I know misogynists will find this and start hate commenting as it happens all the time- just leave them to it, no need to waste your energy. Anyone who actually watches my work knows that I don't hate men, I hate patriarchy. They wanna lash out at a married woman? ok. sure. whatever 🤷♀🤷♀ just means they'll get more content like mine by engaging with it
It is so refreshing to see/hear more women not settling for crumbs anymore. The Patriarchy has (and will continue) to push the notion of marriage. Marriage benefits men. Unless and/or until men place more value on women and their contributions, I like where I am in my life. No fuss, no must!
how to end the gender wars: men need to stop treating women like an NPC character in the video games of their lives. women need to stop expecting men to meet unreachable expectations. i've literally heard a woman say: "i want a man with a PhD, who's over six feet, and if he has anything less than 7 inches, then it's a clit." *BUT,* we all know that neither side wants to admit their faults, so here we are.
Absence of reciprocity in emotional labor is the main reason my past relationships ended. I refuse to be a therapist for a man who has never once accepted responsibility for his emotional state.
Ugh! The whole "you made me mad" scenario. Hearing that constantly gets old fast. As if I'm obligated to fix your anger issues. Unless you're seeing a therapist to help you deal with that anger like an adult, then I just assume they want to stay mad. Sadly, the victim complex does come with perks.
@@BryonyClaireI agree wholeheartedly, for other women. I, however, have several mental health diagnoses that I see my own therapist for, and don't have the time or energy to be another's therapist, even if they offered to pay me market rate wages. And I am fully prepared to remain single for the rest of my life, as nobody should feel like they have to deal with my traumas that would affect the relationship.
I remember trying to open up to my ex about my emotional issues with my weight and he hit me with “At least you can change your weight! I can’t change my height!” I’m so glad he’s my ex
@@Rose-kj7rzsame. I ended a 2 year relationship even though it would mean being pretty much alone as I have few friends and work from home. He was very handsome and a lot of fun - but his lack of emotional intelligence and insecurities constantly accusing me of cheating were just too much. He refused to accept any wrongdoing and at that point I had to choose whether to become his counsellor as well as his girlfriend or just walk. I decided to walk. I’m tired 😕
The worst ones are the guys who say they want "a traditional relationship"... but then call the woman a golddigger if she expects him to do all the working. Like, so you want the double income, but also for her to do all the housework, right?
Men don’t want traditional women. What I did is married a younger woman that didn’t have children and makes as much as I do financially. It was easy. Its 50/50 now.
"You're going to be all alone with cats!" . . . Okay? I like cats. Love them, actually. So do my gOrLz, my besties, my friend group. So I'm not alone either, babes. Don't threaten me with a good time, honey~ LOL! 😂
The fear that men possess from the thought of being alone is insurmountable by the loneliness of a still in denial of reality woman. The men are afraid. A woman may need to manage of finances better...that's about it. Her life will actually be healthier without a man if she is aware and intentional in her lifestyle.
@@h8h215 I made a joke because I like cats, not because of some "gender war." Not everything I do is to retaliate against the male half of the population. Just doing what I prefer and nothing more
Even though there is an epidemic of loneliness in general rn, I've seen an emphasis on male loneliness, and I wonder if a big part of that is just misogynistic men realising that more and more women dont have to settle for their asses anymore.
@@zax1998LU ikwym, I can see an additional reason being that some men don't wanna be friendly in literal FRIENDships, bc they're afraid that's womanly, weak, gay etc. Which just shows how badly they view women and gay 💀 and they don't wanna give this bad view up, even though it's making them lonely too tf
@@Pomagranite167 sadly, some of them don't even think it's possible or of any value to be platonic friends w a woman, bc they just think it's a foot in the door for sex smh.
The ultimate two body problem: Mileva was the only female student in Einstein's cohort, the only female student in the Royal Classical High School in Zagreb, she consistently scores very high on her exams, in college here GPA was 5.05 (on a scale of 1-6) Einstein was at 5.7 so...a 0.65 point different. Her physics score was *tied* with Einsteins at 5.5. And then she got pregnant and that's that. She still tried to push on with her doctorate As for the true proof of her collaboration? Sorry Albert if you wanted to claim pure credit you shoulda been Newton - too afraid of women and working inside during a plague. Which...to be fair Einstein did get there by marrying his cousin and pretending hard in his latter years that Mileva didn't exist.
@@themissmay He may have been a shit tier husband but he was a deity tier physicist. Like...Bernini the sculptor? Bros mistress was his apprentices wife whomst his brother was also enjoying... resulting in a brawl where Bernini almost beat his bro to death with renaissance rebar in the fucking *Sistine Chapel* bro went to prison, Bernini sent a goon to slice up the mistresses face and Berninis punishment via Pope was - more paid work and marry a hot rich chick. Just because people make amazing discoveries or art doesn't....mean they're people you'd wanna be married or related to.
@@petitmainsI wish yall cared about how men treat their women and children and used that as a test of their character as well as their accomplishments. If you’re 💩-y to your wife you’re a 💩-y person period
The most upsetting thing to me about my divorce is that my ex-husband played the part of a feminist so well. He was pro-choice, aligned with my values, he said that he recognized how much work his single mother did and valued her efforts, watched and enjoyed the Barbie movie, read feminist essays and discussed them with me. BUT I was still the one doing 90% of the housework despite both of us working full time and my also attending university full time, he only attended one therapy session and refused to go back or find another therapist, he told his friends I was crazy for wanting a more equal division of labor, if I expressed my being upset at all he'd tell me I was being too loud/angry/stop crying. All of this from a man who claims he's a feminist and played the part so well that I believed him until things escalated. By the last week of our marriage I genuinely feared for my life. I'll buy ny own damn flowers if it means keeping myself safe from that nonsense 💜💐
That performative feminism thing is such an issue - I had included a bit of a rant about it originally in this but I think it warrants it's own video - because that's what your husband was doing. There can be agreeing on things - on paper, but when it comes to ACTUALLY being about equality, and doing the work...hmmm...where'd they go? That's not on. I'm so sorry you went through this, it sounds like it got really dangerous near the end and I am positive you have so much more happiness to look forward to in your life now the trash is gone 🤍
@@BryonyClaire looking forward to that video, thank you for creating a space for people to discuss these things. Your channel has helped me through my divorce a lot 💜
@@BryonyClaire Men with deep mommy enmeshment trauma who weaponize feminism to manipulate and abuse their girlfriends and maintain their patriarchal power would be such a powerful video topic. It happened to me, too, though I was lucky he got bored with me and got out by month two.
Too many men think aesthetics of white feminism is all that's needed to be considered woman-supportive. But when the going gets tough they still expect women to fall back to the majority of caretaking. Unless they were raised by a very capable single dad, it's rare to see a truly feminist man in hetero relationships.
“Men lagging behind.” As a man, I’ve been noticing that constantly. Hell, the men who are lagging would rather have a bad case of “Peter Pan Syndrome” instead of actually evolving, emotionally, financially, mentally, and physically. What men believe nowadays is that women are supposed to be subservient to them and take any order without question, or suffer the consequences, whether it be through abuse or infidelity. If I did all of that, my family would be disgusted with me and probably disown me. If you can’t handle, for instance, your partner making more money than u, then tough shit! It means that u gotta evolve financially. If u as a man refuse to evolve, then don’t play the dating game, because, to begin with, you were never even a player.
It makes me so happy when I see there are men out there who get it. On behalf of women (and men), men like you need to spread the word to the men in their close circles, who’re unaware rn. Hold each other to better standards and call them out if they’re being hateful. Men like that who see us as lesser will never listen to us.
@@GrungeGalactica it’s because my family didn’t raise me to be a brute. I not only have my reputation to uphold, but also my family’s. Hell, i even think that the whole Passport Bro movement is insane. Why? Well, the men are throwing away their friends, family, and job for love. That’s some desperate, misguided shit right there. Something that I don’t want to be part of. Also, here’s the thing, if both partners are contributing to their shared income, it means that they can, for instance, plan out vacations together! So, I don’t know what these guys want when they say that they want a traditional marriage.
True, my ex broke up with me because I refused to do all the house work, have a job and pay the major of the bills and still had to stay silent most of the day because we were on home-office and he "needed silence", so I suggested a bigger apartment so each of us could have some space and he called me selfish...Now, 2 years later, he realized that no woman is willing to go through all that in 2024, he's missing me 😂😂 He send me a long message on how hard it was to "live by himself and do the chores and pay the bills". I blocked him because I was so fucking angry I was about to murder him for stating the obvious that I've said for 4 long years 😂 (I'm pretty sure he also had a problem with the wage disparity, but I am 4 years older and was working for way longer time than he was, so it didn't even made sense) He still living the same life as he did in college, his friends are moving to another country, having kids and getting married and he still there trying to live up to the good old college days
Men who are not willing to become better people shouldn't expect women to accept them as partners. Especially considering how much they demand from them. A woman has to be beautiful, fun, smart, supportive, make her own money, comprehensive, passionate and hardworking just to be considerate attractive. Why not apply the same standards to them? It's only fair.
Period. Men that do care will do their part of growing as a person bc everyone needs to grow up And change as we age. Those that refuse to change for the better will be left behind and honestly I don’t give a shit about them.
Exactly. These men expect women to be perfect however, if such a woman like that existed do you think she would want to have to be stuck with men like them ? Nope. Your average woman has enough to deal with, and this "perfect woman" would only want a perfect man. The level of entitlement is sickening.
my 40y/o never married/child-free/home owning sister in law has her shit together more than me and her brother lol. She also has a strong friend group/family support system, which she constantly nurtures and cultivates
and my sister has been the "breadwinner" of her household for 20 years with their lovely partner. How lucky am I to have such badass ladies in my life?
I feel so bad for straight women (and women who aren’t straight but date men) As a gay man married to another man and dividing the labor is always a discussion we come to on an equal playing field
Some of these men will respect another man before a woman. For most hetero males when it comes to hetero rlsps, there is a conditioned bias (consciously or subconsciously) that women are meant to do more of the domestic work regardless.
Red pill has exposed what many men were afraid to say out loud in public. Red pill is actually a good thing because now that women are seeing and hearing how men really feel about them, now women can avoid toxic relationships by not dating them. Thanks to red pill i no longer desire a husband and im perfectly fine being alone.
Lol...men don't prefer to have wife either... feminist think men are desperate for marriage...if men are sexually satisfied they care about nothing...I think sex worker can fulfill that role
red pill made me realize all of those bad things they say and do says more about them than you. it's easier to deal with loneliness when single than to settle for someone that's unhealthy for you
Honestly, yes. Always was independent and got my own shit and degrees, says struggled, and I slept fine alone. Imagine having to give all that up and now you ask permission for grocery money, ask permission to go to the store, give up your dream because you have to support his, forget your emotional state because you have to look after an emotional immature man child, have everything in order only for him to not be happy still and cheat. Mind you I’m younger, I’m much fitter, and he kept me inside so no one would see me and I was at his mercy. He destroyed all my financial opportunities that I had when I was single and that I worked so hard for.
Einsteins wife was also a scientist and contributed a lot to his work which is invisable and not valued. He also wrote a horrible letter to her shutting her up after they separated. Just one other genius who stole from woman - very sad.
I saw a statistic last year that really stuck with me. For the last 4ish generations, the percentage of men who call themselves feminists has gone up with each generation. Gen Z is the first generation whose percentage of men who call themselves feminists has gone down. Less gen Z men call themselves feminists than Millennial men. It’s scary.
tbf a lot of millennial men costume themselves as feminists and parade around with the label only for their masks to slip when faced in taking action that backs feminist views. It isn't so much about the label and hot air, we must look at the actions of men.
Its plain wrong, it was same for millennials. Support for modern feminism has always been low among men, around 20%. Support for feminism has also declined among women.
@@MoonAddict2024While correct, I just feel like it is a combination of male teens and boys along with the mentality of “women and girls are already equal, so what more do they have to fight for?”
Did you read that report on loneliness in men after "grey divorce"? Men who get divorced after all children become independent adults drastically lose social ties, because their wives were the ones maintaining these relationships. Even with the men's own blood relatives and kids! Women keep track of birthdays, anniversaries, gift giving, and event planning. With a lot of older men, as soon as they don't have a woman doing his social upkeep, he has a drastically smaller circle to rely on.
I've heard that this is part of why women live longer than men. Elder women who become widowed tend to live a lot longer than elder men who become widowed, because all his social ties died with his wife :(
It is exhausting to be with someone who is insecure, especially if they believe what the patriarchy tells them. It is so relaxing to be with someone who is comfortable with themselves and genuinely supports you and sees your wins as family wins. And once you add children, you will get very tired of having another adult acting like a child around.
Even men who aren't consuming 'man-o-sphere' content will talk about s*x workers like they're lesser than and 'of model' has become a euphemism for women they don't like (while they are still the ones consuming the content). Insecurity surrounding toys and stuff is also impacting relationships as women are not getting out of relationships what the men using them as a hole are 🤪
Guys who have insecurity around toys clearly don't want to experience higher pleasure themselves lol, they do know they can be used as a couple, right? right?? Missing out, mate!
Woman here and I don't like toys, please, I'm not a prude, it's becouse it's not in me to put a stuff made in industry inside myself, I feel violated, the same feeling doesn't happen with human's body's part entering in me. Sorry for being graffic, I also don't care if other women use toys.
@grazielaalmeida8438 fully understand if you're not comfortable with using them personally :) nobody has to, it's more about the men who say "why do you use that, am I not good enough?" Is what this is referring to
@@grazielaalmeida8438 I second that, I’ve tried them once or twice and even tho they worked (lol) and I can defo see the appeal; I feel more connected to my body when I get off ‘manually’ rather than an automatic, predictable ‘O’- but that’s just me. Glad to have the option tho, should I get arthritis or tennis elbow in the future 😂
That's the funniest thing, I've seen men esp on twitter get so hateful towards sex workers/of girls, and it's like, my dude, you watch porn. You have 1000% consumed porn, the content you think makes women lesser, content created for you. The hypocrisy is staggering.
About Einstein, his wife Mileva(Serbian) was also genius and his best work came while he was in relationship with her. Imagine how successful she would be if he didnt put all children on her back and actually supported her, like Marie Curie husband did for her.
Unfortunately, the only thing that is going to change this dynamic is the consistent effort of a lot of men, and they seem to have no interest whatsoever in undertaking it. As women, I think the best we can do is to be very choosy about which men we benefit with our time and attention, call out inappropriate behavior, laziness and entitlement when we see it and work very hard to not parentify little girls and hold little boys accountable for the same things we expect of girls, but ultimately I think it's only gonna be when dudes experience enough pain due to their misogyny that they will change and they haven't crossed that threshold yet.
I'm just afraid that men's reaction to more women avoiding them won't be introspection or self-improvement, but rather taking what they want by force like they've always done.
@isbalella So basically, what you're saying is that the threat of violence makes you want to comply with patriarchal oppression. That's why they do it, to keep the very dynamic you explained going. So your solution is to simply placate misogynists. How exactly will that change or improve anything? Will there be outbursts from men? Yes. Google or search RUclips for the term "extinction burst" and know that increased conflict is actually an indication of progress forward. We are not going to fundamentally change the power dynamics between genders without conflict. But conflict does not mean that change isn't happening. To me, allowing men to continue to use the threat of violence as an excuse to not call them out is upholding patriarchy and I won't do it. Now, to the women in very vulnerable circumstances, I am not saying they specifically should be the ones starting conflicts - that would be dangerous. But most of us aren't in imminent danger, so there's no reason to use that as the justification to accept violence from men .
Girls are supposed to be taught that they are young queens who hold a lot of power in their hands. Which we do. Our sex appeal, beauty, and our softness IS our power, whether we like it or not. And they definitely should not be told "no boy will like you if you do xyz". Men and boys have ALWAYS desired women. And always will. For simply exisiting. So the girls really should not be told to try so hard for male validation. They are ALWAYS looking at us, noticing us, seeking us out, thinking about us, wanting to be with us (or use us). Boys need to be told a bit more often "girls won't like you if you are mean" or inconsiderate, cowardly, lazy, disagreeable, weak, selfish, or unambitious. They are the ones who want US so badly. We already cater to them SO MUCH. If they want success in dating or marraige, they need to be catering to women as well. Women have accepted that if they don't conform to conventional feminine standards, they will end up alone, or they might have to wait a while for their right guy. We KNOW this. Many of these guys tho? Uh uh. They wanna be bummy, unambitious, sad, emotionally inept losers, and they don't want to be good masucline men, but they still feel entitled to every woman they lay their eyes on. 🙄 even if they have nothing, they seem to always have the audacity.
@@isbalella That is what is happening sadly. I've just been to a lecture on feminism amongst natives in Bolivia and both female activism as well as femicides and I think also SA numbers went up at the same time. Men want to keep their power so bad when in the end it's not even about power. Ruling over other people does not bring anyone true happiness and contentment, lest connection.
I 'member, 'bout a year (maybe two?) before I finally divorced my husband, I was in the kitchen scrubbing the baseboards, having just baked some pretty good apple bread and suddenly thought "I'd love to be married to me! I'm a great partner!" It was a weird thought, based on an idle thought spiral I was in while cleaning about who spilled all this stuff (he did) and how lazy he was about cleaning up after himself, and how little he did that I didn't have to ask him repeatedly to do (clean the spill in the kitchen), and how much of that was half-assed (hence me cleaning the baseboards), and how the things he did do (cook and grocery shop) were mainly for him (his menu, his snacks, only my items when I requested them specifically and half the time it was the wrong thing, and if I pointed *that* out I was being ungrateful for his help) while my things (the apple bread, baked before he and our kid woke up on a Saturday) benefitted him and everyone else in the house, and I often baked something I liked but didn't love (the apple bread) instead of a recipe I wanted that he or our son didn't like (cinnamon rolls, that specific morning.) That wasn't the end of my marriage, that thought. It wasn't even the beginning of the end, it was more like the end of me pretending that I was in a marriage of equally participating partners who were trying to do for ourselves and each other, but a situation in which he did what he felt like and left the rest to me, while being both widely over-sensitive with any critique or suggestions from me, and also resenting me if I asked him to do anything outside of his specific list of "stuff he cared to do." And about two-ish years later, I kicked him out, based on a pattern of abusive, violent behavior, but it was that thought, that "I'd love to be married to *me*." that made me start to detest the kind of husband he was.
i've never been married but i definitely relate. from an objective perspective, i would not even keep an *acquaintance* who couldn't take care of themselves, respect my time and energy, and invest as much as i do into the relationship. so why would i put up with that behavior from someone who i supposedly was going to spend my life with?
As an ace/aro woman, quite grateful I live in this current time than further in the past. But then again, I do have generational wealth so that’s making it easier. But yeah, society is letting everyone down when gender equality and dismantling patriarchy aren’t a focus. Seriously, you have these Men’s Rights Activists bitching about feminism when there are genuinely a lot of issues that men face: lower life expectancy, higher rates of suicide, higher levels of loneliness, double standards for expressing interest in ‘female’ jobs or interests. Pulling women down doesn’t help you get higher up on the ladder. C’mon guys, we all deserve better. Patriarchy hurts everyone.
patriarchy does hurt everyone! Exactly! And yes, 100% it's better these days for aro/ace folk, despite the lack of understanding which still exists, there's so much information freely and easily out there and people who share their lived experiences online that it's not hard to learn about
I am ace and have thought about this as well. And while I don't have generational wealth I have had some lucky twists on top of hard work so I am able to live on my own. I am really glad to have an option other than going to a convent haha.
Love the shoutout to FD Signifier. He's got a lot of great videos with similar topics from a BIPOC viewpoint. So glad to see another vid from ya Bryony. You are elegance embodied.
I love seeing women build their communities and relationships that aren’t just romantic. I love seeing that our tolerance for icky, weaponized incompetence is dwindling. Frankly, it’s good to see people realizing their self worth and quit pining for less than bare minimum from low value people. ❤ ❤your work girl ❤❤
as someone who's uninterested in dating and relationships, it's been really nice to see the shift of focus to friendships and platonic relationships! i love my family and friends dearly, and i know i and many of the people i know would not sacrifice those bonds for a romantic relationship.
I am so glad we are making being single long term more acceptable. And one of the best things I accidentally realized early on (since I had to minmax my time) was that partners for me are not competing against other people they are competing against how much I enjoy life on my own. Then I stumbled into a really wonderful relationship in my mid 30s and only had to briefly deal with a few frogs to get here haha. But also the hardest thing in my life has been watching a good friend of mine keep trying to make a relationship with an absolutely toxic person work. I am glad that more of the younger generation are seeing they are worth more than that.
It took a long time and a lot of men but I ended up with a man who is really a gem. I listen to other women's stories about their husbands that are essentially children in men's bodies and my heart just breaks for them. I've been there, I know it's maddening. I certainly don't wanna imply that I just picked better or anything, I know I got lucky. I would also like to remind all of my fellow US ladies in here, after Republicans are done going after your reproductive rights on a national level including access to birth control, they're going after no-fault divorce laws. This has already been established. Vote wisely please💙💙🌷🌸🌼🌻
I'm glad you're with a much better partner now! I hear all these issues too and it's the hugest yikes. Republican's are fully going after any kind of autonomy that women have, it is scary as hell looking at what's going on over there. I'm pretty sure everyone who watches me is more left leaning, so I doubt anyone would vote red, but still, worth pointing out their long game
@@BryonyClaire exactly. I'm more concerned about the people who intend to sit out this election. We need as many Republicans out of every branch of government as possible
@@BryonyClaireI’m always worried about people who say they’re blue and then switch up when they’re in office or get bought out to go against the people.
@Imbatmn57 I have this feeling that Republican women may actually save this election. Suburban women as a whole are pretty fed up I think. They probably don't talk about it with their families but I'm sure once they're in that booth they vote for their rights. I mean, Kentucky has a Democrat governor. How do ya explain that lol
Absolutely. The Conservative playbook (which has shades of dictatorship and nazism) is called Project 2025. You can Google it and read the entire thing. No more rights for women, no civil services, and minorities are f*cked. A total federal overhaul.
I did marry young and I very much allowed my husband to mold me. The problem was that he didn't have a good plan at all. He wanted to lead but couldn't. By the time he divorced me - yes, I actually still wanted to stay married - he didn't have a penny and I was so much better off without him. I don't know why men are so hot to be in charge. It's a lot of work and most are not cut out to handle the load. Even now I still sometimes miss the happy security of having someone to depend on. But of course it was all an illusion after all.
i tink its like a herding instict most "masculine" men have. being good at it is another thing. I personally would find weird to "manage" another adult
I have to get something off of my chest. My brother is an absolute loser, love him to death, but loser. SO... the past two women he has brought around I have straight up told them what hes like. Doesnt know how to clean, refers to women's career positions like the lady assistant, punches holes in walls when mad, is cheap, and I reiterate he does not know how to clean. Oddly enough, I was asked by one of the women because she felt his temperament was off and she noticed it FAST - So I told her the truth. My brother is a loser and please trust me lol
I just want to update everyone that she is choosing to further engage with my loser brother and they are currently having a Taco Bell dinner in his bedroom at our mother’s home.
Honestly, after pining after a relationship all my life, I’m really relieved that I don’t want one anymore. Seems like a huge pain to be honest, trying to sift through the men
same. i used to be so boy crazy and obsessed with male validation and finding a partner. then at some point last year it was like a switch flipped in my brain. now the idea of dating men makes me shudder, and i will never touch dating apps again. i will only date if i meet them organically, and if he meets my laundry list of expectations…and tbh that is highly unlikely. so i’m just rocking with being single, and if i stay single forever i’ll be okay with that. i had 2 great aunts who never married, and they lived very full and happy lives. if i find someone, cool. if i don’t, cool.
When "what supposed to be a norm" is a "radical political view", we truly live in a society. I also love the famous Cher interview that she says: "Men are like dessert." because that's what I like to see in my relationships (especially romantic relationships with men). 💙🌹🌺🌼
@@luxxtaty8060 Lol I kinda wish I was bi but everyone deals with tish on some level. I agree with OP and Cher. I don't need a man, but if I find a sweet delicious one, I'll happily eat him😂
i didn't know cher said that, but it's the same analogy i've always used to describe romantic relationships! i can like dessert but it's not a craving, it's not a need, it's not something i'd go out of my way for unless i'm absolutely sure it'd make my day better^^
My fiance is a feminist and his values are very leftist. That means he disagrees on a lot of things with his old friends and it's driving them apart. He seems pretty lonely and it's really hard for him to find new friends he can actually get close to. I am sensing he is starting to become a little man hating. Same for me, but I can relate to other women. On the other hand I am really glad he understands me, but on the other hand I feel sad for how isolating that must be.
It's sad that there's a wedge happening between his old friends, this is a great time for them to learn and grow too, but instead they're alienating him and he's "the bad guy". I don't think he'll becoming man hating - he's just pointing out the very real issues of patriarchy, which isn't actually about hating men at all, it's hating the broken system, which is entirely valid. He will be able to find people, whether through your friends partners, or gaming/gym/hobbies/volunteering, it takes time and is hard making friends as an adult but he'll be able to find people he can get along with
There are more leftist and feminist places where he can meet other men and talk about what he is feeling. I hope he finds a community with other like minded male friends
He just needs to make new friends, easier said than done of course, but anything truly worth it takes effort and work. So long as he keeps the same values and integrity when he meets new people, bad people will be warded off and the people who are looking to expand their circle of good people will find him. There are other good dudes who wanna be able to have good male friendships that dont revolve around degrading or using women. Tell him to start hanging out at the coffee shop and eventually, start making conversation with people (u can even be there if you want! Have a book so if he manages to meet cool people, you can check out and let him do his thing. Or start going to local events and meet other people looking to meet other ppl. Lots of dudes get boy time playing basketball or racketball. There is bound to be a few good dudes. Or some dudes who are receptive to thinking a new way that betters humankind, men, and the world for women. Won't say it's easy tho lol
That’s a real shame. I watch Melanie Hamlet on here and she said her husband, (who, like your man, understands patriarchy etc) started 2 men’s groups (the healthy kind) & loves them and the new close male friends he’s made from it. She had a book recc to help start it up as well, worth a try/suggesting perhaps? Good men like that are a rare breed that need to be preserved and allowed to thrive, cause imo if other men see that, they might be convinced to join the team too ❤
i think something that men fail to consider is that they are not owed a relationship.. with anyone. For example let's say he is putting in the effort to learn to cook. If a woman doesn't want to date someone who does not already know how to cook, and so doesn't want to date him because he doesn't have that skill, that's the most normal and neutral thing in the world. People can choose not to be friends with you if you are flawed in a way they don't want to interact with, even if you have good intentions. You are not entitled to anyone's love or attention, romantic or platonic. There's something fundamentally anti-love and anti-humanity in your thinking if you essentially want to coerce others into having you in their life.
i've been single for 5 years now, and that does not bother me. i was talking with my mom about what i want in a relationship (she thinks i'm straight lol) with a man, and i told her my basic expectations that aren't high. eventually she asks "so you don't want a man with strong man characteristics or looks?" and i told her i don't care. she asked me what-ifs about him wearing earrings, skirts, makeup, my clothes and i told her i don't care and the LOOK she gave me was priceless. men are victims of the patriarchy, but at some point, when they don't care to try and figure out how to break the rigidity of this structure, i can't bring myself to care! idc anymore they can be lost in the dust for all i care
Honestly some men who still want to control women with shaming them for staying “single” are telling on themselves bc they don’t self reflect and are bitter.
I don't have any desire to date men, and the dating pool for sapphic relationships is, well, tiny. So anyways I've been single for basically all my life and frankly? I love it. I've been taught all my life that I SHOULD be in a relationship when in reality being single is great when there isn't somebody in your ear telling you that it's the worst thing that could ever happen to you.
i wish i could have the same mindset you do.. as you've said the dating pool for queer people usually isn't the biggest so finding a partner may prove difficult to many.. still i cannot help but feel a bit bad about it (being single) ://
@user-hd2bj5hs4b It definitely wasn't easy to get there. I have very little experience, and sometimes I do get in my head about it. However, I learned that getting into a relationship for the sake of it (especially using the apps) simply doesn't work for me. It didn't make me any happier. So if I find somebody naturally, I'll be excited, but I'm over trying to force a relationship only to become miserable because of it.
I gave up on them last year. I had an enough of the trauma, abuse, cheating, disrespect, not reciprocating the effort I put into them. I’m happier now than I ever had. I am so much better on my own. I’m done with them
I just left a 10 year old marriage. I have been a working wife and a sahm wife and mum. Both had their benefits and struggles. After having children both situations become unbeliavable harder. The working wife becomes frustated as she stills bares quite a lot of the household chores and the housewife is left unpaid and in a dependency position prone to fall victim to all types of abuse. My take would be for the husband to work pay the bills, the wife works to pay for the extra help ( Cleaning services, ironing services, food delivery, etc) savings and not having to ask for money.
I asked for divorce after my ex husband verbally, emotionally and physically abused me and even punished our daughter by not being in her life as I got him arrested and for that he got angry. He even used to start fights so I could get angry and he would come across being the sane and nice person he wants others to see him . Used even save girls numbers under guys names. How cowardly 😷
That's horrible. He sounds like a sack of rotted garbage fire. You definitely would be better off without him in both you and your child's life. You deserve better.
I study emotional manipulation to help identify what I have been through, what you are describing of him pushing you until you blew up on him, that is reactive abuse. now you can call it what it is, him pushing you until he got the reaction he wanted so that he could try to control the narrative and paint you out as the crazy one. It is a form of gas lighting
I'm SO grateful that I am in such an egalitarian marriage even though I prefer to take on a more traditionally feminine tasks as a mother and wife (I love cooking and cleaning and holiday everything!). My husband is such an involved father and probably watches our son a bit more than I do and was especially a rockstar earlier on when our son was born and did the bulk of bottle feedings/putting him to bed/carrying him on the baby sling. Everyone regardless of gender should take care of domestic labor in whatever capacity makes sense for both them and their partner (or partnerS if they're in a poly arrangement).
I have a great partner now, but I loved being single. I always felt being single was better than being in a difficult relationship. Also very happy to be child-free! 😊
About wanting to be treated as a human when being a woman, I mean. Studies show men AND a lot of women are so brain washed by patriarchy that we/they see women as objects and men as people. Saying this as a girl writing adventure stories in the 80's and 90's where the main character was always always a boy/man, because I couldn't unconsciously fathom a girl being just a character without being A Girl Character and that impacting everything about them. While a man character was NOT impacted, but was just standard. So of course men are struggling with seeing women as Lead Character and not Female Side Character Female.
A sign of the times...I feel very strongly connected with this video. I'm single and im not in a hurry to change that. Romantic love isn't something I put on a pedestal anymore. For the reasons you mentioned and beyond.
i'm the same age! 34! and i am so sick of explaining to my male friends why i'm so busy all the time. Between my main job, my side hustle, cooking and cleaning for myself in my own apartment where i live along, paying bills, fighting with insurance to cover healthcare, fighting with my bank over erroneous charges, volunteering in my community and keeping an active social life, going to the gym, putting together cute outfits.... no, i dont have time to hear them complain about how hard life is! I'm handling it and juggling 50 different projects, all my female friends are doing the same stuff -- going thru fertility treatments, planning weddings, buying property, and all the guys are just... stuck! it blows me away how long we permit and support male incompetence, without getting fairly compensated for doing 3x the work they do.
I finally broke up with someone who made me responsible for all facets of the relationship and our lives. He abandoned me and left for another state claiming a job change and then I was stuck with his bills and his stuff while he basically had a year long party. He never apologized, accepted any responsibility or even helped me clean the apartment. When I asked why he pretended to love me and then ran away, he just said he was bad at introspection. Him being uncomfortable self examining sounded like a plausible excuse for how he treated me in his head. It was wild.
Oh my gosh this sounds like an absolute worst nightmare! What a terrible person, such an obvious user and abuser but the lack of accountability is shocking. I really hope things are much better for you now, and that karma bites his ass
@@BryonyClaire Thanks! I hope things bite him in the ass too, but I mostly try not to think of him anymore. He got enough of my time. Karma at least took a good turn for me. I'm in a better, cheaper living situation and I was able to finally get my career in a better place.
Was with a man 10 years that wouldn't marry me... i was with him while he was broke, no job. I encouraged him to ho to school because he was SO SMART. HE GOT A BACHELORS in biology then he left me for someone he met at his first new job.
@@h8h215it’s not about giving up. Sometimes a man will think “hey, I have a nice job now, I can level up” and find someone ‘better’ someone new who hasn’t seen him at his lowest so he can appear more successful to her. Also to other people if the new girl is more conventionally attractive. You see this w celebrities all the time, leaving their wives for models
I knew the end of your story before I read it. Don’t EVER give a man anything. Don’t help a man. He’ll feel resentful and emasculated and then leave to find a woman who doesn’t remember him at his lowest; he can be a hero to the new woman.
While my relationship is only straight passing, I'm so grateful that I finally have a partner who wants to manage emotional labor, actually communicates, and shares the load as much as he can. We work with his neurodivergence as much as we can to make things a team effort, while not expecting him to do everything I could to the same level, because it would exhaust him, and be beyond his capacity to juggle.
I'm getting on my "she doesn't even go here" rant: I just wish we could all find love and connection and we need to demolish systems and beliefs that are meant to erode that💕💜💙
Dude. Yes. I want love so bad, but I genuinely don’t want to be with a terrible person who does not love me and only uses me. You guys think 2000’s movies were toxic. Just watch Tele Novellas. What they portrayed as love was just gross.
💜💐🌸🌺 Being single is great!Thank you feminists of the past for making it easier for women to support themselves and not have to settle for unhealthy relationships. We’ve still got work to do!
it’s certainly leagues better than being shackled to a misogynistic man child, and crying yourself to sleep every night while he sleeps peacefully next to you 😅
It never gets old when they start with the old 'You're going to end up in a place of your own, with enough expendable to drink yourself into a wine coma every night, surrounded by cats' And then get so, so mad when you're enticed instead of scared and cowed. Because they think what should horrifes them (not having a woman around to serve and support them) should horrify a woman (not having a man to serve and support).
A wild utopian solution: I think schools should have classes on feelings and development, starting from the 1st grade... Even if it's surface, it'll help people to grow up more aware. Regarding adults, I would pressure governments to add mental health as basic care, for men and women and subsidise the certification process (to be a therapist/social worker) heavily, with strict regulations, including regular mandatory courses on new studies etc.
historically, governments have abused mental illness as a means of quashing dissent by qualifying ideas they don't like as symptoms of sickness I think it would be good to make sure people are able to develop an understanding of themselves and their emotions at a young age but this requires a social solution not a state solution
1:00 Funny thing I broke up with my ex over my birthday cause when it was his birthday, he went on a trip out of state and I sent him a happy birthday text, then when he came back I gave him a gift and invited him to bbq (his favorite) and bought him some cupcakes. But he complained that I didn’t call him (he knows I never call due to anxiety, but he expected me to make an exception for his special day). I promised I’d call him on his birthday from next year on, because it’s important to me that his birthday be celebrated in a way that gives him the most joy. Fast forward to my birthday, he didn’t even send me a text cause he forgot my birthday. Waited until the weekend in case he was busy, but nah. I felt like a clown for going above and beyond for a guy that wouldn’t even put my birthday on his calendar. He also blamed it on not being Facebook friends, but he’d have been screwed anyway cause I don’t have my birthday visible (I don’t want people I’m barely friends with to feel like they got to wish me a happy birthday lol). Anyway, I’d already been feeling like he had no interest in me outside my appearance and job title and maybe what I might inherit in the future, which gave him bragging rights with his friends ig. So all I needed was something decisive like this to split up 😅
I’m a single mom of two girls. I have mental health issues due to my ex husband who was emotionally abusive. I have tried dating. It didn’t go well. I’m focusing on myself and my kids, healing and growth. I take myself on date nights. I’m basically to the point where I don’t give a shit. I’m going to do me. If people don’t like it, then oh fucking well.
Now every time someone questions why I don’t want to settle for a mediocre man, I’ll tell them that I don’t have to suffer just because I am a woman and neither should they :) ♥️
17:52 honestly, we just need it to happen. We need the fear of society collapsing for the men to realize they’re not gonna “cmon babe” they’re way out of this. We need men to stay single and women to stop giving every guy a chance because of X feature (and of course, the lonely/society forced aspect). We need them to see what it’s like when it’s just them, alone, with no close friends because that’s “gay”, in a gross house with 3 pieces of furniture.
Yep they will be their own cause of misery and hopefully that will wake them up to do better for themselves and not rely on others to fill the voids. I’m glad women are seeing this first hopefully men follow suit
I think the reason why men are unhappy with their partner earning more is because they assume they will lose control. The cruel assume others will also be cruel with their power.
Slightly off topic, but you should look up (if you don't already know) Gerudo town in Zelda: Breath of the Wild. A town, a society comprised only of women. Leaders, warriors, merchants, artisans, mothers, sisters, daughters. Interaction with men is strictly for outside of town ONLY, as they are not allowed within the walls. The moment I saw the town, I wanted to live there IRL. It looks so peaceful and wonderful. Imagine your entire town being a strong sisterhood and a safe place. Wow!
There's some real life villages that inspired the fictional town :-) I have to say I found it odd that in tears of the kingdom the only education anyone was getting was about men, and all they ever seemed to talk about was men. Felt like the writing could have been better.
@@broidkanymore-zc4lt oh yeah, wanting to live a life of peace, harmony, and safety is totally "misandry". You better make sure nuns all over the world know, too.
I have never had a good relationship. I stop trying after 2021 and decided to just focus on my child. What worries me is that I don’t have friends outside of work. I have an 1 1/2 commute to work and split off days (Sunday/Tuesday) After working, cleaning and cooking there really no time for me so I worry about my son having no friends or relationships because that’s the model I’m showing him😢
That's really tough, and it's just another way capitalism has screwed things up for us because we are so time poor and separated now from community, it just makes things harder. I don't know exactly what to suggest as there's a lot of variables in everybody's lives, if there are clubs your son can join, that's a handy way to see other parents and start chatting from there, if there's a class of a hobby you're interested in maybe you could see if there's any on Tuesdays which could work so you can meet others who have a similar day off to you? I hope you're able to build a small group of friends over time, it does take time though
My husband and I have been together since 1990, and it’s been drama. Every now and then, when we argue, he brings up a line like “With your next husband….” Um, no. If I ever end up single, I will savor it.
I like to be single too. I have had three girlfriends in the past and now on i will be single. I don’t want to do all the work when my partner is always going out and having fun. I have always had to get money, clean, wash dishes etc.
It is wild how many men felt threatened by my achievments and tried to make me feel less than. I truly wish them all the worst. Now, I have a bf who is actually very considerate and doing the majority of the housework. He is there for me whenever I am feeling unwell or I can't sleep. Also, he is just a great and funny person! :) Never settle for less! Good men are there, make it your baseline and expectation. Act confused when they don't do their share or treat you badly. Let's denormalise scruffy men! 💙💜🧡🌷🌻
A lot of us have seen what happens when relationships aren't balanced with emotional labor and practical things and it's a big ol' "NOPE". It's better to be single and happy than unhappy in a relationship with the wrong person. That doesn't mean cutting yourself off from the very idea of companionship but it's not the end all, be all. I saw someone say that the "you're gonna be an old cat lady" threat doesn't really work anymore. Someone has to make the idea of being with them better than remaining single and unfortunately, a lot of people, mainly men, aren't willing to put the work in to become that sort of person. They listen to people like Andrew Tate or Ben Shapiro, along with other IRL and online toxic echo chambers, and women are seen more as conquests, live in maids or walking Fleshlights than people. It's not being put up with like it used to. Plus, a lot of people literally cannot afford to raise kids or get married nowadays. Sometimes, it interferes with benefits and everything is so, so expensive. To a lot of people, being single is easier and a better option for fulfillment.
If a person isn't making your life better, what is the point? I heard someone online say recently a man has to "compete with my peace and my happiness" because that's her default when single. I totally felt that!
I agree w you on the cat thing not being a insult anymore. In a cost of living crisis a lot of young single women (like me) cant afford to be picky on who we house share with because we cant afford to rent on our own and many roomed houses tend to be more affordable. I've been flatting mixed gender houses basically this entire time and even tho we get along and they're nice and polite and some are even feminist and all that... Us women still have to do all the cleaning. In every single flat. Thats not a small sample size its a running trend. every time even tho they "say" theyre happy to share the work and do a roster etc they weaponise incompetence so I have to do it anyway. Im sure many other women are in my situation. If I could afford to I would live alone w cats... cats create less mess and work than men. And if I dated a man in the future? he'd have to do some serious convincing on his competency to run a household to get us to move in together because after all this I think living in seperate houses is ideal so I dont have to deal with mens mess anymore. 12yrs of flatting. 12yrs of mothering strangers. Im over cleaning up after men, especially when those men arent even MY men!
@@Mel-qr5ob And you missed the entire point of the poster's comment. In fact, you proved HER to be correct. If you want to be a Pick-Me, then own it. But don't whine on someone else's comment about how (more or less) privileged they are when there ARE female-only houses in the UK, Australia, NZ, and other places in the Commonwealth (or former Commonwealth).
I find the juxtaposition between the average man’s experience and my own to be so confusing. I was raised as a boy, and I came to understand how patriarchy stood to hurt me. I’ve been on an introspective journey for years now learning how to be better, but it was always for my own sake. I don’t really want to find a woman, so much as I want to find myself. I want to treat myself well so I can treat others well too. The sooner we let go of the ideals of manhood and masculinity the sooner we are free to live, and I just hope more men can see that.
Girl I appreciate how intelligent and well-researched you are and especially how you stay committed to being on women's team (a lot of 'feminist' youtubers I'm not even sure anymore 🙄) but I think I'm at the point with video essays where they've taken every last drop of joy I have in life or will to talk to other humans and I can't watch them anymore.
As a bi/gay trans guy, I am so glad I'm not straight. Heterosexual relationships seem to come with a special amount of baggage. However, I still have to deal with men if I want a relationship with them, and even gay men are sometimes not immune to a lack of emotional development. Additionally, I also worry that I might not be a good enough partner for a woman, since I'm sure there's some bias from my own experiences as being a guy trapped in a woman's body.
❤💐 Great video, my parents are boomers and a lot of those awful marriage ideals still persist in them despite them being left leaning. My mom did instill the idea of doing our own thing and pacing our own way to not rely on a husband to stay afloat. I remember vividly watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where the husbands admit to weaponized incompetence so their wives would do the work instead. I should rewatch the episode since it has been so long and see how they tackle the issue or if it is just played off for laughs.
Its tough breaking the cycle of what you've been raised with - and boomers really grew up and had those marriage ideals strongly enforced so I get it. If it's everybody loves Raymond, then it'll be played for laughs, I can nearly guarantee you. I watched his house tour recently and he similarly jokes about the fact he won't cook etc. gosh it was so frustrating watching him constantly deflect to his wife and how he designed the house so he can be as lazy as possible with her serving him
I think when it comes to a break up, it's still okay to allow yourself to grieve, but still celebrate the new chapter and the fact that you now have space in your life for better. Whether that's a new partner, or just focusing more on hobbies, career, etc.
@@TincyM-z2m well why do you think men and women were put on this earth then? it's because the obviously they have something to offer each other so yes we do need each other. The man needs the women's eggs to make the baby and the women needs the man to start producing it
Happy aro/ace here ! ✌🏻 But it took me years not to feel guilty for it ! Society, family, friends : everyone tends to tell you you're not normal. That's why it's great to live in this Day and Age : still difficult, but at least you get to choose and be understood by some amazing friends. And honestly those wedding videos are horrifying, the level is so so low, sometimes ! I get that the wifes love their husband but the cake ones especially : 🚩🚩🚩! Why this violence and will to humiliate someone you're supposed to love ? 🤨
So I'm bisexual (date mostly women, hook-up with men) and I went on a date one time with a guy shortly after a hard breakup with my serious girlfriend and he was so insufferable I was trying to get away from him but couldn't. He kept talking about his past in excruciating detail but when I said anything about mine (in attempt to empathize) he would yell at me for trauma dumping. I told some of my straight friends about this experience and they all said it's a pretty typical experience dating men. Dating a woman definitely has it's own issues but I feel like lesbians are more aware of mental health issues and take special care not to depend on dump everything on each other. Yes, we have deep intimate conversations and are transparent with each other but we don't treat each other like live in therapists
I fell for the toxic 'you need a man to be happy, every woman wants a man in her life' way too hard when I was young (in the '00s too ...) and I'm so glad that I'm out of that idea and in a healthy relationship instead. I too have an ex who was very insecure about me being smarter than him (and I know that by now I earn more than him, which he would have had an even harder time with), who laughed about my interests etc. We can all do without issues like that.
You know what would have probably been a good place to start in teaching guys how to take care of themselves and not put every house hold thing on their partners? Genuinely? 'Home Ec' and Cooking classes as a required class in schools, especially high schools, for all genders, and with different levels offered, not just one generic class for the entire school career. I doubt anything like that is required (it wasn't within my highschool years, graduated 06') but it might at least teach everyone how to, you know...take care of themselves.
@StarryWaters-gq1oj Although there are lots of resources online, I do still think classes would be helpful to get more hands-on practice and coaching. Especially for cooking.
I absolutely LOVE how I cannot hear a single sound from the red pill videos- I’m honestly so, so done hearing the sound of those clowns’ voices, let alone what amoebalike thoughts they have in what passes for a mind. So done.
Another great vid. I know it's not for me, but resonate with lots of this. Happily re-embracing singleness in my mid 40s. No desire for another relationship and, managing long covid 4 years on, no energy to give to one either.
In my opinion ALL men needs to listen to women and learn how to handle rejection with maturity. In my opinion of you want to pursue someone listen to them no down insecure red pill dude on the internet. I’m a straight 26 yr girl and I had a x guy friend that tried to make me his gf indirectly when it literally went into the friendship for a male friendship. I call him out on it and he got mad like bro no wonder no girls want to date you. Guys need to learn and respect that women are human and not sex toys. I’ve made great guys friends since then but man I hope guys learn to do better 💐💙 Ps from my expirence I’ve met dudes that want a gf but they don’t want to know themselves better before a relationship they see relationships like a due date and it’s like bro how about learn about yourself more and not fell for the societal pressure (im in the US)
Yeah, I've been thinking a lot lately about the rejection aspect specifically. Over the past year, I've done a lot of work on myself and my career, which has inadvertently helped me get over my fear of rejection. I've learned that rejection actually isn't a big deal at all - sure it may sting a little, but a.) I've experienced MUCH worse emotionally, and b.) I'm no worse off in my life circumstances than I was before the rejection. Having learned these lessons myself, it's shone a new light on these men who simply cannot handle rejection at all. Like, not even the thought of it. And they'll take it one of two ways: never shooting their shot and blaming women for rejections that didn't even happen, or acting utterly entitled and scary when they do get rejected. It's weakness, frankly, and not attractive. I'm starting to understand why people say "men today are soft"... Except I would disagree on what "soft" means - I don't mean that emotional intelligence = soft. Quite the opposite, in fact. Men online seem to have ZERO capacity for unpleasant feelings these days. They need to learn how to take an L with grace.
i think an issue with the way both men and women were raised is linking their worth to the attention of the opposite sex. i feel like the feminist movement has kind of decentred men in discussions of femininity and women's worth, which is why many more girls and women are able to see value within themselves outside of male attention, whereas alt right/alpha male podcasts re-enforce the idea that masculinity is about the controlling of women therefore placing that worth into women's hands and more specifically women's submission. so when they are not offered this, young boys and men tend to be even more upset and angry as they feel they've been robbed of the thing they're entitled to and therefore their worth. the solution therefore is defining masculinity outside of female attention and female control but rather on values that are up to the individual boy/man to uphold, placing their worth back into their own hands. cause here's the thing: it doesn't matter how much women can submit to and worship a man, if he does not believe himself to truly have any inherent worth, he'll never really feel worthy
Men who feel less if their partner earns more make me feel very sad for them. It’s a reflection of the constant ‘soft abuse’ they face their whole lives. To need someone else to do less well than yourself in order to be okay… that’s no healthy no matter who you are or what the situation is.
Believe it or not, even if women find a man who makes less than their male partners, MOST of them tend to resent them over it. That's why men would intentionally find someone less than to feel like they are accomplishing something. While yes it's not the most ideal, but that's how it is.
Oh boy, you mentioning how guys suck with making women uncomfortable when getting to know them definitely made me feel very embarrassed. I was that guy that had a good thing going and make it weird and I still feel awful. I'm living proof that being into feminism doesn't make you any better at not screwing things up. I'm new to dating and autistic, so it's a learning curve and I feel bad that there was collateral in me learning to socialized better.
Nah it’s all good I too as an autistic and ADHDER come to realize how annoying I was with info dumping and my inability to corporate if someone gave me a little attitude and I’m a woman! So it’s all good we learn and get better too so it might be more of our NDness then it being our gender.
I remember that my mom had to quit telling my father when she got a raise because he'd be so insufferable. He'd have one of those toddler type fits and be mean to both her and me.
There is something to be said about woman role models for men as well, men who grew up with a working mother tend to not be as threatened by successful partners. My partner grew up in a family where his dad helped around the house just as much as his mom and his mom makes much more money, he actually listens to me and takes my hard work into consideration. We basically had this legally blond moment one day where I was just showering him with praise and he went “like it’s hard??” He was genuinely confused, to him this is just how you’re supposed to treat a partner I hope I get to marry him one day
The intro to this video is actually how i felt when my ex girlfriend left me, I'd been emotionally supporting her, single handedly caring for both our home and our daughter (not once since she was born did she do anything a parent should outside of the occasional nappy change) and had 0 social life because of this. Now I'm living closer to my family with my daughter and ive got way less stress compared to back then even though i'm a single parent now i have less to do because I'm not dealing with her mess too.
💜🌼🌻 I'm really glad I'm having this moment of "oh my god?? that was SO much emotional labour for a person who wouldn't try to help themself??? I need to start getting better at boundary setting and expressing my emotions" now rather than later, and I'm really glad that because of other women speaking up I have a space and time to think that instead of putting all the blame on myself for being "psycho" about my birthday you know? Thankyou to anyone who has spoken about their experiences, it has helped me grow as a person and I will forever be in your debt
My now husband made more when we first started dating bc I was in college and law school and he had a full time job. My starting pay was equivalent to his and then quickly went up $5-10k more than him and it was like that when he proposed. I lost my job, he got a better paying job to support our household, and we got married. I’ve been underemployed and decided to start a biz. He got a better job and works overtime now. He is vocal about supporting my success and doesn’t have an ego about me making more money than him. In fact, he is stressed that we are not making as much money as before (makes total sense!) and he dreams about retiring early so we can just have fun together. And since I will always work my vocation even when we’re financially independent I think that works out well for both of us and our contentment.
💜 💐 I’m growing flowers this year - monarch butterfly and pollinator garden as well as ground covers and cottage garden varieties 💖 alongside fruit/veg garden! Men are market driven. So as women we set the dating market and stand firm in your standards while continuing to work on yourself and live your own best life. It’s better to be single and definitely not have kids with below bare minimum low effort and misogynistic men! Remember not to procreate with that type of person and everything will self-correct in time. Yes maybe our population will reduce but assured there will be plenty of happy women living our best lives. And imagine a world full of good parents who are passionate about having children with a solid financial foundation! Less trauma overall. It’s ok to be childfree or childless and not be in a relationship or dating. Women don’t care if an entire ethnicity goes extinct (South Korea). If half of humanity is being disrespected by that culture then the culture deserves to die out. That’s the solution. 🤷🏼♀️
24:46 - Thank youuu! Always love to see the positive shout-outs! I'd like to add "Moon Channel" to this list! He does videos about video games and the law, using Ace Attorney sprites a lot in his videos. He's soft-spoken and calm in how he talks, gives 10% of the video money to charity, and talks positively about his sisters who got him out of the red-pill track in his youth. He does tons of research about his topics and has a dry almost British sense of humor, and focuses on Japanese video games and explaining Asian culture to Americans. His history on Korea's Incel Problem was VERY eye-opening for me, a really good companion to FD Signifier's recent video!
I'm way ahead of the curve here. Single male for nearly a decade and I like it that way. I can cook, do the dishes, clean my house, do groceries and work 40+ hours a week. I'd be a goshdarn catch (though I'm mid at best lookswise), but none of youse are gonna catch me. In nearly all of my previous relationships, I was the bread winner, but also often the cook, the driver and the accountant. Not because I wanted that, it's what they wanted me to do. And the last girlfriend I had barely let me have my own hobbies or even my own things IN MY OWN HOUSE that I am paying for. I can do without that noise.
@@Alexandraadftxr7052 perhaps, but I'm not willing to try anymore. I've been hurt and manipulated too many times. There is only so much abuse I'm willing to take and I've had my fill.
That’s my experience too. I have had three girlfriends in the past and now on i will be single. I don’t want to do all the work when my partner is always going out and having fun. I have always had to get money, clean, wash dishes etc.
I've been child free all my life and the best times of life where I was the most happiest was when I was single. I'm 45 , child free and single and I like it. I was doing this when it was still stigmatized but now as I really am leaning into the older cat lady stereotype, haha, it's now a thing and I'm loving it. Fun fact... The word spinster was only meant for younger unmarried women. I forget the exact age but after age 24-26, an unmarried woman is called a thornback. A THORNBACK. ..I don't know about you but I absolutely love that label, it sounds badass and go-getting. I love it.
I know misogynists will find this and start hate commenting as it happens all the time- just leave them to it, no need to waste your energy. Anyone who actually watches my work knows that I don't hate men, I hate patriarchy. They wanna lash out at a married woman? ok. sure. whatever 🤷♀🤷♀ just means they'll get more content like mine by engaging with it
It is so refreshing to see/hear more women not settling for crumbs anymore. The Patriarchy has (and will continue) to push the notion of marriage. Marriage benefits men. Unless and/or until men place more value on women and their contributions, I like where I am in my life. No fuss, no must!
Indeed. This video was very insightful and interesting. Thank you for posting this. 😊☮️🍰
The angry men are just scared to be single, sad really...
I love it. Stay mad. Die mad.
how to end the gender wars:
men need to stop treating women like an NPC character in the video games of their lives.
women need to stop expecting men to meet unreachable expectations. i've literally heard a woman say: "i want a man with a PhD, who's over six feet, and if he has anything less than 7 inches, then it's a clit."
*BUT,* we all know that neither side wants to admit their faults, so here we are.
Absence of reciprocity in emotional labor is the main reason my past relationships ended. I refuse to be a therapist for a man who has never once accepted responsibility for his emotional state.
Ugh!
The whole "you made me mad" scenario. Hearing that constantly gets old fast. As if I'm obligated to fix your anger issues.
Unless you're seeing a therapist to help you deal with that anger like an adult, then I just assume they want to stay mad.
Sadly, the victim complex does come with perks.
If you're not paid like a therapist by him, don't do that work for free!
@@BryonyClaireI agree wholeheartedly, for other women.
I, however, have several mental health diagnoses that I see my own therapist for, and don't have the time or energy to be another's therapist, even if they offered to pay me market rate wages.
And I am fully prepared to remain single for the rest of my life, as nobody should feel like they have to deal with my traumas that would affect the relationship.
I remember trying to open up to my ex about my emotional issues with my weight and he hit me with “At least you can change your weight! I can’t change my height!”
I’m so glad he’s my ex
@@Rose-kj7rzsame. I ended a 2 year relationship even though it would mean being pretty much alone as I have few friends and work from home. He was very handsome and a lot of fun - but his lack of emotional intelligence and insecurities constantly accusing me of cheating were just too much. He refused to accept any wrongdoing and at that point I had to choose whether to become his counsellor as well as his girlfriend or just walk. I decided to walk. I’m tired 😕
The worst ones are the guys who say they want "a traditional relationship"... but then call the woman a golddigger if she expects him to do all the working. Like, so you want the double income, but also for her to do all the housework, right?
Men don’t want traditional women. What I did is married a younger woman that didn’t have children and makes as much as I do financially. It was easy. Its 50/50 now.
@@grumpynomad3551 I do, but since I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I can't afford it.
So I'll just have fun till I die I guess
@@grumpynomad3551 do you also do 50/50 on house chores and childcare? Just asking.
You're not wrong. That's pretty screwed up.
Explain that to yourself first losrr
"You're going to be all alone with cats!"
. . . Okay? I like cats. Love them, actually. So do my gOrLz, my besties, my friend group. So I'm not alone either, babes.
Don't threaten me with a good time, honey~ LOL! 😂
The lady in Artisocats knew what living really was
Cats > men 😹
The fear that men possess from the thought of being alone is insurmountable by the loneliness of a still in denial of reality woman. The men are afraid. A woman may need to manage of finances better...that's about it. Her life will actually be healthier without a man if she is aware and intentional in her lifestyle.
People talk about becoming a crazy cat lady like it's a bad thing. Lmao what if that's my goal
@@h8h215 I made a joke because I like cats, not because of some "gender war." Not everything I do is to retaliate against the male half of the population. Just doing what I prefer and nothing more
Even though there is an epidemic of loneliness in general rn, I've seen an emphasis on male loneliness, and I wonder if a big part of that is just misogynistic men realising that more and more women dont have to settle for their asses anymore.
I think the issue of male loneliness isn't about romantic relationships. It's more about friendships.
@@zax1998LU ikwym, I can see an additional reason being that some men don't wanna be friendly in literal FRIENDships, bc they're afraid that's womanly, weak, gay etc. Which just shows how badly they view women and gay 💀 and they don't wanna give this bad view up, even though it's making them lonely too tf
And it shows what they think of friendship lol if you don't see value in FRIENDSHIP, what value will you see in LOVE?
@@Pomagranite167 sadly, some of them don't even think it's possible or of any value to be platonic friends w a woman, bc they just think it's a foot in the door for sex smh.
@@zax1998LUno it’s about relationships hence the crying and whining that women don’t want them
There is a lot of speculation about how much Einstein's first wife contributed to his success. She was a genius in her own right.
a Lot of men stole ideas from the smart Women around them ( throughout history )
The ultimate two body problem: Mileva was the only female student in Einstein's cohort, the only female student in the Royal Classical High School in Zagreb, she consistently scores very high on her exams, in college here GPA was 5.05 (on a scale of 1-6) Einstein was at 5.7 so...a 0.65 point different. Her physics score was *tied* with Einsteins at 5.5.
And then she got pregnant and that's that. She still tried to push on with her doctorate
As for the true proof of her collaboration? Sorry Albert if you wanted to claim pure credit you shoulda been Newton - too afraid of women and working inside during a plague.
Which...to be fair Einstein did get there by marrying his cousin and pretending hard in his latter years that Mileva didn't exist.
Yes, Einstein, one of the most brilliant men in the world who treated his wife like crap, and then married his cousin. What a genius.
@@themissmay He may have been a shit tier husband but he was a deity tier physicist. Like...Bernini the sculptor? Bros mistress was his apprentices wife whomst his brother was also enjoying... resulting in a brawl where Bernini almost beat his bro to death with renaissance rebar in the fucking *Sistine Chapel* bro went to prison, Bernini sent a goon to slice up the mistresses face and Berninis punishment via Pope was - more paid work and marry a hot rich chick.
Just because people make amazing discoveries or art doesn't....mean they're people you'd wanna be married or related to.
@@petitmainsI wish yall cared about how men treat their women and children and used that as a test of their character as well as their accomplishments. If you’re 💩-y to your wife you’re a 💩-y person period
man: " women are so mysterious. I can never begin to understand them."
woman: gives very direct explicit instructions
man: "so mysterious "
....."so masculine"
We aren’t mysterious, they’re just incredibly dense.
You said no, that must mean yes 😃
@@Stephanie-st5seyeah that's what op said, talk about dense... 😬
its all in their delusional heads/mind
theyve become so F delusional ... cant wait for their downfall
The most upsetting thing to me about my divorce is that my ex-husband played the part of a feminist so well. He was pro-choice, aligned with my values, he said that he recognized how much work his single mother did and valued her efforts, watched and enjoyed the Barbie movie, read feminist essays and discussed them with me. BUT I was still the one doing 90% of the housework despite both of us working full time and my also attending university full time, he only attended one therapy session and refused to go back or find another therapist, he told his friends I was crazy for wanting a more equal division of labor, if I expressed my being upset at all he'd tell me I was being too loud/angry/stop crying. All of this from a man who claims he's a feminist and played the part so well that I believed him until things escalated. By the last week of our marriage I genuinely feared for my life. I'll buy ny own damn flowers if it means keeping myself safe from that nonsense 💜💐
That performative feminism thing is such an issue - I had included a bit of a rant about it originally in this but I think it warrants it's own video - because that's what your husband was doing. There can be agreeing on things - on paper, but when it comes to ACTUALLY being about equality, and doing the work...hmmm...where'd they go? That's not on. I'm so sorry you went through this, it sounds like it got really dangerous near the end and I am positive you have so much more happiness to look forward to in your life now the trash is gone 🤍
@@BryonyClaire looking forward to that video, thank you for creating a space for people to discuss these things. Your channel has helped me through my divorce a lot 💜
My father is like this. Performance. Watching what men do rather than say is my new life goal
@@BryonyClaire Men with deep mommy enmeshment trauma who weaponize feminism to manipulate and abuse their girlfriends and maintain their patriarchal power would be such a powerful video topic. It happened to me, too, though I was lucky he got bored with me and got out by month two.
Too many men think aesthetics of white feminism is all that's needed to be considered woman-supportive. But when the going gets tough they still expect women to fall back to the majority of caretaking. Unless they were raised by a very capable single dad, it's rare to see a truly feminist man in hetero relationships.
“Men lagging behind.”
As a man, I’ve been noticing that constantly. Hell, the men who are lagging would rather have a bad case of “Peter Pan Syndrome” instead of actually evolving, emotionally, financially, mentally, and physically. What men believe nowadays is that women are supposed to be subservient to them and take any order without question, or suffer the consequences, whether it be through abuse or infidelity. If I did all of that, my family would be disgusted with me and probably disown me. If you can’t handle, for instance, your partner making more money than u, then tough shit! It means that u gotta evolve financially. If u as a man refuse to evolve, then don’t play the dating game, because, to begin with, you were never even a player.
It makes me so happy when I see there are men out there who get it. On behalf of women (and men), men like you need to spread the word to the men in their close circles, who’re unaware rn. Hold each other to better standards and call them out if they’re being hateful. Men like that who see us as lesser will never listen to us.
I’ve noticed that a lot of men are lazy. Only a small percentage of men actually built the world. The rest are riding on other’s coattails
@@GrungeGalactica it’s because my family didn’t raise me to be a brute. I not only have my reputation to uphold, but also my family’s. Hell, i even think that the whole Passport Bro movement is insane. Why? Well, the men are throwing away their friends, family, and job for love. That’s some desperate, misguided shit right there. Something that I don’t want to be part of. Also, here’s the thing, if both partners are contributing to their shared income, it means that they can, for instance, plan out vacations together! So, I don’t know what these guys want when they say that they want a traditional marriage.
@@donkeywithascarf2435 U will find a great man one day. As the old saying goes, love will find you when you least expect it.
True, my ex broke up with me because I refused to do all the house work, have a job and pay the major of the bills and still had to stay silent most of the day because we were on home-office and he "needed silence", so I suggested a bigger apartment so each of us could have some space and he called me selfish...Now, 2 years later, he realized that no woman is willing to go through all that in 2024, he's missing me 😂😂 He send me a long message on how hard it was to "live by himself and do the chores and pay the bills". I blocked him because I was so fucking angry I was about to murder him for stating the obvious that I've said for 4 long years 😂 (I'm pretty sure he also had a problem with the wage disparity, but I am 4 years older and was working for way longer time than he was, so it didn't even made sense) He still living the same life as he did in college, his friends are moving to another country, having kids and getting married and he still there trying to live up to the good old college days
Men who are not willing to become better people shouldn't expect women to accept them as partners. Especially considering how much they demand from them. A woman has to be beautiful, fun, smart, supportive, make her own money, comprehensive, passionate and hardworking just to be considerate attractive. Why not apply the same standards to them? It's only fair.
Period. Men that do care will do their part of growing as a person bc everyone needs to grow up And change as we age. Those that refuse to change for the better will be left behind and honestly I don’t give a shit about them.
@@h8h215 boooo scary
I never get that about men. Especially the "you're too good for me" guys - well, then get better? work on yourself?
Exactly. These men expect women to be perfect however, if such a woman like that existed do you think she would want to have to be stuck with men like them ?
Nope. Your average woman has enough to deal with, and this "perfect woman" would only want a perfect man.
The level of entitlement is sickening.
@@h8h215... That's not a thing. If men lose women don't lose. Women move on.
my 40y/o never married/child-free/home owning sister in law has her shit together more than me and her brother lol. She also has a strong friend group/family support system, which she constantly nurtures and cultivates
and my sister has been the "breadwinner" of her household for 20 years with their lovely partner. How lucky am I to have such badass ladies in my life?
@@vklnew9824 lol, k. I'd rather age poorly than leave rude comments on youtube for seemingly no reason, how pathetic...
I love her already
@@vklnew9824aww poor baby doesn’t value others, you’ll truly die alone. You don’t even need to age badly, you’re already a bad choice 😂, a lost cause
Goals
I feel so bad for straight women (and women who aren’t straight but date men) As a gay man married to another man and dividing the labor is always a discussion we come to on an equal playing field
Some of these men will respect another man before a woman.
For most hetero males when it comes to hetero rlsps, there is a conditioned bias (consciously or subconsciously) that women are meant to do more of the domestic work regardless.
Babe it sux
I totally agree - I do envy you guys sometimes
I fell sorry for women
Same but from the perspective of a straight T4T relationship. Cis people don't seem ok in straight relationships for some reason anymore.
Red pill has exposed what many men were afraid to say out loud in public.
Red pill is actually a good thing because now that women are seeing and hearing how men really feel about them, now women can avoid toxic relationships by not dating them.
Thanks to red pill i no longer desire a husband and im perfectly fine being alone.
Lol...men don't prefer to have wife either... feminist think men are desperate for marriage...if men are sexually satisfied they care about nothing...I think sex worker can fulfill that role
red pill made me realize all of those bad things they say and do says more about them than you.
it's easier to deal with loneliness when single than to settle for someone that's unhealthy for you
Honestly, yes.
Always was independent and got my own shit and degrees, says struggled, and I slept fine alone.
Imagine having to give all that up and now you ask permission for grocery money, ask permission to go to the store, give up your dream because you have to support his, forget your emotional state because you have to look after an emotional immature man child, have everything in order only for him to not be happy still and cheat.
Mind you I’m younger, I’m much fitter, and he kept me inside so no one would see me and I was at his mercy.
He destroyed all my financial opportunities that I had when I was single and that I worked so hard for.
Very well explained!
yeah i'm kinda glad those groups exist on the internet so i know how big this way of thinking is, and i'm not crazy
Einsteins wife was also a scientist and contributed a lot to his work which is invisable and not valued. He also wrote a horrible letter to her shutting her up after they separated. Just one other genius who stole from woman - very sad.
femcels becoming so desperate and jealous of men success that they started claiming mans success is their womans 😂
THE WAY I FUCKING MISREAD THAT AS EPSTEIN
"being single is no longer a punishment for not being obedient" so disturbing that we all actually internalized this horrific narrative.
I saw a statistic last year that really stuck with me. For the last 4ish generations, the percentage of men who call themselves feminists has gone up with each generation. Gen Z is the first generation whose percentage of men who call themselves feminists has gone down. Less gen Z men call themselves feminists than Millennial men. It’s scary.
tbf a lot of millennial men costume themselves as feminists and parade around with the label only for their masks to slip when faced in taking action that backs feminist views. It isn't so much about the label and hot air, we must look at the actions of men.
it's all this manosphere content.
@@MoonAddict2024Majority of which is correct and to the point, altough I do agree some of it is rather BS
Its plain wrong, it was same for millennials. Support for modern feminism has always been low among men, around 20%. Support for feminism has also declined among women.
@@MoonAddict2024While correct, I just feel like it is a combination of male teens and boys along with the mentality of “women and girls are already equal, so what more do they have to fight for?”
Did you read that report on loneliness in men after "grey divorce"? Men who get divorced after all children become independent adults drastically lose social ties, because their wives were the ones maintaining these relationships. Even with the men's own blood relatives and kids! Women keep track of birthdays, anniversaries, gift giving, and event planning. With a lot of older men, as soon as they don't have a woman doing his social upkeep, he has a drastically smaller circle to rely on.
This is very true!!
I've heard that this is part of why women live longer than men. Elder women who become widowed tend to live a lot longer than elder men who become widowed, because all his social ties died with his wife :(
It is exhausting to be with someone who is insecure, especially if they believe what the patriarchy tells them. It is so relaxing to be with someone who is comfortable with themselves and genuinely supports you and sees your wins as family wins. And once you add children, you will get very tired of having another adult acting like a child around.
An ex-girlfriend was so insecure. I know exactly what you mean.
Even men who aren't consuming 'man-o-sphere' content will talk about s*x workers like they're lesser than and 'of model' has become a euphemism for women they don't like (while they are still the ones consuming the content). Insecurity surrounding toys and stuff is also impacting relationships as women are not getting out of relationships what the men using them as a hole are 🤪
Guys who have insecurity around toys clearly don't want to experience higher pleasure themselves lol, they do know they can be used as a couple, right? right?? Missing out, mate!
Woman here and I don't like toys, please, I'm not a prude, it's becouse it's not in me to put a stuff made in industry inside myself, I feel violated, the same feeling doesn't happen with human's body's part entering in me. Sorry for being graffic, I also don't care if other women use toys.
@grazielaalmeida8438 fully understand if you're not comfortable with using them personally :) nobody has to, it's more about the men who say "why do you use that, am I not good enough?" Is what this is referring to
@@grazielaalmeida8438 I second that, I’ve tried them once or twice and even tho they worked (lol) and I can defo see the appeal; I feel more connected to my body when I get off ‘manually’ rather than an automatic, predictable ‘O’- but that’s just me. Glad to have the option tho, should I get arthritis or tennis elbow in the future 😂
That's the funniest thing, I've seen men esp on twitter get so hateful towards sex workers/of girls, and it's like, my dude, you watch porn. You have 1000% consumed porn, the content you think makes women lesser, content created for you. The hypocrisy is staggering.
About Einstein, his wife Mileva(Serbian) was also genius and his best work came while he was in relationship with her. Imagine how successful she would be if he didnt put all children on her back and actually supported her, like Marie Curie husband did for her.
Thank you for being the only commenter who bothered to include her name and didn’t just refer to her as “Einstein’s wife”.
Unfortunately, the only thing that is going to change this dynamic is the consistent effort of a lot of men, and they seem to have no interest whatsoever in undertaking it. As women, I think the best we can do is to be very choosy about which men we benefit with our time and attention, call out inappropriate behavior, laziness and entitlement when we see it and work very hard to not parentify little girls and hold little boys accountable for the same things we expect of girls, but ultimately I think it's only gonna be when dudes experience enough pain due to their misogyny that they will change and they haven't crossed that threshold yet.
I'm just afraid that men's reaction to more women avoiding them won't be introspection or self-improvement, but rather taking what they want by force like they've always done.
@isbalella So basically, what you're saying is that the threat of violence makes you want to comply with patriarchal oppression. That's why they do it, to keep the very dynamic you explained going. So your solution is to simply placate misogynists. How exactly will that change or improve anything? Will there be outbursts from men? Yes. Google or search RUclips for the term "extinction burst" and know that increased conflict is actually an indication of progress forward. We are not going to fundamentally change the power dynamics between genders without conflict. But conflict does not mean that change isn't happening. To me, allowing men to continue to use the threat of violence as an excuse to not call them out is upholding patriarchy and I won't do it. Now, to the women in very vulnerable circumstances, I am not saying they specifically should be the ones starting conflicts - that would be dangerous. But most of us aren't in imminent danger, so there's no reason to use that as the justification to accept violence from men .
Girls are supposed to be taught that they are young queens who hold a lot of power in their hands. Which we do. Our sex appeal, beauty, and our softness IS our power, whether we like it or not. And they definitely should not be told "no boy will like you if you do xyz". Men and boys have ALWAYS desired women. And always will. For simply exisiting. So the girls really should not be told to try so hard for male validation. They are ALWAYS looking at us, noticing us, seeking us out, thinking about us, wanting to be with us (or use us).
Boys need to be told a bit more often "girls won't like you if you are mean" or inconsiderate, cowardly, lazy, disagreeable, weak, selfish, or unambitious. They are the ones who want US so badly. We already cater to them SO MUCH. If they want success in dating or marraige, they need to be catering to women as well.
Women have accepted that if they don't conform to conventional feminine standards, they will end up alone, or they might have to wait a while for their right guy. We KNOW this.
Many of these guys tho? Uh uh. They wanna be bummy, unambitious, sad, emotionally inept losers, and they don't want to be good masucline men, but they still feel entitled to every woman they lay their eyes on. 🙄 even if they have nothing, they seem to always have the audacity.
@@isbalella That is what is happening sadly. I've just been to a lecture on feminism amongst natives in Bolivia and both female activism as well as femicides and I think also SA numbers went up at the same time. Men want to keep their power so bad when in the end it's not even about power. Ruling over other people does not bring anyone true happiness and contentment, lest connection.
i would add more selfdefence courses for women as a reaction to that.
I 'member, 'bout a year (maybe two?) before I finally divorced my husband, I was in the kitchen scrubbing the baseboards, having just baked some pretty good apple bread and suddenly thought "I'd love to be married to me! I'm a great partner!" It was a weird thought, based on an idle thought spiral I was in while cleaning about who spilled all this stuff (he did) and how lazy he was about cleaning up after himself, and how little he did that I didn't have to ask him repeatedly to do (clean the spill in the kitchen), and how much of that was half-assed (hence me cleaning the baseboards), and how the things he did do (cook and grocery shop) were mainly for him (his menu, his snacks, only my items when I requested them specifically and half the time it was the wrong thing, and if I pointed *that* out I was being ungrateful for his help) while my things (the apple bread, baked before he and our kid woke up on a Saturday) benefitted him and everyone else in the house, and I often baked something I liked but didn't love (the apple bread) instead of a recipe I wanted that he or our son didn't like (cinnamon rolls, that specific morning.)
That wasn't the end of my marriage, that thought. It wasn't even the beginning of the end, it was more like the end of me pretending that I was in a marriage of equally participating partners who were trying to do for ourselves and each other, but a situation in which he did what he felt like and left the rest to me, while being both widely over-sensitive with any critique or suggestions from me, and also resenting me if I asked him to do anything outside of his specific list of "stuff he cared to do." And about two-ish years later, I kicked him out, based on a pattern of abusive, violent behavior, but it was that thought, that "I'd love to be married to *me*." that made me start to detest the kind of husband he was.
weaponised incompetence?
i've never been married but i definitely relate. from an objective perspective, i would not even keep an *acquaintance* who couldn't take care of themselves, respect my time and energy, and invest as much as i do into the relationship. so why would i put up with that behavior from someone who i supposedly was going to spend my life with?
As an ace/aro woman, quite grateful I live in this current time than further in the past. But then again, I do have generational wealth so that’s making it easier.
But yeah, society is letting everyone down when gender equality and dismantling patriarchy aren’t a focus. Seriously, you have these Men’s Rights Activists bitching about feminism when there are genuinely a lot of issues that men face: lower life expectancy, higher rates of suicide, higher levels of loneliness, double standards for expressing interest in ‘female’ jobs or interests.
Pulling women down doesn’t help you get higher up on the ladder. C’mon guys, we all deserve better. Patriarchy hurts everyone.
patriarchy does hurt everyone! Exactly! And yes, 100% it's better these days for aro/ace folk, despite the lack of understanding which still exists, there's so much information freely and easily out there and people who share their lived experiences online that it's not hard to learn about
I am ace and have thought about this as well. And while I don't have generational wealth I have had some lucky twists on top of hard work so I am able to live on my own. I am really glad to have an option other than going to a convent haha.
I’m ace too and I’d have had a terrible time if I’d been born in the past and practically had to be r*ped by my husband every time 🫠
🤝🏻🤝🏻🤝🏻
A truly broken system
Love the shoutout to FD Signifier. He's got a lot of great videos with similar topics from a BIPOC viewpoint. So glad to see another vid from ya Bryony. You are elegance embodied.
His work is amazing, hugely appreciate his perspective and work he does
I use to like his work until I started watching his interaction and responses on Themis's channel to the Manosphere .
FD Signifier is great! I’ve learned a lot from him.
I love seeing women build their communities and relationships that aren’t just romantic. I love seeing that our tolerance for icky, weaponized incompetence is dwindling. Frankly, it’s good to see people realizing their self worth and quit pining for less than bare minimum from low value people. ❤ ❤your work girl ❤❤
as someone who's uninterested in dating and relationships, it's been really nice to see the shift of focus to friendships and platonic relationships! i love my family and friends dearly, and i know i and many of the people i know would not sacrifice those bonds for a romantic relationship.
I am so glad we are making being single long term more acceptable. And one of the best things I accidentally realized early on (since I had to minmax my time) was that partners for me are not competing against other people they are competing against how much I enjoy life on my own. Then I stumbled into a really wonderful relationship in my mid 30s and only had to briefly deal with a few frogs to get here haha.
But also the hardest thing in my life has been watching a good friend of mine keep trying to make a relationship with an absolutely toxic person work. I am glad that more of the younger generation are seeing they are worth more than that.
It took a long time and a lot of men but I ended up with a man who is really a gem. I listen to other women's stories about their husbands that are essentially children in men's bodies and my heart just breaks for them. I've been there, I know it's maddening. I certainly don't wanna imply that I just picked better or anything, I know I got lucky. I would also like to remind all of my fellow US ladies in here, after Republicans are done going after your reproductive rights on a national level including access to birth control, they're going after no-fault divorce laws. This has already been established. Vote wisely please💙💙🌷🌸🌼🌻
I'm glad you're with a much better partner now! I hear all these issues too and it's the hugest yikes. Republican's are fully going after any kind of autonomy that women have, it is scary as hell looking at what's going on over there. I'm pretty sure everyone who watches me is more left leaning, so I doubt anyone would vote red, but still, worth pointing out their long game
@@BryonyClaire exactly. I'm more concerned about the people who intend to sit out this election. We need as many Republicans out of every branch of government as possible
@@BryonyClaireI’m always worried about people who say they’re blue and then switch up when they’re in office or get bought out to go against the people.
@Imbatmn57 I have this feeling that Republican women may actually save this election. Suburban women as a whole are pretty fed up I think. They probably don't talk about it with their families but I'm sure once they're in that booth they vote for their rights. I mean, Kentucky has a Democrat governor. How do ya explain that lol
Absolutely. The Conservative playbook (which has shades of dictatorship and nazism) is called Project 2025. You can Google it and read the entire thing. No more rights for women, no civil services, and minorities are f*cked. A total federal overhaul.
I did marry young and I very much allowed my husband to mold me. The problem was that he didn't have a good plan at all. He wanted to lead but couldn't. By the time he divorced me - yes, I actually still wanted to stay married - he didn't have a penny and I was so much better off without him. I don't know why men are so hot to be in charge. It's a lot of work and most are not cut out to handle the load. Even now I still sometimes miss the happy security of having someone to depend on. But of course it was all an illusion after all.
i tink its like a herding instict most "masculine" men have. being good at it is another thing. I personally would find weird to "manage" another adult
@@moneyobsessed they feel powerless without someone to bully
I have to get something off of my chest. My brother is an absolute loser, love him to death, but loser. SO... the past two women he has brought around I have straight up told them what hes like. Doesnt know how to clean, refers to women's career positions like the lady assistant, punches holes in walls when mad, is cheap, and I reiterate he does not know how to clean. Oddly enough, I was asked by one of the women because she felt his temperament was off and she noticed it FAST - So I told her the truth. My brother is a loser and please trust me lol
Love it🫶🏼
Good on you for looking out for others! He needs to get some help and do some serious self reflection and find healthier outlets for his rage
Now why would any male do that when they are rewarded by the system who provokes their rampant behavior lol
I just want to update everyone that she is choosing to further engage with my loser brother and they are currently having a Taco Bell dinner in his bedroom at our mother’s home.
@iamanom sometimes there's nothing more you can do
Honestly, after pining after a relationship all my life, I’m really relieved that I don’t want one anymore. Seems like a huge pain to be honest, trying to sift through the men
same. i used to be so boy crazy and obsessed with male validation and finding a partner. then at some point last year it was like a switch flipped in my brain. now the idea of dating men makes me shudder, and i will never touch dating apps again. i will only date if i meet them organically, and if he meets my laundry list of expectations…and tbh that is highly unlikely. so i’m just rocking with being single, and if i stay single forever i’ll be okay with that. i had 2 great aunts who never married, and they lived very full and happy lives. if i find someone, cool. if i don’t, cool.
@@coolchameleon21 I’m glad that you’re glad, very cool
When "what supposed to be a norm" is a "radical political view", we truly live in a society. I also love the famous Cher interview that she says: "Men are like dessert." because that's what I like to see in my relationships (especially romantic relationships with men). 💙🌹🌺🌼
for me Women r the dessert. Men r the appetizer o starter. Everybody craves dessert at all times.
@@luxxtaty8060 Lol I kinda wish I was bi but everyone deals with tish on some level. I agree with OP and Cher. I don't need a man, but if I find a sweet delicious one, I'll happily eat him😂
i didn't know cher said that, but it's the same analogy i've always used to describe romantic relationships! i can like dessert but it's not a craving, it's not a need, it's not something i'd go out of my way for unless i'm absolutely sure it'd make my day better^^
My fiance is a feminist and his values are very leftist. That means he disagrees on a lot of things with his old friends and it's driving them apart. He seems pretty lonely and it's really hard for him to find new friends he can actually get close to. I am sensing he is starting to become a little man hating. Same for me, but I can relate to other women. On the other hand I am really glad he understands me, but on the other hand I feel sad for how isolating that must be.
It's sad that there's a wedge happening between his old friends, this is a great time for them to learn and grow too, but instead they're alienating him and he's "the bad guy". I don't think he'll becoming man hating - he's just pointing out the very real issues of patriarchy, which isn't actually about hating men at all, it's hating the broken system, which is entirely valid. He will be able to find people, whether through your friends partners, or gaming/gym/hobbies/volunteering, it takes time and is hard making friends as an adult but he'll be able to find people he can get along with
There are more leftist and feminist places where he can meet other men and talk about what he is feeling. I hope he finds a community with other like minded male friends
He just needs to make new friends, easier said than done of course, but anything truly worth it takes effort and work. So long as he keeps the same values and integrity when he meets new people, bad people will be warded off and the people who are looking to expand their circle of good people will find him. There are other good dudes who wanna be able to have good male friendships that dont revolve around degrading or using women. Tell him to start hanging out at the coffee shop and eventually, start making conversation with people (u can even be there if you want! Have a book so if he manages to meet cool people, you can check out and let him do his thing. Or start going to local events and meet other people looking to meet other ppl. Lots of dudes get boy time playing basketball or racketball. There is bound to be a few good dudes. Or some dudes who are receptive to thinking a new way that betters humankind, men, and the world for women.
Won't say it's easy tho lol
That’s a real shame. I watch Melanie Hamlet on here and she said her husband, (who, like your man, understands patriarchy etc) started 2 men’s groups (the healthy kind) & loves them and the new close male friends he’s made from it. She had a book recc to help start it up as well, worth a try/suggesting perhaps? Good men like that are a rare breed that need to be preserved and allowed to thrive, cause imo if other men see that, they might be convinced to join the team too ❤
@@vklnew9824 what?
i think something that men fail to consider is that they are not owed a relationship.. with anyone. For example let's say he is putting in the effort to learn to cook. If a woman doesn't want to date someone who does not already know how to cook, and so doesn't want to date him because he doesn't have that skill, that's the most normal and neutral thing in the world. People can choose not to be friends with you if you are flawed in a way they don't want to interact with, even if you have good intentions. You are not entitled to anyone's love or attention, romantic or platonic. There's something fundamentally anti-love and anti-humanity in your thinking if you essentially want to coerce others into having you in their life.
Perfect timing because I just got out of a 5 year relationship 😓
Oof - tough! I hope that life gets much happier for you :)
Good for you! Cheers! 🍹
I just broke up after 8 years, but we can do it. I send you strength and love from Germany 💜
@@Fireflies2202 @luna23973 I wish you all the best in your new chapter!
You are worth it, and I promise it is all uphill from here. You deserve peace.
i've been single for 5 years now, and that does not bother me. i was talking with my mom about what i want in a relationship (she thinks i'm straight lol) with a man, and i told her my basic expectations that aren't high. eventually she asks "so you don't want a man with strong man characteristics or looks?" and i told her i don't care. she asked me what-ifs about him wearing earrings, skirts, makeup, my clothes and i told her i don't care and the LOOK she gave me was priceless. men are victims of the patriarchy, but at some point, when they don't care to try and figure out how to break the rigidity of this structure, i can't bring myself to care! idc anymore they can be lost in the dust for all i care
Honestly some men who still want to control women with shaming them for staying “single” are telling on themselves bc they don’t self reflect and are bitter.
I don't have any desire to date men, and the dating pool for sapphic relationships is, well, tiny.
So anyways I've been single for basically all my life and frankly? I love it. I've been taught all my life that I SHOULD be in a relationship when in reality being single is great when there isn't somebody in your ear telling you that it's the worst thing that could ever happen to you.
i wish i could have the same mindset you do.. as you've said the dating pool for queer people usually isn't the biggest so finding a partner may prove difficult to many.. still i cannot help but feel a bit bad about it (being single) ://
@user-hd2bj5hs4b It definitely wasn't easy to get there. I have very little experience, and sometimes I do get in my head about it. However, I learned that getting into a relationship for the sake of it (especially using the apps) simply doesn't work for me. It didn't make me any happier. So if I find somebody naturally, I'll be excited, but I'm over trying to force a relationship only to become miserable because of it.
I’m bi too. Dating other women was way better in my case.
I gave up on them last year. I had an enough of the trauma, abuse, cheating, disrespect, not reciprocating the effort I put into them. I’m happier now than I ever had. I am so much better on my own. I’m done with them
I just left a 10 year old marriage. I have been a working wife and a sahm wife and mum. Both had their benefits and struggles. After having children both situations become unbeliavable harder. The working wife becomes frustated as she stills bares quite a lot of the household chores and the housewife is left unpaid and in a dependency position prone to fall victim to all types of abuse. My take would be for the husband to work pay the bills, the wife works to pay for the extra help ( Cleaning services, ironing services, food delivery, etc) savings and not having to ask for money.
I asked for divorce after my ex husband verbally, emotionally and physically abused me and even punished our daughter by not being in her life as I got him arrested and for that he got angry. He even used to start fights so I could get angry and he would come across being the sane and nice person he wants others to see him . Used even save girls numbers under guys names. How cowardly 😷
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you and your daughter had to go through that, such a terrible person and I hope you finally get some peace soon!
@@BryonyClaire Thank you so much 😊
That's horrible. He sounds like a sack of rotted garbage fire. You definitely would be better off without him in both you and your child's life.
You deserve better.
I study emotional manipulation to help identify what I have been through, what you are describing of him pushing you until you blew up on him, that is reactive abuse. now you can call it what it is, him pushing you until he got the reaction he wanted so that he could try to control the narrative and paint you out as the crazy one. It is a form of gas lighting
watch hg tudor they goad u
I'm SO grateful that I am in such an egalitarian marriage even though I prefer to take on a more traditionally feminine tasks as a mother and wife (I love cooking and cleaning and holiday everything!). My husband is such an involved father and probably watches our son a bit more than I do and was especially a rockstar earlier on when our son was born and did the bulk of bottle feedings/putting him to bed/carrying him on the baby sling. Everyone regardless of gender should take care of domestic labor in whatever capacity makes sense for both them and their partner (or partnerS if they're in a poly arrangement).
8:04 this looks like ACTUAL abuse… because it IS ACTUAL ABUSE. Humiliating your partner in public is abuse. Full stop.
I have a great partner now, but I loved being single. I always felt being single was better than being in a difficult relationship. Also very happy to be child-free! 😊
About wanting to be treated as a human when being a woman, I mean. Studies show men AND a lot of women are so brain washed by patriarchy that we/they see women as objects and men as people. Saying this as a girl writing adventure stories in the 80's and 90's where the main character was always always a boy/man, because I couldn't unconsciously fathom a girl being just a character without being A Girl Character and that impacting everything about them. While a man character was NOT impacted, but was just standard. So of course men are struggling with seeing women as Lead Character and not Female Side Character Female.
A sign of the times...I feel very strongly connected with this video. I'm single and im not in a hurry to change that. Romantic love isn't something I put on a pedestal anymore. For the reasons you mentioned and beyond.
Breakups suck, hard to change your self after one. I basically had to restart my life.
They can really suck - I hope your life is much happier now
dont make relationships ur whole life then
i'm the same age! 34! and i am so sick of explaining to my male friends why i'm so busy all the time. Between my main job, my side hustle, cooking and cleaning for myself in my own apartment where i live along, paying bills, fighting with insurance to cover healthcare, fighting with my bank over erroneous charges, volunteering in my community and keeping an active social life, going to the gym, putting together cute outfits.... no, i dont have time to hear them complain about how hard life is! I'm handling it and juggling 50 different projects, all my female friends are doing the same stuff -- going thru fertility treatments, planning weddings, buying property, and all the guys are just... stuck! it blows me away how long we permit and support male incompetence, without getting fairly compensated for doing 3x the work they do.
I finally broke up with someone who made me responsible for all facets of the relationship and our lives. He abandoned me and left for another state claiming a job change and then I was stuck with his bills and his stuff while he basically had a year long party. He never apologized, accepted any responsibility or even helped me clean the apartment. When I asked why he pretended to love me and then ran away, he just said he was bad at introspection. Him being uncomfortable self examining sounded like a plausible excuse for how he treated me in his head. It was wild.
Oh my gosh this sounds like an absolute worst nightmare! What a terrible person, such an obvious user and abuser but the lack of accountability is shocking. I really hope things are much better for you now, and that karma bites his ass
@@BryonyClaire Thanks! I hope things bite him in the ass too, but I mostly try not to think of him anymore. He got enough of my time. Karma at least took a good turn for me. I'm in a better, cheaper living situation and I was able to finally get my career in a better place.
Was with a man 10 years that wouldn't marry me... i was with him while he was broke, no job. I encouraged him to ho to school because he was SO SMART. HE GOT A BACHELORS in biology then he left me for someone he met at his first new job.
@@h8h215it’s not about giving up. Sometimes a man will think “hey, I have a nice job now, I can level up” and find someone ‘better’ someone new who hasn’t seen him at his lowest so he can appear more successful to her. Also to other people if the new girl is more conventionally attractive. You see this w celebrities all the time, leaving their wives for models
Yea this isn’t the full story at all🤣🤣🤣🤣 what did you do Anika 👀👀👀👀
@@h8h215sure they do. 10 years? She was a placeholder until he found someone else. If a man won't marry you after around 5 years, he's still looking.
I knew the end of your story before I read it. Don’t EVER give a man anything. Don’t help a man. He’ll feel resentful and emasculated and then leave to find a woman who doesn’t remember him at his lowest; he can be a hero to the new woman.
Sigma
While my relationship is only straight passing, I'm so grateful that I finally have a partner who wants to manage emotional labor, actually communicates, and shares the load as much as he can. We work with his neurodivergence as much as we can to make things a team effort, while not expecting him to do everything I could to the same level, because it would exhaust him, and be beyond his capacity to juggle.
I'm getting on my "she doesn't even go here" rant: I just wish we could all find love and connection and we need to demolish systems and beliefs that are meant to erode that💕💜💙
Dude. Yes. I want love so bad, but I genuinely don’t want to be with a terrible person who does not love me and only uses me. You guys think 2000’s movies were toxic. Just watch Tele Novellas. What they portrayed as love was just gross.
💜💐🌸🌺 Being single is great!Thank you feminists of the past for making it easier for women to support themselves and not have to settle for unhealthy relationships. We’ve still got work to do!
I absolutely love being single ngl
So glad that I live in a time where i'm, as a woman, not so dependant on men anymore
Same!
@@bella_wlmsx6408I love men vs women happening in west yet other countries are thriving
it’s certainly leagues better than being shackled to a misogynistic man child, and crying yourself to sleep every night while he sleeps peacefully next to you 😅
@@balajiraju4157lol south korea begs to differ
It never gets old when they start with the old 'You're going to end up in a place of your own, with enough expendable to drink yourself into a wine coma every night, surrounded by cats'
And then get so, so mad when you're enticed instead of scared and cowed.
Because they think what should horrifes them (not having a woman around to serve and support them) should horrify a woman (not having a man to serve and support).
A wild utopian solution: I think schools should have classes on feelings and development, starting from the 1st grade... Even if it's surface, it'll help people to grow up more aware.
Regarding adults, I would pressure governments to add mental health as basic care, for men and women and subsidise the certification process (to be a therapist/social worker) heavily, with strict regulations, including regular mandatory courses on new studies etc.
theatre laboratories could be a way to train social skills, more rarer than ever
historically, governments have abused mental illness as a means of quashing dissent by qualifying ideas they don't like as symptoms of sickness
I think it would be good to make sure people are able to develop an understanding of themselves and their emotions at a young age but this requires a social solution not a state solution
u expect too much from a system that was originally made to raise obedient submissive workers
1:00 Funny thing I broke up with my ex over my birthday cause when it was his birthday, he went on a trip out of state and I sent him a happy birthday text, then when he came back I gave him a gift and invited him to bbq (his favorite) and bought him some cupcakes. But he complained that I didn’t call him (he knows I never call due to anxiety, but he expected me to make an exception for his special day). I promised I’d call him on his birthday from next year on, because it’s important to me that his birthday be celebrated in a way that gives him the most joy.
Fast forward to my birthday, he didn’t even send me a text cause he forgot my birthday. Waited until the weekend in case he was busy, but nah. I felt like a clown for going above and beyond for a guy that wouldn’t even put my birthday on his calendar. He also blamed it on not being Facebook friends, but he’d have been screwed anyway cause I don’t have my birthday visible (I don’t want people I’m barely friends with to feel like they got to wish me a happy birthday lol). Anyway, I’d already been feeling like he had no interest in me outside my appearance and job title and maybe what I might inherit in the future, which gave him bragging rights with his friends ig. So all I needed was something decisive like this to split up 😅
Good for you! Sorry that happened but you got out early
its videos like these that make me so happy for my mom that she married a nice guy who splits household responsibilities.
I’m a single mom of two girls. I have mental health issues due to my ex husband who was emotionally abusive. I have tried dating. It didn’t go well. I’m focusing on myself and my kids, healing and growth. I take myself on date nights. I’m basically to the point where I don’t give a shit. I’m going to do me. If people don’t like it, then oh fucking well.
Breaking up w our toxic bfs and detaching from our toxic parents
Now every time someone questions why I don’t want to settle for a mediocre man, I’ll tell them that I don’t have to suffer just because I am a woman and neither should they :) ♥️
17:52 honestly, we just need it to happen. We need the fear of society collapsing for the men to realize they’re not gonna “cmon babe” they’re way out of this. We need men to stay single and women to stop giving every guy a chance because of X feature (and of course, the lonely/society forced aspect). We need them to see what it’s like when it’s just them, alone, with no close friends because that’s “gay”, in a gross house with 3 pieces of furniture.
They aren’t going to they’ll become incels for ever taking accountability bc they don’t respect women
Yep they will be their own cause of misery and hopefully that will wake them up to do better for themselves and not rely on others to fill the voids. I’m glad women are seeing this first hopefully men follow suit
@@markigirl2757lol...men would rather suffer than subservient to women...men need more validation from other men and will never change for women
I think the reason why men are unhappy with their partner earning more is because they assume they will lose control. The cruel assume others will also be cruel with their power.
Slightly off topic, but you should look up (if you don't already know) Gerudo town in Zelda: Breath of the Wild. A town, a society comprised only of women. Leaders, warriors, merchants, artisans, mothers, sisters, daughters. Interaction with men is strictly for outside of town ONLY, as they are not allowed within the walls. The moment I saw the town, I wanted to live there IRL. It looks so peaceful and wonderful. Imagine your entire town being a strong sisterhood and a safe place. Wow!
There's some real life villages that inspired the fictional town :-)
I have to say I found it odd that in tears of the kingdom the only education anyone was getting was about men, and all they ever seemed to talk about was men. Felt like the writing could have been better.
why does a misandrist comment get 26 likes 💀💀
@@broidkanymore-zc4lt oh yeah, wanting to live a life of peace, harmony, and safety is totally "misandry". You better make sure nuns all over the world know, too.
@@The_Super_NOVA its misandry cuz men are discriminated against in that place
its misandry cuz its discrimination against men @@The_Super_NOVA
I have never had a good relationship. I stop trying after 2021 and decided to just focus on my child. What worries me is that I don’t have friends outside of work. I have an 1 1/2 commute to work and split off days (Sunday/Tuesday) After working, cleaning and cooking there really no time for me so I worry about my son having no friends or relationships because that’s the model I’m showing him😢
That's really tough, and it's just another way capitalism has screwed things up for us because we are so time poor and separated now from community, it just makes things harder. I don't know exactly what to suggest as there's a lot of variables in everybody's lives, if there are clubs your son can join, that's a handy way to see other parents and start chatting from there, if there's a class of a hobby you're interested in maybe you could see if there's any on Tuesdays which could work so you can meet others who have a similar day off to you? I hope you're able to build a small group of friends over time, it does take time though
My husband and I have been together since 1990, and it’s been drama. Every now and then, when we argue, he brings up a line like “With your next husband….”
Um, no. If I ever end up single, I will savor it.
@@vklnew9824 Go away, troll
They’re the ones who are quick to remarry not us.
I like to be single too. I have had three girlfriends in the past and now on i will be single. I don’t want to do all the work when my partner is always going out and having fun. I have always had to get money, clean, wash dishes etc.
It is wild how many men felt threatened by my achievments and tried to make me feel less than. I truly wish them all the worst.
Now, I have a bf who is actually very considerate and doing the majority of the housework. He is there for me whenever I am feeling unwell or I can't sleep. Also, he is just a great and funny person! :)
Never settle for less! Good men are there, make it your baseline and expectation. Act confused when they don't do their share or treat you badly. Let's denormalise scruffy men! 💙💜🧡🌷🌻
A lot of us have seen what happens when relationships aren't balanced with emotional labor and practical things and it's a big ol' "NOPE". It's better to be single and happy than unhappy in a relationship with the wrong person. That doesn't mean cutting yourself off from the very idea of companionship but it's not the end all, be all. I saw someone say that the "you're gonna be an old cat lady" threat doesn't really work anymore. Someone has to make the idea of being with them better than remaining single and unfortunately, a lot of people, mainly men, aren't willing to put the work in to become that sort of person. They listen to people like Andrew Tate or Ben Shapiro, along with other IRL and online toxic echo chambers, and women are seen more as conquests, live in maids or walking Fleshlights than people. It's not being put up with like it used to. Plus, a lot of people literally cannot afford to raise kids or get married nowadays. Sometimes, it interferes with benefits and everything is so, so expensive. To a lot of people, being single is easier and a better option for fulfillment.
If a person isn't making your life better, what is the point? I heard someone online say recently a man has to "compete with my peace and my happiness" because that's her default when single. I totally felt that!
I agree w you on the cat thing not being a insult anymore.
In a cost of living crisis a lot of young single women (like me) cant afford to be picky on who we house share with because we cant afford to rent on our own and many roomed houses tend to be more affordable.
I've been flatting mixed gender houses basically this entire time and even tho we get along and they're nice and polite and some are even feminist and all that...
Us women still have to do all the cleaning. In every single flat.
Thats not a small sample size its a running trend.
every time even tho they "say" theyre happy to share the work and do a roster etc they weaponise incompetence so I have to do it anyway.
Im sure many other women are in my situation.
If I could afford to I would live alone w cats... cats create less mess and work than men. And if I dated a man in the future? he'd have to do some serious convincing on his competency to run a household to get us to move in together because after all this I think living in seperate houses is ideal so I dont have to deal with mens mess anymore.
12yrs of flatting.
12yrs of mothering strangers.
Im over cleaning up after men, especially when those men arent even MY men!
@@Mel-qr5ob And you missed the entire point of the poster's comment. In fact, you proved HER to be correct. If you want to be a Pick-Me, then own it. But don't whine on someone else's comment about how (more or less) privileged they are when there ARE female-only houses in the UK, Australia, NZ, and other places in the Commonwealth (or former Commonwealth).
I find the juxtaposition between the average man’s experience and my own to be so confusing. I was raised as a boy, and I came to understand how patriarchy stood to hurt me. I’ve been on an introspective journey for years now learning how to be better, but it was always for my own sake. I don’t really want to find a woman, so much as I want to find myself. I want to treat myself well so I can treat others well too. The sooner we let go of the ideals of manhood and masculinity the sooner we are free to live, and I just hope more men can see that.
Girl I appreciate how intelligent and well-researched you are and especially how you stay committed to being on women's team (a lot of 'feminist' youtubers I'm not even sure anymore 🙄) but I think I'm at the point with video essays where they've taken every last drop of joy I have in life or will to talk to other humans and I can't watch them anymore.
As a bi/gay trans guy, I am so glad I'm not straight. Heterosexual relationships seem to come with a special amount of baggage.
However, I still have to deal with men if I want a relationship with them, and even gay men are sometimes not immune to a lack of emotional development.
Additionally, I also worry that I might not be a good enough partner for a woman, since I'm sure there's some bias from my own experiences as being a guy trapped in a woman's body.
❤💐
Great video, my parents are boomers and a lot of those awful marriage ideals still persist in them despite them being left leaning. My mom did instill the idea of doing our own thing and pacing our own way to not rely on a husband to stay afloat.
I remember vividly watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where the husbands admit to weaponized incompetence so their wives would do the work instead. I should rewatch the episode since it has been so long and see how they tackle the issue or if it is just played off for laughs.
Its tough breaking the cycle of what you've been raised with - and boomers really grew up and had those marriage ideals strongly enforced so I get it.
If it's everybody loves Raymond, then it'll be played for laughs, I can nearly guarantee you. I watched his house tour recently and he similarly jokes about the fact he won't cook etc. gosh it was so frustrating watching him constantly deflect to his wife and how he designed the house so he can be as lazy as possible with her serving him
I think when it comes to a break up, it's still okay to allow yourself to grieve, but still celebrate the new chapter and the fact that you now have space in your life for better. Whether that's a new partner, or just focusing more on hobbies, career, etc.
De-center men, go down that rabbit hole. Save your life.
Nah you got it twisted men and women need each other
@@omotayosatuyi252 no thanks
@@omotayosatuyi252No we don’t
@@TincyM-z2m well why do you think men and women were put on this earth then? it's because the obviously they have something to offer each other so yes we do need each other. The man needs the women's eggs to make the baby and the women needs the man to start producing it
Happy aro/ace here ! ✌🏻 But it took me years not to feel guilty for it ! Society, family, friends : everyone tends to tell you you're not normal. That's why it's great to live in this Day and Age : still difficult, but at least you get to choose and be understood by some amazing friends. And honestly those wedding videos are horrifying, the level is so so low, sometimes ! I get that the wifes love their husband but the cake ones especially : 🚩🚩🚩! Why this violence and will to humiliate someone you're supposed to love ? 🤨
So I'm bisexual (date mostly women, hook-up with men) and I went on a date one time with a guy shortly after a hard breakup with my serious girlfriend and he was so insufferable I was trying to get away from him but couldn't. He kept talking about his past in excruciating detail but when I said anything about mine (in attempt to empathize) he would yell at me for trauma dumping. I told some of my straight friends about this experience and they all said it's a pretty typical experience dating men. Dating a woman definitely has it's own issues but I feel like lesbians are more aware of mental health issues and take special care not to depend on dump everything on each other. Yes, we have deep intimate conversations and are transparent with each other but we don't treat each other like live in therapists
I fell for the toxic 'you need a man to be happy, every woman wants a man in her life' way too hard when I was young (in the '00s too ...) and I'm so glad that I'm out of that idea and in a healthy relationship instead. I too have an ex who was very insecure about me being smarter than him (and I know that by now I earn more than him, which he would have had an even harder time with), who laughed about my interests etc. We can all do without issues like that.
You know what would have probably been a good place to start in teaching guys how to take care of themselves and not put every house hold thing on their partners? Genuinely? 'Home Ec' and Cooking classes as a required class in schools, especially high schools, for all genders, and with different levels offered, not just one generic class for the entire school career. I doubt anything like that is required (it wasn't within my highschool years, graduated 06') but it might at least teach everyone how to, you know...take care of themselves.
I agree, we need to bring home ec back into schools, and yes everyone should take those classes regardless of gender.
@StarryWaters-gq1oj Although there are lots of resources online, I do still think classes would be helpful to get more hands-on practice and coaching. Especially for cooking.
I’m happy for these woman myself being one it’s so amazing that ppl are able to be comfortable and happy with their own company
i'm in a t4t straight relationship and thankfully we don't have these issues.... i wonder what the difference is?
🎶i will never be in a relationship with a man ever again🎶
🎶🎵🎶also childfree🎶🎵🎶
I absolutely LOVE how I cannot hear a single sound from the red pill videos- I’m honestly so, so done hearing the sound of those clowns’ voices, let alone what amoebalike thoughts they have in what passes for a mind. So done.
Another great vid. I know it's not for me, but resonate with lots of this. Happily re-embracing singleness in my mid 40s. No desire for another relationship and, managing long covid 4 years on, no energy to give to one either.
In my opinion ALL men needs to listen to women and learn how to handle rejection with maturity. In my opinion of you want to pursue someone listen to them no down insecure red pill dude on the internet. I’m a straight 26 yr girl and I had a x guy friend that tried to make me his gf indirectly when it literally went into the friendship for a male friendship. I call him out on it and he got mad like bro no wonder no girls want to date you. Guys need to learn and respect that women are human and not sex toys. I’ve made great guys friends since then but man I hope guys learn to do better 💐💙
Ps from my expirence I’ve met dudes that want a gf but they don’t want to know themselves better before a relationship they see relationships like a due date and it’s like bro how about learn about yourself more and not fell for the societal pressure (im in the US)
Yeah, I've been thinking a lot lately about the rejection aspect specifically. Over the past year, I've done a lot of work on myself and my career, which has inadvertently helped me get over my fear of rejection. I've learned that rejection actually isn't a big deal at all - sure it may sting a little, but a.) I've experienced MUCH worse emotionally, and b.) I'm no worse off in my life circumstances than I was before the rejection.
Having learned these lessons myself, it's shone a new light on these men who simply cannot handle rejection at all. Like, not even the thought of it. And they'll take it one of two ways: never shooting their shot and blaming women for rejections that didn't even happen, or acting utterly entitled and scary when they do get rejected.
It's weakness, frankly, and not attractive. I'm starting to understand why people say "men today are soft"... Except I would disagree on what "soft" means - I don't mean that emotional intelligence = soft. Quite the opposite, in fact. Men online seem to have ZERO capacity for unpleasant feelings these days. They need to learn how to take an L with grace.
Starting to wonder if im lesbian and not bisexual again
1:40 this laugh gives me LIFE its giving Glinda the good witch
7:33 SHANIA
i think an issue with the way both men and women were raised is linking their worth to the attention of the opposite sex. i feel like the feminist movement has kind of decentred men in discussions of femininity and women's worth, which is why many more girls and women are able to see value within themselves outside of male attention, whereas alt right/alpha male podcasts re-enforce the idea that masculinity is about the controlling of women therefore placing that worth into women's hands and more specifically women's submission. so when they are not offered this, young boys and men tend to be even more upset and angry as they feel they've been robbed of the thing they're entitled to and therefore their worth. the solution therefore is defining masculinity outside of female attention and female control but rather on values that are up to the individual boy/man to uphold, placing their worth back into their own hands.
cause here's the thing: it doesn't matter how much women can submit to and worship a man, if he does not believe himself to truly have any inherent worth, he'll never really feel worthy
Men who feel less if their partner earns more make me feel very sad for them. It’s a reflection of the constant ‘soft abuse’ they face their whole lives. To need someone else to do less well than yourself in order to be okay… that’s no healthy no matter who you are or what the situation is.
Believe it or not, even if women find a man who makes less than their male partners, MOST of them tend to resent them over it. That's why men would intentionally find someone less than to feel like they are accomplishing something. While yes it's not the most ideal, but that's how it is.
@ ‘to feel like they are accomplishing something’ is an interesting observation.
Oh boy, you mentioning how guys suck with making women uncomfortable when getting to know them definitely made me feel very embarrassed. I was that guy that had a good thing going and make it weird and I still feel awful. I'm living proof that being into feminism doesn't make you any better at not screwing things up. I'm new to dating and autistic, so it's a learning curve and I feel bad that there was collateral in me learning to socialized better.
Nah it’s all good I too as an autistic and ADHDER come to realize how annoying I was with info dumping and my inability to corporate if someone gave me a little attitude and I’m a woman! So it’s all good we learn and get better too so it might be more of our NDness then it being our gender.
I remember that my mom had to quit telling my father when she got a raise because he'd be so insufferable. He'd have one of those toddler type fits and be mean to both her and me.
There is something to be said about woman role models for men as well, men who grew up with a working mother tend to not be as threatened by successful partners. My partner grew up in a family where his dad helped around the house just as much as his mom and his mom makes much more money, he actually listens to me and takes my hard work into consideration. We basically had this legally blond moment one day where I was just showering him with praise and he went “like it’s hard??” He was genuinely confused, to him this is just how you’re supposed to treat a partner I hope I get to marry him one day
The intro to this video is actually how i felt when my ex girlfriend left me, I'd been emotionally supporting her, single handedly caring for both our home and our daughter (not once since she was born did she do anything a parent should outside of the occasional nappy change) and had 0 social life because of this. Now I'm living closer to my family with my daughter and ive got way less stress compared to back then even though i'm a single parent now i have less to do because I'm not dealing with her mess too.
your videos continue to be so accurate and cathartic, I really enjoy your channel
💜🌼🌻
I'm really glad I'm having this moment of "oh my god?? that was SO much emotional labour for a person who wouldn't try to help themself??? I need to start getting better at boundary setting and expressing my emotions" now rather than later, and I'm really glad that because of other women speaking up I have a space and time to think that instead of putting all the blame on myself for being "psycho" about my birthday you know?
Thankyou to anyone who has spoken about their experiences, it has helped me grow as a person and I will forever be in your debt
My now husband made more when we first started dating bc I was in college and law school and he had a full time job. My starting pay was equivalent to his and then quickly went up $5-10k more than him and it was like that when he proposed. I lost my job, he got a better paying job to support our household, and we got married. I’ve been underemployed and decided to start a biz. He got a better job and works overtime now. He is vocal about supporting my success and doesn’t have an ego about me making more money than him. In fact, he is stressed that we are not making as much money as before (makes total sense!) and he dreams about retiring early so we can just have fun together. And since I will always work my vocation even when we’re financially independent I think that works out well for both of us and our contentment.
💜 💐 I’m growing flowers this year - monarch butterfly and pollinator garden as well as ground covers and cottage garden varieties 💖 alongside fruit/veg garden!
Men are market driven. So as women we set the dating market and stand firm in your standards while continuing to work on yourself and live your own best life. It’s better to be single and definitely not have kids with below bare minimum low effort and misogynistic men! Remember not to procreate with that type of person and everything will self-correct in time. Yes maybe our population will reduce but assured there will be plenty of happy women living our best lives. And imagine a world full of good parents who are passionate about having children with a solid financial foundation! Less trauma overall. It’s ok to be childfree or childless and not be in a relationship or dating. Women don’t care if an entire ethnicity goes extinct (South Korea). If half of humanity is being disrespected by that culture then the culture deserves to die out. That’s the solution. 🤷🏼♀️
24:46 - Thank youuu! Always love to see the positive shout-outs! I'd like to add "Moon Channel" to this list! He does videos about video games and the law, using Ace Attorney sprites a lot in his videos. He's soft-spoken and calm in how he talks, gives 10% of the video money to charity, and talks positively about his sisters who got him out of the red-pill track in his youth. He does tons of research about his topics and has a dry almost British sense of humor, and focuses on Japanese video games and explaining Asian culture to Americans.
His history on Korea's Incel Problem was VERY eye-opening for me, a really good companion to FD Signifier's recent video!
I am glad to see Noah and Jarvis in the recomended channels
Unrelated, but I love your hair today! Will be back with real comments later ❤
I'm way ahead of the curve here. Single male for nearly a decade and I like it that way.
I can cook, do the dishes, clean my house, do groceries and work 40+ hours a week.
I'd be a goshdarn catch (though I'm mid at best lookswise), but none of youse are gonna catch me.
In nearly all of my previous relationships, I was the bread winner, but also often the cook, the driver and the accountant. Not because I wanted that, it's what they wanted me to do. And the last girlfriend I had barely let me have my own hobbies or even my own things IN MY OWN HOUSE that I am paying for.
I can do without that noise.
That't not most women.
@@Alexandraadftxr7052 perhaps, but I'm not willing to try anymore. I've been hurt and manipulated too many times. There is only so much abuse I'm willing to take and I've had my fill.
That’s my experience too. I have had three girlfriends in the past and now on i will be single. I don’t want to do all the work when my partner is always going out and having fun. I have always had to get money, clean, wash dishes etc.
I've been child free all my life and the best times of life where I was the most happiest was when I was single.
I'm 45 , child free and single and I like it. I was doing this when it was still stigmatized but now as I really am leaning into the older cat lady stereotype, haha, it's now a thing and I'm loving it.
Fun fact... The word spinster was only meant for younger unmarried women.
I forget the exact age but after age 24-26, an unmarried woman is called a thornback.
A THORNBACK.
..I don't know about you but I absolutely love that label, it sounds badass and go-getting. I love it.