You say that you are not comfortable filming video's, but dude... you are!! Do you even know how big of an accomplishment this is for someone with social anxiety
@SelectKhan790 Thats what he's doing. He trying to make the guy see his point which is that most of us(the viewers) are not judging him(OP) as harshly as he's judging himself and that just making an honest video like this is a huge accomplishment for somebody like him that has depression and severe anxiety. And for somebody that feels like he says he does, he's doing a pretty good job in this video of expressing himself, even though every fiber in him is telling himself not to make this video.
What's "making something" ? Don't compare your life to anyone. Do what makes you happy and then you've made it. The people who rule over us is making people feel like you're feeling on PURPOSE !! Don't let them control you
Amy, you don't have to make anything of yourself. Society may be telling you this, but the truth is it's all up to you. You decide how you want to live, and that way of life will indeed be perfect for you.
When i listen to you I stop feeling lonely. and we are the same age. I’m arab girl and my life is in danger because I am an atheist. I can’t stop thinking and continue to analyze the past and question my decision if I were right. I think I have social anxiety and depression. I can’t even go to a therapist because it’s unacceptable here. Everything here is in chaos. my country still lives in the Middle Ages 💔
You seem such a genuine, caring and big-hearted person that it is devastating to hear how much you suffer and to hear that you don’t have any friends... I feel very bad for you and just like you want to help other people I would really like to help you if I can!
I am just trying to help. Focus on short-term goals. Let's say you wanna improve your social skills and you can barely hold a conversation with someone. Try saying Hi to somebody you come across the street. You may be thinking "nah screw that", but thats exactly why you should do it. Once you're comfortable saying Hi, try asking for the direction to the local gas station or something (even if you know the direction, still ask them) Do things you don't like to do. So you can grow. With all due respect, I have a feeling you're a bit lazy. I get lazy too, but again, do things you don't like to do. Don't wanna do the dishes? Do it. Don't wanna clean your appartment? Do it. Don't wanna exercise? Go for a 2 mile run. Push yourself through these little moments. And aim a little higher each time you get comfortable. When you're focusing on short-term goals, I advise you do some affirmations. Grab some sticky notes and put them on the wall or refrigerator (put them on something very noticeable so you always get reminded.) Write down something like "I will get comfortable talking with strangers". Something that's believable. And lastly I wanna give you a list of things you should look into in order to gain more confidence, focus and discipline: - Cold Showers - Meditation and mindfulness - NoFap - Healthy diet - Exercise - Reading - Drink more water Again, I just wanted to help.
The exercise and eating healthy is so on point. A few weeks ago i ate junk all weekend and i felt so depressed and sad. A lot of sugar makes me feel so sad. The last few weeks ive been eating healthy and i feel so kuch better, spend more time outside and am just in a bwtter mood.
Kenneth I spent the last 3 days in bed depressed .But i always pull myself back together ,their is always something too look forward too even if it's something small. My life is not how i want it too be due too my circumstances but i keep trying that's all you can do.
Youre thinking waaay too much. Look at all the people in the comment who feel like you do.THIS is the real world. Stop watching reality TV stop looking at people Facebook where they act like their life is perfect. Everyone is putting on a show for ever one else!! Are you in Los Angeles?
You should live here in Australia Kenneth, everyone smiles & helps each other out, I'm 57 and been totally lonely for 23 years now BE STRONG, you become stronger in your mind as you get older dude 👍
In my almost 30 years in this world, and dealing with all those issues you talk about in this video, I've reached to some conclusions that helped me. I mean, I'm still far, far away from being the person I wanna be and fulfilling my goals, but I'm on the right track. So here's a short list of things to do: - Quit pornography and masturbation. Now this can be a tricky one, because you will fail over and over and over again, and then you will hate yourself because you will think of yourself as somebody who doesn't have a strong will and can't resist the temptations. BUT it's okay, eventually you will get better at it and when the effects of this step kick in (trust me, this step alone has a great impact on improving your self esteem and leaving the self hate behind) you will feel motivated to stick to it. - Quit eating sugar (I also recommend staying away from pastry, fried foods, and basically junk food in general). I mean completely put sugar out of your diet, I myself, limit even my fruit intake because of the sugar fruits contain. Eating sugar is like literally spoon feeding your anxiety and depression. That's how bad sugar is for your mental health (and health in general, but that's another topic) - Start taking Zinc and Magnesium supplements (in the form of pills for example). Zinc and Magnesium deficiency is known to cause issues such as anxiety and depression. This deficiency is also related to how quitting masturbation helps you - semen contains a good amount of those elements, and if you already have deficiency to begin with - your body makes sacrifices elsewhere to keep producing that semen that you are wasting away, those sacrifices cause a negative impact on your mental health. - This one sounds as a cliche, but... start working out. There are 2 ways in which working out helps you: 1. It makes blood rush to your brain, that blood delivers plenty of oxygen and that makes you feel more awake, more toned and experience less mind fog. 2. Once you start noticing results that boosts your confidence, because you are getting job done, basically you prove yourself that you can achieve something. - Stop focusing on building relationships with people (intimate, or in the form of friendships doesn't matter). Instead start focusing on doing things that somehow improve you, but are also interesting to you (or at least have the potential to get interesting to you once you make things roll). The more you chase people, the lonely you are, once you start focusing on yourself and achieving things, that's when people come into your life... that thing can be starting own business for example. Nowadays it's really easy, there are literally blueprints to success that you can follow online. A random example is the field of e-commerce - people start with like $50 and end up making 6 figures within a couple of years... so yeah, that's just an example. I hope you find those things useful for yourself
hi man..Im from Brazil and i just read your post which i thought very interesting and useful. before anything i need to say that i'm a little bit older than you, i'm 34 , and im really happy just for finding someone who is about on my age and must have the same maturity than me . i just wanna say that when i was younger i missed friends a lot, spend my time by myself was hard for me. but now, i noticed that sooner or later everybody will be alone in life, even if it is just for a short period. believe me : everybody must be ok with the fact that one day everyone will have to do things by themselves. i have to confess that i dont care about having friends that treat me like shit. thats why i dont care about people. obviously when i find someone who i really like and i can see that he is a good and respectful person i will struggle to build a great friendship. do you know what i learned on my own using this time with anyone in my life? i learnet your language. actually, i'm learning it. lonliness can be good if you know how to use it. sorry about my english it's not very well, as i said it's not my first language. i hope you read it...
Everyone has value, and that includes you. I didn’t find my feet or profession until I turned 30 - and it was through all those years that I spent my time comparing myself to others which was the worst habit to do. Life is amazing and the beautiful thing is we create our own rules to live by...don’t get hung up believing you have to be something you’re not, or live life compared to your peers. It Takes time, give yourself one goal a day and slowly build on this. You realise things need to change...now put your emotions into actions! Don’t be too hard on yourself, please, you’re gonna be good.
I am 37 and feel the same way you do in this video....Even though I work my ass off with self-care guides and inner work, that I feel that it is all for nothing. 1 year and a half of this shit and nothing has given me hope for my future or life....I'm so over it!
What would be interesting is to see a contrasting video where you detail aspects where you are worth while and things (no matter how small) that you are proud about.
I’ve got a solution for you. Volunteer somewhere and just flow w what happens. You will be amazed at how much volunteering is needed. Start there with nothing to get from it but a wanting to help. Good things will come.
I volunteer at a animal shelter and just having close relationships with the dogs has helped me. Im now working in the veterinary field because of this volunteer job.
I can barely make an effort to write a comment on your channel That's how fucked I am Thank you for speaking of how you feel instead of what to others is logically "the best way" to approach things You keep it real Even reading what I wrote above makes me sick but I will leave it there You're stronger than most of us for posting these videos man
I hope you start to feel better Kenneth, I hope you will continue RUclips your videos have really helped me and I’m really grateful ❤️ honestly I feel better hearing advised from you then from other people because you are so real and you’re still going through a hard time so you can relate to us better. Just know that you and your message are important!!!
I enjoyed watching this.You make a good point when you say we have to make opportunities for ourselves,or else nothing will happen.I've also been trying to do that lately.Yesterday I went on a short trip by myself in a nearby city,after not leaving my town for a few years,and besides getting to explore the city,I had some interesting interactions with a few people and it made me interact with more people than I usually do.It made me realize that it's ok to ask for help and you don't have to know everything from the start,like I tend to make myself believe,just because I want to avoid awkward moments.Next time I go on a trip like this,I want to try and have more interactions with people,just for the sake of having them,because it actually makes me feel like I've made some progress when I come back home.Anyway,I'm not that good at explaining things and english is not my native language,but I hope it's readable at least.
Hello Kenneth. Nice to hear from you again. As always, it's totally okay to get in front of the camera and vent. I do something like that on a forum I'm on every now and then, though it's a little more brief and focused. (Just a little friendly jab there.) I woke up Saturday and could barely walk. The day before I overdid it at work and did a number on my whole left leg --- hip, knee, ankle, pretty much the whole thing. It's better, but all my muscles and joints are achy and it has be a little anxious. But I'm trying not to let it get me too worked up and hypochondriacal. I know I need to get myself off to the doctor, for a blood test at least, but I'm very iatraphobic. I don't think my social anxiety is as bad as yours and some other RUclipsrs I subscribe to, but when I go to a doctor it's through the roof. I feel very humiliated and belittled by them. Anyway, I'm afraid this muscle and joint pain is going to put a damper on my running, and running is one of the few things that really helps my depression, so it's put me between a bit of a rock and a hard place. I'm sure you probably know this and try to practice it as best you can, but all you can really do is try to plan small, achievable goals toward a larger project and persevere at them. If all you can manage is baby steps, baby steps are better than no steps at all. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again.... I think more than self-esteem, my problem is melancholy, if you will, existential melancholy. I've had it since I was in my early teens, maybe even earlier. Just a profound sadness that comes up every so often about different things, that won't go away. It's very hard to work through. I don't think you can always pep talk or positive-think it away. Dealing with it requires some pretty deep reflection. Anyway, good luck. Just keep chipping away at your objective and try to enjoy some small pleasures along the way.
Listening to you is like listening to a stream of negativity. As much as those thoughts you're having are valid and should be looked at and recognised, words are incredibly powerful. Every time you say something to yourself, such as I SUCK, I'M A MESS, I'M A LOSER ... you confirm that to your subconscious. It is not easy to shift the thought onto the positive, you have to start small, i'e it's a fucking miserable day, I have nothing I want, life is pointless can be - the sky is beautiful today, life is beautiful when you look at it, i'm loving how I am seeing what i don't want because it means I know what I do want, life sucks now but it won't forever because nothing lasts forever. Forget the future because there is only ever now. living in the future in your head is a sure way to make yourself miserable. Your mind will want the best of everything and it's too far from where you are now, and that's where all the depression and disappointment comes from. If you don't already, you could benefit from present moment meditation and practise. And there are gurus out there that help. A great place to start - Byron Katie, Abraham Hicks, Eckhart Tolle, Teal Swan
I understand how you feel. One of the worst things about being like this for me is seeing other people accomplishing things and then looking at myself and seeing a failure.
Damn bro, I've been trying to explain this to my fam and few friends that i still have, but i can relate to 98% of what your saying, its feels like an OMG, Holy Shit, Light Bulb moment that there are ppl out there having the same exact thoughts and feelings as me. Keep your head up man and keep seeking answers and eventually/hopefully we will get to were we want/need to be. Respect man
What you feel is something that most humans ,if not all feel too. We all just find different ways to deal with all those feelings. Sometimes our own minds can be our worst enemy, and for what you say I can see that you might have a problem that most of us have had....to OVER THINK. If we do that we may end up tangled in our own thoughts, and creates more confusion. The key for me has been to live each day, one a a time, focusing on the small good things that happen by and just learn from the bad things. And know that everyone is feeling the same way but they're in a struggle just like you even when they choose to smile and appear happy before you. That's the attitud they choose to have even with they're life problems, which may be three times worst than yours . I hope my comments are of some help for you. Cheers 😉
Hi Kenneth. My heart goes out to you. I can hear the pain in your voice. I wish I could do something to help you. I'm 56 years old and I've been a loner practically all my life. I didn't choose to be a loner. I didn't choose to be lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to...., to really talk to. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. In my case, I have some friends, but I can never get close. I can never have a close relationship with anyone because I can never sustain it. The reason being is that I've been carrying around these mental scars from my childhood almost all my life and over time they have branched out into a form of social anxiety disorder. This pestilence has robbed me of my confidence, my self-esteem, my sense of self-worth. I know there's people who would like to get to know me but they don't know how to approach me. It seems they can sense my anxiety by the way I talk and act. I try so hard to be relaxed and to contribute to any encounter. Conversations soon become tense and awkward with awful, embarrassing, silences. I'm telling you a little about me as a sort of therapeutic mental exercise for me. Just like what you do for yourself with your videos. Don't be so hard on yourself my friend. I appreciate you taking the time in making your videos. I hope by making and posting them it will help you. I wish you all the best. You deserve a happy life. Bye and take care. Your friend....., me.
Are you receiving treatment? Medications? Getting on the right meds will help you to stop ruminating about things and help you to stop judging yourself so harshly. Once you do this and get stable your mind will naturally start to focus on fun, happy things in life. Trust me, I have been where you are and life gets better if you take the right steps. You have a challenge ahead of you. Life is beautiful.
I honestly think the lack of friends & belonging causes peoples esteem to drop. It does cause your mind to Focus negatively. I feel confident when I feel I have a bunch of friends and my mind stops picking on every little thing I do...
I really feel for you. I have nothing to live for; nobody cares whether I live or die - it never changes... Some of us are just 'excluded’ from life for some reason, and we may never know why...
@@cr7edits762 I guess you’ve been told this before, and so forgive me, but you are very attractive! I am not. I find you handsome, and the way you speak so I understand you. I wish I was nearer to you - but I’m the other side of the world... Surprise, Surprise! I’d have loved a cuddle from you - I think I’d have felt a lot better for that. Keep going as I do regardless - we are fighters, as we are both still here! x
Hey there Kenneth Stahl, I used to feel that way sometimes and I thought it would be impossible to love other people. However I decided to spend a lot of time with God. Even though I had believe in God I still needed his holy spirit to be really born again and to truly love people. After intense searching for the truth and praying, reading the word of God and doing what is right. I started living for the LORD and not for myself. The key way in which I felt new again was when I received the holy spirit of God LORD Jesus Christ. When I received his holy spirit, only then could I discern in spirit and truly love and follow GOD, because your love for GOD will show in your love for others, and your love for others will show your love for GOD. Pray to GOD for wisdom and spiritual discernment. Have a good evening and GOD bless.
Just so you know, nobody has anything figured out, no matter their age. Some people are just better at lying to themselves. We're all in the same boat. I'm 30 and have no idea what's going on :)
My problem is I dont know what i want to do with my life. for me life is just "meh" and i dont know how to fix that. i just dont have that passion that most people do. Im stuck in a job i dont like but honestly i dont know if there is any job i would like. I don't have any friends because im a very shy person and i just dont know what to do.
Also may sound weird but it helped me at times when I listened a few times to some motivational videos/speeches. Some is famous talks/speeches/quotes from famous movies etc but was still helpful for me personally. Made me reflect and pumped me up to take action. I'll still listen to em at times.
i feel ya. i used to have friends but none felt real genuine. and now im 31 with no friends. i do have a cat lol but like thats just not enough for me. and im not sure how to meet people when i have such apathy about life .
Hey Kenneth! :-) Thanks a lot for sharing your feelings and being so open and honest. I have a couple of suggestions for you. Gove a try to see if they work: 1) Go to those meetups that are close to you and find people who have similar interests (www.meetup.com). It's easier to become friend with people who enjoy same stuff that we do. 2) When you find a new friend, try not share those feelings and thoughts of yours that depressive or negative. People who dont know us that much, wont care about us that much either. And as soon as they feel they wont enjoy the conversation or they feel they cant help, then they may stop seeing you all together. 3) If you can afford seeing a psychotherapist please go and see one. Because as much as we (the viewers) love to help you, we can't unless we are trained in this field. 4) If there is no chance that you can afford seeing a therapist, then probably you can find a doctor who is willing to come to your channel (like this channel:ruclips.net/video/ioWcLuMcTBc/видео.html ) and answer your (and your viewers) questions. And you can pay him/her by they money you get by setting up a gofundme page. If each of your viewers is willing to pay even $ 1 with the hope of getting answer to their questions, then you would probably have enough to pay the therapist to come and talk to you and your viewers live. Another incentive for that doctor can be that the more people get to know about him/her thru your videos, the more clients s/he will have.... I genuinely love to help. I hope you find this helpful. I wish you the best! :-)
I feel the same way. I’ve been dealing with physical illness along with it. I was lonely for a few years and then I started to get sick, which increased the loneliness. I’m still battling with sickness which has increased depression, anxiety, loneliness. I am right there in a similar boat. Have you gone to a psychologist or support group?
Here's my way of helping u even though I struggle with a lot of inner 💩 too: 1. If you believe in a god of course pray to you're god & if not like me that's more then 👌 2.No matter how hard it gets you got to keep on moving...keep on moving don't stop NO 😉💗 3. Download the song keep on moving it will help engrave that message in your head & you will find yourself just moving & doing what's needed & what you want & download inspiration songs as well 4.you look like you're keeping up on your Huygens which is great you need that to help you feel at least somewhat good about yourself cuz "when you look & smell good you feel good " and that's not only for meals 5.Chakras are real!!! It don't matter what you believe in everybody have chakra & if they're not being worked on everyday so they can one day be balanced you won't be TRUELY happy btw chakras are the energies inside of us that helps us know who we are,what we want,what we need to survive,how we feel,how we think,how we want to think,and how we can think 6.There's 7 main chakras and each one of them have a different color,smell,stone,foods, and chants so I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU DO YOUR RESEARCH PLEASE... It works for me it really do I was just like you maybe a little worst cuz of my added emotions but now I'm better then I was a few months to a year ago & it is amazing😍 7. Here are the 7 main chakras: 1.Root chakra: the color red words to remember what it deals with...I AM & chant LAM 2.Sacral chakra: the color Orange words to remember what it deals with I FEEL & chant VAM 3.SOLAR PLEXUS chakra: the color yellow words to remember what it deals with I DO & chant RAM 4.Heart chakra: the color green words to remember what it deals with I LOVE & CHANT YAM 5.Throat chakra: the color blue words to remember what it deals with I SPEAK & CHANT HAM 6.THIRD EYE: the color indigo words to remember what it deals with I SEE & CHANT OM 7.👑 CHAKRA: the color violet or clear words to remember what it deals with I UNDERSTAND & CHANT AH OR SILENCE 😍💗 # I'm still a beginner in all of this myself so I can't actually say if you don't do this you won't truly be happy however TO ME IT PLAY A EXTREMELY HUGE ROLE IN HAPPINESS hope this helps u keep your head up & remember keep on moving😍
I can see that your problem is not that your life sucks! Because it does not. Your problem is mental illness, when you get into a bad state of mind, you start being negative putting yourself down, and the best thing to do when you are is to be aware that it's the mental illness talking that you are being negative. You should work on the inside before things get better externally, I feel you I'm in a similar situation but I'm overcoming it. You're not alone and it can be done... The other day I saw this man, shivering cold on the streets, scared and hungry begging for money, would you sit beside him and say to him, "I'm disappointed in you!' You should have done better in your life!' No you wouldn't? Then why do you bully yourself? Show the same love and compassion as you would to anyone else. If you want to truly feel fulfilled, no amount of success or friends will make you feel that way because happiness comes from within. You gotta love yourself as you as now, not when you finally get what you want, because those things can be lost, what you really need to do is take action to appreciate life and yourself, stop judging yourself, if you loved yourself you would love a life you want because you're not stopping yourself by negative thinking
Kenny, what I want from you is to see you feel better about yourself, and not be so hard on yourself about every little thing, because other people are not a hard on you for every little thing, right? but you shouldn't feel bad about it because just let it be behind you. Everybody has bad days every now and then. Some people have them more then others, but that doesn't make them worse people. it makes them people that deserve to have more attention. That's why we're listening. I'm sure you'll be better soon
I've been depressed a lot I feel like a failure wishing I had done more or progressed. I think in my case it is all about my lack of confidence... I find it hard to connect with friends etc I'm still trying to work on it. I really don't like that element of myself and I try to run from it but it impacts me so much honestly. I appreciate you sharing your struggles it really helps knowing people aren't alone. Thumbs up and subbed to you xx thank you for this video and your friends video. I really needed this because I feel like I'm alone in this but to know you feel the same way is real.... I'm guessing so many people feel the same but don't share like you. Just know I feel you and others do too. Confidence is a bugger it's tied into self esteem and it needs some love.. easier said then done but dont give up x
Hey, do you read books? After watching your videos, I found this book that has tons of information on achieving liability. Every word you say is totally relatable. I have no family, and I no longer care for friends. No one likes me but I'm determined to change that. I'm an introvert and people look at introverts like we're autistic or something. Thanks for all your insights on topics. I felt totally isolated in the universe before finding this channel. Keep your head up. I think because I'm a writer, Ive gotten used to being alone and passing time reading and writing. I don't look for anything from outside, I clap for my Damm self. I hope to see you in better spirits.
My heart goes out to you, Kenneth. I really really wish I could physically do something to fix everything for you but the older you get the quicker you realise that ultimately we cannot depend on people because they are only human. Firstly, I'm sorry about the length of this comment and if it gets confusing. Secondly, I think you should research into theism because a huge part of your depression stems from your lack of true purpose in life. I don't say this in the sense that you should look into religion as a means of finding fulfilment in the same way that some people may 'find fulfilment' in their job or their family. I say that you should look into religion because ultimately our true purpose can only be determined by whoever or whatever created you - just like the purpose of any product is determined by the manufacturer of that product (sorry I had to put in the stereotypical religious analogy somewhere). It doesn't make sense to chase after contentment in 'becoming rich and successful' or, better yet, just *looking* happy on social media, when really you're empty inside. I'm a Muslim (literally means someone who submits to God) and I find contentment in realising that my only purpose in life is to worship God. So what if I fail my exams? So what if I'm not as attractive/cool/interesting as the next girl/guy? So what if I'm earning just enough to pay rent? These are all matters that are ultimately out of our control so how can we determine our self-worth through them? You have so much potential to be an amazing human being, not in our eyes - that's not the goal - but in the eyes of God. Because he values every ounce of goodness inside you. People will always judge you and expect too much from you, and you will too... but God values every ounce of goodness that you bring forward - even if it's as simple as taking care of yourself or pushing a piece of glass out of the road. And to anybody else who is worrying that they won't make anything of themselves, know that your worth is far more than what you own materially. If you want to learn more about God / Islam, there are a lot of good resources I can direct you to.
Hi kenneth. You are a beautiful soul please dont be so hard on yourself ok i just saw your video kenneth you are young handsome bright young man. Please stop it ok i understand what your saying. GOD gave you your life and if you have no friends. Its better for you to have true friends not just friends. U get me. Hold on to your faith. God will lead the way for better friendship and he. Will enrich your life. Don't give up ok. If you can be brave enough to do these amazing truths about yourself hey this is great steps for you to get people in your life. No one is perfect ok remember this you dont suck and you are not a looser ok stop stop putting yourself down.keep talking ok keep reaching out you will win a lot friends. Take care and GOD BLESS YOU 😊🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀💕💞🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Your the voice for so many who suffer in silence , just being real with how things make you feel is not something just anyone can do so openly and your brave for doing so. Hang in there , life is tough when your an introvert. I speak from experience. Keep making videos , you never know whos counting on you to help them through a rough day.
So my 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I don't know if I should go. I don't really have much going for me. I dropped out of college, don't have any kids or a significant other, still live at home, and suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. I've gained a ton of weight and have suffered some hair loss from Idk what...stress maybe. I don't know if I should go any way so that I won't miss out or to just avoid the whole ordeal.
Do you have any hobbies? It makes me sad to hear you, or anyone, say things like this. I can absolutely relate though. Finding something to keep busy has helped me immensely.
I’m glad you think of this as therapy, because I think talking about my problems is useless. I WISH something would help me. Talking about my problems...eh...at this point....
Hey kenny, just found your videos and and I really like them. They make me feel so much better. And to be honest with you I find you really attractive. You have the cutest little smile! Even if you don't Like yourself right now, here is somebody that would like to get to know you. You can do this, okay? You can do this, just take small steps. Wishing you all the best for you. Greetings from Germany
Consider this... there are more than enough inspirational sources available to blow sunshine up our asses, but few real honest moments in which we all can share together in reality of what is. Keep sharing, that is the bravest and most honest thing about living.
Yeah, really. I tried making RUclips videos for somebody several years ago, and I was told to GET OUT! And that was the last friend I ever had...I'm 49 now, have no job, no money, no aspiration, and no hope. I've tried thinking this through for years, and have gotten absolutely nowhere.
It helped motivate me just to watch this video to make my own. Thanks man. Also don't beat yourself up. Rewire your head to say better things about yourself, true or not. I did it and it completely changed my life man. Seriously.
I got traumatized by my neighbor when I was 5 years old and didn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want to cause a big fight. Now am 20 and my life fucking sucks.
Please start a gratitude journal. -- I can relate to your introverted introspection. Isn't it enough to just be you in trying to reach out? I think so. It's okay to journal with videos and sharing. -- Ah... wish could give you a hug.
Thanks for putting yourself out there so raw and so honestly. Your thoughts echo the journey of some I've been speaking to of late. You will find your better self when you connect with a mentor. Let me know if you wish to Skype or chat. Hang in there!
The quickest way to create change, is by the way you treat and talk to yourself. Instead of focusing on the end destination, focus on the stepping stone in front of you. Don’t see yourself through others eyes or perspective of you, trust me you’ll never be enough for anyone. But you can be more than enough for you. Stop being so damn critical on yourself. Celebrate the small accomplishments which ultimately lead to celebrating the milestones. I’m 26 turning 27, and I have no fucking clue what I’m good at. But I know I’m on my way to finding out. 🙏😜
I have a wonderful girlfriend, friends and a great family, and most of the time, I FEEL LIKE YOU DO. Depression is no joke man. Get help asap. What i have found somewhat helpfull is exercise, it releases some hormones in the brains. going out for long walks, eating magnesium, lots of water, avoid hungovers (better not to drink at all) At my worst depressoin periods i have been on antidepressants also, and they do help, but i always end up stopping at some point because they not only numb down the bad feelings but also the good. so you get kind of flat. Kind of neutral state of being. Probably gonna be in and out of depression all my life but thats just me. I wrote because you are CLEARLY depressed. And you cant see it when you are in it. Its all mostly brain chemistry and you cant believe how deep you were until you get out of it. Be good to yourself. You wouldnt physically beat your self up infront of a mirror everyday would you? So why beat yourself up mentally everyday. its no different. Love yourself.
Bro that's the problem these days. The internet and social media makes everyone normal feel like a total failure. You don't have to achieve anything massive, not everyone can. Only 5% succeed massive. Stop besting yourself up for not being better. I felt the same for a long time until I realised the media world is a lie and just living each day is a success but you are told your failure of you are not RUclips or insta star. Hope you feel better soon bro.......just remember these massive success stories are so lucky .....right place right time ....
Big step, Kenny, in admitting objectively where you’re at. For a lucky few, shit falls in their lap. For all the rest of us we have to bust our ass to get what and where we want. Take what is yours.
Kenneth, just came across a few of your videos by "accident". 1st, let me say that I haven't had a single friend in the past 9 years, BUT, I could NOT be happier. What is your spiritual position or foundation in life? Not meaning religious per se, but speaking on a conscious awareness level. What is your understanding of your own spiritually connected path and purpose in this physical realm? I ask because YOU sir are here to possibly walk this lonely path, just as I am, as well as many others, which is why we choose to accept "loneliness" as an aspect of higher purpose. I suffered severe depression for probably more years than you have been alive, I have suffered anxiety and panic disorder, sleep paralysis, and an overall "weirdo" syndrom, that part usually being more prevalent within my own mind. I tried many different meds and therapists but always felt that I was in a never ending losing battle, UNTIL, I learned how to unlock ALL of these magical components within my own psyche and spirit. Not only have I been off meds for the past 10 years, but have also never been happier and more full of life. ALL of these videos you post of your suffering is the conscious universe/god/life, whatever, calling your name and holding up road signs, only you are ignoring them and continuing to drive in the wrong direction. The ONLY way to escape your prison is to retrain your brain through your thought habits, AND the only way to succesfully do that, is to tune into your higher self. I know this for a fact because I am living proof, while I watch 3 family members continue their spiral into depression and madness because they feel like they "just cant" do the work. Ancient shamans called this "the great work of the spirit". Someone is knocking on your door and you will either answer it or die a slow and miserable death. I am here if you would like to talk, I could point you in the right direction. You must learn to become your own saviour, your own therapist, your own healer, and your own best friend. There is a truly magical world waiting for you sir.
@@reelala4114 Well no, not really, although I DO feel like I should be doing more to maybe help others understand there is a way out. Maybe I SHOULD consider something of the sort though.
Hey man. First off, i'm 36, and I thought I'd be doing better in life at this point, and things are pretty fucked up for me right now. I've been thinking of starting a youtube channel for years, and I haven't done it yet. It's good that you have, and are still making youtube videos. I've been in therapy for about a year, and I really feel like it's helping. If you can afford it, or have insurance, I would give it a shot. I really wish I had done it back when I was your age. Also, do you write down any of your goals?
I used to be just like you. I always overthought and believed it was good to come at things from so many angles. We would be better for it. I disagree now. We find our true self from simplifying ourselves from within. We’ve been taught to control our minds consciously through suppression and affirmation with the phrase “I am.” In reality, it is not us, our conscious self that is the speaker, but our subconscious self. We, as a person, must become the listener and not the speaker. You change that by using the word “you” instead of “I.” Everyone wants love, and to affirm that love to yourself unconditionally, use the phrase “GOD LOVES YOU, SURRENDER,” over and over. You will eventually notice a difference, and a serene clarity. Even if you don’t believe in God, what the hell do you have to lose with such a simple change.
I feel like this all the time. I’m 25 & don’t even have a career or degree, but you need to tell yourself “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”Stop letting the devil speak negativity into your life! God has a plan for your life ! So start getting into prayer & get a plan ready. Ask God, what do YOU want for my life God??? & he will tell you his plan for your life.
You CAN do anything 💪💙 It's not going to be easy, there is no perfect time, it is going to feel uncomfortable, and you will definitely be tested, but that's how you will grow. We all have our own journey and paths, and its not all are the same (like society makes it out to be) but that's the beauty in our life stories. You still can be that positive motivational man. You are very knowledgeable and know what you have to do its just taking that action, and that's one of the HARDEST steps, but is possible. You don't got to be at your best to start getting better but gotta have a start, even if it's the smallest things. You CAN do it. I have had my struggles with mental health as well and can totally relate my friend.
I understand how you feel. In middle and high school I was so lost and all these irrelevant thoughts filled my head and looking back I can't believe those thoughts ever came across my mind. I don't know what is holding you back from being the complete you, but until you have something really deep impact your life, you won't realize how petty this moment is for you and you will also look back and wish you had used your time more wisely. I think you need to find a hustle and stick to it. Maybe it's time for you to go to a professional about your feelings because they can give you expert advice and really understand your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck.
I want friends too. I'm an attractive 47 year old who was very popular in high school because I played sports and was considered the hot girl too. I always felt lonely even at the height of popularity or success. I started weeding out friends in my twenties for several reasons, but mainly because I wanted and still want quality people in my life that I vibe with. Why is it so challenging to find genuine trustworthy friends to enjoy life with?
Hi Kenneth Y should know that all of us have faced this at some point in our life. If u think u have been feeling depressed n are unable to come out of it, please seek professional help also, n don't just stop by reaching out to people on RUclips. The suggestions that u get from your viewers, mean well for you in a large way, but need not necessarily be the answer to overcome what you r going thru. But in my experience (like I mentioned, most of us have been through this kind of feeling), u could begin with the following: 1. Stop trying to want to be a "role model"....too much pressure. 2. Be grateful for what u hv, at least 3 things everyday...be thankful 3. U get what u give. U give love, u will get that back. U could try volunteering at places where required. Look into your community, u will surely find an area of work where you could help. This would make a part of your day/week spent usefully. Definitely a positive impact. 4. If U believe in prayers, do pray. 5. Do not compare your self with those who have more than you (in terms of money n comforts) but be aware of how your life is better than those with lesser fortunes n choices. Again be grateful 6. Read articles by n about the experinces of positive minded people, about inspiring people who made it against all odds. Go out N meet people n do not spend too much time on the Internet....it virtual at the end of the day. All the best, hope to see you come out of this phase as positive minded n happy person. That would be a big success! Regards.
You helped so many people because you are so honest with your feelings and people can relate. You did something what so many people don't in their life. You helped others. And that's SOMETHING. ❤ You have to be brave for going out with this topic. You have so much in you. I hope you will figure things out soon, but take your time if you need. Be kind to yourself, it's your skin, body, mind and I feel and know that you are beautiful but the important thing is that you need to realize it too.
Kenny you are not a disappointment! You are a son of God and he made you perfect. He loves you so much. We all have a mission in this life. Maybe you need guidance to find it. Look for help! I am praying for you! Take good care. God bless you!
Are you certain you aren't comfortable ? In this end on my tablet I woudn't never guess that were what you feel. You are hear your mind shattering...relax and go learn something you love doing.And careful you are atracting bad vibes. What did you like doing when you were a child?
I personally think you are pressuring yourself a little too much. The expectations that you have of yourself are maybe a little too farfetched? I used to be so bad socially, but started developing my social skills with simple things... for example.. asking people for help in a store, or asking someone questions about their interests...
Same here man. Everythings pathetic.. everyone at best treats you like your just some guy .. at worst treat you like your something they have to put up with. I am just angry and bitter at this point.... i don't feel good about anything.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling hopeless about life and like you are a failure. But you are genuine. In a world where 90% of what people show of themselves is fake, that is both refreshing and brave. It actually takes guts to admit you're struggling, so give yourself a little credit. You may not have all the answers but you are searching and trying to figure it out and that's all anyone can ask of you. Life isn't about having all the answers. It's about embarking on the journey to discover them and making the trip as enjoyable as possible.
Are there any meet-ups in your city? Not necessarily meet-ups centered around an interest or activity, but maybe just people socializing in a bar. I'm confident you could make friends that way. Anyway, I don't think wallowing in sad thoughts will help you.
You are not a loser! You are a very brave and honest person! You are amazing! Jesus loves you, Kenneth! I will be praying for you! (Do you have a Messenger account? I would like to chat with you.)
I've had social anxiety my whole life I'm much older than you I couldn't do a you tube channel like this your a very good communicator and smart your comparing yourself to other people you are your own person you are unique you are wonderful try and think positive thinking and talking negative will make you depressed I read my bible everyday and that really helps me and I walk alot praying helps too GOD&JESUS listen to our problems one day at a time you don't have to figure everything out in one day sometimes it takes a life time
You say that you are not comfortable filming video's, but dude... you are!! Do you even know how big of an accomplishment this is for someone with social anxiety
@SelectKhan790 Thats what he's doing. He trying to make the guy see his point which is that most of us(the viewers) are not judging him(OP) as harshly as he's judging himself and that just making an honest video like this is a huge accomplishment for somebody like him that has depression and severe anxiety. And for somebody that feels like he says he does, he's doing a pretty good job in this video of expressing himself, even though every fiber in him is telling himself not to make this video.
jimins thighs stop thinking bad about yourself you are a wonderful guy life is to short there is a lot out there try new things
i guess I'm kinda randomly asking but do anyone know a good website to watch new series online ?
@Aryan Derek Lately I have been using FlixZone. You can find it by googling =)
@@aryanderek109 yesmoviesdotat but with an actual dot
I’m about to be 21 and I’m genuinely scared I won’t make anything of myself
Moo.
What's "making something" ?
Don't compare your life to anyone. Do what makes you happy and then you've made it.
The people who rule over us is making people feel like you're feeling on PURPOSE !! Don't let them control you
Amy, you don't have to make anything of yourself. Society may be telling you this, but the truth is it's all up to you. You decide how you want to live, and that way of life will indeed be perfect for you.
Amy Im 30 and things are still shitty
Find people who love you, success or no success.
Succeed for yourself, and tell no one.
When i listen to you I stop feeling lonely. and we are the same age. I’m arab girl and my life is in danger because I am an atheist. I can’t stop thinking and continue to analyze the past and question my decision if I were right. I think I have social anxiety and depression. I can’t even go to a therapist because it’s unacceptable here. Everything here is in chaos. my country still lives in the Middle Ages 💔
You're not alone. Life is hard! Be kind to yourself.
You seem such a genuine, caring and big-hearted person that it is devastating to hear how much you suffer and to hear that you don’t have any friends... I feel very bad for you and just like you want to help other people I would really like to help you if I can!
Thanks for the video. I'm older than you but feel the same way. Maybe I'm taking life too seriously but I don't know how to take it lightly.
I am just trying to help.
Focus on short-term goals. Let's say you wanna improve your social skills and you can barely hold a conversation with someone. Try saying Hi to somebody you come across the street. You may be thinking "nah screw that", but thats exactly why you should do it. Once you're comfortable saying Hi, try asking for the direction to the local gas station or something (even if you know the direction, still ask them) Do things you don't like to do. So you can grow.
With all due respect, I have a feeling you're a bit lazy. I get lazy too, but again, do things you don't like to do. Don't wanna do the dishes? Do it. Don't wanna clean your appartment? Do it. Don't wanna exercise? Go for a 2 mile run. Push yourself through these little moments. And aim a little higher each time you get comfortable.
When you're focusing on short-term goals, I advise you do some affirmations. Grab some sticky notes and put them on the wall or refrigerator (put them on something very noticeable so you always get reminded.) Write down something like "I will get comfortable talking with strangers". Something that's believable.
And lastly I wanna give you a list of things you should look into in order to gain more confidence, focus and discipline:
- Cold Showers
- Meditation and mindfulness
- NoFap
- Healthy diet
- Exercise
- Reading
- Drink more water
Again, I just wanted to help.
My morning jogs are great👍
@RenaeLA 1 on a completely unrelated topic - you look beautiful!
The exercise and eating healthy is so on point. A few weeks ago i ate junk all weekend and i felt so depressed and sad. A lot of sugar makes me feel so sad. The last few weeks ive been eating healthy and i feel so kuch better, spend more time outside and am just in a bwtter mood.
If you make video's about your feelings.. why do you think that is NOT interesting? Literally everyone is relating to you. That is a message too.
@The Caprisun Demon Why do you keep commenting nonsense on my comments? You OK bro? Why you mad? Did someone hurt you??? 😭😂 lmfao
Kenneth I spent the last 3 days in bed depressed .But i always pull myself back together ,their is always something too look forward too even if it's something small. My life is not how i want it too be due too my circumstances but i keep trying that's all you can do.
Youre thinking waaay too much.
Look at all the people in the comment who feel like you do.THIS is the real world.
Stop watching reality TV stop looking at people Facebook where they act like their life is perfect.
Everyone is putting on a show for ever one else!!
Are you in Los Angeles?
You should live here in Australia Kenneth, everyone smiles & helps each other out, I'm 57 and been totally lonely for 23 years now
BE STRONG, you become stronger in your mind as you get older dude 👍
In my almost 30 years in this world, and dealing with all those issues you talk about in this video, I've reached to some conclusions that helped me. I mean, I'm still far, far away from being the person I wanna be and fulfilling my goals, but I'm on the right track. So here's a short list of things to do:
- Quit pornography and masturbation. Now this can be a tricky one, because you will fail over and over and over again, and then you will hate yourself because you will think of yourself as somebody who doesn't have a strong will and can't resist the temptations. BUT it's okay, eventually you will get better at it and when the effects of this step kick in (trust me, this step alone has a great impact on improving your self esteem and leaving the self hate behind) you will feel motivated to stick to it.
- Quit eating sugar (I also recommend staying away from pastry, fried foods, and basically junk food in general). I mean completely put sugar out of your diet, I myself, limit even my fruit intake because of the sugar fruits contain. Eating sugar is like literally spoon feeding your anxiety and depression. That's how bad sugar is for your mental health (and health in general, but that's another topic)
- Start taking Zinc and Magnesium supplements (in the form of pills for example). Zinc and Magnesium deficiency is known to cause issues such as anxiety and depression. This deficiency is also related to how quitting masturbation helps you - semen contains a good amount of those elements, and if you already have deficiency to begin with - your body makes sacrifices elsewhere to keep producing that semen that you are wasting away, those sacrifices cause a negative impact on your mental health.
- This one sounds as a cliche, but... start working out. There are 2 ways in which working out helps you: 1. It makes blood rush to your brain, that blood delivers plenty of oxygen and that makes you feel more awake, more toned and experience less mind fog. 2. Once you start noticing results that boosts your confidence, because you are getting job done, basically you prove yourself that you can achieve something.
- Stop focusing on building relationships with people (intimate, or in the form of friendships doesn't matter). Instead start focusing on doing things that somehow improve you, but are also interesting to you (or at least have the potential to get interesting to you once you make things roll). The more you chase people, the lonely you are, once you start focusing on yourself and achieving things, that's when people come into your life... that thing can be starting own business for example. Nowadays it's really easy, there are literally blueprints to success that you can follow online. A random example is the field of e-commerce - people start with like $50 and end up making 6 figures within a couple of years... so yeah, that's just an example.
I hope you find those things useful for yourself
pawninwordsandsoon agree with everything you said but have doubts your post was even seen since there are no replies. 💯
@@TraumaER Even if 1 person sees it and it helps them, then it was worth writing it
hi man..Im from Brazil and i just read your post which i thought very interesting and useful.
before anything i need to say that i'm a little bit older than you, i'm 34 , and im really happy just for finding someone who is about on my age and must have the same maturity than me .
i just wanna say that when i was younger i missed friends a lot, spend my time by myself was hard for me. but now, i noticed that sooner or later everybody will be alone in life, even if it is just for a short period. believe me : everybody must be ok with the fact that one day everyone will have to do things by themselves. i have to confess that i dont care about having friends that treat me like shit. thats why i dont care about people.
obviously when i find someone who i really like and i can see that he is a good and respectful person i will struggle to build a great friendship. do you know what i learned on my own using this time with anyone in my life? i learnet your language. actually, i'm learning it. lonliness can be good if you know how to use it. sorry about my english it's not very well, as i said it's not my first language. i hope you read it...
@@pawninwordsandsoon it was worth writing.
@@marboni1579 you have a very interesting thought process
Everyone has value, and that includes you. I didn’t find my feet or profession until I turned 30 - and it was through all those years that I spent my time comparing myself to others which was the worst habit to do. Life is amazing and the beautiful thing is we create our own rules to live by...don’t get hung up believing you have to be something you’re not, or live life compared to your peers. It Takes time, give yourself one goal a day and slowly build on this. You realise things need to change...now put your emotions into actions! Don’t be too hard on yourself, please, you’re gonna be good.
You have friends bro. We dont. We all have tried but I found out that ppl are evil and dont care about anyone that doesn't fit their description.
How old are you? It's common to not find your way in your 20s and even 30s. You're still figuring out who you can be.
No way, this is much more serious
I am 37 and feel the same way you do in this video....Even though I work my ass off with self-care guides and inner work, that I feel that it is all for nothing. 1 year and a half of this shit and nothing has given me hope for my future or life....I'm so over it!
What would be interesting is to see a contrasting video where you detail aspects where you are worth while and things (no matter how small) that you are proud about.
I’ve got a solution for you. Volunteer somewhere and just flow w what happens. You will be amazed at how much volunteering is needed. Start there with nothing to get from it but a wanting to help. Good things will come.
I volunteer at a animal shelter and just having close relationships with the dogs has helped me. Im now working in the veterinary field because of this volunteer job.
I can barely make an effort to write a comment on your channel
That's how fucked I am
Thank you for speaking of how you feel instead of what to others is logically "the best way" to approach things
You keep it real
Even reading what I wrote above makes me sick but I will leave it there
You're stronger than most of us for posting these videos man
I hope you start to feel better Kenneth, I hope you will continue RUclips your videos have really helped me and I’m really grateful ❤️ honestly I feel better hearing advised from you then from other people because you are so real and you’re still going through a hard time so you can relate to us better. Just know that you and your message are important!!!
Sometimes I feel like I don't have the answer on how to even fix it 🥲
I love you
I love him too!
I enjoyed watching this.You make a good point when you say we have to make opportunities for ourselves,or else nothing will happen.I've also been trying to do that lately.Yesterday I went on a short trip by myself in a nearby city,after not leaving my town for a few years,and besides getting to explore the city,I had some interesting interactions with a few people and it made me interact with more people than I usually do.It made me realize that it's ok to ask for help and you don't have to know everything from the start,like I tend to make myself believe,just because I want to avoid awkward moments.Next time I go on a trip like this,I want to try and have more interactions with people,just for the sake of having them,because it actually makes me feel like I've made some progress when I come back home.Anyway,I'm not that good at explaining things and english is not my native language,but I hope it's readable at least.
Your honesty is important
Hello Kenneth. Nice to hear from you again. As always, it's totally okay to get in front of the camera and vent. I do something like that on a forum I'm on every now and then, though it's a little more brief and focused. (Just a little friendly jab there.)
I woke up Saturday and could barely walk. The day before I overdid it at work and did a number on my whole left leg --- hip, knee, ankle, pretty much the whole thing. It's better, but all my muscles and joints are achy and it has be a little anxious. But I'm trying not to let it get me too worked up and hypochondriacal. I know I need to get myself off to the doctor, for a blood test at least, but I'm very iatraphobic. I don't think my social anxiety is as bad as yours and some other RUclipsrs I subscribe to, but when I go to a doctor it's through the roof. I feel very humiliated and belittled by them.
Anyway, I'm afraid this muscle and joint pain is going to put a damper on my running, and running is one of the few things that really helps my depression, so it's put me between a bit of a rock and a hard place.
I'm sure you probably know this and try to practice it as best you can, but all you can really do is try to plan small, achievable goals toward a larger project and persevere at them. If all you can manage is baby steps, baby steps are better than no steps at all. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again....
I think more than self-esteem, my problem is melancholy, if you will, existential melancholy. I've had it since I was in my early teens, maybe even earlier. Just a profound sadness that comes up every so often about different things, that won't go away. It's very hard to work through. I don't think you can always pep talk or positive-think it away. Dealing with it requires some pretty deep reflection.
Anyway, good luck. Just keep chipping away at your objective and try to enjoy some small pleasures along the way.
Listening to you is like listening to a stream of negativity. As much as those thoughts you're having are valid and should be looked at and recognised, words are incredibly powerful. Every time you say something to yourself, such as I SUCK, I'M A MESS, I'M A LOSER ... you confirm that to your subconscious. It is not easy to shift the thought onto the positive, you have to start small, i'e it's a fucking miserable day, I have nothing I want, life is pointless can be - the sky is beautiful today, life is beautiful when you look at it, i'm loving how I am seeing what i don't want because it means I know what I do want, life sucks now but it won't forever because nothing lasts forever. Forget the future because there is only ever now. living in the future in your head is a sure way to make yourself miserable. Your mind will want the best of everything and it's too far from where you are now, and that's where all the depression and disappointment comes from. If you don't already, you could benefit from present moment meditation and practise. And there are gurus out there that help. A great place to start - Byron Katie, Abraham Hicks, Eckhart Tolle, Teal Swan
Exact situation what i m feeling from past 2 years😣 soo i can feel u Keny!!! I m just 20 n started hating my life already!!
enjoy life im 20 aswell and feel so shit about my life
I hated life ever since , I was younger
It’s okay Kenny- love ya
I understand literally everything you said completely
I understand how you feel. One of the worst things about being like this for me is seeing other people accomplishing things and then looking at myself and seeing a failure.
Damn bro, I've been trying to explain this to my fam and few friends that i still have, but i can relate to 98% of what your saying, its feels like an OMG, Holy Shit, Light Bulb moment that there are ppl out there having the same exact thoughts and feelings as me. Keep your head up man and keep seeking answers and eventually/hopefully we will get to were we want/need to be. Respect man
What you feel is something that most humans ,if not all feel too. We all just find different ways to deal with all those feelings. Sometimes our own minds can be our worst enemy, and for what you say I can see that you might have a problem that most of us have had....to OVER THINK. If we do that we may end up tangled in our own thoughts, and creates more confusion. The key for me has been to live each day, one a a time, focusing on the small good things that happen by and just learn from the bad things. And know that everyone is feeling the same way but they're in a struggle just like you even when they choose to smile and appear happy before you. That's the attitud they choose to have even with they're life problems, which may be three times worst than yours . I hope my comments are of some help for you. Cheers 😉
Hi Kenneth. My heart goes out to you. I can hear the pain in your voice. I wish I could do something to help you. I'm 56 years old and I've been a loner practically all my life. I didn't choose to be a loner. I didn't choose to be lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to...., to really talk to. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. In my case, I have some friends, but I can never get close. I can never have a close relationship with anyone because I can never sustain it. The reason being is that I've been carrying around these mental scars from my childhood almost all my life and over time they have branched out into a form of social anxiety disorder. This pestilence has robbed me of my confidence, my self-esteem, my sense of self-worth. I know there's people who would like to get to know me but they don't know how to approach me. It seems they can sense my anxiety by the way I talk and act. I try so hard to be relaxed and to contribute to any encounter. Conversations soon become tense and awkward with awful, embarrassing, silences. I'm telling you a little about me as a sort of therapeutic mental exercise for me. Just like what you do for yourself with your videos. Don't be so hard on yourself my friend. I appreciate you taking the time in making your videos. I hope by making and posting them it will help you. I wish you all the best. You deserve a happy life. Bye and take care. Your friend....., me.
Sorry to hear of your struggles :(
I can listen to this for ages. Small talk drains me.
Are you receiving treatment? Medications? Getting on the right meds will help you to stop ruminating about things and help you to stop judging yourself so harshly. Once you do this and get stable your mind will naturally start to focus on fun, happy things in life. Trust me, I have been where you are and life gets better if you take the right steps. You have a challenge ahead of you. Life is beautiful.
I honestly think the lack of friends & belonging causes peoples esteem to drop.
It does cause your mind to
Focus negatively.
I feel confident when I feel I have a bunch of friends and my mind stops picking on every little thing I do...
I really feel for you. I have nothing to live for; nobody cares whether I live or die - it never changes... Some of us are just 'excluded’ from life for some reason, and we may never know why...
same 💔
@@cr7edits762 I guess you’ve been told this before, and so forgive me, but you are very attractive! I am not. I find you handsome, and the way you speak so I understand you. I wish I was nearer to you - but I’m the other side of the world... Surprise, Surprise! I’d have loved a cuddle from you - I think I’d have felt a lot better for that. Keep going as I do regardless - we are fighters, as we are both still here! x
Hey there Kenneth Stahl, I used to feel that way sometimes and I thought it would be impossible to love other people. However I decided to spend a lot of time with God. Even though I had believe in God I still needed his holy spirit to be really born again and to truly love people. After intense searching for the truth and praying, reading the word of God and doing what is right. I started living for the LORD and not for myself. The key way in which I felt new again was when I received the holy spirit of God LORD Jesus Christ. When I received his holy spirit, only then could I discern in spirit and truly love and follow GOD, because your love for GOD will show in your love for others, and your love for others will show your love for GOD. Pray to GOD for wisdom and spiritual discernment. Have a good evening and GOD bless.
Just so you know, nobody has anything figured out, no matter their age. Some people are just better at lying to themselves. We're all in the same boat. I'm 30 and have no idea what's going on :)
My problem is I dont know what i want to do with my life. for me life is just "meh" and i dont know how to fix that. i just dont have that passion that most people do. Im stuck in a job i dont like but honestly i dont know if there is any job i would like. I don't have any friends because im a very shy person and i just dont know what to do.
Also may sound weird but it helped me at times when I listened a few times to some motivational videos/speeches. Some is famous talks/speeches/quotes from famous movies etc but was still helpful for me personally. Made me reflect and pumped me up to take action. I'll still listen to em at times.
i feel ya. i used to have friends but none felt real genuine. and now im 31 with no friends. i do have a cat lol but like thats just not enough for me. and im not sure how to meet people when i have such apathy about life .
Hey Kenneth! :-) Thanks a lot for sharing your feelings and being so open and honest. I have a couple of suggestions for you. Gove a try to see if they work: 1) Go to those meetups that are close to you and find people who have similar interests (www.meetup.com). It's easier to become friend with people who enjoy same stuff that we do. 2) When you find a new friend, try not share those feelings and thoughts of yours that depressive or negative. People who dont know us that much, wont care about us that much either. And as soon as they feel they wont enjoy the conversation or they feel they cant help, then they may stop seeing you all together. 3) If you can afford seeing a psychotherapist please go and see one. Because as much as we (the viewers) love to help you, we can't unless we are trained in this field. 4) If there is no chance that you can afford seeing a therapist, then probably you can find a doctor who is willing to come to your channel (like this channel:ruclips.net/video/ioWcLuMcTBc/видео.html ) and answer your (and your viewers) questions. And you can pay him/her by they money you get by setting up a gofundme page. If each of your viewers is willing to pay even $ 1 with the hope of getting answer to their questions, then you would probably have enough to pay the therapist to come and talk to you and your viewers live. Another incentive for that doctor can be that the more people get to know about him/her thru your videos, the more clients s/he will have.... I genuinely love to help. I hope you find this helpful. I wish you the best! :-)
I feel the same way. I’ve been dealing with physical illness along with it. I was lonely for a few years and then I started to get sick, which increased the loneliness. I’m still battling with sickness which has increased depression, anxiety, loneliness.
I am right there in a similar boat.
Have you gone to a psychologist or support group?
Here's my way of helping u even though I struggle with a lot of inner 💩 too: 1. If you believe in a god of course pray to you're god & if not like me that's more then 👌
2.No matter how hard it gets you got to keep on moving...keep on moving don't stop NO 😉💗
3. Download the song keep on moving it will help engrave that message in your head & you will find yourself just moving & doing what's needed & what you want & download inspiration songs as well
4.you look like you're keeping up on your Huygens which is great you need that to help you feel at least somewhat good about yourself cuz "when you look & smell good you feel good " and that's not only for meals
5.Chakras are real!!! It don't matter what you believe in everybody have chakra & if they're not being worked on everyday so they can one day be balanced you won't be TRUELY happy btw chakras are the energies inside of us that helps us know who we are,what we want,what we need to survive,how we feel,how we think,how we want to think,and how we can think
6.There's 7 main chakras and each one of them have a different color,smell,stone,foods, and chants so I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU DO YOUR RESEARCH PLEASE... It works for me it really do I was just like you maybe a little worst cuz of my added emotions but now I'm better then I was a few months to a year ago & it is amazing😍
7. Here are the 7 main chakras: 1.Root chakra: the color red words to remember what it deals with...I AM & chant LAM
2.Sacral chakra: the color Orange words to remember what it deals with I FEEL & chant VAM
3.SOLAR PLEXUS chakra: the color yellow words to remember what it deals with I DO & chant RAM
4.Heart chakra: the color green words to remember what it deals with I LOVE & CHANT YAM
5.Throat chakra: the color blue words to remember what it deals with I SPEAK & CHANT HAM
6.THIRD EYE: the color indigo words to remember what it deals with I SEE & CHANT OM
7.👑 CHAKRA: the color violet or clear words to remember what it deals with I UNDERSTAND & CHANT AH OR SILENCE 😍💗
# I'm still a beginner in all of this myself so I can't actually say if you don't do this you won't truly be happy however TO ME IT PLAY A EXTREMELY HUGE ROLE IN HAPPINESS hope this helps u keep your head up & remember keep on moving😍
depressive video. But, we can improve our lives.
I can see that your problem is not that your life sucks! Because it does not. Your problem is mental illness, when you get into a bad state of mind, you start being negative putting yourself down, and the best thing to do when you are is to be aware that it's the mental illness talking that you are being negative. You should work on the inside before things get better externally, I feel you I'm in a similar situation but I'm overcoming it. You're not alone and it can be done... The other day I saw this man, shivering cold on the streets, scared and hungry begging for money, would you sit beside him and say to him, "I'm disappointed in you!' You should have done better in your life!' No you wouldn't? Then why do you bully yourself? Show the same love and compassion as you would to anyone else. If you want to truly feel fulfilled, no amount of success or friends will make you feel that way because happiness comes from within. You gotta love yourself as you as now, not when you finally get what you want, because those things can be lost, what you really need to do is take action to appreciate life and yourself, stop judging yourself, if you loved yourself you would love a life you want because you're not stopping yourself by negative thinking
Kenny, what I want from you is to see you feel better about yourself, and not be so hard on yourself about every little thing, because other people are not a hard on you for every little thing, right? but you shouldn't feel bad about it because just let it be behind you. Everybody has bad days every now and then. Some people have them more then others, but that doesn't make them worse people. it makes them people that deserve to have more attention. That's why we're listening. I'm sure you'll be better soon
I've been depressed a lot I feel like a failure wishing I had done more or progressed. I think in my case it is all about my lack of confidence... I find it hard to connect with friends etc I'm still trying to work on it. I really don't like that element of myself and I try to run from it but it impacts me so much honestly. I appreciate you sharing your struggles it really helps knowing people aren't alone. Thumbs up and subbed to you xx thank you for this video and your friends video. I really needed this because I feel like I'm alone in this but to know you feel the same way is real.... I'm guessing so many people feel the same but don't share like you. Just know I feel you and others do too. Confidence is a bugger it's tied into self esteem and it needs some love.. easier said then done but dont give up x
Yes ,please hang in there we all have our own obstacles at our own paces . We can only do the best we can
Hey, do you read books? After watching your videos, I found this book that has tons of information on achieving liability. Every word you say is totally relatable. I have no family, and I no longer care for friends. No one likes me but I'm determined to change that. I'm an introvert and people look at introverts like we're autistic or something. Thanks for all your insights on topics. I felt totally isolated in the universe before finding this channel. Keep your head up. I think because I'm a writer, Ive gotten used to being alone and passing time reading and writing. I don't look for anything from outside, I clap for my Damm self. I hope to see you in better spirits.
My heart goes out to you, Kenneth. I really really wish I could physically do something to fix everything for you but the older you get the quicker you realise that ultimately we cannot depend on people because they are only human.
Firstly, I'm sorry about the length of this comment and if it gets confusing. Secondly, I think you should research into theism because a huge part of your depression stems from your lack of true purpose in life. I don't say this in the sense that you should look into religion as a means of finding fulfilment in the same way that some people may 'find fulfilment' in their job or their family. I say that you should look into religion because ultimately our true purpose can only be determined by whoever or whatever created you - just like the purpose of any product is determined by the manufacturer of that product (sorry I had to put in the stereotypical religious analogy somewhere).
It doesn't make sense to chase after contentment in 'becoming rich and successful' or, better yet, just *looking* happy on social media, when really you're empty inside.
I'm a Muslim (literally means someone who submits to God) and I find contentment in realising that my only purpose in life is to worship God. So what if I fail my exams? So what if I'm not as attractive/cool/interesting as the next girl/guy? So what if I'm earning just enough to pay rent? These are all matters that are ultimately out of our control so how can we determine our self-worth through them?
You have so much potential to be an amazing human being, not in our eyes - that's not the goal - but in the eyes of God. Because he values every ounce of goodness inside you. People will always judge you and expect too much from you, and you will too... but God values every ounce of goodness that you bring forward - even if it's as simple as taking care of yourself or pushing a piece of glass out of the road.
And to anybody else who is worrying that they won't make anything of themselves, know that your worth is far more than what you own materially.
If you want to learn more about God / Islam, there are a lot of good resources I can direct you to.
Hi kenneth. You are a beautiful soul please dont be so hard on yourself ok i just saw your video kenneth you are young handsome bright young man. Please stop it ok i understand what your saying. GOD gave you your life and if you have no friends. Its better for you to have true friends not just friends. U get me. Hold on to your faith. God will lead the way for better friendship and he. Will enrich your life. Don't give up ok. If you can be brave enough to do these amazing truths about yourself hey this is great steps for you to get people in your life. No one is perfect ok remember this you dont suck and you are not a looser ok stop stop putting yourself down.keep talking ok keep reaching out you will win a lot friends. Take care and GOD BLESS YOU 😊🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀💕💞🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Your the voice for so many who suffer in silence , just being real with how things make you feel is not something just anyone can do so openly and your brave for doing so. Hang in there , life is tough when your an introvert. I speak from experience. Keep making videos , you never know whos counting on you to help them through a rough day.
So my 10 year high school reunion is coming up and I don't know if I should go. I don't really have much going for me. I dropped out of college, don't have any kids or a significant other, still live at home, and suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. I've gained a ton of weight and have suffered some hair loss from Idk what...stress maybe. I don't know if I should go any way so that I won't miss out or to just avoid the whole ordeal.
Do you have any hobbies?
It makes me sad to hear you, or anyone, say things like this. I can absolutely relate though.
Finding something to keep busy has helped me immensely.
I hate my life too. So tired of being alone and not having anyone to spend quality time with.
You are worthy all the way, in any way, anyway. No matter what is making us doubt that, we have infinite worth.
I’m glad you think of this as therapy, because I think talking about my problems is useless. I WISH something would help me. Talking about my problems...eh...at this point....
Hey kenny, just found your videos and and I really like them. They make me feel so much better. And to be honest with you I find you really attractive. You have the cutest little smile! Even if you don't Like yourself right now, here is somebody that would like to get to know you. You can do this, okay? You can do this, just take small steps. Wishing you all the best for you. Greetings from Germany
I can relate.. Why are we hard on ourselves? Why do we need to set standards and eventually feel bad when not achieved?
Consider this... there are more than enough inspirational sources available to blow sunshine up our asses, but few real honest moments in which we all can share together in reality of what is. Keep sharing, that is the bravest and most honest thing about living.
Kenneth, I love you man. You are not alone.
Yeah, really. I tried making RUclips videos for somebody several years ago, and I was told to GET OUT! And that was the last friend I ever had...I'm 49 now, have no job, no money, no aspiration, and no hope. I've tried thinking this through for years, and have gotten absolutely nowhere.
It helped motivate me just to watch this video to make my own. Thanks man. Also don't beat yourself up. Rewire your head to say better things about yourself, true or not. I did it and it completely changed my life man. Seriously.
I got traumatized by my neighbor when I was 5 years old and didn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want to cause a big fight. Now am 20 and my life fucking sucks.
love your channel. don't be discouraged I felt the same way in my 20s ,Im now 65. it seems like life has a way of working out
Please start a gratitude journal. -- I can relate to your introverted introspection. Isn't it enough to just be you in trying to reach out? I think so. It's okay to journal with videos and sharing. -- Ah... wish could give you a hug.
Thanks for putting yourself out there so raw and so honestly.
Your thoughts echo the journey of some I've been speaking to of late. You will find your better self when you connect with a mentor. Let me know if you wish to Skype or chat.
Hang in there!
You are doing really well... your videos are really good...... you ve got to start being positive about yourself....you ve got so much going for you 🌸
I relate to you so much man. Life is hard, but don't give up! That's what I try to tell myself.
The quickest way to create change, is by the way you treat and talk to yourself.
Instead of focusing on the end destination, focus on the stepping stone in front of you.
Don’t see yourself through others eyes or perspective of you, trust me you’ll never be enough for anyone. But you can be more than enough for you.
Stop being so damn critical on yourself. Celebrate the small accomplishments which ultimately lead to celebrating the milestones.
I’m 26 turning 27, and I have no fucking clue what I’m good at. But I know I’m on my way to finding out. 🙏😜
I have a wonderful girlfriend, friends and a great family, and most of the time, I FEEL LIKE YOU DO. Depression is no joke man. Get help asap. What i have found somewhat helpfull is exercise, it releases some hormones in the brains. going out for long walks, eating magnesium, lots of water, avoid hungovers (better not to drink at all) At my worst depressoin periods i have been on antidepressants also, and they do help, but i always end up stopping at some point because they not only numb down the bad feelings but also the good. so you get kind of flat. Kind of neutral state of being. Probably gonna be in and out of depression all my life but thats just me. I wrote because you are CLEARLY depressed. And you cant see it when you are in it. Its all mostly brain chemistry and you cant believe how deep you were until you get out of it. Be good to yourself. You wouldnt physically beat your self up infront of a mirror everyday would you? So why beat yourself up mentally everyday. its no different. Love yourself.
Bro that's the problem these days. The internet and social media makes everyone normal feel like a total failure. You don't have to achieve anything massive, not everyone can. Only 5% succeed massive. Stop besting yourself up for not being better. I felt the same for a long time until I realised the media world is a lie and just living each day is a success but you are told your failure of you are not RUclips or insta star. Hope you feel better soon bro.......just remember these massive success stories are so lucky .....right place right time ....
im 27 and i feel the exact same way!
me either, I don't wanna live the rest of my life alone! I'm scared
Big step, Kenny, in admitting objectively where you’re at. For a lucky few, shit falls in their lap. For all the rest of us we have to bust our ass to get what and where we want. Take what is yours.
Kenneth, just came across a few of your videos by "accident". 1st, let me say that I haven't had a single friend in the past 9 years, BUT, I could NOT be happier. What is your spiritual position or foundation in life? Not meaning religious per se, but speaking on a conscious awareness level. What is your understanding of your own spiritually connected path and purpose in this physical realm? I ask because YOU sir are here to possibly walk this lonely path, just as I am, as well as many others, which is why we choose to accept "loneliness" as an aspect of higher purpose. I suffered severe depression for probably more years than you have been alive, I have suffered anxiety and panic disorder, sleep paralysis, and an overall "weirdo" syndrom, that part usually being more prevalent within my own mind. I tried many different meds and therapists but always felt that I was in a never ending losing battle, UNTIL, I learned how to unlock ALL of these magical components within my own psyche and spirit. Not only have I been off meds for the past 10 years, but have also never been happier and more full of life. ALL of these videos you post of your suffering is the conscious universe/god/life, whatever, calling your name and holding up road signs, only you are ignoring them and continuing to drive in the wrong direction. The ONLY way to escape your prison is to retrain your brain through your thought habits, AND the only way to succesfully do that, is to tune into your higher self. I know this for a fact because I am living proof, while I watch 3 family members continue their spiral into depression and madness because they feel like they "just cant" do the work. Ancient shamans called this "the great work of the spirit". Someone is knocking on your door and you will either answer it or die a slow and miserable death. I am here if you would like to talk, I could point you in the right direction. You must learn to become your own saviour, your own therapist, your own healer, and your own best friend. There is a truly magical world waiting for you sir.
Wow this is inspirational, have you thought of making youtube vids about your journey?
@@reelala4114 Well no, not really, although I DO feel like I should be doing more to maybe help others understand there is a way out. Maybe I SHOULD consider something of the sort though.
Hey man. First off, i'm 36, and I thought I'd be doing better in life at this point, and things are pretty fucked up for me right now. I've been thinking of starting a youtube channel for years, and I haven't done it yet. It's good that you have, and are still making youtube videos. I've been in therapy for about a year, and I really feel like it's helping. If you can afford it, or have insurance, I would give it a shot. I really wish I had done it back when I was your age. Also, do you write down any of your goals?
I used to be just like you. I always overthought and believed it was good to come at things from so many angles. We would be better for it.
I disagree now. We find our true self from simplifying ourselves from within. We’ve been taught to control our minds consciously through suppression and affirmation with the phrase “I am.”
In reality, it is not us, our conscious self that is the speaker, but our subconscious self. We, as a person, must become the listener and not the speaker. You change that by using the word “you” instead of “I.” Everyone wants love, and to affirm that love to yourself unconditionally, use the phrase “GOD LOVES YOU, SURRENDER,” over and over. You will eventually notice a difference, and a serene clarity.
Even if you don’t believe in God, what the hell do you have to lose with such a simple change.
I feel the same sometimes. Remember one that you are still young and if you keep on going you will have fun times ahead of you.
I feel like this all the time. I’m 25 & don’t even have a career or degree, but you need to tell yourself “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”Stop letting the devil speak negativity into your life! God has a plan for your life ! So start getting into prayer & get a plan ready. Ask God, what do YOU want for my life God??? & he will tell you his plan for your life.
You CAN do anything 💪💙 It's not going to be easy, there is no perfect time, it is going to feel uncomfortable, and you will definitely be tested, but that's how you will grow. We all have our own journey and paths, and its not all are the same (like society makes it out to be) but that's the beauty in our life stories. You still can be that positive motivational man. You are very knowledgeable and know what you have to do its just taking that action, and that's one of the HARDEST steps, but is possible. You don't got to be at your best to start getting better but gotta have a start, even if it's the smallest things. You CAN do it. I have had my struggles with mental health as well and can totally relate my friend.
I understand how you feel. In middle and high school I was so lost and all these irrelevant thoughts filled my head and looking back I can't believe those thoughts ever came across my mind. I don't know what is holding you back from being the complete you, but until you have something really deep impact your life, you won't realize how petty this moment is for you and you will also look back and wish you had used your time more wisely. I think you need to find a hustle and stick to it. Maybe it's time for you to go to a professional about your feelings because they can give you expert advice and really understand your thoughts and feelings. Best of luck.
I want friends too. I'm an attractive 47 year old who was very popular in high school because I played sports and was considered the hot girl too. I always felt lonely even at the height of popularity or success. I started weeding out friends in my twenties for several reasons, but mainly because I wanted and still want quality people in my life that I vibe with. Why is it so challenging to find genuine trustworthy friends to enjoy life with?
Hi Kenneth
Y should know that all of us have faced this at some point in our life. If u think u have been feeling depressed n are unable to come out of it, please seek professional help also, n don't just stop by reaching out to people on RUclips. The suggestions that u get from your viewers, mean well for you in a large way, but need not necessarily be the answer to overcome what you r going thru.
But in my experience (like I mentioned, most of us have been through this kind of feeling), u could begin with the following:
1. Stop trying to want to be a "role model"....too much pressure.
2. Be grateful for what u hv, at least 3 things everyday...be thankful
3. U get what u give. U give love, u will get that back. U could try volunteering at places where required. Look into your community, u will surely find an area of work where you could help. This would make a part of your day/week spent usefully. Definitely a positive impact.
4. If U believe in prayers, do pray.
5. Do not compare your self with those who have more than you (in terms of money n comforts) but be aware of how your life is better than those with lesser fortunes n choices. Again be grateful
6. Read articles by n about the experinces of positive minded people, about inspiring people who made it against all odds. Go out N meet people n do not spend too much time on the Internet....it virtual at the end of the day.
All the best, hope to see you come out of this phase as positive minded n happy person. That would be a big success! Regards.
Everybody needs a purpose and a sense of destiny. I don't know dude... carry on.... your doing great....
ok, I see your point, getting better is a process, its not instant,
I hear you brother. I dont know if its self hate, disillusionment, whatever, I just cant find my way. I feel like a loser just doing time
You helped so many people because you are so honest with your feelings and people can relate. You did something what so many people don't in their life. You helped others. And that's SOMETHING. ❤ You have to be brave for going out with this topic. You have so much in you. I hope you will figure things out soon, but take your time if you need.
Be kind to yourself, it's your skin, body, mind and I feel and know that you are beautiful but the important thing is that you need to realize it too.
I'm dying of depression and loneliness. My soul is crushed
You still hanging in there lad?
Kenny you are not a disappointment! You are a son of God and he made you perfect. He loves you so much. We all have a mission in this life. Maybe you need guidance to find it. Look for help!
I am praying for you! Take good care. God bless you!
Sometimes I feel lost I get confused....but I think that motivation is temporary you have to just keep moving on...
Are you certain you aren't comfortable ? In this end on my tablet I woudn't never guess that were what you feel. You are hear your mind shattering...relax and go learn something you love doing.And careful you are atracting bad vibes. What did you like doing when you were a child?
I totally get you man wish I could talk to you in person and share with you my life as well
I would like to hear.
These videos keep me going, I appreciate you man ❤️
I personally think you are pressuring yourself a little too much. The expectations that you have of yourself are maybe a little too farfetched? I used to be so bad socially, but started developing my social skills with simple things... for example.. asking people for help in a store, or asking someone questions about their interests...
Same here man. Everythings pathetic.. everyone at best treats you like your just some guy .. at worst treat you like your something they have to put up with. I am just angry and bitter at this point.... i don't feel good about anything.
bro DM me. lets chat man, ive been in these places myself
Can i dm you ?
I know exactly what you mean about feeling hopeless about life and like you are a failure. But you are genuine. In a world where 90% of what people show of themselves is fake, that is both refreshing and brave. It actually takes guts to admit you're struggling, so give yourself a little credit. You may not have all the answers but you are searching and trying to figure it out and that's all anyone can ask of you. Life isn't about having all the answers. It's about embarking on the journey to discover them and making the trip as enjoyable as possible.
Are there any meet-ups in your city? Not necessarily meet-ups centered around an interest or activity, but maybe just people socializing in a bar. I'm confident you could make friends that way. Anyway, I don't think wallowing in sad thoughts will help you.
Try writing a gratitude diary it helps me with the depression.
You are not a loser! You are a very brave and honest person! You are amazing! Jesus loves you, Kenneth! I will be praying for you! (Do you have a Messenger account? I would like to chat with you.)
I've had social anxiety my whole life I'm much older than you I couldn't do a you tube channel like this your a very good communicator and smart your comparing yourself to other people you are your own person you are unique you are wonderful try and think positive thinking and talking negative will make you depressed I read my bible everyday and that really helps me and I walk alot praying helps too GOD&JESUS listen to our problems one day at a time you don't have to figure everything out in one day sometimes it takes a life time