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Dan is a gift to us. The pain he can ease within us cannot be measured. The self esteem he can give back to us is life saving. The life he can make us want to live again after we've given up. I'll give a hoorah....and pray, that the happiness and peace of mind he gifts thousands of us every day comes back to him ten fold. ❤️❤️❤️
My parents always taught me to say as little as necessary. This has been an invaluable lesson for me. I was always the kid who had the answers before everyone else. I never realized how much people resented me. When I got to the level in my profession that I dealt with upper management and the board, their advice was a lifesaver. I realized that when I responded quickly, nobody really heard what I said. The conversation had become a quick tit for tat, all people saw was chaos. About the time I turned 40, my parents' advice finally clicked. It got to the point where I would hear in my head saying "NO!" By taking my time, the focus stayed on me. If the other person keeps on ranting, any valid point they had, becomes diluted.
What I have learn: 1.You will never control anything outside you 2.Be prepared with positive questions ; don’t open the gate to their bullying game. Audience will recognize him when you move your ground from theirs 3. Your nervous system will always betray you with your pre-recorded emotions on your past experiences 4.Connor is right, until you grow up on the situation , the situation will control you 💝
Material you deliver here , is worthy to be written in the book. This is a distillation process of awareness that leads to powerful interventions as we use tools to modify how we show up and our qualities as people looking for authenticity. Every moment I’m trusting it to deliver us from evil, we perceive . in our own bodies. I feel I see I hear Love appreciation on the journey of self development through looking at the darts and connect them as you stand in that moment. PS, I waited for that to send taxes for the brain, so the positive statement and what??
I literally burst out crying. So many things here enlightened me. Thank you Dan 😭♥️🤲🏻 I was sinking and God sent you and your skills to me and my family.
My dad thot i was a witch and beat me. My husband hated me cuz i was who i am. Florida is ptrike 3. Just keep going forward. Success is hardwork. Give urself a big warm loving hug cuz u r special cuz we all r. Choose 2 love urself. Everyones best friend shud b oneself. Happiness is not a destination, its a way of living. Grateful 4 the crap that i escaped . Evil is outthere and the gud in u is horrible 2 it and u gota love it 2 death (extinction). Keep going forward and give urself another hug from me, the grandemamasita😉
I’m semiretired and recently took a part-time job at a grocery store. I deal with difficult people every day. I can’t take time, unfortunately. I’ve found most difficult customers are difficult because they are tired, confused or just having a bad day. I try to be their personal problem solver. Here’s a typical situation. Customer picked up the wrong product thinking it was a sale product and is frustrated that the price they were expecting didn’t pop up on the screen. They become defensive and angry. I’m thinking, “This person is an idiot. They can’t read or comprehend what the sign says.” Then, I stop and think about what kind of day they’ve had. Maybe they’re in a hurry. Maybe they are trying to get through grocery shopping to attend to a difficult problem at home. I try to diffuse the situation, first, and let them know I’m their ally. I let them know if it’s the store’s mistake, it can be fixed. If they were mistaken, I can help with alternate ideas. I use the breathing pause quite often. I tell difficult customers, “Give me a couple seconds to figure this out.” I always try to make sure the customer understands they weren’t stupid because if they feel stupid, they just get more defensive. I make the situation seem like it was just a misunderstanding and we all misunderstand things. I know most times people become difficult are struggling with budget issues and they’re struggling to feed their family. I find it helpful to try to become a problem solver. Everyone understands tight budgets. Many times people are so frustrated that the only way for them to deal with difficulties is to become difficult themselves. When I get them to realize I’m there to truly help, most people change. Example: a lady came in and completely misunderstood almost every sale we had. She got very verbally abusive. My first thought was to tell her off and ask her to leave the store. Then, I asked myself, “why is she being so difficult?” My first step was to tell her, “I won’t allow you to talk to me that way.” Then I told her, “If you calm down, I’m here to help you. I want to help you. Give me a couple seconds to research the products you have questions about. I will make sure you leave the store with the best deals possible.” After a few questions, I found out this lady was grieving the death of her mother and was also under a lot of financial stress. At my store we have a policy that every employee can “make it right” up to $20 and in most cases a supervisor will go beyond that. I wound up talking to my supervisor and we gave the lady $80 in discounts on a $240 total. She was trying to feed herself and her three kids all while dealing with the emotional and financial cost of her mother passing away. That lady now comes to the store just to see how I’m doing occasionally. Her family is doing better financially and she has become a regular customer. It takes a lot of effort to figure out who is trying to pull the wool over your eyes and who is genuinely misunderstanding, but if you work at it, it can really turn out well.
Well John what a great job you’re doing! You’re so right - we never know what the grumpy person is dealing with - you’re an asset to your employer and your customers!! Best wishes from the UK🇬🇧☘️🇬🇧🎉🎉💐💐😍
🥺💛 This is perfection! You are truly empathetic, thoughtful, and practical. Thank you for taking the time to share such precise yet concise examples of your excellence!
“ I hear what you are saying, but I need a moment to process it”. I am not going to react in anger; I am not going to let them see my hurt; I am not going to play the mind game they are trying to initiate, blah, blah, blah. Great stuff, Dan!
Does this need to be said now?! Do I need to be the one who says it?! That’s something I gotta remember when I am outraged by a toxic person and just want to be the one who tells them off!! It’s hard to not want justice with these people. But in the end you never can get anywhere anyways because they will never admit they are wrong it’s like talking to a wall
It is exactly talking to a wall. But that doesn't negate your legitimate right not to have someone dump their baggage all over you. I love this site and the way these very important skills are taught. The man is a genius and should have his own television series. I am glad that you felt free to make your comment since so many of us feel the exact same. I got some troll reply to mine and I did, finally, start to assert my right and everyone else's to engage in any online discussion we choose in a grown-up and constructive manner without being subject to abuse. Your comment just reminds me again of how valuable it is that we all feel free to comment. Thank you and may we both find our best voices. I think this man and this site is absolute gold!
@@ham3749 Oh dear, that is well said. I married a man who is still that way. He is my ex husband now but I have begun to see the same hard-headed zero sum tactic in our now grown children. It's really a deep seated sense of insecurity and a whole suitcase full of their own baggage, which should never be dumped on others. My parents taught me that and I taught mine. Alas, their father had his 'say' as well. The challenge now for me is to let them either stay that way forever or find their way back to wanting to live a peaceful, rather than a RIGHT AT ALL TIMES, life. This could take awhile. Alas. Thank you for your words of wisdom!
I absolutely adore this man. This is the BEST RUclips teaching I have EVER seen. His humour and the effects bring the enormous verisimilitude to the experiences he describes. It's not just words. We have been there! He is right. I spent sometime this afternoon trying to remember G.I.F.T. Aha! Gratitude. So utterly smart. He needs his own television series!
@@TheWizardOfWords Really? Now, I am thinking of whom to pitch it to. You would have no problem whatsoever and it would be a fine improvement on the otherwise inane drivel offered on tv these days. You deliver such valuable skill lessons with the most epic TRUTH (and realistic depictions of how we really think and feel). The best part of your message, in a way, is the fact that you handle these matters with such humor. That means none of us must suffer and endure feeling conflicted (the most ghastly emotion EVER) over someone else's baggage. That leads me to suggest you do a piece on nasty online comments. I know we should ignore them. However, the online world should not have been taken over by thugs and bullies. So many people say they never comment or read comments for this reason. The comments are usually the best part and we should all be welcome to engage in discussion. If we prefer to be nasty, and people choose to be nasty online as a hobby, we should either move on quietly or prepare for people to assertively stand up for their, and others', right to peaceably engage in discussion like grown-ups and not have to be subjected to someone else's choice to behave abusively and unlawfully. I admit, I have a rather Adlerian view of life: this is chosen behavior, not to mention maladaptive and tedious. Give us something sharp to write in response! And let's figure out how to get that series. I have some ideas and people to ask. I'm already on it.
My mother will be pleased you noticed her hard work on me--and on my brother for that matter. She's not always right, but her heart is always in the right place, and what more can you ask???
@@TheWizardOfWords You are in a great place in regards to the relationship you have with your mom. "If it's not one thing, it's your mother" I always say:) ✌
I asked myself these questions a few years ago, and decided that the most loving thing I am capable of doing is to go no contact with my mother. I just found your channel and absolutely love what I am learning. Your sense of humor is magic to my ears!!!
Great video! I also learned tactics from Recovery International by A neuropsychiatrist Abraham Low like- "you can have your temper OR your mental health but you cannot have both", or "Drop the judgment against yourself and the other person, place or thing" "It's distressing, not dangerous " "Greet your nervous symptoms like old friends ", "Humor is your best friend, temper your worst enemy", "Give the other person their average", "Expect disappointments, irritations, and frustrations every 5 minutes of the day and you won't be disappointed (or so upset cause you expect it).
You have to wonder why my mother still speaks to me, don't you? I think it is because she feels responsible for the way I turned out--and I let her feel that way. hahahahahaha
Invaluable tools for life .... and I too ponder the messages, "I can't get to my phone right now, leave me a message, blah blah blah ...." I don't want to be accessible 24 hours a day… Thank you so much for all of the nuggets crammed into this video… I subscribe to your videos… This may be one of my favorites. Again, day after Thanksgiving thankful for you!
I learned the power of affirmations for myself, while spending a week in the "behavioral health unit", about 17 years ago. It's annoying to practice...but it works.
'split a piece of wood and I am there'. He said and it was buried... No denomination required..and here you are..God is love and so are you..thankyou Wizard!!!
Wow Dan! just asking “for a minute” before responding would have saved me a lot of trouble in the past. Such a valuable tool!! So glad I found you and I’m learning to be a better communicator with every video!! Happy paying subscriber!❤️
Good luck ... I think most people just want someone to hear them. Realizing they just want to bitch or screw someone over .. or and call the superior. .. ha
Oh, can we pay him? I will pay for this. This man should be everywhere, especially on every channel on television and taught in every school as well. Maybe he will run for President. Wouldn't that be a dream!
@@TheWizardOfWords I did not know we could pay you. I will happily do so. Meanwhile, how to get you all over tv and then perhaps a world takeover! You could do it. Who wouldn't vote for you? BTW, my sister is the strategic communications expert for the Federal NPS. I usually go to her with sticky communication conundrums. Now, I share your videos with her, too. Just in case that connection is of use to you, let me know. I know you will be beloved by her. My niece is studying Communications as well so I will share you with her as well.
Thank you for helping me deal with these difficult energy vampires. “She who sunbathes in Hawaii with Lions, began slaying energy vampires on September 1, 2021.” So much gratitude to you and your beautiful Mom & Dad. God bless them for creating your spirit
I kid you not- I’ve had situations where let’s say third parties and or implements are put in place to frustrate me to illicit a reaction. Literally. It has the worst of intentions at its roots at the end of the day. I thank you for reinforcing and pushing the message of uplifting one another instead of trying to put down (even so so gently).
When I needed someone like you the most, I have somehow found you. My therapist is a lovely person, and I appreciate them so much. That being said, all of this more clear coming from you. It makes more sense. Thank you
No answer, is an answer. Timing is an important thing. I care too much about you, us and our relationship to answer you right now without thinking this over because I want to respond appropriately vs react.
Omg. You are my favorite person I’ve never met. I could listen to you all day for real. I’m soooo thankful for your wisdom and help. We need more ppl like you in this world! Thank you.
Well thank you, Leah :) :). I do have a brother, you know--so there are more people in the world like me--kind of--except he's 10 months older and a tiny bit more macho :)
@@TheWizardOfWords lol Sweet. Got it. I’m sure he’s Gold too. Lol. You remind me of some of my best friends. That’s what I was trying to say. I’m very thankful for your words and videos! It’s truly helping my INFJ and artist self. I do struggle with my words, so I love your channel.
Thank you Bigg. I went to your channel because for a moment I thought you were my brother! (Well, you are in a sense, right? But you're not Marty.) ANYWAY, are you still on your journey? I hope you haven't stopped because you seemed to enjoy the training and the changes. NOT THAT IT'S NECESSARY TO BE ON THAT PARTICULAR JOURNEY unless you want to be. If you've left that one, I hope you're on another that you enjoy.
TY so much for reaffirming all I have realized/learned over the past 3 yrs! I’d been TRAUMA responding since I was 14; only after years of therapy and understanding where all that was coming from, did I begin to realize that it might have made me feel better ‘slicing heads off’, it was EXHAUSTING in the long run. FF to current time frame, I DON’T react in that same manner and people are now quite taken aback! When I take the time to process what they say and what my best response will be, they get that ‘uh-oh’ face and either change the subject or leave entirely. Meanwhile, I’m saying all the nasty stuff in my head, but sayin the CORRECT thing on the outside…. YAY ME!!! If I feel like crying, I call the offender an asshole, (in my head) remember that this is NOT about me, and take back my power to answer appropriately. I’ll cry later in private….
OmG I wrote you are a miracle worker BEFORE you started talking miracles!! You blow my mind!! My mother was a Fulbright English professor..she passed..you help me feel like the world is still good..I can never thankyou..words are not enough.
I can't put into words how this video has opened my eyes. A 34 minute video for a life long lesson that I've been wanting to learn and master. Thank you so much, Dan. Thank you so much. 🙏❤
Isn't he just what the world needs right now???? The man deserves a Nobel prize. I have read almost every book there is on these skills but the way he teaches is absolute perfection. He so truly captures, with great humor, our exact feelings and thoughts. It has reminded me that these challenges should be viewed with humor and that we can live and maintain perspective in this crazy world, while asserting ourselves with great style.
I just saw this post Tarawalsh-arpaia and I thank you for it. What a great affirmation of the principles I'm trying to live and teach. On top of that--I'm blushing :) :) :)
This is incredibly valuable, practical and uplifting advice. Despite working for 20 years I still get occasionally angry at work ... and I lose my cool and wish I handled it differently. I save these blurbs but don’t have them ready when I need them. This video is so helpful because you must practice them daily and have visuals ready! Plus he just really gets it!!!
Many thanks Kam, and be sure to check out my newest video "Who Am I?" I think you'll like it; it deals with remembering who you are when you're about to lose yourself. :)
I love you so much right now man!!!! You are such a blessing to have in my arsenal of mental weapons!! Really, you are a true light worker, sent here to help humanity and the skills you offers are so vitally important they should be taught at schools!! Thank you
You're welcome @Phoenix_74-- together we can change the global dialogue one conversation at a time :). And yes, I wish this were taught in school, if not by me, then by ANYONE.
I have the ability to shut up when people push my buttons on purpose and walk away. But i realize your methods are useful. The visual tools are useful when they catch you off guard. Thank you
Dan O'Connor looks up to the heavens and says "Thank you Mom, rest in peace.... someday" I died.... 20:49 I have been a subscriber for years Dan and this video that I have already watched 2 years ago apparently has come back around on my recommended videos so I thought sure let me watch it again. And it's like watching it all over brand new. I love it. I had no idea that you were an Irish twin! 😮 I must have missed that tidbit the 1st time around. That's the neat part about watching your videos more than once. You pick up some fine points you missed the 1st time around
Thank you Dan . I stepped away from your videos for a while . But I'm back ! I had a total communication melt down today at work and I quit. I could not handle my boss criticizing how many times I stretched at my desk. Regardless i could of stepped away. Anyways I started listening to your videos on my way home. Thank you 😊 ur awesome. ,❤️
OMG. This training was such incredible timing. Wow. I have a new job that requires me to consult...constantly. I think deep and hide behind emails but that doesn't work anymore! This was the best training on communication. Thank you :)
you've showed up at exactly the right time in my life when I need this the most. Time to take back my power, if I can learn how to do it. Thank you Dan
This really requires a person to be in touch with their feelings all the time. To be able to notice funky emotions and not let them rise to the point of snappy-ness is very important!
My biggest takeaway was how you said your superpower was that you could say anything that you had to say in a loving way. I want that to be my superpower too, so I'm claiming that as well. Thanks!
Yes--even when someone is saying something you don't want heard, you'd never say "shut up." You might say "Please stop talking about that." Sometimes just looking at someone and saying "please" gets the point across. Just a quick example.
Thanks so much! U are so awesome, I just found your channel during another sleepless night. U are just what the doc ordered!!! I hold things inside because I struggle with Emotional deregulation that needs more skills to navigate difficult situations without burning the whole house down. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Dan, I am so fortunate to come across your videos. I really need this right now. You have made me cry on most of these. You really hit home on what I need to work on. Thank you for all of your help!!!
I am saving this gem for my walk tomorrow. I am not a victim, dag-nabbit....I'm growing and powerful and junk and don't need to react to people that don't love themselves, or others, enough to be kind. Thanks again :)
The relationship he must have with his mom is colorful to say the least :) Interesting. Like all of ours to a degree of course. I'm glad he has this outlet. It has given me insight, hope, laughter and feeds my curiosity.
This by far, Dan is the best that I have seen so far of your videos! I really enjoy listening to you and your personality how kind you are. I hope you have a really good day period love.❤
I'm absolutely thrilled about the flashcards, and not above laminating them and wearing them on a lanyard around my neck until they are seared into my brain and the tactics are second nature. 💪 I shall become a communication beast! Raar!
The on-screen flashcards are such a great inclusion, thank you so much for adding them! It's pretty great to watch your channel evolve over the last few years (been watching for twoish years and your videos have helped immensely).
thank you Dan , my mom also was raised by nuns, as I was but now I understand better why she is SOOOOO negative to and with me lol, you are a bright light in this dim world~
Many thanks, Lisa. Truth be told, I am a reflection of my mother. I tease her and use her in my videos because I love and understand her, as I believe she loves and understands me. Those nuns must have taught her SOMETHING worthwhile.
Yes, I know that feeling too well! That mind eraser is our emotions, our amigdalas kicking in, which is difficult to control, but it can be done. It takes practice to be conscious vs reactive.
That works for most of the ppl I know. But for my evil sister, I'll just say I need to pee and leave to think about it. Not only is she evil and a bully, my parents support her in her evilness and physically aggressive behavior. I'm rarely in their company as a result and only see her at funerals.
We have to give every relationship what it needs, and from what you've described, the best thing you can give that familial relationship is--DISTANCE--and it appears that's what you're doing.
@@CMM726 Yes, and it doesn't help that she's 8 yrs older and 9 inches taller than I am. I'm only 4'10". She has a PhD. I have an BA. In my parents eyes, she has more value because she seems smarter, is bigger and stronger than I could ever be. That's one reason why she can be mean to me. The other is that in my mothers eyes, I should have been a boy instead of a scrawny female. She used to tell me all the time how great my life would have been had I been a boy. My family is made up of such lovely people.
@@TheWizardOfWords Exactly! And the distance has made a world of difference. Your videos are so helpful. They are comforting because they contain tools we can use to protect ourselves and gives hope for a better future.
MsBettyR. That’s awful. Sounds like there’s a lot of dysfunction there. I also have toxic family members and all I can tell u is this. You can’t control what they think or do. You can only control how you react to it and interpret it for yourself. They may value your sister more, I don’t know. But it’s up to you to know your own value. Education levels aren’t everything an individual has to contribute to this world. It sounds like your sister may by book smart but has no emotional IQ and is lacking in core values. And while everyone wants their parents approval, in reality you don’t need it. The only person who’s approval you need is your own. You need to love you for you. Make peace with what your family thinks but don’t let it control you. Don’t ever let them make you feel less than. No one can make you feel inadequate without your consent. I have family who will tell me I’m a ghetto piece of garbage based on things I did when I was a 14 year old child and I’m 34. Despite having hi contract with any of these assholes for 16 years and moving on to accomplish a lot of good things in my life and never asking for anything from anyone. I just laugh at them. Because hurt people hurt people. I remind myself that they don’t do this based on me inadequacies, but they act this way due to their own ignorance, insecurities, and toxic pattern of behavior. Let the haters hate, even if they are blood. Because I got me!! I got me no matter what! And if someone doesn’t treat me right I don’t need them. I surround myself with positive people ajs believe me there aren’t many but the ones I do keep around are the realest. The only one who’s judgment matters is God.
I keep coming back to this video as a core principle even in the hardest communication situations.. I need more time and broken record together. are the basic core to get back to....
How is it that I'm just now finding your channel? You're amazing! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. This information is worth millions. New subscriber.
Great advice! - In so many cases silence speaks louder than words! I love the analogy between the synergy of when multiple medicines are combined in unison they work together more effectively than just alone! What a great teamwork building analogy!
What I appreciate about you is your humor that helps me acknowledge the stressful situation, and then your ability to help me rise above it and respond in a manner that's respectful both to the other person and to myself. I am a Chicago City Council member and I've seen it all. That said, you have helped me immensely through the years.
Hi James: Do you remember John Eagan--worked under Daley (Richard J, of course--the one and only) as head of the Metropolitan Sanitary District--back in the day?? My father worked for Eagan as his assistant, and subsequently as a right-of-way nºegotiator. And his father was some muckitymuck in the IRS in Chicago--under Dan Connerty. And now you know why I feel qualified to comment on Irish people at the holiday dinner table :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords I know John Eagan well (or perhaps his son) who's done a lot of work on affordable housing. It is hilarious when you speak about the holiday dinner table.... and now it all makes sense. And given I'm a Chicago politician, it probably makes sense why I need to hear your words of wisdom about dealing with people who get angry.
Small world, James! I'm guessing you know the son because the father would be well into his 90's by now. And I fully understand why a Chicago politician would be dealing with a few angry people now and then :) :). My father grew up in southside Chicago near 63rd and Pulaski--eventually moving to North Dakota with my mother. I moved to Chicago and lived there for a couple of years as a young adult. I have relatives in Wheaton, Downers Grove, Chicago proper and all over the place. I love Chicago and if I can help you deal with the outspoken multitude, James, I am very happy to do so!
Urgghh! I just cannot help exploding sometimes, not oten but I feel so awful about myself after I do. I am binge watching all your videos. Really appreciate your work because.
This video has helped me more then the endless hours this past year that I have watching/reading self-help, relationship and emotional awareness videos by far..
@@TheWizardOfWordsIt means a lot to get a reply from you man and with the whole world running on nothing but money I appreciate you lending such valuable advice out there just to help. Not everyone has the resources to seek professional help. I know I'm not the only one who appreciates this.
Thank you Dan. I love that you love dogs. There are so many narcissists around that many times i just use Grey Rock. That's my new behavior. I will learn better how to express with loving kindness. And i think you're fun to listen to. The biggest taboo subject, animal rights, was fine with my husband, another vegan. He and i were as organized as you are, writing to each other each day and using the Carl Faber peaceful confrontation each Friday. If a voice was raised in our home one had to put a dollar in the piggy bank and other positive practices. The only path to true freedom is through self-discipline, which i read in The New Yorker in 1974-ish. I'm 83 now and do yoga with people who insist on wearing masks outdoors in the park. Sigh.
Good Morning Guardian Angel Dan, It is true you know. I am a Training Coordinator for a Domiciliary Care Agency. We need Telephone Conflict resolution training (we could do with workplace conflict training too) :) Is that something you could help us with please?
I again respond to how mesmerized in this intellectual, intelligent, teacher , who is a gift to those who realize the ‘ time for thinkers’ has come, to those who are on the journey of a more productive and progressive life.Thank you.
You completely slay me! 🤣 One of my worst work moments ever was the first time I cried in front of my boss because I was so livid. 🤦♀️😆 I will definitely be using the "I am calm". Thank you!!
The tools I learned today, thanks to you, will be used for the rest of my life and passed down to my grandchildren! I wish they taught this in schools! Brilliant!
Again and again and again ! Omg 😅😅😅 the sadistic smile Dan ! So on point ! I truly enjoyed that one. Think physics: Never ending cycle or how to explain ♾ and you just explained it better than any physics professor. They usually give an example of an apple in a box. For some people it is more difficult to visualize eternity that way lol 😅.
More gold. This video popped up just after I lost my temper with my boss. I will practice, practice, practice. Especially the breathing technique. Thank you!!
HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
Mr
Thanks Caripryor!
Your packet us not downloading. Nor am I getting an email link to download. I tried multiple ways.
@TheWizardOfWords your mother is badass
@TheWizardOfWords well no your not regious BUT your wise and have a sweetheart 😘 I'm a Christian and having a good heart out here is rare
Can we give a HOORAH To Dan!? 🎯💃
Tips like these especially help in intimate relationships, so it's perfect timing for *qurantine time* 😂😂😂
If you can give it, I can take it! I just felt a big Hoorah coming my way. Thank you Lady Tina.
Lady Tina HOORAH TO DAN!!
Dan is a gift to us. The pain he can ease within us cannot be measured. The self esteem he can give back to us is life saving. The life he can make us want to live again after we've given up. I'll give a hoorah....and pray, that the happiness and peace of mind he gifts thousands of us every day comes back to him ten fold. ❤️❤️❤️
OK, I just subscribed. You're the greatest. I'm obsessed with your channel.
My parents always taught me to say as little as necessary. This has been an invaluable lesson for me. I was always the kid who had the answers before everyone else. I never realized how much people resented me.
When I got to the level in my profession that I dealt with upper management and the board, their advice was a lifesaver.
I realized that when I responded quickly, nobody really heard what I said. The conversation had become a quick tit for tat, all people saw was chaos.
About the time I turned 40, my parents' advice finally clicked. It got to the point where I would hear in my head saying "NO!"
By taking my time, the focus stayed on me. If the other person keeps on ranting, any valid point they had, becomes diluted.
Totally agree.
What I have learn:
1.You will never control anything outside you
2.Be prepared with positive questions ; don’t open the gate to their bullying game. Audience will recognize him when you move your ground from theirs
3. Your nervous system will always betray you with your pre-recorded emotions on your past experiences
4.Connor is right, until you grow up on the situation , the situation will control you 💝
By George, I think you got it!
Material you deliver here , is worthy to be written in the book. This is a distillation process of awareness that leads to powerful interventions as we use tools to modify how we show up and our qualities as people looking for authenticity. Every moment I’m trusting it to deliver us from evil, we perceive . in our own bodies. I feel I see I hear Love appreciation on the journey of self development through looking at the darts and connect them as you stand in that moment.
PS, I waited for that to send taxes for the brain, so the positive statement and what??
I literally burst out crying. So many things here enlightened me. Thank you Dan 😭♥️🤲🏻 I was sinking and God sent you and your skills to me and my family.
Happy to have helped you and your family, Noor.
My dad thot i was a witch and beat me. My husband hated me cuz i was who i am. Florida is ptrike 3. Just keep going forward. Success is hardwork. Give urself a big warm loving hug cuz u r special cuz we all r. Choose 2 love urself. Everyones best friend shud b oneself. Happiness is not a destination, its a way of living. Grateful 4 the crap that i escaped . Evil is outthere and the gud in u is horrible 2 it and u gota love it 2 death (extinction). Keep going forward and give urself another hug from me, the grandemamasita😉
God sent Dan to me too
I am fascinated by the powerful techniques, your presentation style and high level of passionate dedication - again. Dan, you are a treasure!
A treasure! Well thank you for that Veronika. I'm blushing.
Thank you so much
International Treasure! Thank you Dan!
@@TheWizardOfWords Z
❤ thank you so much for sharing
I’m semiretired and recently took a part-time job at a grocery store. I deal with difficult people every day. I can’t take time, unfortunately. I’ve found most difficult customers are difficult because they are tired, confused or just having a bad day. I try to be their personal problem solver. Here’s a typical situation. Customer picked up the wrong product thinking it was a sale product and is frustrated that the price they were expecting didn’t pop up on the screen. They become defensive and angry. I’m thinking, “This person is an idiot. They can’t read or comprehend what the sign says.” Then, I stop and think about what kind of day they’ve had. Maybe they’re in a hurry. Maybe they are trying to get through grocery shopping to attend to a difficult problem at home. I try to diffuse the situation, first, and let them know I’m their ally. I let them know if it’s the store’s mistake, it can be fixed. If they were mistaken, I can help with alternate ideas. I use the breathing pause quite often. I tell difficult customers, “Give me a couple seconds to figure this out.” I always try to make sure the customer understands they weren’t stupid because if they feel stupid, they just get more defensive. I make the situation seem like it was just a misunderstanding and we all misunderstand things. I know most times people become difficult are struggling with budget issues and they’re struggling to feed their family. I find it helpful to try to become a problem solver. Everyone understands tight budgets. Many times people are so frustrated that the only way for them to deal with difficulties is to become difficult themselves. When I get them to realize I’m there to truly help, most people change.
Example: a lady came in and completely misunderstood almost every sale we had. She got very verbally abusive. My first thought was to tell her off and ask her to leave the store. Then, I asked myself, “why is she being so difficult?” My first step was to tell her, “I won’t allow you to talk to me that way.” Then I told her, “If you calm down, I’m here to help you. I want to help you. Give me a couple seconds to research the products you have questions about. I will make sure you leave the store with the best deals possible.” After a few questions, I found out this lady was grieving the death of her mother and was also under a lot of financial stress. At my store we have a policy that every employee can “make it right” up to $20 and in most cases a supervisor will go beyond that. I wound up talking to my supervisor and we gave the lady $80 in discounts on a $240 total. She was trying to feed herself and her three kids all while dealing with the emotional and financial cost of her mother passing away. That lady now comes to the store just to see how I’m doing occasionally. Her family is doing better financially and she has become a regular customer. It takes a lot of effort to figure out who is trying to pull the wool over your eyes and who is genuinely misunderstanding, but if you work at it, it can really turn out well.
Well John what a great job you’re doing! You’re so right - we never know what the grumpy person is dealing with - you’re an asset to your employer and your customers!! Best wishes from the UK🇬🇧☘️🇬🇧🎉🎉💐💐😍
😇 👍
🥺💛 This is perfection! You are truly empathetic, thoughtful, and practical. Thank you for taking the time to share such precise yet concise examples of your excellence!
John Blossom is such a creative expansive human. To go beyond yourself John, is a gift to all of us. You inspired me to reply to you. Thank you 😊
@johnblossom
Every store needs one of you.
“ I hear what you are saying, but I need a moment to process it”. I am not going to react in anger; I am not going to let them see my hurt; I am not going to play the mind game they are trying to initiate, blah, blah, blah. Great stuff, Dan!
What you teach is so important to me. It is helping me grow as a mature and loving adult. You are a beautiful person. Thank you.
I concur 💯
Does this need to be said now?! Do I need to be the one who says it?! That’s something I gotta remember when I am outraged by a toxic person and just want to be the one who tells them off!! It’s hard to not want justice with these people. But in the end you never can get anywhere anyways because they will never admit they are wrong it’s like talking to a wall
Exactly. You have nailed it. Too many people loudly speaking what need not be spoken at the time.
I've always said some people will be wrongfully right until they die!
Shut up Karen. Your the person you describe.
It is exactly talking to a wall. But that doesn't negate your legitimate right not to have someone dump their baggage all over you. I love this site and the way these very important skills are taught. The man is a genius and should have his own television series. I am glad that you felt free to make your comment since so many of us feel the exact same. I got some troll reply to mine and I did, finally, start to assert my right and everyone else's to engage in any online discussion we choose in a grown-up and constructive manner without being subject to abuse. Your comment just reminds me again of how valuable it is that we all feel free to comment. Thank you and may we both find our best voices. I think this man and this site is absolute gold!
@@ham3749 Oh dear, that is well said. I married a man who is still that way. He is my ex husband now but I have begun to see the same hard-headed zero sum tactic in our now grown children. It's really a deep seated sense of insecurity and a whole suitcase full of their own baggage, which should never be dumped on others. My parents taught me that and I taught mine. Alas, their father had his 'say' as well. The challenge now for me is to let them either stay that way forever or find their way back to wanting to live a peaceful, rather than a RIGHT AT ALL TIMES, life. This could take awhile. Alas. Thank you for your words of wisdom!
I absolutely adore this man. This is the BEST RUclips teaching I have EVER seen. His humour and the effects bring the enormous verisimilitude to the experiences he describes. It's not just words. We have been there! He is right. I spent sometime this afternoon trying to remember G.I.F.T. Aha! Gratitude. So utterly smart. He needs his own television series!
Tara, if you can arrange that series--I stand at the ready :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords Really? Now, I am thinking of whom to pitch it to. You would have no problem whatsoever and it would be a fine improvement on the otherwise inane drivel offered on tv these days. You deliver such valuable skill lessons with the most epic TRUTH (and realistic depictions of how we really think and feel). The best part of your message, in a way, is the fact that you handle these matters with such humor. That means none of us must suffer and endure feeling conflicted (the most ghastly emotion EVER) over someone else's baggage. That leads me to suggest you do a piece on nasty online comments. I know we should ignore them. However, the online world should not have been taken over by thugs and bullies. So many people say they never comment or read comments for this reason. The comments are usually the best part and we should all be welcome to engage in discussion. If we prefer to be nasty, and people choose to be nasty online as a hobby, we should either move on quietly or prepare for people to assertively stand up for their, and others', right to peaceably engage in discussion like grown-ups and not have to be subjected to someone else's choice to behave abusively and unlawfully. I admit, I have a rather Adlerian view of life: this is chosen behavior, not to mention maladaptive and tedious. Give us something sharp to write in response! And let's figure out how to get that series. I have some ideas and people to ask. I'm already on it.
Yes thank you mom! Thanks to you we have THIS Dan who has valuable nuggets to share!
My mother will be pleased you noticed her hard work on me--and on my brother for that matter. She's not always right, but her heart is always in the right place, and what more can you ask???
@@TheWizardOfWords You are in a great place in regards to the relationship you have with your mom.
"If it's not one thing, it's your mother"
I always say:) ✌
I love your humor in addition to your information.
I love this guy.
Thanks MIFNP. I need the love.
Dan
THAT LITTLE VOICE WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE!
I asked myself these questions a few years ago, and decided that the most loving thing I am capable of doing is to go no contact with my mother. I just found your channel and absolutely love what I am learning. Your sense of humor is magic to my ears!!!
Sad fact--sometimes the best and most loving thing you can give to a relationship is--distance.
OH NO!!!! I CAN YOU DELETW THIS POST?? I was just getting these things off my chest! I didn’t mean to send!
Great video! I also learned tactics from Recovery International by A neuropsychiatrist Abraham Low like- "you can have your temper OR your mental health but you cannot have both", or "Drop the judgment against yourself and the other person, place or thing" "It's distressing, not dangerous " "Greet your nervous symptoms like old friends ", "Humor is your best friend, temper your worst enemy", "Give the other person their average", "Expect disappointments, irritations, and frustrations every 5 minutes of the day and you won't be disappointed (or so upset cause you expect it).
"Rest in peace - someday Mom!" HAHAHA! You are hysterical! Thank you for all the information and goodness you're putting out in the world.
You have to wonder why my mother still speaks to me, don't you? I think it is because she feels responsible for the way I turned out--and I let her feel that way. hahahahahaha
Invaluable tools for life .... and I too ponder the messages, "I can't get to my phone right now, leave me a message, blah blah blah ...."
I don't want to be accessible 24 hours a day…
Thank you so much for all of the nuggets crammed into this video…
I subscribe to your videos…
This may be one of my favorites. Again, day after Thanksgiving thankful for you!
Thank you, Sherrilyn. Very much.
I Can't believe we're getting this valuable techniques for free! Thank very much 💕💕 When I get a job I'm definitely getting a VIP pass.
You are simply the bees knees. Thank-you for helping me have communication literacy.
I love it. The bees knees, in a pickle--sometimes the oldest are the best.
I learned the power of affirmations for myself, while spending a week in the "behavioral health unit", about 17 years ago. It's annoying to practice...but it works.
Thanks Dan I always learn so much from you you are appreciated
You're welcome Marilyn. Please share any that you like!
'split a piece of wood and I am there'. He said and it was buried... No denomination required..and here you are..God is love and so are you..thankyou Wizard!!!
Wow Dan! just asking “for a minute” before responding would have saved me a lot of trouble in the past. Such a valuable tool!! So glad I found you and I’m learning to be a better communicator with every video!! Happy paying subscriber!❤️
Delighted and gratified to hear that m h!
Good luck ... I think most people just want someone to hear them. Realizing they just want to bitch or screw someone over .. or and call the superior. .. ha
@@TheWizardOfWords t0
Oh, can we pay him? I will pay for this. This man should be everywhere, especially on every channel on television and taught in every school as well. Maybe he will run for President. Wouldn't that be a dream!
@@TheWizardOfWords I did not know we could pay you. I will happily do so. Meanwhile, how to get you all over tv and then perhaps a world takeover! You could do it. Who wouldn't vote for you? BTW, my sister is the strategic communications expert for the Federal NPS. I usually go to her with sticky communication conundrums. Now, I share your videos with her, too. Just in case that connection is of use to you, let me know. I know you will be beloved by her. My niece is studying Communications as well so I will share you with her as well.
the broken record is the mother of all flexes - thanks Dan! the words you share change my life, literally
Hey Heather--HAPPY NEW YEAR! We're going to get together to do a few videos on writing extraordinary resumes, right?
I’m soooo excited to share updates since our last meet… AI, personal branding, and how to position your gig work!
So did you break your typing fingers or forget my email address?
I sent to you and Jean
Thank you for helping me deal with these difficult energy vampires. “She who sunbathes in Hawaii with Lions, began slaying energy vampires on September 1, 2021.” So much gratitude to you and your beautiful Mom & Dad. God bless them for creating your spirit
You are so welcome and yes, I feel very blessed to have had the parents I do.
Lol I love this show. Makes me laugh, think and grow. Favorite place to go on RUclips.
Many thanks Jenny Fox and I hope you share these videos.
I kid you not- I’ve had situations where let’s say third parties and or implements are put in place to frustrate me to illicit a reaction. Literally. It has the worst of intentions at its roots at the end of the day. I thank you for reinforcing and pushing the message of uplifting one another instead of trying to put down (even so so gently).
You're welcome, Anna :)
This is special. Dan O Connor, YOU MOTIVATE ME!
That is high praise, Darren, and I thank you.
When I needed someone like you the most, I have somehow found you. My therapist is a lovely person, and I appreciate them so much. That being said, all of this more clear coming from you. It makes more sense. Thank you
You are welcome KayeKaye and I thank you for writing!
No answer, is an answer. Timing is an important thing. I care too much about you, us and our relationship to answer you right now without thinking this over because I want to respond appropriately vs react.
This is such a great channel. I am going to share this channel with the victims of narcissistic abuse groups I am a member of.
Thank you and I hope they find it helpful, Just Relax.
Omg. You are my favorite person I’ve never met. I could listen to you all day for real. I’m soooo thankful for your wisdom and help. We need more ppl like you in this world! Thank you.
Well thank you, Leah :) :). I do have a brother, you know--so there are more people in the world like me--kind of--except he's 10 months older and a tiny bit more macho :)
@@TheWizardOfWords lol Sweet. Got it. I’m sure he’s Gold too. Lol. You remind me of some of my best friends. That’s what I was trying to say. I’m very thankful for your words and videos! It’s truly helping my INFJ and artist self. I do struggle with my words, so I love your channel.
peace and love to you and your mother. thank you for your information. YOU are a master teacher.
Thank you Bigg. I went to your channel because for a moment I thought you were my brother! (Well, you are in a sense, right? But you're not Marty.) ANYWAY, are you still on your journey? I hope you haven't stopped because you seemed to enjoy the training and the changes. NOT THAT IT'S NECESSARY TO BE ON THAT PARTICULAR JOURNEY unless you want to be. If you've left that one, I hope you're on another that you enjoy.
TY so much for reaffirming all I have realized/learned over the past 3 yrs! I’d been TRAUMA responding since I was 14; only after years of therapy and understanding where all that was coming from, did I begin to realize that it might have made me feel better ‘slicing heads off’, it was EXHAUSTING in the long run. FF to current time frame, I DON’T react in that same manner and people are now quite taken aback! When I take the time to process what they say and what my best response will be, they get that ‘uh-oh’ face and either change the subject or leave entirely. Meanwhile, I’m saying all the nasty stuff in my head, but sayin the CORRECT thing on the outside…. YAY ME!!! If I feel like crying, I call the offender an asshole, (in my head) remember that this is NOT about me, and take back my power to answer appropriately. I’ll cry later in private….
What a miraculous moment of realization for you--turned into actualization. Congratulations.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you! It’s a new thing every day and I’m here for it! 😎
These videos are like opening a special book to the page that has the exact message you most need in that moment in your life. Thank you.
OmG I wrote you are a miracle worker BEFORE you started talking miracles!! You blow my mind!! My mother was a Fulbright English professor..she passed..you help me feel like the world is still good..I can never thankyou..words are not enough.
I can't put into words how this video has opened my eyes. A 34 minute video for a life long lesson that I've been wanting to learn and master. Thank you so much, Dan. Thank you so much. 🙏❤
I'm the one who is grateful, mapahiymon. Thank you for writing.
Isn't he just what the world needs right now???? The man deserves a Nobel prize. I have read almost every book there is on these skills but the way he teaches is absolute perfection. He so truly captures, with great humor, our exact feelings and thoughts. It has reminded me that these challenges should be viewed with humor and that we can live and maintain perspective in this crazy world, while asserting ourselves with great style.
I just saw this post Tarawalsh-arpaia and I thank you for it. What a great affirmation of the principles I'm trying to live and teach. On top of that--I'm blushing :) :) :)
OMG, Most people do not even have the idea that they CAN ask for a min! So valuable !
I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE SOOO GENIUS!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOUR WISDOM!!!
This is incredibly valuable, practical and uplifting advice. Despite working for 20 years I still get occasionally angry at work ... and I lose my cool and wish I handled it differently. I save these blurbs but don’t have them ready when I need them. This video is so helpful because you must practice them daily and have visuals ready! Plus he just really gets it!!!
Many thanks Kam, and be sure to check out my newest video "Who Am I?" I think you'll like it; it deals with remembering who you are when you're about to lose yourself. :)
I love you so much right now man!!!! You are such a blessing to have in my arsenal of mental weapons!! Really, you are a true light worker, sent here to help humanity and the skills you offers are so vitally important they should be taught at schools!!
Thank you
You're welcome @Phoenix_74-- together we can change the global dialogue one conversation at a time :). And yes, I wish this were taught in school, if not by me, then by ANYONE.
A 'Dan' segment always makes my day! Shine one, wonderful person ^u^
Thanks SK and stay tuned for many more.
I have the ability to shut up when people push my buttons on purpose and walk away. But i realize your methods are useful. The visual tools are useful when they catch you off guard. Thank you
I haven’t watched your videos since ages. I’m watching this and wonder why I haven’t watched you for the past years! Love your BROKEN RECORD tip!
I'm wondering too, Zino, so please KEEP WITH IT.
Another child of the 80s. You have such clear communication. I’ve seen some people attempt to divert and twist the subject.
So enlightening!
Hahah. Omg you are amazing.! You make my day. You know exactly what I am dealing with.
I am patting myself on the back for having nailed it? pat pat pat pat Ahhhh, that felt good. THANKS SHARON!
Dan O'Connor looks up to the heavens and says "Thank you Mom, rest in peace.... someday" I died.... 20:49 I have been a subscriber for years Dan and this video that I have already watched 2 years ago apparently has come back around on my recommended videos so I thought sure let me watch it again. And it's like watching it all over brand new. I love it. I had no idea that you were an Irish twin! 😮 I must have missed that tidbit the 1st time around. That's the neat part about watching your videos more than once. You pick up some fine points you missed the 1st time around
Many thanks, CoffeeBeforeMascara. And btw, I'm still saying that "rest in peace . . . someday" and she still doesn't think it's funny :) :) :)
Thank you Dan . I stepped away from your videos for a while . But I'm back ! I had a total communication melt down today at work and I quit. I could not handle my boss criticizing how many times I stretched at my desk. Regardless i could of stepped away. Anyways I started listening to your videos on my way home. Thank you 😊 ur awesome. ,❤️
Welcome back, lz. And it sounds to me as though you've made the right decision.
Finally something that gives actual things one can use to help improve communication
That's the idea, Snny--words, not theories.
OMG. This training was such incredible timing. Wow. I have a new job that requires me to consult...constantly. I think deep and hide behind emails but that doesn't work anymore! This was the best training on communication. Thank you :)
I’ve followed your videos for the past 4-5 years. My life is forever changed. Thanks so much.
Jordan, thank you so much for writing.
you've showed up at exactly the right time in my life when I need this the most. Time to take back my power, if I can learn how to do it. Thank you Dan
You can learn to do it. If you need more training, go to danoconnortraining.com and check out the VIP pack.
There's a lot here. I will re-listen
My god I just found your channel, this is good stuff. Thank you. I am going to keep watching.
Your message toward the end of the video - about loving communication and striving to do it - is invaluable and beautiful. Thank you.
Thanks, Anthony--both for writing and for watching to the end of the video . . . .
This really requires a person to be in touch with their feelings all the time. To be able to notice funky emotions and not let them rise to the point of snappy-ness is very important!
This is super great Dan. You are heaven sent. This has been a lifetime struggle for our com skills... Keep your greatness coming. Just love it.
My biggest takeaway was how you said your superpower was that you could say anything that you had to say in a loving way. I want that to be my superpower too, so I'm claiming that as well. Thanks!
Yes--even when someone is saying something you don't want heard, you'd never say "shut up." You might say "Please stop talking about that." Sometimes just looking at someone and saying "please" gets the point across. Just a quick example.
You are a great teacher Dan. Thank you for all of your hard work and dedication to making this a more loving world!
Thanks so much! U are so awesome, I just found your channel during another sleepless night. U are just what the doc ordered!!! I hold things inside because I struggle with Emotional deregulation that needs more skills to navigate difficult situations without burning the whole house down. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Hahahha, I get it K.
I'm hooked after two videos. How refreshingly unorthodox and useful. Aren't you a rare treat?!
Well Sab, I thought "unorthodox and useful" were good, but "a rare treat?" You have made my year :)
Yesssss a rare treat he is and universe sent. I ♥️ him
Dan, I am so fortunate to come across your videos. I really need this right now. You have made me cry on most of these. You really hit home on what I need to work on. Thank you for all of your help!!!
And thank you for posting, Karen--and sharing on Linkedin. 😏 Dan
I am saving this gem for my walk tomorrow. I am not a victim, dag-nabbit....I'm growing and powerful and junk and don't need to react to people that don't love themselves, or others, enough to be kind. Thanks again :)
You are most welcome, Jeanine. I'll enjoy our walk together, I'm sure.
One of your best videos.. so clear, concise, and jam packed with practical tools. Thank you so so much, this has been super helpful to watch 🤩
Glad it was helpful! Please keep watching for more.
The relationship he must have with his mom is colorful to say the least :) Interesting. Like all of ours to a degree of course.
I'm glad he has this outlet. It has given me insight, hope, laughter and feeds my curiosity.
Wow this is SO useful. Almost wished I watched it yesterday but then I dont think today would have helped me appreciate and learn it as well
Thank you Kristina and I hope you share these videos liberally!
Dan
This by far, Dan is the best that I have seen so far of your videos! I really enjoy listening to you and your personality how kind you are. I hope you have a really good day period love.❤
Thanks, Julie.
Effective beyond belief! Thank you.
Many thanks, Sofia, and please like and share, would you?
Dan
I'm absolutely thrilled about the flashcards, and not above laminating them and wearing them on a lanyard around my neck until they are seared into my brain and the tactics are second nature. 💪 I shall become a communication beast! Raar!
You go with your bad self, Lisa!
The on-screen flashcards are such a great inclusion, thank you so much for adding them! It's pretty great to watch your channel evolve over the last few years (been watching for twoish years and your videos have helped immensely).
Chuggin I appreciate your sticking with me and believe me, there is much more to come. Please like and share!
Dan, let me tell you, your videos have changed my life!
thank you Dan , my mom also was raised by nuns, as I was but now I understand better why she is SOOOOO negative to and with me lol, you are a bright light in this dim world~
Many thanks, Lisa. Truth be told, I am a reflection of my mother. I tease her and use her in my videos because I love and understand her, as I believe she loves and understands me. Those nuns must have taught her SOMETHING worthwhile.
Yes, I know that feeling too well! That mind eraser is our emotions, our amigdalas kicking in, which is difficult to control, but it can be done. It takes practice to be conscious vs reactive.
That works for most of the ppl I know. But for my evil sister, I'll just say I need to pee and leave to think about it. Not only is she evil and a bully, my parents support her in her evilness and physically aggressive behavior. I'm rarely in their company as a result and only see her at funerals.
We have to give every relationship what it needs, and from what you've described, the best thing you can give that familial relationship is--DISTANCE--and it appears that's what you're doing.
Yes those types are tough. All you can do is have boundaries
@@CMM726 Yes, and it doesn't help that she's 8 yrs older and 9 inches taller than I am. I'm only 4'10". She has a PhD. I have an BA. In my parents eyes, she has more value because she seems smarter, is bigger and stronger than I could ever be. That's one reason why she can be mean to me. The other is that in my mothers eyes, I should have been a boy instead of a scrawny female. She used to tell me all the time how great my life would have been had I been a boy. My family is made up of such lovely people.
@@TheWizardOfWords Exactly! And the distance has made a world of difference. Your videos are so helpful. They are comforting because they contain tools we can use to protect ourselves and gives hope for a better future.
MsBettyR. That’s awful. Sounds like there’s a lot of dysfunction there. I also have toxic family members and all I can tell u is this. You can’t control what they think or do. You can only control how you react to it and interpret it for yourself. They may value your sister more, I don’t know. But it’s up to you to know your own value. Education levels aren’t everything an individual has to contribute to this world. It sounds like your sister may by book smart but has no emotional IQ and is lacking in core values. And while everyone wants their parents approval, in reality you don’t need it. The only person who’s approval you need is your own. You need to love you for you. Make peace with what your family thinks but don’t let it control you. Don’t ever let them make you feel less than. No one can make you feel inadequate without your consent. I have family who will tell me I’m a ghetto piece of garbage based on things I did when I was a 14 year old child and I’m 34. Despite having hi contract with any of these assholes for 16 years and moving on to accomplish a lot of good things in my life and never asking for anything from anyone. I just laugh at them. Because hurt people hurt people. I remind myself that they don’t do this based on me inadequacies, but they act this way due to their own ignorance, insecurities, and toxic pattern of behavior. Let the haters hate, even if they are blood. Because I got me!! I got me no matter what! And if someone doesn’t treat me right I don’t need them. I surround myself with positive people ajs believe me there aren’t many but the ones I do keep around are the realest. The only one who’s judgment matters is God.
I keep coming back to this video as a core principle even in the hardest communication situations.. I need more time and broken record together. are the basic core to get back to....
Ever seen a dolphin swinging in a hammock... that’s me Dan.
Great lessons again
Thnx a lot
No, I've never seen that Herman--but I'm getting the visual. And you're welcome for the lesson and I hope you stay tuned for many more.
How is it that I'm just now finding your channel? You're amazing! Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. This information is worth millions. New subscriber.
Hi Debra. Well maybe you were hanging out in all the wrong internet places. Anyway, I'm happy we finally found each other.
Shes a sadistic mistress....lol!!
Yep-- :)
Great advice! - In so many cases silence speaks louder than words! I love the analogy between the synergy of when multiple medicines are combined in unison they work together more effectively than just alone! What a great teamwork building analogy!
What I appreciate about you is your humor that helps me acknowledge the stressful situation, and then your ability to help me rise above it and respond in a manner that's respectful both to the other person and to myself. I am a Chicago City Council member and I've seen it all. That said, you have helped me immensely through the years.
Hi James: Do you remember John Eagan--worked under Daley (Richard J, of course--the one and only) as head of the Metropolitan Sanitary District--back in the day?? My father worked for Eagan as his assistant, and subsequently as a right-of-way nºegotiator. And his father was some muckitymuck in the IRS in Chicago--under Dan Connerty. And now you know why I feel qualified to comment on Irish people at the holiday dinner table :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords I know John Eagan well (or perhaps his son) who's done a lot of work on affordable housing. It is hilarious when you speak about the holiday dinner table.... and now it all makes sense. And given I'm a Chicago politician, it probably makes sense why I need to hear your words of wisdom about dealing with people who get angry.
Small world, James! I'm guessing you know the son because the father would be well into his 90's by now. And I fully understand why a Chicago politician would be dealing with a few angry people now and then :) :). My father grew up in southside Chicago near 63rd and Pulaski--eventually moving to North Dakota with my mother. I moved to Chicago and lived there for a couple of years as a young adult. I have relatives in Wheaton, Downers Grove, Chicago proper and all over the place. I love Chicago and if I can help you deal with the outspoken multitude, James, I am very happy to do so!
Urgghh! I just cannot help exploding sometimes, not oten but I feel so awful about myself after I do. I am binge watching all your videos. Really appreciate your work because.
This video has helped me more then the endless hours this past year that I have watching/reading self-help, relationship and emotional awareness videos by far..
Very gratified to hear that, Jarrod :). Thank you for writing.
@@TheWizardOfWordsIt means a lot to get a reply from you man and with the whole world running on nothing but money I appreciate you lending such valuable advice out there just to help. Not everyone has the resources to seek professional help. I know I'm not the only one who appreciates this.
I want this person in my ear opposite of my intrusive thoughts. Thanks for the video.
Thank you Dan. I love that you love dogs. There are so many narcissists around that many times i just use Grey Rock. That's my new behavior. I will learn better how to express with loving kindness. And i think you're fun to listen to. The biggest taboo subject, animal rights, was fine with my husband, another vegan. He and i were as organized as you are, writing to each other each day and using the Carl Faber peaceful confrontation each Friday. If a voice was raised in our home one had to put a dollar in the piggy bank and other positive practices. The only path to true freedom is through self-discipline, which i read in The New Yorker in 1974-ish. I'm 83 now and do yoga with people who insist on wearing masks outdoors in the park. Sigh.
Oh my. Lol. I found you trying to deal with a toxic supervisor at work and I love your advice. thanks so much. 😌🤣
You are so welcome Looking 4 Things. I hope you liked, subscribed, and shared :)
This is so helpful , interesting , entertaining and compassionate. Thankyou Dan you are a true dragon slayer
Just stubbed!!! you had me at “some of my brother’s best friends are”
Welcome Jamies and please spread the word.
Dan, you are the guardian angel of communication. I love what you do. Thank you so much. Keep shining.
That's a new title for me, Helen. You Irish are so EXTRAVAGANT in your praise. I love it.
Good Morning Guardian Angel Dan, It is true you know. I am a Training Coordinator for a Domiciliary Care Agency. We need Telephone Conflict resolution training (we could do with workplace conflict training too) :) Is that something you could help us with please?
I enjoy your videos!
Dan I also am an 80s girl and agree with your stance on answering machines from back in the day!
Your humor cheers me up 🆙
Happy to hear that, Caroline.
I again respond to how mesmerized in this intellectual, intelligent, teacher , who is
a gift to those who realize the ‘ time for thinkers’ has come, to those who are on
the journey of a more productive and progressive life.Thank you.
Happy to be walking along with you, Neil.
You completely slay me! 🤣 One of my worst work moments ever was the first time I cried in front of my boss because I was so livid. 🤦♀️😆 I will definitely be using the "I am calm". Thank you!!
First of all your humor is fire. I now realize how many mistakes I've made at work. Your videos are very helpful.
Sadistic groundhog nightmare 🤣🤣🤣it's so freaking true and the Universe indeed supplies our lessons ☺️💯
Indeed it does.
The tools I learned today, thanks to you, will be used for the rest of my life and passed down to my grandchildren!
I wish they taught this in schools!
Brilliant!
Great tools ! people who are brilliant at recognizing & pushing your 'trigger points' present a tricky dance with self.
Again and again and again ! Omg 😅😅😅 the sadistic smile Dan ! So on point ! I truly enjoyed that one.
Think physics:
Never ending cycle or how to explain ♾ and you just explained it better than any physics professor. They usually give an example of an apple in a box. For some people it is more difficult to visualize eternity that way lol 😅.
Many thanks, Golden Lamb :). I remember what Einstein once said--If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't know it.
This guy rocks!!
" Visual cues" are key. 🗝 thank you!!Dan !!
More gold. This video popped up just after I lost my temper with my boss. I will practice, practice, practice. Especially the breathing technique. Thank you!!
Yes, please go for it DJW. Losing your temper with your boss is--ahem--not a good idea.
I stopped this at 18:32 to say "I love this", as a positive, active statement of endearment. Please continue.
hahaha, thank you Holly! :)