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For me, it was the inner child part. Like yeah, we can be masochists and have dirty thoughts that are fun now, but our childhood self who didn't even know the concept of enjoying pain, also used to have fun, and that type of fun, goofing around, feels so right. The older I get I've always just looked back and cringed at younger me's actions, but now I'm just proud. I miss how expressive I was, especially the weirder cringey stuff.
What if you don't even know who you really are yet? (Context: I'm in my early 30s and I spent my 20s, let's just say lost, so now I'm essentially playing catch up much later in life and I don't even know who I am ).
@@UnfazedPhoenix I don't think Most people know themselves unless they go inside and get to know who they are. I'm almost 67 .. and really still getting to know me. I'm Really Honest .. so that helps :)
“People like fakeness more than authenticity. But they will never love fakeness. And fakeness will destroy you inside.” This pretty much summed up my life experience. Needed to hear it.
Fakeness won't make people ever respect you in life. People will respect you more if you speak your mind and have an actual opinion. Also people should earn you liking them not the other way around. Stop trying to convince people to like you. I don't care if anyone likes me they can be my friend or not. I'll live my own life in my own way.
Shoo I've been hated and disliked for being me, but, I've also been deeply loved for being me. I realize the people who dont like me are people I dont actually want to like me anyways 😂
@@FitnessGuru91yes! I dont care to be liked anymore, I command respect though even if it makes me unlikable but people dont f around and find out with me 😂
Imagine having a communications teacher like Julien in college to help with presentations, and class speeches in front of your whole class that would be awesome.
@@kurokigensai7 To me it would in my opinion he would help everyone to get over the hump with time and little by little you may improve. I'll take him any day. Someone who actually takes his time for you to just let go and drop the front.
Anyone who tells you that he has a solution, a cure, a system, a therapy, a course, framework, religion, love, empathy or rules for life - is a glorified con-artist. Probably a psychopathic narcissist. And anyone who tells you this is out for your money and adulation. He seeks either narcissistic supply or power, or money. They want your subservient admiration and everything you have, because they are merciless and callous, & they are very sick people. 🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
If I was being real in front of this guy i would be either the goofiness one in the room or I'd be in tears. I'm either emotional angry/sad, or in a good mood with a silly level over 9000.
My new therapist made me realize that I'm a people pleaser. I already knew that I had severe anxiety for other things but she pointed out that trying to please everyone has been adding to my anxiety. Thanks for your work!
Well we're all people pleasers at some points in our lives so your therapist is kind of full of it to be honest. They're leaving out too much information and being vague with you. Which is why I don't like therapy anymore. It's very restrictive, controlled, and vague and it's basically a program so they can get their golden ticket paycheck at the end of it or at your expense.
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 well this was just during some conversation we were having. The real therapy she does is EMDR therapy and she's very good at it.
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 Problem comes how to be self expressive. And it was at this point that American capitalism decided it was going to step in and help these new individuals to express themselves. And in the process make a lot of money. We were asking people to think about things that they had never taught about before and they liked thinking about them. Like what motivated them, what was important to them. 🎞 The Century of the Self (2002)
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 dont be so quick to judge. This was during a brief conversation with her. She does EMDR therapy primarily and she's very good at it.
Julien, let the man talk. It was a brave moment for him to get up and speak, but you wouldn’t let him. Instead you continued to point out to the everyone that he was shy and anxious. The kind of experience that actually makes people retreat into themselves and lose confidence. Make this a proud moment for him, not a moment to be embarrassed about.
I absolutely agree! that guy was confident to begin with, he would have easily given the 30 sec. fow talk! Julien wanted him to screw it up so he could preach but he was doing well hence the interruption and demotivation was needed... sad!
@@wiene03rgit looked more to me like the dude was going to be able to speak decently well. But his task wasnt too speak well it was to be authentic to himself and when julian noticed thats not what he was doing he interrupted
I actually thought the same at first, but that was the persona he learned to fake presenting. It's very convincing and of course we're all conditioned to expect and "admire" that. Julien wanted him to speak from his heart not be entertaining. Julien is also human and has his own insecurities and flaws so I agree was a little harsh
Thanks for your work, Julien! I'm tired of being a people pleaser and always struggling to have my family and friend's approval. I opened up about this to my closest friend and he told me the same thing as you: I don't need to chase people's approval, first love and say to myself that I'm good enough.
@@JulienHimselfIt’s so easy to say and think and imagine but when it comes to the moment itself the feelings takes over. I feel so un comfortabel, stressed. I’m also a highly sensitive person so I feel these negative emotions so much more. It’s so complex, there could be so many reasons why I feel this way. I want to be able so badly to not care and just be authentic. But at the same time I am just a caring person. I care about this world and people. On the other side it is actually destroying me to care and analyse everything so much. I am lost…
@@daphnialxs3918 You have to accept these uncomfortable feelings. To embrace them. That's what Julien says in the "letting go" part. And btw this what almost every "spiritual leader" such as Eckhart Tolle and the likes say as well. The reason they all say this is because it's true. You have inner work to do. When the discomfort starts, pay attention to it. Face it. It's like going to a gym (only in this case, the gym is within). It's painful, but over time the muscles grow and you get better. At some point the pain won't scare you anymore. You'll smile or even laugh at it because you know that ultimately it's totally harmless and it will go away anyway. It's only so powerful because you are trying to avoid it. This fear gives it power. Not the feeling itself. They way out is through. Much love ❤️! You are already waking up, so don't worry. You'll make it!
I'm a nice guy bcoz I'm very polite and respectful with everyone. But I'm not a people pleaser as I'm very comfortable in my own skin. I always mind my own business and I don't seek others approval to make myself feel better. So my point is, you can still be a nice guy without being a people pleaser. Be nice, but also set your boundaries at the same time.
@@ernestopulido864No you just assumed instead of listening and internalizing what he was really getting at. That comment doesn't contradict anything Julian says whatsoever. They're both correct.
Thank you Julien. I've never seen anyone tackle anxiety, insecurity and especially AUTHENTICITY the way you do. Your voice is one that is more needed than ever in this world.
I definitely see myself in you Julien. I was so shy and now I'm a public speaker too. It's what makes me feel so alive. I still struggle with wanting to be liked but I am not inauthentic to get approval. I watch these videos because it's so satisfying to see the transformation in people. You are amazing at what you do. Kind but strong enough to battle ego.
I would cry if I was called . And yes when the people get called I feel so much anxiety that there feeling and it makes me feel like I have to go up there and It’s so hard to watch
Yeah, same here. Don't get me wrong, I think this guy's great - but, words and logic don't help my anxiety. I know there's nothing to be afraid of, rationally. But, simply 'knowing' this stuff isn't effective and I've read and watched a lot on this topic. 'Doing' is the only thing effective for me. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Diet. Exercise. Medication. But, in terms of motivation, light at the end of the tunnel, this dude is very good.
The guy on stage was super natural and fun and authentic. Not so Julian, he seems to actually want to control every situation and didn't like that the other could also flow well and tried to put him down but the guy was too confident about himself to take it, what made Julian even more obsessed to show him, very narcisistic and full of himself. Seems to me he is actually someone who probably is trying to impress more than any other and might still want to impress more than he believes himself.
Being Loud Obnoxious and opinionated has got me into a lot of trouble in the past. I used to be worried about everything, everyone and have reached the point to where I don't care anymore and it feels wonderful.
This is the way! I think it’s crazy how NOT opinionated everyone is. No one wants to disturb calm waters but opinions are what change the world! At least in my opinion 😉
@@Peeingstickymilk "People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of." (YT sclera 74)
@@ranc1977 and doesn’t it make you think “who’s running the show?!” Like who is this ideal person we are all trying to pretend to be for on another in yet all of our true selfs are nothing like this fictional character. Why do we do this to ourselves 😂
@@Peeingstickymilk Due to social pressure. We end up building fake social mask to impress others. But "others" is spectrum, and no one will ever be good enough for ALL people. We can never ever please others, there will always be critics and someone mad at us for our opinion or actions - even when we are immobile and hikikomori and do nothing in life - people will still hate us for it. The solution is to acknowledge ourselves and ask ourselves what is value and moral and ethical standard. Not the masses herd mentality group think - will always keep us oppressed and ashamed of who we are.
Nah man this is just one of many examples of real psychology and self help people around the world. Try Daniel Mackler and Ryan Cropper. Those two changed my life just the same way Julian is changing yours. Might not resonate with everyone but I know someone will find these recommendations helpful.
I'm a little bit shocked on how he was trying to beat the self esteem guy's down to prove his point.... Really useful info, really raw way to try and prove himself right
00:00 🚪 Create a safe space to drop the facade and be authentic. 01:35 🎭 De-validate the fake front and embrace realness. 04:47 💡 Trying to maintain a perfect facade creates anxiety and pressure. 07:47 💔 Authenticity may repel some, but it's crucial for self-fulfillment. 10:21 🤥 Seeking universal approval leads to a fake persona. 12:24 💎 Authenticity is valued because it's rare in a world of fakeness. 16:30 🧒 Honor your inner child and prioritize self-validation over pleasing others. 18:30 🔄 Redefine "cool" as authenticity, owning everything about yourself. 20:40 🙅♂ Don't shy away from uncomfortable truths about your past experiences. 22:34 🎭 Validate authenticity, even if it means revealing insecurities or vulnerabilities. 24:14 😌 Acknowledging and owning your truths can alleviate anxiety and lighten your emotional load. 25:18 🤔 Practice social intelligence by discerning when and how to share personal truths appropriately.
This is the first time julian has popped up on my feed in years... glad to see you doing well. Your speaches helped me find "the real me" after 30 years of masking autism and adhd... and you were right. MFs be jello as hell. I might not have a lot of friends right now... that just means my schedule has opened up to finding real friends that appreciate me for me.
I learned this the hard way with a job. I do awesome at interviews. Got the job. I went in the first day and put my “best foot forward.” Every one was like….. she is AMAZING! Then when I finally showed my regular daily self …everyone thought something was wrong with me. They thought I was sick or something. It actually sabotaged my job. My next job, I purposely was rather bland in my interview. My first few days, I just acted like my average self. Then when I did something cool… everyone was pleasantly surprised but didn’t hold me to an impossible standard.
That's a great observation of yourself. I guess just a few would acknoledge this about themselves! I'm just a simple and ugly guy. I work as a kitchen assistant. I don't tell to myself: - today i'm going to grill and sell 1000 beefs and chicken slices. I don't expect myself to do something good or extraordinary at my job or anywhere else. Whatever comes out of it, i literally call it profit or gain. If my boss says something good about something i just did, i just say: - Thank God! One less problem for me to deal with today! - Then the restaurant manager always replies: - Hey, Andrew. You need to accept the compliments. When you live and don't expect absolutely nothing, everything will feel good for you. If someone says that he's living the life to the fullest, he's lying to himself.
What's tricky for me is being around too many anxious/angry people and having to battle with turning into one. Its such a common occurrence to be authentic and get dog-piled by other people's insecurities.
It takes practice to observe and not absorb. I have a really toxic, energy draining neighbor and I was worn out from listening to her complain yesterday. When we parted and I returned home, I washed my hands and released any “residual energy” a simple grounding practice. It was a physical snap to keep from ruminating or thinking about her at all and got back into my own, authentic emotions. Be well Xx
For me helping to be me is to accept that I myself must also stop judging others just like I fear they will judge me. Also, who are afraid of authentic people? Narcissists. Who love to controle people pleasers? Narcissists.
With children nowadays, we need seminars in the schools or as events for the kids to hear this. As a 17-year old senior at a high school, I’ve certainly dealt with/ am still dealing with these kinds of issues.
Deleting socials can actually come with negative side effects. Having a decent social media page will actually give you huge reputation buffs for very low effort.
@@nothanks5520 it's just social media hell most of the adults still have this issue of hiding behind some mask they all or most majority experience some bullying in school , even if it wasn't harsh the negative reaction from others even just affected us in someway, we got defensive, we started being self-concious and as he says we lock that inner child as we grow up, we got that if we do this = bad reaction, if make a mistake = people see you bad etc.. it happens eitherway without social media social media can just make it worse, amplies things
-We are used to receiving validation when we are being fake. There is no need to keep a fake mask when you're in the same room as men in the same situation as you. -Authenticity is putting your real self out there and being able to take a hit when some people dont dig that. -Express yourself freely in every instance, whether you are feeling nervous or stiff -Self-love is putting your mental wellbeing above the possibility of annoying others
"You experience anxiety when you have something to hide." - That fresh perspective blew my mind away. Thank you for that. Now I’m off to ponder about it and thinking of ways how I am abusing my inner child so I can take the steps towards changing it. Thank you Julien
Ahh, if I spoke, said or acted toward anyone (loved one’s included) the way I actually feel or want to, spoke to the ppl I’m around what’s really on my mind I’d be arrested. The reason almost everyone put’s on a “fake” persona when talking/interacting in public is to safe guard ourselves from being in legal trouble. Being fake keeps you a free person!
Just parts of you that are bottling up undealt with anger bro. If you got help with that, then maybe you'd realise your truths aren't only destructive. Look up internal family systems, it's a really easy way of going into it. Being fake is the worst prison - even if a man is in prison, he could still be a free man inside himself. That's what it means to be truly free. ❤
My take (from my own experiences and this video): Authenticity takes courage. You have that courage. Courage because even thought some will love you, some will not!!!!!!!
People never love or not love you yourself, they love or hate your courage, to be who you are. Because they then ask themselves: "If he managed to do it, why can't I do it too?" And then there is a small voice in us that asks: "Why do I really feel like I can't do this? What inside me keeps whispering to me that I can't?." It is quite similar to when a parent and a child see a child playing enthusiastically in a playground and the child asks: "Why am I not allowed to play?" And the parent, instead of allowing him, simply makes the other child stop playing and then flatten the playground completely so that no children will play in it and that he will not have to answer the question again. why? Because there is really no answer to the question the child asked. Why did he act this way? Because that's how his parents acted upon him.
Ok, when Julien said who can come flow for 30 seconds. Then the dude in the white shirt came up. He was nervous but had the front. Then Julien kept interrupting and carrying on. I think it would have been more effective to let the dude have his 30 seconds first. Also, even if he had a bit of a front, it takes courage to face our fears and be the willing to be the guinea pig when you know your going to get crituqued. I dont disagree with what was said, just could have been done a bit more respectfully. I get it, why tip toe around people's feelings, and all that. Idk, just my 2 cents.
But why do you think it would be more effective that way? You know the guy? You put yourself in his shoes and thought about it? You are not that guy in front of the audience, and you have no idea of what would be more effective. Yes, Julien could be a little bit more respectful, but he decided not to be like that and to show how the guy is pretending to be someone else instead (without waiting an approval of his actions in front of the audience). Stay true to yourself. All the best. Bulat.
@@Bulat_Bno he didn’t even give the guy a change to say anything enough and he’s assuming he’s clearly nervous. he was doing fine until oppressed w crazy aggressive alpha manipulative bullshit what a fucking dickhole plus scam
@@Bulat_Bi agree with you, plus julien had said in the beginning of the session that he will de-validate fakeness and validate being real so that was his technique
This guy: Asks audience member a question Audience member: Barely starts talkin: " ..." This dude: " -Don't. Don't...! You haven't said a word but you're already doing something wrong...!" Then proceeds to compound on audience member's insecurities while proving why people feel anxiety around others.
This brought tears to my eyes. Not of joy, but seeing and feeling the raw fears, vulnerabilities, childhood wounds, core beliefs, cognitive distortions coming to the immediate surface. How healing this is!
Regarding loudness you have to consider people don't always appreciate it for other reasons than being shy or reserved. Sometimes it's simply overwhelming and literally physically uncomfortable, just like too loud music isn't pleasurable and it starts to hurt. There is a difference between being overly loud and overly timid. Overly loud, even if you don't try to win someone over can still be too much.
Hi, Swiss guy here too... :D I'd like to note something you might not agree with, on how you react with their un-eased attitude. Don't you think pushing hard someone who's relatively shy is a little off-topic? I mean, I agree with you on how we need to acknowledge our own "fakeness" and work on it. But as someone who's struggled both to find my real-me and with my self-critic mentality since a very very young age, I think you're also confusing fake shy attitude for shyness. Moreover, I could literally turn the card back at you saying you do this and that when you're on stage, that you wouldn't need to do if you were 100% real. This is judgmental at worse and clumsy at best. But be careful not to judge too fast others' behavior based on your own biases. Thanks though for sharing this speech with us!
Shyness is not the same as social anxiety. And being shy is not bad. What can be bad is the consequences in social situations, and the behavior you do or don’t do. I would say embrace the shy part of you, and practice showing and doing the behavior you want to do in your daily life.
I am saving this to a playlist to re-watch and remind myself while I work on finding who I am. I am trying to heal a lot of trauma and I resonated with being a social chameleon and that getting along with everyone is fake. I realize that I do voice my opinions on things I believe in, but if someone responds with the opposite opinion, instead of maintaining my stance, I go quiet and just let them say it without giving my response so I don't create conflict in the discussion as a coping mechanism from my childhood. Absolute epiphany. I am a people pleaser, anxious attacher, overthinking person because I never feel like I'm good enough, that I'm a burden on my family, and that if I can't do something perfectly I'll fail and failure is not an option. I have a lot of work to do and this has already helped me so much.
Do you not think the problem is that people can no longer be there authentic self because of the anxiety of being perceived as anything else but their authentic self, and that in itself is the struggle of fighting and overcoming being perceived as a shaking mess as that is not you in normal life or in your comfort zone.
Hello from a danish stranger It's 7 am and I haven't been able to get sleep. I suck at getting my life together and I wish I could just help myself better. I don't know if the video helped me but it did start me reflecting upon my life and relationships, so that's something. You are a really cool person Julien and I hope I can achieve the same level of comfortableness as you one day. It would be awesome to meet you, wish I could. Idk what's going on in my mind. I'm just really tired.goodnight.
Yeah, that's what helped me the most. The people in my past wouldn't have done what they did if they cared about me. Especially my family. Once I accepted that I've only ever been a mark or a useful tool and let go of the idea that anyone will ever love me, I started to climb out of CPTSD cycles.
I loved finding this video. I was so damm shy when a child and I learned how to be myself all the time and not care to please anyone. That led me to naturally end up with some amazing group of friends, wife, and only family members that I really do care about and have perfect tunning. This way, I rarely disappoint anyone because they already expect that of me. All relationships which are built on truth we can always be relaxed and ourselves all the time. The best thing ever was to accept myself how and who I am and feel each moment!
I feel like what you're saying is totally opposite of the social media adviceses and I love that. Social media says that we should love ourselfs but in order to do that we should change the way we dress, the way we sit or basically the way we look. I was trying to be 'that girl' for loving myself and I still am occasionally but I feel like your message needs to be all over social media because we don't need no pressure to express ourselfs
yeah ok, i got the point. but at some momemts id have said " shut up, you put me in front of people and only forgot to pull my pants down or what?" especially in a different language? only to hear something that you call authenticity? shyness can also be authentic. its not always the shy persons mistake. rudeness under the flag of authenticity is in my eyes a lack of respect in some way. you dudes did amazing, i wouldnt wanted to be in your position. nevertheless, i got the point, but with hard methodes, those dudes had to go through. nevertheless, thanks for your video 😊 hopp schwitz, grüsse aus Österreich 🎉
Yeah, the exercise and steps they go through is really good. Still, you don’t need to be like someone else or show certain characteristics that are valued as good. Maybe they will get there, everything and all is okay and good.
I have adhd and asd so unfortunately me being real me and dropping the front equals ALOT of people correcting me, telling to do things differently, getting mad at me for doing, saying things too honestly, or simply doing things differently, or trying to make me put back on my fake front bcs my normal self means not normal for the normie. Damn people..
I love this this literally me in 26 minutes. I spoke of a lot of insecurities I have and now I can start working on the root of the problem. Thank you sir
Because we live in a world of entrepreneurial trust me projection, but behind closed doors a different person. Vulnerability and authenticity makes people really uncomfortable because they fear their front and reputation will be exposed. YET, they insist on something they know very little about: transparency. It's so one-sided. When people ask me how I am I tell them and they run away. It's about running away from emotions and that includes the emotions of others. Narcissists love to bring down authentic people too.
Oh Julien you are a breath of fresh air. You cannot imagine how my heart is resonating with your words, I feel like it is time for me to drop the social mask I've been wearing for so long thinking i'd receive love .. Guess what ? I only received rejection and hate, I was so mad - but now I understand that's because I was expressing from behind the mask and not from my authentic self. A part of me (my heart) is jumping (beating) with joy that I finally understood this. Thank you, Soni
Julien, you are one of the best at making people be themselves. Shyness and awkwardness stifle our personalities, and the only thing that can break our social barriers is by talking to people.
I think the hardest part is when everyone thinks you are being fake, but you are actually being genuine. There are some people who are just genuinely likable, and they really don’t care if people like them or not. But because they seem to get along with most people, everyone assumes they are fake. Kind of a sucky place to live. I’ve actually started purposely being an ass to people just so they think I’m genuine, when I’m actually having to be fake because of people like this.
I have been faking all my life to be nice to people who are never nice to me. but the fear overwhelmed me, to be who i am supposed to be.from now on my mentally has changed I won't stop being nice but I will definitely stop people taking advantage of my nature.Thank for waking me up!!😊oh and my favourite movie is the passion of Christ.
Julien is awesome for creating this channel, so many people can relate to feelings of insecurities or being a people pleaser. I learn a lot just from watching these episodes
Recently I came to the realisation that I am a PEOPLE PLEASER. I have always considered myself to be a nice guy but all my actions were initiated with an aim to serve the interests of others in exchange for short term validation. Today I comprehended the damage that I was doing. Even though I have always felt naturally confident, I have never been at complete ease with social interactions (over the last untold years). I could never put my finger on it as to why. The REALISATION hit me that this uncomfortableness had nothing to do with my confidence and everything to do with my LOW SELF ESTEEM. All this time I thought this people pleasing was doing me good, when in reality it was the very thing hurting me more than anything else. I had been neglecting myself, my own interests and therefore, being my own bully. I now realise the importance of acting in accordance to what I want; being true to myself. People will either like me or not, that’s not my decision to make; I have to be comfortable with this. It’s better to not be liked for being me than to be liked for being this fake character.
Thank you Julien, amazing content. Based on this, I think that I have a lack of self confidence that goes deep, it controlled my life so far such that I always tried to prove to myself, by means of external approval, that I was worthy of being appreciated. You are right, I kept looking for the next "fix" like a drug addict, without being able to get out of this loop, to get to the root of the problem. I hope that realizing this now will help me move on.
So glad I came across your channel. I'm literally tired of my people pleasing habit. Working on it for the last two years. I used to apologise for everything lol. Love from India 🇮🇳
Hi, Julien. I remember when I stopped being myself: 4th grade. School became harder. Puberty started hitting. I was starting to get fat. I was still full of life, but I was constantly getting in trouble for being loud. I wasn't mean or a bully. I was just loud. Getting in constant trouble and having a difficult relationship with my Dad, (he had a severe confidence and inferiority complex,) caused my brain to completely rewire. Got picked on a lot, too, trying to be funny to try to get them to like me. So, that was the time the real me was thrown in a dark dungeon, and the fake me took over. Completely. Now, I can barely talk to anyone, without my vocal cords tightening up and fear wracking my whole body. I'm going to try and be myself. I'M SCARED AS F***... but I'm ALWAYS full of fear, anyway, so why not just be myself? What's the difference, right? 🥴 Thank you, for your videos. Thanks, for your bravery.
When I was working in a call center company before, I had a team mate who's very opposite to the vast majority. She doesn't care if she looks outdated, and even not cared about being presentable to everyone. I thought she was just ignoring us coz or she thinks of herself as above us. However, I now realize that she just doesn't please people. She can have a different views from our topics and not care if someone gets mad at her. She's just being authentically herself. That is the best key take away that I've learned from this video. Thank you so much for showing us this!
Mostly we are pretending to be someone else then we are because of the fear which is running in our body-mind system and very often we are not even aware of it. It's not just that I wanna be liked by others, first and foremost I wanna feel safe that's why I pretend to be someone else. And very often under the fear it's a lot of buried hurt from childhood which most adults are terrified to face. From my own inner work and from a woman perspective gentle and soft approach it is crucial if it comes to feeling these buried emotions.
My boyfriend introduced me to your videos and in the beginning I thought you were a real douche. This morning I found myself waking up depressed and clicking on your video and now feeling SO MUCH BETTER. Really great video. You’re amazing at what you do. You’re like opening up a portal into a world of authenticity and aliveness Thank you!
Eh, I think it’s a balance. Just started a new job and I’m a bit more careful, and become more authentic with people individually when I sense they’re down with it. There is such a thing as being too authentic (thanks alcohol).
True I’m guilty of this. I try not to trauma dump when I’m having a bad day but it’s not easy! Luckily I have great relationships with the people I work with and it’s nice that we feel safe enough to express ourselves (I’m not alone in doing it!)
Yeah I work at a coal mine. If I were to be more "authentic" then I'd probably end up getting in a full blown fight and possibly losing my job. Not to mention the headache of having to face it over and over again day after day because now these meat and potato heads got their little sparkly sprinkle fairy glitter egos "challenged." People are hypocritical is the problem and don't like to be challenged to where you just lose family members and jobs now a days. Authenticity has essentially become a regulated, robotic, and programmed "entity."
I've said it once and I'm going to say it again. Knowledge comes from the most unexpected of places. Julien is a desert rose. May god and the universe bless him
Nothing cures social anxiety and masking like extreme burnout. I’m at the point I really don’t give a fack what people think of me anymore. I don’t have the energy to care. It’s liberating.
Love the work being done here. To present this differently but in the same thread...the idea is to get so good with ourselves that we do not feel the need to hide things about ourselves. Shame, guilt and grief are feelings we all share. To own it is to address it and use forgiveness + acceptance to treat it. Integration of the shadow is another way to frame this. Vulnerability is a powerful thing because by doing it first, you are not only loving yourself with forgiveness and acceptance...but you are also inviting others to be vulnerable by example. Mirror neurons at play.
Julien I watched the majority of videos where you put people on the spot and I really wonder what they enjoy more: to be authentic in front of a crowd or the intimacy you create in order to get them to do that… if I was there on stage and you’d ask me these questions that show so much care I would have butterflies
Amazing seminar, I really needed to hear this. I just started doing RUclips videos and I really noticed in the first recoding the fear within me of being real and authentic. I still don’t like how antsy I get particularly on the higher amounts of caffeine but I did notice a massive improvement from my first to second recording once I let the guard down some. Talking into the camera seems daunting somewhat but also therapeutic and seemingly an effective way at slowly building communication skills as you can see the visual signs of nervousness anxiety etc and improve.
The problem with this "when did you turn into such a shy, anxious person?" question is that I really don't know. I may have actually been born like this. Even in primary school, I was not a social person and did not have many friends. I would always only have one close friend and I wouldn't need anyone else. The first time I remember having to speak in front of the class was in 5th grade. The teacher couldn't understand my name, I was trying to explain the book summary. And while this was happening, I was sweating and shaking. I was repeating the same sentence 2-3 times. I mean, I've always been like this. It just got harder over time. At first I just couldn't speak in front of the class. Afterwards, it became difficult to answer questions in class. Then, I started to not be able to read out loud anything that was written in the book. Now I can't make friends in class. When I was little, I could go and talk if I wanted, I just didn't want to. Now I can't do it even though I want to. I think something is really wrong with me LMAOOO. My uncle has panic attacks and my aunt has anxiety. Maybe it's due to genes, I don't know. That's why I think I can't change. I think I'll spend my whole life like this.
He was. But you'll notice these self-improvement/authenticity performers seem to have a mild allergy to people already having the answers. They mock and almost gaslight them into being something they're not. Notice how triggered they get especially if the crowd likes the person.
@@mubeenreminders7220isn’t this plain to everyone? Are comments being deleted by julian lol. Latching on this poor swismans hands embracing was hard to watch
I had a similar experience. That the guy on white is being over talked, and forced into the frame. So gaslighting etc. but I’m not exactly sure about it, it might be a correct observation by Julian also. I’ve seen similar situations with other coaches where it’s just bullying and power techniques.
Being a people pleaser for me has been kind of because of fear of confrontation. I have no problem saying things that I really feel, but I often sugarcoat them because I don’t know people will react. The times I don’t, I haven’t known how to deal with it. I’d love to see him cover that
Aaaaaahhhhh ...... such explicit truth! So very often in my life "giving to gain" causing myself and many a great deal of pain. And now I need to learn to let go - surrender - and let that inner Golden Child of mine out - listen, love, be guided by him ... nourish him. A long life lived and addicted to my Mr. Nice Guy syndrome - draining, constant inner battles, silent and 'polite' living frustrations WTF ... let go - thanks for the high quality and enlightening inspiration
I never watch random video on YB, but when i searched for a video i saw this one and yes men i opened it with "hell yes! I need this" ! Imagine if we let it go like the dudes in the movie? they don't over care.. they smile only when they have to... they don't laugh if the joke was not good or even when it's not funny... Just imgine how much good our life would be! Even now when i am writing this comment i am feeling like, what if my grammar was incorrect??? wtf why should i even care? english is not my mother tongue! Thank you sir for this video! edit: and also then i liked my own comment. why do i care, why do we care if someone liked our comment or not what's wrong if people don't like my comment or i mean whatever! ... This is one of few videos that changed my life i swear!
This usually happens with age. I'm 50 now and feel much more comfortable being myself. Wasn't always that way. And I can understand how young men feel this way. They have pressure to find their identity, look/be cool, fit in, find a mate, make money. But you already have an identity, and essence. Your were born with it. Julien really does have a great message. If I could have done it sooner in life, it would have been better for me. Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
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OMG..haha..'ya everyone is looking at you." then gets him to stand up "You have a look at them too!" - I LOVE THAT!! TOO GOOD!!!
For me, it was the inner child part. Like yeah, we can be masochists and have dirty thoughts that are fun now, but our childhood self who didn't even know the concept of enjoying pain, also used to have fun, and that type of fun, goofing around, feels so right. The older I get I've always just looked back and cringed at younger me's actions, but now I'm just proud. I miss how expressive I was, especially the weirder cringey stuff.
What if you don't even know who you really are yet? (Context: I'm in my early 30s and I spent my 20s, let's just say lost, so now I'm essentially playing catch up much later in life and I don't even know who I am ).
That people prefer fake over authentic. That just explains soooo much to me
@@UnfazedPhoenix I don't think Most people know themselves unless they go inside and get to know who they are. I'm almost 67 .. and really still getting to know me. I'm Really Honest .. so that helps :)
“People like fakeness more than authenticity. But they will never love fakeness. And fakeness will destroy you inside.” This pretty much summed up my life experience. Needed to hear it.
❤❤❤
Same David
Fakeness won't make people ever respect you in life. People will respect you more if you speak your mind and have an actual opinion. Also people should earn you liking them not the other way around. Stop trying to convince people to like you. I don't care if anyone likes me they can be my friend or not. I'll live my own life in my own way.
Shoo I've been hated and disliked for being me, but, I've also been deeply loved for being me. I realize the people who dont like me are people I dont actually want to like me anyways 😂
@@FitnessGuru91yes! I dont care to be liked anymore, I command respect though even if it makes me unlikable but people dont f around and find out with me 😂
Imagine having a communications teacher like Julien in college to help with presentations, and class speeches in front of your whole class that would be awesome.
that would not be aewesome, he would devalidate everyone, only authentic allowed
that would not be aewesome, he would devalidate everyone, only authentic allowed
@@kurokigensai7 To me it would in my opinion he would help everyone to get over the hump with time and little by little you may improve. I'll take him any day. Someone who actually takes his time for you to just let go and drop the front.
Anyone who tells you that he has a solution, a cure, a system, a therapy, a course, framework, religion, love, empathy or rules for life - is a glorified con-artist. Probably a psychopathic narcissist. And anyone who tells you this is out for your money and adulation. He seeks either narcissistic supply or power, or money. They want your subservient admiration and everything you have, because they are merciless and callous, & they are very sick people.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
If I was being real in front of this guy i would be either the goofiness one in the room or I'd be in tears. I'm either emotional angry/sad, or in a good mood with a silly level over 9000.
The day you are liked by everyone is the day you are the most fake person alive.
This is the best part...
Kim k
IshowSpeed
Fakeness can only go so far before the mask falls off... and I hate fake people so perhaps not everyone
impressive how the guys body language changed after he spoke out and was honest. he looked up a lot more and fidgeted less with his arms
Read your bible! (KJV, preferably) ❤️
My new therapist made me realize that I'm a people pleaser. I already knew that I had severe anxiety for other things but she pointed out that trying to please everyone has been adding to my anxiety. Thanks for your work!
BBC Century of Self (2002)
Well we're all people pleasers at some points in our lives so your therapist is kind of full of it to be honest. They're leaving out too much information and being vague with you. Which is why I don't like therapy anymore. It's very restrictive, controlled, and vague and it's basically a program so they can get their golden ticket paycheck at the end of it or at your expense.
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 well this was just during some conversation we were having. The real therapy she does is EMDR therapy and she's very good at it.
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 Problem comes how to be self expressive. And it was at this point that American capitalism decided it was going to step in and help these new individuals to express themselves. And in the process make a lot of money.
We were asking people to think about things that they had never taught about before and they liked thinking about them. Like what motivated them, what was important to them.
🎞 The Century of the Self (2002)
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 dont be so quick to judge. This was during a brief conversation with her. She does EMDR therapy primarily and she's very good at it.
Julien, let the man talk. It was a brave moment for him to get up and speak, but you wouldn’t let him. Instead you continued to point out to the everyone that he was shy and anxious. The kind of experience that actually makes people retreat into themselves and lose confidence. Make this a proud moment for him, not a moment to be embarrassed about.
I absolutely agree! that guy was confident to begin with, he would have easily given the 30 sec. fow talk! Julien wanted him to screw it up so he could preach but he was doing well hence the interruption and demotivation was needed... sad!
yeah this is the first of this guy's videos i've seen and it was cool for a few minutes until that lmfao what a dick move
@@wiene03rgit looked more to me like the dude was going to be able to speak decently well. But his task wasnt too speak well it was to be authentic to himself and when julian noticed thats not what he was doing he interrupted
I actually thought the same at first, but that was the persona he learned to fake presenting. It's very convincing and of course we're all conditioned to expect and "admire" that. Julien wanted him to speak from his heart not be entertaining.
Julien is also human and has his own insecurities and flaws so I agree was a little harsh
Thanks for your work, Julien! I'm tired of being a people pleaser and always struggling to have my family and friend's approval. I opened up about this to my closest friend and he told me the same thing as you: I don't need to chase people's approval, first love and say to myself that I'm good enough.
You're so welcome! And yes, it comes down to valuing your own wellbeing and learning how to LET GO of being so attached to external validation... 👌
You’re lucky to have such a friend.
I ❤ your realness bro! I'm taking your courage to be real today.
@@JulienHimselfIt’s so easy to say and think and imagine but when it comes to the moment itself the feelings takes over. I feel so un comfortabel, stressed. I’m also a highly sensitive person so I feel these negative emotions so much more. It’s so complex, there could be so many reasons why I feel this way. I want to be able so badly to not care and just be authentic. But at the same time I am just a caring person. I care about this world and people. On the other side it is actually destroying me to care and analyse everything so much. I am lost…
@@daphnialxs3918 You have to accept these uncomfortable feelings. To embrace them. That's what Julien says in the "letting go" part. And btw this what almost every "spiritual leader" such as Eckhart Tolle and the likes say as well. The reason they all say this is because it's true. You have inner work to do. When the discomfort starts, pay attention to it. Face it. It's like going to a gym (only in this case, the gym is within). It's painful, but over time the muscles grow and you get better. At some point the pain won't scare you anymore. You'll smile or even laugh at it because you know that ultimately it's totally harmless and it will go away anyway. It's only so powerful because you are trying to avoid it. This fear gives it power. Not the feeling itself. They way out is through. Much love ❤️! You are already waking up, so don't worry. You'll make it!
“A friend to all is a friend to none”
-Thorin Oakenshield
I'm a nice guy bcoz I'm very polite and respectful with everyone. But I'm not a people pleaser as I'm very comfortable in my own skin. I always mind my own business and I don't seek others approval to make myself feel better.
So my point is, you can still be a nice guy without being a people pleaser. Be nice, but also set your boundaries at the same time.
I totally agree with you; a lot of people confuse authenticity and self reliance with arrogance and rudeness.
Wow, exactly what I think. Thank you for posting this comment. 🙏🏽❤️
Ur 💯 correct, having manners and being respectful to others is not being fake. Dude in the video doesn't know the difference 😂
@@ernestopulido864No you just assumed instead of listening and internalizing what he was really getting at. That comment doesn't contradict anything Julian says whatsoever. They're both correct.
@tommybinson there is nothing wrong with being soft 😂😂 I mean it always depends on the situation.
Thank you Julien. I've never seen anyone tackle anxiety, insecurity and especially AUTHENTICITY the way you do. Your voice is one that is more needed than ever in this world.
Thank you so much! I’m glad my content resonates! 🙌
That's true bro..... I feel same %100
Perfect man for the job
Amazing 😊
Self acceptance is a virtue
HUGEEEEE virtue 🔥
A virtue you can build
I definitely see myself in you Julien. I was so shy and now I'm a public speaker too. It's what makes me feel so alive. I still struggle with wanting to be liked but I am not inauthentic to get approval. I watch these videos because it's so satisfying to see the transformation in people. You are amazing at what you do. Kind but strong enough to battle ego.
I get the most intense anxiety when he calls people out 😅 💀 I’d probably pass out if that was me.
I have to pause the video so my heart doesn't blow up...
@@pastrami00 me too. I couldn’t even finish it tbh. I’ll have to try again later.
@@waveexistence3512 I couldn't either. I saved it 'for later'.
I would cry if I was called . And yes when the people get called I feel so much anxiety that there feeling and it makes me feel like I have to go up there and It’s so hard to watch
Yeah, same here. Don't get me wrong, I think this guy's great - but, words and logic don't help my anxiety. I know there's nothing to be afraid of, rationally. But, simply 'knowing' this stuff isn't effective and I've read and watched a lot on this topic. 'Doing' is the only thing effective for me. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Diet. Exercise. Medication.
But, in terms of motivation, light at the end of the tunnel, this dude is very good.
The guy on stage was super natural and fun and authentic. Not so Julian, he seems to actually want to control every situation and didn't like that the other could also flow well and tried to put him down but the guy was too confident about himself to take it, what made Julian even more obsessed to show him, very narcisistic and full of himself. Seems to me he is actually someone who probably is trying to impress more than any other and might still want to impress more than he believes himself.
So true!
29 people have low IQ .. i am so surprise to know most people have low IQ level..... i used to believe majority of ppl have higher IQ but i was wrong
Being Loud Obnoxious and opinionated has got me into a lot of trouble in the past. I used to be worried about everything, everyone and have reached the point to where I don't care anymore and it feels wonderful.
Self consuming self. This is how we end up with Trump and climate catastrophe and Russian invasion.
This is the way! I think it’s crazy how NOT opinionated everyone is. No one wants to disturb calm waters but opinions are what change the world! At least in my opinion 😉
@@Peeingstickymilk "People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of."
(YT sclera 74)
@@ranc1977 and doesn’t it make you think “who’s running the show?!” Like who is this ideal person we are all trying to pretend to be for on another in yet all of our true selfs are nothing like this fictional character. Why do we do this to ourselves 😂
@@Peeingstickymilk Due to social pressure. We end up building fake social mask to impress others. But "others" is spectrum, and no one will ever be good enough for ALL people. We can never ever please others, there will always be critics and someone mad at us for our opinion or actions - even when we are immobile and hikikomori and do nothing in life - people will still hate us for it. The solution is to acknowledge ourselves and ask ourselves what is value and moral and ethical standard. Not the masses herd mentality group think - will always keep us oppressed and ashamed of who we are.
This guy has thrown all other self help and phycology out the door. For me anyway. Keep doing what you do, our world is screaming for realness.🌟
Nah man this is just one of many examples of real psychology and self help people around the world. Try Daniel Mackler and Ryan Cropper. Those two changed my life just the same way Julian is changing yours. Might not resonate with everyone but I know someone will find these recommendations helpful.
I love that Daniel Mackler wears the same shirt almost every video. It makes him seem super familiar.
Phycology? sorry..what ?
Yeah cause he actually has been there and been out so he's speaking from experience
Psychology @@phonkyfeel1
I'm a little bit shocked on how he was trying to beat the self esteem guy's down to prove his point.... Really useful info, really raw way to try and prove himself right
you have not understood the point of doing so...
This is so cute because they’re all adults in the crowd but it’s really all inner children. They’re all just… children .
Yas! This is really funny how we "grow up" and play a game putting on dressess, suitcases, heels.😁
You too
Hey, I see you.
This didn’t feel good. It felt like Julien actually put the guy down more than enpowering him.
00:00 🚪 Create a safe space to drop the facade and be authentic.
01:35 🎭 De-validate the fake front and embrace realness.
04:47 💡 Trying to maintain a perfect facade creates anxiety and pressure.
07:47 💔 Authenticity may repel some, but it's crucial for self-fulfillment.
10:21 🤥 Seeking universal approval leads to a fake persona.
12:24 💎 Authenticity is valued because it's rare in a world of fakeness.
16:30 🧒 Honor your inner child and prioritize self-validation over pleasing others.
18:30 🔄 Redefine "cool" as authenticity, owning everything about yourself.
20:40 🙅♂ Don't shy away from uncomfortable truths about your past experiences.
22:34 🎭 Validate authenticity, even if it means revealing insecurities or vulnerabilities.
24:14 😌 Acknowledging and owning your truths can alleviate anxiety and lighten your emotional load.
25:18 🤔 Practice social intelligence by discerning when and how to share personal truths appropriately.
Thanks 👍👍
Thanks so much for doing this.
wow!
🐐🐐🐐
This is the first time julian has popped up on my feed in years... glad to see you doing well.
Your speaches helped me find "the real me" after 30 years of masking autism and adhd... and you were right. MFs be jello as hell.
I might not have a lot of friends right now... that just means my schedule has opened up to finding real friends that appreciate me for me.
Nice! Welcome back to the channel! 🙌
👌👌👌👏👏👏👏 Love this for you!
@user-cv7kfg1z; I can especially relate to your last line or two! I am with you there, and thanks for sharing!☺️
"We are all equal, but we are all different " WORD !
Different as in "diverse" ... that's what makes us interesting creatures and that's a good thing ❤
I learned this the hard way with a job. I do awesome
at interviews. Got the job. I went in the first day and put my “best foot forward.” Every one was like….. she is AMAZING! Then when I finally showed my regular daily self …everyone thought something was wrong with me. They thought I was sick or something. It actually sabotaged my job. My next job, I purposely was rather bland in my interview. My first few days, I just acted like my average self. Then when I did something cool… everyone was pleasantly surprised but didn’t hold me to an impossible standard.
This resonates hard with me
That's a great observation of yourself. I guess just a few would acknoledge this about themselves!
I'm just a simple and ugly guy. I work as a kitchen assistant. I don't tell to myself:
- today i'm going to grill and sell 1000 beefs and chicken slices.
I don't expect myself to do something good or extraordinary at my job or anywhere else. Whatever comes out of it, i literally call it profit or gain. If my boss says something good about something i just did, i just say:
- Thank God! One less problem for me to deal with today! - Then the restaurant manager always replies:
- Hey, Andrew. You need to accept the compliments.
When you live and don't expect absolutely nothing, everything will feel good for you. If someone says that he's living the life to the fullest, he's lying to himself.
What's tricky for me is being around too many anxious/angry people and having to battle with turning into one. Its such a common occurrence to be authentic and get dog-piled by other people's insecurities.
It takes practice to observe and not absorb. I have a really toxic, energy draining neighbor and I was worn out from listening to her complain yesterday. When we parted and I returned home, I washed my hands and released any “residual energy” a simple grounding practice. It was a physical snap to keep from ruminating or thinking about her at all and got back into my own, authentic emotions. Be well Xx
For me helping to be me is to accept that I myself must also stop judging others just like I fear they will judge me.
Also, who are afraid of authentic people? Narcissists. Who love to controle people pleasers? Narcissists.
With children nowadays, we need seminars in the schools or as events for the kids to hear this.
As a 17-year old senior at a high school, I’ve certainly dealt with/ am still dealing with these kinds of issues.
Don't care what others think. Quit social media too it's all toxic BS.
Deleting socials can actually come with negative side effects.
Having a decent social media page will actually give you huge reputation buffs for very low effort.
@@nothanks5520 it's just social media
hell most of the adults still have this issue of hiding behind some mask
they all or most majority experience some bullying in school , even if it wasn't harsh the negative reaction from others even just affected us in someway, we got defensive, we started being self-concious and as he says we lock that inner child as we grow up, we got that if we do this = bad reaction, if make a mistake = people see you bad etc..
it happens eitherway without social media
social media can just make it worse, amplies things
I was thinking Stefan was very kind for not letting his inner child say 'this guy is cocky, huh?' ..
Well that wouldn't be his inner child saying that, that would be more of an ego thing
yea I cant stand this julien guy, he has some great points but is clearly disrespectful and narcissistic lol.
This hit home.. I am a people pleaser and I'm just after realising that this is why I'm terrified of all kinds of situations.. Thank you
-We are used to receiving validation when we are being fake.
There is no need to keep a fake mask when you're in the same room as men in the same situation as you.
-Authenticity is putting your real self out there and being able to take a hit when some people dont dig that.
-Express yourself freely in every instance, whether you are feeling nervous or stiff
-Self-love is putting your mental wellbeing above the possibility of annoying others
"You experience anxiety when you have something to hide." - That fresh perspective blew my mind away. Thank you for that. Now I’m off to ponder about it and thinking of ways how I am abusing my inner child so I can take the steps towards changing it. Thank you Julien
I was drinking my own tears throughout this whole video. Thanks for the amazing content ❤
Can anyone come up here and flow like me?
Guy goes up
Immediately heckles him
22:44 is so scary because people you work with who are fake will use your insecurities against you at work and will bully you.
Don’t let em!! I say never make anyone have that opportunity to feel like they don’t have to respect you
Ahh, if I spoke, said or acted toward anyone (loved one’s included) the way I actually feel or want to, spoke to the ppl I’m around what’s really on my mind I’d be arrested.
The reason almost everyone put’s on a “fake” persona when talking/interacting in public is to safe guard ourselves from being in legal trouble. Being fake keeps you a free person!
Just parts of you that are bottling up undealt with anger bro. If you got help with that, then maybe you'd realise your truths aren't only destructive. Look up internal family systems, it's a really easy way of going into it. Being fake is the worst prison - even if a man is in prison, he could still be a free man inside himself. That's what it means to be truly free. ❤
My take (from my own experiences and this video): Authenticity takes courage. You have that courage. Courage because even thought some will love you, some will not!!!!!!!
People never love or not love you yourself, they love or hate your courage, to be who you are. Because they then ask themselves: "If he managed to do it, why can't I do it too?" And then there is a small voice in us that asks: "Why do I really feel like I can't do this? What inside me keeps whispering to me that I can't?."
It is quite similar to when a parent and a child see a child playing enthusiastically in a playground and the child asks: "Why am I not allowed to play?" And the parent, instead of allowing him, simply makes the other child stop playing and then flatten the playground completely so that no children will play in it and that he will not have to answer the question again. why? Because there is really no answer to the question the child asked. Why did he act this way? Because that's how his parents acted upon him.
Ok, when Julien said who can come flow for 30 seconds. Then the dude in the white shirt came up. He was nervous but had the front. Then Julien kept interrupting and carrying on. I think it would have been more effective to let the dude have his 30 seconds first. Also, even if he had a bit of a front, it takes courage to face our fears and be the willing to be the guinea pig when you know your going to get crituqued. I dont disagree with what was said, just could have been done a bit more respectfully. I get it, why tip toe around people's feelings, and all that. Idk, just my 2 cents.
spot on
But why do you think it would be more effective that way?
You know the guy? You put yourself in his shoes and thought about it?
You are not that guy in front of the audience, and you have no idea of what would be more effective.
Yes, Julien could be a little bit more respectful, but he decided not to be like that and to show how the guy is pretending to be someone else instead (without waiting an approval of his actions in front of the audience).
Stay true to yourself.
All the best.
Bulat.
annoying guy forsure all of it pretty much. saying the same thing over m over basically
@@Bulat_Bno he didn’t even give the guy a change to say anything enough and he’s assuming he’s clearly nervous. he was doing fine until oppressed w crazy aggressive alpha manipulative bullshit what a fucking dickhole plus scam
@@Bulat_Bi agree with you, plus julien had said in the beginning of the session that he will de-validate fakeness and validate being real so that was his technique
This guy:
Asks audience member a question
Audience member:
Barely starts talkin: " ..."
This dude: " -Don't. Don't...! You haven't said a word but you're already doing something wrong...!"
Then proceeds to compound on audience member's insecurities while proving why people feel anxiety around others.
Being authentic is also a sign of maturity.
Being able to share our truth, nothing to hide as we can't hide.
This brought tears to my eyes. Not of joy, but seeing and feeling the raw fears, vulnerabilities, childhood wounds, core beliefs, cognitive distortions coming to the immediate surface. How healing this is!
You're goddamn right
Regarding loudness you have to consider people don't always appreciate it for other reasons than being shy or reserved. Sometimes it's simply overwhelming and literally physically uncomfortable, just like too loud music isn't pleasurable and it starts to hurt. There is a difference between being overly loud and overly timid. Overly loud, even if you don't try to win someone over can still be too much.
"Authenticity is a breath of Fresh Air"
I wasn't looking for this kind of video but it was on my feed so I decided to watch. So glad I did, this was very inciteful and will help alot. Thanks
Hi, Swiss guy here too... :D
I'd like to note something you might not agree with, on how you react with their un-eased attitude.
Don't you think pushing hard someone who's relatively shy is a little off-topic? I mean, I agree with you on how we need to acknowledge our own "fakeness" and work on it. But as someone who's struggled both to find my real-me and with my self-critic mentality since a very very young age, I think you're also confusing fake shy attitude for shyness.
Moreover, I could literally turn the card back at you saying you do this and that when you're on stage, that you wouldn't need to do if you were 100% real. This is judgmental at worse and clumsy at best. But be careful not to judge too fast others' behavior based on your own biases.
Thanks though for sharing this speech with us!
Shyness is not the same as social anxiety. And being shy is not bad. What can be bad is the consequences in social situations, and the behavior you do or don’t do.
I would say embrace the shy part of you, and practice showing and doing the behavior you want to do in your daily life.
I am saving this to a playlist to re-watch and remind myself while I work on finding who I am. I am trying to heal a lot of trauma and I resonated with being a social chameleon and that getting along with everyone is fake. I realize that I do voice my opinions on things I believe in, but if someone responds with the opposite opinion, instead of maintaining my stance, I go quiet and just let them say it without giving my response so I don't create conflict in the discussion as a coping mechanism from my childhood. Absolute epiphany. I am a people pleaser, anxious attacher, overthinking person because I never feel like I'm good enough, that I'm a burden on my family, and that if I can't do something perfectly I'll fail and failure is not an option. I have a lot of work to do and this has already helped me so much.
Do you not think the problem is that people can no longer be there authentic self because of the anxiety of being perceived as anything else but their authentic self, and that in itself is the struggle of fighting and overcoming being perceived as a shaking mess as that is not you in normal life or in your comfort zone.
"It's just who I'm. Take it or leave it." That's all you need
Man this was dope , had me super engaged like I was there , that’s what happens when things flow with authenticity versus a over constructed structure
Hello from a danish stranger
It's 7 am and I haven't been able to get sleep. I suck at getting my life together and I wish I could just help myself better.
I don't know if the video helped me but it did start me reflecting upon my life and relationships, so that's something.
You are a really cool person Julien and I hope I can achieve the same level of comfortableness as you one day. It would be awesome to meet you, wish I could.
Idk what's going on in my mind. I'm just really tired.goodnight.
OR, just realize that nobody cares about you really. They are just wrapped up in themselves. We all are. Somehow, it's freeing to know this.☮
Yeah, that's what helped me the most. The people in my past wouldn't have done what they did if they cared about me. Especially my family. Once I accepted that I've only ever been a mark or a useful tool and let go of the idea that anyone will ever love me, I started to climb out of CPTSD cycles.
I loved finding this video. I was so damm shy when a child and I learned how to be myself all the time and not care to please anyone. That led me to naturally end up with some amazing group of friends, wife, and only family members that I really do care about and have perfect tunning. This way, I rarely disappoint anyone because they already expect that of me. All relationships which are built on truth we can always be relaxed and ourselves all the time.
The best thing ever was to accept myself how and who I am and feel each moment!
I feel like what you're saying is totally opposite of the social media adviceses and I love that. Social media says that we should love ourselfs but in order to do that we should change the way we dress, the way we sit or basically the way we look. I was trying to be 'that girl' for loving myself and I still am occasionally but I feel like your message needs to be all over social media because we don't need no pressure to express ourselfs
The more i listen to him...the more i like him! and his seminars of course!!!
🙌
yeah ok, i got the point.
but at some momemts id have said " shut up, you put me in front of people and only forgot to pull my pants down or what?" especially in a different language? only to hear something that you call authenticity? shyness can also be authentic. its not always the shy persons mistake. rudeness under the flag of authenticity is in my eyes a lack of respect in some way.
you dudes did amazing, i wouldnt wanted to be in your position.
nevertheless, i got the point, but with hard methodes, those dudes had to go through. nevertheless, thanks for your video 😊
hopp schwitz, grüsse aus Österreich 🎉
Yeah, the exercise and steps they go through is really good.
Still, you don’t need to be like someone else or show certain characteristics that are valued as good. Maybe they will get there, everything and all is okay and good.
Why wouldn't you like to be in their position? That's what matters, and not the fear and anxiety you'll feel
I have adhd and asd so unfortunately me being real me and dropping the front equals ALOT of people correcting me, telling to do things differently, getting mad at me for doing, saying things too honestly, or simply doing things differently, or trying to make me put back on my fake front bcs my normal self means not normal for the normie. Damn people..
julien is the master of public speaking which is no easy task to do...
I love this this literally me in 26 minutes. I spoke of a lot of insecurities I have and now I can start working on the root of the problem. Thank you sir
Because we live in a world of entrepreneurial trust me projection, but behind closed doors a different person. Vulnerability and authenticity makes people really uncomfortable because they fear their front and reputation will be exposed. YET, they insist on something they know very little about: transparency. It's so one-sided. When people ask me how I am I tell them and they run away. It's about running away from emotions and that includes the emotions of others. Narcissists love to bring down authentic people too.
Oh Julien you are a breath of fresh air. You cannot imagine how my heart is resonating with your words, I feel like it is time for me to drop the social mask I've been wearing for so long thinking i'd receive love .. Guess what ? I only received rejection and hate, I was so mad - but now I understand that's because I was expressing from behind the mask and not from my authentic self. A part of me (my heart) is jumping (beating) with joy that I finally understood this. Thank you, Soni
You are a life saver jullien...my prayers made me found you
This is really impressive, I can’t image being there, I would cry, but honestly I feel like I need that kind of teraphy
“People love fakeness more than authenticity. But they will never love fakeness. And fake will destroy you inside”
Fake people like fakeness, authentic people don't.
Thank you my friend ❤😘. And much respect to the 2 guys who stood up as well! Keep going!
Julien, you are one of the best at making people be themselves. Shyness and awkwardness stifle our personalities, and the only thing that can break our social barriers is by talking to people.
I think the hardest part is when everyone thinks you are being fake, but you are actually being genuine. There are some people who are just genuinely likable, and they really don’t care if people like them or not. But because they seem to get along with most people, everyone assumes they are fake. Kind of a sucky place to live. I’ve actually started purposely being an ass to people just so they think I’m genuine, when I’m actually having to be fake because of people like this.
Why do you care what people assume?
Whaat??
I have been faking all my life to be nice to people who are never nice to me. but the fear overwhelmed me, to be who i am supposed to be.from now on my mentally has changed I won't stop being nice but I will definitely stop people taking advantage of my nature.Thank for waking me up!!😊oh and my favourite movie is the passion of Christ.
Julien is awesome for creating this channel, so many people can relate to feelings of insecurities or being a people pleaser. I learn a lot just from watching these episodes
This class is the best treatment out there for social anxiety and etc.
Recently I came to the realisation that I am a PEOPLE PLEASER. I have always considered myself to be a nice guy but all my actions were initiated with an aim to serve the interests of others in exchange for short term validation.
Today I comprehended the damage that I was doing. Even though I have always felt naturally confident, I have never been at complete ease with social interactions (over the last untold years). I could never put my finger on it as to why. The REALISATION hit me that this uncomfortableness had nothing to do with my confidence and everything to do with my LOW SELF ESTEEM. All this time I thought this people pleasing was doing me good, when in reality it was the very thing hurting me more than anything else. I had been neglecting myself, my own interests and therefore, being my own bully.
I now realise the importance of acting in accordance to what I want; being true to myself. People will either like me or not, that’s not my decision to make; I have to be comfortable with this. It’s better to not be liked for being me than to be liked for being this fake character.
Thank you Julien, amazing content. Based on this, I think that I have a lack of self confidence that goes deep, it controlled my life so far such that I always tried to prove to myself, by means of external approval, that I was worthy of being appreciated. You are right, I kept looking for the next "fix" like a drug addict, without being able to get out of this loop, to get to the root of the problem. I hope that realizing this now will help me move on.
So glad I came across your channel.
I'm literally tired of my people pleasing habit. Working on it for the last two years. I used to apologise for everything lol.
Love from India 🇮🇳
Hi, Julien. I remember when I stopped being myself: 4th grade.
School became harder. Puberty started hitting. I was starting to get fat. I was still full of life, but I was constantly getting in trouble for being loud. I wasn't mean or a bully. I was just loud.
Getting in constant trouble and having a difficult relationship with my Dad, (he had a severe confidence and inferiority complex,) caused my brain to completely rewire. Got picked on a lot, too, trying to be funny to try to get them to like me.
So, that was the time the real me was thrown in a dark dungeon, and the fake me took over. Completely. Now, I can barely talk to anyone, without my vocal cords tightening up and fear wracking my whole body.
I'm going to try and be myself. I'M SCARED AS F***... but I'm ALWAYS full of fear, anyway, so why not just be myself? What's the difference, right? 🥴
Thank you, for your videos. Thanks, for your bravery.
This seminar is my absolute worst nightmare
When I was working in a call center company before, I had a team mate who's very opposite to the vast majority. She doesn't care if she looks outdated, and even not cared about being presentable to everyone. I thought she was just ignoring us coz or she thinks of herself as above us. However, I now realize that she just doesn't please people. She can have a different views from our topics and not care if someone gets mad at her. She's just being authentically herself. That is the best key take away that I've learned from this video. Thank you so much for showing us this!
Julien has gained my respect by how kind and supportive he treats others aside from being a great public speaket
I am becoming people pleaser and no one treated me the same.I feel bad because not everyone will be nice. Be authentic. I learnt life lesson here.🙋😭💯
Why has RUclips deprived me of you for so long when I clearly BEEN needing you.
So used to getting validation when you're being someone you're not 😱✨
Mostly we are pretending to be someone else then we are because of the fear which is running in our body-mind system and very often we are not even aware of it. It's not just that I wanna be liked by others, first and foremost I wanna feel safe that's why I pretend to be someone else. And very often under the fear it's a lot of buried hurt from childhood which most adults are terrified to face. From my own inner work and from a woman perspective gentle and soft approach it is crucial if it comes to feeling these buried emotions.
Tak
My boyfriend introduced me to your videos and in the beginning I thought you were a real douche.
This morning I found myself waking up depressed and clicking on your video and now feeling SO MUCH BETTER.
Really great video.
You’re amazing at what you do.
You’re like opening up a portal into a world of authenticity and aliveness
Thank you!
Eh, I think it’s a balance. Just started a new job and I’m a bit more careful, and become more authentic with people individually when I sense they’re down with it. There is such a thing as being too authentic (thanks alcohol).
True I’m guilty of this. I try not to trauma dump when I’m having a bad day but it’s not easy! Luckily I have great relationships with the people I work with and it’s nice that we feel safe enough to express ourselves (I’m not alone in doing it!)
Yeah I work at a coal mine. If I were to be more "authentic" then I'd probably end up getting in a full blown fight and possibly losing my job. Not to mention the headache of having to face it over and over again day after day because now these meat and potato heads got their little sparkly sprinkle fairy glitter egos "challenged." People are hypocritical is the problem and don't like to be challenged to where you just lose family members and jobs now a days. Authenticity has essentially become a regulated, robotic, and programmed "entity."
I've said it once and I'm going to say it again. Knowledge comes from the most unexpected of places. Julien is a desert rose. May god and the universe bless him
Whoa! this guy's doing an amazing job. Kudos to him for being so authentic. 👏🏼
Nothing cures social anxiety and masking like extreme burnout. I’m at the point I really don’t give a fack what people think of me anymore. I don’t have the energy to care. It’s liberating.
Same!
Where is the line drawn between making your inner child happy, and being selfish?
none we are all selfish even people pleaser are selfish for wanting something in that case being liked
Love the work being done here. To present this differently but in the same thread...the idea is to get so good with ourselves that we do not feel the need to hide things about ourselves. Shame, guilt and grief are feelings we all share. To own it is to address it and use forgiveness + acceptance to treat it. Integration of the shadow is another way to frame this. Vulnerability is a powerful thing because by doing it first, you are not only loving yourself with forgiveness and acceptance...but you are also inviting others to be vulnerable by example. Mirror neurons at play.
People like fakeness more than authenticity, but they will never love fakeness and fakeness will destroy you inside.
Julien I watched the majority of videos where you put people on the spot and I really wonder what they enjoy more: to be authentic in front of a crowd or the intimacy you create in order to get them to do that… if I was there on stage and you’d ask me these questions that show so much care I would have butterflies
Oh my goodness girl, you smitten
Amazing seminar, I really needed to hear this. I just started doing RUclips videos and I really noticed in the first recoding the fear within me of being real and authentic. I still don’t like how antsy I get particularly on the higher amounts of caffeine but I did notice a massive improvement from my first to second recording once I let the guard down some. Talking into the camera seems daunting somewhat but also therapeutic and seemingly an effective way at slowly building communication skills as you can see the visual signs of nervousness anxiety etc and improve.
The problem with this "when did you turn into such a shy, anxious person?" question is that I really don't know. I may have actually been born like this. Even in primary school, I was not a social person and did not have many friends. I would always only have one close friend and I wouldn't need anyone else. The first time I remember having to speak in front of the class was in 5th grade. The teacher couldn't understand my name, I was trying to explain the book summary. And while this was happening, I was sweating and shaking. I was repeating the same sentence 2-3 times. I mean, I've always been like this. It just got harder over time. At first I just couldn't speak in front of the class. Afterwards, it became difficult to answer questions in class. Then, I started to not be able to read out loud anything that was written in the book. Now I can't make friends in class. When I was little, I could go and talk if I wanted, I just didn't want to. Now I can't do it even though I want to. I think something is really wrong with me LMAOOO. My uncle has panic attacks and my aunt has anxiety. Maybe it's due to genes, I don't know. That's why I think I can't change. I think I'll spend my whole life like this.
I think the guy in the white shirt was "cool and expressive" from the moment he stood up
He was. But you'll notice these self-improvement/authenticity performers seem to have a mild allergy to people already having the answers. They mock and almost gaslight them into being something they're not. Notice how triggered they get especially if the crowd likes the person.
@@mubeenreminders7220 I couldnt agree more
@@mubeenreminders7220isn’t this plain to everyone? Are comments being deleted by julian lol. Latching on this poor swismans hands embracing was hard to watch
@mubeenreminders7220... completely agree with you. Well said.
I had a similar experience. That the guy on white is being over talked, and forced into the frame. So gaslighting etc. but I’m not exactly sure about it, it might be a correct observation by Julian also.
I’ve seen similar situations with other coaches where it’s just bullying and power techniques.
Being a people pleaser for me has been kind of because of fear of confrontation. I have no problem saying things that I really feel, but I often sugarcoat them because I don’t know people will react. The times I don’t, I haven’t known how to deal with it. I’d love to see him cover that
Didn’t know more people struggled with this type of stuff
a few of these things I’ve figured out myself but I’m very impressed how specialists developed these theories or techniques that helps introverts
Aaaaaahhhhh ...... such explicit truth! So very often in my life "giving to gain" causing myself and many a great deal of pain. And now I need to learn to let go - surrender - and let that inner Golden Child of mine out - listen, love, be guided by him ... nourish him. A long life lived and addicted to my Mr. Nice Guy syndrome - draining, constant inner battles, silent and 'polite' living frustrations WTF ... let go - thanks for the high quality and enlightening inspiration
I needed this. I don't need to get along with every last person.
I never watch random video on YB, but when i searched for a video i saw this one and yes men i opened it with "hell yes! I need this" ! Imagine if we let it go like the dudes in the movie? they don't over care.. they smile only when they have to... they don't laugh if the joke was not good or even when it's not funny... Just imgine how much good our life would be!
Even now when i am writing this comment i am feeling like, what if my grammar was incorrect??? wtf why should i even care? english is not my mother tongue!
Thank you sir for this video!
edit: and also then i liked my own comment. why do i care, why do we care if someone liked our comment or not what's wrong if people don't like my comment or i mean whatever! ... This is one of few videos that changed my life i swear!
Yes, I need the same help to liberate myself.
This usually happens with age. I'm 50 now and feel much more comfortable being myself. Wasn't always that way. And I can understand how young men feel this way. They have pressure to find their identity, look/be cool, fit in, find a mate, make money. But you already have an identity, and essence. Your were born with it. Julien really does have a great message. If I could have done it sooner in life, it would have been better for me. Be yourself, everyone else is taken.