I Swear To God : Heaven and Hell || Jim Jefferies

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  • Опубликовано: 13 май 2024
  • I Swear To God : Heaven and Hell || Jim Jefferies
    • I Swear To God : Heave...
    Best Of Jim Jefferies I Swear To God
    Religions
    He talks about things in the Bible like God, heaven and hell, the Noah ark. Then he moves on to Jew, Buddha and Muslim.
    #JimJefferies #Standup #Comedy #JimJefferies2020

Комментарии • 2,9 тыс.

  • @costaliberta5969
    @costaliberta5969 Год назад +951

    "if you've been bad all your life why would the devil want to punish you?"
    great argument

    • @plezmybob
      @plezmybob Год назад +44

      That's what I kept asking myself as a child.

    • @bruce846
      @bruce846 Год назад +3

      He don't punish the lost, he is convicted under the law of God. I agree it's a live topic. Don't wanna text that much.

    • @costaliberta5969
      @costaliberta5969 Год назад +84

      @@bruce846 no reason texting mate, i'm an atheist. but yeah, i understand your arguement.
      to me all that punishment crap is part of the same mind-controlling narrative.

    • @johndurrett3573
      @johndurrett3573 Год назад +1

      @R. R Yeah but the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Rebel Hearts and all that.

    • @zebsomeone4219
      @zebsomeone4219 Год назад +13

      Devil is IN hell to be punished not in charge of it… at least that’s what the Bible indicates

  • @guyonthecouch136
    @guyonthecouch136 Год назад +149

    Some people won't try bacon for religious reasons, I won't try religion for bacon reasons

    • @fezzik7619
      @fezzik7619 Год назад +1

      Edit: stolen from Michael Che

    • @guyonthecouch136
      @guyonthecouch136 Год назад +2

      Nope I lifted it from a 20yo meme

    • @fezzik7619
      @fezzik7619 Год назад

      @@guyonthecouch136 I searched the origin of the joke and he wrote it 10 years ago so nice try.

    • @guyonthecouch136
      @guyonthecouch136 Год назад +1

      @@fezzik7619 so you are convinced nobody has ever made this into a meme? Good for you, do you feel better now?

    • @fezzik7619
      @fezzik7619 Год назад

      @@guyonthecouch136 I’m convinced if you’re going to use a joke online you should quote the writer. You wouldn’t want people thinking you came up with it.

  • @AtamMardes
    @AtamMardes 5 месяцев назад +117

    "Religion began when the first scoundrel met the first fool." -- Voltaire

    • @arthurhager9330
      @arthurhager9330 3 месяца назад +2

      Perfect

    • @djquinn11
      @djquinn11 Месяц назад

      How is it I’ve never heard this quote by Voltaire? It’s brilliant.

    • @ivanivonovich9863
      @ivanivonovich9863 Месяц назад

      I thought it was a con-man...

    • @damianedwards8827
      @damianedwards8827 Месяц назад

      Incorrect.
      The Problem Atheists have is,
      They Unnecessarily Overcomplicate it
      God is simply the Existence of Love.
      Everybody Believes Love exists
      Simple. But infinite in Power and Expression.
      To ignore the Reality of that
      Is not only what’s Foolish
      It’s Shameful

    • @jonstiffer4994
      @jonstiffer4994 Месяц назад

      @@damianedwards8827 Atheists deny the existence of god, not the existence of love. The Christian god as well as the Muslim god hates quite a lot of stuff... A whoooole lot of stuff!

  • @renatosilva5304
    @renatosilva5304 3 года назад +1517

    "Religion is what keeps the poor from killing the rich and powerful" Napoleon.

    • @oura_borosa
      @oura_borosa 2 года назад +36

      Nice one thank you

    • @Bootsystem66
      @Bootsystem66 Год назад +56

      ...and Africans from being truly independent and kick out corrupt leaders

    • @python27au
      @python27au Год назад +6

      I thought that was gaol?

    • @markfarrens7733
      @markfarrens7733 Год назад +12

      Nah, it’s cause they’re rich and powerful

    • @arlenantonsen2076
      @arlenantonsen2076 Год назад +2

      @@oura_borosa ⁹i>>>>ii>>>>>

  • @Demon-ef7zr
    @Demon-ef7zr 9 месяцев назад +28

    This is the greatest shit ever. Jim is the prophet we really need. Amen.

  • @JohnSmith-vm8rx
    @JohnSmith-vm8rx Год назад +735

    This is exactly why I love comedians. No tiptoeing just spouting hard truths with a laugh. 😂

    • @dickharry910
      @dickharry910 Год назад +4

      "truths"

    • @scottrackley4457
      @scottrackley4457 Год назад +24

      truth be told, Jim has never tiptoed, just straight at it. Kinda like Carlin a bit.

    • @JohnSmith-vm8rx
      @JohnSmith-vm8rx Год назад +8

      @@scottrackley4457 Yeah he reminds me of Carlin as well.

    • @nathanfrancis2801
      @nathanfrancis2801 Год назад +4

      @@scottrackley4457 He's it straight just a coward. I'd be impressed if he did the same to Muslims

    • @scottrackley4457
      @scottrackley4457 Год назад +20

      @@nathanfrancis2801 he has, more than once, and it probably got him a fatwa

  • @bjw4859
    @bjw4859 Год назад +373

    As a fellow Australian, that was just amazing, for a moment there I thought I was thinking aloud, I recall the 1st thing that put me off religions asides from the stupidity & the rules was we were forced to study it from primary to highschool, even if you weren't religious, & I don't do well if I'm forced to do anything, especially if it was stupid. However when I got to highschool we also had specific lessons on history & I was very good at history, the teacher was an unashamed athirst & made this guy look tame, but without the swearing. One day in religious education we had to do a report on our view of the life of Jesus, so I set out a list of inaccuracy's that we had been taught & why, it was not complementary, it did not go down well with the teacher, who oddly enough also taught science, I thought he was going to have a seizure, he was also a big bloke so could be quite intimidating. Eventually I ended up at the office & asked to explain myself & where I got my ideas from, I said that I formed my views in history class, so my history teacher was summonsed, now she looked like a nice little old lady & raised goats, but when she saw what I was being badgered about she let both the Principal & the religious ed teacher have it with both barrels. I didn't see exactly what happened next as I was quickly ushered out, but you could hear her yelling at them from halfway across the school. in the end I didn't have to go to religious education classes anymore & spent time in the library reading up on history, mainly.

    • @Bert_de_Wit
      @Bert_de_Wit Год назад +15

      Not to mention your country put forth THE greatest stand up comedian who ever lived. If there will ever be a mount Rushmore for comedians, it will be Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Kevin Hart and Jim Freaking Jeffries!!

    • @seamusmclaughlin7142
      @seamusmclaughlin7142 Год назад +34

      @@Bert_de_Wit BIG omission: George Carlin

    • @thecloudtherapist
      @thecloudtherapist Год назад +1

      Assertions can be dismissed as quickly as they are made.

    • @bayoubilly5176
      @bayoubilly5176 Год назад +8

      @@Bert_de_Wit pretty sure both Jim and Kevin would be horrified and demand you sub them for the aforementioned Carlin and the originator Lenny Bruce...
      Jim is topical and good Kevin is good too but even he admits his comedy is shallow as hell and almost never pushes boundaries by his own admission. It's about appeal. He wanted to be successful and he has been.

    • @Bert_de_Wit
      @Bert_de_Wit Год назад +6

      @@seamusmclaughlin7142 You're right, Carlin was god-like too. But then there are so many other greats. Like Chapelle, Cosby (bastard!), CK and more. To each their own preference. Point I was trying to make was that Jim Jeffries is right up there as one of the greatest who's ever done it.

  • @simonablett8613
    @simonablett8613 Год назад +32

    “Hello uncle who used to touch me. How did you get up here? … Oh, yeah, you used to work for the church” 😂

    • @janie5364
      @janie5364 4 месяца назад

      Just because he worked for the church doesn't mean he was a sincere Christian.

    • @user-sf5hc4ro1e
      @user-sf5hc4ro1e 15 дней назад +1

      ​@@janie5364you have religious issues.. lighten up dude... there jokes don't take everything so seriously.. remember laugh or don't listen 😂🤷‍♂️

    • @mistylover7398
      @mistylover7398 10 дней назад

      ​@@user-sf5hc4ro1e lol

  • @chipmarley
    @chipmarley Год назад +105

    Everything I want to say about religion. What an absolute genius this guy is.

    • @rocketcharger17
      @rocketcharger17 23 дня назад

      How is anything he Says about Religion Genius ?
      Hes a very Religious man just like you buddy .
      You both Worship yourselves

    • @chipmarley
      @chipmarley 23 дня назад

      @@rocketcharger17 I'm a confirmed atheist , I do not believe in any god.
      Religion is a business built on fear.

  • @theLEGOguy22
    @theLEGOguy22 Год назад +207

    Brilliant comedy because it is all true!! Jim’s a legend.

    • @jackwatsonepic626
      @jackwatsonepic626 Год назад +2

      Listen to him talking about suitcases with wheels " that's brilliant

    • @heartless604
      @heartless604 11 месяцев назад +1

      Cant have bacon n beer in hot climates

    • @kfckillie1
      @kfckillie1 10 месяцев назад

      Also a liar and a hypocrite

    • @jackwatsonepic626
      @jackwatsonepic626 10 месяцев назад +5

      @@kfckillie1 elaborate " you can just keep me hanging 🤔🇬🇧

    • @kfckillie1
      @kfckillie1 10 месяцев назад

      @@jackwatsonepic626 Avi Yemeni, go look him up along with this liar.....👍

  • @dans49dodge
    @dans49dodge Год назад +31

    Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful. - Seneca

  • @revbenf6870
    @revbenf6870 6 месяцев назад +17

    "What is mysterious about acting like an effing a-hole" had me in stitches! 😂

  • @madelineschultz4968
    @madelineschultz4968 5 месяцев назад +11

    Growing up Catholic, the thought of eternity scared me. Even then I knew I didn't want to do ANYTHING forever! That is literally for me!

    • @tracykingston9668
      @tracykingston9668 4 месяца назад

      Relax, the only humans that know if there is a "god" , are the deceased, and they are not talking. Really.

  • @nanalen60
    @nanalen60 Год назад +300

    Have never heard of this man before. His religious thinking, is freakin brilliant!!

    • @conservos2349
      @conservos2349 Год назад

      Surely you jest, he is the most awful celebrity who ever lived, short of murderers and such. Avi Yemeni exposed what a lying freak this guy is and ended his career pretty much. Of course Comedy Central dismissed him quietly and pretended there wasn't a serious problem.

    • @jhonvoyage2564
      @jhonvoyage2564 Год назад +7

      @@conservos2349 Why would anyone care what he is doing in his life when normal people only care what things he says.
      And he makes a lot of good jokes about religitards and religions as well.
      So, yeah, grow up.

    • @BushDayz
      @BushDayz Год назад +9

      Most of us Australians think exactly the same

    • @conservos2349
      @conservos2349 Год назад

      @@jhonvoyage2564 Like a typical Leftist, you just pretend to know my motivations. At the same time, you won't even take a glance at what I'm talking about with Mr. Yemeni's exposing of this freak.

    • @davidross5593
      @davidross5593 Год назад

      Actually his thinking is based on special pleading.

  • @woltzwurld6760
    @woltzwurld6760 7 месяцев назад +13

    His material is “ok”, but his delivery SLAYS me.

  • @G-MAN_
    @G-MAN_ Год назад +61

    The "I'm mysterious" gag is fucking brilliant 🤣

  • @teena2814
    @teena2814 Год назад +226

    This guy hits the nail right on the head! Awesome!!!

    • @rileygoddamnphoenix
      @rileygoddamnphoenix Год назад +4

      Unlike Jesus, who had the nail everywhere except the head.

    • @teena2814
      @teena2814 Год назад +5

      @@rileygoddamnphoenix Allegedly!

    • @michaelharrison3602
      @michaelharrison3602 Год назад +2

      Eternity sounds fucking boring what would you have to look forward to

    • @alexchavez3383
      @alexchavez3383 Год назад

      ​@@michaelharrison3602discovering an endless universe teeming with different stages of life development, along with possibly different universes with separate and different laws of physics.
      War strategy, which philosophies should win and why, games, should that works be based on love or strict consequences? Should that other world have shorter lives that improve motivation, or longer lives but decreased motivation?
      It's the ultimate long term video game

    • @peterh1875
      @peterh1875 Год назад

      @@alexchavez3383 I'm thinking Monty Python's Philosopher Olympics here ...

  • @dapoakin3100
    @dapoakin3100 Год назад +92

    This guy just trolled half the world population in one take😂😂

  • @arkdark5554
    @arkdark5554 6 месяцев назад +25

    Jim Jeffries, you deserve ten out of ten. Absolutely superb…😅😅😅😅😅

  • @Pvaultingfenderbass
    @Pvaultingfenderbass 3 месяца назад +9

    Finally! A crowd reacting the same way I did when I first got told the story of Noah as an adult 😂

  • @Road_Rash
    @Road_Rash Год назад +121

    Never heard of this guy, but he's 💯% correct & hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣

    • @kaiberberich1
      @kaiberberich1 Год назад +3

      never heard of Jim Jeffries ??!!?? ... wtf... Philistine !!!!

    • @toddmacadam3888
      @toddmacadam3888 Год назад +11

      Seriously? Go watch his rant on guns; it's even better!

  • @redmuskratt
    @redmuskratt Год назад +38

    The idea of heaven cheapens the experience of life.

    • @williamgreenfield9991
      @williamgreenfield9991 Год назад +7

      You've hit the nail squarely on the head. If you think this life is just a little interlude that happens before an eternity of bliss then you don't appreciate the here and now nearly as much as non believers do.

  • @rxb364
    @rxb364 Год назад +71

    You take bacon and beer away from me and I'll fucken fly a plane into a building was a hilarious ending 🤣

    • @raphaelcalado4335
      @raphaelcalado4335 Год назад

      Perfect end right there!

    • @willingtooppose7919
      @willingtooppose7919 7 месяцев назад +1

      ,@@raphaelcalado4335 Fun fact : Old Jim doesn't drink beer ( alcohol ) and doesn't eat pork now !

  • @Hardbrand
    @Hardbrand 6 месяцев назад +7

    Knowledge, reason and precision is a joy. Thank you🎈

  • @vikj1255
    @vikj1255 3 года назад +200

    This never gets old. I'm totally with Jim on Pandas

    • @travisreinhart3179
      @travisreinhart3179 3 года назад +9

      Found out pandas are bashful. Their caretakers didn't watch them and they got it on.

    • @Blaine10024
      @Blaine10024 2 года назад

      "Aren't Pandas a bunch of cunts!?" Gets me every time.

    • @spridle
      @spridle Год назад +1

      What special is this from?
      Nvm found it

    • @Maxrepfitgm
      @Maxrepfitgm Год назад +4

      ​@@michaelpardo8403 It's similar for humans in that, who wants to have kids if they think the future is bad for them?
      "Hey, I'm locked up so now is the perfect time to get pregnant!"
      Makes no sense

    • @tracykingston9668
      @tracykingston9668 4 месяца назад +1

      @@Maxrepfitgm If you are in locked up in prison , you would not have internet. LOL

  • @canabox7112
    @canabox7112 Год назад +37

    Two penguins walked from the South Pole to the Middle East to get on a boat

    • @binkwillans5138
      @binkwillans5138 Год назад +1

      They got bushwacked by the press gang and thrown in the brig with the others.

    • @arashink
      @arashink Год назад +2

      And then walked back after the water receded.

    • @Rob-fc9wg
      @Rob-fc9wg Год назад +2

      @@arashink
      With no food.

    • @ratheanach5545
      @ratheanach5545 Год назад +3

      @@Rob-fc9wg Along with the duck billed platypus, the koala,and the kangaroos......

    • @benjamintrevino325
      @benjamintrevino325 Год назад

      You know the Bible says Noah sacrificed some animals to thank God after the flood. It was probably the dodos and the unicorns.
      PS: Noah's family was saved because they were the only good people left, but they started sinning immediately after the flood. Curse of Ham.
      Same with Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot's wife was turned into salt so he had no way to carry on the lineage. So his two daughters took turns getting him drunk and they f*cked him so he'd have sons.

  • @glennmcc64
    @glennmcc64 Год назад +35

    "Take bacon and beer away from me, I will fly into a building", can't agree more.

    • @dingleberry6670
      @dingleberry6670 Год назад +1

      Just make sure they double the insurance on that building first.

  • @Boofman19
    @Boofman19 Год назад +9

    Just love this bloke, genius😂

  • @davidschmidt6013
    @davidschmidt6013 3 года назад +380

    "I know that this is a Christian country, and I respect your right to be religious, but please know that you';re WRONG!" OMG...fucking love it!!

    • @respublikas
      @respublikas Год назад +2

      In the light of the revelations of Jordan Peterson,this mode of nihilism is so ashy..;]

    • @q7winq7
      @q7winq7 Год назад +2

      @@respublikas - - Big fan of J.P. here. Please explain what you mean by "Ashy."

    • @q7winq7
      @q7winq7 Год назад +7

      David Schmidt: "OMG...fucking love it!!" OMG?

    • @respublikas
      @respublikas Год назад

      @@q7winq7 As if withering, dissipating in the wind kind of ashy :]

    • @CONEHEADDK
      @CONEHEADDK Год назад

      Then he goes on to calling the devil the bigger man - aknowledging the devils existance, and insulting her by calling her a man - wellcome on the Hillary to do list, dude..

  • @cookie-pb3eu
    @cookie-pb3eu Год назад +128

    I forgot how brilliant he is. My new favourite comedian

    • @jimchumley7907
      @jimchumley7907 Год назад

      Cookie; You call this man brilliant.

    • @cookie-pb3eu
      @cookie-pb3eu Год назад +12

      @@jimchumley7907 comedy genius, all his points are accurate and hilarious, if you have found a funnier comedian, please point me in the right direction.

    • @allaboutstupid2228
      @allaboutstupid2228 Год назад

      @@cookie-pb3eu there are a few. Bill burr, Robyn Williams, Filthy Frank.

    • @lisaahmari7199
      @lisaahmari7199 Год назад +7

      @@allaboutstupid2228 That is your opinion. This guy is the best comedian out there, in my opinion. His whole rant about American gun culture is absolutely amazing. Unforgettable.

    • @Bert_de_Wit
      @Bert_de_Wit Год назад +4

      @@lisaahmari7199 Agreed! The gun culture bit was genius. He's truly one of the best comedians I have ever witnessed!

  • @bluntrapture
    @bluntrapture Месяц назад +1

    We need more of this in our education.

  • @andyhalstead3949
    @andyhalstead3949 6 месяцев назад +7

    You used to work for the church. Classic

  • @celestialarte
    @celestialarte Год назад +16

    Love this dude right on the money!

    • @matimus100
      @matimus100 Год назад

      Strange comment slightly homosexual feelings for him is ok tho

    • @dianerogers-ez5ci
      @dianerogers-ez5ci Год назад

      97 percent of convicted

    • @dianerogers-ez5ci
      @dianerogers-ez5ci Год назад

      97 percent of convicted murderers are religious..only 3 percent are

  • @jacobaccurso
    @jacobaccurso Год назад +8

    Just absolutely brilliant.

  • @gloveson5687
    @gloveson5687 6 месяцев назад +11

    As a Muslim the last joke was amazing 😂😂.

    • @MajorClownShoe
      @MajorClownShoe 6 месяцев назад +6

      Advertising your ignorance, love it !

    • @jamesmcinnis208
      @jamesmcinnis208 4 месяца назад +1

      The last joke was a Muslim?

  • @Teeb2023
    @Teeb2023 Год назад +9

    11:28 _"Now it sounds good in theory, but..."_ 😂

  • @HansRegli
    @HansRegli Год назад +109

    All of Jim Jefferies shows are extremely funny. I can recommend also the other ones. And nearly all of his life wisdoms hit right in the target. As he says in one of the shows: "I think I nailed it".

    • @canucanoe2861
      @canucanoe2861 Год назад +15

      His bit on guns in the US is hilarious and on the money.

    • @HansRegli
      @HansRegli Год назад +7

      @@canucanoe2861 Exactly. I love the scene where an intruder breaks into his house and he walks to the safe and enters the combination for the lock.

    • @alexchavez3383
      @alexchavez3383 Год назад

      ​@@HansReglinobody keeps their defense guns in a combo safe 😂

    • @alansbinnie1446
      @alansbinnie1446 11 месяцев назад

      @@alexchavez3383 You know that for sure, do you ?

  • @spridle
    @spridle Год назад +22

    I went to catholic school for 7 years, learned Noah's Ark and was never told he was over 900 years old when he died. Obviously an atheist now.

    • @jensraab2902
      @jensraab2902 Год назад +9

      They also don't tell you that the fella was over 500 years before he built the ark!
      Frankly, the Flood story has so many holes in it that even a professional Swiss cheese seller would be embarrassed to offer it to his clients!

    • @spridle
      @spridle Год назад

      @@jensraab2902 was that supposed to be funny or clever?

    • @jensraab2902
      @jensraab2902 Год назад +6

      ​@@spridle Neither. The bit about Noah being +500 years old is supported by the biblical text. What you make of that is up to you.
      That the flood story has a host of problems is my assessment. Whether you deem this to be funny or clever or something else is up to you as well, but I'd say that this is simply a statement that I find to be true.
      For example, if Noah only took 1 pair (or 7 pairs, depending of which bit of the biblical text you're happy with) of each animal, how will the carnivores who NEED to feed on herbivores survive? How will the herbivores survive if they're both being eaten by the carnivores and won't find sufficient food because the earth (and thus all the plants growing there) have been flooded for more than a year? One solution would be to claim that there were A LOT more animals on the Ark (to account for the ones that died out because of lack of food), which in turn demands for an even bigger boat!
      How did all the marsupials get to Australia and the Americas after the flood, and why is it that there's no marsupials anywhere else?
      There's tons of questions, hence my comment about the Swiss cheese.
      Again, it's up to you (and anyone else) to judge how funny or clever this is.
      I simply said it as a statement of fact.
      But I won't be insulted if someone accused me to have a decent amount of comical value.

    • @spridle
      @spridle Год назад +1

      @@jensraab2902 relax bud I'm an atheist...

    • @michaeljames3252
      @michaeljames3252 Год назад

      @@spridle what do you think.. LOL

  • @ninagray4441
    @ninagray4441 Год назад +41

    Life is so much more blessed when you accept there is no heaven and therefore there is no hell. There is no god. No one can judge me more than I judge myself - people should be accountable for themselves and not leave it to some sense of an almighty.

    • @_Sloppyham
      @_Sloppyham Год назад

      I didn’t understand his point of view that you’d get bored if it was all eternity. It’s literally Heaven, why wouldn’t you be able to augment yourself and make everything feel like as good as the first experience.

    • @mrao514
      @mrao514 Год назад +2

      @@_Sloppyham because even if you are in heaven, you are not god. Imagine heaven like a celebrity. You can do anything and everything you want, but you would not feel happy doing all that because there won't be any competition there.

    • @silveryfoxx
      @silveryfoxx Год назад +1

      @@_Sloppyham There is no happy without sad. If everything was blue, there would be no blue.

    • @rhyswoodman6781
      @rhyswoodman6781 5 месяцев назад

      Ok this is everything I've ever believed in one paragraph. You nailed it! 👏

  • @capoo1337
    @capoo1337 Год назад +27

    How anyone can believe in ANY god in the 21st century baffles me. Oh yeah, faith. Well, faith is the excuse people use for believing in something absent sufficient evidence to warrant belief. In other words, gullibility.

    • @Yamonjonathan
      @Yamonjonathan 2 месяца назад

      Come on now. Do you want Ai to take over the world. We need to believe something to

    • @djquinn11
      @djquinn11 Месяц назад

      Some people still believe that the earth is flat.

    • @swisstopia
      @swisstopia Месяц назад

      “That’s the thing about crazy people…They don’t know they’re crazy…That’s what makes them crazy!”
      - Jim Jefferies

    • @criss-crossapplesauce274
      @criss-crossapplesauce274 Месяц назад

      its not prooven nor disproven, so i think its just as likely to not have a god as it is to have one. now talking about the religions and if any of them is correct, thats a different topic.

    • @ratscabies8458
      @ratscabies8458 Месяц назад

      @@criss-crossapplesauce274it will never be disproved because it’s too ridiculous to start with !

  • @calebwilliams586
    @calebwilliams586 Год назад +8

    The "I like eating late at night too" got me so hard

  • @henrikcarlsen1881
    @henrikcarlsen1881 8 месяцев назад +8

    I have actually known him from this show, and if not the best it's up there. My favorite also because it was in America and everyone there carries a piece. You laugh but also fear he won't get off the stage alive...

  • @gjaxx
    @gjaxx 5 месяцев назад +10

    If religion has given us one thing... it's the opportunity to laugh at religion 😂

  • @wrinx
    @wrinx Год назад +69

    Absolutely superb and 100% on point about religion! :)

    • @jackdawson5273
      @jackdawson5273 Год назад

      yet quantum science indicates there is a creator. so what are you on ya un informed donki lol so many simpletons on earth

    • @matimus100
      @matimus100 Год назад

      He's a man-child primate

  • @deathstar4794
    @deathstar4794 Год назад +5

    They cut the part where he calls his microphone Muhammad and says it's gay

  • @andrewvarcoe4741
    @andrewvarcoe4741 Год назад +41

    Beautiful, choked to death when he started about jesus being 4 foot 7, average height, beautiful.

    • @44hawk28
      @44hawk28 Год назад

      Actually, the average height at that time was about 5 ft 7, not too much shorter than it is today. And Jesus was asserted to be considerably taller than the average person. So this ignorant, uneducated, miserable drunk who has nothing funny to say, can ramble elsewhere. I've never heard a less funny comedian. Pissed at the world for some reason.

    • @jaygill5582
      @jaygill5582 Год назад +5

      For "muricans" in the good ol' "babble belt" Jesus look more like Conan the barbarian white, tall muscular, blue eyed and speaks with a German accent.

    • @andrewvarcoe4741
      @andrewvarcoe4741 Год назад +1

      @@jaygill5582 lol now imagine that kind of body, but really tiny lol

  • @philiphema2678
    @philiphema2678 Год назад +34

    As usual, JJ nailed it Aussie style😁😆😅🤣😂, and I'm a Kiwi

  • @threadtapwhisperer5136
    @threadtapwhisperer5136 Год назад +26

    That opening line.
    I've never liked any moment of living either.
    No trauma or shit parents, just ain't interested in the path the world is heading nor am i so self centered that I think I should be immortal.
    Just staying busy until the end of life.

    • @pnut3844able
      @pnut3844able Год назад

      Then off yourself

    • @rodgerhempfing2921
      @rodgerhempfing2921 Год назад

      Emotionally flat= depression.

    • @abc-bu7nr
      @abc-bu7nr Год назад +1

      ​@@rodgerhempfing2921 just playing devil's advocate here but
      Is depression gods mysterious plan?

    • @rodgerhempfing2921
      @rodgerhempfing2921 Год назад

      @@abc-bu7nr well God is suposed to be all knowing so yes, but treating medication is also a damn good idea

  • @BrianJohnson-bq9tr
    @BrianJohnson-bq9tr Год назад +27

    My Pentecostal Preacher brother would hate this.
    I love it.

    • @jimchumley7907
      @jimchumley7907 Год назад

      Johnson; You really love this idiot? Only in America. Let his ass go to a Muslim dominated area and speak this shit against Muslims.

    • @_DennisNjenga
      @_DennisNjenga Год назад

      you sound like a great brother

  • @DNGINFORMANT
    @DNGINFORMANT Год назад +3

    “What is mysterious about being a fucking asshole.” Lmao

  • @avocado2456
    @avocado2456 Год назад +1

    This just made my day.

  • @BenDover-tj8vf
    @BenDover-tj8vf Год назад +45

    Australia is a great country full of great people, thank you all for keeping everyones feet on the floor .

    • @Bert_de_Wit
      @Bert_de_Wit Год назад +2

      Agree. Australians are pretty awesome. Plus, the gave us Paul Hogan and Jim Jeffries!

    • @polreamonn
      @polreamonn Год назад +1

      The guys at JuiceMedia paint a very different picture of Australia.

    • @kaiberberich1
      @kaiberberich1 Год назад

      @@Bert_de_Wit don't forget Chopper - al la Ronnie Johns !!!

    • @danielholm3420
      @danielholm3420 Год назад +1

      @@polreamonn who

    • @dingleberry6670
      @dingleberry6670 Год назад

      You mean like locking people up who refuse to take an experimental injection that destroys the immune system? Fk Australia it's a fascist nation.

  • @pattaccone5347
    @pattaccone5347 Год назад +183

    I stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny right around the same time I realized a fake man in the sky doesn’t sound too plausible

    • @binkwillans5138
      @binkwillans5138 Год назад +13

      Santa was first for me, when I waited up and he didn't show. God was next after I flunked my math.

    • @outhousephilosophies3992
      @outhousephilosophies3992 Год назад +5

      🥺🥺🥺🥺 Santa , bunny pls say it’s not true

    • @infidel202
      @infidel202 Год назад +4

      What no Easter bunny are you serious, no way mate I like chocolate too much

    • @sandyn3384
      @sandyn3384 Год назад +1

      Same. We are not kids?

    • @antoniomontana5778
      @antoniomontana5778 Год назад +1

      @@binkwillans5138 That means you don't have anyone to blame when you screw up.

  • @joesikic6531
    @joesikic6531 3 года назад +68

    One of the best comedians ever

    • @openlobby5409
      @openlobby5409 Год назад +2

      not really

    • @montythebugman6308
      @montythebugman6308 Год назад +2

      @Open Lobby
      How would you provide evidence for your claim that JJ is not one of the best comedians ever?

    • @matimus100
      @matimus100 Год назад

      Not true

    • @matrix91234
      @matrix91234 Год назад

      He kinda fell of after 2016 but i appreciate his funny stuff!

    • @kalebseiler8577
      @kalebseiler8577 Год назад +1

      @@matrix91234Yeah. I think part of it was as he get bigger he wasn’t allowed to be as inappropriate in order to keep his career. So he last few specials haven’t been as good.

  • @denissova3841
    @denissova3841 Год назад +1

    This IS GOLD🔥🔥

  • @angeloiodice9304
    @angeloiodice9304 Год назад +102

    Carlin was the first one to hit religion good and proper. He did it in a very intelligent way because he grew up Irish Catholic. When he did it, it was shocking and brilliant. He paved the way, and others elaborated. But, like here, the elaboration has humor.

    • @7StarsMA
      @7StarsMA Год назад +9

      Dave Allen was the first in the UK.

    • @angeloiodice9304
      @angeloiodice9304 Год назад +5

      @@7StarsMA Yes, they were contemporaries. Dave Allen was about a year older. Different styles to be appreciated. But, both helped to break down barriers and myths.

    • @PREPFORIT
      @PREPFORIT Год назад +1

      NO, Not the first but before JJ YES.

    • @ionelscutaru8687
      @ionelscutaru8687 Год назад +4

      C. Hitchens did it best!

    • @deanodog3667
      @deanodog3667 Год назад +2

      Dave Allen, legend !!

  • @TwoCentPeanutGallery
    @TwoCentPeanutGallery 3 года назад +47

    At 6:42 youtube or whoever uploaded this video censors Jim by making the video glitch and skip what he says. He said "what killed Jesus would not kill me. therefore I am much more powerful" haha

  • @heikijanzen4252
    @heikijanzen4252 Год назад +7

    This really, really made me laugh! Thanks :)

  • @nouni79
    @nouni79 Год назад +1

    Love this!!!!

  • @Steve-in-the-uk
    @Steve-in-the-uk 20 дней назад

    Superb. Jim hits the nail on the head.

  • @josepeixoto3384
    @josepeixoto3384 Год назад +17

    Lots of real truths there, and told in a very funny way.

    • @jessebryant9233
      @jessebryant9233 Год назад +1

      For example?

    • @zaca353
      @zaca353 Год назад

      @@jessebryant9233 and @Jose Peixoto Perhaps the "real truths" aren't about Christianity at its core, but about the way people have failed to understand and practice Christianity correctly? Thinking of it that way, you could hear the "I'm mysterious!" gag and think "that is sooo true". Not because God's mysteriousness truly works in the way JJ describes, but because people truly have misapplied it in that kind of way

  • @mm-qj6cc
    @mm-qj6cc Год назад +9

    This is so right and hilarious!

  • @SMFH_USA
    @SMFH_USA Год назад +3

    Jim Jefferies need his show back!

  • @ZeuzBluez
    @ZeuzBluez Год назад +4

    He s brilliant. Kudos .

  • @thomasmount7388
    @thomasmount7388 5 месяцев назад +5

    Jim Jeffries is one of the most underrated philosophers of our time. Did you see his chat with Jordan Peterson? Teacher and student. I had assumed he would immediately defer to Peterson on philosophy, but the opposite happened.

  • @3n61n33r
    @3n61n33r Год назад +56

    I found it outstandingly hilarious, lingering on the genius line with the underlying controversial narrative. Loved it!

  • @kitspics526
    @kitspics526 Год назад +1

    First time I’m a fan now. Hysterical

  • @cherylthommo1
    @cherylthommo1 Год назад +5

    You take bacon and beer away from me and I’ll fly a plane into a building. Ah Mr Jeffries you are making me homesick

  • @seriousCADninja
    @seriousCADninja 3 года назад +44

    This guy is hilarious! :D

  • @keithhawkins8262
    @keithhawkins8262 11 месяцев назад +3

    HILARIOUS 😂😂

  • @Fubar2024
    @Fubar2024 Год назад

    Spot on!! Just perfect!!

  • @geoffr4018
    @geoffr4018 Год назад +1

    Absolutely Brilliant !!!!!!!

  • @pwns247
    @pwns247 Год назад +3

    God damnit I love this man.

  • @davidking7927
    @davidking7927 5 месяцев назад +2

    One of the funniest ever to grace this earth 🌎 😂😂😂😂

  • @polarfroge
    @polarfroge Год назад +1

    Freakin JJ awesomeness. Too good.
    🍺🍻

  • @christophb2736
    @christophb2736 Год назад +29

    Honestly, by the moral compass of the church, the god of the Old Testament would go to hell.

    • @Ejk2969
      @Ejk2969 Год назад

      That makes no sense. The God of creation cannot go to hell, he is the God of creation.

    • @donnasaathoff1220
      @donnasaathoff1220 Год назад +1

      I was shocked to find that about 15 books were removed from the bible in the 19th century. I'm going to get the book about it

    • @andystokes8702
      @andystokes8702 Год назад +6

      @@donnasaathoff1220 The Bible was never 'A' book to begin with, it's a collection of 66 writings from over 40 different people, most of whom are anonymous. It was cobbled together by men who decided which papers to include and which to leave out - that was decided by the editors who had their biases as to what they wanted it to say. There were originally something like 30 gospels, most didn't make the final cut. They kept 4 and even those give differing accounts of the resurrection. The first five books of the old testament, Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy were allegedly written by Moses yet the fifth, Deuteronomy described Moses' death and burial. Any claim that it is the inerrant word of God can be dismissed out of hand.

    • @LaurieWilliams-lk8fc
      @LaurieWilliams-lk8fc 20 дней назад

      @@andystokes8702 Thomas Paine's book The Age Of Reason is a well considered analysis of the bible.
      He points out obvious inconsistencies which for some odd reason are never mentioned in Sunday School.
      Easy to find online but make sure you find the full version with the third part.
      Funny that many versions of the bible exist in christian religions, with various chapters omitted. The Word Of God seems variable.

    • @andystokes8702
      @andystokes8702 20 дней назад

      @@LaurieWilliams-lk8fc I suspect the reason the inconsistencies in the Bible are not pointed out at Sunday School is because either the teachers are unaware of them or intentionally ignore them to promote the idea that the Bible is inerrant.
      The bible can either be inerrant or it can be open to interpretation but it cannot be both, they are mutually exclusive. If it truly were inerrant we would have just one form of Christianity, as it is we have dozens of denominations all claiming slight variations from each other. At best only one interpretation can be correct and the others must be wrong but the most likely scenario is that they are all wrong.

  • @thesilversurfer285
    @thesilversurfer285 3 года назад +7

    all valid points...

  • @ChristinaHarrison-hw4lr
    @ChristinaHarrison-hw4lr 11 месяцев назад +10

    This guy is speaking of the truth. Way to go Jim.

  • @earthling8585
    @earthling8585 Год назад +10

    I just love you so much, Jimmy! Perception IS everything! Different points of view CAN be hilarious! You are the proof of that fact! 😍💕❤✌🙋‍♀

  • @justifiabledoubt
    @justifiabledoubt Год назад +22

    I'm so glad that future generations won't need to deal with this those loathsome religions anymore, at least less and less.

    • @user-jy2sj4ed4i
      @user-jy2sj4ed4i Год назад +1

      Now we have new gods

    • @davewebb9452
      @davewebb9452 Год назад

      I wouldn't be so sure. It's clearly benefiting people in power. They're not going to let us take their toys away.

    • @SallyWilliams
      @SallyWilliams Год назад

      Looking at what is happening in the USA nowadays... I'm not sure. They are turning into a theocratical state, even deconstructing their constitution

    • @evileye1983
      @evileye1983 Год назад

      Oh ya!
      Future generations will have to deal with the cancer of Islam

  • @hughbyrne1428
    @hughbyrne1428 Год назад +1

    Brilliant - thank you

  • @rachelbona1141
    @rachelbona1141 11 месяцев назад +2

    Love this guy funniest man ever ❤

  • @davestackhouse5414
    @davestackhouse5414 3 года назад +61

    I couldn't stop laughing. 🤣🤣🤣

  • @Z9Z291
    @Z9Z291 Год назад +3

    Absolutely bloody true!

  • @deannfrey3469
    @deannfrey3469 4 месяца назад

    Love this.

  • @christophermohan4453
    @christophermohan4453 Год назад

    Loving it happy days

  • @JacquesLouw1
    @JacquesLouw1 Год назад +26

    Absolutely nailed it! This should be compulsory viewing in schools!

    • @jessebryant9233
      @jessebryant9233 Год назад

      So gross misrepresentation is what you think should taught to children as fact? Clearly, you're part of the problem!

    • @dazzag
      @dazzag Год назад

      @@jessebryant9233 Religion is taught in school and is totally fictional. Zero fact in there being a magical sky wizard

    • @jessebryant9233
      @jessebryant9233 Год назад

      @@dazzag
      And yet you think this man's fiction should be taught as fact? And which religion teaches about anything that could be characterized as a "magical sky wizard"? Yeah, I think you have personal reasons for fearing God... (John 3:19-20)

    • @alansbinnie1446
      @alansbinnie1446 10 месяцев назад

      @@jessebryant9233 It was as accurate as the Bible.

    • @jessebryant9233
      @jessebryant9233 10 месяцев назад

      @@alansbinnie1446
      How so? .How'd you come to that conclusion? Well, you didn't. You just responded emotionally.

  • @scyven1
    @scyven1 Год назад +5

    This made me like him as a comedian 😂

  • @Pate440
    @Pate440 Год назад +1

    Perfect!

  • @missbussy4551
    @missbussy4551 10 месяцев назад +6

    The man is absolutely true.

  • @dennisevans6544
    @dennisevans6544 Год назад +65

    I have got to admire the courage of my fellow Australian. A comedian who is prepared in the land of the God- botherers to take the mickey out of the nonsense that is religion.
    It is the beginning of rationality to realise how irrational we are, we weak minded, superstitious humans.- Present writer sanctimoniously excepted.

    • @thepagecollective
      @thepagecollective Год назад +1

      But if he really knew his stuff, he'd know Hell does not come from the Bible.

    • @keepthinking9402
      @keepthinking9402 Год назад +6

      @@thepagecollective LoL you going go Marvel vs DC next?

    • @dropbearkellyevehammond4446
      @dropbearkellyevehammond4446 Год назад

      Well said fellow Aussie

    • @keepthinking9402
      @keepthinking9402 Год назад

      @@dropbearkellyevehammond4446 Oz have no filters get the quokka outta here

    • @thepagecollective
      @thepagecollective Год назад

      @@keepthinking9402 I have no idea what you are talking about. Atheists have a funny way of believing what Christians tell them is in the Bible. Hell is not in the Bible is all.

  • @tomitstube
    @tomitstube Год назад +3

    "he looks like super mario". i'm dead.

  • @TallSilentGuy
    @TallSilentGuy 6 месяцев назад

    Great finishing line! 😀

  • @douglong5211
    @douglong5211 Год назад +4

    This guy is totally awesome.

    • @litan114
      @litan114 Год назад

      join him in hell then

  • @hsandev8972
    @hsandev8972 2 года назад +19

    Religion used to be a sort of constitution back when people havent figured out how to control society, now its just about you having a pointer in your life, have faith in making it. Another reason i dont believe in religion, i learned that religion is about having faith in yourself. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

    • @mrs.c5265
      @mrs.c5265 2 года назад +1

      FyI "Treat others the way you want to be treated is in the Bible"

    • @rianmacdonald9454
      @rianmacdonald9454 Год назад +3

      @@mrs.c5265 yeah and read the rest of it. There is a lot of sick shit in the bible, I really wouldn't point to the bible for any form of morality or ways to treat others.

    • @thecloudtherapist
      @thecloudtherapist Год назад

      On a natural and atheist worldview, what is the source of your moral compass? What grounds your "treat others..." statement?

    • @hsandev8972
      @hsandev8972 Год назад +3

      @@thecloudtherapist Basic interactions and relations between sentient beings. I dont need an almighty figure to dictate that in my life. Why would you need source of morals, if you cant understand that the shit you do is wrong, no religion can help that.

    • @myguykaikai9215
      @myguykaikai9215 Год назад

      @@thecloudtherapist are you suggesting that YOU need religion to stop YOURSELF from being immoral?
      Do you not have a conscience?
      Or are you just a complete fool?

  • @Kerorofan1990
    @Kerorofan1990 28 дней назад +1

    "You'll get used to it. And then you'll get bored"
    Dude predicted the big twist of The Good Place years in advance.

  • @BabyRose231
    @BabyRose231 Год назад

    I LOVE YOUR WORK MATE

  • @claytonbigsby1
    @claytonbigsby1 7 месяцев назад +3

    Why do I think that Christopher Hitchens would be laughing his ass off if he had seats to Jim's show? 💀

  • @marksibert305
    @marksibert305 Год назад +21

    It was said, "my apologies to the Devil, for we've heard one side of the argument, and God has written all the books.".

  • @mistfitsable
    @mistfitsable 6 месяцев назад

    that final line slaaaaaapppppped