind me. When I refused, his monkey grabs my arm, the other monkey sticks a pen in my hand & my GM says "now sign it, damn it!!!! It was an admittance form for a mental institution. My office mgr.arrived , heard the commotion, opened the door & immediately, the monkeys scattered & walked out. When she asked my GM what's going on...he said that I had an attitude problem, being unruly, & needs to be written up.
@@t.l.7733 yes, part of the deception & manipulation is lies & set-ups. Good for you for standing your ground. You will always be able to live with yourself. Being sad as a result of beyrayal does make one FEEL depressed, making that one a target for the many narcissists that roam around like a roaring lion, seeking whom it may devour. Pelosi & henchmen tried the same with DJT. My own jealous sister used the mentsl illness issue, and my ex was unfortunately successful after our divorce with the children later on. Narcissists don't like to lose bc they are always in competition with the object of their anger. As long as they are insecure they will always lead to a sense of power in order to overcome it. That's when the door is open to evil and that person ceases to exist and an evil spirit makes its home there. They never give up even after they destroy you...However, "Against all odds...but God...." God bless and love you and keep His arms around you in peace, hope, joy, and love. We do not war against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers....but God....🙏🤗🕊👍😇
What really hurts about it is that you accidentally wasted years of time and effort with someone just to realize that they could drop you on a dime and not even be bothered to talk about it first
@@bobpaff4187 my oldest cut him off many yrs ago, and is really hesitant to have much relationship w/the youngest because she knew the little one would be pumped for info. The little one knows what he is, has been to therapy & wants to continue to try to have a relationship with him. So freaking sad since he is their father.
The narc hates if you compliment or value someone. That becomes an obsession to get to them, insulting them to you, but finding ways into them to lie and manipulate against you. It is part of the isolation game. They want you alone! It is so important to keep narcs out of you circle.
I noticed this! I could literally compliment something a total stranger was wearing and the narc would immediately devalue it or state why what I complimented wasn't so great. They are SO INSECURE!
Some of us are narc magnets!! Helpers and nurturers are easy pickings for the narcissist! A plaque on my wall read "Go ahead! Blame Me if the Sun Don't Shine!" Never again take responsibility for another adult's life!
The narcissist aways want to make you look bad. But I hope that my character speaks for itself. Most people who know me know that I'm a good person. I help people when I can. I've alway been there for the people who needed me. So I hope that people can take a step back and decide for themselves if what they hear is really what they have seen.
In my case, my family is very far flung, and I haven't had the ability to travel for visits. I've never spent a significant amount of time with any of them. However, my older sibling with NPD has been able to visit all of them, frequently. She used to absolutely love reporting to me that this or that older relative agreed with her about how bad I was. All my life I felt unable to counter her narrative and present myself to them, myself. I lived with the feeling that she had already poisoned the well, so I felt too ashamed and embarrassed to try and show them that I might be a more worthy person than how she always painted me. There were a few times when I cross checked with the other relatives, to find out if it was true that they agreed with her about me. Invariably, they told me that they had never said any such a thing. Unfortunately, I still feel too shy to try and build relationships with those distant people. It's like, that ship sailed. Maybe in part because she still visits them sometimes. I guess, even though I believe they didn't totally buy all of her stories about me, I still feel weird about trying to convince anyone that I'm an decent person.
Dan it comes back at you in the weirdest ways. My deceased ex narc husband died 2yrs ago. Been no contact for 25yrs. A month or so ago I was contacted via fb messenger by his son..I've never knew existed....who smeared me and insulted me as per his dead fathers wishes he claims. Both he and his dead father are cops. He got so vile I told him if he didn't stop I'd be contacting his police force and reporting threatening behaviour. He shut up. I was rattled to be attacked with old lies and fake stories from beyond the grave. So those nasty narcs pass their hate and revenge on.
I believe the best way we can each live our lives is to NEVER judge another person based on what others say. Most of time, those people are spreading lies to hurt someone. Get to know others YOURSELF. Then you decide.
I had a narcissist partner talk badly about me behind my back to his family for years. I had no idea, I never understood his adult kids and brother were so cold and awkward towards me. I began to avoid them after years of trying to fit in. Then I was berated and abused for not wanting to be close to his kids and “disliking” them all after I tried so hard to be accepted. I finally found out that he was causing the situation all along by saying all kinds of things to them about me. It came out when his narc Mom starting telling me off for no reason one day at a family event. I finally realized he was feeding them BS to dislike me and then blaming me saying I had a problem with his family…disgusting
And that is how my momster tried to divide and conquer our family. Lies, manipulation and just plain toxic behavior. My younger brother finally realized that everything he’d been told by our mother was a lie. She would love nothing better than to have everyone in the family fighting and not speaking to each other but only talking to her. That’s her idea of heaven. Drama is her middle name. Now that she is in her 80’s she has burned all her bridges with everyone. She gets people to feel sorry for her because she’s old and all alone. Well she’s going to stay alone. If you ever wonder why there are people in nursing homes that no one visits, well there may be a good reason.
And sometime ppl end up old and alone in nursing homes is because they weren’t Abe to have kids, their siblings dies, their close friends died, their parents died long ago, etc. suffice it to say, their are many reasons good and loving ppl find themselves alone in their very elderly years. Best not to judge ppl who are old and alone🙏
Well said Dr C. The best revenge is to live well. Whoever drops you because of the relationship breakup was not a true friend to begin with and really should not be in your life.
We the scapegoated ones, chose people similar to our family experiences. We knew no better, we learned how to appease the broken to keep the peace. Always in our head of how difficult certain friends were, but we absorbed it and tried to make nice because that was how we survived. We give to many chances to toxic people. Once the narc starts spreading the manipulation and lies to all others to isolate you, they follow! Those are not our people and unfortunately we learn the hard way as one by one they turn. The biggest lesson is we deserve better anyways. Bye bye bitches😊
I have heard one narc, the one that prompted my education about narcs, to accuse others of promiscuity - and then let comments slip about that person's own practice of juggling several romantic partners. I wish I remembered the name of the commenter on RUclips who said, whatever they accuse you of, that's what they are doing. I don't go 100% with that, but, maybe 99%.
@@sage9836 To your comment: "whatever they accuse you of, that's what they are doing. I don't go 100% with that, but, maybe 99%." I agree with you. Because the narcissists will also claim that you are the one projecting onto them too, so patience and careful discernment has to be used. But it is true that in a smearing, narcs will always accuse others of what they themselves are doing
@@kayjay2379 I am glad you mentioned they'll accuse a person of projecting. I was fast when it hit me that they'll call their targets narcissistic and claim to have been discarded.
I had a toxic person in my life who would share a fact about me, something actually true, but then she would add her judgement about this fact, twisting things to make me look very bad. She did not know the context or the backstory, but expounded as if she knew my thoughts or motives. Some people do not obviously smear, but instead drip drip drip poison.
My dad(the narc) thinks if he does anything nice(seldom) for me, I am expected to let him off the hook for the horrible things he has done to me. He won't be held responsible for the abuse, he blamed(projected) me. He's a lying jerk!
Everything in this video is everything I’ve gone threw all my whole life!!! It’s hard to be a Empath in this world 🌎 when their is so, so, so many narcissistic people among us!!!!!
When I was in my twenties, I had a friend round one evening. As i left the room, I heard my father say to my friend, "He talks about you behind your back." I confronted my father immediately. My friend was visibly upset. It wasn't true, what my father said, so when my friend had gone, I asked my father again. "Why would you say that?" "I don't know," he replied, chuckling. My friendship was never the same.
Wow, that is horrible. My mother refused to let me have friends when I was young and when I asked her why, she laughed. They like to isolate and control you.
That is awful. I wish you could explain everything to your friend. If people haven't been raised by narcissists or sociopaths, I think they have difficulty understanding that someone could choose to lie purely to create trouble :( I am so sorry you grew up with behavior like that.
"Dirty games with truth" performed by narcissists and represented to others with aim how to denigrate us, just avoid. Instead of taking part in this "perfidious performance", choose life path of peace, dignity, respect and civility. If narcissist is digging you a hole, let him/her fall right into it himself/herself. Dr. L. Carter, thanks for one more useful video lesson!
They never seem to fall into the hole they've dug for me though. Just me. It's a terrible thing to when they are high functioning covert neglectful narcissist and they are virtually all of your relatives and especially your own mother. It's basically a death sentence.
Watching this just reminded how exhausting it is to deal with their crap and what a total waste of time it all is. Even after 5 years of separation from one, I still (due to co-parenting) have to constantly be on the lookout for all the nonsense. They are relentless with their game playing and need for acknowledgement
Yes and that's why people believe them not you. When you finally realize truth after many years/decades, they had already sown the seeds that you are a bad person in every person you encounter with or will go to when need help. You are totally alone when the truth about them finally hits you.
They get away w half truths for their entire lives. The only ones who figure it out are ones who say “I’m good, I’m not interested in watching “The Secret”…” (public enemy #1). (You figure it out once you become a target.)
Dad(narc) is the pain the ass, for the most part, with me, yet shows his fake side to others. Hypocrite! They are silent, I get the impression he got to them first. He expects people to believe the smear campaign against me. He told me he would make me look bad. He's the "bad" one, not me!
Have been thru this with my daughter’s husband for almost 10 years. He lied about me and a situation before they were even engaged..she bought the lie..it’s sad..I have chosen to live my life well..like you said, Dr. Carter.
@@chriswyma145 she does have a free will.. she used it.. asked me what I thought about the relationship before it started to get serious.. I was honest and gentle in telling her I saw the relationship going way to fast.. she agreed and was going to “talk” to him.. then... it was full on.. he must have convinced her otherwise..
@@chriswyma145 she also asked if I was afraid that she would marry someone like her father..told her..I thought she would see the red flags..since she is a MFT...I also told her I believed she would not allow someone to control her the way I allowed her dad to control me for over 20 years..again..it was her choice..her free will..she has allowed her husband to isolate her away from a lot of her family..they are both way co dependent as well..
I am dealing with this exact issue yet again at work- it never stops. Our entire culture is narcissistic. Cooperation is looked down upon as weakness. The more abusive to the company and coworkers, the more powerful these people become. Most people don’t seem to like it, but no one seems to want to step up and hold the toxic coworkers accountable, even when they have the power to do so. I had an incident with a coworker yesterday ( as a single working class female, I get to see the worst of human nature). I just simply let him know I felt disrespected by the way he handled a situation. And true to form, he became loud and angry as a means of intimidation. No doubt another smear campaign is on its way. People have become very hateful. Dr. Carter is right about keeping these things to yourself. People do victim blame. It’s hard but I just try to remember who I am.
You're right. People refuse to admit that single females are targeted and scapegoated. If we dare say this, then we're deemed crazy. Can't win. Misogyny, sexism, and hatred toward single females is alive and well and never spoken of.
Work is as good as the people. Anyone can be taught how we do things here.... however its the people that make work good or toxic. If its toxic - setup another job and leave.
@@l.k.2337 It’s because it ceases to be true when people are always “targeted”? Did you ever just think that people target whoever is convenient? Single males get targeted because they are single males, and couples get targeted because they are couples, and parents get targeted because they are parents? It just sounds really dismissive and doesn’t really do anyone any favors when you try to make victimhood your personal virtue. Especially when the way you say it you don’t sound very supportive of everyone else who is victimized and abused as well? People target people. You just got targeted by a person who saw you as a target. It happens to all of us and for totally different reasons.
@Ghost-User Certainly there are plenty of narcissistic women; certainly there are plenty of narcissistic poor and working class people; certainly there are plenty of narcissistic people of color; but the difference between oppression and everyday acts of meanness is that the larger institutions--schools, courts, police-- tend to allow men, rich people, white people, heterosexual people-- to get away with more misbehavior, and tend to make a bigger deal out of any misbehavior by someone in a historically "subordinate" category. As one example, mass shootings are still overwhelmingly gendered. If women, gay people, people of color were the ones building big personal arsenals of semiautomatic weapons and conducting mass shootings--not that I recommend such a scenario-- we would get vigorous gun control laws overnight.
Sadly, you have described my narcissistic brother and his even greater narcissistic wife, to a T. They both behave as if they are superior and when their attempt to control has been thwarted, they have systematically gone to countless friends and other family members slandering and lying about me and my 90 yr. old parents. They torn our family apart while blaming us for the doing what they themselves have done and continue to do. They have broken my parents hearts. What I’ve witnessed, I can hardly believe. 💔 It is demonic!!!
I love when my husband tells people when he fell off a ladder & hurt his shoulder that I said I was going to finish my dinner before I took him to the ER. What he doesn't tell them is that he was very drunk, on a ladder working on the deck, fell, then said he was okay. Also, I knew I was in for a long night as our ER is usually minimum of 4 hours to be seen. I did not leisurely eat my meal, I wolfed it down so I could take him, still saying he didn't need to go. He had dislocated his shoulder. When we finally made to an exam room, he was passed out, snoring very loudly. What an evil person I am!!! Anybody with any sense knows there are 2 sides to any story. I'm sure his family believes his version though, just another brick in the wall so they wouldn't like me, I'm sure.
My ex would text or call my family talk bad about me in a roundabout way to see if they would take the bait and start talking bad about me too. My mom and sister quickly put him in his place and he left them and me alone.
@Kristi G. Good for your mother and sister!!! On that topic, the father of my child, ex…., had called my close “friend” and told her plenty of bad things about me, most of which untrue, and all in his distorted narcissistic mind. She didn’t even tell me. Months later, he left me a message in which he informed me he had spoken to my “friend” for about an hour on the phone, etc., and that he was happy to inform me that “[I] have come to my senses.” Both him and that friend are malignant narcissists, him an overt one, and her, a covert one. I do not communicate with him at all. As for her, I did not see her for a while, saw her again as she is my daughter’s “godmother,” but I have been trying to get as little contact as possible and is in the process of cutting all contact. She is really an awful person (and so was the father of my child.) She too had spread lies and turned some people against me just as she cannot admit losing control over me. Problem is that my daughter doesn’t see how she is; she has not always been nice to my daughter. I tried to explain to my daughter that she is not like a fairy godmother. She had money and was generous to my daughter so my daughter is blinded by the gifts.
I am very glad for you that your Mom and sister saw through him in their love. I cry and pray for those who have not been so fortunate. Let's pray for and encourage those who feel alone in this personal hell. Even though I have my best friend at my side to get me through the valleys, I sometimes forget He's with me because of Worldly distractions, i.e., blows from narcissists and ripping at my personal identity. It's good to have those around you who can and will gently be there and bring you back to the joy of living and being who you are. People need people. Good people need good people. Bad people need bad people to hurt good people. Know that DECEPTION is Satan's best tool - since the beginning of time and he's not going to keep trying to hurt you as long as he can, and until "that day" when God's accountability day is in full effect. Put on the full armor of God and stay within God's army, for Jesus Himself promised, " Where 2 or more are gathered in My name, there will I be also"; and be assured that "we are more than conquerors through Christ". Looking forward to the "boundaries" the Proff will be speaking on next... God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace. 🙏💕🕊
Good for your Mom and sister!! My ex would go around talking sh*t about me to some of my family and some took the bait hook line and sinker! Then he would save what they said and when we got into an argument he would tell me what my certain family members thought about me or something I did in the past that upset them as a way to deflect from the topic we were arguing about. Then secretly I was mad at my family member that talked behind my back and at him for using them against me
@@Lea941 So real! Typical! Typical evil. Narcissism is one manifestation of Evil. Evil is real. Do not be hooked into the narcissist's world through the pain bc it will only keep feeding the parasite. Best way to kill a snake is to behead it (the mind) or starve it to death (soul food). God bless you, protect you, heal you, give you peace and joy! 🙏💕🕊🤗
No. You literally have to not care. That’s it. It’s like quick sand, the more you move around the faster you sink into the mud. You literally have to not care and understand what makes you happy and fulfilled without normal positive feedback or relationships with those people. Otherwise you will never be able yo find peace.
My older sister and brother stole so much from me after our parents died….and I had no idea what was going on, asked about my inheritance…..was told “ Have no idea what your talking about”………those were the last words spoken to me….that was June of 2016, Not 1 person has spoken to me, from my family since……..They turned everyone against me…… For me…..the silence is deafening…..It’s absolutely cruelty at the highest level……They both stole, lied, and cheated me……My Dad and his siblings did the same thing to each other……Dr Les. Please tell me……will this legacy be passed down again, I always wonder if my nephews and nieces will turn on each other…when their time comes….to chose who’s in and who’s out…..I feel like my Dad passed this on to us kids….I would really hate for that to happen. I still love my family, even though they certainly don’t feel the same about me…I remain confused……and very tired and so sad, of whole situation……..
So sorry for this situation , but if you can , at least your free, money well, 🤷♀️, let it go, the pain of the situation will bear heavy if you let it...they not worth it ... hugs 🌸
I can empathize. My incredibly touchy, rage-fueled and uptight narc told me (and tried to convince others) that *I* was the angry and uptight one and that *she* had to walk on eggshells around me. If you knew me you'd know that this is so far beyond laughable that it's almost surreal - I'm notorious among friends, family and colleagues for being almost freakishly level-headed, calm and easygoing. Most have literally never seen me angry or visibly stressed. The mutual friends who told me she'd been saying this couldn't keep a straight face, it was so improbable to them 😂
@@AlastairjCarruthers that’s the best part when true friends have your back. But no likes to be misjudged or misrepresented. In the end you can only reassure yourself you have credibility and that will suffice.
Timely- I am recently divorced, attempting to coparent, and in the last few weeks my ex has taken his lies and belittling to a whole new level. I never, even on his worst days of abusive behavior, would have thought he could sink so low...
I ended up totally alone because of this. And what I found is that the people ;my narcissistic family smeared me to didn't even want to give me an opportunity to speak to them. They'd turn and hurry away, as though they didn't want to even inadvertently risk giving me the chance to speak for myself. They believe what they want to believe and they want to believe ugly lies because they're miserable.
After 5 years and 20K spent spent paying my brother's bills, he backstabs me, telling everyone I am mentally ill. That is his reason for not paying me back; now after suffering cancer for 6 years, he has gulaged me for 14 years--I don't exist. I have withdrawn from people in totality. Some of us never recover from being used and discarded.
. . . and What to do About It. Yeah? After I quit an education program a certain group of people started acting weird around me, and I suspect a narc said something odd to the group. I don't know.
I have experienced that too. Just wait though and never raise the issue. One day someone will come and ask you probably because the narcissist person has done something that has raised this persons doubt.. could take months a year but it will happen
Go with your instincts. I didn't listen to my instincts when I should have. I attended a Bible Study and they all stopped speaking to me when I would walk into the room. But when they would speak it was to criticize me. Really didn't expect it from any of them. But had to face up to it and stopped going.
They poison others opinion of you in the workplace. It's impossible to do your job without their cooperation and you feel like a failure. Can make you sick. You may have to leave.
This was very helpful. I've been so confused about why I have family, who have been so back stabbing towards me. I've tried so hard to show that I'm a caring person, just to be painted as a bad person behind my back. Thanks for the understanding that helps me to stay away from them. I miss and love my kid's. But they just want to hurt and demonize me. It's always left me so very sad.
My son and daughter destroyed my life and others in their wake. I've not listened to the video yet but the comments are spot on with what I've had done to me for decades.
I wonder if they ever worry, once you're out of their crosshairs, that you are warning other people about them. I call it opportunity limitation...the more people aware of their reputation, the less opportunity for them to manipulate others. let the games begin!
I think that’s why they start the smear campaign to begin with to preemptively attack before you tell others. They start smearing way before you start talking.
I have a strata president who told others I don’t pay any thing towards the strata when I pay exactly what I am obligated. When confronted she says she’s ‘just a vessel’ saying what other people are saying but she won’t provide information of who’s complained, she can’t say.
So, shes lying. She threw everybody else under the bus, when she instigated the conversation. Everybody's the victim here. No she wont tell you who, and shes using that leverage to keep the others in line.(I didn't tell her you said it, but if you dont play ball, I will!!) If this is a supervisor, go to your union rep or HR, immediately. Grounds for a reprimand on her record. If she wants to avoid a mark on her record, she'll have to give up the others, and the real truth will come out. Temporarily disempowered, she will crawl back under her rock until the next opportunity. Uh yeah, I've seen it. Keep your nose clean, do your job, and you will be unbluffable. And they always say: "Cant you just let it go?" Dont do it. They wouldnt. War games.
One night i was telling a story to my friend calmly, I was not insulting anyone i was just describing certain events. He became very upset and went into a panic. I had never seen anything like it, he was twisting my words and changing the story. When I confronted him he told me he was just exaggerating the story to make it more appealing. It was the worst feeling in the world.
This is a person to avoid as much as possible! And when you can’t avoid them remain civil but closed. Someone who misrepresents what you say and then excuses themselves by saying it was to enhance the story is lying twice. This is very malicious!
These people are so cunning, so skilled, that their victims are in a no-win situation. Every single thing on your list is being done to me. I have no recourse. I've been silenced. Not one person in the family has come to me to ask me about the claims my sister has made about me. That's the thing that is truly painful. She's turning the few remaining family members against me, trying to isolate me completely. I've never hated anyone this much in my life, and I have absolutely no recourse, no chance for the truth to be heard.
I have a younger neighbor who has tormented me by gossiping. She “one-ups,” and managed to get into house next door and scoped my house! I know because of comments she made, having never entered my home. I have seen new neighbors change their attitude toward me after spending time with her. I avoid her, but it is always in the back of my mind.😕
Tis easier to fool someone than convince them they’ve been fooled- Mark Twain When you produce the tape that takes the shape of true colors of the shifter, the pace retakes the past mistakes in the context of the drifter. If they come back, but on a solid track , then forgiveness is the great uplifter. We all get fooled..
These points are all absolutely true! For me I have a very hard time dealing with the injustice of it all and don’t like to carry around this anger and resentment. How do I free myself of this need to stand up for myself to the family and friends who have been lied to by the narcissist about me. I want to let it go and just go on and be free and happy with the life I have left to enjoy.
Accidentally hit send...used against me by my husband. I think I may have an 8th one to add. How about when the narcissist confidentialy appeals to a friend of yours for help in dealing with you and your terrible secret and hurtful behaviors. Of course they're lying about you, but I guess the one hearing the lies might think it must be true because why else would a loved one speak these things unless they were desperate for help! So, so devious and hateful. I find great comfort in knowing that GOD knows my heart. He knows it all and, in the end, that's what matters. Thank you again Dr. C, for the validation your insightful words provide...especially this topic.
The trouble is......some situations are so complicated ......it's like layers of miscommunication.....unless I'm willing to spend "years" going thru layers.....it is too complicated to talk about. Best to give up.
This reminded me of the time my mom called me a gold digger. I actually laughed because I'm the farthest thing from a gold digger you'll ever meet (I don't own/nor want designer clothes, own/nor want flashy jewelry, I drive a Chevy, etc.). I was completely mystified by her accusation but NOW I get it! Thanks, Dr. C!
Dr Carter you have helped me so much in dealing with my narcissist husband. At last I can feel happy to live my best life instead of constantly defending and justifying myself. Thank you so much!
Same here, but my dad is my narc. He expects adoration but treats me like dirt. The dichotomy is sickening! He would isolate me so he can't be heard abusing me(verbally and sexually) and told me "what is wrong with you, Jackie?!" WTH? He's damaged! Dad tries to accuse me of what he's done. Pathetic!
My ex is literally doing all of these things to me in his smear campaign! I am not even allowed in public places because of things he has said about me.
Gotta love the one's that say they have your back while gossiping and simultaneously stabbing you in the back. One day you just wake up think F... It life's too short and come hell or high water I'm doing whatever it takes to take my control back and not waste anymore time on the ungrateful selfish a holes in this World. Why waste your own life you only get one.
"Demonize those who support you!" 🎯 Wow! Yes, Dr Carter every item on your list is spot on! I wish I had learned all of this as a teen because it would have prevented years of pain.
The amazing thing is that as people believe them, they believe themselves. In my own life all these years later, the false narrative has replaced the truth, and my family has forgotten major events because they didn't fit into the story they were telling. I learned what some of these lies were over the years because they actually told them to me and it was clear they had written reality out of the story, and replaced it with a false narrative they now believed was the truth.
Thank you for your channel. I have been subjected to the smear campaign after politely setting my mil straight about respecting my boundaries. She's a covert has 2 adult sons one being the golden child and my husband is the scapegoat. She's now going around telling everyone that I am disrespectful. Everyone complains about her but don't have the courage to call her out on her behavior.
Just went through every part of this with a very bad boss. I knew I was dealing with a narcissist for the last year, wasn't overly concerned about it, just made a pattern of deflecting and avoiding her behaviors. Honestly, had to feel a little bad for all the intense insecurity we could see her experiencing. She was in over her head with her new position and I think felt trapped and desperate to prove her capability. Ironically the team was supportive and wanted to see her succeed but she convinced herself otherwise. Sadly her behavior became increasingly very, very dishonest, mean, intentional, sneaky and got to the point of aggressive and delusional over the last couple weeks. At which point, our entire team put in notice and left the job. Had no recourse with HR or our executive director. She'd already expertly framed herself as the victim of "unsupportive staff" to them and they sided with her. We are all very happy to be done with dealing with this. I genuinely hope there is some form of recovery for her.
Dr Les Carter. I’m a former UK police officer. My ex is a covert vulnerable malignant narcissist. She took my children, My Home, my business, all my investments, engaged in the most horrific smear campaign, called the police and social services and so far she’s got away with everything for the last three years. Now she has started a cleaning business and I believe she’s stealing customers jewellery and blaming it on other people that work for her. Karma is coming hopefully
That's awful. See if you can find an older video of mine about narcissists and karma. You should be able to find it in a YT search. I wish you the best. Dr. C
I try to remember that my actions are what created the trust i have had with these friends… and it is his words that have undone that trust and i have seen that in the end .. Action carries more power than Words. … there will be opportunities to go back into their lives because of my consistent good actions of the past… i just bypass the words and don’t even bring it up so that his words loose power over time.
This is perfect advice for those dealing with this Dr. C-especially the life well lived. 😊 Honestly, just as you said before the people that really matter will see our true character. Those that believe those lies do not deserve to be in relationship with me.
When I had my last and final beef with my sibling and we stopped communicating, her husband and her three children vanished in a flash. And my daugther also lost contact with my sisters family, for no reason at all really. Last thing I heard, my daugther arranged a festivity that relatives were supposed to attend. My sister and her family didn't come, and the excuse was the conflict that me and my sister had (!). So... five people were drawn into a conflict that they weren't involved in. In my experience, narcissists have a tendency to expand conflicts and create chaos. They pull bystanders into the conflict, turning them against you. Narcissists love to create fractions and divide and conquer. And the weird things is, my sister and her husband initiated the conflict, doing things that were illegal, plain and simple. A narcissists ability to turn situations around and turn people against you, is truly amazing. In a legal sense, I was 100% correct, but I end up being scapegoated, cut off from a whole family. Narcissists are not only bullies. They are super bullies.
@@SurvivingNarcissism On the positive side, you learn who you are dealing with, once you stand up for yourself. Just watch the following mayhem and intrigues and take notes.. Unproportional punishment and involving all bystanders is common for narcs, I have learnt. I really appriciate your work. Thank you. My daugther is an empath and I gave her one of your books. She is only 20 years old, but she is already learning to take care of herself and to handle different people users.
Thank you so much for what you do Dr. C. You don't know it, but your videos and channel saved my life... You helped me get out of the worst relationship of my life, start to value myself again and seek treatment for substance abuse disorder (ex partner was one of my worst triggers and I had been beaten down so badly by him that I was basically committing slow suicide)... I've been sober for over a year now and I'm happier than I've been in years. I can't say thank you enough, truly.
Thank you for doing this video. Was married for 37 years to a man who I learned was a narcissist after we separated. Which explained all the disfunction in our relationship. The emotional abuse from him. During those years I never understood why his family didn't like me. Even though I always tried to be so nice and helpful. I could do nothing right. Now I see it wasn't me but him saying negative things about me. Always trying to make sure he looked liked he was better then me. Kinda blows your mind when you finally see the truth once they are no longer in your life. Yes I have found my peace. Thank you.
My narc mother LOVES to blindside me with my past “transgressions”out of nowhere. Even tho I apologized for things years ago (big mistake that changed nothing even tho she said she accepted it. This was before I knew anything about narcissists) She’ll do it in front of anyone. And my enabling dad says nothing.
Sounds just like my narc sister. Many of the past transgressions she is still bitterly angry toward me about are imagined. They will perceive harmless moments and actions as slights against them!
Living your life with integrity, peace, simplicity and steady character is the best strategy to keep your sanity and protect yourself from abusive and toxic people.Those vindictive narcisists are driven by evil! They hate humanity.
Narcissists really hate it when you finally have had enough of their BS and you stand up for yourself. Now they're going to turn everyone against you.
This is why you never accept gossip. It’s 99 percent lies.
If you are in a relationship or marriage or family relation with a narcissist I give you a recommendation from my life: RUN
Today is my 3 year anniversary with my covert narc husband. I feel absolutely nothing today as I did a year ago when I found Dr. Carter's channel and began to understand many things. I can't even cry from the pain, I just feel dead inside. It's hard to pick up and leave when there's a child involved and he's the sole financial provider. It feels like I'm standing at the base of Mt. Everest when I think about finding a new and better life for myself and my child. It's also hard when the covert narc plays the suffering victim role and begins to make me question if I am in fact the mean one for being resentful and bitter towards him. My body and soul rejects the narc from three years of emotional and intellectual verbal abuse I've endured regularly. If I can keep my interior peace and remember not to feed his need for negative supply, I could come out on top. This life is only a pilgrimage anyways, the pain and suffering won't last forever. Actually, I feel so defeated.
@@alba7165 ❤️ We never walk alone- hang in there- keep learning- Don't give up- remember You Are Precious, Worthy and Beautiful- Your child is Blessed to have you as Mum- BE BRAVE! The numbness WILL begin to melt, and you WILL start to Heal ❤️
@@Healed2Day I hope you can understand how much I've needed to hear these words at the exact moment I read them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.😢❤️
amen-- delete them/// CHOOSE YOUR companions wisely. it is best!
Yep. Ruuuuuun
After watching this, it occurred to me that this is the reason why they gather data from you; to save it for another day when they want to dredge up things from your past...
"Ya better believe it"!
“Everything you say, can and will be used against you”, eventually.
Email is the worst form of blackmail the narc will use to stab you in the back.
They will weaponize any information they receive. They can turn anything into a negative bullet that they fire at will.
I like to call it a fact finding mission lol!
1. overt lies 2. projection 3. spin half truths 4. coy "I can't say" insinuations 5. describe matters about you out of context 6. Demonize people who support you 7. Tout their own personal positive characteristics
That is so true. All of the above sounds like my partner .
Thanks!
Overall, they are pathetic but it’s an effective way to ruin the lives of others.
I hate the half truths the most!
@@rebeccaletford2611 same here
A narcissistic accusation
is actually their cloaked confession
Wow! Very true!
Oh my gosh, I was just telling someone that I always knew what this man did because he would accuse me of it.
Go’s just when you think it can’t any sicker with the narc it does
Oh yes yes yes it is!
💯
Calling you "selfish" if you don't do everything THEY want!
Including controlling your finances
@@ultraviolet6989 Oh yes!
Or calling you lame.
Narcessists have the memory of an elephant, for whatever that might come in handy at one point later in life. Always about you. No recollection of their own behavior
tante glitter,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist...
They also rework history to their advantage …. Complete liars
Mine would start something in private just to provoke me to react in defense. As soon as my emotions were stirred up they'd "go public" with whatever it was and drag everyone they could into it, pointing at me and saying "look how crazy she is!". It's a sick game they all seem to like to play (making you look like the unstable one). I stopped falling for the bait once I realized what the game was.
Mine did the same. As soon as I stopped reacting he found a new GF. I think he felt there'd be a girlfight over him but I was DONE.
@@acustomer7216 that's their fantasy. That everyone is clamouring for their love.
mine uses this secret code language in class to try and provoke me. Not working tho🤣
I dont get what it is with narcs always wanting to mock and ridicule, its like they assume everyone is mocking them in private
"You're absolutely correct👍🏾!
Everytime I hear what narcissist do.. It makes me sick. They are just so toxic
Who here has had a narcissist in their family turn one of your siblings or parents against you? This just happened with my younger brother, who was always my best friend--and now hates me. I'm completely devastated.
I feel for you. Yes a family member took me to court to block me from my own mom for 3 yrs, huge legal bills, trying to steal $ etc. Long story...most painful thing ever...wounds from a friend or family cut deepest. Keep your head up. It seems like it will be forever but give it time. Hope it works out somehow for you💜👍
They triangulate and turn siblings against one another so they can control everyone. It’s horrible the long term damage these people cause.
The children are either the scapegoat, the lost child or the golden child. They triangulate each child against the other
I’m so sorry:( yeah this happened to me as well. My dad is narcissistic and I was always the scapegoat child and my sister was the “golden” one, and my dad managed to turn her against me. He would manipulate her to say straight up evil things to me and I think she now may possibly be seeing the truth about him, but at this point, the damage is done. It’s sad because when we were kids my sister loved me and looked up to me and we could’ve been really close. Unfortunately my dad has raised her to be just like him and I don’t think I can ever fully trust her. It’s devastating when narcissists do this to their children. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. :(
@@sweetielady7710 Hard to tell which reply goes to who but thx for support if you meant me 😉
Fake concern is another tactic, starting sentences with...'I'm really worried about so and so'...before launching into a damning account of all your faults that they are trying to address...
I agree. My partner does the same. I asked why I had spend the past half an hour (at least) listening to my many faults and there is not a mention of his. His reply was I was not to push his buttons. To anyone who reads this and is going through similar. Make a good and safe plan with all the help you can and GET OUT OF DODGE SET YOURSELF FREE!!!!
One told someone that I was "acting erratically." It's one of those adverbs that begs a solid example, which she didn't have, because it was a lie. So there was that, plus projection, plus possible concern trolling. If a narcissist says they're worried about you, they can easily insinuate that you're mentally unstable, pathetic or a "loser" just by using a certain tone of voice.
I went thru this with someone who was supposed to be my friend but in reality was using smear tactics and actually now goes around telling people what a victim she is.
My mom has been worried about me since I met and obviously married my husband. Its amusing because I am the happiest I've ever been, the most at peace and true to myself but it isn't within her preferences of how I should be happy...so she's worried about me. Not to mention my boundaries apparently prove that I'm in a toxic marriage...yeah....makes so much sense lady.. 🤣🙄🤦♀️
And “I’m praying for you.”
Thank you. The relationships with narcisists are emotionally draining, their arrogance, entitlement and deceitful actions are sometimes too much to bear.
It's not easy to get them out of your head, even after you've left...
“Your best argument is a life well lived.” Love this.
Vicki Zimmerman,You are absolutely gorgeous,hope you are not with a narcissist....
It’s always a competition with the narc. Narcs aren’t good listeners unless it’s something that they can use against you and they’re masters at planting seeds of doubt. Long before I knew what a narc was, I asked my ex why do you act like parenting is a competition? I knew then that something was off with the narc.
👍🏾!
I noticed that right away when after my son was born, 27 years ago, he bragged about how he could swaddle him so much better than me. It went on from there!!
yes, our marriage has always been a competition .. I've just stopped competing
@@crivsmum4820 Same here
I don't talk about certain situations in my past or specific situations because I learned there is no need to retraumatise yourself from my therapist. Living through it is enough.
Can’t wait for this one! What surprises me is that the people they round up against you, don’t have a mind of their own to question the motives of the narcissist or see through the madness!!?? Oh, I know why- bc most of them are narcissist too.
...or in a worse boat than you are. 👍
I'm the problem child because I'm "too honest". My siblings have been through hell and my dad has been under Narcissistic abuse for YEARS. We are not allowed to have a relationship, he is not allowed to do what HE would like to do and if he does and she notices he's really enjoying himself and it begins to involve others then she brow beats him to death until he's made to give it up. Makes his life a living HELL until his thinking aligns with hers.
(He's technically step-dad to two of us. Doesn't matter to him/us but interesting factor)
'Empty Vessels', sadly.
Peace and Grace to you
@@panoplia5167 a empty can makes the loudest noise
Yes indeed! Narcissistic people run in packs.
@@sarahsselflovelifestyle463 so true.
So thrilled being able to see/hear 'clearly'. Still hurts, still causes a rage inside @ this moment of the 'final' 'Last' Stage LEFT.
More angry with myself.
'It Will Pass'!
Keep your eyes wide Open, the road ahead will be more than Bumpy. (they're comin' out of the woodwork-Lol)
Praise Lord Jesus. ♡
This video is exactly what I need. The good ol' smear campaign has made my life very bitter. Of course, on a conscious level I know that people who are really important to me and who really love me would never give credit to the narcissist and her flying monkeys. But nobody talks about the moral damage caused to me...
And it hurts so badly when it's your own family - children and parents - who are deceived and believe the lies. That formula makes one think one is painfully aware of being alone. Yet, it gives one the choice to move forward bc one knows one has not forgotten how to love - hence the ability to feel the pain. Keep loving. Love is Life. Keep living.
On a lighter note, may the Illusive Butterfly of Love land on your nose and expell laughter from your soul! (Better a butterfly than its progenitor, the caterpiller!) Lol! God bless! He heals.
🙏💕🕊🤗
I feel ya. My malignant GM ran a smear campaign on me. Phase 1- he told all the employees that I was manic depressive & was a trigger away from suicide. Whenever I'd walk into the office, the employees would scatter. Phase 2- sent his flying monkey (my supervisor) to me telling me the GM needs to see you. I said sure, give me 5 minutes. He said, no, be back here tomorrow @ 5 a.m. I asked why? He said because my GM said that you're severely depressed. I couldn't believe my ears. And, nobody is in that early. I walked into the meeting w/ 4 people in the room. My GM & 4 of his monkeys. My GM told me he's a doctor & demanded to what's wrong with me? When I replied nothing wrong with me..he looked @ his monkeys & said "see, classic denial." He then stands up over me, places a pre-filled form in front of me ....puts a pen in my hand & says "sign it" as his monkeys are now standing right behind me. When I refused, his monkey grabs my arm, the other monkey sticks a pen in my hand & my GM says "now sign it, damn it!!!! It was an admittance form for a mental institution. My office mgr.arrived , heard the commotion, opened the door & immediately, the monkeys scattered & walked out. When she asked my GM what's going on...he said that I had an attitude problem, being unruly, & needs to be written up.
@@t.l.7733 yes, part of the deception & manipulation is lies & set-ups. Good for you for standing your ground. You will always be able to live with yourself. Being sad as a result of beyrayal does make one FEEL depressed, making that one a target for the many narcissists that roam around like a roaring lion, seeking whom it may devour. Pelosi & henchmen tried the same with DJT. My own jealous sister used the mentsl illness issue, and my ex was unfortunately successful after our divorce with the children later on. Narcissists don't like to lose bc they are always in competition with the object of their anger. As long as they are insecure they will always lead to a sense of power in order to overcome it. That's when the door is open to evil and that person ceases to exist and an evil spirit makes its home there. They never give up even after they destroy you...However, "Against all odds...but God...."
God bless and love you and keep His arms around you in peace, hope, joy, and love. We do not war against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers....but God....🙏🤗🕊👍😇
What really hurts about it is that you accidentally wasted years of time and effort with someone just to realize that they could drop you on a dime and not even be bothered to talk about it first
@@t.l.7733 God!!! I hope you got out of there
The worst is when they do this to your children! Both my ex’s have done this to great harm.
Mine as well. Very confusing for the kids.
Same and they just ended up creating narcissistic clones of themselves. None of them can stand each other now though lol.
My greatest fear is that my kids would grow up to be like their mothers. Several seem to have.
@@bobpaff4187 my oldest cut him off many yrs ago, and is really hesitant to have much relationship w/the youngest because she knew the little one would be pumped for info. The little one knows what he is, has been to therapy & wants to continue to try to have a relationship with him. So freaking sad since he is their father.
Sheer evil
The narc hates if you compliment or value someone. That becomes an obsession to get to them, insulting them to you, but finding ways into them to lie and manipulate against you. It is part of the isolation game. They want you alone! It is so important to keep narcs out of you circle.
they want you to be alone because they want you to be miserable and not be influenced by someone other than their crazy self.
I noticed this! I could literally compliment something a total stranger was wearing and the narc would immediately devalue it or state why what I complimented wasn't so great. They are SO INSECURE!
Right you hit the nail on the head
@@Joe-to8og it's all about control.
This video will be very helpful for truth tellers and scapegoats. Im just sick of this narcissists bullshit. This has happen to me so many times.
Just me until we met right people🙏🏻🙏🏻
Some of us are narc magnets!! Helpers and nurturers are easy pickings for the narcissist! A plaque on my wall read "Go ahead! Blame Me if the Sun Don't Shine!" Never again take responsibility for another adult's life!
👍🏾!
@@janetstonerook4552 mine reads
"Forget the mistake
Remember the lesson"
The narcissist aways want to make you look bad. But I hope that my character speaks for itself. Most people who know me know that I'm a good person. I help people when I can. I've alway been there for the people who needed me. So I hope that people can take a step back and decide for themselves if what they hear is really what they have seen.
Its hard and it takes time for the pattern to be revealed. But those paying attention will see the difference between them and you.
In my case, my family is very far flung, and I haven't had the ability to travel for visits. I've never spent a significant amount of time with any of them. However, my older sibling with NPD has been able to visit all of them, frequently.
She used to absolutely love reporting to me that this or that older relative agreed with her about how bad I was. All my life I felt unable to counter her narrative and present myself to them, myself. I lived with the feeling that she had already poisoned the well, so I felt too ashamed and embarrassed to try and show them that I might be a more worthy person than how she always painted me.
There were a few times when I cross checked with the other relatives, to find out if it was true that they agreed with her about me. Invariably, they told me that they had never said any such a thing.
Unfortunately, I still feel too shy to try and build relationships with those distant people. It's like, that ship sailed. Maybe in part because she still visits them sometimes.
I guess, even though I believe they didn't totally buy all of her stories about me, I still feel weird about trying to convince anyone that I'm an decent person.
@@flash_flood_area I feel sad for you. I truly understand how you feel. Try and keep your head up. And just be the best that you can be! 😊
@@danchandler7112 Thanks. It's all we can do
Dan it comes back at you in the weirdest ways. My deceased ex narc husband died 2yrs ago. Been no contact for 25yrs. A month or so ago I was contacted via fb messenger by his son..I've never knew existed....who smeared me and insulted me as per his dead fathers wishes he claims. Both he and his dead father are cops. He got so vile I told him if he didn't stop I'd be contacting his police force and reporting threatening behaviour. He shut up. I was rattled to be attacked with old lies and fake stories from beyond the grave. So those nasty narcs pass their hate and revenge on.
Narcissist play nasty, and get upset when you have a bad reaction-- how could you have a good reaction to something hellish they say or do?
I believe the best way we can each live our lives is to NEVER judge another person based on what others say. Most of time, those people are spreading lies to hurt someone. Get to know others YOURSELF. Then you decide.
Well stated. Dr. C
I had a narcissist partner talk badly about me behind my back to his family for years. I had no idea, I never understood his adult kids and brother were so cold and awkward towards me. I began to avoid them after years of trying to fit in. Then I was berated and abused for not wanting to be close to his kids and “disliking” them all after I tried so hard to be accepted. I finally found out that he was causing the situation all along by saying all kinds of things to them about me. It came out when his narc Mom starting telling me off for no reason one day at a family event. I finally realized he was feeding them BS to dislike me and then blaming me saying I had a problem with his family…disgusting
And that is how my momster tried to divide and conquer our family. Lies, manipulation and just plain toxic behavior. My younger brother finally realized that everything he’d been told by our mother was a lie. She would love nothing better than to have everyone in the family fighting and not speaking to each other but only talking to her. That’s her idea of heaven. Drama is her middle name. Now that she is in her 80’s she has burned all her bridges with everyone. She gets people to feel sorry for her because she’s old and all alone. Well she’s going to stay alone. If you ever wonder why there are people in nursing homes that no one visits, well there may be a good reason.
And sometime ppl end up old and alone in nursing homes is because they weren’t Abe to have kids, their siblings dies, their close friends died, their parents died long ago, etc. suffice it to say, their are many reasons good and loving ppl find themselves alone in their very elderly years. Best not to judge ppl who are old and alone🙏
The encouragement to focus on your own life and the person you want to be, in spite of these things, is something I sincerely take to heart!
The psycho pathic side of the narcissist comes out when they turn everyone against you in deep revenge
Well said Dr C. The best revenge is to live well. Whoever drops you because of the relationship breakup was not a true friend to begin with and really should not be in your life.
We the scapegoated ones, chose people similar to our family experiences. We knew no better, we learned how to appease the broken to keep the peace. Always in our head of how difficult certain friends were, but we absorbed it and tried to make nice because that was how we survived. We give to many chances to toxic people. Once the narc starts spreading the manipulation and lies to all others to isolate you, they follow! Those are not our people and unfortunately we learn the hard way as one by one they turn. The biggest lesson is we deserve better anyways. Bye bye bitches😊
I absolutely agree. But sometimes you can't getaway
Exactly.
I know one is telling on themselves. And tells me, "she did this" when in all actuality he did it.
I have heard one narc, the one that prompted my education about narcs, to accuse others of promiscuity - and then let comments slip about that person's own practice of juggling several romantic partners. I wish I remembered the name of the commenter on RUclips who said, whatever they accuse you of, that's what they are doing. I don't go 100% with that, but, maybe 99%.
@@sage9836 To your comment: "whatever they accuse you of, that's what they are doing. I don't go 100% with that, but, maybe 99%." I agree with you. Because the narcissists will also claim that you are the one projecting onto them too, so patience and careful discernment has to be used. But it is true that in a smearing, narcs will always accuse others of what they themselves are doing
💥🎯💥🎯💥🎯
A narcissistic accusation is actually their confession
@@kayjay2379 I am glad you mentioned they'll accuse a person of projecting. I was fast when it hit me that they'll call their targets narcissistic and claim to have been discarded.
I had a toxic person in my life who would share a fact about me, something actually true, but then she would add her judgement about this fact, twisting things to make me look very bad. She did not know the context or the backstory, but expounded as if she knew my thoughts or motives. Some people do not obviously smear, but instead drip drip drip poison.
My dad(the narc) thinks if he does anything nice(seldom) for me, I am expected to let him off the hook for the horrible things he has done to me. He won't be held responsible for the abuse, he blamed(projected) me. He's a lying jerk!
Everything in this video is everything I’ve gone threw all my whole life!!! It’s hard to be a Empath in this world 🌎 when their is so, so, so many narcissistic people among us!!!!!
Elizabeth Ann Smith,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
The little Gus title on the screen there always makes me smile I love him 😍
Bingo. Projections! That's my husband spot on.
6:45 - "I'm upset with you but I'm not going to tell you what it's about." Nailed it. The truth will come to light. It always does.
and the truth will set you FREE!
...because what it’s about is so lame and immature ...
Dad expects me to read his sick mind. I don't want to know!
When I was in my twenties, I had a friend round one evening. As i left the room, I heard my father say to my friend, "He talks about you behind your back."
I confronted my father immediately. My friend was visibly upset. It wasn't true, what my father said, so when my friend had gone, I asked my father again. "Why would you say that?"
"I don't know," he replied, chuckling.
My friendship was never the same.
Your father is a narc. Go no contact.
Wow, that is horrible. My mother refused to let me have friends when I was young and when I asked her why, she laughed. They like to isolate and control you.
@@shebakali6 Oh, that's grim. I hope things are better now.
@@shebakali6 Same.
That is awful. I wish you could explain everything to your friend. If people haven't been raised by narcissists or sociopaths, I think they have difficulty understanding that someone could choose to lie purely to create trouble :( I am so sorry you grew up with behavior like that.
They enjoy isolating and excluding you.
"Dirty games with truth" performed by narcissists and represented to others with aim how to denigrate us, just avoid. Instead of taking part in this "perfidious performance", choose life path of peace, dignity, respect and civility. If narcissist is digging you a hole, let him/her fall right into it himself/herself.
Dr. L. Carter, thanks for one more useful video lesson!
Well said Arnesa!!!
@@marmaladesunrise Thanks! 😀
They never seem to fall into the hole they've dug for me though.
Just me. It's a terrible thing to when they are high functioning covert neglectful narcissist and they are virtually all of your relatives and especially your own mother.
It's basically a death sentence.
Watching this just reminded how exhausting it is to deal with their crap and what a total waste of time it all is. Even after 5 years of separation from one, I still (due to co-parenting) have to constantly be on the lookout for all the nonsense. They are relentless with their game playing and need for acknowledgement
Faith comes by hearing. More frustrating than the slanderer are those who hear and believe.
What about compliments that are really insults… but by the time you realize that it was an insult, you have already said THANK YOU !!!
They have been doing this for years! This is how they operate. They can dish it but can’t take any feedback about themselves. 🙄
👍🏾!
Yes and that's why people believe them not you. When you finally realize truth after many years/decades, they had already sown the seeds that you are a bad person in every person you encounter with or will go to when need help. You are totally alone when the truth about them finally hits you.
They get away w half truths for their entire lives. The only ones who figure it out are ones who say “I’m good, I’m not interested in watching “The Secret”…” (public enemy #1). (You figure it out once you become a target.)
Dad(narc) is the pain the ass, for the most part, with me, yet shows his fake side to others. Hypocrite! They are silent, I get the impression he got to them first. He expects people to believe the smear campaign against me. He told me he would make me look bad. He's the "bad" one, not me!
Smear campaigns suck. I try to focus on the few people in my life that truly know and love me and try to focus on how grateful I am for them.
Ann Born,You look pretty 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Have been thru this with my daughter’s husband for almost 10 years. He lied about me and a situation before they were even engaged..she bought the lie..it’s sad..I have chosen to live my life well..like you said, Dr. Carter.
That must be very painful, so sorry you are going thru that.
@@timmywitty1432 thank u.. it’s very painful..
@@chriswyma145 she does have a free will.. she used it.. asked me what I thought about the relationship before it started to get serious.. I was honest and gentle in telling her I saw the relationship going way to fast.. she agreed and was going to “talk” to him.. then... it was full on.. he must have convinced her otherwise..
@@chriswyma145 she also asked if I was afraid that she would marry someone like her father..told her..I thought she would see the red flags..since she is a MFT...I also told her I believed she would not allow someone to control her the way I allowed her dad to control me for over 20 years..again..it was her choice..her free will..she has allowed her husband to isolate her away from a lot of her family..they are both way co dependent as well..
@@chriswyma145 marriage family therapist
I am dealing with this exact issue yet again at work- it never stops. Our entire culture is narcissistic. Cooperation is looked down upon as weakness. The more abusive to the company and coworkers, the more powerful these people become. Most people don’t seem to like it, but no one seems to want to step up and hold the toxic coworkers accountable, even when they have the power to do so.
I had an incident with a coworker yesterday ( as a single working class female, I get to see the worst of human nature). I just simply let him know I felt disrespected by the way he handled a situation. And true to form, he became loud and angry as a means of intimidation. No doubt another smear campaign is on its way. People have become very hateful.
Dr. Carter is right about keeping these things to yourself. People do victim blame. It’s hard but I just try to remember who I am.
You're right. People refuse to admit that single females are targeted and scapegoated. If we dare say this, then we're deemed crazy. Can't win. Misogyny, sexism, and hatred toward single females is alive and well and never spoken of.
Get very good with recording things.
Work is as good as the people. Anyone can be taught how we do things here.... however its the people that make work good or toxic.
If its toxic - setup another job and leave.
@@l.k.2337 It’s because it ceases to be true when people are always “targeted”? Did you ever just think that people target whoever is convenient?
Single males get targeted because they are single males, and couples get targeted because they are couples, and parents get targeted because they are parents?
It just sounds really dismissive and doesn’t really do anyone any favors when you try to make victimhood your personal virtue.
Especially when the way you say it you don’t sound very supportive of everyone else who is victimized and abused as well?
People target people. You just got targeted by a person who saw you as a target. It happens to all of us and for totally different reasons.
@Ghost-User Certainly there are plenty of narcissistic women; certainly there are plenty of narcissistic poor and working class people; certainly there are plenty of narcissistic people of color; but the difference between oppression and everyday acts of meanness is that the larger institutions--schools, courts, police-- tend to allow men, rich people, white people, heterosexual people-- to get away with more misbehavior, and tend to make a bigger deal out of any misbehavior by someone in a historically "subordinate" category. As one example, mass shootings are still overwhelmingly gendered. If women, gay people, people of color were the ones building big personal arsenals of semiautomatic weapons and conducting mass shootings--not that I recommend such a scenario-- we would get vigorous gun control laws overnight.
Sadly, you have described my narcissistic brother and his even greater narcissistic wife, to a T. They both behave as if they are superior and when their attempt to control has been thwarted, they have systematically gone to countless friends and other family members slandering and lying about me and my 90 yr. old parents. They torn our family apart while blaming us for the doing what they themselves have done and continue to do. They have broken my parents hearts. What I’ve witnessed, I can hardly believe. 💔
It is demonic!!!
I love when my husband tells people when he fell off a ladder & hurt his shoulder that I said I was going to finish my dinner before I took him to the ER.
What he doesn't tell them is that he was very drunk, on a ladder working on the deck, fell, then said he was okay. Also, I knew I was in for a long night as our ER is usually minimum of 4 hours to be seen. I did not leisurely eat my meal, I wolfed it down so I could take him, still saying he didn't need to go. He had dislocated his shoulder.
When we finally made to an exam room, he was passed out, snoring very loudly.
What an evil person I am!!! Anybody with any sense knows there are 2 sides to any story. I'm sure his family believes his version though, just another brick in the wall so they wouldn't like me, I'm sure.
These tactics are so hurtful, even damaging. I've had most of them, maybe all of them, used against me
Yes I'm able to relate to them ....it took me over a decade to realise I was dealing with a narc mother in law ....
My ex would text or call my family talk bad about me in a roundabout way to see if they would take the bait and start talking bad about me too. My mom and sister quickly put him in his place and he left them and me alone.
@Kristi G. Good for your mother and sister!!! On that topic, the father of my child, ex…., had called my close “friend” and told her plenty of bad things about me, most of which untrue, and all in his distorted narcissistic mind. She didn’t even tell me. Months later, he left me a message in which he informed me he had spoken to my “friend” for about an hour on the phone, etc., and that he was happy to inform me that “[I] have come to my senses.” Both him and that friend are malignant narcissists, him an overt one, and her, a covert one. I do not communicate with him at all. As for her, I did not see her for a while, saw her again as she is my daughter’s “godmother,” but I have been trying to get as little contact as possible and is in the process of cutting all contact. She is really an awful person (and so was the father of my child.) She too had spread lies and turned some people against me just as she cannot admit losing control over me. Problem is that my daughter doesn’t see how she is; she has not always been nice to my daughter. I tried to explain to my daughter that she is not like a fairy godmother. She had money and was generous to my daughter so my daughter is blinded by the gifts.
I am very glad for you that your Mom and sister saw through him in their love.
I cry and pray for those who have not been so fortunate. Let's pray for and encourage those who feel alone in this personal hell. Even though I have my best friend at my side to get me through the valleys, I sometimes forget He's with me because of Worldly distractions, i.e., blows from narcissists and ripping at my personal identity. It's good to have those around you who can and will gently be there and bring you back to the joy of living and being who you are. People need people. Good people need good people. Bad people need bad people to hurt good people. Know that DECEPTION is Satan's best tool - since the beginning of time and he's not going to keep trying to hurt you as long as he can, and until "that day" when God's accountability day is in full effect. Put on the full armor of God and stay within God's army, for Jesus Himself promised, " Where 2 or more are gathered in My name, there will I be also"; and be assured that "we are more than conquerors through Christ".
Looking forward to the "boundaries" the Proff will be speaking on next...
God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace.
🙏💕🕊
@@leamaka2082 UUUGH. NEVER GIVE UP! Your daughter has become the prey. She's an innocent victim, just as you were. 🙏
Good for your Mom and sister!! My ex would go around talking sh*t about me to some of my family and some took the bait hook line and sinker! Then he would save what they said and when we got into an argument he would tell me what my certain family members thought about me or something I did in the past that upset them as a way to deflect from the topic we were arguing about. Then secretly I was mad at my family member that talked behind my back and at him for using them against me
@@Lea941 So real! Typical! Typical evil. Narcissism is one manifestation of Evil. Evil is real. Do not be hooked into the narcissist's world through the pain bc it will only keep feeding the parasite. Best way to kill a snake is to behead it (the mind) or starve it to death (soul food). God bless you, protect you, heal you, give you peace and joy!
🙏💕🕊🤗
I can’t believe people would believe all these lies without getting to know the real person…..Thank you at least i know what to expect now.
The good ole " well I'm not gonna say nothing, just be careful with that person!"
So noble! Lol
As a smeared “victim” of just about all these tactics, what am I supposed to do? It is impossible for me not to care.
No. You literally have to not care. That’s it.
It’s like quick sand, the more you move around the faster you sink into the mud. You literally have to not care and understand what makes you happy and fulfilled without normal positive feedback or relationships with those people.
Otherwise you will never be able yo find peace.
My older sister and brother stole so much from me after our parents died….and I had no idea what was going on, asked about my inheritance…..was told “ Have no idea what your talking about”………those were the last words spoken to me….that was June of 2016, Not 1 person has spoken to me, from my family since……..They turned everyone against me…… For me…..the silence is deafening…..It’s absolutely cruelty at the highest level……They both stole, lied, and cheated me……My Dad and his siblings did the same thing to each other……Dr Les. Please tell me……will this legacy be passed down again, I always wonder if my nephews and nieces will turn on each other…when their time comes….to chose who’s in and who’s out…..I feel like my Dad passed this on to us kids….I would really hate for that to happen. I still love my family, even though they certainly don’t feel the same about me…I remain confused……and very tired and so sad, of whole situation……..
So sorry for this situation , but if you can , at least your free, money well, 🤷♀️, let it go, the pain of the situation will bear heavy if you let it...they not worth it ... hugs 🌸
My ex said I was a bully and he’d been bullied all his life. I answered, no one would think that of me, no one. Talk about the pot calling the kettle.
I can empathize. My incredibly touchy, rage-fueled and uptight narc told me (and tried to convince others) that *I* was the angry and uptight one and that *she* had to walk on eggshells around me.
If you knew me you'd know that this is so far beyond laughable that it's almost surreal - I'm notorious among friends, family and colleagues for being almost freakishly level-headed, calm and easygoing. Most have literally never seen me angry or visibly stressed. The mutual friends who told me she'd been saying this couldn't keep a straight face, it was so improbable to them 😂
@@AlastairjCarruthers that’s the best part when true friends have your back. But no likes to be misjudged or misrepresented. In the end you can only reassure yourself you have credibility and that will suffice.
@C Aleck you just took a breath but even that breath belonged to the narc
@@AlastairjCarruthers
Pot calling the kettle black 💥🎯
People who were bullied as a child often turn into bullies as an adult.
They make THEIR problems, YOUR problems!
Politicians are masters of this.
Timely- I am recently divorced, attempting to coparent, and in the last few weeks my ex has taken his lies and belittling to a whole new level. I never, even on his worst days of abusive behavior, would have thought he could sink so low...
I ended up totally alone because of this. And what I found is that the people ;my narcissistic family smeared me to didn't even want to give me an opportunity to speak to them. They'd turn and hurry away, as though they didn't want to even inadvertently risk giving me the chance to speak for myself. They believe what they want to believe and they want to believe ugly lies because they're miserable.
Remember that will always ask you if a rumour or gossip is true or not. They won’t just dump you quietly. ❤️
E Chase,You look gorgeous 🌹🌹🌷 dear,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
You are so right, when this smear campaign starts, use it for a time to find out who your true friends are!!
After 5 years and 20K spent spent paying my brother's bills, he backstabs me, telling everyone I am mentally ill. That is his reason for not paying me back; now after suffering cancer for 6 years, he has gulaged me for 14 years--I don't exist. I have withdrawn from people in totality. Some of us never recover from being used and discarded.
. . . and What to do About It. Yeah? After I quit an education program a certain group of people started acting weird around me, and I suspect a narc said something odd to the group. I don't know.
I have experienced that too. Just wait though and never raise the issue. One day someone will come and ask you probably because the narcissist person has done something that has raised this persons doubt.. could take months a year but it will happen
@@Sjb2077 Thank you! I think this is an accurate prediction. Till then. 🙂
Go with your instincts. I didn't listen to my instincts when I should have. I attended a Bible Study and they all stopped speaking to me when I would walk into the room. But when they would speak it was to criticize me. Really didn't expect it from any of them. But had to face up to it and stopped going.
They poison others opinion of you in the workplace. It's impossible to do your job without their cooperation and you feel like a failure. Can make you sick. You may have to leave.
This was very helpful. I've been so confused about why I have family, who have been so back stabbing towards me. I've tried so hard to show that I'm a caring person, just to be painted as a bad person behind my back. Thanks for the understanding that helps me to stay away from them. I miss and love my kid's. But they just want to hurt and demonize me. It's always left me so very sad.
My son and daughter destroyed my life and others in their wake. I've not listened to the video yet but the comments are spot on with what I've had done to me for decades.
They're the lowest of the low, best to ignore them, if they get a reaction from u then you've handed them over your power, which is always their goal.
They are fluid in truth and in conscience. As long as it serves THEM.
the narc neighbour: never asks me how i’m doing and never wants to have a friendly chat… but says, “tell me about your family.” 😂
I'm standing up for myself and have never been in so many arguments
I wonder if they ever worry, once you're out of their crosshairs, that you are warning other people about them. I call it opportunity limitation...the more people aware of their reputation, the less opportunity for them to manipulate others. let the games begin!
I think that’s why they start the smear campaign to begin with to preemptively attack before you tell others. They start smearing way before you start talking.
I have a strata president who told others I don’t pay any thing towards the strata when I pay exactly what I am obligated. When confronted she says she’s ‘just a vessel’ saying what other people are saying but she won’t provide information of who’s complained, she can’t say.
Yup. There is definitely some sort of dark underground in society, a sort of unspoken agreement to evil.
So, shes lying. She threw everybody else under the bus, when she instigated the conversation. Everybody's the victim here. No she wont tell you who, and shes using that leverage to keep the others in line.(I didn't tell her you said it, but if you dont play ball, I will!!)
If this is a supervisor, go to your union rep or HR, immediately. Grounds for a reprimand on her record.
If she wants to avoid a mark on her record, she'll have to give up the others, and the real truth will come out.
Temporarily disempowered, she will crawl back under her rock until the next opportunity.
Uh yeah, I've seen it. Keep your nose clean, do your job, and you will be unbluffable.
And they always say:
"Cant you just let it go?"
Dont do it. They wouldnt.
War games.
One night i was telling a story to my friend calmly, I was not insulting anyone i was just describing certain events. He became very upset and went into a panic. I had never seen anything like it, he was twisting my words and changing the story. When I confronted him he told me he was just exaggerating the story to make it more appealing. It was the worst feeling in the world.
This is a person to avoid as much as possible! And when you can’t avoid them remain civil but closed. Someone who misrepresents what you say and then excuses themselves by saying it was to enhance the story is lying twice. This is very malicious!
These people are so cunning, so skilled, that their victims are in a no-win situation. Every single thing on your list is being done to me. I have no recourse. I've been silenced. Not one person in the family has come to me to ask me about the claims my sister has made about me. That's the thing that is truly painful. She's turning the few remaining family members against me, trying to isolate me completely. I've never hated anyone this much in my life, and I have absolutely no recourse, no chance for the truth to be heard.
yes he turned an entire board of directors against me, the west florida literary federation
I have a younger neighbor who has tormented me by gossiping. She “one-ups,” and managed to get into house next door and scoped my house! I know because of comments she made, having never entered my home.
I have seen new neighbors change their attitude toward me after spending time with her. I avoid her, but it is always in the back of my mind.😕
So sorry-- yuck!
Tis easier to fool someone than convince them they’ve been fooled- Mark Twain
When you produce the tape that takes the shape of true colors of the shifter, the pace retakes the past mistakes in the context of the drifter. If they come back, but on a solid track , then forgiveness is the great uplifter.
We all get fooled..
These points are all absolutely true! For me I have a very hard time dealing with the injustice of it all and don’t like to carry around this anger and resentment. How do I free myself of this need to stand up for myself to the family and friends who have been lied to by the narcissist about me. I want to let it go and just go on and be free and happy with the life I have left to enjoy.
Accidentally hit send...used against me by my husband. I think I may have an 8th one to add. How about when the narcissist confidentialy appeals to a friend of yours for help in dealing with you and your terrible secret and hurtful behaviors. Of course they're lying about you, but I guess the one hearing the lies might think it must be true because why else would a loved one speak these things unless they were desperate for help! So, so devious and hateful. I find great comfort in knowing that GOD knows my heart. He knows it all and, in the end, that's what matters. Thank you again Dr. C, for the validation your insightful words provide...especially this topic.
When they turn your children against you😞💔
I love how he made an intro tag for Gus!!!! I love when he guest stars in these videos lol
The trouble is......some situations are so complicated ......it's like layers of miscommunication.....unless I'm willing to spend "years" going thru layers.....it is too complicated to talk about. Best to give up.
This reminded me of the time my mom called me a gold digger. I actually laughed because I'm the farthest thing from a gold digger you'll ever meet (I don't own/nor want designer clothes, own/nor want flashy jewelry, I drive a Chevy, etc.). I was completely mystified by her accusation but NOW I get it! Thanks, Dr. C!
Dr Carter you have helped me so much in dealing with my narcissist husband. At last I can feel happy to live my best life instead of constantly defending and justifying myself. Thank you so much!
You're so welcome! Dr. C
Same here, but my dad is my narc. He expects adoration but treats me like dirt. The dichotomy is sickening! He would isolate me so he can't be heard abusing me(verbally and sexually) and told me "what is wrong with you, Jackie?!" WTH? He's damaged! Dad tries to accuse me of what he's done. Pathetic!
My ex is literally doing all of these things to me in his smear campaign! I am not even allowed in public places because of things he has said about me.
Stacie Sulzen,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
Encouraging, indeed? Thanks and God bless.
Gotta love the one's that say they have your back while gossiping and simultaneously stabbing you in the back. One day you just wake up think F... It life's too short and come hell or high water I'm doing whatever it takes to take my control back and not waste anymore time on the ungrateful selfish a holes in this World. Why waste your own life you only get one.
"Demonize those who support you!" 🎯 Wow! Yes, Dr Carter every item on your list is spot on! I wish I had learned all of this as a teen because it would have prevented years of pain.
The amazing thing is that as people believe them, they believe themselves. In my own life all these years later, the false narrative has replaced the truth, and my family has forgotten major events because they didn't fit into the story they were telling. I learned what some of these lies were over the years because they actually told them to me and it was clear they had written reality out of the story, and replaced it with a false narrative they now believed was the truth.
This is my X. He has created such a wedge between my son and I. These people destroy lives and revel in it.
Thank you for your channel. I have been subjected to the smear campaign after politely setting my mil straight about respecting my boundaries. She's a covert has 2 adult sons one being the golden child and my husband is the scapegoat. She's now going around telling everyone that I am disrespectful. Everyone complains about her but don't have the courage to call her out on her behavior.
Just went through every part of this with a very bad boss. I knew I was dealing with a narcissist for the last year, wasn't overly concerned about it, just made a pattern of deflecting and avoiding her behaviors. Honestly, had to feel a little bad for all the intense insecurity we could see her experiencing. She was in over her head with her new position and I think felt trapped and desperate to prove her capability. Ironically the team was supportive and wanted to see her succeed but she convinced herself otherwise. Sadly her behavior became increasingly very, very dishonest, mean, intentional, sneaky and got to the point of aggressive and delusional over the last couple weeks. At which point, our entire team put in notice and left the job. Had no recourse with HR or our executive director. She'd already expertly framed herself as the victim of "unsupportive staff" to them and they sided with her. We are all very happy to be done with dealing with this. I genuinely hope there is some form of recovery for her.
Dr Les Carter. I’m a former UK police officer. My ex is a covert vulnerable malignant narcissist. She took my children, My Home, my business, all my investments, engaged in the most horrific smear campaign, called the police and social services and so far she’s got away with everything for the last three years. Now she has started a cleaning business and I believe she’s stealing customers jewellery and blaming it on other people that work for her. Karma is coming hopefully
That's awful. See if you can find an older video of mine about narcissists and karma. You should be able to find it in a YT search. I wish you the best. Dr. C
I know someone on the receiving end of this now. Heart breaking. Hope you are ok now.
I try to remember that my actions are what created the trust i have had with these friends… and it is his words that have undone that trust and i have seen that in the end .. Action carries more power than Words. … there will be opportunities to go back into their lives because of my consistent good actions of the past… i just bypass the words and don’t even bring it up so that his words loose power over time.
This is perfect advice for those dealing with this Dr. C-especially the life well lived. 😊 Honestly, just as you said before the people that really matter will see our true character. Those that believe those lies do not deserve to be in relationship with me.
When I had my last and final beef with my sibling and we stopped communicating, her husband and her three children vanished in a flash.
And my daugther also lost contact with my sisters family, for no reason at all really.
Last thing I heard, my daugther arranged a festivity that relatives were supposed to attend. My sister and her family didn't come, and the excuse was the conflict that me and my sister had (!). So... five people were drawn into a conflict that they weren't involved in.
In my experience, narcissists have a tendency to expand conflicts and create chaos. They pull bystanders into the conflict, turning them against you. Narcissists love to create fractions and divide and conquer.
And the weird things is, my sister and her husband initiated the conflict, doing things that were illegal, plain and simple.
A narcissists ability to turn situations around and turn people against you, is truly amazing.
In a legal sense, I was 100% correct, but I end up being scapegoated, cut off from a whole family.
Narcissists are not only bullies. They are super bullies.
Hi Kim...a sad story indeed. But as you mentioned, they are truly amazing...in a not so good way. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism On the positive side, you learn who you are dealing with, once you stand up for yourself. Just watch the following mayhem and intrigues and take notes..
Unproportional punishment and involving all bystanders is common for narcs, I have learnt.
I really appriciate your work. Thank you. My daugther is an empath and I gave her one of your books.
She is only 20 years old, but she is already learning to take care of herself and to handle different people users.
Thank you so much for what you do Dr. C. You don't know it, but your videos and channel saved my life... You helped me get out of the worst relationship of my life, start to value myself again and seek treatment for substance abuse disorder (ex partner was one of my worst triggers and I had been beaten down so badly by him that I was basically committing slow suicide)... I've been sober for over a year now and I'm happier than I've been in years. I can't say thank you enough, truly.
You just made my day, Dawn. Thanks for this comment. I wish you the best! Dr. C
Amen to truth ,Amen to dignity ,respect & civility-
Thank you for doing this video. Was married for 37 years to a man who I learned was a narcissist after we separated. Which explained all the disfunction in our relationship. The emotional abuse from him. During those years I never understood why his family didn't like me. Even though I always tried to be so nice and helpful. I could do nothing right. Now I see it wasn't me but him saying negative things about me. Always trying to make sure he looked liked he was better then me. Kinda blows your mind when you finally see the truth once they are no longer in your life. Yes I have found my peace. Thank you.
This is the story of my life. Thank goodness to this channel, I can set boundaries and say whatever and enjoy my life finally. 🙏🏽
My narc mother LOVES to blindside me with my past “transgressions”out of nowhere. Even tho I apologized for things years ago (big mistake that changed nothing even tho she said she accepted it. This was before I knew anything about narcissists)
She’ll do it in front of anyone. And my enabling dad says nothing.
Sounds just like my narc sister. Many of the past transgressions she is still bitterly angry toward me about are imagined. They will perceive harmless moments and actions as slights against them!
Living your life with integrity, peace, simplicity and steady character is the best strategy to keep your sanity and protect yourself from abusive and toxic people.Those vindictive narcisists are driven by evil! They hate humanity.