Dealing with Disrespect & Defiance
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2019
- A discussion about disrespect and defiance. Respecting ourselves raises the odds that kids will treat us with respect.
Check out Dr. Fay's webinar on the subject with real steps you can take to defeat defiance:
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One problem I had is the school really didn't discipline when my daughter always arriving after the bell, not turning homework in, etc..... The teachers would wait until it's almost too late to tell the parents anything.. When I was in school and you were late X about of times you had to stay after for a 2-3 hours. You sat and did nothing if you didn't want to do your homework. We didn't have phones to goof around on....
It's just really frustrating as a parent when you do try teaching your child consequences but it's like school, grandparents, friends, etc.... no longer uphold rules and boundaries. We need society to help teach our children that there are behaviors that are acceptable and unacceptable.
I have a nine year old and I have a very strong willed nine year old boy. I think to note it is very important how the father speaks to his wife. I stopped allowing my husband to speak to me unkindly and if he needs to talk to me we must not do this in front of our son. I've noticed that I also work with my son watching videos on you tube on kids talking what respect actually means. So he is clear about how he is expected to treat me other and things. When he is disrespectful by being unkind ect I am first loving calm in my tone and I say you are not being disrespectful. You lose a privilege. My relationship with my son is so much better he's so much happier. It's TRUE it started with me and not allowing my husband and son to be unkind period.
That is super tough. I made the wrong choice in a spouse (I was young and dumb and he is much older!) and we divorced when our sons were young. Being in his presence makes me feel bad bc he speaks to me with contempt and a lack of respect. Mind you, its not overt enough to actually see, but its there, and insidious. It has hurt me as well as my relationship w my sons. I already struggle w my self esteem and being assertive and empowered. I know the struggle. I hope your situation is better. I am glad you realized what was happening and advocated for yourself. I hope your situation is better than mine.
@@aimeehardin1299 it's never too late to begin to say I'm sorry but that's not how you speak to me I'll be glad to speak to you when you're ready to speak like an adult I had to do that with my adult sons who had already learned most of their life by watching their father that contempt of me but when I finally woke up and realized that by not putting my foot down that I was allowing it even though I was not condoning it by any means but when I learned to take my power back by saying I'll discuss this when we can talk like adults look up the rules of fighting Fair and I insisted I'm sorry we're not going to yell when you start bringing in all of this middle school stuff then I'm going to walk away from the conversation I insist upon having a conversation amongst two adults and having your own self control eventually will teach your family what you expect of them as well
Kids tend to treat their mother the same way they see their father treat her. Good for you!
This was very helpful to me because I'm dealing with teenage step children who always say they don't have to listen to me because I'm not their dad thank you so much!
That's a tough position to be in. Good for you for taking the time to find resources to learn and grow so you can be a better parent (and not lose your mind).
Dr. Laura Schlessinger has a lot of insight on step parents and step children.
Being a step parent is so hard. I watch my wonderful husband struggle at times w/ my 2 older children. Keep showing up, keep doing the right thing, the trust will eventually be there.
Omg hit the nail on the head about social media
Everyday I have to deal with 34 yrs....whoa waiting is the Hardest part but endurance is being produced making my future Better for Another who DESERVES my Life ❤️
Great video, it is good to hear how self respect is also so important.
What I always taught my boys was I can't make you respect me i e have the warm fuzzies when you think about me or have admiration towards me but I will demand that you show me respect in other words I couldn't change their feeling about me but I did demand that that they respected my authority and showed me respect even if deep in their heart didn't actually truly respect me but I believe the respect issue comes in where we say we teach others to how t to treat us and by showing ourselves respect and respect our own boundaries and not being willing to compromise on our values and one of those values is that everyone in the family gets considered not just you my number one rule used to always be if we're not all having fun we're not having fun at all therefore if you're throwing a temper tantrum making it uncomfortable for the other people in the house then you're going to have to do more consequences for disrupting the Peace of our home
THIS!!!
"Basing our self worth on the weather." That's huge. Could that in fact be something contributing to the general anxiety plaguing our nation? I think we worry too much about things we can't control.
You have to respect Yourself first. There is no other way.
Very helpful. Thanks 🙏🏻💕☀️
"A part of respect is basing my worth, not on how my kids make me feel." 14:20
Another informative casting of pods aka podcast.
The conversation/discussion format is fantastic! These are a gold mine of advice for us ever-struggling parents 😏
This program was a game changer. My son was dx with odd/DMDD and was violent and had unreal behaviors. He graduated this last year with honors, is now one of the kindest and loving people I know and I believe this is why. Thank you for this.
"The love and logic parent, they are allowing the kid to go off and make some mistakes". 10:50
I really needed to hear this today, thank you! So eye opening!
❤️
Great video! I needed this
It is hard not to compare ourselfs to others. To make sure we are living in balance with other parents.
That's fair. There is probably a healthy range of being aware what others are doing.
The only woman I want to compare myself to is the woman I was yesterday
This is so hard for me to get my son to listen without him me everyone losing control. He’s almost 12 and diagnosed ODD ADHD Mood disorder and more. He’s so bright and intelligent but doesn’t see his worth and how much he can contribute if he takes a few minutes.
It’s hard to constantly hear I’m not the boss or he doesn’t have to listen. He seems so entitled. It’s very frustrating raising him on a daily basis
"Put our focus mostly on the process rather than the product." 3:30
Now there are schools that literally have school policies that DO NOT allow kids to wear shorts between Nov 1 and until the Monday after Spring Break. For real. It's hard.
Sooooo I have a question. My children are both diagnosed ADHD and ODD. So there is defiance and disrespect. Both of my parents are def extremely narcissistic. Not diagnosed with a thing(well they are perfect aren't they? Lol) They had the chance to disrespect me, demean me, degrade me and just all around abuse me for approximately 4 and a half years. Might this have influenced my children's disrespect towards me? I cut my parents out of my life 4 years ago but they would still break my boundaries and show up at my home when I wasn't here and leave stuff. Or things would appear on my porch when we were home. So contact really only stopped about 12 months ago. How can I fix this? Any thought on what they did?
I really needed this today! Thank you♥️
What about children with ODD or ADHD with outbursts they can’t control?
I don't have a self concept or esteem problem. My teen daughter is nasty toned to most people and doesn't have many friends. She is an unhappy person and am looking for ways to help her see the process is the key.
How are things?
One thing that I can truly say is that you absolutely cannot reward the nastiness in other words don't let her think that she can talk to you hatefully and then you just feel so bad for her that you go ahead and give her what you feel like she hasn't earned when we raised him up to a level of natural consequences naturally in the world when she's hateful to someone they're not going to respond to her so it's important for us as parents to mirror that and raising them up to level of well when you ask them properly with the right attitude then you might get what you're asking for but until then sorry I'm not going to report that hateful attitude again it's kind of teaching them what the real world responds to you get more bees with honey and when we respond by protecting ourselves and saying no I don't deserve to be spoken to that way then we mirror the self-respect that we want them to have does that make sense
@@staciewebb4829 might I introduce you to punctuation?