@@nskimharrisIt's a real pocket. I think his style is awesome. The fancy way he folds his pocket square really dresses up the casual polo shirt. This guy is ready for anything! Going to a nice restaurant? Going golfing? Job interview? He's dressed for it! I'm totally gonna steal this idea for my man! LOVE IT! ❤
Yes, I HATE those kind of videos. Usually it's because they're selling something, and the longer they lead you on, the more and more you'll want the thing they are selling. It's all psychological. In my case, I'm aware of this, so the longer it takes to get to the crux of the matter, the less and less I'm interested in whatever it is.
@@filly3594 What is a Royal if not a corrupt? They are no different from any government. Also sick of this latest government fad...the narcissist!! People need to grow a backbone, use logic for a change and fight back against corruption rather than be indoctrinated by criminals!! Think for yourself. You don't need to be told how and when to handle yourself. You know right from wrong don't you?
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 14 years even in my condo too also truly jealousy. I never had any problems with my condo wanting to gang stalk me. Still in my condo. I've happened to be the top worker for 40 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous haters and are very miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker who follows women after work. All bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and don't try to defend myself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best to ignore them and let them find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win. Low level lazy bums are 100% cowards. HR needs to be fired from removing disciplinary measures. Toxic workplace never lets these bums ever win, they will always get exposed. If you are full of rage, you need to be locked up. 14 years still going for me. Today 95% at work are only the negative people then all the devils wake up including doctors, nurses etc. They want the money but refuse to work and today all the ones in power are pussies, even the police. Being a top worker for 40 years no one will touch me. They never win and always get themselves exposed or one day Karma will always get them. Never transfer or change departments or ever quit then they win. They will in the future transfer themselves after 95% know they have been exposed. They are cowards, gang stalking me and I've got nothing to hide. Hate = jealousy. Two years ago I stopped the security guard and told my manager and security manager and if they don't stop I will call the police for harassment and it stopped. I transport patients and they try to do anything to destroy my reputation. One day I will have the police knocking on their door once I get a witness. Then they will have to stop.
It's on a spectrum, obviously, but same here. I also realized recently that self suppression is basically the same spectrum: The more self suppressed someone keeps their emotions, then the less empathy they have for anyone around them
@@yumnom69420 Absolutely. I am a retired educator. I saw evidence of narcissistic traits in very young children. In districts where I worked, we use to offer the Roots of Empathy... programs.
@@othmane-mezian Yes. I observed narcissistic traits in very young children too. I am a retired educator. In the districts where I worked we use to offer two programs... Roots of Empathy Program as well as Anti-Bullying Programs...
@@gaetanemcgraw5567Not easy to deal with .. Great idea to have dedicated programs bullying can leave bad scars on the personality.. I am talking from Morocco
I was in the car with a woman from church who was so flattering and sweet. Until I said I didn't want to do a particular thing for her. Lol, she really thought her popularity and charm could run the show. She was trying to get me to be her kids chauffeur, and I didn't bite. She snubbed me after that. But guess what... I'm not someone who has to be in her popularity circle for me to feel good. I already like myself. 🙂
Outstanding! I once had a coworker tell me he didn't like me. My reply was; " That's ok, I don't need you to like me for validation, God did that the day I was conceived."
I particularly like the part toward the end where you say that you don’t have to explain anything because you’re an adult. That’s really what it boils down to.
I initially agreed with you because 'let me' could be construed as begging or less power, but after a bit more thought I believe it is a manner of speech that does not actually signify a request, and would be laughable to be taken as such, yet at the same time it sounds more polite and lessens the combative/pronouncement tone. Remember that your power is only internal and you will never convince the narcissist of it, so stick to the expression "let me think about it" because of how common it is as an expression and don't stray from the formula. You also can get private satisfaction when they eventually let you go that they actually did what you asked them, they "let you!" I really think Kenny Weiss nailed it.
"Let me think about it" has power, because it forces the narcissist to either grant your "request," or let their mask slip and be explicitly exposed as unwilling to see you as an equal with priorities of their own.
When my children were young and kept pushing me for an answer, I would tell them if they had to have an answer “right now”, my answer would always be “No”. Narcissists are children!
Indeed thay are. My 84 yo husband, until nearly his end (at the end he was under a morphine cloud) was an emotional toddler at worst and an emotionally immature teeny most of the time. His amazing self control was only there when we first met and the early months...it was part of his mask.
I told my daughter and granddaughter the same thing. I hate whining, HATE IT. I told them if they whine, it is no, it will always be no, and I won't change my mind. They are not whiners, also, do not give them an ultimatum, they will walk away from you.
I think it's more like children are narcissists. They're totally dependent on you, so of course they're going to survive more than their siblings who aren't demanding. Telling them "no" will get them to grow out of it, like everyone should.
PERFECT! Without realizing it, I have done that. He wanted me to let a friend of his to borrow my RV. I said, "I'l think about it and get back to you." I didn't get back to him, I made him get back to me. I told him, "I thought about it and the answer is NO." "No" with nothing else drives a narcissist crazy! It causes them to move on to somebody else for narcissistic supply.
yes no makes them upset as you are no longer being used or giving them narcissistic supply, i am an agreeable person i have had to train myself to say no and be more strong in setting boundaries . i am now enjoying saying no its liberating
@@TBD3.0On the other hand, we shouldn't enable evil people. Jesus said "Listen! I am sending you out just like sheep to a pack of wolves. You must be as cautious as snakes and as gentle as doves." (Matthew 10:16, Good News Translation)
I grew up in a house full of narcissists, only I didn't realise it at the time. In fact it took me the best part of 50 years to realise it. Having a mental breakdown two years ago and realising who was there for me, definitely cleared the mist. I've now disassociated myself from them. It was difficult at first, as they were family, but two years on I'm in a much better place without them 👍
@@juliamilford1979 funnily enough my older brother can do no wrong. I've definitely always been treated like the black sheep in the family, but nowadays I'm actually happy about it, I'm better off out of it 👍
@@barrystraw3332 Oh I hear you, my sister is like that too. I hope you have someone who sees the true situation that you can talk to. I endured many years of "all she ever wanted was to be your friend" and similar comments. So I went my own way and live very contentedly on my farm in the mountains.
Reactions and emotions are a God given gift for you to express how you feel so that you can work things out with your fellow man in a righteous way as God commands us to do so. Always work within the time frame of God it's the correct and only path and only God has the final say in all matters.
Wow, that’s unbelievable..! Congrats man. Had that with a best buddy, and I saw that he wasn’t actually interested in working things out…I’m not going to chase him anymore, he bailed and I don’t need that BS anymore.
"Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you" and "You know: I've thought about it, and it just doesn't work for me." Magic. Thank you giving me the tools to shift the conversation, and in a respectful way, too.
My ex wife was a brutal narc. Her goal in life was to wipe the smile off my face if it ever should appear at anytime, any place. She would start dramatic arguments out of the blue in an effort to enrage me. After useless marriage counseling, the counselor told me the wife was narcissistic with borderline personality disorder…a no cure miserable marriage. I no longer allowed her to tie me down while she berated me…when she started up, I simply said fuck you…and walked away. She absolutely lost her mind when I did this. Screaming at me. I thought she was going to gouge her own eyeballs out. Then, like the flick of a switch, she got nice…her sickness in full view. Divorcing her bought me back my soul.
Truly incredible… My dad and my ex are versions of this. I need to figure out how to never react to them. I share a child with the ex, so I have to see her pretty often. I’m just trying to make sure my daughter comes out of this as undamaged as possible.
@@TheWorld_2099 @TheWorld_2099 I wish you well. Be empathetic to your daughter, lord knows your ex will not. Narcs can be incredibly cruel and cold hearted. People ask me why I married my ex-wife...I knew her for 4 years before I married her. 4 years she played the long game and made sure I was trapped before she tore off the mask. This is no lie...On our honeymoon, we were getting relaxed having a couple drinks. Things were looking good. Then out of the wild blue yonder she says, "Oh, by the way, I had an abortion when I was 19." Something inside me knew at that moment I was screwed. WTF do you do with that?
@@TheWorld_2099 well done for focusing on your daughter. Sometimes I find silence is the best retort to people who shout and whinge. Wishing you both all the best.
The golden rule - NEVER justify your no. Aggressive people simply cannot hear no so it has to be short, sweet, and believable. Less is more. Broken record just like this or "sorry I can't" over and over.
This happens in a lot of places. "Can you come to work this weekend?" "No." "What are you doing instead?" Well, if you answer that at all, you're implying that the boss gets to judge whether what you're doing is more important than working on the weekend. "There are many experts who disagree with you. (Or, there's lots of evidence for X. Or many times Y has happened.)" "Oh? Name one!" The person asking doesn't want you to name one because they don't know. They want you to provide one example so they can claim victory by poorly explaining why that particular one is wrong. Just say "here's the google terms to get a whole bunch" and they can't argue that *you* are wrong.
@@darrennew8211 My favorite is the, "Do you want to work an extra shift?" Me: "No thanks." Employer: "So you're not a team player then?" Every. Damn. Time!
This seems to leave a door open for them to come back after trying to think of a new way to manipulate you. I’ve learned that the best response is simply no. If they press for a reason. I say, I don’t want to. The look on their face, you can just see their brain shut down. It’s priceless. Then watch how fast they disappear. Learning how to do this brought peace to my life.
Close the door for good and take your life back. Dealing with them takes too much out of me. I have too many friends where the energy flow is kind and very mutual.
Exactly! I am not remembering a phrase because you have issues. No, if you ask me why, it is because I said no. What don't you understand about no, is something wrong with you? That is my response to people making foolish requests.
If you've "learned that the best response is simply no" then congrats, you're free! But this advice is for people who have attracted (even sought out) narcissists in their life and are struggling to begin to find their power, and I think its brilliant. It gives you a formula you can use to buy yourself a chance to get away and steal yourself to say no. Remember that even though the goal is to learn to say no, in the moment you are going to feel confused and powerless, and with habits that make you want to say yes, having something to say without even thinking can be a god send.
Omg I have dealt with so many narcissists in my life !!!! I had a co worker that was like “prove to me you’re not an idiot” and then I said “ I don’t have to prove anything to you!!!” And then he was like “ well, then I’m going to keep thinking that you are an idiot” And I was like “ you go ahead and do that” If you try to prove yourself to them, it’s going to be a never ending battle … it will keep going on and on and on. All they will do is make fun of you and tell you that you are pathetic for trying to prove yourself to them.. they love this power. Can we take all of the narcissists and ship them to a different planet ????
Had a new boss who was hooked on power like that. He just wanted to think I would do anything for him and fear his authority. Unfortunately, I got sucked into his games, letting him make me look like I was of low worth in the workplace. There was nothing I could do but leave.
I saw a movie where a narcissist was yelling and threatening someone sitting in a car then the bloke in the car calmly, with a knowing look, responds with "That was a very manly thing to say" and casually drove off. Loved it. Im going to use that one day.
2 years after getting pushed out by the narcissist. I've just begun to see how much better life is. 9 years together. 2 kids 2 and 6. Now 4 and 8. It was rough at first. It's better this way.
RUclips should allow users a certain amount of double-likes or super-likes or loves per year. Because this was definitely worth one. Thanks a million pal! ❤
As I get older - almost 70, I appreciate more and more that many children raised in the last 40 years have never learn that they have strengths AND LIMITATIONS ... society has raised a generation of narcissists who think they have boundless capacity and worth. Many are hollow people who have no real understanding of themselves.
The boundary has been established, and they struggle to cope with it. This approach is incredibly effective. You'll witness a mental breakdown, revealing their narcissistic tendencies without a doubt. Great example Sir!
The only example you should take is Gods example and that is to love your neighbor help your neighbor pray for those that wish you harm do on to others as you would have done on to you. Work out your issues in a righteous way as God commands you too, if you do these things you will never go wrong by following Gods example and only Gods example.
@@TBD3.0 Yeah you need to read more. Psalm 1:1 “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.” Also, 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” And let's not forget 2 Corinthians 6:14-10 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” While yes you need to have companions and love for others you are advised to distance yourself from evil work and stepping away/ defending yourself from a narcissist is in that category.
I’ve had to consider this with neighbors. One neighbor, who wants me to decide to either move into or sell the house I’ve inherited, sooner rather than later and wants the trash of my mother’s hoard out of the yard. The second part, I work on by removing trash daily and I can tell her, “Thank you for your suggestion,” in regards to paying whatever sums of money she doesn’t even care about, to hire a trash removal service. But the first part? I can tell her, “Thank you, I’ll get back to you.” She can just go inside and be angry as, she has no legal standing as to how long the house remains empty. Neighbors can be a real problem though. In the apartment complex I still live in, there are the neighbors, who “decide” you’re going to be their free caregiver or babysitter, without considering whether you want to or even can. They do not like boundaries and will smear and otherwise sabotage you, if you don’t comply. I remain centered and indifferent.
For the second one, all you have to do is call CPS about possible child abandonment. Don't let the children be the leverage to break you, that's harming them too.
@@cujoedaman I agree. But, I know Incan forget about that being anonymous. A few weeks ago, when I was relaxing outside, she angrily said to me, “When was the last time you saw her (her 7 year old daughter)!?” I said I wouldn’t have any idea (BECAUSE I NEVER AGREED TO BE HER NANNY!). She and her mother have been trying to get me to watch the kid, for months. It became so that, if I decided to relax outside after work, the cost would be that the child was coming outside, too. I don’t hate children. I’m just last generation, have no idea how to deal with them much, have my own interests, and just because I am getting older and don’t have family, it does not mean I’m her Grandmother of Convenience. I’m not coerced, because I decide. As I can’t tell them when their child can go out, I simply ho out very early or very late, to enjoy the weather, with one of my pets.
A short no works too. No,then walk away. I’m going to listen four or five times so it becomes second nature because my inclination is to say yes without thinking. Thank you for the coaching.
A no works if you never want them in your life and can care less what they do to your reputation. If you do care what they can do to your reputation or you have to have them in your life, even a little bit, never tell a narcissist no. They will go to the ends of the earth to destroy you if you do. Been there, done that and it was such a small and insignificant thing I said no to too. Us what the video suggests, which is, let me think about it and it doesn't work for me. To normal people, no and it doesn't work for me are the same thing. To a narcissist, they are different. a no is a personal attack against them, but it doesn't work for me, isn't a personal attack against them.
This is helpful in all situations, narcissists or non-narcissists. Can take different forms, "Let me check my schedule," etc. The key is to buy yourself time to process things before committing to anything. The person coming to you with a request is prepared in that moment, but you're not. You deserve time to consider things. Nobody is owed an instant answer. The person who acts like they deserve an instant answer reveals themselves, as does the person angry if you say "No."
@@markrigg6623 If they raise that point, tell them that’s all the explanation their gonna get & walk away. If you don’t, the narcissist will go on for hours, days, weeks or until you relent.
Thank you so, so much for these things to say. I will be putting them into practice from today. You also made me realize how I go like a Child in response to this type of person. The penny dropped for the first time. I could suddenly see myself doing it. I realized, yes, that's how they manipulate me by triggering a Child-like response, so I feel obliged to do what they want. I learned something very useful from another Narcissist Specialist, and it's perfect for when they launch into their tirade of unfair and unwarranted criticism. I now stop them right away, and say; "I'm happy with the way I do me" . John who always used do that to me, now has no comebacks, he just shuts up. You see the easy answer was always, go no contact. But here's the wake up call, some people can't just do that, for all manner of reasons. Or they need to educate themselves in order to gain some balance, strength and true perspective, after years and years of abuse.
Such great advice and answers. I SO wish I had known about them years ago...it is a 'softer' and non-combatent way to draw boundaries. Eventually when I learned about narcissism (mine was a negligent covert narc) I 'got it' that explaining just made things worse, so I had to hard core with 'no'...frequently. Setting boundaries daily was so exhausting. I thank God that he passed away last March. Life is grand again and I have peace.
The best advice I've ever heard!!! So micro and simple but so powerful, no rise, no argument, no topping up of their supply, Simply brilliant, can't wait to use it, big tons of thanks for this advice, so easy to remember, simples 💪👍
This is perfect! So simple, polite, and at the same time clear and unequivocal. Why on earth did I never think to say this? My narcissistic sister made frequent and heavy demands on my time and energy and was an expert on catching me on the back foot, and I was always so scared of the consequences when/if I said no. I've gone no contact with her for the last two years or so, but I will be forced to see her this coming weekend because of a significant family occasion, and I'm dreading it. I fear that she will attempt to hoover me up as she has done in the past, but armed with these two phrases I may be able to hold her off. I might even say, let me think about it, and if I can do it, I'll get back to you by such-and-such a time. (The rider being, if I don't get back to you by then, you'll know I can't make it.) That would save me having to contact her, which she has always used as an opening to force her way back into my life, or at least mess with me for her own entertainment.
You are reminding me of the time I picked up a dysfunctional landlord who rented me one room, and after I moved in, wanted to put me into a little closet. I kept saying no, and he kept pushing and asking why, and I finally said "Because I checked with 'My First Name' and she doesn't want to." Not saying this is a functional way to go about things, but that WORKED - he shut up. I used that one other time with someone else who just did not seem to feel I had the authority to express my own thoughts / feelings, so I finally repeated checking with me by my first name and again got the result I wanted!
Oh, thank you, Kenny, for those 2 absolutely-priceless responses to a narcissist's requests or demands.!!!!..Perfect...or better!! I shall commence with their usage, immediately!!! Two I use are, "To explain implies something's wrong." and "Least said, soonest mended." Your healing helps my healing...thanks...
This is genius. Most people I want to reason things out, and get there point of view, but that doesn't work with a Narcissist. Took me forever to realize it's all about power with them. I'm not into the power game but you have to do what you have to do with them. So thank you for these two phrases, they are genius.
My 10-year-old grandson, when asked a question often responds with, "I'm good". I've started saying that simple 2-word phrase to requests made by the narc in my life and that shuts down the conversation. Although after reading his journal I find he ruminates with intensity and anger for EVER! I have found my safe space in my bedroom where I spend most of my day, he wants me back out in the living room with him, at his requests or demands, I've learned to say, "I'm good" and walk away.
Those three qs to ask yourself: WOW, that was the key takeaway for me. That's exactly it: the keeping score, the bringing it up, the resentment. Superb insight right there.
Thanks to RUclips for eye opening. I used to think I am the problem, who is overthinking and overreacting but now I realise that I was simply irritated at their provocation, I lost it, then I had a reputation of being crazy and rude to my colleagues. No one understood what I was going through, even myself who didn’t understand why I behaved like that.
this is brilliant. i will use going forward. the high pressure, in your face, answer me now has always put me into a deer-in-the-headlights reaction. thank you so so much for this.
I will try that. The disrespect I, as mother, am getting from the adult children/ narcissists in my family is appalling. I feel lost and trapped, but I hear what you are saying and am willing to try.
Before I realized they were Narcissists, certain people would make requests out of the blue that I wasn’t prepared to answer. I’d always regret my answer, usually a yes. This is so powerful. Thank you!
The mistake many of us make is to think if we are nice to nasty people, they'll get better. The opposite is true, get rid of people with toxic personalities of course sometimes they are coworkers or family which makes it tougher.
This is precisely why when I’m making a request of anyone over whom I may be perceived as having influence, such as my children, if I get any type of pause, I immediately say- “you don’t have to decide right now.” I always want them to know it is THEIR decision and I don’t want them to do what they don’t want to do.
Tried this as a young teenager in 1993, before NPD was in the DSM. My narc mother would use “Let me think about it and get back to you” as an open door to hound me until she got the answer she wanted. Not my actual answer. She wanted only to hear what she wanted. “I thought about it, and that’s not good for me.” “Of course it’s good for you because I’m your mother. Do this for me now or I will tell everyone how disrespectful you are to ME, YOUR MOTHER!!!” Cue the tirade. She doesn’t forget perceived slights to her ego. Boundaries never meant anything to her. That’s reason #5 I went no contact. I hope all who read this have an easier time dealing with the narcissist in your life by using the advice in this video, but look out for those who use any word you say against you.
My Mam's line , when I tried to communicate with her about crappy stuff she constantly blamed on me, was "EXCUUUUUUUUUUSE MEEE!!! " Thus halting any further reasonable parle .... I was finally rid of that horrifying madwoman when she disowned me, 6 years ago after I survived a lethal illness, which left me an invalid. She cleared out my bank account and told my Dad that I had been rude to her... So, he, being the man who wants a quiet life, is not allowed to talk to me. I was 57 at the time. I am now 63. I've never been so at peace: that woman is toxic. I don't hate her, I am simply well rid of a nasty person from my life. Staci... break it off. Don;t entertain her disabuse. Take courage. I wish I had disowned her when I was 25.
Very good. After having looked at NPD for some years now, I so relieved to see that I now am able to spot the red flags and know within a few weeks that I need to step back from a person. I can't fix or heal them anyway. I can only protect myself in this kind of context.
I have to listen to this every single day to pound into my head! My 94 yr old narcissistic mother needs to hear these words from me until I die. Because God knows she will kill me like her other three children before me.
I totally relate to this, my mother is in her mid 90s and I'm 56, but it took me up until just two years ago to realise what a narcissist she and my older brother both are, they're like two peas in a pod and my father who died 15 years ago was no better. I'm the black sheep in the family, and bloody glad of it 👍
Maaaan, you hit that right on the nose, with these tactics!!! Thank you so very much...I'll be more equipped on my next go round bout with them. Time for my POWER to return - this journey is so exhausting but they've been getting away with this abuse, waaaay too long! (Why can't we just stop 🛑 with being so intentionally mean to one another that we have to mentally prep for their next attack)...I miss when ppl could be respectful in telling you things outta love & NOT spite😑...again, Mr Kenny, I wanna thank you for these critical tips to handle these lions, head on
I use this with someone who constantly tries to push my boundaries but my use of it hasn't been 100% consistent and I don't always phrase it in the same way. Thank you for the script, I can use this like a broken record, rather than feeling forced to explain.
I was in a ltr relationship (11 years) and even found myself starting down the slippery slope of narcissism (revenge? validation? learned behaviors?) Recently the ex came back around using his old tricks and I tried some of your suggestions and they worked flawlessly! he got angry and disappeared from the picture! Best free advice I never asked for!
When I was in the military I had a junior officer who later I realized was narcissist. He made my life a nightmare, the difference is they can say to you "that's an order" and you have no choice but to comply. They day I signed my honorable discharge papers, was one of the happiest days of my life.
I hit the like button BUT, in my experience with my covert narcissist partner of 7 years, it was HER the narcissist using these phrases to avoid any responsibility and by herself time to fabricate reasons why she couldn't do something herself. She would say "I'm not sure, I'll let you know" but she never did, even when it was me trying to help her with her own problems!! So in your video I can say from experience this tactic can be used by the narcissist also. I eventually learned to not give a shit and simply stepped back and left her to her choices, and when she complained, I let her, but she could never own her bad choices.
You know the internet is full of people acusing others as narcissist with no self-reflection at all. So many feel as being the victim without knowing that to victimize yourself constantly and not seeing what you brought to the table to make the situation what it is, is one of the three core issues that a narcisstic disordered personality trait is about. If you read through the comment section below videos like this, almost every comment is screeming: I acuse someone of what in the end I'm guilty of as well. So I take these videos and comment section always with a grain of salt and want to say thnak you for your balanced comment.
Thanks and I agree, there is people learning about NPD and becoming very critical of others and labelling them. Having a good sense of self hopefully keeps us reviewing reflecting on our own behaviour to know that we are doing the best we can and being fair. It's easy to diagnose everyone as a narcissist but not see those traits in ourselves, until we reflect on it. I definitely am not a narcissist but I too have said or done things in the past which now I'm more learned about npd, alarms me that I did do or say what could be see as npd . But can say too that I now see npd in people and their behaviour but there also needs to be a suite of other traits to to say beyond doubt that the person definitely meets ALL the criteria to have npd. Grandiose narcissists are SUPER easy to ID but covert narcissist like my ex are really tricky until your invested in the relationship then it's hard to let go. And I didn't know a thing about npd when I was with her but nothing made sense with her and I was broken trying to make it work. But I don't see myself as a victim it's just been a really hard road and I lost the lady I absolutely loved, But it happened and I'm healing now and putting it behind me. The hardest part will be some point in the future where I need to trust someone again. Cheers for the comment and I truly think a good sense of self and being able to soul search and reflect is such a blessing, as we know some can't be honest. Best wishes on your journey.
They are not evil, they are in fact victims of themselves and are trying to cope with their inner disempowerment by exerting power over others as a coping mechanism. They are acting from trauma, which doesn't excuse it of course and in no way should you try to "fix" them. Narcissists are unfixable since they will never admit, even to themselves, that they are/create the problem.
it actually works, I did that once couple weeks ago because I felt so pressured and I wanted time to think about it. that narcissist really got mad oh my. didnt even want me to hang up without giving a answer right away. later I said that it doesnt work for me in my current situation. which lead to some arguments. doing it like you represented is better, because every micro information is being used against you. so by saying "it just doesnt work for me" must be enough. let me think about it and then after a while it doesnt work for me is the best way to handle it. if there is no way of avoiding the narcissist.
Another magic phrase to use with narcs when they disagree with you on a topic (usually just to get a reaction and create a debate/quarrel) is to simply say (with a smile) "suit yourself", and walk away.
I appreciate that the first sentence of the video was the first phrase. So many videos are about solutions, but only when they draw things out for fifteen minutes and have a sponsor segment. Not saying those things are wrong, they pay for content creators. It's just refreshing to not see that.
I did exactly that last week. Didn't work as planned. Conclusion: she's not just a narcissist, but on another level. But you're right, one gotta stay strong, gotta stay true to oneselfe.
This is wonderful. My ex wife is a covert narcissist and it took me 4 years after the divorce to identify that. And now that she can’t control me, she’s alienating me from my kids.
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
I really like how you got straight to the point without padding it with 30 minutes of fluff. Thanks!
You bet!
me too. the fake pocket is driving me nuts though
@@nskimharrisIt's a real pocket. I think his style is awesome. The fancy way he folds his pocket square really dresses up the casual polo shirt. This guy is ready for anything! Going to a nice restaurant? Going golfing? Job interview? He's dressed for it! I'm totally gonna steal this idea for my man! LOVE IT! ❤
same lol
Empowering!
Thank you for being the rare person who actually opens with the subject of the video instead of leading the audience on for several minutes.
Yes, I HATE those kind of videos. Usually it's because they're selling something, and the longer they lead you on, the more and more you'll want the thing they are selling. It's all psychological. In my case, I'm aware of this, so the longer it takes to get to the crux of the matter, the less and less I'm interested in whatever it is.
So refreshing!
Yes. True.
said internally to myself when confronted by narcissists, "If you're explaining, you're losing" - Kenny's video is spot on.
Thanks for explaining that.
@@archangel_one *lol*
Never complain, never explain.
It's never apologise, never explain
God clearly explains how to talk through problems in a loving and righteous way seek and you shall find the answer.
@@filly3594 What is a Royal if not a corrupt? They are no different from any government. Also sick of this latest government fad...the narcissist!! People need to grow a backbone, use logic for a change and fight back against corruption rather than be indoctrinated by criminals!! Think for yourself. You don't need to be told how and when to handle yourself. You know right from wrong don't you?
Very true.
@@filly3594rubbish, it’s worked a treat for many. If you don’t have courage of your convictions it’s much harder. You’ve have to mean it.
Speaking as a retired psychiatrist, I would say this man is giving useful and good advice
I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 14 years even in my condo too also truly jealousy. I never had any problems with my condo wanting to gang stalk me. Still in my condo. I've happened to be the top worker for 40 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous haters and are very miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker who follows women after work. All bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures.
They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroys my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start gaslighting, smearing and bullying me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Just don't react and don't try to defend myself which will only go back and forth making me look even more guilty. Action always speaks louder than words. Just best to ignore them and let them find another easier target. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.
Low level lazy bums are 100% cowards. HR needs to be fired from removing disciplinary measures. Toxic workplace never lets these bums ever win, they will always get exposed. If you are full of rage, you need to be locked up. 14 years still going for me. Today 95% at work are only the negative people then all the devils wake up including doctors, nurses etc. They want the money but refuse to work and today all the ones in power are pussies, even the police. Being a top worker for 40 years no one will touch me.
They never win and always get themselves exposed or one day Karma will always get them. Never transfer or change departments or ever quit then they win. They will in the future transfer themselves after 95% know they have been exposed. They are cowards, gang stalking me and I've got nothing to hide. Hate = jealousy. Two years ago I stopped the security guard and told my manager and security manager and if they don't stop I will call the police for harassment and it stopped. I transport patients and they try to do anything to destroy my reputation. One day I will have the police knocking on their door once I get a witness. Then they will have to stop.
No contact is the first step
Only thing that worked in the end.
Avoidance is always a great option, but not always possible.
No contact is the only step ❤
Absolute truth. Words of wisdom.
ABSOLUTE PROPS!
I am tired of having those narcissists around. The more I know about narcissism, the more I am aware that I have friends who are among them.
It's on a spectrum, obviously, but same here. I also realized recently that self suppression is basically the same spectrum: The more self suppressed someone keeps their emotions, then the less empathy they have for anyone around them
I know now that many classmates were showing severe signs of future narcissists from a very young age (below 10) but I did not understand it back then
@@yumnom69420 Absolutely. I am a retired educator. I saw evidence of narcissistic traits in very young children. In districts where I worked, we use to offer the Roots of Empathy... programs.
@@othmane-mezian Yes. I observed narcissistic traits in very young children too. I am a retired educator. In the districts where I worked we use to offer two programs... Roots of Empathy Program as well as Anti-Bullying Programs...
@@gaetanemcgraw5567Not easy to deal with .. Great idea to have dedicated programs bullying can leave bad scars on the personality.. I am talking from Morocco
Once you engage, you are done!
Nonsense. Learn to look somebody in the eye and say "no".
@@glorgau rather arrogant, aren't you?
@@rileyhoffman6629 The universe revolves around me.
@@rileyhoffman6629arrogant for saying no? lol what
@@Wreoyu You broadcast your ignorance.
I was in the car with a woman from church who was so flattering and sweet. Until I said I didn't want to do a particular thing for her. Lol, she really thought her popularity and charm could run the show. She was trying to get me to be her kids chauffeur, and I didn't bite. She snubbed me after that. But guess what... I'm not someone who has to be in her popularity circle for me to feel good. I already like myself. 🙂
Good for you.
Outstanding! I once had a coworker tell me he didn't like me. My reply was; " That's ok, I don't need you to like me for validation, God did that the day I was conceived."
@@bdickinson6751Excellent!
So much narcissism in the church too. They use the bible and its teachings to control you/things. What better place for a demon to act against God?
We like you as well x
My grandma used to say "this does not work for me" and my mother was always furious about it :). Thank you
I particularly like the part toward the end where you say that you don’t have to explain anything because you’re an adult. That’s really what it boils down to.
I still tell my wife that when she tells me off like a little kid 😂
@@joegoedhart1259 My ex wife apologising, "I'm sorry but..." (goes on to try and justify her behavior)
you don't owe anybody anything but to love them.
@@gdknght9581 of course you don't because this would mean that you are able control your feelings 100%. Good luck with that ...
I wouldn't say 'let me' think about it. I'd prefer to say - I'll think about it.
"I must think about it" not ask permission as in "let me"
You called this one out clear, nice improvement to apply.🎉
I initially agreed with you because 'let me' could be construed as begging or less power, but after a bit more thought I believe it is a manner of speech that does not actually signify a request, and would be laughable to be taken as such, yet at the same time it sounds more polite and lessens the combative/pronouncement tone. Remember that your power is only internal and you will never convince the narcissist of it, so stick to the expression "let me think about it" because of how common it is as an expression and don't stray from the formula. You also can get private satisfaction when they eventually let you go that they actually did what you asked them, they "let you!" I really think Kenny Weiss nailed it.
@@anneard1674 it has nothing to do with permission. It's a figure of speech.
"Let me think about it" has power, because it forces the narcissist to either grant your "request," or let their mask slip and be explicitly exposed as unwilling to see you as an equal with priorities of their own.
When my children were young and kept pushing me for an answer, I would tell them if they had to have an answer “right now”, my answer would always be “No”. Narcissists are children!
my version at work: do you want a quick answer, or a correct answer? :D
Indeed thay are. My 84 yo husband, until nearly his end (at the end he was under a morphine cloud) was an emotional toddler at worst and an emotionally immature teeny most of the time. His amazing self control was only there when we first met and the early months...it was part of his mask.
I told my daughter and granddaughter the same thing. I hate whining, HATE IT. I told them if they whine, it is no, it will always be no, and I won't change my mind. They are not whiners, also, do not give them an ultimatum, they will walk away from you.
That they are, regardless of their chronological age.
I think it's more like children are narcissists. They're totally dependent on you, so of course they're going to survive more than their siblings who aren't demanding. Telling them "no" will get them to grow out of it, like everyone should.
PERFECT! Without realizing it, I have done that. He wanted me to let a friend of his to borrow my RV. I said, "I'l think about it and get back to you." I didn't get back to him, I made him get back to me. I told him, "I thought about it and the answer is NO." "No" with nothing else drives a narcissist crazy! It causes them to move on to somebody else for narcissistic supply.
yes no makes them upset as you are no longer being used or giving them narcissistic supply, i am an agreeable person i have had to train myself to say no and be more strong in setting boundaries . i am now enjoying saying no its liberating
Who is "he" and if it is a boyfriend or husband, it seems from the outside looking in that you stayed with them.
Help those in need for you never know when you will be in need.
@@lindseyg9666 This philosophy in this video is secular, God teaches us to love our neighbors help one another and pray for those that wish us harm.
@@TBD3.0On the other hand, we shouldn't enable evil people. Jesus said "Listen! I am sending you out just like sheep to a pack of wolves. You must be as cautious as snakes and as gentle as doves." (Matthew 10:16, Good News Translation)
I grew up in a house full of narcissists, only I didn't realise it at the time. In fact it took me the best part of 50 years to realise it. Having a mental breakdown two years ago and realising who was there for me, definitely cleared the mist. I've now disassociated myself from them. It was difficult at first, as they were family, but two years on I'm in a much better place without them 👍
good for you, it is really tough. I stopped trying with my sister and still get made to look like the "guilty" party
@@juliamilford1979 funnily enough my older brother can do no wrong. I've definitely always been treated like the black sheep in the family, but nowadays I'm actually happy about it, I'm better off out of it 👍
@@barrystraw3332 Oh I hear you, my sister is like that too. I hope you have someone who sees the true situation that you can talk to. I endured many years of "all she ever wanted was to be your friend" and similar comments. So I went my own way and live very contentedly on my farm in the mountains.
@@juliamilford1979 A farm in the mountains sounds idyllic, I would imagine that secretly, your sister is probably envious. Good for you 👍
@@barrystraw3332 😁😁😁
Don't react. Don't show emotion. Work within your time frame.
Live your life. Walk at ease show no fear
@@cherobinson6371 every second of every day.
@@cherobinson6371 Is this a quote?
Reactions and emotions are a God given gift for you to express how you feel so that you can work things out with your fellow man in a righteous way as God commands us to do so. Always work within the time frame of God it's the correct and only path and only God has the final say in all matters.
@@cherobinson6371 every second of every day.
Be your own person, mind your own business, work at your own pace, have your own gravity
Oo i like that gravity part!! To feel that in yourself is powerful, and it can be cultivated. Thanks for that focus word!!
Said this to my covert malignant narc bro after 60 years of blind adoration. Stopped him in his tracks. Haven’t heard from him in 6 months! 😂
he's waiting for you to get back to him :)
A 6 month party and still counting. That's awesome!
Wow, that’s unbelievable..!
Congrats man.
Had that with a best buddy, and I saw that he wasn’t actually interested in working things out…I’m not going to chase him anymore, he bailed and I don’t need that BS anymore.
"Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you" and "You know: I've thought about it, and it just doesn't work for me." Magic. Thank you giving me the tools to shift the conversation, and in a respectful way, too.
My ex wife was a brutal narc. Her goal in life was to wipe the smile off my face if it ever should appear at anytime, any place. She would start dramatic arguments out of the blue in an effort to enrage me. After useless marriage counseling, the counselor told me the wife was narcissistic with borderline personality disorder…a no cure miserable marriage.
I no longer allowed her to tie me down while she berated me…when she started up, I simply said fuck you…and walked away. She absolutely lost her mind when I did this. Screaming at me. I thought she was going to gouge her own eyeballs out. Then, like the flick of a switch, she got nice…her sickness in full view. Divorcing her bought me back my soul.
Truly incredible…
My dad and my ex are versions of this.
I need to figure out how to never react to them.
I share a child with the ex, so I have to see her pretty often.
I’m just trying to make sure my daughter comes out of this as undamaged as possible.
@@TheWorld_2099 @TheWorld_2099 I wish you well. Be empathetic to your daughter, lord knows your ex will not. Narcs can be incredibly cruel and cold hearted.
People ask me why I married my ex-wife...I knew her for 4 years before I married her. 4 years she played the long game and made sure I was trapped before she tore off the mask.
This is no lie...On our honeymoon, we were getting relaxed having a couple drinks. Things were looking good. Then out of the wild blue yonder she says, "Oh, by the way, I had an abortion when I was 19." Something inside me knew at that moment I was screwed. WTF do you do with that?
Well done have a great life 😅
@@TheWorld_2099 well done for focusing on your daughter. Sometimes I find silence is the best retort to people who shout and whinge. Wishing you both all the best.
@@natscat4752 thanks my friend, I’ll take the advice and try to implement that. 🙏🏼
The golden rule - NEVER justify your no. Aggressive people simply cannot hear no so it has to be short, sweet, and believable. Less is more. Broken record just like this or "sorry I can't" over and over.
This happens in a lot of places. "Can you come to work this weekend?" "No." "What are you doing instead?" Well, if you answer that at all, you're implying that the boss gets to judge whether what you're doing is more important than working on the weekend.
"There are many experts who disagree with you. (Or, there's lots of evidence for X. Or many times Y has happened.)" "Oh? Name one!" The person asking doesn't want you to name one because they don't know. They want you to provide one example so they can claim victory by poorly explaining why that particular one is wrong. Just say "here's the google terms to get a whole bunch" and they can't argue that *you* are wrong.
I love this insight! Will learn to AUTOMATICALLY come out of my mouth. Damn, can’t wait to use it. Thank you!
I'm with you on this. No is a complete sentence.
@@darrennew8211 My favorite is the, "Do you want to work an extra shift?"
Me: "No thanks."
Employer: "So you're not a team player then?"
Every. Damn. Time!
Yes, if they cannot control you they will try to get rid of you.
Bingo
Wow, that's spot on! That was my mom in a nutshell!
Adios then😁
And start on somebody else that will play their game.
This seems to leave a door open for them to come back after trying to think of a new way to manipulate you. I’ve learned that the best response is simply no. If they press for a reason. I say, I don’t want to. The look on their face, you can just see their brain shut down. It’s priceless. Then watch how fast they disappear. Learning how to do this brought peace to my life.
ABSOLUTE PROPS!
Close the door for good and take your life back. Dealing with them takes too much out of me. I have too many friends where the energy flow is kind and very mutual.
You never owe a reason, they just want to be like a salesperson and remove your objections or see if your reason suits THEM.
Exactly! I am not remembering a phrase because you have issues. No, if you ask me why, it is because I said no. What don't you understand about no, is something wrong with you? That is my response to people making foolish requests.
If you've "learned that the best response is simply no" then congrats, you're free! But this advice is for people who have attracted (even sought out) narcissists in their life and are struggling to begin to find their power, and I think its brilliant. It gives you a formula you can use to buy yourself a chance to get away and steal yourself to say no. Remember that even though the goal is to learn to say no, in the moment you are going to feel confused and powerless, and with habits that make you want to say yes, having something to say without even thinking can be a god send.
Omg I have dealt with so many narcissists in my life !!!! I had a co worker that was like “prove to me you’re not an idiot” and then
I said “ I don’t have to prove anything to you!!!”
And then he was like “ well, then I’m going to keep thinking that you are an idiot”
And I was like “ you go ahead and do that”
If you try to prove yourself to them, it’s going to be a never ending battle … it will keep going on and on and on. All they will do is make fun of you and tell you that you are pathetic for trying to prove yourself to them.. they love this power.
Can we take all of the narcissists and ship them to a different planet ????
Had a new boss who was hooked on power like that. He just wanted to think I would do anything for him and fear his authority. Unfortunately, I got sucked into his games, letting him make me look like I was of low worth in the workplace. There was nothing I could do but leave.
I saw a movie where a narcissist was yelling and threatening someone sitting in a car then the bloke in the car calmly, with a knowing look, responds with "That was a very manly thing to say" and casually drove off. Loved it. Im going to use that one day.
I will be watching this video every morning as a reminder! It is pure GOLD. Thank you, Kenny!!! ❤
You are so welcome :)
I will be rewatching this one also ! It’s genius ! Thanks a bunch 🤍
@@kennyweissbrilliant thanks there are a lot of narcs around 😅
Me too!
2 years after getting pushed out by the narcissist. I've just begun to see how much better life is. 9 years together. 2 kids 2 and 6. Now 4 and 8. It was rough at first. It's better this way.
Good for you!
Story of my life! Divorced narcissist and unfortunately my son is very much like him! 😢
@@mommy6153Perhaps seek advice now on how to best deal with your son to give him the best chance of developing well. Best of luck
Straight to the point. Thank you. No boring parts. concise!
And no music. Double thank you from a new subscriber.
Me: "Let me think about it"
Narcissist: "That doesn't work for me"
Me: (too bad)
Or “Oh, well.” And walk away, which makes sure the period at the end IS A PERIOD.
🤣😆😅
Narcissist: "That doesn't work for me."
Me: "It's not about what doesn't work for you."
Oh really , huh, well I am going to think about it. Later.
Made my day!😂
RUclips should allow users a certain amount of double-likes or super-likes or loves per year. Because this was definitely worth one. Thanks a million pal! ❤
With no reflection on Mr. Weiss, I'd just like to see RUclips bring back the tally on thumbs down votes.
As I get older - almost 70, I appreciate more and more that many children raised in the last 40 years have never learn that they have strengths AND LIMITATIONS ... society has raised a generation of narcissists who think they have boundless capacity and worth. Many are hollow people who have no real understanding of themselves.
And no real understanding of everyone else. They just don’t care.
Yup!
That's a direct result of them being told how special they all are.
Like there werent plenty in your generation, and every one back and back. Nothing knew. Love how you think your age group is exempt.
@@bdickinson6751evidence?
My kind of man . . . straightforward . . . No B.S.
OMG. This is the most concise and doable advice to handle a narcissist that I have *ever* heard. Love it! ❤
The boundary has been established, and they struggle to cope with it. This approach is incredibly effective. You'll witness a mental breakdown, revealing their narcissistic tendencies without a doubt. Great example Sir!
The only example you should take is Gods example and that is to love your neighbor help your neighbor pray for those that wish you harm do on to others as you would have done on to you. Work out your issues in a righteous way as God commands you too, if you do these things you will never go wrong by following Gods example and only Gods example.
@@TBD3.0 Yeah you need to read more. Psalm 1:1 “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.” Also, 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” And let's not forget 2 Corinthians 6:14-10 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” While yes you need to have companions and love for others you are advised to distance yourself from evil work and stepping away/ defending yourself from a narcissist is in that category.
I’ve had to consider this with neighbors. One neighbor, who wants me to decide to either move into or sell the house I’ve inherited, sooner rather than later and wants the trash of my mother’s hoard out of the yard. The second part, I work on by removing trash daily and I can tell her, “Thank you for your suggestion,” in regards to paying whatever sums of money she doesn’t even care about, to hire a trash removal service. But the first part? I can tell her, “Thank you, I’ll get back to you.” She can just go inside and be angry as, she has no legal standing as to how long the house remains empty.
Neighbors can be a real problem though. In the apartment complex I still live in, there are the neighbors, who “decide” you’re going to be their free caregiver or babysitter, without considering whether you want to or even can. They do not like boundaries and will smear and otherwise sabotage you, if you don’t comply. I remain centered and indifferent.
For the second one, all you have to do is call CPS about possible child abandonment.
Don't let the children be the leverage to break you, that's harming them too.
@@cujoedaman I agree. But, I know Incan forget about that being anonymous. A few weeks ago, when I was relaxing outside, she angrily said to me, “When was the last time you saw her (her 7 year old daughter)!?” I said I wouldn’t have any idea (BECAUSE I NEVER AGREED TO BE HER NANNY!). She and her mother have been trying to get me to watch the kid, for months. It became so that, if I decided to relax outside after work, the cost would be that the child was coming outside, too. I don’t hate children. I’m just last generation, have no idea how to deal with them much, have my own interests, and just because I am getting older and don’t have family, it does not mean I’m her Grandmother of Convenience. I’m not coerced, because I decide. As I can’t tell them when their child can go out, I simply ho out very early or very late, to enjoy the weather, with one of my pets.
A short no works too. No,then walk away. I’m going to listen four or five times so it becomes second nature because my inclination is to say yes without thinking. Thank you for the coaching.
Think first, act second.
A no works if you never want them in your life and can care less what they do to your reputation. If you do care what they can do to your reputation or you have to have them in your life, even a little bit, never tell a narcissist no. They will go to the ends of the earth to destroy you if you do. Been there, done that and it was such a small and insignificant thing I said no to too. Us what the video suggests, which is, let me think about it and it doesn't work for me. To normal people, no and it doesn't work for me are the same thing. To a narcissist, they are different. a no is a personal attack against them, but it doesn't work for me, isn't a personal attack against them.
My brother has a great phrase I've used plenty : "Thanks, I think I'll pass."
Love the broken record technique!! It is so empowering, especially those 2 mantras! Thank you so, so much.
Very well said. You don't owe the narc any explanation. Being honest and open will always backfire, gets you nowhere! Vicious cycle.
I'm starting to understand this wisdom--even though it pains me. Thank you.
This is helpful in all situations, narcissists or non-narcissists. Can take different forms, "Let me check my schedule," etc. The key is to buy yourself time to process things before committing to anything. The person coming to you with a request is prepared in that moment, but you're not. You deserve time to consider things. Nobody is owed an instant answer. The person who acts like they deserve an instant answer reveals themselves, as does the person angry if you say "No."
Wow wow wow!!!! Wish I’d known these words/thoughts during my 33 years of abuse. Never too late. ❤
You can add “I don’t owe you any explanation, it just doesn’t work for me”.
Exactly. You've got it now.
"It doesnt work for me" is , in effect, an explanation. Not a complete explanation, but it's still a level of explanation.
@@markrigg6623 I don't think any explanation is required except if you're married and/or have children together.
@@markrigg6623 If they raise that point, tell them that’s all the explanation their gonna get & walk away. If you don’t, the narcissist will go on for hours, days, weeks or until you relent.
That's incredibly helpful. When they ask " what is there to think about", then you can go back to the first question. Brilliant!
Thank you so, so much for these things to say. I will be putting them into practice from today. You also made me realize how I go like a Child in response to this type of person. The penny dropped for the first time. I could suddenly see myself doing it. I realized, yes, that's how they manipulate me by triggering a Child-like response, so I feel obliged to do what they want. I learned something very useful from another Narcissist Specialist, and it's perfect for when they launch into their tirade of unfair and unwarranted criticism. I now stop them right away, and say; "I'm happy with the way I do me" . John who always used do that to me, now has no comebacks, he just shuts up. You see the easy answer was always, go no contact. But here's the wake up call, some people can't just do that, for all manner of reasons. Or they need to educate themselves in order to gain some balance, strength and true perspective, after years and years of abuse.
Such great advice and answers. I SO wish I had known about them years ago...it is a 'softer' and non-combatent way to draw boundaries. Eventually when I learned about narcissism (mine was a negligent covert narc) I 'got it' that explaining just made things worse, so I had to hard core with 'no'...frequently. Setting boundaries daily was so exhausting. I thank God that he passed away last March. Life is grand again and I have peace.
How refreshing to hear it immediately!
The best advice I've ever heard!!! So micro and simple but so powerful, no rise, no argument, no topping up of their supply, Simply brilliant, can't wait to use it, big tons of thanks for this advice, so easy to remember, simples 💪👍
This is perfect! So simple, polite, and at the same time clear and unequivocal. Why on earth did I never think to say this? My narcissistic sister made frequent and heavy demands on my time and energy and was an expert on catching me on the back foot, and I was always so scared of the consequences when/if I said no. I've gone no contact with her for the last two years or so, but I will be forced to see her this coming weekend because of a significant family occasion, and I'm dreading it. I fear that she will attempt to hoover me up as she has done in the past, but armed with these two phrases I may be able to hold her off. I might even say, let me think about it, and if I can do it, I'll get back to you by such-and-such a time. (The rider being, if I don't get back to you by then, you'll know I can't make it.) That would save me having to contact her, which she has always used as an opening to force her way back into my life, or at least mess with me for her own entertainment.
You are reminding me of the time I picked up a dysfunctional landlord who rented me one room, and after I moved in, wanted to put me into a little closet. I kept saying no, and he kept pushing and asking why, and I finally said "Because I checked with 'My First Name' and she doesn't want to." Not saying this is a functional way to go about things, but that WORKED - he shut up. I used that one other time with someone else who just did not seem to feel I had the authority to express my own thoughts / feelings, so I finally repeated checking with me by my first name and again got the result I wanted!
🤭🙃😂🤣
@@margaretlockhart6198 Let me know if it works for you too 😉😁
Right. No need to elaborate, defend, convince or explain. 'No' is a complete sentence.
Oh, thank you, Kenny, for those 2 absolutely-priceless responses to a narcissist's requests or demands.!!!!..Perfect...or better!! I shall
commence with their usage, immediately!!! Two I use are, "To explain implies something's wrong." and "Least said, soonest mended." Your healing helps my healing...thanks...
This is genius. Most people I want to reason things out, and get there point of view, but that doesn't work with a Narcissist. Took me forever to realize it's all about power with them. I'm not into the power game but you have to do what you have to do with them. So thank you for these two phrases, they are genius.
Right to the point! No long bs intro! Well done sir!
You are a Genius!!! Thank you!!! I've studied narcissist behavior for over a decade and you just taught me something that's pure GOLD! 🙌☺️
This is GOLD.
My 10-year-old grandson, when asked a question often responds with, "I'm good". I've started saying that simple 2-word phrase to requests made by the narc in my life and that shuts down the conversation. Although after reading his journal I find he ruminates with intensity and anger for EVER! I have found my safe space in my bedroom where I spend most of my day, he wants me back out in the living room with him, at his requests or demands, I've learned to say, "I'm good" and walk away.
Then why the fuck are you still with him as part of this video is also about codependency is it not?
I use "I'm good" a lot.
Those three qs to ask yourself: WOW, that was the key takeaway for me. That's exactly it: the keeping score, the bringing it up, the resentment. Superb insight right there.
Thanks to RUclips for eye opening. I used to think I am the problem, who is overthinking and overreacting but now I realise that I was simply irritated at their provocation, I lost it, then I had a reputation of being crazy and rude to my colleagues. No one understood what I was going through, even myself who didn’t understand why I behaved like that.
this is brilliant. i will use going forward. the high pressure, in your face, answer me now has always put me into a deer-in-the-headlights reaction. thank you so so much for this.
I will try that. The disrespect I, as mother, am getting from the adult children/ narcissists in my family is appalling. I feel lost and trapped, but I hear what you are saying and am willing to try.
good luck 💪
I asked a mentor for advice once and he said to me exactly what you did.
It works like magic!
These two answers run parallel with "Check" and "Check Mate".
I grew up with Narcissist, trust this man, it works.
Before I realized they were Narcissists, certain people would make requests out of the blue that I wasn’t prepared to answer. I’d always regret my answer, usually a yes. This is so powerful.
Thank you!
You're welcome!
As lots of people have already said, thank you for going straight to the point. You show that you respect the viewer´s time.
Basically, dont be too nice to someone whos quite nasty....but also dont be too nasty either ..it doesnt help you nor the situation...brilliant!
And then leave. Get out. Stay away.
The mistake many of us make is to think if we are nice to nasty people, they'll get better. The opposite is true, get rid of people with toxic personalities of course sometimes they are coworkers or family which makes it tougher.
This is GOLD.
Smile and, “I’ll give it some thought” works for me. I like to say it with a bit of a nod…makes them think I’ll acquiesce …
This is precisely why when I’m making a request of anyone over whom I may be perceived as having influence, such as my children, if I get any type of pause, I immediately say- “you don’t have to decide right now.” I always want them to know it is THEIR decision and I don’t want them to do what they don’t want to do.
Tried this as a young teenager in 1993, before NPD was in the DSM. My narc mother would use “Let me think about it and get back to you” as an open door to hound me until she got the answer she wanted. Not my actual answer. She wanted only to hear what she wanted.
“I thought about it, and that’s not good for me.”
“Of course it’s good for you because I’m your mother. Do this for me now or I will tell everyone how disrespectful you are to ME, YOUR MOTHER!!!” Cue the tirade.
She doesn’t forget perceived slights to her ego. Boundaries never meant anything to her. That’s reason #5 I went no contact.
I hope all who read this have an easier time dealing with the narcissist in your life by using the advice in this video, but look out for those who use any word you say against you.
My Mam's line , when I tried to communicate with her about crappy stuff she constantly blamed on me, was "EXCUUUUUUUUUUSE MEEE!!! " Thus halting any further reasonable parle .... I was finally rid of that horrifying madwoman when she disowned me, 6 years ago after I survived a lethal illness, which left me an invalid. She cleared out my bank account and told my Dad that I had been rude to her... So, he, being the man who wants a quiet life, is not allowed to talk to me. I was 57 at the time. I am now 63. I've never been so at peace: that woman is toxic. I don't hate her, I am simply well rid of a nasty person from my life. Staci... break it off. Don;t entertain her disabuse. Take courage. I wish I had disowned her when I was 25.
Thanks!
You're welcome. Thank you for the financial support. I appreciate it.
Very good.
After having looked at NPD for some years now, I so relieved to see that I now am able to spot the red flags and know within a few weeks that I need to step back from a person. I can't fix or heal them anyway. I can only protect myself in this kind of context.
Thanks
Thank you for the financial support.I am happy the video helped you
I have to listen to this every single day to pound into my head! My 94 yr old narcissistic mother needs to hear these words from me until I die. Because God knows she will kill me like her other three children before me.
I totally relate to this, my mother is in her mid 90s and I'm 56, but it took me up until just two years ago to realise what a narcissist she and my older brother both are, they're like two peas in a pod and my father who died 15 years ago was no better. I'm the black sheep in the family, and bloody glad of it 👍
@elainstill1671 No contact for the past +45 years with "Mommie Dearest" is priceless. She'll turn 92 this month. Good Riddance.
Maaaan, you hit that right on the nose, with these tactics!!! Thank you so very much...I'll be more equipped on my next go round bout with them. Time for my POWER to return - this journey is so exhausting but they've been getting away with this abuse, waaaay too long!
(Why can't we just stop 🛑 with being so intentionally mean to one another that we have to mentally prep for their next attack)...I miss when ppl could be respectful in telling you things outta love & NOT spite😑...again, Mr Kenny, I wanna thank you for these critical tips to handle these lions, head on
Explaining is the death of me. Power in the pause! I’m so dysregulated I get caught up in it every time
Power in the pause. Love that.
Never explain because they'll never let you win. You just get into a circular conversation, that just goes round and round full of their gaslighting.
I just typed this into my Notes on my phone. Thank you!
"I don't think so but if that changes I'll let you know" is also another good one (heard that on a Jim Rohn audiobook).
Wow, such wisdom, thank you! Fear and intimidation blanked out my thinking power. Will keep your phrases on speed dial! ❤
I use this with someone who constantly tries to push my boundaries but my use of it hasn't been 100% consistent and I don't always phrase it in the same way. Thank you for the script, I can use this like a broken record, rather than feeling forced to explain.
I was in a ltr relationship (11 years) and even found myself starting down the slippery slope of narcissism (revenge? validation? learned behaviors?) Recently the ex came back around using his old tricks and I tried some of your suggestions and they worked flawlessly! he got angry and disappeared from the picture! Best free advice I never asked for!
When I was in the military I had a junior officer who later I realized was narcissist. He made my life a nightmare, the difference is they can say to you "that's an order" and you have no choice but to comply. They day I signed my honorable discharge papers, was one of the happiest days of my life.
As a recovering narcissist I approve this message..
How did you evolve and recover ?
Narcissists don''t change, evolve or recover.
I hit the like button BUT, in my experience with my covert narcissist partner of 7 years, it was HER the narcissist using these phrases to avoid any responsibility and by herself time to fabricate reasons why she couldn't do something herself. She would say "I'm not sure, I'll let you know" but she never did, even when it was me trying to help her with her own problems!! So in your video I can say from experience this tactic can be used by the narcissist also. I eventually learned to not give a shit and simply stepped back and left her to her choices, and when she complained, I let her, but she could never own her bad choices.
You are right , no contact is the only solution
Make sure your not the narc 😢. Those phrases sure worked on you.
You know the internet is full of people acusing others as narcissist with no self-reflection at all. So many feel as being the victim without knowing that to victimize yourself constantly and not seeing what you brought to the table to make the situation what it is, is one of the three core issues that a narcisstic disordered personality trait is about. If you read through the comment section below videos like this, almost every comment is screeming: I acuse someone of what in the end I'm guilty of as well. So I take these videos and comment section always with a grain of salt and want to say thnak you for your balanced comment.
Thanks and I agree, there is people learning about NPD and becoming very critical of others and labelling them. Having a good sense of self hopefully keeps us reviewing reflecting on our own behaviour to know that we are doing the best we can and being fair. It's easy to diagnose everyone as a narcissist but not see those traits in ourselves, until we reflect on it. I definitely am not a narcissist but I too have said or done things in the past which now I'm more learned about npd, alarms me that I did do or say what could be see as npd . But can say too that I now see npd in people and their behaviour but there also needs to be a suite of other traits to to say beyond doubt that the person definitely meets ALL the criteria to have npd. Grandiose narcissists are SUPER easy to ID but covert narcissist like my ex are really tricky until your invested in the relationship then it's hard to let go. And I didn't know a thing about npd when I was with her but nothing made sense with her and I was broken trying to make it work. But I don't see myself as a victim it's just been a really hard road and I lost the lady I absolutely loved, But it happened and I'm healing now and putting it behind me. The hardest part will be some point in the future where I need to trust someone again. Cheers for the comment and I truly think a good sense of self and being able to soul search and reflect is such a blessing, as we know some can't be honest. Best wishes on your journey.
Love it! I learned about this way of dealing with a narcissist from living with a narcissistic member of the family.
I'm sick of these Evil Entities!
Deemons
They are not evil, they are in fact victims of themselves and are trying to cope with their inner disempowerment by exerting power over others as a coping mechanism. They are acting from trauma, which doesn't excuse it of course and in no way should you try to "fix" them. Narcissists are unfixable since they will never admit, even to themselves, that they are/create the problem.
@ramsesds7325 narcissist have EVIL SPIRIT 😈
@@juanitagonzalez8333 they certainly can have negative entities in their energy field influencing them yes
Bible calls them Demons. Warns us a lot that we are surrounded by Demons.
I love how you get straight to the point
it actually works, I did that once couple weeks ago because I felt so pressured and I wanted time to think about it. that narcissist really got mad oh my. didnt even want me to hang up without giving a answer right away.
later I said that it doesnt work for me in my current situation. which lead to some arguments. doing it like you represented is better, because every micro information is being used against you. so by saying "it just doesnt work for me" must be enough.
let me think about it and then after a while it doesnt work for me is the best way to handle it. if there is no way of avoiding the narcissist.
Dziękujemy.
Another magic phrase to use with narcs when they disagree with you on a topic (usually just to get a reaction and create a debate/quarrel) is to simply say (with a smile) "suit yourself", and walk away.
Thank you for this! It makes me look forward to meeting the narcissists in my family. So that's a change!
I appreciate that the first sentence of the video was the first phrase. So many videos are about solutions, but only when they draw things out for fifteen minutes and have a sponsor segment. Not saying those things are wrong, they pay for content creators. It's just refreshing to not see that.
Why am I only just finding out about this now! Thank you SOOOOO much!!! Parents should teach this to their kids!
let me think about it
that doesn't work for me
got it!
Brilliantly simple - as all the best things usually are. Not only the words but the way he says them. Magic!
That is an exercise in how to piss people off, but I take it in the context that you would behave that way towards someone who really deserves it
I did exactly that last week.
Didn't work as planned.
Conclusion: she's not just a narcissist, but on another level.
But you're right, one gotta stay strong, gotta stay true to oneselfe.
Good video. Thats much better than saying "I'm not sure" or trying to find a way to please them.
Simple genius once we know ! Not rude or aggressive. Plain speak that is both gentle and powerful. Thank you 🙏🏻
You know I hear these answers every time I approach management wanting to talk about conditions. Uncanny.
This is wonderful. My ex wife is a covert narcissist and it took me 4 years after the divorce to identify that. And now that she can’t control me, she’s alienating me from my kids.