I notice when people are coming out of depression they often get very angry. The best thing to do is be a good listener and let them vent. Or when they are confronting a terrible illness and grieve that loss of health. Depression and anger is all part of the acceptance process. Thank you for this awesome video, Dr. Marks.
@@perfectsplit5515 There are different levels and types of depressive illnesses. Some become catatonic. Ativan can be used to treat that but ECT or Ketamine are also employed when standard meds do not work, especially when they refuse to eat.
Are you a therapist? My therapist told me the same, and she was actually right. I’ve become extremely irritable lately and I get angry and express my anger which I have never done in my life. My anger was totally suppressed and replaced with sadness (I’d break down in tears instead of being angry) and I would avoid confrontation at all costs. Now when I started coming out of my depression, my anger became so prominent, I almost always react and go for a confrontation. It’s a very hard state to be in :(
I have chronic anger. When I am in crisis, I feel sad. When things get better, I start feeling mad about injustices and transgressions in the past. That is when my chronic anger "kicks in". I think my negative energy, primarily in the form of my chronic anger, causes bad things to happen to me in the long run and holds me back in life. :( Trying to "cure" my chronic anger is like exercising - you have to force yourself to do it because it is not natural. It takes discipline.
@@Waffles-nc6sr My chronic anger is rooted in my bad experiences in 1993 ROTC Field Training. The bad evaluations they gave me defined me as a person and ruined my self-esteem. After a while, I realized there were flaws in the system. I then obsessed over finding fault with the system, in order "exonerate" myself from the negative judgments they made about me. I then applied this tradition to all other areas of my life, focusing on wrong other people did to me, in order to feed my sense of grievance. Eventually it went on autopilot. Whenever I have a lot of time alone, my brain randomly conjures up some past grievance.
My anger stems from my impatience, so imagine my anger when watching an 11 minute long video hoping to find a technique on how to not be so angry and I get through the whole video with no answers and in the last 30 seconds she says “have empathy.” OH BOY WAS THAT HELPFUL
Oh thank god you're here. I am very patient with people but very impatient when frustrated (something not working as intended, bad luck streaks, feeling like everything is rigged against me), and i have no issues with people as i have issues with anger outbursts on things not going as i wish, not people themselves so empathy is definitely not my issue. So this isn't very helpful, thanks for the info
It’s so crazy that I came across this video because I’m actually dealing with a very similar situation to your hypothetical. My mom never paid attention to me as a child because I was responsible, and both of my siblings were needy. I helped raise my siblings and never complained. I now have growing resentment towards my mother because my emotional needs were never met, and she doesn’t even know. Time to go to therapy. Thank you for making this video!
Yes emotional toxic parents are hard to deal with. I rather ignore and delete toxic people. Life is hard to deal with. The stress can be unbearable to deal with bad negative vibes
Nothing wrong with what you describe.. Its also good to get to know yourself. Its too bad you did not have the book of John, Matthew, Luke and Mark beside you to help you find your strength.. Please know that there are many mental problems today with ELF waves mind control experiments . They can transmit all kinds of unwanted feelings that include rage that incite all kinds of wild behaviors as well as voices in some cases depending on how you're targeted.. Please look up this video for more information " Ex CIA Dr Robert Duncan and Tyrone Dew, directed energy weapons" as well as "electronic harassment". Please write to the President to take action against this. Thank-you
idrkok, you are to your siblings - what my big sister is to me. I was the "special needs child", while my sister was the one who had her act together. Back in college, I got in trouble with ROTC and my mother said to my sister, "Did you pray for your brother?" My sister resented it, because she also had problems of her own and it seemed calloused for my mother to emphasize my problems over hers. She was actually "jealous" of me because I was getting all the attention for getting in trouble!
You are so good at what you do. The layers of the iceberg. Wow. I want to use this in every conflict, remembering there’s always more below the surface.
Yes more on anger please. I am so tired of being mad at just about everything in my life. I don't want or mean to hurt the people around me but I just can not control my anger more often than not. I think my biggest problem is my total hatred for just about every other human I come in contact with and I just can't seem to shake it.
Same here. I feel a sense of betrayal from nearly everyone around me, especially since I feel like I invest a lot into them, and never feel like they return the favor. The general feeling I have is that people do not understand me and are ultimately selfish.
Same. In nature without humans, I'm a saint. In society surrounded by humans, I'm a total sinner. Moral of the story- being an introvert in deep love with nature and wildlife *ONLY* (besides my kids) is perfectly okay by me ❤
This is exactly what happened with me and my parents. Small situation, I blew up, I was asked to be the bigger person, got even more upset and it’s about 3 months I have no said a word to my dad. I’m still pretty upset about the situation but I’m also getting counseling for it. Was diagnosed with severe depression and uncovering things from my past made me see things I did not know was there and I fear that maybe it was more rocky than I remember. I’m getting the help but I do appreciate your perspective and knowledge in these subjects.
Hi Tracey, I'm a veterinarian who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II in 2020. I have found your videos extremely helpful, and I always tell people I want to be the Dr. Tracey Marks of veterinary medicine. You're a role model to me and so many others. Keep doing what you're doing! It would be such a pleasure to collaborate with you someday. Take care :)
Hi Dr. Sum. Thanks so much and I'm glad you've found my videos helpful. Keep going with your Vet channel - people love their pets and getting information on how to help them is a huge need. My animal knowledge is limited, but a collab sounds fun.
I’m a veterinarian too and it would be great to hear about how other veterinarians struggle w their mental health issues, some of us are struggling just to get out of bed, and work/dealing with clients is getting harder and harder to endure.
Nicely done. It is SO difficult to admit that you hate your parents, your child, or your partner. But it can be true. It is a cold feeling. Once you know it, you can't unring that bell. You will have to address it. So it can be easier to be angry than to deal with the reality of your feelings or the situation you are in.
This story could not have resonated with me anymore. My parents always took my sisters side and she always got what she wanted and I had to just deal with everything and shutup, even though I rarely complained and was the "good quiet boy". The never apologized for anything and I haven't talked to them for about 12 years now.
@@Zectifin Children growing up in the same household don't have the "same" parents. I grew up with a brother 3y 8m older; a brother 1y 11m older; and a twin brother 2min older. I occasionally have to tell my twin brother, "We didn't grow up with the same parents." Parents do NOT treat all of their children the same. They might claim to love each of their children the same, but they do NOT treat them the same. I'm 54yo and my mother hasn't changed and my father didn't change before he died. Parents don't change. You are doing the right thing by freeing yourself from your parents.
As always, Dr. Marks, you hit a home run when explaining mental health topics! I frequently send my therapy clients to your channel for more information on issues they come into counselling with. You have the ability to distill your content in an organized and relatable fashion. Anger is always better understood by looking beyond the visible surface. The iceberg illustration is a great way to help people understand that we often bury pain and hurt very deep in order to distance ourselves from our true feelings. Anger pops to the surface, but it is kept afloat by something much deeper.
Thanks so much D Smith, you make some great points. And thanks for sending your clients over - I'm so glad I can be that kind of supplemental help. It takes a village right? 😊👍🏽
The iceberg analogy would apply to me. When the university assistant dean told me in his office that fighting was prohibited, I instantly got furious with him. The reason was because deep down inside, "under the surface", I had put him in a category with all the negligent public school authorities in the 80s who condoned racial harassment against me by my racist peers, but would condemn me if I tried to stand up for myself. He literally said, "We don't allow any fighting at all." My interpretation was, "It is okay for other people to make racial slurs to you, but it is wrong for you to stand up for yourself."
Dr. Marks this video has uploaded in a time that an incident of anger made me lose my job and you helped me realise that the problem was deeper than I thought. I watched many of your videos so far and I want to express my gratitude for your clear and concise way to present mental health issues to a broader audience. I would be happy to watch more videos about generalized anxiety disorder and anger issues.
This is sooo helpful. I have 6 brothers and sisters. My mom pays attention and communicates more with my two younger siblings who are struggling more in life. I told my husband that I believe it's because they are struggling more than me so she tends to keep in touch with them more. I only talk to my Mom when I call her but she frequently connects with my younger sister and brother. It hurts but it's life 🤷
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you so much for your answer!!! Thank you for your hard work and wish to patiently help thousands of people with your knowledge. Our parents didn't have such opportunity to have so much informations about parenting but we shouldn't repeat their mistakes. There is always space to grow and be better 🙏🏼
Thank you Dr. Tracey, this resonates with me. Im constantly angry, against people, the world and myself. I came to realize that anger is inward trauma and the slightest of things will trigger it, upsetting me and shutting things and people out for the entire day. Its not healthy and to this point I dont even know how to deal with it. But thanks for the video!!
The iceberg analogy is very helpful. Viewed this way, it is easier to trace my own anger. I think feeling stuck and helpless in a co-dependent relationship, especially when reinforced by real physical/logistical dependence like financial, transportation, or other living dependence, is a major source of frustration and anger.
Feeling trapped. Horrible situation. I feel tremendous anger when I carefully set out a situation and how we should proceed and my partner tramples over the plan. I feel like why bother even discussing it, I should unilaterally do the thing without consulting him instead. But then I was not brought up that way, he was. His mother has to stfu while the men decide. I was brought up in an environment where girls were as important as boys. Understanding class and cultural differences as well as urban and rural differences helps. I got the hat trick. Different class, different culture, different countries. It is a minefield and really tiring always being the one who is conciliatory. I would leave if I could but I have nobody now. I was taught that lying was bad and he lies all the time. Today about some planters he sold for half the value they are worth. We have a gardening business. If I raise a concern I get attacked and he sulks. Really lame loser, but at this stage in my life I have zero alternatives. As my hairdresser said, we have our cross to bear, some tiny, some massively heavy, and we must make the best of the shit hand life gave us. I just grit my fucking teeth and get on with it. God bless you and onwards and upwards. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
@@francefradetjardineslacora8114 Sounds like your situation is difficult as well. For what it is worth, I think it is still important that you convey your thoughts and opinions. You don't have to be offensive about it but he needs to know your thoughts. At least then your intelligence and judgement will not be taken for granted. But he needs to know that putting "all" possibilities out on the table, before making a decision, leads to better results. If you make him realize that it is not a power battle but instead a compromise, then you may have more success. Just my humble thoughts.
@@johncassles7481 Thanks. I always say, "What about..." I am very rules and protocols and he is much more free and easy. I hate rule breakers actually. I think they are selfish. The concept of closed and open societies is an interesting one, and I think I would be happier in a closed society, where the community is more important than the individual. I find individualism selfish and inconsiderate. I live in an open individualistic society (Spain) and the levels of selfishness here are frankly extraordinary. The cruelty to animals as a sport is a big clue. All that will affect a person raised in that culture, like it or not.
Dude. This is the perfect example of TOXIC POSITIVITY. great video , but this is exactly how positivity hurts people and I hate it. The parents and the women that borrowed the money I’m story just gaslighted the main character like it’s not even a big deal that money , a lot of money, was borrowed . Thank for the video. We need more videos on toxic positivity lol
Ok but this is legitimately good example where i would completely understand the person blowing up., honestly. Does anybody want to help me break down my example? My mum used to yell at me a lot. For being dirty, untidy, for doing things wrong, breaking things (unintentionally), etc (she is a good mother just very stressed and having her own issues). now i yell at my partner who is very, very messy. He tries hard but he still makes loads of mess and just doesnt care about tidiness and all. So i yell at him, just like my mother did. I dont like it and i want to stop this.
Dr. Marks, I just want to say that I have been following and enjoying your content for a few years and I want you to know what a difference you are making for so many people! You are wonderful and I so appreciate the videos you make available to us! Thanks for everything!
it's so hard to stop the cycle. Because anger is such a trigger response that it moves through you before you fully realize it. But it is our responsibility to be aware of it and know how to put ourself away from a situation
I recognize this temperament! Many of my family members were smoldering ready to and did erupt into rage that was way out of proportion to the existing environment. As you can imagine this is frightening for a child. After a while I realized the tantrums were going to exist no matter what "wrong" choice I made. Even to this day I hear those specific family members hint about how I "don't come around much"... in the beginning I attempted to address this subject... this has motivated me to put my energy and resources into boundaries with relationship that are reciprocal and balanced!
I have researched and found out that shrooms are very helpful , it has really helps to reduce anxiety and depression . I would love to try magic mushrooms but I can't easily get some , Is there any realiable source I can purchase one
I am feeling the same way too, I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be part of this community.
I had a situation where, I was about to go to bed and heard banging on my door, when I answered the door it was the neighbor that parks next to me in the building's parking lot, aggressively demanding me to move my car or he'll have me arrested. Fearing that he would do something to me or my car I moved it, but because I was still feeling angry and wanted this guy to stay away from me, I called the police and when the police officers arrived, I told them what happened to the best of my ability and explained that I'm Autistic, when I struggled to communicate clearly. The police officers were very helpful, when they saw how faded the parking lot lines were, they helped me improve how my car was parked, reassured me that being in an escalating conflict is a legitimate reason to call the police and told me that if something like this happens again I can call them again.
Thank you so much for this! I've been watching anything I can to help with my anger issues and I've been trying out different approaches as well. This technique really worked for me, and I can say with confidence that I'm a better human being than I was yesterday. The ice berg of anger concept was incredibly helpful, and talking it out with myself has made a significant difference. Just a couple of days ago, something that would have made me lose it had little effect on me. I can't express enough how grateful I am that you took the time to make this video. I've spent hours watching self-help content on RUclips, trying to gain control over this problem. If the example you used was real, I'm truly sorry for what you went through. Thank you again for this valuable resource.
As a second child I was raised to always understand my sister because my mother said ....I can understand better....many instances that as a younger one and understand better I always have to be the one who would give way etc....now I have to admit that I have issues with anger....my mother said you are the only one who keeps yelling and shouting but your sisters aren't....without her realizing that it was because she made me feel that I am self sufficient yet deprived of her emphaty......😢😢😢
The unmet needs/neglect is why I’m resentful to my mother and i’m so triggered by her I lash out verbally. I’m also scared to tell her why I’m angry because she’s fostered an environment of fear my entire childhood. So I feel so stuck because I can’t verbalise to her. 😢
Thank you so much for creating this video. Before you made it I was ridiculously angry at everyone and was driving aggressively which could’ve at worst got me arrested and in the county jail if apprehended. I am a whole lot calmer now watching this video but I rather not talk here about what triggered my anger and my life in general. My father and I both have very tough lives and my father has it much worse than I do since he bottles his anger in but is miraculously still alive at age 71 with lung 🫁 cancer.
You’re so welcome Praveen. You definitely don’t want to end up in jail and sadly that’s what happens to some people with explosive anger. All the best to you and your dad. 🙏🏽❤️
You have a very special style to reach out and explain to your audience that makes you an amazing professional You talk slowly enough so everybody has a moment to think and comprehend what you are saying and I thank you for that
Thanks again and watching this video for the second time. I’m so angry 😡 sometimes at strangers who haven’t done anything directly to me. I need to give other people some grace and forgiveness since I’m definitely not perfect 👌and I have done ✔️ some sins or wrong actions myself
This is SO GREAT!!! I frequently suggest to my clients that they try to get behind the anger and figure out what hurt or fear is at the root... but this explains that so clearly! Really awesome as always 🙂
I live in Canada, and am grateful to have you featured on Cinematherapy, which is how i started watching your channel. It is greatly helpful considering I was diagnosed with anxiety after having a stroke at the age of 13 years old, from a medical condition from birth. Thank you Dr. Marks.
This is all very true, and very helpful. It's unfortunate that often very angry people will not feel comfortable opening up about these feelings except to those they trust very deeply.
My anger is very suppressed . My mind races with anger constantly but I am considered be be happy and mild mannered by those around me. My head sometimes feel like it's going to explode. Also, I think having ADD makes its even worse.
This is excellent!! I went thro something like this a long time ago. My biggest problem, like you said was i did loath them, my situation was very different. But a dying friend helped me to understand what was really going on. I had to get away from them. I had this idea that no matter how bad the things my mother did to me, she is still my mom. I know im not explaining this right but, comes down to it. My anger was from all the things they did to me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't in the wrong, just sick of being pushed aside, anyway to make a long story short, i had so much anger for so long, still do but not to the extent as b4, I realized many things i needed to see about myself, how i was allowing it to happen. Ive accepted the truth about myself and them, and stay far away now. I am now even this minute, still working on dealing with the things that were done to me. I have groups I follow, friends I talk to and i am getting better at not being angry. Im better at being angry with people who have nothing to do with it. Over all im better, but I had to face some very ugly truths. Thankyou Mrs Marks, you really have the best advice one can get, without an office visit. :) I do hope people can face what we fear most, for me it was abandonment.
Oh Lynn Marie, I'm glad you've been able to work through that anger and hurt. It will be a work in progress, but you're well on your way to healing. Thanks for sharing your story. 😀❤️
I pray for peace and comfort from Jesus Christ....may your heart br soothed and healed and strengthened ... May you someday forgive the people who hurt you and lighten and clear your own heart for your own good..... I read many time you are getting better ... I cheer for you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
I appreciate this scenario, with the subject Admitting that they hate their family, AND that they cover it up or try to dismiss themselves because they're afraid their family will find out. I feel that there's usually emphasis on people discovering the "real" result being that the person begins with hate and then moves on to realizing that the hateful feeling is irrational, or a front for something else. It happens. But it's frustrating and counter-productive ignoring when you really feel hate and have a reason for it, but ignore it because hate is so often brushed off as irrational no matter what. More often, it seems like this idea is forced onto people who already suppress their hate, and it's just really hurtful and unfair
These videos have been so HELPFUL. Through informed self reflection, raising neurotransmissions levels in my brain, I have enhanced my memory to make once-in-a-lifetime breakthroughs in remembering what I tried so hard to forget.
Is being often angry associated with BPD or bipolar disorder? I have both and even little things can annoy me so much that I'm getting angry, I argue with people and then I crash and cry for hours. It's truly awful but I have almost no control of myself when it happens.
I have read 5 books on Anger Management, the Bible, specifically Proverbs that states foolish people are impulsive with their anger - and stay away from chronically angry people because you learn their bad ways. Seek Peace, but my anger is provoked by ignorant students, who I know are ignorant, that is why they are taking the class I teach, but it is still difficult. I know I give them 'Power over Me' when I become upset and use a loud voice (which makes the relationship deteriorate), so I 'rehearse at home', but still become surprised at the more incompetence of students - weaker generation. I expect too much, trying to ADJUST continually! So, THANK YOU for acknowledging our anger and helping us to control it, vs being controlled.
Many times RUclips make suggestion we don't want. YT made your videos as a suggestion. I am glad it did. Thank you for giving great thoughts to help me and others in mental health journey. Thanks Dr Marks
I feel like I am always frustrated and angary when I am surrounded with people. I feel good when I am alone. I Surprisingly I was completely opposite person earlier. I never through I would love to be alone. Now I feel like ppl don't understand me or I am unable to make them understand me. What should i do ?
Oh man…how did you know?? I blew up yesterday… it’s so hard though when everything is going wrong. I have major social anxiety and one of my triggers is getting embarrassed in public. I go out of my way to try and prevent embarrassment but then I go shopping with my family and there’s no way to stop them. So I flip out on my family because they seem to be vectors of public shame that I can’t stop. I can’t seem to prevent the incidents of embarrassment though I try and end up screaming at them in the car for doing something dumb that could have been avoided. I know it’s my fault for being so sensitive, but I’m sick and tired of feeling like other people think I’m weird, I want interactions with strangers to be neutral and not memorably embarrassing because the clown family came through town. I hate myself 😓
If they are acting up in public, creating embarrassing scenes of one kind or another, you might be better off not going shopping with them if there is any way on earth you can avoid it. They won't change.
Your videos have really helped me today. Just came off a night of alcohol and drug use 2 days ago and these last few days I have been feeling and thinking the worst imaginable things and your videos really gave me relief from the fear/anger I’ve been experiencing,thank you!
I just discovered this video and it helped a little to control my anger. Although it’s hard for me to control my anger, having this will make me feel more controlled Thanks Doc!!!❤
Yes,its really helpful for me lot Dr now am well understand about the hidden part of ice bub .After left from the toxic relationship most of the time i suffered like that . Thanks 🙏
I grew up with a screaming alcoholic father vietnam vet, ive forgiven him but cant seem to stop seeing red and controlling my anger, this video is helpful
Would you do a video about anger and RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) in ADHD & Autism? I experience this a lot and it can lead to a lot of anxiety and anger. But thank you for this video, it’s came at a useful time !
The struggle of being the self-sufficient child is something that I've always dealt with on a subconscious level and this video helps me feel seen; thank you!
Man, this is too logical of an explanation. The sister probably gets away with this manipulative behaviour and the parents fall for it. This is an example where she had every right to be furious and the the parents are to blame for it. I would not feel one ounce of guilt for exploding in this case.
I lost my best friend this year and hid my depression by avoiding the emotion by constantly making jokes and smoking . I have finally took the initiative to identify my present emotions and facing the truth of his death. I’m at the phase of being out of depression and now in the state of anger. But also cleaning bad habits , and adapting to healthier habits . My anger , comes and gos but, it does feel great by taking the steps to heal and have a better outlook in life .
Thank you Dr. I am a 67 yr old male, recently retired and single. So I have the time and resources to attempt to understand my anger. I recall, vividly, that my anger started in the womb. The icing on that was looking up at a masked figure in white performing circumcision on me. If I could have, I would have resisted. But all us malescircumcised, just laid there and endured the pain, and I became angry, outraged. Less than a week old and I'm ready to do some whooping. I remember telling myself that this life would be challenging. By remembering and knowing that's where my anger issues started I have released that emotion, slowly. A ritual of rite, a belief held by some cultures, ordained by god himself. You know the story. My theory, how to create a warrior, that knows pain and has the deep inner anger to unleash on the enemy in combat, to be indestructible. (Chronicles of Riddick...ie). A furian, determined to never ever let another human violate them. (I was a US Marine, eight years, it helped me utilize constructively that anger) Well, can't change history, and the comfort I sometimes draw on is that there have been millions of males like me, angry as hell and not knowing why till the end of life when the testosterone is wanting. All in all, it's good to be here alive and in good health. Hope all you fellow humans find peace and happiness, start digging for that peace and power to become your true self. A new year is upon us, as is everyday anew.
Wow this is almost EXACTLY what I’m dealing with in my family. I have a younger sister who gets cut so much slack, undisciplined and babied. She seems to be the family favorite, but she is selfish, disrespectful and a drop out. She s**ts on the family and nobody seems to mind. She disrespects me because I’m the only one who calls her out, she even keyed my car - got zero consequences for it, my parents have yet to repair the damages, and did not even take her phone - zero punishment. I feel ignored and angry. I blow up occasionally because of this, and much more. Thank you for this video - it really shined a light on my situation - I have tried to talk to my parents about my angry and hurt feelings, unfortunately they just aren’t on a level to understand me, and accept responsibility for their part. At the end of the day it’s their actions that cause my sister and I to not get along, they are unfair.
Okay, the fact that you are using snippets from Domic just makes a lot of this so funny and relateable besides the actual information. He's got such a way of drawing emotions so poignantly and easily recognizable in an instant. and he's a great story teller as well.
Wow, you have just educated me in my 80 yrs of wondering why I was always the forgotten child and my sibling was always in trouble with drugs etc n he was treated as the good loving child. I was always there when my parents needed me till their deaths but never ever felt loved. It still saddens me till today. I will never get to address my feelings with my parents and I still feel the hurt! Sad but I do have a very loving hubby of 66 years that helps me through the times I get the sad feeling when triggered by a memory from my past. 2 loving kids - n 2 wonderful grandkids make life perfect. Thanks for helping me understand a bit of my unanswered questions.
2:02 I feel like my chest is always on fire yet I hide it when someone triggers it that my whole body becomes tense and shaking, mostly pressure on me and asking for things I wanna say no to but I don't have the courage is what triggers my anger but when I blow up on someone guilt feelings haunt me, sometimes I feel that I'm too weak bc I can't take revenge or at least show people how hurtful it is to be mistreated or used and not understood or heard
My anger stems from the abuse physically and mentally and being abandoned by my mom and now that I’m a fully grown man she still does the same thing. I would also say that it come from my other emotions too. I say from my other emotions because I don’t know how to express them or articulate them so It just turn into anger. Again I blame my mom for that because she never thought me how too.
I dont like how cold hearted the world has made me...i remember i used to pride myself on certain things but now its like what looks at me in the mirror isnt ehat i remember smiling about
I just want to say I have binge watching your videos all night because naturally I can’t sleep. But I am learning so much. I am 56 and I wish I have met you in my teens. I’m actually the successful and don’t borrow money but the black sheep. I just found out I have ADHD and ALL of your videos are about my whole life. TFS ❤🙏🏽 I got a lot of catching up to do on your videos new to your channel. God bless you! TFS
writing on my iceberg layers of anger to a notebook and listening rain sound for a month already helped me so much, even we get help its more important to realize only person who can totally understand us is somewhere inside. thank you Dr. Marks
This is very helpful. I hate that I'm chronically angry and I'm really trying to work on it. I need to get it under control otherwise it's going to ruin my relationship. Thank you for this.
Why are we diagnosed with mental instability when people are rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful? Are those traits considered normal and our reactions not?
I'm the elder sister in your hypothetical example. I was brought up with little attention from my mom. I support my mom financially but she cheated me and helped my sister borrow money from me . I call it "borrow', but I never get the money back. What you said is totally right. everytime, I think of this kind of thing, I feel very angry, fire in my chest!!! I believe my mom is flawed person, but it's impossible and useless to talk with her about my feeling, because she didn't pay any attention to my feeling. I'm in great anxiety: on the one side, I, as a kind person, want to be a good daughter, on the other side, I can't accept what they had done to me. This kind of family bond almost drives crazy!!!
Im from Poland, I don’t have degree in psychology, However I love to watch yours videos also some documentaries on yout. To learn more and more about human behaviour and brain. Please keep doing what you doing, Believe me - many ppl need your help, And many ppl need to learn the content of your videos - to better understand their own thinking process and behaviour- Thank you Betty 😀❤️
I usually blog up when my sister offends me and they say that it was just a joke, I used to think that the problem was with me, but in therapy I figure it out that she is wrong, the real home is when both are laughing, but I'm trying to be cool, is worse when we get angry.
Many people are taught that sadness is weak. Anger is strong. It is better to get angry than to get sad. Especially men, but many women also. It is important to learn to examine emotions, and communicate, rather than yell.
MORAL OF THE STORY....NEVER LET FAMILY BORROW MONEY
😂
😂 Yes! You’re right.
😂😂🤣
Some of the best advice I ever got and has sadly proven to be so true, 'If you want to get rid of somebody, lend them money.'
@@johng5529 😂😂
I notice when people are coming out of depression they often get very angry. The best thing to do is be a good listener and let them vent. Or when they are confronting a terrible illness and grieve that loss of health. Depression and anger is all part of the acceptance process. Thank you for this awesome video, Dr. Marks.
When people are depressed, they don't have the "luxury" of being angry. That is certainly the case with me. :(
@@perfectsplit5515 There are different levels and types of depressive illnesses. Some become catatonic. Ativan can be used to treat that but ECT or Ketamine are also employed when standard meds do not work, especially when they refuse to eat.
Are you a therapist? My therapist told me the same, and she was actually right. I’ve become extremely irritable lately and I get angry and express my anger which I have never done in my life. My anger was totally suppressed and replaced with sadness (I’d break down in tears instead of being angry) and I would avoid confrontation at all costs. Now when I started coming out of my depression, my anger became so prominent, I almost always react and go for a confrontation. It’s a very hard state to be in :(
@@NS-xt5wvI have been going through this myself for about the last 3+ months.
@@joyced277woah, same here. I've noticed my friends distancing away from me because of this, and I don't know what to do, honestly :/
I have had anger issues since a child & I’m not denying some of this. I needed this. Thank you 🙏🏽
All the best to you
hhaving anger that no Kwon knows about I said be in a angrys person shoes
I have chronic anger. When I am in crisis, I feel sad. When things get better, I start feeling mad about injustices and transgressions in the past. That is when my chronic anger "kicks in".
I think my negative energy, primarily in the form of my chronic anger, causes bad things to happen to me in the long run and holds me back in life. :(
Trying to "cure" my chronic anger is like exercising - you have to force yourself to do it because it is not natural. It takes discipline.
@perfectsplit5515 anger doesn't come off naturally,something is bothering you,you need to change something.
@@Waffles-nc6sr My chronic anger is rooted in my bad experiences in 1993 ROTC Field Training. The bad evaluations they gave me defined me as a person and ruined my self-esteem. After a while, I realized there were flaws in the system. I then obsessed over finding fault with the system, in order "exonerate" myself from the negative judgments they made about me. I then applied this tradition to all other areas of my life, focusing on wrong other people did to me, in order to feed my sense of grievance. Eventually it went on autopilot. Whenever I have a lot of time alone, my brain randomly conjures up some past grievance.
My anger stems from my impatience, so imagine my anger when watching an 11 minute long video hoping to find a technique on how to not be so angry and I get through the whole video with no answers and in the last 30 seconds she says “have empathy.” OH BOY WAS THAT HELPFUL
You should be empathic with yourself
@@franciscorios7255
Please don’t tell people what they should do
I totally agree and am with you. Saved me 10 minutes
Oh thank god you're here. I am very patient with people but very impatient when frustrated (something not working as intended, bad luck streaks, feeling like everything is rigged against me), and i have no issues with people as i have issues with anger outbursts on things not going as i wish, not people themselves so empathy is definitely not my issue. So this isn't very helpful, thanks for the info
Terrible videos
It’s so crazy that I came across this video because I’m actually dealing with a very similar situation to your hypothetical. My mom never paid attention to me as a child because I was responsible, and both of my siblings were needy. I helped raise my siblings and never complained. I now have growing resentment towards my mother because my emotional needs were never met, and she doesn’t even know. Time to go to therapy. Thank you for making this video!
Yes emotional toxic parents are hard to deal with. I rather ignore and delete toxic people. Life is hard to deal with. The stress can be unbearable to deal with bad negative vibes
Nothing wrong with what you describe.. Its also good to get to know yourself. Its too bad you did not have the book of John, Matthew, Luke and Mark beside you to help you find your strength.. Please know that there are many mental problems today with ELF waves mind control experiments . They can transmit all kinds of unwanted feelings that include rage that incite all kinds of wild behaviors as well as voices in some cases depending on how you're targeted.. Please look up this video for more information " Ex CIA Dr Robert Duncan and Tyrone Dew, directed energy weapons" as well as "electronic harassment". Please write to the President to take action against this. Thank-you
I have very toxic parents also
Always put yourself first. Self love #1
idrkok, you are to your siblings - what my big sister is to me. I was the "special needs child", while my sister was the one who had her act together. Back in college, I got in trouble with ROTC and my mother said to my sister, "Did you pray for your brother?" My sister resented it, because she also had problems of her own and it seemed calloused for my mother to emphasize my problems over hers. She was actually "jealous" of me because I was getting all the attention for getting in trouble!
Most people aren't angry ,it's called fed up with people sheeeettt!!!!
Yeah
So real.
So the problem is not you but everyone else correct?
Honestly dude
So fuckinggg trueeeee😭
You are so good at what you do. The layers of the iceberg. Wow. I want to use this in every conflict, remembering there’s always more below the surface.
OMG Christopher thank you SO much. I appreciate this more than you know. I'm so happy to be a help. 😊❤️
My anger comes fron the fact that bad people do bad things and flaunt it wvery day, but face no justice.
Me too I hate that
I can relate
In my opinion, that's a distraction. Kindy excuse them and stay focused on your life
Yes more on anger please. I am so tired of being mad at just about everything in my life. I don't want or mean to hurt the people around me but I just can not control my anger more often than not. I think my biggest problem is my total hatred for just about every other human I come in contact with and I just can't seem to shake it.
Same here. I feel a sense of betrayal from nearly everyone around me, especially since I feel like I invest a lot into them, and never feel like they return the favor.
The general feeling I have is that people do not understand me and are ultimately selfish.
How do you feel about yourself?
❤
Preach brother
Same. In nature without humans, I'm a saint. In society surrounded by humans, I'm a total sinner.
Moral of the story- being an introvert in deep love with nature and wildlife *ONLY* (besides my kids) is perfectly okay by me ❤
This is exactly what happened with me and my parents. Small situation, I blew up, I was asked to be the bigger person, got even more upset and it’s about 3 months I have no said a word to my dad. I’m still pretty upset about the situation but I’m also getting counseling for it. Was diagnosed with severe depression and uncovering things from my past made me see things I did not know was there and I fear that maybe it was more rocky than I remember. I’m getting the help but I do appreciate your perspective and knowledge in these subjects.
❤
Hi Tracey, I'm a veterinarian who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II in 2020. I have found your videos extremely helpful, and I always tell people I want to be the Dr. Tracey Marks of veterinary medicine. You're a role model to me and so many others. Keep doing what you're doing! It would be such a pleasure to collaborate with you someday. Take care :)
Hi Dr. Sum. Thanks so much and I'm glad you've found my videos helpful. Keep going with your Vet channel - people love their pets and getting information on how to help them is a huge need. My animal knowledge is limited, but a collab sounds fun.
I care
Bipolar 2 as well , but not a veteran
I’m a veterinarian too and it would be great to hear about how other veterinarians struggle w their mental health issues, some of us are struggling just to get out of bed, and work/dealing with clients is getting harder and harder to endure.
@karicatwatts5360 hi! Let's make 2023 a good one :)
Nicely done. It is SO difficult to admit that you hate your parents, your child, or your partner. But it can be true. It is a cold feeling. Once you know it, you can't unring that bell. You will have to address it. So it can be easier to be angry than to deal with the reality of your feelings or the situation you are in.
Very true, Cathy. Many times, it's easier to be angry than stir up and deal with the stronger feelings.
"It's really my parents who cause the hurt." That is true for 99.9% of the issues that humans struggle with. Humans make terrible parents.
Unfortunately there’s no better substitute and if we want the human race to survive humans will continue to have children.
My husband also suffered from anger because of His parents.I Dont know how to do anymore.But I believed God is going to do something.
@@dtr_DoTheRighThinggod isn't the one putting the knife in your hands
This story could not have resonated with me anymore. My parents always took my sisters side and she always got what she wanted and I had to just deal with everything and shutup, even though I rarely complained and was the "good quiet boy". The never apologized for anything and I haven't talked to them for about 12 years now.
@@Zectifin Children growing up in the same household don't have the "same" parents. I grew up with a brother 3y 8m older; a brother 1y 11m older; and a twin brother 2min older. I occasionally have to tell my twin brother, "We didn't grow up with the same parents." Parents do NOT treat all of their children the same. They might claim to love each of their children the same, but they do NOT treat them the same. I'm 54yo and my mother hasn't changed and my father didn't change before he died. Parents don't change. You are doing the right thing by freeing yourself from your parents.
This video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, thank you Dr.Marks!!
You're so welcome Daisy! 🙏🏽
I’m listening to your book on Audible right now and it’s trippy to pause it to watch a new upload 😆😳
LOL! I'll bet it is. Kind of like a 3D experience of me 😂
You are always in sooo many awesome people’s comment sections!
🎉😂😢
why do i see you everywhere my man😭just saw u in diegointhedark comments
As always, Dr. Marks, you hit a home run when explaining mental health topics! I frequently send my therapy clients to your channel for more information on issues they come into counselling with. You have the ability to distill your content in an organized and relatable fashion. Anger is always better understood by looking beyond the visible surface. The iceberg illustration is a great way to help people understand that we often bury pain and hurt very deep in order to distance ourselves from our true feelings. Anger pops to the surface, but it is kept afloat by something much deeper.
Thanks so much D Smith, you make some great points. And thanks for sending your clients over - I'm so glad I can be that kind of supplemental help. It takes a village right? 😊👍🏽
The iceberg analogy would apply to me. When the university assistant dean told me in his office that fighting was prohibited, I instantly got furious with him. The reason was because deep down inside, "under the surface", I had put him in a category with all the negligent public school authorities in the 80s who condoned racial harassment against me by my racist peers, but would condemn me if I tried to stand up for myself.
He literally said, "We don't allow any fighting at all."
My interpretation was, "It is okay for other people to make racial slurs to you, but it is wrong for you to stand up for yourself."
Damn that example is my family in a nutshell as the first born 😡…i can confirm that deepest emotion is true.
Same here
Eldest here & can so relate "being the bigger person."
Ditto!
Show this video to your family may be it will help them understand
Same is well
Thank you for sharing your wisdom especially during these (rough) holidays
Thanks so much Sole I really appreciate you. I hope you stayed strong during the holidays. 😊
Dr. Marks this video has uploaded in a time that an incident of anger made me lose my job and you helped me realise that the problem was deeper than I thought. I watched many of your videos so far and I want to express my gratitude for your clear and concise way to present mental health issues to a broader audience. I would be happy to watch more videos about generalized anxiety disorder and anger issues.
This is sooo helpful. I have 6 brothers and sisters. My mom pays attention and communicates more with my two younger siblings who are struggling more in life. I told my husband that I believe it's because they are struggling more than me so she tends to keep in touch with them more. I only talk to my Mom when I call her but she frequently connects with my younger sister and brother. It hurts but it's life 🤷
Yeah. Life’s not fair
I am a parent like that who has two daughters. I make mistakes but try to be aware of it. Thanks, your work is inspiring and helpful 💜
You're welcome. We all make parenting mistakes. The key is being aware and making changes. Keep going. 😊❤️
@@DrTraceyMarks Thank you so much for your answer!!! Thank you for your hard work and wish to patiently help thousands of people with your knowledge. Our parents didn't have such opportunity to have so much informations about parenting but we shouldn't repeat their mistakes. There is always space to grow and be better 🙏🏼
❤
Thank you Dr. Tracey, this resonates with me. Im constantly angry, against people, the world and myself. I came to realize that anger is inward trauma and the slightest of things will trigger it, upsetting me and shutting things and people out for the entire day. Its not healthy and to this point I dont even know how to deal with it. But thanks for the video!!
The example is SO accurate. Parents miss this very often and I can relate.
The iceberg analogy is very helpful. Viewed this way, it is easier to trace my own anger.
I think feeling stuck and helpless in a co-dependent relationship, especially when reinforced by real physical/logistical dependence like financial, transportation, or other living dependence, is a major source of frustration and anger.
Feeling trapped. Horrible situation. I feel tremendous anger when I carefully set out a situation and how we should proceed and my partner tramples over the plan. I feel like why bother even discussing it, I should unilaterally do the thing without consulting him instead. But then I was not brought up that way, he was. His mother has to stfu while the men decide. I was brought up in an environment where girls were as important as boys. Understanding class and cultural differences as well as urban and rural differences helps. I got the hat trick. Different class, different culture, different countries. It is a minefield and really tiring always being the one who is conciliatory. I would leave if I could but I have nobody now. I was taught that lying was bad and he lies all the time. Today about some planters he sold for half the value they are worth. We have a gardening business. If I raise a concern I get attacked and he sulks. Really lame loser, but at this stage in my life I have zero alternatives. As my hairdresser said, we have our cross to bear, some tiny, some massively heavy, and we must make the best of the shit hand life gave us. I just grit my fucking teeth and get on with it. God bless you and onwards and upwards. Don't let the bastards grind you down.
@@francefradetjardineslacora8114 Sounds like your situation is difficult as well. For what it is worth, I think it is still important that you convey your thoughts and opinions. You don't have to be offensive about it but he needs to know your thoughts. At least then your intelligence and judgement will not be taken for granted. But he needs to know that putting "all" possibilities out on the table, before making a decision, leads to better results. If you make him realize that it is not a power battle but instead a compromise, then you may have more success.
Just my humble thoughts.
@@johncassles7481 Thanks. I always say, "What about..." I am very rules and protocols and he is much more free and easy. I hate rule breakers actually. I think they are selfish. The concept of closed and open societies is an interesting one, and I think I would be happier in a closed society, where the community is more important than the individual. I find individualism selfish and inconsiderate. I live in an open individualistic society (Spain) and the levels of selfishness here are frankly extraordinary. The cruelty to animals as a sport is a big clue. All that will affect a person raised in that culture, like it or not.
I would love this lady to be around when i get angry. I would love to hurt people when i'm mad.
Thank you 🙏🏼
It's wrong to want to hurt people when you're angry, speaking from experience
whats wrong with you
Me being angry while watching this video 😡
Lol same
😂😂😂sorry
😅😅 same
Me too that’s why I’m here. It’s annoying but we’re doing the right thing trying to cope
😂😂😂
This is an exceptionally helpful explanation for anger and understand it. Thank YOU.
You're very welcome Jeannie, thank you! 🙏🏽
Dude. This is the perfect example of TOXIC POSITIVITY.
great video , but this is exactly how positivity hurts people and I hate it. The parents and the women that borrowed the money I’m story just gaslighted the main character like it’s not even a big deal that money , a lot of money, was borrowed .
Thank for the video. We need more videos on toxic positivity lol
100% agreed
Ok but this is legitimately good example where i would completely understand the person blowing up., honestly.
Does anybody want to help me break down my example?
My mum used to yell at me a lot. For being dirty, untidy, for doing things wrong, breaking things (unintentionally), etc (she is a good mother just very stressed and having her own issues).
now i yell at my partner who is very, very messy. He tries hard but he still makes loads of mess and just doesnt care about tidiness and all. So i yell at him, just like my mother did. I dont like it and i want to stop this.
Dr. Marks, I just want to say that I have been following and enjoying your content for a few years and I want you to know what a difference you are making for so many people! You are wonderful and I so appreciate the videos you make available to us! Thanks for everything!
Wow, thank you. I really appreciate having you around for years. Thanks for letting me know! 😊❤️
I agree...she is TOO GOOD
it's so hard to stop the cycle. Because anger is such a trigger response that it moves through you before you fully realize it. But it is our responsibility to be aware of it and know how to put ourself away from a situation
Hate. I hate how my family mistreats me
Thanks for sharing!
❤
You are not alone.
Same my family gets angry
Same and they dont even understand
I recognize this temperament! Many of my family members were smoldering ready to and did erupt into rage that was way out of proportion to the existing environment. As you can imagine this is frightening for a child. After a while I realized the tantrums were going to exist no matter what "wrong" choice I made. Even to this day I hear those specific family members hint about how I "don't come around much"... in the beginning I attempted to address this subject... this has motivated me to put my energy and resources into boundaries with relationship that are reciprocal and balanced!
Wow! Your hypothetical scenario is so relatable in its entirety!
As a schizoid, trying to relearn what it means to have emotions, this has been very helpful and enlightening
So glad Darkfireice. 👍🏽😊
I have researched and found out that shrooms are very helpful , it has really helps to reduce anxiety and depression . I would love to try magic mushrooms but I can't easily get some , Is there any realiable source I can purchase one
I am feeling the same way too, I put too much on my plate and it definitely affects my stress and anxiety levels. I am also glad to be part of this community.
@Beata Pisano Does he ship?
Tripping is not all that bad but one has to find a good mycologist to teach you the right things you need to
know
Came across the comments about dr.hansen_ and I must say he's a genuis.
@@samsonmicheal8817 Reach out to him, he will give you the best satisfactory responses...
Dr. T, you certainly know how to bring clarity to these issues. Thanks!
I had a situation where, I was about to go to bed and heard banging on my door, when I answered the door it was the neighbor that parks next to me in the building's parking lot, aggressively demanding me to move my car or he'll have me arrested. Fearing that he would do something to me or my car I moved it, but because I was still feeling angry and wanted this guy to stay away from me, I called the police and when the police officers arrived, I told them what happened to the best of my ability and explained that I'm Autistic, when I struggled to communicate clearly. The police officers were very helpful, when they saw how faded the parking lot lines were, they helped me improve how my car was parked, reassured me that being in an escalating conflict is a legitimate reason to call the police and told me that if something like this happens again I can call them again.
I needed this, Dr. Tracey. You hit on almost EVERY feeling I have had for many, many, many years. 😭🤬😭
Oh awesome. I'm so glad this spoke to you. 😊❤️
Thank you so much for this! I've been watching anything I can to help with my anger issues and I've been trying out different approaches as well. This technique really worked for me, and I can say with confidence that I'm a better human being than I was yesterday. The ice berg of anger concept was incredibly helpful, and talking it out with myself has made a significant difference. Just a couple of days ago, something that would have made me lose it had little effect on me. I can't express enough how grateful I am that you took the time to make this video. I've spent hours watching self-help content on RUclips, trying to gain control over this problem. If the example you used was real, I'm truly sorry for what you went through. Thank you again for this valuable resource.
As a second child I was raised to always understand my sister because my mother said ....I can understand better....many instances that as a younger one and understand better I always have to be the one who would give way etc....now I have to admit that I have issues with anger....my mother said you are the only one who keeps yelling and shouting but your sisters aren't....without her realizing that it was because she made me feel that I am self sufficient yet deprived of her emphaty......😢😢😢
The saddest part is it also affects my relationship with my husband and son.....😢😢😢
The unmet needs/neglect is why I’m resentful to my mother and i’m so triggered by her I lash out verbally. I’m also scared to tell her why I’m angry because she’s fostered an environment of fear my entire childhood. So I feel so stuck because I can’t verbalise to her. 😢
Thank you so much for creating this video. Before you made it I was ridiculously angry at everyone and was driving aggressively which could’ve at worst got me arrested and in the county jail if apprehended. I am a whole lot calmer now watching this video but I rather not talk here about what triggered my anger and my life in general. My father and I both have very tough lives and my father has it much worse than I do since he bottles his anger in but is miraculously still alive at age 71 with lung 🫁 cancer.
You’re so welcome Praveen. You definitely don’t want to end up in jail and sadly that’s what happens to some people with explosive anger. All the best to you and your dad. 🙏🏽❤️
@@DrTraceyMarks still a little bit angry but much calmer now
@@DrTraceyMarksthanks again for your comment and so grateful he is still alive a full year later
I really appreciate your non bullshit attitude and you get straight to the point . Thank you
You have a very special style to reach out and explain to your audience that makes you an amazing professional
You talk slowly enough so everybody has a moment to think and comprehend what you are saying and I thank you for that
Anger comes when dealing with idiots
Thanks again and watching this video for the second time. I’m so angry 😡 sometimes at strangers who haven’t done anything directly to me. I need to give other people some grace and forgiveness since I’m definitely not perfect 👌and I have done ✔️ some sins or wrong actions myself
You’re welcome and thank you. You’re certainly on the right track with grace and forgiveness. It takes time but you can get there. 👍🏽❤️
This is SO GREAT!!! I frequently suggest to my clients that they try to get behind the anger and figure out what hurt or fear is at the root... but this explains that so clearly! Really awesome as always 🙂
I live in Canada, and am grateful to have you featured on Cinematherapy, which is how i started watching your channel. It is greatly helpful considering I was diagnosed with anxiety after having a stroke at the age of 13 years old, from a medical condition from birth. Thank you Dr. Marks.
I got so much trauma you can't even call it baggage.
This is all very true, and very helpful. It's unfortunate that often very angry people will not feel comfortable opening up about these feelings except to those they trust very deeply.
I’m glad I found you 😭🤚🏼
This angry me is not meeee at all. Me no want it
My anger is very suppressed . My mind races with anger constantly but I am considered be be happy and mild mannered by those around me. My head sometimes feel like it's going to explode. Also, I think having ADD makes its even worse.
This is excellent!! I went thro something like this a long time ago. My biggest problem, like you said was i did loath them, my situation was very different. But a dying friend helped me to understand what was really going on. I had to get away from them. I had this idea that no matter how bad the things my mother did to me, she is still my mom. I know im not explaining this right but, comes down to it. My anger was from all the things they did to me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't in the wrong, just sick of being pushed aside, anyway to make a long story short, i had so much anger for so long, still do but not to the extent as b4, I realized many things i needed to see about myself, how i was allowing it to happen. Ive accepted the truth about myself and them, and stay far away now. I am now even this minute, still working on dealing with the things that were done to me. I have groups I follow, friends I talk to and i am getting better at not being angry. Im better at being angry with people who have nothing to do with it. Over all im better, but I had to face some very ugly truths. Thankyou Mrs Marks, you really have the best advice one can get, without an office visit. :) I do hope people can face what we fear most, for me it was abandonment.
Oh Lynn Marie, I'm glad you've been able to work through that anger and hurt. It will be a work in progress, but you're well on your way to healing. Thanks for sharing your story. 😀❤️
I pray for peace and comfort from Jesus Christ....may your heart br soothed and healed and strengthened ... May you someday forgive the people who hurt you and lighten and clear your own heart for your own good..... I read many time you are getting better ... I cheer for you 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Moral to many stories keep your own boundaries and know them.
I appreciate this scenario, with the subject Admitting that they hate their family, AND that they cover it up or try to dismiss themselves because they're afraid their family will find out. I feel that there's usually emphasis on people discovering the "real" result being that the person begins with hate and then moves on to realizing that the hateful feeling is irrational, or a front for something else. It happens. But it's frustrating and counter-productive ignoring when you really feel hate and have a reason for it, but ignore it because hate is so often brushed off as irrational no matter what. More often, it seems like this idea is forced onto people who already suppress their hate, and it's just really hurtful and unfair
Best video you have ever made.... will share with my first year social service worker students next week!!!
My dangerous anger, usually starts in-between mood changes, feels like heavy anxiety usually heading for depression and hate.
These videos have been so HELPFUL. Through informed self reflection, raising neurotransmissions levels in my brain, I have enhanced my memory to make once-in-a-lifetime breakthroughs in remembering what I tried so hard to forget.
Is being often angry associated with BPD or bipolar disorder? I have both and even little things can annoy me so much that I'm getting angry, I argue with people and then I crash and cry for hours. It's truly awful but I have almost no control of myself when it happens.
I have read 5 books on Anger Management, the Bible, specifically Proverbs that states foolish people are impulsive with their anger - and stay away from chronically angry people because you learn their bad ways. Seek Peace, but my anger is provoked by ignorant students, who I know are ignorant, that is why they are taking the class I teach, but it is still difficult. I know I give them 'Power over Me' when I become upset and use a loud voice (which makes the relationship deteriorate), so I 'rehearse at home', but still become surprised at the more incompetence of students - weaker generation. I expect too much, trying to ADJUST continually! So, THANK YOU for acknowledging our anger and helping us to control it, vs being controlled.
Ephesians 4:26-27
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry-do not give the devil a foothold
This is genius
Thanks a ton Rubi! ❤️
Many times RUclips make suggestion we don't want. YT made your videos as a suggestion. I am glad it did. Thank you for giving great thoughts to help me and others in mental health journey. Thanks Dr Marks
I feel like I am always frustrated and angary when I am surrounded with people. I feel good when I am alone. I Surprisingly I was completely opposite person earlier. I never through I would love to be alone. Now I feel like ppl don't understand me or I am unable to make them understand me. What should i do ?
I am a learner from Hong Kong. Highly appreaciate your great mission and knowledge, Dr. Tracey Marks!!
Oh man…how did you know?? I blew up yesterday… it’s so hard though when everything is going wrong. I have major social anxiety and one of my triggers is getting embarrassed in public. I go out of my way to try and prevent embarrassment but then I go shopping with my family and there’s no way to stop them. So I flip out on my family because they seem to be vectors of public shame that I can’t stop. I can’t seem to prevent the incidents of embarrassment though I try and end up screaming at them in the car for doing something dumb that could have been avoided. I know it’s my fault for being so sensitive, but I’m sick and tired of feeling like other people think I’m weird, I want interactions with strangers to be neutral and not memorably embarrassing because the clown family came through town. I hate myself 😓
What did your family do
If they are acting up in public, creating embarrassing scenes of one kind or another, you might be better off not going shopping with them if there is any way on earth you can avoid it. They won't change.
Your videos have really helped me today. Just came off a night of alcohol and drug use 2 days ago and these last few days I have been feeling and thinking the worst imaginable things and your videos really gave me relief from the fear/anger I’ve been experiencing,thank you!
I just discovered this video and it helped a little to control my anger. Although it’s hard for me to control my anger, having this will make me feel more controlled
Thanks Doc!!!❤
“I hate them, and I fear that they will eventually figure this out”. Wow that quote struck me so hard, I’m still reeling from dizziness.
Hi Dr
Thanks so much for well explanation especially about empathy
You're welcome. I'm glad it was helpful. 😊
Yes,its really helpful for me lot Dr now am well understand about the hidden part of ice bub .After left from the toxic relationship most of the time i suffered like that .
Thanks 🙏
I grew up with a screaming alcoholic father vietnam vet, ive forgiven him but cant seem to stop seeing red and controlling my anger, this video is helpful
Would you do a video about anger and RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) in ADHD & Autism? I experience this a lot and it can lead to a lot of anxiety and anger. But thank you for this video, it’s came at a useful time !
This! Yes Dr. Marks we'd love a video on this!
I turn rejection in to fight mode too much with ignorance and people that think they gods gift when even satan like f this mf .
The struggle of being the self-sufficient child is something that I've always dealt with on a subconscious level and this video helps me feel seen; thank you!
Man, this is too logical of an explanation. The sister probably gets away with this manipulative behaviour and the parents fall for it. This is an example where she had every right to be furious and the the parents are to blame for it. I would not feel one ounce of guilt for exploding in this case.
I lost my best friend this year and hid my depression by avoiding the emotion by constantly making jokes and smoking . I have finally took the initiative to identify my present emotions and facing the truth of his death. I’m at the phase of being out of depression and now in the state of anger.
But also cleaning bad habits , and adapting to healthier habits .
My anger , comes and gos but, it does feel great by taking the steps to heal and have a better outlook in life .
Thank you Dr. I am a 67 yr old male, recently retired and single. So I have the time and resources to attempt to understand my anger. I recall, vividly, that my anger started in the womb. The icing on that was looking up at a masked figure in white performing circumcision on me. If I could have, I would have resisted. But all us malescircumcised, just laid there and endured the pain, and I became angry, outraged. Less than a week old and I'm ready to do some whooping. I remember telling myself that this life would be challenging. By remembering and knowing that's where my anger issues started I have released that emotion, slowly. A ritual of rite, a belief held by some cultures, ordained by god himself. You know the story. My theory, how to create a warrior, that knows pain and has the deep inner anger to unleash on the enemy in combat, to be indestructible. (Chronicles of Riddick...ie). A furian, determined to never ever let another human violate them. (I was a US Marine, eight years, it helped me utilize constructively that anger) Well, can't change history, and the comfort I sometimes draw on is that there have been millions of males like me, angry as hell and not knowing why till the end of life when the testosterone is wanting. All in all, it's good to be here alive and in good health. Hope all you fellow humans find peace and happiness, start digging for that peace and power to become your true self. A new year is upon us, as is everyday anew.
Wow this is almost EXACTLY what I’m dealing with in my family. I have a younger sister who gets cut so much slack, undisciplined and babied. She seems to be the family favorite, but she is selfish, disrespectful and a drop out. She s**ts on the family and nobody seems to mind. She disrespects me because I’m the only one who calls her out, she even keyed my car - got zero consequences for it, my parents have yet to repair the damages, and did not even take her phone - zero punishment. I feel ignored and angry. I blow up occasionally because of this, and much more. Thank you for this video - it really shined a light on my situation - I have tried to talk to my parents about my angry and hurt feelings, unfortunately they just aren’t on a level to understand me, and accept responsibility for their part. At the end of the day it’s their actions that cause my sister and I to not get along, they are unfair.
Now I am angry at Jane lol
Right!? 🤣
Okay, the fact that you are using snippets from Domic just makes a lot of this so funny and relateable besides the actual information. He's got such a way of drawing emotions so poignantly and easily recognizable in an instant. and he's a great story teller as well.
Wow, you have just educated me in my 80 yrs of wondering why I was always the forgotten child and my sibling was always in trouble with drugs etc n he was treated as the good loving child. I was always there when my parents needed me till their deaths but never ever felt loved. It still saddens me till today. I will never get to address my feelings with my parents and I still feel the hurt! Sad but I do have a very loving hubby of 66 years that helps me through the times I get the sad feeling when triggered by a memory from my past. 2 loving kids - n 2 wonderful grandkids make life perfect. Thanks for helping me understand a bit of my unanswered questions.
2:02 I feel like my chest is always on fire yet I hide it when someone triggers it that my whole body becomes tense and shaking, mostly pressure on me and asking for things I wanna say no to but I don't have the courage is what triggers my anger but when I blow up on someone guilt feelings haunt me, sometimes I feel that I'm too weak bc I can't take revenge or at least show people how hurtful it is to be mistreated or used and not understood or heard
I want to fix my anger issues not because its only effects me but because it’s hurting the people around me
My anger stems from the abuse physically and mentally and being abandoned by my mom and now that I’m a fully grown man she still does the same thing. I would also say that it come from my other emotions too. I say from my other emotions because I don’t know how to express them or articulate them so It just turn into anger. Again I blame my mom for that because she never thought me how too.
You, you, you're good you! You've got a gift. I feel more rational just watching you talk.
Try to scam the angry? you should probably try to scam the happy videos.
I don't know why, but at 5:10 I myself burst into tears all of a sudden.
Thank you for covering this topic up. Very important and eye-opening.
I dont like how cold hearted the world has made me...i remember i used to pride myself on certain things but now its like what looks at me in the mirror isnt ehat i remember smiling about
My mother has the psychotic ability to rage against you, then talk sweet and kind on the phone within seconds.
I just want to say I have binge watching your videos all night because naturally I can’t sleep. But I am learning so much. I am 56 and I wish I have met you in my teens. I’m actually the successful and don’t borrow money but the black sheep. I just found out I have ADHD and ALL of your videos are about my whole life. TFS ❤🙏🏽 I got a lot of catching up to do on your videos new to your channel. God bless you! TFS
writing on my iceberg layers of anger to a notebook and listening rain sound for a month already helped me so much, even we get help its more important to realize only person who can totally understand us is somewhere inside. thank you Dr. Marks
I Know U Get This All The Time But Your Videos Really Really Help Me In Tough Times. U Have Saved My Life Thank U. U Deserve Everything
This is very helpful. I hate that I'm chronically angry and I'm really trying to work on it. I need to get it under control otherwise it's going to ruin my relationship. Thank you for this.
Unbelievable how accurate this analysis is.... I can totally relate with it btw
Thanks for this info. People should also check the health of the liver, this causes anger issues also many have fatty liver disease.
the Domics clip at 9:26 startled me
Why are we diagnosed with mental instability when people are rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful? Are those traits considered normal and our reactions not?
I'm the elder sister in your hypothetical example. I was brought up with little attention from my mom. I support my mom financially but she cheated me and helped my sister borrow money from me . I call it "borrow', but I never get the money back. What you said is totally right. everytime, I think of this kind of thing, I feel very angry, fire in my chest!!! I believe my mom is flawed person, but it's impossible and useless to talk with her about my feeling, because she didn't pay any attention to my feeling. I'm in great anxiety: on the one side, I, as a kind person, want to be a good daughter, on the other side, I can't accept what they had done to me. This kind of family bond almost drives crazy!!!
Im from Poland,
I don’t have degree in psychology,
However I love to watch yours videos also some documentaries on yout.
To learn more and more about human behaviour and brain.
Please keep doing what you doing,
Believe me - many ppl need your help,
And many ppl need to learn the content of your videos - to better understand their own thinking process and behaviour-
Thank you Betty 😀❤️
Such a good storyteller, Jane got me enraged too 😭😭😭
I usually blog up when my sister offends me and they say that it was just a joke, I used to think that the problem was with me, but in therapy I figure it out that she is wrong, the real home is when both are laughing, but I'm trying to be cool, is worse when we get angry.
Many people are taught that sadness is weak. Anger is strong. It is better to get angry than to get sad. Especially men, but many women also. It is important to learn to examine emotions, and communicate, rather than yell.
I did some deep reflecting on this video. I actually cried. I hate being mad all the time.