The deep issue with Sleep is the incapacity to surrender and let go. Most of us want to be in control and can’t let go. This is the biggest lesson of insomnia. I hope that I can one day trust myself and let go of control and surrender completely
I'm going to echo the other comments and say that this video and your teachings are literally life changing, Daniel. I've struggled with insomnia for 14 years, and this is the first time I've understood what I've actually been experiencing. I'm not afraid of not sleeping - I'm afraid of the fear/anxiety I've associated with it! The stretches I've gone where I didn't sleep for 3+ days were basically me having one long anxiety attack with my fear of fear getting worse with each day - physically not sleeping wasn't actually the reason why I felt so horrible. Knowing now that I really have no reason to fear staying awake has been so powerful in rebuilding trust in my body regarding sleep. Thank you so much for what you do - and for keeping such insightful content free for people who really need it. For anyone who is reading this and struggling - please try to be kind to yourself. It takes patience and practice to allow your brain to rewire itself from the fear. I still struggle with anxiety at night, but it's something I know I can work through and I'll be okay.
@cornchips704 I think it depends on the person, but just coming to this realization gave me at least some sense of relief within the week of really thinking on it. It’s been a monthish since then, and I'm a lot less worried about sleep overall. I really think repetition of sitting with (not ignoring) my anxiety or wakefulness and understanding that it's not permanent or a serious threat has been the key for me. Hope this is at all helpful to you, and I wish you luck!
@ann-b3n I actually haven't had many sleepless nights since I wrote that comment - maybe 1 or 2. But I did remember going to work the next morning after those nights and feeling okay. I felt tired and a bit anxious, but I told myself it was okay to feel both and was able to work through it. I anticipate having more sleepless nights, but it's more that I'm okay with whatever sleep I get. If I don't sleep or don't sleep well, it doesn't send me into an anxiety spiral anymore. I hope that makes sense and good luck!
You get it. You completely get it. Your videos are changing lives, I really hope you know that. You saved my life with your content and once I'm fully out of this struggle I would really love to share my story with you in hopes that it can be of some use to others that are currently in the thick of it. Thank you so much, Daniel. 😊
So so glad you found your way here and saw things change in a wonderful way 😊! And just email kathyrene@thesleepcoachschool.com and we will set up a time to talk! Thanks for volunteering 🙏
The most important 13min and 44sec in a life of someone with insomnia. What you are explaining is 100% true. Unfortunately, no psychologist or psychiatrist was able to explain this to me like you did.
I feel like this journey with sleep coach school so far has showed me how it’s a way to learn how I talk to myself during the day. I’m learning how to question the anxiety and fears. Thanks for all you do!
The fact that this contents are free is just mind-blowing! I think you heard already but still. You and your entire team are angels❤ Greetings from Italy. Grazie mille
Thank you for your heartfelt comment! We want to assure you that your comments are seen and deeply appreciated. We're grateful that the message resonated with you and that it's contributing to a meaningful conversation. Your support means a lot, and we're glad it made sense to you. 💙
Thank you, i really thought i was going mad! Since finding your channel im trying to shift my thinking around sleep and sleepless nights, and the fear of the next day. I didn't realise that was my fear, i thought i just had anxiety and having a nervous breakdown or something.
Anytime Steph, so glad you’re here and although we never know exactly how or when it will happen… no doubt the path you’re on will lead where you want to be 😊
The best 13 mins of my life and for free lol ❤. Honestly it's so true that féar is what keeps us in this resistance cycle and befriending it is the key. I was feeling a little anxious because i dont know if tonight will be a choppy sleep night because i might have a picnic tomorrow. I have had them in sleepless states but since i slept a bit better the last two days its the *féar* that its going to not happen now 😅. I do hope i sleep okay and if it'll be a learning moment for me.
Thank you much, I needed to hear this. I read your book “Set It and Forget It” and it cured my 10-year long insomnia. After a very stressful couple of weeks with work though, I’ve been terrified to go to bed and have only been able to fall asleep on the couch. The fear of experiencing the physical and emotional sensations of fear really made sense to me. Thank you for this resource, you’re the only person who talks about sleep problems in a way that has actually helped me. I continue to recommend your book to everyone I come across who struggles with insomnia.
Understanding that it’s actually the fear of fear has clicked something in me. I’ve had chronic insomnia for 9 years where I can stay up for days in a state of flight or fight. When I feel the security alarm go off in my body when it’s time for bed, I allow the fear to be there and understand the mechanism of protection. It does pass when you don’t try to fix the fear or add on. I dont try to achieve sleep since it’s passive. I don’t try to sleep when I’m not sleepy (eyes closing-more than tired). I don’t have a bed time. Things aren’t perfect but I finally have hope! Thank you so much🩷
Thank you Daniel. This really has helped. I have been asking myself......why can't you get this? Feeling frazzled and tired. Thank you for your empathy and kindness. It is rare in today's world.
Great, thanks for the new insight! I discovered you about a week ago and already feeling somewhat better. People hit the like button and help grow Daniels channel. I only discovered his work after FIVE YEARS of insomnia....
I’ve been implementing these strategies for almost a year and worked with these coaches in multiple contexts, but I’m still not sleeping any better. I feel like I’ve mastered befriending wakefulness and almost have no “sleep thoughts” anymore, yet still I struggle. My therapist thinks that although these techniques may help some people, those of us with underlying trauma and PTSD probably still have a subconscious CNS response holing us back. Adding this in case it resonates with anyone, as I can’t be the only one that has mastered this approach but still wakes up early after way too little sleep. :-/
Hi, Daniel! I’m 25 years old and struggle with health anxiety. I've struggled with it for a few years now, and my “fear of fear”situation has to do with the fact that, exactly what you mentioned, I'm scared that I’m not achieving deep, restorative sleep, by which I mean waking up at 3 a.m. and struggling to fall asleep until around 6. It has to do with a comment, a few comments actually, I saw on Reddit, which talked about my waking up potentially being due to high cortisol levels. And, of course, we hear a lot about how cortisol is bad for you in the long term and in the short term as well, because spikes in cortisol could be the breeding ground for a bunch of diseases. And this actually makes me think a lot about what this lack of sleep may be causing to my body. And I get so scared, and in my case, when I sleep very little, I can see bags under my eyes and dark under-eye circles, which basically tell me in a way that I've been sleeping very little, and then I get scared and it's a vicious cycle. Do you have any advice for someone who worries about the long-term results of a lack of sleep, proper sleep maintenance, and a fear of not reaching deep sleep? I’m afraid my health might be deteriorating. Thank you so much.
Yes same! Im in a evil cycle of cortisol causing insomnia and insomnia causing cortisol spikes and this is just scaring me that I won’t be able to lose weight etc 😢
For all the insomnia sufferers out there, I literally believe now that we all somehow have Generalised anxiety disorder which is coming out in different forms such as health anxiety and sleep anxiety as in my case and yours.
@@Nehakaur2000 Even after recovering from Insomnia (atleast I was out of this loop for a long period of 7 months) I am back here only because I have other health issues and I somehow believe/have heard that stress and anxiety and lack of sleep aggrevates all such issues. Like I was recently diagnosed with PCOD and the only solution is lifestyle modification along with keeping stress levels to almost nil. Also, suffering from ibs because I’ve dealt with anxiety for a very long time. I feel so low at times that even though we know that it’s all in our head (it’s only our anxiety speaking) even then we’re unable to get out of it.
Thank you so much Daniel for this video, it feels like the completing piece in your work and ties in with what drives any form of anxiety disorder: the fear of fear and how to meet that. Thanks to your work and that of the disordered podcast from Joshua Fletcher and Drew Insalata I am well on my way with recovery. I am going to have a few sessions with Michelle to work a little more on the fear of fear and then I am looking forward to having an interview with you on my recovery that hopefully can help others. There is hope here for everyone!
Thank you for your heartfelt comment! We want to assure you that your comments are seen and deeply appreciated. We're grateful that the message resonated with you and that it's contributing to a meaningful conversation. Your support means a lot, and we're glad it made sense to you. 💙
I had my first night of befriending wakefulness last night. Went pretty well. Read a lot of CS Lewis. The hardest part for me is accepting my OCD compulsions but i managed it, mostly. The morning feels very different. When i try to sleep but can't, I feel hideous. I felt ok this morning, despite not sleeping. I think I'm realizing that its the anger, fear and self criticism that make me feel so dreadful when I put all my effort into sleeping the night before, rather than the lack of sleep itself. 'Fear is the mind killer'
That sounds like quite a journey you're on. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and seeking support is a positive step. Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 As an aside, supplementing with Creatine is very helpful. It means you can function on less sleep, and sleep becomes less of a worry for performance
Everything you said here is true to my experience of many years (decades) of insomnia. The layers build up the longer it goes on. In some ways one of the big lessons from insomnia is increasing self kindness, which is a great gift. However I feel that here too there are layers. Some things it’s just easier to work with, let go of, be kind to myself about. Other times I can’t even see how hard I’m being on myself…When are the live Q&A sessions, I think I’d like to join. Thanks so much for all you do! I’m reading Set it and forget it at the moment 😊
The decoupling so wonderfully sums up my development of issues around sleep... resonated very strongly. I was triggered - I then thought this was bad - I can keep falling back in to the struggle because I become fear of the thoughts and gets frustrated with myself for not responding in the 'right way'. Hope do you welcome the fear?
Hey Daniel I hope you’re doing okay. Thanks for your new insight, since I found your channel I have definitely felt better and had better sleep, I lost that fear that kept me from a good night sleep. Some nights I might wake up to the bathroom but when trying to fall asleep again it takes me a while. My brain starts to scan if there’s anything that it’s keeping me from falling back to sleep. I just subscribe to BedTyme I am looking forward to work with one of your coaches.
Hey Daniel, I'm so glad I've stumbled across this new insight. I've been bindging you're videos and trying to educate myself on my insomnia. "Befriending wakefulness" has been tricky...I've gotten to a place of 'ok I'm awake again tonight and pop netflix on' and 'ok I will feel like this tomorrow, I can't control that' but deep down I'm still quietly thinking NO I DONT WANT TO BE AWAKE!! I'm actually only really getting 1/2 hours now when the sun starts to rise. Or most nights 0 mins. I definitely need to keep coming back to this video. as I felt there must be something else I'm missing here. Its 💯 fear of fear aslo! The anxiety is there the hole entire night while in bed, soon as the sun comes up it then starts too let go! Deep down yes I'm so fearful/ petrified infact that "this isn't normal yet another night nothing" I'm feeling so broken atm. But I am trying to tell melyself I'm OK! There's nothing to fear....suppose I need to come to that place of believing it fully to hopefully recover.🙏🏽 Thank you for covering this.💜
I'm probably in a very similar position in the sense that I'm using befriending wakefulness strategies (popped the TV on last night) when I realise I'm not going to fall asleep. However, I suspect that unconsciously, I'm still thinking, I'm doing something to prolong wakefulness, which clearly isn't accepting or befriending wakefulness. I'm almost waiting for the ' I truly don't care moment', rather than it being somewhat of a forced befriending of being wake. I'm trying to see this as part of my journey rather than a struggle. Keep going with your journey
Definitely!! As you mentioned "forcing befriending wakefulness" I hear this. Is tricky isn't it, but I'm hoping for us both that one day soon it will just click, and all make sense. Facing fear is by far the hardest personally more so than befriending wakefulness. Good luck to you also on this journey.
@@Leannecole89 I totally empathise with the difficulty around the fear of fear. I often find myself thinking when might it begin to change more permanently, however appreciate this isnt a helpful thought. If the sleep coach had been uk based then i may well have sigmed up for the Immunity 12 week programme as it can be a hard journey to face on your own and i think as humans we often need / seek out reassrance / encouragement. Keep going in your journey and I hope that you start to experience progress alongside the normal speed bumps.
Definitely, is the immunity program not available in UK? I'm also in the UK and would appreciate some more encouragement etc... on this journey. No need to face this alone, this community is great, if you ever need any encouragement or reassurance I'd be happy to listen😊 no one should face this sometimes very dark confusing journey alone.👍🏽
@@Leannecole89 hi Leanne. I suspect it may well be open to the UK, however I havnt asked the question. Happy to provide mutual support and encouragement if that helps
Why couldn't you say so earlier?? joking, of course. But i realize now very clear where i am. Between #2 and #3, fear of fear and enmity to myself. More of #3 i guess.I'm not afraid of being awake, i'm afraid of the the next day anxiety. And i'm not exactly a friend of myself. Beat the dead horse and wasted a lot of time with #1, especially with the CBTI "get out of bed" thing, although I always knew somehow that was not the issue. But couldn't quite put the finger on it. Thank you for your clear, cut to the chase exposition! P.S. And yes, as someone said below, can't believe this content is free!
My fear is that I’ll have a stretch of sleepless nights so does this fall in the second category? Fear of the fear? How do I get past this fear if I’ve seen so many stories of people struggling with a long stretch of sleepless nights
So insightful Daniel! So many interesting points. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who have read (devoured) your books, learnt plenty from it. In my case, it's really much more about how much mental activity is dedicated to the insomnia. I sleep most nights pretty well i'd say if you're looking at numbers.( Having a little bit of speed bumps for the past few weeks) But again I wish I knew where to find a reboot button as I feel it's always sort of lingering at the back of my minds even when I sleep well. I don't experience insomnia in a quantitative fashion but more in a mindset perspective. Again how to drop it completely so it sticks. I guess i'm looking for this epiphany moment.This immunity state is where I want to be but I recognise that it's some type of desire. Desire to leave insomnia Land. I find it very hard during wakefulness to be able to stick to a steady mindset while being bombarded with insomnia thought. Sometimes I reassure the mind, sometimes I brush it off but I end spending a lot of time and energy in this world. Am i missing something here? I know I'm this type of person that needs control and definitely has a problem with letting go. How to teach " letting go fully"? I guess it's all about that. Anyway thanks again a million for your dedication Daniel 💜
Hello, I realize I'm not Daniel but I'm in recovery as well and relate to what you've shared. I saw a video between coach Alina and Michelle where they talk about this exact thing. They both said while it's natural to want an epiphany moment where you fully let go, it's really just a slow process of it gradually happening on its own, to the extend that they both said there was no moment where they knew they were recovered. It just slowly happened and as they cared less about how they were sleeping and how their recovery was going, one day they realized they were there. Knowing this has really helped me in my recovery. Hope it helps you too.
@@LunaLinguine Hello there,I really appreciate you taking the time to stop by here. And yes it does help. My comment was posted 6 months ago and I can definitely see the difference in terms of how I'm looking at it. Also regarding the less intense mind activity dedicated to sleep. It is just way less. I am definitely on the right track. I hope it is going the right way for you too 🙏💜
Hi, Daniel! Do you have any tips/techniques if my problem is letting go/falling asleep? Even though i feel my anxiety has gone down, I still find myself afraid of letting of my consciousness. I think I may have somniphobia in combo.
The key is to see that befriending is not active, it’s not about doing but the opposite. It’s about being afraid without doing anything to avoid or escape it. A practical way is to as ourselves this question: what have I done so far when I’ve felt scared? Maybe the answer is to do some breathing exercises or to try to distract ourselves. When we are no longer doing that, we are befriending fear.
Hi Dr. Daniel, since I started watching your videos and reading your book, my sleep hasn’t improved a ton, but I’m starting to get much more sleepy during the day. Is this because the hyperarousal is reducing and that was what was giving me energy before?
Thank you for your content. Please help me my insomnia has been lasting since last June and showing NO signs of going away for good. Takes me hours to fall asleep even if I’ve had sleepless nights. Can’t even fall back asleep after. I keep worrying about how if I have high cortisol levels that’s causing the insomnia or if the insomnia is causing me to have imbalanced cortisol levels. I’m also on a fat loss journey right now and I’m also anxious that the insomnia is going to prevent me from losing belly fat( god forbid) that I’ve put on as all the health experts on social media say how 6+ hours of sleep is essential for fat loss especially in the belly area. I feel a shell of who I used to be. I look at old pics of myself before all this started and my heart sinks. Since the insomnia started my face has gone all puffy and I’ve put weight on my stomach all this just fuels this cycle. Do you have anything that can help me about this pls🥺💕
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
Hey!! I feel you! Fear of fear! My sleep anxiety actually comes from my health anxiety now that I’ve realised so and also how my anxieties impacts my career or it possibly can.
@@poojachhatwanihey I’m 24 year old male live in London. I had one bad night of sleep now I can’t sleep at night get worried and scared and I think is this for life time now the thoughts are terrible. When I do sleep good for one night the next day I say will I still get more bad nights then I worry more. Also anxiety gave me ibs keep going to the toilet so much mushy stools. Such a hard time. Butterflies in stomach, thinking all day about sleep and health issues.
Hi, you know it became so difficult to keep it updated with all the different episodes we have now so it’s not being updated… but we still have numbers so you can move forward or backwards searching with numbers. Hope that will help
On several of Daniel videos I have seen comments that are saying how CBT-I is not good, it made a mess etc. Why is that so? I couldn`t find any written reasons for this. I haven`t been on any CBT-I therapy but I read a lot about it so I was wandering what is the catch :)
I fell into the Rabbit Hole again it seems. I thought I was recovered after a year and a half of no Sleep Issues and here I am Again. Even though I already know the Root Cause the why this happens which is the Fear Itself I can’t understand why I’m Stuck again. Any Advice??
Hang in there! What so often helps is seeing that it was understanding, non doing and kindness that led us out of the rabbit hole the first time, and it will do the same any other time we venture down there 🙂
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
Hey Daniel my question is If I fell asleep. I wake up shortly after I fall asleep due to some unwanted disturbance which is different from hypnic jerk.Which creates stress, as if it was not my fault, I was sleeping peacefully. This has happened to me two or three times, so I accept this situation.And I lie down on the bed without any stress I wake up and do whatever I feel like. I sleep a little but suddenly wake up feeling stressed. It happens many times. I am so confused please help
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
Can anyone help? I had insomnia for months due to a medical issue. I am using CBTi and in week two I showed improvement and was really happy. This week is week 3 and I slipped back to waking in the middle of the night without being able to go back to sleep. I use sleep restriction and i get out of bed if I’m up for long. I’m really sad because last week I thought I was improving but I’m back to square one. I might have more stress going on. Is it common to have setbacks? It’s been 3 nights. I am feeling that fear about fear mentioned on the video. I struggled for months and thought I was improving.
Hey i don't know how you are doing now but it's absolutely alright to have setbacks! I am fairly new to this journey and i am slowly, very slowly i must say getting on my journey to feel better. This won't be a linear journey but you got this!
Sleeping that little "wasn't good" for me. It's been 11yrs and getting worse every year. I lost job after job from inability to concentrate due to insomnia. Now I'm unemployable, can't parent and am going to lose my kids - my fears all came true :(
Hi Daniel. This is Carlos. We talked a while back and I spent some time on Bedtyme (worked with Chris). Anyway, I think I am ready to talk to you about my experience. I would like to help you guys in whatever way I can and I think either you or Chris have said to me that an interview would be the way to do it.
Hi Daniel, a new level of understanding! I love this video, I really see all three levels emerging during my insomnia and how it indeed becomes so much more than just the fear of being awake. I have also noticed you have a new level of editing in your videos ;-) It seems that moments of short silences in between sentences are cut out. I don't know why, a fear of losing the attention of easily distracted viewers? On me it has an unsettling effect. In the sense that I lose the feeling of being in a kind of personal interaction with you when I listen. As if the cuts in the video also sever the connection between you and me as a listener and it makes me less relaxed when viewing the video. Espcially during the end of this video it happens a lot. It's a subtle change but nonetheless significant to me.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
The deep issue with Sleep is the incapacity to surrender and let go. Most of us want to be in control and can’t let go. This is the biggest lesson of insomnia. I hope that I can one day trust myself and let go of control and surrender completely
So true!
How are you now?
@@poojachhatwaniHow you doing now? Btw
I'm going to echo the other comments and say that this video and your teachings are literally life changing, Daniel. I've struggled with insomnia for 14 years, and this is the first time I've understood what I've actually been experiencing. I'm not afraid of not sleeping - I'm afraid of the fear/anxiety I've associated with it! The stretches I've gone where I didn't sleep for 3+ days were basically me having one long anxiety attack with my fear of fear getting worse with each day - physically not sleeping wasn't actually the reason why I felt so horrible. Knowing now that I really have no reason to fear staying awake has been so powerful in rebuilding trust in my body regarding sleep. Thank you so much for what you do - and for keeping such insightful content free for people who really need it.
For anyone who is reading this and struggling - please try to be kind to yourself. It takes patience and practice to allow your brain to rewire itself from the fear. I still struggle with anxiety at night, but it's something I know I can work through and I'll be okay.
Brittany, I live for comments like these, sooo glad you found us 😊 and thank you so much for sharing and inspiring 🙏
How long does it take to start working?
Was it the experience of many sleepless nights that showed you that you really don't need to be afraid of being awake?
@cornchips704 I think it depends on the person, but just coming to this realization gave me at least some sense of relief within the week of really thinking on it. It’s been a monthish since then, and I'm a lot less worried about sleep overall. I really think repetition of sitting with (not ignoring) my anxiety or wakefulness and understanding that it's not permanent or a serious threat has been the key for me. Hope this is at all helpful to you, and I wish you luck!
@ann-b3n I actually haven't had many sleepless nights since I wrote that comment - maybe 1 or 2. But I did remember going to work the next morning after those nights and feeling okay. I felt tired and a bit anxious, but I told myself it was okay to feel both and was able to work through it. I anticipate having more sleepless nights, but it's more that I'm okay with whatever sleep I get. If I don't sleep or don't sleep well, it doesn't send me into an anxiety spiral anymore. I hope that makes sense and good luck!
You get it. You completely get it. Your videos are changing lives, I really hope you know that.
You saved my life with your content and once I'm fully out of this struggle I would really love to share my story with you in hopes that it can be of some use to others that are currently in the thick of it. Thank you so much, Daniel. 😊
So so glad you found your way here and saw things change in a wonderful way 😊! And just email kathyrene@thesleepcoachschool.com and we will set up a time to talk! Thanks for volunteering 🙏
The most important 13min and 44sec in a life of someone with insomnia. What you are explaining is 100% true. Unfortunately, no psychologist or psychiatrist was able to explain this to me like you did.
I feel like this journey with sleep coach school so far has showed me how it’s a way to learn how I talk to myself during the day. I’m learning how to question the anxiety and fears. Thanks for all you do!
The fact that this contents are free is just mind-blowing! I think you heard already but still. You and your entire team are angels❤ Greetings from Italy. Grazie mille
Thank you for your heartfelt comment! We want to assure you that your comments are seen and deeply appreciated. We're grateful that the message resonated with you and that it's contributing to a meaningful conversation. Your support means a lot, and we're glad it made sense to you. 💙
Thank you, i really thought i was going mad! Since finding your channel im trying to shift my thinking around sleep and sleepless nights, and the fear of the next day. I didn't realise that was my fear, i thought i just had anxiety and having a nervous breakdown or something.
Anytime Steph, so glad you’re here and although we never know exactly how or when it will happen… no doubt the path you’re on will lead where you want to be 😊
The best 13 mins of my life and for free lol ❤. Honestly it's so true that féar is what keeps us in this resistance cycle and befriending it is the key. I was feeling a little anxious because i dont know if tonight will be a choppy sleep night because i might have a picnic tomorrow. I have had them in sleepless states but since i slept a bit better the last two days its the *féar* that its going to not happen now 😅. I do hope i sleep okay and if it'll be a learning moment for me.
can you give me a tip on how you made friends with the fear of fear? you have made such good progress ❤
Thank you much, I needed to hear this. I read your book “Set It and Forget It” and it cured my 10-year long insomnia. After a very stressful couple of weeks with work though, I’ve been terrified to go to bed and have only been able to fall asleep on the couch.
The fear of experiencing the physical and emotional sensations of fear really made sense to me. Thank you for this resource, you’re the only person who talks about sleep problems in a way that has actually helped me. I continue to recommend your book to everyone I come across who struggles with insomnia.
So glad to read these lines 🙂 and THANK YOU for letting people know about us 🙏
Thank you for making this video, it explained the layers of fear really well 🌻🌻🌻
Thanks! 🙏
Understanding that it’s actually the fear of fear has clicked something in me. I’ve had chronic insomnia for 9 years where I can stay up for days in a state of flight or fight. When I feel the security alarm go off in my body when it’s time for bed, I allow the fear to be there and understand the mechanism of protection. It does pass when you don’t try to fix the fear or add on. I dont try to achieve sleep since it’s passive. I don’t try to sleep when I’m not sleepy (eyes closing-more than tired). I don’t have a bed time. Things aren’t perfect but I finally have hope! Thank you so much🩷
So so glad you’re not only seeing this, but experiencing where the understanding leads 😊 thanks for sharing and for the support!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 you’re the only one I’ve see who really gets it. Changing people’s life. Please don’t stop doing what you’re doing!❤️
@bayapapaya- just getting started 😊 thanks much for the support 🙏
@@bayapapaya- hi are you doing any better
Thank you Daniel. This really has helped. I have been asking myself......why can't you get this? Feeling frazzled and tired. Thank you for your empathy and kindness. It is rare in today's world.
Great, thanks for the new insight! I discovered you about a week ago and already feeling somewhat better.
People hit the like button and help grow Daniels channel. I only discovered his work after FIVE YEARS of insomnia....
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Your support means a lot, and I'm glad to hear you're already feeling better.
Incredibly insightful as always. Thank you for all you do. You truly have made a difference in so many lives. God bless you!
Thank you so much. I needed this, and alot of your videos
This is where I live. I think it is perfectionism and fear of losing control.
Think I am the same
Think I am the same
Think I am the same
Your content is amazing Daniel. You have helped me so much and I am sure countless others. A heartfelt thank you!
I’ve been implementing these strategies for almost a year and worked with these coaches in multiple contexts, but I’m still not sleeping any better. I feel like I’ve mastered befriending wakefulness and almost have no “sleep thoughts” anymore, yet still I struggle. My therapist thinks that although these techniques may help some people, those of us with underlying trauma and PTSD probably still have a subconscious CNS response holing us back. Adding this in case it resonates with anyone, as I can’t be the only one that has mastered this approach but still wakes up early after way too little sleep. :-/
I am wondering about this same issue. I get all the concepts and it was helping but I’m now worse off.
Wow.... This is the first resource I've encountered where I feel this seen...
Hi, Daniel! I’m 25 years old and struggle with health anxiety. I've struggled with it for a few years now, and my “fear of fear”situation has to do with the fact that, exactly what you mentioned, I'm scared that I’m not achieving deep, restorative sleep, by which I mean waking up at 3 a.m. and struggling to fall asleep until around 6. It has to do with a comment, a few comments actually, I saw on Reddit, which talked about my waking up potentially being due to high cortisol levels. And, of course, we hear a lot about how cortisol is bad for you in the long term and in the short term as well, because spikes in cortisol could be the breeding ground for a bunch of diseases. And this actually makes me think a lot about what this lack of sleep may be causing to my body. And I get so scared, and in my case, when I sleep very little, I can see bags under my eyes and dark under-eye circles, which basically tell me in a way that I've been sleeping very little, and then I get scared and it's a vicious cycle. Do you have any advice for someone who worries about the long-term results of a lack of sleep, proper sleep maintenance, and a fear of not reaching deep sleep? I’m afraid my health might be deteriorating. Thank you so much.
Yes same! Im in a evil cycle of cortisol causing insomnia and insomnia causing cortisol spikes and this is just scaring me that I won’t be able to lose weight etc 😢
For all the insomnia sufferers out there, I literally believe now that we all somehow have Generalised anxiety disorder which is coming out in different forms such as health anxiety and sleep anxiety as in my case and yours.
@@Nehakaur2000 Even after recovering from Insomnia (atleast I was out of this loop for a long period of 7 months) I am back here only because I have other health issues and I somehow believe/have heard that stress and anxiety and lack of sleep aggrevates all such issues.
Like I was recently diagnosed with PCOD and the only solution is lifestyle modification along with keeping stress levels to almost nil. Also, suffering from ibs because I’ve dealt with anxiety for a very long time. I feel so low at times that even though we know that it’s all in our head (it’s only our anxiety speaking) even then we’re unable to get out of it.
Thank you so much Daniel for this video, it feels like the completing piece in your work and ties in with what drives any form of anxiety disorder: the fear of fear and how to meet that. Thanks to your work and that of the disordered podcast from Joshua Fletcher and Drew Insalata I am well on my way with recovery. I am going to have a few sessions with Michelle to work a little more on the fear of fear and then I am looking forward to having an interview with you on my recovery that hopefully can help others. There is hope here for everyone!
Thank you for your heartfelt comment! We want to assure you that your comments are seen and deeply appreciated. We're grateful that the message resonated with you and that it's contributing to a meaningful conversation. Your support means a lot, and we're glad it made sense to you. 💙
Great job of explaining this. So glad I found your channel.
Thank you! So glad you found us 😊
I had my first night of befriending wakefulness last night. Went pretty well. Read a lot of CS Lewis. The hardest part for me is accepting my OCD compulsions but i managed it, mostly. The morning feels very different. When i try to sleep but can't, I feel hideous. I felt ok this morning, despite not sleeping. I think I'm realizing that its the anger, fear and self criticism that make me feel so dreadful when I put all my effort into sleeping the night before, rather than the lack of sleep itself.
'Fear is the mind killer'
That sounds like quite a journey you're on. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and seeking support is a positive step. Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 As an aside, supplementing with Creatine is very helpful. It means you can function on less sleep, and sleep becomes less of a worry for performance
Everything you said here is true to my experience of many years (decades) of insomnia. The layers build up the longer it goes on. In some ways one of the big lessons from insomnia is increasing self kindness, which is a great gift. However I feel that here too there are layers. Some things it’s just easier to work with, let go of, be kind to myself about. Other times I can’t even see how hard I’m being on myself…When are the live Q&A sessions, I think I’d like to join. Thanks so much for all you do! I’m reading Set it and forget it at the moment 😊
Can I ask if you read all night? Did you get any sleep? I find those types of nights feel endless.
The decoupling so wonderfully sums up my development of issues around sleep... resonated very strongly. I was triggered - I then thought this was bad - I can keep falling back in to the struggle because I become fear of the thoughts and gets frustrated with myself for not responding in the 'right way'.
Hope do you welcome the fear?
Daniel, you have such a gift.
THANKS A LOT, YOU HAVE SAVED ME!!!
Hey Daniel I hope you’re doing okay. Thanks for your new insight, since I found your channel I have definitely felt better and had better sleep, I lost that fear that kept me from a good night sleep. Some nights I might wake up to the bathroom but when trying to fall asleep again it takes me a while. My brain starts to scan if there’s anything that it’s keeping me from falling back to sleep. I just subscribe to BedTyme I am looking forward to work with one of your coaches.
Hey Daniel,
I'm so glad I've stumbled across this new insight. I've been bindging you're videos and trying to educate myself on my insomnia. "Befriending wakefulness" has been tricky...I've gotten to a place of 'ok I'm awake again tonight and pop netflix on' and 'ok I will feel like this tomorrow, I can't control that' but deep down I'm still quietly thinking NO I DONT WANT TO BE AWAKE!! I'm actually only really getting 1/2 hours now when the sun starts to rise. Or most nights 0 mins. I definitely need to keep coming back to this video. as I felt there must be something else I'm missing here. Its 💯 fear of fear aslo! The anxiety is there the hole entire night while in bed, soon as the sun comes up it then starts too let go! Deep down yes I'm so fearful/ petrified infact that "this isn't normal yet another night nothing" I'm feeling so broken atm. But I am trying to tell melyself I'm OK! There's nothing to fear....suppose I need to come to that place of believing it fully to hopefully recover.🙏🏽
Thank you for covering this.💜
I'm probably in a very similar position in the sense that I'm using befriending wakefulness strategies (popped the TV on last night) when I realise I'm not going to fall asleep. However, I suspect that unconsciously, I'm still thinking, I'm doing something to prolong wakefulness, which clearly isn't accepting or befriending wakefulness. I'm almost waiting for the ' I truly don't care moment', rather than it being somewhat of a forced befriending of being wake. I'm trying to see this as part of my journey rather than a struggle. Keep going with your journey
Definitely!! As you mentioned "forcing befriending wakefulness" I hear this. Is tricky isn't it, but I'm hoping for us both that one day soon it will just click, and all make sense. Facing fear is by far the hardest personally more so than befriending wakefulness. Good luck to you also on this journey.
@@Leannecole89 I totally empathise with the difficulty around the fear of fear. I often find myself thinking when might it begin to change more permanently, however appreciate this isnt a helpful thought. If the sleep coach had been uk based then i may well have sigmed up for the Immunity 12 week programme as it can be a hard journey to face on your own and i think as humans we often need / seek out reassrance / encouragement.
Keep going in your journey and I hope that you start to experience progress alongside the normal speed bumps.
Definitely, is the immunity program not available in UK? I'm also in the UK and would appreciate some more encouragement etc... on this journey.
No need to face this alone, this community is great, if you ever need any encouragement or reassurance I'd be happy to listen😊 no one should face this sometimes very dark confusing journey alone.👍🏽
@@Leannecole89 hi Leanne. I suspect it may well be open to the UK, however I havnt asked the question. Happy to provide mutual support and encouragement if that helps
Why couldn't you say so earlier?? joking, of course. But i realize now very clear where i am. Between #2 and #3, fear of fear and enmity to myself. More of #3 i guess.I'm not afraid of being awake, i'm afraid of the the next day anxiety. And i'm not exactly a friend of myself. Beat the dead horse and wasted a lot of time with #1, especially with the CBTI "get out of bed" thing, although I always knew somehow that was not the issue. But couldn't quite put the finger on it. Thank you for your clear, cut to the chase exposition!
P.S. And yes, as someone said below, can't believe this content is free!
My fear is that I’ll have a stretch of sleepless nights so does this fall in the second category? Fear of the fear?
How do I get past this fear if I’ve seen so many stories of people struggling with a long stretch of sleepless nights
I have the same fear and would also like to know the answer. I’m afraid my way of dealing with it at the moment is to take medication!
So insightful Daniel! So many interesting points. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who have read (devoured) your books, learnt plenty from it. In my case, it's really much more about how much mental activity is dedicated to the insomnia. I sleep most nights pretty well i'd say if you're looking at numbers.( Having a little bit of speed bumps for the past few weeks) But again I wish I knew where to find a reboot button as I feel it's always sort of lingering at the back of my minds even when I sleep well. I don't experience insomnia in a quantitative fashion but more in a mindset perspective.
Again how to drop it completely so it sticks. I guess i'm looking for this epiphany moment.This immunity state is where I want to be but I recognise that it's some type of desire. Desire to leave insomnia Land. I find it very hard during wakefulness to be able to stick to a steady mindset while being bombarded with insomnia thought. Sometimes I reassure the mind, sometimes I brush it off but I end spending a lot of time and energy in this world. Am i missing something here? I know I'm this type of person that needs control and definitely has a problem with letting go. How to teach " letting go fully"? I guess it's all about that.
Anyway thanks again a million for your dedication Daniel 💜
Hello, I realize I'm not Daniel but I'm in recovery as well and relate to what you've shared. I saw a video between coach Alina and Michelle where they talk about this exact thing. They both said while it's natural to want an epiphany moment where you fully let go, it's really just a slow process of it gradually happening on its own, to the extend that they both said there was no moment where they knew they were recovered. It just slowly happened and as they cared less about how they were sleeping and how their recovery was going, one day they realized they were there. Knowing this has really helped me in my recovery. Hope it helps you too.
@@LunaLinguine Hello there,I really appreciate you taking the time to stop by here. And yes it does help. My comment was posted 6 months ago and I can definitely see the difference in terms of how I'm looking at it. Also regarding the less intense mind activity dedicated to sleep. It is just way less. I am definitely on the right track. I hope it is going the right way for you too 🙏💜
Hi, Daniel! Do you have any tips/techniques if my problem is letting go/falling asleep? Even though i feel my anxiety has gone down, I still find myself afraid of letting of my consciousness. I think I may have somniphobia in combo.
How do you befriend fear?
The key is to see that befriending is not active, it’s not about doing but the opposite. It’s about being afraid without doing anything to avoid or escape it.
A practical way is to as ourselves this question: what have I done so far when I’ve felt scared?
Maybe the answer is to do some breathing exercises or to try to distract ourselves. When we are no longer doing that, we are befriending fear.
Hi Dr. Daniel, since I started watching your videos and reading your book, my sleep hasn’t improved a ton, but I’m starting to get much more sleepy during the day. Is this because the hyperarousal is reducing and that was what was giving me energy before?
@@thevorama how are you
Thank you for your content. Please help me my insomnia has been lasting since last June and showing NO signs of going away for good. Takes me hours to fall asleep even if I’ve had sleepless nights. Can’t even fall back asleep after. I keep worrying about how if I have high cortisol levels that’s causing the insomnia or if the insomnia is causing me to have imbalanced cortisol levels. I’m also on a fat loss journey right now and I’m also anxious that the insomnia is going to prevent me from losing belly fat( god forbid) that I’ve put on as all the health experts on social media say how 6+ hours of sleep is essential for fat loss especially in the belly area. I feel a shell of who I used to be. I look at old pics of myself before all this started and my heart sinks. Since the insomnia started my face has gone all puffy and I’ve put weight on my stomach all this just fuels this cycle. Do you have anything that can help me about this pls🥺💕
OMG this!!!! Look at my recent comment
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
Hey!! I feel you! Fear of fear! My sleep anxiety actually comes from my health anxiety now that I’ve realised so and also how my anxieties impacts my career or it possibly can.
@@poojachhatwanihey I’m 24 year old male live in London. I had one bad night of sleep now I can’t sleep at night get worried and scared and I think is this for life time now the thoughts are terrible. When I do sleep good for one night the next day I say will I still get more bad nights then I worry more. Also anxiety gave me ibs keep going to the toilet so much mushy stools. Such a hard time. Butterflies in stomach, thinking all day about sleep and health issues.
I don't fear of being awake anymore, but my body seems to feel it is not safe to sleep because I wake up every night with elevated pulse.
How is it going now?
Heyy Daniel, I can't seem to find the insomnia insight playlist, is it possible that you have removed it somehow?
Hi, you know it became so difficult to keep it updated with all the different episodes we have now so it’s not being updated… but we still have numbers so you can move forward or backwards searching with numbers. Hope that will help
On several of Daniel videos I have seen comments that are saying how CBT-I is not good, it made a mess etc. Why is that so? I couldn`t find any written reasons for this. I haven`t been on any CBT-I therapy but I read a lot about it so I was wandering what is the catch :)
I fell into the Rabbit Hole again it seems. I thought I was recovered after a year and a half of no Sleep Issues and here I am Again. Even though I already know the Root Cause the why this happens which is the Fear Itself I can’t understand why I’m Stuck again. Any Advice??
Hang in there! What so often helps is seeing that it was understanding, non doing and kindness that led us out of the rabbit hole the first time, and it will do the same any other time we venture down there 🙂
What if you get insomnia from a withdrawal symptom from a medication?
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
Hey Daniel my question is If I fell asleep. I wake up shortly after I fall asleep due to some unwanted disturbance which is different from hypnic jerk.Which creates stress, as if it was not my fault, I was sleeping peacefully. This has happened to me two or three times, so I accept this situation.And I lie down on the bed without any stress I wake up and do whatever I feel like. I sleep a little but suddenly wake up feeling stressed. It happens many times. I am so confused please help
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
🤯🤯🤯🤯
Can anyone help? I had insomnia for months due to a medical issue. I am using CBTi and in week two I showed improvement and was really happy. This week is week 3 and I slipped back to waking in the middle of the night without being able to go back to sleep. I use sleep restriction and i get out of bed if I’m up for long. I’m really sad because last week I thought I was improving but I’m back to square one. I might have more stress going on. Is it common to have setbacks? It’s been 3 nights. I am feeling that fear about fear mentioned on the video. I struggled for months and thought I was improving.
Hey i don't know how you are doing now but it's absolutely alright to have setbacks! I am fairly new to this journey and i am slowly, very slowly i must say getting on my journey to feel better. This won't be a linear journey but you got this!
This is such a wonderful and encouraging comment, and you know what - the person who wrote this is actually coming on as a success story guest soon 😊!
Sleeping that little "wasn't good" for me. It's been 11yrs and getting worse every year. I lost job after job from inability to concentrate due to insomnia. Now I'm unemployable, can't parent and am going to lose my kids - my fears all came true :(
How many hours you get every night?
You not tried medication?
Hi Daniel. This is Carlos. We talked a while back and I spent some time on Bedtyme (worked with Chris). Anyway, I think I am ready to talk to you about my experience. I would like to help you guys in whatever way I can and I think either you or Chris have said to me that an interview would be the way to do it.
Hi Carlos! Yes indeed, that helps soo much, thanks for the support 🙏 Just send an email to kathyrene@thesleepcoachschool.com and we can set this up!
Hi Daniel, a new level of understanding! I love this video, I really see all three levels emerging during my insomnia and how it indeed becomes so much more than just the fear of being awake. I have also noticed you have a new level of editing in your videos ;-) It seems that moments of short silences in between sentences are cut out. I don't know why, a fear of losing the attention of easily distracted viewers? On me it has an unsettling effect. In the sense that I lose the feeling of being in a kind of personal interaction with you when I listen. As if the cuts in the video also sever the connection between you and me as a listener and it makes me less relaxed when viewing the video. Espcially during the end of this video it happens a lot. It's a subtle change but nonetheless significant to me.