Why We Should Expect Less Of Love
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- Опубликовано: 17 окт 2024
- Expecting that a romantic partner could answer all of our needs might sound very beautiful; but such idealism is in reality rather counter-productive, rendering us impatient, angry and ultimately bitter. We'd be advised to do something slightly unusual in order to love someone properly: expect a bit less of them.
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“It can feel very weird, and a bit threatening, to talk about taking the pressure off a relationship. Our collective, inherited Romantic culture likes to imagine functioning couples doing more or less everything together and being the centre of each other’s lives. The good couple is, we are told, one in which two people mean more or less everything to one another.”
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#singleforlife 🙃
How bout you just tell everyone Israel controls the world and all of our relationships suck due to money control from a foreign country. End the Philosophy and start speaking the truth!!! Multiculturalism is Cultural Genocide!
Quero traduzido para português por favor
Why don't you go a one step further and just ditch the idea of love altogether? If you already have friends, family, exercise, music, sport, whatever... What the point, really?
@@stretopovermind9680 I agree with this one. However, love is still present in those relationships too. Love for your friends. Love for exercise. Love for your family. Love is always present, so none of us are immune to the effects love can have (unless of course, you want to isolate yourself from everyone and everything in order to avoid love). What I agree is that romantic relationships can be often (in most case scenarios) be avoided as it's nothing (dare I say) but a curse in disguise. It can be replaced with other interests and it is possible to condition yourself to not seek for one.
As the age-old saying goes, don't find someone who completes you, find someone who complements you.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
The opposite
Lol
what's the difference? i thought i know, but i clearly don't 😅
天吉Mark complete would mean that you are not a full person without them, that you NEED them. Complement would be like chocolate complements strawberries. A strawberry is delicious on its own, chocolate is delicious on its own. They can be eaten without each other, but they can also be eaten together because they complement each other :)
What I’ve learned from this channel is that romantic idealism ruined everything and every good relationship only works from both members working hard against those ideals
A Quiet Place
100% wrong
There was a thing Before romantic idealism that ruined everything and romanticism saved peoples sanity but got taken way overboard so now humans are working on finding the balance between.
@@alexandriasky what's that thing. I'm curious if you can elaborate in long paragraphs.😊
Lance Sebastian
I could have about 4 months ago
Same, bruh
22PoeticImpact o
I
I
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Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
In other words, have friends and hobbies outside of romance.
i would say, have romance outside of friends and hobbies. Romance is the icing on the cake.
@@ebbyc1817 Disagree! because people do not seek to control their friends and obsess over their hobbies to the same extent they do to their partner.
Hence why Romance should be the addition to life and not the other way around.
Easier said than done.
I dont even have one of those 3:')
pain....no, in other words, people should me mentally mature and not PATHETIC NOODLES ...BEFORE, they get into a relationship and procreate little bastards. That is why the country has 320 million people !!...I make that general to the whole world.
Long story short, have room for each other's individual growth.
Thx for saving 5 minutes.
Wise cut to chase analysis...
I totally agree. Relationships start to fail when we project to our partner all our needs, problems, and concerns, without admitting the fact that our partners are not really the source of them all. Rather, it's our experiences in the past that have instilled these needs, and they have to be faced by the person alone, head on.
I felt it
Well if you wish to do stuff alone, meyne a relationship isin't for you. I agree to some extent to this, but is bad to bottle up all the problems that you have. Meybe don't worry on the small problems, but if your worries start to become a problem in your life then your partener should know. Meybe they can help, meybe they wana know if you are ok. Is ok to tell someone from time to time, but don't overexagerate stuff or blame them for that if they aren't to blame. And if someone don't care at all about how you are meybe they don't care about you, if they are always cold and numb emotional. A relationship is bulided with trust, meybe is harder than it seems but where is no trust, the relationship won't last.
Why cant people be happy when in a relationship humans are better than this come on guys
Is it wrong of me to expect some attention and support after I've just had a major surgery, lost my job and flunked an exam and just feel generally terrible? I just miss him terribly and cant help but want him. He's caught up in his work and doesn't get to call me even now, I feel bad for wanting time from him and idk what to do else. This is the time i felt like i needed him the most and he just cant be there. I understand his situation but I also cant help but be mad at him.
Well said!
Expect less from people generally because then it wouldn’t hurt your feelings as much when your anticipated actions aren’t met. But rather be surprised when someone does something beyond your expectations.
That's sounds very close to never depend on anyone and u won't be hurt, but we have to depend on others to survive. Welcome to society
Jake Max that’s not what they were saying, fam.
Yep I did this. Sometime make me curious though wheter or not it mean I just give up on humanity
This is basically my approach to life.
@@taawesome2949 Well, I expect people to act according their best versions and get bitterly disappointed and confused when they don't. (This has something to do with dysfunctional childhood experience.) So I can not say that you are doing it wrong...Only, perhaps there is some middle ground....perhaps not have any expectations and just see how people react....and then respond to that...I don't know. Life is complicated with all these other humans around 😊
" we will trully give love a chance when we stop believing it can single handedly save us "
*Love will come when you don't expect it, out of peace and balance.*
*Become what you want to attract and eventually that person will arrive.*
A deep friendship is needed for love. And mutual understanding.
Mm i dont necessarily agree with ''become what you want to attract''. Eventually you'll just end up reverting back to who you really are and the relationship will deteriorate. So I would say, be the best version of yourself instead.
But all things come to a end, so don't just give it to one share & spread love.
Bullshit
...hahaha....good one, now wake the hell up....that is LATE !!!
Esther Perel talks about how we now want our spouses to provide what a whole village use to once provide. We want our spouses to be our best friends, inspiration, passionate lovers, sounding board etc.
It’s impossible for one person to be all these things.
Thanks for another great episode
true, i think a best friend is all i ask for
Not if you're Hal Wilkenson :3
@@sunshine7912 No, it was never about just being a sexual mate. More about having a foundation to bring up a family.
In a relationship, I expect the basics (I ask very little of my partners), and I always receive less than. I'm so tired of giving and not having my energy matched. How does one expect ABSOLUTELY NOTHING from a friend or partner? Are our brains even capable of lowering our expectations that low AND believing it?
I feel this, every time again I wonder if this really is what I want and whether I'm really in love.
I feel like movies really messed up our idea of love and friendship. Or at least they make us expect so much of it.
@Tony Goodwin The pitman Poet Poet Goodwin The same way social media & photoshop messed up beauty standards?
So true
@Tony Goodwin The pitman Poet Poet Goodwin Idk, I although we are very aware of this, I sometimes think that there is an unconscious part to this. Or at least it makes us want more.
Brains Applied - The Psychology Channel yes! I would say also the unconscious part of how to feel or react when those expectations aren’t met- basically they make it look like you have to feel miserable
Hey everyone, Tony is wise. He said so.
No Expectations : No Disappointments.
Sums up a large portion of their videos.
I learned that particular phrase from a good (i suppose now old) sitcom called Becker, been trying practise it ever since, ever falteringly.
Also the book Enchiridion by Epictetus is mostly all about it.
I never agreed with that statement and I still don`t. It is not about having or not having expectations but rather understanding that a relationship should be nothing more than the cherry on the top of an already pleasing personal life and that is exactly what the video ends with. Relationships should not be sought for "fixing stuff" but rather to add a bit more on top of what you already have.
At the end of the day, you are responsible for your happiness, not anyone else. And, by the same logic, you should never try to be responsible for someone else's happiness.
Yes, you can add to their happiness but that's it. That's how healthy relationships are born.
: No love.
@@valit8517 i like your theroy
“We never love anyone. What we love is the idea we have of someone. It's our own concept-our own selves-that we love.”
― Fernando Pessoa, TBOD
Rina Cha that’s not real love. Real love is knowing someone, seeing that there are things that you like and dislike about them, but genuinely caring for them and wanting what’s best for them. Mothers truly love their children, best friends truly love each other, and partners in life can also truly love one another. We are a social species, we are made to love, yes as part of survival, but also for our emotional wellbeing. Love is key. Don’t let some idiot ever tell you that it doesn’t exist or isn’t important. To deny the importance of love is to say that you never truly see anything because it’s just a projection of the mind... yeah yeah.
@@Noone73902 well, isn't that all you have to go on? What you experience is only in your mind. So, the person was right. There is no "out there" out there.
Drevial Zerathustra you can go on “reality is all a hallucination in the mind” but I think that’s not realistic, and not a happy way to live.
Correct.
I think the idea we have of people isn't always false. I think love is just caring about someone... or something. You would feel hurt if they're hurt.
Babies die if we don't show love to them.
I've never known what it is to be in a romantic relashionship. But there are people who I liked. I liked certain parts of them while certain parts I might not like. I love kitten so if I see a kitten die I would cry because I love them.
I believe in unconditionnal love, but I don't believe in unconditionnal relashionship. I believe in unconditionnal love because I think if you liked a friend one time in your life, you can't unlike that. If you liked playing tenis one time, you can't unlike that, because you will always like the aspects of the thing that made you like tenis in the first place. But you might discover some parts about that sport/person later that you don't like. So it could end the relashionship if you have nothing to bring to each other anymore.
Also we like our pets, but we are more likely to end a relashionship with a human because we have more expectations. We have needs. If we're monogamous and we want compassion (for exemple) from our partner, but our partner cannot give it to us, even if we love them, we might face the incompatibility, and change or end the relashionship to find someone else.
interdependence is the goal. having a fulfilling life outside of your relationship will prevent dependence, jealousy, and battles for control. balance loving yourself, loving your partner, and loving your relationship, as they each demand their own considerations.
Most satisfying comment I found.
You see, there is where the problem is. There are people who find it hard for them to love themselfs and find worth in their lifes. So they search someone to full fill that need to have someone who makes them to feel apreciated and worth it. When that need isin't meet they start to pass the blame for their parteners then on themselfs and they close themselfs in their little bubble making them feel worthless and miserable. That's how truly rejection feels. Not that the only person who thought that they loved you, but on yourself too. Because you never accepted yourself.
What's wrong being dependent? We all need love and affection why people are so unreliable what is it has to do with balance???
@@bluebeka2458 self-love don't exist dumb!
@@rudigruenberg6591People are disappointing time and time again. The sooner you learn it, the better. Find time for your own happiness and hope someone joins you in your life journey to live a fulfilling life. Best of luck.
In my relationship, We have our own friends, own hobbies, studies and life. It is still a struggle for me to wrap my head around the fact that i am only a new addition to his life and not the centre of his life. It’s a more mature relationship this time, something I’m not used to but I’m here for it, and will continue to remain content that we have our own individualism. I still have my days where I expect a lot more romanticism from him and those days are hard
Rebecca Chen
He should be making up the romanticism part to you on occasion.
Not a good sign. I had a supposedly girlfriend for three and a half years. Same kind of rules apply to me. I would move on. You're getting short-changed
Oh my goodness. Exactly my same scenario Rebecca. We’re both in college, and he at first made me his center & now he’s making me a part of his life as he is growing and maturing for a healthier relationship. I do want his romancitzation sometimes as well
So, how is it going?
Omg I feel the same way 😭
I had this type of relationship with my ex and it was one of the healthiest relationships we both ever had. Unfortunately, she was still wrapped up in the "fairy tale romance" movies and media portray and left me for someone else. She only knew them for two weeks before deciding she wanted to leave me for them because they also got their ideas of relationships from the media so in her eyes that meant they were "the one" and I was a cold cynic who didn't understand how love actually worked. The relationship between them lasted only 5 months before she tried to come crawling back to me. The media has really messed up a lot of people's ideas of love and relationships.
@mk in a way you're right. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who thinks this way about love. You can never meet their unrealistic expectations. They will always look for that fairy tale no matter how many times life shows them it isn't real life.
Did you take her back? I’m in the same boat and not sure if I could ever trust her not to do that again.
What went wrong with her and the other guy?
@@Dabios Never "take someone back". It is not even about trust, it is about logic. Humans do not learn their lessons: she would just consider you a safe "fallback plan", which should encourage her to even more stupid escapades. Humans also do not cherish something they do not think they can easily lose.
Stretop Overmind thank you for answering a complete stranger. It makes sense. But don’t look to down on us as a species. Sure we can be dumb, but love blinds all and emotions haze logic. Most of us don’t know what we want. With experience comes knowledge and from knowledge comes wisdom. It just takes some of us longer to get there (including me). Have a nice day and again thank you for your response.
Love will come when you least expect it. Love will leave when you least expect it, too. As someone in a long distance relationship, I can firmly say that everything in this video is true in my opinion. When you expect less, you value more. Love isn't about dependence, it is about trust.
I agree I'm in ldr too, how long are you guys together?
i was in a ldr. i valued my indepenence a bit too much and divided the rare free time between him and hobbies/friends/family, he was a bit too much of a hermit and didn't really like company, not even mine. in our case, giving eachother space was good, but it became so much space that no relationship was left.
Thank you for your reply, very insightful. I am afraid of that very thing happening and I see some similarities between our LDRs.@@chilanya
almost 3 years@@jennyb.9237
almost 1 year of long distance
Not expecting anything from anyone is how I manage my happiness.
It's good to b comfortable with the reality that everyone is a disappointment at some point.
My wise uncle always told me "love yourself" take life as a Drama don't take it seriously. There is no such thing as falling for someone it only works in movies." Fall in love with yourself , share the joy with the World". This video talks about exact same thing "fall in love with yourself- share the joy without much bondage with your partner". Thank you very much for this view.
Love yourself and you will be able to offer love as well. Love comes from inside. If you cannot feel love, everybody could love you, but you would still feel unloved and lonely.
Interesting🤔
Absolutely
@Covid 1984 not really but ok...
What about being balanced? Don't expect too much or not too little (don't sell yourself short). We should be realistic.
Yaa
yes, thank you!
Those are standards, not the same as expectations
I have a problem of selling myself too short..
Watching this gave me anxiety because it feels like at the end I shouldn't want a partner 😟
Can you explain please? I expect too less or maybe i sell myself short i think i should have some standards
i just had a fight with my partner and this video changed my thinking mindset, just apologized to him and we are back in a team :)
Spending every single second together would drive anyone crazy.
2020 must have been hell for married people!
Siamese twins do it
Tell me about it
@@beetdiggingcougar yes pandemic is the reason for divorce for many couple who would v stayed otherwise
I love watching these videos, I find them calming but I hate when they point out mistakes I've made in the past because I'm like damn.. I feel personally attacked 😂😂
Hey! How are you?
BRUH SAME
Dude!! This is true , I feel the same
😂😂 same
Didn't realize you guys were keeping tabs on me but go off
lmao 😭👍
You don't need someone to complete you, be with someone who accepts you completely.
I don’t have a partner. I wholeheartedly agree though. And not only whereas partners are concerned, but in any and every relationship. Live and let live rather than suffocate oneself and one another.
Everyone should see this video. That feeling of “needing every area of our lives to match up perfectly” almost destroyed my marriage, and I had to learn all of these things the hard way.
This really helped me! I argue with my boyfriend all the time about on why he cant do somethings with me. But it truly doesnt matter, as long we appreciate each other for who we are.
I have the same problem... I feel a little more chill after watching this.
That individuality will bring the two together, I believe
With this notion relationships would be so much better, many people are afraid their relationships will die if they don't do everything together.
But if you do everything appart, is still already dead. There is no true recipe for a healthy relationship.
@@bluebeka2458 perhaps the recipe is not expecting everything to be just right, and accepting a balance
Most times we don't love the love but just the feeling of love
This popped up in my recommendation right at the right time! I really needed to hear this as I was feeling like my partner doesn’t depend on me. Surely expectation can lead to disappoinment. But now I see that he’s just independent and there’s nothing wrong with having your own thing when you’re in a relationship. Thank you!
Happiness = reality minus expectations
Unfortunately, having less expectations is easier said than done for some (me).. But I try my best for my significant other, because she deserves so much better than my need for control.. Luckily it feels like it only gets better with time, at least it has so far
Exactly
“We will truly give love a chance when we stop believing that it can single handedly save us”
I used to be desperate to find someone and I was very anxious wondering if I would end up alone. So much pressure.
And then I very slowly got used to being single and now I much prefer it.
If I meet someone and it turns into something, cool, and if not, that's ok too.
@Gonzalo Araujo just as well it's not your life then, isn't it?
@Gonzalo Araujo have a nice time :)
@@abibennett1618 Hello! How are you?
I didn’t realise this and it ultimately caused the end of my relationship! I’m taking one step at a time to learn what I should expect and trying to rebuild it
The more time you spend with someone, the less they seem to like you sometimes. Wish I watched this video before dating my ex. We both suffocated our relationship to death. We were both to some extent introverts, but he was more extroverted than I and wanted to spend more time with me than I wanted, then he ended up liking me less because he was holding me too tight and I was unhappy. I wanted to do things alone but he loved to hover over me. Would love to say I will apply this to my next relationship but I feel too exhausted even thinking of loving again.😔
Londy M. Feeling exactly the same over here
I think I'm making the same mistake, except I'm the one hovering over. I'm working on being more independent and giving him more space. It's hard when I'm used to the notion that a couple should spend a lot of time together, but I think it's more realistic to be less co-dependent.
All my relationships die because of my introverted personality. True story
I’ve been together with my partner for ten years. We love each other. We have our own friends, hobbies & work. But we get along very well
Can't stress this enough and im sure since this vid is so old you wont see it but, thank you. After about a month ago my wife left me after us being together for 5 years and while soon after the split i was an emotional wreck (and still am sometimes) your videos are always a nice reminder of reality and offer a different more true perspective as to why things went the way they did. I appreciate the time and work you have put into these videos. Thank you once again.
Hope you’re hanging in there. 5 years is a long time.
School of Life
I have been strugling with my partner for over a few months and I wasn't thinking of How a real relashionship should be.
I was so into this kind of relashionship where me and my partner should be at any moment supportive in everything that we do and I was frustrating my girlfriend with that.
After watching this video I have a clear view of why we're strugling so much time.
I have no words to thank you to all of who make The School of Life
Took me forever to learn this. However I already am introverted and prefer being alone. I always seemed to find that issue with my partner not wanting to be alone. I like doing things with my partner, and most times I'd fall in love with someone who is the complete opposite of me and doesn't share similar interests anyway. A lot of that was part of why we never got along I guess. No similar interests, and not wanting to be alone = Recipe for disaster. Find someone you connect with, share similar interests with, and be comfortable doing things on your own without guilt tripping your partner for not hanging out all the time.
Love the visual metaphor of the sugar cubes being continuously put into the coffee only for them to dissolve. We can't try to put all of ourselves into our partner as they're their own person. If you keep trying you keep failing
However coffee and sugar complement each other and are good because they're different. Thats what a relationship should be
No two people are identical and that's why they both have to compromise. Not do less things together
i agree with this 100000%
Attachment is the root of all sufferings, my friends. Take note.
and Buddhism is your excuse to wear women's clothing.
Lukas Böck and poverty is your reason to have no clothing at all isn’t it
@@shawnsum6283 Financially i'm not poor. Financially.
Mentaly everyone is poor trust me. At least i am. 😅
Excellent advice, except It can be overdone. We lived in the same house were independent and forgot about each other.
Although may not be as bad, you may have just noticed randomly and could shrug it off easier than if you were hyperfocused. Regardless, makes sense.
I never have a partner, can't relate to this
hey, lets date................................
The ones I want, I can't get. and the ones I can get, I don't want. I'm not compromising or throwing acid on someone. So, the older I get the better I feel in that regard. I'm no expert in that field, but I respect it.
Don't trust enough to share a life.
@@janiegarces1300 I think most people think they have trust issues but really don't because the government, with legislation such as the patriot act, has somewhat indoctrinated a large segment of mankind to accept the notion of surveillance. And, similar to how animals in a zoo feel like, people are frustrated but have no means of recourse. I don't think you have trust issues. I think America does.
Doesn't have to be a partner. Can be a friend, a family member, etc. The point is, if you expect someone to act a certain way and they don't, then you'll always be disappointed and frustrated.
great video! this applies to everyone, when people are starting to piss us off maybe it's time to find a wider social life so as not to expect everything from few people
After 36 years of marriage, the one advice I will give my daughter on her wedding day is;
Lower your expectations.
How have you managed to be married for 36 years? Did anxiety or trust issues ever plague you? Did you ever feel temptations? What has been your saving grace?
that s really sad
@@APresidentsRansom Sad how y'all are treating relationships as mere competition based on time period..as if its normal for relationships to require such expiry dates.
In a relationship, I expect the basics (I ask very little of my partners), and I always receive less than. I'm so tired of giving and not having my energy matched. How does one expect ABSOLUTELY NOTHING from a friend or partner? Are our brains even capable of lowering our expectations that low AND believing it?
I always watched your Videos in Isolation and thought: Wow, this sounds so much better than the normal stuff we learn, I will have a great life now. Then i started actually being with People a lot more and I realised, that the romantic, consumer (etc.) culture you talk about is so inherent in our Society that you can't work your way around that easily, it takes unbelievable amount of effort to not conform to social norms and still Keep your sanity and not get into serious conflict with People, who expect you to get a University degree and get a Job and find a wife/husband, But at least you gave me a challenge and i accept it :D
THIS. is exactly what i believe in most type of relationships, especially marriages. as a social worker, i have seen too many marital issues being terribly affected by such expectations.
I have given up Love altogether! Best time!
Finally proof that I’m not crazy or weird for not wanting to be bff’s with all my bf’s friends and that I don’t have to always tag along or enjoy doing everything he does.i don’t want to be forced to be someone I’m not.
The timing of this video is scary. Thanks alot
Yeah true
I feel like i really needed this, to open my eyes a bit more
thank you
Yup!
honestly this channel has helped me so much mentally understanding things I thought was so difficult.
I agree 100%...been married for over 26 years....we have three holidays..hers, mine & ours...we have our own rooms, we have our own bathrooms...we have our own hobbies / sports...we are not connected at the waist...
GOOD
MORNING, AFTERNOON AND GOODNIGHT PERSON OF INTELLECTUAL AWESOMENESS
Good night
Aaawh thank you, Good day to you too😊
GOOD GOODNIGHT FOR YOU TOO
much lvoe
love
Why can't we give more of love instead?
This kind of solution, as depicted in the video, thrives only when there is a strong foundation to a relationship, genuine love, mutual trust and respect among each other. Question is how long would it take to build that kind of bond??
This is tricky and the relationship is going to crash and burn if there is:
1. Lack of trust
2. Blind trust (unconditional trust resulting in credulity)
It indeed makes sense to do certain things separately, but to what degree and extent?
How do we strike a balance between being independent and being dependent on being together?
Please teach us how to give and nurture a relationship, instead of teaching us how to expect less. There could be an adverse effect to this.
You are asking the right questions , imo you are one of those souls that have the maturity and capability of extreme love if given a chance . How far love can reach? how deep it can get ? There is unconditional love ..like a parent love his/her child , this is the highest pure love but in romantic relationship reciprocation is needed/necessary . Romantic relationship is a risky business ..it can give you the highest happiness as well as the greatest misery . In a world of crazy we meet random people and we try to give love to first person attractive to us , this happens to all but we never know how much love the other person wants .., what if we expect more ..but the other person does not want any more? ..do we value honesty and loyalty to still want to be with that person ? do we accept what we get ? i think most people just accept it , better any reciprocation and stability than none at all i guess...but one must be truly lucky or guided by God to find that soulmate in love ..the one that is able to reciprocate on the level you are on and even beyond it .
'Please teach us how to give and nurture a relationship' in my humble opinion in good relationships that last for a while BOTH need to be active in their own WILL to make it work , both need to want this to work and if both wants it : IT WILL WORK .
In a relationship with a soulmate in love the nourishment comes by itself , there is no 'work' to do , there is no fighting for a relationship to work . In this relationship the energy is stored , it magnifies everything around you , that energy can be released either towards your goals OR it can be directed further towards your partner , that would be the time when things in love go beyond of what you both thought was possible .
@@bobrob6629 Thanks Bob! Makes sense.
@@bobrob6629 what you say is beautiful and I believed it at first but the fact is that, we are all different individuals with different needs and expectations the person that is right for you may not necessarily give you what you want or need not because he or she doesn't love you but because they don't know how to properly meet your expectation for me the real love is about growing with one another. As humans We may make mistakes, we will not always meet the need of our partners but we will learn from it with patience and comprehension. Emotional attachment does not always lead to a good relationship sometimes it is the opposite there are days where you will love your partner less or more depending on a situation but if you don't learn and grow with one another your relationship will not last. As an example I loved people who love me too but expected too much from me and they were frustrated when I wasn't able to meet their expectations and this eventually led to frustration and conflict and after some times the relation started to become toxic and I was forced to end it because my mental health was suffering from it and I too was deceived when I didn't receive as much love and attention as I give but this is the reality and we should learn from it.
I love this comment. I think the key is interdependence. It is not that we should be completely independent and never rely on our partners--that wouldn't be a relationship. We should also not be too dependent, or we will not have a life or purpose of our own. It is just that we should have standards without expecting that our partners always fulfill the standards, and in the same breath we should also have dealbreakers and boundaries. Now if ur partner doesn't care to fulfill any of ur needs, that is an issue of compatibility and love, and ultimately it is up to u to leave or stay. The key is balance and symbiosis or being complementary to one another.
That is an excellent effort to clear the fog. I am a great admirer of Botton's eloquence and clarity of thought. If people take the key lessons seriously, this video can save millions of relationships and can bring a new life to the Dull, boring and Rusty relationships.
The real culprit is the expectations. Our mind gives birth to loads of unrealistic and rubbish expectations.
This video can certainly help us manage our expectations
I believe in giving love ❤️ without expecting anything
Go and call people that you know and tell them what they mean to you. The reactions you will get - they think you’re dying lol
If i did that everyone i know would think i lost it
Oh okay! BRB gonna go love a fuckboy and get my heart broken
Sol call family and friends
😂😂😂
My God am 71. What a breathe of fresh love air perspective. Thanks school of life....
BEING SINGLE IS AWESOME
Well, yes... But actually no.
@@xoxo-sf1zg faxx
Especially when they think they are in a relationship lololol
being single is good until emptiness hits you
@@Soytu19 If you think emptiness hitting you is hard single, see how hard it hits when you're with someone.
I do know people in relationships like this and they are each others best friends and are some of he strongest couples I know. There is a difference between forcing yourself to do something out of a sense of obligation (and thus feeling bitter and resentful) and genuinely wanting to do it because its important to your partner. It doesn't mean you have to do everything together all the time, but wanting to do things enough with and for your partner and vice versa is what truly lets you grow together. You change each other for the better and grow as individuals and as a couple.
I love watching power couples. I think they're the best version of this. Constantly doing their own thing, running their own businesses and leading wonderful, powerful lives, but don't necessarily need to be around each other every single second. Often they are photographed worlds away from one another and yet they remain together as a couple because they understand this important degree of independence that needn't hinder their own interpersonal relationship.
This channel taught me to be ok with being alone...it is slowly making me a better person
Took me a while to figure this out on my own.
Because your mind is distracted by romantic fairytale love
This is what I want. Freedom and independence within a relationship. But I may be avoidant and my partner, anxious. They see me as "the other half" and always want more time, more attachment. I end up feeling suffocated.
We tried to remedy this by opening up our marriage, and he took a second wife. We both thought it was a possible fix.
However, it was a disaster. All I felt was crushing resentment, and now our relationship is marred and tattered.
You are who you are! You can not change it! And who you are is awsome! I am like you, and I made peace with my self. I dont regret anything that I do to keep my boundaries and to let me just be me! If some one comes along the way who seems to like who I am not who i supposed to be, then it is great, if not idgf!
the idea is to balance everything in life as well as relationships. if you have lots of love to give, you should share it across your friends, family and other half and yourself. if its all on one person it will be overwhelming for both parties
I love this channel. I think understanding relationships is really of the greatest importance and can be given so little a focus in everyday life.
Love is the sacrifice of your own wants and needs and that is why it is so difficult to truly LOVE someone else.
Moses Emmet Not necessarily a sacrifice.
Moses Emmet
Love is a small part to an entire relational system which should equally include connection, sex, communication, values, expectations, future plans, etc etc. .
That sounds less like “love” and more like masochism.
This is so true. It seems paradoxical but that's how a good relationship really is and should be.
I tried to explain that to my girl tonight... didnt go all that well. We're in a long distance relationship and talk often about how amazing it'll be to live with each other again (we've lived together for a couple months without an issue but she is going back to school) when I said that in the future I may want to do things on my own occasionally she began crying and asked if she still means the same to me. She told me to stop being so rational and stop making everything into a psychology lesson... well, yea
Maybe give her an example of how that would look. I’m sure being farther away from you has messed up her feeling close to you.
Love like any other emotion Anger, happiness/sadness, has a limited scope, expiry, comes in busts and goes away.
2 grown up people WILL have different tastes, ambition, social affinity...it's maturity, not love, that makes 2 independent lives live together.
If you expect to never be loved by someone then you will never be disappointment. No Expectations = No Disappointments
I have learned so much from this channel that I failed to realize in the past it is unbelievable.
Just let eachother grow and continue to love one another.
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this video has just helped my mental health.
I needed this!! Thank you! School of knowledge content should be taught in school ! ☺️❤️
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Love these videos. Because I got to know alain de botton and his books/videos I function way better in life! My parents were pretty terrible at giving advice. So I am glad School of Life is here. You changed my life for the better. Thank you.
This is fundamental. Thanks for the reminder, we all do many of these things without realizing they're toxic (:
Like you cheating on the nice guy and later in life complaining why is there no good man
@@williehawaii9967 lol, not bad. Still bitter about it? (':
@@williehawaii9967 that's nice of you!
JustMai no problem hon. I’m always here for you
Don"t expect to be saved by love!
EDIT 06/28/2020: a year later. Now my comment feels kind of awkward to me. I worked a lot on myself the past year. I’m way more spiritual than I thought I was a year ago. I’ve changed, like everyone. Love saves us, for sure. It can sound cheesy but I really focused on loving myself and heal from my traumas with the help of a therapist.
Love yourself to save yourself. And then you will be able to be fully present and in love for other persons. This is my humble experience and I still have a long way to go. Love is the only thing that will remain at the end. It saves you. It sets you free. To anyone reading this, heal yourself, talk to a therapist about the stuff you didn’t say to anyone, talk to the inner child who is still living in you, do what makes you happy, be grateful about the things you have and the things you don’t have. Trust your soul. Trust yourself. I wish you peace, joy, light and love.
Love alone won't do shit in a relationship
jijor assad every relationship requests hard work. Love alone is for sure not enough. Commit everyday on the relationship. Work on it. Communicate. Also we tend to get the partner who will feel the most familiar to us (hello unhealed traumas 😊). It’s a chance for us to heal from those traumas... but we have to be aware of it first.
I think your agreeing with my statement
I love how this channel helps the viewers find perfection in the imperfections of every aspect in life.
I remember when I was dating my boyfriend for the first year. He and his friends wanted to go to Japan. I couldn't afford it but told him to still go and enjoy himself. We don't have to be joined at the hip to enjoy a good life together.
This video appeared in my feed just at the right time when I needed it. Really helped me understand the situation me and my boyfriend are in. Thank you!
Hey!
Absolutely. It’s difficult to find men who aren’t threatened by this.
And women
Yes! Based on real friendship, this love will be infinately blessed with patience and care toward each other!
We need connection...the middle path, i think is the best.
Something in common is good.
It took sometime for my wife to understand this but now we are very happy giving ourselves space to grow in all aspects of life. We love to get back together and now doing stuff together doesn't seem like a tedious endeavour. Sharing moments with each other is sweeter because we have the freedom to do things seperatly. Real Love needs realistic solutions, we are romantic every now and then ofcorse but it should not be the end-goal. For us Love is the support within our relationship to live in freedom and explore, most importantly is that only we get to have a say in it.
I really dislike when couples go from an “I” to an “us” in every aspect of their life. It seems extremely unhealthy. Not to mention it’s tacky to ditch all your friends for you significant other.
This is their best video yet.
*Because we should love ourselves more* 💪✨❤️🙏🙌
That’s the only way to keep a spark in the relationship!
There are no rules for love. To each is own. I don't like it when someone claims to have the answers
Wow guys ! as this channel gives us an alternative an dynamic worldview, this is really fantastic !
If one needs so much Independence and time alone, maybe one needs to be alone.
Yes! But I think this video points out to the people who only rely their stability in relationships and not making other support systems.
I’ve learned over the years to ask myself to be patient and kind, not to try to change the other person. It makes for better relationship in all aspect of life. At the end of the day, it’s the love and respect I have for myself that enables me to not asking much from people around me. I do have a need for alone time and own space thus I am quite content to be on my own. However, this hinders romantic relationships because the need to be with a mate isn’t strong. Potential mates don’t get a vibe from me so they don’t pursue (it is all unspoken).
I really have to challenge the way I view love because as it stands I think that we should do everything and enjoy what I enjoy
What about what she enjoys?
Tyson's Speech Impediment exactly and duly noted.
The video is great! But can I just say the visuals are also amazing! They speak volumes!