HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
How about if that white irish catholic [me] tells Polish jokes? Is it racist? No. But it's racist if it's Mexicans or any other non-white. That means non-whites have a higher status than whites because we can only talk about them in a narrow way: we can't make them the but of our jokes joke or criticize them. But they can do those things to us and we can't say anything because according to some Leftist Seers only whites can be racist. * Non-whites have more white privilege!! All this racist stuff is a scam meant for political control. I am so sick and tired of Woke Leftists like this Blacksmith of words.
Yes! A great teacher is someone who makes learning enjoyable. That is more important than "information". Anyone can give others information, but people like Dan care enough to truly help others be better people, because he understands how it helps all of us, to make the world a better place.
You are preaching to the choir, Cathy; I totally agree that mindful communication should be part of the course curriculum from grade school through college, as it is in some European countries==with great results.
You were right on. I'm uncomfortable making people uncomfortable. If I tried to say that, then that "I'm sorry, wasn't trying to be rude" panic reflex kicks up. I wish I knew how to stop it.
Jaycen, you have to decide to live with the discomfort the first time. Then it's easier the second time. And you probably won't even need it a third time. :) It is a decision and you'll be happy you made it.
Pinch yourself. Seriously, do some action like deep breathing, counting to ten, or drinking the rest of your water. Whatever will interrupt your neurotic need to apologize for being direct and standing up for yourself.
Good question, Jaye-Andrea. Remember when you were little and your father told you "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"??? We seem to have forgotten that. It is not necessary to give voice to every thought that enters the brain--and then follow up with "I'm only being honest." The world doesn't need such "honest" thoughts that are really passive-aggressive thoughts MASKED in "honesty."
@@wannabecarguy Not the first thing you see them in front of other people. Wouldn’t that be more effective in a side conversation that had been well-planned and told in a loving, private manner? And are we talking about someone who is grossly obese or has out in a few pounds?
Irish Catholics ???.... being passive aggressive ....insulting? Shaming??? at the holidays???? Say it ain’t so! Dan, Are we related? My family absolutely kills me. Thank you for this
If you are Irish in Ireland l am here to learn how to NOT tell such people to "STFU!" .....for everything and for their very existence 😂😂😂. I'm hopefully growing and evolving, we do tend to either bottle it up or explode.
Hey, I live in Ireland and am neither Irish nor Catholic. What an adjustment. My ex-husband's family, unsurprisingly, all suffered from migraines. My mother, a doctor, always told us that passive aggressiveness causes migraines. And they all smile so tensely the whole time while repeatedly telling anyone else (me) how close they all are. Thank God that's over.
Im sure you are not trying to make a positive uplifting video, but if you continue I am going to have to subscribe if you are going to keep making videos like this.
Older people - most of all women, who are the most vulnerable within that vulnerable group - are often treated with passive aggression and sometimes outright emotional and psychological abuse by those who should be their caretakers within their own families. This is a crucial subject that needs to be urgently addressed, discussed, and exposed.
My step-mother LOVES to be the martyr. So she often tells stories about how bossy (etc) I was as a child and how she was "soooooo embarrassed." etc. My awesome comeback this last time (at a wedding in front of new people) was> "No, actually, I was a traumatized child making sure that my sister was safe. It's unfortunate that you took it as "bossy" because I was parentified at such a young age!" Then I changed the subject by giving people some context. She made up for it later by a terrible text and more, deeper insults but it was worth it in the moment to save face for a change instead of bearing and internalizing her toxic opinion of me. This is a mild example but is on the top of a mountain of passive aggressive black sheeping. I am wondering if she is a covert narc. The only thing I do know is everytime I talk to or hear from her it feels gross.
She sounds a lot like my passive aggressive stepmother, also playing victim while she can be so emltinally abusive towards me. Also think she might be a covert narc.
Yuck I am so sorry that you went through this and I get it. I had a mother-in-law who is very toxic. I just kept smiling and kept taking care of myself and my husband regardless. Eventually I ended up taking care of her. The joy, the caring I gave to her paid off. I even gave myself one year off from her or I never saw or spoke to her. I think she got it. She still had snide remarks yet I know that she was the one inflicted. Nobody is happy being this way. They are miserable. Misery loves company so I don’t participate anymore. After she was gone I breathed a sigh of relief and now when we speak of her we have a lot to giggle about. She did have a funny side that’s for sure she didn’t know it though she was just an oddball.
Attending a company holiday dinner solo resulted in me meeting my supervisor’s husband and him exclaiming to her "you didn’t tell me she was a fox!!!" Then the owner of the company asked in front of everyone was I ever married. I have two kids and was never married which is something I grappled with for a long time. The company holiday gathering left me humiliated and my supervisor made it her mission to fire me after her husband’s inappropriate compliment. I never could find the right words in those moments because I’m stunned by people’s inappropriate behavior or statements.
Please keep checking out my videos, Ms Sweets, and when you find the right words, practice them and commit them to memory. You'll be ready next time. A simple "I'm surprised you would say (ask) that" is frequently enough.
I love the go-to statements you listed at 6:50, my favourite being " I'm not going to pretend that that's normal". I'm going to be using that one for sure.
When I was about 25 years old and attended Thanksgiving with a large number of extended relatives, one aunt exclaimed "Ya mean you're NOT MARRIED YET?" My cousins were all horrified, but I just laughed hysterically. That particular aunt married really young and married poorly. I had A LOT more ambition than that.
Words are not enough to express how lucky I am to have found you. I work in law enforcement & I have a coworker (former porn star) who has been bullying me for the past 4 years. She is narcissistic and has a big ego. I don’t pretend to lower myself to her level and at the same time I can’t file a complaint the proper way because she has lot of influence 😢 I remember during Christmas time, she once treated very rude the maintenance lady. The maintenance lady has just empty the garbage can and when she returned to put a new linen or bag the narcissist employee had already dumped new trash in the can and told her: “I am making sure you have a job to do” Thank you for sharing all your knowledge…. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel . 🙏
You're basically an oracle. Hahah! I mean seriously, this approach is AMAZING. So many people have felt powerless and bad, then stewed on it later. BOOM, deal with it head on then move on and let them feel awkward about it. It's their problem, let them carry the discomfort. AMEN. :)
"Up with this, I shall put no more!" LOL--Perfect! I wish you were going to be my Christmas dinner date Dan! What fun we would have! Merry Christmas and thank you for all the wisdom you share. I look forward to each video you produce like a chat with a trusted friend. Blessings upon you, my brother.
Actually I think people DO know when they say inappropriate things. They have just gotton away with it, so they keep doing it. That is the type of person that I keep an eye on,
I love your humor!! I laughed so much throughout this video even though these statements are scary for me. I never thought I’d have the courage to say something like this but you gave me a new perspective and your confidence is contagious. You make these statements feel genuine, direct and doable. You’ve inspired me. Very grateful! 🙏🏻
Outstanding! Thank you for telling us that we do not have to say, "It's okaaaay" after someone has knowingly or simply ignorantly offended us. Wow. That was liberating as I did that 99.999% of the time.
I am typically a quiet person at parties or group settings and as a Libra I don't like confrontation etc. but I have had a few fantastic moments where it was almost as if someone else took over, but was able to be heard - I was calm, deadpan, and factual and called people out for the bad behavior toward others.
As soon as I can afford to take this class I will. Dan your content is GOLD. I’m here because my sister in law tried to one up my almost 2 year old. My daughter counted her two Easter eggs and her great grandma said how cute and amazing it is that she can count. As I smile and say oh well she can count to maybe 4 right now my sister in law leans over to my daughter’s great grandmother and says just so I can hear that her daughter could count to 2 hundred at 2. I was so angry I couldn’t speak and I need to know how to stand up for myself and shut her down!!!
Stephanie, I'm sorry I missed this comment. I'm HAPPY you didn't try to shut down your sister-in-law. She is clearly missing a few screws and needs love more than anything else. Competing with your 2-year old on behalf of her own child? What she needs from you is LOVE.
Hi, thank you for these videos! I came across your true channel a few days ago because at work a “higher up” who is not my direct supervisor asked me if I had any questions and I did regarding supplies. Her response was: “order them, it’s a simple thing to do” my heart sunk and even though I wanted to respond (unprofessionally) I didn’t. I turned around and walked away. And ever since I’ve been looking for tools to help me speak up and stand up for myself in a professional manner. I’ve been watching your videos and taking notes 📝
I love the look on Dan's face when he gets into character - when he turns his eyes in the other direction, as to look at the person who's being abusive- you know something powerful is going to be said. He's great at doing impressions, too! Hilarious!
These are the communication skills we SHOULD be learning in church, too. The approach of love. Brother in the Lord, this is sharing God's love, in a practical way. Thank you, Lord, for your works, trough Dan O'Connor!
Single woman in my 40’s here..always fending off passive aggressive comments re: why I’m not partnered up..always end up feeling embarrassed 😔...thank you for these tips! You have such great positive energy ☺️ P.S I’ve subscribed keep up the good work
I am an American Irish Catholic married to a Mexican man from Guadalajara for 50 years now. So this particular video got me. right in the feels. I have a brother who used to love to drop the word "wetback"or "beaner" into the conversation at holiday gatherings, thinking he was being amusing. Too bad I didn't have you to coach me way back then. Husband and I retired to Lake Chapala. I have learned from the comment section that you live or at least spend time in Guadalajara, my husband's hometown. (I have lived there too-- way too much chaos for me!) I accidentally found you on RUclips and absolutely LOVE watching your amazing communication skills. THANKS again for your content. Please keep it up.
Thanks, Ginarosemary. Maybe we'll bump into one another sometime. I have a place in Guad and another in San Antonio Tlayacapan, in addition to my U.S. home. Like you, I find Guad chaotic and when in Mexico, spend most of my time in the village--which I love. As for beaner and wetback comments--the ignorance is mind-numbing. I hope that you shut those down if you ever have occasion to be spending time with your brother again. Good grief.
I’m naturally sarcastic so my responses aren’t too cute . Usually the person who offended me, don’t speak to me anymore. And that’s perfectly fine. IM LOVING YOUR VIDEOS!! You are GOOD!
Diamond, you're not naturally sarcastic. Sarcasm is learned, so you can unlearn it :). It's my job tl help you turn that sarcasm into mindful communication. If my mother could do it, ANYONE can do it. :). So please stay tuned.
Thank you for your help and many, many hours of excellent instructions. Getting to the point, my father’s mother has made it an on going habit to tell me whether or not she likes what I am wearing, my hairstyle, my makeup, etc. In addition, she passive aggressively will snipe at me, is she feels I have ordered too much in terms of expense. Honestly, I have put up with this for years, but I’m not taking it anymore. You have given me some tools with which I will be be able to disarm her. At age 66, I don’t need the grief.
I love your energy😊 I binge watched your videos years ago. You became my Jiminy Cricket😄 You always show up exactly when I need a refresher and more guidance. Forever grateful that you care and share your priceless gifts, I send you love and respect. You're an earth😇 Thanks for being here and being you Dan🙏❤❤❤
Just found your videos! Love your power phrases and ordered your book on Amazon. My narcissistic mother, which I have cut communication with going on two years, asked if she could come over for thanksgiving to see my kids. I better have your book memorized or I will loose my sanity! Thank you
Chanel, your mother may be a narcissist, but she is still a grandmother. If at all possible, invite her for Thanksgiving, but be prepared to stop her if she crosses boundaries or is on the attack. YOU CAN DO THIS!!
This video is a gem! Why are family/holiday dinners such a hotbed of rude behavior?! I need these responses on cue cards so that they'll just flow off my tongue! It's true -- it is loving to be direct and honest with someone. My favorite question, "Are you still working at that dead-end job?!" (A job with a non-profit that I love, BTW, and they know it).
Rosetta, when asked that question you might respond: "Yes, I'm still working at that dead-end job that I love. So what's new with you???" Remember, don't be defensive. That will lead to more silly questions.
I discovered your videos today and I want to tell you THANK YOU! I'm 39 and I am okay with confrontation but sometimes I'm not as clear with my communication as I want to be.
My mom has managed to ruin every holiday, birthday, wedding, birth, etc in my life. She is a covert narcissist. She is usually very subtle but she is persistent. She can’t let anyone be happy. She has to provoke feelings of guilt and make every else feel “less than” even if you praise her 100 times, she will say you never appreciate anything she does or say thank you. I hate the holidays now. I have PTSD at the very mention of holidays.
I call it PTHD (post traumatic holiday disorder) and I feel you on this one. I really love my mom but she can be outright mean, especially at the holidays! Holiday gatherings with my family just end up in arguments and someone storming out. It's awkward, it's dramatic, and it makes me nauseous. 😢
Good strategies, majority of people will need to rehearse these over and over, when people feel threatened/hurt the sympathetic nervous system can take over in an instant and the fight flight or freeze response will happen in a split second and we respond inappropriately.
Yes, and yet look at how much people miss it during this period of pandemic. You'd think our lives depending upon socializing, whereas right now our lives depend on not socializing, and so many people find that almost impossible to do, even for a few months. However, when you consider the alternative--
I love the directness and that your method is strategic. From time to time I have found that responding to these comments with: "I find it hard to believe that was a productive use of your time!" In the right situation when used, it has made the antagonist check themselves quickly and shuts down any further antagonistic comments. I look forward to giving your strategy a shot as well.
Just found you! 🎁 Better late than never! Your teachings will save all of us who have no idea how to stand up for ourselves! Great job and bless you!✌️❤️🙏
I hope you are super aggressive about protecting your content. Because this video is fantastic. But that's because your message is one of connectivity and kindness. I can imagine clips of this video being seen without the benefit of your wrap up encouraging love, kindness, and patience that could lead to these tools being used as weapons. Thank you for your presentation and the way that you include perspective and purpose with the tools you demonstrate.
Thank you for that thoughtful and informative comment... Wow. I really appreciate the time and consideration you gave me. I'll take your advice... But I'm not even sure how I would go about protecting my content. Any pointers?
@@TheWizardOfWords I think you've addressed my concern in part simply by virtue of the fact that you so quickly responded to a comment on a 9 month old video! Clearly you remain connected to your content. Sadly the internet is the wild west, and I'm sure you already know how impossible it is to fully secure any sort of content. Encouraging your audience to bring clips from other channels to your attention is one way. Having a featured comment or tile during the video somewhere mentioning the importance of remembering the value of context, and the intention of all great self defense teachers to arm their students so they can make the world safer, not more harmful. I'm sure you could find the best way to present that idea, the way you did it at the end of this was impactful to me. As far as the ethic of when to take action and when to allow clipping of your content, I think you described it perfectly in this video. When something is problematic, report it, address it, copyright all your videos and don't hesitate to ask RUclips to take down anything that doesn't reflect your purpose. I suppose the danger of misuse by the truly malevolent will always be a risk, but it's a risk worth taking if it can help families and people really be closer. I watched this video because I hoped it might help me with a family member whose passive aggression comes from a place of insecurity and fear. My desire isn't to put them in their place, shame them, or hurt them. I want to be able to handle things in a way that can remove the space their harmful communication (though not malicious) creates in our relationship. Watching this video was a roller coaster. I felt empowered at first, then started to worry that I was only going to escalate things and replace my hurt with theirs, which is not at all what I want. But the way you brought it together at the end oriented me into the correct mindset. It was artfully said, and my comment was in response to the awareness that if I had not finished the video, I would have missed what was for me, the thing that made everything else make sense. Thank you for your response, and for the care you put into this video. It mattered.
I'm just finding this now so this is my holiday. I've got the world's most problematic mama! Her love just hurts but I love her So I'm trying so hard Because she just doesn't get it!! Thank you for this help. I'll keep you posted
My favorite response is “ Why do you ask ? “ And then the 3 sec stare. I’ve done this several times . It turns it around and they don’t know what to say. After the 3 sec stare - I then walk away. Love the comeback on folks telling racist jokes.
Since the holidays are coming around again, I’ll comment. I have so many toxic holiday memories with family that it’s hard to boil things down. A common one was certain people bringing up the most inflammatory news in politics up to me, despite already knowing we ardently disagreed. Another was passive-agressive “joking,” recalling poor decisions I’ve made.
I believe that passive-aggressive joking--commonly known as mocking--is the most destructive and vile form of communication. Be ready to shut them down this years, Jordan, and if they won't stop--leave. No one should put up with that. Generally, if you spotlight their behavior and ask why they're engaging in it, they'll be embarrassed enough to knock it off. If they aren't, come equipped with an exit line, and leave.
I had to stop 1/4 through the talk, because I'm vegan for love. I love animals, I love people who love animals and I love people who love, period. I don't have to attend holiday dinners now, but could have used your tactics over the last 49 years. I love you, and we'd get along anywhere - able to express our preferences differently but with respect.
*My in-laws would pile on and insult me always, and I spent my last Christmas with them in their freezing garage with my dog.* *My husband cheated on me and I divorced him(and his family).* *It is nice to be free of all their abuse, especially for our 4 sons sake.*
Addictive teaching methods for sure! Your techniques have transformed my personal situation in the work place for the better. At last something that actually works with management and colleagues. Sincere thanks!
You're so great....you seem very comfortable in front of the camera. Thank you for these life skills tips and suggestions. I seem to be surrounded by these kinds of ignorant people and sometimes I am caught off guard. I will continue to follow your videos for your valuable and insiteful lessons....Happy Holidays from South Carolina!
Happy Holidays from North Dakota and Guadalajara, Jalisco, MX, Pamela. I am trying to give practical tips that will make your life better and easier, and will contribute to mindful rather than destructive dialogue. That's the goal--to change the global dialogue one conversation at a time.
Thank you so much Dan! Watching your videos and listening to your teaching are inspiring!. I often struggle with "lost words" and stutter when communicating with other people. I just have to keep going and practice :).
It happens the same to me! I have a coworker that bullies me all time and takes advantage because I can’t defend my self from her offensive comments……. I just stay quiet 😢
I just came across this! I love you! My problem isn’t having what comes to my mind let it come out of my mouth, it’s that most the time my mind goes blank and what does come into mind is hours later. I hate that. But I’m practicing. I’m Irish Catholic as well but my family is pretty mixed.. different races and cultures which I love but sometimes I have heard some inappropriate comments from someone outside my family but that knows how my family background is and they have no problem saying these things. it drives me crazy and I have to speak up
….my fave phrase on the holiday was…”are you still gay? Ohhhh i thought you would’ve grown out of that by now.” It’s usually a question with an answer to their own question…quite hysterical. I answered, “well, I think you came up w/an answer, I’m cool if ur cool?” I took a shot after that… better way to answer?
That's as good as anything, Lenni. The question as stated is born out of such ignorance, it's difficult to answer. It is something like "Do you still drink like a fish?" when you never had a drink in your life. You might possibly respond with "I'm still thinking about it. How about you? Did you decide to be gay or straight? And is your decision definite? When did you make it? Have you told your mother, yet?"
I work in a wellness clinic and we eat healthy and avoid certain foods. We ALWAYS get passive aggressive comments. "You're so skinny, you'll blow away" or "You need to have some dinner rolls to put some meat on your bones!" It's incredibly annoying considering I am at a healthy, normal weight and most of our family lives off of Doritos and snickers and makes overall poor health choices. Like I would never say, "Wow, you're looking extra prediabetic today!" you know?
My sister actually did that at the supermarket one day. She is athletic and very healthy and slim. An immensely overweight woman said to her, in front of the entire shop, 'I'm worried about how thin you are and your health.' My sister finally blasted back. Maybe not the best way to comment back but she has heard so any remarks about her healthy, slim body for years and said nothing. Good for her. It is NOT okay to make remarks like this, especially not in public to a total stranger.
I think Ima use “I would like to assume “ because if I said “ I’m sure you’re not trying” and someone say “I am”. Idk how mature I can be after that lol
Love your channel so glad I've found it. I wish I'd discovered it at Christmas. I would have definitely responded to arguments I've had with family who've brought up things which happened decades ago.
I have chronic fatigue system, which of course worsens over the holidays, when we prepare everything. I have gotten used to handling things differently according to my energy level and it works. However, then my brother comes along and follows me around, asking again and again "Why are you overdoing it? You know I suffer with you!" I keep saying "Please just leave me to it, and to mywell earned pause." "But you overdo it, why..." Until I explode and yell "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He then is all indignation, says he only has my best interest at heart, and that I really have to work on my temper. BOY it is i furiating, hope I will now do beter with your tips - however he Doesnt believe me, this is all in myhead he says. I feel so helpless.
You might say to your brother: "Bennie, perhaps you'd like to help out--here's what I'd like you to do . . . ." And then TELL HIM WHAT HE CAN DO TO HELP--instead of his standing around complaining about how hard YOU work.
The first video I have listened to so far. Maybe, I need to work on my communications skills and become a pro at communicating so that I don't lose my job or feel miserable/anxious about it.
I'm so glad I don't work or live with toxic petty people. OMG haha. I used to, not anymore lol. Thanks for gearing me up for an unmerited family holiday visit to my extended family.
I hear people say “it’s just another day” or “it’s so commercialized” and it can put a negative energy into the Christmas spirit for everyone! It’s hard to reply to it without the other person thinking you’re being a contrarian or combative and they tend to bombard with examples after you reply or try to redirect with a positive
Rude question asked publicly to humiliate. By the way, I'm a newlywed. "When are you guys going to have a baby? Why aren't you pregnant yet? What's taking you so long?"
Tell them you feel uncomfortable with such personal questions and that it's a private matter between you and your husband and you will never discuss this with outsiders. (Yes, let them know they are outsiders by saying so.) Let them know you won't be answering their intrusive questions again. If all fails, just tell them to f off.
Thank you so so much for this! You've gained a new subscriber! So, my manager can be very condescending, very sarcastic, and talks about you within earshot "without using ur name" if you ever make a mistake on the job. For example, I made a mistake and he comments for everyone to hear "what, did you just shut your brain off...how do u forget something you've been doing for the last 5 years"...I just made 3 years with the company btw, and it's not something I do everyday. And so he continues (throughout thee entire morning) to make obnoxious comments to his fave employee (again, within earshot, so I am able to hear everything) about sharp people vs dull knives and making "jokes" about trading out employees for sharper ones...I mean he kept digging and digging (again, not doing it directly at me but it was 100% about me) and I kept my composure and did not respond... but quite honestly I wanted to explode and seriously go off on him. But I didn't bc I know it wld not have been good for anyone - not with my emotions high as it was. I was livid. But I just sucked it up and continued doing my job bc I know he can also be very petty and vindictive. I was mentally drained by the time work was over...that's how much work it took to ignore his asinine comments! He's also proud and thinks he's smarter than everyone and thinks he can out-talk anyone. Phew! Sorry, I know that was a mouthful. Please...how would you address someone like this if it were you?
What if I have a house mate who is mentally and emotionally unstable? Almost everything she says is untrue. Almost every interaction with her feels like an assault. She is loud and her weapons of choice are lies and word salad. She has blocked me from walking through doorways. She has demanded that I come out of my room to talk with her. I'm in my car with the vehicle running, ready to go to work, and she comes up to my closed window and demands that I listen to her go on and on about how hard her day has been. All because she moved (hid) some belongings of mine and I simply asked her where she put my things? Please do not suggest that I move someplace else. I am not doing anything to harm anybody. I mind my own business. Everything else about where I live is great. I cannot afford to move.
You CAN afford to move and MUST move. Either that, or know that you've chosen to live with a person who is mentally and emotionally unstable. There is nothing you can do about that, Jessica, so you either live with it or you move.
Awesome!!! You are great!gee... I must share this with my friend who happens to be dreading the fact that some of her in laws will have 'Thanksgiving' dinner at her place.
Brilliant. Thank you. What can you suggest as a way for an empath to handle trying to be heard, by those that have verbal diarrhoea ?? ( Specifically for Empath’s- for we struggle to interrupt or talk over or move away)
HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
Are you currently teaching? I'm a fairly new HR guy with even less training. Your videos are insightful & I'm considering becoming a student.
I found my man, and you found a new subscriber
pass that dark meat, geeze you make me laugh!
How about if that white irish catholic [me] tells Polish jokes? Is it racist? No.
But it's racist if it's Mexicans or any other non-white.
That means non-whites have a higher status than whites because we can only talk about them in a narrow way: we can't make them the but of our jokes joke or criticize them.
But they can do those things to us and we can't say anything because according to some Leftist Seers only whites can be racist.
*
Non-whites have more white privilege!!
All this racist stuff is a scam meant for political control.
I am so sick and tired of Woke Leftists like this Blacksmith of words.
I love your humor, it makes these videos that much more fulfilling 💛
Jaz, my mantra is "no more boring training--ever" and I hope I'm fulfilling that. Learning doesn't have to bore you out of your mind.
Yes! A great teacher is someone who makes learning enjoyable. That is more important than "information". Anyone can give others information, but people like Dan care enough to truly help others be better people, because he understands how it helps all of us, to make the world a better place.
This should be taught to young children. It sure would save a whole lot of people from suffering abuse from toxic people.
You are preaching to the choir, Cathy; I totally agree that mindful communication should be part of the course curriculum from grade school through college, as it is in some European countries==with great results.
You are changing my life. Im incredibly grateful.
You were right on. I'm uncomfortable making people uncomfortable. If I tried to say that, then that "I'm sorry, wasn't trying to be rude" panic reflex kicks up. I wish I knew how to stop it.
Jaycen, you have to decide to live with the discomfort the first time. Then it's easier the second time. And you probably won't even need it a third time. :) It is a decision and you'll be happy you made it.
Pinch yourself. Seriously, do some action like deep breathing, counting to ten, or drinking the rest of your water. Whatever will interrupt your neurotic need to apologize for being direct and standing up for yourself.
I hate it when people comment on others’ weight... gain or loss. Why do people feel the need to comment on that every time?
Good question, Jaye-Andrea. Remember when you were little and your father told you "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"??? We seem to have forgotten that. It is not necessary to give voice to every thought that enters the brain--and then follow up with "I'm only being honest." The world doesn't need such "honest" thoughts that are really passive-aggressive thoughts MASKED in "honesty."
But what if someone is dying slowly and you genuinely care for them and see them causing harm to themselves? Can you actually be brutally honest?
I notice this too, especially with family. Its the first thing they say when you see them. It’s annoying isn’t it? Makes me so uncomfortable.
@@wannabecarguy Not the first thing you see them in front of other people. Wouldn’t that be more effective in a side conversation that had been well-planned and told in a loving, private manner? And are we talking about someone who is grossly obese or has out in a few pounds?
@@TheWizardOfWords I love your teaching on this. You are spot-on!
Irish Catholics ???.... being passive aggressive ....insulting? Shaming??? at the holidays???? Say it ain’t so!
Dan, Are we related? My family absolutely kills me. Thank you for this
Well if you are Irish, we probably are related somewhere along the line. In re the rest of it--I'm afraid I can't say it ain't so. . . .
If you are Irish in Ireland l am here to learn how to NOT tell such people to "STFU!" .....for everything and for their very existence 😂😂😂. I'm hopefully growing and evolving, we do tend to either bottle it up or explode.
Same goes for German Catholics. I grew up in that narrow minded crap.
Hey, I live in Ireland and am neither Irish nor Catholic. What an adjustment. My ex-husband's family, unsurprisingly, all suffered from migraines. My mother, a doctor, always told us that passive aggressiveness causes migraines. And they all smile so tensely the whole time while repeatedly telling anyone else (me) how close they all are. Thank God that's over.
😂😂😂😂
I was asked a rude question to which I replied " what exactly is your motivation for asking me that"?
It was awesome....they stuttered!!!😂😂
WONDERFUL.
Yes!!! ❤
I love that response! May I borrow that?
Im sure you are not trying to make a positive uplifting video, but if you continue I am going to have to subscribe if you are going to keep making videos like this.
Did you just threaten to subscribe? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I believe he did. You have to appreciate his approach. :)
Hey, are you threatening to subscribe? Well, JUST DON'T THROW ME IN THE BRIAR PATCH!!!
@@TheWizardOfWords yup! Lol
Very cute
Wow😂😂😂 I have not laughed this hard since this pandemic started. Love love and love your sense of humor and a great communication skills.
Happy to help you through this awful Covid thing, gansukh.
Older people - most of all women, who are the most vulnerable within that vulnerable group - are often treated with passive aggression and sometimes outright emotional and psychological abuse by those who should be their caretakers within their own families. This is a crucial subject that needs to be urgently addressed, discussed, and exposed.
So true.I have watched Elders withdraw and become shutdown, knowing they do not wish to compromise their own integrity, no matter how much it hurts.
My step-mother LOVES to be the martyr. So she often tells stories about how bossy (etc) I was as a child and how she was "soooooo embarrassed." etc. My awesome comeback this last time (at a wedding in front of new people) was> "No, actually, I was a traumatized child making sure that my sister was safe. It's unfortunate that you took it as "bossy" because I was parentified at such a young age!" Then I changed the subject by giving people some context. She made up for it later by a terrible text and more, deeper insults but it was worth it in the moment to save face for a change instead of bearing and internalizing her toxic opinion of me. This is a mild example but is on the top of a mountain of passive aggressive black sheeping. I am wondering if she is a covert narc. The only thing I do know is everytime I talk to or hear from her it feels gross.
I hope you feel ZERO regret for that. I'm proud of you! And avoid gross people who treat you like their personal 🚽. Peace, friend. ❤️😎
Bravo for you! Well done. You did this for you and your sister but, in fact, by telling this you have inspired many, many of us!
She sounds a lot like my passive aggressive stepmother, also playing victim while she can be so emltinally abusive towards me. Also think she might be a covert narc.
Yuck I am so sorry that you went through this and I get it. I had a mother-in-law who is very toxic. I just kept smiling and kept taking care of myself and my husband regardless. Eventually I ended up taking care of her. The joy, the caring I gave to her paid off. I even gave myself one year off from her or I never saw or spoke to her. I think she got it. She still had snide remarks yet I know that she was the one inflicted. Nobody is happy being this way. They are miserable. Misery loves company so I don’t participate anymore. After she was gone I breathed a sigh of relief and now when we speak of her we have a lot to giggle about. She did have a funny side that’s for sure she didn’t know it though she was just an oddball.
"My partner is dead." Was not expecting Dan to say that. Was not expecting to laugh out loud for 20 seconds.
:) :) :) Thank you for paying attention, Denita! :)
@@TheWizardOfWordslol 😂 shits crazy
Attending a company holiday dinner solo resulted in me meeting my supervisor’s husband and him exclaiming to her "you didn’t tell me she was a fox!!!" Then the owner of the company asked in front of everyone was I ever married. I have two kids and was never married which is something I grappled with for a long time. The company holiday gathering left me humiliated and my supervisor made it her mission to fire me after her husband’s inappropriate compliment. I never could find the right words in those moments because I’m stunned by people’s inappropriate behavior or statements.
Please keep checking out my videos, Ms Sweets, and when you find the right words, practice them and commit them to memory. You'll be ready next time. A simple "I'm surprised you would say (ask) that" is frequently enough.
This is stellar! It is good to help people stop using you as a target for their rudeness , jealousy, or narcissism.
Only narcissists toss that around
I love the go-to statements you listed at 6:50, my favourite being " I'm not going to pretend that that's normal". I'm going to be using that one for sure.
Seriously useful please! 🔥
When I was about 25 years old and attended Thanksgiving with a large number of extended relatives, one aunt exclaimed "Ya mean you're NOT MARRIED YET?" My cousins were all horrified, but I just laughed hysterically. That particular aunt married really young and married poorly. I had A LOT more ambition than that.
Wow I'm so glad have found you. You're my go to person for communication skills help. Very appreciated!!
You speak with confidence thank you for this video! ❤
Absolutely love everything I heard. Firm boundaries with compassion. Thank you for this content
Thanks for watching and listening, Amanda.
Words are not enough to express how lucky I am to have found you. I work in law enforcement & I have a coworker (former porn star) who has been bullying me for the past 4 years. She is narcissistic and has a big ego.
I don’t pretend to lower myself to her level and at the same time I can’t file a complaint the proper way because she has lot of influence 😢
I remember during Christmas time, she once treated very rude the maintenance lady.
The maintenance lady has just empty the garbage can and when she returned to put a new linen or bag the narcissist employee had already dumped new trash in the can and told her: “I am making sure you have a job to do”
Thank you for sharing all your knowledge…. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel . 🙏
Dan, I am so happy to have found this channel. Your material and delivery is absolutely fantastic - esp for me, the Human Doormat!
DeeDee, if you are a human doormat I say ARISE and declare that people will WALK ON YOU NO MORE!
You're basically an oracle. Hahah! I mean seriously, this approach is AMAZING. So many people have felt powerless and bad, then stewed on it later. BOOM, deal with it head on then move on and let them feel awkward about it. It's their problem, let them carry the discomfort. AMEN. :)
We are on the same page, Christopher :)
Oh those chimes are great! I'll remember that: ding! dong! ding! "Charlie would you pass me the...."
"Up with this, I shall put no more!" LOL--Perfect! I wish you were going to be my Christmas dinner date Dan! What fun we would have! Merry Christmas and thank you for all the wisdom you share. I look forward to each video you produce like a chat with a trusted friend. Blessings upon you, my brother.
Shutting down toxic people like a boss! I love this!!!!
Actually I think people DO know when they say inappropriate things. They have just gotton away with it, so they keep doing it. That is the type of person that I keep an eye on,
I love your humor!! I laughed so much throughout this video even though these statements are scary for me. I never thought I’d have the courage to say something like this but you gave me a new perspective and your confidence is contagious. You make these statements feel genuine, direct and doable. You’ve inspired me. Very grateful! 🙏🏻
Outstanding! Thank you for telling us that we do not have to say, "It's okaaaay" after someone has knowingly or simply ignorantly offended us. Wow. That was liberating as I did that 99.999% of the time.
I am typically a quiet person at parties or group settings and as a Libra I don't like confrontation etc. but I have had a few fantastic moments where it was almost as if someone else took over, but was able to be heard - I was calm, deadpan, and factual and called people out for the bad behavior toward others.
As soon as I can afford to take this class I will. Dan your content is GOLD. I’m here because my sister in law tried to one up my almost 2 year old. My daughter counted her two Easter eggs and her great grandma said how cute and amazing it is that she can count. As I smile and say oh well she can count to maybe 4 right now my sister in law leans over to my daughter’s great grandmother and says just so I can hear that her daughter could count to 2 hundred at 2. I was so angry I couldn’t speak and I need to know how to stand up for myself and shut her down!!!
Stephanie, I'm sorry I missed this comment. I'm HAPPY you didn't try to shut down your sister-in-law. She is clearly missing a few screws and needs love more than anything else. Competing with your 2-year old on behalf of her own child? What she needs from you is LOVE.
Hi, thank you for these videos! I came across your true channel a few days ago because at work a “higher up” who is not my direct supervisor asked me if I had any questions and I did regarding supplies. Her response was: “order them, it’s a simple thing to do” my heart sunk and even though I wanted to respond (unprofessionally) I didn’t. I turned around and walked away. And ever since I’ve been looking for tools to help me speak up and stand up for myself in a professional manner. I’ve been watching your videos and taking notes 📝
This was one of the most helpful video. You’re so talented 🙌🏻
I love the look on Dan's face when he gets into character - when he turns his eyes in the other direction, as to look at the person who's being abusive- you know something powerful is going to be said. He's great at doing impressions, too! Hilarious!
Thanks, Syd. That balances my mother's "If you just ignore him, he'll stop" comments when I was young :) :)
These are the communication skills we SHOULD be learning in church, too. The approach of love. Brother in the Lord, this is sharing God's love, in a practical way. Thank you, Lord, for your works, trough Dan O'Connor!
High compliment. Thank you, Tammy.
You are arming me for coping with some difficult individuals that I dread meeting since I am clearly too nice. Damn, I just love you for it.
Happy to help, Joe!
This is so awesome! Leave it hanging with a 3 second stair.
Single woman in my 40’s here..always fending off passive aggressive comments re: why I’m not partnered up..always end up feeling embarrassed 😔...thank you for these tips!
You have such great positive energy ☺️
P.S I’ve subscribed keep up the good work
Thanks for the sub and please check out my videos on fending off inappropriate comments and questions.
I am an American Irish Catholic married to a Mexican man from Guadalajara for 50 years now. So this particular video got me. right in the feels. I have a brother who used to love to drop the word "wetback"or "beaner" into the conversation at holiday gatherings, thinking he was being amusing. Too bad I didn't have you to coach me way back then. Husband and I retired to Lake Chapala. I have learned from the comment section that you live or at least spend time in Guadalajara, my husband's hometown. (I have lived there too-- way too much chaos for me!) I accidentally found you on RUclips and absolutely LOVE watching your amazing communication skills. THANKS again for your content. Please keep it up.
Thanks, Ginarosemary. Maybe we'll bump into one another sometime. I have a place in Guad and another in San Antonio Tlayacapan, in addition to my U.S. home. Like you, I find Guad chaotic and when in Mexico, spend most of my time in the village--which I love. As for beaner and wetback comments--the ignorance is mind-numbing. I hope that you shut those down if you ever have occasion to be spending time with your brother again. Good grief.
I’m naturally sarcastic so my responses aren’t too cute . Usually the person who offended me, don’t speak to me anymore. And that’s perfectly fine. IM LOVING YOUR VIDEOS!! You are GOOD!
Diamond, you're not naturally sarcastic. Sarcasm is learned, so you can unlearn it :). It's my job tl help you turn that sarcasm into mindful communication. If my mother could do it, ANYONE can do it. :). So please stay tuned.
Thank you for this video Dan!! I find saying "I forgive you" opposed to "it's okay" very very hard. Must practice more!!
I am a child care provider, this is what I teach the kids!
"I forgive you" may sound condescending, unless it is used if someone sincerely asks you to forgive them.
I subscribed and am a paying client. Great value for what we get! I highly recommend this for everyone! You cannot get better than this!
Many thanks for your testimonial, Tara!
Thank you for your help and many, many hours of excellent instructions.
Getting to the point, my father’s mother has made it an on going habit to tell me whether or not she likes what I am wearing, my hairstyle, my makeup, etc.
In addition, she passive aggressively will snipe at me, is she feels I have ordered too much in terms of expense.
Honestly, I have put up with this for years, but I’m not taking it anymore. You have given me some tools with which I will be be able to disarm her. At age 66, I don’t need the grief.
Wow - - I am very happy if I have helped you in any Lynette.
I love your energy😊 I binge watched your videos years ago. You became my Jiminy Cricket😄 You always show up exactly when I need a refresher and more guidance. Forever grateful that you care and share your priceless gifts, I send you love and respect. You're an earth😇 Thanks for being here and being you Dan🙏❤❤❤
😊 thank you so much!
Just found your videos! Love your power phrases and ordered your book on Amazon. My narcissistic mother, which I have cut communication with going on two years, asked if she could come over for thanksgiving to see my kids. I better have your book memorized or I will loose my sanity! Thank you
Chanel, your mother may be a narcissist, but she is still a grandmother. If at all possible, invite her for Thanksgiving, but be prepared to stop her if she crosses boundaries or is on the attack. YOU CAN DO THIS!!
This video is a gem! Why are family/holiday dinners such a hotbed of rude behavior?! I need these responses on cue cards so that they'll just flow off my tongue!
It's true -- it is loving to be direct and honest with someone.
My favorite question, "Are you still working at that dead-end job?!" (A job with a non-profit that I love, BTW, and they know it).
Rosetta, when asked that question you might respond: "Yes, I'm still working at that dead-end job that I love. So what's new with you???" Remember, don't be defensive. That will lead to more silly questions.
I discovered your videos today and I want to tell you THANK YOU! I'm 39 and I am okay with confrontation but sometimes I'm not as clear with my communication as I want to be.
Thank you, Woman, and I hope you subscribed and I hope you share.
My mom has managed to ruin every holiday, birthday, wedding, birth, etc in my life. She is a covert narcissist. She is usually very subtle but she is persistent. She can’t let anyone be happy. She has to provoke feelings of guilt and make every else feel “less than” even if you praise her 100 times, she will say you never appreciate anything she does or say thank you. I hate the holidays now. I have PTSD at the very mention of holidays.
Real question, not being a jerk, why do you continue to have any relationship with her?
I call it PTHD (post traumatic holiday disorder) and I feel you on this one. I really love my mom but she can be outright mean, especially at the holidays! Holiday gatherings with my family just end up in arguments and someone storming out. It's awkward, it's dramatic, and it makes me nauseous. 😢
awesome. the scripts are awesome. « if you’re going to act like the scapegoat, be prepared to be the scapegoat. » wow. thank you ….!!!!
Dan you have all the right words. Not everyone has this skill, gift so I’ll keep listening. I needed you 45 years ago!
Good strategies, majority of people will need to rehearse these over and over, when people feel threatened/hurt the sympathetic nervous system can take over in an instant and the fight flight or freeze response will happen in a split second and we respond inappropriately.
That's why I recommend practicing the responses you KNOW you'll need so that they come to you as readily as "plop plop fizz fizz . . . ."
It’s a wonder that we socialize at all...
Yes, and yet look at how much people miss it during this period of pandemic. You'd think our lives depending upon socializing, whereas right now our lives depend on not socializing, and so many people find that almost impossible to do, even for a few months. However, when you consider the alternative--
Right?????
I accept your apology instead of its OK, brilliant! Thank you
I love the directness and that your method is strategic. From time to time I have found that responding to these comments with:
"I find it hard to believe that was a productive use of your time!"
In the right situation when used, it has made the antagonist check themselves quickly and shuts down any further antagonistic comments.
I look forward to giving your strategy a shot as well.
I like your method, GPrince. I'm sure it would be effective in many situations. Thank you.
Just found you! 🎁 Better late than never! Your teachings will save all of us who have no idea how to stand up for ourselves! Great job and bless you!✌️❤️🙏
"You can be upfront with your communication"... major burn. Gonna use tham gem
This is so freaking Empowering!!!!! I LOVE IT HERE!!❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Happy to have you here, JahZiiie.
I hope you are super aggressive about protecting your content. Because this video is fantastic. But that's because your message is one of connectivity and kindness. I can imagine clips of this video being seen without the benefit of your wrap up encouraging love, kindness, and patience that could lead to these tools being used as weapons. Thank you for your presentation and the way that you include perspective and purpose with the tools you demonstrate.
Thank you for that thoughtful and informative comment... Wow. I really appreciate the time and consideration you gave me. I'll take your advice... But I'm not even sure how I would go about protecting my content. Any pointers?
@@TheWizardOfWords I think you've addressed my concern in part simply by virtue of the fact that you so quickly responded to a comment on a 9 month old video! Clearly you remain connected to your content.
Sadly the internet is the wild west, and I'm sure you already know how impossible it is to fully secure any sort of content. Encouraging your audience to bring clips from other channels to your attention is one way. Having a featured comment or tile during the video somewhere mentioning the importance of remembering the value of context, and the intention of all great self defense teachers to arm their students so they can make the world safer, not more harmful. I'm sure you could find the best way to present that idea, the way you did it at the end of this was impactful to me.
As far as the ethic of when to take action and when to allow clipping of your content, I think you described it perfectly in this video. When something is problematic, report it, address it, copyright all your videos and don't hesitate to ask RUclips to take down anything that doesn't reflect your purpose. I suppose the danger of misuse by the truly malevolent will always be a risk, but it's a risk worth taking if it can help families and people really be closer.
I watched this video because I hoped it might help me with a family member whose passive aggression comes from a place of insecurity and fear. My desire isn't to put them in their place, shame them, or hurt them. I want to be able to handle things in a way that can remove the space their harmful communication (though not malicious) creates in our relationship.
Watching this video was a roller coaster. I felt empowered at first, then started to worry that I was only going to escalate things and replace my hurt with theirs, which is not at all what I want. But the way you brought it together at the end oriented me into the correct mindset. It was artfully said, and my comment was in response to the awareness that if I had not finished the video, I would have missed what was for me, the thing that made everything else make sense.
Thank you for your response, and for the care you put into this video. It mattered.
I'm just finding this now so this is my holiday. I've got the world's most problematic mama! Her love just hurts but I love her So I'm trying so hard Because she just doesn't get it!! Thank you for this help. I'll keep you posted
My favorite response is “ Why do you ask ? “ And then the 3 sec stare. I’ve done this several times . It turns it around and they don’t know what to say. After the 3 sec stare - I then walk away. Love the comeback on folks telling racist jokes.
That combo is a knock-out punch--and then the walk away. Golden.
Since the holidays are coming around again, I’ll comment.
I have so many toxic holiday memories with family that it’s hard to boil things down. A common one was certain people bringing up the most inflammatory news in politics up to me, despite already knowing we ardently disagreed. Another was passive-agressive “joking,” recalling poor decisions I’ve made.
I believe that passive-aggressive joking--commonly known as mocking--is the most destructive and vile form of communication. Be ready to shut them down this years, Jordan, and if they won't stop--leave. No one should put up with that. Generally, if you spotlight their behavior and ask why they're engaging in it, they'll be embarrassed enough to knock it off. If they aren't, come equipped with an exit line, and leave.
I just love you and your service! I share your videos all the time ... much needed!! Thank you!!
You’re amazing ❤
How can we just bring you next to us when we are next to toxic people so you can give them a kick in the butt 😂
Yep, we need Dan-in-a-pocket.
I had to stop 1/4 through the talk, because I'm vegan for love. I love animals, I love people who love animals and I love people who love, period. I don't have to attend holiday dinners now, but could have used your tactics over the last 49 years. I love you, and we'd get along anywhere - able to express our preferences differently but with respect.
Vegan, you did go back and finish the video, right? Love to you, Vegan.
*My in-laws would pile on and insult me always, and I spent my last Christmas with them in their freezing garage with my dog.* *My husband cheated on me and I divorced him(and his family).* *It is nice to be free of all their abuse, especially for our 4 sons sake.*
Addictive teaching methods for sure! Your techniques have transformed my personal situation in the work place for the better. At last something that actually works with management and colleagues. Sincere thanks!
Wonderful! You are so welcome Mailaddress, and thank you for telling me this :)
You're so great....you seem very comfortable in front of the camera. Thank you for these life skills tips and suggestions. I seem to be surrounded by these kinds of ignorant people and sometimes I am caught off guard. I will continue to follow your videos for your valuable and insiteful lessons....Happy Holidays from South Carolina!
Happy Holidays from North Dakota and Guadalajara, Jalisco, MX, Pamela. I am trying to give practical tips that will make your life better and easier, and will contribute to mindful rather than destructive dialogue. That's the goal--to change the global dialogue one conversation at a time.
You are my favorite!!!!! Thank you for all that you do
You are so welcome, Rachelle.
Your advice is invaluable. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
Have you thought about doing tiktoks? Your content would no doubt go viral.
That 3 second look though!!! Magical!!
I was in need of this video! I have so many passive aggressiv customers! Thank you! Greetings from Turkey!
Glad it was helpful! And greetings from North Dakota and Jalisco!
You help my introverted self handle rude people. TY 🙂
You are very welcome Beaglenoseknows.
This is fabulous! Thank you so much!
You’re so good Dan...thank you
Thank you MM. :)
Thank you so much Dan! Watching your videos and listening to your teaching are inspiring!. I often struggle with "lost words" and stutter when communicating with other people. I just have to keep going and practice :).
It happens the same to me! I have a coworker that bullies me all time and takes advantage because I can’t defend my self from her offensive comments……. I just stay quiet 😢
Great content! Love that you get straight to the issue.
I just came across this! I love you! My problem isn’t having what comes to my mind let it come out of my mouth, it’s that most the time my mind goes blank and what does come into mind is hours later. I hate that. But I’m practicing. I’m Irish Catholic as well but my family is pretty mixed.. different races and cultures which I love but sometimes I have heard some inappropriate comments from someone outside my family but that knows how my family background is and they have no problem saying these things. it drives me crazy and I have to speak up
Practice. Practice. Practice.....
“We are the Christmas dinner table”…..I suggest, you say it….. (brilliant!)
This was so goood. I laughed all the way through. 😂😂😂😂😂
We all need to hear this….. let’s try to keep things civil….
….my fave phrase on the holiday was…”are you still gay? Ohhhh i thought you would’ve grown out of that by now.” It’s usually a question with an answer to their own question…quite hysterical. I answered, “well, I think you came up w/an answer, I’m cool if ur cool?” I took a shot after that… better way to answer?
That's as good as anything, Lenni. The question as stated is born out of such ignorance, it's difficult to answer. It is something like "Do you still drink like a fish?" when you never had a drink in your life. You might possibly respond with "I'm still thinking about it. How about you? Did you decide to be gay or straight? And is your decision definite? When did you make it? Have you told your mother, yet?"
I work in a wellness clinic and we eat healthy and avoid certain foods. We ALWAYS get passive aggressive comments. "You're so skinny, you'll blow away" or "You need to have some dinner rolls to put some meat on your bones!" It's incredibly annoying considering I am at a healthy, normal weight and most of our family lives off of Doritos and snickers and makes overall poor health choices. Like I would never say, "Wow, you're looking extra prediabetic today!" you know?
Jealousy comes in many forms, Angel. Be grateful you're the healthy one, and just smile when you hear these comments. After all--you know . . . .
My sister actually did that at the supermarket one day. She is athletic and very healthy and slim. An immensely overweight woman said to her, in front of the entire shop, 'I'm worried about how thin you are and your health.' My sister finally blasted back. Maybe not the best way to comment back but she has heard so any remarks about her healthy, slim body for years and said nothing. Good for her. It is NOT okay to make remarks like this, especially not in public to a total stranger.
I think Ima use “I would like to assume “ because if I said “ I’m sure you’re not trying” and someone say “I am”. Idk how mature I can be after that lol
Love your channel so glad I've found it. I wish I'd discovered it at Christmas. I would have definitely responded to arguments I've had with family who've brought up things which happened decades ago.
Well, there's always next Christmas.
@@TheWizardOfWords Very true!
I have chronic fatigue system, which of course worsens over the holidays, when we prepare everything. I have gotten used to handling things differently according to my energy level and it works. However, then my brother comes along and follows me around, asking again and again "Why are you overdoing it? You know I suffer with you!" I keep saying "Please just leave me to it, and to mywell earned pause." "But you overdo it, why..." Until I explode and yell "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He then is all indignation, says he only has my best interest at heart, and that I really have to work on my temper. BOY it is i furiating, hope I will now do beter with your tips - however he Doesnt believe me, this is all in myhead he says. I feel so helpless.
You might say to your brother: "Bennie, perhaps you'd like to help out--here's what I'd like you to do . . . ." And then TELL HIM WHAT HE CAN DO TO HELP--instead of his standing around complaining about how hard YOU work.
Lol! Love your humor and wish it could be that easy for me to respond to others.
The first video I have listened to so far. Maybe, I need to work on my communications skills and become a pro at communicating so that I don't lose my job or feel miserable/anxious about it.
Dan, You are AWESOME!!! Thank you for your help and support. ☺️
I'm so glad I don't work or live with toxic petty people. OMG haha. I used to, not anymore lol. Thanks for gearing me up for an unmerited family holiday visit to my extended family.
Any time!
I hear people say “it’s just another day” or “it’s so commercialized” and it can put a negative energy into the Christmas spirit for everyone! It’s hard to reply to it without the other person thinking you’re being a contrarian or combative and they tend to bombard with examples after you reply or try to redirect with a positive
Sometimes a simple "I see it differently" is helpful--or an "I'm sorry you see it that way; I see it differently."
Rude question asked publicly to humiliate. By the way, I'm a newlywed.
"When are you guys going to have a baby? Why aren't you pregnant yet? What's taking you so long?"
Tell them you feel uncomfortable with such personal questions and that it's a private matter between you and your husband and you will never discuss this with outsiders. (Yes, let them know they are outsiders by saying so.)
Let them know you won't be answering their intrusive questions again. If all fails, just tell them to f off.
I work at customer service, and some people are so rude, and I want to know how to stand up for myself, without directly rude.
Go to my RUclips channel and put in a few search words and you'll find several videos on this topic, including one directly on customer service.
Thank you so so much for this! You've gained a new subscriber! So, my manager can be very condescending, very sarcastic, and talks about you within earshot "without using ur name" if you ever make a mistake on the job. For example, I made a mistake and he comments for everyone to hear "what, did you just shut your brain off...how do u forget something you've been doing for the last 5 years"...I just made 3 years with the company btw, and it's not something I do everyday. And so he continues (throughout thee entire morning) to make obnoxious comments to his fave employee (again, within earshot, so I am able to hear everything) about sharp people vs dull knives and making "jokes" about trading out employees for sharper ones...I mean he kept digging and digging (again, not doing it directly at me but it was 100% about me) and I kept my composure and did not respond... but quite honestly I wanted to explode and seriously go off on him. But I didn't bc I know it wld not have been good for anyone - not with my emotions high as it was. I was livid. But I just sucked it up and continued doing my job bc I know he can also be very petty and vindictive. I was mentally drained by the time work was over...that's how much work it took to ignore his asinine comments! He's also proud and thinks he's smarter than everyone and thinks he can out-talk anyone. Phew! Sorry, I know that was a mouthful. Please...how would you address someone like this if it were you?
What if I have a house mate who is mentally and emotionally unstable? Almost everything she says is untrue. Almost every interaction with her feels like an assault. She is loud and her weapons of choice are lies and word salad. She has blocked me from walking through doorways. She has demanded that I come out of my room to talk with her. I'm in my car with the vehicle running, ready to go to work, and she comes up to my closed window and demands that I listen to her go on and on about how hard her day has been. All because she moved (hid) some belongings of mine and I simply asked her where she put my things? Please do not suggest that I move someplace else. I am not doing anything to harm anybody. I mind my own business. Everything else about where I live is great. I cannot afford to move.
You CAN afford to move and MUST move. Either that, or know that you've chosen to live with a person who is mentally and emotionally unstable. There is nothing you can do about that, Jessica, so you either live with it or you move.
Awesome!!! You are great!gee... I must share this with my friend who happens to be dreading the fact that some of her in laws will have 'Thanksgiving' dinner at her place.
Please do share :)
I must take your free class, when is your class? I'm off Thursdays & Fridays.
The class is recorded and is online, and you can take it at your leisure :)
John your awesome teacher. Thank you for your efforts to produce theses videos.
Brilliant. Thank you.
What can you suggest as a way for an empath to handle trying to be heard, by those that have verbal diarrhoea ??
( Specifically for Empath’s- for we struggle to interrupt or talk over or move away)
ìn-Justice, I have videos about interrupting when you must do that. Put in some key words and check it out.
This is great! Actually saying its ok to call them out on their behaviour.
If you have run across this video ' you probably agree this is my SOLID ADVICE
It's a great tutorial driven by content presented with skill thanks
Thank you TB.
@@TheWizardOfWords u earned it it's a pleasure to share the magic