I also think when someone is in chronic pain, that makes them more irritable which lowers their threshold of daily stressors and therefore more likely to snap at others
There's a certain person in my life who is my trigger...I've always been such a calm & patient person my whole life, but constant toxicity for the past 15 years from a family member have literally taken a toll on my mental health. I no longer want to give them the power to make me so angry. These videos are SO helpful! Thank you Dr. Tracey!
Growing up my father always gave us the silent treatment. Hell, just this month he got angry at us for something HE DID and gave us the silent treatment he can go days even months like this...i can see how this has affected my way for expressing anger. This was eye opening! Thank you so much ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
oh wow... Now I think that one of the reasons for my anger is that I don't feel safe usually. Even though I'm also often numb towards many things while I might also become intensely angry quickly. But I tend to hide it from others, or I try to, then I take it out on myself or end up panicking. I'm really bad at controlling my anger (I might even call it rage). Others do notice my anger sometimes (especially my family), but they don't even know how messed up it really gets. There have been times I've scared myself. This is a great video, thank You, Dr. Marks. I look forward to Your other videos.
I didn’t even know my self destructive tendencies at times could be redirected anger. It makes a lot of sense actually. I was so angry as a child because I wasn’t safe and nearly died for it. I just don’t know how to process anger and always push it away because I don’t want to be like my abusers. I look forward to the next video
What makes me angry? Lack of consideration from those who claim to care about me , having something to say but not getting the chance because the other person is too caught up in themselves and people who think that my feelings don't matter as long as they are satisfied. This has been the case with all of my romantic partners. I don't ask for anything more than I am willing to give and do give consistently. The sad fact that it's always this way makes me not only angry , but also very frustrated.
I certainly get where you're coming from; this is not gender specific at all; I went to a girl's school and was clueless when I was young about whom I fell in love with -- 2 radical jerks in a row, same can be said about women -- I just gave up for a while and got really involved in studying and work and friendships became really important. Things changed but there was a long period of sadness behind my enthusiasm for what I was doing; my Dad had died, my mum had brain cancer and I swear I will never forget the day my sister and I ganged up on our mum's seriously creepy surgeon who had woken her up in intensive care to boast that the operation was a masterpiece and she had 3 weeks to live. I am still embarrassed to relate that we terrorized this 6'4" big person in full view of all the nurses -- we really didn't know where else to put our collective anger. It was just words, but we stopped more invasive painful tests planned that would not have changed a minute of her life. You sound like a person who deserves way better.
I feel like I can relate in some level to this my partener will listen and buy things his friends tell him too and when I’ve asked him to help me buy material to build a play area for our daughter he doesn’t bother. He believes I don’t have a reason to feel sad (I suffer of depression) cause I have him and our daughter. If I feel upset and I just want to be quiet and isolate myself so I can calm down and reflect on the problem, he doesn’t let me, he pushes and pushes and pushes until I explode and just so he can not take feelings serious or say that i must be miserable and not love him. I have tried talking to him so we can find ways in how to be more healthy with each other and so he can talk to me if there’s is things about me that bother him and i can try fixing/bettering, but all I always get is nothing. But yet I can try having a conversation with him and he will listen to half of what I say or nothing at all. And when I try talking to him about how he does that, he laughs it off and even sometimes admits to doing it but yet he never changes that attitude. I know I am really flawed but i try to find the resolution to our problems and ways we can work out, but I feel like he thinks that because we laugh at tv shows together or under our sense of humor that there is nothing wrong and we are happy campers and that’s all that matter. He doesn’t realize that I suffer of depression and extreme anxiety and that I don’t always feel like that.
Growing up my father was a cop and he was in the military, when he was retired he controlled everything at home, our emotions, how we speak or think or express or decision making, for over 30 yrs I lived that way. so I did developed exactly everything you described here and on the other videos.... see therapists always diagnose me w depression and medicate me for anxiety and depression, and then I can never get off my bed, I feel irritated and more angry....... so I thought I was just a lost case and no is not, is just that they missed diagnosed me. I Am so happy I came around your video, you are the real mc coy. I Am subscribing.
You know what I'm noticing. The first guy seems a lot like the way I used to be, before I moved into this house with my sister and her husband. The second guy seems a lot like me now, after I moved into this house with my sister and her husband. This is telling me that I will be much better if I leave this place. Since moving in here, my attitude has changed, my health, both mental and physical has gone downhill, and I have started staying to myself and away from them all of the time. I feel like this place and both of them are overflowing with hatred and negativity and I believe that could be my problem. Thank you, Dr. Marks, I appreciate this video. It has really opened my eyes.
Thank you Dr. Marks for this video. Something I learned in addition to this video is there is an emotion behind the anger: you are either sad, scared or hurt. So now when I become angry, I try to understand where in my body I am feeling the emotion & what exact emotion was triggered. After that, I now have the ability to deal with the situation in a healthy & mature way. Thank you for this great information. Blessings 💕
I can’t wait for more videos about anger management. Thank you for your time and the knowledge you share with us. Very helpful and informative videos. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for this video. Building up anger and not having an outlet for it can definitely be harmful, not just emotionally, but also physically. I am sure that my GERD started because I was experiencing an overwhelming amount of anger and frustration that I was holding in and didn't know how to cope with (especially since I don't get angry easily and wasn't used to those emotions). As the anger was boiling inside of me, so was the acid in my stomach.
My lacking seriousness of intellectual purpose (far too much of the time) is not Tracy Marks responsibility. I do like and appreciate what she does when I can get myself to behave long enough. Thank You, Dr. Marks
You’re welcome Bruno. i’m glad you’re interested in understanding yourself. That can make a big difference for your own well-being and your relationships.
I actually needed this video. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 (I agree 100% with this) but they also tried diagnosing me with BPD traits. The more I learn about BPD, I really disagree and it has been extremely upsetting for me. Before this diagnoses they tried to straight diagnose me with BPD, even then I disagreed. They seem to latch on to my irritability, but I don't have explosive anger, nor do my moods shift drastically in a day. I have no idea how to explain to doctors that the anger I feel is entirely based on my up bringing - just being angry with life in general. They keep calling it symptoms and keep disregarding life experience and trauma. How do I get them to stop being clinically focused on symptoms and put in all factors when diagnosing me? I'm not inappropriately getting angry and exploding like people with BPD do. I have no idea how to properly explain myself without making things worse or them thinking it's something else - which kind of makes me more upset. Why can't I just be upset? Why can't it just be anger or irritation...especially when I keep getting pushed into a corner by doctors who feel they know me better than me...
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you for taking time to reply to my comment. I really appreciate you admitting that clinicians can be guilty of this...it eases my mind a bit. 🙏
Find a new doctor that listens to you. I know this is old, but someone is gonna need to read this. Doctors aren't gods. If one's not listening, FIND A NEW ONE. They WORK FOR YOU.
@@pawssum That’s pretty obvious and seems so easy to say, and a tad classist. To say “just find another doctor” isn’t viable for everyone, either due to cost or time. For some it takes A LOT of doctors to finally find someone who is ACTUALLY listening to you. This is three years old, and it’s funny because I was still in a lieu of terrible clinicians, if not mental health professional, medical doctors for my other physical health needs. Unfortunately, the system, atleast in the US is pretty awful. However, with how you replied, it’s clear this comment wasn’t meant for you, otherwise you wouldn’t have said that at all. You’d know people who feel this way have tried for a long time. Doesn’t mean they’ve given up, or stopped looking. Like I said 3 years ago, let me be upset.
Risper Mwikali There is almost always a reason why we get angry so asking the question of what makes us angry and how we can deal with it in a different way can solve the first step of this anger issue.
I kind of feel I'm a mix of both here. I wasn't allowed to express anger as a kid and and even now I keep shoving it down and when it does come out, it's uncontrollable and I often break things and am loud and banging doors! I know how upset it makes my kids, and I really need to find better avenues of controlling it and find a way to tell my deeply empathic child to stop questioning me on topics she really doesn't want to know the answers for. Or I need to find a way to smile and lie and not feel like vomiting while doing so!
Thank you!! I have anger problems. I am very friendly but anyone who put me down I get anger so fast with family or friend. I am praying god to help me. Your video gave me why I am like that. I just find you today. Thank you again!!!
Thank you! Dealing with anger on a personal level, as well as abusively angry people in my life has always been a struggle. I think the way I cope is to appease people and am more on the "aloof" and passive side, because I can see what conflict does. However, I know how passive anger, such as the silent treatment, is a way that can really kill another's soul. I hope you'll continue to talk about this topic as well as how we internalize and manifest anger as a response to others'.
Just found this wonderful woman. i am both extremes at the same time. my old man's go-to emotion was anger and his wife's go-to was snide comments and dissociation. im the best of both worlds😢
I was raised by a mom who at least shares a lot of narcissistic personality traits and so I was not able to express my feelings including anger. Sometimes it felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel anything except for what I was told how I felt. So I did learn to disengage from the world around me. However I did have moments of blowing up. Sudden rages that seemed out of nowhere and when I would get calm again I would realize I had internalized a list of anxieties and/or problems. I had seen that kind of explosive anger rages in other family members before and in a few friends as well so when I saw it in myself I had started to learn how to recognize the build up and ways of managing things and so on. I had wondered about this spectrum before though I didn’t know what it was or that it existed so I found this video incredibly helpful and informative. Thank you for making this.
Your channel is growing quite fast Dr. Tracey I remembered we were just under 5 figures when I first came across your channel. Thank you for your brilliant and accessible mental health education videos :) More power!
Fear drives anger in most people. Fear of not getting something you want or think you deserve, or fear of losing something you think you have or are entitled to. Pretty much covers it.
5 лет назад
I am an angry person, I know that, i don't like it but i know it. I'm learning a whole lot from you, and it helps me, so i can help my therapist, comprehend myself. Thank you so much dr. Marks!
This was eye opening to me. I realize now im very rigid. I get so angry when i see someone doing something unfair or wrong to myself or others. My grandmother on my moms side was very emotionally abusive. My grandparents on my dads side were very cold toward me and treated me and my brother very differently than our cousins. Im sure this stems from that rejection and abuse.
I just found Dr. Marks on Dr. Grande's channel. I'm glad he featured her channel, and will subscribe, since I trust Dr. Grande's judgment. Looking forward to Dr. Mark's insights
Thank you. Very informative. I think one takeaway here is were we fall on either side of the spectrum. However, environment is a major takeaway for me. ✌
I'm the type that internalized anger and furtration and has to punch a wall in order to let it out because I'd rather do that than say something I can't take back. I don't get to that point often, as I usually walk away in order to cool down first, but sometimes I feel like punching a wall is necessary. It's quite an immediate disipator. Really great video, Dr. Marks. I appreciate your time on this one and am looking forward to watching that follow up video. 😁
In my family when I was growing up we were constantly told not to feel certain ways and that we should never be angry. When I got out on my own, people told me I was acting in a passive/aggressive manner. I had no idea what that was, and had no idea where it came from (very little insight into why I felt the way I did). I ended up believing that I really didn't matter to anyone, with the result that I am now alone and trying to learn how be comfortable with myself. Now diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 and CPTSD with addiction issues it's like I have to learn how to live all over again. It's no fun for sure. Excellent video. They always give me some insight into my feelings.
I have found that anger is one of a few different responses to unmet expectations (i.e., disappointment). Interestingly, it is when I expect a positive or helpful development or routine action on someone else’s or my part and it doesn’t happen. That can go as far as expecting someone else to read my mind and do what I need or want them to do. The flipside of it is when I expect something negative and my expectation is unmet, which causes me to be equally elated. It could be directed toward family members, friends, fellow employees, political figures, etc. I believe it is closely linked to a sense of betrayal.
This is such a big topic and so much to unpack, tx for accessible framework! Both my parents survived WWII; my Dad, born in 1908 in Serbia (he was 50 when I was born but let's do the math) joined the Resistance and actively fought, while my mother was the only one of her family to survive the Nazi death camps. They met in Canada; my sis and I had an idyllic childhood, but. When an irresponsible vet left my Dad's close close friend, his dog Caesar to die of heat stroke in August years ago, he put his fist through the wall -- luckily it wasn't as intractable as the wall Tom Petty put his fist through when deeply frustrated during a recording session, which pulverized it and took months to heal. He owned his own company and was a bit patriarchal which meant he knew everybody and their family but also meant he sometimes lost his temper over shoddy work. I worked for him for a summer and observed that no-one took this behaviour seriously; some noise, nothing personal was said, you re-submitted work and he didn't remember he was letting off steam. He was a Protector. My mum was an anarchist in that she trusted no governments, double-checked results from her gp, over-protected us (no down-hill skiing you will ram into a tree) and had a Monty Python sense of humour. My sis and I got variations derived from both parents; Colette got my Dad's charisma and carried it one step further; she could do the Godfather Part 1 2 or 3 stare when confronted with a male who showed her disrespect. I got our mum's sense of humour and total lack of respect for our high school teachers. This was good and this was bad as adaptive behaviour goes, and there are many variations on expressing anger (or not) I've observed in friends and co-workers. Passive-aggressive manipulation, given my background is intolerable, but I will put up with a tantrum if it's not aimed at anyone, just an object. Sorry for long response but as I began, it's a big topic, and it's so true that one's way of coping with anger really does depend on many factors. A succinct and really useful video, tx! Lots of comments have also been really helpful.
''Saint anger round my neck...'' Like in that song by Metallica:) Thank you for another interesting and exciting video, Dr. Marks! I guess I'm more prone to the rigid pole of this anger scale. Wishing you a wonderful weekend☺
I've always said I'm a extremenest person i do everything 100 percent I'm a type A personality and where I work I get angry underneath and people I think veiw me as intimatdating but I don't want to be that way I'm really a nice guy but when i work I work I don't play is this a bad thing I love ur channel also thanks
Thankyou for all your help. Your great advice has helped me more than I can express. I really appreciate the way you present your videos. Thankyou for your care and passion for mental health. ☺
I just started watching ur videos today after i got really pissed off at alot of things!! Thank u so much for making me realize that i do have a problem with anger management!! But i live in India , and i cant even talk about my anger problems openly with my parents or any one, in India visiting a psychiatrist mean the individual is completely crazy and is frowned upon in the society! I really want to get professional help for this but i dont know what to do! I can relate so much to your videos !! I wish i could get some help! Thanks alot Dr! U are a wonderful person
I was brought up to be ashamed of being angry and afraid of my anger and other peoples.Hence,I always go very quiet under threat,which can sometimes please the aggressor.But I am really thinking how best to deal with this situation and --heck--win!
I was raised in a angry / berating / yell at u household. My natural temperament runs hot. However in large part thanks to yoga & looking at life /community I have learned to keep my temper under control and I do not treat people the way my parents treated me. Cause u treat people right & everyone has their issues:)
I've always had anger and frustration issues and have always lacked cognitive flexibility and would say I'm a slow processor. So, if something happens that introduces change, it initially feels like a massive inconvenience and I react with frustration and often anger. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 38 years of age, and through research have found that those with ADHD can often experience anger and frustration, I guess due to our lack of emotion regulation. Some of what you've said in this video reinforces that for me. I just feel I lack the capacity to be flexible, so when someone wants me to be, it's really tough.
There was a lot of yelling in my childhood, and I have Sensory Processing Disorder, so, I don't like getting angry to the point that I yell. Oftentimes, I express anger through writing or through words after I have had adequate time to calm down.
Thank you for the video! Only today I got angry and I blewup at people. I carried the anger through the day and then something small got me to blowup. I was actually even more angry because someone else was angry too along the day and i felt nobody is doing an effort to see it and help. For the rest of the day i just isolated myself to calm down and rest. I get angry a lot. Sometimes it is over what i see as injustice and not caring. And sometimes it is over feeling out of strengh because of doing so much. So i can start crying because of the washing machine doing problems and get upset at people for not understanding whats the big deal...
Anger is a valid emotion and can indicate a boundary violation, or can be triggered by feeling powerless in a situation. It can also be overlayed and magnified by unresolved trauma. Anger contains a message that needs to be acknowledged and can be indicative of changes we need to make in our life and should not be ignored. It is how we express, process or manage our anger that is healthy or unhealthy.
I feel as if I'm rigid but am ambitious to be aloof. I want free to Express my anger but in short bursts. I want to avoid being angry but i tend to stay angry until i target it myself. The bible suggests that bitterness isn't helpful so i try tooi address it but not be consumed by it. Been thinking a lot about this. Thank you for the video, doc'!
Everything makes me angry. I always hear people say to reach out for help but I’m only 17 and I have told both parents several times to please help me, please take me somewhere, ANYWHERE that will listen to me. Somewhere and someone who will finally listen to just me. Someone who will finally understand me and help me. I hate being like this.
I’m bipolar , “sometimes “ I get so angry , I yell etc . after I have to apologized for the things I say , feeling guilty about the way I behave. I ruminate the meltdown in my head and get depressed. I’m antisocial b/c I’m afraid to have a meltdown in public .
THANK YOU!! I've been trying to figure out what ignites my (sporadic) feelings of anger and extinguish it, though I know a professional would be more beneficial. Again, thank you 😌
I am normally a calm person however I become angry and annoyed when dealing with my bully neighbor and her family, I also become angry and annoyed when dealing with an pushy ,annoying and intuitive family friend who doesn't seem to know the meaning of personal space or the meaning of the word no .
I would love it if you could do a video on temperaments. I have a psychology final exam coming up and it wold really clear it up for me. Also just generally very interested about different kinds of temperament!
My dad and brother have anger issues when i was growing up i knew what an angry person looked like, they would yell all the time, always scold everyone, made me feel so small at my little mistakes. So i thought "i won't be like that when i grow up". Now as a 17 years old, i don't yell my friends, make them small or scold them, but still they tell me " you have anger issues that you are not aware of. You don't realize it but you do." So i am not so sure anymore if i have anger issues or not.
Btw don't get me wrong i have wonderful friendships, i don't have problem with making friends or staying friends so on. They also always tell that they like my company but still they tell me they think i have this problem. I never blow up to them or anything but they say i look like angry, like in my presence it makes them feel like i am like that.
why am i both of these simultaneously... i find anger to be an important driving factor... but not the bad kind of anger that rubs on on people and makes everyone have a bad day... but i'm just so easy going that it never lasts long then i end up seemingly too non-chalant to even focus or do anything that's productive
In many different ways, not just about myself, however as a cyclist, the safety thing is so relevant. Sometimes when people feel unsafe, it’s not because of rigid thinking, unless you believe that “cars should just not hit and kill me” is rigid.
An interesting topic. I’m looking forward to the series. There is a lot of anger out there and many who won’t admit their anger and don’t even know why they are always angry. When you see the expressions of people going on about their day, the way they set their face says a lot; indeed, the way they treat others. It seeps out. As someone whose former partner was of the slowburn ilk, I can easily say I’m happier to deal with quick-fire irritability than the insidious silent treatment and bomb droopingly cruel jabs they seemingly save up for special occasions. I’m also interested in the anger of addicts. The best I can come up with is it is their own self-loathing they direct onto others? There’s a switch somewhere that takes them from fun-loving life of the party to mean mouthed monsters in short order. The addiction seems to also give them license or protection from their bad behaviour... ‘I don’t remember anything’ or ‘I was really drunk at the time’. Is it unresolved anger which manifests in addiction? I’m quick to temper, blow as I go so to speak, and can be found laughing moments later. I have a difficult time understanding the purpose of the measured meanness of those on the other side of the spectrum. Hoping to gain insight.
Thank you, Dr. Marks! You made it easy to digest! I was reminded of two things. One was the big five personality test. I wonder if being rigid or aloof is correlated to the five traits. The second was Carl Jung's cognitive function theory that he also developed from psychoanalysis, and which is more popularly known by the mbti. It isn't really accepted by academic psychology, but I think there's a grain of truth in it, especially when you dig down into Jung's original theory. Maybe you already know of it. He categorized 8 different cognitive processes (cognitive functions), 4 of which work together holistically in the individual to form what is called, according to mbti, a personality type, but is more like a cognitive attitude. Some of these types (or cognitive attitudes) like the INTP and ISTP fit your description of the aloof person who is emotionally disengaged. While others like the ESTJ and ENTJ fit your description for the rigid person who is principled and very involved. I wonder what you think about that? Just wanted to share! Thank you so much for the video! :)
Oh yes I do remember those personality types. I didn’t remember it being associated with Jung though. Very interesting. There’s lots of different ways to look at personality and temperament. Now that you brought this up I’ll have to take another look at those styles to see how they correlate with what I said.
I also think when someone is in chronic pain, that makes them more irritable which lowers their threshold of daily stressors and therefore more likely to snap at others
Thats true
I agree. Pain is a trigger for irritability.
That is me lately!
Yes. That straw that finally breaks the camel’s back.
This needs to get pinned to the top
There's a certain person in my life who is my trigger...I've always been such a calm & patient person my whole life, but constant toxicity for the past 15 years from a family member have literally taken a toll on my mental health. I no longer want to give them the power to make me so angry. These videos are SO helpful! Thank you Dr. Tracey!
Looking forward to the “Ways to manage your anger” video! Thanks Dr. Marks!
You're welcome Yopu!
Growing up my father always gave us the silent treatment. Hell, just this month he got angry at us for something HE DID and gave us the silent treatment he can go days even months like this...i can see how this has affected my way for expressing anger. This was eye opening! Thank you so much ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Your dad is acting like a fee mail
oh wow... Now I think that one of the reasons for my anger is that I don't feel safe usually. Even though I'm also often numb towards many things while I might also become intensely angry quickly. But I tend to hide it from others, or I try to, then I take it out on myself or end up panicking. I'm really bad at controlling my anger (I might even call it rage). Others do notice my anger sometimes (especially my family), but they don't even know how messed up it really gets. There have been times I've scared myself.
This is a great video, thank You, Dr. Marks. I look forward to Your other videos.
You’re welcome JO Dei. Yes feeling unsafe and threatened can be a trigger for anger. Think of it like the caged animal that starts attacking.
I didn’t even know my self destructive tendencies at times could be redirected anger. It makes a lot of sense actually. I was so angry as a child because I wasn’t safe and nearly died for it. I just don’t know how to process anger and always push it away because I don’t want to be like my abusers. I look forward to the next video
I’m glad this helped you get some insight. Thanks for watching.
What makes me angry? Lack of consideration from those who claim to care about me , having something to say but not getting the chance because the other person is too caught up in themselves and people who think that my feelings don't matter as long as they are satisfied.
This has been the case with all of my romantic partners. I don't ask for anything more than I am willing to give and do give consistently. The sad fact that it's always this way makes me not only angry , but also very frustrated.
Finally, someone I can relate to.
I certainly get where you're coming from; this is not gender specific at all; I went to a girl's school and was clueless when I was young about whom I fell in love with -- 2 radical jerks in a row, same can be said about women -- I just gave up for a while and got really involved in studying and work and friendships became really important. Things changed but there was a long period of sadness behind my enthusiasm for what I was doing; my Dad had died, my mum had brain cancer and I swear I will never forget the day my sister and I ganged up on our mum's seriously creepy surgeon who had woken her up in intensive care to boast that the operation was a masterpiece and she had 3 weeks to live. I am still embarrassed to relate that we terrorized this 6'4" big person in full view of all the nurses -- we really didn't know where else to put our collective anger. It was just words, but we stopped more invasive painful tests planned that would not have changed a minute of her life.
You sound like a person who deserves way better.
I feel like I can relate in some level to this my partener will listen and buy things his friends tell him too and when I’ve asked him to help me buy material to build a play area for our daughter he doesn’t bother. He believes I don’t have a reason to feel sad (I suffer of depression) cause I have him and our daughter. If I feel upset and I just want to be quiet and isolate myself so I can calm down and reflect on the problem, he doesn’t let me, he pushes and pushes and pushes until I explode and just so he can not take feelings serious or say that i must be miserable and not love him. I have tried talking to him so we can find ways in how to be more healthy with each other and so he can talk to me if there’s is things about me that bother him and i can try fixing/bettering, but all I always get is nothing. But yet I can try having a conversation with him and he will listen to half of what I say or nothing at all. And when I try talking to him about how he does that, he laughs it off and even sometimes admits to doing it but yet he never changes that attitude. I know I am really flawed but i try to find the resolution to our problems and ways we can work out, but I feel like he thinks that because we laugh at tv shows together or under our sense of humor that there is nothing wrong and we are happy campers and that’s all that matter. He doesn’t realize that I suffer of depression and extreme anxiety and that I don’t always feel like that.
I hear you
Wow so I’m not the only one…
Growing up my father was a cop and he was in the military, when he was retired he controlled everything at home, our emotions, how we speak or think or express or decision making, for over 30 yrs I lived that way. so I did developed exactly everything you described here and on the other videos.... see therapists always diagnose me w depression and medicate me for anxiety and depression, and then I can never get off my bed, I feel irritated and more angry....... so I thought I was just a lost case and no is not, is just that they missed diagnosed me. I Am so happy I came around your video, you are the real mc coy. I Am subscribing.
So four years later how are you doing my man.
You know what I'm noticing. The first guy seems a lot like the way I used to be, before I moved into this house with my sister and her husband. The second guy seems a lot like me now, after I moved into this house with my sister and her husband. This is telling me that I will be much better if I leave this place. Since moving in here, my attitude has changed, my health, both mental and physical has gone downhill, and I have started staying to myself and away from them all of the time. I feel like this place and both of them are overflowing with hatred and negativity and I believe that could be my problem. Thank you, Dr. Marks, I appreciate this video. It has really opened my eyes.
Thank you Dr. Marks for this video. Something I learned in addition to this video is there is an emotion behind the anger: you are either sad, scared or hurt. So now when I become angry, I try to understand where in my body I am feeling the emotion & what exact emotion was triggered. After that, I now have the ability to deal with the situation in a healthy & mature way. Thank you for this great information. Blessings 💕
I can’t wait for more videos about anger management. Thank you for your time and the knowledge you share with us. Very helpful and informative videos. Thank you so much!
You’re welcome Linda
I know for me, there are a few factors that can be triggers. A big one is the week or so before my period, hunger, not enough sleep and stress.
did you see my video on PMDD? If not here it is ruclips.net/video/6eToeyIls94/видео.html
Dr., your channel just happend on my feed in a moment of need. thank you so much for all the time you've put in it.
Thank you so much for this video. Building up anger and not having an outlet for it can definitely be harmful, not just emotionally, but also physically. I am sure that my GERD started because I was experiencing an overwhelming amount of anger and frustration that I was holding in and didn't know how to cope with (especially since I don't get angry easily and wasn't used to those emotions). As the anger was boiling inside of me, so was the acid in my stomach.
That’s very common. I hope you find or have a good outlet to blow off some of that anger.
My lacking seriousness of intellectual purpose (far too much of the time) is not Tracy Marks responsibility. I do like and appreciate what she does when I can get myself to behave long enough. Thank You, Dr. Marks
Thank you for talking about this subject. I recently discovered that I suffer from anger more than I thought and I want to understand it better.
You’re welcome Bruno. i’m glad you’re interested in understanding yourself. That can make a big difference for your own well-being and your relationships.
I actually needed this video. I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 1 (I agree 100% with this) but they also tried diagnosing me with BPD traits. The more I learn about BPD, I really disagree and it has been extremely upsetting for me. Before this diagnoses they tried to straight diagnose me with BPD, even then I disagreed. They seem to latch on to my irritability, but I don't have explosive anger, nor do my moods shift drastically in a day. I have no idea how to explain to doctors that the anger I feel is entirely based on my up bringing - just being angry with life in general. They keep calling it symptoms and keep disregarding life experience and trauma. How do I get them to stop being clinically focused on symptoms and put in all factors when diagnosing me? I'm not inappropriately getting angry and exploding like people with BPD do.
I have no idea how to properly explain myself without making things worse or them thinking it's something else - which kind of makes me more upset. Why can't I just be upset? Why can't it just be anger or irritation...especially when I keep getting pushed into a corner by doctors who feel they know me better than me...
Yes sometimes we forget that even if you have an illness, you still have emotions that aren’t symptoms of the illness
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you for taking time to reply to my comment. I really appreciate you admitting that clinicians can be guilty of this...it eases my mind a bit. 🙏
Find a new doctor that listens to you. I know this is old, but someone is gonna need to read this. Doctors aren't gods. If one's not listening, FIND A NEW ONE. They WORK FOR YOU.
@@pawssum That’s pretty obvious and seems so easy to say, and a tad classist. To say “just find another doctor” isn’t viable for everyone, either due to cost or time. For some it takes A LOT of doctors to finally find someone who is ACTUALLY listening to you. This is three years old, and it’s funny because I was still in a lieu of terrible clinicians, if not mental health professional, medical doctors for my other physical health needs. Unfortunately, the system, atleast in the US is pretty awful.
However, with how you replied, it’s clear this comment wasn’t meant for you, otherwise you wouldn’t have said that at all. You’d know people who feel this way have tried for a long time. Doesn’t mean they’ve given up, or stopped looking. Like I said 3 years ago, let me be upset.
I always get angry over every little thing and it causes a lot of problems in my life ,I don't know how to overcome or control it.
Me too
I'm sure that acknowledging that you tend to get angry easily is the first step towards improvement. Good luck on your journey!
Risper Mwikali There is almost always a reason why we get angry so asking the question of what makes us angry and how we can deal with it in a different way can solve the first step of this anger issue.
When hulk angry, hulk smash, hulk relieves stress.
Are you all angry or just hungry?
I kind of feel I'm a mix of both here. I wasn't allowed to express anger as a kid and and even now I keep shoving it down and when it does come out, it's uncontrollable and I often break things and am loud and banging doors! I know how upset it makes my kids, and I really need to find better avenues of controlling it and find a way to tell my deeply empathic child to stop questioning me on topics she really doesn't want to know the answers for. Or I need to find a way to smile and lie and not feel like vomiting while doing so!
Thank you!! I have anger problems. I am very friendly but anyone who put me down I get anger so fast with family or friend. I am praying god to help me. Your video gave me why I am like that. I just find you today. Thank you again!!!
Thank you! Dealing with anger on a personal level, as well as abusively angry people in my life has always been a struggle. I think the way I cope is to appease people and am more on the "aloof" and passive side, because I can see what conflict does. However, I know how passive anger, such as the silent treatment, is a way that can really kill another's soul. I hope you'll continue to talk about this topic as well as how we internalize and manifest anger as a response to others'.
Thanks for sharing Miss E. I’ll see how I can include this information.
Just found this wonderful woman. i am both extremes at the same time. my old man's go-to emotion was anger and his wife's go-to was snide comments and dissociation. im the best of both worlds😢
Fascinating. I SO need to understand this. My dad's anger is so outburst. Like living on eggshells
I was raised by a mom who at least shares a lot of narcissistic personality traits and so I was not able to express my feelings including anger. Sometimes it felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel anything except for what I was told how I felt. So I did learn to disengage from the world around me. However I did have moments of blowing up. Sudden rages that seemed out of nowhere and when I would get calm again I would realize I had internalized a list of anxieties and/or problems. I had seen that kind of explosive anger rages in other family members before and in a few friends as well so when I saw it in myself I had started to learn how to recognize the build up and ways of managing things and so on. I had wondered about this spectrum before though I didn’t know what it was or that it existed so I found this video incredibly helpful and informative. Thank you for making this.
Someone is at the top of her field. Very smart lady.
Thanks tranquility 🙂
@@DrTraceyMarks yw sweetie
Your channel is growing quite fast Dr. Tracey I remembered we were just under 5 figures when I first came across your channel. Thank you for your brilliant and accessible mental health education videos :) More power!
I think that was about a year ago maybe a little more. Thanks for continuing to follow me 🤗👍🏼
Fear drives anger in most people. Fear of not getting something you want or think you deserve, or fear of losing something you think you have or are entitled to. Pretty much covers it.
I am an angry person, I know that, i don't like it but i know it. I'm learning a whole lot from you, and it helps me, so i can help my therapist, comprehend myself. Thank you so much dr. Marks!
Oh that’s great. I love that this supplements your therapy.
Extremely informative! Thank you Dr. Marks
You're welcome Bryan.
I love the clarity of your words, and how briefly and concisely you explain things.
Thank you so much Doc 🙂🙏
This was eye opening to me. I realize now im very rigid. I get so angry when i see someone doing something unfair or wrong to myself or others. My grandmother on my moms side was very emotionally abusive. My grandparents on my dads side were very cold toward me and treated me and my brother very differently than our cousins. Im sure this stems from that rejection and abuse.
I just found Dr. Marks on Dr. Grande's channel. I'm glad he featured her channel, and will subscribe, since I trust Dr. Grande's judgment. Looking forward to Dr. Mark's insights
Thank you. Very informative. I think one takeaway here is were we fall on either side of the spectrum. However, environment is a major takeaway for me.
✌
I'm the type that internalized anger and furtration and has to punch a wall in order to let it out because I'd rather do that than say something I can't take back.
I don't get to that point often, as I usually walk away in order to cool down first, but sometimes I feel like punching a wall is necessary. It's quite an immediate disipator.
Really great video, Dr. Marks. I appreciate your time on this one and am looking forward to watching that follow up video. 😁
Thanks!
Thanks so much Gordon!
Thank you for all the information that you share with us. Sending you best wishes, and love from Istanbul
In my family when I was growing up we were constantly told not to feel certain ways and that we should never be angry. When I got out on my own, people told me I was acting in a passive/aggressive manner. I had no idea what that was, and had no idea where it came from (very little insight into why I felt the way I did). I ended up believing that I really didn't matter to anyone, with the result that I am now alone and trying to learn how be comfortable with myself. Now diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 and CPTSD with addiction issues it's like I have to learn how to live all over again. It's no fun for sure. Excellent video. They always give me some insight into my feelings.
Oh that’s great Doug. Thanks for letting me know. Insight a good thing 😊
This was really interesting and gives me a lot of insight into some of my behaviours!
Excellent Elice. I’m glad.
Wow, that follow up video is gonna be a must-watch. Thanks, as ever, Dr Marks.
You’re welcome. I’ll have to get working on it soon. 😊
I have found that anger is one of a few different responses to unmet expectations (i.e., disappointment). Interestingly, it is when I expect a positive or helpful development or routine action on someone else’s or my part and it doesn’t happen. That can go as far as expecting someone else to read my mind and do what I need or want them to do. The flipside of it is when I expect something negative and my expectation is unmet, which causes me to be equally elated. It could be directed toward family members, friends, fellow employees, political figures, etc. I believe it is closely linked to a sense of betrayal.
Wow this really opened my eyes on my anger. Thank you for this amazing video!
I'm a rigid and am dating someone who is an aloof. This video could not have described us better, it was uncanny!
Thanks for this; your analysis made me think, for sure. I look forward to the follow-up video.🙋🏼♀️
Thanks Melanie.
Great video Dr. Marks. It's a very necessary video too.
Thank you Mary! I agree.
This is such a big topic and so much to unpack, tx for accessible framework! Both my parents survived WWII; my Dad, born in 1908 in Serbia (he was 50 when I was born but let's do the math) joined the Resistance and actively fought, while my mother was the only one of her family to survive the Nazi death camps. They met in Canada; my sis and I had an idyllic childhood, but. When an irresponsible vet left my Dad's close close friend, his dog Caesar to die of heat stroke in August years ago, he put his fist through the wall -- luckily it wasn't as intractable as the wall Tom Petty put his fist through when deeply frustrated during a recording session, which pulverized it and took months to heal. He owned his own company and was a bit patriarchal which meant he knew everybody and their family but also meant he sometimes lost his temper over shoddy work. I worked for him for a summer and observed that no-one took this behaviour seriously; some noise, nothing personal was said, you re-submitted work and he didn't remember he was letting off steam. He was a Protector. My mum was an anarchist in that she trusted no governments, double-checked results from her gp, over-protected us (no down-hill skiing you will ram into a tree) and had a Monty Python sense of humour. My sis and I got variations derived from both parents; Colette got my Dad's charisma and carried it one step further; she could do the Godfather Part 1 2 or 3 stare when confronted with a male who showed her disrespect. I got our mum's sense of humour and total lack of respect for our high school teachers. This was good and this was bad as adaptive behaviour goes, and there are many variations on expressing anger (or not) I've observed in friends and co-workers. Passive-aggressive manipulation, given my background is intolerable, but I will put up with a tantrum if it's not aimed at anyone, just an object. Sorry for long response but as I began, it's a big topic, and it's so true that one's way of coping with anger really does depend on many factors. A succinct and really useful video, tx! Lots of comments have also been really helpful.
Thanks a lot. Thanks for sharing your experience as well.
I think IED finally describes me. I’ve been told I’m
Bipolar but IED feels like more of a fit. Comes from
Fear.
''Saint anger round my neck...'' Like in that song by Metallica:) Thank you for another interesting and exciting video, Dr. Marks! I guess I'm more prone to the rigid pole of this anger scale. Wishing you a wonderful weekend☺
This calmed me down thanks
Omg I'm so the second guy !!! Like that's totally me !!!! Love this video. Thank you!
Lol! At least you’re invested then. You’re welcome 😊
I've always said I'm a extremenest person i do everything 100 percent I'm a type A personality and where I work I get angry underneath and people I think veiw me as intimatdating but I don't want to be that way I'm really a nice guy but when i work I work I don't play is this a bad thing I love ur channel also thanks
This was interesting and helpful, thanks for your work.
Thankyou for all your help. Your great advice has helped me more than I can express. I really appreciate the way you present your videos. Thankyou for your care and passion for mental health. ☺
Love your site ❤ its so helpful to me thank you Dr marks
Thanka for this video Doc. I realizef I am 100% rigid. I am working on it because I know anything extreme is not good
I just started watching ur videos today after i got really pissed off at alot of things!! Thank u so much for making me realize that i do have a problem with anger management!! But i live in India , and i cant even talk about my anger problems openly with my parents or any one, in India visiting a psychiatrist mean the individual is completely crazy and is frowned upon in the society! I really want to get professional help for this but i dont know what to do! I can relate so much to your videos !! I wish i could get some help! Thanks alot Dr! U are a wonderful person
Dr. I appreciate your videos SO much!!
Genius. Thank you Dr.
I always thought that silent treatment was more passive aggressive... Thank you for the insight. I love your videos as they really help!
The silent treatment can be passive aggressive. Kind of depends. Some people brood with their silence and some people withdraw.
Thank you. A perspective never thought about before. I appreciate your videos very much so.
Thanks a lot Kirk 😊
Thanks, Dr. Marks, this was really helpful in perspective about what's behind the different expressions of anger.
you’re welcome Deb. 😊
I was brought up to be ashamed of being angry and afraid of my anger and other peoples.Hence,I always go very quiet under threat,which can sometimes please the aggressor.But I am really thinking how best to deal with this situation and --heck--win!
Your videos help me so much. Thank you Dr. Marks! ❤️
You’re so welcome Kristen thank you.😊
I was raised in a angry / berating / yell at u household. My natural temperament runs hot. However in large part thanks to yoga & looking at life /community I have learned to keep my temper under control and I do not treat people the way my parents treated me. Cause u treat people right & everyone has their issues:)
That’s great. You’ve got some very effective coping skills.
Thank you Dr Mark's for another great video. I am a little pass the middle area between aloof and rigid.
You’re welcome RC. Thank you. The middle Isa good place to be. 😊
I've always had anger and frustration issues and have always lacked cognitive flexibility and would say I'm a slow processor. So, if something happens that introduces change, it initially feels like a massive inconvenience and I react with frustration and often anger. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 38 years of age, and through research have found that those with ADHD can often experience anger and frustration, I guess due to our lack of emotion regulation. Some of what you've said in this video reinforces that for me. I just feel I lack the capacity to be flexible, so when someone wants me to be, it's really tough.
Thank you for sharing this. it helps to understand.
Thank you.💜💙💚💛🧡❤🤍🖤
There was a lot of yelling in my childhood, and I have Sensory Processing Disorder, so, I don't like getting angry to the point that I yell. Oftentimes, I express anger through writing or through words after I have had adequate time to calm down.
Thanks nice video 😊 I am looking forward to that passive anger video 😍
Thanks Liz. i’ll have to get on it. 😊
Thank you for the video!
Only today I got angry and I blewup at people. I carried the anger through the day and then something small got me to blowup. I was actually even more angry because someone else was angry too along the day and i felt nobody is doing an effort to see it and help. For the rest of the day i just isolated myself to calm down and rest.
I get angry a lot. Sometimes it is over what i see as injustice and not caring. And sometimes it is over feeling out of strengh because of doing so much. So i can start crying because of the washing machine doing problems and get upset at people for not understanding whats the big deal...
That can’t feel good Going up and down like that ☹️
Thank you for this video Dr. Marks!
Great timing...looking forward to the next video...
Thanks Paula
Anger is a valid emotion and can indicate a boundary violation, or can be triggered by feeling powerless in a situation. It can also be overlayed and magnified by unresolved trauma.
Anger contains a message that needs to be acknowledged and can be indicative of changes we need to make in our life and should not be ignored.
It is how we express, process or manage our anger that is healthy or unhealthy.
i really need more... feel like when get angry i want to hurt people...
This is how I feel
I want to hurt myself....
I do hurt people
I feel as if I'm rigid but am ambitious to be aloof.
I want free to Express my anger but in short bursts. I want to avoid being angry but i tend to stay angry until i target it myself. The bible suggests that bitterness isn't helpful so i try tooi address it but not be consumed by it.
Been thinking a lot about this. Thank you for the video, doc'!
You’re welcome Donnell. I hope you reach your goal of becoming more flexible.
Thank you so much for your videos. They're very professional and informative.
You’re welcome ML. Thanks for watching 😊
Excited for the follow -up, Doc!
Thanks Sarah.😊
Thank you for this great video. I wonder if unexpressed anger can turn into anxiety over time.
Good question. I would think so. That’s kind of a Freudian way of looking at anxiety.
Wooooooow. I'm passively angry and never knew. I always just considered myself laid back to a fault.
Everything makes me angry. I always hear people say to reach out for help but I’m only 17 and I have told both parents several times to please help me, please take me somewhere, ANYWHERE that will listen to me. Somewhere and someone who will finally listen to just me. Someone who will finally understand me and help me. I hate being like this.
Thank you for this
I’m bipolar , “sometimes “ I get so angry , I yell etc . after I have to apologized for the things I say , feeling guilty about the way I behave. I ruminate the meltdown in my head and get depressed. I’m antisocial b/c I’m afraid to have a meltdown in public .
THANK YOU!! I've been trying to figure out what ignites my (sporadic) feelings of anger and extinguish it, though I know a professional would be more beneficial. Again, thank you 😌
I am normally a calm person however I become angry and annoyed when dealing with my bully neighbor and her family, I also become angry and annoyed when dealing with an pushy ,annoying and intuitive family friend who doesn't seem to know the meaning of personal space or the meaning of the word no .
Very insightful. A great video! Thanks for sharing your knowledge!
You’re so welcome. 😊
Thank you for this video and your teachings
You’re welcome Keziah
I would love it if you could do a video on temperaments. I have a psychology final exam coming up and it wold really clear it up for me. Also just generally very interested about different kinds of temperament!
Hi Judith. I wouldn’t be able to get it out before your exam. You may want to check Todd grande’s channel. He covers a lot of psychology topics.
My dad and brother have anger issues when i was growing up i knew what an angry person looked like, they would yell all the time, always scold everyone, made me feel so small at my little mistakes. So i thought "i won't be like that when i grow up". Now as a 17 years old, i don't yell my friends, make them small or scold them, but still they tell me " you have anger issues that you are not aware of. You don't realize it but you do." So i am not so sure anymore if i have anger issues or not.
Btw don't get me wrong i have wonderful friendships, i don't have problem with making friends or staying friends so on. They also always tell that they like my company but still they tell me they think i have this problem. I never blow up to them or anything but they say i look like angry, like in my presence it makes them feel like i am like that.
Thank you! You and your videos are amazing!!!
Thanks a lot Fabiana. 🙂
Very good thank you ❤
RIGID that’s me . Thanks for the video 🙏🏻
Hulk smash rigid.
You're welcome. 😊
Very well explanation 👍💯
Thank you
Wonderful information, thank you!
You’re welcome
why am i both of these simultaneously... i find anger to be an important driving factor... but not the bad kind of anger that rubs on on people and makes everyone have a bad day... but i'm just so easy going that it never lasts long then i end up seemingly too non-chalant to even focus or do anything that's productive
WOW Doc! with the way our world is now, you find the cure for Anger and you will invent PEACE...
I know right? Thanks. 😊
Man this is powerful
Love your videos! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Stephanie 😊
Omg this video is so relevant and helpful for me.
In many different ways, not just about myself, however as a cyclist, the safety thing is so relevant. Sometimes when people feel unsafe, it’s not because of rigid thinking, unless you believe that “cars should just not hit and kill me” is rigid.
Im.so glad it's enlightening
An interesting topic. I’m looking forward to the series. There is a lot of anger out there and many who won’t admit their anger and don’t even know why they are always angry. When you see the expressions of people going on about their day, the way they set their face says a lot; indeed, the way they treat others. It seeps out. As someone whose former partner was of the slowburn ilk, I can easily say I’m happier to deal with quick-fire irritability than the insidious silent treatment and bomb droopingly cruel jabs they seemingly save up for special occasions.
I’m also interested in the anger of addicts. The best I can come up with is it is their own self-loathing they direct onto others? There’s a switch somewhere that takes them from fun-loving life of the party to mean mouthed monsters in short order. The addiction seems to also give them license or protection from their bad behaviour... ‘I don’t remember anything’ or ‘I was really drunk at the time’. Is it unresolved anger which manifests in addiction?
I’m quick to temper, blow as I go so to speak, and can be found laughing moments later. I have a difficult time understanding the purpose of the measured meanness of those on the other side of the spectrum. Hoping to gain insight.
Those are some good thoughts. I took a screenshot. I’ll see if I can incorporate some of your questions.
Love your videos. Thanks a lot dear.
Thanks a lot Madina 😊
Thank you, Dr. Marks! You made it easy to digest!
I was reminded of two things. One was the big five personality test. I wonder if being rigid or aloof is correlated to the five traits.
The second was Carl Jung's cognitive function theory that he also developed from psychoanalysis, and which is more popularly known by the mbti. It isn't really accepted by academic psychology, but I think there's a grain of truth in it, especially when you dig down into Jung's original theory. Maybe you already know of it. He categorized 8 different cognitive processes (cognitive functions), 4 of which work together holistically in the individual to form what is called, according to mbti, a personality type, but is more like a cognitive attitude. Some of these types (or cognitive attitudes) like the INTP and ISTP fit your description of the aloof person who is emotionally disengaged. While others like the ESTJ and ENTJ fit your description for the rigid person who is principled and very involved. I wonder what you think about that?
Just wanted to share! Thank you so much for the video! :)
Oh yes I do remember those personality types. I didn’t remember it being associated with Jung though. Very interesting. There’s lots of different ways to look at personality and temperament. Now that you brought this up I’ll have to take another look at those styles to see how they correlate with what I said.
@@DrTraceyMarks it'd be so neat if you found some solid connections! I'm kind of obsessed with the theory haha. I'm excited to see what you think! :)