STOP DOING THIS- NOW.

Have you ever been told to "just be more confident"?
How did it make you feel?
I’m told there are confidence coaches who specialize in building this trait. I don't know them or their work, so this isn’t about them. This is my personal take on confidence.
Telling people to be confident drives me nuts. Let me explain why.
What Is confidence, really?
The dictionary defines confidence as:
(i) Complete trust or belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.
(ii) Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
Notice something?
Confidence often relates to belief in something or someone else. Even the etymology of the word focuses on others, not self. Yet, in today’s world, we talk about self-confidence all the time.
The Problem with "Be More Confident"
In business, confidence is often misused to undermine others or elevate oneself. This misuse can have lasting negative effects on those who are told to "be more confident."
As leaders, our role should be to guide, listen, direct, and educate-not to judge someone’s confidence level.
A Personal Perspective
Let me share something personal.
I’m an introvert. Yes, those who know me may find it surprising.
I can project extroversion when needed, but my true confidence comes from an inner calm. It’s not about being the loudest voice in the room or having a big personality.
It’s about my inner dialogue, my personal achievements, and my values.
Confidence Is Personal
Confidence is internal. It cannot be given, taken, or even coached. It's about how we feel about ourselves, not how others perceive us. Many of us give others permission to take away our confidence. That’s the real challenge.
Ponder this...
Have you ever told someone to be “more confident”?
What was your intention?
How do you develop your own confidence?
Do you agree that confidence is more about inner belief than external projection?
Keep confidence away from your demands on others.
Confidence is not about extroversion, loudness, or gregariousness. It’s about an inner calm and assurance in our abilities. My confidence comes from believing in what I have to say, standing by my values, and not allowing others to undermine me.
What about you?
How do you define and nurture your confidence?