Judgment. Don't let it frighten you | Aimee Bateman | TEDxClapham
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- Опубликовано: 18 фев 2015
- Often the biggest prison people live in, is the fear of what other people think. Breaking out of this prison can be tough, but once we are free, we become the person we truly want to be.
After a successful career in recruitment, Aimee founded RUclips channel, CareercakeTV and has gone on to become an employment expert, consultant and columnist. Aimee has written for a number of publications including The Guardian and has been featured as a career mentor on the BBC. This has lead to her winning a number of awards including the IoD's Talent and Innovation Winner 2013. Twitter: @Aimee_Bateman
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Wow, if we live by people's compliments we'll die by their criticism
new subbie here, God bless you.
Solja88 isn’t it if we live for people’s expectations we die from their rejections
@@nazifahaqpal5792 A N D if we live only to win, then we die because we lost. As Buddha said, "Let it go."
I literally paused this video and wrote down this quote, to scroll down the comments section to find out so many people agree too :D
Amazing speech! What you’re saying reminds me a lot of what my therapist taught me to deal with negative thoughts about myself. She would say to simply notice it. Invite the thought in but know it’s not right. “Invite” it for tea and then let it leave. And sometimes that negative thought will come knocking back but you have to just keep noticing it and letting it go.
A lot like she said with other people’s judgments; expect it, welcome it, and chose wheather you respect it. Then reframe it. Thank you for this!
When we fight against something, then we constantly think about it. Buddha said, "Let it go."
Reframe it?
Imagine a world with all the people the world were like you. What a beautiful world it would be.
boring
@@dosederose So that means I'd probably rather live in a world you called 'boring' than a world you called 'exciting' {:o)
Dreamskaype we are diffrent for a reason dear soul,some of us express throug music others throug science some of us are more introverted others extroverterted...
@@dosederose I'm guessing the person didn't mean we should all be the same as in have the same interests. I'm guessing they meant the world would be a more beautiful place if, like Aimee, we were more introspective and kind to ourselves and not let other people have or be a harmful influence to our inner light {:o)
I have an interview tomorrow and I am listening to this amazing msg with tears in my eyes.:-) Thank you Aimee. You are a beatiful woman with an even more beautiful soul.
carlmax25
How did your interview go. I know your comment is two years old, but wanted to tell you that I'm doing the very same as you did. I'm listening to every single one of her vids because I'm very rusty with my interviewing skills. SO helpful.
I think your honesty and enthusiasm is fantastic. I'm sharing your videos with my students. Thank you.
you're a very good teacher. i wish all teachers were this caring
I'm generally not a fan of the talks presented at TEDx, but this one stood out as a gem. Thank you for your talk.
I discovered Aimee this week on LinkedIn of all places, her career coaching videos are fantastic so I looked for her here and found this video; what a treat! She is a great speaker and I love her sincere and intelligent approach. Her "we all want to be seen, heard and valued" has become a new mantra for me and one I intend to share with clients, family and friends far and wide.
outstanding talk. such an important message. my grandmother struggled with a low self-opinion her whole life, and constantly worried about what other people would think of her. her mother was very harsh on her, always "why can't you be pretty/smart/etc like your sister" and this really made her super-sensitive to being judged. i learned better from her example, but in this interconnected world, it seems the judgment of others is more potent and acidic than ever. we need more of this, so thank you.
Awww just discovered Aimee today and I cant stop clicking next video next video. How amazing are you!!
Great speech Aimee, you are a very likeable person! I have faced exactly the same thing within myself all my life which is the fear of how people judge me. I have been told before that you don't need to care what other people think but sometimes it can't be helped because other people's judgements can impact on you, affecting your own perception of yourself. One thing I know for sure is that no matter what other people think, you know yourself better than anyone.
What a great and strong person you are. I liked you before in you recruitment videos and thought how smart you are, but now I love you even more! Chapeau Aimee!!
Omg thank you so much. I'm from foster care as well and you always have that judgement hanging over your head even when it's been so long in the past. Thank you so much.
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! All your videos have had a huge impact on my life. You make me feel empowered. I recently was laid off from my job and starting to feel a little hopeless until I came across your channel. I can not thank you enough for giving me the confidence I needed to go out and nail an interview. You are truly a blessing! Kristina
I keep watching this over and over again to remind myself with your positive message here. Really true and really useful to strip away fear and judgments "I" am making against myself. I wish you could make more inspirational videos like this in the future. Good work
Had an amazing talk by Aimee at uni today and she has really inspired me to get going and in particular not let rejection get me down which I have struggled with a lot lately. Thank you 😁
Thank you Aimee! Amazing speech and I so needed to hear this. I am back in the job market and I am so afraid of everything that comes with it. Your words and your story are helping me gain some confidence. And I absolutely love your accent. Keep doing what you do!
So true - it's a huge PRISON people live in from fear of judgment!
Hi Aimee, Awesome speech! You are a true gem. You are contributing so much to people like me who relish encouragement and you are also helping those who are crippled by fear of being judged. I am so glad that you opened up and let us know a bit about yourself, it is not about where we are coming from but where we are going, and my gosh, you are going places!!
You're such a natural inspiring soul. I can't see how anyone could say hurtful things to you and mean it...It's simply saying more about them than about you. However, Congrats on all your success so far!! It's well deserved :)
"If you live by people's compliments, you will die by their criticism"
Your words and story are extremely powerful to me! I am so moved. Thank you so much for making the video! You are so insightful and inspirational!!
The need to be heard is so much greater than the fear of being judged
Excellent job Aimee!!! Your video really helped me and I will share this on social media. Thank you so much!
Awww..... Aimee! Your talk was awesome and timely. I have been wondering how to tell my story and I often hear condemning thoughts in my head which are my judgements that I have imposed on myself. I am 38 and I went to a community college in Feb. 2013 for the first time and in May 2015 I was accepted to Columbia College (SC) with a full scholarship. I am entering a professional world and I feel intimidated because I have never been a professional. I went to a career fair today and I felt like a booger so I came home and typed in youtube... "how to prepare for a interview" and you came up so I clicked on you. I ended up watching three of videos and bingo I clinked in this video. Thanks for sharing your story and you did it without crying. So it is possible for me to tell my story without crying but still tell my story. Thanks and Keep the videos coming! Aisja
I have an interview in tuesday and I am listening to this amazing msg... Thank you Aimee. You are a GRATE woman...
I have fallen in love with you and your talk! You speak from your heart. I have my interview next week and came across many of your interview videos and liked your approach to things. You are a star! :)
You are an inspiration!! Loved watching your interviewing videos! They have helped my self confidence on getting a job.
Very inspiring talk - thank you very much! Just came across this as I need a bit of a boost before a big interview tomorrow - and this really helped! xxx
A talk from within the heart!! thank u very much!! :)
Wonderful little talk. As for me, I love your Welsh accent.
You are truly inspiring. Thank you
Omg, I found out about Ted Talks through your career cake videos on youtube and I just found out that you did a speech for them! That had to be so major for you and I absolutely adored it. Everyone is judged and has to face that fear. Some so much so that they hold back from so many things that would better themselves and make their lives richer. You went out there and rocked your speech and we are all more inspired and better off for you, Aimee! Keep the light burning and don't ever let others tear you down! :)
I really appreciate your message and truly agree. I this was a really great talk. Thank you!
This is a very inspiring video. I do struggle with what people think of me but through inspiring videos like this, I have been steadily improving.
Very inspiring. Really helps and opens our mind up. Comforts me to know that I don't have to feel like I'm the only person that may be feeling this way. :)
Well done mate. That touched me and I've been there with these feelings . Thank you for your reminder and good advise. Xxxx
Wow Aimee, your truly amazing and I'm sure you've added value to whom ever has has the good fortune to discover you via careercake or otherwise.
Thanks Aimee. I recently found your channel and have enjoyed watching all (go ahead, judge me) of your videos. Secretly, I love watching them because I love your accent. :) But also, your content is helping me navigate my own career change and being on the job market for the first time in, oh gosh, 7 years. Can't wait for more ideas and videos! Would love to have tea someday. :)
I must admit very powerful speach! Great!
I have always felt like I would someday give a TED talk, and it was so cool listening to yours. I think your message will help me and so many others. Thank you! (I like your accent, it is quite endearing to me).
You’re amazing! Thank you for authenticity.
Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work!
Thanks it's so much helping
Aimee you have a beautiful soul and so courageous. Stay who you are! What an amazing video. Well done Madam...
Wow, just came across this video as I'm browsing through your other videos on elements of job hunting, interview etc as I am in this situation right now... Just wow. How you managed to keep it together as you opened up and shared some personal information that clearly is personal and deep, I don't know... I can relate to the softy bit... being emotional myself and I think that is a good thing. I would, wouldn't I ;-) but it feels better once it comes out or it builds up like steam. Coming back on your session there. so insightful it certainly puts things in perspective regarding judgment. Fair play to you for sharing this and for sharing your tips also... most grateful. Thank you.
Lady.... Your Videos and suggestions have helped me So much. You are doing a Great Job.
Please carry on. We All Love You!
Hello Aimee, Thank you for your insightful words about judgement. It helped me to put some things in perspective. Thanks again - Sean
this was beautiful - thank you so so much!
This is a great video. Thank you!
thank you
SO beautiful! Her talk made me well up with tears, because I struggle so much with a low self-esteem and wobble with the waves of people's complements and then criticisms. What I've found most recently, people feel so free to criticise my body. I've gained weight and people seem to think they need to tell me that I've gained weight. cruel and unkind and I'm not morbidly obese whatsever. 🙁
I've got an interview at 1130, so I'm listening to all of her videos while I fine tune my resume. wish me luck?
Lucky!!!!
Great speech Aimee. I absolutely love it!
I wanna give this woman a big hug!
Wonderful speech Aimee. I'm so glad that the Ted audience got to hear you :) Cheerio
Wow POWERFUL stories, amazing and inspirational. Don't ever give up, keep going cause you are amazing mentor and love the courage.
thank you for this
Love this so much! Thank you!!! ;)
I have lived my life believing that what I thought about myself always was more important than others perceptions.
Great talk this was what I needed!!
Awesome!
Je suis d'accord!
Aimee, you are aweeeeeesoome! And I'm saying this because I can't actually find the proper words to complement you.
That was a really fantastic and touching talk! :-)
This is great!! Thanks Aimee:)
Loved it! 💯
Great advice!
Thanks
Great speech!
Aimee your voice and accent remind me of Anna Bates from Downton Abbey =D . I am starting a new job tomorrow as an executive with bigger responsibilities than all of my previous jobs. I am so afraid of failing and dissapointing their expectations of me, and of their judgement that I am not what I said during the interview. But I know I have to be easy on myself and try not to focus too much on other peoples opinions first, and they dont really matter eventhough my mind is saying otherwise. My own mind is my number 1 enemy it seems and what you said made me realise that I can be in control of my thoughts and if I do that I can accomplish anything in my work!
You are blessing
Great speech important point brought up was to speak your truth not anybody else's. Often times we bakc away from it.
Good stuff
Wow!
hahaha and I need to mention I'm from Kenya :-) Good job and thank you for sharing every little detail of your life experience.
Love you!
I literally remember the day I turned 5, even then I remember not been as happy as I was when I was 4 and a half, I'm 46 now and still thinking the same.
powerful.
PLEASE COMMENT !!!!
All this simply comes down to a collection of COMPETENCIES guys!....................
Other people's judgements cannot be avoided to ignore, they can be directly or indirectly assertive, passive, biased, unbiased, impartial, partial, discriminative, prejudice, and can sometimes be absolutely correct.
Your personality traits, play a part in this also, Extrovert, Introvert, differences. Your wide understanding/education of different world cultures,the reality is that many of people don't acquire to educate ourselves about many things until after many years of learning.
Our human being capability of reasoning, processing, dictates judgements. but remember these are not set in stone unless the recipient has a false perception to believe in them. these are considered as temporary judgements that can be used as triggers to change for the better and then receive another flood of judgements that take a different direction.
Remember these are directed towards others and not to oneself. This in many situations does not further nurture the judging speaker, put sometimes can nurture such a individual.
if he reflects on this and fix many of his own weak competencies. In a nutshell we have competencies, we are incompetent in other things, and we also OVERUSE MANY SKILLS/ INCLUDING SPEAKING SKILLS .
I see it a little different than she may. I see judgement as a quality not a negativity. This word "Judgement" is getting bad press. To be able to make a good judgement is a quality, one may also have bad judgement which leads to bad decisions in their life just a good judgements make for good decisions in ones life. One has to discern or judge, what is good or bad to them and everyone has the right to make that 'choice'. You may choose to not like someone for a reason but you have to make a judgement to protect yourself often.
Need to be heard is so important. I had my voice box removed cuz of cancer last year...only 56....now I am a mute and cannot even defend myself or my family. I feel I'm somehow being tested.
speak your truth
Bravo and funny.
You're amazing :)
i put a cute bow on my hair, and so many people made fun of me for it. how do i handle that?
cause i cant respect it
and i love the bow but now i cant wear it
because im humiliated
even if i force myself to ill feel insecure
what do i do?
Omg beautiful
People can judge me all they want Because here's a few things that change all that judgement.
1. If you judge me you probably don't know me or anything about me in any way, so your judgement means nothing to me.
2. If you judge me for any reason I don't really care what you judge me for Because the people who I have in my life, people who are part of my life don't judge me for being who I am, people will accept me for who I am and why I am who I am, and thoes are the only people who truly deserve to be and belong and be a part of my life, what I'm saying is thoes who don't want to know me or don't care to etc that's fine that's a choice anyone can make I'm not gonna force someone to know me, but again if you don't know me if your not in my life if your not part of my life if your not someone who cares about me, essentially if I don't know you, then honestly why should I care about your judgement of me? that's just it, I don't, I'm always gonna be me and I'm always going to be me I'm always going to speak my mind and speak how I think and feel etc, don't like it? I don't care and I won't, I'm not expecting everyone to just agree with me or want to be a part of my life or care what I think or how I feel etc but for the ones who do, thoes are the only people who's thoughts, opinions, influence, attention thoes who are actually apart of my life as I am theirs, these are the only people who's judgement or their thoughts of me matter to me because I already know their judgement of me and my thoughts of me, and it all sums up to the conclusion that the people in my life support me, and thoes people and people like thoes in my life are the only ones I truly ever need in my life or who's thoughts or judgements or opinions/input etc I actually care about. Thoes who have my best interest at heart just as I do for them.
If someone makes a judgement about you do you believe it is always a negative judgement? If someone discerns what you do could it not be either negative or positive. A judgement is to discern, is it not?
***** you are a great inspiration!
That's why we have the word 'discernment', to distinguish it from 'judgement', which just has more of a superficial and egotistical type of edge.
Ignore this comment as this is a personal msg for someone
For Michael (not sure if thats your name)
I won't judge you. You're free to show your true self to me.
Before (when i still havent known you yet) i envisioned myself being inside a cave with you and the cave is full of slightly colored small floating lights. Your smile shows how happy you are there. It seems that you will be a happy and serene person in that future scenario. Maybe you really are. Whenever i see your face in my accidental meditation, you were always smiling. Maybe youre really fun to be with. Thats just what i remember. Its already blurred in my memory.
I really dont know y i suddenly saw those images, not sure if theyre just imagination or other things.
I would like someone to comment Please!!
Can it really frighted a person? If one's personality is a introvert by nature he will continue to fear judgement. right guys.................
You are great and funny .. softy 😂
judgments.. even those harsh word from your parents and what they did to you is just like those comments of trolls. what they say never mattered.. the only important thing is what YOU are gonna post on YOUR social media account
im fearing GOD on JUDGEMENT DAY....we all need to be genuinely humble and HOPE for HIS MERCY..
there's always one isn't there
i love her accent so uncomfortablely much and im being for real
I Loved the whole talk, very inspirational. But what I didn't understand is the guy who said your accent wasn't good. I find it rather so Sexy hhhhh. Wish you all the best 3>.
I was a fan of Aimee Bateman for years until she blocked me on LinkedIn for a comment I made that she thought was considered irrelevant. I found out later that all her LinkedIn posts have only those who praise her and doesn't accept anyone who has thought, which shows signs that she is a narcissist, a fake and someone who will block anyone who she thinks is disagreeing with her or has a different opinion than her. Basically, she is unprofessional and a closed minded individual. I found out later that she made a post about the right to block people, which I learned to be careful of who you follow and do research on them before becoming a fan or follower. I have the original post and comments on my phone that I have as pictures and are more than welcome to write me if they want to write about it or hear my story and experiences with my exchanges of this woman. At this point, I don't care about what she thinks or I woudn't have written this comment. A bit ironic so to say based on the topic of the tedex talk. My comment is just a warning to all. Nothing more.
who is that ONE person who disliked this video? :D
Haha, you are right, what is not to like?
Sorry to say but she's talking about HER issues not mine lol i'm out after 5 seconds lol ...Record!!!!!!!!
Ks
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