“Children can do a lot of damage to other children.” I’m a living testament to that. I believe a lot of my negative beliefs about myself and a lot of the negative emotions I experience can be traced back to how other kids treated me when I was a kid. Bullying is not taken seriously enough by parents and teachers. There’s this kind of “Boys will be boys” attitude about it (even though in reality, girls can sometimes be devastatingly mean to other girls too) that shifts the responsibility to the victim of the bullying. That’s what happened to me most of the time, and the truth is I just didn’t know how to handle it.
I WAS JUST THINKING THIS TOO A lot of the kids that bullied me were boys. They were my worst bullies bc they literally were bullying me solely based on my appearance (Not that any other bullying is “better” or anything) and things I could not exactly change at that age
I was bullied too. The point is as you grow you learn they were just kids. What they said doesn't matter. I can clearly see how bullying affected me too, but I can't say as an adult I'm not right because of what some kid said to me years ago. I'm not a "Victim" and neither are any of you. We are a "Victors" and we are in control of our lives. This is good. Deep dive into your minds to understand your hang ups, but forgive as necessary and move forward. Don't play victim and ruminate. There is no power in that. I'm learning and working through these things right now too.
Same. And both teachers and my parents did basically nothing about it while it was constant, unrelenting, 24/7. I still rage when I think of what they used to say to blow it off: "Oh they just do it because they know you don't like it." WTF does that even mean?! That's the problem I have with a lot of therapy ideas: the fact that no one is looking out for me and that I have to handle things by myself and can't trust anyone else to care is not a false illusion or a wrong belief. It was and is absolutely correct and accurate. No one will look out for me but me, and if I try to get help, it won't do a thing so why bother? If you are persecuted or feel like shit, the most useless thing you can do is expect other people to make it better.
I am 62 and couldn't appreciate Dr. Marks and her excellent videos more than I already do. I knew after I started this one that I would watch once and then listen again and take notes so it tickled me when Dr. Marks said "... watch this again to get more out of it..." I've been in therapy most of my life since age 14 and that world famous psychiatrist said my dad was the one that should be in therapy. Go figure, right? So I am grateful for the understanding I have and receive today. If I was meant to know before now, then I would already know these things Dr. Marks brings up! I read a few comments from people who wish they'd learned sooner than now but I can't subscribe to that view. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. My life has proven this to me. Dr. Marks is definitely cutting edge in the mental health field and is fulfilling a wonderful need in our mental health care system or lack thereof in the United states. Kudos to you, Dr. Marks!!! Thank you so much for helping us all in such insightful ways! ❣️✌🏼🥀
"You probably need to rewatch this video to get more out of it" Me, who has been dissociating the whole time and has had to rewatch it 3 times already to get to the end of it: welp, here we go again!
I think I got at least 20 psych sessions out of this one 13min video. Thank you, Dr.Marks for pushing help into channels where it is most accessible and thus needed. Your work is amazing, and so very meaningful to so many people.
"If you were blocked from making your own decisions and not being allowed to fall down, you don't learn how to stand back up and be resilient." I absolutely love this. And I love your videos. They've helped me so much.
I wasn't allowed to make any decisions as a child and due to my disability it was easy for my parents to isolate me. Any failure was blamed on me, any succes they took as their own, certain consequences were gaslighted to be fine if they had similar 'failures' e.g. being 3x the weight I ought to be since age 8. This continued into adulthood but I eventually broke through it when I learned myself how to walk again when doctors had given up, achieving that came along with weightloss and made me realise my truth wasn't reality. I left an abusive relationship after it nearly killed me, ended up under my parents grip again but focussed on maintaining what I had achieved, realised they are fucked up and didn't do any of it on purpose, but still ended up respectfully blocking them out of my life for a year. My best friend is acquainted with them and my aunt also kept them up to date on how I was doing. Now they're back in my life and my mother is genuinely proud of all I've achieved, however she still, I assume without realising, tries to take credit for everything positive in my life. However I now see what others see, that it's ridicilous that a nearly 500lbs woman is taking credit for my weight loss and fitness achievements being the most obvious and funny example. I let her just do it and whenever she tries to take control / help me, I unroot it at the source and luckily most people are more than willing to ignore her and deal directly with me when it involves me, even if they're awkwardly in the middle and don't blame me for it. It's absolutely terrifying how much damage well-meaning parents can do, because yes, I am 100% convinced it's well intended.
[Well tbh it sounds like they may have a NPD... and there is a debate on it wether they do things on intention; I.e. knowing they’re hurting the person or not- or something in the middle, consciously / subconsciously-...] It sounds like a loooong long way you’ve worked yourself through + have grown a lot. Being able to walk again although doctors gave up on you is something immeasurable- something no one ever can take from you. There you’ve shown yourself your inner actual strength -despite all those problematic circumstances! I’m glad you’re finding your balance and ways of handling them in a way which is healthy for you. One of the hardest things is when your parents are having some unhealthy tendencies or even whole personality disorders... But now you’re more then we’ll suited for this And know: you’re not responsible for your parents. If they hurt you on intention -although you made clear where your boundaries are- then you are allowed to also go on no contact. Due to biochemical reasons something like this is not easy- but it’s worth it. You are/ your life is worth it :)
Hello Dr. Marks, I am Rodney Frederick and a Graduate Counseling intern at a adult mental health/recovery center. Today I used this (and your follow up) video today in a psychoeducation group today. The clients really appreciated this work. Next year, I begin a Ph.D. Counseling Psych program. You are an inspiration. Thank you!
After decades of seeing therapists not a single one mentioned this to me. I’ve interviewed hundreds of therapists on my podcast “The On-Call Empath Show” as well. This is what I needed to hear 25 years ago. Thank you for what you do! I’d interviewed hundreds of therapists on my podcast and many guests would agree with you! Hope to have you as my guest very soon! Raj
This is the most impressive thing about Dr Marks. She explains everything SO WELL. I've learned more about myself from these videos than years of therapy, psychiatrists and medication.
Yes plenty of therapist, counselors, psychologist ect they seem to just let us talk without giving us constructive tips and guilds to help with our issues smh
Dr. Tracey. I had an emotional breakdown in February and quit my day job Since then, I have really delved into RUclips research. Your videos in particular are extremely helpful. I'm still dealing with psychosis and working through a lot of PTSD and other common diagnoses. However, I wanted to give you props because I am learning how to use these tools and diagnoses to my advantage. Eventually I will go back to college. Thank you for everything you do! Highest regards.
I must be a mess, because I can relate to every single scenario. After I realized that I succeeded in everything that I put an effort into, I stopped listening to the negative voices. However, there are still moments when those negative stories creep up on me.
@@pescafresca2053 I manage my negative voices by defying them. If my thoughts are telling me that something is too hard to accomplish, I simply push those thoughts away and move forward.
I found that adding positive beliefs doesn't erase the negative ones so much as it buries them to pop up unexpectedly later. Still way better than drowning in the negativity though.
Even seemingly small positive reinforcement helps me. I can look around my house and find "little good things" when I have negativity. My flannel pajamas are good, my guitar is good, and so on. Just acknowledging the little good things in life helps.
Appreciation of the small things - that's me too. The things and values that mean something to you may be more a part of you than the pain caused by others. That's what I find, and it helps.❤
I have broken into tears while watching most of these videos. They are so soul touching. I feel like she has gently peeled back the many layers of calloused emotions and applied a salve of compassion and knowledge. I feel so much better after listening to and looking at her. Doc is very easy on the eyes!
I'm done being invalidated. My father, who was barely around me, and (almost) never did anything father's do for their sons, keeps portraying my youth as being "not that bad." He isn't a terrible person, but my inability to acknowledge my childhood trauma or deal with it well into my 20s has left me pretty lonely. My erratic behavior and abandonment issues have pushed people who loved me away. I'm not saying I don't take responsibility, but I'm finally acknowledging that everything bad about my life isn't a result of me being worthless.
I know! You're not worthless! I am not worthless either! We must now unprogram or reprogram everything we were told! It's not going to be easy but we will do it with God's help!
Dude I had this issue up until now, 23 and finally realized why I'm erratic and lonely... it's kind of freeing realizing what the problem ACTUALLY is, and that there really is something I can do about it now. Good luck to you 👍
It's great that you can realize this young. Your dad may not be capable of acknowledging what you needed. Parents will always fall short. Forgive him for being flawed and now forgive yourself for also being flawed and pushing people away. You have some great self awareness and this can really help you to rectify your issues while still young. Men often don't realize issues like this in their 70's. You'll be in a great relationship someday.
What you describe is exactly what I'm working with my therapist. For the first time in my life I'm learning to be more compassionate, learn to connect with myself and stop the codependence. It has been so worth it to observe myself, set boundaries and stop the control. Thank you Dr. Marks!❤
I have to watch this back, i was picked on alot during childhood, and am getting out of an overly critical relationship, just trying to rebuild my self esteem.
Watched it once, now, however as an autistic adult, this is the story of my life. Despite chronic failures & invalidation, the only real thing I now fear in life - is other people attacking me for being me.
Thank you, Dr Tracey, for mentioning that parents' actions aren't always responsible for these feelings! I definitely fall under the Unworthy Story, and yet my parents never placed high expectations on me, never pushed me or criticised me. What DID happen was, I became very shy early on due to some kids at school judging me, teasing me, laughing at me and criticising aspects of myself I was already insecure about. When you ask what voice I hear when my mind is talking about this stuff, the answer is my own voice. How I feel when I feel unworthy is...embarrassed and ugly. I somehow equate my worth with my appearance, and yet, this sort of superficiality has NEVER been instilled in me, nor do I like when others place a lot of emphasis on looks. Ugh. Thoughts and feelings are weird. lol
Thanks Lady Baa Baa for this excellent example of how peers can create these stories. Kids can be very mean and insensitive (due to their immaturity and lack of filters) and a sensitive child can be very damaged by those early experiences. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
@@DrTraceyMarks Thanks so much Dr Tracey! I know now that kids can be cruel due to immaturity and their own insecurities and sometimes unhappiness, and I don't have any bad feelings towards any of those people. It was a bit of a cycle. The more inferior I felt from their comments, the more shy and self conscious I became, which then attracted more unpleasant comments. It's a shame our 5-15 year old selves can't have the confidence our 30-50 year old selves do! But then if we did, we wouldn't be able to grow and we wouldn't become the people we are.
@@ladybaabaa3294 You are nobler than I am. I still have negative feelings towards kids at school who were bad to me, even though I have few really particular or detailed memories of the mundane events -- like she says, having flawed people left imprints on me of being flawed, and it took me some time to really see through it so even after all these years and other experiences I still resent it.
Lady Baa… thanks for sharing your story. It mirrors mine. I was criticized and picked on because I was deemed to be “different”. I accepted different to be weird and not worthy of friendships so I developed an inferiority complex which I had to battle with throughout my life as that word kept resonating with me. I then had to judge the situation and ask myself” which reality am I living in?” I started on my nausea for truth and then I was able to identify the situation for what it really was.Once I saw this, I was able to work towards conquering this feelings and negative thoughts and channel my energy in a more positive way. I am still not fully there yet but a whole lot better than before. It’s definitely a work in progress,
@@wendyleeconnelly2939 Don't feel bad about that. It's normal to have negative emotional towards people who've hurt you. Those come and go and don't reflect your real personality. For example, I often feel extreme anger and jealousy when I'm in love, but to date I've never shown agression or hurt anyone because of that. I'm a peaceful person, but my jealousy comes from a lack self confidence. I bet you are a good person too, it's just that your wounds haven't truly healed yet.
So many of these sound like me, but I can see from all the comments, at least I'm not alone. My father taught us to "keep people at arms' length." We learned that well. And so much more. Dr. Marks, thank you for your time and effort to help suffering people.
I have generational trauma - My Mom was abused as a child and developed narcissistic tendencies because of that. My siblings and I only really realized it as adults, how much her self absorbtion when we were children negatively affected us. As well as how much damage we did to eachother by having to have kids raise eachother (thank you for addressing kids abusing kids, btw.) Now we are all dealing with the fallout from all of the negativity and neglect, coupled with guilt we were constantly bombarded with for daring to ask for anything for ourselves, we were raised with as kids. But I’m tired of being upset about it. Thank you for giving tools to do so. Too much therapy is just about simply addressing these issues and not about healing them.
You were talking to my soul. I have gone through a cycle of using all those negative stories from most of my life. Fortunately having the most beautiful baby in the world made wanna be the best version of me! That was already a work in process. But as my name is David, you will be able to love yourself again! If I did it, anyone can! Believe me, there’s nothing extraordinary about me! Thanks for this and your other videos. Listening to this you can shuffle the idea in your head and let it grow! You’re doing a wonderful thing!
You’re ABSOLUTELY amazing! I can’t really have therapy sessions at the moment and it’s amazing! I mean the way you help people is impressive! So thanking from the bottom of my heart ❤️ glad to move forward
Dr. Marks, I think this segment introduced me to myself in the clearest way and I -maybe might I hope please God- want to forgive myself ... and my Mama... and abusers. Thank you again and again. Looking forward to learning more distraction techniques.
I want to listen because it is all helpful info but then I feel bored bc it's taking too long (not that anything was actually wrong with the video). So then I try to do something else on my computer (low concentration needed) and think "oh I will just listen in the background". But then I realize I haven't heard a single thing she said for the past 2 mins if I do ANYTHING else lol. I did make it thru this one straight thru. But often is a struggle because even tho I'm engaged and I like the info....I still feel a sense of "ok how much longer?" constantly.
I have untreated adhd that mainfested into depression. People constantly yelling at you because you can’t do things right the first toke your whole life, including you parents who took you to get diagnosed is very frustrating. And the pandemic pretty much ruined my goals and plans. My family tells me “everyones plans were ruined not just your”, feeling constantly invalidated and being told in many jobs your not a great employee has led to this for me. Always letting my emotional state interfere with academics or career goals also has been difficult. I’m 29 and at the end of my rope. This video has given me so much insight and I at least have a place to start from now.
Love this format- the questions, then examples plus suggested solutions- really good video. Thank you- I love your presentation and the information you share is invaluable❤️
@@DrTraceyMarks truly so easy to understand- and the “ insert your behavior here “ is a unique way to help filter out things I know I absolutely don’t say or do. Being overwhelmed while already wondering what might possibly be wrong is too much. Your channel is perfect in length and content- your a born educator❤️ such a gift
"who's voice are you hearing?" Has to be the best thing to ask yourself. You are an individual who has been shaped by the people and environment, not all the things in your head are said by you.
I figured out yesterday that what I fear in social settings is a subconscious belief that someone is going to " POUNCE " upon me. I experienced physical abuse as a child and if I acknowledge my vulnerability in those situations then someone will POUNCE ( capitalise) upon it and emotionally and mentally abuse me as well. Pouncing is a predatory thing. Ive played with kittens and cats and they love to pounce in their social activities. I however experience fear as a result of trauma. Im going to experiment next time I go out by telling myself people are just kittens and my exagerative distortion is that their lions. Peace Dr marks.
It sucks having these subconscious beliefs but is really a relief to finally bring them to the surface and make sense of things. Like the dots start to connect and can realize even tho the healing hasn't been done...there is now a direction of what to heal and realizing things don't always HAVE to be the way they have been. Good luck to you in your journey forward healing.
Thank you for sharing this. I have been battling the unworthy and failure thought patterns for years. As awful as it sounds, there is a part of me that is afraid of letting them go. It’s like a horrible drug that is hard to leave behind. Every day I wake up, I have to consciously push back again tide of regret and self-vilification
I need to find me a 1 on 1 therapist like this! I never realized how much my upbringing has effected me. Both the good and bad. Self awareness and the will to evolve oneself is so important!
I am in tears watching this, tears of relief and joy. Everything you are saying here is true the feelings I experience. This is so powerful. Thank you for eternity Dr.Tracy
This was incredibly helpful and spot on. As I’ve gotten older I now realize that I have a ton of unpacking to do from past trauma. I will be watching this again and implementing those exercises. I’m learning that freedom will take some work but I’m tired of carrying around so much baggage.
I was subjected to peer rejection as a young child as emotional froze, then my father died when I was eleven. My mother was too self focused and sick to raise me, consequently, in I suffer social anxiety and chronic depression. The unworthy story applies
I have no words for dr. Tracey marks. The way she speaks so eloquently and the way she presents it to the audience is truly amazing. I’m in pure admiration for dr. Tracey marks. I felt like she was talking directly to me and was my own psychiatrist. That’s how great she is. Truly wonderful. She is so intelligent and her communication skills are truly remarkable. Please keep making these videos!
My whole 51 years old resumed in less than 14 minutes. Only missed another common self-punishment based on close and "caring" opinions from partners or friends: "You're always negative / Try to be more positive to success / You enjoy with negativity". In my case, this sort of guilty reinforcements have lead me towards neverending anxiety and decision blocking. For sure i'll watch this video again, not just twice but many times. Thanks for displaying in such structured way why i am who i am 🥺
I wish I could truly express how much your video’s have helped me. I have bipolar 1, ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, and some other things. I’ve always wanted a normal brain. I used to pray for a normal brain, and it never worked. I’m on and off my meds, and I don’t maintain the meds the way I should. I found your videos about 10 months ago, and I just really started watching them. I will be at work getting set up for the day listening to you. This video really hit me in my feelings, those voices have been loud for way too long. I was truly blessed with 3 of the most wonderful parents on the planet. However, and I realize now they didn’t know what harm they were causing by pushing me so hard. They wanted me to be my best at all things, and not succeeding was unacceptable. My brothers could do half butt work, but mine had to be above and beyond. I need tools to get out of the negative head space, and you provided me with the start up. So short story long.... Thank you.
My dad would say, "you'll never amount to anything" in an attempt to motivate me. I had to work hard to undo that programming of being an overachiever with a self esteem problem.
Jesus christ referenced living waters 💎👨🎓👩🎓Tesla referenced human energy 🌬👻science described water memory 🌊🎭psalms16:24 k,j proverbs27:19 existence psychologically god bless fight the good fight 💖👻💎💖👻💎👨🎓👩🎓🗽🤍⚖🌪🌬
Just having Dr. MARKS to care enough to spend enormous amount of time to create these valuable videos is reason to trust another human being. That in itself is a wonderful positive force! Thank you so much!!! We know it takes a lot of effort to deliver complex material in such a laconic and understandable way!!!! Be well, Dr. MARKS!!!
Dr. Marks , thank you for caring about those of us who are not your patients but , need professional advice. I wish I had a friend or family member like you. My mental health issues have robbed me of living my life. If you only knew , I'm sure you would be shocked. By the way I'm Penny's brother and watching you on her tablet. Thanks again, Donald.
Even if it’s just an emoji or simply saying “great video” I’m always gonna comment on your channel and share your videos to support this channel. I love your content!! This video was sooo helpful!! More people need to benefit from these videos!!
You can still derive clarity from your negative emotions… dr Tracey you can be proud of your work in sharing all of this wisdom with us ordinary people!
@@DrTraceyMarks I always thought you were a beautiful lady but omg your hair off your face really highlighted your stunning features . Your cheek bones are to die for and were slightly hidden before just your whole pretty face came to life.
"Whatever Happens, I'll take care of it" is my attitude towards most things. The old adage "but will it kill you?" keeps stress reactions in check for me. A great video as always, Dr. Tracey Marks always hits the "Marks".
Wow?!! I will be 65 years old in August got willing, and my biggest struggle in my life is writing. I was diagnosed with a phobia of writing at this moment I'm not writing voice command on my phone, thank God for smartphones!!! I thought my name was stupid, imbecile and jackass. my father never call me by my name. I lived all my life with fear of success, fear of life and fear of the unknown. I have five children and I make sure that they all went to school graduating high School, someone went to college, they had their own career, their own families and I never called them those names and I always tell them they could conquer the world and that they were the smartest and courageous and wonderful people that God put in this earth!!, I told them what I wanted to hear which I never heard and I thank God that I reverse what it was told to me I never told my children. I was not a perfect mom, I struggle with alcohol.. I had my demons. But by the grace of God I overcame that I am cleaning sober for 30 years. thank you Jesus!!!!
Dr. Tracey, I know you’ve amassed quite a following already, but based on your knowledge and your articulation of that knowledge: clear and concise on a level that is just so relatable and understandable to so many, you should be in history books, win awards, have a plaque, a statue, etc. You are saving lives with your content and your voice! I have no doubt about that, because you have saved mine too. God’s work! Seriously, bravo. As an aspiring psychologist myself, I so admire your work. Thank you so much.
This was great. Especially today. I'm bipolar and am feeling most of those same emotions. I need help learning how to cope. I am alone and feel as if I need someone. I feel misunderstood. Thanks for reading if you have time.
Thank you so much for your insight, all 6 stories absolutely resonated. I was recently diagnosed with adult ADD, at 51. Ultra low self esteem for sure, early memories of criticism, scoldings & beatings, the black sheep. Onset was estimated to be around 4 or 5; and even though it escalated during adolescence, was still manageable. Regular, ongoing corporal punishment, generally administered with rage & whip, was my father's attempt to 'cure' what was wrong with me. Possibly a generous contribution to the subconscious compulsion to marry a short tempered, physically abusive man. Wasn't that what bad, lazy, useless people deserved; weren't beatings the true expression of love? It was becoming increasingly more difficult to manage, severely impacting relationships & earning ability. Probably compounded by the pandemic, it was now completely debilitating. With the loss of function came relentless suicide ideation & an inability to start, let alone finish, even the simplest of tasks. Psychologist to psychiatrist, I was fully expecting another round of anti-depressants which, experience had shown, were ineffective & had major side effects. The adult ADHD diagnosis was completely unexpected, anxiety and depression mere symptoms of the condition, all aggravated by repeated misdiagnoses & lack of proper treatment. What a relief to finally know the root cause of my struggles & its relatively straightforward treatment. Grief too, for what was lost, the personal cost almost incalculable. The broken girl-child, beaten & bruised by a lifetime of recrimination, validated at last. The genetic origin of the disorder confirms the child's innocence, emphasising the heartlessness of inflicted injustices. Years of assault & betrayal by those who should've offered protection has inflicted deep psychic wounds & destroyed self esteem. Inner child repeatedly traumatised. Healing will most likely take its time and the path is still relatively unknown. Any advice and/or guidance for healing will be greatly appreciated!
Oh dear, that is so much for one person to bear! I read your story and just wanted to encourage you; I also got some (way smaller) degree of neglect and late adulthood ADHD diagnosis. My search for relief has brought me here with another recent discovery: Avoidant Personality Disorder. But I really have found a new Peace and comfort in my relationship with Jesus Christ our Risen Lord. He died to truly save us from this misery, and His Word is filled with wonderful promises! To give us hope for a future and a better life, starting as soon as we put our trust in Him… He has come so we may have Life. He is close to the broken-hearted. Just ask Him, and He will come and apply His healing balm to your heart and soul… May God bless you, and keep You in His arms of Love.
@@kirstendutoit6489 - reading your comment sounds very similar to my life and trauma issues. I was finally correctly diagnosed at age 67 with ADHD. After decades of being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So much childhood trauma in various forms at home. Bullying throughout school years etc. The safest way to protect myself was to isolate. Aside from the amazing work of Dr. Tracey Marks, I’ve found two other sources that help me understand myself, my trauma and my ADHD. Maybe these two sources could be beneficial for you. Both of these experts are on RUclips. ADHD Expert: Dr. Russell Barkley. Childhood Trauma/C-PTSD Expert: Tim Fletcher
You have no idea how much you've ignited my love for psychology again. I graduated 2018 and I had no motivation whatsoever during my last year. (through out the course, learning different personalities, I knew deep down which ones were "me" and most were the ones I wasn't so happy about. I always knew I was flawed with my disorders, I just never knew it was THAT bad). I then decided not to pursue honors. Your videos reminded me WHY I chose to study psychology in the first place. Thank you.
Thanks so much for the great illustration. Literally trying to soothe my anxiety right before this video. My mom had depression and anxiety, I am in my early 20s and I can see myself starting to develop similar symptoms. I do a lot of self analysis to relieve my emotional suffering, your video helps a lot. Deconstruction is not easy, but it's worth the effort.
the worst part is coming to these kinds of conclusions loosely from experience, but not being able to use them because of your situation (for example, I lived with my single mother who was refusing to acknowledge my depression and social anxiety which interfered with my life, and I also dealt with abandonment issues which were unresolved as my problems were "my own". In this situation, I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to properly communicate my feelings, but even if I tried to and partially succeeded - my success in school was more important. It was such a frustrating and dehumanizing experience from my own parents). It's a mad world thanks for your videos :) they're very insightful
My therapist recently shared distortions of cognitive thinking with me in a simular way this video was presented and it has changed my life and helped me in my relationship significantly....wish Younger me had this knowledge. Thank you for the video ❤
Abandonment and Unworthy: in the latter the other voices have been replaced with my own. I am my own worst enemy, but I am try so hard not to be sensitive to other's negativity and I remember everything!
I never understand the "whose voice are you hearing". Mine. I put the expectations upon myself because I don't want to disappoint. No one has never said anything to me that made me feel that way, it's just me.
5:20 Wow I cannot thank you enough for opening up my eyes that my inner thoughts are just an echo from another flawed human being they are not pefect and I am not perfect so I can now work on letting that go :)
Realizing that all of these inner voices are present in my mind, I feel quite unable to correct them, despite that I work with a therapist. I feel it is not fair to fight with these malfunctioning thoughts and fulfil my duties and catch others in life, because of the things that has not happened under my will. I am tired, and I am yet 21.
Thank you ! 🙏🏾 if these people are even capable of entering a relationship I would say the damage is not as bad as it could be I am not capable of allowing people close to me I do not trust anyone I don’t know how to fix it!
You're welcome Gabriel. One way is to work on deepening the quality of your conversation. If you haven't seen it, take a look at this video on improving intimacy through conversation ruclips.net/video/AfaF_TejF3U/видео.html
Wow. This hits home. The deconstruction techniques should be helpful. There is a lot to unpack and think about and yes, I'll likely need to watch this a few more times.
I want to personally thank you, Dr. Marks. I've been having a lot of trouble on the job(s) lately, and I'm realizing that the offices are different, but the conflict, the issues, are the same -- and that it's on ME, not them. I had a lot of childhood bullying for being gay, a very distant critical father (who, thankfully, is now much more mellow), and a few borderline traumatic events. I've been very frustrated, and I watched about 12 of your videos in a row the other day, and it really helped me (a) see my need for constant approval, and projecting when I don't get it, is my baggage, and (b) adopt tips about how to deal with self-doubt, worry, anxiety (I particularly LOVE your suggestion of SINGING the negative thoughts to make them seem ridiculous. ("La la la, I'm too stupid to understand this!") Long story short (too late?), you've really helped me get through a very difficult couple of weeks. And I very much appreciate it. PS Watching your videos make me wonder -- maybe therapy should be less about the patient carrying on for 45 minutes, and more about the patient listening to explanations of behavior. ;-) YOU ROCK!
Dr. Tracey, this is the best video I've seen. I love how you've described everything in depth. Breaking it down and showing examples really helped a lot. Thank you! I'm looking forward to seeing more videos.
Haven't even watched the video yet but I am so grateful to see a visual representation of an accomplished female professional with a lovely non-straightened hairstyle. Thank you. 👏❤👏
I can't.. i've already adhd and i'm feeling so utterly upset and depressed because i have to throw away a pizza again! I hate it to hurt myself financially and socially like this! The horrible thing about it is, that i already know this and it still happens! And right now.. it's been 9 hours.. and i failed to bargain it, to sooth myself and to understand my conflict enough to move on.. i hate that all.. and i miss the sun... It also rains and it is dark again.. that as horibble as the other one!
I’m A veteran currently in counseling. Between sessions I like to keep things going so I read some on mindfulness and some Buddhist practices as well as books on how the brain functions. I really enjoy your videos. It’s humorous to me I will watch one of your videos such as this could be old or just random but seems to never fail you will hit something I was just talking about in therapy 😊. Anyway keep them coming. I’m on A journey that pleasantly will not end. Your help along that path is much appreciated.
Jesus christ referenced living waters 💎👩🎓👨🎓science described water memory 🌊🎭Tesla referenced human energy 🌬👻psalms16:24 k,j proverbs27:19 existence psychologically god bless fight the good fight wisdom existence purpose 💖👻💎👻💖💎👩🎓👨🎓🗽🤍⚖🌪🌬
Um, wow........ I shared to my email as your parting words suggest rewatching.. So so insightful on some particulars common to my makeup. This is light for me, gives me reference of what to work on, without overthinking to get there. Ground work layed in front of me as so to speak.. Thankyou Lovely Dr Tracy Marks.
Dear Dr. Marks, you are a true gem and I’m so glad I came across you here. I know you’ll never see this, but you have helped me push through so much of my negativity and also gain maturity and new skills in many areas. Thank you for all you do and your contribution to mental health.
20+ years ago i was in therapy for severe depression. My therapist touched on something critical which has been one of worst traits and, so far, impossible to beat. What he said was "You seem to require proof that is stronger than your beliefs but no proof you are given ever meets the minimum level of believability."
1., 3., and 5. Thank you Dr. Marks! In my city, this pandemic has created a shortage of therapists that accept Medicare. I'm on a waiting list. Whilst I wait, your videos are blessing me.
Thank you Dr. Mark's for this very enlightening video. I identified with nearly all of the stories because I was a precocious child and the adults around me, especially my mother, treated me like an adult/co-parent/girlfriend. So, I really wasn't nurtured. It took me a long time to understand that and now I'm working on healing myself and silencing the negative thoughts that come rushing in because I was always trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me (real or imagined). I always felt/ feel pressured, never really good enough even when I was succeeding and like an imposter when I got/get into certain spaces. I also think about the negative outcomes of a situation first or convince myself that things won't get better or would take a long time to improve when faced with adversity.
“Children can do a lot of damage to other children.”
I’m a living testament to that. I believe a lot of my negative beliefs about myself and a lot of the negative emotions I experience can be traced back to how other kids treated me when I was a kid. Bullying is not taken seriously enough by parents and teachers. There’s this kind of “Boys will be boys” attitude about it (even though in reality, girls can sometimes be devastatingly mean to other girls too) that shifts the responsibility to the victim of the bullying. That’s what happened to me most of the time, and the truth is I just didn’t know how to handle it.
I WAS JUST THINKING THIS TOO
A lot of the kids that bullied me were boys. They were my worst bullies bc they literally were bullying me solely based on my appearance (Not that any other bullying is “better” or anything) and things I could not exactly change at that age
I was bullied too. The point is as you grow you learn they were just kids. What they said doesn't matter. I can clearly see how bullying affected me too, but I can't say as an adult I'm not right because of what some kid said to me years ago. I'm not a "Victim" and neither are any of you. We are a "Victors" and we are in control of our lives. This is good. Deep dive into your minds to understand your hang ups, but forgive as necessary and move forward. Don't play victim and ruminate. There is no power in that. I'm learning and working through these things right now too.
@@jettanyiagumbs6091 I'd never thought of it like that. Those people really are/were just kids and we're grown now.
Same. And both teachers and my parents did basically nothing about it while it was constant, unrelenting, 24/7. I still rage when I think of what they used to say to blow it off: "Oh they just do it because they know you don't like it." WTF does that even mean?! That's the problem I have with a lot of therapy ideas: the fact that no one is looking out for me and that I have to handle things by myself and can't trust anyone else to care is not a false illusion or a wrong belief. It was and is absolutely correct and accurate. No one will look out for me but me, and if I try to get help, it won't do a thing so why bother? If you are persecuted or feel like shit, the most useless thing you can do is expect other people to make it better.
@Laura Hackstein **parenting
"You probably need to watch this video more than once." Absolutely, yes!
Ugh! Why is it so hard to be human? 🤦♀️
Sometimes I feel like I don't belong among the humans.
Same...
Me too, but we all belong. It is just hard to feel it sometimes.
Jesus loves you!
Hahaha I KNOW
I’m in my 60s. I wish someone had told me this when I was in my 20s. Thanks Dr. Marks, you’re brilliant.
I'm thankful to have discovered this information and these tools at 25
50's here. Lifetime of negative programming.
Right there with you. Just hit the double-nickel and I sure could have used this 30 years ago. Dr. Marks, you are an extraordinary speaker 🙂
I am 62 and couldn't appreciate Dr. Marks and her excellent videos more than I already do. I knew after I started this one that I would watch once and then listen again and take notes so it tickled me when Dr. Marks said "... watch this again to get more out of it..."
I've been in therapy most of my life since age 14 and that world famous psychiatrist said my dad was the one that should be in therapy. Go figure, right? So I am grateful for the understanding I have and receive today. If I was meant to know before now, then I would already know these things Dr. Marks brings up! I read a few comments from people who wish they'd learned sooner than now but I can't subscribe to that view. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. My life has proven this to me. Dr. Marks is definitely cutting edge in the mental health field and is fulfilling a wonderful need in our mental health care system or lack thereof in the United states. Kudos to you, Dr. Marks!!! Thank you so much for helping us all in such insightful ways!
❣️✌🏼🥀
I’ll be 60 next month, and just learning about and coming to terms with a lot of unconscious stuff.
"You probably need to rewatch this video to get more out of it"
Me, who has been dissociating the whole time and has had to rewatch it 3 times already to get to the end of it: welp, here we go again!
You're not alone! ❤
Me too!
Best to just listen and not be commenting while watching
Adhd here, it happens to many of us!
Lol. I had to watch it twice. I just spaced out the first time.🧟
I think I got at least 20 psych sessions out of this one 13min video. Thank you, Dr.Marks for pushing help into channels where it is most accessible and thus needed. Your work is amazing, and so very meaningful to so many people.
"If you were blocked from making your own decisions and not being allowed to fall down, you don't learn how to stand back up and be resilient." I absolutely love this. And I love your videos. They've helped me so much.
Running on empty food therapy book explains how help yourself when you were not given right support
Failing but failing forward is the essence of growth.
I wasn't allowed to make any decisions as a child and due to my disability it was easy for my parents to isolate me. Any failure was blamed on me, any succes they took as their own, certain consequences were gaslighted to be fine if they had similar 'failures' e.g. being 3x the weight I ought to be since age 8. This continued into adulthood but I eventually broke through it when I learned myself how to walk again when doctors had given up, achieving that came along with weightloss and made me realise my truth wasn't reality.
I left an abusive relationship after it nearly killed me, ended up under my parents grip again but focussed on maintaining what I had achieved, realised they are fucked up and didn't do any of it on purpose, but still ended up respectfully blocking them out of my life for a year. My best friend is acquainted with them and my aunt also kept them up to date on how I was doing.
Now they're back in my life and my mother is genuinely proud of all I've achieved, however she still, I assume without realising, tries to take credit for everything positive in my life. However I now see what others see, that it's ridicilous that a nearly 500lbs woman is taking credit for my weight loss and fitness achievements being the most obvious and funny example. I let her just do it and whenever she tries to take control / help me, I unroot it at the source and luckily most people are more than willing to ignore her and deal directly with me when it involves me, even if they're awkwardly in the middle and don't blame me for it.
It's absolutely terrifying how much damage well-meaning parents can do, because yes, I am 100% convinced it's well intended.
[Well tbh it sounds like they may have a NPD... and there is a debate on it wether they do things on intention; I.e. knowing they’re hurting the person or not- or something in the middle, consciously / subconsciously-...]
It sounds like a loooong long way you’ve worked yourself through + have grown a lot.
Being able to walk again although doctors gave up on you is something immeasurable- something no one ever can take from you. There you’ve shown yourself your inner actual strength -despite all those problematic circumstances!
I’m glad you’re finding your balance and ways of handling them in a way which is healthy for you.
One of the hardest things is when your parents are having some unhealthy tendencies or even whole personality disorders...
But now you’re more then we’ll suited for this
And know: you’re not responsible for your parents. If they hurt you on intention -although you made clear where your boundaries are- then you are allowed to also go on no contact.
Due to biochemical reasons something like this is not easy- but it’s worth it.
You are/ your life is worth it :)
I had this by my overprotective and domineering mum. Yes, I relate to that, too. And I love it.
Hello Dr. Marks,
I am Rodney Frederick and a Graduate Counseling intern at a adult mental health/recovery center. Today I used this (and your follow up) video today in a psychoeducation group today. The clients really appreciated this work. Next year, I begin a Ph.D. Counseling Psych program. You are an inspiration. Thank you!
Congrats!!
Thanks for what you do!
You used the word 'today' three times in one sentence. Learn English grammar.
After decades of seeing therapists not a single one mentioned this to me. I’ve interviewed hundreds of therapists on my podcast “The On-Call Empath Show” as well. This is what I needed to hear 25 years ago. Thank you for what you do! I’d interviewed hundreds of therapists on my podcast and many guests would agree with you! Hope to have you as my guest very soon! Raj
Yes, this is going to be my therapy in the future.
This is the most impressive thing about Dr Marks. She explains everything SO WELL. I've learned more about myself from these videos than years of therapy, psychiatrists and medication.
Me too! I’ve been trying to get to the root of my issues for years and no one will dig with me! I can dig but I need help filling the hole again
Omg all the money I paid to therapists who didn’t know how to talk this way! Ugh! I’m so glad I found this!
Yes plenty of therapist, counselors, psychologist ect they seem to just let us talk without giving us constructive tips and guilds to help with our issues smh
Dr. Tracey.
I had an emotional breakdown in February and quit my day job
Since then, I have really delved into RUclips research.
Your videos in particular are extremely helpful. I'm still dealing with psychosis and working through a lot of PTSD and other common diagnoses.
However, I wanted to give you props because I am learning how to use these tools and diagnoses to my advantage. Eventually I will go back to college.
Thank you for everything you do! Highest regards.
I'm sorry for what you are going through, as long as you are working on yourself, you'll get better
I must be a mess, because I can relate to every single scenario. After I realized that I succeeded in everything that I put an effort into, I stopped listening to the negative voices. However, there are still moments when those negative stories creep up on me.
Me too! I want to stop them, or at least manage them and know that these are just my fears and not actual reality of the situation.
@@pescafresca2053 I manage my negative voices by defying them. If my thoughts are telling me that something is too hard to accomplish, I simply push those thoughts away and move forward.
I found that adding positive beliefs doesn't erase the negative ones so much as it buries them to pop up unexpectedly later. Still way better than drowning in the negativity though.
Same here!
Yup 😐
She has such a comfortable voice to listen to that I’m already calming down!
Thank you.
Even seemingly small positive reinforcement helps me.
I can look around my house and find "little good things" when I have negativity.
My flannel pajamas are good, my guitar is good, and so on.
Just acknowledging the little good things in life helps.
Appreciation of the small things - that's me too. The things and values that mean something to you may be more a part of you than the pain caused by others. That's what I find, and it helps.❤
I think I need a cat at this point to be honest... I need to hug something, and they are pretty inexpensive too
@@wombat7961 I have a cat. He's pretty great. Just vent to it and it doesn't judge you.
Yes!!, exactly!! 🎉🎉😮
@@wombat7961lol
It can be so deep and for so long, that it makes it impossible to see anything of this as negative self talk in the first place.
I have broken into tears while watching most of these videos. They are so soul touching. I feel like she has gently peeled back the many layers of calloused emotions and applied a salve of compassion and knowledge. I feel so much better after listening to and looking at her. Doc is very easy on the eyes!
“✨killing me softly with his song…✨”
Me too. I’ve only recently discovered this wonderful lady, and yes, very easy on the eye.
You have quite a way with words
I'm done being invalidated. My father, who was barely around me, and (almost) never did anything father's do for their sons, keeps portraying my youth as being "not that bad." He isn't a terrible person, but my inability to acknowledge my childhood trauma or deal with it well into my 20s has left me pretty lonely. My erratic behavior and abandonment issues have pushed people who loved me away. I'm not saying I don't take responsibility, but I'm finally acknowledging that everything bad about my life isn't a result of me being worthless.
I know! You're not worthless! I am not worthless either! We must now unprogram or reprogram everything we were told! It's not going to be easy but we will do it with God's help!
🤗🥰
Dude I had this issue up until now, 23 and finally realized why I'm erratic and lonely... it's kind of freeing realizing what the problem ACTUALLY is, and that there really is something I can do about it now. Good luck to you 👍
It's great that you can realize this young. Your dad may not be capable of acknowledging what you needed. Parents will always fall short. Forgive him for being flawed and now forgive yourself for also being flawed and pushing people away. You have some great self awareness and this can really help you to rectify your issues while still young. Men often don't realize issues like this in their 70's. You'll be in a great relationship someday.
I came into this story expecting that I'd find 2-3 of the negative stories I tell myself. Well, guess what guys?! I tell myself ALL of these stories!
100% perfect score lol! Just trying to being some humor 😆
Several people have said this. I guess you've got some work to do...😊
@@DrTraceyMarks That's true! Thank you so much for your advice and guidance ❤️
You’re definitely not alone in this.
I do too and yesterday was a bad day.
What you describe is exactly what I'm working with my therapist. For the first time in my life I'm learning to be more compassionate, learn to connect with myself and stop the codependence. It has been so worth it to observe myself, set boundaries and stop the control. Thank you Dr. Marks!❤
I have to watch this back, i was picked on alot during childhood, and am getting out of an overly critical relationship, just trying to rebuild my self esteem.
Watched it once, now, however as an autistic adult, this is the story of my life. Despite chronic failures & invalidation, the only real thing I now fear in life - is other people attacking me for being me.
Thank you, Dr Tracey, for mentioning that parents' actions aren't always responsible for these feelings! I definitely fall under the Unworthy Story, and yet my parents never placed high expectations on me, never pushed me or criticised me. What DID happen was, I became very shy early on due to some kids at school judging me, teasing me, laughing at me and criticising aspects of myself I was already insecure about.
When you ask what voice I hear when my mind is talking about this stuff, the answer is my own voice. How I feel when I feel unworthy is...embarrassed and ugly. I somehow equate my worth with my appearance, and yet, this sort of superficiality has NEVER been instilled in me, nor do I like when others place a lot of emphasis on looks. Ugh.
Thoughts and feelings are weird. lol
Thanks Lady Baa Baa for this excellent example of how peers can create these stories. Kids can be very mean and insensitive (due to their immaturity and lack of filters) and a sensitive child can be very damaged by those early experiences. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
@@DrTraceyMarks Thanks so much Dr Tracey! I know now that kids can be cruel due to immaturity and their own insecurities and sometimes unhappiness, and I don't have any bad feelings towards any of those people. It was a bit of a cycle. The more inferior I felt from their comments, the more shy and self conscious I became, which then attracted more unpleasant comments.
It's a shame our 5-15 year old selves can't have the confidence our 30-50 year old selves do! But then if we did, we wouldn't be able to grow and we wouldn't become the people we are.
@@ladybaabaa3294 You are nobler than I am. I still have negative feelings towards kids at school who were bad to me, even though I have few really particular or detailed memories of the mundane events -- like she says, having flawed people left imprints on me of being flawed, and it took me some time to really see through it so even after all these years and other experiences I still resent it.
Lady Baa… thanks for sharing your story. It mirrors mine. I was criticized and picked on because I was deemed to be “different”. I accepted different to be weird and not worthy of friendships so I developed an inferiority complex which I had to battle with throughout my life as that word kept resonating with me. I then had to judge the situation and ask myself” which reality am I living in?” I started on my nausea for truth and then I was able to identify the situation for what it really was.Once I saw this, I was able to work towards conquering this feelings and negative thoughts and channel my energy in a more positive way. I am still not fully there yet but a whole lot better than before. It’s definitely a work in progress,
@@wendyleeconnelly2939 Don't feel bad about that. It's normal to have negative emotional towards people who've hurt you. Those come and go and don't reflect your real personality. For example, I often feel extreme anger and jealousy when I'm in love, but to date I've never shown agression or hurt anyone because of that. I'm a peaceful person, but my jealousy comes from a lack self confidence.
I bet you are a good person too, it's just that your wounds haven't truly healed yet.
So many of these sound like me, but I can see from all the comments, at least I'm not alone. My father taught us to "keep people at arms' length." We learned that well. And so much more. Dr. Marks, thank you for your time and effort to help suffering people.
I love this channel I learn something new everyday.
Thanks a lot Dionne! I love that you keep learning. 👍🏽
that's good. make sure you share
No one DOES look out for your interests, expect for you. Trust is the most valuable thing you can give away. It's earned.
i love that she tells us to practice self soothing exercises to help deal with negative emotions and watching her videos is me self soothing lol
I have generational trauma - My Mom was abused as a child and developed narcissistic tendencies because of that. My siblings and I only really realized it as adults, how much her self absorbtion when we were children negatively affected us. As well as how much damage we did to eachother by having to have kids raise eachother (thank you for addressing kids abusing kids, btw.) Now we are all dealing with the fallout from all of the negativity and neglect, coupled with guilt we were constantly bombarded with for daring to ask for anything for ourselves, we were raised with as kids. But I’m tired of being upset about it. Thank you for giving tools to do so. Too much therapy is just about simply addressing these issues and not about healing them.
Well said
You're not alone! My story is the similar✨
You were talking to my soul. I have gone through a cycle of using all those negative stories from most of my life. Fortunately having the most beautiful baby in the world made wanna be the best version of me! That was already a work in process. But as my name is David, you will be able to love yourself again! If I did it, anyone can! Believe me, there’s nothing extraordinary about me! Thanks for this and your other videos. Listening to this you can shuffle the idea in your head and let it grow! You’re doing a wonderful thing!
Awesome David. Thanks for your comment and encouraging others. Keep loving yourself! 👍🏽
it makes me near tears that I've almost always checked off all if not at least one negative thought from every category :(
You’re ABSOLUTELY amazing! I can’t really have therapy sessions at the moment and it’s amazing! I mean the way you help people is impressive! So thanking from the bottom of my heart ❤️ glad to move forward
You are SO welcome Morgane! I'm glad you're able to get value from these.
@@DrTraceyMarks I REALLY DID UR AMAZING ❤️
Dependence story resonates with me.
Always feeling that I'm not capable of making my own decisions and afraid to take appropriate risks.
Lol me with my ADHD and depression "I DO need to listen to this again to get the most out of it, and maybe take color coded notes."
LOL! I love the color coded notes. My son have a TON of colored pens just for this purpose. 😀
My thought exactly too.
Best comment ever
Dr. Marks, I think this segment introduced me to myself in the clearest way and I -maybe might I hope please God- want to forgive myself ... and my Mama... and abusers. Thank you again and again. Looking forward to learning more distraction techniques.
I want to listen because it is all helpful info but then I feel bored bc it's taking too long (not that anything was actually wrong with the video). So then I try to do something else on my computer (low concentration needed) and think "oh I will just listen in the background". But then I realize I haven't heard a single thing she said for the past 2 mins if I do ANYTHING else lol. I did make it thru this one straight thru. But often is a struggle because even tho I'm engaged and I like the info....I still feel a sense of "ok how much longer?" constantly.
I have untreated adhd that mainfested into depression. People constantly yelling at you because you can’t do things right the first toke your whole life, including you parents who took you to get diagnosed is very frustrating. And the pandemic pretty much ruined my goals and plans. My family tells me “everyones plans were ruined not just your”, feeling constantly invalidated and being told in many jobs your not a great employee has led to this for me. Always letting my emotional state interfere with academics or career goals also has been difficult. I’m 29 and at the end of my rope. This video has given me so much insight and I at least have a place to start from now.
Love this format- the questions, then examples plus suggested solutions- really good video. Thank you- I love your presentation and the information you share is invaluable❤️
Thanks Tracy for taking note of that. I'm always trying to find a good way to present dense information in a way that's not overwhelming,
@@DrTraceyMarks truly so easy to understand- and the “ insert your behavior here “ is a unique way to help filter out things I know I absolutely don’t say or do. Being overwhelmed while already wondering what might possibly be wrong is too much. Your channel is perfect in length and content- your a born educator❤️ such a gift
That's so very true of Dr.Tracy ! Can't get enough of her videos !
Dr. Tracey Marks for president!!!!
@@kararuthruff9030 Dr Marks is too good for president. She does real good knowledgeable work, whereas politics is just show business for ugly people.
"who's voice are you hearing?" Has to be the best thing to ask yourself. You are an individual who has been shaped by the people and environment, not all the things in your head are said by you.
I figured out yesterday that what I fear in social settings is a subconscious belief that someone is going to " POUNCE " upon me. I experienced physical abuse as a child and if I acknowledge my vulnerability in those situations then someone will POUNCE ( capitalise) upon it and emotionally and mentally abuse me as well. Pouncing is a predatory thing.
Ive played with kittens and cats and they love to pounce in their social activities. I however experience fear as a result of trauma. Im going to experiment next time I go out by telling myself people are just kittens and my exagerative distortion is that their lions. Peace Dr marks.
It sucks having these subconscious beliefs but is really a relief to finally bring them to the surface and make sense of things. Like the dots start to connect and can realize even tho the healing hasn't been done...there is now a direction of what to heal and realizing things don't always HAVE to be the way they have been. Good luck to you in your journey forward healing.
Thank you for this!
Thank you for sharing this!
That was a really good interpretation/way of helping yourself. I think youre spot on.
Thank you for sharing this. I have been battling the unworthy and failure thought patterns for years. As awful as it sounds, there is a part of me that is afraid of letting them go. It’s like a horrible drug that is hard to leave behind. Every day I wake up, I have to consciously push back again tide of regret and self-vilification
I’m a mental health nurse; this is all great stuff 👍
I need to find me a 1 on 1 therapist like this!
I never realized how much my upbringing has effected me. Both the good and bad.
Self awareness and the will to evolve oneself is so important!
I am in tears watching this, tears of relief and joy. Everything you are saying here is true the feelings I experience. This is so powerful. Thank you for eternity Dr.Tracy
This was incredibly helpful and spot on. As I’ve gotten older I now realize that I have a ton of unpacking to do from past trauma. I will be watching this again and implementing those exercises. I’m learning that freedom will take some work but I’m tired of carrying around so much baggage.
❤❤❤
I was subjected to peer rejection as a young child as emotional froze, then my father died when I was eleven. My mother was too self focused and sick to raise me, consequently, in
I suffer social anxiety and chronic depression. The unworthy story applies
I have no words for dr. Tracey marks. The way she speaks so eloquently and the way she presents it to the audience is truly amazing. I’m in pure admiration for dr. Tracey marks. I felt like she was talking directly to me and was my own psychiatrist. That’s how great she is. Truly wonderful. She is so intelligent and her communication skills are truly remarkable. Please keep making these videos!
You are a great communicator, Dr.! I love the way you talk and make things easier for us to understand! Thank you!
My whole 51 years old resumed in less than 14 minutes. Only missed another common self-punishment based on close and "caring" opinions from partners or friends: "You're always negative / Try to be more positive to success / You enjoy with negativity". In my case, this sort of guilty reinforcements have lead me towards neverending anxiety and decision blocking. For sure i'll watch this video again, not just twice but many times. Thanks for displaying in such structured way why i am who i am 🥺
I wish I could truly express how much your video’s have helped me. I have bipolar 1, ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, and some other things. I’ve always wanted a normal brain. I used to pray for a normal brain, and it never worked. I’m on and off my meds, and I don’t maintain the meds the way I should. I found your videos about 10 months ago, and I just really started watching them. I will be at work getting set up for the day listening to you. This video really hit me in my feelings, those voices have been loud for way too long. I was truly blessed with 3 of the most wonderful parents on the planet. However, and I realize now they didn’t know what harm they were causing by pushing me so hard. They wanted me to be my best at all things, and not succeeding was unacceptable. My brothers could do half butt work, but mine had to be above and beyond. I need tools to get out of the negative head space, and you provided me with the start up. So short story long.... Thank you.
My dad would say, "you'll never amount to anything" in an attempt to motivate me. I had to work hard to undo that programming of being an overachiever with a self esteem problem.
I identified with every story, and I recognize that these feelings my also be true for my son due to my behavior. I feel so overwhelmed.
Exactly.... For me thankfully it was one major person in my life.
Me too!! Every story, every negative sentence is my daily life!!!
This was hard for me to listen to, because it was so correct.
So relevant. I just started trauma therapy for my BPD and this is exactly what we are getting into.
Oh that's great. Save the video to refer to again later. I hope you get a lot out of your therapy!
Hey Kim, just wishing you the best :) also in a therapy journey for BPD/anxiety!
You are so pretty 😍
Ya should try listening to jorden Peterson hes educational wisdom helpful too
Jesus christ referenced living waters 💎👨🎓👩🎓Tesla referenced human energy 🌬👻science described water memory 🌊🎭psalms16:24 k,j proverbs27:19 existence psychologically god bless fight the good fight 💖👻💎💖👻💎👨🎓👩🎓🗽🤍⚖🌪🌬
Just having Dr. MARKS to care enough to spend enormous amount of time to create these valuable videos is reason to trust another human being. That in itself is a wonderful positive force! Thank you so much!!! We know it takes a lot of effort to deliver complex material in such a laconic and understandable way!!!! Be well, Dr. MARKS!!!
“Hi I’m dr. tracey marks” HI DR TRACEY MARKS
😀 Hi Millie
I do this with Micheal Sealey, too. 😂
😂😂
Hi I'm Kelly Bright glad I found this group
Dr. Marks , thank you for caring about those of us who are not your patients but , need professional advice. I wish I had a friend or family member like you. My mental health issues have robbed me of living my life. If you only knew , I'm sure you would be shocked. By the way I'm Penny's brother and watching you on her tablet. Thanks again, Donald.
Even if it’s just an emoji or simply saying “great video” I’m always gonna comment on your channel and share your videos to support this channel. I love your content!! This video was sooo helpful!! More people need to benefit from these videos!!
That is great❤ me too. 4 actual words are enough to be counted to help her earn half a penny per view❤.
🙌
You can still derive clarity from your negative emotions… dr Tracey you can be proud of your work in sharing all of this wisdom with us ordinary people!
I love your hair today you look so adorable .
Thanks a lot Claire!
I was thinking the same thing.
Love your hair too!
@@DrTraceyMarks I always thought you were a beautiful lady but omg your hair off your face really highlighted your stunning features . Your cheek bones are to die for and were slightly hidden before just your whole pretty face came to life.
@@C7774u OMG thank you so much! Reading this was a great end to my day 😊❤️
This explains SO MUCH. I'm 42 and a lifelong lone wolf. I hope there's still time to heal and allow love in.
"Whatever Happens, I'll take care of it" is my attitude towards most things. The old adage "but will it kill you?" keeps stress reactions in check for me. A great video as always, Dr. Tracey Marks always hits the "Marks".
Liking and replying for the algorithm. Far more people NEED to be introduced to these videos.
Where have you been all my life . I'm so glad I found your channel.
Wow?!! I will be 65 years old in August got willing, and my biggest struggle in my life is writing. I was diagnosed with a phobia of writing at this moment I'm not writing voice command on my phone, thank God for smartphones!!! I thought my name was stupid, imbecile and jackass. my father never call me by my name. I lived all my life with fear of success, fear of life and fear of the unknown. I have five children and I make sure that they all went to school graduating high School, someone went to college, they had their own career, their own families and I never called them those names and I always tell them they could conquer the world and that they were the smartest and courageous and wonderful people that God put in this earth!!, I told them what I wanted to hear which I never heard and I thank God that I reverse what it was told to me I never told my children. I was not a perfect mom, I struggle with alcohol.. I had my demons. But by the grace of God I overcame that I am cleaning sober for 30 years. thank you Jesus!!!!
I don't feel like I am waisting my time when I watch your videos 💓 I appreciate you for helping me learn to deal with my emotions ❣️
Dr. Marks is a master of simplifying complex issues and possible strategies for growth.
Dr. Tracey, I know you’ve amassed quite a following already, but based on your knowledge and your articulation of that knowledge: clear and concise on a level that is just so relatable and understandable to so many, you should be in history books, win awards, have a plaque, a statue, etc.
You are saving lives with your content and your voice! I have no doubt about that, because you have saved mine too.
God’s work! Seriously, bravo. As an aspiring psychologist myself, I so admire your work. Thank you so much.
Thanks so much StankyB! I really appreciate that. ❤️
Where was this amazing doctor and channel when I was growing up in the 1960' s & 70's?? I just found this channel and I'll be watching it religiously!
This was great. Especially today. I'm bipolar and am feeling most of those same emotions. I need help learning how to cope. I am alone and feel as if I need someone. I feel misunderstood. Thanks for reading if you have time.
Thank you Donna. If you haven't already seen it, here's a video I did on coping with negative emotions. ruclips.net/video/puoddnGTAJk/видео.html
Thank you so much for your insight, all 6 stories absolutely resonated. I was recently diagnosed with adult ADD, at 51. Ultra low self esteem for sure, early memories of criticism, scoldings & beatings, the black sheep. Onset was estimated to be around 4 or 5; and even though it escalated during adolescence, was still manageable. Regular, ongoing corporal punishment, generally administered with rage & whip, was my father's attempt to 'cure' what was wrong with me. Possibly a generous contribution to the subconscious compulsion to marry a short tempered, physically abusive man. Wasn't that what bad, lazy, useless people deserved; weren't beatings the true expression of love?
It was becoming increasingly more difficult to manage, severely impacting relationships & earning ability. Probably compounded by the pandemic, it was now completely debilitating. With the loss of function came relentless suicide ideation & an inability to start, let alone finish, even the simplest of tasks. Psychologist to psychiatrist, I was fully expecting another round of anti-depressants which, experience had shown, were ineffective & had major side effects. The adult ADHD diagnosis was completely unexpected, anxiety and depression mere symptoms of the condition, all aggravated by repeated misdiagnoses & lack of proper treatment.
What a relief to finally know the root cause of my struggles & its relatively straightforward treatment. Grief too, for what was lost, the personal cost almost incalculable. The broken girl-child, beaten & bruised by a lifetime of recrimination, validated at last. The genetic origin of the disorder confirms the child's innocence, emphasising the heartlessness of inflicted injustices. Years of assault & betrayal by those who should've offered protection has inflicted deep psychic wounds & destroyed self esteem. Inner child repeatedly traumatised. Healing will most likely take its time and the path is still relatively unknown. Any advice and/or guidance for healing will be greatly appreciated!
Oh dear, that is so much for one person to bear! I read your story and just wanted to encourage you; I also got some (way smaller) degree of neglect and late adulthood ADHD diagnosis. My search for relief has brought me here with another recent discovery: Avoidant Personality Disorder. But I really have found a new Peace and comfort in my relationship with Jesus Christ our Risen Lord. He died to truly save us from this misery, and His Word is filled with wonderful promises! To give us hope for a future and a better life, starting as soon as we put our trust in Him… He has come so we may have Life. He is close to the broken-hearted. Just ask Him, and He will come and apply His healing balm to your heart and soul… May God bless you, and keep You in His arms of Love.
Thank you for sharing. You mentioned the "relatively straightforward treatment". Can you please explain what it consists of exactly?
@@kirstendutoit6489 - reading your comment sounds very similar to my life and trauma issues.
I was finally correctly diagnosed at age 67 with ADHD. After decades of being diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So much childhood trauma in various forms at home. Bullying throughout school years etc. The safest way to protect myself was to isolate.
Aside from the amazing work of Dr. Tracey Marks, I’ve found two other sources that help me understand myself, my trauma and my ADHD. Maybe these two sources could be beneficial for you. Both of these experts are on RUclips.
ADHD Expert: Dr. Russell Barkley.
Childhood Trauma/C-PTSD Expert: Tim Fletcher
You have no idea how much you've ignited my love for psychology again. I graduated 2018 and I had no motivation whatsoever during my last year. (through out the course, learning different personalities, I knew deep down which ones were "me" and most were the ones I wasn't so happy about. I always knew I was flawed with my disorders, I just never knew it was THAT bad). I then decided not to pursue honors. Your videos reminded me WHY I chose to study psychology in the first place. Thank you.
Oh that's awesome Ego. Go forth and conquer! 👍🏽
This is just what I needed. Society should make these videos go viral.
Thanks so much for the great illustration. Literally trying to soothe my anxiety right before this video. My mom had depression and anxiety, I am in my early 20s and I can see myself starting to develop similar symptoms. I do a lot of self analysis to relieve my emotional suffering, your video helps a lot. Deconstruction is not easy, but it's worth the effort.
I had one bad moment in school on drugs and I got stuck in the failure moment when I was the opposite. I sabotage everything ! Thanks for this
This was very helpful. I like the way you presented the info. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful. Thanks Kirsty. 😊
the worst part is coming to these kinds of conclusions loosely from experience, but not being able to use them because of your situation (for example, I lived with my single mother who was refusing to acknowledge my depression and social anxiety which interfered with my life, and I also dealt with abandonment issues which were unresolved as my problems were "my own". In this situation, I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to properly communicate my feelings, but even if I tried to and partially succeeded - my success in school was more important. It was such a frustrating and dehumanizing experience from my own parents). It's a mad world
thanks for your videos :) they're very insightful
My therapist recently shared distortions of cognitive thinking with me in a simular way this video was presented and it has changed my life and helped me in my relationship significantly....wish Younger me had this knowledge. Thank you for the video ❤
Abandonment and Unworthy: in the latter the other voices have been replaced with my own. I am my own worst enemy, but I am try so hard not to be sensitive to other's negativity and I remember everything!
I never understand the "whose voice are you hearing". Mine. I put the expectations upon myself because I don't want to disappoint. No one has never said anything to me that made me feel that way, it's just me.
this is very well described in this audio book "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving ", i am sure it will get clarity to what you r saying
5:20 Wow I cannot thank you enough for opening up my eyes that my inner thoughts are just an echo from another flawed human being they are not pefect and I am not perfect so I can now work on letting that go :)
Realizing that all of these inner voices are present in my mind, I feel quite unable to correct them, despite that I work with a therapist. I feel it is not fair to fight with these malfunctioning thoughts and fulfil my duties and catch others in life, because of the things that has not happened under my will. I am tired, and I am yet 21.
I made a decision today to return to my joyfilled life after covid. ...thanks
Okay I guess I just haven't had enough positive experiences in life to overcome the overwhelming negative ones.
Maybe you'll be able to accumulate more going forward. Small wins add up.
@@DrTraceyMarks this was helpful in recognizing the issue. Thank you
😭💙
I'm so glad I found these videos.
It’s like you know me. All of these stories resonate with me. The only thing, the voice is always mine
Thank you ! 🙏🏾 if these people are even capable of entering a relationship I would say the damage is not as bad as it could be I am not capable of allowing people close to me I do not trust anyone I don’t know how to fix it!
You're welcome Gabriel. One way is to work on deepening the quality of your conversation. If you haven't seen it, take a look at this video on improving intimacy through conversation ruclips.net/video/AfaF_TejF3U/видео.html
Wow. This hits home. The deconstruction techniques should be helpful. There is a lot to unpack and think about and yes, I'll likely need to watch this a few more times.
I want to personally thank you, Dr. Marks. I've been having a lot of trouble on the job(s) lately, and I'm realizing that the offices are different, but the conflict, the issues, are the same -- and that it's on ME, not them. I had a lot of childhood bullying for being gay, a very distant critical father (who, thankfully, is now much more mellow), and a few borderline traumatic events. I've been very frustrated, and I watched about 12 of your videos in a row the other day, and it really helped me (a) see my need for constant approval, and projecting when I don't get it, is my baggage, and (b) adopt tips about how to deal with self-doubt, worry, anxiety (I particularly LOVE your suggestion of SINGING the negative thoughts to make them seem ridiculous. ("La la la, I'm too stupid to understand this!") Long story short (too late?), you've really helped me get through a very difficult couple of weeks. And I very much appreciate it. PS Watching your videos make me wonder -- maybe therapy should be less about the patient carrying on for 45 minutes, and more about the patient listening to explanations of behavior. ;-) YOU ROCK!
During life trauma is a largest downfall of some of the largest of population. This is so useful.
Dr. Tracey, this is the best video I've seen. I love how you've described everything in depth. Breaking it down and showing examples really helped a lot. Thank you! I'm looking forward to seeing more videos.
Haven't even watched the video yet but I am so grateful to see a visual representation of an accomplished female professional with a lovely non-straightened hairstyle. Thank you. 👏❤👏
I can't.. i've already adhd and i'm feeling so utterly upset and depressed because i have to throw away a pizza again!
I hate it to hurt myself financially and socially like this! The horrible thing about it is, that i already know this and it still happens! And right now.. it's been 9 hours.. and i failed to bargain it, to sooth myself and to understand my conflict enough to move on.. i hate that all.. and i miss the sun... It also rains and it is dark again.. that as horibble as the other one!
I enjoy listening to your well-grounded presentations. They open up practical and helpful perspectives and means to progress.
I’m A veteran currently in counseling. Between sessions I like to keep things going so I read some on mindfulness and some Buddhist practices as well as books on how the brain functions. I really enjoy your videos. It’s humorous to me I will watch one of your videos such as this could be old or just random but seems to never fail you will hit something I was just talking about in therapy 😊. Anyway keep them coming. I’m on A journey that pleasantly will not end. Your help along that path is much appreciated.
Can you take me on counseling
omg you're amazing!! everything is so true that you said thank you for not making me feel so alone. God bless you and anyone struggling right now 🙏🏽❤️
Jesus christ referenced living waters 💎👩🎓👨🎓science described water memory 🌊🎭Tesla referenced human energy 🌬👻psalms16:24 k,j proverbs27:19 existence psychologically god bless fight the good fight wisdom existence purpose 💖👻💎👻💖💎👩🎓👨🎓🗽🤍⚖🌪🌬
Um, wow........
I shared to my email as your parting words suggest rewatching..
So so insightful on some particulars common to my makeup.
This is light for me, gives me reference of what to work on, without overthinking to get there.
Ground work layed in front of me as so to speak..
Thankyou Lovely Dr Tracy Marks.
Dear Dr. Marks, you are a true gem and I’m so glad I came across you here. I know you’ll never see this, but you have helped me push through so much of my negativity and also gain maturity and new skills in many areas. Thank you for all you do and your contribution to mental health.
20+ years ago i was in therapy for severe depression. My therapist touched on something critical which has been one of worst traits and, so far, impossible to beat. What he said was "You seem to require proof that is stronger than your beliefs but no proof you are given ever meets the minimum level of believability."
I really appreciate that you are on youtube, you are helping me. Bless you 😃
A real ,eloquent and very knowlegeable therapist .Greetings from Morocco.
I genuinely love the way she explains things! Thank you!
1., 3., and 5.
Thank you Dr. Marks! In my city, this pandemic has created a shortage of therapists that accept Medicare. I'm on a waiting list. Whilst I wait, your videos are blessing me.
These videos are so helpful, especially when going through a setback.
Man this is very deep in the mind I need to apply all techniques
Thank you Dr. Mark's for this very enlightening video. I identified with nearly all of the stories because I was a precocious child and the adults around me, especially my mother, treated me like an adult/co-parent/girlfriend. So, I really wasn't nurtured. It took me a long time to understand that and now I'm working on healing myself and silencing the negative thoughts that come rushing in because I was always trying to live up to everyone's expectations of me (real or imagined). I always felt/ feel pressured, never really good enough even when I was succeeding and like an imposter when I got/get into certain spaces. I also think about the negative outcomes of a situation first or convince myself that things won't get better or would take a long time to improve when faced with adversity.