With narcs, you have to either gray rock or cut off full contact. Most importantly, accept that narcs will never change, and you will always be a target for them to gain narc supply. Narcs need a narc supply because it's the only way they can live and breathe. Lastly, narcs use funerals and special events to gain access to their victims. It happened to me at a loved one's funeral, and I gray-rocked them, cut the conversation short, and moved to another location to avoid creating a public scene in front of others. The point is, the narcs approached me and not the other way around. I knew this would be the case, and I handled it quite well. Narcs are relentless
Give them an inch, they'll tromp on your everything again. They want you empty like them so when they need, they can point at you as the reason or excuse for their own mess. With you fully in their scheme you can boost them when needed. You will, automatically feed their ego as they have trained you. Sad, but true. Happy healing everyone. Be you. 🌱 Bless you! 🧡
The self-made rules created by narcissists are always changing. Nothing you do is good enough. I had every possible responsibility dumped on me. I considered it a gift when she left, I had one less person to take care of. A short time after they leave, your clarity on thinking returns. Broken promises, lying, gaslighting, future faking, and no support or affection was just a few of the issues I had to deal with on a daily basis. Get out when the opportunity comes.
Its scary when you read someone elses description of your life with this (we can say narcissist, but we all know its an array of personality disorders, NPD, BPD, dismissive attachment style) one thing ive noticed (due to my bottom barrel dating habits of days gone by) but this behavior is Normally accompanied by usually something harder than just a weed problem, usually opioids.
"clarity on thinking'" why this happens? I just notice that after cutting a few NARCS off my life, I feel like waking up after a large winter night....why we can't think clear when NARCS are around?
@@naturalhealingmexico Narcissists are energy and time vampires. They do not have anything to give you. All they do is take advantage of you and will benefit as much as they can from the relationship. They never get better or look out for your best interests. Narcissists love creating drama and chaos. They will wear you out and often destroy people around them.
@Natural Healing I have wonder the samething. I'm usually a good problem solver, but couldn't figure out how to leave or what to do. I have read its a "Fog" that happens. Some people also believe it's a spell. I think our brains just can't process the information fast enough because the human brain is slow and Narcissists keeps changing the rules, situations, nice then mean and our brains just can't keep up.
@@mday3821 I do believe narcissism it's more about GENETIC NOT A PERSONALITY DESORDER, anyway, what I mean by that is the fact they are similar to serpents, literally they hypnotized you with their tongue ...there is something deeper in all this, now I understand why Jesus called race of lizards to the Pharisees, Jesus was an empath the others the narcs
Our Clarice is on point 👍🏾. Grey rock when necessary, the best course of action is no contact. Exercise self care and find your support system ❤. The silver lining is you’re not crazy and you’re not alone 🙏🏾. Do something good for yourself each day beautiful ones ❤️.
I'm a caretaker for my narcissist mother and it's very difficult to say the least... She is a covert narcissist a literal black hole. Also I don't have the support of my family because they are also narcissist.
I did the samething. Remember to tell yourself that it's her & not you. As Dr. Ramani states "Don't go DEEP!" "Don't Define, Don't Explain, Don't Engage, Don't take it Personally." I wished I had all this information when my NM was alive. I did everything wrong. Take care of yourself. And know you're not responsible for her and you deserve better. Hugs❤
@@mday3821 thank you it means a lot that you reached out to me. I am lucky because I do know a lot about it now and I've learned how to greyrock her. She used to be able to blame me for everything and now not so much. 💓🥰
Clarice, thank you so much! This came in perfect timing, as I'm dealing with a narcissistic pesky neighbor who's trying to Hoover at any chance she can get. These people are highly Disturbed, and very dangerous, because you never know what kind of retaliation they're up to. The best defense is no defense, and keeping a full no contact, remaining indifferent.
Thank you! Clarice!❤️ Not only am I dealing with my ex covert narcissist that I discarded 4months ago after 11yrs I had to learn the no contact right away with him .he is currently on police bail..That dark side of the narc ..is truely dark. I also have a few in my workplace It's exhausting! But I use the tools with what I've learned & God's guidance . Peace🌸 , blessings 🙏🏾& light 🙌🏾
It’s very hard when the narcissist is a parent. We have been their supply our whole lives. My parents are (were) obsessed with video calls. Sadly, their abuse towards me meant they don’t get them any more. Their choice. My relief.
One thing I would love to know is how to answer a question from the narcissist you don't want to answer? Or how do you deal with questions from the narcissist that are open ended, that can't be answered with just "it's fine" or "it's good" or even "I'm not at liberty to discuss that." questions where you might be forced to give some sort of details that you don't want to. It's very tricky because if you answer you might give up too much information and if you don't answer you might come across as hostile, it seems like a skill that needs to be mastered. Some narcissist are really good at these types of questions and putting pressure on you.
Don't listen to whatever they have to say! I always tell mine that she is possessed. That I can't waste my time talking to someone that doesn't understand what I am talking about... Each time she contact me I repeat the same thing....
Hi Ardent. This is why avoidance is key when it comes to Narcissists. As soon as they start talking put an end to that conversation. It does take a bit of skill but you just need to redirect the conversation. Some repsonses can be: I haven't really thought about that I would need to get back to you. That's an interesting question. I am not sure. What would you do? I'll have to wait and see how it goes I don't want to get into that right now. You might need to ask so and so as I don't hink it is my place to answer that. Let me know if this helps. But it is all about being evasive.
I empathise with your question ardent9422 because time and again I’ve fallen for pressure-type questions that want information I don’t want to give. I now visualise my boundaries as reinforced concrete and only allow what I decide will go in or out. If pressured by email I fill up my reply with fluff or if in person it’s a flat ‘Don’t know’. These narcs know how to suck you in.
Keep growing and learning and changing for the better for yourself, go and buy yourself some flowers 💐 and be so happy happy the improvements in your life, be alert and be grateful and know there’s so much to be thankful for and happy about ❤❤❤😊😊😊😊.
Shared custody here, so these are great tips. Funnily enough I also worked with a narcissist in the same space last year, and it was horrible. No one wanted to work with her, and they wouldn't let me transition to work with anyone else. Thankfully I was able to work with others in a different space in the same building this year. I never made eye contact this entire year and didn't speak to her, so I agree this is best. She finally got fired!
I grew up with a nrac parent , im so happy i got seen and heard and validated by a safe enough person in the setting of trauma recovery and I got the tools of gentleness to me and healthy boundaries modeled to me, that allowed my inner child and true self to come out more , and now i can choose safe enough people that are available emotionally to help me meet my needs in recirpocal ways. Its ok for me to take up my space in the world and shine and share my treu self, when i need to and want to. The healing work of 4 years i have done to stay gentle and true to my inner child and keep choosing safe enough people has shown me there are a lot of people with narc traits out there as well as a lot of people with empathy or empaths, and i try to choose my safe enough empaths that are available to help me meet my needs for connection etc. Navigating a world with some people with narc traits is what our task is really as people who are recoveringtrying to keep taking up our space, and keep healthy boundaries. I can navigate them with civility, with emotional distance and healthy boundaries. and keep hoosing my safe enough other people, while also taking up my space and standing in my gentleness towards myself and my healthy bill of rights and speaking my truth and staying true to me when i need to. We are worth being here taking up sspace staying true to ourselvesand connecting with safe enough other people. Our inner child is worthy of our love attention gentleness attunement protection, being their voice, listening , and connecting with safe enough others, we can keep shining and doing us.And navigating the world with gentleness towards ourselves, take up space, and choosing our safe enough people. Were worth it. LEts keep being gentle on ourselves and inner child , the other things ive shared that work for me and choosing our safe enough people where our being feels at ease and wlike we can keep sharing our true sleves, were worth it . WIth gentleeness humor love and respect. God speeed everyone. Were worth it. If a person is draining. I w try to cut down contact a lot because they literally want to use another person, and i have worked to hard to take care of my inner child, take up my space, shine my true self, and feel free from the trauma that was living with a narc parent for 2 years. It took me a while to find healing from it and understand it was a trauma and i missed out on things, im grateful i found recovery some one who saw me and helped me be gentle and true to my self and sas i started setting those boundaries. myinner child and true self came out more, now i can keep chosing safe enough people to meet my needs reciprocally. if someone wants to be drianing , im excusing my self and leetting them know imnot available for that type of dynamic, ive done enough work onmyself to keep my inner child safe and free to entetain such a dynmaic, we can take up our space and shine and stay gentle and true to ourselves, and connect with safe enough people were worth it people , my empaths family, with gentleness humor love and respect. were worth it :)
Its like that, we are narc magnets. So then what makes us attracted to them? It gets tired to reiterate the reasons. Self entitlement, do whatever you want to, some one seems to pay the bills. There's always bills to pay, right?😊
Finally got a call 5 months later. I picked up because # was a business.. heard her hi..how r u??? I hung up..just done. She's a narcissist and didn't want to hear bs anymore. I do wonder though if she'll try again or that injury of hanging up offended her enough. Just sick of being a backup treated like pos. Why now? Cause a friend saw me last week with someone new. I just wonder if she'll try something else? Still anxious about it.
It depends on the type of narc she is. Many will hold grudges for life (I have one I had to fire 30 years ago and his smear campaign runs to this day - I haven't seen him in 29 years), and some will be too frightened to try again because they can't face the possibility of another rejection. If she tries anything else, I would suggest keeping a record of it - with a witness if possible. You did the right thing, though. Complete rejection of them no matter what.
@wayneelliott1180 she is a mix of bpd and covert narc. Haven't heard anything since my post. Guess i hit her ego to not call again. Idk for sure though.
Thank you for these insights! I have a question and would appreciate any feedback. In my situation, I have a friend in another state and have not known her long. I didn't know she had narcissist tendencies, I did know she had trauma from a bad past relationship. For the past 3 weeks, she has called and texted incessantly at all hours. She is a live in nurse and I have been her listening ear. I realized she had toxic tendencies during these long conversations with gossip, putting down her patient, hijacking the conversations, giving me advice when I didn't ask for it, gaslighting me with jabs about my friends, decisions, ect! Fortunately, I handled this well because of my past experience with a narcissist. However, she did ask if we could become roommates early on and I didn't commit. From there, she knew I am recovering from eye surgery and am due for a second one next week, and she wanted to send me something, I begged her not to do so! What came next was an exorbitant amount of groceries, at least over 300.00 being sent, clothes, ect! I didn't and don't feel comfortable although I greatly appreciate it! Bottom line, what does she expect in return. I hate feeling this way, but I know how she has talked about other friends and how much she has given and no appreciation. Sad! Moving forward, this past few days I have kept my distance, will not answer her calls because of negative behavior, and I now realize I was her emotional support because I do have an emphatic nature and I truly tried to help her. I am not in a position to send the things back, but I don't like this feeling. I never asked for any of this and I did send her an arrangement of appreciation which she didn't like and told me so! Anybody ever felt this way? I don't want anymore to do with her. Thanks for listening!
I am acquainted with an narcissistic within organization. At this point, I feel neutral towards them. However, If the opportunity allows they quietly stalk and stare. I just don't get it.
With narcs, you have to either gray rock or cut off full contact. Most importantly, accept that narcs will never change, and you will always be a target for them to gain narc supply. Narcs need a narc supply because it's the only way they can live and breathe. Lastly, narcs use funerals and special events to gain access to their victims. It happened to me at a loved one's funeral, and I gray-rocked them, cut the conversation short, and moved to another location to avoid creating a public scene in front of others. The point is, the narcs approached me and not the other way around. I knew this would be the case, and I handled it quite well. Narcs are relentless
So true
I follow the rules you outline here to a T. It’s like guarding access to my blood from the vampire. Not a single drop. No emotions whatsoever.
Smart! ✊🏼
Give them an inch, they'll tromp on your everything again. They want you empty like them so when they need, they can point at you as the reason or excuse for their own mess. With you fully in their scheme you can boost them when needed. You will, automatically feed their ego as they have trained you. Sad, but true. Happy healing everyone. Be you. 🌱 Bless you! 🧡
Yoh this is deep
Empty you out to fill you with themselves & have control over you!
The self-made rules created by narcissists are always changing. Nothing you do is good enough. I had every possible responsibility dumped on me. I considered it a gift when she left, I had one less person to take care of. A short time after they leave, your clarity on thinking returns. Broken promises, lying, gaslighting, future faking, and no support or affection was just a few of the issues I had to deal with on a daily basis. Get out when the opportunity comes.
Its scary when you read someone elses description of your life with this (we can say narcissist, but we all know its an array of personality disorders, NPD, BPD, dismissive attachment style) one thing ive noticed (due to my bottom barrel dating habits of days gone by) but this behavior is Normally accompanied by usually something harder than just a weed problem, usually opioids.
"clarity on thinking'" why this happens? I just notice that after cutting a few NARCS off my life, I feel like waking up after a large winter night....why we can't think clear when NARCS are around?
@@naturalhealingmexico Narcissists are energy and time vampires. They do not have anything to give you. All they do is take advantage of you and will benefit as much as they can from the relationship. They never get better or look out for your best interests. Narcissists love creating drama and chaos. They will wear you out and often destroy people around them.
@Natural Healing I have wonder the samething. I'm usually a good problem solver, but couldn't figure out how to leave or what to do. I have read its a "Fog" that happens. Some people also believe it's a spell. I think our brains just can't process the information fast enough because the human brain is slow and Narcissists keeps changing the rules, situations, nice then mean and our brains just can't keep up.
@@mday3821 I do believe narcissism it's more about GENETIC NOT A PERSONALITY DESORDER, anyway, what I mean by that is the fact they are similar to serpents, literally they hypnotized you with their tongue ...there is something deeper in all this, now I understand why Jesus called race of lizards to the Pharisees, Jesus was an empath the others the narcs
I wasn't created to be broken and live a life that wasn't meant for me!
They hijack your life! 😮
Our Clarice is on point 👍🏾. Grey rock when necessary, the best course of action is no contact. Exercise self care and find your support system ❤. The silver lining is you’re not crazy and you’re not alone 🙏🏾. Do something good for yourself each day beautiful ones ❤️.
Narcissists are a different breed/species of human! Human vampires!
I found if you talk in a flat tone Narcissists find you boring...this is part of Grey Rocking.
Thank you Claries for all your hard work.
I'm a caretaker for my narcissist mother and it's very difficult to say the least... She is a covert narcissist a literal black hole. Also I don't have the support of my family because they are also narcissist.
I did the samething. Remember to tell yourself that it's her & not you. As Dr. Ramani states "Don't go DEEP!" "Don't Define, Don't Explain, Don't Engage, Don't take it Personally."
I wished I had all this information when my NM was alive. I did everything wrong. Take care of yourself. And know you're not responsible for her and you deserve better. Hugs❤
@@mday3821 thank you it means a lot that you reached out to me. I am lucky because I do know a lot about it now and I've learned how to greyrock her. She used to be able to blame me for everything and now not so much. 💓🥰
Clarice, thank you so much! This came in perfect timing, as I'm dealing with a narcissistic pesky neighbor who's trying to Hoover at any chance she can get.
These people are highly Disturbed, and very dangerous, because you never know what kind of retaliation they're up to.
The best defense is no defense, and keeping a full no contact, remaining indifferent.
Thank you!
Clarice!❤️
Not only am I dealing with my ex covert narcissist that I discarded 4months ago after 11yrs I had to learn the no contact right away with him .he is currently on police bail..That dark side of the narc ..is truely dark.
I also have a few in my workplace
It's exhausting! But I use the tools with what I've learned & God's guidance .
Peace🌸 , blessings 🙏🏾& light 🙌🏾
You are right, they are Exhausting!!
It’s very hard when the narcissist is a parent. We have been their supply our whole lives. My parents are (were) obsessed with video calls. Sadly, their abuse towards me meant they don’t get them any more. Their choice. My relief.
Blessings ❤
One thing I would love to know is how to answer a question from the narcissist you don't want to answer? Or how do you deal with questions from the narcissist that are open ended, that can't be answered with just "it's fine" or "it's good" or even "I'm not at liberty to discuss that." questions where you might be forced to give some sort of details that you don't want to. It's very tricky because if you answer you might give up too much information and if you don't answer you might come across as hostile, it seems like a skill that needs to be mastered. Some narcissist are really good at these types of questions and putting pressure on you.
Don't listen to whatever they have to say! I always tell mine that she is possessed. That I can't waste my time talking to someone that doesn't understand what I am talking about... Each time she contact me I repeat the same thing....
Hi Ardent. This is why avoidance is key when it comes to Narcissists. As soon as they start talking put an end to that conversation. It does take a bit of skill but you just need to redirect the conversation. Some repsonses can be:
I haven't really thought about that I would need to get back to you.
That's an interesting question. I am not sure. What would you do?
I'll have to wait and see how it goes
I don't want to get into that right now.
You might need to ask so and so as I don't hink it is my place to answer that.
Let me know if this helps. But it is all about being evasive.
Learn about healthy boundaries
I empathise with your question ardent9422 because time and again I’ve fallen for pressure-type questions that want information I don’t want to give. I now visualise my boundaries as reinforced concrete and only allow what I decide will go in or out. If pressured by email I fill up my reply with fluff or if in person it’s a flat ‘Don’t know’. These narcs know how to suck you in.
@@humbleugoo8306 posessed good way
Keep growing and learning and changing for the better for yourself, go and buy yourself some flowers 💐 and be so happy happy the improvements in your life, be alert and be grateful and know there’s so much to be thankful for and happy about ❤❤❤😊😊😊😊.
Shared custody here, so these are great tips. Funnily enough I also worked with a narcissist in the same space last year, and it was horrible. No one wanted to work with her, and they wouldn't let me transition to work with anyone else. Thankfully I was able to work with others in a different space in the same building this year. I never made eye contact this entire year and didn't speak to her, so I agree this is best. She finally got fired!
Wow tgsnks God he got away from u
I grew up with a nrac parent , im so happy i got seen and heard and validated by a safe enough person in the setting of trauma recovery and I got the tools of gentleness to me and healthy boundaries modeled to me, that allowed my inner child and true self to come out more , and now i can choose safe enough people that are available emotionally to help me meet my needs in recirpocal ways. Its ok for me to take up my space in the world and shine and share my treu self, when i need to and want to. The healing work of 4 years i have done to stay gentle and true to my inner child and keep choosing safe enough people has shown me there are a lot of people with narc traits out there as well as a lot of people with empathy or empaths, and i try to choose my safe enough empaths that are available to help me meet my needs for connection etc. Navigating a world with some people with narc traits is what our task is really as people who are recoveringtrying to keep taking up our space, and keep healthy boundaries. I can navigate them with civility, with emotional distance and healthy boundaries. and keep hoosing my safe enough other people, while also taking up my space and standing in my gentleness towards myself and my healthy bill of rights and speaking my truth and staying true to me when i need to. We are worth being here taking up sspace staying true to ourselvesand connecting with safe enough other people. Our inner child is worthy of our love attention gentleness attunement protection, being their voice, listening , and connecting with safe enough others, we can keep shining and doing us.And navigating the world with gentleness towards ourselves, take up space, and choosing our safe enough people. Were worth it. LEts keep being gentle on ourselves and inner child , the other things ive shared that work for me and choosing our safe enough people where our being feels at ease and wlike we can keep sharing our true sleves, were worth it . WIth gentleeness humor love and respect. God speeed everyone. Were worth it. If a person is draining. I w try to cut down contact a lot because they literally want to use another person, and i have worked to hard to take care of my inner child, take up my space, shine my true self, and feel free from the trauma that was living with a narc parent for 2 years. It took me a while to find healing from it and understand it was a trauma and i missed out on things, im grateful i found recovery some one who saw me and helped me be gentle and true to my self and sas i started setting those boundaries. myinner child and true self came out more, now i can keep chosing safe enough people to meet my needs reciprocally. if someone wants to be drianing , im excusing my self and leetting them know imnot available for that type of dynamic, ive done enough work onmyself to keep my inner child safe and free to entetain such a dynmaic, we can take up our space and shine and stay gentle and true to ourselves, and connect with safe enough people were worth it people , my empaths family, with gentleness humor love and respect. were worth it :)
Extremely useful, thank you.
I look forward to your videos. Thanks!
Always welcome. And thank you💖😊
Very useful. Thank you. God bless you
Thanks for your great videos! 😁
That was enough for today. Thank
you, so much.
spot on when it runs out give them fruit
Its like that, we are narc magnets.
So then what makes us attracted to them?
It gets tired to reiterate the reasons.
Self entitlement, do whatever you want to, some one seems to pay the bills.
There's always bills to pay, right?😊
This is gold! Thank you! 🙏
Finally got a call 5 months later. I picked up because # was a business.. heard her hi..how r u??? I hung up..just done. She's a narcissist and didn't want to hear bs anymore. I do wonder though if she'll try again or that injury of hanging up offended her enough. Just sick of being a backup treated like pos. Why now? Cause a friend saw me last week with someone new.
I just wonder if she'll try something else? Still anxious about it.
It depends on the type of narc she is. Many will hold grudges for life (I have one I had to fire 30 years ago and his smear campaign runs to this day - I haven't seen him in 29 years), and some will be too frightened to try again because they can't face the possibility of another rejection. If she tries anything else, I would suggest keeping a record of it - with a witness if possible. You did the right thing, though. Complete rejection of them no matter what.
@wayneelliott1180 she is a mix of bpd and covert narc. Haven't heard anything since my post. Guess i hit her ego to not call again. Idk for sure though.
LOVE THAT MUSIC AT THE ENDS
Thanks.😊
Ty
Thank you for these insights! I have a question and would appreciate any feedback. In my situation, I have a friend in another state and have not known her long. I didn't know she had narcissist tendencies, I did know she had trauma from a bad past relationship. For the past 3 weeks, she has called and texted incessantly at all hours. She is a live in nurse and I have been her listening ear. I realized she had toxic tendencies during these long conversations with gossip, putting down her patient, hijacking the conversations, giving me advice when I didn't ask for it, gaslighting me with jabs about my friends, decisions, ect! Fortunately, I handled this well because of my past experience with a narcissist. However, she did ask if we could become roommates early on and I didn't commit. From there, she knew I am recovering from eye surgery and am due for a second one next week, and she wanted to send me something, I begged her not to do so! What came next was an exorbitant amount of groceries, at least over 300.00 being sent, clothes, ect! I didn't and don't feel comfortable although I greatly appreciate it! Bottom line, what does she expect in return. I hate feeling this way, but I know how she has talked about other friends and how much she has given and no appreciation. Sad! Moving forward, this past few days I have kept my distance, will not answer her calls because of negative behavior, and I now realize I was her emotional support because I do have an emphatic nature and I truly tried to help her. I am not in a position to send the things back, but I don't like this feeling. I never asked for any of this and I did send her an arrangement of appreciation which she didn't like and told me so! Anybody ever felt this way? I don't want anymore to do with her. Thanks for listening!
Yes. Do you like Herschel Walker Clarice?
The name sounded familiar but don't know much of him. I had to Google it.
Leave the narcissist along you can’t do the narcissist any justice leave them in GOD JESUS HANDS 🙌 6 months and counting you can not win
I am acquainted with an narcissistic within organization. At this point, I feel neutral towards them. However, If the opportunity allows they quietly stalk and stare. I just don't get it.
4:10