people with ADHD - myself included - tend to have an intense love bombing tendency similar to toxic people's, because of hyperfocusing on a potential partner and genuinely enjoying showering them with affection and learning everything about them. this slows down after a few months and you will settle into more subdued dynamics
@mrbabluep ADHD, NPD, BPD, BPD and other so called mental disorders all originate from the same core issue. CPTSD look up Sam Vaknin video on this subject to learn more if it interests you.
@@alchemical.fitnessTruth! I can agree to this because I was in the sever spectrum of inattentive ADHD. However, after doing some intense steps to work on my AP attachment. I noticed that my ADHD symptoms started to come down quite noticeably. (Staying focus on conversations, rapid impulses, etc). The love bombing, I would put it in the category of of the insecure attatchment, but there is a strong correlation with ADHD and insecure attachments. I believe that my ADHD was a product of my chaotic childhood environment. Dr Gabor Mate speaks on this in his books. Although ADHD meds can help. If you can address your core wounds. You can see yourself gradually not needing them, at least from my point of view.
It’s important to remember that just because someone is a natural giver and shows up for and with their partner in ways that are “excessive” when compared to prior experiences that this is not a form of love bombing - particularly when it is done without intentional manipulation. There is constant confusion and labeling of good people with good, clean intentions. Consistency is key.
If the person is giving excessively too early in the relationship, that person is a codependent people-pleaser. Giving should come from a place of care that hasn't been developed yet. Either way, it's best for the one being bombarded with gifts and favors too early to move on. I say this as a former codependent.
The point here is that the early stages is for getting to know someone. When you go all in early, something isn’t right because you don’t know the person. It happens to a large amount of people hence the state of relationships not lasting. She is giving lessens that are valuable to someone who may not know what to look for because they get blinded by the initial love bombing.
@@ds37215 i sadly relate to your comment. just realized i was doing all of this previously with someone i met. doing favors, giving gifts, texting excessively. tough stuff. i distanced myself and ended up ghosting after being rejected. taking the time to learn and heal
Yes I have experienced Narcissistic abuse. I'm still listening to this great video. But in recent times I have been seeing someone who is a DA. I'm certain It won't ever be that we are any closer. My feelings are changing toward him. I can't continue this.. I see how I became obsessed with him. Being treated to unfinished stories and unfinished conversations and explanations never given, drove me crazy. If he really wants to die alone he can have his wish and stop wasting my time.
During the love bombing stage, they ask deep questions to find out things about you they can exploit. If you feel this intense feeling with your interaction with the person at the earlier stage, it is a sign your subconscious picking up their tactics. Be wary
Jeez that's exactly what it was like. And as soon as I moved in with him (after he pressured me to and proposed a dozen times a day) it went directly until intermittent reinforcement and has been ever since.
Thank you. Could you do a video on unintentional intermittent reinforcement dynamics in relationships of/with insecurely attached people and how to break out of that dynamic? I'm asking because I come from a very chaotic, toxic family. I was emotionally neglected. I rarely happened that I had experiences of connection growing up. Mostly I got very hurtful, unhelpful attention which I tried to avoid as best as possible. I turned out FA/DA and it seems like I am primed to intermittent reinforcement dynamics in relationships since I grew up with them and don't really know what healthy consistency looks like. I also struggle with routines since I didn't really have healthy routines and age appropriare boundaries growing up. I don't want to get caught up in such infatuation based relationships and I also don't want to show up in a way that others will get unhealthily infatuated with me.
For me it's so nice to listen to you talk about psychology & relationships. I guess I take what I can out it. Things can go many different ways but just hearing this knowledge is so interesting to me.
Very interesting! I have struggled going back and forth about whether my ex was a DA or Covert Narcissist. I very much felt this intermittent reinforcement. He could be so charming and kind and charismatic and came on STRONG at first, making me feel like the only man in the world. And then that faded. And we were unable to talk about things (issues, connections, etc) at a deeper level. My question is this; how are we to know if the person is more narcissistic or dismissive avoidant? If the difference is intent, how are we to know? And, perhaps it doesn’t truly matter. The relationship is over. But I still need to heal and within that healing i want to carve a space of appreciation for all the good that he provided and to forgive the bad.
DAs, & FAs, operate on "feelings minus fears" so can come on stronger at 1st when the feelings are greater than the fears & intermittently reinforce because of this same dynamic rather than as a tool for control like a narcissist 🤔 imo it's good to understand even if your relationship's over to help improve your future relationships the channel "jimmy on relationships" put out a 2min video 2 days ago titled "narcissism vs avoidant attachment" that youtube recommended to me because i watch PDS 😎 i think it does an *incredible* job at highlighting many of the differences - PDS & other channels have too fwiw kind of ironically, thais has said DAs are the *least* likely to be narcissists (but it *can* happen) which makes sense once you understand the vastly different motivations for what might seem like superficially similar behavior 💜 of course, unhealtay DAs can still be quite hurtful even if not narcissists i find a *lot* of people misunderstand & misinterpret DAs as narcissists - admittedly as an FA with CPTSD from multiple narcissists i also struggled wit this & PDS has been a *major* help at not only being able to distinguish the two, but start trusting my ability to do so ☺️ shahida arabi, aka selfcarehaven, is primarily active on other platforms but has been very helpful for me healing from narcissistic relationships if you end up feeling like that is indeed what you're dealing with 🌈 best wishes with your journey!
Do you know what attachment style those with NPD fall under? I recently watched Sam Vaknin who claims they don’t fall under any of the already known attachment styles. Can’t remember the term he used but they don’t attach so therefore don’t have a style as such. Any thoughts on this?
@@joancollins3457 thais has shared that AP is the attachment style most likely to be a narcissist - which has been true in my experience & imo makes perfect sense when understand covert/vulnerable narcissists as opposed to just overt/grandiose ones which most focus on she has also shared DA is actually the *least* likely to be a narcissist despite people often misunderstanding their superficially similar behavior which also makes perfect sense to me when you consider the *vastly* different motivations involved
@@r_and_a I second what you wrote a 1000 times. I am FA with CPTSD as well (thankfully SA now, and PTSD in remission), and have suffered through narcissistic abuse. My previous (and first) boyfriend - who had a lot of disturbing pathologies - even researched himself why he is that manner, and when he found out about the dark triad and recognized himself in these aspects, he was PROUD. To him, it was a confirmation of a SUPER POWER. In an attachment scheme, he had most overlap with AP. He wanted to control, possess and dominate me. I have dated DA after this experience, and I was a little paranoid at some of the DA coping mechanisms that he was another narcissist. He, being misunderstood by people all his life, has been treated like he is cold and unfeeling. He speculated about what diagnosis fits, including things like ASPD and NPD. His reaction however was MORTIFICATION. He felt deeply wounded, hurt and guilty at the idea that he was that fucked up, and it was just feeding his "I am dysfunctional" wounds and his "I need to be alone" ideas. I have to say that upon closer inspection, he did not actually meet enough of the qualifications to be a narcissist. His self-absorbed flaws completely lacked the motivation to dominate & control me. His motives were distrust, feelings minus fears, need for safety. I have to say that I completely flipped perspective about DA and now see him more as a Mr. Darcy-esque person. Someone who comes across proud, aloof and socially disconnected at surface, but is empathic, generous, caring and honorable when you start to understand them.
I appreciated your breakdown of what tactics are used at different stages and the differences in motivation bw these folks and simply insecure attachment styles. Thanks
I hate to say but these three are textbook fearful avoidant behavior… even if not intentional, the behavior can have a very evil effect - push, pull, disappear, come back mixed signals…
Fascinating. Thank you for taking the time to make this video and sharing it. I feel like I've often fallen for these tactics in the past especially with my exes who suffer from BPD or cluster B traits.
I dated Autistic man for about a year, and he played bait and switch , hot and cold , run and chase the whole time. He was self absorbed yet insisting on " emotional bond" , it was his way or highway, love-bombing me only to ghost. Not entirely sure if he is narcissist, but definitely dismissive avoidant. Huge waste of time, I should have listened to my early "gut feeling". Such men will never change, rather pretend to be victims ...
Thais, thank you so much for the daily content that you put in. At the moment I cannot financially access the PDS but I’m learning so much for the channel. A lot of the things that you talk about here I go and do my research to dig deeper. I tune in to the channel like my favorite TV channel. I’m doing the work, it’s very hard, but you’re shedding a light in our lives! Thank you so much! I would appreciate if you could one day do a video of the difference between narcissist and avoidant attachment style. It’s hard to differentiate through their actions, although the reasons for their behaviour are different. Thanks! ❤
ruclips.net/video/NDDyt7Sj13A/видео.html also we have scholarships available so if you want to email info@personaldevelopmentschool.com they can let you know the details. Would love to see you in the school!
Thais your content is so very good and this one is spot on. Is there any way you could try a different mic or filter to lessen the vocal fry? It often causes me to not finish the video. Sent with love and thanks.
can you do a version about these traits but from the angle of reactive abuse. I recently had a situation where I was dealing with a narcissist and I got pulled into behaviour that I wouldnt normally want to do, such as triangulation.
The guilt trip and isolation part I’ve seen my mom doing with my dad since my mom has a narcissistic personality. She would keep pointing out that why is my dad going out and meeting other people and being nice to them and not talking to me in the house etc etc
I think that Love bombing can also be the person opening up about their issues or trauma too soon…for someone that may have codependent tendencies they may feel responsible to help…good boundaries is important here tho…
I had a narcissist for a boss. He’s still a coworker and I’ve had to pretend to be his friend for years to avoid an active conflict in the workplace that I was not feeling up to fighting. He refused to write me a recommendation on LinkedIn - told me to write it myself and he’d sign it. Yeah, saw through that… he was simply not going to offer up validation. He was and still is constantly putting up digs against my new department, and suggesting that I should be more loyal to him than them. Actually said to me “I’m the only one standing up for you. You should be thanking me”. Got mad once that I asked him to do some task in an email that went out to my new department - “I thought we were friends, but if that’s how you want to play it, we’ll just be coworkers”. God, it’s making me sick thinking of how I’ve put up a genial front to avoid hostility from this piece of….
Please more videos on the awareness of aspd all the dots line up with my partner who I’m trying to now leave and I will. But great support in the knowledge of these kinds of videos would help a long way. Misplaced empathy should we feel sorry for someone who just can’t really experience empathy? Iv learnt the answer is be civil and just but protect yourself from those who are willing to put you in harm or are just callous about you being in it. Almost somewhat revengeful too. Oh boy
So my relationship with my DA husband literally went aloof friendship then suddenly it was love bombing and very much pressing hard for rushing into a very serious relationship, trying to get us to get to know each other really rapidly by playing a texting game where he'd say "ask me a question" and really learning everything about me, weird insecure behavior and then ever since I moved in with him it's been intermittent reinforcement and it's gotten worse as time goes by. I try to talk to him about my needs and he just gives me a DARVO response and pulls away even more until I am ready to throw in the towel and then he acts like an AP! We are separated now and although he is starting to do some PDS work I just don't even know if I can ever trust him again. He's a good man and I'm madly in love with him but he's a mess
I personally don't fall for love bombing, but do fall for DAs who come on too heavy too early and then withdraw (which has the same effect, but is not deliberate). I fall for DAs coming on heavy long before appropriate because they always seem to be starting to "get" me in a way that no one else has. I've never felt understood, so I fall for the unspoken promise of bonding in some deep, soulmate connection that the DA seemed to offer. Of course, it never came to pass and ends up with me chasing them for crumbs in a one-sided relationship. (Now, I'm on a permanent DA-free diet, because it's not healthy or fulfilling for me.) The reason I don't fall for love bombing is because I can sense that the person does it to everyone and/or is desperate or manipulative, which are turn-offs that prevent me from bonding. I can sense their lack of sincerity. I only dated one narcissist. It was briefly and during the pandemic (knew what he was on date #1, and normally wouldn't have seen him again, but it wasn't a time to meet new people; typically I can be alone without being lonely, but it was just different then, maybe because of the stress and isolation of being an essential worker, though in tech, but stressful). Anyway, I could see every single one of his games from afar and never bonded with him, so his various tactics never hurt me. I'm an FA, though now leaning secure.
You ready for this? It’s not applicable to everyone, but (imo) insecurity is based on a lack of self-acceptance. This lack of self-acceptance makes fantasy-thinking attractive, because fantasy isn’t based in reality. Reality is where you see and deal with your “shadow self” (ie-the unattractive, imperfect parts of you that everyone has). Love bombing meets that fantasy desire and doesn’t require you to face the realities about the other person, and consequently about yourself. Don’t worry, we’re all a little delulu. Good therapy helps. ❤️
I'm really struggling to understand the love bombing better. At the beginning of my last relationship, she would make out with me with an intensity I'd never seen before and I've had plenty of makeout sessions. She'd also hold my hand at my friend's party on our 4th date which I thought was a bit odd. She just seemed super into me at a point where she didn't even know me, although we were both obviously keenly interested in each other. Is that love bombing? I believe she's FA and it ended suddenly at the 3 month mark when she said that she was feeling overwhelmed by some of the things we talked about (that she mostly initiated) and she was unwilling to try to work through the issues. I think it ended when we were transitioning out of the honeymoon stage. The whole thing went really fast, was really weird.
@@avenuempire I had a very similar experience. Almost identical. He was also overwhelmed with the conversations he initiated. He was pushing for a relationship, and then abruptly ended it all.
This video triggers me. As a ADHD avoidant with relationship trauma (working on it) I love bomb. It's because I hyperfocus on new relationships and only if I REALLY like you. I want to get to know you and every cel in your body. Yet I fear intimacy which makes me inconsistent. I have been cheated on by 2/3 romantic partners I've had in my life so I have trouble accepting friendships between my romantic partner and a friend from the opposite sex. Especially if I'm the new person and I feel disrespected (lets be real, most single heterosexual males that are friends with a woman are just awaiting their turn) I'm aware it's toxic behavior and I'm working on it but I have only good intentions and loads of love to share. It's really frustrating to see videos like this because people read you wrong based on it.
Bruh relax, Thais is one of the most loving, kind and gentle person I have EVER seen. She doesn’t generalize and provides insights with such compassion and delicacy. I bet if you spoke with her even for a few minutes you’ll be smitten with how much she compassionately cares about you.
@@nahomelion I am aware and her channel has taught me a lot. It's just that I get really, really sad from videos like this that dont mention other reasons for certain behavior. I've had people dump me for "love bombing" because they saw it online and in reality I'm just a Labrador puppy with trust issues.
uhm.... is this narcissist thing a new epidemic in the psychology field? I mean, statistically, how many narcissists there are, I mean, diagnosed ones? And is this considered to be unhealable? I mean why do we talk so rough about disabled people... All the groups online that I was in were for discussing narcissistic stuff and were filled with people who seem sooooo narcissistic themselves just showing up their wounds in relationships that happened first of all in their families. I don't like this fashion stuff about cluster B people. If we talk about narcissistic people, we can say they have relational wounds, if we talk about real narcissists then we talk about how they can adjust in life even, if without the opportunity to really heal. According to statistics, it's 0.5-1% of the population affected by NPD disorder, 1 person among ~150. Anyway, I find it ok that it is covered as well, we live in an era where narcissistic behavior is rather celebrated than viewed in a real light. I also like that some diagnosed narcissistic people are writing books and leading seminars about this topic and so on. :)) Another great video and thumbs up. Mmmm... just to note, narcissistic behavior can be healed and slowly turned into healthy narcissistic behavior, so :)) I mean, because all cluster B stuff belongs to relational disorders.
Have you experienced and of these tactics in dating or relationships?
people with ADHD - myself included - tend to have an intense love bombing tendency similar to toxic people's, because of hyperfocusing on a potential partner and genuinely enjoying showering them with affection and learning everything about them. this slows down after a few months and you will settle into more subdued dynamics
I'm not sure it's adhd-related
@mrbabluep ADHD, NPD, BPD, BPD and other so called mental disorders all originate from the same core issue.
CPTSD
look up Sam Vaknin video on this subject to learn more if it interests you.
Interesting. Maybe that played a role in his behavior.
@@alchemical.fitnessTruth! I can agree to this because I was in the sever spectrum of inattentive ADHD. However, after doing some intense steps to work on my AP attachment. I noticed that my ADHD symptoms started to come down quite noticeably. (Staying focus on conversations, rapid impulses, etc). The love bombing, I would put it in the category of of the insecure attatchment, but there is a strong correlation with ADHD and insecure attachments. I believe that my ADHD was a product of my chaotic childhood environment. Dr Gabor Mate speaks on this in his books. Although ADHD meds can help. If you can address your core wounds. You can see yourself gradually not needing them, at least from my point of view.
Yessss
It’s important to remember that just because someone is a natural giver and shows up for and with their partner in ways that are “excessive” when compared to prior experiences that this is not a form of love bombing - particularly when it is done without intentional manipulation. There is constant confusion and labeling of good people with good, clean intentions. Consistency is key.
If the person is giving excessively too early in the relationship, that person is a codependent people-pleaser. Giving should come from a place of care that hasn't been developed yet. Either way, it's best for the one being bombarded with gifts and favors too early to move on. I say this as a former codependent.
Same thing with intermittent reinforcement…some people are inconsistent and have poor attention issues
@@ds37215very well said
The point here is that the early stages is for getting to know someone. When you go all in early, something isn’t right because you don’t know the person. It happens to a large amount of people hence the state of relationships not lasting. She is giving lessens that are valuable to someone who may not know what to look for because they get blinded by the initial love bombing.
@@ds37215 i sadly relate to your comment. just realized i was doing all of this previously with someone i met. doing favors, giving gifts, texting excessively. tough stuff. i distanced myself and ended up ghosting after being rejected. taking the time to learn and heal
Yes I have experienced Narcissistic abuse.
I'm still listening to this great video.
But in recent times I have been seeing someone who is a DA. I'm certain It won't ever be that we are any closer. My feelings are changing toward him.
I can't continue this..
I see how I became obsessed with him.
Being treated to unfinished stories and unfinished conversations and explanations never given, drove me crazy.
If he really wants to die alone he can have his wish and stop wasting my time.
I've been through so many of these in my past. No wonder I've been single for so long. I will not tolerate things like this again. Period.
During the love bombing stage, they ask deep questions to find out things about you they can exploit. If you feel this intense feeling with your interaction with the person at the earlier stage, it is a sign your subconscious picking up their tactics. Be wary
Jeez that's exactly what it was like. And as soon as I moved in with him (after he pressured me to and proposed a dozen times a day) it went directly until intermittent reinforcement and has been ever since.
thank you for shining light on these dark manipulative tactics.
Thank you. Could you do a video on unintentional intermittent reinforcement dynamics in relationships of/with insecurely attached people and how to break out of that dynamic?
I'm asking because I come from a very chaotic, toxic family. I was emotionally neglected. I rarely happened that I had experiences of connection growing up. Mostly I got very hurtful, unhelpful attention which I tried to avoid as best as possible. I turned out FA/DA and it seems like I am primed to intermittent reinforcement dynamics in relationships since I grew up with them and don't really know what healthy consistency looks like. I also struggle with routines since I didn't really have healthy routines and age appropriare boundaries growing up. I don't want to get caught up in such infatuation based relationships and I also don't want to show up in a way that others will get unhealthily infatuated with me.
For me it's so nice to listen to you talk about psychology & relationships.
I guess I take what I can out it.
Things can go many different ways but just hearing this knowledge is so interesting to me.
Very interesting!
I have struggled going back and forth about whether my ex was a DA or Covert Narcissist. I very much felt this intermittent reinforcement. He could be so charming and kind and charismatic and came on STRONG at first, making me feel like the only man in the world. And then that faded. And we were unable to talk about things (issues, connections, etc) at a deeper level.
My question is this; how are we to know if the person is more narcissistic or dismissive avoidant? If the difference is intent, how are we to know?
And, perhaps it doesn’t truly matter. The relationship is over. But I still need to heal and within that healing i want to carve a space of appreciation for all the good that he provided and to forgive the bad.
DAs, & FAs, operate on "feelings minus fears" so can come on stronger at 1st when the feelings are greater than the fears & intermittently reinforce because of this same dynamic rather than as a tool for control like a narcissist 🤔 imo it's good to understand even if your relationship's over to help improve your future relationships
the channel "jimmy on relationships" put out a 2min video 2 days ago titled "narcissism vs avoidant attachment" that youtube recommended to me because i watch PDS 😎 i think it does an *incredible* job at highlighting many of the differences - PDS & other channels have too fwiw
kind of ironically, thais has said DAs are the *least* likely to be narcissists (but it *can* happen) which makes sense once you understand the vastly different motivations for what might seem like superficially similar behavior 💜 of course, unhealtay DAs can still be quite hurtful even if not narcissists
i find a *lot* of people misunderstand & misinterpret DAs as narcissists - admittedly as an FA with CPTSD from multiple narcissists i also struggled wit this & PDS has been a *major* help at not only being able to distinguish the two, but start trusting my ability to do so ☺️
shahida arabi, aka selfcarehaven, is primarily active on other platforms but has been very helpful for me healing from narcissistic relationships if you end up feeling like that is indeed what you're dealing with 🌈 best wishes with your journey!
Do you know what attachment style those with NPD fall under? I recently watched Sam Vaknin who claims they don’t fall under any of the already known attachment styles. Can’t remember the term he used but they don’t attach so therefore don’t have a style as such. Any thoughts on this?
@@joancollins3457 thais has shared that AP is the attachment style most likely to be a narcissist - which has been true in my experience & imo makes perfect sense when understand covert/vulnerable narcissists as opposed to just overt/grandiose ones which most focus on
she has also shared DA is actually the *least* likely to be a narcissist despite people often misunderstanding their superficially similar behavior which also makes perfect sense to me when you consider the *vastly* different motivations involved
@@r_and_a I second what you wrote a 1000 times.
I am FA with CPTSD as well (thankfully SA now, and PTSD in remission), and have suffered through narcissistic abuse.
My previous (and first) boyfriend - who had a lot of disturbing pathologies - even researched himself why he is that manner, and when he found out about the dark triad and recognized himself in these aspects, he was PROUD. To him, it was a confirmation of a SUPER POWER. In an attachment scheme, he had most overlap with AP. He wanted to control, possess and dominate me.
I have dated DA after this experience, and I was a little paranoid at some of the DA coping mechanisms that he was another narcissist. He, being misunderstood by people all his life, has been treated like he is cold and unfeeling. He speculated about what diagnosis fits, including things like ASPD and NPD. His reaction however was MORTIFICATION. He felt deeply wounded, hurt and guilty at the idea that he was that fucked up, and it was just feeding his "I am dysfunctional" wounds and his "I need to be alone" ideas.
I have to say that upon closer inspection, he did not actually meet enough of the qualifications to be a narcissist. His self-absorbed flaws completely lacked the motivation to dominate & control me. His motives were distrust, feelings minus fears, need for safety. I have to say that I completely flipped perspective about DA and now see him more as a Mr. Darcy-esque person. Someone who comes across proud, aloof and socially disconnected at surface, but is empathic, generous, caring and honorable when you start to understand them.
ruclips.net/video/NDDyt7Sj13A/видео.html
I appreciated your breakdown of what tactics are used at different stages and the differences in motivation bw these folks and simply insecure attachment styles. Thanks
I hate to say but these three are textbook fearful avoidant behavior… even if not intentional, the behavior can have a very evil effect - push, pull, disappear, come back mixed signals…
The FA does not lovebomb. At all. especially in the beginning. They hold back until they can trust the other.
I think maybe you have your attachment styles mixed up. That's not FA patterns
Fascinating. Thank you for taking the time to make this video and sharing it. I feel like I've often fallen for these tactics in the past especially with my exes who suffer from BPD or cluster B traits.
I dated Autistic man for about a year, and he played bait and switch , hot and cold , run and chase the whole time. He was self absorbed yet insisting on " emotional bond" , it was his way or highway, love-bombing me only to ghost. Not entirely sure if he is narcissist, but definitely dismissive avoidant. Huge waste of time, I should have listened to my early "gut feeling". Such men will never change, rather pretend to be victims ...
Thais, thank you so much for the daily content that you put in. At the moment I cannot financially access the PDS but I’m learning so much for the channel. A lot of the things that you talk about here I go and do my research to dig deeper. I tune in to the channel like my favorite TV channel. I’m doing the work, it’s very hard, but you’re shedding a light in our lives! Thank you so much!
I would appreciate if you could one day do a video of the difference between narcissist and avoidant attachment style. It’s hard to differentiate through their actions, although the reasons for their behaviour are different. Thanks! ❤
ruclips.net/video/NDDyt7Sj13A/видео.html
also we have scholarships available so if you want to email info@personaldevelopmentschool.com they can let you know the details. Would love to see you in the school!
Thank u for what you do.
Thank you Thais! 💜
You're always welcome :)
Thais your content is so very good and this one is spot on. Is there any way you could try a different mic or filter to lessen the vocal fry? It often causes me to not finish the video. Sent with love and thanks.
Heavy stuff indeed!
Thanks!
Thank you!!!!
can you do a version about these traits but from the angle of reactive abuse. I recently had a situation where I was dealing with a narcissist and I got pulled into behaviour that I wouldnt normally want to do, such as triangulation.
The guilt trip and isolation part I’ve seen my mom doing with my dad since my mom has a narcissistic personality. She would keep pointing out that why is my dad going out and meeting other people and being nice to them and not talking to me in the house etc etc
I think that Love bombing can also be the person opening up about their issues or trauma too soon…for someone that may have codependent tendencies they may feel responsible to help…good boundaries is important here tho…
I had a narcissist for a boss. He’s still a coworker and I’ve had to pretend to be his friend for years to avoid an active conflict in the workplace that I was not feeling up to fighting. He refused to write me a recommendation on LinkedIn - told me to write it myself and he’d sign it. Yeah, saw through that… he was simply not going to offer up validation. He was and still is constantly putting up digs against my new department, and suggesting that I should be more loyal to him than them. Actually said to me “I’m the only one standing up for you. You should be thanking me”. Got mad once that I asked him to do some task in an email that went out to my new department - “I thought we were friends, but if that’s how you want to play it, we’ll just be coworkers”. God, it’s making me sick thinking of how I’ve put up a genial front to avoid hostility from this piece of….
Thank you ❤
You're welcome
Please more videos on the awareness of aspd all the dots line up with my partner who I’m trying to now leave and I will. But great support in the knowledge of these kinds of videos would help a long way.
Misplaced empathy should we feel sorry for someone who just can’t really experience empathy? Iv learnt the answer is be civil and just but protect yourself from those who are willing to put you in harm or are just callous about you being in it. Almost somewhat revengeful too. Oh boy
Are you referring to B.F Skinners behavioural experiments in operant conditioning?
Yeah but she is referring to other studies based on the operant conditioning (I think)
Got duped and still in shock. Beware out there…
So my relationship with my DA husband literally went aloof friendship then suddenly it was love bombing and very much pressing hard for rushing into a very serious relationship, trying to get us to get to know each other really rapidly by playing a texting game where he'd say "ask me a question" and really learning everything about me, weird insecure behavior and then ever since I moved in with him it's been intermittent reinforcement and it's gotten worse as time goes by. I try to talk to him about my needs and he just gives me a DARVO response and pulls away even more until I am ready to throw in the towel and then he acts like an AP! We are separated now and although he is starting to do some PDS work I just don't even know if I can ever trust him again. He's a good man and I'm madly in love with him but he's a mess
Why do insecure attached people fall for love bombing if they are actually run away when someone express affection to them?
I personally don't fall for love bombing, but do fall for DAs who come on too heavy too early and then withdraw (which has the same effect, but is not deliberate).
I fall for DAs coming on heavy long before appropriate because they always seem to be starting to "get" me in a way that no one else has. I've never felt understood, so I fall for the unspoken promise of bonding in some deep, soulmate connection that the DA seemed to offer. Of course, it never came to pass and ends up with me chasing them for crumbs in a one-sided relationship. (Now, I'm on a permanent DA-free diet, because it's not healthy or fulfilling for me.)
The reason I don't fall for love bombing is because I can sense that the person does it to everyone and/or is desperate or manipulative, which are turn-offs that prevent me from bonding. I can sense their lack of sincerity. I only dated one narcissist. It was briefly and during the pandemic (knew what he was on date #1, and normally wouldn't have seen him again, but it wasn't a time to meet new people; typically I can be alone without being lonely, but it was just different then, maybe because of the stress and isolation of being an essential worker, though in tech, but stressful). Anyway, I could see every single one of his games from afar and never bonded with him, so his various tactics never hurt me.
I'm an FA, though now leaning secure.
You ready for this?
It’s not applicable to everyone, but (imo) insecurity is based on a lack of self-acceptance. This lack of self-acceptance makes fantasy-thinking attractive, because fantasy isn’t based in reality. Reality is where you see and deal with your “shadow self” (ie-the unattractive, imperfect parts of you that everyone has).
Love bombing meets that fantasy desire and doesn’t require you to face the realities about the other person, and consequently about yourself.
Don’t worry, we’re all a little delulu. Good therapy helps. ❤️
I'm really struggling to understand the love bombing better. At the beginning of my last relationship, she would make out with me with an intensity I'd never seen before and I've had plenty of makeout sessions. She'd also hold my hand at my friend's party on our 4th date which I thought was a bit odd. She just seemed super into me at a point where she didn't even know me, although we were both obviously keenly interested in each other. Is that love bombing? I believe she's FA and it ended suddenly at the 3 month mark when she said that she was feeling overwhelmed by some of the things we talked about (that she mostly initiated) and she was unwilling to try to work through the issues. I think it ended when we were transitioning out of the honeymoon stage. The whole thing went really fast, was really weird.
Sounds like the typical hot & cold behavior from an FA. Nothing alarming from the way you're describing it.
@@avenuempire I had a very similar experience. Almost identical. He was also overwhelmed with the conversations he initiated. He was pushing for a relationship, and then abruptly ended it all.
Staff Pulled a Knife on me. How do I address this?
Is the love bombing (or any of them) insidious? Purposeful?
Dark Psychology Manipulation Tactics: (1) Love Bombing tactic. (2) Intermittent reinforcement tactic. (3) Guilt tripping & Isolation tactics. (4) Triangulation
Is love bombing also gift buying?
This video triggers me. As a ADHD avoidant with relationship trauma (working on it) I love bomb. It's because I hyperfocus on new relationships and only if I REALLY like you. I want to get to know you and every cel in your body. Yet I fear intimacy which makes me inconsistent.
I have been cheated on by 2/3 romantic partners I've had in my life so I have trouble accepting friendships between my romantic partner and a friend from the opposite sex. Especially if I'm the new person and I feel disrespected (lets be real, most single heterosexual males that are friends with a woman are just awaiting their turn)
I'm aware it's toxic behavior and I'm working on it but I have only good intentions and loads of love to share.
It's really frustrating to see videos like this because people read you wrong based on it.
Bruh relax, Thais is one of the most loving, kind and gentle person I have EVER seen. She doesn’t generalize and provides insights with such compassion and delicacy. I bet if you spoke with her even for a few minutes you’ll be smitten with how much she compassionately cares about you.
@@nahomelion I am aware and her channel has taught me a lot.
It's just that I get really, really sad from videos like this that dont mention other reasons for certain behavior. I've had people dump me for "love bombing" because they saw it online and in reality I'm just a Labrador puppy with trust issues.
I don’t tolerate opposite gender relationships with my partner either. Just be with someone who has the same values. There’s nothing wrong with it.
uhm.... is this narcissist thing a new epidemic in the psychology field? I mean, statistically, how many narcissists there are, I mean, diagnosed ones? And is this considered to be unhealable? I mean why do we talk so rough about disabled people... All the groups online that I was in were for discussing narcissistic stuff and were filled with people who seem sooooo narcissistic themselves just showing up their wounds in relationships that happened first of all in their families.
I don't like this fashion stuff about cluster B people. If we talk about narcissistic people, we can say they have relational wounds, if we talk about real narcissists then we talk about how they can adjust in life even, if without the opportunity to really heal. According to statistics, it's 0.5-1% of the population affected by NPD disorder, 1 person among ~150.
Anyway, I find it ok that it is covered as well, we live in an era where narcissistic behavior is rather celebrated than viewed in a real light. I also like that some diagnosed narcissistic people are writing books and leading seminars about this topic and so on. :)) Another great video and thumbs up.
Mmmm... just to note, narcissistic behavior can be healed and slowly turned into healthy narcissistic behavior, so :)) I mean, because all cluster B stuff belongs to relational disorders.
The best strategy is to forget about people & get a dog. Woof
I think I took that one a little too far: I have seven😮😅❤❤❤
Best decision of my life tho!
Or a Cat. Meow
Woof
Bow wow...
Little tip don't read the comments on this channel lol