Hey Stephanie, I'm so sorry. You have every right to feel crazy! Be crazy about that. It's going to trigger you and rightfully so. The feeling of "crazy" often comes with many judgments. Especially for women in the form of "being difficult or too much". But there's a reason you feel all of this and that reason is so valid. Don't dismiss this within you. But after feeling or being crazy, then what? We obviously don't want to stay in that state. Our part now is no longer tolerating this. No longer choosing to be in proximity with people who don't treat you with respect, care and safety. Instead of leaning in when this unfolds, craving to be seen and respected. I would instead invite you to lean out in the presence of disrespect. 🤍🤍 Sending you much love 🌸
Hi @rachelepps3891 I'm so glad you felt seen and validated in what you have been experiencing. I'm so sorry that this has been your experience. This behaviour deeply impacts the safety you would feel in a relationship 🤍
What do you do when they deny looking at women in front of you? I’m there watching his eyes on these girls lustfully, and he just gaslights me saying it didn’t happen, what girl? Where? Who? Etc. I am so aware of his ‘type’ now, that I see the girl coming and wait for it to unfold now when out in public. It’s giving me anxiety and it’s such a punch in the gut I’m unable to find the words to say something during the time it’s happening 😢
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I would walk away. Not out of a need to be seen. You simply have no time for him and that behaviour. Have no part of you that wants to engage with a man that has disrespectful behaviour. He either learns how to treat you with respect or he loses you completely. If he's wondering why you are stepping back then he can reflect on what actions cause you to not want to engage.
My husband does this to me all the time. He says its not happening, he says he doesn't do that. He absolutely does it all the time. I don't know what to do. I deeply love my husband and never want to leave him, so i stay and deal with his behavior.
I have this problem. I thought it was normal. I never observed my dad doing it, so I don't know from where I adopted the behavior. But I don't want it. I understand all the hurt and pain I've caused my wife of 24 years (together 26) and I'm terribly sorry for my role in causing those feelings. Unfortunately, I'm having difficulty finding anything online that will help me stop. I've been more mindful (yes, it's been crazy hard, and eye-opening! (no pun intended)) but what more can I do to keep my energy focused on my wife? What resources are available to help people like me who want to stop, but are still struggling? I'm extremely lucky she's still giving me, and our marriage, chance!
Do you have any other compulsive sexual tendencies? I would group it into a few different issues: 1- long term porn use / compulsive sexual behaviors can train the brain to scan for "objects". It may not seem related but is a huge driver for what you're describing. (That you don't want to do it but do) Search podcasts and videos on porn addiction. 2- intrigue- if you do it to try to catch a look back from her- it could be an unmet emotional need. Search intrigue addiction Doug Weiss.
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"Not feeling safe" "His energy is not with you" "Creating instability" God yes. I just wish I didn't feel crazy for it.
Hey Stephanie, I'm so sorry. You have every right to feel crazy! Be crazy about that. It's going to trigger you and rightfully so. The feeling of "crazy" often comes with many judgments. Especially for women in the form of "being difficult or too much". But there's a reason you feel all of this and that reason is so valid. Don't dismiss this within you.
But after feeling or being crazy, then what? We obviously don't want to stay in that state. Our part now is no longer tolerating this. No longer choosing to be in proximity with people who don't treat you with respect, care and safety. Instead of leaning in when this unfolds, craving to be seen and respected. I would instead invite you to lean out in the presence of disrespect. 🤍🤍 Sending you much love 🌸
Finally, these are the words I've tried to find to explain how this feels. I'm so exhausted from the denial of how this hurts a relationship.
Hi @rachelepps3891 I'm so glad you felt seen and validated in what you have been experiencing. I'm so sorry that this has been your experience. This behaviour deeply impacts the safety you would feel in a relationship 🤍
What do you do when they deny looking at women in front of you? I’m there watching his eyes on these girls lustfully, and he just gaslights me saying it didn’t happen, what girl? Where? Who? Etc.
I am so aware of his ‘type’ now, that I see the girl coming and wait for it to unfold now when out in public. It’s giving me anxiety and it’s such a punch in the gut I’m unable to find the words to say something during the time it’s happening 😢
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I would walk away. Not out of a need to be seen. You simply have no time for him and that behaviour. Have no part of you that wants to engage with a man that has disrespectful behaviour. He either learns how to treat you with respect or he loses you completely. If he's wondering why you are stepping back then he can reflect on what actions cause you to not want to engage.
I've been there many times as well. It's so disrespectful.
This is so good💯💥💯💥
Hi @girlyourworthy, Thankyou, I'm glad you enjoyed it 🤍 Also I love your youtube name!
My husband does this to me all the time. He says its not happening, he says he doesn't do that. He absolutely does it all the time. I don't know what to do. I deeply love my husband and never want to leave him, so i stay and deal with his behavior.
She couldn't be more spot on
Great video❤
Thankyou @chantviaCrowder 🙏
I have this problem. I thought it was normal. I never observed my dad doing it, so I don't know from where I adopted the behavior. But I don't want it. I understand all the hurt and pain I've caused my wife of 24 years (together 26) and I'm terribly sorry for my role in causing those feelings. Unfortunately, I'm having difficulty finding anything online that will help me stop. I've been more mindful (yes, it's been crazy hard, and eye-opening! (no pun intended)) but what more can I do to keep my energy focused on my wife? What resources are available to help people like me who want to stop, but are still struggling? I'm extremely lucky she's still giving me, and our marriage, chance!
Do you have any other compulsive sexual tendencies? I would group it into a few different issues:
1- long term porn use / compulsive sexual behaviors can train the brain to scan for "objects". It may not seem related but is a huge driver for what you're describing. (That you don't want to do it but do) Search podcasts and videos on porn addiction.
2- intrigue- if you do it to try to catch a look back from her- it could be an unmet emotional need. Search intrigue addiction Doug Weiss.