I too learn that on my own I usually do that to my husband. I speak in my lowest voice, very slowly and in perfect standard English. This drives him crazy. He would storm out of the room and go cool off somewhere.
I was raised by someone like this. I’ve learned to not even care anymore. Any negative, toxic, abusive behavior they show you is entirely on them. They decided to act that way. Your responsibility is to indeed not react and remain calm. Do not ever give your power away to a childish, immature, weak, toxic person. I know it’s hard at first, but the more you understand who you are dealing with the easier it will be to not give your power away to their behavior
This does work. My ex used to throw a tantrum while driving-- if he was mad about something, he would drive at a high rate of speed and even take blind turns on the wrong side of the road. I showed no reaction, just looked out the window and just stayed calm. (Well, outwardly, anyway.) He settled down--eventually-- and luckily without killing anyone, and then got quiet. All i said was, "feel better now?" And he said nothing. Not one word. The level of ridiculousness with these kinds of people is just off the charts. Be safe, everyone!
Truth and wisdom shared... Emotional stability should be attained period in life....as well as with a narcissist Your behavior should not be a reflection of someone or something else Stop focusing on what others are doing Focus on what you are doing and what you allow... Take responsibility of self You are responsible for your emotions and behavior....no one is doing nothing the you don't allow Others can only contribute to what you give powerv to ❤
My ex narc wheeled me out to the car in my wheelchair after an appointment where my doctor ordered tests for lung cancer. After I was trapped in the vehicle, he had a terrifying rage fit out of nowhere. I was incredibly ill & in complete shock. As he yelled & eventually was screaming directly into my ear, I just stared ahead & didn't say a word. He wanted me to fight with him so badly, but I refused. It was infuriating for him. He eventually got out, sent me several texts blaming me for his behavior and disappeared for 9 days. Within 2 weeks I went no contact. 4 years of this childish, insane, manipulative, heartless behavior was enough.
I'm so sorry an awful person put you through further adversity with what you were already going through. I hope you are ok and you are so brave and beautiful! X ❤️🫂
@@fjustice8544 Thank you so much ❤ I'm still struggling with my health, but it wasn't lung cancer. It turned out to be a rare lung disorder and another rare vascular disorder. My body is a broke down mess lol but there's no way I could even have begun treatments while with my ex. He would have sabatoged it somehow just to watch me suffer. I'm surrounded by support now & although life isn't easy, it's much more peaceful without that horrible human in my life.
From my understanding and experience, they hate when you’re sick. They treat you even more like garbage. Hope you’re able to find peace, God bless you ❤
It works, that's true. And as a result, they either shut down momentarily or sometimes go in beast mode. But what does not work always is to stay calm all the time under attack of their blatent lies and fiery darts of insults. 😢
perhaps it works for dealing with overt narcs. coverts may behave differently and instead of yelling hiss at you all the day with small portions of poison. also i always have a strong heart palpitations response to direct screaming and respiratory issues sometimes, so trying not to look scared kinda difficult. Thanks God I dont have any of those kind of people in my life now only some coverts that i see few times a year.
I have tried this it was woking...but there is a breaking point for everything. Yesterday, i could not stand at the yell from mom and i broke my calm, and started yelling back...
@@60577322 thats exactly what she wanted… i remember when i was living with my dad and it was the same. I couldnt stop yelling back, now i do think it would be so much better to not give this to him since its pointless anyway to prove anything… i hope hou can get out as soon as you can its a major life changer
@@lizh1988 Oh. If they know, you wouldn't have it.😅 They withhold what you want. So, don't let them know what you want, or make it twisted, Like you don't want it. 😅😅😅 I am going in this stage : They leave or not, I am okay. Not bothered. No reaction. Why feel bothered? Focus on what I really want, all about me, my life, , it's not relate to them at all. ❤
@@iyounghuang5433 So true. My roommate wants everything that I want. If he doesn't, he makes what I want out to be unattainable. They have zero identity.
@jf2029…..It’s like that old Star Trek episode, where Captain Kirk finally figured out how this ‘alien’ was getting stronger while they all got more at odds with each other. Captain Kirk told his crew to stop fighting and start laughing, because it was feeding off of their negative energies. When they stopped fighting and started laughing, it left. Sounds like how to deal with a narcissist?
@@bunnyboonot4u……Not just any emotion, negative emotions…..they thrive on your misery. If you are happy and especially if you are laughing, it pisses them off.
@@gracebe235 that's right. How dare I be happy unless it's 'because' of them or something they did to manipulatively love-bomb me so they can collect on it later. To try and reason with a narcissist is an exercise in futility.
A few days ago he was screaming Infront of the building i live in telling me that i am crazy and delusional,i smiled and was going back to the apartment,he was flabbergasted 😊
That's awesome. I've done the laughing at them when they try to berate me. It confuses them, they get confused why you don't think their all important opinion means nothing to you. Same as you did, left him confused, great job.
I would like you to go over how destructive these people are. They can get between you and your kids, bad mouth you to all your family, isolate you and not include you for decades. It is hard to explain because people that haven’t experienced it can’t even imagine it. It’s what evil films are made of, what you have been through was truly abuse. I admire your courage. These narcissists will stop at nothing !!! People need to know that !!! 😮😮😮
Sir I keep telling myself to act and be still as a deadbody...I keep a count in mind 10...20....30...and finally ...I go and take that much money from his purse as a penalty he paid for scolding me for no good reason ..🎉 my focus will be more on the money and less on what he is scolding 🎉🎉 I have made lots of pocket money...🎉🎉❤
This works 😅 the narcissist basically blows off and if you don't react, it pisses them off even more. And, after they are done throwing the fit, either ask if they are okay...or ask what they think is the solution to the problem they are presenting (usually that's the tricky part, mostly because they don't want you to provide a solution, they want you to react). If you are not reactive, the whole tantrum is pointless 😂😂😂
I did this. She responded, "my mom used to ask me if I was alright too", "that's why this happened", "don't ever do that again". They aren't in reality, man. They believe thier own BS 😂.
A moment of critical silence for the people still trapped in the black hole and gaslit. It just hit me now. Take a moment now please to the reader of the comment to say a word to your higher power so they keep strong and become free. Some are watching this and cannot comment because they are still under control, have kids, are financially tied, pregnant or are fearful full of terror maybe. I once was. I pray all those souls become free from the narcissistic madness and I include the children. God keep them safe and keep them mentally strong. After all, someone must have been praying for us before we realized and went no contact. Invisible wounds of the mind that can last a lifetime with no Earthly justice. God will have His vengeance, as He says He will. Be well.
Oh, thank you! I am trapped and so desperate for relief from the control she has over me. I Have no one to help me, because she and the Narc family have destroyed my whole life. I try to not let them know how they have totally destroyed me. I just pretend I'm "okay," until I find a path out of this Nightmare.
@@incognito595 Hello, hi I hear you I'm listening. I don't know the circumstances but I believe you. I was once there myself. You are not alone and you are aware what's going on. I'm so sorry you are suffering, nothing more or less, please try to remove yourself from this person and her family as soon as you safely can, and quietly. No noise or drama. I'm praying for you Incognito, it will be ok. Stay strong please, stay mentally and physically as strong as you can and go no contact with them All when the time is right for you, your life is at stake and you have every right to live it and be at peace! You're in my prayers, I mean it. I pray there aren't children in the mix. Leave all this all these vultures, go no contact and live. God Bless you
@@incognito595 Please do not isolate yourself. Find a healthy support network and work on getting out and help for you! Praying for you. Please take care
That’s brilliant, this narc will gaslight everybody around them so when they do the drama thing we all just look at eachother calmly because it’s a routine at this point.
When my ex would start to list all the reasons I was a failure I got out a pen and paper and said wait wait wait slow down. I want to take notes so I can improve myself. Lmfao😂😂😂😂 I did this and then hung it on the fridge. It was beautiful to see the look of defeat when he realized I thought he was a clown
Spot on. Arguing with a foolish person, makes you look foolish. We should go DEEP as dr Ramani says: don’t defend, engage,explain or personalise. Thank you Danish 😊
I needed reminding of this! I keep reacting and getting stressed about having to deal with him. But you’re right, silence and staying calm are the best tools. Thank you again for your insight, it has really helped me 😊😊
My ex narc definitely knows how to do this. He knew how to get me upset (usually me going into defence mode to an untrue accusation) and I would be the one losing it and he would calmly look at me and then ask "why are you shouting". He knew how to make me look mentally unstable
I did the same thing in the beginning, I can't believe I even tried defending myself against the BS he came out with. He knows as well as you that is not true
I did that one time. He was shocked of my calm and straight face and posture. So he went violent and hit me twice. I didn’t even react on that. Just received the punches. I stayed calm till the cops arrived. So becaretfull when you do this, for me this was the first time I went calm on his rage and it was also my first that he went violent on me. And also, when they have been violent on you for first time the second and third becomes very easy for them to repeat!
So very true. My ex (married 30 years) 10 years of marriage, came home drunk, after disappearing for 9 or 10 hours. I was in bed sound asleep. Which shocked him that I wasn't up and worried if he'd been in a wreck or....? Which was what he was expecting. He got undressed before waking me up climbing in bed and that was his mistake. My mistake was instead of ignoring his bs comments I responded to the drunk ass. He grabbed me by my hair, down the hallway trying to beat on me, but the hallway was too narrow. So drunk naked jerk, I look up and see his most vulnerable part bobbing up and down , and grabbed it, he tries to pull my hand off and raked my fingernails down it. He complained for 2 weeks how painful it was to pee, and the morning woody was even more so. I didnt respond to his complaint, his trying to guilt me, no empathy, no sympathy, no comment. He never tried to beat me up again.
That is perfectly said !!! I can already imagine the confusion and the anger on her face after such reply ! 😅These shall be my magic words to disarm her every time she tries to unload her venom on me.. It's always better to walk away unaffected with such short replies than engaging with their continued nonsense.
Oh I wish I had and knew those tools when I was younger. It would've saved me a whole lot. Nonetheless, I got it down packed today and just what it works like a charm. 💜💜🤗
Unless they rest further by punching holes in walls, slamming their fist on countertops, etc in that case please remove yourself as safely and quickly as possible without their knowledge. I had to do this with my ex husband.
My father (1930-1998) used to do likewise. He also would scream like a wild animal at me while standing a couple of inches away from my face, and until he got tomato-red in his face, and the veins bulged in his neck. He would accompany this by using HORRIBLE swearing language at me in 2 languages (Romanian and English), and triangulation with my mother (1930-2013). He did this to me from the time I was a preteen. I never forgot it, nor forgave him. I found out later that on top of being a malignant narcissist, he did cocaine.
@@victoriasegall3404 Cocaine will certainly make them feel invincible ...And adds endless fuel to the fire .Until they come down from it ...If done over years, it may have even created his narcissism ....So you never really had your true father ...Only what he had become with the use of that drug ...just saying
That is absolutely correct You have to learn to put on a poker face They are looking for the reaction they are looking for the negative reaction Instead smile and leave the room
Yes, it works. My narcissist was yelling she would call the Sheriff to remove me from the property. I was there to get her kitten out of a tree that had been there for about 24 hours. I just got the ladder and went up high and the kitten shimmied down to meet me. Put the ladder away and told her the kitten is now ok.😅
Aside from grey rocking (what Danish is suggesting here): Don't go D.E.E.P. Don't Defend. Don't Engage. Don't Explain. Don't Personalize. (technique from Dr. Ramani).
I have tried that. Being calm all the time works but not always bcoz they still find another way to get to u. This is very sickening.These r just demons beyond measure. U need God in u.
My narc will give me the silent treatment for a week if I remain calm. Of course he first rages then goes silent until he calms down. Acts like a spoiled child because he wants his way. Meanwhile I suffer mental emotional anguish alone
Everytime he (previous ex narc) yelled either at me or something or about someone else, I always said "Do you really have to yell? I don't understand anything you say when you're yelling", then he lower his tone and repeated, but never said sorry for yelling. I'm a super empath and stutter at times when I speak, so you can imagine how loud it is when he yelled on my ears and I wasn't afraid to confront or call him out to whatever he did that toxic and demonic.
In the past not knowing anything of narcissists I use to be the calm one always keeping the peace, now for the past 5 years I feel I am the crazy one, it's so difficult to find the old me again😢 we are married now 14 years
I used to yell back. Now I just act like they don't exist til they get the point or remind them that I have legal representatives that can better assist their demands.
I love this! I’d like to add that when they’re telling you how stupid you are and how you’re the problem to say “you’re right” when they are dumb struck keep a straight face and keep doing what it is you were doing. If they continue say “you’re right” eventually they will say “I KNOW IM RIGHT” at which point you don’t say anything and continue what you were doing.
Worked for a narcissistic personality for about a total of 10 years. Once I decided to perfect an emotionless face, he went crazy because he said he couldn't read my face. Couldn't tell what I was thinking. Didn't take long for him to refrain from screaming at me after that.
I started doing this a few years ago. I didn't even realize that it was a technique called gray rocking. Sometimes, when I can tell that he's trying to pick a fight or upset me, I'll flat out tell him I'm not taking the bait.
The thing is, a narcissist only got to be a narcissist because they learnt if they threw a huge tantrum, everyone would behave with fear and give them what they want. I don't they'll really learn anything about themselvss with this trick. But they WILL learn that YOU can no longer be manipulated. Which is enough. 😊
That's what i do. I just stand looking calm, hands hooked on my pockets with a smile on my face. I just can't help smiling. And when they're done i will only say please don't swear at me. Then watch them freak out and walk away
So hard but you are right Danish. I'm I person can defend and confront but once you do that after so many times it gets worse they become insecure when stay calm and basically no reaction is given. No emotion shown. I only say things back shortly and when he goes over it I let him talk and stay quiet
Most creators talking about narcissism, have at one point or another, given the disclaimer “you know your narcissist best.” Meaning don’t try any given tactic if you know it may put you in danger. ❤
I get sooooo nervous when they are in a dramatic controlling mood because they will immediately react to things they perceive others are supposed to be doing but then work their favorite tasks whenever they feel, causing the team to pick up any slack they leave behind in the areas of their personal disinterest. When this individual makes requests of me while I am occupied on a priority that’s when I get nervous because they get right up into my personal space and love bomb me at the beginning of their shift with a forced hug and then the drama comes and they think that hug earned my loyalty or something. We are equals they are not my manager and one time I said “if you came to wipe my ass for me in the bathroom, I’d have the same feeling I do now” like back off and stop touching the thing I’m working on, don’t hurry me, go answer that phone that’s been ringing I’m doing THIS. They make drama and when they aren’t on shift it can be a little boring without that entertainment and adrenaline but at least there’s peace.
You will never win, they change the rules to make sure that you are always the reason that they are angry. When you leave they might finally see that if you are not there to blame maybe they are just toxic people filled with hatred. Or they can sit alone blaming you from afar, whatever, but 100% LEAVE
Narcissists believe and feel they need to subvert others to stabilize themselves. Everything is "reversed" because they engage in the process of Projective Identification. Self-awareness is debilitating to a narcissist, so they avoid it at all costs, greatly preferring their fantasy reality. The life of their false self-identity depends upon making you their personal scapegoat "loser." Please look up the term Projective Identification, and study this process psychological abusers use to externalize their own crap, by using others. It will help reduce the hopeless feeling once you see the bigger dynamics. 😊
Omg…If I said “are you okay” after she was done ranting I’d have sealed my fate! She’d go ballistic. If I followed up with “I don’t communicate with someone who’s losing it” ohhh, watch out. It seems like the number of narcissists out there is growing. On a societal level.
That sounds like something a covert narcissist would deliberately do a lot. Only they would punish you passively later on aswell. If someone is doing this to you, assume that they can’t leave and them for you sake and theirs.
I kinda like the whole “you done”?? Then I smile and walk away.. this was towards the end before I knew better tho.. I used to go off, and out he’d pull his phone.. I realized everytine I mentioned something he was doin that bothered me, he’d blame me and I’d get upset.. it wasn’t until I started learning coping mechanisms like remaining calm, that I’d get a reaction out of him and then when I’d leave, hang up, or just walk away, he would snap..
It,s really sad that i once was the most kind and loving and now after a lot i mean a lot of experience with BPD , narcissism and psycho,s , emotional abuse i now, in my late fifties, have to be cautious all the time when interacting with new people. I think it,s very scary that there are so many crazy people out there. At least i had the most loving and caring parents ( both are dead) that something nobody can ever take from me, thanks
A dear friend gave me a phrase that has saves my sanity. I don't put other people's issues in my basket. Then leave or change the subject. Like, nice weather or something completely off topic to show you aren't feeding them. It's worked in every circumstance so far. Leaving is safest in some cases of course. 😊
Its about not getting involved in their drama. You stand and observe. Feel the ground under your feet. I've had two people in my life where i had to use this. The first was not a narc, just very manipulative . The second was full on extreme narcissist.
🙂That’s EXACTLY right. Although it took me a few years to figure that out, when I finally did and realized it just wasn’t worth it anymore, I had to actually do everything I could not to laugh at their unreal and outrageous behavior. They look so immature among other things, acting out. But then I was told constantly that I was unemotional and cold for not responding but at that point, I just really no longer cared about what they thought of me.
One time, I stood up to leave. Before I could reach the door, "Where are you going? Don't turn away when I am talking!" Screamed at me. So I just said. "Important things for me to do. I gotta go find them, because certainly not here." Calmly and quietly as possible so my words could be heard but not give satisfaction of my emotions. But I didn't stop or turn. My first experience with a narcissist as an adult that had already been there and done that, was so empowering to know that I could and needed to walk away. I learned to trust my instincts when the toxicity was palpable. No good comes from staying when reasonable communication is not possible.
My roommate is like a parrot and just repeats back what I say or accuse me of what he is doing. I smile and nod, and say, "ok". If he asks me a question, I tell him I refuse to be interrogated and he is responsible for his emotions, then I leave. It's really sad that there are people like this. It's a psychological war, and they play to win!
That could be the healthiest move you can make. If you do, as you can get only crucial must have paperwork (birth certificate, taxes, passport) pack a small escape bag, and GO. When you know they won't be home for hours. Do not tell anyone what you are planning. Mentally think about what you are going to take so you can quickly grab and go somewhere safe. And do not go back.
Watch out, the calmer u are sometimes... They will still try harder to Fight. So I have to leave the house A lot,((( already divorced. But they are 👿 evil..
The work narc would act out & then try to turn it on me by asking me if I was OK. To which I’d quickly turn the tables and ask him if he was OK with an emphasis on you. “Are YOU okay?” He would make a face (shocked reaction with a frown) & quickly walk away.
I've been doing these things that you're saying being calm and said I don't want to have this negativity and have a nice evening and I will walk away.. unfortunately I cannot leave.
Yeah, some of them got physical. Keep your phone with you at all time with the police on speed dial. Keep them at arm length, so they can't hit you or at least you have time to dodge, be ready to dash out of the room or the house, have spare keys in case they want to lock you out as punishment...😢😅
I learned this tactic on my own out of survival... Any reaction would make the situation worse...
I too learn that on my own I usually do that to my husband. I speak in my lowest voice, very slowly and in perfect standard English. This drives him crazy. He would storm out of the room and go cool off somewhere.
I was raised by someone like this. I’ve learned to not even care anymore. Any negative, toxic, abusive behavior they show you is entirely on them. They decided to act that way.
Your responsibility is to indeed not react and remain calm. Do not ever give your power away to a childish, immature, weak, toxic person. I know it’s hard at first, but the more you understand who you are dealing with the easier it will be to not give your power away to their behavior
Yes they hate being ignored....so true!
This does work.
My ex used to throw a tantrum while driving-- if he was mad about something, he would drive at a high rate of speed and even take blind turns on the wrong side of the road.
I showed no reaction, just looked out the window and just stayed calm. (Well, outwardly, anyway.)
He settled down--eventually-- and luckily without killing anyone, and then got quiet.
All i said was, "feel better now?" And he said nothing.
Not one word.
The level of ridiculousness with these kinds of people is just off the charts.
Be safe, everyone!
I love that. I wish I knew these techniques when I was married to my ex narc for 28 years. This would've been so helpful 😮❤
Yes I did this with my Narc father 😂 He got crazy more. Starting throwing up things😅 I enjoyed alot.
Truth and wisdom shared...
Emotional stability should be attained period in life....as well as with a narcissist
Your behavior should not be a reflection of someone or something else
Stop focusing on what others are doing
Focus on what you are doing and what you allow...
Take responsibility of self
You are responsible for your emotions and behavior....no one is doing nothing the you don't allow
Others can only contribute to what you give powerv to
❤
My ex narc wheeled me out to the car in my wheelchair after an appointment where my doctor ordered tests for lung cancer. After I was trapped in the vehicle, he had a terrifying rage fit out of nowhere. I was incredibly ill & in complete shock. As he yelled & eventually was screaming directly into my ear, I just stared ahead & didn't say a word. He wanted me to fight with him so badly, but I refused. It was infuriating for him. He eventually got out, sent me several texts blaming me for his behavior and disappeared for 9 days. Within 2 weeks I went no contact. 4 years of this childish, insane, manipulative, heartless behavior was enough.
I'm so sorry an awful person put you through further adversity with what you were already going through.
I hope you are ok and you are so brave and beautiful! X ❤️🫂
@@fjustice8544 Thank you so much ❤ I'm still struggling with my health, but it wasn't lung cancer. It turned out to be a rare lung disorder and another rare vascular disorder. My body is a broke down mess lol but there's no way I could even have begun treatments while with my ex. He would have sabatoged it somehow just to watch me suffer. I'm surrounded by support now & although life isn't easy, it's much more peaceful without that horrible human in my life.
A small child in the body of a grown man having tantrums
From my understanding and experience, they hate when you’re sick. They treat you even more like garbage. Hope you’re able to find peace, God bless you ❤
Or when you're at your best, because they have failed at controlling you, your atmosphere, or happiness, etc.
It works, that's true. And as a result, they either shut down momentarily or sometimes go in beast mode.
But what does not work always is to stay calm all the time under attack of their blatent lies and fiery darts of insults. 😢
perhaps it works for dealing with overt narcs. coverts may behave differently and instead of yelling hiss at you all the day with small portions of poison. also i always have a strong heart palpitations response to direct screaming and respiratory issues sometimes, so trying not to look scared kinda difficult. Thanks God I dont have any of those kind of people in my life now only some coverts that i see few times a year.
@yuu_miran May God keep you safe. I know how punishing this is.
@@jatins4966 ❤️
I have tried this it was woking...but there is a breaking point for everything. Yesterday, i could not stand at the yell from mom and i broke my calm, and started yelling back...
@@60577322 thats exactly what she wanted… i remember when i was living with my dad and it was the same. I couldnt stop yelling back, now i do think it would be so much better to not give this to him since its pointless anyway to prove anything… i hope hou can get out as soon as you can its a major life changer
Staying Calm...TRUST YOURSELF. Don't trust anything a Narc says or does. A Calm demeanor allows for our Intuition to work and intuiton guides us best.
They become a crazy monster & extremely violent. But no response & calm reaction really works! Thank you so much Danish💖
@@caroleminke6116 I want them to leave! 😂
@@lizh1988 Oh. If they know, you wouldn't have it.😅
They withhold what you want.
So, don't let them know what you want, or make it twisted, Like you don't want it. 😅😅😅
I am going in this stage :
They leave or not, I am okay.
Not bothered. No reaction.
Why feel bothered?
Focus on what I really want, all about me, my life, , it's not relate to them at all.
❤
@@iyounghuang5433 you're so right! I'll shut up about what I want!
@@iyounghuang5433 So true. My roommate wants everything that I want. If he doesn't, he makes what I want out to be unattainable. They have zero identity.
It's disgusting that they feed on emotion.
@jf2029…..It’s like that old Star Trek episode, where Captain Kirk finally figured out how this ‘alien’ was getting stronger while they all got more at odds with each other. Captain Kirk told his crew to stop fighting and start laughing, because it was feeding off of their negative energies. When they stopped fighting and started laughing, it left. Sounds like how to deal with a narcissist?
@@gracebe235😂🤣😂🤣
They're emotional vampires. 🧛♂️❌
@@bunnyboonot4u……Not just any emotion, negative emotions…..they thrive on your misery. If you are happy and especially if you are laughing, it pisses them off.
@@gracebe235 that's right. How dare I be happy unless it's 'because' of them or something they did to manipulatively love-bomb me so they can collect on it later.
To try and reason with a narcissist is an exercise in futility.
A few days ago he was screaming Infront of the building i live in telling me that i am crazy and delusional,i smiled and was going back to the apartment,he was flabbergasted 😊
That's awesome. I've done the laughing at them when they try to berate me. It confuses them, they get confused why you don't think their all important opinion means nothing to you. Same as you did, left him confused, great job.
I loved how you said, when their unloading their BS on you 😂😂😂😂
I would like you to go over how destructive these people are. They can get between you and your kids, bad mouth you to all your family, isolate you and not include you for decades. It is hard to explain because people that haven’t experienced it can’t even imagine it. It’s what evil films are made of, what you have been through was truly abuse. I admire your courage. These narcissists will stop at nothing !!! People need to know that !!! 😮😮😮
Sir I keep telling myself to act and be still as a deadbody...I keep a count in mind 10...20....30...and finally ...I go and take that much money from his purse as a penalty he paid for scolding me for no good reason ..🎉 my focus will be more on the money and less on what he is scolding 🎉🎉
I have made lots of pocket money...🎉🎉❤
This works 😅 the narcissist basically blows off and if you don't react, it pisses them off even more. And, after they are done throwing the fit, either ask if they are okay...or ask what they think is the solution to the problem they are presenting (usually that's the tricky part, mostly because they don't want you to provide a solution, they want you to react). If you are not reactive, the whole tantrum is pointless 😂😂😂
I did this. She responded, "my mom used to ask me if I was alright too", "that's why this happened", "don't ever do that again". They aren't in reality, man. They believe thier own BS 😂.
My friend went back to her narcissist..my heart is hurting for her.
To win..just don’t play. Leave.
It’s a fail-proof strategy.
You don’t just win, you dominate. 🙌🏼😎
I can’t yet
And when they make you angry remember it's their anger you feel.
A moment of critical silence for the people still trapped in the black hole and gaslit. It just hit me now. Take a moment now please to the reader of the comment to say a word to your higher power so they keep strong and become free. Some are watching this and cannot comment because they are still under control, have kids, are financially tied, pregnant or are fearful full of terror maybe. I once was. I pray all those souls become free from the narcissistic madness and I include the children. God keep them safe and keep them mentally strong. After all, someone must have been praying for us before we realized and went no contact. Invisible wounds of the mind that can last a lifetime with no Earthly justice. God will have His vengeance, as He says He will.
Be well.
Ameen/Amen 🙏🏼❤️
Oh, thank you! I am trapped and so desperate for relief from the control she has over me. I Have no one to help me, because she and the Narc family have destroyed my whole life. I try to not let them know how they have totally destroyed me. I just pretend I'm "okay," until I find a path out of this Nightmare.
@@incognito595 Hello, hi I hear you I'm listening. I don't know the circumstances but I believe you. I was once there myself. You are not alone and you are aware what's going on. I'm so sorry you are suffering, nothing more or less, please try to remove yourself from this person and her family as soon as you safely can, and quietly. No noise or drama. I'm praying for you Incognito, it will be ok. Stay strong please, stay mentally and physically as strong as you can and go no contact with them All when the time is right for you, your life is at stake and you have every right to live it and be at peace! You're in my prayers, I mean it. I pray there aren't children in the mix. Leave all this all these vultures, go no contact and live. God Bless you
@@incognito595 Please do not isolate yourself. Find a healthy support network and work on getting out and help for you! Praying for you. Please take care
That’s brilliant, this narc will gaslight everybody around them so when they do the drama thing we all just look at eachother calmly because it’s a routine at this point.
That's gonna flip them on the floor like a dead fish. I'm laughing so hard I'm coughing😂
😂😂😂
When my ex would start to list all the reasons I was a failure I got out a pen and paper and said wait wait wait slow down. I want to take notes so I can improve myself. Lmfao😂😂😂😂 I did this and then hung it on the fridge. It was beautiful to see the look of defeat when he realized I thought he was a clown
Spot on. Arguing with a foolish person, makes you look foolish. We should go DEEP as dr Ramani says: don’t defend, engage,explain or personalise. Thank you Danish 😊
It's very empowering to stay calm, the more you do it the easier it is to do.
just calmly walk away is even better... you don't even need to give them the satisfaction that you listened to them :D
I needed reminding of this!
I keep reacting and getting stressed about having to deal with him. But you’re right, silence and staying calm are the best tools.
Thank you again for your insight, it has really helped me 😊😊
My ex narc definitely knows how to do this. He knew how to get me upset (usually me going into defence mode to an untrue accusation) and I would be the one losing it and he would calmly look at me and then ask "why are you shouting". He knew how to make me look mentally unstable
But you are going to get better and learn, and the narc won't really. And you will WANT to get away, or get the narc out.
I did the same thing in the beginning, I can't believe I even tried defending myself against the BS he came out with. He knows as well as you that is not true
Oh yes! Silence drives them CRAZY huh??! Let them act a fool! It’s VERY VERY HARD at times, & takes lots of strength, but so worth it!
AMEN' Let Them Go CRAZY!! U' OK'
Thank You 💨👍🛡️👏👏
I have mastered this and it has really made a huge difference. I am at peace. Thank u
Excellent advice as always. Thank you.
You are right silent is key i learned this from you it does make them go crazy
I did that one time. He was shocked of my calm and straight face and posture. So he went violent and hit me twice. I didn’t even react on that. Just received the punches. I stayed calm till the cops arrived. So becaretfull when you do this, for me this was the first time I went calm on his rage and it was also my first that he went violent on me.
And also, when they have been violent on you for first time the second and third becomes very easy for them to repeat!
So very true. My ex (married 30 years)
10 years of marriage, came home drunk, after disappearing for 9 or 10 hours. I was in bed sound asleep. Which shocked him that I wasn't up and worried if he'd been in a wreck or....? Which was what he was expecting. He got undressed before waking me up climbing in bed and that was his mistake. My mistake was instead of ignoring his bs comments I responded to the drunk ass. He grabbed me by my hair, down the hallway trying to beat on me, but the hallway was too narrow. So drunk naked jerk, I look up and see his most vulnerable part bobbing up and down , and grabbed it, he tries to pull my hand off and raked my fingernails down it. He complained for 2 weeks how painful it was to pee, and the morning woody was even more so. I didnt respond to his complaint, his trying to guilt me, no empathy, no sympathy, no comment. He never tried to beat me up again.
That is perfectly said !!!
I can already imagine the confusion and the anger on her face after such reply ! 😅These shall be my magic words to disarm her every time she tries to unload her venom on me..
It's always better to walk away unaffected with such short replies than engaging with their continued nonsense.
Believe it or not, I discovered this myself. They can't stand that you have the ability to have empathy and feel like you are showing them up
I never asked the guy if he's OK or not. If I ask, it could spark his nastiness again. Let him relish his anger. I don't care anymore.
❤same here
Oh I wish I had and knew those tools when I was younger. It would've saved me a whole lot. Nonetheless, I got it down packed today and just what it works like a charm. 💜💜🤗
Unless they rest further by punching holes in walls, slamming their fist on countertops, etc in that case please remove yourself as safely and quickly as possible without their knowledge. I had to do this with my ex husband.
My father (1930-1998) used to do likewise. He also would scream like a wild animal at me while standing a couple of inches away from my face, and until he got tomato-red in his face, and the veins bulged in his neck. He would accompany this by using HORRIBLE swearing language at me in 2 languages (Romanian and English), and triangulation with my mother (1930-2013). He did this to me from the time I was a preteen. I never forgot it, nor forgave him. I found out later that on top of being a malignant narcissist, he did cocaine.
@@victoriasegall3404 Cocaine will certainly make them feel invincible ...And adds endless fuel to the fire .Until they come down from it ...If done over years, it may have even created his narcissism ....So you never really had your true father ...Only what he had become with the use of that drug ...just saying
This is exactly how my ex reacted and it scared me and my kids we had to leave that situation it was getting worse the longer we stayed
Just leave them alone permanently ✨
I cant stand conflict, someone angry in my presence because i asked something , so draining
Love this. We need to defend ourselves and fight back.
That is absolutely correct
You have to learn to put on a poker face
They are looking for the reaction they are looking for the negative reaction
Instead smile and leave the room
Yes, it works. My narcissist was yelling she would call the Sheriff to remove me from the property. I was there to get her kitten out of a tree that had been there for about 24 hours.
I just got the ladder and went up high and the kitten shimmied down to meet me. Put the ladder away and told her the kitten is now ok.😅
What a nut job! 😮
Aside from grey rocking (what Danish is suggesting here): Don't go D.E.E.P. Don't Defend. Don't Engage. Don't Explain. Don't Personalize. (technique from Dr. Ramani).
I have tried that. Being calm all the time works but not always bcoz they still find another way to get to u. This is very sickening.These r just demons beyond measure. U need God in u.
My narc will give me the silent treatment for a week if I remain calm. Of course he first rages then goes silent until he calms down. Acts like a spoiled child because he wants his way. Meanwhile I suffer mental emotional anguish alone
Everytime he (previous ex narc) yelled either at me or something or about someone else, I always said "Do you really have to yell? I don't understand anything you say when you're yelling", then he lower his tone and repeated, but never said sorry for yelling.
I'm a super empath and stutter at times when I speak, so you can imagine how loud it is when he yelled on my ears and I wasn't afraid to confront or call him out to whatever he did that toxic and demonic.
In the past not knowing anything of narcissists I use to be the calm one always keeping the peace, now for the past 5 years I feel I am the crazy one, it's so difficult to find the old me again😢 we are married now 14 years
I used to yell back. Now I just act like they don't exist til they get the point or remind them that I have legal representatives that can better assist their demands.
At the end of their rant, you can just say: “Ok.” Lol 😂😮
I love this! I’d like to add that when they’re telling you how stupid you are and how you’re the problem to say “you’re right” when they are dumb struck keep a straight face and keep doing what it is you were doing. If they continue say “you’re right” eventually they will say “I KNOW IM RIGHT” at which point you don’t say anything and continue what you were doing.
Your videos are literally saving my life and my son’s life.
Worked for a narcissistic personality for about a total of 10 years. Once I decided to perfect an emotionless face, he went crazy because he said he couldn't read my face. Couldn't tell what I was thinking. Didn't take long for him to refrain from screaming at me after that.
I agree 😊 and thank you 🙏 🦋
I've been saying look how old you are and you still haven't grown up. They really hate that. Mostly I avoid them.
I started doing this a few years ago. I didn't even realize that it was a technique called gray rocking. Sometimes, when I can tell that he's trying to pick a fight or upset me, I'll flat out tell him I'm not taking the bait.
Once you understand narcisissm, they become super predictable actually. They all act exactly the same.
Great advice … I’m v been following this .. can’t thank you enough 🙏🙏
The thing is, a narcissist only got to be a narcissist because they learnt if they threw a huge tantrum, everyone would behave with fear and give them what they want.
I don't they'll really learn anything about themselvss with this trick. But they WILL learn that YOU can no longer be manipulated.
Which is enough. 😊
Thats exactly how my narcissist acted tho, he makes ppl mad to no end then acts calm like im the crazy one
That's what i do. I just stand looking calm, hands hooked on my pockets with a smile on my face. I just can't help smiling. And when they're done i will only say please don't swear at me.
Then watch them freak out and walk away
*AWESOME* technique!! I'll give it a try next time he goes berserk.
So hard but you are right Danish. I'm I person can defend and confront but once you do that after so many times it gets worse they become insecure when stay calm and basically no reaction is given. No emotion shown. I only say things back shortly and when he goes over it I let him talk and stay quiet
Super idea, thank you
Sometimes they can become violent.
Oh. Without a doubt. Very dangerous
Most creators talking about narcissism, have at one point or another, given the disclaimer “you know your narcissist best.” Meaning don’t try any given tactic if you know it may put you in danger. ❤
@@mayamartin7359 I've had several and I found to get things they'd threaten me. In retrospect I should have called the police.
@@mayamartin7359yeah...most of the time you know this when it's too late. And people aren't there anymore to comment on videos.
"keep a calm posture"
Easier said than done
Gets easier with practice
I get sooooo nervous when they are in a dramatic controlling mood because they will immediately react to things they perceive others are supposed to be doing but then work their favorite tasks whenever they feel, causing the team to pick up any slack they leave behind in the areas of their personal disinterest. When this individual makes requests of me while I am occupied on a priority that’s when I get nervous because they get right up into my personal space and love bomb me at the beginning of their shift with a forced hug and then the drama comes and they think that hug earned my loyalty or something. We are equals they are not my manager and one time I said “if you came to wipe my ass for me in the bathroom, I’d have the same feeling I do now” like back off and stop touching the thing I’m working on, don’t hurry me, go answer that phone that’s been ringing I’m doing THIS. They make drama and when they aren’t on shift it can be a little boring without that entertainment and adrenaline but at least there’s peace.
The thing is, it definitely can be done!!!! Just remember to do it, when you are dealing with it!!!!
When you know that they're just trying to drag you into their chaos, it's easy! ❤
Think of the calmness of nature. Once you practice peace, it won't be too hard
There's nothing better than a poker face...
It’s so important to do this. And very difficult also😢
But when we remain calm they get worse 😢 its so confusing and hard. I'd rather walk alone i can't anymore
Agreed…..nothing works. You open your mouth you get in trouble, you don’t ….you get in trouble
You will never win, they change the rules to make sure that you are always the reason that they are angry. When you leave they might finally see that if you are not there to blame maybe they are just toxic people filled with hatred. Or they can sit alone blaming you from afar, whatever, but 100% LEAVE
Narcissists believe and feel they need to subvert others to stabilize themselves. Everything is "reversed" because they engage in the process of Projective Identification. Self-awareness is debilitating to a narcissist, so they avoid it at all costs, greatly preferring their fantasy reality. The life of their false self-identity depends upon making you their personal scapegoat "loser."
Please look up the term Projective Identification, and study this process psychological abusers use to externalize their own crap, by using others. It will help reduce the hopeless feeling once you see the bigger dynamics. 😊
Lots of luv n light to u🙌
That's a good tip to get to their nerves without saying much!
Omg…If I said “are you okay” after she was done ranting I’d have sealed my fate! She’d go ballistic. If I followed up with “I don’t communicate with someone who’s losing it” ohhh, watch out. It seems like the number of narcissists out there is growing. On a societal level.
Thank you for this gem. Love it!
I am practising this. Thank you Danish
You are giving good advice. Blessings
That sounds like something a covert narcissist would deliberately do a lot. Only they would punish you passively later on aswell.
If someone is doing this to you, assume that they can’t leave and them for you sake and theirs.
If I would have reacted with this, it would have been WWIII ! I would have been called even more names & possibly slapped!
I kinda like the whole “you done”?? Then I smile and walk away.. this was towards the end before I knew better tho.. I used to go off, and out he’d pull his phone..
I realized everytine I mentioned something he was doin that bothered me, he’d blame me and I’d get upset.. it wasn’t until I started learning coping mechanisms like remaining calm, that I’d get a reaction out of him and then when I’d leave, hang up, or just walk away, he would snap..
A truthful mirrored reflection 🎉
I've been doing that for years some people don't get it but continue doing your studies with that thank you
It,s really sad that i once was the most kind and loving and now after a lot i mean a lot of experience with BPD , narcissism and psycho,s , emotional abuse i now, in my late fifties, have to be cautious all the time when interacting with new people. I think it,s very scary that there are so many crazy people out there. At least i had the most loving and caring parents ( both are dead) that something nobody can ever take from me, thanks
A dear friend gave me a phrase that has saves my sanity. I don't put other people's issues in my basket. Then leave or change the subject. Like, nice weather or something completely off topic to show you aren't feeding them. It's worked in every circumstance so far. Leaving is safest in some cases of course. 😊
AWESOME ADVICE!!!! 👌
Are u ok?😂😂 good one sir..will try.💪👍
God will fight our battles.This is the same in training dogs.You are getting the aggression out of them.
Its about not getting involved in their drama. You stand and observe. Feel the ground under your feet.
I've had two people in my life where i had to use this. The first was not a narc, just very manipulative . The second was full on extreme narcissist.
🙂That’s EXACTLY right. Although it took me a few years to figure that out, when I finally did and realized it just wasn’t worth it anymore, I had to actually do everything I could not to laugh at their unreal and outrageous behavior. They look so immature among other things, acting out. But then I was told constantly that I was unemotional and cold for not responding but at that point, I just really no longer cared about what they thought of me.
One time, I stood up to leave. Before I could reach the door, "Where are you going? Don't turn away when I am talking!" Screamed at me.
So I just said. "Important things for me to do. I gotta go find them, because certainly not here." Calmly and quietly as possible so my words could be heard but not give satisfaction of my emotions. But I didn't stop or turn.
My first experience with a narcissist as an adult that had already been there and done that, was so empowering to know that I could and needed to walk away. I learned to trust my instincts when the toxicity was palpable. No good comes from staying when reasonable communication is not possible.
My roommate is like a parrot and just repeats back what I say or accuse me of what he is doing. I smile and nod, and say, "ok". If he asks me a question, I tell him I refuse to be interrogated and he is responsible for his emotions, then I leave.
It's really sad that there are people like this. It's a psychological war, and they play to win!
Right now I am feeling like running away...
That could be the healthiest move you can make. If you do, as you can get only crucial must have paperwork (birth certificate, taxes, passport) pack a small escape bag, and GO. When you know they won't be home for hours. Do not tell anyone what you are planning. Mentally think about what you are going to take so you can quickly grab and go somewhere safe. And do not go back.
I love doing this now 😂😂
Straight face is my super power😂
THEY ARE NEVER OK
And when they are doing the opposite by covertly using their words to trigger you into reactive abuse, stay calm, be boring, grey rock them
Watch out, the calmer u are sometimes... They will still try harder to Fight. So I have to leave the house A lot,((( already divorced. But they are 👿 evil..
The work narc would act out & then try to turn it on me by asking me if I was OK. To which I’d quickly turn the tables and ask him if he was OK with an emphasis on you.
“Are YOU okay?” He would make a face (shocked reaction with a frown) & quickly walk away.
Thanks ya very good advice.. poor defenses I have used guys comotose posture yes
I've been doing these things that you're saying being calm and said I don't want to have this negativity and have a nice evening and I will walk away.. unfortunately I cannot leave.
Yeah, some of them got physical. Keep your phone with you at all time
with the police on speed dial. Keep them at arm length, so they can't hit you or at least you have time to dodge, be ready to dash out of the room or the house, have spare keys in case they want to lock you out as punishment...😢😅