True exposure is the key (Insomnia insight
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- Опубликовано: 4 дек 2022
- In this second of two episodes where we explore the SiPho concept, we look at the deeper layers of what we can become frazzled by.
We find that at the root of all struggles, there is a fear of fear or the fear of another core emotion.
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Would you like a roadmap from Insomnia to immunity? Download using below link.
www.thesleepcoachschool.com/h...
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Would you like to work with one of our certified sleep coach? Awesome! Here are some great options:
- The Insomnia Immunity Group Coaching Program.
- BedTyme, a sleep coaching app for iOS and Android offering 1:1 text based coaching.
- Zoom based 1:1 coaching with Coach Michelle or Coach Daniel.
The Insomnia Immunity program is perfect if you like learning through video and want to join a group on your journey towards sleeping well.
BedTyme is ideal if you like to learn via text and have a sleep coach in your pocket.
The 1:1 Zoom based program is for you if you like to connect one on one with someone who has been where you are now.
Find out more about these programs here:
www.thesleepcoachschool.com/
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Do you like learning by reading? If so, here are two books that offer breakthroughs!
Tales of Courage by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com/Tales-Courage-...
Set it & Forget it by Daniel Erichsen
www.amazon.com/Set-Forget-rea...
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Would you like to become a Sleep Hero by supporting the Natto movement on Patreon? If so, that’s incredibly nice of you 😊. And here’s the link to do just that:
/ thesleepcoachschool
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Not sure where to start on your path to sleeping well? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
Speed bumps - when you think you had a setback or “relapse.”
• Talking insomnia #55: ...
Unrefreshing sleep - when you always feel tired or exhausted.
• Unrefreshing sleep
Momsomnia - if you’re a mom or becoming a mom.
• Momsomnia
Heard online - when you’ve worried about claims made about health problems and insomnia.
• Heard online
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers. 
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Sorry to hear about what’s been happening but glad you found our work.
We go live for 30 minutes on RUclips Wednesdays at 11 am pacific time and answer questions like yours. You can post questions in the comments and we will reply live.
If you’d like some more help right away, then feel free to check out our website (www.thesleepcoachschool.com) for coaching options.
Hang in there and thanks for reaching out!
Daniel, thank you so much for your videos and the work you do. I've experienced extreme insomnia over the last couple years, but do feel like it's getting better. I believe your teachings have impacted my life greatly.
I spend a lot of time in prayer, meditation and worship with Jesus. Over the years I have developed such a "control" over my mind, that I could "simulate" quietness in my mind, which was actually preoccupation with the Lord. I did not realize that in itself was an effort, which would in turn cause continual stimulation, or hyper arousal. After finding your channel, it broke off so many lies and fears. Your kind, caring, loving nature makes it easy to listen.
I've learned and am still learning to deal with my thoughts. And in the process, I've noticed so many moments of quietness inside which is so precious. And I don't really feel like I fear becoming overwhelmed anymore when things do seem "busy".
I can't help but share with those around me some of the things I've learned from you!
Thank you again Daniel for sharing what I believe to be Wisdom from above ❤️
That is amazing Kelsey!! I promise you, you’re insomnia will get better the kinder you are to yourself and the more you let go of that control- which, it seems like you are doing both very well! I had a very intense struggle with insomnia for about six months before I found Daniel’s channel. I was having panic attacks, crying every single day, barely sleeping except for the occasional bout of REM sleep. Flash forward to today, I have let go of so many fears. When I go to bed at night, I don’t care whether I actually go to sleep or not. I know that if I don’t sleep, I will function fine the next day- albeit being a little foggy and tired. I also know that if I don’t sleep for a prolonged time like I used to, I will eventually fall back asleep because our bodies will not let us never sleep! It has been a few months since I have had a bad night of sleep. I am doing so much better since letting go of that fear of wakefulness. It definitely takes a little time, but it is absolutely possible to overcome it and sleep just like before. You are doing amazing, and so many people who have suffered for years like you have overcome insomnia. You can do it !! ❤
Kelsey - I was so so glad to read this comment just now… it means the world that you’ve found so much of value here. And as Caitlyn said, as you continue this path, things surely will be even lighter and easier. Thanks for sharing and for all the support 🙏
I’ve been binge watching all your channel’s content over the last few weeks and it’s been such a gold mine for my journey. 3 months in and I’m in the throes of my sleep disturbances, but I feel like I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The overwhelming daytime fear is almost gone. I don’t think about sleep-related anything nowhere near as much during the day, I’ve become slightly more at peace in the evenings, and I believe it’s all been to the incredibly generous amount of free and insightful information you have provided us with. This video compelled me to comment as I found it to be super insightful and I think that’s the case due to the fact that I’m so analytical and tend to peel things down to their core.
Thank you, Daniel and to everyone that has contributed. I look forward to more, but honestly, I look forward to the day I won’t feel compelled to watch your channel to give me strength for something that I now know I never needed courage for.
Raul, I appreciate this so much, thanks for commenting and sharing. I’m so glad things have gotten easier, when the fear fades… that’s really encouraging and a sign that you’ve been doing some wonderful heart work of learning and contextualizing 🙂
I have no doubt you’ll find yourself where you want to be soon. Let us know how things go and so glad this video made sense!
Such an awesome concise explanation what actually happens! I have been watching your videos for quite some time and you helped me so much! Not only I sleep so much better, I do not have the anxiety throughout the day I had before (I did not even realize it before). Even if I don't sleep enough for some reason, it is almost not an issue for me anymore. Thanks again for all the effort and amazing teachings!
Filip! So glad to read this especially because I felt this concept wasn’t that easy to explain. Thanks for the support and - so happy you’ve found things get so much easier!!
@thesleepcoachschool8192
Thanks for this video, Daniel. There are so many ways that people try to explain and unravel this mess that we think we are in. (It's like we slowly get tangled up in a long rope until we're trapped, and the harder we try to escape the tighter the rope gets.) But this video--like so many of yours--helped tremendously. A definite light-bulb moment. I see how to get untangled. Thanks so much!
So glad to hear this 😊 You can easily get tangled up trying to teach as well, so it’s super to hear it made sense!
Building capacity and titration are very important here
Daniel, when you say that a person can be scared or frightened by any type of signal you are so right. I can remember the days of mourning my late father and I was actually kind of frightened of thinking about him because I didn’t want to face the pain of losing him. I was avoiding and not confronting. Thanks for these two fabulous videos.
Thanks so much for sharing this Martin, so glad it made sense and also, this is some new teachings I’m still working on so this feedback means a lot 🙏
Congratulations on your write up the CNBC website!!!!👍👍👍😊😊😊
Martin! I’m so so glad, I think it’s the first time a major news outlet covered our philosophy 😊😊! Which wouldn’t even exist if it wasn’t for this community and supportive comments like yours 🙏
First step is release - even if sleep does not immediately improve - release! That’s so calming and peaceful.
Also I suggest somatic experiencing this reminds me of Peter Lavinia work on trauma healing. The power of now by Ecart Tole just knowing you are safe in the present moment if we are in freeze response trauma locked in the body can do all sorts of funny things to us. Drowsy I had never been for a while after relaxing I feel drowsy and sleep comes.
Sounds very nice Sharan, thanks for sharing 😊
With these layers of fears keeping us awake at night, I began to wonder whether some of the research at Harvard involving “re-appraising performance anxiety and stage fright”, might be of benefit to those of us with anxiety, dread and fear around sleeplessness.
Apparently the physical manifestations of fear (fast-beating heart, adrenaline rush, hyper-arousal etc.) are the same as those of excitement. In the studies, when individuals who were anxious and fearful about performing were asked to “reappraise” their performance fears as excitement, “thus adopting an opportunity mindset as opposed to a threat mindset”, they were able to perform better and with far less emotional upset. The very fact that the participants in these studies could, through simple self-talk, re-interpret to their advantage the symptoms they were experiencing might be relevant to us when we experience fear (or fear of fear) in bed at night.
If, when we are hyper-aroused and anxious in bed, we could convince ourselves (through self-talk) that we are not fearing sleeplessness, but instead we are feeling excited for the next day whether we sleep or not, that might be a benefit to us. If we could “re-appraise” our fast-beating heart as excitement for the next day, we could possibly then turn our attention to what we look forward to. After that we might also find it within ourselves to calm down and fall asleep because, unlike fear, excitement can wind down. Fear must persist as long as the threat is perceived to be out there, whereas excitement about the next day (unless it’s your wedding day) does not need to last all night.
Just a thought…
Very interesting - thanks for sharing! I think seeing that these experiences are normal given the circumstances, we are scars, is so helpful. Not when we try convince ourselves of something on the other hand… it often leads to inner struggles. But again knowing we are safe and what’s happening isn’t strange automatically can help so much!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I understand. However, when we are experiencing symptoms of fear in bed at night, we are already engaged in inner struggles. For example, for me it's a major inner struggle at night to try to convince myself that I'm OK with not sleeping--that I'm not attached to the outcome, especially if I've slept little on previous nights. Reappraising a fast heart-beat/adrenaline as excitement would be easy by comparison. I believe the participants in the study were able to shift their interpretation of their stage-fright symptoms from fear to excitement quite without much difficulty. (Maybe other phobias can be treated successfully using similar approaches...?)
But I don't want to insist too much. I understand the quicksand of insomnia is very powerful and my thoughts here are probably wishful thinking at best ...
Yes, sometimes we are in that struggle already and… trying to stop it or prevent it is part of the struggle… it’s paradoxical
I've just found you the last two weeks and I've learnt so much...I'm having small progress already! It's making so much sense to me!
Do you have any videos on restless leg syndrome?
So glad to hear this Alissa 😊! And yes we do, I think it’s within the last 6 months I made an RLS video, if you browse you’ll find it
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I got two of your books in the mail today!!! Yau......sorry to bother you I just can't find that video.. maybe rls..isn't in the title?...I was very eager to watch this soon.. as I might be able to have more insight as I read along in the books...i have severe RLS and am on medication for it.....along with a long journey of insomnia...which I believed was just part in parcel with RLS...since watching your videos this may not be the case...thanks!
Glad they arrived! It’s episode 489, hope it makes lots of sense
Try to expose yourself to wakefulness, you can turn the light on and remember we are not afraid of darkness we are afraid of being awake, try to detach yourself from sleep by listening to a podcast or radio or watching something in the phone, and remember that sleep happens when it happens
This is the way
Actually, I'm not afraid of being awake. Instead, I dread the malaise that comes the next day after a night of no sleep. The distinction is important.
Yes, I talk about this in the Token & Signal video where it’s clearer I think. Also check the unrefreshing sleep playlist Katherine
Thank you so much for the video and helped me a lot to understand my fear.
I thought my fear was only the first order of fear which is a fear of fear, but I realized I also have the 2nd and 3rd.
But the core fear for me is always the first order, being afraid of me being scared. Because the big one 8 years ago led me fall into this panic disorder journey. It’s been on and off for 8 years so it’s not mainly about how well I sleep but how I act (anxious/scared) about the situation.
Your explanation says most ppl have all these 3 layers of fear and “befriending wakefulness” is the key to fade all these 3 orders directly/indirectly. Is that right? I thought I have to have all different solutions since I thought these are 3 different fears I have to solve all separately.
If what I’ve understood is right, what will be the practical tips? Should I really set a date intently not sleeping at all and feel the next day ok? I have these 2 different minds at the same time “I want to sleep tonight “ and “I have to face the wakefulness to overcome the fear”.
Hope this explains well enough for you and looking forward to your reply! Thank you so much!
Hi Lydia,
I’m glad it was helpful and I would say that if we purposely stay awake to expose ourselves to being awake, then it’s not really true exposure. It’s a form of controlled wakefulness that is not emotional like the emotional wakefulness we feel with insomnia. So I would say it is when we find ourselves awake and perhaps scared that we have the opportunity to be willing to experience what we have tried to avoid… which really is that fear of fear
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I get it. The more I face the “real” fear, the less I fear. That’s why speed bumps are essential I think, is that right? Because if I keep sleeping well then there are not many chances to be awake.
Yes well said! You’re seeing this so clearly
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I really appreciate it!
@@chezlydia8787 hi, just wondering if how are you now?
I’m trying hard to understand this. Is the 3rd order the dread of feeling awful, miserable and functioning poorly after many sleepless nights, which rides on top of the fear of wakefulness (2nd order), and the wakefulness comes from fear of anxiety and fear itself, that being the 1st order? On this 1st order you seem to be making a distinction between plain fear and “fear of fear”. I’m not sure I get that. In any case, you’re saying we have fears layered on top of fears? If so, perhaps I can add a 4th fear that seems to be coming up frequently after sleepless nights: the fear of hopelessness-that nothing will improve, that nothing is working, that the more I learn the more hopeless things get because what I’m learning (ie: to be not-attached-to-the-outcome and to be-content-with-wakefulness) is as impossible as learning how to collect fairy dust to sprinkle on my pillow. I fear feeling so hopeless that I don’t want to live despite having tried to make the best of the many days I’ve faced on no sleep. I fear hopelessness along with all my other negative thoughts and emotions because I’ve been learning all the negative thoughts will only make matters worse.
Now I will listen to the video again for a 3rd time to try to understand what to do about it. Thank you.
Hi Katherine,
You know, this is brand new and things can easily get confusing when I haven’t had much time to work on how to best present.
But a fourth order would be something like being afraid to lose our job (4) because we are so drained (3) because we were not sleeping (2) because we were scared (1).
Fear of hopelessness I would say actually is a first order SiPho where hopelessness is a version of sadness, it’s an emotion.
Hope it makes sense and helps Katherine
I don't understand this either.
You know, this became complicated and I revised this in the more recent video called The token & the signal
I'm not really getting any better it seems, atm things are getting worse. it got to the point where i had no choice but to take zopiclone but i still couldnt sleep. trying to relax and be positive but im at the stage where i cant work or go out and cant even get a dr appointment. i try and do what you said about not worrying and relaxing but it feels like i have no life now and im starting to think there is something physically wrong
Hang in there Garry, and you know, sometimes we all do things to feel safe… and it helps to just look a this as self kindness… without judgment or criticism… the kind and gentle way. Hang in there
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 you're a great guy Daniel. Hope I can get through this and I hope it really is just in my head lol
Look up Chris Carrions story on here and you won’t feel so alone.
@@GarryWilliams555 it most likely is Garry. I thought those thoughts as well but time and time I proved myself wrong. If you want to talk to someone who has some deep trauma with insomnia, find Chris. He has a few interviews on this channel. His story will help you so much
@@june8898 thank you