For all you guys "struggling" with this lust thing....... let's compare apples to apples here. Men are visually stimulated. Woman are stimulated by physical and/or emotional touch. A man looks at a woman and (within 3 seconds) has mentally decided if he would or would not want to have sex with her. (anyone who doesn't believe this is the actual mind processes of a man - is out of touch with reality) If the answer is yes it's because he determine that she is attractive/hot/sexy/pretty/cute/etc. (pick something). If that particular man decided to tell his partner that he thinks the other woman is attractive and women are smart enough to know that he has made that determination based on his conclusion that he would be willing to have sex with her. Men want the luxury of being visually stimulated and feel they should be allowed to do so without judgement. Here is where the apples to apples comparison comes in. We, women, are stimulated by physical and/or emotional touch so in order for us to have a similar experience to men's - we need to have some sort of "interaction" with the men we find attractive. So men - Wise up and recognize that your partner is probably jealous because she hasn't given herself permission to "interact" with other men for the physical and/or emotional connection (i.e. massage, hugging, intimate conversations, quality time, etc.) she would need to experience a comparable feeling to what you are getting out of "noticing" how attractive other women are. The next time you are feeling so sorry for yourselves for being misunderstood by your partner - realize that she doesn't misunderstand you at all! She GETS YOU!! That's what pisses her off! And if you don't want her to be pissed off - give her complete permission to go get a full body massage from the hottest man in town and spend the rest of the night with him sharing her feelings. That experience would (most likely) put her in a similar mindset as you allow yourself to go into every time you look twice at other attractive women! ONLY if you give your partner your blessing for her experiencing a similar mental rush ( in a way that pleases her ) to what you get from getting turned on by 'looking' at other women, can you give your own self permission to do what you do! Men you aren't stupid - you are just selfish! Either STOP sharing your own minds with other women - or start sharing your woman's mind with other men! If you don't want to do that then let that be your motivation to just stop!! It's a choice! That's it - A CHOICE!!
This may be an oversimplification. Attraction does not mean desire for sex. I have zero desire to cheat on my partner, yet can find other women attractive. I do not want to have sex with them. I find them attractive in the same way I admire a sunset - I don't need to do anything further, just enjoy the visual image. Also, women can and will be visually stimulated too. Jason Mamoa and Brad Pitt are attractive to women who will never meet or touch them, simply because they look good. I put no restriction on my wife dancing with guys she finds attractive, because I trust her. She's allowed to flirt as well. Provided she crosses no intimately physical line, she's free, as am I. We're both honest about all of this, and discuss it whenever it needs to be discussed. - Dan
Humans have been around for 2.8 million years of which 2.79 million were without any sophisticated linguistical form of communication. This ment that if a male wanted to have children he needed to get an erection without being able to really communicate with a female. The male's who were able to get an erection just by looking at female's would pass on their genes more easily than those who couldn't. Only for the last 10.000 years male's have been able to fall for a female's personality, before that it was purely looks. Because of our biological past male's are still "shallow" when it comes to finding a mate. It is therefor still easy to get distracted by a beautifull female when you are walking through the mall with your wife. Imagine if a guy could show you everything you search for in a man in 1 second. Would u look his way? Secondly, when it came to the genetic race in the past male's had a higher chance of making it to the next generation by inpregnating multiple female's instead of one. This is because the male knew the female took care of the child in his absence. A male looking at female while being married in 2020 is just a derivative of that primal urge.(very EVIL behavior) I try my best to jam these urges the back of my thoughts with the acceptance that its normal behavior for a man but at the same time i cant deny the awfull pain its inflicting on woman. If the only tool u have is a hammer, every problem has to look like a nail?
My boyfriend is not a pair of shoes and so it is totally different from him checking out other women. If he were a pair of shoes and judged himself against another pair of shoes then it would be the same. I know what you’re trying to say but that is not the same thing.
Yeah I'm starting to regret the shoe example because women are taking it the wrong way (which isn't their fault - I chose a bad example). Here's another one - if a woman spends time thinking a lot about her family, it doesn't mean she loves her man any less. She's not cheating on him emotionally in any way. But he would feel like he's not as important to you if he found out how much time you think about people other than him. A guy who occasionally glances quickly at a hot girl isn't intentionally aiming to cheat and hasn't lost love for his partner. He just can't help himself sometimes. Just like a woman might not be able to stop herself worrying about her parents even though it temporarily distracts her from her partner. Is that a better example?
What are your professional credentials to be addressing such a sensitive insensitive and damaging behaviour to women by men? Because I think the premises of your information is well, … unfounded in scientific research.
If you don’t like him doing that stuff and he won’t stop or he starts in the first place, he’s probably not the man for you. It’s not normal behavior. He needs therapy most likely. It’s accepted normalized trained behavior in our society. Guys can actually control themselves but they’re taught they shouldn’t have to because of the excuse of “human nature” or whatever. Side note: the shoe/woman analogy was really not tactful. Nope. It didn’t sit right. I realize that wasn’t the intention but it just sounded uncomfortable to hear it said that way.
I'm explaining normal human behaviour. It's already normal for people to feel attracted to others and for their eyes to follow their desire. This video does not condone cheating or hurting others. Maybe you could think about the damage that shaming normal human sexual urges can cause...
@@brojoDan u should be ashamed to say that other people should accept and think that male "urges" are normal and ok. This is not the 40's where people like you tried to convince society that man needed to have lovers outside of marriage cause they are man and have urges... and when women were unhappy with the way their husband's treated them, they would be called crazy diagnosed with "melancolia" and be in medical treatment... Lack of self "control"( or whatever u all like to call) my ### if the person you are with is the not only one who turns ur head, if they are not all u think of LEAVE THEM! It is not normal to desire, check-out or whatever other people. So I perhaps try to be fair, if the both persons I the relationship do not care and have an understanding on it. That is their problem, but do not come to youtube and try to normalize the disgusting behaviors to others that may be hurt by it! That is not normal. That's is not ok What are ur credentials?
Players cheat, guys who only look are different. "Real, evolved men" still look when something beautiful catches their attention, they're just more honest about it
Well, these “guys who only look” that came into my life, seemed to take MASSIVE offence, when I indulged in “only looking” at some rather handsome men walking past…..I wonder why, eh?……MY POINT IS IT’S A QUESTION OF RESPECT THAT ONLY REAL EVOLVED MEN DISPLAY and the glaringly feeble excuse of male “honesty” to openly “look” is seeped with immaturity itself, and an insult to women’s intelligence. As a qualified Sociologist, I would request you to conduct some field studies & experiments, before propagating yet another obsolete men-will-be-men stereotype
@@a.h.9098 The description you give of the men you've had in your life give the impression of a pattern of unhealthy relationships. When there's a pattern, we must always look at ourselves as the one factor that's constant. I have no issue with my wife checking out good looking guys, in fact we often joke about it and banter with trying to provoke jealousy. We made it fun. THIS is evolved. And I'm not saying "men will be men" as much as I'm saying "humans will be humans"
@@brojoDan Actually, a marriage, where a couple thinks it’s fun to evoke jealousy in each other by leering at others, is the one that’s CRITICALLY UNHEALTHY. Moreover, transmutating the obsolete ‘men will be men’ stereotype you flagged formerly, into a ‘humans will be humans’ is rather desperate and comical. Since you have already discredited yourself with your ridiculous, egoistic and thoroughly unlearnt generalization, l shall not waste my time pandering to your ignorance of today’s global male-female dynamics.
Ok first she’s asking you why. Has nothing to do with her not asking him. Most likely he said he’s not and she’s crazy. So tell me what to do in that situation. When you see him doing it then says your crazy
If you challenge your partner and ask why he's looking, and he responds by pretending he wasn't and calling you crazy, that's called "gaslighting" and is a seriously fucked up manipulation technique. Your ideal guy will simply answer your question honestly and acknowledge that you're upset by it. A guy who tries to convince you that you're crazy is someone you need to break up with asap - looking at girls isn't a major issue (usually) but gaslight certainly is
I got into it with my husband over this. (He doesn't flirt or talk to them. He glances) He denied it. I told him "oh so I'm making this up!" That was yesterday. Today we got into another fight regarding his son, which I told him this fight is stemming from yesterday fight.
Glance is hurtful enough..even more so denied it..married for 14 1/2 years..this new stage of him is something that stills my peace..especially with all this beauty produces that more than 50% of females are getting..Lord help us..
Your husband is not homosexual, he’s still attracted to other women. The difference is, he shows his loyalty by sticking to you. He shouldn’t be doing it in front of you, but women should also be secure within themselves enough not see to be threatened by it.
I think you intentionally misinterpreted that. How dishonest of you. Its pretty clear I'm comparing compulsions to look at things we're interested in using classic stereotypes to demonstrate a point, not actually sayin women are shoes.
My partner is telling me that I am crazy We are together for 5 years,we leave together and we work together On the beginning I thought that is wonderful but on time I started to feel bad because he is walking behind me and he's flirting by making eye contact with almost every woman that is passing by (at work,street, shopping, bar etc) When he thinks that I don't see him, he is chasing them with his eye Most of them start to came more often in the plase that we work for more eye contact and It hurts What I don't understand is, why he want to work with me and be with me 24 by 24? I've try to speak with him about these situation,but he just turns angry and it's telling me that I am crazy and that is my imagination because he loves me Sorry for my English
No healthy partner will ever tell you that you're crazy or get angry and make you doubt your reality when you question his behaviour. Leave him immediately. He's "gas lighting" you, which is a warning sign of narcissism
This was interesting, my partner is Asperger's and he states in general and I think this is a reason he stares at women so much he seems to struggle to glance it always turns into a stare. Past girlfriend's have insulted him sexualy and I think it has given him confidence issues in his sexual ability. I think he's great in bed personally and tell him so and notice the more confident he gets with me the less he looks at others. X
Men who do this are horrible human beings. Having been the other woman, you feel dirty, dangerous, disgusting guilty, and confused. He’s treating you like a piece of meat and like you’re asking for it. I have also been turned against other women. He doesn’t think you’re worth anything better than what he is given you. Now, and, I certainly can’t be her friend. No, it’s not ok. For all of our concerns for rudeness, men have really cornered the market on when it’s ok to be inconsiderate. Only women should know when to avoid making eye contact, as but one thing to think about.
Typical male response. I expected better. It is NOT N9RMAL. Read recent research... there's no difference physiologically. It i's all learned/cultural. And the handbag analogy? Ffs you're seriously living in 1960.
They will keep that behavior yntil women wise up. Women..when youre with your guy check out every guy in sight.let him see you doing it. That will shake his manhood. Try it
@@brojoDan nope.its not about being confronted.Its boundaries and RESPECT. No one needs to tell you how to be respectful. Golden rule. Do unto others as you want them to treat you. Simple
@@chucheg8831 Few things cause people more pain than expecting other people to somehow just know what it means to respect you. If you don't tell them, they don't know. Everyone has a different perspective about what respect means. The only way to ensure you're respected is to clearly specify your unique personal boundaries and preferences. If you haven't confronted someone, then you can't expect them to know - they aren't mind readers
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For all you guys "struggling" with this lust thing....... let's compare apples to apples here.
Men are visually stimulated.
Woman are stimulated by physical and/or emotional touch.
A man looks at a woman and (within 3 seconds) has mentally decided if he would or would not want to have sex with her.
(anyone who doesn't believe this is the actual mind processes of a man - is out of touch with reality)
If the answer is yes it's because he determine that she is attractive/hot/sexy/pretty/cute/etc. (pick something).
If that particular man decided to tell his partner that he thinks the other woman is attractive and women are smart enough to know that he has made that determination based on his conclusion that he would be willing to have sex with her.
Men want the luxury of being visually stimulated and feel they should be allowed to do so without judgement.
Here is where the apples to apples comparison comes in.
We, women, are stimulated by physical and/or emotional touch so in order for us to have a similar experience to men's - we need to have some sort of "interaction" with the men we find attractive.
So men - Wise up and recognize that your partner is probably jealous because she hasn't given herself permission to "interact" with other men for the physical and/or emotional connection (i.e. massage, hugging, intimate conversations, quality time, etc.) she would need to experience a comparable feeling to what you are getting out of "noticing" how attractive other women are.
The next time you are feeling so sorry for yourselves for being misunderstood by your partner - realize that she doesn't misunderstand you at all! She GETS YOU!! That's what pisses her off! And if you don't want her to be pissed off - give her complete permission to go get a full body massage from the hottest man in town and spend the rest of the night with him sharing her feelings. That experience would (most likely) put her in a similar mindset as you allow yourself to go into every time you look twice at other attractive women!
ONLY if you give your partner your blessing for her experiencing a similar mental rush ( in a way that pleases her ) to what you get from getting turned on by 'looking' at other women, can you give your own self permission to do what you do!
Men you aren't stupid - you are just selfish!
Either STOP sharing your own minds with other women - or start sharing your woman's mind with other men!
If you don't want to do that then let that be your motivation to just stop!!
It's a choice! That's it - A CHOICE!!
This may be an oversimplification. Attraction does not mean desire for sex. I have zero desire to cheat on my partner, yet can find other women attractive. I do not want to have sex with them. I find them attractive in the same way I admire a sunset - I don't need to do anything further, just enjoy the visual image.
Also, women can and will be visually stimulated too. Jason Mamoa and Brad Pitt are attractive to women who will never meet or touch them, simply because they look good.
I put no restriction on my wife dancing with guys she finds attractive, because I trust her. She's allowed to flirt as well. Provided she crosses no intimately physical line, she's free, as am I. We're both honest about all of this, and discuss it whenever it needs to be discussed.
- Dan
@@brojoDan
and you have been married how long? And have no children! give it time...
It's been 6 years, how much longer do I need to wait?
@@brojoDan I apologize. That was disrespectful of me to assume all men are the same. I wish you the very best.
Humans have been around for 2.8 million years of which 2.79 million were without any sophisticated linguistical form of communication. This ment that if a male wanted to have children he needed to get an erection without being able to really communicate with a female. The male's who were able to get an erection just by looking at female's would pass on their genes more easily than those who couldn't. Only for the last 10.000 years male's have been able to fall for a female's personality, before that it was purely looks. Because of our biological past male's are still "shallow" when it comes to finding a mate. It is therefor still easy to get distracted by a beautifull female when you are walking through the mall with your wife. Imagine if a guy could show you everything you search for in a man in 1 second. Would u look his way?
Secondly, when it came to the genetic race in the past male's had a higher chance of making it to the next generation by inpregnating multiple female's instead of one. This is because the male knew the female took care of the child in his absence. A male looking at female while being married in 2020 is just a derivative of that primal urge.(very EVIL behavior)
I try my best to jam these urges the back of my thoughts with the acceptance that its normal behavior for a man but at the same time i cant deny the awfull pain its inflicting on woman.
If the only tool u have is a hammer, every problem has to look like a nail?
My boyfriend is not a pair of shoes and so it is totally different from him checking out other women. If he were a pair of shoes and judged himself against another pair of shoes then it would be the same.
I know what you’re trying to say but that is not the same thing.
Yeah I'm starting to regret the shoe example because women are taking it the wrong way (which isn't their fault - I chose a bad example).
Here's another one - if a woman spends time thinking a lot about her family, it doesn't mean she loves her man any less. She's not cheating on him emotionally in any way. But he would feel like he's not as important to you if he found out how much time you think about people other than him.
A guy who occasionally glances quickly at a hot girl isn't intentionally aiming to cheat and hasn't lost love for his partner. He just can't help himself sometimes. Just like a woman might not be able to stop herself worrying about her parents even though it temporarily distracts her from her partner.
Is that a better example?
You need to be a woman to understand...
To understand what?
😂😂😂you confirmed Maysa’s point😂😂😂
What are your professional credentials to be addressing such a sensitive insensitive and damaging behaviour to women by men? Because I think the premises of your information is well, … unfounded in scientific research.
If you don’t like him doing that stuff and he won’t stop or he starts in the first place, he’s probably not the man for you. It’s not normal behavior. He needs therapy most likely. It’s accepted normalized trained behavior in our society. Guys can actually control themselves but they’re taught they shouldn’t have to because of the excuse of “human nature” or whatever.
Side note: the shoe/woman analogy was really not tactful. Nope. It didn’t sit right. I realize that wasn’t the intention but it just sounded uncomfortable to hear it said that way.
STOP NORMALIZING SCUMBAG BEHAVIOUR.
I'm explaining normal human behaviour. It's already normal for people to feel attracted to others and for their eyes to follow their desire. This video does not condone cheating or hurting others.
Maybe you could think about the damage that shaming normal human sexual urges can cause...
@@brojoDan that is not normal human behavior. It may be common. Not normal....
@@brojoDan u should be ashamed to say that other people should accept and think that male "urges" are normal and ok. This is not the 40's where people like you tried to convince society that man needed to have lovers outside of marriage cause they are man and have urges... and when women were unhappy with the way their husband's treated them, they would be called crazy diagnosed with "melancolia" and be in medical treatment...
Lack of self "control"( or whatever u all like to call) my ### if the person you are with is the not only one who turns ur head, if they are not all u think of LEAVE THEM! It is not normal to desire, check-out or whatever other people.
So I perhaps try to be fair, if the both persons I the relationship do not care and have an understanding on it. That is their problem, but do not come to youtube and try to normalize the disgusting behaviors to others that may be hurt by it! That is not normal. That's is not ok
What are ur credentials?
@@Buzgal Preach!
@@brojoDanwow, can you say triggered?
I’ll convey the answer in one simple sentence - BECAUSE THEY ARE PLAYERS, NOT REAL, EVOLVED MEN
Players cheat, guys who only look are different. "Real, evolved men" still look when something beautiful catches their attention, they're just more honest about it
Well, these “guys who only look” that came into my life, seemed to take MASSIVE offence, when I indulged in “only looking” at some rather handsome men walking past…..I wonder why, eh?……MY POINT IS IT’S A QUESTION OF RESPECT THAT ONLY REAL EVOLVED MEN DISPLAY and the glaringly feeble excuse of male “honesty” to openly “look” is seeped with immaturity itself, and an insult to women’s intelligence. As a qualified Sociologist, I would request you to conduct some field studies & experiments, before propagating yet another obsolete men-will-be-men stereotype
@@a.h.9098 The description you give of the men you've had in your life give the impression of a pattern of unhealthy relationships. When there's a pattern, we must always look at ourselves as the one factor that's constant. I have no issue with my wife checking out good looking guys, in fact we often joke about it and banter with trying to provoke jealousy. We made it fun. THIS is evolved. And I'm not saying "men will be men" as much as I'm saying "humans will be humans"
@@brojoDan Actually, a marriage, where a couple thinks it’s fun to evoke jealousy in each other by leering at others, is the one that’s CRITICALLY UNHEALTHY. Moreover, transmutating the obsolete ‘men will be men’ stereotype you flagged formerly, into a ‘humans will be humans’ is rather desperate and comical. Since you have already discredited yourself with your ridiculous, egoistic and thoroughly unlearnt generalization, l shall not waste my time pandering to your ignorance of today’s global male-female dynamics.
You are a sweet guy, I appreciate the terminology you use, it’s really appropriate and I appreciate you!
thanks for the kind words Cortney
Why would he care if I’m looking at another pair of shoes???
Ok first she’s asking you why. Has nothing to do with her not asking him. Most likely he said he’s not and she’s crazy. So tell me what to do in that situation. When you see him doing it then says your crazy
If you challenge your partner and ask why he's looking, and he responds by pretending he wasn't and calling you crazy, that's called "gaslighting" and is a seriously fucked up manipulation technique. Your ideal guy will simply answer your question honestly and acknowledge that you're upset by it. A guy who tries to convince you that you're crazy is someone you need to break up with asap - looking at girls isn't a major issue (usually) but gaslight certainly is
I got into it with my husband over this. (He doesn't flirt or talk to them. He glances)
He denied it. I told him "oh so I'm making this up!" That was yesterday. Today we got into another fight regarding his son, which I told him this fight is stemming from yesterday fight.
I’d say he denied it because of your reaction. You got mad. Like you said he didn’t do anything he didn’t care but he glanced.
Glance is hurtful enough..even more so denied it..married for 14 1/2 years..this new stage of him is something that stills my peace..especially with all this beauty produces that more than 50% of females are getting..Lord help us..
Your husband is not homosexual, he’s still attracted to other women. The difference is, he shows his loyalty by sticking to you. He shouldn’t be doing it in front of you, but women should also be secure within themselves enough not see to be threatened by it.
So you're comparing women to shoes.
I think you intentionally misinterpreted that. How dishonest of you. Its pretty clear I'm comparing compulsions to look at things we're interested in using classic stereotypes to demonstrate a point, not actually sayin women are shoes.
My partner is telling me that I am crazy
We are together for 5 years,we leave together and we work together
On the beginning I thought that is wonderful but on time I started to feel bad because he is walking behind me and he's flirting by making eye contact with almost every woman that is passing by (at work,street, shopping, bar etc)
When he thinks that I don't see him, he is chasing them with his eye
Most of them start to came more often in the plase that we work for more eye contact and It hurts
What I don't understand is, why he want to work with me and be with me 24 by 24?
I've try to speak with him about these situation,but he just turns angry and it's telling me that I am crazy and that is my imagination because he loves me
Sorry for my English
No healthy partner will ever tell you that you're crazy or get angry and make you doubt your reality when you question his behaviour. Leave him immediately. He's "gas lighting" you, which is a warning sign of narcissism
This was interesting, my partner is Asperger's and he states in general and I think this is a reason he stares at women so much he seems to struggle to glance it always turns into a stare. Past girlfriend's have insulted him sexualy and I think it has given him confidence issues in his sexual ability. I think he's great in bed personally and tell him so and notice the more confident he gets with me the less he looks at others. X
You sound like an understanding and empowering partner, he's lucky to have you
Wonderful, well said!
Cheers Cece :)
Men who do this are horrible human beings. Having been the other woman, you feel dirty, dangerous, disgusting guilty, and confused. He’s treating you like a piece of meat and like you’re asking for it. I have also been turned against other women. He doesn’t think you’re worth anything better than what he is given you. Now, and, I certainly can’t be her friend. No, it’s not ok. For all of our concerns for rudeness, men have really cornered the market on when it’s ok to be inconsiderate. Only women should know when to avoid making eye contact, as but one thing to think about.
So when's your book coming out?!?!? Seriously, you are good. You deserve way more following. It will come. Keep it up.
Haha thanks brother, next book will be coming out sometime later this year, editing almost complete :)
Typical male response. I expected better. It is NOT N9RMAL. Read recent research... there's no difference physiologically. It i's all learned/cultural. And the handbag analogy? Ffs you're seriously living in 1960.
Please send me a link to the research you're referring to, I'll check it out
- Dan
They will keep that behavior yntil women wise up. Women..when youre with your guy check out every guy in sight.let him see you doing it. That will shake his manhood. Try it
Or try having a healthy confrontation instead of playing games that will destroy the relationship
@@brojoDan nope.its not about being confronted.Its boundaries and RESPECT. No one needs to tell you how to be respectful. Golden rule. Do unto others as you want them to treat you. Simple
@@chucheg8831 Few things cause people more pain than expecting other people to somehow just know what it means to respect you. If you don't tell them, they don't know. Everyone has a different perspective about what respect means. The only way to ensure you're respected is to clearly specify your unique personal boundaries and preferences. If you haven't confronted someone, then you can't expect them to know - they aren't mind readers
@@brojoDan
That rarely works.