HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
I’ve always said I’m not finished when people interrupt me. People will stop and listen but it’s so powerful that I often forget what I was saying. Great advice.
I found Dan a few years ago when I had to address a matter with a bully in an office meeting. Her behavior was a threat to my security. When she inevitably interrupted me, I firmly said, "I'm Speaking." It was a magical moment, thanks to Dan, The Wizard of Words. I've studied communication, but I was conditioned from birth not to. I know I have to read, write, speak to repair myself.
I used your tools this week to stop an interrupting customer. I was shocked at how well it worked! She was stunned, but stopped the behavior, and it was awesome. Thank you so much.
@@TheWizardOfWords It truly is. I rewatched this afterwards, and I think it couldn’t be more spot in. It does feel uncomfortable, I did want to say it and squirm (instead of continuing with my sentence), she reacted exactly like your video example. It is a powerful tool in the right situation, thanks again!
For the past two weeks my coworker has been cutting me off mid sentence and wanted to find an amicable way to let him know it's pissing me off. Well, I bide my time and two days ago he does it again, but I didn't stop talking. He looked at me and we both stopped and he said, "Sorry, go ahead" but I remained silent and made the room feel pretty awkward. I refuse to let him have the power to tell me when I can and cannot speak and I hope he got the message. Won't be as nice from now on.
Great stuff! Judge Judy for all her tiny size has a commanding presence. She frequently uses this phrase, "I'm speaking!" to great effect. Very effective.
Great contents here Mr. WOW, I have a family member who's notorious for saying "excuse me/helloooo", however, I seem to be the one always being interrupted & just let it go, I'm tired of people bulldozing over me! Love your humor!
Thank you for this great content. I have been surrounded all my life by people that speak over me starting with my family, partner, and of course in the workplace. I will certainly keep practicing these helpful phrases 😊
Dan. I take you only walks and hikes every morning. I am almost 70, still working (entrepreneur) but have worked in Corporate and experienced people who brazenly interrupt. It makes the receiver feel so diminished. Right on! Simple ways to keep everyone's intellect intact but make your point that you were not finished. You always make me laugh with your great delivery style that always promises to teach us clear and proper responses that educate those who don't have a clue.
Many thanks, Mary Hunt. My mother is 75 and works for me and I do mean WORKS for me. She reads the things I write (about her) and watches my videos (including those that mention her) and still loves me. Go figure. It certainly is not because of what I pay her--or so she says.
a person i communicate with regularly interrupts me by throwing in questions to redirect the conversation. The last time they exhibited this behaviour i looked directly in their eyes, said, " I'm speaking with X. You'll know when i'm speaking to you because i'll look at you." I got it from a movie line but hey, it worked.
Haven't seen the last few videos, but I've noticed you're much more relaxed, expressive and natural in front of the camera. Thank you for this video! Love how you include different outcomes, it answers my questions which occur whilst watching. You're following the viewer's thoughts. Still amazed that you answered my question in the live video. Keep it up!
Sometimes I will stand up for the person talking and I will say "Let her finish. I want to hear what she is saying" usually they will apologize and let them continue.
@@thekingsdaughter4233 If the person does get mad, that’s too bad. I’ve had a friend for the past 50-years who is a chronic interrupter since I’ve known her. I’ve said, “Let (them) finish.” to her many times. She stops. But just like a dam ready to burst, she is all too eager to start talking again. Consequently, I am around her less and less. Sometimes when she interrupts me, I don’t miss a beat. I just keep talking like it didn’t happen. Or, I will say, “Wait.” And then resume. She’s a good hearted person and I like her. But I don’t like her as I did back in the day. She’s now like a family member I see once or twice a year. Otherwise, it’s too exhausting for me to be around her. Oh well, I think people come in to our lives to teach us and of course we teach them. In my view, interrupters are rude and rather dull communicators. I don’t mean someone who drones on and on shouldn’t be cut off and interrupted. There’s a balance. One of the best things in life is to have a good discussion with intelligent, thinking, and witty people. I’ll shut up now…😜
You're so right it's not easy... I say "Let me finish" ... and it was SOOO empowering to say it - then the chronic interrupter shut up right away -- as I kept right on speaking! It felt great because it was not comfortable!
I did this recently when I phoned a domestic abuse helpline. From the moment I started to speak this woman went off on a tangent in every direction BUT the one that I was dealing with. When I politely asked her to let me please speak, she freaked out, shouting 'I feel attacked, I feel attacked, I feel attacked' and then slammed the phone down on me. I have made a formal complaint and have been shocked at how abusive that agency has been. No better than the gaslighters and disdain I could get without them. I really do NOT have the energy or wellness to pursue this energy drain but I really worry about other women out there who might get this treatment. I am a lawyer and my mother is a doctor who worked in the ER Trauma Unity for decades..... she has NEVER treated people like that even when they are spitting at her and calling her a whole encyclopaedia of ugly names. Her boss wrote: 'I am satisfied that this was unintentional.' This is not a murder trial so intention is irrelevant, damage and harm is. Even though I am a lawyer etc doesn't make me or any of us less exposed to abusers. Years ago, when I was still living with my husband I stopped talking. I whispered when I bought something in a shop etc. All these years it has taken me to speak 'normally'. He would have loved to hear her shouting at me and he would have weaponised it against me. I even weaponised it against myself but stopped. My mother always says: You are NOT responsible for someone else's behaviour.' It's so obvious but in those moments we put ourselves down. This time I stopped myself and repeated my mother's words. My specialist doctor has been so amazingly supportive as well. So, I know I have blessings and others do not. I know the laws and the twists and turns, not that it makes it any less draining. But I see women in my community every day and I think if that happened to them I'd have that cow's head for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I am not vindictive but I expect professionalism in such places rather than the cronyism that is so common in Ireland. BTW, I am more than aware that this is a major issue for men as well. I wish men had somewhere to go when they are on the wrong side of an abuser. I think my brother-in-law is (not the abuser) but I cannot get through either of their defenses. My son went through it once as well and I intervened. Poor thing, he saw a young woman crying and tried to help her and did. After that she pursued him relentlessly despite his beloved girlfriend. When he finally had to shout at her to F OFF, she went to the cops and reported that he had kicked and pushed her in a local bar. Thank God for CCTV! If I am going to have any chance of a good life, I must get my voice back! How could she feel attacked by being asked to pay attention? That is literally insane. Thank all of you for being here.
I like the finger wagging communication. It is a softer way to show 'no' rather than the 'bye, Felicia' palm in the face signal. LOL Thanks, Dan, for the usable tips.
How do you deal with interrupters who try to derail/distract you with regular quips and comments on what you’re saying instead of just blatantly talking over you? I have a colleague who LOVES to do this (especially in groups) because it shifts the attention of the moment onto her and makes it difficult for me to maintain my train of thought.
Thank you so much! I struggle with constantly being interrupted in social settings, and I know I’m the common denominator. I will be having a difficult conversation in a few days (someone I work with, who’s lied to me big time, and intentionally screwed me out of needed work) and I anticipate this coming in very useful in my commitment to balancing civility with not getting steamrolled. Thank you!!
@@kimnolan4084 hi! Tbh no I didn’t… it ended up going differently from what I pictured. I quietly showed my boss her own video that I thought proved her lie, and just sat back and let her fall over herself scrambling to explain why it wasn’t what I thought. But she said some details that I had to confirm, so I felt it wasn’t wise or fair to push the issue in that moment before I could check the story. …That’s where I had to decide whether to use the technique from video or not - but then, I wasn’t really being interrupted after all; it seemed wiser to let her dig her own grave in the first place. I ended up unable to pinpoint it, but walked away from her story feeling worse rather than better about the situation, so I ultimately decided to just trust my instinct and end the relationship - without being certain exactly where the betrayal happened, but I was certain that it did!
I've always been the opposite to being passive in this situation. I've shouted at people .. told them that they are rude .. called them childish .... You have confirmed to me that I was right. However you have also confirmed to me that there are better ways to challenge interrupters and I will take your advice .. thank you
Olivia, in a classroom situation with someone who mistakes the classroom for the lunchroom--I would use the "stop" hand motion and say "please." Keep your eyes focused on the professor or your notes or tablet or whatever. Don't make eye contact with this person. This may feel rude, but IT IS NOT. The person distracting you is the one who is being rude. My guess is you will have to do it a few times the first day, and fewer times the second and no times the third, because she'll find someone else to bug by that time.
Thank you! I don't have an issue in conversations with most people but there are people who are very difficult to deal with that are notorious for talking over my naturally quiet speech, not listening, paying attention or being respectful... I am going to use this with them to take my power back. Just because I'm a quiet person by nature does not in any way mean I will put up with BS. I like a peaceful, quiet atmosphere and prefer to maintain my zen, but if you're going to be rude... then you're going to get the ram-look ^_^
Dan, I first learned about you around 2019. I think you’re great! I love ❤️ your teachings and sense of humor. It makes learning your ways with communicating fun 🤩 Thank you!
You have to remember she knew me when I was little--and what you are calling "charisma" she called "showing off" and "acting up." However, I believe she has forgiven me :) :) :)
I always END the conversation. I hang up the phone, slam the door in their face, or walk away. Simple as that. I don't even bother explaining why I ended the conversation, they KNOW why. People ARE WELL AWARE that they are being rude & disrespectful. When people interrupt they know exactly what they are doing. People interrupt on purpose because they want to control & dominate the conversation. In addition they do it because they really don't care what you gave to say, all they truly care about is what THEY want to say & that's it. 💯
Hey Dan here's an idea for a video, how to deal with "triad invaders" Like the aggressive guy who barges in on your intense one on one conversation with a close friend or worse yet, someone you just met and are just starting to connect with.
@@TheWizardOfWords scenario: You're at a business luncheon or event or whatever. You meet Susan , a gorgeous , funny , intelligent women who is obviously single , and three minutes into the convo, you realize she really likes you. Oh but here's comes Stan the NFL douche , running across the room . Or Karen , the needy Fat Lady. HI SUSAN! HAVEN"T SEEN YOU IN AWHILE OMGGGG!!! HOW AARRRE YOUUUU!!!? This happens to me all the time . CT people have NO MANNERS . One idea I had is "hey here's my card, I feel like we're gonna get interrupted in about thirty seconds . I sense you are well known. If we do get interrupted, I'd love to continue this, I'm enjoying our chat!" I actually took a course in "small groups" in college, (sociology) it was interesting in addressing the diad/triad power struggles (and larger group issues) but gave no strategies on how to personally deal with them. (that's college for ya) The business card thing is a bit awkward at times because if you hand it to someone too quickly, they might think you're diplomatically blowing them off, that's more of a guy-thing though. If I try to contact Susan later via email from her name tag then she thinks I'm a needy stalker lol. Then there's the woman who darts at you across a 100 yard parking lot because you were nice to her for two seconds . Oh the cringe.
This may sound bad to people, I do this with my manager as he has repeatedly interrupted me during important meetings. It works a treat. No matter their status, everyone should be able to say what they need to say and also listen to others. Mutual respect is key.
Thankyou, Your videos are a lifesaver....thankyou, i would really appreciate if you could share a video on how to politely excuse people, peers, bosses from piling tasks to do one upon another....i have alot of issues with saying 'no' ....so i end up taking on more than i can handle in a reasonable and effective manner.
This is great & I'm only half way through the video... I like these tips & techniques but I also think part of my problem is my own self importance. There's an ego part of me that says "hey, this is a great story, I'm a cool dude, I'm interesting, if you don't have enough respect for me to allow me to speak, then you're not really worth my words". And I wish I could live with that but I have this insane urge to finish my stories so I just blow a gasket and completely shut down. I see perhaps a different perspective could help me curve some people's behavior & maybe I can finish some thoughts every once in a while.
My boss is the one who interrupts everyone, not just me. She also talks over me all the time. Then she apologizes and says it is ok because she is the youngest of seven children, so I am not the only person she annoys. I got to the point where I wouldn't speak in meetings. I need to work on this, thank you for the tips.
Right before Covid I was in new York visiting my mother and brother from Ireland where I live. One morning I was playing with her dog, a 'character' of a pug named Fou, and I started to tell my mother a story. After the first three words, I automatically stopped. Then I said a few more words and stopped again, still facing the dog. I did this start and stall for quite a while until I stopped and realised that something seemed 'off' to me but I couldn't think what. I turned around and there stood my mother, elegant and beautiful as ever, and DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WAS DOING??????? Paying attention. Listening to me as I stutter-talked. I have become so used to being talked over and interrupted was almost in shock. I am working on this as much as I can.
Thank you for the video! I searched this this evening after an upsetting interaction with a client. I care for (and my speciality for the last 3 years) has been in pet care-I own my own business. I was having a cordial chat with a client (in her home), as we often do and share training tips, etc. TBH, she’s a self admitted over worrier/says some negative things about people and what they think, etc...anyways, she mentioned today she was going to send her socially anxious/reactive dog to a board & train, which are known to the dog pros as a controversial choice (often they employ fear for training purposes...I digress)-she shared this with me on her own accord. I started to say, “Do you know anything about the...” and before I could finish my sentence, she said, “I’m Not looking for any opinions. Thanks.” Oww and ouch. I was pretty jarred. I did your step 1, and leaned forward, but dropped it and left (I was only there for a short visit). Honestly , the more I thought of it, it really hurt my feelings. She’s been a client for several months now, and we have a good relationship . I don’t take it personally-I think this is a function of how she reacts to others, but still. I thoughtful it was over the top, and hurt somewhat. I don’t think I offer unsolicited advice often, I just meant to help by flagging for her that the training could actually hurt the dog, rather than help. And, since this is my area of expertise, I do value my opinion. OK, she doesn’t want to hear it, well, her loss I suppose. It will make me very very much less likely to engage with her...and since she’s home more now because of flex work policy, I might have to interact. Thank you again for the video, and letting me have a place to write this.🙂
firegirljen, this woman's rudeness was off the charts. You were doing your job. Judging from your writing, you are a savvy and mindful communicator who was speaking to her as a professional when you reacted to her training choice. It is clear that she questions her own choice and is feeling vulnerable about it. If she were secure in her decision, she would NEVER have reacted as she did. You are absolutely right to not take it personally. Going forward I would limit my conversation to pleasantries and then take my leave. Don't let this bother you, knowing you didn't cause the problem; you are not the problem; you were momentarily the victim of this woman's problem and her vulnerabilities.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful response, I really appreciate it.😊 I hadn’t thought about her reacting out of her own insecurity, but that definitely makes sense to me. I saw her today, and kept our convo to a minimum, thank you for the advice. And, you have a new subscriber over here.👋🏻
Firegirljen, I was shocked when I read your comment, because there's a woman in my life who perfectly fits your description. She has the overactive dog that she caused to be that way due to her agitated, anxious personality. Also, she used to have a dog shelter that she was running in the past. I could NEVER get a word in, and if I'd say something that remotely got interpreted as negative or critic, she'd fall apart right then and there. It happened so often, that I had to completely cut off our friendship. Her name started with an R.
@@annehaase3380 Hi Anne! Thanks for reaching out. Doesn’t sound like we are talking about the same person, but def some major parallels. Shortly after I posted this, I told her I could no longer service her. She made another scene because the dog rolled on the ground in some poop, and she told me I could never let him roll around /ever again. 😁 ya…my job should be fun, and it is again! I’m lucky to work for myself. I hope your situation has also improved.🙏🏻
You are correct in how you read this, you know> Don't minimise the value of your own feelings and being treated with decent respect. You are a professional in this area. Why would she tell you this if she didn't already know that you would not be in full agreement with it since you obviously take excellent personal care of her dog. You don't have a good relationship. You have given her one and she should value that. Also, I know you know this but it's not just her business; it's the dog's health and welfare. If this is an elderly dog or a traumatised dog, the consequences could be dire. It's too late now to say this but I swear by the Beaphar anxiety drops and/or collar. We have two Yorkies, Axl and Stitch. For some reason.... probably because we moved house, then traveled over to New York for the summer as my mother was ill. Anyway, my dog, Axl,.... I can only trust that you know this is for real... had some sort of total breakdown. He would just stare at me constantly and was always right at my side. He still is as I type. But he had snapped and lashed out at both my (now grown) kids. He was bullied as a puppy by his siblings, which is why his owner gave him to me. (BTW they fed him Skittles!!!!!!!! I still cannot breathe when I think of that.) One day Aldi had those drops on sale and I just got them and within a half hour he was back to himself. I also ordered an anxiety bed that Stitch loves, an anxiety shirt, some Valerian, a plug-in diffuser and the collars. Yep, now I do sound insane. However, I have given several of them to others with anxious dogs and I have to say they do the job. It's all natural and no training them through fear. This isn't England in 1940! Well, it isn't 1940. She was rude to you. I don't like her. Not that that changes your feelings but you deserve good people in your life. You are a gift to her dog, who I hope has come back well and without the famous boarding school tic. Totally bad idea for such a sensitive dog. Just all the others and the noise will traumatise him/her. I studied law in my life but I think I would have been good with animals as well. My daughter visits local horses as therapy. Her little criminal, I mean pet, is her perfect comfort. She was a crime victim several years ago and the cops let her carry the little dog in with her to talk to them. He looks just like a tiny raccoon. Anyway, let's make a deal okay? You do not let that voice inside you minimise bad behaviour toward you and I will keep up my work on it as well!
How do you stop *yourself* from interrupting? It sounds like a dumb question, I know, but I have ADHD and really genuinely do not mean to steamroll, but often get so enthusiastic or find my brain trying to save time by like, fast forwarding the conversation… (especially since becoming a mom of 4 who is constantly interrupted by kids and husband)…
This shit is good. Never let yourself get interrupted. The interruptor will know you are the easiest to be interrupted. Just experienced this, got interrupted by a narcissist who likes to talk about himself. Quite an apparent power play especially with my girlfriend around 😂
I tried that and she still interrupted me. Then I said Oh was i speaking or you? Go ahead. i wouldn’t listen and continued to say what i was originally planning to say 😂
Taking notes from this: lean towards them forehead facing them, make direct wide eye contact make a universal stop gesture use a universal verbal statement such as: Im still speaking, I havent finished.
Glad you liked it! If you want to check out more engaging, funny and helpful material :) :) :). go to danoconnortraining.com and tell ém I sent ya :) :)
I like these suggestions. Which ones are most useful for phone conversations? How about conversations with kids? I’m a new subscriber. Thanks for sharing 🙏
That would pretty much be up to you and the circumstances, Laurice. The best one for kids is the broken record. It stops all deflective argumentation--for which kids are famous, of course.
Stay away from people who don’t let you talk ….push them out of your lives totally….life is too short to have to deal with those inconsiderate TALKING MACHINES.
Hi Dan, it's great that you are revising your older videos with a little more depth. Btw, I've never seen a follow-up about the different personality types. there were videos of The messenger, The prophet... and where's the rest? Or maybe I got lost in the shuffle hehe Keep up the good work. These videos with some text and cues are great. Stay safe!
I just love watching your videos😊 You have such a warm heart.😊 I find joy in watching your videos, listening to your wonderful advice, and I also find you very calming (and hilarious as well😆😆)
This is awesome. Thank you! What do you do when someone argues with you after you barely get 3 words out. Take my quiet sentence, “i hate guns”. And instantly - ROAR. No questions about why, or tune in to let me finish the sentence. I have childhood trauma and I’m scared to death of them. Also of strange dogs. But no - they will tell me that I’m 100p wrong and why I’m wrong.
6:37 When you're discussing how people can practice saying the words out loud -- when I did morning drive on a country music radio station I would practice reading aloud news, public service announcements, whatever, before doing it on live microphone. V. Helpful.
I started saying “I wanna finish telling my story” like a whiny child when people interrupt me. Even though it’s passive aggressive, it comes across humorously. People laugh at whoever is interrupting. AND the interrupter gets it and stops 100 percent of the time. But if I don’t like the person, I’m gonna say what you’re saying! 😉🤣
I'm greatful to have come upon your channel. I believe I'm on my 4th video in a row, Dan! It is so fascinating how much the way we speak to one another shapes and effects our entire life and yet it seems as though it is not recognized as it should be, at least not consciously. As I'm watching your videos I'm smiling, laughing, learning, and so intrigued in watching you talk, down to your facial expressions, pauses, and gestures. Does the manner in which you speak ( aside from choice of words) come naturally or is it something you've achieved through practice?
Thanks for your kind words, B. In re your question--communication skills come through practice. They also come from awareness and observation, of course. For example, years ago I became aware of the ummms and uhhhs and filler words I was using, so I try deliberately to avoid using them. That's awareness and practice. On top of that, I suppose my personality comes through (for good or ill :) :( ) and that comes through naturally. Therefore, the short answer to your question is "both."
Interrupting can also stem from being a anxious person and ADHD so, give people the benefit of the doubt. My partner’s obnoxious sister mistook me finishing a word in her sentence as annoying and interrupting when I’m fact it’s isn’t, it’s a sign you are listening and involved in what they are saying. Also, I met with a person I talked to only online and when were were face-to-face she kept interrupting me, so I would just stop and let her finish then keep going with what I was saying or I would keep talking to finish my sentence, that works too. I knew she was an anxious person but I realized after I got home that many times… she was just flat out not listening to me, and things we talked about prior she had no clue about. She knows I run a business and when she asked me what I do and she had no clue, but the worst part is I’m paying her to design a logo for my business and she knows I’m writing a feasibility study with a business consultant for it which I’ve mentioned multiple times 😂 so ya… people like her, we all must avoid.
Generally, these tips are for business--when you are trying to present or just trying to speak and people are interrupting you. I hear what you are saying about people who have ADHD, however in a business context you might have to move along regardless. In a personal setting--that's altogether different. Even in a business setting if you happen to know someone has ADHD and they are interrupting, you should certainly try to be compassionate and understanding.
I work with a friend who is (more) likely to do this when she has an "audience". While I am conversing with a group and begin to speak she inevitably has to cut in. When she does this...I simply turn away from the group and walk away. This deflates her platform. She will quickly finish her speech and begin looking for me. P.S. I've tried the wait a moment finger. She becomes louder. Walking away is the only way I stop her.
A person who deliberately interrupts you is a mere pathetic damaged insecure conversational narcissist. Normal people enjoy listening as much as speaking like playing tennis and when they politely intervene they make it in a brief by asking your permission in low welcoming tone and when they finish they would remind you ( what you were talking about if you forgot ) this proves they are listening and really care about your input . Unlike narcissist they just wanna loudly compete you by hogging the conversation so they can feel better or superior when they are heard above your voice or enjoy hearing themselves babbling about their achievements because it’s more important than yours and abusing others with their nonstop awesome mouth Diarrhea.
That's what I feel when I'm constantly being interrupted. Today I told the person to shut up. I was shocked they found that so offensive but not their interrupting.
Good comment and I agree. Many people who interrupt are indeed narcissists. However, there are some people who are just unconscious. They lack the awareness to know that what they are doing is impolite. So then they're told not to interrupt, but then they are so caught in their conditioning that they fail to break out of their patterns. This is where mindfulness meditation, such as anapanasati, can help.
I’m about ready to give up with some interrupters TOTALLY and just let them interrupt or “”yap yap yap and yap some more”” as I INTERRUPT their INTERRUPTING ( talking “”to”” me and not listening to me ) by simply turning my back on them and quietly without emotion “”WALK AWAY””. I did that one time to a CONTROLLER that would not let me talk. Her lower jaw just dropped in disbelief !!! She was speechless at that moment in time !!!! 😵💫😵💫😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
So you’re saying I shouldn’t just reach across the table and slap her? (I couldn’t help it. We have a serial interrupter and know-it-all who has done everything, knows everything & everyone and brags incessantly about how amazing she is).
😆 Gosh I know 2 people like that and they hate each other because they desperately compete for attention. I think He suggests on this video a sort of handless slap. I like it and I’ll use it.
Saturday night live just showed a skit on a interupter at a restaurant which brought me here. Of course it was after the Will Smith skit which was a physical interruption.
HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
I went to go to scan that QR code, then I realized when you did this golden video. Thank you very much. You are amazing
I’ve always said I’m not finished when people interrupt me. People will stop and listen but it’s so powerful that I often forget what I was saying. Great advice.
Me too!
Some people interrupt you on purpose to get the conversation back to them.
@@vickichadwick7508 yeah that’s what interrupting is hehe
@vicki chadwick Do you oftentimes tell people the sky is blue on a cloudless day?
That does not always work, when someone is doing it on purpose to Gaslight you.
It WORKED!!!!!! I used “I’m still speaking” multiple times and he stopped every time I did!!!! Thank you 😁😁😁😁
You're welcome!
I found Dan a few years ago when I had to address a matter with a bully in an office meeting. Her behavior was a threat to my security. When she inevitably interrupted me, I firmly said, "I'm Speaking." It was a magical moment, thanks to Dan, The Wizard of Words. I've studied communication, but I was conditioned from birth not to. I know I have to read, write, speak to repair myself.
Happy to help, Sab :)
I used your tools this week to stop an interrupting customer. I was shocked at how well it worked! She was stunned, but stopped the behavior, and it was awesome. Thank you so much.
So gratified to hear that A Will. It is amazing how direct communication can still be mindful and effective, isn't it??
@@TheWizardOfWords It truly is. I rewatched this afterwards, and I think it couldn’t be more spot in. It does feel uncomfortable, I did want to say it and squirm (instead of continuing with my sentence), she reacted exactly like your video example. It is a powerful tool in the right situation, thanks again!
For the past two weeks my coworker has been cutting me off mid sentence and wanted to find an amicable way to let him know it's pissing me off. Well, I bide my time and two days ago he does it again, but I didn't stop talking. He looked at me and we both stopped and he said, "Sorry, go ahead" but I remained silent and made the room feel pretty awkward. I refuse to let him have the power to tell me when I can and cannot speak and I hope he got the message. Won't be as nice from now on.
Agreed. Been passive. Didn't work. Just got ignored. Confronting the rudeness. Puts them on notice. I am important. Don't discount me.
Thank YOU 🙏
-This works when someone “Respects You”-
Great stuff! Judge Judy for all her tiny size has a commanding presence. She frequently uses this phrase, "I'm speaking!" to great effect. Very effective.
Yes, I think she learned most of her phrases and certainly her body language from my mother. I'm pretty sure.
US VP as well 😂
The skills here are PHENOMENAL
Great contents here Mr. WOW, I have a family member who's notorious for saying "excuse me/helloooo", however, I seem to be the one always being interrupted & just let it go, I'm tired of people bulldozing over me! Love your humor!
Thank you for this great content. I have been surrounded all my life by people that speak over me starting with my family, partner, and of course in the workplace. I will certainly keep practicing these helpful phrases 😊
Dan. I take you only walks and hikes every morning. I am almost 70, still working (entrepreneur) but have worked in Corporate and experienced people who brazenly interrupt. It makes the receiver feel so diminished. Right on! Simple ways to keep everyone's intellect intact but make your point that you were not finished. You always make me laugh with your great delivery style that always promises to teach us clear and proper responses that educate those who don't have a clue.
Many thanks, Mary Hunt. My mother is 75 and works for me and I do mean WORKS for me. She reads the things I write (about her) and watches my videos (including those that mention her) and still loves me. Go figure. It certainly is not because of what I pay her--or so she says.
Dan, you are the best! How to show respect without sacrificing one bit of your own dignity. Excellent.
a person i communicate with regularly interrupts me by throwing in questions to redirect the conversation. The last time they exhibited this behaviour i looked directly in their eyes, said, " I'm speaking with X. You'll know when i'm speaking to you because i'll look at you." I got it from a movie line but hey, it worked.
i like this. Especially the bull part. 😀
Love the scripting you offer for common circumstances that can throw off our rhythm or workflow, catch us off guard.
Haven't seen the last few videos, but I've noticed you're much more relaxed, expressive and natural in front of the camera. Thank you for this video! Love how you include different outcomes, it answers my questions which occur whilst watching. You're following the viewer's thoughts. Still amazed that you answered my question in the live video. Keep it up!
Sometimes I will stand up for the person talking and I will say "Let her finish. I want to hear what she is saying" usually they will apologize and let them continue.
Anyone getting mad at you for doing that yet? Because the person I have in mind is going to blow up if I were to say that...
I would appreciate that so much!
I wish you were working with me, well done.
@@thekingsdaughter4233 If the person does get mad, that’s too bad. I’ve had a friend for the past 50-years who is a chronic interrupter since I’ve known her. I’ve said, “Let (them) finish.” to her many times. She stops. But just like a dam ready to burst, she is all too eager to start talking again. Consequently, I am around her less and less.
Sometimes when she interrupts me, I don’t miss a beat. I just keep talking like it didn’t happen. Or, I will say, “Wait.” And then resume.
She’s a good hearted person and I like her. But I don’t like her as I did back in the day. She’s now like a family member I see once or twice a year. Otherwise, it’s too exhausting for me to be around her. Oh well,
I think people come in to our lives to teach us and of course we teach them. In my view, interrupters are rude and rather dull communicators. I don’t mean someone who drones on and on shouldn’t be cut off and interrupted. There’s a balance. One of the best things in life is to have a good discussion with intelligent, thinking, and witty people.
I’ll shut up now…😜
Please come live in my life for a while!
You're so right it's not easy... I say "Let me finish" ... and it was SOOO empowering to say it - then the chronic interrupter shut up right away -- as I kept right on speaking! It felt great because it was not comfortable!
I did this recently when I phoned a domestic abuse helpline. From the moment I started to speak this woman went off on a tangent in every direction BUT the one that I was dealing with. When I politely asked her to let me please speak, she freaked out, shouting 'I feel attacked, I feel attacked, I feel attacked' and then slammed the phone down on me. I have made a formal complaint and have been shocked at how abusive that agency has been. No better than the gaslighters and disdain I could get without them. I really do NOT have the energy or wellness to pursue this energy drain but I really worry about other women out there who might get this treatment. I am a lawyer and my mother is a doctor who worked in the ER Trauma Unity for decades..... she has NEVER treated people like that even when they are spitting at her and calling her a whole encyclopaedia of ugly names. Her boss wrote: 'I am satisfied that this was unintentional.' This is not a murder trial so intention is irrelevant, damage and harm is. Even though I am a lawyer etc doesn't make me or any of us less exposed to abusers. Years ago, when I was still living with my husband I stopped talking. I whispered when I bought something in a shop etc. All these years it has taken me to speak 'normally'. He would have loved to hear her shouting at me and he would have weaponised it against me. I even weaponised it against myself but stopped. My mother always says: You are NOT responsible for someone else's behaviour.' It's so obvious but in those moments we put ourselves down. This time I stopped myself and repeated my mother's words. My specialist doctor has been so amazingly supportive as well. So, I know I have blessings and others do not. I know the laws and the twists and turns, not that it makes it any less draining. But I see women in my community every day and I think if that happened to them I'd have that cow's head for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I am not vindictive but I expect professionalism in such places rather than the cronyism that is so common in Ireland. BTW, I am more than aware that this is a major issue for men as well. I wish men had somewhere to go when they are on the wrong side of an abuser. I think my brother-in-law is (not the abuser) but I cannot get through either of their defenses. My son went through it once as well and I intervened. Poor thing, he saw a young woman crying and tried to help her and did. After that she pursued him relentlessly despite his beloved girlfriend. When he finally had to shout at her to F OFF, she went to the cops and reported that he had kicked and pushed her in a local bar. Thank God for CCTV! If I am going to have any chance of a good life, I must get my voice back! How could she feel attacked by being asked to pay attention? That is literally insane. Thank all of you for being here.
I like the finger wagging communication. It is a softer way to show 'no' rather than the 'bye, Felicia' palm in the face signal. LOL Thanks, Dan, for the usable tips.
How do you deal with interrupters who try to derail/distract you with regular quips and comments on what you’re saying instead of just blatantly talking over you? I have a colleague who LOVES to do this (especially in groups) because it shifts the attention of the moment onto her and makes it difficult for me to maintain my train of thought.
Thank you so much! I struggle with constantly being interrupted in social settings, and I know I’m the common denominator. I will be having a difficult conversation in a few days (someone I work with, who’s lied to me big time, and intentionally screwed me out of needed work) and I anticipate this coming in very useful in my commitment to balancing civility with not getting steamrolled. Thank you!!
I feel the same Maya, how did it go??? did you use this technique??
@@kimnolan4084 hi! Tbh no I didn’t… it ended up going differently from what I pictured.
I quietly showed my boss her own video that I thought proved her lie, and just sat back and let her fall over herself scrambling to explain why it wasn’t what I thought. But she said some details that I had to confirm, so I felt it wasn’t wise or fair to push the issue in that moment before I could check the story. …That’s where I had to decide whether to use the technique from video or not - but then, I wasn’t really being interrupted after all; it seemed wiser to let her dig her own grave in the first place.
I ended up unable to pinpoint it, but walked away from her story feeling worse rather than better about the situation, so I ultimately decided to just trust my instinct and end the relationship - without being certain exactly where the betrayal happened, but I was certain that it did!
I've always been the opposite to being passive in this situation. I've shouted at people .. told them that they are rude .. called them childish .... You have confirmed to me that I was right. However you have also confirmed to me that there are better ways to challenge interrupters and I will take your advice .. thank you
You're welcome, Rob. Happy to help.
Omg how did you earn this superpower?!? You must have been through some stuff… Thanks for sharing the lessons without the pain. Amen.
I have a classmate that interrupts a 1 hour physics class a dozen times and my grade is suffering. I needed this!
Olivia, in a classroom situation with someone who mistakes the classroom for the lunchroom--I would use the "stop" hand motion and say "please." Keep your eyes focused on the professor or your notes or tablet or whatever. Don't make eye contact with this person. This may feel rude, but IT IS NOT. The person distracting you is the one who is being rude. My guess is you will have to do it a few times the first day, and fewer times the second and no times the third, because she'll find someone else to bug by that time.
THANK YOU
Love your decor! You look healthy. All bright and shiny. Thank you for your videos.
Thank you! I don't have an issue in conversations with most people but there are people who are very difficult to deal with that are notorious for talking over my naturally quiet speech, not listening, paying attention or being respectful... I am going to use this with them to take my power back. Just because I'm a quiet person by nature does not in any way mean I will put up with BS. I like a peaceful, quiet atmosphere and prefer to maintain my zen, but if you're going to be rude... then you're going to get the ram-look ^_^
Dan, I first learned about you around 2019. I think you’re great! I love ❤️ your teachings and sense of humor. It makes learning your ways with communicating fun 🤩 Thank you!
I appreciate your appreciation :)
Wonderful advice and great content!!!
Thank you; please share these, Jonathon.
" you're teaching people , other people look to you "
Without realizing..
YEs !, TRUE !
Dan, you are absolutely delightful! When they were distributing all the charisma, you got way more than your share.
haha--would you mind telling my mother that? :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords I'm sure she knows. She must be proud of you!
You have to remember she knew me when I was little--and what you are calling "charisma" she called "showing off" and "acting up." However, I believe she has forgiven me :) :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords Ha ha ha!
Dan, you crack me up! Your sense of humor is very entertaining. I love your style!
I always END the conversation. I hang up the phone, slam the door in their face, or walk away. Simple as that. I don't even bother explaining why I ended the conversation, they KNOW why. People ARE WELL AWARE that they are being rude & disrespectful. When people interrupt they know exactly what they are doing. People interrupt on purpose because they want to control & dominate the conversation. In addition they do it because they really don't care what you gave to say, all they truly care about is what THEY want to say & that's it. 💯
Great tips, thank you! I have one very problematic person that I can't wait to try these on.
Let us know how that goes, Maureen.
Just started watching your stuff. This is great! Now if only I can modify it to stop hubby from taking over my stories.
Oh you can modify it for that purpose. I saw my father do that to my mother many times. She tends to be a story-hogger.
Yay! Found it! Super helpful 🎉 looking forward to becoming a new member
Thank you
Greetings, and thank you for sharing this. I find it most helpful.
Hey Dan here's an idea for a video, how to deal with "triad invaders" Like the aggressive guy who barges in on your intense one on one conversation with a close friend or worse yet, someone you just met and are just starting to connect with.
Great idea and thanks for giving it a name. Watch for it :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords scenario: You're at a business luncheon or event or whatever. You meet Susan , a gorgeous , funny , intelligent women who is obviously single , and three minutes into the convo, you realize she really likes you. Oh but here's comes Stan the NFL douche , running across the room . Or Karen , the needy Fat Lady. HI SUSAN! HAVEN"T SEEN YOU IN AWHILE OMGGGG!!! HOW AARRRE YOUUUU!!!? This happens to me all the time . CT people have NO MANNERS . One idea I had is "hey here's my card, I feel like we're gonna get interrupted in about thirty seconds . I sense you are well known. If we do get interrupted, I'd love to continue this, I'm enjoying our chat!" I actually took a course in "small groups" in college, (sociology) it was interesting in addressing the diad/triad power struggles (and larger group issues) but gave no strategies on how to personally deal with them. (that's college for ya) The business card thing is a bit awkward at times because if you hand it to someone too quickly, they might think you're diplomatically blowing them off, that's more of a guy-thing though. If I try to contact Susan later via email from her name tag then she thinks I'm a needy stalker lol. Then there's the woman who darts at you across a 100 yard parking lot because you were nice to her for two seconds . Oh the cringe.
Perfect 🎉 what I was say and keep talking… best approach.
This may sound bad to people, I do this with my manager as he has repeatedly interrupted me during important meetings. It works a treat. No matter their status, everyone should be able to say what they need to say and also listen to others. Mutual respect is key.
Fatt, I'm not sure what you think may sound bad to people-- Can you explain a little?
@@TheWizardOfWords it may sound bad that I use the 'I'm not finished speaking' to the manager if he interupts, which tends to be often.
It does not sound at all bad. It's professionalism and seems like you should be the one managing,
Nice background photos, Dan! Great advice as always.
Thanks much, Drama.
Thankyou, Your videos are a lifesaver....thankyou, i would really appreciate if you could share a video on how to politely excuse people, peers, bosses from piling tasks to do one upon another....i have alot of issues with saying 'no' ....so i end up taking on more than i can handle in a reasonable and effective manner.
The best advice I can give you is to search on my channel for how to say no.
This is great & I'm only half way through the video...
I like these tips & techniques but I also think part of my problem is my own self importance. There's an ego part of me that says "hey, this is a great story, I'm a cool dude, I'm interesting, if you don't have enough respect for me to allow me to speak, then you're not really worth my words". And I wish I could live with that but I have this insane urge to finish my stories so I just blow a gasket and completely shut down. I see perhaps a different perspective could help me curve some people's behavior & maybe I can finish some thoughts every once in a while.
My boss is the one who interrupts everyone, not just me. She also talks over me all the time. Then she apologizes and says it is ok because she is the youngest of seven children, so I am not the only person she annoys. I got to the point where I wouldn't speak in meetings. I need to work on this, thank you for the tips.
Right before Covid I was in new York visiting my mother and brother from Ireland where I live. One morning I was playing with her dog, a 'character' of a pug named Fou, and I started to tell my mother a story. After the first three words, I automatically stopped. Then I said a few more words and stopped again, still facing the dog. I did this start and stall for quite a while until I stopped and realised that something seemed 'off' to me but I couldn't think what. I turned around and there stood my mother, elegant and beautiful as ever, and DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WAS DOING??????? Paying attention. Listening to me as I stutter-talked. I have become so used to being talked over and interrupted was almost in shock. I am working on this as much as I can.
I love this!
Thank you for the video! I searched this this evening after an upsetting interaction with a client. I care for (and my speciality for the last 3 years) has been in pet care-I own my own business. I was having a cordial chat with a client (in her home), as we often do and share training tips, etc. TBH, she’s a self admitted over worrier/says some negative things about people and what they think, etc...anyways, she mentioned today she was going to send her socially anxious/reactive dog to a board & train, which are known to the dog pros as a controversial choice (often they employ fear for training purposes...I digress)-she shared this with me on her own accord. I started to say, “Do you know anything about the...” and before I could finish my sentence, she said, “I’m
Not looking for any opinions. Thanks.” Oww and ouch. I was pretty jarred. I did your step 1, and leaned forward, but dropped it and left (I was only there for a short visit). Honestly , the more I thought of it, it really hurt my feelings. She’s been a client for several months now, and we have a good relationship . I don’t take it personally-I think this is a function of how she reacts to others, but still. I thoughtful it was over the top, and hurt somewhat. I don’t think I offer unsolicited advice often, I just meant to help by flagging for her that the training could actually hurt the dog, rather than help. And, since this is my area of expertise, I do value my opinion. OK, she doesn’t want to hear it, well, her loss I suppose. It will make me very very much less likely to engage with her...and since she’s home more now because of flex work policy, I might have to interact.
Thank you again for the video, and letting me have a place to write this.🙂
firegirljen, this woman's rudeness was off the charts. You were doing your job. Judging from your writing, you are a savvy and mindful communicator who was speaking to her as a professional when you reacted to her training choice. It is clear that she questions her own choice and is feeling vulnerable about it. If she were secure in her decision, she would NEVER have reacted as she did. You are absolutely right to not take it personally. Going forward I would limit my conversation to pleasantries and then take my leave. Don't let this bother you, knowing you didn't cause the problem; you are not the problem; you were momentarily the victim of this woman's problem and her vulnerabilities.
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful response, I really appreciate it.😊 I hadn’t thought about her reacting out of her own insecurity, but that definitely makes sense to me. I saw her today, and kept our convo to a minimum, thank you for the advice. And, you have a new subscriber over here.👋🏻
Firegirljen, I was shocked when I read your comment, because there's a woman in my life who perfectly fits your description. She has the overactive dog that she caused to be that way due to her agitated, anxious personality. Also, she used to have a dog shelter that she was running in the past. I could NEVER get a word in, and if I'd say something that remotely got interpreted as negative or critic, she'd fall apart right then and there. It happened so often, that I had to completely cut off our friendship. Her name started with an R.
@@annehaase3380 Hi Anne! Thanks for reaching out. Doesn’t sound like we are talking about the same person, but def some major parallels.
Shortly after I posted this, I told her I could no longer service her. She made another scene because the dog rolled on the ground in some poop, and she told me I could never let him roll around /ever again. 😁 ya…my job should be fun, and it is again! I’m lucky to work for myself.
I hope your situation has also improved.🙏🏻
You are correct in how you read this, you know> Don't minimise the value of your own feelings and being treated with decent respect. You are a professional in this area. Why would she tell you this if she didn't already know that you would not be in full agreement with it since you obviously take excellent personal care of her dog. You don't have a good relationship. You have given her one and she should value that. Also, I know you know this but it's not just her business; it's the dog's health and welfare. If this is an elderly dog or a traumatised dog, the consequences could be dire. It's too late now to say this but I swear by the Beaphar anxiety drops and/or collar. We have two Yorkies, Axl and Stitch. For some reason.... probably because we moved house, then traveled over to New York for the summer as my mother was ill. Anyway, my dog, Axl,.... I can only trust that you know this is for real... had some sort of total breakdown. He would just stare at me constantly and was always right at my side. He still is as I type. But he had snapped and lashed out at both my (now grown) kids. He was bullied as a puppy by his siblings, which is why his owner gave him to me. (BTW they fed him Skittles!!!!!!!! I still cannot breathe when I think of that.) One day Aldi had those drops on sale and I just got them and within a half hour he was back to himself. I also ordered an anxiety bed that Stitch loves, an anxiety shirt, some Valerian, a plug-in diffuser and the collars. Yep, now I do sound insane. However, I have given several of them to others with anxious dogs and I have to say they do the job. It's all natural and no training them through fear. This isn't England in 1940! Well, it isn't 1940. She was rude to you. I don't like her. Not that that changes your feelings but you deserve good people in your life. You are a gift to her dog, who I hope has come back well and without the famous boarding school tic. Totally bad idea for such a sensitive dog. Just all the others and the noise will traumatise him/her. I studied law in my life but I think I would have been good with animals as well. My daughter visits local horses as therapy. Her little criminal, I mean pet, is her perfect comfort. She was a crime victim several years ago and the cops let her carry the little dog in with her to talk to them. He looks just like a tiny raccoon. Anyway, let's make a deal okay? You do not let that voice inside you minimise bad behaviour toward you and I will keep up my work on it as well!
How do you stop *yourself* from interrupting? It sounds like a dumb question, I know, but I have ADHD and really genuinely do not mean to steamroll, but often get so enthusiastic or find my brain trying to save time by like, fast forwarding the conversation… (especially since becoming a mom of 4 who is constantly interrupted by kids and husband)…
I get you. It’s hard when your brain works fast
Thank you so much , because this happens a lot , your a master 🙏☺️
It was great teaching. 🎉❤ thank you! ♥️
Thank you my Dear
I’m so happy to have found your channel; love the presentation of it
This is excellent⭐
This was very scary but rewarding to do
And a super thanks to you, Karen :) :)
I promise, Dan! Thanks for this great video!
This shit is good. Never let yourself get interrupted. The interruptor will know you are the easiest to be interrupted. Just experienced this, got interrupted by a narcissist who likes to talk about himself. Quite an apparent power play especially with my girlfriend around 😂
Yes, there is a time to be a "good listener" but that is different from allowing people to replace your words with theirs.
Pacing my apartment, "when you say this, do you mean...when you say this, do you mean...I'm speaking!"
Yes.
Thank you awesome words to use. Hope you are OK and nearly out of lockdown there.
I tried that and she still interrupted me. Then I said Oh was i speaking or you? Go ahead. i wouldn’t listen and continued to say what i was originally planning to say 😂
Taking notes from this: lean towards them forehead facing them, make direct wide eye contact make a universal stop gesture use a universal verbal statement such as: Im still speaking, I havent finished.
This presentation was excellent. Engaging, funny and really really helpful. Thanks thanks and thanks agajn🧡
Glad you liked it! If you want to check out more engaging, funny and helpful material :) :) :). go to danoconnortraining.com and tell ém I sent ya :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWords Thanks
I like these suggestions. Which ones are most useful for phone conversations? How about conversations with kids? I’m a new subscriber. Thanks for sharing 🙏
That would pretty much be up to you and the circumstances, Laurice. The best one for kids is the broken record. It stops all deflective argumentation--for which kids are famous, of course.
Timely and valuable lesson.
Thanks, Dawn.
Stay away from people who don’t let you talk ….push them out of your lives totally….life is too short to have to deal with those inconsiderate TALKING MACHINES.
Oh! I love your Wizard of Oz poster!
:)
Your amaizing...oh thank you!
Hi Dan, it's great that you are revising your older videos with a little more depth.
Btw, I've never seen a follow-up about the different personality types. there were videos of The messenger, The prophet... and where's the rest? Or maybe I got lost in the shuffle hehe
Keep up the good work. These videos with some text and cues are great.
Stay safe!
I just love watching your videos😊
You have such a warm heart.😊
I find joy in watching your videos, listening to your wonderful advice, and I also find you very calming (and hilarious as well😆😆)
I am Tenderhearted too, so we're made for each other IAT.
Can you do a video on how to stop interruptions when on a video call?
You Are Fantastic!
Thank you and please share :)
This is awesome. Thank you! What do you do when someone argues with you after you barely get 3 words out. Take my quiet sentence, “i hate guns”. And instantly - ROAR. No questions about why, or tune in to let me finish the sentence. I have childhood trauma and I’m scared to death of them. Also of strange dogs. But no - they will tell me that I’m 100p wrong and why I’m wrong.
That's excellent advice! Thank you!
I noticed that interrupters, seem to call non-interrupters, interrupters ... as well as, saying that they talk too much
Astute observation. Yes, you talk too much because you're trying to get a word in edge-wise :(
I feel your pain. This is the description of my other half.
6:37
When you're discussing how people can practice saying the words out loud -- when I did morning drive on a country music radio station I would practice reading aloud news, public service announcements, whatever, before doing it on live microphone.
V. Helpful.
There you go! Thanks for writing and validating, Carson.
Thank you so much!!!
You're welcome!
I started saying “I wanna finish telling my story” like a whiny child when people interrupt me. Even though it’s passive aggressive, it comes across humorously. People laugh at whoever is interrupting. AND the interrupter gets it and stops 100 percent of the time. But if I don’t like the person, I’m gonna say what you’re saying! 😉🤣
Hey Corey, whatever works--keep doing it. :()
Love this! U r hilarious! Thank you!
I'm greatful to have come upon your channel. I believe I'm on my 4th video in a row, Dan! It is so fascinating how much the way we speak to one another shapes and effects our entire life and yet it seems as though it is not recognized as it should be, at least not consciously. As I'm watching your videos I'm smiling, laughing, learning, and so intrigued in watching you talk, down to your facial expressions, pauses, and gestures. Does the manner in which you speak ( aside from choice of words) come naturally or is it something you've achieved through practice?
Thanks for your kind words, B. In re your question--communication skills come through practice. They also come from awareness and observation, of course. For example, years ago I became aware of the ummms and uhhhs and filler words I was using, so I try deliberately to avoid using them. That's awareness and practice. On top of that, I suppose my personality comes through (for good or ill :) :( ) and that comes through naturally. Therefore, the short answer to your question is "both."
I promise! Thank you Dan a lot! 💜
Dan where are you in Mexico? That hand gesture came from the iconic show "El Chavo del 8"
Interrupting can also stem from being a anxious person and ADHD so, give people the benefit of the doubt. My partner’s obnoxious sister mistook me finishing a word in her sentence as annoying and interrupting when I’m fact it’s isn’t, it’s a sign you are listening and involved in what they are saying.
Also, I met with a person I talked to only online and when were were face-to-face she kept interrupting me, so I would just stop and let her finish then keep going with what I was saying or I would keep talking to finish my sentence, that works too. I knew she was an anxious person but I realized after I got home that many times… she was just flat out not listening to me, and things we talked about prior she had no clue about. She knows I run a business and when she asked me what I do and she had no clue, but the worst part is I’m paying her to design a logo for my business and she knows I’m writing a feasibility study with a business consultant for it which I’ve mentioned multiple times 😂 so ya… people like her, we all must avoid.
Generally, these tips are for business--when you are trying to present or just trying to speak and people are interrupting you. I hear what you are saying about people who have ADHD, however in a business context you might have to move along regardless. In a personal setting--that's altogether different. Even in a business setting if you happen to know someone has ADHD and they are interrupting, you should certainly try to be compassionate and understanding.
You are right, it's not easy especially when it's an authority figure who interrupts.
I have been laughing the whole video! You are really funny! Thank you for this useful information!
Glad it was helpful, Alina.
Another great video! But What if they are clients, and we need to stop them interrupting on the phone? Would that be too much on the relationship?
I work with a friend who is (more) likely to do this when she has an "audience". While I am conversing with a group and begin to speak she inevitably has to cut in. When she does this...I simply turn away from the group and walk away.
This deflates her platform. She will quickly finish her speech and begin looking for me. P.S. I've tried the wait a moment finger. She becomes louder. Walking away is the only way I stop her.
Thanks
A person who deliberately interrupts you is a mere pathetic damaged insecure conversational narcissist. Normal people enjoy listening as much as speaking like playing tennis and when they politely intervene they make it in a brief by asking your permission in low welcoming tone and when they finish they would remind you ( what you were talking about if you forgot ) this proves they are listening and really care about your input . Unlike narcissist they just wanna loudly compete you by hogging the conversation so they can feel better or superior when they are heard above your voice or enjoy hearing themselves babbling about their achievements because it’s more important than yours and abusing others with their nonstop awesome mouth Diarrhea.
I agree!
Bad day?
That's what I feel when I'm constantly being interrupted. Today I told the person to shut up. I was shocked they found that so offensive but not their interrupting.
Good comment and I agree. Many people who interrupt are indeed narcissists. However, there are some people who are just unconscious. They lack the awareness to know that what they are doing is impolite. So then they're told not to interrupt, but then they are so caught in their conditioning that they fail to break out of their patterns. This is where mindfulness meditation, such as anapanasati, can help.
'this proves they are listening and really care about your input .' I love that. Well stated. Awesome mouth diarrhea gets a big trophy too!
Great video!
I’m about ready to give up with some interrupters TOTALLY and just let them interrupt or “”yap yap yap and yap some more”” as I INTERRUPT their INTERRUPTING ( talking “”to”” me and not listening to me ) by simply turning my back on them and quietly without emotion “”WALK AWAY””. I did that one time to a CONTROLLER that would not let me talk. Her lower jaw just dropped in disbelief !!! She was speechless at that moment in time !!!! 😵💫😵💫😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
So you’re saying I shouldn’t just reach across the table and slap her? (I couldn’t help it. We have a serial interrupter and know-it-all who has done everything, knows everything & everyone and brags incessantly about how amazing she is).
😆 Gosh I know 2 people like that and they hate each other because they desperately compete for attention. I think He suggests on this video a sort of handless slap. I like it and I’ll use it.
Slap away!
Saturday night live just showed a skit on a interupter at a restaurant which brought me here. Of course it was after the Will Smith skit which was a physical interruption.
Whatever brought you here--I'm glad we found each other, Jumping.
How to apply this to handling phone calls in customer service and the patron is being rude?
Would it work if you just carried on talking and not acknowledging their interruption? Might make the customer feel like a rude moron...?
Thanks Dan 🙏
You're welcome, Laurence. Be sure to like and share these videos, please :)
Great video, friend.
Thank you.
I love your voice
The one that drove my mother crazy the first 12 years of my life because she heard it constantly? That voice? :) :)
YES, THE PERSONS NAME" THEN
What you're saying.. "
YES, IT WORKS !!! 😊
😼👏👏
Great tools here. Subbed.
Fantastic
Thanks, Dave :) :)