This is absolute nonsense. There really are competent adults who don't have fears, don't have to express every need (women hate needy men), have no reason to lie, don't need to express every thought (but do express some of them) on social media, and tell people what they really think of them. Some of these competent adults are great leaders or build great companies. Are these people capable of enjoying honest, vibrant love? Of course. In fact, love between two truly competent adults is the best kind because they're not hiding behind a masquerade.
Sure. But a lot of women get instantly turned off and/or men over share. I know people will say I’m wrong or this or that and of course nothing is absolute. But men should find most their support from other men. Women need strong men. Just my opinion
@@WarHammer1989 We get turned off by "victim" mentality. We want to see men who can take responsibility for their role in whatever their vulnerability comes from. If it was in childhood, we want to hear how you've overcome it, and are a better person now because of it.
@@WarHammer1989 It's always safest to express a vulnerability that you're comfortable with. For example, someone I know expressed to me that he had never been in a fight, and never wanted to be. It can be anything as long as it's authentic. By starting small, you can determine whether or not you're talking to someone that will be sensitive to your vulnerabilities or someone who will exploit them.
@@sophiashekinah9872 all that makes perfect sense. And the same could be said the other way around. I don’t like hearing the victim stuff either unless there’s a message of strength attached to it. Some people treat their lives as if they’re just a leaf blowing in the wind. But I have much more sympathy for it coming from a woman then a man. But I hear what you’re saying.
Be careful who you share your vulnerability with, because if the relationship goes awry, the secrets you share can be used like an emotional cosh to beat you up.
then again, whomever runs about spilling your "weaknesses" to others to make themselves look better, immediately shows their own massive weakness / abusiveness / untrustworthiness as a person to others. especially if you meanwhile have learned to own these weaknesses and couldnt care less. so....good for them!
I feel almost the opposite. I don't have any mask to hide my vulnerability and so I can't relate to the game of pretence that's expected in the initial phase of a romantic relationship. I love too deeply, too soon, because I grew up in a lovable home and I was never far away from a safe hug. In a strange way, that makes me the weird one.
I had the opposite problem. My parents should never have met, much less had kids. All I remember is them screaming at each other. I had no role model and have no idea how to give or receive love. I wish they had both died soon after my birth so I gould have been placed with properly vetted parents by a reputable adoption society. In my opinion all adults should be thoroughly examined by an adoption society, and if they fail to qualify as adopters, they should be compulsorily sterilised, so they never inflict their inadequacies on any children.
@ThisIsMyFullName And that makes you a narc magnet; you wear your heart on your sleeve. I was like that when I was younger and did the narcs pounce on me. However, we learn by our mistakes, and we learn to love and filter out the undesirables (narcs).
@@trevormillar1576 As a teacher, I sometimes think that one day, a long time from now, people will look back at this age and be appalled that everyone was allowed to have children and destroy them at will. I'm sorry your childhood was so difficult. I did not mean to sound ungrateful of my own, just that we each are fighting our own battles and that a safe home doesn't mean everything comes easy. The grass isn't greener on the other side, because there are no other side. You have to plant the seeds yourself.
I'm 38 and I still have my stuffed toy from when I was a baby... Holding it makes me happy and it gives me comfort just like it did as a child. I used to date casually and when someone came over to stay the night, I'd always hide the teddy so my guest wouldn't see it. On one date a man who I'd been seeing for a while came over again, I'd forgotten to put the teddy away and he ended up finding it in bed. I was mortified! But instead of laughing or ridiculing me he held the toy in his hands, asked if it had a name, and said that he still has his stuffed toy monkey as well. It was such a lovely moment of vulnerability and I loved that he made me feel so genuinely accepted about something deeply personal to me. It's like we dropped the masks of cool adults and became the two little kids that we always were on the inside. Much fun was had that night. :)
< To speak to a bleeding heart, you need a naked one. > -Vinland Saga. I used to think I needed to be strong, after passing through hardships in my life. I finally found I needed to be flexible, and accept my angers and vulnerability in order to overpass them. It gave me, in exchange, a great love and empathy toward other humans.
I comprehend all of this logically, but on a deeper emotional level I can't let go. It is too hard to be that accepting of myself, so I automatically revert to being hard and strong (not that I'm very good at it ahaha). Do you have an advice for someone who wants to take the same path as you?
@@rulekop What I will say may either help you, or not at all, because I don't know you, what tries you already took, or paths you went by. You said you revert to being hard and strong, yet not being good at it. It may be a good start. If you act in a way that "isn't yours" and pretend to be, you harm yourself. I think you should think at the things you like, those you don't, and make sure of what you want to be and do, so you may know what to do and how. You are not competing, you are just trying to be better and feel good, it's not a race, you have time. Allow you small tries at first, and learn from what you experience, each time. If you are suffering from past feelings, I recommand you no other things than talking to yourself, or with a professionnal, to process it, why you feel that way, and what it means deep inside. Thus, you may have a clearer version of how you think and feel, and it may help you in your interactions with other people. If you are dealing with negative emotions and thoughts, I also recommand you to read books from the Ancients : the Greeks, mostly, like Plutarque, Xenophon and Polybus (way more easy to read than Plato, I assure you). It may give you "good exemples" and small lessons in life. You can also read novels with "positive" characters and stories, or listen to various kinds of musics that give you joy, energy, or a taste of epicness (it's called "neurolinguistic programing", the words you read and hear the most influence your brain and mood). At the level of interaction, you should try to go talk to people, and ask yourself "what do I bring to the conversation/relationship ?", is it knowledge, good vibe, care, affection, skills, agreability, manpower, etc... . Interactions are based on reciprocity and respect, so if you treat everyone equally, as persons, and tolerate that, yes, they may not be perfect, and have small or bigger flaws, you may eventually enjoy their company more, and feel better with yourself, and your own feelings and flaws. Of course, you are not forced to love anyone, but always keep in mind that you owe them at least a small piece of respect, and they owe you the same. The rest depends on how much you want to give and share. I hope this will help you a little and be useful in your effort. Have a good day. And keep faith.
It makes sense, now, that my first love in high school was so intense. We were fiercely vulnerable because we didn’t know how to be any other way. It’s not until adulthood you learn to really pretend. 😢
I pretended to be strong and unafraid. My girlfriend had no idea the fear I had of losing her. I have an anxious attachment that ending up crippling me in every area of my life. I had to take drugs and still do in small doses. However, I got a second chance with my love, and this time if have resolved to not fall apart again, to overcome my fear of losing her.
I was abandoned and unloved as a child so I was disturbingly clingy with girlfriends, but now thanks to philosophy I understand that my future wife could die before me and that in time I would live on in peace despite it happening. If you have the courage to tackle it at the source, study the Stoic concept of memento mori, remembering death naturalizes life's flow of gain and loss in our minds until it's embraced and appreciated as a constant of one's peaceful existence. Study amor fati too if you want to see the good in the inevitable. Also look into the Buddhist idea of non-attachment (detachment). I wish you the best!
Being vulnerable is a gift that is often wasted on those who self-doubt. To be able to share what you are afraid of, what you make a mess of, or what you do clumsily in the presence of your peers requires self-love and it frees you emotionally. Not only that but being vulnerable in the presence of others liberates them of that same fear, allowing them to be vulnerable as well.
@@iliavko True humanity lies in our acknowledgment of our dark side and the knowledge that we have it inevitably, no matter how good we are. We will be realistic when we realize that others constantly have such a side as well, which facilitates humbleness with their mistakes. The one who lacks this recognition will reject others and judge them badly.
I run a investor community mastermind and with so many type A people we try to focus on this barrier that has made us into the successful people today. Here is the best takeaways: Honest love occurs when two people allow their vulnerable, childlike selves to emerge, rather than pretending to be perfect adults. Hiding insecurities or fears can work in professional settings but is harmful in intimate relationships, leading to emotional distance and mutual deception. Vulnerability requires courage and trust that others have their own imperfections and oddities, which deepens connection. Authentic relationships involve sharing childhood fears and emotional scars, allowing both partners to heal and grow stronger together.
Just when I think I’ve learned to be vulnerable, I find ways I still need to work on it. I’m scared to show people I like them bc I fear rejection but to be vulnerable means to put yourself out there & risk being rejected. It’s hard especially when it’s one of your biggest fears but slowly I’m doing small things to do it. ☺️ Still a little scary but I’m doing it & proud of myself no matter how it goes.
Oh...this is SO Brilliaant! I met my 'spouse' at 16 (she was 15) and we became a rock solid team by fully sharing our deformities and providing the other strength within which to grow. It 'only' lasted 17 years, but within that time became economically, emotionally, and intellectually successful. The birth of our daughter threw her back into trauma I couldn't meet, and our time ended 4 years later, but she remained a responsible, if seriously confused 'parent'.
For me a more important lesson was to be supportive of vulnerability. To not shower a new love interest with affection and then withdraw it when I got bored or realised that this person was not who I had been looking for. As someone who does not have much anxiety or many sensory issues (but who struggles with recklessness and impulsivity); in the past I may have been harshly dismissive about these fearful traits in others simply because I could not relate to them. Conversely I’m good at articulating and justifying my own difficulties so have always assumed that if someone wanted me to adjust my behaviour or attitude that they would just be able to frankly explain the situation in a constructive criticism way but I don’t think most people are very good at introspection and untangling a ball of factors and feelings to get to the heart of the matter. So these days I try to do that on their behalf and try to have empathy and patience even if I can’t relate to the same root cause of insecurity. But it’s been a very valuable lesson and I’m slowly getting around to apologising to old lovers for my immature and sometimes scornful attitudes in the past and hopefully that’s something that they find helpful. Always remember to be as kind as you possibly can be friends x
@@secullenable always positive responses to me but I presume the politeness is superficial and I don’t know how they actually feel but it’s not my place to puzzle it out anymore
Thank you, School of Life. This video has lit up a light bulb in my mind on why I haven't been able to make meaningful friendships with acquaintances who I would've considered to be 'close with'. I really was just afraid to open myself up to them and hence why our relationships really never leveled up.
I’ve got this thing where I’m very blunt all the time and I will be 100% comforting to you in your time of need and also state my insecurities and vulnerabilities but have a hard time becoming good friends with people and being a person that people just feel comfortable opening up to. Growing up I was not reassured of anything and always looked down apon for crying and saying what I want. Later, I developed an intestinal illness that put me in chronic pain for a full year which is when I met this amazing person who showed me the wonders of what comforting another human was, which opened my mind up to empathy and relations between others in that sense.
I show my weaknesses and vulnerabilities only to people I completely trust. That way I know that even if they hurt me with their words they have no bad intentions. It's a great way to connect with others on a very deep level if both are open and not afraid to reveal our biggest insecurities. Very unique video style!
It takes huge courage to remove the amour and show the scars to your loved ones & it takes a lot more responsibility to accept the scars of the other person to love them more
This is so unbelievably profound. I added a few things here and there to tailor to my own situation where my loving mom died when I was 6, after which I emotionally closed myself off in an effort to survive. As an adult, I've had serious avoidant issues. Anytime someone comes close, it reminds me of that incredible loss and pain and I go into panic mode and push them away in a primal and childlike effort to not have that happen again. "The difficulty for someone to be vulnerable is a reflection of how punishing they've had to be towards their own fragile inner selves. It's a measure of how fast they've had to grow up. So they focused and distracted themselves with other things. And so they came to fear the very thing they now most need - an unfolding, restorative and profoundly understanding tenderness towards their traumatized early selves. In a grim paradox, to have words of empathy whispered lovingly to them in the dark only reinforces their deepest fears. Their protective shell snaps ever more tightly shut at the approach of sympathetic love. They respond to their open needs with panic and self disgust or maybe even the disgust of the other person as a projection of their own insecurities. We learn to be vulnerable by understanding that those who convey the imperative of a tougher, non crying, non fragile self are profoundly incorrect. Even if that person was ourselves as a child and we did it because we thought that this is the only way to survive. Finding a partner with whom we can be vulnerable constitutes a supreme act of restoration. After a lifetime of denial and false strength, we stand to find in another person the sympathy that was sorely needed but unavailable to us in the past. The old wounds can become gently tended. We become stronger by learning to speak the language of weakness. By letting our hurt babyish selves into a relationship, we open the way to a more nuanced, fruitful, creative and authentic idea of what it really means to be an adult."
I think this applies not only to romantic relationships but to any relationship in general, friendship, family bonds, etc. Being able to be vulnerable and free makes our relationships more honest and clear. I've had the luck of finding a new group of friends with which we can suggest playing "childish" games like hide and seek and catch without any adult guilt. We're in our 20's but I feel like I did back in elementary school, with some of the most honest and genuine friendships I've had.
I used to be vulernable. It was used against me, I made some major mistakes after that. I regressed back to being "tough". I am tired of forcing this on myself.
Vulnerability takes a lot of courage. You tell people something you're weak about and they can stick a needle when they need to is a risk of itself. And that is bravery.
I literally heard from someone the other day that in relationships you had to be vulnerable but I just didn't fully understand how. Now here come this school of life video! THANK U SCHOOL OF LIFE ❤❤❤🔥😃 !!!!!!
As someone that has been in that position and in the position that used something I was told in an argument when I was hurt I wish I had been better because I knew the hurt it caused me when someone did it to me. I’m working towards breaking that cycle
I needed to hear this. I am a strong person and a non complainer when it comes to work, but I must not, at any cost, drag this attitude to my potential romantic relationships. It is scary to share parts of life with someone we are just beginning to trust, but sometimes you just have to trust the other person, in bits and pieces, slowly and gradually.
Thanks for this video. As much as I "knew these things" and have heard about them and read about them over the past couple years in self discovery, it still wasn't enough for me to FULLY understand the extent of how true this is. Until I met someone who came to me with absolutely openness, vulnerability, and trust. I broke this trust in a variety of ways, and now understand that my keeping feelings, past experiences away did the opposite of what I wanted. I lost someone incredibly special to me, and hurt her in the process. I am having a difficult time dealing with this, but all I can do is continue to process what has happened, learn from this, and change my behavior no no matter how vulnerable. It isn't enough to care outwardly for you partner, you MUST show your vulnerabilities and weaknesses in order to build a solid foundation in any relationship, otherwise it's superficial, and there's no meaningful depth in this- which is okay for certain relationships depending on what kind it is, but absolutely crippling in a romantic relationship where emotional intimacy is the backbone and core of love.
When people criticize nowdays I just remind them that Everything in nature has a texture,dent,flaws or scars. Nothing is perfectly perfect. So do I. Lately I have learnt to remain calm and comfort even during turmoil when things are falling apart as they moved away.
@@shriyasahu7092 We should learn from SRK and Deepika how they kept mum even during the saffron controversy. And the box office collection is the result of their calmness and is speaking volumes.
We need to be so careful in choosing that partner we can be vulnerable with. Otherwise the wrong person can exploit our vulnerabilities against us. I found out the hard way some people are so evil they might even use those vulnerabilities to push another to suicide. Be careful, get to know the other person first!!
I want someone who won't invalidate me, won't criticize my childish interests and wild ambitions. I'm fortunate that I have friends I can be vulnerable with.
I appreciate the sentiment, it sounds lovely. Buuut... I tried to be vulnerable with my Ex-Girfriend, i opened up about all my curiosities and took off that mask in the excitement and hedonism of the moment. Turns out she was a horribly manipulative and self-centred abuser who pushed me to the brink of suicidal tendencies before my "bro", my best friend stepped in and basically saved me. Strange place to admit all this I know, but it woupd be remiss of me not to mention that vulnerability offered to the wrong person can be very dangerous indeed. For anyone hoping for a happy ending: I have been single since I escaped her, terrified of what might happen the next time.
I don't know...the idea is still terrifying but maybe i can tell that i often feel the need to get hugged and cry whenever any minor inconvenience happens.
@@isaacyip1998 they do not know I feel this way. I do not blame them,nor do I expect someone to comfort me.. it could be my own idea of myself,that I hope to slowly deal with wisdom. In your case,dear.. you need to realise your situation yourself. Sometimes it's our partner who makes us feel like a burden on them..while other times,it could be just a situation; or your own feelings. You should talk about it with someone you believe understands this,and can guide you well.❤
There is a difference between vulnerable and someone who offloads on you and sees you as a carer/therapist. Or someone who is very damaged but doesnt change and just expects the world to revolve around them.
@@ewolffe8355 that’s my thing. I feel like they can change but I don’t want to wait any longer. It’s been 2.5 years and there has been very little improvement. The highs are so fun but the lows happen so often that it stresses me out.
@@jakew2350 Its not about what you think they can do, its about what have they done to help themselves. Helping someone who is committed to change is a positive, but also hard thing to do. But if they are just content to let you cope with them as they are and have made no improvements after 2.5 years, you have to assume that this will continue as it is. If you have tried to point them towards help and they refuse, again, you are being put into the position of carer rather than partner. Also, it may just be that they dont need to change (you are assuming that they should), or that they are not yet ready to. Its tough and I'm sorry that you are in this position.
This is exactly how I feel. Anytime I opened up about something personal (depression, parents, struggles) I was met with either complete indifference or made to feel stupid or ridiculous. Never again.
Narcissistic mother, mentally bullying father, no social life, bullied at school And still my parents expect me to perform good in studies... My mental health was fked by my parents It has been 7 months but nobody cared anyway Because I'm from India 🕳️
I am brave enough to be vulnerable with a friend of mine. Yet when I do so, he doesn't like it and casts it aside. It's frustrating because we are close friends, and the friendship is tied to many other things of importance in my life. It makes me want to live a lie around him.
you need to work out if he's willing to compromise. you have your own values: stick by them. People who suck the life out of you regardless of their relationship to you, will be the end of you, if they have no intention to listen or change.
In multiple past relationships, my male partners said they can’t accept my childlike babyish behaviours, or, can only meet it with sexual advances; no matter how I explained I just needed some hugs and sweetness 😢😂 I am still not hopeful to be fully accepted, but I will try to not hide my childish part or be ashamed of it, although it didn’t go so well before.
considering you said multiple part relationships, you also have to consider who you're looking for and who you're choosing as a partner. do you date the same kind of guy? what kind of traits do you look for, what expectations do you have?
@@MusiicRoolz lol 😆 thanks for reminding me. Well in the past it was obviously just whoever I had mutual attractions to, but these people usually have similar traumas so that’s why. Gotta heal and be a bit conscious, I don’t think males can be that conscious as easily though, I tried to talk to them but they just didn’t understand and feel sexually frustrated as they have their own issues.
@@jennytai88 they can be conscious but it's true that men are more likely to meet their needs (needing comfort) with sex. it's up to the people in the relationship to balance that difference (if there is one) between the two of you and compromise. and I don't know your past boyfriends but it's certainly true that people can be emotionally unavailable to various degrees and find it hard to be vulnerable and needy. if you're chasing that trauma bond then you'll naturally likely to manifest a poor relationship where it's hard for either of you to take responsibility for yourselves and your own lives. but being aware is a good first step. remember that men _can_ be good, conscious, whatever positive trait you've been missing - at the end of the day you're the one choosing who you're with. though, of course you also have to make sure you're asking for something reasonable and you're not just needing a band aid and someone to rely on for everything (again, I don't know you but just a concept)
Restorative...indeed. I'm thinking sad thoughts that I have a decade left to live. Its such processing. I learned my ex had cruel parents. I can't be mad at Anyone after listening to this message. I strive close here. Thank you. Recently housed from eight months homeless.
Omg i don't know how, but now is this the right time for me to watch this clip. When i stop working i cant be with myself in the same room for a minute. Feelings of failing tear me apart l but a can't say this to my wife
Bro say it yourself, accept saying it to yourself. That is such a normal thing. Yeah it may need therapy to some degree but it’s nothing too serious. If your wife loves you and you love her, she’ll get it. Otherwise she’s not for you and that’s not your fault.
Maybe a men’s support group would be good. I wish there were more places for men to gather and support each other emotionally while doing guy stuff. 😂 It would be so great for humanity if it were common and normalized. ❤ sending you love.
What I learned from this is every one has childhood trauma (that I already knew) and the way to make the world better is to teach our kids to be kind to everyone and help other kids who aren't doin as well. That way the kids will grow up confident and what not. Us as adults know better despite our own trauma. We can manage for a generation to hold our tongues so the younger ones can grow up with an unbroken heart. From them on it shouldn't be so difficult to find world peace. Just my thoughts, they are not very put together if someone wants to say it again in their own words
Sounds like people with an avoidant attachment style. Biggest lesson I ever got was loving an avoidant person who straight up told me "i dont do vulnerability". 4 years later I learnt the lesson 💔
It's such a relief to me to hear your statement of the weirdness in all of us. And to think, I want to love this weirdness in my partner encourages me to think maybe they want to do the same.
You know what is really disheartening, trusting someone with your vulnerability and the other person just blocks you off (closed person not sharing). It makes you feel soo stupid for opening up. Honesty Openness and Transparency is really key in relationships
they don't mean be blindly vulnerable, they mean be smart, have common sense and communication. if someone isn't trying orvgiving, don't give to them and expect things back. don't expect things people won't give.
I have just made myself vulnerable after a lovely connection with a man, via a first date, and great texts and chats. I asked for truth, as the not knowing, (flaking) have started. I’m scared of ghosting too! But knowing the truth is a blessed relief. It makes dating so corrosive to the soul. I think his answer will be utter silence. That’s what usually happens. I will choose an end day and move on. Also, do people hear your refrain? Would they want to see your vulnerability? With some people you are better off not exposing this side of you.
I read ‘Mars and Venus on a date’ changed my life. Dr. Gray talks about vulnerability and when the right time is and explains why timing in important. I think all women should read that book as soon as they start to like boys. I’d say as early as 13 yrs.
My guess is that those of us burdened with emotional dysfunction which developed due to serious childhood events/conditions rarely, if ever resolve such deeply embedded maladjustments via intimate relationships in adulthood that includes the referenced vulnerabilities. Exposing our long-protected emotional scars requires super-human strength and courage AND a partner capable of exercising exceptional care and compassion if and when we open up. Maybe I am wrong.
I still worry that people aren't being honest with me about how they feel. Several people I've previously dated either didn't tell me what was going on in their hearts and minds or would tell me an outright lie about it. I don't know how to trust anyone anymore.
Is there not a chance that you may be reading into it more than is? We are not very good mind readers and in relationships, the best you can do is ask someone to be honest and then believe what they say.
I still wonder if my oldest friends or my partner of twelve years that I own a house with loves me! It's just what I'm used to or expect I deserve. But it's not true.
"D'you get scared to feel so much To let somebody touch you So hot, so cold, so far so out of control Hard to come by, and harder to hold Some people get by, with a little understanding Some people get by, with a whole lot more I don't know, why you gotta be so undemanding" Sisters of Mercy - More (also covered by Shaman, which is an awesome version)
I've been struggling to understand what being vulnerable means until this afternoon and I finally became vulnerable to someone. I find it funny that this topic is uploaded the same day I understood it.
@@akshaychavan3830 we usually mistake it as opening up to someone but it's very different. Opening up just simply means sharing something about you. Being vulnerable is showing your true self and letting the other person decide what to do next. I shared all my insecurities to someone yesterday.. it was scary because I was not sure how they would react. Now that I have shared something so intimate to that person, I feel more relaxed with them. I dont need to show a facade anymore.
It isn't easy especially if it's beyond just attraction. 1. Try to distance yourself from that person and 2. with time when you meet another person things will change.
Awesome, what a morning i am having!, I found solace while watching it, and I am sure all those who didn't realise till this moment vulnerability and growing stronger by taking about our limitations will also find solace in this video.❤❤❤ awesome, gr8 work SOL...whatva contribution you guys are doing...hatsoff 👍🙏🙏
I'm so confused by this because I'm very vulnerable and all that it has given me was manipulative people who take advantage of my vulnerabilities or I get into unstable relationships with people who are equally as unstable and vulnerable as me 💀. I thought that being invulnerable was ideal and I was doing everything wrong by being too open. I'm so confused and angry, especially when I've been going through a huge predicament lately due to my vulnerabilities.
I have this thing where I do something right, and then when it repeatedly doesn't work out, I conclude that I was doing things way wrong. Then I try to change how I do things, and only after some years I hopefully find out that I was doing things right from the start. The issue was often actually in other people. You get paired with other people kind of randomly, but also you pick them yourself too. The random part is just that - no need to adjust the strategy just because you've randomly been handed bad cards. Then the part of how you're choosing the people - note that this is not the same as you doing that initial thing wrong, this is something else entirely - may be a good topic to discuss more with someone you trust. In my case that's my therapist.
We attract people at the same level of function or dysfunction we operate at. So if we're operating on a highly dysfunctional level we're going to attract a partner who is the same way we are. To attract someone you can trust, you first have to work on becoming the exact type of person you want to attract. Meaning, have your life together emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially FIRST. Then when you've gotten toa stage in your life where you actually LIKE who you are, you'll begin to attract other healthy human beings. And there are not very many of those in this world so prepare to be lonely for a bit until you meet the right person. Learning to be ok with being alone is very difficult but until you master that, you're going to continue letting whirlwind emotional roller coaster rides into your life that let you down. It isn't easy.
Hello soulmate! If I would have ever to find a guy for me then he would definitely be watching such content and knowing the depth of things. So where are you my boyyyyg?
sometimes i wish my partner understood how much i need to feel like i can let go of responsibilities for a bit. act like a child, in a way, but he's told me he probably won't ever get used to it.
vulnerability had become at the top of my list of interests. I want to learn more about it and provide it to everyone who is close to me to make my relationship with them stronger. I would like to contemplate the definition of this thing that brings us all closer to our humanity and gives us safety, love and trust in a real way. I hope to become completely open with someone One day and they do the same with me .. its just amazing
Theres a really great book by Brene Brown on this specific topic called "Daring greatly". Its truly such an inspiring work, cant recommend it enough if you want to learn more on the topic
I have no problem with this. I embarrass myself for the entertainment of others constantly and have always worn my insanity on my sleeve. I tell people I'm dork up front so it doesn't surprise them if they get the wrong impression and mistakenly find me charming 😂
Vulnerability is hard for me. I have a hard time opening up because my Dad only laughs in my face when Im upset. He would yell at me if I cried and he would bother me if I was never 100% happy. He taught me to bury jy emotions because he couldnt handle emotions either. Now Im stuck bottling up my deepest angers, frustrations, sadness, and regrets all because people in my life beat me down for not being perfect. Im slowly opening up to my bestie but its rough.
Vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and needs like that are nothing but a stick for her to beat you with. If you can't keep them hidden, it's not going to work.
"Honest, vibrant love is an encounter between two vulnerable children who otherwise do a very good job of masquerading as competent adults."😮♥️
Beautiful.
Loved that part, too.
3:33
Hits the nail on the head
This is absolute nonsense. There really are competent adults who don't have fears, don't have to express every need (women hate needy men), have no reason to lie, don't need to express every thought (but do express some of them) on social media, and tell people what they really think of them. Some of these competent adults are great leaders or build great companies. Are these people capable of enjoying honest, vibrant love? Of course. In fact, love between two truly competent adults is the best kind because they're not hiding behind a masquerade.
It's an honor when someone feels safe enough with us to show their vulnerabilities.
Yes 🙏
Sure. But a lot of women get instantly turned off and/or men over share. I know people will say I’m wrong or this or that and of course nothing is absolute. But men should find most their support from other men. Women need strong men. Just my opinion
@@WarHammer1989 We get turned off by "victim" mentality. We want to see men who can take responsibility for their role in whatever their vulnerability comes from. If it was in childhood, we want to hear how you've overcome it, and are a better person now because of it.
@@WarHammer1989 It's always safest to express a vulnerability that you're comfortable with. For example, someone I know expressed to me that he had never been in a fight, and never wanted to be. It can be anything as long as it's authentic.
By starting small, you can determine whether or not you're talking to someone that will be sensitive to your vulnerabilities or someone who will exploit them.
@@sophiashekinah9872 all that makes perfect sense. And the same could be said the other way around. I don’t like hearing the victim stuff either unless there’s a message of strength attached to it. Some people treat their lives as if they’re just a leaf blowing in the wind. But I have much more sympathy for it coming from a woman then a man. But I hear what you’re saying.
"Strength is a measure of how fast someone had to grow up." Man, that one hit hard...
Suddenly I feel like Arnie..
i had to pause and look away for a moment, hit home for me too
It's spooky how sometimes, a video shows up in your RUclips feed, about a topic you've been struggling with for days.
Always!
The algorithm knows our vulnerabilities.
you just don’t pay attention to them when you feel good
Be careful who you share your vulnerability with, because if the relationship goes awry, the secrets you share can be used like an emotional cosh to beat you up.
Yep, people like those that makes most of us lose hope of having true love. Those who doesn't get the beauty of being human
then again, whomever runs about spilling your "weaknesses" to others to make themselves look better, immediately shows their own massive weakness / abusiveness / untrustworthiness as a person to others. especially if you meanwhile have learned to own these weaknesses and couldnt care less. so....good for them!
Yep
Exactly what my narcissistic ex-wife is doing right now, in an attempt to punish me for leaving her.
@@merkins87 exactly my point, I myself have had some of that torture.
This line got me real good.
"Finding the sympathy that was needed, but not available in the past."
I feel almost the opposite. I don't have any mask to hide my vulnerability and so I can't relate to the game of pretence that's expected in the initial phase of a romantic relationship. I love too deeply, too soon, because I grew up in a lovable home and I was never far away from a safe hug. In a strange way, that makes me the weird one.
Me too.. I shoot to kill and put it out there... But Narcs use that to totally decieve me...
I had the opposite problem. My parents should never have met, much less had kids. All I remember is them screaming at each other. I had no role model and have no idea how to give or receive love. I wish they had both died soon after my birth so I gould have been placed with properly vetted parents by a reputable adoption society. In my opinion all adults should be thoroughly examined by an adoption society, and if they fail to qualify as adopters, they should be compulsorily sterilised, so they never inflict their inadequacies on any children.
@ThisIsMyFullName And that makes you a narc magnet; you wear your heart on your sleeve. I was like that when I was younger and did the narcs pounce on me. However, we learn by our mistakes, and we learn to love and filter out the undesirables (narcs).
@@trevormillar1576 As a teacher, I sometimes think that one day, a long time from now, people will look back at this age and be appalled that everyone was allowed to have children and destroy them at will.
I'm sorry your childhood was so difficult. I did not mean to sound ungrateful of my own, just that we each are fighting our own battles and that a safe home doesn't mean everything comes easy. The grass isn't greener on the other side, because there are no other side. You have to plant the seeds yourself.
@@trevormillar1576 Check out homecoming by John Bradshaw
I'm 38 and I still have my stuffed toy from when I was a baby... Holding it makes me happy and it gives me comfort just like it did as a child. I used to date casually and when someone came over to stay the night, I'd always hide the teddy so my guest wouldn't see it. On one date a man who I'd been seeing for a while came over again, I'd forgotten to put the teddy away and he ended up finding it in bed. I was mortified! But instead of laughing or ridiculing me he held the toy in his hands, asked if it had a name, and said that he still has his stuffed toy monkey as well. It was such a lovely moment of vulnerability and I loved that he made me feel so genuinely accepted about something deeply personal to me. It's like we dropped the masks of cool adults and became the two little kids that we always were on the inside. Much fun was had that night. :)
Awwwwww that’s beautiful!
That's beautiful! I hope you two still keep in touch as friends if you're not involved!
If this was the 70s, you guys would be the brand ambassadors of The Muppet Show
< To speak to a bleeding heart, you need a naked one. > -Vinland Saga.
I used to think I needed to be strong, after passing through hardships in my life. I finally found I needed to be flexible, and accept my angers and vulnerability in order to overpass them. It gave me, in exchange, a great love and empathy toward other humans.
Which chapter of vinland this is from?
@@axm4643 chapter 117, Leif talking about the grudge between Thorfinn and Hild.
I comprehend all of this logically, but on a deeper emotional level I can't let go. It is too hard to be that accepting of myself, so I automatically revert to being hard and strong (not that I'm very good at it ahaha).
Do you have an advice for someone who wants to take the same path as you?
This Is beautiful, love it
@@rulekop What I will say may either help you, or not at all, because I don't know you, what tries you already took, or paths you went by. You said you revert to being hard and strong, yet not being good at it. It may be a good start. If you act in a way that "isn't yours" and pretend to be, you harm yourself. I think you should think at the things you like, those you don't, and make sure of what you want to be and do, so you may know what to do and how. You are not competing, you are just trying to be better and feel good, it's not a race, you have time. Allow you small tries at first, and learn from what you experience, each time.
If you are suffering from past feelings, I recommand you no other things than talking to yourself, or with a professionnal, to process it, why you feel that way, and what it means deep inside. Thus, you may have a clearer version of how you think and feel, and it may help you in your interactions with other people. If you are dealing with negative emotions and thoughts, I also recommand you to read books from the Ancients : the Greeks, mostly, like Plutarque, Xenophon and Polybus (way more easy to read than Plato, I assure you). It may give you "good exemples" and small lessons in life. You can also read novels with "positive" characters and stories, or listen to various kinds of musics that give you joy, energy, or a taste of epicness (it's called "neurolinguistic programing", the words you read and hear the most influence your brain and mood). At the level of interaction, you should try to go talk to people, and ask yourself "what do I bring to the conversation/relationship ?", is it knowledge, good vibe, care, affection, skills, agreability, manpower, etc... . Interactions are based on reciprocity and respect, so if you treat everyone equally, as persons, and tolerate that, yes, they may not be perfect, and have small or bigger flaws, you may eventually enjoy their company more, and feel better with yourself, and your own feelings and flaws. Of course, you are not forced to love anyone, but always keep in mind that you owe them at least a small piece of respect, and they owe you the same. The rest depends on how much you want to give and share.
I hope this will help you a little and be useful in your effort. Have a good day. And keep faith.
It makes sense, now, that my first love in high school was so intense. We were fiercely vulnerable because we didn’t know how to be any other way. It’s not until adulthood you learn to really pretend. 😢
I pretended to be strong and unafraid. My girlfriend had no idea the fear I had of losing her. I have an anxious attachment that ending up crippling me in every area of my life. I had to take drugs and still do in small doses. However, I got a second chance with my love, and this time if have resolved to not fall apart again, to overcome my fear of losing her.
I was abandoned and unloved as a child so I was disturbingly clingy with girlfriends, but now thanks to philosophy I understand that my future wife could die before me and that in time I would live on in peace despite it happening.
If you have the courage to tackle it at the source, study the Stoic concept of memento mori, remembering death naturalizes life's flow of gain and loss in our minds until it's embraced and appreciated as a constant of one's peaceful existence. Study amor fati too if you want to see the good in the inevitable. Also look into the Buddhist idea of non-attachment (detachment). I wish you the best!
Being vulnerable is a gift that is often wasted on those who self-doubt. To be able to share what you are afraid of, what you make a mess of, or what you do clumsily in the presence of your peers requires self-love and it frees you emotionally. Not only that but being vulnerable in the presence of others liberates them of that same fear, allowing them to be vulnerable as well.
Amazing words ❤
The fear is to be judged and rejected for what we share
@@iliavko True humanity lies in our acknowledgment of our dark side and the knowledge that we have it inevitably, no matter how good we are. We will be realistic when we realize that others constantly have such a side as well, which facilitates humbleness with their mistakes. The one who lacks this recognition will reject others and judge them badly.
I became aware that the harsh treatment I received from my mother was a result of her own harsh experiences when she was young.
LoL if only this applied to the real world... Most people will weaponize your vulnerability
I run a investor community mastermind and with so many type A people we try to focus on this barrier that has made us into the successful people today. Here is the best takeaways: Honest love occurs when two people allow their vulnerable, childlike selves to emerge, rather than pretending to be perfect adults.
Hiding insecurities or fears can work in professional settings but is harmful in intimate relationships, leading to emotional distance and mutual deception.
Vulnerability requires courage and trust that others have their own imperfections and oddities, which deepens connection.
Authentic relationships involve sharing childhood fears and emotional scars, allowing both partners to heal and grow stronger together.
Just when I think I’ve learned to be vulnerable, I find ways I still need to work on it. I’m scared to show people I like them bc I fear rejection but to be vulnerable means to put yourself out there & risk being rejected. It’s hard especially when it’s one of your biggest fears but slowly I’m doing small things to do it. ☺️ Still a little scary but I’m doing it & proud of myself no matter how it goes.
so sweet your comment☺
Weirdos of the world unite! Because we're all pretty weird!
@@JLakis yes we are in our own way ☺️
You might get hurt, people might not appreciate you, but it's all part of the process. Wish you have a good journey!
@@mahxylim7983 very true. Thank you!
Oh...this is SO Brilliaant! I met my 'spouse' at 16 (she was 15) and we became a rock solid team by fully sharing our deformities and providing the other strength within which to grow. It 'only' lasted 17 years, but within that time became economically, emotionally, and intellectually successful. The birth of our daughter threw her back into trauma I couldn't meet, and our time ended 4 years later, but she remained a responsible, if seriously confused 'parent'.
For me a more important lesson was to be supportive of vulnerability. To not shower a new love interest with affection and then withdraw it when I got bored or realised that this person was not who I had been looking for. As someone who does not have much anxiety or many sensory issues (but who struggles with recklessness and impulsivity); in the past I may have been harshly dismissive about these fearful traits in others simply because I could not relate to them. Conversely I’m good at articulating and justifying my own difficulties so have always assumed that if someone wanted me to adjust my behaviour or attitude that they would just be able to frankly explain the situation in a constructive criticism way but I don’t think most people are very good at introspection and untangling a ball of factors and feelings to get to the heart of the matter. So these days I try to do that on their behalf and try to have empathy and patience even if I can’t relate to the same root cause of insecurity. But it’s been a very valuable lesson and I’m slowly getting around to apologising to old lovers for my immature and sometimes scornful attitudes in the past and hopefully that’s something that they find helpful.
Always remember to be as kind as you possibly can be friends x
How have those past lovers received that message?
@@secullenable always positive responses to me but I presume the politeness is superficial and I don’t know how they actually feel but it’s not my place to puzzle it out anymore
Thank you, School of Life. This video has lit up a light bulb in my mind on why I haven't been able to make meaningful friendships with acquaintances who I would've considered to be 'close with'. I really was just afraid to open myself up to them and hence why our relationships really never leveled up.
Well done, hope you find happiness among the people you like
I’ve got this thing where I’m very blunt all the time and I will be 100% comforting to you in your time of need and also state my insecurities and vulnerabilities but have a hard time becoming good friends with people and being a person that people just feel comfortable opening up to. Growing up I was not reassured of anything and always looked down apon for crying and saying what I want. Later, I developed an intestinal illness that put me in chronic pain for a full year which is when I met this amazing person who showed me the wonders of what comforting another human was, which opened my mind up to empathy and relations between others in that sense.
I show my weaknesses and vulnerabilities only to people I completely trust. That way I know that even if they hurt me with their words they have no bad intentions. It's a great way to connect with others on a very deep level if both are open and not afraid to reveal our biggest insecurities.
Very unique video style!
It takes huge courage to remove the amour and show the scars to your loved ones
& it takes a lot more responsibility to accept the scars of the other person to love them more
May many more people have courage. 🩷
This is so unbelievably profound. I added a few things here and there to tailor to my own situation where my loving mom died when I was 6, after which I emotionally closed myself off in an effort to survive. As an adult, I've had serious avoidant issues. Anytime someone comes close, it reminds me of that incredible loss and pain and I go into panic mode and push them away in a primal and childlike effort to not have that happen again.
"The difficulty for someone to be vulnerable is a reflection of how punishing they've had to be towards their own fragile inner selves. It's a measure of how fast they've had to grow up. So they focused and distracted themselves with other things. And so they came to fear the very thing they now most need - an unfolding, restorative and profoundly understanding tenderness towards their traumatized early selves. In a grim paradox, to have words of empathy whispered lovingly to them in the dark only reinforces their deepest fears. Their protective shell snaps ever more tightly shut at the approach of sympathetic love. They respond to their open needs with panic and self disgust or maybe even the disgust of the other person as a projection of their own insecurities. We learn to be vulnerable by understanding that those who convey the imperative of a tougher, non crying, non fragile self are profoundly incorrect. Even if that person was ourselves as a child and we did it because we thought that this is the only way to survive. Finding a partner with whom we can be vulnerable constitutes a supreme act of restoration. After a lifetime of denial and false strength, we stand to find in another person the sympathy that was sorely needed but unavailable to us in the past. The old wounds can become gently tended. We become stronger by learning to speak the language of weakness. By letting our hurt babyish selves into a relationship, we open the way to a more nuanced, fruitful, creative and authentic idea of what it really means to be an adult."
Where is this quote from? It resonates profoundly with me.
I think this applies not only to romantic relationships but to any relationship in general, friendship, family bonds, etc. Being able to be vulnerable and free makes our relationships more honest and clear. I've had the luck of finding a new group of friends with which we can suggest playing "childish" games like hide and seek and catch without any adult guilt. We're in our 20's but I feel like I did back in elementary school, with some of the most honest and genuine friendships I've had.
I used to be vulernable. It was used against me, I made some major mistakes after that. I regressed back to being "tough". I am tired of forcing this on myself.
Vulnerability takes a lot of courage. You tell people something you're weak about and they can stick a needle when they need to is a risk of itself. And that is bravery.
The realness in this video is unbelievable 🤯
I literally heard from someone the other day that in relationships you had to be vulnerable but I just didn't fully understand how.
Now here come this school of life video!
THANK U SCHOOL OF LIFE ❤❤❤🔥😃 !!!!!!
You're very kind - and please do share our film with anyone struggling with the same question.
The thumbnail is literally all 5 areas of my childhood trauma in one image. It's scary accurate.
same, it’s sad it’s a common fate these days
It's a classic profile. 👌
I hope you're doing well right now. But if you're not, i hope you can take small steps each day to overcome your trauma
Same!
yep
The vulnerabilities I’ve revealed in relationships have been used against me when we argue or break up.
Remove that person but don't stop being vulnerable so that right people for you will enter your life.
Exactly
As someone that has been in that position and in the position that used something I was told in an argument when I was hurt I wish I had been better because I knew the hurt it caused me when someone did it to me. I’m working towards breaking that cycle
Break up with them if it's that serious.
Especially for a man.....they make it seem like we are weak.
I needed to hear this. I am a strong person and a non complainer when it comes to work, but I must not, at any cost, drag this attitude to my potential romantic relationships. It is scary to share parts of life with someone we are just beginning to trust, but sometimes you just have to trust the other person, in bits and pieces, slowly and gradually.
Thanks for this video. As much as I "knew these things" and have heard about them and read about them over the past couple years in self discovery, it still wasn't enough for me to FULLY understand the extent of how true this is. Until I met someone who came to me with absolutely openness, vulnerability, and trust. I broke this trust in a variety of ways, and now understand that my keeping feelings, past experiences away did the opposite of what I wanted. I lost someone incredibly special to me, and hurt her in the process. I am having a difficult time dealing with this, but all I can do is continue to process what has happened, learn from this, and change my behavior no no matter how vulnerable. It isn't enough to care outwardly for you partner, you MUST show your vulnerabilities and weaknesses in order to build a solid foundation in any relationship, otherwise it's superficial, and there's no meaningful depth in this- which is okay for certain relationships depending on what kind it is, but absolutely crippling in a romantic relationship where emotional intimacy is the backbone and core of love.
When people criticize nowdays I just remind them that Everything in nature has a texture,dent,flaws or scars.
Nothing is perfectly perfect.
So do I.
Lately I have learnt to remain calm and comfort even during turmoil when things are falling apart as they moved away.
I love this comment
@@shriyasahu7092 We should learn from SRK and Deepika how they kept mum even during the saffron controversy.
And the box office collection is the result of their calmness and is speaking volumes.
Some folks don’t deserve your vulnerability. They’ll use it to gaslight and control you.
This video helped me restore the faith that in myself, and that we don’t have to feel like crap for simply being human.
What helps me be vulnerable is to talk to my partner from a place of sadness, not anger, when I'm upset.
It takes strength and courage to be vulnerable in a relationship.
Have already confessed everything and taking the leap of faith opened the gaye of healing.
We need to be so careful in choosing that partner we can be vulnerable with. Otherwise the wrong person can exploit our vulnerabilities against us. I found out the hard way some people are so evil they might even use those vulnerabilities to push another to suicide. Be careful, get to know the other person first!!
be vulnerable not weak.
@@er_5406 Difference?
You have no idea how much I was excited hearing the voice of Alain once again after a long time! School of Life = Alain! Great "to be back".
I’ve had all of these happen to me: bullies at school, absent father, narcissistic mother, etc. I’m now a teacher myself.
Same
0:42 “We might, as vulnerable people, admit to a desire to be mummied.”
I believe the correct terminology is mummified.
nah mate I think they meant mummied as in needing others to act like a mum towards oneself, like to be babied by someone
@@arrhenninx4295 Oh! In other words, the British pronunciation of the word mommy-ed.
I want someone who won't invalidate me, won't criticize my childish interests and wild ambitions. I'm fortunate that I have friends I can be vulnerable with.
I appreciate the sentiment, it sounds lovely. Buuut... I tried to be vulnerable with my Ex-Girfriend, i opened up about all my curiosities and took off that mask in the excitement and hedonism of the moment. Turns out she was a horribly manipulative and self-centred abuser who pushed me to the brink of suicidal tendencies before my "bro", my best friend stepped in and basically saved me. Strange place to admit all this I know, but it woupd be remiss of me not to mention that vulnerability offered to the wrong person can be very dangerous indeed. For anyone hoping for a happy ending: I have been single since I escaped her, terrified of what might happen the next time.
If you had the requisite courage, what would you confess to your partner or lover? Let us know in the comments
That I feel like I'm a burden on them and have wanted to leave,at times.
I don't know...the idea is still terrifying but maybe i can tell that i often feel the need to get hugged and cry whenever any minor inconvenience happens.
@@ShezWe Can u share more? What can they do to make you feel less like a burden? Im actually facing this myself.
Already did. I wish I didn't and kept it to myself, admire her from afar. It'd be better if I didn't bother and waste her time to be honest.
@@isaacyip1998 they do not know I feel this way. I do not blame them,nor do I expect someone to comfort me.. it could be my own idea of myself,that I hope to slowly deal with wisdom.
In your case,dear.. you need to realise your situation yourself.
Sometimes it's our partner who makes us feel like a burden on them..while other times,it could be just a situation; or your own feelings.
You should talk about it with someone you believe understands this,and can guide you well.❤
Nobody is coming to save you
Jesus will if you ask. I promise ❤️
Only God, and Jesus man, they are the only ones. That's why at this point I'm getting to a point I don't want one.
@@kristinac4771 here we go with religion…
@@kristinac4771 facts 💯
Please never stop making these videos
I find it really hard to date a vulnerable person. It gets very tiring and stresses me out, it feels more like a chore than a relationship.
There is a difference between vulnerable and someone who offloads on you and sees you as a carer/therapist. Or someone who is very damaged but doesnt change and just expects the world to revolve around them.
@@ewolffe8355 that’s my thing. I feel like they can change but I don’t want to wait any longer. It’s been 2.5 years and there has been very little improvement. The highs are so fun but the lows happen so often that it stresses me out.
@@jakew2350 Its not about what you think they can do, its about what have they done to help themselves. Helping someone who is committed to change is a positive, but also hard thing to do. But if they are just content to let you cope with them as they are and have made no improvements after 2.5 years, you have to assume that this will continue as it is. If you have tried to point them towards help and they refuse, again, you are being put into the position of carer rather than partner. Also, it may just be that they dont need to change (you are assuming that they should), or that they are not yet ready to. Its tough and I'm sorry that you are in this position.
My ex called me pathetic to my face for crying in front of him, about how we’d been getting distant. I’m never showing vulnerability ever again
I understand you're in pain, but one fish is not the whole sea. I hope one day you can learn to openly, but wisely, love again
This is exactly how I feel. Anytime I opened up about something personal (depression, parents, struggles) I was met with either complete indifference or made to feel stupid or ridiculous. Never again.
They are not even meant for you my brother!
That's god's way of removing the wrong people from your lives
Narcissistic mother, mentally bullying father, no social life, bullied at school
And still my parents expect me to perform good in studies...
My mental health was fked by my parents
It has been 7 months but nobody cared anyway
Because I'm from India 🕳️
Well that sucks!
May Allah fix your life
Stay in there man
Papa - aaisa kuch nahi hota hai 🙂
I experienced every single one of them and I'm from Iran.
I am brave enough to be vulnerable with a friend of mine. Yet when I do so, he doesn't like it and casts it aside. It's frustrating because we are close friends, and the friendship is tied to many other things of importance in my life. It makes me want to live a lie around him.
you need to work out if he's willing to compromise. you have your own values: stick by them. People who suck the life out of you regardless of their relationship to you, will be the end of you, if they have no intention to listen or change.
Maybe try being vulnerable with your women friends instead? Men usually aren’t as openly emotionally deep as women.
@@faevalentine9187 it isn’t really fair if everyone expects women to always pick up the emotional load though. Men need to learn these skills too.
In multiple past relationships, my male partners said they can’t accept my childlike babyish behaviours, or, can only meet it with sexual advances; no matter how I explained I just needed some hugs and sweetness 😢😂 I am still not hopeful to be fully accepted, but I will try to not hide my childish part or be ashamed of it, although it didn’t go so well before.
considering you said multiple part relationships, you also have to consider who you're looking for and who you're choosing as a partner. do you date the same kind of guy? what kind of traits do you look for, what expectations do you have?
@@MusiicRoolz lol 😆 thanks for reminding me. Well in the past it was obviously just whoever I had mutual attractions to, but these people usually have similar traumas so that’s why. Gotta heal and be a bit conscious, I don’t think males can be that conscious as easily though, I tried to talk to them but they just didn’t understand and feel sexually frustrated as they have their own issues.
@@jennytai88 they can be conscious but it's true that men are more likely to meet their needs (needing comfort) with sex. it's up to the people in the relationship to balance that difference (if there is one) between the two of you and compromise. and I don't know your past boyfriends but it's certainly true that people can be emotionally unavailable to various degrees and find it hard to be vulnerable and needy. if you're chasing that trauma bond then you'll naturally likely to manifest a poor relationship where it's hard for either of you to take responsibility for yourselves and your own lives. but being aware is a good first step. remember that men _can_ be good, conscious, whatever positive trait you've been missing - at the end of the day you're the one choosing who you're with. though, of course you also have to make sure you're asking for something reasonable and you're not just needing a band aid and someone to rely on for everything (again, I don't know you but just a concept)
Vulnerability is important as it shows how to be open ❤
Restorative...indeed. I'm thinking sad thoughts that I have a decade left to live. Its such processing. I learned my ex had cruel parents. I can't be mad at Anyone after listening to this message. I strive close here. Thank you.
Recently housed from eight months homeless.
Omg i don't know how, but now is this the right time for me to watch this clip. When i stop working i cant be with myself in the same room for a minute. Feelings of failing tear me apart l but a can't say this to my wife
Bro say it yourself, accept saying it to yourself. That is such a normal thing. Yeah it may need therapy to some degree but it’s nothing too serious. If your wife loves you and you love her, she’ll get it. Otherwise she’s not for you and that’s not your fault.
Maybe a men’s support group would be good. I wish there were more places for men to gather and support each other emotionally while doing guy stuff. 😂 It would be so great for humanity if it were common and normalized. ❤ sending you love.
Man, just when I think I've seen it all... this vid sums up what everyone needs to learn to do in a nutshell.
Today ... I graduated from this channel... Thanks ...
What I learned from this is every one has childhood trauma (that I already knew) and the way to make the world better is to teach our kids to be kind to everyone and help other kids who aren't doin as well. That way the kids will grow up confident and what not. Us as adults know better despite our own trauma. We can manage for a generation to hold our tongues so the younger ones can grow up with an unbroken heart. From them on it shouldn't be so difficult to find world peace. Just my thoughts, they are not very put together if someone wants to say it again in their own words
''They managed their traumas by siding with those who hurt them.''
A man that cries is a man that's lost everything already
The Need for Love in one's Life. ❤️
the thumbnail is very accurate, these painful moments created us
Sounds like people with an avoidant attachment style. Biggest lesson I ever got was loving an avoidant person who straight up told me "i dont do vulnerability". 4 years later I learnt the lesson 💔
It's such a relief to me to hear your statement of the weirdness in all of us. And to think, I want to love this weirdness in my partner encourages me to think maybe they want to do the same.
You know what is really disheartening, trusting someone with your vulnerability and the other person just blocks you off (closed person not sharing). It makes you feel soo stupid for opening up. Honesty Openness and Transparency is really key in relationships
They might need to process their own feelings though also to what you just told them
The final third of this short film is priceless - thanks for creating & sharing these important truths with us.
It's okay to not be okay.
This channel/organization is such a gem. Great video.
The most important relationship advice on the Internet! Brilliant 👏
I never ignored as no one should but this is not an excuses for concerted attacks, and will never be....
Thank you for always lifting up my spirit ❤️
We're so glad our films can help you in this way.
in madness lies sanity - alan watts
It’s hard to be vulnerable with someone who is constantly giving you so many mixed messages
they don't mean be blindly vulnerable, they mean be smart, have common sense and communication. if someone isn't trying orvgiving, don't give to them and expect things back. don't expect things people won't give.
I have just made myself vulnerable after a lovely connection with a man, via a first date, and great texts and chats. I asked for truth, as the not knowing, (flaking) have started. I’m scared of ghosting too! But knowing the truth is a blessed relief. It makes dating so corrosive to the soul. I think his answer will be utter silence. That’s what usually happens. I will choose an end day and move on. Also, do people hear your refrain? Would they want to see your vulnerability? With some people you are better off not exposing this side of you.
I read ‘Mars and Venus on a date’ changed my life. Dr. Gray talks about vulnerability and when the right time is and explains why timing in important. I think all women should read that book as soon as they start to like boys. I’d say as early as 13 yrs.
My guess is that those of us burdened with emotional dysfunction which developed due to serious childhood events/conditions rarely, if ever resolve such deeply embedded maladjustments via intimate relationships in adulthood that includes the referenced vulnerabilities. Exposing our long-protected emotional scars requires super-human strength and courage AND a partner capable of exercising exceptional care and compassion if and when we open up. Maybe I am wrong.
I still worry that people aren't being honest with me about how they feel. Several people I've previously dated either didn't tell me what was going on in their hearts and minds or would tell me an outright lie about it. I don't know how to trust anyone anymore.
Is there not a chance that you may be reading into it more than is? We are not very good mind readers and in relationships, the best you can do is ask someone to be honest and then believe what they say.
I still wonder if my oldest friends or my partner of twelve years that I own a house with loves me! It's just what I'm used to or expect I deserve. But it's not true.
That sounds hard
I believe you can re learn how to trust, though
It's a balance of this and normal boundaries.
Thank you school of life this video really impacted me ❤I wasn’t vulnerable in
My recent relationship.😢
The minute you act vulnerable with a woman with options… is the day she begins to make her exit. Trust that.
How to be open-minded in a closed-minded world 🤔
I saw the thumbnail and couldn’t resist 🤔
"D'you get scared to feel so much
To let somebody touch you
So hot, so cold, so far so out of control
Hard to come by, and harder to hold
Some people get by, with a little understanding
Some people get by, with a whole lot more
I don't know, why you gotta be so undemanding"
Sisters of Mercy - More (also covered by Shaman, which is an awesome version)
✨✨thank you for creating this video ✨✨
I've been struggling to understand what being vulnerable means until this afternoon and I finally became vulnerable to someone. I find it funny that this topic is uploaded the same day I understood it.
This channel always seems to know what I need to hear.
What is meant by vulnerable person? Please tell me in simple.
@@akshaychavan3830 we usually mistake it as opening up to someone but it's very different.
Opening up just simply means sharing something about you. Being vulnerable is showing your true self and letting the other person decide what to do next. I shared all my insecurities to someone yesterday.. it was scary because I was not sure how they would react. Now that I have shared something so intimate to that person, I feel more relaxed with them. I dont need to show a facade anymore.
Thank you Alain de Botton and the school of love
I have been preaching this lately. Thank you🙏🏽
Can y’all do a video on how we should get over unrequited love?
It isn't easy especially if it's beyond just attraction. 1. Try to distance yourself from that person and 2. with time when you meet another person things will change.
@@lewessays Yeah, I just told her I’m leaving until I get over the crush, it was hard but I’m glad it’s over
Clean time away helps
Awesome, what a morning i am having!, I found solace while watching it, and I am sure all those who didn't realise till this moment vulnerability and growing stronger by taking about our limitations will also find solace in this video.❤❤❤ awesome, gr8 work SOL...whatva contribution you guys are doing...hatsoff 👍🙏🙏
I'm so confused by this because I'm very vulnerable and all that it has given me was manipulative people who take advantage of my vulnerabilities or I get into unstable relationships with people who are equally as unstable and vulnerable as me 💀. I thought that being invulnerable was ideal and I was doing everything wrong by being too open. I'm so confused and angry, especially when I've been going through a huge predicament lately due to my vulnerabilities.
I have this thing where I do something right, and then when it repeatedly doesn't work out, I conclude that I was doing things way wrong. Then I try to change how I do things, and only after some years I hopefully find out that I was doing things right from the start. The issue was often actually in other people. You get paired with other people kind of randomly, but also you pick them yourself too. The random part is just that - no need to adjust the strategy just because you've randomly been handed bad cards. Then the part of how you're choosing the people - note that this is not the same as you doing that initial thing wrong, this is something else entirely - may be a good topic to discuss more with someone you trust. In my case that's my therapist.
We attract people at the same level of function or dysfunction we operate at. So if we're operating on a highly dysfunctional level we're going to attract a partner who is the same way we are. To attract someone you can trust, you first have to work on becoming the exact type of person you want to attract. Meaning, have your life together emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially FIRST. Then when you've gotten toa stage in your life where you actually LIKE who you are, you'll begin to attract other healthy human beings. And there are not very many of those in this world so prepare to be lonely for a bit until you meet the right person. Learning to be ok with being alone is very difficult but until you master that, you're going to continue letting whirlwind emotional roller coaster rides into your life that let you down. It isn't easy.
Welcome back i feel havent heard this kind of content in a while
Hello soulmate! If I would have ever to find a guy for me then he would definitely be watching such content and knowing the depth of things. So where are you my boyyyyg?
Hi there! There are many of us, but not many realize it while young.
She was vulnerable with me.
When my turn came she called me weak and not a man.
Too many women are victims and perpetrators of toxic masculinity. I’m sorry this has happened to you :(
@@A11L9E Yess, she got out of a very toxic relationship and it influenced ours, she could not love
Men have been taught to not show weakness, it's actually a strength
sometimes i wish my partner understood how much i need to feel like i can let go of responsibilities for a bit. act like a child, in a way, but he's told me he probably won't ever get used to it.
I look at this thumbnail and I agree with everything.
I clicked because the thumbnail art summed up my childhood. And stayed because Alain! 😂❤
I have the opposite issue actually... I can be vulnerable.
I can't seem to find anyone who is vulnerable and honest with me.
I just wish you could have seen that being vulnerable didn’t make us weak
You get what you get and you don't throw a fit
vulnerability had become at the top of my list of interests. I want to learn more about it and provide it to everyone who is close to me to make my relationship with them stronger. I would like to contemplate the definition of this thing that brings us all closer to our humanity and gives us safety, love and trust in a real way. I hope to become completely open with someone One day and they do the same with me .. its just amazing
Theres a really great book by Brene Brown on this specific topic called "Daring greatly". Its truly such an inspiring work, cant recommend it enough if you want to learn more on the topic
@@arrhenninx4295 Thank you so much! I will get it as soon as possible
🙏
I have no problem with this. I embarrass myself for the entertainment of others constantly and have always worn my insanity on my sleeve. I tell people I'm dork up front so it doesn't surprise them if they get the wrong impression and mistakenly find me charming 😂
Vulnerability is hard for me. I have a hard time opening up because my Dad only laughs in my face when Im upset. He would yell at me if I cried and he would bother me if I was never 100% happy. He taught me to bury jy emotions because he couldnt handle emotions either. Now Im stuck bottling up my deepest angers, frustrations, sadness, and regrets all because people in my life beat me down for not being perfect. Im slowly opening up to my bestie but its rough.
I love your content, bro. Keep it up.
Vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and needs like that are nothing but a stick for her to beat you with. If you can't keep them hidden, it's not going to work.
Sad. You need to fish in another pond.