I am an unfaithful that relapsed with mistress after 3 months of recovery after a 4 year long affair! I reached out to her via phone, txt, and emails. Wife found out from mistress I did so. I am on week 4 of being out through the meat grinder again. The highs and lows of wife being sweet and loving minute to daggers the next or rest of the day are agonizing!!! What’s my best move in these times of hatred and lashing out at me? I have been calm watching you gentlemen, and continuing to see therapist, and owning the entire situation. Is my best course continuing to do the work of recovery, therapy, and continue to show wife through my actions that I will change and am changing for good?
My partner says he is telling the truth but what he says happened doesn’t match the texts. She said he sent her a pic and he said how turned on he was and he would erase it. I asked many times and he said she didn’t send one but after I cloned his phone and proved it he said he forgot about the pic. So how can I believe the texts about them doing stuff when he lied about the photo. Texts say yes the messed around but he says they didn’t it’s taken 3 yrs and I still get lies. Can you talk about what happens when you don’t disclose
I’m sorry to hear where you are and we’re both here because of similar circumstances. I hope you don’t mind me responding. I wondered if you had found any answers to your question? If it’s been 3 years I would encourage you to take charge of your own life, you can only be responsible for yourself. Have you seen the free boot camp on Affair Recovery? But there maybe some tough realisations. You either accept things as they are or change them but you can only do your own healing. This isn’t ideal because the unfaithful remains unchanged and not taking responsibility for themselves and what they are doing. His can be common due to the habits and behaviours they have fallen into. Watch more Sam and James videos because you’ll get a better picture of what the unfaithful should be doing and if they aren’t then you’ve got a call to make. I would encourage you to be making those calls anyway. What are you prepared to tolerate and put up with and live with and what are you not. Much love
@ask the unfaithful What are we to do, when our unfaithful continues to lie, and also by omission? I also catch him lying to other people. He has had two sessions with a CSAT. And I do not believe he’s being 100% honest with him either. Because he said his therapist is stumped, that “after all of his childhood trauma, that he hasn’t been affected more… that he is the enigma in the sex/porn addict world…”🙄 He also continues to tell me that “I am not a safe place where he can be honest, because of my reactions.” I asked him why the CSAT wouldn’t want to connect with the spouse, especially, considering that most addicts have a problem with telling the truth. also, one more question please he is a long time marijuana addict, 30 years he told me that his CSAT says he doesn’t need to quit.. The reason I have an issue with him being stoned all the time, is because it’s still allows him to “check out”. And I am never able to truly feel connected with him. I’m really struggling, please help 😢
Hey there. I’m sorry we’re both here under similar circumstances. I wanted to reply as you asked for help 3 months ago and see how you are doing. Is this the same story now? I agree with you on the use of marijuana, that’s an addiction to the high or being out of it and as such if that’s not being encouraged to get out as a bad habit then nothing else would be. In my experience and I believe both Sam and James have spoken about how the unfaithfuls, due to how they are can often manage to get a therapist that actually is just an enabler. I don’t want to accuse this one as such because I don’t know enough but my unfaithful definitely has, time and time again. It’s common for them to have their own therapist but what’s also seemingly common in an unfaithful who is not 100% committed to their healing and healing the relationship is they focus completely just on themselves. If they don’t prioritise the relationship and a therapist for that then sadly they are not getting it and not on. I don’t know if you’ve drawn that conclusion or realised this hurtful situation, I actually hope you haven’t and I’m wrong in this instance.
I am an unfaithful that relapsed with mistress after 3 months of recovery after a 4 year long affair!
I reached out to her via phone, txt, and emails. Wife found out from mistress I did so.
I am on week 4 of being out through the meat grinder again. The highs and lows of wife being sweet and loving minute to daggers the next or rest of the day are agonizing!!!
What’s my best move in these times of hatred and lashing out at me? I have been calm watching you gentlemen, and continuing to see therapist, and owning the entire situation.
Is my best course continuing to do the work of recovery, therapy, and continue to show wife through my actions that I will change and am changing for good?
My partner says he is telling the truth but what he says happened doesn’t match the texts. She said he sent her a pic and he said how turned on he was and he would erase it. I asked many times and he said she didn’t send one but after I cloned his phone and proved it he said he forgot about the pic. So how can I believe the texts about them doing stuff when he lied about the photo. Texts say yes the messed around but he says they didn’t it’s taken 3 yrs and I still get lies. Can you talk about what happens when you don’t disclose
I’m sorry to hear where you are and we’re both here because of similar circumstances. I hope you don’t mind me responding. I wondered if you had found any answers to your question? If it’s been 3 years I would encourage you to take charge of your own life, you can only be responsible for yourself. Have you seen the free boot camp on Affair Recovery? But there maybe some tough realisations. You either accept things as they are or change them but you can only do your own healing. This isn’t ideal because the unfaithful remains unchanged and not taking responsibility for themselves and what they are doing. His can be common due to the habits and behaviours they have fallen into. Watch more Sam and James videos because you’ll get a better picture of what the unfaithful should be doing and if they aren’t then you’ve got a call to make. I would encourage you to be making those calls anyway. What are you prepared to tolerate and put up with and live with and what are you not. Much love
@ask the unfaithful
What are we to do, when our unfaithful continues to lie, and also by omission? I also catch him lying to other people. He has had two sessions with a CSAT. And I do not believe he’s being 100% honest with him either. Because he said his therapist is stumped, that “after all of his childhood trauma, that he hasn’t been affected more… that he is the enigma in the sex/porn addict world…”🙄 He also continues to tell me that “I am not a safe place where he can be honest, because of my reactions.” I asked him why the CSAT wouldn’t want to connect with the spouse, especially, considering that most addicts have a problem with telling the truth. also, one more question please he is a long time marijuana addict, 30 years he told me that his CSAT says he doesn’t need to quit.. The reason I have an issue with him being stoned all the time, is because it’s still allows him to “check out”. And I am never able to truly feel connected with him. I’m really struggling, please help 😢
Hey there. I’m sorry we’re both here under similar circumstances. I wanted to reply as you asked for help 3 months ago and see how you are doing. Is this the same story now? I agree with you on the use of marijuana, that’s an addiction to the high or being out of it and as such if that’s not being encouraged to get out as a bad habit then nothing else would be. In my experience and I believe both Sam and James have spoken about how the unfaithfuls, due to how they are can often manage to get a therapist that actually is just an enabler. I don’t want to accuse this one as such because I don’t know enough but my unfaithful definitely has, time and time again. It’s common for them to have their own therapist but what’s also seemingly common in an unfaithful who is not 100% committed to their healing and healing the relationship is they focus completely just on themselves. If they don’t prioritise the relationship and a therapist for that then sadly they are not getting it and not on. I don’t know if you’ve drawn that conclusion or realised this hurtful situation, I actually hope you haven’t and I’m wrong in this instance.