Be a better parent by partnering with your teen | David Kozlowski | TEDxSaltLakeCity

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  • Опубликовано: 20 дек 2024

Комментарии • 75

  • @aliahyazira202
    @aliahyazira202 3 года назад +227

    I'm a teen and when he said "Don't wait for your teenager to change, change the way you see them." That one hit home...

    • @RealMoonLord
      @RealMoonLord 3 года назад +17

      You probably won’t believe me, but he’s actually my teacher, he’s also a therapist. I won’t make you or force you to believe me but I really like him, he’s super nice and speaks in a way for younger generations/ teens to understand him

    • @FinalExpenseVirtual
      @FinalExpenseVirtual Год назад

      Powerful

  • @iaxacs3801
    @iaxacs3801 5 лет назад +108

    As teen who has worked with my parents through this advice I can promise you it works, I always had a hard time trusting my parents and now I feel like they truly are my greatest supporters.

  • @simplybeautifully8329
    @simplybeautifully8329 Год назад +7

    I was in tears, partnering is amazing

  • @mindifrench4633
    @mindifrench4633 5 месяцев назад +1

    I like the organized method between parents and teens for responsibilities and privileges and trying to relate. I constantly have to remind myself what it is was like being a kid.

  • @Abel_Makkonen_Tesfaye-0
    @Abel_Makkonen_Tesfaye-0 3 года назад +31

    my parents needs to watch this video..

    • @tammiepage6489
      @tammiepage6489 2 года назад +2

      Because you want them to do what you want to do it is what I’m asking is because some kids want to get away with a lot of things to and that’s not right either every parent does what they feel is best for you and it might not be the right choice I would suggest try talking to him and maybe try to get him to watch this video I remember they are doing what they think is best for you now is the right choice not necessarily

  • @michaelhermosillo1807
    @michaelhermosillo1807 5 лет назад +34

    Amazing prospective on the parent child connection. This is what the world needs, cooperation not conflict. Great insight David. Osss

  • @lavender9844
    @lavender9844 8 месяцев назад

    This guy is my social wellness teacher! He’s amazing :D

  • @freshliving4199
    @freshliving4199 3 года назад +31

    Be a better parent by dropping your anger and being a living example to them.
    If you need to partner with your child that only shows you are not the living example to them that they need.
    You SHOW your children how to be, you don’t TELL them.

    • @nalanibelvin251
      @nalanibelvin251 3 года назад +3

      EXACTLY! kids, especially teens (I know bc I am one) dont listen to parents. We copy them.

    • @brettlasko5451
      @brettlasko5451 2 года назад +2

      I agree..with everything as in incorporating all styles. Like jeet kundo. I'm a girl dad. My teen is 14. But I took a test today and I believe it. Im 70% autharative I try to partner I try to compromise, open communication. But I'm srry i come to the conclusion some kids just wana break rules..for a few reasons. My kid is grounded rn. It was only a month then 4 days in and she was gona lie and sneak and go where she's been told not too and put another parent in front my wrath. And there's no excuse beside she is just selfish and little to no shame and told me during a calm talk it's just easy to be bad and be a follower. And my kid is straight A student fyi. But when u let ur kids be friends with other kids who are more privileged and have parents that dnt share same values..u have to admit you messed up. You tried to please and compromise but its the too cool for school attitude that plays a huge part. No one wants to look lame or stay behind whe the others sneak out. Even knowing the consequences. So it just sux. I say do what you think is best stand by ur guns per say and ur beliefs and do proceed gently and calmly as possible but do enforce rules and consequences. Don't say do. Dnt confuse them. And make exceptions. And lastly teens will be teens. If ur always big and scary what do expect. They won't open up. But at same everyone has a limit and a button. Atleast I do.

    • @tammiepage6489
      @tammiepage6489 2 года назад +1

      Depending on the child of people need to realize a debt that depends on the child every child is different every teenager is different not all that stuff you need to do with the same kid no my mom and dad wrong with my best friends they’re to me they were good parents did I was teenager no I didn’t now that I’m older I realize yeah but my mom always move your car will come to her if I had any problems she always said you know not be afraid to come to her even if it’s of that she might get mad about she always make me feel comfortable to come to her but she was my parent first my friend second she always made that appoint to be a parent for us but my point is there’s no reason as a perfect parent but when people want to criticize somebody’s parenting skills or whatever but every kid is different and parents ever do is best for their child and I can always make the right choice no they don’t and people need to stop in there too since I didn’t criticizing everybody’s parenting like they’re so perfect nobody’s perfect no parents perfect either

  • @JackSmith-w1t
    @JackSmith-w1t 2 месяца назад +367

    Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.

  • @1313utuber
    @1313utuber 3 года назад +34

    I'm a parent of teen
    I'm willing to own up to things I've been doing wrong with my teen I'm open to change
    My partner is dad
    Is kinda on board but
    He is full of put downs
    I've tried to explain to him
    This is damaging
    He's unwilling to hear it
    We end up in fights
    Because of this conversation
    It takes 2 to parent
    It's hard when one is really on board and the other is stuck
    In the cycle he grew up with

    • @Quilly-Sammy
      @Quilly-Sammy Год назад +2

      yeesh, are you guys okay?

    • @marianna7930
      @marianna7930 Год назад

      I'm going through this as well, it's been too long... I hate how it makes me feel

  • @KimONeill
    @KimONeill 2 года назад +9

    Excellent talk and delivery! Great job. Thank you.

  • @RealMoonLord
    @RealMoonLord 3 года назад +32

    This guy is actually my teacher, he teaches a mental health/ social health class, believe me or not, I won’t try to make you believe me

    • @tammiepage6489
      @tammiepage6489 2 года назад

      And that matters why whether people believe you’re not I was just wondering not that it is any of my business though

  • @Rudehotel9927
    @Rudehotel9927 8 месяцев назад

    Crying so hard. I cant wait to get home and hug my daughter. We had a argument this week i will utilize this strategy to garner a healthier relationship

    • @Dr.Armchair
      @Dr.Armchair 6 месяцев назад

      How did it go? How did you repair?

  • @dpgallant60
    @dpgallant60 3 года назад +30

    1. Parents and children are NOT partners; one is the teacher one is the student.
    2. Partners typically are of the same level developmentally. Kids limbic and logic centers are not fully developed and not in alignment.
    3. 3 words ... SOCIAL MEDIA ADDICTION. Kids DO NOT have the psychological tools to handle the issues presented via social media and from our experience they do not have the mental or emotional capacity to differentiate between: entertainment and real life. Apps such as he mentioned along with those such as Tik Tok are way beyond their emotion and mental maturity.
    4. We have 2 teen girls and absolutely NONE of this gentleman's ideas have worked.
    5. REAL life decisions DO NOT give consequential choice. If we get caught speeding, the officer is not going to ask which of these consequences do you prefer; a $175 ticket or wash your spouses' car. As parents one of our responsibilities is to teach this hard lesson which is all wrapped up in; responsibility, accountability and boundary respect ... by 'partnering' with our kids we abdicate those responsibilities.

    • @daisy1441
      @daisy1441 2 года назад +3

      If you agree with this person's post check out Live on Purpose channel for parental guidance. Especially about consequences, control.

    • @BD-yl5mh
      @BD-yl5mh 2 года назад +4

      Considering how closed minded you sound right off the bat, I highly doubt you REALLY tried anything on this list. A partnership can include members of different ranks. Drop your ego, and listen to your kids. Fundamentally you want them to grow up well, they want to grow up well. Have a conversation about what that means for both of you and try and find a common thread

    • @lolalamaro86
      @lolalamaro86 Год назад +5

      Actually the dynamic is not student and teacher...parents can learn a lot from their teens and teens can learn a lot from their parents.

    • @URMOM_247
      @URMOM_247 Год назад +1

      I agree 100% teens and parents are not partners. Parents are partners.

    • @surferscollective613
      @surferscollective613 Год назад

      try that when you really need them

  • @emilykirkman8468
    @emilykirkman8468 3 года назад +8

    This is a great concept!!

  • @mnumzanemchunu776
    @mnumzanemchunu776 3 года назад +8

    Beautiful!

  • @abbyhoughton92
    @abbyhoughton92 3 года назад +2

    3:20 that hit home.

  • @danielrazavi609
    @danielrazavi609 11 дней назад

    Life saving

  • @bp-vt6vz
    @bp-vt6vz 2 года назад +8

    I just sent this to my toxic abusive mom LMFAOOO

  • @jod5834
    @jod5834 2 месяца назад

    thanks!

  • @imamsyed4254
    @imamsyed4254 2 года назад +1

    spot on.

  • @mayabrown3741park
    @mayabrown3741park 4 года назад +19

    Wonderful concept, method and sytem but it would only work with higher functioning families.

    • @shaun374
      @shaun374 3 года назад +1

      What do you mean?

  • @lalalanding234
    @lalalanding234 2 года назад +7

    Parents are supposed to be the therapists
    That means they were supposed to have seen that kindness of someone BEING a therapist for them
    If they haven't they will probably think the world sucks and they won't control their reactions, reflecting on others what they themselves have seen.

    • @daisy1441
      @daisy1441 2 года назад

      Ya. Fear due to seeing the world as all negative is a stumbling block for some parents.

  • @FreshOutofJail
    @FreshOutofJail 3 месяца назад +1

    Single Parent Household is the hardest. Being poor is hard. Let’s pray for everyone

  • @marknunya3107
    @marknunya3107 6 месяцев назад

    This is the most optimistic description of teen behavior that I’ve ever seen. Keep dreaming pal.

  • @oduwoleabimbola6126
    @oduwoleabimbola6126 6 месяцев назад

    Awesome Awesome 💙💙

  • @sineater4077
    @sineater4077 2 года назад +3

    I have a question so my 15 yrs old friend looks up and loves me like a father she doesn’t love her own dad anymore and I opened myself up to her saying I’m willing to be there for you and she actually said I love you to me I didn’t have words to say what should I say to her we are states apart but what do I do or say

  • @denaweirich6640
    @denaweirich6640 3 года назад +12

    I went to Carlsbad High School with this guy. He was the quintessential arrogant, cocky jock & teased everyone. Provoking many insecurities in his classmates and friends. Still likes to hear himself talk.The way he used girls during high school and after was abhorrent. Moved away to Mormon land and created a new persona. 🙄 Don't buy it.

    • @FreshOutofJail
      @FreshOutofJail 3 месяца назад +1

      How do we even know this is true? Name the date, class, 10 friends, the principal … come on.

  • @maricarmenx
    @maricarmenx 3 месяца назад

    I’m a parent how can I apply this ?

  • @samaa4622
    @samaa4622 10 месяцев назад +1

    Could it be drug issues that causes depression?

    • @Dr.Armchair
      @Dr.Armchair 6 месяцев назад +1

      I mean.. no not usually. Usually depression and lack of feeling belonging CAUSE people to look for ways to cope. Unhealthy relationships/ friendships, drugs and chasing highs and feeling better that way, thrilling and unsafe actions, over eating for the dopamine, or under eating to feel in control. The drug use could cause feelings of shame, sure. But usually they are not the root cause

  • @Beloupa
    @Beloupa 2 года назад +2

    That's children here in America.

  • @OfficialTravvyTrav
    @OfficialTravvyTrav Год назад +1

    Has he considered the hindering option of the parents being separated with different households?

  • @karend169
    @karend169 Год назад +2

    It's great when kids can "negotiate" with their parents. But when you have a child who has many friends, does well in school, and does well in school, from the outside it was perfect, but inside it wasn't. Some of this is BS.

  • @brookduval8464
    @brookduval8464 10 месяцев назад +1

    😂 There is no way I can get my son's phone away from him without possibly being punched out. My son is soooo past this. I don't know what to do. He doesn't just do it to me he does it to his teacher. He is very oppositional defiant - to the point that his dad has washed his hands of him and won't talk to me anymore. He just gives our son money or gift cards which he buys pot with. I feel like there is no way back.

    • @apriljoyayers
      @apriljoyayers 10 месяцев назад

      Can the line be turned off so you don’t have to get the phone away from him?

    • @samaa4622
      @samaa4622 5 месяцев назад +2

      Iam sorry to hear that brook! I know since my sister is going thru this but she also gave up. I think there are things we can do, first to get help from professional. 2nd take away privileges by not paying services and disconnecting wifi as well. If bad behavior gets worse you must have both of you guys stand on your ground and don't give in, this is why most kids and teens force their parents to give them what they want and a huge mistake for parents to give in. Always be strong and solid, also never use foul language with your kids, they don't respect parents who talk like their friends. Hope you can get Professional help dear!

    • @FreshOutofJail
      @FreshOutofJail 3 месяца назад

      You and husband is the issue. Not the kid. All kids have habits - will you wait until he’s using coke and hookers to stop? ✋ need to do the thing that every soft mum and dad hate. When little Jonny turned wild, you slept on it. So now to put a stop - 🛑 grab your partner and tell them; if they don’t work together you both killing the child. So grab one day, make sure everyone has had lunch. And straight after lay down the rules. One by one - husband cannot let him run out the room. Give him time to decipher them. Write them down. Put them in his room - and say they start in 2 days. From that period - you work on fighting for your family and it will be hard. Swearing, shouting, threats - this is all secondary behaviour. The core is you have to send the message - who’s in control. Once it is reviewed and it calms - then add some leeway like this man in video is explaining. Partnership. Boundaries, sanctions, rewards and things will play out. Very very slowly.

  • @Freddygamer6987
    @Freddygamer6987 Год назад

    👍

  • @madi8181
    @madi8181 2 года назад

    Parenteen 😀

  • @donk7001
    @donk7001 5 лет назад +12

    How does TEDx Talks have over 22 million subs but gets barley any views on their videos?
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmsubbotmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    • @lindseytallent2855
      @lindseytallent2855 3 года назад +2

      How many videos do they put out?

    • @rachelmarie959
      @rachelmarie959 9 месяцев назад

      Probably because they cover such an enormous range of topics. I subbed, but only a few of the videos apply to or interest me, and I don't watch the others. Pretty straightforward.

  • @pg2178
    @pg2178 2 года назад

    Vans…?

  • @patientzero5685
    @patientzero5685 3 года назад +3

    Not very helpful

  • @hangdao4287
    @hangdao4287 3 года назад +2

    only 15k views and 420 likes ???? no wonder...

  • @sunnyphoenix5603
    @sunnyphoenix5603 2 года назад +1

    Yeah but when I give her consequences she gets mad at me and hates me .🤷‍♂️

    • @LyrixNChill
      @LyrixNChill Год назад

      Yup. Tried something similar to this with my son and he completely didn't live up to his part of the agreement. No shame about it either. He laughed at the idea of coming up with his own consequence. Every kid is different

  • @jackieyeh9187
    @jackieyeh9187 3 года назад +2

    The well-to-do pastry karyologically improve because zipper modestly manage near a apathetic paste. imaginary, old-fashioned slope

  • @surferscollective613
    @surferscollective613 Год назад

    Once I saw his pants I couldnt take it too seriously. Tx mate.

  • @hugofelipe3869
    @hugofelipe3869 Год назад

    WHAT ADVICE DO YOU GIVE ME WHEN MY DAUGHTER IS IN A FOSTER HOME AND THE FOSTER PARENTS HAVE MY DAUGHTER MINIPULATED AND MY DAUGHTER MINIPULETES THEM AND THEY LET HER DO EVERY THING SHE WANTS AND THEY BUY HER EVERY THING SHE WANTS AND THAT THE FOSTER PARENTS LET HER USE THE PHONE ALL DAY SHES ON FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM ALL DAY SO WHAT IS THE ADICE AND THE SOCIAL WORKERS LET HER DO EVERY THING SHE WANTS TO DO AND THE FOSTER PARENTS GIVE HER 2WEEKS OF CONSECUENCES AND MY DAUGHTER BLOWS UP AND NOW THE TOOK THE CONSECUENCES OF HER THATS NOT RIGHT

    • @FreshOutofJail
      @FreshOutofJail 3 месяца назад

      You need to turn to god. You have very little influence apart from your actions in the time you have. If they don’t find strength in you - you will become obsolete. Become the best version of yourself. No drugs, no drink, no bad friends, no bad relationships - make them see you are the one leading

  • @ElPierdolito
    @ElPierdolito Год назад +2

    1 minute into this I quit watching, a slick rick telling me how to deal with my teenage kid (son in my case) no thank you. p.s. your pants are too short!