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I can’t believe I just found you! After 43 years of marriage ( still married but my MIL passed away recently) and from the day I met her she made those comments. So many tears. I think it took about 12 years sadly until I could just ignore it. My husband blew them off for years until finally his sister blew up because his mom did it to her too. The only good thing was my kids saw it and they called it out loudly when they became teenagers. They take no sh$t from anyone. 😊
I went no contact with my mil almost a year ago. The only thing that concerns me is our children. I'm always doubting if I made the right decision or im being selfish for choosing peace. Like you said " So many tears" but I've only been married 4 years. I just couldn't see myself taking any more of it. I'm glad you are in a better place in life now Birdie 🙏
My warning shot was - I completely took myself out of the situation, relationship, and familial relationship COMPLETELY. I don’t give warnings, I just take action 🤷🏼♀️
Your Mother-In-Law voice has me cracking UP!! haha! My MIL gives the back-handed comments & follows up with "Well, if you didn't want my opinion, you shouldn't have asked" ... NOBODY ASKED HER TO BEGIN WITH! HAHA!! UUGGHHHH
Well, truth be told there are occasions when I MIGHT resort to that. It is not name-calling; it's calling out--and sometimes it is necessary to be blunt rather than tactful. Unkind? Never. Untactful? Maybe :)
I laughed out loud at this ! It's my life, almost word for word at my mother in laws house every. single. time. I'm there 😆 Thank you, cant wait for more. Thank you so much for covering this.
I've been struggling with my self esteem after all the comments I've heard from my mil, thank you for giving me some confidence in standing up for myself 🤗
You are awesome. I’ve bucked up to grown boyfriends of my moms as a girl and it always threw them off and they’d back off. One tried to go after my dog once…
Thank you thank you thank you! I needed this so much! I always get led to slaughter by family, and I was raised to quietly go along with being bullied. This is so helpful.
MIL is always going to be a jealous old hag, but it's really up to your husband to stand up! This year my husband's mom said over FaceTime, "some people (his siblings girlfriend) like to come home for Christmas." Mind you, they all live in Michigan and everything is locked down lmfao. My husband said, "this is my family" referring to myself and our 2 dogs lmfaooooo omg I died laughing so hard I had to walk away out of the camera. We eloped on NYE alone not one person was invited in either one of our families. That's what you get and we couldn't be happier!
@@adeolaoke4165 My MIL was a difficult, insulting, narcissistic individual; however, I could never lower myself to call her an old hag. As she was near death, she admitted she had to “put you girls in your place” (that’s my sister-in-law and me) because we were college-educated (she was not), with careers. Her insults, put-downs, and passive-aggressive behavior, while intended to keep us in our lanes, only drove us away from her. I told her she missed out on having two loving friendships with us.
For whatever reason, I think this was one of your best videos. They're all excellent but this one was extra awesome. YOU are awesome, thank you for sharing your wisdom and helping to improve the world.
You're welcome, Jasper, and now if you share these videos with your contact list, we'll both be improving the world by changing the global dialogue, one conversation ( and contact) at a time :) :)
That is so true! When you change the pattern the Bullies won’t expect that and they usually back down and see oh! I can’t mess with her like that. So they’ll either leave you alone atleast for a while or try something different. Thankfully since learning these skills I haven’t seen the bully for over 6 glorious months!!!
I have just discovered this channel and I have to say you are delightful. I have been looking for ways to improve my communication for a long time and these videos have been the best by far in helping me do that. THANK YOU
I can’t stand my passive aggressive mother in law snd his family. If I would’ve known that they were like the way they are, I would’ve never marry him.
Wish I would have found you way before. I had not twigged what I was dealing with. Thank you very much. Even years later it’s kind of a spiritual journey to not get triggered.
Oh my! Dan, you are soo good! I am so happy to have found your channel. I am listening daily to your videos and practicing. You are so funny, I love your expressions♥️
Mine laughed in my face and said “you’re just like the maid, you only know how to nod your head but you don’t know anything huh.” - when there was no point in me talking anyway because she dominates the conversation. Always rude and condescending, passive aggressive or sometimes just full on attacks me verbally when my partner is not around
Sounds like you need to go full out no contact. If it’s not possible just don’t talk to the toxic person at all & if they insist on a response just say “I’m not talking to you, at all “.
That’s awful and toxic. You don’t need someone like that in your life. Personally I cut all contact with my nasty mil. Life is too short for nasty stupid bs.
Your video is a gem!!! I LOVE how you bring the humor to an otherwise tense and unenjoyable experience with a "bully"... Mine being my mother-in-law. She makes every family gather the MOST uncomfortable and frustrating day to night event. Now i live with her and it's unimaginably the MOST hell experience of my 32 years on planet Earth. This was exactly what I needed. Thank you! P.S.: Excuse my previous typos. LMFAO my attention was being distributed between lil half sized terrors on the playground and wallowing in the amusement of my self-pity (but the planet "WART" typo had me bustin' up... she makes the planet earth feel like a planet wart on her ass! . ... too much?... sorry, I just couldn't help myself lmao! 🤭🤪🤪🤪 ok.. I digress. 🙌
I laughed so loud listening to your comebacks that I executed a very unladylike snort. I literally have tears running down my face and my side hurts. Thank you for the best pandemic laughter I have had in twelve months. I do plan to watch this video about 300 times to prepare for the 2021 holiday season, and would like to know if Crystal is available as a body guard. : ) Thank you Dan; this was informative and joyful.
I learn something from every video you post.Your advice is absolutely the best and I appreciate your humor.I wish sometimes you could be in my ear and coach me.With that being said I have used many of your techniques....with great success! Your body language tips are very helpful...things I have never thought of....like the 3 second stare...NO head tilting...etc.Thank you!!! I have gained much confidence thanks to you!Merry Christmas🎄❤️
Dan could you please show us some responses to people who straight up own the fact that they wanted to belittle you after calling them out on it? Would mean the world! 😃 Love your videos 🥰
Yes, they themselves are immune to being caught red handed, “technically shameless” contrary to our assumption that they deserve respect. Even if their doings are pointed out to them they are evasive, insensitive to daily sins they commit and ‘immune to introspect or feel bad about it’. That is their makeup. Even after being pointed they will not shut down or feel bad or back out. They operate at a more ‘sinister and insensitive level’ than we can assume for anyone. Something seriously wrong with their socialisation.
Last comment lol! I just have to say I love you and this video and your content! Everyone watching this video will go away feeling so empowered and ready for strong and gracious communication spreading love and not hatefulness back. And like you said were showing others what loving yourself and others looks like by how we communicate!
My boss assumed I was lying, because when she attacked me, I stuttered in giving her a response. I should have said, “When you say that I stuttered, are you saying that I stuttered because I wasn’t being truthful?”
My mother in law just said today to my husband she ran into “ a single woman our age who is a friend of mil and friend of the family” oh I just ran into her and she said she misses you so much and she said she just loves you. Yup on FaceTime in front of everyone, my husband was mortified, kids were confused. I loathe her
She sounds delightful. I hope I said SOMETHING in this video that will help you deal with this woman in a constructive way. Around people such as that you really have to enter survival mode.
Thank you for this wonderful video Dan! You have done a terrific job of combining wit and lightness with some seriously helpful advice. I paused and replayed it several times to make sure I jotted down important points (I've always learned best by writing things down). My issue is my MIL's lack of acknowledgement of my existence. She'll give me a perfunctory greeting when we get together, and maybe a "How's your business doing?" which only requires a one-word answer from me (I've learned she's not interested in details), and then it descends from there. The passive-aggressive jabs aren't lobbed at me so much when it's just me, my husband, and our son (but I still feel alienated in my own house!). Those hurtful comments are saved for when the entire family is together: my husband, my BIL & SIL, my FIL, and our kids (my son and nieces), and sometimes even when the gathering includes friends and neighbors. It's terribly embarrassing and humiliating. Your video has given me some confidence to deal with these situations in a productive way that keeps my self-esteem and dignity intact.
Wow--thanks for writing. I sincerely hope this video helps you deal with your mother-in-law, Jennifer. Watch this video a hundred times until you believe that no one can embarrass and humiliate you without your permission. It sounds to me as though your MIL should be the embarrassed person--
You are hilarious, Dan. Your acting skills in the scenarios is so in character I can actually see the dinner table and the dark meat hahaaha! I might live in Australia, but we have passive aggressive friends here too and your advice is global! Awesome free content, thank you so much. I'm particularly in love with the clarifying question. It's there for the next time my friend says "but you just do it in Photoshop, don't you?" about my artwork (because she uses real paint). First will be the 3 second stare, then the "would you mind repeating that?", then in for the kill with the clarifier. I actually can't wait for the next comment!
Speaking of passive/aggressive mothers-in-law (this one lived NEXT DOOR!!). I was ready to go to a Christmas "do" when she began to compliment my hair, my clothes, and makeup. And then she said, "Well, it just goes to show -- you can either look nice or, you know, be yourself.". This was the 70s when I wore pantsuits or dresses with hose and heels AT HOME! during the day!! So I said that to my husband later as we were about to leave and his response was, "WTF is THAT spozta mean!!!?".(I'm cracking up writing this!!) I said I wasn't sure but that his mum had said it to me a little earlier!!!
Great advice Daniel, it's a pleasure to receive your advice. It's so fun that I forget I'm learning. But what would you say if you answer to a passive-aggressive person with: "when you said this, do you mean to offend me?" Many people would say: "yes, that's exactly what I mean. I'm being honest. Why are you so sensitive?" Do I need to clarify: "you don't get to choose in my place what hurts and what doesn't"? Because a lot of people would use: "oh, I was just kidding why are you so sensitive?" Usually when that happens, I leave the conversation or situation, but I somehow am tired of leaving all the time. Sometimes we gotta live next to people who have no consideration towards our boundaries.
@Dana Stoian, I think Dan has suggested that when people say, why are you so sensitive/paranoid, etc., to say, "your gaslighting doesn't surprise me" and THEN leave.
Your info is so helpful, I appreciate these videos so much. That being said, I do wish you'd do more like these, toxic people NOT at work. Thanks again for all you do!!
Oh goodness Dan, if I’m ever in need of some really good belly laughs I just have to listen to one of your videos on how to deal with nasty people. I loved the Fa La La/ho ho ho analogy!! You are very funny and spontaneous in this one, love it! Thanks so much! 🥰
Welcome, Senor Frank. And once again--in re my mother--I've used her as a foil in my training for years. She gets that I am exaggerating for effect--though there IS SOMETHING THERE to exaggerate :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords luxury? To ignore someone? That’s really eye opening. Not all people have the luxury to look the other way and pretend like they didn’t hear it. You literally are preaching it in this video. Dumb ass
OH goodness I nearly spat out my coffee watching this - the part about calling the ex Tracey !! Yes she does this all the time - calls and tell him all the women he knew that has moved into the area and how he should call her and meet up for dinner. Friends having dinner - oh so innocent .. why are you so insecure - you are getting more and more insecure - What is worng with you / her ? she is going from bad to worse ....I am only trying to help and support her ?? Scream!!
@@TheWizardOfWords Amen!!! You captured it all! Too many holiday and family events throughout the years where some damaged hell, low self-esteem person, bully yeah who is skilled at passive aggression drops those bombs that you shared and thank you very much!
What do you do with people who are overtly aggressive, especially a group? I almost never have to deal a person coming at me by themselves. They usually have at least two friends who will automatically agree with whatever the antagonistic person has to say.
I would say "Let's talk about this when we are alone; there is no need to involve other people." If they persist, I would say "I am not comfortable with a group attack; please drop the topic until we can talk about this one on one, instead of one on three." If they still persist, I would say "I just remembered I have things to do. I'll see you later" and then I'd leave that group.
1.) I listened to you response about the beer "Do you think I'm a lush"? My In laws, would have responded with a big ole hefty "Yeah." Instead, I use all the same body language, drop my voice and say, in response to looking for cheap beer." "I would think you'd know where every stop & rob is, in this town". Then laugh. And I don't pull my eye contact.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks!!! It does work. Because, I am laughing at them. They will get up an leave. When they make it to the car, you can read their lips. "BITCH. hahaha
I had to stop listening for one moment because in dying laughing @ the Xmas Turd!!😆😆 Well done! I absolutely LOVE analogys and this is GOLD! You're my hero. Thanks for being you and Happy Holidays. Now go be awesome!
I laughed so hard :))) I'm romanian and I knows what the shoe off means :))) my grandma' use to use this kind of communication when we didn't listen :)) seems a common language :)))
“ Your gonna raise the kids Catholic, right?” Hahahahah Pew pew- shots fired. Oh Dan, you are my Irish Catholic, long lost relative hero. Thank you for all this free, fun and incredibly useful information you put out for us.
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HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
I freeze in these situations and think of clever responses later. Thank you for this.
I can’t believe I just found you! After 43 years of marriage ( still married but my MIL passed away recently) and from the day I met her she made those comments. So many tears. I think it took about 12 years sadly until I could just ignore it. My husband blew them off for years until finally his sister blew up because his mom did it to her too. The only good thing was my kids saw it and they called it out loudly when they became teenagers. They take no sh$t from anyone. 😊
Just saw this, and I'm still dealing with the comments, after so many years! ugh!
I went no contact with my mil almost a year ago. The only thing that concerns me is our children. I'm always doubting if I made the right decision or im being selfish for choosing peace. Like you said " So many tears" but I've only been married 4 years. I just couldn't see myself taking any more of it. I'm glad you are in a better place in life now Birdie 🙏
@@evamz9584You are lucky that your husband supports you to go no contact with his mother.
Luckyyyy
Terrible 😢
Gotta love the insults wrapped in a compliment … lol
My warning shot was - I completely took myself out of the situation, relationship, and familial relationship COMPLETELY. I don’t give warnings, I just take action 🤷🏼♀️
That's fine, Courtney, if you don't mind ending all those relationships, which included your primary?
Your Mother-In-Law voice has me cracking UP!! haha! My MIL gives the back-handed comments & follows up with "Well, if you didn't want my opinion, you shouldn't have asked" ... NOBODY ASKED HER TO BEGIN WITH! HAHA!! UUGGHHHH
You're so tactful Dan. I always say "cheap shots like that need a chaser . Bring It On !"
Well, truth be told there are occasions when I MIGHT resort to that. It is not name-calling; it's calling out--and sometimes it is necessary to be blunt rather than tactful. Unkind? Never. Untactful? Maybe :)
I'm doing a rerun of positive, inspiring videos to help boost my confidence. You, Wizard Dan are hilarious. This is on my "listen often" playlist!
Oh my goodness, would you please do more of these in depth. I feel like I have to slay my in-laws all day everyday.
I laughed out loud at this ! It's my life, almost word for word at my mother in laws house every. single. time. I'm there 😆 Thank you, cant wait for more. Thank you so much for covering this.
Just put out another one yesterday, Jessica. Check it out-- more dealing with toxic people. :)
@@TheWizardOfWords You amazing man! I cant wait. Thank you!!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent it is a wonderful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt.
I've been struggling with my self esteem after all the comments I've heard from my mil, thank you for giving me some confidence in standing up for myself 🤗
I feel your pain 🙋♀️
Thank you so much. I've been a doormat all of my life and she exploited that. I'm so nervous to do these but it needs to be done.
If you're a doormat--yes, put an end to that.
After 34 years, my mil has pulled every single one of those things you made fun of. Every single one, plus so, so, many more. Thank you!
You're welcome, gardener.
If only it was that obvious, my mother in law is so sneaky i barely see her sneekyness...
You are awesome. I’ve bucked up to grown boyfriends of my moms as a girl and it always threw them off and they’d back off. One tried to go after my dog once…
Thank you thank you thank you! I needed this so much! I always get led to slaughter by family, and I was raised to quietly go along with being bullied. This is so helpful.
You are so welcome, S Duyck!
MIL is always going to be a jealous old hag, but it's really up to your husband to stand up! This year my husband's mom said over FaceTime, "some people (his siblings girlfriend) like to come home for Christmas." Mind you, they all live in Michigan and everything is locked down lmfao. My husband said, "this is my family" referring to myself and our 2 dogs lmfaooooo omg I died laughing so hard I had to walk away out of the camera. We eloped on NYE alone not one person was invited in either one of our families. That's what you get and we couldn't be happier!
Well, apparently you're all happy and since you are not around your MIL, you don't have to deal with her--so everybody wins. ??
You will become a mother in law ...saying old hag is not okay
I say old broad even if im old but ppl who do negative things get this term but nice ppl get positive titles old or not old.
@@adeolaoke4165 not every woman wants kids, tho...or even can have kids...so what exactly are you saying?
@@adeolaoke4165 My MIL was a difficult, insulting, narcissistic individual; however, I could never lower myself to call her an old hag. As she was near death, she admitted she had to “put you girls in your place” (that’s my sister-in-law and me) because we were college-educated (she was not), with careers. Her insults, put-downs, and passive-aggressive behavior, while intended to keep us in our lanes, only drove us away from her. I told her she missed out on having two loving friendships with us.
For whatever reason, I think this was one of your best videos. They're all excellent but this one was extra awesome. YOU are awesome, thank you for sharing your wisdom and helping to improve the world.
You're welcome, Jasper, and now if you share these videos with your contact list, we'll both be improving the world by changing the global dialogue, one conversation ( and contact) at a time :) :)
That is so true! When you change the pattern the Bullies won’t expect that and they usually back down and see oh! I can’t mess with her like that. So they’ll either leave you alone atleast for a while or try something different. Thankfully since learning these skills I haven’t seen the bully for over 6 glorious months!!!
Hopefully the bully moved on to another victim and hopefully that victim too is well-armed.
OMG!!! I’m still laughing at Crystal taking her shoes off!!!! Thanks so much for the good advice.
Yes, she was a character--and one not to be trifled with, believe me!
Me too! 😂
Yup,Push up your sleeves, stand up, clear your throat, take off your glasses. You go Crystal. 👍👍👍
We call that the “ chancla” 🩴. If a latina woman starts to take off her flip flops you better duck and run!!!
Take it a step further by standing up and taking your earrings off or rolling up your sleeves 😂
i am crying from laughing so hard. The sass is palpable
I have just discovered this channel and I have to say you are delightful. I have been looking for ways to improve my communication for a long time and these videos have been the best by far in helping me do that. THANK YOU
Oh my goodness. The “Christmas Turd Declaration “ still has me crying with laughter
I can’t stand my passive aggressive mother in law snd his family. If I would’ve known that they were like the way they are, I would’ve never marry him.
It is true that when you marry--you are frequently marrying the family of your spouse :)
You are freaking hilarious! You have a gift to teach in such a great way. Loveeee your videos
Wish I would have found you way before. I had not twigged what I was dealing with. Thank you very much. Even years later it’s kind of a spiritual journey to not get triggered.
Oh my! Dan, you are soo good! I am so happy to have found your channel.
I am listening daily to your videos and practicing.
You are so funny, I love your expressions♥️
Great to hear, Alison, so please be sure and share these videos.
Seven minutes in I already know I am watching this again. Fantastic advice and just what I need.
Happy to have helped, Lanie. Please share these videos (maybe not with your MIL--or maybe with her too).
Man you're such a discovery for me like a rescuer!!!!! 👍❤ I love your videos
Well then stay tuned, Mirella, so you don't drown!
No. From the bird. Yes, directly from the bird. She's full of it this year.
Daaaammmmmmmnnnn
:)
Mine laughed in my face and said “you’re just like the maid, you only know how to nod your head but you don’t know anything huh.” - when there was no point in me talking anyway because she dominates the conversation. Always rude and condescending, passive aggressive or sometimes just full on attacks me verbally when my partner is not around
Omigod Chutterball--use these techniques with your overbearing MIL--PLEASE.
Next time your together , take a recording device and play back to your partner
Sounds like you need to go full out no contact. If it’s not possible just don’t talk to the toxic person at all & if they insist on a response just say “I’m not talking to you, at all “.
That’s awful and toxic. You don’t need someone like that in your life. Personally I cut all contact with my nasty mil. Life is too short for nasty stupid bs.
Thank G-d have a future mother in law that's very kind and sweet. No mind games or nonsense.
You are truly blessed.
They’re all kind and sweet in the beginning. That’s the trap lol
This video rocks my world 4 times a year LOL
"Mmm mm, you're not hiding that christmas turd" Superb 👌
:) :)
Your video is a gem!!! I LOVE how you bring the humor to an otherwise tense and unenjoyable experience with a "bully"... Mine being my mother-in-law. She makes every family gather the MOST uncomfortable and frustrating day to night event. Now i live with her and it's unimaginably the MOST hell experience of my 32 years on planet Earth.
This was exactly what I needed. Thank you!
P.S.: Excuse my previous typos. LMFAO my attention was being distributed between lil half sized terrors on the playground and wallowing in the amusement of my self-pity (but the planet "WART" typo had me bustin' up... she makes the planet earth feel like a planet wart on her ass! .
... too much?... sorry, I just couldn't help myself lmao!
🤭🤪🤪🤪
ok.. I digress. 🙌
I enjoyed your post, Ra3 :)
I laughed so loud listening to your comebacks that I executed a very unladylike snort. I literally have tears running down my face and my side hurts. Thank you for the best pandemic laughter I have had in twelve months. I do plan to watch this video about 300 times to prepare for the 2021 holiday season, and would like to know if Crystal is available as a body guard. : ) Thank you Dan; this was informative and joyful.
Well Rose you've made my day because apparently I've done my job. :)
When you said "when crystal takes her shoes off" and "flushing the Christmas terd" you won me lmao!
😂 you make self empowerment so much fun!! I’m taking notes and practicing 🙌
Great Joyce! Practice may not make perfect, but it can make things much much better.
I learn something from every video you post.Your advice is absolutely the best and I appreciate your humor.I wish sometimes you could be in my ear and coach me.With that being said I have used many of your techniques....with great success! Your body language tips are very helpful...things I have never thought of....like the 3 second stare...NO head tilting...etc.Thank you!!! I have gained much confidence thanks to you!Merry Christmas🎄❤️
Many thanks, Miranda. I am gratified to have helped you on your communication journey. And Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Where have you been the past 7 years! I needed you!
You’re hilarious and I will so use your teaching...... I have the mother of toxic waste disguised as people thank you....you are so appreciated
That is a great compliment and I thank you. To offer usable solutions while not boring the listener--that's my goal.
Dan could you please show us some responses to people who straight up own the fact that they wanted to belittle you after calling them out on it? Would mean the world! 😃 Love your videos 🥰
Yes, they themselves are immune to being caught red handed, “technically shameless” contrary to our assumption that they deserve respect. Even if their doings are pointed out to them they are evasive, insensitive to daily sins they commit and ‘immune to introspect or feel bad about it’. That is their makeup. Even after being pointed they will not shut down or feel bad or back out. They operate at a more ‘sinister and insensitive level’ than we can assume for anyone. Something seriously wrong with their socialisation.
Last comment lol! I just have to say I love you and this video and your content! Everyone watching this video will go away feeling so empowered and ready for strong and gracious communication spreading love and not hatefulness back. And like you said were showing others what loving yourself and others looks like by how we communicate!
Well i HOPE it's not your last comment. THANKS for your kind words, Dee Dee.
Brilliant info and entertaining to watch!
My boss assumed I was lying, because when she attacked me, I stuttered in giving her a response. I should have said, “When you say that I stuttered, are you saying that I stuttered because I wasn’t being truthful?”
Yes. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging challenges. Your speech challenges certainly impact your responses and your boss should know that.
My mother in law just said today to my husband she ran into “ a single woman our age who is a friend of mil and friend of the family” oh I just ran into her and she said she misses you so much and she said she just loves you. Yup on FaceTime in front of everyone, my husband was mortified, kids were confused. I loathe her
She sounds delightful. I hope I said SOMETHING in this video that will help you deal with this woman in a constructive way. Around people such as that you really have to enter survival mode.
Dan you're the best! Lol! Thank you for sharing your tips🤍
My pleasure!!
Man huge respect to u sir cause mother in law in India are next level
Hope this video helps, Shruti.
Thank you for this wonderful video Dan! You have done a terrific job of combining wit and lightness with some seriously helpful advice. I paused and replayed it several times to make sure I jotted down important points (I've always learned best by writing things down). My issue is my MIL's lack of acknowledgement of my existence. She'll give me a perfunctory greeting when we get together, and maybe a "How's your business doing?" which only requires a one-word answer from me (I've learned she's not interested in details), and then it descends from there. The passive-aggressive jabs aren't lobbed at me so much when it's just me, my husband, and our son (but I still feel alienated in my own house!). Those hurtful comments are saved for when the entire family is together: my husband, my BIL & SIL, my FIL, and our kids (my son and nieces), and sometimes even when the gathering includes friends and neighbors. It's terribly embarrassing and humiliating. Your video has given me some confidence to deal with these situations in a productive way that keeps my self-esteem and dignity intact.
Wow--thanks for writing. I sincerely hope this video helps you deal with your mother-in-law, Jennifer. Watch this video a hundred times until you believe that no one can embarrass and humiliate you without your permission. It sounds to me as though your MIL should be the embarrassed person--
I wish you would make more toxic inlaws videos!!! These help so so much!!
OMG!! You know my MIL!! And my mom too!! I have to take this to life! I’m having chills!! Dude, you know what you’re talking about
I got my mother in law to admit that she messes with all people's relationships. She laughed.
She sounds delightful.
Omg I love this and I love you. Thank u for the laugh I needed this so much. ❤❤ this is amazing advice
Glad it was helpful!
I think going EXTRA at the holidays (when it meets your 3 criteria) is a good call as many toxic types unload at that time!
You are hilarious, Dan. Your acting skills in the scenarios is so in character I can actually see the dinner table and the dark meat hahaaha! I might live in Australia, but we have passive aggressive friends here too and your advice is global! Awesome free content, thank you so much. I'm particularly in love with the clarifying question. It's there for the next time my friend says "but you just do it in Photoshop, don't you?" about my artwork (because she uses real paint). First will be the 3 second stare, then the "would you mind repeating that?", then in for the kill with the clarifier. I actually can't wait for the next comment!
Happy to have made your day as you lay in wait, BuntingClipClop :) :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords i hear you. I will. But I have my air of confused puzzlement ready lol
Wow! This is fantastic
Gorgeous global communication, enlighting and enriching as ever
Thanks, Dandelion--trying to change the global dialogue one conversation at a time :)
Dan the things you say just crack me up. You do give the best advice. Keep up the good work you do on all your videos
Thanks, Nyla, and be sure and share these videos.
Speaking of passive/aggressive mothers-in-law (this one lived NEXT DOOR!!). I was ready to go to a Christmas "do" when she began to compliment my hair, my clothes, and makeup. And then she said, "Well, it just goes to show -- you can either look nice or, you know, be yourself.". This was the 70s when I wore pantsuits or dresses with hose and heels AT HOME! during the day!! So I said that to my husband later as we were about to leave and his response was, "WTF is THAT spozta mean!!!?".(I'm cracking up writing this!!) I said I wasn't sure but that his mum had said it to me a little earlier!!!
The best part about the story is your ability to laugh it off! I wonder--now that she is presumably gone--do you miss her???
@@TheWizardOfWords Sure, I miss her -- like a bad rash!!!
I love this, this is so great, can't wait to try them out. Thank you so much for your advice, your video is so fun to watch!
Well be sure and report back, Raquel.
Great timing! This new years eve with IL family is gonna be memorable
Great advice Daniel, it's a pleasure to receive your advice. It's so fun that I forget I'm learning. But what would you say if you answer to a passive-aggressive person with: "when you said this, do you mean to offend me?" Many people would say: "yes, that's exactly what I mean. I'm being honest. Why are you so sensitive?" Do I need to clarify: "you don't get to choose in my place what hurts and what doesn't"? Because a lot of people would use: "oh, I was just kidding why are you so sensitive?" Usually when that happens, I leave the conversation or situation, but I somehow am tired of leaving all the time. Sometimes we gotta live next to people who have no consideration towards our boundaries.
@Dana Stoian, I think Dan has suggested that when people say, why are you so sensitive/paranoid, etc., to say, "your gaslighting doesn't surprise me" and THEN leave.
I love the way you word things!!!! Genius!!!! Lol
😁
Always a pleasure listening to Dan's tips.
I hope you occasionally or ALWAYS share these tips, Tell Samyra.
I like that lean in towards them
Your info is so helpful, I appreciate these videos so much. That being said, I do wish you'd do more like these, toxic people NOT at work. Thanks again for all you do!!
I will try to do a few more videos that are not necessarily for work :)
oh my lawd i just discovered you and you are BRILLIANT. i'm laughing my a$$ off and learning so much. thank you!
You are so welcome.
Can you do a follow up on how to answer back if they deny a toxic intention?
I would spotlight the behavior, and if they deny a toxic intention, say "I'm relieved to hear that. So you won't be (saying/doing) that again?"
@@TheWizardOfWords so glad I discovered you!! New subscriber.
Oh goodness Dan, if I’m ever in need of some really good belly laughs I just have to listen to one of your videos on how to deal with nasty people. I loved the Fa La La/ho ho ho analogy!! You are very funny and spontaneous in this one, love it! Thanks so much! 🥰
You're welcome Kara and I hope you're liking and sharing up a storm.
Yikes.. I wouldn’t be having dinner with these kind of people. Life’s too short.
If you can avoid having dinner with them, that sounds like a plan. Some people find interaction with their relatives (especially in-laws) unavoidable.
so i am passive agressive and i needed this lesson in love. Thank you and you got a new subscriber.
Welcome, Senor Frank. And once again--in re my mother--I've used her as a foil in my training for years. She gets that I am exaggerating for effect--though there IS SOMETHING THERE to exaggerate :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords Nothing beats a little insecurity...oh wait, you do.....
@@TheWizardOfWords before i forget, thank you for welcoming me.
Thank you for great knowledge, you are empowering us with this.
Many thanks, Ana, and please like and share these videos. There are many more to come.
I wish I could be this calm cool and collected. Not mention witty af. I get so flustered
This is a GREAT video with awesome advice. LOVE your sense of humor and communication style! You are super relatable.
Thanks so much Juliah fl.
Hahah I love this so much!! 💜 thank you for adding the humor
And thank you for appreciating my attempt at humor, Stephanie :)
Your so funny, you make me laugh out loud! Thank you for sharing your videos.
Glad you like them and I hope you share them, M.
Every time I watch one of your videos Dan, I start dying laughing. I love your style and your message Dan!
😂 a good look at it before we flush it!!!🤣🤣🤣 You are AMAZING 🙏🏽🤗 Thank you!!!
You are so welcome
I was cracking up too 😂
Instead IGNORE THEM
Easy enough if you can do it, but most people don't have that ability or that luxury.
@@TheWizardOfWords luxury? To ignore someone?
That’s really eye opening. Not all people have the luxury to look the other way and pretend like they didn’t hear it. You literally are preaching it in this video. Dumb ass
Spot on ....thank you. This is what I needed
Thank you! I got what i came here for! Now its time to go change a narrative!
I wished i had your quick response. I have a tendency to freeze.
Iove it! Thanks 😊
OH goodness I nearly spat out my coffee watching this - the part about calling the ex Tracey !! Yes she does this all the time - calls and tell him all the women he knew that has moved into the area and how he should call her and meet up for dinner. Friends having dinner - oh so innocent .. why are you so insecure - you are getting more and more insecure - What is worng with you / her ? she is going from bad to worse ....I am only trying to help and support her ?? Scream!!
I feel like this was made just for me :) thank you!!!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛
Dee Dee, it WAS made just for you.
This is GOLD!!!!
OK, I'll take it, but I'm aiming for platinum. Maybe the next one??
@@TheWizardOfWords Amen!!! You captured it all! Too many holiday and family events throughout the years where some damaged hell, low self-esteem person, bully yeah who is skilled at passive aggression drops those bombs that you shared and thank you very much!
Another 15 minutes well spent. Can you do a video on dealing with sycophants? Thank you.
I will put that on my list, Shiobana.
What do you do with people who are overtly aggressive, especially a group? I almost never have to deal a person coming at me by themselves. They usually have at least two friends who will automatically agree with whatever the antagonistic person has to say.
I would say "Let's talk about this when we are alone; there is no need to involve other people." If they persist, I would say "I am not comfortable with a group attack; please drop the topic until we can talk about this one on one, instead of one on three." If they still persist, I would say "I just remembered I have things to do. I'll see you later" and then I'd leave that group.
1.) I listened to you response about the beer "Do you think I'm a lush"? My In laws, would have responded with a big ole hefty "Yeah." Instead, I use all the same body language, drop my voice and say, in response to looking for cheap beer." "I would think you'd know where every stop & rob is, in this town". Then laugh. And I don't pull my eye contact.
Sounds as though that would work, Earl.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks!!! It does work. Because, I am laughing at them. They will get up an leave. When they make it to the car, you can read their lips. "BITCH. hahaha
This is helpful, thank you!
You know how to give a good READ! Love the shade 😅
:)
Oh my goodness. I’m so glad I found your channel 🤣💕
Yes! I totally want to go to a party with you! This info is so good!
Well if you're ever in Ajijic, MX, Stephanie . . . . or Saint Paul . . . . or Fargo . . . . :)
I had to stop listening for one moment because in dying laughing @ the Xmas Turd!!😆😆
Well done! I absolutely LOVE analogys and this is GOLD!
You're my hero. Thanks for being you and Happy Holidays.
Now go be awesome!
Omg the stuffing in the bird! *tears* 😆😆😆
Well I shall go forth and TRY to be awesome. :)
@@TheWizardOfWords too late, now you've done it.
I laughed so hard :))) I'm romanian and I knows what the shoe off means :))) my grandma' use to use this kind of communication when we didn't listen :)) seems a common language :)))
Yes, body language can unite us all, Ana-maria!
If my mother took her shoe off you shut up real quick and run away fast, usually that shoe was about to be sent like a missile 🤣
Watching this now, cuz.....I UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT!
Great!
“ Your gonna raise the kids Catholic, right?” Hahahahah
Pew pew- shots fired.
Oh Dan, you are my Irish Catholic, long lost relative hero. Thank you for all this free, fun and incredibly useful information you put out for us.
MK, very happy to be of help! You mean you didn't raise the kids Catholic? WHAT/??????? :) :)
You are a gift!
Thank you, and I'm going to try to keep on giving.
This advice is STRONG!!!!
But mindful, I hope :) :)
The shoes! Killing me over here! I have a pointer tail holder with me. If I put my long hair up....it's on :)
YOU ARE FRIGGIN' AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!