well it looks like my fyp is a little too accurate again.. heres some timestamps...! 0:00: happy pills 3:21: nobody 6:33: now you suck 9:38: call your name 14:00: dark red 17:41: bottom 21:25: feel better 25:38: freaks 28:02: i met sarah in the bathroom 31:00: i bet on loosing dogs 33:49: hope 35:58: revenge
@@cafesli there r two different versions not allowed; ruclips.net/video/Z96O6q_w6qI/видео.html and now you suck; ruclips.net/video/V2CiBgql2uM/видео.html
Honestly, same because I strongly understand where you're coming from. I struggle to remember a lot but I Do remember when things were becoming more... clearer and depressing/depressed, that was one of the first things I found out that was pretty dark. Though, I was exposed to a lot as a kid which I never realized, both back then and now until I was told about it.
Grew up the middle child to a single mother who focused entirely too much either on my younger brother or my older brother. I can 100% say my childhood cat mothered me more than my own mother did. When I wasn't outside all day, I was at a friends house getting fed by their family. I really only went home to sleep. To this day I understand cat body language more than human body language.
As a youngest I practically raised myself: My mother was focused on my older siblings constantly, and I had to face my issues alone. I never got sheltered or supervised internet, which completely butchered my innocence. I feel as if I act 16-17 as an 11 year old.
pov: you have to deal with your problems by you self your the middle child you feel like the back ground person you have anger issues your parents dont understand how you so you gave up on telling them on how you feel your sister/brother doesnt want to hang around any more you had a bad reputation in school in person so you went to online school..
This is me, but im the oldest, so im just overlooked and had to be the parent for the longest time, since my parents couldnt be that to my 3 younger siblings.
I’m an only child and this is really relatable, my father never really cared for what I did, he mostly would just chew on Tabasco and watch TV. I taught myself to draw for 7 years straight with no help what so ever. My mom is a PHD at many different schools in a specific area and always has a lot of work to do when she gets home. I rarely spend time with my family because of how busy they are. So as a young one I was Morley relying on myself.
this is the oldest sister shit i’ve been looking for. I’m just a person like everyone else but no one seems to know that. i have feelings and thoughts to but no one cares about them.
Same. As the oldest 'sister' (im actually genderfluid), i was overlooked and had to raise myself and my siblings. Had to comfort them when my dad yelled at them, had to make them breakfast and lunch, while no one worried about me, except for myself. I was seen as another parent. When i act like the parent nowadays, cuz its engraved into my brain, im told that im not the parent and thats the parents job. Then when i act like the kid, im childish and need to be more mature. When i act in between, its either too this or too that.
I grew up too fast... not alone but too fast... I'm only 14 years old and according to psychologists and other nurses or/and others I would have a higher mental age, around 16/17/18... I don't really know what to think about it and it stresses me out, I try to look like people my age but I have too much trouble, I don't quite understand their jokes and a lot of things make me feel uncomfortable when I'm with them... so I hang out with people who are a little older or who are like me... one of my friends tells me that i should laugh and smile more often... he seems to be fine and doesn't know the sad and hard reality of life... it's innocent...
You got a pure and nice friend that will probably stick with you for a long time. Keep people like them by your side and protect their innocence but at the same time get others who actually understand because if you actually vented and put everything on that one innocent friend, they might just collapse from the pressure and the fact that the world they knew were sugarcoated and they only knew the nice, sweet and happy things in life. (I apologize if you think that this makes you think i'm demanding you to do this but, if i were in your position i would have done this and i hope your friends stay with you and depend on you as much as you do them.)
we kind of in a same situation ım 14 too and ı literally hate everyone except some members of my family and my cat yea ıts hard and no-one can able to understand me ı am feeling really alone and sometimes all ı just want to do take a drink and walk until ı can't see the word. ıdk ıf ıt mean sense to you .
hey, I'm not sure what tone your friend said that in, but it might just be a light-hearted comment! your smile must be beautiful and i think that might be what he meant :]
My parents aren't cruel, they did care, they just never cared about what was most important and didn't know how to comfort me or help me through tough times, so it made me feel alone all the time. And I couldn't talk to them about my feelings either, or else they'd both instantly give me a reason why I shouldn't feel shitty and invalidate my feelings, and go on about how they had it so much worse and that I should feel lucky. They've also expected me to act like an adult since I turned 16, and it only got worse when I got my first job, and made me pay "rent" a few times (it was like 40$ a month), but they stopped doing it. They aren't cruel people, they just have no idea how to comfort and they don't know it's ruining me because I can't talk to them, and I can't get a therapist because the last time I tried, my mom completely forgot about the appointment and I didn't get to the appointment, and I never tried calling for a therapist again (this happened probably sometime in November or October last year).
I had to teach myself everything as a kid. And when some part of me was broken, i had nobody to go to but myself. I matured when i was 7-8 when i had found out what p0rñ was. I had an addiction for a while. Without realizing that parts of me were breaking every video i watched. I couldn't and can't fix them. I quit caring about humanity when i kept listening and living by the internet and kinda just lost all faith in humanity too. I overthink everything and i stopped caring about people so i wouldn't hurt them and myself even more. I started dating people just last year when i was 11 and now have like 8 exes. I long to be loved. Because my mother couldn't give me that for 12 years. I know i might sound "bRoCkEn" Or some crap like that but i'm only getting thing off my mind. I don't like attention.
Congrats! you made it to reality! You made it up to the one of the many agonizing phases in your life; in other words *you finally grew up* things will become harder this time! these things may contain in the process: - crying yourself to sleep - harder subjects to learn - scared of the future - bigger problems that may affect you mentally to the point it hurts you physically and more! indubitably if your lucky you can get family problems too! we're *ALL* very happy for you oh? what is this? your all by yourself huh? well then, I'm sure since you came this far you can do it again and again then again and again till you- well.! I'm sure you can make your way out this wrecked world cheers to you goodluck.. and let the games begin
I kind of grew up in 11. I seen gore. I seen s*x. I seen my mother suffer because she was sick. I dont know what diseace. Nobody told me. Walking was giving her pain, but I wasnt that worried. When it was getting worse, I knew. Everything will turn out terrible. Few days after my birthday and New Year (31st of december) grandparents called me. They asked is everything fine with my mother and I said that "yes, she is sleeping now. Kind of snoring". When we finished talking, I was terrified. She couldnt breath nomally. Her eyes were open wide. Her skin was getting white, nonhuman color. Her lips were getting blue. Really fast I said about this to the person that lived with us. We both were calling to the hospital. I cried while doing this. After doctors were there, the person sent me to kitchen. I cried a lot. I was worried. After few hours, they took her. The person calmed me down saying that everything will be fine. Next day, police arrived asking for my dad's phone number. He took me to his home, everything was fine. Next day, I wake up and sit for a bit. My father came to me and said that my mother is dead. I felt like my life got ruined. She was only person that was always near. Only person that I could talk to. Only person that I felt love from. It happened a year ago. But I still cry about it. I even cut myself sometimes, but not making many scars. Dont want anybody to notice it. Sorry for dumb comment, I'm just to scared to tell about it to my therapist.
@@Br34dL04f the truth I'm not going to lie to you I don't know how you felt but what I can tell you is that just keep living maybe not because I (a stranger from the internet) tell you or for yourself, for your mom that I i can bet that she would not like her son or daughter to hurt them self, and stop living for her because I know what a mother is like, a mother moves heaven and sea for her children. well that's all I can tell you and also my condolences on the death of your mom.
@@Br34dL04f you should tell it to your therapist, they’ll help you more than the internet can. just talk to them, it’s their job to help you, so please, tell your therapist about everything. they’ll understand. i promise.
my parents only care now that they learned i s/h. i spent my whole childhood on my own. i build walls and barriers because anyone who said they wanted to help just wanted to use me. google was my best friend. and now im 11 but half the time feel 13/14 because of all the shit ive seen and gone through. but i help others before myself, i put myself and my enjoyments last, despite constantly feeling the need to help i love this! how fun…
I don't have any friends. I only have my mom, and we have a troubled and avoidant relationship. No other family. I don't talk to anyone during the day. I don't share my thoughts with anyone. I have been living in isolation since I was 15 and I ruined myself irreparably. I am constantly aching. All I can do is cry on the internet. But what's the point? I won't get better. I am a coward, weak and so insanely lonely. Not saying this for pity. Just so it won't echo in my head, it can wander around the world aimlessly. Like me. Ironic.
From one internet stranger to another, each with their own lives and experiences, I really hope you find happiness some day soon :) it’s hard now, but the only way now is up
@@juanita7594 thanks kind stranger, though I truly believe I am fully capable of fucking up even worse, but it's nice knowing that at least you still think I am not completely hopeless.
Hello! Your situation sounds awfully close to mine. I'm in a different situation now but when I was younger it was also just my mom and I. Our relationship was almost non-existent. I was completely alone no friends nor family as well and thought it would never get better and had the same thoughts you stated, But a few years ago I met someone that change my entire life. There is still hope so don't give up just yet okay? I definitely hear you and understand what you must be going through. Just be strong! You got this! It really does get better. 😊 I hope it helps at least a little that there are people out there that at least have an idea of what you're going through...even if you can't see them. You don't stand alone. We're here.
that picture describes my mind so well holy fuck. exactly how i feel when i got to work, uni or pretty much anything. even gaming nowadays feels like that. nice. living life i guess. so much to look forward to, you know?
It gets better. You have to break the cycle I've been feeling like my body is alive but my mind is below the ground. It flows far away submerged in grey. Separate from the world and above. I'm trying to learn to love life again in all its up and down. But jus know whatever you enjoy and think is a dumb thing to live for or be happy about its not. Its your head, ur world. Express yourself. Your interests, your favorite places, favorite color, favorite food, favorite art, song, movie, person, game, city, country. Theres so many beautiful unimaginable things in this world for us to discover, we just have to be willing to take the risk the risk of pain of failure of regret. I don't know anything, I'm not trying to sound smart or have the answer I hope it doesn't sound that way just recently my life my mind has been getting better and for so long I've been los and I wanted to offer what might help someone idk. I hope life gets better for you.
I remember those days that I try to fit in or have someone to talk to but when I gut someone to talk to or fitting in a bit everything just spills out I was so overwhelmed that it made me feel like I have to intertain them so they'll won't leave me And now here I am isolating myself from other people as much as I can
Grew up? Yes, too fast? Yes, by myself? Yes. What did we learn while growing up? I'll go first! If your door gets taken out, put it back, show them you're *not* weak You can make a room under your desk, if they try taking that away as well, *plan their death* Lock yourself up in your room, they didn't care, why would they care now? Water improves multifocus Fight until you're dead, if you can still technically use your body, what stops you? Be a high achiever, if you want to rule the world you will think more of what it takes, you will know more about real world at the age of 11 then your parents at 45 You live next to a church? Take candles and turn them into pencils! You like to stay in trees but someone keeps saying it's theirs? *Put salt at the bottom* if you can't have something no one will Don't care about yourself, the more you care the more it will hurt, leave yourself behind, it's not like anyone cares if you do so! Don't suicide, you will end up in hell, if you try but you fail it means god wants you in heaven. Your parents are assholes, pretend you care and then kill them once your old enough! Show them what it's like! What have y'all learned?
I was always alone when I was a child, but I always had my family by my side, I had some friends that I talk to until today and I could always count, but most of the time it's just me by my side, I love being alone, more this is not good for anyone
i was all alone from the moment i turned around 6 years old. My family seemed not to give a shit abt me, they just wanted me to succeed and accomplish what they requested me. I DOUBT that they ever cared to what i want to do with my life. So yes. I had to grow up way too fast because i had no one to count with, all i had was fake people using me, judging me, and neglecting me. The only one i could ever count in was my best friend that they Want me to stop talking to because “she’s a bad company”. I want to get out of here i am so done with everyone, everything is fake, I can’t even anymore. Im getting too tired from this.
No one really guided me in life, except for basic stuff a normal human needs but it always lacked one crucial part. Emotional stability, I live in a very strict and abusive household. My parents are almost always absent in crucial parts of my life and I have grown to solely rely on myself. But unlike others relying on myself didn't always result to good decisions, I always felt like I was lost and I never learned to navigate on my own up until high school and I suffered a lot for it. Still I'm better off now but I still lack a lot, and I rlly hope I can with stand more.. I know I can
@@user-ep8gs5ds4l for real tho, just find some friends to hang out with, doing it alone sucks. If you cant just look for people who will give you a hand. it might be the lift you need.
pov: you live in a house with no doors or windows. you're too scared to let anyone in. any time they said they wanted to help, that you could trust them, they gave you hundreds of reasons why you shouldn't. so you built these walls around you. but they won't come down. your emotions don't work. nothing is real anymore.
I moved out when I turned 18 to get outta a toxic household. I wasn’t fully prepared to move out on my own but I did and now I am drained from stressing about bills struggling all the time and trying to do well in school while also trying to meet ends meet. My family is moving out the country soon so I’ll be all alone in this mf country trying to keep myself together. I hate it I wish I was a kid again with no worries
im 19 now , i never had someone to really learn me something nice like cooking etc. i had to teach it myself and my parents never cared about me tho with 12 i was diagnosed with insomnia and amnesia now im here.i never had much luck at school nor friends so pretty much i was the silent kid and now im happy i moved out as soon im possible because my mother and father divorced and they never treated me well. i known internet since a young age and ive seen alot of things which made me not so bright as a child wishing i would never see anything from it at 14 i was fully burnt out because i was working hard to catch up with anything and yeah- i cant tell more since i dont remember much in details either i wrote more down from it so i could write it here. i hope everyone here is safe at this point :)
I'm the youngest child of two, even if my family don't know it I'm still dealing with mental health issues. Yesterday was the first time in a few weeks that I cleaned my mess of a room because I have no motivation. I lie to my friends and family about my mental health. I grew up too fast because I hold things too myself and don't tell others. I'm used to getting used and thrown away, even at a young age I was used to that. Sorry for ranting pwp
I Grow up very quickly My mental age might be 40 or 30 And in the end, I taught myself almost everything, not because my parents didn't care, but because from my childhood no one understood me . I had no friends, I was lonely, it was painful but When I turned 15 I realized and understood that I don't have to be understood by anyone, I don't have to have friends And loneliness is a strength that not everyone knows. I started listening to my mind and the voices inside my mind and followed my intuition Now I'm in university and I'm working on my career and trying to achieve my dreams The point is for who He needs this talk. You don't need anyone. You control yourself. You are the master of yourself. Don't let this corrupt world bring you down . hey kid Smile, life is short, there is no time to frown
this is relatable. im an older sibling who raised his younger brother in an abusive home, i raised him alone while my parents did drugs and let horrible thing happen to me, and i was alone in the world so i relate, and i always think of it during these songs
I'm an only child and I have a loving mother most times and he reason I say that is because sometimes she says the littlest thing that really hurts my feelings. I one time told her this and it seemed like it was my fault for being a bit sensitive but now that I'm realizing this I was not. Plus, she put me in an all-girl school which is really hard to keep my grades up and she told me that I'm the one that wanted to go to school which is partly true, but it really was not because she practically parent pressure me into going to that school. And I was very young like 6 when I learned that the world is not all unicorns or rainbows. I learned about LGBTQIA+ and my mother seemed a bit annoyed every time I mention something about. Like one time we were watching a movie where one character was nonbinary and she said, "is it a boy or a girl" and I said "they are nonbinary " I tried to explain to her the meaning when she said "well are they born with a P0ssy or the other thing" it honestly disgusted me. Do keep in mind I'm 13 right now.
I have 6 siblings and I understand where your coming from, cuz I'm also in an All girls school (im 12) I'm sensitive Certain words may hurt my feelings when I get mad I would cry all the time and I told my mom about being Bi and she said “The devil is listening” She always has a problem with my older sister. So it's okay my love I'm here for you:)and she's super controlling there's more but I'll save it
I’m not ready to vent about becoming a very young Highschooler, but I’ll say a couple things. Currently a cheerleader for the third time in my life and I’ve realized I was such a good kid. I would hope I still am as I’m about to be 14, but it’s just so much harder. I have to raise myself and my siblings. I may not do the best job but I’m trying to keep myself alive as well. My friends are the best thing I could ask for. Me and my friend also recently started “dating” (not gonna get into it) and things seem to be better for the public. *i* just feel much worse. I would like to turn the clock around. I miss myself when I was truly happy and alright, things haven’t been the same and I feel I haven’t been truly happy in forever. Thank you for your time and may your life bring many happy memories to come. I love you.
Grew up too fast because I was shamed for having negative thoughts and complicated emotions and never got help working through them. Had to work through a lot of adult situations way too young without the knowledge of anyone in my family. Yeah I have a sibling, but I still grew up alone. You know why? Because we were both shamed into the same thing so it felt shameful to share emotions with even each other expecting to have the same negative reaction as our parents. I’m a senior in high school and my brother is a freshmen in collage and we’re closer then ever because it took a little freedom from our parent to realize it’s okay to find comfort in each other from our shared experience.
Im glad your closer now, sibling relationships can be so important and I honestly don't think I would have lived this long if it wasn't for my brothers. They've always been there for me and although we don't really talk about the bad stuff, we know we're here for each other and that's all we need
My heart goes out to all the kids who grew up to fast maturing fast raised themselves had many phases mentally unstable have religious trauma dealt with so much shit from others bullied etc and my heart goes out to all the pre teens or teens who have bad addiction to drugs or abuse drugs and stay up late thinking about life always on their phone never leaves their room barely sleeps barely eats drinks monster have meds have been to mental hospitals alot etc infact this is me in a nutshell:')
Now my story is probably more nerdy or lame than the others here but it's good writing practice so... My 1-5 years pretty happy, but when I turned 6-7 I never really interacted with my Mom, and she didn't interact with me because she started running a business. So I grew up without someone to talk to, and with my brother (7-8 months) dead when I was 4 or 5 I just talked to myself. It's still a pretty big problem now. Since we moved away my family wasn't really around so I looked for replacements subconsciously, and I found three older brothers in Dantdm, Jacksepticeye, and Markiplier, two cool uncles in Stampy and squid, a Dad in PhilzaMinecraft, and a sister in Amylee33. I had a whole family I had created in my mind and online, but being online means I learnt too many things at a young age. The internet really did raise me.
im an only child lol so i feel this. i dont remember much from my childhood (repressed memories) but the parts i do remember are when i lived in my grandfathers apartment with him while my parents were in jail. i remember some moments with my mother (never good ones and often drugs involved) and none with my father, but today i live with my bipolar mother and bipolar aunt (neither on medication) a year ago my dad got out of jail and now lives 7 hours away from me, and i spend my spring and summer breaks going to see him and my grandfather, which is who he is currently living with. I remember hearing stories from the "perfect" side of my family about how my mother and father were nobodies and they never should have let their child live homeless for years. im 16 now and all i can say is, growing up too fast and by yourself sure is tough, but it isnt all bad, some people never learn independency and often trust too easily, but as someone who grew up alone and grew up around things i never should have grown up around, im greatful for all ive learned, because without it i would never have been the person i am today and probably would have made many mistakes in my life.
Growing up with an epileptic mother who suffered from contracting Steven Johnson syndrome multiple times was hard enough, add to the equation my abusive older siblings who decided to dip out and go do drugs somewhere and you have an equation for a fucked up childhood. I never had friends due to my looks and the racism/bulling I received made me jumpy and untrusting of others. Now I'm 17 and finally somewhat getting my life on track and getting my education. I look back on my childhood and I'm surprised I made it so far. I have problems and trauma but regardless of that the shit I went through so young and alone made me the hardworking and responsible kid I am today. I hope I stay strong and keep walking this road I'm on, alone or not.
I wasn't fully alone I had my siblings and we can be close at times but I really struggled talking to anyone out side of that. I'm autistic and I've always really struggled with making friends/trusting the right people, whenever I did make a "new friend" it always felt really one-sided I'd put so much more of myself than I was comfortable with in to them, only for them to get bored or try and push me away :/ I'm older now and I have one or two people I'd consider friends but I still feel really isolated. Which doesn't make sense because I don't want more friends the thought of having too keep up with to many people is really overwhelming I dont particularly like surrounding myself with others, yet I still feel lonely alot of the time :///
Huh, didn't think one of these RUclips playlists would be something I'd really want to hear. But, well, I guess its good to know people like me still have meaning to keep us alive. We made it out here when nobody else could. Stay safe out there peeps.
I'm an only child and I can heavily relate to this. My parents always worked and we're never really there when I was a kid. They didn't care what I watched or what I listen too. And I didn't really grow up with friends my own age. My "friends" were my grandparents who were practically raising me although they're version was just staying in the house and stay outta the way. I only had animals as my friends so growing up it was extremely hard to relate to kids my own age. And now that I'm 23 I'm still having a hard time getting along with people my own age.
My mother and father divorced when i was young and i had to help raise my 3 younger brothers at a very young age. Knowing what its like to not have someone there to help you and becoming independent at a very young age is very upsetting...This playlist is way too accurate
You don't have to read this if you don't want to I'm the oldest sibling and was never taught much more than basic needs from my family I would always lock myself up in my room afraid to let others in because they always turned their back on me. I'm 13 but truly have a mindset of someone much older. No one pays any attention to me even tho I am the only child in the house since my sister is with my mother in a different house. They forget to even let me know dinner is ready. I don't exist anymore music is my only escape. I never learned how to properly convey emotions and just bury it all until it explodes I can't say no to my friends because I am scared they'll leave me and they are very toxic and get angry or act upset to manipulate me if I do say no. I'm refered to as the mom friend because I act more mature and the therapist friend because I listen to their problems when in reality I just want them to dump their issues on me so I forget my own and I have seen the awful cruel world while they are all oblivious to it. I hate myself and have a toxic trait to always be the very best because my family pressures me to be the best. Anything less than a B on an assignment is frowned upon all I have is my great grandmother and my school social worker understands me better than my own family. I have been emotionally neglected and never showed I was upset because they would say things like it hurts me to see you upset so I kept it to myself. I hate my body and myself and I wish things were different. I sit and wonder what I did for the universe to be this cruel. I know people have it worse and that's why I'm scared to talk about things but it physically hurts I'm sorry I just had to vent you don't have to read it.
I'm older, and I have been through that still trying to get through it. But I don't have a worker or anyone else, and I have my smaller siblings. My parents will argue and I will comfort them, my little siblings has depression (newly diagnosed) and I made her laugh since her diagnosis. I have been raised to work until I feel too weak to be able to the job properly. I comfort my dad that he is doing fine with his work and that he is giving us the best life he can. I comfort my mom by telling her she won't live through what her mother went through. I comfort my younger siblings that they are not a burden and that they help us through small things. I tell my older siblings that she is doing fine with her family and that it doesn't matter that our dad doesn't want to see her. No one comes to comfort me so the only comfort I get is to work and work until I can't think and if I can't work I will exercise until I can barely breath. I hope you find hope somewhere. I'm sure someday you might
As the youngest, everyone thought I was loved but it was constricting, she didn't love me she wanted to own me.. and boy did she ever. hey uh.. trigger warning? I guess? I was 5 when I hit puberty, and there was only me and one boy that did at that age... he turned into a groper and still is one. (for reference 8 is considered 'early' for a kid to hit puberty). Before anything, I tried to understand it, understand people.. when I finally asked questions I was oppressed in all things sexuality barring the things I didn't want, nor a child should (seeing adults in their birthday suits, stories shoved down my throat of all the grotesque things people do such as 'scat').. saying I wanted to be sick is an understatement. I never understood kids my age on their stoney resolve and 'cooties'.. this got me ostracized by all but the freaks of the freaks.. and that was because both of our parents drank together. At around 8 a mob of 20 or so girls and 5 women (25+ in age) wanted to SA a new boy, who didn't know what to do so he proposed apathy. There was me, my one friend and him in the corner.. I knew they didn't want me and I was haunted, so I ran.. I've always regretted running. None of them got punished, not a one, not a word.. I told everyone, I spoke about it in public at every opportunity, nobody cared a bit. Needless to say, my one friend turned into a bully after that, plus puberty did a number on him, and to be honest I can't blame him. Now, that 'haunted' bit? when I was 7 I started to remember the big R.. I was scared and didn't know what was going on, I was remembering more and more and so I told (I'm not going to call her a mother, because she wasn't one...).. she told me the usual stuff you hear 'stop lying', 'attention', 'impossible' and so on.. that, I was used to but what hurt the most was my older brother who was as stressed as an 8 year old could be (a frequent liar, attention envy and sick repeatedly so he was exactly what you'd expect).. and that was the biggest reason she told me to 'shut up'... for 4 and a half years straight, every time I fell asleep I was made to feel the purest form of horror you could, and not only for a child. It was going on for a while before that but sporadic, half way to 8 it started and did not stop until I was 13. you bet I felt every second of it, every time I was chased, every time I was.. yeah.. you get the point. I couldn't even run away into my sleep... My older brother (by 1 year) hit puberty at 13. He never stopped being abusive, puberty only changed what about.. mockery, pretending to be better and bigger than he was, threats, constant boasts of the violence he did and ones he did to me never to get more than a 'don't do that'. My oldest brother (by 5 or 6 years) and his best friend had a particular hate of me. Through all my family, I've heard 'I wish you were never born' more times in one of those years than I have been told 'I love you' by everyone in all the years of my life... both my brothers bullied and tormented me, their friends bullied me ceaselessly and my dad, well.. he wasn't around because he was apparently 'more abusive' than any of them were. Leaving out a lot of events and some bouts of CSA'ers, I was raised by my nightmares.. literally.. One of my nightmares that frequented me when I was awake as well as asleep was a woman, she cared about me more than anyone ever has, more than any animal ever has. She was shouty, she was reserved and she was.. well.. her. If I could describe her in one word it would be 'punk'... she let me know that it was okay to feel, okay to hide, okay to not feel bad for not fighting back and okay TO not fight back. She came up with ideas that have saved my sanity more times than they have saved my life.. until she disappeared one day, got dragged off by a mob after telling me to run in some of the worst I'd ever seen.. and I've never seen her again, not once. None of it is 'real' enough for people, no matter if it's a nightmare, no matter if it happened, no matter if the scars are mental or physical, no matter what I've seen day after day. She? she has always been the realest person in my life. And boy did it not stop there! but that's something else.. a whole lot of something else. TL;DR - at 8 I was the equivalent of a 15 year old, every time I see a woman I feel like I'm going to be violated to my very bones, 4.5 years straight of multiple VERY real r*pe nightmares a night where I felt everything, was told that I was 'evil' and 'never should have been born' more times than you can shake a stick at and had many encounters with p*edos. TL;DR TL;DR - fun times! grew up too fast, indeed.
i grew up on my own because my older brother had depression and anger issues, i was the gifted kid, my parents didn't have to care for me, till my first su1c1de attempt
Hey you! I know things might seem tough right now and yeah you're right! But I promise things will get better okay? You're important and unique and don't let anyone take you down! I'm sorry if you're stressed. I wish I could take it away from you because you deserve so much and don't need anything to drag you down! Don't let anyone push you down!! Don't listen to any of those negative words about you no matter what it is. Take care of yourself and try to seek help from others! I know it might be hard but it will help you. If you don't have anyone to talk to or vent to you can always talk to me! I'm Beautiful Repeat that I don't have to be perfect Repeat that I can be who I want to be Repeat that I'm important Repeat that I'm special Repeat that I'm not useless Repeat that I'm not mistake Repeat that I'm not a burden Repeat that I'm not dramatic Repeat that I am worth it Repeat that I am loved Repeat that I am not a problem Repeat that 100 reasons why you shouldn't commit suicide: 1. We would miss you. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself, if you failed or just simply left scars or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not, it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. 8. You are amazing. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are at ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. 18. Think about your favorite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day 20. Listening to incredibly loud music 21. Being alive is just really good. 22. Not being alive is really bad. 23. Finding your soulmate. 24. Red pandas 25. Going to diners at three in the morning. 26. Really soft pillows. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. 28. Proving people wrong with your success. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. 31. Being able to help other people. 32. Bonfires. 33. Sitting on rooftops. 34. Seeing every single country in the world. 35. Going on road trips. 36. You might win the lottery someday. 37. Listening to music on a record player. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. 39. Taking really cool pictures. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. 41. Hearing crazy stories. 42. Telling crazy stories. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. 45. Traveling to another planet someday. 46. Having an underwater house. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. 49. Trampolines. 50. Think about your favorite movie, you’ll never watch it again. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke, 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. 53. People do care. 54. Treehouses 55. Hanging out with your soulmate in a treehouse 56. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees 57. I don’t even know you and I love you. 58. I don’t even know you and I care about you. 59. Nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! 60. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. 61. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE 62. Starbucks. 63. Hugs. 64. Stargazing. 65. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. 66. You’ve changed somebody’s life. 67. You could change the world. 68. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. 69. You are worth so much 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. 71. Making snow angels. 72. Making snowmen. 73. Snowball fights. 74. Life is what you make of it. 75. Everybody has talent. 76. Laughing until you cry. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. 79. It’s possible to turn frowns, upside down 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. 83. One day your smile will be real. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. 85. Lying on the grass and laughing at the clouds. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. 87. Eating crazy food. 88. Staying up all night watching your favorite films with a loved one. 89. Sleeping all day. 90. Creating something you’re proud of. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and be proud you didn’t commit suicide. 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate 94. The new season of Sherlock 95. Cuddling under the stars. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? 98. Being able to hug that one person you haven’t seen in years 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, anything could happen. Please remember that your important and to contact somone or talk to someone if your feeling suicidal. Please take care of yourself, eat,drink,brush,wash anything and everything to take care of yourself. If it's night time, remember to put your phone on the charger,make sure you have everything set and try and get some sleep okay? Hopefully the next day will be better and the days after that. If it's the evening it might seem rough right now but I promise they'll get better. Take care of yourself and remember to make time for your hobbies and interests. If it's the morning don't start off with such a bad mood! I know it sucks to have to get up and go to school or work but I promise the day will be good! Don't overwork yourself okay? I love you and you're important! Please take care of yourself and seek help if your feeling suicidal or depression. Remember you're important and there's no one like you! If you ever need to talk to someone you can always talk to me! And please take care of yourself for me And remember it's okay to cry, it's a way of the body letting out it's emotions! Go get some rest dear! And remember your valid
@@user-uy9fx5mv2x things seem tough and for you it might seem its not getting any better but I swear on my life that something good will happen! And you don't have to believe me and thats fine but I have a feeling that something good will happen! Please remember fo take care of yourself even when times are tough! Take care of yourself and remember your valid
When i was in grade 5 i joined a broadcast competition practicing on my own even though my mom is an English teacher and since then i realized i wasn't treated fairly in my family even if I'm the youngest i feel like every family burden is on me and they treat me like a therapist
Alot of people say "the youngest gets everything they want!" But as the youngest, I got all the family issues. I never got to enjoy my childhood, and play outside. I was given an iPad at the age of 3, and had no supervised internet. I found fnaf at a very young age and am still in the fandom. I got into gacha in 2017/2018, and have gotten bullied out of things I enjoyed many times. I never get to see my siblings, since they're all moved out. My mother is always on her iPad and TV. My dad is always at his work as a truck driver, but we atleast come onto his truck sometimes. I'm always left on the internet, talking to all my friends and playing games. My cat is more of a mother to me than my mother, she's the one who's soaked up my tears, she's the one who's comforted me through the worst times, who doesn't yell at me for crying. It's sad how kids now can't enjoy life how other generations have, but yet here we are, going through things we shouldn't be going through.
I was always told, "You rare so big" or "wow you don't act like your age" I was told to grow up and that acting like a child was wrong. My parents tried but they had their own pressure and couldn't even take care of the one kid they had at 19 and 21 but then I came they did try and care a bit more. It just hurts seeing my brother being treated better than both of us. Me and my sister grew up in poverty, he grew up in a nice home, nice neighborhood, nice schools. While me and my sister live in a horrible house we got robbed twice and that traumatized my sister. The schools were fine but they were Mexican schools we didn't have money. We couldn't go outside with out someone watching us. He has it so much better and yeah maybe he does deserve all of this, but what about me and my sister. We didn't have *shit* and we barely get attention it all goes to him since he is the youngest. I mean I lost my childhood I move 3 times kindergarten through third grade that should be your childhood, then you become a bit more mature. But here I am people think I act like I'm 18 im just 12... I want to go back and get back what I lost but thats not possible. I guess this is just my life. If you are reading this take care of yourself. Thank you for reading this 💛
.... took care of my father, mother, and sibling. Now my uncle has custody... hes a better father and parent than either.... I no longer feel scared to go to school when my sibling is sick. I no longer get told im expensive for my dietary needs.... and I feel free.... 17, job, fostercare, and feel more free than ever..... i get to be a kid for 6 months.... and that scares me. Because I feel as though I need to be a kid for a bit longer..... and I dont want to go back to worrying aboit food, rent, if my family is safe ect. This is why letting a child be a child is so important. The only thing im proud of is that I am the person I needed as a child.... and it shows when I babysit. I live to see the joy on their face when I walk inside. I am my childhood hero. I made my promise to myself come true... the promise at 4 i wasnt sure I could do. Im my hero, Im my siblings safety net if needed, I am the babysitter children look forward too. I help children get the thing I NEVER got as a traumatized child. For these reasons I am glad I made it through so far.... and this is what I focus on during dark days.
As a kid i always wanted to be older because the older you get you get to do more things like get a job, earn money, ect. But I should've just focused on being a kid instead of the future. And because i wanted to be older i acted older, i was quiet and responsible but once i'd entered my teenage years I wanted to be younger to escape everything and go back to the fun. So many things to regain my happiness but nothing really worked, i grew tired of the life i was living and began distancing myself even more. 6 months later my parents took me to counselling because they didnt want to see/deal with me like that and i got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I got on medication and it helped it a bit but i felt numb but atleast i didnt hear/think certain things anymore. And now im stuck in a never ending loop of my emotions :)
I'm 18 and a senior in highschool and am mostly homeschooled. It's not that I don't have any friends, I do. But I'm starting to feel more and more that I'm growing far away from all of them, even my BEST friend. And I haven't seen my friends from my young childhood in years. Whenever i try to make plans with them, none of them are available. I can physically and mentally feel us growing apart by the second, and I try to ignore the feeling but every now and then I feel a small sting in my chest when the thought comes back.
As a kid I never had friends always family. I’ve been backstabbed. Only have two-three people I trust. So I guess I grew up to fast. I was also a very mature kid with anger issues lol 😆.
I was always surrounded by others. I am the oldest. I was always succeeding and doing well and having everyone congratulate me. But in all honesty, I felt the most lonely when I was surrounded by others. And I couldn’t explain it to those who “cared” for me. Because I knew that their “love” was shallow and didn’t mean anything. It was so staged and relied on me being what they wanted. So I was more lonely in the company of others than I was with myself. With myself I was and am completely at peace. The relationship I have with myself is a lot more meaningful and deep.
it really felt like this growing up. both of my parents were really young when they had me, and i’m the oldest so them being so young never really knew how to raise me and when they finally figured out how to be a parent they spent all their energy on my siblings. i’m just the person they call when they need help cleaning or taking care of the kids
Born to a single mother I grew up constantly moving from my grandma to my aunt and grandpa. I was the unwanted child. Still I found some friends and was happy till my mom found herself a man. Now she's married to him and has my younger sister so they give attention mostly to her. Even though I have a good relationship with mom it's still not as good as it should be. I'm 17 but according to tests my mind is on the level of a grown up person. I can say that I grow up too fast and that I'm trying to catch up on what I didn't have so now I'm trying to enjoy everything I do and just having fun. Note: sorry if my English is bad I'm not a native speaker. 😊
12 yr old girl turning 13 in a bit and when i was younger as in 6-10 i thought i was overthinking it to much and it would get better. BOOOM ,i hit beginning of six grade it wasn’t terrible i was okay had five good friends i was happy then 7th grade came. All the sudden a lot of people know me they become fake i get all of the pressure of the family on my shoulders and i realize there is actually no way out unless ur the perfect sibling ,friend,daughter,girlfriend and it just gets so tiring how we are so damn young going thru things we shouldn’t ever go through and i look back to when i was so happy and talkative,now all u see from me is •anti social •sh addict •wanting to drink my problems but i can’t • social anxiety and so much more i just hope it all goes away but i would never get my hopes to high But for everybody else don’t give up i love u and remmeber to eat :)💗
I’m growing up with a broken family but that doesn’t mean anything my brother and my mother love me and I love them, I made good friends and now I am recovering from some issues that I have gathered. I thank everyone who’s reading this comment, you are not alone, I don’t know what’s happening, and I can’t say it will get better but try to live and fight I’m sorry I wish I could do more but just trust yourself and talk to others who you are close with and trust them.
No bc I always had to endure emotional abuse form my dad or my "friends" and since my mom was never home I had to comfort and raise my little brother. I never had a shoulder to cry on or anyone who could protect me so I also did than myself. Now that I'm older I avoid phisical or emotional comfort and that's fked up, my childhood basically taught me that if I ever open up to someone all I'll receive is neglection, it has always affected my interpersonal relationships, I want to be able to be emotionally vulnerable with someone and feel protected ig, but it only makes me feel uncomfortable.
Hey ya'll im very proud of ya'll for surviving and still keep going... i might not know how ur doing or what is happening in ur life but just know tht u r not alone... i also have my own demons to face and i try.. and im proud that you are here.. thank u for taking the time reading this:')❤❤❤❤❤ i appreciate you and you being strong
Yk a bit off topic but when I was little the only reason I wanted to grow up was because I thought everything would be better and I would be able to have so many more freedoms and stuff like that. Mini me work be shocked to find out that it isn’t awesome growing up. After all this, and I still just wanna grow up, so I can be a teenager and be in high school and have lots of fun and sneak out yet I know it’ll all probably be hell for me. I don’t even know how far I’ll make it before I can’t take it anymore and just… (I’m pretty sure you guys know where that’s going)
I’m 12, have been traumatized by nsfw stuff at the age of 9 (Unsupervised) and normalized it for a while (I made mistakes but all bad habits have been stopped since I was 11), have played fruit ninja on my arm, have tried to k*ll myself, have found out much more about this world, have kept my family together for about 7 years, have gotten spanked for nothing really bad, have been misgendered, been called attention seeking for SH, and have been undermined for being the youngest, my age, and my siblings because “They have it worse” I have been through hell and I just wish COVID 19 would have never happened cuz half of these things wouldn’t be on the list but it is this is my trauma. I’m doing better, I have a therapist so I’m finding coping mechanisms and my mother is much more kinder now.
words cant express how much i relate to this playlist (i shouldnt even be complaining, honestly- my friends have it worse than me, and plenty others too)
As the oldest of four. Yes this is relatable, and when my whole family wasn't fighting eachother they were cold. Mum put her time into my siblings education, and dad was barely at home, and when he was. It was on the PS4, I had some friends. They didn't make the best decision (vaping, drinking and more I think) I didn't get involved in that (luckily) since they always seemed like shit, but they were fun to hang around and they cared about me a lot so, that's nice :)
As the oldest in the house and the oldest female in my entire family, I basically raised every kid that came into my family. My brothers, sisters, baby cousins, niece and nephews. I have raised everyone else's kids since the day I could cook mac and cheese from a box. I didn't get a childhood, I was born into adulthood. I continue to raise kids that aren't my own.
I am the youngest of 3, my mom was a single mom thanks to my dad and his dr0g issues (he ended up in jail for it). She was still studying (36yo but needed it for her dream job) and having 2 jobs so she could put food on our table. I didn't see her a lot. My sisters are 4.5 and 9 years older than me so they never really played with me as a child. Any way the oldest left to a boarding school once she was 11 and the other one never liked the same things than me so we stayed apart. I grew up by myself, never understanding simple "human" interaction and to this day it's still hard for me to get the way society works. I had to grow up fast cause we had a lot of money issues and even if my mum hid it very well, no one can be oblivious to it all. So this playlis is pretty much perfect for me haha
I learned things at a very young age, things i wasnt supposed to learn i was exposed to toxicity and other stuff and it didnt get any better when i always have to comfort my mom everytime my drunk father comes home and yells at my mom and i would always hide because i would already know hes going to hit me and yell at me too if i show myself i was 8 at the time and it still scares me that on how i gone through all of that at a young age i dont even remember what i was like when i was a kid anymore
My dad left when I was 2 then my mom had to constantly work. When I turned 7 I got a dog and named her Della. She died in November 2021. She saw me grow up from 7 to 17 and she’s all I had.
I was homeschooled for 7 years of my life. I didn't go to public school until 8th grade. I had no siblings and very few friends, and I lived in a rural area, so I felt isolated and lonely for the majority of my childhood. I have a very weak social battery because of this and can only be at school for a few hours at a time before I have to leave. I just wish I was happier.
Yeah...this is me... Even tho people say that the youngest gets everything and had the most attention, that wasn't the situation in my house. My parents would focus on my other siblings and often forget about me. By the time my parents were done with my siblings they had no energy for me. Growing up I was often told that I was mature for my age...but in all reality I wanted to die and I already knew how harsh the world was... God....there's so much I could write about. how I had nobody there for me and how I had to raise myself. But I don't think anyone wants to hear what I got to say....they never had...
I was there for them, but nobody was there for me. No one cared for me, until this day, I can't trust anyone. I grew up faster than any other kids. I had strict parents, I knew how to handle myself at a young age, now I'm a childish teenager maybe I'm just taking back my childhood.
the link for the Spotify playlist open.spotify.com/playlist/6gAbLw3aL7dEfvGSOEHMTD?si=HXPlyO_PS3GXRKJ0MB__LQ& (last two songs are different because i couldn't find the ones in this playlist on Spotify so sorry for that and feel free to add songs to it that sound like they'll fit just please don't change the whole thing and don't take out songs that i put in there because they are the original songs in the original playlist)
As a older child at the moment I’m 10 and a half, this has always been a problem. I always grow up to fast. I don’t have any room to fit a childhood in my life. My dad was always kinda abusive he died a month before my 10th birthday, we have all be depressed since the only reason he was doing that was cuz of his bipolar, As oldest I am expected to “take it” whatever pain I go through doesn’t matter. But anything that happens to the youngest or middle child I would get blamed for even if I had nothing to do with it. It’s completely unfair but I can’t fight what I can’t control.
As the oldest child, i had to grow up to become a good impression on my little siblings. still do... The first was born when i was 8 But my innocence was already gone when i was 5-6. On my own. I want my childhood back. Thats all i want. But no matter how hard i try, i cant. i wont let myself..
Kids my age were maturing faster than me, because of that I got bullied. I have changed a lot since I was 12-11, mostly due to the internet and an older brother who was going through puberty. I see people talking so happy about their childhoods, but for me it feels like it was stolen by other people.
The older I get the more I realize how alone I was when I was a kid. My mom stopped packing my lunch in grade 4, I was constantly left alone cause my parents work was prioritized over me even though they could afford breaks. I often only saw them in the morning and that was it. Despite it being such a small thing, like my lunch being pre-packed for me, my mom stopped tucking me into bed as soon as I was like 7. its such a small thing, but to a 7 year old who still loves their parents, a warm blanket, a little kiss, and a 'good night' can change a shitty day to an amazing one. Im 17 right now, my brother is 5 yrs older than me and I was left constantly to do his chores, make him food, fetch him things cause he was too lazy to do it himself. I was young and just wanted someone to acknowledge me, I did as he always asked yet I never got a thank you. I genuinely had to look up how to make a grilled cheese when I was younger because no one ever told me. it didn't help that I wasn't allowed to use the stove alone until I was 9 or 10. I was never acknowledged when I was younger, I was told my feelings don't matter as much as little billy's. I was told to shut up cause adults were talking. I taught myself everything I know, I built walls around myself and no one will ever truly be able to knock them down. I'm not okay, I've told my mom recently. I asked for a therapist, she said she raised me well. she said I was fine, so I guess ill have to be fine until I can move out. little edit: My parents also prioritized work over my birthdays. specifically mine, not my brothers. so I dont like celebrating them anymore- why celebrate something no one cares about
I don’t have good memories as a child. because all I did was getting beat up by Bigger kids because I am small and poor so I don’t really eat for few days as a kid and all I do is work. I move a house every year, so I don’t really have a people who can I really call a friend. I grow up not knowing who is my father and confuse who is my mother. I grow up not knowing what is love. I grow up at there is no one I can celebrate my success. I grow up without someone by my side who can I share my problems. But I still have hope. Everything have it’s own time. So don’t give up. And just keep believing to yourself
I grew up when I was eight. My father had just passed, my sister was in the edge of death and my mother was heartbroken. So I pushed my feelings aside and made sure they both ate everyday even though my sister never left her room I still made sure she didn’t starve or dehydrate and I made sure my mother could get up in the morning. It’s takes a big fucking toll on you to be an adult as a child.
well it looks like my fyp is a little too accurate again.. heres some timestamps...!
0:00: happy pills
3:21: nobody
6:33: now you suck
9:38: call your name
14:00: dark red
17:41: bottom
21:25: feel better
25:38: freaks
28:02: i met sarah in the bathroom
31:00: i bet on loosing dogs
33:49: hope
35:58: revenge
6:33 is called not allowed :)
@@silviaavilesvaldez3718 np
9:38 AOT 😭
@@cafesli there r two different versions not allowed; ruclips.net/video/Z96O6q_w6qI/видео.html and now you suck; ruclips.net/video/V2CiBgql2uM/видео.html
Recommended*
"the older we are, the bigger problems we would get"
well, at least that's what i always say to myself whenever i feel tired
Now I'll too!
it's true-
Same I've given up now
"the older we get, the more we're punished for it," is just as accurate.
Of you don’t grow faster then ur problems do, they will take over you ^_^
My child hood was ruined when i realised "why did the chicken cross the road" to get to the other side" Its a suicide joke.
i was today years old-
i dont know if thats the true meaning of the joke but it sure can be taken that way. if it is the true meaning of the joke wow
I...SO THATS WHY IT S A JOKE. Omg. The more you know....
Honestly, same because I strongly understand where you're coming from. I struggle to remember a lot but I Do remember when things were becoming more... clearer and depressing/depressed, that was one of the first things I found out that was pretty dark. Though, I was exposed to a lot as a kid which I never realized, both back then and now until I was told about it.
@@hottopic3622 same- I have no words. I will never hear this joke the same anymore
I've always been alone, and I basically learned to hold my own hand, depend on myself, walk alone, hide my feelings. I never had someone.
God is with you
@@laurenlangdon693 wdym
@@gxtz7528they mean like God is always with you no matter if your alone or not. If your atheist you may not believe it
Grew up the middle child to a single mother who focused entirely too much either on my younger brother or my older brother. I can 100% say my childhood cat mothered me more than my own mother did. When I wasn't outside all day, I was at a friends house getting fed by their family. I really only went home to sleep. To this day I understand cat body language more than human body language.
damn thats tough..... at least thats behind you now.... right?
@@obsidianknight2009 your question make me worry as you do
God loves you
@lauren langdon Demiurge* and add 'your energy'
@@ignaciosantander3356 im so sorry that you had to go through that, i hope your doing well now. have an amazing day my friend :)
As a youngest I practically raised myself:
My mother was focused on my older siblings constantly, and I had to face my issues alone.
I never got sheltered or supervised internet, which completely butchered my innocence.
I feel as if I act 16-17 as an 11 year old.
yeah... same.
Same wtf
Our situations are so similar. I grew up like that, and im 13, but i act 16 or 17, and sometimes i forget that i am, in fact, 13 and not 16.
And people say the youngest is the golden child 🙄😐
Same, that's so true, and my elders where always making me leave, like they were so selfish, they didn't think i needed a little company
pov: you have to deal with your problems by you self
your the middle child
you feel like the back ground person
you have anger issues
your parents dont understand how you so you gave up on telling them on how you feel
your sister/brother doesnt want to hang around any more
you had a bad reputation in school in person so you went to online school..
This is me, but im the oldest, so im just overlooked and had to be the parent for the longest time, since my parents couldnt be that to my 3 younger siblings.
You just described my life
‘your parents dont understand how you so you gave up on telling them on how you feel’ felt that in a personal level
its so accurate ;-;
Remove the family issues and that's me!!
I’m an only child and this is really relatable, my father never really cared for what I did, he mostly would just chew on Tabasco and watch TV. I taught myself to draw for 7 years straight with no help what so ever.
My mom is a PHD at many different schools in a specific area and always has a lot of work to do when she gets home. I rarely spend time with my family because of how busy they are. So as a young one I was Morley relying on myself.
You really did a good job, keep fighting you're doing great buddy!!
Great Job my man 🗿🗿
Awe🥰
you did a really good job i'm proud of you
Even though I am a stranger on the internet you can always talk to me, no matter what i dont judge. have a wonderful day/night
Once again, its like youtube can hear me vent. The name of this playlist perfectly describes how i grew up
You're username reminded me of a friend I had a few years back .. made me do a double take 😅
@CL Vi 😅 thats funny
Hope you find them again
this is the oldest sister shit i’ve been looking for. I’m just a person like everyone else but no one seems to know that. i have feelings and thoughts to but no one cares about them.
God cares
Same. As the oldest 'sister' (im actually genderfluid), i was overlooked and had to raise myself and my siblings. Had to comfort them when my dad yelled at them, had to make them breakfast and lunch, while no one worried about me, except for myself. I was seen as another parent. When i act like the parent nowadays, cuz its engraved into my brain, im told that im not the parent and thats the parents job. Then when i act like the kid, im childish and need to be more mature. When i act in between, its either too this or too that.
I grew up too fast... not alone but too fast... I'm only 14 years old and according to psychologists and other nurses or/and others I would have a higher mental age, around 16/17/18... I don't really know what to think about it and it stresses me out, I try to look like people my age but I have too much trouble, I don't quite understand their jokes and a lot of things make me feel uncomfortable when I'm with them... so I hang out with people who are a little older or who are like me... one of my friends tells me that i should laugh and smile more often... he seems to be fine and doesn't know the sad and hard reality of life... it's innocent...
You got a pure and nice friend that will probably stick with you for a long time. Keep people like them by your side and protect their innocence but at the same time get others who actually understand because if you actually vented and put everything on that one innocent friend, they might just collapse from the pressure and the fact that the world they knew were sugarcoated and they only knew the nice, sweet and happy things in life. (I apologize if you think that this makes you think i'm demanding you to do this but, if i were in your position i would have done this and i hope your friends stay with you and depend on you as much as you do them.)
we kind of in a same situation ım 14 too and ı literally hate everyone except some members of my family and my cat yea ıts hard and no-one can able to understand me ı am feeling really alone and sometimes all ı just want to do take a drink and walk until ı can't see the word. ıdk ıf ıt mean sense to you .
Same situation except I'm 15 its fucked wish i could be 10 again to not feel so old when im so young
come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest matthew 11:28
hey, I'm not sure what tone your friend said that in, but it might just be a light-hearted comment! your smile must be beautiful and i think that might be what he meant :]
My parents aren't cruel, they did care, they just never cared about what was most important and didn't know how to comfort me or help me through tough times, so it made me feel alone all the time. And I couldn't talk to them about my feelings either, or else they'd both instantly give me a reason why I shouldn't feel shitty and invalidate my feelings, and go on about how they had it so much worse and that I should feel lucky. They've also expected me to act like an adult since I turned 16, and it only got worse when I got my first job, and made me pay "rent" a few times (it was like 40$ a month), but they stopped doing it.
They aren't cruel people, they just have no idea how to comfort and they don't know it's ruining me because I can't talk to them, and I can't get a therapist because the last time I tried, my mom completely forgot about the appointment and I didn't get to the appointment, and I never tried calling for a therapist again (this happened probably sometime in November or October last year).
That's also how I grew up and it sucks really. Hope you are doing well!
I had to teach myself everything as a kid. And when some part of me was broken, i had nobody to go to but myself. I matured when i was 7-8 when i had found out what p0rñ was. I had an addiction for a while. Without realizing that parts of me were breaking every video i watched. I couldn't and can't fix them. I quit caring about humanity when i kept listening and living by the internet and kinda just lost all faith in humanity too. I overthink everything and i stopped caring about people so i wouldn't hurt them and myself even more. I started dating people just last year when i was 11 and now have like 8 exes. I long to be loved. Because my mother couldn't give me that for 12 years. I know i might sound "bRoCkEn" Or some crap like that but i'm only getting thing off my mind. I don't like attention.
I was also that age when i found out what it was, and also got addicted. My situation is a little different from yours, but outs are quite similar.
well you do want attention, you just want a certain type of attention.
Congrats! you made it to reality!
You made it up to the one of the many agonizing phases in your life; in other words *you finally grew up*
things will become harder this time! these things may contain in the process:
- crying yourself to sleep
- harder subjects to learn
- scared of the future
- bigger problems that may affect you mentally to the point it hurts you physically
and more! indubitably if your lucky you can get family problems too!
we're *ALL* very happy for you
oh? what is this? your all by yourself huh? well then, I'm sure since you came this far you can do it again and again then again and again till you- well.! I'm sure you can make your way out this wrecked world cheers to you goodluck.. and let the games begin
I kind of grew up in 11. I seen gore. I seen s*x. I seen my mother suffer because she was sick. I dont know what diseace. Nobody told me. Walking was giving her pain, but I wasnt that worried. When it was getting worse, I knew. Everything will turn out terrible. Few days after my birthday and New Year (31st of december) grandparents called me. They asked is everything fine with my mother and I said that "yes, she is sleeping now. Kind of snoring". When we finished talking, I was terrified. She couldnt breath nomally. Her eyes were open wide. Her skin was getting white, nonhuman color. Her lips were getting blue. Really fast I said about this to the person that lived with us. We both were calling to the hospital. I cried while doing this. After doctors were there, the person sent me to kitchen. I cried a lot. I was worried. After few hours, they took her. The person calmed me down saying that everything will be fine. Next day, police arrived asking for my dad's phone number. He took me to his home, everything was fine. Next day, I wake up and sit for a bit. My father came to me and said that my mother is dead. I felt like my life got ruined. She was only person that was always near. Only person that I could talk to. Only person that I felt love from. It happened a year ago. But I still cry about it. I even cut myself sometimes, but not making many scars. Dont want anybody to notice it. Sorry for dumb comment, I'm just to scared to tell about it to my therapist.
@@Br34dL04f the truth I'm not going to lie to you I don't know how you felt but what I can tell you is that just keep living maybe not because I (a stranger from the internet) tell you or for yourself, for your mom that I i can bet that she would not like her son or daughter to hurt them self, and stop living for her because I know what a mother is like, a mother moves heaven and sea for her children. well that's all I can tell you and also my condolences on the death of your mom.
@@Br34dL04f you should tell it to your therapist, they’ll help you more than the internet can. just talk to them, it’s their job to help you, so please, tell your therapist about everything. they’ll understand. i promise.
What about holding stress and not being able to cry and what is I was about to end the game?
@@Br34dL04f I know that its scary to tell someone about this, but once you do it, that is your first step to recovery
my parents only care now that they learned i s/h. i spent my whole childhood on my own. i build walls and barriers because anyone who said they wanted to help just wanted to use me. google was my best friend. and now im 11 but half the time feel 13/14 because of all the shit ive seen and gone through. but i help others before myself, i put myself and my enjoyments last, despite constantly feeling the need to help
i love this! how fun…
I'm sorry I hope it gets better :)
google was and is my best friend as well. i’m sorry ur going thru this shit all on ur own at such a young age. i wish the best for u ⭐️🖤
Same but I'm 12 now
🧐
@@lenaunton6804 same and im 13
I don't have any friends. I only have my mom, and we have a troubled and avoidant relationship. No other family. I don't talk to anyone during the day. I don't share my thoughts with anyone. I have been living in isolation since I was 15 and I ruined myself irreparably. I am constantly aching. All I can do is cry on the internet. But what's the point? I won't get better. I am a coward, weak and so insanely lonely. Not saying this for pity. Just so it won't echo in my head, it can wander around the world aimlessly. Like me. Ironic.
From one internet stranger to another, each with their own lives and experiences, I really hope you find happiness some day soon :) it’s hard now, but the only way now is up
@@juanita7594 thanks kind stranger, though I truly believe I am fully capable of fucking up even worse, but it's nice knowing that at least you still think I am not completely hopeless.
Hello! Your situation sounds awfully close to mine. I'm in a different situation now but when I was younger it was also just my mom and I. Our relationship was almost non-existent. I was completely alone no friends nor family as well and thought it would never get better and had the same thoughts you stated, But a few years ago I met someone that change my entire life. There is still hope so don't give up just yet okay? I definitely hear you and understand what you must be going through. Just be strong! You got this! It really does get better. 😊
I hope it helps at least a little that there are people out there that at least have an idea of what you're going through...even if you can't see them. You don't stand alone. We're here.
that picture describes my mind so well holy fuck. exactly how i feel when i got to work, uni or pretty much anything. even gaming nowadays feels like that. nice. living life i guess. so much to look forward to, you know?
It gets better. You have to break the cycle I've been feeling like my body is alive but my mind is below the ground. It flows far away submerged in grey. Separate from the world and above. I'm trying to learn to love life again in all its up and down. But jus know whatever you enjoy and think is a dumb thing to live for or be happy about its not. Its your head, ur world. Express yourself. Your interests, your favorite places, favorite color, favorite food, favorite art, song, movie, person, game, city, country. Theres so many beautiful unimaginable things in this world for us to discover, we just have to be willing to take the risk the risk of pain of failure of regret. I don't know anything, I'm not trying to sound smart or have the answer I hope it doesn't sound that way just recently my life my mind has been getting better and for so long I've been los and I wanted to offer what might help someone idk. I hope life gets better for you.
I remember those days that I try to fit in or have someone to talk to but when I gut someone to talk to or fitting in a bit everything just spills out
I was so overwhelmed that it made me feel like I have to intertain them so they'll won't leave me
And now here I am isolating myself from other people as much as I can
come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest matthew 11:28
Grew up? Yes, too fast? Yes, by myself? Yes.
What did we learn while growing up?
I'll go first!
If your door gets taken out, put it back, show them you're *not* weak
You can make a room under your desk, if they try taking that away as well, *plan their death*
Lock yourself up in your room, they didn't care, why would they care now?
Water improves multifocus
Fight until you're dead, if you can still technically use your body, what stops you?
Be a high achiever, if you want to rule the world you will think more of what it takes, you will know more about real world at the age of 11 then your parents at 45
You live next to a church? Take candles and turn them into pencils!
You like to stay in trees but someone keeps saying it's theirs? *Put salt at the bottom* if you can't have something no one will
Don't care about yourself, the more you care the more it will hurt, leave yourself behind, it's not like anyone cares if you do so!
Don't suicide, you will end up in hell, if you try but you fail it means god wants you in heaven.
Your parents are assholes, pretend you care and then kill them once your old enough! Show them what it's like!
What have y'all learned?
Take care
@@_csinti_ lmao
We werent controlled then, we cant be controlled now
@@PunkMycology stay safe
@Orsolya Csintalan lmao ty ig
I was always alone when I was a child, but I always had my family by my side, I had some friends that I talk to until today and I could always count, but most of the time it's just me by my side, I love being alone, more this is not good for anyone
Same, but sometimes I tend to spend to much time alone and when I end up socializing it's hard to do so.
I relaaaaaaaate!! I think I was raised by fictional characters hhhh
i grew up alone too. and my family being by my side as well. but i pretty much had to raise myself on the internet
@@papi_chioq5219 some bro
i was all alone from the moment i turned around 6 years old. My family seemed not to give a shit abt me, they just wanted me to succeed and accomplish what they requested me. I DOUBT that they ever cared to what i want to do with my life. So yes. I had to grow up way too fast because i had no one to count with, all i had was fake people using me, judging me, and neglecting me. The only one i could ever count in was my best friend that they Want me to stop talking to because “she’s a bad company”.
I want to get out of here i am so done with everyone, everything is fake, I can’t even anymore. Im getting too tired from this.
No one really guided me in life, except for basic stuff a normal human needs but it always lacked one crucial part.
Emotional stability, I live in a very strict and abusive household. My parents are almost always absent in crucial parts of my life and I have grown to solely rely on myself.
But unlike others relying on myself didn't always result to good decisions, I always felt like I was lost and I never learned to navigate on my own up until high school and I suffered a lot for it.
Still I'm better off now but I still lack a lot, and I rlly hope I can with stand more.. I know I can
exactly what happnened to me
SAMMEEEEE dont worry the emotional trauma gets worse.
@@RoseyFPS Lmao💀
@@user-ep8gs5ds4l for real tho, just find some friends to hang out with, doing it alone sucks. If you cant just look for people who will give you a hand. it might be the lift you need.
God loves you
a parentified child here, im struggling sm it's so hard to continue living.
Same.
pov: you live in a house with no doors or windows. you're too scared to let anyone in. any time they said they wanted to help, that you could trust them, they gave you hundreds of reasons why you shouldn't. so you built these walls around you. but they won't come down. your emotions don't work. nothing is real anymore.
This is exactly how I would explain my lack of real emotion.
God loves you
I moved out when I turned 18 to get outta a toxic household. I wasn’t fully prepared to move out on my own but I did and now I am drained from stressing about bills struggling all the time and trying to do well in school while also trying to meet ends meet. My family is moving out the country soon so I’ll be all alone in this mf country trying to keep myself together. I hate it I wish I was a kid again with no worries
come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest matthew 11:28
im 19 now , i never had someone to really learn me something nice like cooking etc. i had to teach it myself and my parents never cared about me tho with 12 i was diagnosed with insomnia and amnesia now im here.i never had much luck at school nor friends so pretty much i was the silent kid and now im happy i moved out as soon im possible because my mother and father divorced and they never treated me well. i known internet since a young age and ive seen alot of things which made me not so bright as a child wishing i would never see anything from it at 14 i was fully burnt out because i was working hard to catch up with anything and yeah- i cant tell more since i dont remember much in details either i wrote more down from it so i could write it here. i hope everyone here is safe at this point :)
I'm the youngest child of two, even if my family don't know it I'm still dealing with mental health issues. Yesterday was the first time in a few weeks that I cleaned my mess of a room because I have no motivation. I lie to my friends and family about my mental health. I grew up too fast because I hold things too myself and don't tell others. I'm used to getting used and thrown away, even at a young age I was used to that.
Sorry for ranting pwp
Although I'm only a middle child, I somehow could relate to this and now I just wanted things to go back like how they were used to be :)
you say 'only' as if it's something to be ashamed of...?
Mom and daddy arent in love,that fine.I settle for 0 birthdays
I Grow up very quickly My mental age might be 40 or 30 And in the end, I taught myself almost everything, not because my parents didn't care, but because from my childhood no one understood me . I had no friends, I was lonely, it was painful but When I turned 15 I realized and understood that I don't have to be understood by anyone, I don't have to have friends And loneliness is a strength that not everyone knows. I started listening to my mind and the voices inside my mind and followed my intuition Now I'm in university and I'm working on my career and trying to achieve my dreams
The point is for who He needs this talk. You don't need anyone. You control yourself. You are the master of yourself. Don't let this corrupt world bring you down . hey kid Smile, life is short, there is no time to frown
this is relatable. im an older sibling who raised his younger brother in an abusive home, i raised him alone while my parents did drugs and let horrible thing happen to me, and i was alone in the world so i relate, and i always think of it during these songs
Just at the right time for trying to think about different things than the war in Europe
Yeah same, Romanian over here
I'm an only child and I have a loving mother most times and he reason I say that is because sometimes she says the littlest thing that really hurts my feelings. I one time told her this and it seemed like it was my fault for being a bit sensitive but now that I'm realizing this I was not. Plus, she put me in an all-girl school which is really hard to keep my grades up and she told me that I'm the one that wanted to go to school which is partly true, but it really was not because she practically parent pressure me into going to that school. And I was very young like 6 when I learned that the world is not all unicorns or rainbows. I learned about LGBTQIA+ and my mother seemed a bit annoyed every time I mention something about. Like one time we were watching a movie where one character was nonbinary and she said, "is it a boy or a girl" and I said "they are nonbinary " I tried to explain to her the meaning when she said "well are they born with a P0ssy or the other thing" it honestly disgusted me. Do keep in mind I'm 13 right now.
I have 6 siblings and I understand where your coming from, cuz I'm also in an All girls school (im 12) I'm sensitive Certain words may hurt my feelings when I get mad I would cry all the time and I told my mom about being Bi and she said “The devil is listening” She always has a problem with my older sister. So it's okay my love I'm here for you:)and she's super controlling there's more but I'll save it
@@luvyb I feel bad for you... plus I'm questioning my sexuality rn too so..
@@SkylarandLaylaplays Aww :(
I’m not ready to vent about becoming a very young Highschooler, but I’ll say a couple things.
Currently a cheerleader for the third time in my life and I’ve realized I was such a good kid. I would hope I still am as I’m about to be 14, but it’s just so much harder. I have to raise myself and my siblings. I may not do the best job but I’m trying to keep myself alive as well. My friends are the best thing I could ask for. Me and my friend also recently started “dating” (not gonna get into it) and things seem to be better for the public. *i* just feel much worse. I would like to turn the clock around. I miss myself when I was truly happy and alright, things haven’t been the same and I feel I haven’t been truly happy in forever. Thank you for your time and may your life bring many happy memories to come. I love you.
Grew up too fast because I was shamed for having negative thoughts and complicated emotions and never got help working through them. Had to work through a lot of adult situations way too young without the knowledge of anyone in my family. Yeah I have a sibling, but I still grew up alone. You know why? Because we were both shamed into the same thing so it felt shameful to share emotions with even each other expecting to have the same negative reaction as our parents. I’m a senior in high school and my brother is a freshmen in collage and we’re closer then ever because it took a little freedom from our parent to realize it’s okay to find comfort in each other from our shared experience.
Im glad your closer now, sibling relationships can be so important and I honestly don't think I would have lived this long if it wasn't for my brothers. They've always been there for me and although we don't really talk about the bad stuff, we know we're here for each other and that's all we need
My heart goes out to all the kids who grew up to fast maturing fast raised themselves had many phases mentally unstable have religious trauma dealt with so much shit from others bullied etc and my heart goes out to all the pre teens or teens who have bad addiction to drugs or abuse drugs and stay up late thinking about life always on their phone never leaves their room barely sleeps barely eats drinks monster have meds have been to mental hospitals alot etc infact this is me in a nutshell:')
You know a playlist is gonna hot different when happy pills is first
Now my story is probably more nerdy or lame than the others here but it's good writing practice so...
My 1-5 years pretty happy, but when I turned 6-7 I never really interacted with my Mom, and she didn't interact with me because she started running a business. So I grew up without someone to talk to, and with my brother (7-8 months) dead when I was 4 or 5 I just talked to myself. It's still a pretty big problem now. Since we moved away my family wasn't really around so I looked for replacements subconsciously, and I found three older brothers in Dantdm, Jacksepticeye, and Markiplier, two cool uncles in Stampy and squid, a Dad in PhilzaMinecraft, and a sister in Amylee33. I had a whole family I had created in my mind and online, but being online means I learnt too many things at a young age. The internet really did raise me.
im an only child lol so i feel this. i dont remember much from my childhood (repressed memories) but the parts i do remember are when i lived in my grandfathers apartment with him while my parents were in jail. i remember some moments with my mother (never good ones and often drugs involved) and none with my father, but today i live with my bipolar mother and bipolar aunt (neither on medication) a year ago my dad got out of jail and now lives 7 hours away from me, and i spend my spring and summer breaks going to see him and my grandfather, which is who he is currently living with.
I remember hearing stories from the "perfect" side of my family about how my mother and father were nobodies and they never should have let their child live homeless for years. im 16 now and all i can say is, growing up too fast and by yourself sure is tough, but it isnt all bad, some people never learn independency and often trust too easily, but as someone who grew up alone and grew up around things i never should have grown up around, im greatful for all ive learned, because without it i would never have been the person i am today and probably would have made many mistakes in my life.
Growing up with an epileptic mother who suffered from contracting Steven Johnson syndrome multiple times was hard enough, add to the equation my abusive older siblings who decided to dip out and go do drugs somewhere and you have an equation for a fucked up childhood. I never had friends due to my looks and the racism/bulling I received made me jumpy and untrusting of others. Now I'm 17 and finally somewhat getting my life on track and getting my education.
I look back on my childhood and I'm surprised I made it so far. I have problems and trauma but regardless of that the shit I went through so young and alone made me the hardworking and responsible kid I am today. I hope I stay strong and keep walking this road I'm on, alone or not.
I wasn't fully alone I had my siblings and we can be close at times but I really struggled talking to anyone out side of that. I'm autistic and I've always really struggled with making friends/trusting the right people, whenever I did make a "new friend" it always felt really one-sided I'd put so much more of myself than I was comfortable with in to them, only for them to get bored or try and push me away :/ I'm older now and I have one or two people I'd consider friends but I still feel really isolated. Which doesn't make sense because I don't want more friends the thought of having too keep up with to many people is really overwhelming I dont particularly like surrounding myself with others, yet I still feel lonely alot of the time :///
come to me all you who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest matthew 11:28
Ah, Happy Pills. The nostalgia I had when the song popped up randomly on my spotify or youtube.
Huh, didn't think one of these RUclips playlists would be something I'd really want to hear. But, well, I guess its good to know people like me still have meaning to keep us alive. We made it out here when nobody else could. Stay safe out there peeps.
May those who walk alone rest beyond the gates of valhalla and live a life of riches and love I bid thee farwell.
I'm an only child and I can heavily relate to this. My parents always worked and we're never really there when I was a kid. They didn't care what I watched or what I listen too. And I didn't really grow up with friends my own age. My "friends" were my grandparents who were practically raising me although they're version was just staying in the house and stay outta the way. I only had animals as my friends so growing up it was extremely hard to relate to kids my own age. And now that I'm 23 I'm still having a hard time getting along with people my own age.
My mother and father divorced when i was young and i had to help raise my 3 younger brothers at a very young age. Knowing what its like to not have someone there to help you and becoming independent at a very young age is very upsetting...This playlist is way too accurate
You don't have to read this if you don't want to
I'm the oldest sibling and was never taught much more than basic needs from my family I would always lock myself up in my room afraid to let others in because they always turned their back on me. I'm 13 but truly have a mindset of someone much older. No one pays any attention to me even tho I am the only child in the house since my sister is with my mother in a different house. They forget to even let me know dinner is ready. I don't exist anymore music is my only escape. I never learned how to properly convey emotions and just bury it all until it explodes I can't say no to my friends because I am scared they'll leave me and they are very toxic and get angry or act upset to manipulate me if I do say no. I'm refered to as the mom friend because I act more mature and the therapist friend because I listen to their problems when in reality I just want them to dump their issues on me so I forget my own and I have seen the awful cruel world while they are all oblivious to it. I hate myself and have a toxic trait to always be the very best because my family pressures me to be the best. Anything less than a B on an assignment is frowned upon all I have is my great grandmother and my school social worker understands me better than my own family. I have been emotionally neglected and never showed I was upset because they would say things like it hurts me to see you upset so I kept it to myself. I hate my body and myself and I wish things were different. I sit and wonder what I did for the universe to be this cruel. I know people have it worse and that's why I'm scared to talk about things but it physically hurts
I'm sorry I just had to vent you don't have to read it.
I'm older, and I have been through that still trying to get through it. But I don't have a worker or anyone else, and I have my smaller siblings. My parents will argue and I will comfort them, my little siblings has depression (newly diagnosed) and I made her laugh since her diagnosis. I have been raised to work until I feel too weak to be able to the job properly. I comfort my dad that he is doing fine with his work and that he is giving us the best life he can. I comfort my mom by telling her she won't live through what her mother went through. I comfort my younger siblings that they are not a burden and that they help us through small things. I tell my older siblings that she is doing fine with her family and that it doesn't matter that our dad doesn't want to see her. No one comes to comfort me so the only comfort I get is to work and work until I can't think and if I can't work I will exercise until I can barely breath.
I hope you find hope somewhere. I'm sure someday you might
@@short_shorbi6420 I'm sorry for what you have to go through and I truly hope things get better for you 💛
Oh shit, you got me there. Except I have siblings, I just keep things to myself most the time
As the youngest, everyone thought I was loved but it was constricting, she didn't love me she wanted to own me.. and boy did she ever. hey uh.. trigger warning? I guess?
I was 5 when I hit puberty, and there was only me and one boy that did at that age... he turned into a groper and still is one. (for reference 8 is considered 'early' for a kid to hit puberty). Before anything, I tried to understand it, understand people.. when I finally asked questions I was oppressed in all things sexuality barring the things I didn't want, nor a child should (seeing adults in their birthday suits, stories shoved down my throat of all the grotesque things people do such as 'scat').. saying I wanted to be sick is an understatement.
I never understood kids my age on their stoney resolve and 'cooties'.. this got me ostracized by all but the freaks of the freaks.. and that was because both of our parents drank together.
At around 8 a mob of 20 or so girls and 5 women (25+ in age) wanted to SA a new boy, who didn't know what to do so he proposed apathy. There was me, my one friend and him in the corner.. I knew they didn't want me and I was haunted, so I ran.. I've always regretted running. None of them got punished, not a one, not a word.. I told everyone, I spoke about it in public at every opportunity, nobody cared a bit. Needless to say, my one friend turned into a bully after that, plus puberty did a number on him, and to be honest I can't blame him.
Now, that 'haunted' bit? when I was 7 I started to remember the big R.. I was scared and didn't know what was going on, I was remembering more and more and so I told (I'm not going to call her a mother, because she wasn't one...).. she told me the usual stuff you hear 'stop lying', 'attention', 'impossible' and so on.. that, I was used to but what hurt the most was my older brother who was as stressed as an 8 year old could be (a frequent liar, attention envy and sick repeatedly so he was exactly what you'd expect).. and that was the biggest reason she told me to 'shut up'...
for 4 and a half years straight, every time I fell asleep I was made to feel the purest form of horror you could, and not only for a child. It was going on for a while before that but sporadic, half way to 8 it started and did not stop until I was 13. you bet I felt every second of it, every time I was chased, every time I was.. yeah.. you get the point. I couldn't even run away into my sleep...
My older brother (by 1 year) hit puberty at 13. He never stopped being abusive, puberty only changed what about.. mockery, pretending to be better and bigger than he was, threats, constant boasts of the violence he did and ones he did to me never to get more than a 'don't do that'.
My oldest brother (by 5 or 6 years) and his best friend had a particular hate of me.
Through all my family, I've heard 'I wish you were never born' more times in one of those years than I have been told 'I love you' by everyone in all the years of my life... both my brothers bullied and tormented me, their friends bullied me ceaselessly and my dad, well.. he wasn't around because he was apparently 'more abusive' than any of them were. Leaving out a lot of events and some bouts of CSA'ers, I was raised by my nightmares.. literally..
One of my nightmares that frequented me when I was awake as well as asleep was a woman, she cared about me more than anyone ever has, more than any animal ever has. She was shouty, she was reserved and she was.. well.. her. If I could describe her in one word it would be 'punk'... she let me know that it was okay to feel, okay to hide, okay to not feel bad for not fighting back and okay TO not fight back. She came up with ideas that have saved my sanity more times than they have saved my life.. until she disappeared one day, got dragged off by a mob after telling me to run in some of the worst I'd ever seen.. and I've never seen her again, not once.
None of it is 'real' enough for people, no matter if it's a nightmare, no matter if it happened, no matter if the scars are mental or physical, no matter what I've seen day after day. She? she has always been the realest person in my life.
And boy did it not stop there! but that's something else.. a whole lot of something else.
TL;DR - at 8 I was the equivalent of a 15 year old, every time I see a woman I feel like I'm going to be violated to my very bones, 4.5 years straight of multiple VERY real r*pe nightmares a night where I felt everything, was told that I was 'evil' and 'never should have been born' more times than you can shake a stick at and had many encounters with p*edos.
TL;DR TL;DR - fun times! grew up too fast, indeed.
'the longer you wait, the less time you will have to achieve and work for your dreams' random thought rn
Stay strong
@@_csinti_ thanks, you too^^
This playlist is really nice! Thank you^^
i grew up on my own because my older brother had depression and anger issues, i was the gifted kid, my parents didn't have to care for me, till my first su1c1de attempt
Hey you! I know things might seem tough right now and yeah you're right! But I promise things will get better okay? You're important and unique and don't let anyone take you down! I'm sorry if you're stressed. I wish I could take it away from you because you deserve so much and don't need anything to drag you down! Don't let anyone push you down!! Don't listen to any of those negative words about you no matter what it is. Take care of yourself and try to seek help from others! I know it might be hard but it will help you. If you don't have anyone to talk to or vent to you can always talk to me!
I'm Beautiful Repeat that
I don't have to be perfect Repeat that
I can be who I want to be Repeat that
I'm important Repeat that
I'm special Repeat that
I'm not useless Repeat that
I'm not mistake Repeat that
I'm not a burden Repeat that
I'm not dramatic Repeat that
I am worth it Repeat that
I am loved Repeat that
I am not a problem Repeat that
100 reasons why you shouldn't commit suicide:
1. We would miss you.
2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself, if you failed or just simply left scars or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.
3. It does get better. Believe it or not, it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.
4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.
5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.
6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.
7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.
8. You are amazing.
9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are at ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.
10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.
11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.
12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.
13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.
14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.
15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.
16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?
17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.
18. Think about your favorite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again…
19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day
20. Listening to incredibly loud music
21. Being alive is just really good.
22. Not being alive is really bad.
23. Finding your soulmate.
24. Red pandas
25. Going to diners at three in the morning.
26. Really soft pillows.
27. Eating pizza in New York City.
28. Proving people wrong with your success.
29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.
30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.
31. Being able to help other people.
32. Bonfires.
33. Sitting on rooftops.
34. Seeing every single country in the world.
35. Going on road trips.
36. You might win the lottery someday.
37. Listening to music on a record player.
38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
39. Taking really cool pictures.
40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.
41. Hearing crazy stories.
42. Telling crazy stories.
43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.
44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.
45. Traveling to another planet someday.
46. Having an underwater house.
47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.
48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.
49. Trampolines.
50. Think about your favorite movie, you’ll never watch it again.
51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,
52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.
53. People do care.
54. Treehouses
55. Hanging out with your soulmate in a treehouse
56. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees
57. I don’t even know you and I love you.
58. I don’t even know you and I care about you.
59. Nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!
60. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.
61. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE
62. Starbucks.
63. Hugs.
64. Stargazing.
65. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.
66. You’ve changed somebody’s life.
67. You could change the world.
68. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.
69. You are worth so much
70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.
71. Making snow angels.
72. Making snowmen.
73. Snowball fights.
74. Life is what you make of it.
75. Everybody has talent.
76. Laughing until you cry.
77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.
78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.
79. It’s possible to turn frowns, upside down
80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.
81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.
82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
83. One day your smile will be real.
84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.
85. Lying on the grass and laughing at the clouds.
86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.
87. Eating crazy food.
88. Staying up all night watching your favorite films with a loved one.
89. Sleeping all day.
90. Creating something you’re proud of.
91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and be proud you didn’t commit suicide.
92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.
93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate
94. The new season of Sherlock
95. Cuddling under the stars.
96. Being stupid in public because you just can.
97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?
98. Being able to hug that one person you haven’t seen in years
99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.
100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, anything could happen.
Please remember that your important and to contact somone or talk to someone if your feeling suicidal. Please take care of yourself, eat,drink,brush,wash anything and everything to take care of yourself.
If it's night time, remember to put your phone on the charger,make sure you have everything set and try and get some sleep okay? Hopefully the next day will be better and the days after that.
If it's the evening it might seem rough right now but I promise they'll get better. Take care of yourself and remember to make time for your hobbies and interests.
If it's the morning don't start off with such a bad mood! I know it sucks to have to get up and go to school or work but I promise the day will be good! Don't overwork yourself okay?
I love you and you're important! Please take care of yourself and seek help if your feeling suicidal or depression. Remember you're important and there's no one like you! If you ever need to talk to someone you can always talk to me! And please take care of yourself for me And remember it's okay to cry, it's a way of the body letting out it's emotions!
Go get some rest dear! And remember your valid
No things won't get better. That's the whole point of it.
@@user-uy9fx5mv2x things seem tough and for you it might seem its not getting any better but I swear on my life that something good will happen! And you don't have to believe me and thats fine but I have a feeling that something good will happen! Please remember fo take care of yourself even when times are tough! Take care of yourself and remember your valid
I dont know why, but really needed to hear your words, thank you, so much
u got me bawling my eyes out. I can't fucking breathe
@@arci.8066 Aww well its okay to cry! And please breath lol
My mother wasn’t around and my siblings were always out and about so I grew up by myself I guess not a big deal:)
When i was in grade 5 i joined a broadcast competition practicing on my own even though my mom is an English teacher and since then i realized i wasn't treated fairly in my family even if I'm the youngest i feel like every family burden is on me and they treat me like a therapist
Alot of people say "the youngest gets everything they want!" But as the youngest, I got all the family issues. I never got to enjoy my childhood, and play outside. I was given an iPad at the age of 3, and had no supervised internet. I found fnaf at a very young age and am still in the fandom. I got into gacha in 2017/2018, and have gotten bullied out of things I enjoyed many times. I never get to see my siblings, since they're all moved out. My mother is always on her iPad and TV. My dad is always at his work as a truck driver, but we atleast come onto his truck sometimes. I'm always left on the internet, talking to all my friends and playing games. My cat is more of a mother to me than my mother, she's the one who's soaked up my tears, she's the one who's comforted me through the worst times, who doesn't yell at me for crying. It's sad how kids now can't enjoy life how other generations have, but yet here we are, going through things we shouldn't be going through.
Play lists like these hit way to close to home ,most of the time
I was always told, "You rare so big" or "wow you don't act like your age" I was told to grow up and that acting like a child was wrong. My parents tried but they had their own pressure and couldn't even take care of the one kid they had at 19 and 21 but then I came they did try and care a bit more. It just hurts seeing my brother being treated better than both of us. Me and my sister grew up in poverty, he grew up in a nice home, nice neighborhood, nice schools. While me and my sister live in a horrible house we got robbed twice and that traumatized my sister. The schools were fine but they were Mexican schools we didn't have money. We couldn't go outside with out someone watching us.
He has it so much better and yeah maybe he does deserve all of this, but what about me and my sister. We didn't have *shit* and we barely get attention it all goes to him since he is the youngest.
I mean I lost my childhood I move 3 times kindergarten through third grade that should be your childhood, then you become a bit more mature. But here I am people think I act like I'm 18 im just 12... I want to go back and get back what I lost but thats not possible. I guess this is just my life.
If you are reading this take care of yourself. Thank you for reading this 💛
growing you will notice that when you're young you try to avoid the dares while you're trying to hide the truths in the middle age.
I love this
.... took care of my father, mother, and sibling. Now my uncle has custody... hes a better father and parent than either.... I no longer feel scared to go to school when my sibling is sick. I no longer get told im expensive for my dietary needs.... and I feel free.... 17, job, fostercare, and feel more free than ever..... i get to be a kid for 6 months.... and that scares me. Because I feel as though I need to be a kid for a bit longer..... and I dont want to go back to worrying aboit food, rent, if my family is safe ect.
This is why letting a child be a child is so important. The only thing im proud of is that I am the person I needed as a child.... and it shows when I babysit. I live to see the joy on their face when I walk inside.
I am my childhood hero. I made my promise to myself come true... the promise at 4 i wasnt sure I could do. Im my hero, Im my siblings safety net if needed, I am the babysitter children look forward too. I help children get the thing I NEVER got as a traumatized child.
For these reasons I am glad I made it through so far.... and this is what I focus on during dark days.
As a kid i always wanted to be older because the older you get you get to do more things like get a job, earn money, ect. But I should've just focused on being a kid instead of the future. And because i wanted to be older i acted older, i was quiet and responsible but once i'd entered my teenage years I wanted to be younger to escape everything and go back to the fun. So many things to regain my happiness but nothing really worked, i grew tired of the life i was living and began distancing myself even more. 6 months later my parents took me to counselling because they didnt want to see/deal with me like that and i got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I got on medication and it helped it a bit but i felt numb but atleast i didnt hear/think certain things anymore. And now im stuck in a never ending loop of my emotions :)
I'm 18 and a senior in highschool and am mostly homeschooled. It's not that I don't have any friends, I do. But I'm starting to feel more and more that I'm growing far away from all of them, even my BEST friend. And I haven't seen my friends from my young childhood in years. Whenever i try to make plans with them, none of them are available. I can physically and mentally feel us growing apart by the second, and I try to ignore the feeling but every now and then I feel a small sting in my chest when the thought comes back.
I am in such a sad mood, like I hide it with a fake laugh and smile
As a kid I never had friends always family. I’ve been backstabbed. Only have two-three people I trust. So I guess I grew up to fast. I was also a very mature kid with anger issues lol 😆.
I was always surrounded by others. I am the oldest. I was always succeeding and doing well and having everyone congratulate me. But in all honesty, I felt the most lonely when I was surrounded by others. And I couldn’t explain it to those who “cared” for me. Because I knew that their “love” was shallow and didn’t mean anything. It was so staged and relied on me being what they wanted. So I was more lonely in the company of others than I was with myself. With myself I was and am completely at peace. The relationship I have with myself is a lot more meaningful and deep.
it really felt like this growing up.
both of my parents were really young when they had me, and i’m the oldest so them being so young never really knew how to raise me and when they finally figured out how to be a parent they spent all their energy on my siblings. i’m just the person they call when they need help cleaning or taking care of the kids
Born to a single mother I grew up constantly moving from my grandma to my aunt and grandpa. I was the unwanted child. Still I found some friends and was happy till my mom found herself a man. Now she's married to him and has my younger sister so they give attention mostly to her. Even though I have a good relationship with mom it's still not as good as it should be. I'm 17 but according to tests my mind is on the level of a grown up person. I can say that I grow up too fast and that I'm trying to catch up on what I didn't have so now I'm trying to enjoy everything I do and just having fun.
Note: sorry if my English is bad I'm not a native speaker. 😊
12 yr old girl turning 13 in a bit and when i was younger as in 6-10 i thought i was overthinking it to much and it would get better.
BOOOM ,i hit beginning of six grade it wasn’t terrible i was okay had five good friends i was happy then 7th grade came.
All the sudden a lot of people know me they become fake i get all of the pressure of the family on my shoulders and i realize there is actually no way out unless ur the perfect sibling ,friend,daughter,girlfriend
and it just gets so tiring how we are so damn young going thru things we shouldn’t ever go through and i look back to when i was so happy and talkative,now all u see from me is
•anti social
•sh addict
•wanting to drink my problems but i can’t
• social anxiety
and so much more i just hope it all goes away but i would never get my hopes to high
But for everybody else don’t give up i love u and remmeber to eat :)💗
I’m growing up with a broken family but that doesn’t mean anything my brother and my mother love me and I love them, I made good friends and now I am recovering from some issues that I have gathered. I thank everyone who’s reading this comment, you are not alone, I don’t know what’s happening, and I can’t say it will get better but try to live and fight I’m sorry I wish I could do more but just trust yourself and talk to others who you are close with and trust them.
No bc I always had to endure emotional abuse form my dad or my "friends" and since my mom was never home I had to comfort and raise my little brother. I never had a shoulder to cry on or anyone who could protect me so I also did than myself. Now that I'm older I avoid phisical or emotional comfort and that's fked up, my childhood basically taught me that if I ever open up to someone all I'll receive is neglection, it has always affected my interpersonal relationships, I want to be able to be emotionally vulnerable with someone and feel protected ig, but it only makes me feel uncomfortable.
Hey ya'll im very proud of ya'll for surviving and still keep going... i might not know how ur doing or what is happening in ur life but just know tht u r not alone... i also have my own demons to face and i try.. and im proud that you are here.. thank u for taking the time reading this:')❤❤❤❤❤ i appreciate you and you being strong
that's a nice one, loved it
Yk a bit off topic but when I was little the only reason I wanted to grow up was because I thought everything would be better and I would be able to have so many more freedoms and stuff like that.
Mini me work be shocked to find out that it isn’t awesome growing up. After all this, and I still just wanna grow up, so I can be a teenager and be in high school and have lots of fun and sneak out yet I know it’ll all probably be hell for me. I don’t even know how far I’ll make it before I can’t take it anymore and just…
(I’m pretty sure you guys know where that’s going)
Same:)
@@luvyb aww :(
I’m sorry you had to go through all that. I really hope you feel a bit better though :)
@@puffs._.1115 Same to youuu:)
This song and the comments feel like an internet checkpoint.
Stay safe
Anyone else spent the first part of their childhood being pushed away, then the second half numb and alone?
I’m 12, have been traumatized by nsfw stuff at the age of 9 (Unsupervised) and normalized it for a while (I made mistakes but all bad habits have been stopped since I was 11), have played fruit ninja on my arm, have tried to k*ll myself, have found out much more about this world, have kept my family together for about 7 years, have gotten spanked for nothing really bad, have been misgendered, been called attention seeking for SH, and have been undermined for being the youngest, my age, and my siblings because “They have it worse” I have been through hell and I just wish COVID 19 would have never happened cuz half of these things wouldn’t be on the list but it is this is my trauma. I’m doing better, I have a therapist so I’m finding coping mechanisms and my mother is much more kinder now.
words cant express how much i relate to this playlist
(i shouldnt even be complaining, honestly- my friends have it worse than me, and plenty others too)
As the oldest of four. Yes this is relatable, and when my whole family wasn't fighting eachother they were cold. Mum put her time into my siblings education, and dad was barely at home, and when he was. It was on the PS4, I had some friends. They didn't make the best decision (vaping, drinking and more I think) I didn't get involved in that (luckily) since they always seemed like shit, but they were fun to hang around and they cared about me a lot so, that's nice :)
As the oldest in the house and the oldest female in my entire family, I basically raised every kid that came into my family. My brothers, sisters, baby cousins, niece and nephews. I have raised everyone else's kids since the day I could cook mac and cheese from a box. I didn't get a childhood, I was born into adulthood. I continue to raise kids that aren't my own.
for what little it's worth I respect your ability and heart.
I am the youngest of 3, my mom was a single mom thanks to my dad and his dr0g issues (he ended up in jail for it). She was still studying (36yo but needed it for her dream job) and having 2 jobs so she could put food on our table. I didn't see her a lot. My sisters are 4.5 and 9 years older than me so they never really played with me as a child. Any way the oldest left to a boarding school once she was 11 and the other one never liked the same things than me so we stayed apart. I grew up by myself, never understanding simple "human" interaction and to this day it's still hard for me to get the way society works. I had to grow up fast cause we had a lot of money issues and even if my mum hid it very well, no one can be oblivious to it all. So this playlis is pretty much perfect for me haha
I learned things at a very young age, things i wasnt supposed to learn i was exposed to toxicity and other stuff and it didnt get any better when i always have to comfort my mom everytime my drunk father comes home and yells at my mom and i would always hide because i would already know hes going to hit me and yell at me too if i show myself i was 8 at the time and it still scares me that on how i gone through all of that at a young age i dont even remember what i was like when i was a kid anymore
Yknow how when you’re just drawing attack on titan specifically and “your name” comes on and you immediately go “excuse me am I being stalked”
pov: internet raised you instead of your parents
Casually listening only to start sobbing when I heard aot music...
My dad left when I was 2 then my mom had to constantly work. When I turned 7 I got a dog and named her Della. She died in November 2021. She saw me grow up from 7 to 17 and she’s all I had.
this song perfectly reflects how i feel
I was homeschooled for 7 years of my life. I didn't go to public school until 8th grade. I had no siblings and very few friends, and I lived in a rural area, so I felt isolated and lonely for the majority of my childhood. I have a very weak social battery because of this and can only be at school for a few hours at a time before I have to leave. I just wish I was happier.
Yeah...this is me...
Even tho people say that the youngest gets everything and had the most attention, that wasn't the situation in my house.
My parents would focus on my other siblings and often forget about me. By the time my parents were done with my siblings they had no energy for me.
Growing up I was often told that I was mature for my age...but in all reality I wanted to die and I already knew how harsh the world was...
God....there's so much I could write about. how I had nobody there for me and how I had to raise myself. But I don't think anyone wants to hear what I got to say....they never had...
I was there for them, but nobody was there for me. No one cared for me, until this day, I can't trust anyone. I grew up faster than any other kids. I had strict parents, I knew how to handle myself at a young age, now I'm a childish teenager maybe I'm just taking back my childhood.
the link for the Spotify playlist open.spotify.com/playlist/6gAbLw3aL7dEfvGSOEHMTD?si=HXPlyO_PS3GXRKJ0MB__LQ& (last two songs are different because i couldn't find the ones in this playlist on Spotify so sorry for that and feel free to add songs to it that sound like they'll fit just please don't change the whole thing and don't take out songs that i put in there because they are the original songs in the original playlist)
I'm only 10. I shouldn't know anything about.. anything I know.. and I shouldn't be doing stuff that I shouldn't be and have 2 ex's.
You got me at call your name. That song still hurts a little too much xD
As a older child at the moment I’m 10 and a half, this has always been a problem. I always grow up to fast. I don’t have any room to fit a childhood in my life. My dad was always kinda abusive he died a month before my 10th birthday, we have all be depressed since the only reason he was doing that was cuz of his bipolar, As oldest I am expected to “take it” whatever pain I go through doesn’t matter. But anything that happens to the youngest or middle child I would get blamed for even if I had nothing to do with it. It’s completely unfair but I can’t fight what I can’t control.
I totally forgot about Happy Pills, i used to listen to it in middle school all the time
As the oldest child, i had to grow up to become a good impression on my little siblings. still do...
The first was born when i was 8
But my innocence was already gone when i was 5-6. On my own.
I want my childhood back. Thats all i want. But no matter how hard i try, i cant. i wont let myself..
Kids my age were maturing faster than me, because of that I got bullied. I have changed a lot since I was 12-11, mostly due to the internet and an older brother who was going through puberty. I see people talking so happy about their childhoods, but for me it feels like it was stolen by other people.
this fits me so well
The older I get the more I realize how alone I was when I was a kid. My mom stopped packing my lunch in grade 4, I was constantly left alone cause my parents work was prioritized over me even though they could afford breaks. I often only saw them in the morning and that was it. Despite it being such a small thing, like my lunch being pre-packed for me, my mom stopped tucking me into bed as soon as I was like 7. its such a small thing, but to a 7 year old who still loves their parents, a warm blanket, a little kiss, and a 'good night' can change a shitty day to an amazing one. Im 17 right now, my brother is 5 yrs older than me and I was left constantly to do his chores, make him food, fetch him things cause he was too lazy to do it himself. I was young and just wanted someone to acknowledge me, I did as he always asked yet I never got a thank you. I genuinely had to look up how to make a grilled cheese when I was younger because no one ever told me. it didn't help that I wasn't allowed to use the stove alone until I was 9 or 10. I was never acknowledged when I was younger, I was told my feelings don't matter as much as little billy's. I was told to shut up cause adults were talking. I taught myself everything I know, I built walls around myself and no one will ever truly be able to knock them down. I'm not okay, I've told my mom recently. I asked for a therapist, she said she raised me well. she said I was fine, so I guess ill have to be fine until I can move out.
little edit: My parents also prioritized work over my birthdays. specifically mine, not my brothers. so I dont like celebrating them anymore- why celebrate something no one cares about
I don’t have good memories as a child. because all I did was getting beat up by Bigger kids because I am small and poor so I don’t really eat for few days as a kid and all I do is work.
I move a house every year, so I don’t really have a people who can I really call a friend.
I grow up not knowing who is my father and confuse who is my mother.
I grow up not knowing what is love.
I grow up at there is no one I can celebrate my success.
I grow up without someone by my side who can I share my problems.
But I still have hope.
Everything have it’s own time. So don’t give up. And just keep believing to yourself
I grew up when I was eight. My father had just passed, my sister was in the edge of death and my mother was heartbroken. So I pushed my feelings aside and made sure they both ate everyday even though my sister never left her room I still made sure she didn’t starve or dehydrate and I made sure my mother could get up in the morning. It’s takes a big fucking toll on you to be an adult as a child.
It really does.