Absolutely did everything whatever I can for past 28 years nothing changed. Absolutely lazy causing so much stress and anxiety on me. I have lost all hope now.
@@mijadelsol SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT!! I I feel like I have been screaming that exact phrase at my phone with every one of these videos that I watch trying to get to some kind of new idea because nothing is working. I've tried all the therapeutic routes first, then I get frustrated and jump to all of those original statements because I don't know what there is left to try.
I did all that. Encouraging, love, asking about his feelings. Years of love and patience. Meanwhile, I had to be the breadwinner staying at a stressful job while my depression was (without saying the word) pretty much as bad as it gets. I’m starting to think that sometimes, it’s because if they can get away with it, they will.
I agree with you after 17 years I decided to seperate. He does not want to speak about it.... Im not baby him no more. Im moving on finding myself. Its hard but I will move forward.
I absolutely agree with you, I too have been supportive, respectful, encouraging and loving and yet no results at all. I am drowning and he makes me empty promises every time I speak to him about it but i see no changes.
I have asked for a separation, and he said he wouldn't leave. He is a borderline hoarder. And now wants a pole barn. The house is in my name, so that's a no-go. We will be divorced before 10 years married. He wanted this large property. It scared me, and I said I would do it....with him. He has totally dropped the ball. I have learned to use a chainsaw, ZT mower, and some many other things. He wants the property to "pay for itself", but does nothing to try to make it happen. I pay extra on the mortgage to pay it off sooner. He thinks the earth is flat and we live under a dome, and oh by the way, gravity doesn't exist. When did all the weird start???
I work a full time job and contribute to bills. I'm just a slob when it comes to certain things like house chores. When i'm doing my laundry I don't fold my clothes. I just take them out of the dryer as needed. No point.
What about the trauma and mental hurt they cause us by not caring that they do nothing and we pick up all the slack. So much anxiety and stress burdening us because of it and they don't care. It works both ways
Unfortunately, a lot of women stay with their spouses because of money and looks and more than the likelihood of being afraid of being alone so they accept this laziness.kinda sad .
My husband thinks is job starts and ends at work. He does nothing around the house, nothing with the kids and expects me to do it all. All while complaining about how much his life sucks.
My husband was always like that and now he's retired and literally doesn't do anything but watch movies and go to the bar for happy hour. He says he's earned this and shouldn't have to do anything else.
Ive tried every thing in the book to get husband to help. Absolutely nothing works. Giving him space, asking politely, begging. Nothing makes a budge. Ive realized it much less effort to just do everything myself and let him play video games all day. I'm at a breaking point and I see no way out.
Same. For 20 years, I was as patient and kind as I could be, cleaned up everything, made his life easier and gave him plenty of space. I thought one day he would recognize and be grateful for everything I did for us. Not for me. For us. But when things got really rough, he made it very clear that all of the doting, cleaning, me shuffling my schedule for him and centering him in my life… All of that meant nothing to him. He said I was a woman and we do that inherently, and that any woman would have done that, and it didn’t make me special and it didn’t indicate that I was showing him love. The moment he said that, I checked out. I stopped doing everything. He told me that 20 years of my life met nothing. That 20 years of my hard work and sweat and labor and sheltering him from the hard work meant nothing to him. I feel like I gave myself away for pennies. And he’ll never respect me. I feel so disgusting and used and angry. The anger is overwhelming. And our marriage counselor told me I needed to be more communicative, have sweet, startups and just keep trying. If he can’t be bothered to help me and to care about me after 20 years, did she really think that it was going to start now??? And to add insult to injury, because I was processing all this and swimming in anger, I could not sleep with him. He asked me to leave because I wouldn’t sleep with him. That’s how disposable he saw me. I have no more empathy for these lazy men. I just cannot.
Like I have a double duty. I have to manage all the physical emotional and financial burden as well as manage his trauma. Who will take care of my trauma that is caused by him
Why is it always that the wife just has to work more. So she's got to sit down and try to be patient and talk to him and all that stuff and I've done that a thousand times. I know that's a slight exaggeration but seriously it just requires more work for me. And he still hasn't changed and I don't think he's ever going to.
He's a man-baby. Many, if not most, are these days. I think it has a lot to do with the lack of mature fathering by their own fathers; the lack of a strong male role model in their childhood. It is sadly lacking in society these days. Men don't know how to 'man up'.
@bernadinenewland5100 In light of your comment, and in light of her phrase "you cannot change your spouse", I think sometimes the best thing to do IS to say "let's separate the bank accounts". When my husband isn't doing enough, I just split off emotionally--I tell myself "im a single parent and it's just me and my kids". I wash my clothes and the girls clothes. I do all the childcare without asking for assistance. I clean everything but his stuff which I leave in a particular corner or put in a box that goes outside his video game room. It's not the most fun existence but it gives me less work, forces him to take care of himself, and gives me a level of personal empowerment
I feel so guilty after snapping on my husband for being so messy. I am so physically and emotionally exhausted from constantly cleaning up after him. I ask for help, I try to talk to be calmly but it never holds up.
@bygrace8485, Thank you for your comment. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don't do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested! Free Ebook here: bit.ly/3BSuzRo We hope this helps!
Don't feel guilty. They are getting off SO easy if the worst things that happens, is that we snap back at them once in a while. Oh wait, that's right. Then WE are 'nags'.
I learned this video was a waste of my time, i would think anyone that would watch this video has already done all those things. I have struggled with a lazy self centered spouse for over 40 years, my only fault is that i beat myself up and used up my self and lost myself to trying to fix our relationship to get him to understand how this is ruining our relationship. It never worked. I now just have to make him lists, double check that he did it, which usually is him not doing as asked, its miserable too. But at least he is doing something. And yep he is miserable too, but for better for worse...🤷...this is the worse part I guess 😮💨🙁 Its hard to get to the point of accepting this is my life, but once i have accepted it, i feel free in knowing i can be happier with my life and no longer care about fixing it. Is that sad, yes, it was sad, now its like dealing with anything else in life we have to learn to live with, move on. But yeah, a weak video coming from my perspective.
Yes, this video assumes two things: your partner is able to communicate with you, and your partner has a legit reason to be lazy. Not the case with my situation, I feel your pain.
It's sad that you don't believe that it's okay for relationships to end and you have chosen to be miserable for the rest of your life because you don't want to end a relationship that never even fulfilled you. 😢
Totally. 18 years life together and still their because of our son. But how can you love someone who is just an assistant in any part of your family life and who has no ambition to be the family support!?
Hey Vicki Merritt, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,
Yeah, I've done all this, and I've been carrying it for 24 years. I'm tired and I don't want live in this dumpy renovation anymore. This has made ME depressed. If he won't talk, this info is completely ineffective.
Oh please!!! ' Curiosity' is ok when a normally responsible man begins to slack off.... In many cases though the husband is perpetually lazy - probably as a result of never having grown up. You do not need to treat a fully grown man with kid gloves( unless something traumatic has happened) ...He's not a baby and he needs to take responsibility. Period. And, btw, telling your husband to share the chores is not control... it's a legitimate demand And if the husband is a strong, mature man he would do things without being told. Sharing chores is part of the marriage deal and any man who wants to remain lazy should not get married
I mean there is one solution that I didn't see anybody recommend: just stop doing anything. Don't wash or iron his clothes, don't wash dishes, don't clean up after him. Just leave it as it is and start doing what he does, play video games or do something else. See what happens.
So I have depression, trauma and anxiety and have household and family chores, have to work, and take care of the child. I take care of everyone one but myself all day long I still manage that somehow. Now I have to sit down with my spouse and have a pity party for them because they can’t do the same? Kind of pathetic. That’s life. We all have daily struggles. No one asks us if we’re okay. Lol. No one takes over for us when we’re sick or depressed and just don’t have the energy. Imagine what it’s like to just clock out for a day bc you’re feeling down. That’s not how life works and it’s certainly not how being part of a family works. If you have a problem speak up, talk about it, move forward, and continue to pull your end of the rope. This is why women are giving up on men in this society.
I'm going through this. It's how I found your channel. I'm so frustrated with doing everything while my husband watches tv unless he's actually at his job. What really bothers me is that our 16 year old son has witnessed a lazy dad that has just nagged him to go to college to get a degree so he won't have to work the rest of his life. Problem is, my son loves to work with his hands and mind. I don't know what to do. I realize that once my son leaves home that this marriage will just get worse. I would appreciate encouragement.
Two years unemployed and just gaming? I'm sorry but no. Absolutely not. It is not even close to reasonable to expect other people to stay after something like that. Life is too short.
I made my plan to leave as a better version of myself despite the 24/7 effects of severe depression, loneliness, lost years, anxiety, neglect, emotional abuse, severe health challenges, the effects only compound as the years go by in this unhealthy environment. being held hostage to a person on the couch for years while watching you run around trying to stay afloat.. yeah its save myself time.
Not really helpful. Just sounds like MORE work and effort on my part, while he continues to be married to his job more than me for the past several years. I get the crumbs at the bottom of the chip bag, while everyone else gets his best and bubbly personality. Some days I feel like I'm about to SNAP!
That's exactly right! It is more work for you. But marriage takes work. And if you believe there is even an OUNCE of good in your spouse, then the marriage is worth fighting for! Please consider reaching out to us for more help! And consider getting our free mini course to help you through this! Free course here: your.marriagehelper.com/how-to-get-your-spouse-back-mini-course
I absolutely snapped. I didn’t see it coming. I had an emergency and asked him to leave his phone on, which he didn’t normally do. When he didn’t answer his phone, I got home and we got in an argument. He told me that he never had to leave his phone on for anyone, not even me. Something in me snapped. Something in me decided I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I was completely done. And I never came back, mentally. 23 years and I checked out. And because I never came back, physically, he asked me to leave. Because I wouldn’t sleep with him, he couldn’t take it. So I’m just warning you, you could snap and you would not see it coming and you cannot stop it. Listen to your gut. If you think you’re going to snap, get into counseling, or start doing something
@@MarriageHelper Why would marriage entail more work just for the woman?! That doesn't make sense. Telling someone a specific thing entails ONLY work and no benefit will not make a person want that thing. No woman will want to get married in this situation, believe me. What you are doing right now is just convincing a bunch of women to either not get married ..or divorce so they can get some benefits too. Nobody wants ONLY to work all their life, while other like the men who are husbands get to work a bit and have fun/relaxation time too. I would just say pass, no thank you, it's a bad deal for me.
Sounds like you tried these things, and it worked for you. Congrats, you have a spouse that treats you like a human being! Mine doesnt. Im a mop, a server, a therapist, a sponge, whatever object benefits him in a given moment. Funny how your video ends at setting boundaries but you hardly expound. 😂
This is ridiculous! This might apply for some,but I don’t think it’s fair to put more on the person who’s already carrying the weight of the relationship and marriage,sometimes the only way is divorce and no one should feel guilty about drawing the line. If you’ve tried everything, leave and live your best life ❤
It really sucks that in a time of need, this is the video that came up first, with its unrealistic “solutions.” Don’t get me wrong, I wish they worked, but at this point, it’s a “been there, done that” situation.
I’m with you. My husband only agreed to get into marriage counseling after I signed a lease on an apartment. It took that for him to realize how serious I was. And in that marriage counseling, the therapist told me that I needed to communicate my needs better. And I got so angry, I’ve been with this man for over 20 years… You don’t think that I have communicated in 50 different ways to try to get him to help? So I just closed my eyes and said it doesn’t matter what I say, I cannot get this man to care about me, this house or this relationship. She had nothing to say to that. Nothing at all. That would have been a place to move forward from, but I was ignored. And he just nodded his head and agreed, that I just wasn’t laying out what I needed well enough. It’s irritating to find these videos that tell the wife that she needs to be softer and sweeter and give us these specific blueprints on how to address and approach our husbands. It’s like they are relieved of any responsibility in this toxic environment and it is condescending and just makes me angrier. It’s like they don’t believe our experience, they don’t believe that our frustration matters.
My husband retired two years ago. He’s constantly on his mobile, doing Suduko or his VR. He seldom works in the garden or does stuff in the house. All the housework is on me. Rubbish bin included. I’m struggling health wise yet he does nothing to help with the house chores. He’s also always looking for the next trip with his mates. I refuse to go with him. He bores me to tears.
What do you guys think about: I ask my husband if he could please help me to clean the car that means to take the car to be cleaned by someone else. He said I didn’t do all the dirt inside and I don’t speak the language to take the car to be washed. I was absolutely shocked almost have a heart attack. I washed the car myself. I do all the chores at home because he “has” his own timing. I try to understand the “other” but my body is super tired. I think even a psychiatrist would lose his mind. I didn’t know this was a pattern. So frustrating.
Good points. However, it only addresses how a wife can help her husband become motivated and help with some shared responsibilities. It would be beneficial to give perspective on both sides and to share how a husband contribution using his own efforts, taking initiative, etc could alleviate a wife’s anxiety and stress. Wives are depressed and frustrated too. A more realistic approach would have been better.
My spouse leaves everything out, laundry on floor rubbish left everywhere, plates left out , food left out, condiments left out. Shopping he buys is left out. What do i do? If i dont put his stuff away he makes it out to be my fault?
I am on the same boat too. Depending on both of your, I am afraid this attitude is very hard to change. I have wasted my 30s hoping there will be change, I do not think it will change.
If all husband is like your husband who analyze what bothers him all problem in marriage can be solve but my husband is not he was addicted to mobiles games and like to procrastinate i thought before i know him it was only his past time but even we are family and have a child his addiction to mobile games never cease😢 and its very hard for me to ask help from him doing household chores he never like doing it.😞
I appreciate this video on many levels. Thank you for making it. I do have a concern though. Why does it fall on us? This past year my husband and I both have suffered through depression…yet as the wife/woman no one came to me with curiosity. How do you deal with emotional one sidedness? What do I do when nothing changes? I need support too. Just curious.
I would say someone has to be the hero, the role model, the catalyst for change. The spouse who has issues with the other spouse would be curious about what’s going on with the “problem spouse” but also speak their point of view and concerns in a calm way, that is the least attacking as possible. Like using the common (googleable) “assertive communication method” It for sure can be frustrating though. Counseling for you could be helpful in dealing with it. At some point if nothing changes I think you have to decide if your willing to live like that or if you want a divorce and you could communicate. Probably let him know that divorce is on the table if things don’t change, if it truly is. If it’s not, find a way forward, simplify life and slow way down on things that are for him.
Focus on your goals and interests… keep yourself motivated with the things that you like to do.. you are here to live your life and so enjoy every moment of your life
Listen to songs like Me and Flowers then go do something nice for yourself. I am in the same boat. When I try to ask him, I get nothing back, no response. He may be better for a day or two but then goes right back to it.
We know of a couple that goes through this…actually many. Babying them makes them begin to behave with the same pattern until you put your foot down; husbands or wives. Sometimes someone has to leave to cause a change.
how about how to deal with lazy wife and yes I'm serious its uber annoying i can completely understand the concept of doing it later or the next day or maybe the weekend but some chores like putting your own clothes away only get solved when you bribe her to do the job or quietly get her mother to come visit and then force her to do housework. Example often my wife clothes keep piling and get finally put away more than a month later
This is anything but helpful. I will not keep feeding into my narcissistic husbands delusions and social ineptitude. You don’t get to ruin someone’s life because you haven’t learned proper ways of dealing with your emotions. Ladies, don’t listen to this nonsense. Sure this may be correct in some situations but this advice is honestly really bad.
When this happened to me, I made a list of what is still possitive in the relationship and afterwards I desided to start a new life. So I did. Witout my husband. I mean, even men do not like men that are doing nothing...they do not even like themselves. It is pity. Thank you for the video.
What to do when husband doesnt want to find a job? Its too much too handle being a breadwinner and when you go home house needs cleaning, sometimes wanting to peace out.
I told my husband to get help. His the one with the problem. From the past he had and it’s affecting me and the kids. And now, I end up being included to the problem he have. I lost my confidence, emotionally physically I lost everything how I used to be. Independent woman. He told me take care of the kids. Be a house wife. Now, financially we are struggling because I’m not working.
You're supposed to be his help instead you abandon your husband in his time of need. You have separated yourself from him because that's his problem!!!!!!! So selfish and unsupportive!!!!!!!
What do you do when you have had enough and this husband doesn’t want to change his ways????? And it’s hurting you but he Blane everything on you as if you are the problem
There is a quick fix to all of this that most will not want to endure. We own what is ours and what is not our responsibility, we don’t own. Let’s start there lol.
Real advise: get together, make an extensive list of all the housechores that need to be done and chose who is doing what. It can be with an app or a piece of paper, but make sure there is an equal division. Don't nag or motivate him, that's a parent job. Stop using the word "helping", it is "sharing". If you accept that, I'm judging you. You have a really poor consideration of your life. And if you have kids, you are setting a terrible example
My husband was laid off and while he still is able to pay the mortgage, him being at home spotlights how lazy he actually is. I know for a fact that I could never be unemployed very long bc I would take any job because I could not sit around the house. If I were at home, I would be cleaning and organizing. If he is depressed, he should be. I am depressed coming home to a man who is not making more of his time. I am starting to think that he does not have a job bc he is delusional and feels entitled to a certain position. He saw a mouse in our house but not until o asked what HE was going to DO about it did he do anything. And honestly I know it will be a half assed response. I am starting to really resent him. I would be better off without him.
Omg..... I saw a more in the house and screamed! I begged him to do something, he did nothing. He did say, "Sometimes homes just get mice? REALLY??????
I simply ask my husband to take the kids out for one weekend so that i can deep clean and destress and he wont do it. Ive been asking for MONTHS and he wont budge. He wont help with daily chores either. So what am i supposed to do at this point?
It’s so frustrating to be the partner who has to carry majority of all responsibility then still have to muscle up more energy and care when we are already frustrated just so we can work around their needs. It almost feels like abuse and neglect to allow ourselves to put the effort in staying with them.
Oh nice, being a free psychologist extra to all the other chores you already do, what about our emotional needs. 🤨 Like we don't need the emotional support. How about men grow up.
Tried all of that. Nothing worked. Today was my birthday and… nothing. He said he ran out of time. I appreciate your content. Thank you for helping so many.
Am dieing is affecting me so bad , he's too slow we lose opportunities because of him , I feel like giving up he's putting no effort, too shy too slow people don't like him
All these people are telling some imaginative things that never work. If a man doesn't communicate, he doesn't period. Either you should be a typical woman filled with drama or just save your energy and time and live your own life and don't care about them.
These comments make me feel so bad, men live longer when they connect with women and we die sooner 😵💫🥴 I don’t understand human beings. I truly don’t get it.
My husband is not working for four years and having debt, and made me move for him to his country and when we get into arguments he told me to leave the country. So this advice of showing empathy and understand what he is going through, I already did it didn’t work.
Here is the key to this. Often times a man who is lazy at home is not a lazy person. Develop a system where he does most of the work and doesn't have to think or be constantly scrutinized. Make time as a family to do the other things he values. He doesn't prioritize timely diligence with the house. If you look closely most if these guys do actually clean at some point but they procrastinate. He cleaned before you met him. He was okay with that shirt being in the floor until tomorrow morning but you are compelled to pick it up right now even you are actually on a zoom meeting with your boss and one of your children has put a cat in the microwave. He needs more urgency about this. The big mistake women make is you feel like you shouldn't have to say it. Again, it's not okay yo have a dirty house, men just need to learn to make it the main priority over the marriage or the job. Once he switches it upin his head that way he will find that he will get it done faster and he will probably not end up divorced because of it.
My husband is really lazy he goes to work but when he called off he just lays around I am a homsechool mom or three that has a lot on her plate when I ask him to help he said no I won't I am not doing anything 😢 I don't kno how to make our lives work anymore
Literally did this gentle approach for over 10 years with two kids. Now trying to save my marriage alone but also dealing with the constant inequity of household responsibilities. I need a video about setting boundaries for this while trying to save a marriage. None of this helped. 😢
My question is woman also go through grief, depression sadness loss etc. Does he step up and support as well? Act curious etc? So if not then we always suppose to tip toe and do everything right to “motivate” some kind of change but why does no one have to do that for us? Why are we carrying the load regardless of what we experience and go through? Well simple, because no one else will
I think this only works if you have good communication with your spouse. If your spouse refuses to get a job (contribute financially), and help out around the house, and gaslights you when you try to approach this subject, nothing you can say or do is going to work. Even counseling will be a complete waste of time. They will act like the victim and tell the counselor whatever they want to hear to make you look like the big meanie and the cycle just keeps trucking along. At some point, you will reach your breaking point. It's exhausting, especially when you have to take care of the inside and outside plus work more than 40 hour a week. If you are with someone who is honest an open, then maybe this approach might work. But if that behavior is deep seated in them, it isn't going to ever change and you cannot continue to work yourself to death. They honestly don't respect you or really love you. At some point, it is time to stop being their mother, maid, cook, etc., and take care of yourself. That might mean leaving the relationship. This is not a partnership.
Can’t finish this video. This is not my husband. He’s been lazy and selfish since day 1. I ignored it like an idiot and still married him. No one to blame except myself.
It's mommy's job to know when the baby isn't feeling good and to take the baby to the doctor and get the baby help. The baby can't do it on his own. He's a baby!
The most simple way no need for this long unnecessary talk, just divorce them it isn't hard. Just simply divorce them. What else can be more simpler nothing then that
I always think of that, but i get thoughts that he might do something to himself if i do, he cannot live without me, he cant pay rent, bills, or even buy anything. Its that and his anger.
Would you consider making videos without music? Music is distracting when I'm trying to just listen to what you're saying. It also makes me feel like I'm being emotionally manipulated, which shouldn't need to happen id the content you're giving is truly useful. I'm subscribing for now because I want to hear more of what you have to say, but just be aware that some people (myself included) will probably stop watching if you continue to put music in your videos
I came to this video because I couldn't find one on lazy wife. I guess there's no easy fix. The hardest thing is confronting them, especially if it's been going on for many years of marriage. I feel it's too late.
What do you do, when you’re always the one doing stuff for the kids, when you clearly need help? Sure, my husband works, but so do I! We both work 9-5 jobs. I do way more than him around the house, as well as childcare. I take medication for anxiety and depression. I had bad PPD/PPA with our second child. I’ll never forget how much he did NOT help me and when I asked him to get up in the night with me, he straight out told me no. He also called me a burden because of my depression. I will never forget his insults. I’m now about to get my tubes removed, because he refuses to get a vasectomy. I’m married to a very selfish/lazy person. It’s not fair to me at all.
Ok but can the wife be depressed too? We don’t get to choose. I had to grow up fast when we had our first born. He’s 8 years old and my guy is still depressed and not providing? I mean sometimes it’s just them not wanting to step up.
I learned that sometimes the best changes can come from inside. I've been handling my husband "laziness' without compassion and understanding and everyone has been suffering because of it. But today I am going try a different approach and be more understanding. Awesome video thank you
This video wasn’t helpful to me. It might be helpful for others. Marriage counseling isn’t very helpful when the man in relationship isn’t taking the tasks or advice from the counselor so it’s one sided. The husband is happy now but you are not happy bc he is not doing the things he promised in counseling like you did. But the woman actually did those tasks and other things from the marriage counselor. It doesn’t seem fair and it does ruin that woman soul for doing everything to change, be better, and work hard.
Thank you for the comment Rusty! We will definitely pass the word along. Also, would you be willing to reach out to us? We might be interested in creating more content associated with the veteran community and would love to know if you have anyone we could talk to. Feel free to call us at 1 866 903 0990 to see if we might be able to do something! Blessings,
Rbendz's brother, who is lazy and without a job, spends most of his time in a café, while his wife works on her children. When he returned home, his wife asked him: Do you want to eat? He says: Yes, if God guides you He wants one of the his daughters to wash his feet for him😂😂😂😂😂
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
I think by the time someone’s watching this video, they’ve tried all the things
Absolutely
Right
True
Absolutely did everything whatever I can for past 28 years nothing changed. Absolutely lazy causing so much stress and anxiety on me. I have lost all hope now.
@@mijadelsol SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT!! I I feel like I have been screaming that exact phrase at my phone with every one of these videos that I watch trying to get to some kind of new idea because nothing is working. I've tried all the therapeutic routes first, then I get frustrated and jump to all of those original statements because I don't know what there is left to try.
I did all that. Encouraging, love, asking about his feelings. Years of love and patience. Meanwhile, I had to be the breadwinner staying at a stressful job while my depression was (without saying the word) pretty much as bad as it gets. I’m starting to think that sometimes, it’s because if they can get away with it, they will.
absolutely some people are just lazy and some men think that its a womans job to do the housework even if they don't work and the woman does !!
I agree with you after 17 years I decided to seperate. He does not want to speak about it.... Im not baby him no more. Im moving on finding myself. Its hard but I will move forward.
I absolutely agree with you, I too have been supportive, respectful, encouraging and loving and yet no results at all. I am drowning and he makes me empty promises every time I speak to him about it but i see no changes.
I have asked for a separation, and he said he wouldn't leave. He is a borderline hoarder. And now wants a pole barn. The house is in my name, so that's a no-go. We will be divorced before 10 years married. He wanted this large property. It scared me, and I said I would do it....with him. He has totally dropped the ball. I have learned to use a chainsaw, ZT mower, and some many other things. He wants the property to "pay for itself", but does nothing to try to make it happen. I pay extra on the mortgage to pay it off sooner. He thinks the earth is flat and we live under a dome, and oh by the way, gravity doesn't exist. When did all the weird start???
I work a full time job and contribute to bills. I'm just a slob when it comes to certain things like house chores. When i'm doing my laundry I don't fold my clothes. I just take them out of the dryer as needed. No point.
What about the trauma and mental hurt they cause us by not caring that they do nothing and we pick up all the slack. So much anxiety and stress burdening us because of it and they don't care. It works both ways
Yes!!! Exactly
Exactly! Especially when caring for children, home , etc.
How to enable lazy husband's
Amen
@@donnalesiv5079 this is definitely about enabling a lazy husband.
I cannot live with anyone who is lazy. I’d rather live alone.
Unfortunately, a lot of women stay with their spouses because of money and looks and more than the likelihood of being afraid of being alone so they accept this laziness.kinda sad .
What do the bring to the table as a man or partner at that point?
@@thatkatt_ Exactly...what are they there for?
My husband thinks is job starts and ends at work. He does nothing around the house, nothing with the kids and expects me to do it all. All while complaining about how much his life sucks.
My husband was always like that and now he's retired and literally doesn't do anything but watch movies and go to the bar for happy hour. He says he's earned this and shouldn't have to do anything else.
Makes me sick to my stomach
Every single word is relatable
Yep, I get the “my life sucks” all the time too but does nothing to change it
I hope yall are trying to free yourselves from these prisons of marriages.
Ive tried every thing in the book to get husband to help. Absolutely nothing works. Giving him space, asking politely, begging. Nothing makes a budge. Ive realized it much less effort to just do everything myself and let him play video games all day. I'm at a breaking point and I see no way out.
Honestly, you need to put your mental health first.
Don’t break out and don’t quit but prove him you are the strongest person who can never be shaken. Focus on yourself and do your job for the family.
Same. For 20 years, I was as patient and kind as I could be, cleaned up everything, made his life easier and gave him plenty of space. I thought one day he would recognize and be grateful for everything I did for us. Not for me. For us. But when things got really rough, he made it very clear that all of the doting, cleaning, me shuffling my schedule for him and centering him in my life… All of that meant nothing to him. He said I was a woman and we do that inherently, and that any woman would have done that, and it didn’t make me special and it didn’t indicate that I was showing him love.
The moment he said that, I checked out. I stopped doing everything. He told me that 20 years of my life met nothing. That 20 years of my hard work and sweat and labor and sheltering him from the hard work meant nothing to him.
I feel like I gave myself away for pennies. And he’ll never respect me. I feel so disgusting and used and angry. The anger is overwhelming.
And our marriage counselor told me I needed to be more communicative, have sweet, startups and just keep trying.
If he can’t be bothered to help me and to care about me after 20 years, did she really think that it was going to start now???
And to add insult to injury, because I was processing all this and swimming in anger, I could not sleep with him.
He asked me to leave because I wouldn’t sleep with him. That’s how disposable he saw me.
I have no more empathy for these lazy men. I just cannot.
Im in the same boat. No improvements no matter what I do.
@@Diaicy19 Me, too. I’m so worn out.
What about a husband that had a mother that did everything for them and expect their spouse to continue that way of life?
Same with my husband!!!!!
Same with my husband
Same with my husband.
Anyone have answers? Same. My therapist says it will never change so I guess I'm left with acceptance or leaving
Got it! Husband adopted and spoiled!
Like I have a double duty. I have to manage all the physical emotional and financial burden as well as manage his trauma. Who will take care of my trauma that is caused by him
I got heart palpitations, anxiety and fight depression because of all of the burden.
I'm with you Azra. This woman is not for women
So being a housewife is trauma????? So weak your foremothers are rolling in their graves!!!!!!!
@@pyanemax4633 Why are you so mean? I hope you get the help you need!
Yes!!!! Soooooo much yes!!!!
Not gonna lie, this is the opposite of helping
Why is it always that the wife just has to work more. So she's got to sit down and try to be patient and talk to him and all that stuff and I've done that a thousand times. I know that's a slight exaggeration but seriously it just requires more work for me. And he still hasn't changed and I don't think he's ever going to.
He's a man-baby. Many, if not most, are these days. I think it has a lot to do with the lack of mature fathering by their own fathers; the lack of a strong male role model in their childhood. It is sadly lacking in society these days. Men don't know how to 'man up'.
Because she is a good wife, so
@@cord11ful 1000% true
Right
@bernadinenewland5100 In light of your comment, and in light of her phrase "you cannot change your spouse", I think sometimes the best thing to do IS to say "let's separate the bank accounts".
When my husband isn't doing enough, I just split off emotionally--I tell myself "im a single parent and it's just me and my kids". I wash my clothes and the girls clothes. I do all the childcare without asking for assistance. I clean everything but his stuff which I leave in a particular corner or put in a box that goes outside his video game room. It's not the most fun existence but it gives me less work, forces him to take care of himself, and gives me a level of personal empowerment
I feel so guilty after snapping on my husband for being so messy. I am so physically and emotionally exhausted from constantly cleaning up after him. I ask for help, I try to talk to be calmly but it never holds up.
@bygrace8485, Thank you for your comment. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don't do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested!
Free Ebook here:
bit.ly/3BSuzRo
We hope this helps!
Thats your job quit fighting it!!!!!!
Don't feel guilty. They are getting off SO easy if the worst things that happens, is that we snap back at them once in a while.
Oh wait, that's right. Then WE are 'nags'.
this video teaches us to do more for a good for nothing slacking husband
Thanks for saving me time!
Exactly... I do all of this and still...NOTHING. It's beyond annoying. 17yrs of this is a long time coddling a grown man 24/7...
You cannot change them. Accept that and then decide the next thing you can do within the limits of what you can control.
I have seen this dynamic play out and it only ever gets worse as they get older.
Divorce. Or be just as lazy as him so that the trash takes itself out. You owe a lazy person nothing.
I learned this video was a waste of my time, i would think anyone that would watch this video has already done all those things. I have struggled with a lazy self centered spouse for over 40 years, my only fault is that i beat myself up and used up my self and lost myself to trying to fix our relationship to get him to understand how this is ruining our relationship. It never worked. I now just have to make him lists, double check that he did it, which usually is him not doing as asked, its miserable too. But at least he is doing something. And yep he is miserable too, but for better for worse...🤷...this is the worse part I guess 😮💨🙁
Its hard to get to the point of accepting this is my life, but once i have accepted it, i feel free in knowing i can be happier with my life and no longer care about fixing it. Is that sad, yes, it was sad, now its like dealing with anything else in life we have to learn to live with, move on.
But yeah, a weak video coming from my perspective.
Yes, this video assumes two things: your partner is able to communicate with you, and your partner has a legit reason to be lazy. Not the case with my situation, I feel your pain.
It's sad that you don't believe that it's okay for relationships to end and you have chosen to be miserable for the rest of your life because you don't want to end a relationship that never even fulfilled you. 😢
You cannot change your spouse, but you can change your spouse 😂
I'm crying right now I love my children but if I never would have met their father my life would be better
I agree with this so much!! ☝🏿🥰🥰
God bless you. I feel bad for you. You don't deserve that. I prayed for you and I want you to know it.
I have never related so hard to a statement in my life!
‼️‼️‼️
Totally. 18 years life together and still their because of our son. But how can you love someone who is just an assistant in any part of your family life and who has no ambition to be the family support!?
you can change your spouse it is called divorce
Hey Vicki Merritt, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,
I agree because I am in 15 year marriage and I give up
I beg to differ; they still won’t change, sometimes.
Yeah, I've done all this, and I've been carrying it for 24 years. I'm tired and I don't want live in this dumpy renovation anymore. This has made ME depressed. If he won't talk, this info is completely ineffective.
@@personincognito3989yup...17 and counting for me! So aggravating.
Oh please!!! ' Curiosity' is ok when a normally responsible man begins to slack off.... In many cases though the husband is perpetually lazy - probably as a result of never having grown up. You do not need to treat a fully grown man with kid gloves( unless something traumatic has happened) ...He's not a baby and he needs to take responsibility. Period.
And, btw, telling your husband to share the chores is not control... it's a legitimate demand
And if the husband is a strong, mature man he would do things without being told. Sharing chores is part of the marriage deal and any man who wants to remain lazy should not get married
I dont want to any extra work trying to fix this when I've already done all the chores and EVERYTHING else...
I mean there is one solution that I didn't see anybody recommend: just stop doing anything. Don't wash or iron his clothes, don't wash dishes, don't clean up after him. Just leave it as it is and start doing what he does, play video games or do something else. See what happens.
So I have depression, trauma and anxiety and have household and family chores, have to work, and take care of the child. I take care of everyone one but myself all day long I still manage that somehow. Now I have to sit down with my spouse and have a pity party for them because they can’t do the same? Kind of pathetic. That’s life. We all have daily struggles. No one asks us if we’re okay. Lol. No one takes over for us when we’re sick or depressed and just don’t have the energy. Imagine what it’s like to just clock out for a day bc you’re feeling down. That’s not how life works and it’s certainly not how being part of a family works. If you have a problem speak up, talk about it, move forward, and continue to pull your end of the rope. This is why women are giving up on men in this society.
these men are just weak
And when I say everything I mean everything.....
He is selfish plain and simple. Expectations were set
I'm going through this. It's how I found your channel. I'm so frustrated with doing everything while my husband watches tv unless he's actually at his job. What really bothers me is that our 16 year old son has witnessed a lazy dad that has just nagged him to go to college to get a degree so he won't have to work the rest of his life. Problem is, my son loves to work with his hands and mind. I don't know what to do. I realize that once my son leaves home that this marriage will just get worse. I would appreciate encouragement.
Yeah, understanding why & relating doesn't get the 'lazy' spouse to work..... still got bills....
Two years unemployed and just gaming? I'm sorry but no. Absolutely not. It is not even close to reasonable to expect other people to stay after something like that. Life is too short.
I made my plan to leave as a better version of myself despite the 24/7 effects of severe depression, loneliness, lost years, anxiety, neglect, emotional abuse, severe health challenges, the effects only compound as the years go by in this unhealthy environment.
being held hostage to a person on the couch for years while watching you run around trying to stay afloat..
yeah its save myself time.
Not really helpful. Just sounds like MORE work and effort on my part, while he continues to be married to his job more than me for the past several years. I get the crumbs at the bottom of the chip bag, while everyone else gets his best and bubbly personality. Some days I feel like I'm about to SNAP!
That's exactly right! It is more work for you. But marriage takes work. And if you believe there is even an OUNCE of good in your spouse, then the marriage is worth fighting for! Please consider reaching out to us for more help! And consider getting our free mini course to help you through this!
Free course here:
your.marriagehelper.com/how-to-get-your-spouse-back-mini-course
I absolutely snapped. I didn’t see it coming.
I had an emergency and asked him to leave his phone on, which he didn’t normally do.
When he didn’t answer his phone, I got home and we got in an argument. He told me that he never had to leave his phone on for anyone, not even me.
Something in me snapped. Something in me decided I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. I was completely done. And I never came back, mentally. 23 years and I checked out.
And because I never came back, physically, he asked me to leave. Because I wouldn’t sleep with him, he couldn’t take it.
So I’m just warning you, you could snap and you would not see it coming and you cannot stop it.
Listen to your gut. If you think you’re going to snap, get into counseling, or start doing something
@@MarriageHelper Why would marriage entail more work just for the woman?! That doesn't make sense. Telling someone a specific thing entails ONLY work and no benefit will not make a person want that thing. No woman will want to get married in this situation, believe me. What you are doing right now is just convincing a bunch of women to either not get married ..or divorce so they can get some benefits too. Nobody wants ONLY to work all their life, while other like the men who are husbands get to work a bit and have fun/relaxation time too. I would just say pass, no thank you, it's a bad deal for me.
Sounds like you tried these things, and it worked for you. Congrats, you have a spouse that treats you like a human being! Mine doesnt. Im a mop, a server, a therapist, a sponge, whatever object benefits him in a given moment. Funny how your video ends at setting boundaries but you hardly expound. 😂
amen
This is ridiculous! This might apply for some,but I don’t think it’s fair to put more on the person who’s already carrying the weight of the relationship and marriage,sometimes the only way is divorce and no one should feel guilty about drawing the line. If you’ve tried everything, leave and live your best life ❤
It really sucks that in a time of need, this is the video that came up first, with its unrealistic “solutions.”
Don’t get me wrong, I wish they worked, but at this point, it’s a “been there, done that” situation.
I’m with you.
My husband only agreed to get into marriage counseling after I signed a lease on an apartment.
It took that for him to realize how serious I was.
And in that marriage counseling, the therapist told me that I needed to communicate my needs better.
And I got so angry, I’ve been with this man for over 20 years… You don’t think that I have communicated in 50 different ways to try to get him to help?
So I just closed my eyes and said it doesn’t matter what I say, I cannot get this man to care about me, this house or this relationship. She had nothing to say to that. Nothing at all. That would have been a place to move forward from, but I was ignored.
And he just nodded his head and agreed, that I just wasn’t laying out what I needed well enough.
It’s irritating to find these videos that tell the wife that she needs to be softer and sweeter and give us these specific blueprints on how to address and approach our husbands.
It’s like they are relieved of any responsibility in this toxic environment and it is condescending and just makes me angrier.
It’s like they don’t believe our experience, they don’t believe that our frustration matters.
The best way is to leave. It won't change and you will stress yourself out
My husband retired two years ago. He’s constantly on his mobile, doing Suduko or his VR. He seldom works in the garden or does stuff in the house. All the housework is on me. Rubbish bin included. I’m struggling health wise yet he does nothing to help with the house chores. He’s also always looking for the next trip with his mates. I refuse to go with him. He bores me to tears.
leave him girl
@@lilmamagc so wish I could. My poor health won’t allow it. He knows that hence does what he wants. Horrible 😞
What do you guys think about: I ask my husband if he could please help me to clean the car that means to take the car to be cleaned by someone else. He said I didn’t do all the dirt inside and I don’t speak the language to take the car to be washed. I was absolutely shocked almost have a heart attack. I washed the car myself. I do all the chores at home because he “has” his own timing. I try to understand the “other” but my body is super tired. I think even a psychiatrist would lose his mind. I didn’t know this was a pattern. So frustrating.
Divorce
Good points. However, it only addresses how a wife can help her husband become motivated and help with some shared responsibilities. It would be beneficial to give perspective on both sides and to share how a husband contribution using his own efforts, taking initiative, etc could alleviate a wife’s anxiety and stress. Wives are depressed and frustrated too. A more realistic approach would have been better.
My spouse leaves everything out, laundry on floor rubbish left everywhere, plates left out , food left out, condiments left out. Shopping he buys is left out. What do i do? If i dont put his stuff away he makes it out to be my fault?
I am on the same boat too. Depending on both of your, I am afraid this attitude is very hard to change. I have wasted my 30s hoping there will be change, I do not think it will change.
If all husband is like your husband who analyze what bothers him all problem in marriage can be solve but my husband is not he was addicted to mobiles games and like to procrastinate i thought before i know him it was only his past time but even we are family and have a child his addiction to mobile games never cease😢 and its very hard for me to ask help from him doing household chores he never like doing it.😞
It won't help, this kind of suggestion. No matter how you're polite, patient, and sacrifice more, the guys are selfish and poor.
I learned from this video that I have to do even more work while he doesn’t have to take any responsibility 😂
Depression, anger and what's not, really? I don't have them? Of all the advice, this one boils my blood.
So we need to be a licensed therapist while suffering in silence with a smile
I appreciate this video on many levels. Thank you for making it. I do have a concern though. Why does it fall on us? This past year my husband and I both have suffered through depression…yet as the wife/woman no one came to me with curiosity. How do you deal with emotional one sidedness? What do I do when nothing changes? I need support too. Just curious.
GOOD QUESTION YARI
I would say someone has to be the hero, the role model, the catalyst for change.
The spouse who has issues with the other spouse would be curious about what’s going on with the “problem spouse” but also speak their point of view and concerns in a calm way, that is the least attacking as possible. Like using the common (googleable) “assertive communication method”
It for sure can be frustrating though.
Counseling for you could be helpful in dealing with it. At some point if nothing changes I think you have to decide if your willing to live like that or if you want a divorce and you could communicate. Probably let him know that divorce is on the table if things don’t change, if it truly is. If it’s not, find a way forward, simplify life and slow way down on things that are for him.
Focus on your goals and interests… keep yourself motivated with the things that you like to do.. you are here to live your life and so enjoy every moment of your life
Listen to songs like Me and Flowers then go do something nice for yourself. I am in the same boat. When I try to ask him, I get nothing back, no response. He may be better for a day or two but then goes right back to it.
We know of a couple that goes through this…actually many. Babying them makes them begin to behave with the same pattern until you put your foot down; husbands or wives. Sometimes someone has to leave to cause a change.
how about how to deal with lazy wife and yes I'm serious its uber annoying i can completely understand the concept of doing it later or the next day or maybe the weekend but some chores like putting your own clothes away only get solved when you bribe her to do the job or quietly get her mother to come visit and then force her to do housework. Example often my wife clothes keep piling and get finally put away more than a month later
She actually said: "Ask for help?" Really?
This is anything but helpful. I will not keep feeding into my narcissistic husbands delusions and social ineptitude. You don’t get to ruin someone’s life because you haven’t learned proper ways of dealing with your emotions. Ladies, don’t listen to this nonsense. Sure this may be correct in some situations but this advice is honestly really bad.
When this happened to me, I made a list of what is still possitive in the relationship and afterwards I desided to start a new life. So I did. Witout my husband. I mean, even men do not like men that are doing nothing...they do not even like themselves. It is pity. Thank you for the video.
What to do when husband doesnt want to find a job? Its too much too handle being a breadwinner and when you go home house needs cleaning, sometimes wanting to peace out.
Get them therapy
So you can't handle being a breadwinner but that's what women wanted.....right?????
@@pyanemax4633 No, we wanted opportunity and most of us wanted partners.
@@pyanemax4633 i think she's being a mother to a grown man is the problem
Now I have to take the responsibility of raising him too? Apart from all the slack I pick up ?
I told my husband to get help. His the one with the problem. From the past he had and it’s affecting me and the kids. And now, I end up being included to the problem he have. I lost my confidence, emotionally physically I lost everything how I used to be. Independent woman. He told me take care of the kids. Be a house wife. Now, financially we are struggling because I’m not working.
You're supposed to be his help instead you abandon your husband in his time of need. You have separated yourself from him because that's his problem!!!!!!! So selfish and unsupportive!!!!!!!
What do you do when you have had enough and this husband doesn’t want to change his ways????? And it’s hurting you but he Blane everything on you as if you are the problem
Maybe you've reached the "get help" stage mentioned in the video?
I learned it don’t matter what you do if they chose to be a lazy person you can’t change them
There is a quick fix to all of this that most will not want to endure. We own what is ours and what is not our responsibility, we don’t own. Let’s start there lol.
Real advise: get together, make an extensive list of all the housechores that need to be done and chose who is doing what. It can be with an app or a piece of paper, but make sure there is an equal division.
Don't nag or motivate him, that's a parent job.
Stop using the word "helping", it is "sharing".
If you accept that, I'm judging you. You have a really poor consideration of your life. And if you have kids, you are setting a terrible example
My husband was laid off and while he still is able to pay the mortgage, him being at home spotlights how lazy he actually is. I know for a fact that I could never be unemployed very long bc I would take any job because I could not sit around the house. If I were at home, I would be cleaning and organizing. If he is depressed, he should be. I am depressed coming home to a man who is not making more of his time. I am starting to think that he does not have a job bc he is delusional and feels entitled to a certain position. He saw a mouse in our house but not until o asked what HE was going to DO about it did he do anything. And honestly I know it will be a half assed response. I am starting to really resent him. I would be better off without him.
Omg..... I saw a more in the house and screamed! I begged him to do something, he did nothing. He did say, "Sometimes homes just get mice?
REALLY??????
I simply ask my husband to take the kids out for one weekend so that i can deep clean and destress and he wont do it. Ive been asking for MONTHS and he wont budge. He wont help with daily chores either. So what am i supposed to do at this point?
He doesn’t respect you and you have an extra child in the home. It is better to be alone and let your soul sprout and find happiness!
Take his money and pay for a cleaner.
@@oneandonly3139is it always about money and looks with women's thoughts 🤔?
Tell him he goes to therapy or you sign divorce papers.
"Poor man!" Smh. Hes experiencing begative emotions? What about the wife??? No no no.
It’s so frustrating to be the partner who has to carry majority of all responsibility then still have to muscle up more energy and care when we are already frustrated just so we can work around their needs. It almost feels like abuse and neglect to allow ourselves to put the effort in staying with them.
If they refuse help for their trauma you have to baby them like a 5 year old?
Oh nice, being a free psychologist extra to all the other chores you already do, what about our emotional needs. 🤨 Like we don't need the emotional support. How about men grow up.
Tried all of that. Nothing worked. Today was my birthday and… nothing. He said he ran out of time. I appreciate your content. Thank you for helping so many.
Am dieing is affecting me so bad , he's too slow we lose opportunities because of him , I feel like giving up he's putting no effort, too shy too slow people don't like him
All these people are telling some imaginative things that never work. If a man doesn't communicate, he doesn't period. Either you should be a typical woman filled with drama or just save your energy and time and live your own life and don't care about them.
These comments make me feel so bad, men live longer when they connect with women and we die sooner 😵💫🥴 I don’t understand human beings. I truly don’t get it.
My husband is not working for four years and having debt, and made me move for him to his country and when we get into arguments he told me to leave the country. So this advice of showing empathy and understand what he is going through, I already did it didn’t work.
@@KatteniambassadorRina I gotch you gang.
Here is the key to this. Often times a man who is lazy at home is not a lazy person. Develop a system where he does most of the work and doesn't have to think or be constantly scrutinized. Make time as a family to do the other things he values. He doesn't prioritize timely diligence with the house. If you look closely most if these guys do actually clean at some point but they procrastinate. He cleaned before you met him. He was okay with that shirt being in the floor until tomorrow morning but you are compelled to pick it up right now even you are actually on a zoom meeting with your boss and one of your children has put a cat in the microwave. He needs more urgency about this. The big mistake women make is you feel like you shouldn't have to say it. Again, it's not okay yo have a dirty house, men just need to learn to make it the main priority over the marriage or the job. Once he switches it upin his head that way he will find that he will get it done faster and he will probably not end up divorced because of it.
My husband is really lazy he goes to work but when he called off he just lays around I am a homsechool mom or three that has a lot on her plate when I ask him to help he said no I won't I am not doing anything 😢 I don't kno how to make our lives work anymore
Just curious, why do you homeschool?
I’d put my kids in school and church and youth groups so I could have more me time
My husband is hoarding and won’t clean or put things away, I have not been able to have anybody in my house for 10 years.
Literally did this gentle approach for over 10 years with two kids. Now trying to save my marriage alone but also dealing with the constant inequity of household responsibilities. I need a video about setting boundaries for this while trying to save a marriage. None of this helped. 😢
My question is woman also go through grief, depression sadness loss etc. Does he step up and support as well? Act curious etc? So if not then we always suppose to tip toe and do everything right to “motivate” some kind of change but why does no one have to do that for us? Why are we carrying the load regardless of what we experience and go through? Well simple, because no one else will
You can threaten your spouse. Sometimes separating is the only answer.
Real solution is make your career and make yourself financially stable
I work around the clock and im taking charge of my actions with my marriage before i work myself to death alone
I looked at the comments section and just had a panic attack. I haven't even watched the video; I'm 18 seconds in. I don't know what to do.
I think this only works if you have good communication with your spouse. If your spouse refuses to get a job (contribute financially), and help out around the house, and gaslights you when you try to approach this subject, nothing you can say or do is going to work. Even counseling will be a complete waste of time. They will act like the victim and tell the counselor whatever they want to hear to make you look like the big meanie and the cycle just keeps trucking along. At some point, you will reach your breaking point. It's exhausting, especially when you have to take care of the inside and outside plus work more than 40 hour a week. If you are with someone who is honest an open, then maybe this approach might work. But if that behavior is deep seated in them, it isn't going to ever change and you cannot continue to work yourself to death. They honestly don't respect you or really love you. At some point, it is time to stop being their mother, maid, cook, etc., and take care of yourself. That might mean leaving the relationship. This is not a partnership.
My husband also very very lazy 😭😭😭🤦🤦🤦
Can’t finish this video. This is not my husband. He’s been lazy and selfish since day 1. I ignored it like an idiot and still married him. No one to blame except myself.
can you leave him
It's mommy's job to know when the baby isn't feeling good and to take the baby to the doctor and get the baby help. The baby can't do it on his own. He's a baby!
Are you kidding me????
The most simple way no need for this long unnecessary talk, just divorce them it isn't hard. Just simply divorce them. What else can be more simpler nothing then that
I always think of that, but i get thoughts that he might do something to himself if i do, he cannot live without me, he cant pay rent, bills, or even buy anything. Its that and his anger.
Yes
Would you consider making videos without music? Music is distracting when I'm trying to just listen to what you're saying.
It also makes me feel like I'm being emotionally manipulated, which shouldn't need to happen id the content you're giving is truly useful.
I'm subscribing for now because I want to hear more of what you have to say, but just be aware that some people (myself included) will probably stop watching if you continue to put music in your videos
What about the wife on other way around
I came to this video because I couldn't find one on lazy wife. I guess there's no easy fix. The hardest thing is confronting them, especially if it's been going on for many years of marriage. I feel it's too late.
From the other perspective there are also lazy and selfish wives too perhaps we should say spouse.
What do you do, when you’re always the one doing stuff for the kids, when you clearly need help? Sure, my husband works, but so do I! We both work 9-5 jobs. I do way more than him around the house, as well as childcare. I take medication for anxiety and depression. I had bad PPD/PPA with our second child. I’ll never forget how much he did NOT help me and when I asked him to get up in the night with me, he straight out told me no. He also called me a burden because of my depression. I will never forget his insults. I’m now about to get my tubes removed, because he refuses to get a vasectomy. I’m married to a very selfish/lazy person. It’s not fair to me at all.
I feel you sis..:(
I would run for the hills!
Sounds like he's a narcissist. They don't like it one bit when someone else is not well or needs help. It's beyond their pay grade.
Admit your mistakes and divorce him.
Don't forget to charge him for previous coaching.
Ok but can the wife be depressed too? We don’t get to choose. I had to grow up fast when we had our first born. He’s 8 years old and my guy is still depressed and not providing? I mean sometimes it’s just them not wanting to step up.
it's not your fault. I would just take care of myself and my baby and leave all his messes to him
He doesn't do anything... He only goes to this job, works 12-15 hours a day, and then he coes home snd just sits on the couch...
he needs to be reminded that he's married and not in that house alone
But what if you ask these curious questions and he says “I don’t know”
I learned that sometimes the best changes can come from inside. I've been handling my husband "laziness' without compassion and understanding and everyone has been suffering because of it. But today I am going try a different approach and be more understanding. Awesome video thank you
Maybe leave your husband and find someone else if that makes you happy
I did even finish watching this nonsense when your husband is lazy and don’t want to do nothing get out leave you wasting your time
Thanks for this video! Blessings
I work full time, I pay the bills, I do my bit at home yet I'm 'lazy'
Your “bit”?
@@GS-cg3yn An old English saying not literal
@@GS-cg3yn bits come in various sizes but do the same job
What if they don't want to go out and do things and won't help you as they think you are telling them to do things
What happens when kids are involved
Why are you smiling?
This video wasn’t helpful to me. It might be helpful for others. Marriage counseling isn’t very helpful when the man in relationship isn’t taking the tasks or advice from the counselor so it’s one sided. The husband is happy now but you are not happy bc he is not doing the things he promised in counseling like you did. But the woman actually did those tasks and other things from the marriage counselor. It doesn’t seem fair and it does ruin that woman soul for doing everything to change, be better, and work hard.
Never give an unemployed spouse access to your money! 🙅♀️🙅♀️
He should join the American Legion. We’d love to have him in any Tennessee Legion Post.
Thank you for the comment Rusty! We will definitely pass the word along. Also, would you be willing to reach out to us? We might be interested in creating more content associated with the veteran community and would love to know if you have anyone we could talk to. Feel free to call us at 1 866 903 0990 to see if we might be able to do something! Blessings,
Men man up clean up the house.😊
Rbendz's brother, who is lazy and without a job, spends most of his time in a café, while his wife works on her children.
When he returned home, his wife asked him: Do you want to eat?
He says: Yes, if God guides you
He wants one of the his daughters to wash his feet for him😂😂😂😂😂
Great advice Thanks so much.