I guess i should be happy just lost 1,5 year with my. BUT But but my father is a narc 37 years brothers it hits on a hole different level. Insane. Lost my mom beacuse of him. She ment the world to me. Now im d main target. Crazy. God help us all
YESS…still have that problem. It’s been 10+ years since that marriage…but he’s the father of my kids so I have to occasionally interact. The more I learn, the more I recognize the layers of abuse. It does help to know there are others that get it..sending healing vibes.
@@iamlunalane me too! Learning to trust myself was probably the hardest, the most difficult phase to learn! Props to anybody who has ever been in an extremely toxic situation and came out the other side whole….. with their beautiful sensitive heart still intact!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Having ADHD, I used to never question his lies, simply attributing my forgetfulness to my condition. He took advantage of this for a long time. once Iunderstood what was going on, it was hard to process the impact and sadness, realizing that he was blaming me for his own actions. However, I am figuring out what is going on more quickly now. I’m trusting my gut and intuition without questioning myself . I am still struggling with the effects of the abuse, as it is psychologically, emotionally, and physically damaging. It is a challenge to find experts with an understanding of narcissistic abuse towards individuals with ADHD. Narcissistic abuse stands apart from other forms of abuse, with a more severe impact on emotional and psychological well-being.
Then you forget and start to doubt your memory and then they begin to gaslight you and tell you stuff you never said but you know you are having memory issues and can't tell if they are lying or not uuuuggghhhhh! I'm glad she is gone
@Markr980…..FACT! I never thought that I would ever feel different about my late husband until after he died. It took many years of peeling back the layers of repressed memories or seeing things for what they actually were, as opposed to idealising him and our love. I used to think that ‘at least I have good memories’…..but now? It’s been EXTREMELY painful, but a growing up process…..and I’m all for onward and upward! I can’t stay the same, I have to go through the pain, if I want to find a better me. Scary as hell at times, but oh so worth it!
Honestly our culture is so focused on being an individual or get yours mentality. Everything we consume is individualized & can be isolating. I’m not saying it caused more narcs but I can see how the ground is likely more fertile than ever if you get my meaning.
They are legion. I've dealt with 6 in very few years. I did some initial research on line about why would someone who cares about you lie and accuse you of things you didn't do? It was eye opening in the worst way. It changes who you are. You get guarded freekin fast. But, the bastards didn't win. I know them.
Just think of an insidious, humanoid parasite attaching to its host with a tight grip and desperately sucking it dry and almost lifeless of its divinity, energy, time, love, and trust for its survival. In essence, that is who they are
@d0v3Tai1 I know and wish I did not. Lesson learned : never again. No more players cheaters or users. Only the good hearted and soulful and decent need apply. lol. 😂
@@asuntaderienzo6272 Your system is one thing...psychological, cognitive, physical, emotional etc is are all connected as one. If there is an ongoing issue psychologically and it is not resolved, it will show up in your body physically - as a sign that you must create change. Check out Louise Hay - she has a cool list, and if you are really into this check out German New Medicine. Have fun! It will blow your mind!
The hardest part for me has been trying not ruminate about them. My mind has blocked out all the negative experiences. And I just fantasize about the breadcrumbs they did give me.
Ya and that’s the hardest part and why it’s so hard to leave / distance yourself from someone with NDP. Because your mind tricks you to believe the good times were happening so often and so wonderful and it’ll hurt to lose all that… when in reality they were few and far between.
I’ve been here and the rumination is so hard! I’m in hypnotherapy right now to reprogram my mind. therapy and low/no contact is the only way! We deserve better x
This is so true. It becomes a coping mechanism in order to survive. While still in the stage of "I can't believe someone would act like this, why would someone act like this?" Years can be lost in this manner.
This is the best warning. While trying to heal, don't even bother ruminating on them trying to understand why they acted and did the things they did. I wasted so many many years like that. In the end realize they're just evil, and trying to understand evil is trying to understand insanity, don't even go there!!! Focus on only you and God and positive things, and seek your inner healing.
What about thinking that about the NPD? I love them. I hate them. I want them. I can't stand being around them. I see their potential. But it doesn't come to fruition. They did nice things for me, wanted me around all the time, bought me things, took me places. But they were sneaky and a liar and compartmentalized. I miss them. I never want to see them again. I had to let go of the person I love. It was the worst thing. It was the best thing. The battle is with myself. .
So she she was highly narcissistic after all. I resonate with this so much... Edit after 2 months for clarification: She is not npd probably, but an avoidant attachment styled person, which still has narcissistic traits or at least behaves.
It’s taken me nearly 9 years post 30 year relationship to really get to grips with the splitting. I am no longer the same person I was with him, I’ve almost reinvented myself and worked through the trauma trapped within my body. I’m 60, my mum is 100 so I’m hoping for an awesome 40 years to live life fully, authentically, blissfully.
That’s sooo true! My ex narcissistic partner was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder in 3th year of our 4 year relationship. He always said something that wasn’t true to look like someone intelligent but I knew that was bs. He always tested me and played his games on me. At first time he was like a prince on a white horse but when we get closer and lived together he started to abuse me emotionally, physically and financially. He had me choose him over driving license, him over my friends and family, him over my university….that was sooo painful! Every morning he woke up early to change my alarm and because of it I was always late to my university! I had to provide everything because he couldn’t find a job. I cried when our fridge was empty and my parents get my some food…He beat me soo hard that I thought I will die so I called my mother to rescue me and that was our last time together! I broke up with him 4 years ago and I’m still healing. Now when I’m alone l got my driving license, university degree and still studying, working part time and I feel free. But he still messaging me and wants to meet me. I responded to him that I’m busy 👍🏻🥰🤫😊
Same. My son is bringing things up that I have forgotten, or didn't witness (with my children) It's allowing me to "see the light" clearer, day by day.
Tip for anyone going through this , what helps me , eventually you have to battle that version of them within you. If you do 1. You learn about them ( its the estranged part of your “ personality “) its actually how they work. 2. You learn , even when you don’t have the full memory , you learn who you are ( the part of you that feels shameful or “ less as” )because they manipulate you into thinking that. Forst it’s uncomfortable but with time you’ll love the freedom and comfort that comes with embodying that version of you. 3. That process will ultimately push them away because narcissists only want to see themselves in you as a way to understand themselves, theyre so weak minded that they have no capability to self reflect so they have an uncontrollable urge to project themselves ( by any means) unto you in hopes to understand themselves “ you do xyz because of xyz because i do the same” its all bullshit , and they continue doing that because whatever conclusion they get to is not satisfying to them because they just hate themselves fundamentally.
I feel people who end up with narcs, people like me are battling something. Maybe deep down but even the healthiest of us are struggling on some level. Its why we stayed.
People like that have next to no identity and are toxic people pleasers, these types akways without fail get destroyed by multiple narcs. They only learn if at all when it's too late.
Yea that fawning defense. Desire to please. For me atleast. Didnt know it or that I was that much of a pleaser. The "here take everything or I will do it all just dont eat me dearest momster/dadster/big scary person" cowering and shutting myself down and abandoning myself. Thank God for this knowledge. People like me/us have a strength 💪 that is unmatched cuz we made it out of those NARC FOGS (FEAR-OBLIGATION-GUILT-SHAME) And still we rise 🧠 💜💛 I will keep walking 🚶 away from crazy 🤡 🎭
This is really odd to hear this video,as odd as when I used to reread old messages between myself and the narcissists,I always used to think ...I totally forgot about all this. I constantly forgot or wash registering the abuse but I am completely aware of the massive damage being with a psychopath has done to my life as I have a child by them,no money for the future,I still have three years before I can work properly and the daily worry of it all,been like this for 12 years.
Bang on. In order to survive with my narcissistic ex husband, I forgot every time he was abusive. 40 years of forgetting until I was telling someone about it. It was literally like the floodgates opened. Everything came flooding in and I could no longer forget.
@@yogagirlilovethislife1096 I’m so sorry that you had to live through something so traumatic. This type of abuse changes who we are. I think they all have the same handbook in which they follow the instructions to a T. I’ve been told by many that I should write a book or contact Hollywood for a film on “The Monster I Married” people were shocked, it was unbelievable what he did and not only to me but our daughters as well. Never mind the abusive nightmare divorce. But there’s no need to lie or exaggerate because I have a lot of proof. I hope you find peace and happiness 💕
It will come back. You can heal. I am living proof after over 10 years and I was YOUNG when we got together so VERY IGNORANT and suffered A LOT of harm, abuse and setbacks. I am still not 100% after 2 years out but also part of that was unknowingly getting into another abusive relationship with a woman who was either a narc or avoidant. Totally blindsided me and sabotaged our relationship, but whatever. Just be okay with being alone, sit in the feelings, meditate and just *be* as much as you can. Sit in the negative feelings for as long as possible. Just let your thoughts go, do not control them. Trust your brain and body to start making the realizations and connections it needs to make and give yourself space and time to ACTUALLY HEAL, LEARN, EVOLVE, and FULLY MOVE ON
This happened to me too. I kept forgetting and that went with forgetting a lot of other things. Then he would say, “Are you senile?” Especially when it’s mixed with gaslighting, you start to lose track of your own memories, mind, self and doubt yourself that you start believing it. At one point I thought I was developing early dementia. And this is after being in a real for about 6-8 years only. I can’t imagine what it can do to a person who’s in such for much longer. Thank God I’m out of that marriage now but I still have to encounter him because we share custody of the kids but I’m now wiser. Minimal communication, I don’t take bullshit anymore. I’m claiming my mind and memory back.
You dont forget until they Hoover. Then you remember when they discard. Hoover, discard, hoover, discard, hoover, dicard. Up and down round and round.....exhausting. utterly exhausting. Your commentary is worth a listen. Thank you.
This is true! My friend had an abusive partner and when I reminded her some bad things he said to her, she said that she didn't remember at all! It was crazy!
This is true. I experienced with my sister, a yr younger than me, for 73 yrs. That’s how long it took, for me to walk away from her pull (I love you), and push, (inflicting emotional trauma and extreme verbal abuse, plus telling lies about me-turning close other family members against me). The psychological damage has been horrific. But now I’m free, trying to heal, and not look back.
One of my signs of healing was that my short term memory improved- not just for abuse, but for everything. I had questioned my reality for years. Now , i trust ny own mind. Its worlds apart.
The forgetting part is an empaths way of coping & "overlooking", dismissing the narcs trama base treatment of u. 25 years healing!! Its enlightening to remember to remember!!! Continue to Bring in the Light & most importantly the Love!❤❤❤❤😊
I've lost the thread of my self, memory, and now feel like I am behaving like a narcissist because I got so exhausted then choose to depend on food snd books instead of people. It's hard to survive, NO CONTACT is essentisl.
Oh I 100% developed some kind of narcissistic shell only designed to interact with my BPD ex, cold, emotionless with hint of cynicism and anticipating the worst. It took a while to shake that off, it’s nice to not be that person anymore and be around loving respectful humans again.
I fought like hell to not become that person. You start to realize you are not you...and you don't like it. I was hurt, but thank God, I destroyed that issue quickly.
I totally relate 😢 Grew up as the scapegoat of a narcissistic father. I have a very loving side, and an angry side. I haven’t yet been able to get my two sides to talk to each other. I’ll keep working on that.
This is one of the best descriptions I’ve ever heard as to the process and coping mechanisms. 22 years lost for me. It was hard to get out and even harder to go to court against him and his lies (for another 2 yrs). I still struggle with PTSD and memory issues. But I’m happy I’m finally free. My best years wasted, age 21 to 43… but I’m 47 and rebuilding, sometimes two steps forward and one step back- but little by little nonetheless. There’s hope, people. Just stay strong and focused.
If you were psychologically healthy to begin with, I think you would walk asap. I had a lot of issues that of course were only made worse by the relationship.
Wounded people stick with wounded people. Unfortunately empathic wounded individuals stick like glue to narcissistic type individuals. Once you begin to love yourself, you realize that version doesn’t work with the other.. because well, they don’t love themselves. They love a fake idea of themself
Personally, I don’t think anybody is “mentally stable”. I believe life causes us all to experience some level of trauma, depressive symptoms, or at minimum anxiety. I also don’t believe anyone has a secure attachment style
No that's not how it works. There are psychtrist and or people of that field that have fell in love with a cluster b ....Anyone can be fooled ...may not stay as long but it still can damage you ..
After no contact for years, my mum and I met once again with a third person. I secretly recorded our voices and conversation because I know I would otherwise forget the exact phrases. It was eye-opening and mind-blowing.
Used to say I think I have that amnesia where you hit your head and you forget every day what happened the day before otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to survive I guess. Like that movie where tattoos clues on himself, and every morning he wakes up to a new search of who he is then he falls asleep, and forgets again.
Absolutely. Be careful who you attach to, and until you've had to undo the mess that happens when you've had an attachment with a toxic person, you can't know how difficult it is.
Same here. I remember praying to forget, but not what it was I wanted to forget. Both of my parents were/are toxic. Now in middle age I have brain fog and bad memory and wish I could fix it.
Even after years bejng away still getting noghtmares of the abusive times I went thru, the sensation in the dreams are exactly like those moments, extreme sadness and heartbreak
This is absolutely correct. The worst is when you move away from this and find peace and solace,some people instead of healing go back to it because it seems ‘normal’ (stay healed and move forward!)🥰
My kids my siblings and a woman I've been seeing for counselling off and on for 15years either look at me confused that I don't remember having reached certain conclusions on the abusive situation I've been living in. For almost 20years. ( It's definitely easier to remember reality not self-medicating, though) U have such a wonderfully comprehensive way of explaining everything ❣️❣️ thank you Richard u r a Godsend FOR SURE
It's like a defense mechanism if I'm understanding what Richard is saying correctly. Sadly, many of us learned to do this as kids in reaction to our parent(s) and then again in romantic relationships. I refuse to believe that we are doomed or something, but WOW! Doesn't it sometimes feel like we got knocked down before we could ever get started in life, so to speak? I don't know, but I refuse to give up! I am determined to heal and to be happy and maybe to even help others do the same. Maybe it sounds silly, but for me, it's as simple as wanting to enjoy the time I have left in my life. Learning from the past is one thing, but I refuse to stay stuck there. Yes, I'm still rebuilding my life...but it's mine and on my terms. That's what matters, and I keep moving forward bit by bit. I think we all can do that...
Keeping the thought, 'they/it Is a demon' is how I'm coping through a high stakes situation with a family member. They will NOT change, so run if you can.
When the narcissist is the mother… my God how your world is distorted! You feel guilty about everything, you must please everyone, you forget about yourself and any needs or desires that may be inside of you.
I remember watching studying years ago in 2016/17 and hardly any resources out on this. Thank youuuu for continuing to create. I always said I felt the most seen when I read on cult psychology!!! The splitting makes sense. And now. After I’m integrating. Years later. My memory is so bad sad to not remember kids childhood. And even kids memories. Possible autism diagnosis from the in utero trauma of narc abuse. Prayers for healing for us all.
I'VE HAD THAT HAPPEN! she left me in the room alone for a few days bc I didn't want to leave the house. I felt ill and she wanted me to go just so she didn't have to drive 10 mins down the road to her brother's house. (I always drove she's capable she just didn't want to) She's told me she didn't want to do things and I was ok with it. Me saying I can't ONE TIME in 13 yrs and they act that way. I kept feeling like down and out. It's a hook. That horrible feeling and then the RELEIF when they act normal and friendly again is what KEEPS u in there. That RELEIF feeling is what you're addicted to. Just like a pill does. It uplifts ur mood and pulls u OUT of that mental slump. The narc comes in and things go back to normal and cool again. U feel that RELEIF and it's a Reminder of what life is like without them. Fear of being dumped due to severe codependency and abandonment fear. A couple years later , she ended up randomly breaking up with me and took EVERYTHING where I'm stuck in a town where I don't know anyone and no one to call for help. I was left with my chair I was sitting in and an old android phone from ,2013. I slept in a rocking chair for over ,3 years since she took the bed. They replace YOUR STUFF with their stuff so they have control. Especially if they leave they take it all (bc it's theirs) and u got NOTHING. If u have any abandonment issues and have codependent ways, this will invoke fear into u . I kept a face of steel and just let them move out. Haven't seen or heard from them in 3 years now as of April 2024.
Dear friend even though you went through hell. You didn't stay there and it didn't take your life. Yes it was painful, but you survived. These 😈 demons deal with you so wickedly, you want to take your life, and that's what they really want. They're satan's foot soldiers. But that's one thing they can't have is your life and soul.. I feel like anytime you're not living with a narcissist is living your best life. It's peaceful on the otherside of that hell. God bless.
@@soja2634 thanks. I definitely "wanted to" if u get what I mean. It was pointless and hopeless. I didn't have biological kids w them and I kept telling myself _"Dude..consider urself lucky. She didn't take it money etc. no child support visitation issues"_ but I didn't feel lucky tho. It felt likey little family got "deleted" if u get what I mean. I definitely prayed HARD for God to just put me to sleep like Adam but not wake up. Didn't work tho. Still here. I definitely get down moments especially late at night around 3 am. That's almost 15 years w a person and now it's absolutely NO ONE very odd feeling.. Dating apps are a joke. Ghosting, flaking etc. I talked w a chick for a month and a half quickly she made me forget about my ex. That was so cool then she just poofed and gone outta no where. I wonder if she was one of those narcs. She kept saying her ex was a narc etc. They ALLLLL say that now days. I wonder bc maybe I'm dysfunctional and if I get along w them really well, must mean they're one? Like some sorta tool I can use to determine if that makes sense.? _"wow I like them ALOT and we get along really well and so fast too"_ This is what I'm actually looking for, but now I think what I'm looking for is what narcs do. Hella confused. Many thanks for the kind words 🫶🔥
@@daviedood2503 hang in there. I been single since 2012. It really sucks sometimes but I would rather be treated fairly. Not like a doll to be used. I am dysfunctional frim trying to be so perfect. Doesnt exist. Slowly rebuilding. That person spunds like they wwre moving too fast and telli g you everything you wanted and needed to hear for a month, love bombing.. I hear you! Take care 💪💜💛🧠
@@daviedood2503 Hi Davie, it takes a lot more healing before we can be ready for relationships. A good rule of thumb is ", until you can set boundaries freely, don't even bother to enter relationships". We need to heal our fears, sense of identity etc first. Call on God often. None of us are alone or unsupported. 🤗
This is so unbelievably spot on & a perfect definition of cognitive dissonance. No one breaks down the explanations of what a person experiences after being in an abusive relationship with any toxic person like Richard. I discovered this bloke back in 2015, and my perceptions of being able to identify when someone’s being even slightly manipulative towards me-Sooner than later, have increased enough to let me live a fairly peaceful, drama-free life. Thank you, Sir Richard, for sharing your expertise in defining one of the most diabolical personalities anyone on this planet could have the unfortunate experience of interacting with, at any given time in their lives. Even more unfortunately, it truly is an increasing epidemic. I pray healing & strength for every beautiful soul recovering from this abuse & toxicity. Keep rising above it 😔 🙏 ❤️🩹
I developed forgeting to get over my family trauma, when i was a little boy inwas beaten very often, 90% of times by my mother, one qoute from my mother when i was 35 ajd had an argue with her "if only i could slap that should fix the dispute". I noticed big memory gaps by myself, later to be confirmed as ptsd.
I never forgot. Even after 47 years, the family and my Narcissistic ex’s are still trying to overwrite my reality with theirs and implant all of their own negative traits into me. They all retaliate against rejection by public humiliation and attempt to flip the script as if they are rejecting me and are soooo much happier without me. They cannot and will not let go, even when actions spoke not words… I walked away silently. Just know that they aren’t you and their intentions are ALWAYS self serving.
I never forget it. I just don't go around that person. When I do have to be around them, I ignore their comments. This person was my father. He has since passed on, and I forgive him.
I was raised by a narc mother and an enabling father and had 2 relationships that werent the greatest. But i never felt more damaged than i did after being married to a covert for 11 yrs. He was what broke me. Weve been divorced for 9 yrs and im still f-ed up.
Do it for 23 years, not just a few months. Ya, the brain is very injured. And I still am more mad at myself than them for landing in this spot and expect myself to ‘be over it & better’ bc it’s been 8 yrs of trying to heal the damage & it’s not done. I wish I could convince myself that the time in is gonna require extended time out to heal up but I just feel like a recovery failure for not being better yet.
I agree. Even if you are resigned to live this way forever, the body says no. This is what is happening to me after 44 year marriage. I now struggle to walk and even stand.
Don't say so please! I'm the dumbest of all and yet I managed to get free after 40 years!!! There's no way back, just a way forward with the help of God ❤❤❤
I felt like that to, BUT hang in.... It taks long time. I got out 8 years ago. First year a LIVING HELL. 2 year start to do better. Next 2 years beeing alone returning to ME and nature. After that 1 years startet beeing social and party agin. Year 5: the first date.... Now living a normal good life, have my own business and a very loving and smart man in my life 😊 blessings from Denmark.
Regina, I know exactly how you feel. I honestly am such a mess over him, and he knows it. He's apologized and I'm not sure it's real, and I'm not 100% sure he's NPD (he claims he's ADHD but he's a dead ringer for NPD.) I made a mess of him, he says. But I feel like we can't let eachother go.
I lost 20 years with my ex. What I thought was forgiveness was me forgetting the emotional and mental abuse my mind blocked from my comprehension., I’m now learning the forgiveness process as my memory is slowly starting to heal from it. Thank you for this post.
Agreed, the futuristic implementation of Coin and of Legal system with freedom centered is called for, is somewhat the image that is cast into the light when studying the Problem of devaluing abusive behavior. Legal system is the peduncle that disappears as you move into the future of automatic coin system, enabling individuals to turn the tables as necessary on infringing devaluing. The system, as we would sit here and call it, currently enables such devaluing and few have identified this in their answers to questions on yt, Quora, etc.
I remember consciously deciding at 3 yrs old in the bathtub, that i wanted to forget what i had just seen so that i could be happy in the next moment, and then it took me about 3 seconds to be able to walk away from it. Now all I can remember is making the decision and then nothng more about that moment - none of the violence and misery of that night. It is a decision that i have to live with in order to survive in this world the way it is, and it has allowed me to be very happy in this life. And when i look at existence, i understand that all i really get is the present moment anyway - past and future are only objects of the mind, so if i were to choose to keep those damaging memories, they will only stain and polute the other objects in my mind. They happened and there's nothing i can do about them now, so i choose to throw the rubbish of my mind in the bin, take the lesson from the experience and leave it behind to go on to the next happy pre-sent present moment. Who cares if it punches holes in my memory? Those were crappy memories i didn't need to keep anyway...
Dated a girl for 9 years with npd and bpd and man i didnt think it affected me but years after that ended horribly it has. Shit killed a piece of my soul for real. It ended with her ghosting me one day to go be a prostitute and then for years shed come around anytime i was talking to another girl trying to move on and shed come by trying to guilt trip me for talking to other girls and either fight them or do some other wild shit. Then demand sex or a baby or that i take her back.
Yes, whenever he would out of thin hair say something cruel, then I would just look at him for a minute and keep the conversation going like nothing had come out his mouth. Insanity!
@@Metuka-n3w me too, it’s like shock. I would forget, but my body didn’t because I started getting panic attacks and i would be shaking all the time. I even started having nightmares of it. I had already been to years of therapy for ptsd from a narcissist mother and these were all the same symptoms coming back. It’s really crazy and it makes us feel crazy and then we doubt ourselves. It wasn’t until I went no contact that I started remembering more and i couldn’t believe how much I had blocked out
This is so true and really hits me hard because ive struggled with this and never understood. Thank you for this content, it helps me understand why I do forget a lot of details and why it really seems like just a blur.
💯 and what’s hardest to accept is that during this time you have no idea it is happening. I’m 23 years out and 3 years to figure it all out 🤯 painful and trauma recovery ❤️🩹 underway.
I'm completely blown away! I have wondered about this for years. I'll go to tell my best friend what happened and I can't remember the details. Thank you so much for clarifying this!!!
Dear friend even though you went through hell. Yes it was painful, but you survived. These 😈 demons deal with you so wickedly, you want to take your life, and that's what they really want. They're satan's foot soldiers. But that's one thing they can't have is your life and soul.. I feel like anytime you're not living with a narcissist is living your best life. It's peaceful on the otherside of that hell. God bless. Please make plans to secretly and quietly leave. Pack up your important documents, pictures anything that you'll need away from the house. Even if you have have 5, 10, 15, 20 years left. You need peace to realize your time on this earth without the devil in your presence. I did 20 years. I divorced this year. God will help you if you take steps to move on from the devil.
This is over 100% true!!! I keep telling that to my therapist that I don't really remember those bad moments anymore. And talking about them doesn't make me sad... weird but true
I fought so hard to forget that I'm struggling to remember and the confidence in the memories that do pop up. He passed away 1 year after I left for good. The healing is the worst and most beautiful at the same time. God Bless ❤
I lost years and years. Blurred years.
Me too. I feel you. I grieve the same loss. Have lived That over and over again.
I guess i should be happy just lost 1,5 year with my. BUT But but my father is a narc 37 years brothers it hits on a hole different level. Insane. Lost my mom beacuse of him. She ment the world to me. Now im d main target. Crazy. God help us all
I lost three years and came out of it not knowing who I was or what I enjoyed.
It's horrendous 32 years wasted of my life with someone who didn't care for me or sons❤️🩹😔
@@tinepotocnik777 I realized this year about my covert narcs In Family…
Learning to trust my own memory was the hardest part
and judgement
YESS…still have that problem. It’s been 10+ years since that marriage…but he’s the father of my kids so I have to occasionally interact. The more I learn, the more I recognize the layers of abuse. It does help to know there are others that get it..sending healing vibes.
@@iamlunalane me too! Learning to trust myself was probably the hardest, the most difficult phase to learn! Props to anybody who has ever been in an extremely toxic situation and came out the other side whole….. with their beautiful sensitive heart still intact!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Having ADHD, I used to never question his lies, simply attributing my forgetfulness to my condition. He took advantage of this for a long time. once Iunderstood what was going on, it was hard to process the impact and sadness, realizing that he was blaming me for his own actions. However, I am figuring out what is going on more quickly now. I’m trusting my gut and intuition without questioning myself . I am still struggling with the effects of the abuse, as it is psychologically, emotionally, and physically damaging. It is a challenge to find experts with an understanding of narcissistic abuse towards individuals with ADHD. Narcissistic abuse stands apart from other forms of abuse, with a more severe impact on emotional and psychological well-being.
Then you forget and start to doubt your memory and then they begin to gaslight you and tell you stuff you never said but you know you are having memory issues and can't tell if they are lying or not uuuuggghhhhh! I'm glad she is gone
You forget because you're conditioned by yourself and the narc to...but when you distance and drop comms...you WILL remember. And it will ROCK you.
@Markr980…..FACT! I never thought that I would ever feel different about my late husband until after he died. It took many years of peeling back the layers of repressed memories or seeing things for what they actually were, as opposed to idealising him and our love. I used to think that ‘at least I have good memories’…..but now? It’s been EXTREMELY painful, but a growing up process…..and I’m all for onward and upward! I can’t stay the same, I have to go through the pain, if I want to find a better me. Scary as hell at times, but oh so worth it!
@gracebe235 the only path forward is through...keep pushin!
I believe that betrayal blindness also has a role.
Definitely @@helenaquin1797
@@helenaquin1797 i agree 👍
This is 100% true. Many say narcissist are only 3% of our population but i beg to differ. It’s becoming a huge problem that is only getting worse
Honestly our culture is so focused on being an individual or get yours mentality. Everything we consume is individualized & can be isolating. I’m not saying it caused more narcs but I can see how the ground is likely more fertile than ever if you get my meaning.
They are legion. I've dealt with 6 in very few years. I did some initial research on line about why would someone who cares about you lie and accuse you of things you didn't do? It was eye opening in the worst way. It changes who you are. You get guarded freekin fast. But, the bastards didn't win. I know them.
3% is a huge figure,
I think I read (or heard) where it's possibly 1 in 5.
I think they're 33%
They don't love; they need.
**They don’t love, they use, then they abuse, then they toss away but the karma comes back to them, in its own way.
@@cynthiarouse narcs have a debt they'll never be able to pay. They have come to life with a negative ballance.
Just think of an insidious, humanoid parasite attaching to its host with a tight grip and desperately sucking it dry and almost lifeless of its divinity, energy, time, love, and trust for its survival. In essence, that is who they are
They prey
@d0v3Tai1 I know and wish I did not. Lesson learned : never again. No more players cheaters or users. Only the good hearted and soulful and decent need apply. lol. 😂
Feel it in your body, it’s almost like you’re being held under water.
Hm, accurate.. becoming paralyzed. More functional freeze. Here comes the joint pain, skin pain, and organ failure.
Why does it cause all these health issues? I have been experiencing them and just don’t understand.
True… very true
@@asuntaderienzo6272 Your system is one thing...psychological, cognitive, physical, emotional etc is are all connected as one. If there is an ongoing issue psychologically and it is not resolved, it will show up in your body physically - as a sign that you must create change. Check out Louise Hay - she has a cool list, and if you are really into this check out German New Medicine. Have fun! It will blow your mind!
When the car pulls up, I start feeling anxious to the point that I feel sick.
The hardest part for me has been trying not ruminate about them. My mind has blocked out all the negative experiences. And I just fantasize about the breadcrumbs they did give me.
That is how the mind works unfortunately when split
True
Ya and that’s the hardest part and why it’s so hard to leave / distance yourself from someone with NDP. Because your mind tricks you to believe the good times were happening so often and so wonderful and it’ll hurt to lose all that… when in reality they were few and far between.
I’ve been here and the rumination is so hard! I’m in hypnotherapy right now to reprogram my mind. therapy and low/no contact is the only way! We deserve better x
I know, it's crazy😅I must laugh
Deep.... PTSD response punching holes in your memory
I now understand why I have no memories of my teenage years😢
This is so true. It becomes a coping mechanism in order to survive. While still in the stage of "I can't believe someone would act like this, why would someone act like this?" Years can be lost in this manner.
💯
This is the best warning. While trying to heal, don't even bother ruminating on them trying to understand why they acted and did the things they did. I wasted so many many years like that. In the end realize they're just evil, and trying to understand evil is trying to understand insanity, don't even go there!!! Focus on only you and God and positive things, and seek your inner healing.
Forgetting is a blessing. 😊 And alone is SAFE! 😊❤
👍
Yes😊😮
✨🙏🏼✨
GET A BIG DOG that YOU TRAIN TO BITE / ATTACK ON WORD … ✔️
never fall in love, stand up in it.
THIS.
Love this!
Falling in love is for the weak. Growing in love is best cuz its earned, I turned all love inwards, I escaped but still affected
Rise in love!
Fly in love… 🦋
What about thinking that about the NPD? I love them. I hate them. I want them. I can't stand being around them. I see their potential. But it doesn't come to fruition. They did nice things for me, wanted me around all the time, bought me things, took me places. But they were sneaky and a liar and compartmentalized. I miss them. I never want to see them again. I had to let go of the person I love. It was the worst thing. It was the best thing. The battle is with myself. .
Well described. A constant internal battle
So she she was highly narcissistic after all. I resonate with this so much...
Edit after 2 months for clarification:
She is not npd probably, but an avoidant attachment styled person, which still has narcissistic traits or at least behaves.
😮
👍
💔
It’s taken me nearly 9 years post 30 year relationship to really get to grips with the splitting. I am no longer the same person I was with him, I’ve almost reinvented myself and worked through the trauma trapped within my body. I’m 60, my mum is 100 so I’m hoping for an awesome 40 years to live life fully, authentically, blissfully.
So well said 💔
That’s sooo true! My ex narcissistic partner was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder in 3th year of our 4 year relationship. He always said something that wasn’t true to look like someone intelligent but I knew that was bs. He always tested me and played his games on me. At first time he was like a prince on a white horse but when we get closer and lived together he started to abuse me emotionally, physically and financially. He had me choose him over driving license, him over my friends and family, him over my university….that was sooo painful! Every morning he woke up early to change my alarm and because of it I was always late to my university! I had to provide everything because he couldn’t find a job. I cried when our fridge was empty and my parents get my some food…He beat me soo hard that I thought I will die so I called my mother to rescue me and that was our last time together! I broke up with him 4 years ago and I’m still healing. Now when I’m alone l got my driving license, university degree and still studying, working part time and I feel free. But he still messaging me and wants to meet me. I responded to him that I’m busy 👍🏻🥰🤫😊
Block him, woman! He is dangerous and must be completely out of your life forever. Doesn't deserve an answer!
I’m shocked that she hasn’t blocked him . 😮
Go no contact forever.
Why not change your phone number or block him.
Make sure of your absolute safety at all times. Work out worst case scenarios , talk to the police.
TRUTH!!!! I’m 3 months no contact and I’m realizing how much I forgot… it’s my daughter who is bringing up things to help.
Same. My son is bringing things up that I have forgotten, or didn't witness (with my children) It's allowing me to "see the light" clearer, day by day.
@@healthadvisor464 Congratulations 🎉❤️😘 my mother vas a narcissist psykopat, and then a meet my ex, psychpat 😢🥺🤮💔 Demon 😡🤯🤡
Tip for anyone going through this , what helps me , eventually you have to battle that version of them within you. If you do 1. You learn about them ( its the estranged part of your “ personality “) its actually how they work. 2. You learn , even when you don’t have the full memory , you learn who you are ( the part of you that feels shameful or “ less as” )because they manipulate you into thinking that. Forst it’s uncomfortable but with time you’ll love the freedom and comfort that comes with embodying that version of you. 3. That process will ultimately push them away because narcissists only want to see themselves in you as a way to understand themselves, theyre so weak minded that they have no capability to self reflect so they have an uncontrollable urge to project themselves ( by any means) unto you in hopes to understand themselves “ you do xyz because of xyz because i do the same” its all bullshit , and they continue doing that because whatever conclusion they get to is not satisfying to them because they just hate themselves fundamentally.
I feel people who end up with narcs, people like me are battling something. Maybe deep down but even the healthiest of us are struggling on some level. Its why we stayed.
People like that have next to no identity and are toxic people pleasers, these types akways without fail get destroyed by multiple narcs. They only learn if at all when it's too late.
Yea that fawning defense. Desire to please. For me atleast. Didnt know it or that I was that much of a pleaser. The "here take everything or I will do it all just dont eat me dearest momster/dadster/big scary person" cowering and shutting myself down and abandoning myself. Thank God for this knowledge. People like me/us have a strength 💪 that is unmatched cuz we made it out of those NARC FOGS (FEAR-OBLIGATION-GUILT-SHAME)
And still we rise 🧠 💜💛
I will keep walking 🚶 away from crazy 🤡 🎭
Also that false belief of peoole can change and everyone makes mistakes and God sent them to me ect, ect. Bolognie!!!!
I am curious, How would you know if your partner is a narcissist? Whats the test?
@@Zebratang they try to escape communication on important topics
Thats why i could never remember anything he did
This is really odd to hear this video,as odd as when I used to reread old messages between myself and the narcissists,I always used to think ...I totally forgot about all this. I constantly forgot or wash registering the abuse but I am completely aware of the massive damage being with a psychopath has done to my life as I have a child by them,no money for the future,I still have three years before I can work properly and the daily worry of it all,been like this for 12 years.
I so glad it’s not just me . I thought because I’d forgotten it wasn’t abuse
Bang on. In order to survive with my narcissistic ex husband, I forgot every time he was abusive. 40 years of forgetting until I was telling someone about it. It was literally like the floodgates opened. Everything came flooding in and I could no longer forget.
And this is the reason why I can’t write a book about my divorce. I don’t want to remember.
@@yogagirlilovethislife1096 I’m so sorry that you had to live through something so traumatic. This type of abuse changes who we are. I think they all have the same handbook in which they follow the instructions to a T.
I’ve been told by many that I should write a book or contact Hollywood for a film on “The Monster I Married” people were shocked, it was unbelievable what he did and not only to me but our daughters as well. Never mind the abusive nightmare divorce. But there’s no need to lie or exaggerate because I have a lot of proof.
I hope you find peace and happiness 💕
It will come back. You can heal. I am living proof after over 10 years and I was YOUNG when we got together so VERY IGNORANT and suffered A LOT of harm, abuse and setbacks. I am still not 100% after 2 years out but also part of that was unknowingly getting into another abusive relationship with a woman who was either a narc or avoidant. Totally blindsided me and sabotaged our relationship, but whatever. Just be okay with being alone, sit in the feelings, meditate and just *be* as much as you can. Sit in the negative feelings for as long as possible. Just let your thoughts go, do not control them. Trust your brain and body to start making the realizations and connections it needs to make and give yourself space and time to ACTUALLY HEAL, LEARN, EVOLVE, and FULLY MOVE ON
Thank you for this advice.
💜🙏💜
😳🤯is that why I kept forgetting?!!!!
I thought I was forgiving like I am supposed. 😱
Jestem2323@...I was just thinking that and then I came cross your comment😮😅❤
This happened to me too. I kept forgetting and that went with forgetting a lot of other things. Then he would say, “Are you senile?”
Especially when it’s mixed with gaslighting, you start to lose track of your own memories, mind, self and doubt yourself that you start believing it.
At one point I thought I was developing early dementia. And this is after being in a real for about 6-8 years only. I can’t imagine what it can do to a person who’s in such for much longer.
Thank God I’m out of that marriage now but I still have to encounter him because we share custody of the kids but I’m now wiser. Minimal communication, I don’t take bullshit anymore. I’m claiming my mind and memory back.
Turn love towards self, I made it into a gift for me to get stronger. No contact.
Exactly
@@carriecastanosexactly! Now everytime I feel want to give love, I redirect it back to myself 😂
You dont forget until they Hoover. Then you remember when they discard. Hoover, discard, hoover, discard, hoover, dicard. Up and down round and round.....exhausting. utterly exhausting. Your commentary is worth a listen. Thank you.
This is true! My friend had an abusive partner and when I reminded her some bad things he said to her, she said that she didn't remember at all! It was crazy!
This is true. I experienced with my sister, a yr younger than me, for 73 yrs. That’s how long it took, for me to walk away from her pull (I love you), and push, (inflicting emotional trauma and extreme verbal abuse, plus telling lies about me-turning close other family members against me). The psychological damage has been horrific. But now I’m free, trying to heal, and not look back.
This is brilliant. This is going to help so many ppl.
Most enlightening short I've ever watched!
One of my signs of healing was that my short term memory improved- not just for abuse, but for everything. I had questioned my reality for years. Now , i trust ny own mind. Its worlds apart.
The forgetting part is an empaths way of coping & "overlooking", dismissing the narcs trama base treatment of u. 25 years healing!! Its enlightening to remember to remember!!! Continue to Bring in the Light & most importantly the Love!❤❤❤❤😊
I've lost the thread of my self, memory, and now feel like I am behaving like a narcissist because I got so exhausted then choose to depend on food snd books instead of people. It's hard to survive, NO CONTACT is essentisl.
Oh I 100% developed some kind of narcissistic shell only designed to interact with my BPD ex, cold, emotionless with hint of cynicism and anticipating the worst. It took a while to shake that off, it’s nice to not be that person anymore and be around loving respectful humans again.
Your name reminds me of my ex
@@Serendipitous-Synchronicity yours reminds me of an old hippie friend from collage that I once took mushrooms with
I fought like hell to not become that person. You start to realize you are not you...and you don't like it. I was hurt, but thank God, I destroyed that issue quickly.
@@poocumber7806 you win comment of the year.
@@Serendipitous-Synchronicity🤣
So true. So many things I don't want to remember.
Wow! 😮 This hit so hard!
I totally relate 😢 Grew up as the scapegoat of a narcissistic father. I have a very loving side, and an angry side. I haven’t yet been able to get my two sides to talk to each other. I’ll keep working on that.
This is one of the best descriptions I’ve ever heard as to the process and coping mechanisms. 22 years lost for me. It was hard to get out and even harder to go to court against him and his lies (for another 2 yrs). I still struggle with PTSD and memory issues. But I’m happy I’m finally free. My best years wasted, age 21 to 43… but I’m 47 and rebuilding, sometimes two steps forward and one step back- but little by little nonetheless. There’s hope, people. Just stay strong and focused.
you forget.. maybe that why some of us have memories with gaps and some memories with terrifying detail...
Oh yahhhh
If you were psychologically healthy to begin with, I think you would walk asap. I had a lot of issues that of course were only made worse by the relationship.
Yeah. Agreed
Wounded people stick with wounded people. Unfortunately empathic wounded individuals stick like glue to narcissistic type individuals.
Once you begin to love yourself, you realize that version doesn’t work with the other.. because well, they don’t love themselves. They love a fake idea of themself
Its not easy to leave Your sister if you dont know that you must!
Personally, I don’t think anybody is “mentally stable”. I believe life causes us all to experience some level of trauma, depressive symptoms, or at minimum anxiety. I also don’t believe anyone has a secure attachment style
No that's not how it works. There are psychtrist and or people of that field that have fell in love with a cluster b ....Anyone can be fooled ...may not stay as long but it still can damage you ..
After no contact for years, my mum and I met once again with a third person. I secretly recorded our voices and conversation because I know I would otherwise forget the exact phrases. It was eye-opening and mind-blowing.
Used to say I think I have that amnesia where you hit your head and you forget every day what happened the day before otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to survive I guess. Like that movie where tattoos clues on himself, and every morning he wakes up to a new search of who he is then he falls asleep, and forgets again.
This is the answer to my quandary. I wish I had known all of this sooner.😢
Dr G this was my 12yr marriage until my husband died... I'm now in therapy trying to heal❤
U will heal quickly if u want it. Don't let him run ur life from the grave. Good luck and live the life
@@EstherDoyle-i2u thank you 🙏💯🥰
Absolutely. Be careful who you attach to, and until you've had to undo the mess that happens when you've had an attachment with a toxic person, you can't know how difficult it is.
My ex was nagging me that I was having memory problems.
Me too!! Now I realize I have great memory.
I have to do the Neo matrix warping everytime I engage.
Total awareness and grounding.
My parents used to argue alot and somehow i made myself forgetful to forget the arguments
Same here. I remember praying to forget, but not what it was I wanted to forget. Both of my parents were/are toxic. Now in middle age I have brain fog and bad memory and wish I could fix it.
So true. So sad, so true.
Even after years bejng away still getting noghtmares of the abusive times I went thru, the sensation in the dreams are exactly like those moments, extreme sadness and heartbreak
This is absolutely correct. The worst is when you move away from this and find peace and solace,some people instead of healing go back to it because it seems ‘normal’ (stay healed and move forward!)🥰
My kids my siblings and a woman I've been seeing for counselling off and on for 15years either look at me confused that I don't remember having reached certain conclusions on the abusive situation I've been living in. For almost 20years. ( It's definitely easier to remember reality not self-medicating, though) U have such a wonderfully comprehensive way of explaining everything ❣️❣️ thank you Richard u r a Godsend FOR SURE
You are 100 percent correct, you no longer want to fight the person involved, too much at stake...
It's like a defense mechanism if I'm understanding what Richard is saying correctly. Sadly, many of us learned to do this as kids in reaction to our parent(s) and then again in romantic relationships.
I refuse to believe that we are doomed or something, but WOW! Doesn't it sometimes feel like we got knocked down before we could ever get started in life, so to speak?
I don't know, but I refuse to give up! I am determined to heal and to be happy and maybe to even help others do the same. Maybe it sounds silly, but for me, it's as simple as wanting to enjoy the time I have left in my life. Learning from the past is one thing, but I refuse to stay stuck there.
Yes, I'm still rebuilding my life...but it's mine and on my terms. That's what matters, and I keep moving forward bit by bit. I think we all can do that...
I feel thé same but more tired and un dispair, lost
I know I did. I’m still living in it. I appreciate your comment. It’s inspiring to me. ❤
@@Chick-inslacks 🙏💜
So true, maybe that’s where “love is blind” and “ hindsight is always 20/20” came from?
Keeping the thought, 'they/it Is a demon' is how I'm coping through a high stakes situation with a family member. They will NOT change, so run if you can.
I’m so relieved you said this . I have deleted so much of his abuse . I’m so ashamed that I’ve not made a note of it all so I can tell the police.
When the narcissist is the mother… my God how your world is distorted! You feel guilty about everything, you must please everyone, you forget about yourself and any needs or desires that may be inside of you.
I remember watching studying years ago in 2016/17 and hardly any resources out on this. Thank youuuu for continuing to create. I always said I felt the most seen when I read on cult psychology!!! The splitting makes sense. And now. After I’m integrating. Years later. My memory is so bad sad to not remember kids childhood. And even kids memories. Possible autism diagnosis from the in utero trauma of narc abuse. Prayers for healing for us all.
I'VE HAD THAT HAPPEN! she left me in the room alone for a few days bc I didn't want to leave the house. I felt ill and she wanted me to go just so she didn't have to drive 10 mins down the road to her brother's house. (I always drove she's capable she just didn't want to) She's told me she didn't want to do things and I was ok with it. Me saying I can't ONE TIME in 13 yrs and they act that way.
I kept feeling like down and out. It's a hook. That horrible feeling and then the RELEIF when they act normal and friendly again is what KEEPS u in there. That RELEIF feeling is what you're addicted to. Just like a pill does. It uplifts ur mood and pulls u OUT of that mental slump.
The narc comes in and things go back to normal and cool again. U feel that RELEIF and it's a Reminder of what life is like without them. Fear of being dumped due to severe codependency and abandonment fear.
A couple years later , she ended up randomly breaking up with me and took EVERYTHING where I'm stuck in a town where I don't know anyone and no one to call for help. I was left with my chair I was sitting in and an old android phone from ,2013.
I slept in a rocking chair for over ,3 years since she took the bed. They replace YOUR STUFF with their stuff so they have control. Especially if they leave they take it all (bc it's theirs) and u got NOTHING.
If u have any abandonment issues and have codependent ways, this will invoke fear into u . I kept a face of steel and just let them move out. Haven't seen or heard from them in 3 years now as of April 2024.
Dear friend even though you went through hell. You didn't stay there and it didn't take your life. Yes it was painful, but you survived. These 😈 demons deal with you so wickedly, you want to take your life, and that's what they really want. They're satan's foot soldiers. But that's one thing they can't have is your life and soul.. I feel like anytime you're not living with a narcissist is living your best life. It's peaceful on the otherside of that hell. God bless.
@@soja2634 thanks. I definitely "wanted to" if u get what I mean. It was pointless and hopeless. I didn't have biological kids w them and I kept telling myself _"Dude..consider urself lucky. She didn't take it money etc. no child support visitation issues"_ but I didn't feel lucky tho.
It felt likey little family got "deleted" if u get what I mean. I definitely prayed HARD for God to just put me to sleep like Adam but not wake up. Didn't work tho. Still here. I definitely get down moments especially late at night around 3 am. That's almost 15 years w a person and now it's absolutely NO ONE very odd feeling..
Dating apps are a joke. Ghosting, flaking etc. I talked w a chick for a month and a half quickly she made me forget about my ex. That was so cool then she just poofed and gone outta no where.
I wonder if she was one of those narcs. She kept saying her ex was a narc etc. They ALLLLL say that now days. I wonder bc maybe I'm dysfunctional and if I get along w them really well, must mean they're one? Like some sorta tool I can use to determine if that makes sense.?
_"wow I like them ALOT and we get along really well and so fast too"_
This is what I'm actually looking for, but now I think what I'm looking for is what narcs do. Hella confused.
Many thanks for the kind words 🫶🔥
I think you need at least a couple of years of therapy before dating again 😅
All the best, pray a lot and God bless you ❤️🙏
@@daviedood2503 hang in there. I been single since 2012. It really sucks sometimes but I would rather be treated fairly. Not like a doll to be used. I am dysfunctional frim trying to be so perfect. Doesnt exist. Slowly rebuilding. That person spunds like they wwre moving too fast and telli g you everything you wanted and needed to hear for a month, love bombing.. I hear you! Take care 💪💜💛🧠
@@daviedood2503 Hi Davie, it takes a lot more healing before we can be ready for relationships. A good rule of thumb is ", until you can set boundaries freely, don't even bother to enter relationships". We need to heal our fears, sense of identity etc first. Call on God often. None of us are alone or unsupported. 🤗
This is so unbelievably spot on & a perfect definition of cognitive dissonance.
No one breaks down the explanations of what a person experiences after being in an abusive relationship with any toxic person like Richard.
I discovered this bloke back in 2015, and my perceptions of being able to identify when someone’s being even slightly manipulative towards me-Sooner than later, have increased enough to let me live a fairly peaceful, drama-free life.
Thank you, Sir Richard, for sharing your expertise in defining one of the most diabolical personalities anyone on this planet could have the unfortunate experience of interacting with, at any given time in their lives. Even more unfortunately, it truly is an increasing epidemic.
I pray healing & strength for every beautiful soul recovering from this abuse & toxicity. Keep rising above it
😔
🙏
❤️🩹
100%
I'm realizing this now. Thankfully only 5 weeks in, but I attached myself far too quickly.
I developed forgeting to get over my family trauma, when i was a little boy inwas beaten very often, 90% of times by my mother, one qoute from my mother when i was 35 ajd had an argue with her "if only i could slap that should fix the dispute".
I noticed big memory gaps by myself, later to be confirmed as ptsd.
Well put!
It makes sense. My memory and recall have improved immensely.
This is 💯 on 🎯
I never forgot. Even after 47 years, the family and my Narcissistic ex’s are still trying to overwrite my reality with theirs and implant all of their own negative traits into me.
They all retaliate against rejection by public humiliation and attempt to flip the script as if they are rejecting me and are soooo much happier without me. They cannot and will not let go, even when actions spoke not words… I walked away silently.
Just know that they aren’t you and their intentions are ALWAYS self serving.
I learned to forget at a very young age
I never forget it. I just don't go around that person. When I do have to be around them, I ignore their comments. This person was my father. He has since passed on, and I forgive him.
Yes a nightmare wrapped in pretty packaging…. 🎁
Brother,you’re important to my emotional well-being. Thank you for what you do. Blessings.
I was raised by a narc mother and an enabling father and had 2 relationships that werent the greatest. But i never felt more damaged than i did after being married to a covert for 11 yrs. He was what broke me. Weve been divorced for 9 yrs and im still f-ed up.
Yes. You’re absolutely correct.
Do it for 23 years, not just a few months. Ya, the brain is very injured. And I still am more mad at myself than them for landing in this spot and expect myself to ‘be over it & better’ bc it’s been 8 yrs of trying to heal the damage & it’s not done.
I wish I could convince myself that the time in is gonna require extended time out to heal up but I just feel like a recovery failure for not being better yet.
Sounds like you dont make the correct work. You can heal in 1 year.
@@DailyPaily k ‘expert’ 😘
@@DailyPailyplease share thé right approach
@@javireyes7333 Only with Richard youtube channel you can heal , read his book, make the course.
@@DailyPaily not true- some people never fully recovering
I’m sooooo glad I learned about NPD from RUclips channels to realize the depth of my horrible situation. I got out! I feel free!
I’ve been destroyed and I don’t think there is any way back.
I agree. Even if you are resigned to live this way forever, the body says no. This is what is happening to me after 44 year marriage. I now struggle to walk and even stand.
Don't say so please! I'm the dumbest of all and yet I managed to get free after 40 years!!! There's no way back, just a way forward with the help of God ❤❤❤
I felt like that to, BUT hang in.... It taks long time. I got out 8 years ago. First year a LIVING HELL. 2 year start to do better. Next 2 years beeing alone returning to ME and nature. After that 1 years startet beeing social and party agin.
Year 5: the first date.... Now living a normal good life, have my own business and a very loving and smart man in my life 😊 blessings from Denmark.
Regina, I know exactly how you feel. I honestly am such a mess over him, and he knows it. He's apologized and I'm not sure it's real, and I'm not 100% sure he's NPD (he claims he's ADHD but he's a dead ringer for NPD.) I made a mess of him, he says. But I feel like we can't let eachother go.
@@alouise3557Let go for pity sake. It's a cycle they keep you in, it only gets worse.
I will never forget the abuse. Never!
So true 😢
I lost 20 years with my ex. What I thought was forgiveness was me forgetting the emotional and mental abuse my mind blocked from my comprehension., I’m now learning the forgiveness process as my memory is slowly starting to heal from it. Thank you for this post.
Narcissist not the problem. Legal system is - doesn’t want you to be free.
Agreed, the futuristic implementation of Coin and of Legal system with freedom centered is called for, is somewhat the image that is cast into the light when studying the Problem of devaluing abusive behavior. Legal system is the peduncle that disappears as you move into the future of automatic coin system, enabling individuals to turn the tables as necessary on infringing devaluing. The system, as we would sit here and call it, currently enables such devaluing and few have identified this in their answers to questions on yt, Quora, etc.
I remember consciously deciding at 3 yrs old in the bathtub, that i wanted to forget what i had just seen so that i could be happy in the next moment, and then it took me about 3 seconds to be able to walk away from it.
Now all I can remember is making the decision and then nothng more about that moment - none of the violence and misery of that night.
It is a decision that i have to live with in order to survive in this world the way it is, and it has allowed me to be very happy in this life.
And when i look at existence, i understand that all i really get is the present moment anyway - past and future are only objects of the mind, so if i were to choose to keep those damaging memories, they will only stain and polute the other objects in my mind.
They happened and there's nothing i can do about them now, so i choose to throw the rubbish of my mind in the bin, take the lesson from the experience and leave it behind to go on to the next happy pre-sent present moment.
Who cares if it punches holes in my memory? Those were crappy memories i didn't need to keep anyway...
Dated a girl for 9 years with npd and bpd and man i didnt think it affected me but years after that ended horribly it has. Shit killed a piece of my soul for real. It ended with her ghosting me one day to go be a prostitute and then for years shed come around anytime i was talking to another girl trying to move on and shed come by trying to guilt trip me for talking to other girls and either fight them or do some other wild shit. Then demand sex or a baby or that i take her back.
So when she was little she said she wanted to be a prostitute when she grew up.who takes that as a choice career besides addicts.?
You are 💯 percent right......and your teaching is Gold to recover.
It’s called dissociation
Yes, whenever he would out of thin hair say something cruel, then I would just look at him for a minute and keep the conversation going like nothing had come out his mouth. Insanity!
@@Metuka-n3w me too, it’s like shock. I would forget, but my body didn’t because I started getting panic attacks and i would be shaking all the time. I even started having nightmares of it. I had already been to years of therapy for ptsd from a narcissist mother and these were all the same symptoms coming back. It’s really crazy and it makes us feel crazy and then we doubt ourselves.
It wasn’t until I went no contact that I started remembering more and i couldn’t believe how much I had blocked out
This is so true and really hits me hard because ive struggled with this and never understood. Thank you for this content, it helps me understand why I do forget a lot of details and why it really seems like just a blur.
Exactly, this so true
This video resonated with me. Thank you ❤
The only way to avoid npds is to tell the truth nomatter what
💯 and what’s hardest to accept is that during this time you have no idea it is happening. I’m 23 years out and 3 years to figure it all out 🤯 painful and trauma recovery ❤️🩹 underway.
I'm completely blown away! I have wondered about this for years. I'll go to tell my best friend what happened and I can't remember the details. Thank you so much for clarifying this!!!
I am going through this now, 30 years married😢
Dear friend even though you went through hell. Yes it was painful, but you survived. These 😈 demons deal with you so wickedly, you want to take your life, and that's what they really want. They're satan's foot soldiers. But that's one thing they can't have is your life and soul.. I feel like anytime you're not living with a narcissist is living your best life. It's peaceful on the otherside of that hell. God bless. Please make plans to secretly and quietly leave. Pack up your important documents, pictures anything that you'll need away from the house. Even if you have have 5, 10, 15, 20 years left. You need peace to realize your time on this earth without the devil in your presence. I did 20 years. I divorced this year. God will help you if you take steps to move on from the devil.
I am so sorry My 32-year marriage is ending We're in divorce right now Because he left me. 💔❤️🩹😔
Here after 40 yrs. Money is the issue. He travels for work when he retires we will need to split..
BRILLIANT explanation
This is one of the best explanations of this I've heard (outside of myself that teaches it the same way)
And I am slowly regaining my memory back ...❤
This is absolutely spot on!
This is over 100% true!!! I keep telling that to my therapist that I don't really remember those bad moments anymore. And talking about them doesn't make me sad... weird but true
I still dealing with it now starting to heal after 6 years of the ptsd! Dont give up you will find your way back from the damages done.❤❤🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Can’t believe how much I FORGET. Read part of an old journal and am shocked with what I have tolerated.
So true. Its what i did.❤ Damn 😢
He just described my entire childhood with a narcissistic mother.
I don’t forget, I just choose to love… as I believe, in the end, the love we have for those who are lost, ultimately wins.
Didn’t realize how much I have forgotten now that I think about it
Wow. First time listening to you. I love your energy. Love the way you express yourself and you make total sense and are very knowledgeable!!!!! ❤
This makes so much sense to me. I did it. I have been out of my marriage for 4 years now, after 43 years and I’m finding myself again.
Same here. After 44 years of a marriage that only got worse. I am now FREE, praise God!
Richard always makes so much sense. Makes understanding what when on so much easier.
I fought so hard to forget that I'm struggling to remember and the confidence in the memories that do pop up. He passed away 1 year after I left for good. The healing is the worst and most beautiful at the same time. God Bless ❤