I’ve reached caregiver burnout, but keep shaming myself for struggling. This really helped me to accept that I cannot handle the situation any longer. Thank you. 💜
As an alcoholic in long-term recovery, I can attest to the fact that when I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol, I took the power out of powerlessness. This is one of the strange paradoxes of 12 step recovery. I had to surrender to win. As the humanistic psychologist Carl Roger's once observed, "When I accept myself as I am, then I can change." 😊
I had to pause the video to say this. I'm the offspring of and raised by a mother with schizoaffective disorder and had a violent marriage where all power was taken from me. I can soooo relate to this topic. I have lived my life like a gypsy, always moving, relocating to take back power, repeatedly feeling trapped. I move to find freedom, only to discover that I'm still not free. My current problem is accepting that I have no power on my job. I'm too worn out to move again. Thus, I feel superbly trapped!!! I didn't realize until recently that pretty much all of my problems on my various jobs has been a need to feel in control. Its a vicious cycle of failure!!! There may be someone out there who knows just what I'm talking about.
I learnt, after lots of moving around, that I have to stop where I am and fix the problems within myself as this is why I cannot ever escape them... because (generally) they are within me and I take myself wherever I go. Maybe research your attachment type too, I found this helpful too.
@@sillygirl1139 I know . . . I already learned that too. I was just saying that this was my experience just in case there was someone else who went through or currently going through the same thing. I wasn't looking for advice. Lol I'm too old for it make much difference now. I couldn't move again no matter how much I might want to. Lol
@@staylor5687 Rereading your comment I see I have misunderstood, I first read it like you were asking for advice. I extrapolated somewhat. Sorry for the unrequested advice that you already knew!
I love, love the distinction you made about two types of powerlessness - one traumatic powerless ness and another real powerlessness to change another person
I am transforming myself from a total people pleaser, emotionally contagioun personality type, fake compassion(as real as it felt), into someone who enjoys her life without enmeshing, guilt free... In other words leaving all this dirt that wants to keep us from simply enjoying a coffee... And even a failure, or a disease... Being more thankful and focus on what matters... It takes a lot of work, yet... I needed this change....
really helps with anger management. That's why I came here. I had an epiphany last night that my lifelong anger is due to my unwillingness to admit my powerlessness over the things, people world that piss me off. Anger is only a valid solution when you have the power to stop something.
Barbara! I love this video. I work (as an inpatient hospital RN case manager) with many unfortunate patients including the homeless population. I have one particular patient who chooses to go back out and use drugs/not take care of his diabetes, etc. He is a "repeat offender" at our hospital, and at 36 years old is close to death. With my empathy and Type A, tried my best to convince, and he just goes back out and does the same thing over and over again. I took the piece about trying to convince him (we have provided many resources for him and he chooses not to go to the men's shelter, etc. and take advantage of diabetes management/meds, etc and substance abuse resources) and wrapped it in a blanket. I love how you make the problem into a "concrete thing" you can conceptualize and put it up and away. This is HUGE for me!! You have been a savior for me.......and I watch your videos almost daily for the past month!! THANK YOU AGAIN!!!! Many hugs!!
Thank you Barbara for this video and thank you to everyone who has shared their comments below. I experience intense sadness episodes within my own life and I am sad about ageing and how life has gone by. I live in the past with mistakes I have made or think I have made and how my life could have been so different if I had not made them. I am going to start meditation to see if I can have acceptance of my life choices, live in the now and accept the powerlessness And sadness I have in not being able to change the past.
Good stuff...Truth, AA helped me quit poisoning my body & mind with drugs & alcohol many years ago....but now a days if I want to be happy I need to remember I'm powerless over other people , politicians, co - workers, women, the weather...etc.....if I want to be happy , I can accept or eliminate...focus on the positive and make choices that are good for me....
Yes, totally agree! Often after people put in recovery time over whatever substance of choice led to the addiction, the next layer is working with the "co-dependency" (though I know some dislike that term!) but getting to the powerlessness over others and so many other things in life! Thanks for sharing and bringing hope to others :)
I feel like i'm recovering from an addiction to avoidance and resistance. Rule #1 for me to remember is "I cannot out will my subconscious" .. or i just spend the whole day arguing, lying and punishing to myself.
I think I'm a "rescuer' too, and have been trying to 'fix' one of my sons for years, I have trouble setting boundaries between us, struggle with guilt for not being a good enough mother when he needed that, during a difficult marriage to his dad, with emotional and physical abuse. Now our relationship has broken down, and he cannot see me or forgive me for 'ruining' his life, which is sad. I have had to realise that I am in fact powerless! This video is very helpful, thank you.
@@BarbaraHeffernan thank you so much, I find your videos very informative and helpful. Unfortunately I'm not on social media so am unable to access your fb group.
I really enjoy these videos. The guided visualization was nice. I am going to therapy and I don't think the person is working these videos bring a lot of light in for me. Thank you!!
Lately, I read some books by Stephen Hawking and also regarding the events of 2020 and my own life (I moved to another country 3 years ago and still do not feel integrated no matter what I do...) and I feel so powerless and hopeless. In everything I do and I just feel like there is no meaning to do anything in life. Like nothing really depends on me. And I am even do not have the power over my own decisions and my own life. I used to think of myself as a powerful person over the circumstances but now I have no belief in me any more... I have constant anxiety all the time. And sometimes I think everything is getting better but then it all collapses again even harder. I am very happy I discovered your channel! I hope it can help me to deal better with myself. Thank you!
I don't want to be a toxic person for the people around and I am looking to change myself all the time but it is very hard to understand what way is right... I feel like I do bad choices... May be other people feel the same?
Hi: I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I hope the channel is helpful for you as well. Reading your post made me think of Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning. Not an easy topic, but a potentially life-changing book.
Thank you for your videos Barbara. I find them really valuable - could you please put the subtitles on all of them please as often I read vs listen. Thanks again!
I tried to give my powerlessness situation to the higher power... And to my surprise... I couldn t... 😥... Somewhat I still felt enmeshed and as if it would be my responsability... I used to be a rescuer... I will get better!
I like your videos. Alot 🙂. I struggle so much daily I wasnt like this 10 years ago but I've just began cutting things out of my life certain family members that I waste energy on. I cut cannabis out 12 days ago that's improved me already. I'm on an anti depressant now 👎. Now I feel my anxieties are rubbing off on to my son who's 15 in a couple of days. 😢
I know theres no instant fix so I decided to start learning about it all and your videos are actually doing that. They are teaching me many things helping me understand what's wrong.
@@gurrtiger How wonderful that you are putting in the time and effort to learn and improve. And congrats on stopping the cannabis! Anti-depressants can sometimes be very helpful for anxiety. And you are being a role model for your son in working on all of this!
@@BarbaraHeffernan life is so much easier. Don't fight everything & I know I'm not in control. Freed me up to focus on my self & my behavior. Growing & learning at any age Keeping my focus on joy & always being in awe.
Interesting question! We can't control others. That is one of the main things we are powerless over. We can influence them, certainly - but each adult is responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and actions.
![Kodak Black - Catch Fire [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/A4ch-olIuZo/mqdefault.jpg)
I’ve reached caregiver burnout, but keep shaming myself for struggling. This really helped me to accept that I cannot handle the situation any longer. Thank you. 💜
As an alcoholic in long-term recovery, I can attest to the fact that when I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol, I took the power out of powerlessness. This is one of the strange paradoxes of 12 step recovery. I had to surrender to win. As the humanistic psychologist Carl Roger's once observed, "When I accept myself as I am, then I can change." 😊
Absolutely!! AND congratulations!
I had to pause the video to say this. I'm the offspring of and raised by a mother with schizoaffective disorder and had a violent marriage where all power was taken from me. I can soooo relate to this topic. I have lived my life like a gypsy, always moving, relocating to take back power, repeatedly feeling trapped. I move to find freedom, only to discover that I'm still not free. My current problem is accepting that I have no power on my job. I'm too worn out to move again. Thus, I feel superbly trapped!!! I didn't realize until recently that pretty much all of my problems on my various jobs has been a need to feel in control. Its a vicious cycle of failure!!! There may be someone out there who knows just what I'm talking about.
I learnt, after lots of moving around, that I have to stop where I am and fix the problems within myself as this is why I cannot ever escape them... because (generally) they are within me and I take myself wherever I go. Maybe research your attachment type too, I found this helpful too.
@@sillygirl1139 I know . . . I already learned that too. I was just saying that this was my experience just in case there was someone else who went through or currently going through the same thing. I wasn't looking for advice. Lol I'm too old for it make much difference now. I couldn't move again no matter how much I might want to. Lol
@@staylor5687 Rereading your comment I see I have misunderstood, I first read it like you were asking for advice. I extrapolated somewhat. Sorry for the unrequested advice that you already knew!
I love, love the distinction you made about two types of powerlessness - one traumatic powerless ness and another real powerlessness to change another person
Wonderful take-away! So pleased it resonated with you.
My priority in life is sobriety, health, happiness & peace of mind...music , flyfishing & listening to people like Barbara
🤗 What wonderful priorities and I am so honored to be included in that list! And wonderful for you for the work you've done and keep doing!
You said! You can work a 12 step on anything that is rendered powerless. Quiting smoking to having to accept sending a love one to a care facility.
I am transforming myself from a total people pleaser, emotionally contagioun personality type, fake compassion(as real as it felt), into someone who enjoys her life without enmeshing, guilt free... In other words leaving all this dirt that wants to keep us from simply enjoying a coffee... And even a failure, or a disease... Being more thankful and focus on what matters... It takes a lot of work, yet... I needed this change....
really helps with anger management. That's why I came here. I had an epiphany last night that my lifelong anger is due to my unwillingness to admit my powerlessness over the things, people world that piss me off. Anger is only a valid solution when you have the power to stop something.
Yes!!!
Barbara! I love this video. I work (as an inpatient hospital RN case manager) with many unfortunate patients including the homeless population. I have one particular patient who chooses to go back out and use drugs/not take care of his diabetes, etc. He is a "repeat offender" at our hospital, and at 36 years old is close to death. With my empathy and Type A, tried my best to convince, and he just goes back out and does the same thing over and over again. I took the piece about trying to convince him (we have provided many resources for him and he chooses not to go to the men's shelter, etc. and take advantage of diabetes management/meds, etc and substance abuse resources) and wrapped it in a blanket. I love how you make the problem into a "concrete thing" you can conceptualize and put it up and away. This is HUGE for me!! You have been a savior for me.......and I watch your videos almost daily for the past month!! THANK YOU AGAIN!!!! Many hugs!!
Yes, feel lighter from the cloud visualization! Thanks so much!
That is so awesome!
You explain everything so well - thank you for sharing.
You are welcome! and thanks for letting me know!
I am sad , I cry and get relaxed. Image guided therapy is useful. Thank you. Good one
So pleased you found this useful. Yes, allowing ourselves to feel emotions can let go of a lot of stress and tension!
Hi Barbara, I was in a 12 step program to help to heal from abusive relationships. I found it extremely helpful.
Thank you Barbara for this video and thank you to everyone who has shared their comments below. I experience intense sadness episodes within my own life and I am sad about ageing and how life has gone by. I live in the past with mistakes I have made or think I have made and how my life could have been so different if I had not made them. I am going to start meditation to see if I can have acceptance of my life choices, live in the now and accept the powerlessness And sadness I have in not being able to change the past.
Good stuff...Truth, AA helped me quit poisoning my body & mind with drugs & alcohol many years ago....but now a days if I want to be happy I need to remember I'm powerless over other people , politicians, co - workers, women, the weather...etc.....if I want to be happy , I can accept or eliminate...focus on the positive and make choices that are good for me....
Yes, totally agree! Often after people put in recovery time over whatever substance of choice led to the addiction, the next layer is working with the "co-dependency" (though I know some dislike that term!) but getting to the powerlessness over others and so many other things in life! Thanks for sharing and bringing hope to others :)
Working through feelings of deep powerlessness that happened back then and realising that's not now ..
Thank you! Love the cloud visualization; very effective!
So pleased it was helpful for you!
Thank you for doing this and sharing your knowledge. ❤️❤️
You are so welcome!
I feel like i'm recovering from an addiction to avoidance and resistance. Rule #1 for me to remember is "I cannot out will my subconscious" .. or i just spend the whole day arguing, lying and punishing to myself.
Thank you so much for this video. I was truly blessed by it! 🙏🏾
I think I'm a "rescuer' too, and have been trying to 'fix' one of my sons for years, I have trouble setting boundaries between us, struggle with guilt for not being a good enough mother when he needed that, during a difficult marriage to his dad, with emotional and physical abuse. Now our relationship has broken down, and he cannot see me or forgive me for 'ruining' his life, which is sad. I have had to realise that I am in fact powerless! This video is very helpful, thank you.
So sorry to hear all that. I'm pleased the videos are resonating with you and truly hope they are helpful. Wishing you peace and healing,
@@BarbaraHeffernan thank you so much, I find your videos very informative and helpful. Unfortunately I'm not on social media so am unable to access your fb group.
I really enjoy these videos. The guided visualization was nice. I am going to therapy and I don't think the person is working these videos bring a lot of light in for me. Thank you!!
So glad this was helpful. I also love guided visualizations :)
Wow , thank you kindly 🙏
😀🙏
Do you have any talks on letting adult children go?
Yes total sense!!!
I hope the video helps!
Thank you so so much for everything you shared ❤️love and prayers from Egypt
You are welcome! 🌻
Lately, I read some books by Stephen Hawking and also regarding the events of 2020 and my own life (I moved to another country 3 years ago and still do not feel integrated no matter what I do...) and I feel so powerless and hopeless. In everything I do and I just feel like there is no meaning to do anything in life. Like nothing really depends on me. And I am even do not have the power over my own decisions and my own life. I used to think of myself as a powerful person over the circumstances but now I have no belief in me any more...
I have constant anxiety all the time. And sometimes I think everything is getting better but then it all collapses again even harder.
I am very happy I discovered your channel! I hope it can help me to deal better with myself. Thank you!
I don't want to be a toxic person for the people around and I am looking to change myself all the time but it is very hard to understand what way is right... I feel like I do bad choices... May be other people feel the same?
Hi: I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I hope the channel is helpful for you as well. Reading your post made me think of Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning. Not an easy topic, but a potentially life-changing book.
Barbara Heffernan thank you so much! I would definitely try to read it!
fantastic thank you so much
You are welcome!
Thanks you very much mam🙏
Most welcome 😊
Powerlessness really triggers fear in me.
Yes, it does in many people. I wonder if this video helped you see it differently?
Thank you for your videos Barbara. I find them really valuable - could you please put the subtitles on all of them please as often I read vs listen. Thanks again!
You can enable captions
I tried to give my powerlessness situation to the higher power... And to my surprise... I couldn t... 😥... Somewhat I still felt enmeshed and as if it would be my responsability... I used to be a rescuer... I will get better!
You’re very helpful to me.
I'm so glad! Thank you for letting me know :)
I like your videos. Alot 🙂. I struggle so much daily I wasnt like this 10 years ago but I've just began cutting things out of my life certain family members that I waste energy on. I cut cannabis out 12 days ago that's improved me already. I'm on an anti depressant now 👎. Now I feel my anxieties are rubbing off on to my son who's 15 in a couple of days. 😢
I know theres no instant fix so I decided to start learning about it all and your videos are actually doing that. They are teaching me many things helping me understand what's wrong.
@@gurrtiger How wonderful that you are putting in the time and effort to learn and improve. And congrats on stopping the cannabis! Anti-depressants can sometimes be very helpful for anxiety. And you are being a role model for your son in working on all of this!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Very helpful Barbara thank you much ✨
You are so welcome!
Start listen from 6:30
I feel powerless in that I cant find a place to live during covid 19
5 years sober found admitting powerlessness very challenging
Congratulations! And yes, admitting it at first is challenging - but there is relief in it, no?
@@BarbaraHeffernan life is so much easier. Don't fight everything & I know I'm not in control. Freed me up to focus on my self & my behavior. Growing & learning at any age
Keeping my focus on joy & always being in awe.
does this visualization also apply for the coming death of someone you love? I was wondering if anything could work in such a situation.
Thanks it was very helpful in dealing with COVID powerlessness!
Terrific!
My name is Tracy I want to learn by
How to control others without affecting them?
Interesting question! We can't control others. That is one of the main things we are powerless over. We can influence them, certainly - but each adult is responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and actions.
@@BarbaraHeffernan thankyou madam. That really opened my eyes
@@praveennarayanan8828 :)
Too much talk at the beginning.
Too much selling and less meat of material