Thank you to everyone for the thoughtful, compassionate responses. An overwhelming number of you have recommended therapy, including my wife. To be honest, I’ve always brushed it off thinking I could figure it out on my own. “It” is more complex than simply using will power, so I’m no longer using that as an excuse. I reached out to a local therapy company today and will be starting my journey as soon as I’m matched with a therapist. The cure to overthinking in most areas is action, so I’m jumping in. I don’t journal, so I may start recording myself reflecting on therapy as a way to help digest what I learn. Follow along on IG @josh.hitti
So glad to hear this! As someone who has done therapy multiple times, sometimes the first therapist might not click with you and that's okay. Just something to be aware of that I didn't know when I started.
I accepted the invitation, I AM witnessing the death of my existence and it’s being played out and it’s in the blink of an eye 👁️. Time has never existed and this story “mystery=my story=master=my star ⭐️=mastery (Mystery of GOD) my story of GOD revealed”. History?!? Who’s story? Only owls 🦉 say who hooo whooo hoo! We are dealing with concepts and serious spiritual wickedness that most people can’t comprehend or begin to fathom. Josh is but one of many women & men experience this. Authenticity 😊 Most importantly I genuinely love all of you with respect towards your endeavors on finding the truth. I have the answers but they can’t be explained or told. You will have to experience and know it for yourself.
I accepted the invitation, I AM witnessing the death of my existence and it’s being played out and it’s in the blink of an eye 👁️. Time has never existed and this story “mystery=my story=master=my star ⭐️=mastery (Mystery of GOD) my story of GOD revealed”. History?!? Who’s story? Only owls 🦉 say who hooo whooo hoo! We are dealing with concepts and serious spiritual wickedness that most people can’t comprehend or begin to fathom. Josh is but one of many women & men experience this. Authenticity 😊 Most importantly I genuinely love all of you with respect towards your endeavors on finding the truth. I have the answers but they can’t be explained or told. You will have to experience and know it for yourself.
That is not a real friend, I have a friend since university I met some stranger at the gay bar and now after 20+ years still being friends meeting sometimes they don't simply go away.
@@rudiechinchilla6746 Yes he’s handsome, but what does that have to do with having friends?? Maybe he’s choosy, maybe he wants friends that aren’t just on the surface. Being true to yourself isn’t a bad thing either. Finding real, true , I’ve got your back kinda friends are really hard to find.
I'm 53. I used to have lots of friends. Not anymore. I've realized for the most part you are an entertainment when your friends are alone. As soon as they find a girlfriend/boyfriend you're not important anymore. And I got tired of that.
That's very frustrating. I've learned to watch out for people like that and avoid them. I cultivate friendships by trying to be a friend or support to another person. That has worked for me. The social media stuff has really made it harder for people to bond.
My partner and I are both baffled why the media are so silent on the subject of loneliness and isolation. Iv'e never even seen a tv documentary on the subject. Is it really such a taboo thing?
You know what's similar? Working in a service area like bartending. Everyone's your friend and wants your attention. They'll come to the bar just because they know you're working. but the second you quit, you'll never hear from them again.
@deejohn1659 America is the problem. England, Japan, they address loneliness. In America we don't even address homelessness🤭 so yeah loneliness doesn't stand a chance😄 (funny not funny...sad)
Thanks for sharing Josh! I'm a 36 yr old single lonely male with zero friends as well. Seeing someone else be so open about their struggle helped me immensely. Just know you're perfect as you are. Really truly know that. But even with that said, I know how hard it can be and the voices of doubt creep in.
Come unto me, all ye that Labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Hi Josh, ive slowly had the same things happen...a ton of friends over the years, until now, at 61, have maybe 1 friend...its sad, lonely, and overthinking is one of my worst traits....i too get bouts of isolation and feeling lonely...its awful
Exactly the same for me. It gets worse as you get older because most people keep friends from high school/college and rarely get close to anyone else later in life. So if you don’t keep any early it can be a battle later on. It’s very isolating and sad. It does not help the mental health.
Most people don't want to discuss anything deeper than the weather, the news, their kids, or their problems. I like deep, interesting, honest conversations, most don't.
People are completely occupied with their cell phones. When I'm out and run into somebody I know it's only a minute or two before their phone rings. I say goodbye and let them talk instead of waiting. I believe it's the proper thing to do. That's just the way things are anymore. I don't let it bother me.
@@TK-hc6dmmost Society is superficial I don't see what that has to do with Android. But for the record I don't ever hear someone referred to as an Android snob.😂 Nov. 3rd. 🦂
I see myself in this video so much. I am 36 year old single dad of 3. Wife was killed in car wreck in 2020 and people just walked away from me. I have been used and abused so much. I appreciate your video. Sending love and positive thoughts
My husband died when I was 27. I understand how all your friends vanished. That happened to me too. I looked at friends differently from then on. Most don’t stick around when things get tough.
You are an incredibly handsome well spoken young man! Don’t worry about not having friends! After 2020, most people have grown more distant and very anti social. Focus on being a good person and your goals, the right people will be drawn to you in time. 36 is also still very young as well! I’m almost 44 and I have experienced periods having many friends and now currently having few. I just put my faith in God and try to treat others with kindness!
I'm 53yrsO I lost my so called friends after my divorce but I don't really care I saw that coming, to me it's really draining other people's energy that's why I love being alone
I'm a 41 year old woman and have no friends. I don't think I'll ever have friends. I am too weird. I find the company of most people to be dull and boring. I don't care about your kids or looking at photos of them. I don't care about where you got your nails done or your shoe collection or what you did over the weekend. I don't like being hassled into doing things that I don't like doing, like going to clubs or bars. I don't like arguments or debating with people or having to alter my personality just to get along with someone. People are just exhausting to me. And then you get the type of people who think you should be available to them 24/7, and if you're not, then you're a bad friend. All that being said, I still yearn for a friend, but I don't think my type of friend exists.
Don’t worry. That yearning will go away and be replaced by the realization superficial friendships - like just chit chat at whatever activity - is all there is.
Total weirdo here. And I have equally weird friends that I've spent 40 years collecting. You got to get out and find your tribe. They exist. I promise you.
At one point my sister would show me pictures of her newborn grandkids almost every week. It really hurt, because I don't have any kids, etc. But That was a long time ago. It's fine now.
You sound exactly like how my daughter explains herself and how she feels about why she doesn’t really want friends. She is extremely intelligent with high functioning autism. She could have friends if she wanted to, but chooses not to. Not saying you’re ASD, but something to look into. I wouldn’t want her any other way… she’s perfect, and I’m sometimes jealous of the way she thinks and lives her life.
Yeah I think it has to do with not wanting to put the effort into finding and keeping friends. It’s not like it just happens on its own.. it’s a larger commitment
Friends are great, but they are a lot of work. Just going along for all of the ups and downs in life is stressful. Marriages, divorces, raising kids, money troubles, health problems, career issues, loss and grief. When you casually know someone you only need to extend...."thoughts & prayers." If someone is a close friend and especially ride or die friend, then you've gotta be in it for the long haul. Not everyone is up for that.
@@jm7804all of what you said and a lot of the time I just don’t feel like yapping with people. I’m the kind of guy that can recharge my social battery in an hour and be fine again
I learned several years ago when I was starting a different stage in life that "if you want to have a friend, be a friend." I don't know where this saying came from, but it proved useful in my life. My new friend was also a guy a few years younger, so we were able to gain different perspectives on life from each other. I had to get out of myself and focus on others. Just some background: I had come out of several years of drinking and isolating myself from family and friends. I had to work hard to make this happen, but it's worth it to me.
Brother, take this from a complete stranger, you're a good looking dude who's in great shape, and speaks in a soothing manner that comes across as extremely genuine and vulnerable. Know that all of this is ONLY in your head.
@@victorm.girard7784 Agreed. But not every thought or perception is real. As long as you're able to recognize that, you can get a handle on those thoughts, insecurities and perceptions. Acknowledging that gives you power over them instead of the other way around. I say that as someone who has to pep-talk himself into social situations.
It's not just in your head. My husband is the exact same way- super hot, in great shape, hard worker, no friends. We talk about it all the time. It isn't about you as a person, it's just the way society has changed. The internet has given us so much, good and bad. If you aren't one of the lucky opnes that fits seamlessly into a group, it's near impossible to meet new people and foster real friendships. Or it feels near impossible. Just know it is NOT just you, it is NOT in your head, you are NOT alone. But I'm sorry it feels like you are sometimes :(
Most men don’t have many or any friends, they have activities with acquaintances who share the same interest. I have one close friend. Anyone thinking about a friend group like a tv show is always going to be disappointed.
Yeah most of this sort of thing is by choice whether people realize it or want to accept it, certainly if you live in a major city surrounded by tons of people
I'm 69 years old. All my family has passed on. I'm all alone on medication for mental health issues but I have everything I need and a safe comfortable place to live. I live my life for myself free to pursue whatever interests me. I like having friends but I don't really have any. For the most part I'm fine. Considering how messed up the world is these days and how rough many people are having it I don't think I should complain.
Right! almost 30 here and love being alone. I guess everyone has different reasons as to why they choose to be alone i think for him it feels like less of a choice and thats why he feels that way unfortunately
I’m 26 and can relate to a lot of what you said. I have become okay with not having friends but that’s probably because my best friend is my husband. If I was single, I’d probably crave human interaction more. Both my parents are very quiet, don’t have opinions, and like to sweep problems under the rug. I think I naturally behave the way they do but I have worked damn hard to improve myself up to this point. I moved away from my home state (which no one in my family has done), got into a completely different career field, and now I’m a completely different person from my family. The black sheep. I over analyze myself every day, and that’s something I’m working on. Makes it very excruciating to have relationships or to even have a simple conversation. The anxiety is rough, and so is the occasional depression. You are heard and you’re definitely not alone! The need for constant self improvement is something I can relate with and I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. Thank you for sharing! Hope you continue to post.
Right? This. And in a female and I agree with you. Who gives an F with having friends when you have what he has. 😅 I don’t know maybe it’s me toxic nature not giving damn about having close friends but I don’t know, to me it looks like he’s got it all. :))
@@techgarageofficialx I refuse to be a slave to the unobtainable. If I try a million times and it just doesn't work, doesn't happen, no matter how many different approaches I try, I don't intend to spend the rest of my life trying to get what the Universe clearly doesn't want me to have. So...I stop wanting it. Simple.
@@starbrand3726If this is actually true then the issue is with you. 58, no friends, no relationship and no lover. You are doing something wrong. Especially if you care about these things. If you don't that's fine but if you do have you ever thought the issue is within you rather than other people? Genuine question in case it sounds like a smart ass.
@@rallytip Oh I agree 100%. The problem definitely lies with me. I have a high IQ and find relating to people...difficult. You can find a dozen videos on RUclips explaining this exact same scenario. While it may sound arrogant, a fact is a fact. And, being a 58 year old biracial, Gay, Black man who is on the autism spectrum that likes reading medical and quantum physics books for fun, doesn't help my situation. I also write, paint and sculpt, and although I can find a match fitting one, two or even three levels of interest, I tend to be too unique to find a match on all points. I've never even come close. Too unique for my own good I guess.
@@starbrand3726 I think the biracial part covers the black part lol. You are putting yourself in too many boxes. Two people coming together is always going to require some compromise right? No two humans are exactly the same even identical twins have slight differences. Chill your beans, have a margarita. My advice is generally terrible though hahah
Dude, I just want to give you a hug. I’m 20 years older than you and I have been lamenting the same things you are talking about here. You’re definitely a good looking, thoughtful person who is just trying to figure things out…and there is nothing wrong with that.
Wow someone has destroyed his self-esteem and his confidence. Josh you are a very handsome man and a beautiful human being. Do not listen to people who try to tear you down.
Maybe it's not you. Maybe it's the times we're living through. You seem like a really sweet person and you are very handsome as most people are telling you in these posts. I wonder if you stopped blaming yourself and took a larger view of how our society is at the moment there might be more clear discernment about the causation of the situation
It's always been amazing to me, how some people have such a large volume of people they know, and can throw a party and have a packed house As i have aged the circle of people i used to know is nonexistent , He is too hard on himself, he is fine, which leaves me to wonder what else is going on 🤔
I'm floored to hear someone express the same thing I've been living with for decades. I'm 48 and have began to seclude from friendships at the age of 30. Still can't find it in me to build meaningful relationships. Same voices in my head, same patterns..
Well I have to say I have had good friendships but the one thing I hate the people that were the closest to me have pass away (died) The mentors that made me a man are gone……and the people I thought were my friends were users…and as I get older it not that important. I treat people good who treat me with respect….
Our worst critic is that voice inside our heads that only we can hear. The one who is hardest on us is ourselves. Nobody else can hear that critical voice or know that it's even there. If we can remind ourselves of that there is a gradual path to beating our worst critic and giving ourselves the good and happy life that we deserve. Remember, you deserve it. Tell that voice to shut up. You're the boss. You got this...
Totally agree with garyc! I would love to be your friend, too, but I live in the UK where I automatically assumed that you were sitting in the driver's seat as it would look in the UK. The blurred bit across the bottom righthand corner of the shot looks like the steering wheel.
Same as. I am quite introvert and it takes a huge amount of energy and 'trying' to keep showing interest and to be involved ina friendship. I am so much more conformable on my own. Possibly as I was bullied terribly in school which has made me dislike people. I am so happy on my own and don't feel I need friends. I guess I could say I'm friendly with my partners friends but I don't really have any friend friends. Thankfully for me, I don't care 😊
@@richiep3520i was never bullied in school days, despite my s3xuality. I had a lot of friends then, maybe because they wanted and insistent at trying to be friend with me and it spiraled, then suddenly the entire class and more considered me a friend, but immediately after graduated. We all go our separate ways and I never make new friend since. Now, I only have one friend who come visit me from time to time. I'm catastrophically introverted. I don't like talking to anyone face to face, even to the last friend I have left, I never look into her eyes. Talking to people make me want to crawl into a hole and never have to talk to anyone face to face ever again. I love being on my own too, but there're moments that I felt so lonely, but then the thoughts of having to share my personal life with a stranger banishes the thought, but those haunting thoughts willand loneliness, they always come back. I just want someone to just bear hug me tight and kiss my forehead and tell me that he loves me and maybe I'll just pay an escort to do just that, no s3x, just tell me that he loves me and sleep on the same bed till morning, a make pretend of having a lover for the night. I'm about 31 and I'm still a virgin, strange for a gay man isn't it? Most are so extroverted and promiscuous and here I am. A virgin at this age. Idk what I should do with myself. I hate myself for being incapable at socializing. I hope reincarnation in Buddhism is real. This life is a mistake. I want to start over, in a different place, a different body, a different brain that is not introverted.
Heck, I'm 74 and have outlived life-long friends. It is strange yet also freeing. I can go, do, interact whom I wish. I ditch toxic people that upset my serenity. You'll be fine.
Josh - I'm 61. Most people need companionship - some of us don't. I have one best friend (1,500 miles away - we talk 2-3 times per year - he has two adult children and a girlfriend) and a dozen local acquaintances. I'm an Introvert at home/an Extrovert at work (ISTP/Loner), so I don't actively seek friends. Here's what I've learned so far. 1) Count on yourself first, last, and always. 2) Social media destroyed the meaning of the word "friend". 3) Unless you provide a social media value to people, you ARE of no value to them. 4) Character and Integrity matter. 5) Just be you.
So great how you put "I'm an introvert at home/an extrovert at work. I was exactly that. "On around co-workers and utterly circumspect at home and on weekends! Now I'm a 68 year retired recluse but happy with my dog and finally learning to just be.
I'd like to think at 37, technically late last year at 36, I found my first best friend, but he was only here for a short amount of time before returning to Taiwan. He came back once since he left and we spent a weekend in New York. It was all great. I was happy and I had something/someone to look forward to. My time with him felt like a roller coaster (think Baby Reindeer on Netflix when he met that movie director guy). An inside look at all the experiences and opportunities I never got to have growing up. A social life, learning about myself and how i react in certain environments and situations. Then he was gone. I feel I've always been to some extent in a state of depression (was clinically diagnosed back in high school but didnt really buy into it). Revisited the idea in my mid 20s and went back 0n medication as a last resort before quitting again seeing no difference in myself. And at some point in my 30s, things that never bothered me about being me have begun to hit me like a truck. Him being here was a gift and a break from my life. He wanted to celebrate my bday with me and I've never had that. He opened me up to new things and inspired me to get out of my shell. I even traveled internationally for the first time. And I was solo (he wanted to join but his visa expired). When he left (the 1st time) and it was all over (it had only been 3 months & we saw each other almost everyday) I became depressed in a way I hadn't experienced since my teen years. We texted almost everyday aft3r he l3ft so that carried me a bit and we'd make it a point to call and have talks as well but as it tends to happen......the less you see of someone the less you have to talk about and now we barely communicate like we did and you begin to question if having this friend is even real. Does it even count. Pretty tough to experience so much in a short period of time for the first time and then it's over. As I get older I'm less resilient when these bouts of sadness and hopelessness hit and this one really is rocking me. It's new. I don't think I'm okay being alone anymore, no friends, no partner, not close to family, I live alone, nothing to look forward too. Late 20s, early 30s I told myself if I didn't at least have a lucrative career by 40 that I'd call it quits. Well 2 years ago after going back to school that happened for me. Got my own place. 6 figures. 4 day work week. Weekends off...... Makes life easier..... but I still feel all the things I did before in addition to extreme boredom. I went traveling this year looking for something. Didn't find it. Got back and went skydiving hoping I'd find whatever I was looking for. Didn't find it. I realized this year wasn't about finding whatever this "thing" was that I needed to change my life for my own sanity and well being but it was about realizing what it was I was looking for (being able to put it into words and distill it down to a basic need) and realizing I was never meant to find it. This year has been devastating and I'm noticing th3 cracks. Also, I know how this sounds. I'm not suicidal today. I guess reading your post about a best friend so far away resonated with me even though you seem okay and I am not.
I used to have a lot of friends, a lot of drama and bad living too! I roll Solo-Dolo now. Yea, life is more reputicios and predictable but I'm actually getting somewhere now!
At 45, I can relate to some of what you're saying. In my experience, most human relationships revolve around how you make others feel about themselves. True friends who genuinely celebrate your successes are rare. Often, if you're struggling or complaining about life, you'll attract plenty of support because it makes others feel better about their own situation. But if you’re thriving, it can inadvertently make some people feel inadequate, and they may begin to distance themselves or turn on you. When I prioritized relationships, I found myself constantly seeking new groups of friends who were in similar circumstances-whether it was business owners or people with similar interests, like owning the same sports car. Over time, this cycle became exhausting.
Not worth the effort. They don’t understand me and think I’m weird. I think I’m hilarious, and smart and I am an oddball for sure. Some mornings I don’t think I can go on another day. Sometimes, I can’t wait for spring. Now I am being tested for dementia. Does anyone know how I can get some fentanyl?
OMG, this is so well said. End of last year and the beginning of this year, my friends and I were struggling together both financially and emotionally. The support we gave each other was so strong, although we still indulged in destructive habits like overdrinking. As the year went by, I got my sh*t together. Got a job and started doing therapy. To be on a good path, I cut drinking to once a week and began meeting my friends less often cause I am busy now, obviously. This has made me realize that some jealousies have come up. There is less support for me especially with the therapy thing cause I think getting better and stopping bad habits makes my friends feel inadequate. Also, I have realized even when we argue over stuff like friends always do, there is a lot of ganging up against me even when I am obviously making good points. It feels really lonely sometimes cause you start feeling like the odd one out. It's so crazy to me that getting your life together could lead to isolation. And like you, I have tried forming friendships with people who are on a similar path as mine but it's not easy cause starting friendships as a grown-up is so exhausting, and finding people whose values and perspectives align is so so hard.
@@ken4722 I've had similar experiences. One particular friend group loves to complain about everything. For the last 20 years, they've been in the same job, constantly complaining about the same boss and the same unfairness that only they seem to face. When I try to ask what they've done to change the situation-whether they've studied further to get a new job or attended interviews at other companies-that's when I get attacked. They seem to enjoy playing the victim. It's like trying to take away a child's comfort blanket. I can't handle the constant whining and negativity, so unfortunately, I've just distanced myself from them.
It’s crazy. I’m 35 and was thinking just the other day about how, as you get older, you don’t really hang out with friends as much. I have a few good friends but I don’t see them that often. I don’t mind being alone either, but I do worry about making new friends. I don’t know if you have a spouse but I’m assuming you do. I’ve only ever had 3 serious relationships and the longest was only 4 years. So l, you’ve got that going for you. One thing I will say is that it’s a good thing you’re thinking about it and trying to make a change. It will happen.
I’m 50 and have rid myself of all useless and irritating friends. Peace is priceless. If anything, turning 50 allows you to feel more comfortable being alone.
So many thoughts watching this, but first of all really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this as it’s something I relate to. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type - although I don’t present like the typical adhd bouncing off the walls .. inside my head as a totally different story. The constant conversations etc as you described. Just wanted to put that out there as it’s something which is oftentimes missed in childhood, but during really stressful periods that inner dialogue (and my other adhd symptoms) can worsen. I so related to what you said about it being 7pm and you’ve worked all day, now gymmed and still need to eat dinner etc.. I am juggling work, twin 2 year olds & spending time with my husband while trying to keep the house somewhat presentable. I’ve dropped the ball on maintaining friendships over the past few years because I just don’t know how to fit it in with the time I have. It’s a season. Life can change in an instant & although sometimes I feel lonely too I’m trusting I am where I need to be. Looking forward to following your journey
I’m 35, female, and I have no friends. In high school I did have friends but after graduation we all just drifted apart. They started having a lot of guy drama and were into doing crazy stuff like partying, drinking and hooking up that I just cut off all contact with them. I didn’t want their problems in my life. In college, I commuted to campus from my parents’ home so I also didn’t make many friends. I just went to class, went to the library and came back home. At work, everyone seems to have their own social lives, their families and just come to work to work and that’s it. I don’t mind having no friends. I’ve been used to it. It just makes me more self-reliant.
So, you say your friends were going through a crisis and making poor decisions, so you cut them off. And you think this makes you sound strong and righteous. Sounds like you are a not a good friend or person, and they are probably better off now for not being your friend anymore. You are a fair-weather friend. You only want to be someone’s friend when it’s convenient for you. How sad. And that’s the real reason no one these days wants to be your friend. It’s not because they already have lives, it’s because they can sense what kind of a friend you’d be (only a friend as long as it’s convenient for you). I hope you become better.
@karami8844 - Bingo, you nailed it. So many people get involved with relationship drama, it's like these people want to constantly create and sustain crises in their lives, or a lot of people want to try to "Fix" Friends, which is a complete and total waste of time. And then people also get involved with drugs and booze, and this distorts their thinking even further making their lives even more chaotic and crazy. I was also involved in recovery many years ago, I have been clean for almost 20 years, I rarely go to meetings these days, preferring to spend more time alone and just have my quiet when I am not at work. I still don't drink or do any substances, it's easy for me to stay away from all of that these days. I still have a few friends, but the circle is much fewer than it used to be, and my criteria for friends has changed over the years. I used to think that I should help friends out and be there for people if they are going through difficulties - no matter what. There were several instances where a helping hand turned into a handout. People will take advantage of others who care and have a larger capacity for compassion and empathy. I ended up in a few very unhealthy friendships, based on what I thought were teachings of trying to help others in recovery to stay clean and sober and to offer encouragement. When people don't do what they should be doing for themselves, you can't do it for them. When people make stupid choices, and fail to plan ahead, and get involved with abusive relationships, and go back out and do stupid crap which causes their lives to get really messy and chaotic, I have learned to stay away from all of that now. When you get the text message, phone call or voice mail from various people, and it's the same thing where you hear, "I really need your help," --That's the time when you keep your distance and offer distant support and tell people that they need to find other resources and then you don't get involved anymore, and you wish them well. My nephew said something to me a few years ago, and even though he is 15 years younger than me, his wisdom speaks volumes, and what he said really hit me one day. He said, 'Sometimes we are just done with people and frienships. Sometimes friendships, acquaintances and communication with certain people just has to end for us to move on in our own lives, and for others to move on as well." I don't rescue anymore, I won't enable anymore, I also am direct with people in certain situations when it's necessary, telling them that failure to do their part or what they should or need to do, or not avoiding certain situations in their lives, does not constitute an emergency on my part, and I don't get involved in that crap anymore. Don't be the default gopher/go-for, or the go-to for others. Wish them well and just move on. @AJ-wg7fj - Sounds like this is probably something you need to go through a few more times to learn as well. Don't confuse friendships and relationships with drama and chaos creators who fail to take responsibility for their actions and behavior, and those who are around the drama and chaos creators who initially offer a helping hand but it turns out to be repetitive handouts, enabling others, rescuing, and those situations that fall into these categories. Also, many of us initiate and form friendships on a much slower and more cautious basis when we are older, so we don't have to deal with the same pitfalls, dynamics, drama queens, and repeating the same circumstances again. Also, many people just prefer to spend more time alone, and they are very content with that. My life slogan is the more people I meet the more I like my dog, cats and plants. And the more people I meet, the more I realize why many other people who have to deal with them use birth control.
I was raped, drugged and beaten to a pulp by someone whom I thought was my friend and it took me a little over two years to get to where I am today. I went thru a lot of medical issues including being in a coma for awhile..and I say all of this to say that after that ordeal..I did not want anyone around me and found myself not trusting anyone and to this day..I am still very cautious of whom I allow in my personal space..sometimes God have you go alone on your journey for clarity and wisdom..take this time as such and growth so when u do get friends you will know if they are being genuine or fake..God Bless
I hear you. I'm a psychotherapist and researching this right now for a book (that I want to call "Friendless"). There's no research, but a TON of anecdotal comment on this issue.This is a social psychological issue now in Western countries. So many of my patients, and even I experience this at age 54. This issue is close to my heart. We can diagnose, work on depression, anxiety, Autism, etc.. behaviors, and how to cope. I have made suggestions for people to be more social when they get other issues under control, etc... But, and this is heartbreaking and why I'm doing this research- you can work on yourself, but it doesn't always help you make friends. If you've done the work on yourself, you also need to find those who have worked on themselves. Having good boundaries and the ability to identify behaviors in others really helps. Thanks for your post. Adding it to my archive. And BTW, Research is showing that men have more difficulty with this, so thanks for your story. I do recommend therapy (with the good therapist!), btw. Not to over step my boundaries here, but my patients with whom I've worked with are doing better in intimate relationships, but not with friends. This is the conundrum.
Please... insert a "jump / space" like every 4ish lines... not going to read a "wall of text" You should type like this: Hbibibivvvvib Ihivivvivivibibibibiv Ibivibibibbobobob Ivivivivivivvibi (the empty void / space / no text) Ibibibibobbobb Vobibibibibib Ibbibibbobbib Obobobob
Thanks man, I feel the same way about feeling like I speak weird and monotone, the anxiety, the self-deprecation, and the inner dialogue. I feel like there is something wrong with me as a 34 year old still working on it. You seem to speak comfortably now on camera and I think you sound just great. Thanks for the honesty and inspiration in terms of being confident to speak and upload a video. I recommend perhaps finding an interest like a spot that would have a club or league that people meet up weekly. And you can easily make friends sharing a similar interest.
My goodness, there is so much beauty in how vulnerable and eloquent you are in describing these emotions and mental constraints that plague so many people. I know the struggle of overthinking and how tough it can be with the internal dialogue. Someone once gave me a tip which has helped me tremendously, and that is - tell that negative inner voice “I love you”. Don’t try to change it, or reason with it. Only loving words. “Hey I see you, and I love you”. Drown it with “I love you” “i love you i love you i love I LOVE YOU”
Hi Josh. I'm 60 years old today. You are not the problem. You're misinterpreting strengths for weaknesses. I've felt much the same way for much of my life. I've studied anthropology, sociology, psychology, and forensic psychology to understand why I struggle to make meaningful friendships. I've come to believe being isolated from the usual school-age social networking left me oblivious to the quid-pro-quo nature of all social situations. 'Correctly' socialized people rarely do something without self-interest being the primary motive. Mostly unwittingly. Learn to be grateful for your self-reliance. Your self-contained independence. To still the 'Chattering monkey' part of your brain learn to meditate. The Barry Long Foundation's, 'An Introduction to Meditation', is uncluttered with religious dogma. If you study stoicism you'll never crave human company again. Best wishes.
JOSH, I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND! 😻 Seriously though, you have a very relaxed aura, that is you come across as VERY SINCERELY GENUINE. I could listen to you for hours. Stay cool beautiful! MUCH PEACE AND LOVE. 🫂
I’m 49 and I have a very small group of close, close friends that has taken me my entire life to find due to social anxiety and trust issues. It’s a life process finding real souls who understand us so try not to feel down on yourself - and you are a fine speaker
This is funny😢😢 This guy is an introvert, empath, and intuitive. I’m the same. I had to learn to get comfortable with the voices and what I feel. Thanks for sharing
Please google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
You’re describing Anxiety which often stems from childhood traumas. I used to overthink that people were judging me too but then I went to therapy for a couple years. I built up my confidence and healed from my childhood hurts then the Anxiety naturally went away.
Trying to "fit in" is excruciating. I did it for the first 42 years of my life, trying to be someone I wasn't. I was in the company of people, I knew deep down inside that were wrong for me. And then I woke up. I am 67 now and being able to do what I want without getting the approval from those around me is liberating. I can't say I am friendless; my friends are like minded people who are there if I need them, most of whom live in different parts of the world so it's physically impossible to be with them. When we are young we feel peer pressure and we do things we know that are wrong, to be part of the "gang." I see it in the youth of today sometimes to their detriment. Be mindful of the voice within and quit the ego. We all enter this world alone and we leave it alone.
You sound like me i,m 67 I never had many close friends if I did I always had to move or they died on me .I quess my best friend is myself an empath❤❤❤😢
I relate to you quite a lot. I have lots of childhood and early life trauma that essentially made me develop in a way that I sort of stay in my own “bubble.” I had friends growing up but nothing was ever all that deep. I have a hard time socializing at work and such. I’ve been told this is a defense mechanism to prevent me from further hurt or trauma. I am stuck in the past and have a hard time getting over it/healing from it. You’re far from alone man. By appearance, you seem to be into fitness/working out. Stick with this. This makes a big difference. Not having friends can actually be a huge blessing and save you lots of toxic relationships and heartache truthfully.
I'm 45, and I have no friends. This is admittedly mostly because I like being alone, but one of the biggest reasons why I dont make friends is because I'm poor, and i cant afford to do things with friends, I cant afford to buy gifts, i cant afford to go out to eat, or do any of the normal activities that it costs to do things with friends.
The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends. Proverbs 14:20 Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour. Proverbs 19:4
@@ayoolukoga9829just goes to show there is nothing new under the Sun. People seem to only want to associate with those who can do something for them instead of liking the person regardless of what they can give you or they can't.
@@alleycat616 He's not wrong though. If he was dorky looking or ungroomed and quiet, you'd think he was a creep. We're visual creatures and appearances really do shape our perceptions. Two things can be identical, but look different. To our perception, they are antithetical to each other. It's called the Halo Effect and it's a real phenomena.
@@PowerofRock24 I suppose. But you can’t hate people for being attracted to attractive people and not so much to unattractive. It’s just in our biology and how we are wired. I guess it’s not fair of course that unattractive men may be seen as “creepy” where an attractive one wouldn’t under certain circumstances. Definitely something to ponder over. Maybe it’s something about the guy not knowing his “place” and trying to “punch way above his weight” so to speak which may be annoying to women who know he has no chance with them, which also says that maybe he’s a little mentally questionable because he’s not getting what should be consider common sense to a degree. And if he’s not getting what should be obvious then maybe he’s got a few screws loose. More likely to not get the clue they aren’t interested (since he didn’t already) and keep pestering them. Or maybe these women are just really wanting it very clear that they are not interested. Maybe just outright saying he’s ugly is too “mean” so insinuating he’s “creepy” takes that off of them? Maybe a mixture of all of the above?
I'm 39 and male. Have my own home and moved across the country right before covid. I feel the same. I have no friends but I still have old friends from back home. I don't think it's us that is the problem. Society has moved towards short term dopamine rushes. We think logically and long term. Small talk and mindless banter is such a hollow way to live. We like to think about deep philosophical questions about life. We ponder about nature and this globe we are on. I tend to reject what society has become. Most things are devoid of meaning. While everyone tries to change things around them to make them feel better about their short comings, we look inward. That is truly a gift. The world has become more feminine and a lot of men have accepted that. Don't let the madness of this world gaslight you into believing there is something wrong with you. You're instincts re telling you something is off, and I agree with you. From one alone male to another, I got your back bro. We gotta stick together, even if that means we don't do it verbally.
It’s so hard to find the line between making change but accepting who you are. Some things we can’t change but some things we can. It requires us to put in the work and make sacrifices, but in a kind way that allows us to be the best version of ourselves rather than a different version of ourselves
I'm 38, an Autist, and I struggle. I am married and I know what I need to do. But I cannot do what I need to do. I am working with my therapist about this. My friends know how and why I struggle. And they give me space and latitude to be me. To be comfortable. And a friend is that. You are so powerful, heard, and loved. I struggle with doubt and self-dishonesty. Thank you for sharing.
Come unto me, all ye that Labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
I think I know what you are too afraid to admit to yourself but it's too personal to put it out on here. I was like that until I finally just had to be true to myself. You will get there. Your wife will understand and you'll be much happier.
I was like you when I was a young man. I had very few friends. I was always insecure with myself even though I am not a bad looking guy. Now as a 70-year-old I have more friends than ever before. Now I don't have to deal with people at work or school or any of that or even going to weddings or parties that I always hated. I finally gave myself a break and can say I enjoy my life and the friends that I have. I accept myself as I am and happy. Life is good.
This is so relatable! You're helping more people than you realize. Learning to truly love yourself and finding joy within-whether you're alone or not-is so powerful. Once you do, you'll naturally attract others to you. The real challenge will be deciding which connections are worth your time and energy. 💛
You know you have true friends when you hit a rough patch in life. Me, found out I have cancer in Dec 23 and every "friend" I told has turned their back, lost contact etc. I was upset at first but glad I found out about them.
I don't believe that there is no such thing as a real friend especially when you need them. The only people that you can count on is your family and sadly for some that isn't true either. I got help from my family when I needed it and gave it to them when they needed it, so I am very grateful for that.
I know it might sound weird because I don’t know you in real life, but just from following you for a few years and seeing your efforts in life, it really seems like you are an exceptional man and you are someone I want to be like. You prioritize your health, your marriage, your career… you make a nice environment for yourself and you are very committed to self-improvement… I know you might get sick of hearing it, but you’re also a gorgeous human being. Just remember that there are people who can see your worth clear as day. 😇
It’s cause most men are vibrating at a low life level of existence/being. The shift occurred a few years ago. But many have able to see through the veil for ages. Those with true Masculine Divinity repel others. The trigger occurs in the hearts of the lesser/less than. Fear & Judgement starts to creep in the mind. Time=Exit What is one doing with their “time” in this human experience? Many have lost their way and now something sinister is creating a new age of reason-people “HUMANITY” are loosing their sovereignty. A connection severed, has occurred. Alone or Al One. We were lied to on a severe dangerous spiritual level, since being birthed into this physical reality. Purpose & Context has been distorted. I can see all of you for what you are. Your heart has revealed the truth about you. None of you are hidden and 100% of every being in existence has been turned into permanent witnesses of eternity. I love all of you with respect and I’m rooting for all of you. My prayers and good intentions of the heart go out to all of who are hurting and upset with this current known paradigm we are operating in. Live in the moment of NOW. Take your sovereignty back.
well stated. i get this impression as well. the thing with friends is less about (our perceived) worth and more about being OUT and meeting enough people so you're bound to find the ones who DO see your worth clear as day. they are out there, you just have to find them.
@@JoshHittiPlease google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
Josh, only a day after posting this, you already have over a thousand comments. Most men who feel this way don''t admit it, so well done for letting other people know they're not alone! I'm a 54-yr old Aussie, and I related to so much of what you say, I actually found myself chuckling with recognition, even as I was fighting back tears.
Please google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
I'm 33 and I'm happily friendless. I mean, I have some good acquaintances but I don't feel that strong connection with people. I accept that and I know I could find good friends or a good friend but I am not forcing anything. In my culture, the word "amigo" is common but I don't feel anyone as such. Greetings from Panama :)
The fact that you are well groomed, work out etc, is a sign of loving yourself, which is enough. That is a good start 😊 I’m 58 and decided to engage with people depth only. Almost impossible to find though.
I’m 64 and in the same boat. Seems everyone has gone to text and social media friendships these days. No more front porch sitting. Sad. You seem like a really nice young man and I’m certain anyone would be fortunate to have you as a friend. But it’s harder as an adult to make friends because everyone gets involved with their own kids and families, etc.
@catcren Good afternoon catcren. You don't have friends either? You don't have a boyfriend/husband, kids? You look quite pretty. Would love to be a possible friend of yours (even though I'm younger lol).
I relate to this overthinking! It's anxiety. I was extremely quiet and shy as a kid too. I've had to really push myself to try and make friends. It does get better my friend. You've got this! Your a good guy
i totally feel what you are going thru....the good guy internal voice started for me when i stopped going to therapy. that voice has helped me from staying out of the dark place and helped me understand what stuff i never really understood. that voice almost took my actual therapist place since i stopped going....its weird lol u got this bro
OK, so this is the first time I have seen any of your videos but I felt compelled to comment. I am 43 and I became a Mother very young and had to do it alone! I raised two amazing young ladies by myself. I took my job as mom and dad very seriously so my motto was parent first, be friends later. I had a rough childhood and life in general, and had to learn to depend on myself and that's all I have ever known! That caused me to react with a lot of traumatic responses with everyone who I associate with! My girls would grew to become my best friends and my youngest just turned 18. She has a great boyfriend, a job, extremely active in school and will graduate this year with honors and I could go on but she's amazing! That means now she's spreading her wings. My oldest is 27 and married and just had her second little girl! I catch myself so alone and realize I always have been! Being their Mom just gave me purpose, motivation and happiness! Now I have to learn who I am because I lost my identity! I will say this, not having friends is not as bad as having a bunch of "friend's" who don't have good intentions, don't actually care about you or may use,hurt and lie to you! Now days its not just relationships that are hard to find but also good friendship's! It has to do with people now in general! Not many people have good morals and values and trust has to be earned not given! Most can't accomplish that! So self reflection is great but be careful not to over think circumstances and place more of the problem on yourself! A lot of times we become to empathetic to others and it becomes easier to place the blame on ourselves because we are used to being the problem in our own head! You are different but not in a bad way! Do you know the kind of strength it takes to eat alone, to do life alone? To have those tough conversations and realize things about ourselves that we acknowledge but learn to accept? If you are like me, you are very emotional but you don't like to show it and probably also very empathetic! That alone can be exhausting being around others, especially if they aren't authentic! We also have our moments of wanting something's to be acknowledged but we keep ourselves in the background! If I had a dollar for every time someone told me how strong I am, I would be rich! I also want to scream to the top of my lungs each time I hear it! How I appear on the outside, is nothing close to how I feel on the inside! I heard this quote recently that says, The world breaks everyone at some point and the one's it doesn't break, it will kill ! For some reason that gave me a little bit of peace! Being broken is how the light gets in! I used to hate being different, now I appreciate it! Because with all of my faults and issues, at the end of the day I know I have a beautiful heart and mind, even if they are broken! I don't know you but,I can see the cracks, but I also see the light!! Try not to get lost in your head, sometimes that is the worst place to be! Especially for over thinkers! It keeps you from recognizing the good and tries to fixate on the bad things you keep stored! Just know you aren't alone!! I sometimes wish I had the ability to allow others to see themselves through my eyes! I see someone kind, who struggles with a lot and they have allowed a coping mechanism to keep them from seeing their self correctly! The world is a not so kind place and true friends are extremely rare! Try to remember that when you get stuck in your head! I see a beautiful soul, now you need to see that as well!
Hello Sally. Reading your message made me cry. I moved to another country in 2020, and my Mom was left alone I my homecountry. She had son there too but it was me who she was living with my whole life. She passed last summer. I feel such guilt of moving away (because I met my husband who is of another citizenship/ethnicity that's why I moved) and reading your message makes me think of how Lonely my mommy must have felt after I left... I'm crying now reading of how you are feeling. I'm very sorry for all the hardships you faced with life. Amd how lonely you must feel now, now that ypur daughters are grown up and started their own life. Since my mom passed I lost half of my heart and soul and honestly I been suicidal. My Mom was like you, Very strong on the outside, also great sense of humour what kept her going although near the end she was suffering a lot due to sickness. But on the inside she was just a little girl who had poor and harsh upbringing and who just needed love. She was also a single Mom of three. My heart is aching. I'm sending my love to you. Sorry for the ramble. I just got very emotional reading ypur message. Thank you for telling us about your life. Wishing you a happy life and a nice day ❤
Im 33, female. I also dont really have friends. I used to have lots of friends in school, but we just drifted apart I guess. Now I just try to focus on hobby's I can do by myself. Sometimes I even go out on my own. Try to socialize a little, even if it's just on a superficial level. Also pets help a lot. And remember you are good enough! You dont need the be perfect to have friends. Nobody is. Dont put so much pressure on youself. Just be you. You are worthy.
A fellow over-analyzer here 🙋🏼♀️ I can relate to what you are saying. But you know what Josh? You seem like a person with a heart of gold! You seem very authentic! Thank you for sharing this and being so open about this
Hi, it’s nice that you are honest with your struggle and willing to share, which can be helpful for others with the same struggle. I would suggest not taking friends-making as a task to be practiced on or a goal to be realised, but a natural occurrence of you knowing what you like to do and sharing the fun or insight of it with others.
But just surviving is not really living my friend! A friend could be the person you see regularly at a nearby coffee shop who serves you your coffee! Just say hi and ask how’s there day going! You’d be surprised peoples reactions to that! Try it! 🫶🏻don’t shut the world out!
@@markd4768 You make very good points, and I appreciate the kind words. I am 64 and as a child was left alone a lot because of my parents having a CW band. I am so much more of an asocial person than you can imagine. I have 3 siblings and awhile back I told them that I will not go to any more family functions. I don't look at or talk to any neighbors. It is horrible for me to have to go to Walmart, so I make sure I only have to go once every 45 days. I retired 5 yrs ago. I had to be around people there and I hated every minute of it, I worked there 35 yrs. I am just in my house watching RUclips over 95% of the time. I should be on psychedelics, but they wont legalize them. I do a lot of water fasts and want to start doing dry fasts, also I eat only whole foods. I decided 3 yrs ago that I need to take very good care of myself because people that don't participate in society tend to not live long. Believe it or not, I am happy and content most of the time, and living without any stress and drama is the best life for me. Also I cant imagine saying hi to someone and ask how’s there day going. It seems insane to me.
@@markd4768 I cant even imagine doing that. I don't talk to the neighbors, and told my siblings that I will not go to any more family functions. I only go to get food once every 45 to 60 days. It is a crazy way to live, but it is the only way I feel comfortable.
I'm 37 years old and I have no friends either. The problem was me. I have always had unrealistic expectations of people I tried to be friends with and when they did not live up to them I burned the bridges down. Let's say I been through some traumatic situations where having just one friend would've helped a lot.
@@claudiasalander7056 I used to live in share houses for a time and I always expected the others to be my firends. I stopped that thinking completely. Some people were completely cold and some were very friendly, but I simply had to learn not to take it personally.
Please google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
I'm quite a bit older than you, but I can still relate to a lot of this. Have made progress in healing my low self-esteem and have dropped the self-destructive behaviors, thanks in part to therapy, but still don't have the relationships. And now at this point feel like I have to make peace with the way I've lived my life. Thanks for your candor and honesty. Felt good to hear somebody else give voice to what it's like.
Sentiment in the comments is spot on, while I've had some great times in my life with friends (some of the best memories) - but I've had very few true, authentic friendships that have lasted and that I can fully trust. Friends have also backstabbed me, and stolen from me. “Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer”
So many of us experience this or something similar. When we're in our 20s, we are bombarded with people coming at us from all directions and we think it'll always be that way. That slows down until you achieve total invisiblity starting around age 50. If you don't get married in your 20s - with all THAT entails - you'll be lucky if you come across anyone you even want to be friends with. Don't take being single / alone personally. Its what we chose because deep down it's what we wanted. When you get older, you'll appreciate it for the luxury it is. Nurture your old friendships because they're the best ones.
Friendships are beautiful but the friendships you make later in life aren't the same as the ones you make once you're in your 50s. The ones you make when you're young have a rich history attached. The friendships you make later are still good just different.
I’m 50 years old single man who lived alone for years , why do i need friends for ? I can use social media to talk to whom ever i want across the globe and then just switch off my phone or tablet . I have a close supporting family, that’s enough for me 😊
58 yr old here I concur, I’ve a few friends…more acquaintances. Go to the few and far between social event. Prefer my own company, stay in touch with family by phone etc.
We are same age @ 50 years. I have like 2 friends with whom I communicate with almost entirely via whatsaap. I see them like twice or thrice a year which is just so perfect for me. I like being by myself. No drama. I can do what I want, how I want it and when I want it. I talk to my siblings every day for a bit and that's just enough for me. 😊🥰
You are very good looking and articulate and appear like a "normal" successful person. Get on a dating site. Your good looks will really help. I think getting a girlfriend is the way to start. You have a lot to offer!!
So accurate, i can go months without really caring about not having friends, but i always have a point in the year where it becomes debilitating but then that feeling goes away at some point again, not sure why this happens. But in general I do believe if i did have friends or a friend group a lot of my insecurities and negative thinking would decrease. Ugh why do we have to be like this man!!
i have an attachment injury , adhd childhood trauma complex grief. i over analyze everything. for me it recognize it as a way to stay safe and not need other people. a defense mechanism. im practicing just being light, present with people, open , questioning, in the moment and fun.
Please research on insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong. I'm on this same journey and this information has helped me a lot. I hope you heal
Well, I must agree with the dog thing. Mine provide me with such pleasant companionship. I have 4 and I walk them every day. But they have also brought me friends! I walk around a the outside of a dog park every day,; I don't take my dogs in because they are too old to interact with the rambunctious young dogs inside. But I chat with the dog owners over the fence and have become friends with several of them. Dogs are a happy, common interest.
I've been through this mindset and have felt the pain. The times I feel it most is when I choose comfort. If I don't constantly push myself, and I don't mean stress myself, but find something hard to do that can make the rest of the days easy, then i slip into anxiety and discomfort. The book "The Comfort Crisis" outlines this well, but as a daily challenge I found that Brazilian Jiu-jitsu works the best
Im 23 years old, and also have no friends, at first it was very hurtful when i see people gathering together and making plans together... and always exclude me. But now i get used to it, i don't expect anything from anyone and start focusing on my carreer, maybe in the future i can have some true friends or maybe not.
Hello Josh. I just came across this post in my main feed and thought I'd see what the good looking man has to say. I'm very glad I did! There's nothing more attractive than a person who is intelligent, compassionate, empathetic, self reflecting and has the emotional intelligence to be appropriately vulnerable. The latter quality requires strength most people do not have. That being said, I have one piece of advice. Temper that wonderful mind just enough to be fully present when connecting to people you find engaging. I suspect that's a small subset of humanity. A lot of people just aren't willing or capable of connecting at your level. I have no doubt you will find the connection you feel you're missing. Quality over quantity, my friend. ❤️ Thanks for the smile and I hope you enjoy your day.
I get all of this and strangely I have no desire to make friends. I enjoy being out and about doing things but i love spending time with myself. Whether it’s touring around, going out to eat, or at home reading a book.
I feel you. Very much the same for myself and it's rough and hard to talk about. Live in a state I didn't grow up in, and am a father now. Something about me, and never figured it out, and I just eventually managed to stop caring, though it hurts at times.
Weirdly comforting to hearing someone being so candid about this. M 33 with barely no friends either. Just acquaintances i talk to occasionally. Way too introverted and passionate about my own interests to bother going through the effort of making new friends. Was way too insecure as a kid and that made me really comfortable being alone as it was easier and felt safe. Never really changed. Hard to teach an old dog to bark etc. We'll be ok!
Please research on insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong. I'm on this same journey and this information has helped me a lot. I hope you heal
@@Oghenegueke Always - it is the society , the ambient that is toxic. Like living in a Shame based culture country, on macro level or dysfunctional family on micro level or domestic abuse. - Young American explained why she left Croatia: "In Croatia people constantly express intrusive opinion about matters which are none of their business. The most irritating things were rude people." (poslovni hr) Young American explained why she escaped from Croatia: "Often I heard Croats intruding why am I eating something, or commenting about what I wore. There is no such thing in America, we allow people to be what they want to be."
I am 64. When I was younger I always had 1 or 2 close friends and several acquaintences that we hung out with. As I got older life became hectic and acquaintances fell away. Friends died. After so many hurts and disappointments I find myself isolated, living alone, and anxious about meeting people. It got so depressing I started going to church again to just be around people, and I did meet a few. That was 7 months ago. I find myself feeling awkward, "rehearsing" what might be talked about, and yes, "imposter syndrome". (I just recently learned about that). I don't know what to tell you other than keep talking, keep reaching, keep sharing. I like your self-awareness and that you share not just what you go through but also what you do to try to mitigate the other stuff.
Mate, I'm 37 and experience the EXACT same challenges re mental health and friends. You are certainly not alone there. In a sad but very enlightening turn of events, my mother was diagnosed with leukaemia last Thursday and I'm now beginning to realise that my growing family (wife, 2 year old and another on the way) is my primary focus now in life. I have "friends" that I ride with in a cycling club every week and between them and my family, I feel content/satisfied. I've realised that I don't need or necessarily want a multitude of friends like I did 5-10 years ago. And trust me, my friendship circle and hitting the clubs was ALL I ever thought about and prioritised back then. It's amazing how priorities and realisations change as you get older and start a family. I don't know if you have started a family of your own yet, no rush if you haven't but just know that everything changes. And it changes for the better.
You seem like SUCH a nice gentleman! I can totally relate to your posting. I feel like I overthink a lot too. Whoever encounters you in person will be lucky, I can tell just the way your speaking you a a good ❤.
I tell all my clients to get a couple of hobbies . Why ? Good for the soul. You will make more friends than when you were im in grade school . It works 100 percent of the time . You have to give it 6 months. Just keep showing up to your life . You deserve this . 🎉❤
Agree! I started up with a local runners group. They had different levels, I started with beginners. Made some lovely, like-minded friends through that.
I’m in the same boat, recently ended a 10 year relationship. She had tons of friends, but they weren’t my friends, so now I find myself completely alone. My phone only rings from spam callers!
@@colin3651 are you able to go out alone? I go to a restaurant have a meal, go see a show do whatever by yourself? It feels very awkward because I always had company no matter what we did.
My older brother once told me that the older you get, the harder it is to make real friends, and I think he was right. I haven't really had any "IRL" friends in thirty years, and I'm 57 years old. A big part of the problem, apart from my own ingrained asocial tendencies, is that the USA is an extremely socially atomized society.
@@carlosdante3827 I think he/she is talking about that the culture you live in has kind of an impact on how we relate, gather, connect, make friends in general. I think Americans are always trying to be productive (I think it is amazing), there is big culture of working, the cost of living is more expensive so you do need to work of course. And the American culture really validates being productive, gaining skills... other cultures have a more "relaxed lifestyle". For instance, in the US, while people grow up, there is a higher expectation on being smart, doing good at school for college or scholarships, making money during summer breaks and stuff, and having friends is not that important, it is more about taking advantage of your time for something productive. But in other cultures, kids are more encouraged to have a more meaningful social life, and having no friends is simply terrible. The expectation is to be popular, meet people, keep close to your family... Anyways, I just love reading comment and say what I think. All good with all the cultures...
I think the older you are the less you should need friends. The concept of friends is for "bachelor groups", juveniles who aren't strong enough to compete with adult males form roving gangs for safety. You SHOULD grow out of that.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you to everyone for the thoughtful, compassionate responses.
An overwhelming number of you have recommended therapy, including my wife. To be honest, I’ve always brushed it off thinking I could figure it out on my own. “It” is more complex than simply using will power, so I’m no longer using that as an excuse.
I reached out to a local therapy company today and will be starting my journey as soon as I’m matched with a therapist. The cure to overthinking in most areas is action, so I’m jumping in.
I don’t journal, so I may start recording myself reflecting on therapy as a way to help digest what I learn. Follow along on IG @josh.hitti
So happy to hear this, and I wish you nothing but the best on your journey!
Sir, you need to look into level 1 autism spectrum disorder. Also, in some other countries it would be Asperger's.
So glad to hear this! As someone who has done therapy multiple times, sometimes the first therapist might not click with you and that's okay. Just something to be aware of that I didn't know when I started.
I accepted the invitation, I AM witnessing the death of my existence and it’s being played out and it’s in the blink of an eye 👁️. Time has never existed and this story “mystery=my story=master=my star ⭐️=mastery (Mystery of GOD) my story of GOD revealed”. History?!?
Who’s story?
Only owls 🦉 say who hooo whooo hoo!
We are dealing with concepts and serious spiritual wickedness that most people can’t comprehend or begin to fathom.
Josh is but one of many women & men experience this.
Authenticity 😊
Most importantly I genuinely love all of you with respect towards your endeavors on finding the truth. I have the answers but they can’t be explained or told. You will have to experience and know it for yourself.
I accepted the invitation, I AM witnessing the death of my existence and it’s being played out and it’s in the blink of an eye 👁️. Time has never existed and this story “mystery=my story=master=my star ⭐️=mastery (Mystery of GOD) my story of GOD revealed”. History?!?
Who’s story?
Only owls 🦉 say who hooo whooo hoo!
We are dealing with concepts and serious spiritual wickedness that most people can’t comprehend or begin to fathom.
Josh is but one of many women & men experience this.
Authenticity 😊
Most importantly I genuinely love all of you with respect towards your endeavors on finding the truth. I have the answers but they can’t be explained or told. You will have to experience and know it for yourself.
Do not fear having no friends. Fear having bad friends. It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Good advice…
Ok!! Say that shyt again that’s what I fear 😰
AMEN AMEN
Yeah, so true, well said.
Facts
I reached 36 and realised friends are like buses they come and go ..At 60 i love my own company
That is not a real friend, I have a friend since university I met some stranger at the gay bar and now after 20+ years still being friends meeting sometimes they don't simply go away.
So do I but it seems for a handsome guy like him I JUST WONDER WHY
Me too.
Are you a simp ?
@@rudiechinchilla6746 Yes he’s handsome, but what does that have to do with having friends?? Maybe he’s choosy, maybe he wants friends that aren’t just on the surface. Being true to yourself isn’t a bad thing either. Finding real, true , I’ve got your back kinda friends are really hard to find.
I'm 53. I used to have lots of friends. Not anymore. I've realized for the most part you are an entertainment when your friends are alone. As soon as they find a girlfriend/boyfriend you're not important anymore. And I got tired of that.
And vice versa too.
That's very frustrating. I've learned to watch out for people like that and avoid them. I cultivate friendships by trying to be a friend or support to another person. That has worked for me. The social media stuff has really made it harder for people to bond.
My partner and I are both baffled why the media are so silent on the subject of loneliness and isolation. Iv'e never even seen a tv documentary on the subject. Is it really such a taboo thing?
You know what's similar? Working in a service area like bartending. Everyone's your friend and wants your attention. They'll come to the bar just because they know you're working. but the second you quit, you'll never hear from them again.
@deejohn1659 America is the problem. England, Japan, they address loneliness. In America we don't even address homelessness🤭 so yeah loneliness doesn't stand a chance😄 (funny not funny...sad)
Thanks for sharing Josh! I'm a 36 yr old single lonely male with zero friends as well. Seeing someone else be so open about their struggle helped me immensely. Just know you're perfect as you are. Really truly know that. But even with that said, I know how hard it can be and the voices of doubt creep in.
Keep your head up broski 🤘🏽
Josh, I'm Josh. I'm also 36. I also suffer from overthinking, anxiety and bouts of isolation. You are not alone.
Come unto me, all ye that Labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Hi Josh, ive slowly had the same things happen...a ton of friends over the years, until now, at 61, have maybe 1 friend...its sad, lonely, and overthinking is one of my worst traits....i too get bouts of isolation and feeling lonely...its awful
@@SuperBooboo02 DITTO!
Exactly the same for me. It gets worse as you get older because most people keep friends from high school/college and rarely get close to anyone else later in life. So if you don’t keep any early it can be a battle later on. It’s very isolating and sad. It does not help the mental health.
I'm older than you and I have the same feelings sometimes.
Most people don't want to discuss anything deeper than the weather, the news, their kids, or their problems. I like deep, interesting, honest conversations, most don't.
People are completely occupied with their cell phones. When I'm out and run into somebody I know it's only a minute or two before their phone rings. I say goodbye and let them talk instead of waiting. I believe it's the proper thing to do. That's just the way things are anymore. I don't let it bother me.
@@deanwhite4190 And they aren't even bothered, it's like it doesn't impact them even if you leave while they are "occupied" on phone calls. Sad 😔
That's because people can't stand the truth.
We SCORPIOs abhor find REPUGNANT how most of society is ANDROID... Superficial. Don't gas light Yrslf dear star brother!!
@@TK-hc6dmmost Society is superficial I don't see what that has to do with Android. But for the record I don't ever hear someone referred to as an Android snob.😂
Nov. 3rd. 🦂
I see myself in this video so much. I am 36 year old single dad of 3. Wife was killed in car wreck in 2020 and people just walked away from me. I have been used and abused so much. I appreciate your video. Sending love and positive thoughts
My husband died when I was 27. I understand how all your friends vanished. That happened to me too. I looked at friends differently from then on. Most don’t stick around when things get tough.
Most people are uncomfortable with pain and grief.
6@@BarbAllen-k4u
I am very sorry for you and your 3 blessings
@@BarbAllen-k4u Why would they not stick around? Not sure I understand.
You are an incredibly handsome well spoken young man! Don’t worry about not having friends! After 2020, most people have grown more distant and very anti social. Focus on being a good person and your goals, the right people will be drawn to you in time. 36 is also still very young as well! I’m almost 44 and I have experienced periods having many friends and now currently having few. I just put my faith in God and try to treat others with kindness!
I'm 51 and no friends but I have realized it's better to be alone than to be in the company of bad people
Same. Same age. Wanna move in? I could use a roommate. PGH :)
Amen to that vanessa. 💯
U still didn't answer the question
I'm 53yrsO I lost my so called friends after my divorce but I don't really care I saw that coming, to me it's really draining other people's energy that's why I love being alone
@vanessaswift9132 This is so true and I agree 100%. I'd rather have no friends than a bunch of fake, shallow and pretentious ones.
I'm a 41 year old woman and have no friends. I don't think I'll ever have friends. I am too weird. I find the company of most people to be dull and boring. I don't care about your kids or looking at photos of them. I don't care about where you got your nails done or your shoe collection or what you did over the weekend. I don't like being hassled into doing things that I don't like doing, like going to clubs or bars. I don't like arguments or debating with people or having to alter my personality just to get along with someone. People are just exhausting to me. And then you get the type of people who think you should be available to them 24/7, and if you're not, then you're a bad friend. All that being said, I still yearn for a friend, but I don't think my type of friend exists.
Don’t worry. That yearning will go away and be replaced by the realization superficial friendships - like just chit chat at whatever activity - is all there is.
Hah, sounds exactly like me. I'm just too weird for most people. And I most certainly do not want to see pics of someone's kids! 😆
Total weirdo here. And I have equally weird friends that I've spent 40 years collecting. You got to get out and find your tribe. They exist. I promise you.
At one point my sister would show me pictures of her newborn grandkids almost every week. It really hurt, because I don't have any kids, etc. But That was a long time ago. It's fine now.
You sound exactly like how my daughter explains herself and how she feels about why she doesn’t really want friends. She is extremely intelligent with high functioning autism. She could have friends if she wanted to, but chooses not to. Not saying you’re ASD, but something to look into. I wouldn’t want her any other way… she’s perfect, and I’m sometimes jealous of the way she thinks and lives her life.
I am 37 , and I don’t have friends. I know people, but I like being alone ❤
Yeah I think it has to do with not wanting to put the effort into finding and keeping friends. It’s not like it just happens on its own.. it’s a larger commitment
Friends are great, but they are a lot of work. Just going along for all of the ups and downs in life is stressful. Marriages, divorces, raising kids, money troubles, health problems, career issues, loss and grief. When you casually know someone you only need to extend...."thoughts & prayers." If someone is a close friend and especially ride or die friend, then you've gotta be in it for the long haul. Not everyone is up for that.
@@jm7804all of what you said and a lot of the time I just don’t feel like yapping with people. I’m the kind of guy that can recharge my social battery in an hour and be fine again
for you it’s a choice for us it’s reality.
I'm 37 as well. Same
I learned several years ago when I was starting a different stage in life that "if you want to have a friend, be a friend." I don't know where this saying came from, but it proved useful in my life. My new friend was also a guy a few years younger, so we were able to gain different perspectives on life from each other. I had to get out of myself and focus on others. Just some background: I had come out of several years of drinking and isolating myself from family and friends. I had to work hard to make this happen, but it's worth it to me.
Brother, take this from a complete stranger, you're a good looking dude who's in great shape, and speaks in a soothing manner that comes across as extremely genuine and vulnerable. Know that all of this is ONLY in your head.
Being in his head is what makes his reality worth of being listened to. It's his personal desires and sensations.
@@victorm.girard7784 Agreed. But not every thought or perception is real. As long as you're able to recognize that, you can get a handle on those thoughts, insecurities and perceptions. Acknowledging that gives you power over them instead of the other way around. I say that as someone who has to pep-talk himself into social situations.
It's not just in your head. My husband is the exact same way- super hot, in great shape, hard worker, no friends. We talk about it all the time. It isn't about you as a person, it's just the way society has changed. The internet has given us so much, good and bad. If you aren't one of the lucky opnes that fits seamlessly into a group, it's near impossible to meet new people and foster real friendships. Or it feels near impossible. Just know it is NOT just you, it is NOT in your head, you are NOT alone. But I'm sorry it feels like you are sometimes :(
Most men don’t have many or any friends, they have activities with acquaintances who share the same interest. I have one close friend. Anyone thinking about a friend group like a tv show is always going to be disappointed.
It is ONLY in his head. That Guy doesn't know What Real PROBLEMS ARE.
hugs, for those who's alone 💌
Reiki blessings
Thanks, but what if we don't want or need one?
@@CastellanSpandex everyone needs a hug at times. Even if you hug your cat
I have couple of friends, but I don’t see or talk to them everyday, maybe one or twice a year. I’m a senior
Time is yours .
I’m 38. No friends, no drama, and more time to myself and hobbies. I’m happy.
Yeah most of this sort of thing is by choice whether people realize it or want to accept it, certainly if you live in a major city surrounded by tons of people
I'm 69 years old. All my family has passed on. I'm all alone on medication for mental health issues but I have everything I need and a safe comfortable place to live. I live my life for myself free to pursue whatever interests me. I like having friends but I don't really have any. For the most part I'm fine. Considering how messed up the world is these days and how rough many people are having it I don't think I should complain.
Right! almost 30 here and love being alone. I guess everyone has different reasons as to why they choose to be alone i think for him it feels like less of a choice and thats why he feels that way unfortunately
Same Just 23
I agree. I like it being just me. It's nice.
I’m 26 and can relate to a lot of what you said. I have become okay with not having friends but that’s probably because my best friend is my husband. If I was single, I’d probably crave human interaction more. Both my parents are very quiet, don’t have opinions, and like to sweep problems under the rug. I think I naturally behave the way they do but I have worked damn hard to improve myself up to this point. I moved away from my home state (which no one in my family has done), got into a completely different career field, and now I’m a completely different person from my family. The black sheep. I over analyze myself every day, and that’s something I’m working on. Makes it very excruciating to have relationships or to even have a simple conversation. The anxiety is rough, and so is the occasional depression. You are heard and you’re definitely not alone! The need for constant self improvement is something I can relate with and I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. Thank you for sharing! Hope you continue to post.
You’re a beautiful man. You’re very eloquent, handsome, and doing just fine if not better than most. The world needs you. You’re ok. Keep going. ❤
Right? This. And in a female and I agree with you. Who gives an F with having friends when you have what he has. 😅 I don’t know maybe it’s me toxic nature not giving damn about having close friends but I don’t know, to me it looks like he’s got it all. :))
I'm 58 years old and I have no friends, no lovers, and have never been in a relationship. I no longer want it, and am very happy just being alone.
Awesome! Live your best life :)
@@techgarageofficialx I refuse to be a slave to the unobtainable. If I try a million times and it just doesn't work, doesn't happen, no matter how many different approaches I try, I don't intend to spend the rest of my life trying to get what the Universe clearly doesn't want me to have. So...I stop wanting it. Simple.
@@starbrand3726If this is actually true then the issue is with you. 58, no friends, no relationship and no lover. You are doing something wrong. Especially if you care about these things. If you don't that's fine but if you do have you ever thought the issue is within you rather than other people? Genuine question in case it sounds like a smart ass.
@@rallytip Oh I agree 100%. The problem definitely lies with me. I have a high IQ and find relating to people...difficult. You can find a dozen videos on RUclips explaining this exact same scenario. While it may sound arrogant, a fact is a fact. And, being a 58 year old biracial, Gay, Black man who is on the autism spectrum that likes reading medical and quantum physics books for fun, doesn't help my situation. I also write, paint and sculpt, and although I can find a match fitting one, two or even three levels of interest, I tend to be too unique to find a match on all points. I've never even come close. Too unique for my own good I guess.
@@starbrand3726 I think the biracial part covers the black part lol. You are putting yourself in too many boxes. Two people coming together is always going to require some compromise right? No two humans are exactly the same even identical twins have slight differences. Chill your beans, have a margarita. My advice is generally terrible though hahah
Dude, I just want to give you a hug. I’m 20 years older than you and I have been lamenting the same things you are talking about here. You’re definitely a good looking, thoughtful person who is just trying to figure things out…and there is nothing wrong with that.
Wow someone has destroyed his self-esteem and his confidence. Josh you are a very handsome man and a beautiful human being. Do not listen to people who try to tear you down.
He is very handsome.
Maybe it's not you. Maybe it's the times we're living through. You seem like a really sweet person and you are very handsome as most people are telling you in these posts. I wonder if you stopped blaming yourself and took a larger view of how our society is at the moment there might be more clear discernment about the causation of the situation
I'm a therapist and I have helped many people with similar issues to yours in my practice. There is a way to greater connection please don't give up
100%
It's always been amazing to me, how some people have such a large volume of people they know, and can throw a party and have a packed house
As i have aged the circle of people i used to know is nonexistent ,
He is too hard on himself, he is fine, which leaves me to wonder what else is going on 🤔
I'll bet that everyone commenting here would love to have you as their friend!
One could only dream 😴 😂 I have a close friend in my dreams, my wife use to be in them, but not anymore.
True.
If he's a simp - yes
It's only because Great minds think alike❤
I don't know. I'm pretty used to not having friends at this point.🤷♂️
I'm floored to hear someone express the same thing I've been living with for decades. I'm 48 and have began to seclude from friendships at the age of 30. Still can't find it in me to build meaningful relationships. Same voices in my head, same patterns..
Well I have to say I have had good friendships but the one thing I hate the people that were the closest to me have pass away (died)
The mentors that made me a man are gone……and the people I thought were my friends were users…and as I get older it not that important. I treat people good who treat me with respect….
If anyone knows how to cure this please help, struggling with the same
Our worst critic is that voice inside our heads that only we can hear. The one who is hardest on us is ourselves. Nobody else can hear that critical voice or know that it's even there. If we can remind ourselves of that there is a gradual path to beating our worst critic and giving ourselves the good and happy life that we deserve. Remember, you deserve it. Tell that voice to shut up. You're the boss. You got this...
Hi, I'm a 27-year-old man with no single friend ! I'm content with my academic life, gym life, and my wonderful relationship with God and family.
As an introvert, I can relate. You’re not alone. I want to be your friend.
Totally agree with garyc! I would love to be your friend, too, but I live in the UK where I automatically assumed that you were sitting in the driver's seat as it would look in the UK. The blurred bit across the bottom righthand corner of the shot looks like the steering wheel.
I honestly thought the very same thing..I'm thinking he's british 😂
@@gammock4026Maybe you can Facetime with each other?
Same as. I am quite introvert and it takes a huge amount of energy and 'trying' to keep showing interest and to be involved ina friendship. I am so much more conformable on my own. Possibly as I was bullied terribly in school which has made me dislike people.
I am so happy on my own and don't feel I need friends. I guess I could say I'm friendly with my partners friends but I don't really have any friend friends. Thankfully for me, I don't care 😊
@@richiep3520i was never bullied in school days, despite my s3xuality. I had a lot of friends then, maybe because they wanted and insistent at trying to be friend with me and it spiraled, then suddenly the entire class and more considered me a friend, but immediately after graduated. We all go our separate ways and I never make new friend since. Now, I only have one friend who come visit me from time to time. I'm catastrophically introverted. I don't like talking to anyone face to face, even to the last friend I have left, I never look into her eyes. Talking to people make me want to crawl into a hole and never have to talk to anyone face to face ever again. I love being on my own too, but there're moments that I felt so lonely, but then the thoughts of having to share my personal life with a stranger banishes the thought, but those haunting thoughts willand loneliness, they always come back. I just want someone to just bear hug me tight and kiss my forehead and tell me that he loves me and maybe I'll just pay an escort to do just that, no s3x, just tell me that he loves me and sleep on the same bed till morning, a make pretend of having a lover for the night.
I'm about 31 and I'm still a virgin, strange for a gay man isn't it? Most are so extroverted and promiscuous and here I am. A virgin at this age. Idk what I should do with myself. I hate myself for being incapable at socializing. I hope reincarnation in Buddhism is real. This life is a mistake. I want to start over, in a different place, a different body, a different brain that is not introverted.
Heck, I'm 74 and have outlived life-long friends. It is strange yet also freeing. I can go, do, interact whom I wish. I ditch toxic people that upset my serenity. You'll be fine.
Thanks, experience speaks volumes
What advice would you give your 24 year old self
I am 42 and outlived all my friends as well, I enjoy talking to my older patients as I relate closer to them than my own age.
Josh - I'm 61. Most people need companionship - some of us don't. I have one best friend (1,500 miles away - we talk 2-3 times per year - he has two adult children and a girlfriend) and a dozen local acquaintances. I'm an Introvert at home/an Extrovert at work (ISTP/Loner), so I don't actively seek friends. Here's what I've learned so far.
1) Count on yourself first, last, and always.
2) Social media destroyed the meaning of the word "friend".
3) Unless you provide a social media value to people, you ARE of no value to them.
4) Character and Integrity matter.
5) Just be you.
So great how you put "I'm an introvert at home/an extrovert at work. I was exactly that. "On around co-workers and utterly circumspect at home and on weekends! Now I'm a 68 year retired recluse but happy with my dog and finally learning to just be.
I'd like to think at 37, technically late last year at 36, I found my first best friend, but he was only here for a short amount of time before returning to Taiwan.
He came back once since he left and we spent a weekend in New York. It was all great. I was happy and I had something/someone to look forward to.
My time with him felt like a roller coaster (think Baby Reindeer on Netflix when he met that movie director guy).
An inside look at all the experiences and opportunities I never got to have growing up. A social life, learning about myself and how i react in certain environments and situations.
Then he was gone.
I feel I've always been to some extent in a state of depression (was clinically diagnosed back in high school but didnt really buy into it). Revisited the idea in my mid 20s and went back 0n medication as a last resort before quitting again seeing no difference in myself.
And at some point in my 30s, things that never bothered me about being me have begun to hit me like a truck.
Him being here was a gift and a break from my life. He wanted to celebrate my bday with me and I've never had that. He opened me up to new things and inspired me to get out of my shell. I even traveled internationally for the first time. And I was solo (he wanted to join but his visa expired).
When he left (the 1st time) and it was all over (it had only been 3 months & we saw each other almost everyday) I became depressed in a way I hadn't experienced since my teen years.
We texted almost everyday aft3r he l3ft so that carried me a bit and we'd make it a point to call and have talks as well but as it tends to happen......the less you see of someone the less you have to talk about and now we barely communicate like we did and you begin to question if having this friend is even real. Does it even count.
Pretty tough to experience so much in a short period of time for the first time and then it's over.
As I get older I'm less resilient when these bouts of sadness and hopelessness hit and this one really is rocking me. It's new.
I don't think I'm okay being alone anymore, no friends, no partner, not close to family, I live alone, nothing to look forward too.
Late 20s, early 30s I told myself if I didn't at least have a lucrative career by 40 that I'd call it quits.
Well 2 years ago after going back to school that happened for me. Got my own place. 6 figures. 4 day work week. Weekends off......
Makes life easier..... but I still feel all the things I did before in addition to extreme boredom. I went traveling this year looking for something. Didn't find it. Got back and went skydiving hoping I'd find whatever I was looking for. Didn't find it.
I realized this year wasn't about finding whatever this "thing" was that I needed to change my life for my own sanity and well being but it was about realizing what it was I was looking for (being able to put it into words and distill it down to a basic need) and realizing I was never meant to find it.
This year has been devastating and I'm noticing th3 cracks.
Also, I know how this sounds. I'm not suicidal today.
I guess reading your post about a best friend so far away resonated with me even though you seem okay and I am not.
I told all my “friends” a few years ago that I was doing away with Facebook. I haven’t heard from any of them since.
I used to have a lot of friends, a lot of drama and bad living too! I roll Solo-Dolo now. Yea, life is more reputicios and predictable but I'm actually getting somewhere now!
your wife has lots of "guy friends" though since she's not faithful
At 45, I can relate to some of what you're saying. In my experience, most human relationships revolve around how you make others feel about themselves. True friends who genuinely celebrate your successes are rare. Often, if you're struggling or complaining about life, you'll attract plenty of support because it makes others feel better about their own situation. But if you’re thriving, it can inadvertently make some people feel inadequate, and they may begin to distance themselves or turn on you. When I prioritized relationships, I found myself constantly seeking new groups of friends who were in similar circumstances-whether it was business owners or people with similar interests, like owning the same sports car. Over time, this cycle became exhausting.
Not worth the effort. They don’t understand me and think I’m weird. I think I’m hilarious, and smart and I am an oddball for sure. Some mornings I don’t think I can go on another day. Sometimes, I can’t wait for spring. Now I am being tested for dementia. Does anyone know how I can get some fentanyl?
OMG, this is so well said. End of last year and the beginning of this year, my friends and I were struggling together both financially and emotionally. The support we gave each other was so strong, although we still indulged in destructive habits like overdrinking. As the year went by, I got my sh*t together. Got a job and started doing therapy. To be on a good path, I cut drinking to once a week and began meeting my friends less often cause I am busy now, obviously. This has made me realize that some jealousies have come up. There is less support for me especially with the therapy thing cause I think getting better and stopping bad habits makes my friends feel inadequate. Also, I have realized even when we argue over stuff like friends always do, there is a lot of ganging up against me even when I am obviously making good points. It feels really lonely sometimes cause you start feeling like the odd one out. It's so crazy to me that getting your life together could lead to isolation. And like you, I have tried forming friendships with people who are on a similar path as mine but it's not easy cause starting friendships as a grown-up is so exhausting, and finding people whose values and perspectives align is so so hard.
@@ken4722 I've had similar experiences. One particular friend group loves to complain about everything. For the last 20 years, they've been in the same job, constantly complaining about the same boss and the same unfairness that only they seem to face. When I try to ask what they've done to change the situation-whether they've studied further to get a new job or attended interviews at other companies-that's when I get attacked. They seem to enjoy playing the victim. It's like trying to take away a child's comfort blanket. I can't handle the constant whining and negativity, so unfortunately, I've just distanced myself from them.
It's actually insane how relatable this video is.
it makes you want to write a song about it
I'm 37, I thought I was the only one, thank you for sharing this.
I am 40.. on the same situation, and I love it! Just me and my projects I have grown and envolved .
I hate people 😂
Wear earbuds when your out in public
Be your own best mate. Others are exhausting. I go faster alone.
Solid advice
A lot faster lol
It’s crazy. I’m 35 and was thinking just the other day about how, as you get older, you don’t really hang out with friends as much. I have a few good friends but I don’t see them that often. I don’t mind being alone either, but I do worry about making new friends. I don’t know if you have a spouse but I’m assuming you do. I’ve only ever had 3 serious relationships and the longest was only 4 years. So l, you’ve got that going for you. One thing I will say is that it’s a good thing you’re thinking about it and trying to make a change. It will happen.
I'm 39 and have no friends...It's hard having nobody to talk to sometimes.
I'll be your friend!
Yeah because nobody wants to hear you talking only about yourself.
@@brittania1974That's not necessarily true.
@@happyhands117 then stop talking about YOURSELF and focus on how OTHERS are doing. You'll find peace.
Please Google insecure attachment styles, you'll thank me later. Surprised no one is talking about this
Our feelings are real, but they’re not always telling us the truth!
So true. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle mirrors this sentiment incredibly!
I love being alone. People just come with problems. Even if you make friends today, theres no guarantee that they will be around when you're 50
I’m 50 and have rid myself of all useless and irritating friends. Peace is priceless. If anything, turning 50 allows you to feel more comfortable being alone.
I love that "People just come with problems" you are not wrong!
@purpalmunki9784👍👍👍
So many thoughts watching this, but first of all really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this as it’s something I relate to. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type - although I don’t present like the typical adhd bouncing off the walls .. inside my head as a totally different story. The constant conversations etc as you described. Just wanted to put that out there as it’s something which is oftentimes missed in childhood, but during really stressful periods that inner dialogue (and my other adhd symptoms) can worsen. I so related to what you said about it being 7pm and you’ve worked all day, now gymmed and still need to eat dinner etc.. I am juggling work, twin 2 year olds & spending time with my husband while trying to keep the house somewhat presentable. I’ve dropped the ball on maintaining friendships over the past few years because I just don’t know how to fit it in with the time I have. It’s a season. Life can change in an instant & although sometimes I feel lonely too I’m trusting I am where I need to be. Looking forward to following your journey
I’m 35, female, and I have no friends. In high school I did have friends but after graduation we all just drifted apart. They started having a lot of guy drama and were into doing crazy stuff like partying, drinking and hooking up that I just cut off all contact with them. I didn’t want their problems in my life. In college, I commuted to campus from my parents’ home so I also didn’t make many friends. I just went to class, went to the library and came back home. At work, everyone seems to have their own social lives, their families and just come to work to work and that’s it. I don’t mind having no friends. I’ve been used to it. It just makes me more self-reliant.
@@inyangbassey722your response has nothing to do with their comment.
So, you say your friends were going through a crisis and making poor decisions, so you cut them off. And you think this makes you sound strong and righteous. Sounds like you are a not a good friend or person, and they are probably better off now for not being your friend anymore. You are a fair-weather friend. You only want to be someone’s friend when it’s convenient for you. How sad. And that’s the real reason no one these days wants to be your friend. It’s not because they already have lives, it’s because they can sense what kind of a friend you’d be (only a friend as long as it’s convenient for you).
I hope you become better.
34 and SAAAAAAME.
@karami8844 - Bingo, you nailed it. So many people get involved with relationship drama, it's like these people want to constantly create and sustain crises in their lives, or a lot of people want to try to "Fix" Friends, which is a complete and total waste of time. And then people also get involved with drugs and booze, and this distorts their thinking even further making their lives even more chaotic and crazy.
I was also involved in recovery many years ago, I have been clean for almost 20 years, I rarely go to meetings these days, preferring to spend more time alone and just have my quiet when I am not at work. I still don't drink or do any substances, it's easy for me to stay away from all of that these days.
I still have a few friends, but the circle is much fewer than it used to be, and my criteria for friends has changed over the years. I used to think that I should help friends out and be there for people if they are going through difficulties - no matter what. There were several instances where a helping hand turned into a handout. People will take advantage of others who care and have a larger capacity for compassion and empathy. I ended up in a few very unhealthy friendships, based on what I thought were teachings of trying to help others in recovery to stay clean and sober and to offer encouragement.
When people don't do what they should be doing for themselves, you can't do it for them. When people make stupid choices, and fail to plan ahead, and get involved with abusive relationships, and go back out and do stupid crap which causes their lives to get really messy and chaotic, I have learned to stay away from all of that now. When you get the text message, phone call or voice mail from various people, and it's the same thing where you hear, "I really need your help," --That's the time when you keep your distance and offer distant support and tell people that they need to find other resources and then you don't get involved anymore, and you wish them well.
My nephew said something to me a few years ago, and even though he is 15 years younger than me, his wisdom speaks volumes, and what he said really hit me one day. He said, 'Sometimes we are just done with people and frienships. Sometimes friendships, acquaintances and communication with certain people just has to end for us to move on in our own lives, and for others to move on as well."
I don't rescue anymore, I won't enable anymore, I also am direct with people in certain situations when it's necessary, telling them that failure to do their part or what they should or need to do, or not avoiding certain situations in their lives, does not constitute an emergency on my part, and I don't get involved in that crap anymore. Don't be the default gopher/go-for, or the go-to for others. Wish them well and just move on.
@AJ-wg7fj - Sounds like this is probably something you need to go through a few more times to learn as well. Don't confuse friendships and relationships with drama and chaos creators who fail to take responsibility for their actions and behavior, and those who are around the drama and chaos creators who initially offer a helping hand but it turns out to be repetitive handouts, enabling others, rescuing, and those situations that fall into these categories.
Also, many of us initiate and form friendships on a much slower and more cautious basis when we are older, so we don't have to deal with the same pitfalls, dynamics, drama queens, and repeating the same circumstances again. Also, many people just prefer to spend more time alone, and they are very content with that. My life slogan is the more people I meet the more I like my dog, cats and plants. And the more people I meet, the more I realize why many other people who have to deal with them use birth control.
@@AJ-wg7fj They said one little blurb about that compared to your paragraph of condemnation, do you sit on the esteemed high council of friendship?
I was raped, drugged and beaten to a pulp by someone whom I thought was my friend and it took me a little over two years to get to where I am today. I went thru a lot of medical issues including being in a coma for awhile..and I say all of this to say that after that ordeal..I did not want anyone around me and found myself not trusting anyone and to this day..I am still very cautious of whom I allow in my personal space..sometimes God have you go alone on your journey for clarity and wisdom..take this time as such and growth so when u do get friends you will know if they are being genuine or fake..God Bless
😢 I am so sorry.
You are strong ❤
God bless ,my journey is long too sister , greetings from Poland
🙏😢
I hear you. I'm a psychotherapist and researching this right now for a book (that I want to call "Friendless"). There's no research, but a TON of anecdotal comment on this issue.This is a social psychological issue now in Western countries. So many of my patients, and even I experience this at age 54. This issue is close to my heart. We can diagnose, work on depression, anxiety, Autism, etc.. behaviors, and how to cope. I have made suggestions for people to be more social when they get other issues under control, etc... But, and this is heartbreaking and why I'm doing this research- you can work on yourself, but it doesn't always help you make friends. If you've done the work on yourself, you also need to find those who have worked on themselves. Having good boundaries and the ability to identify behaviors in others really helps. Thanks for your post. Adding it to my archive. And BTW, Research is showing that men have more difficulty with this, so thanks for your story. I do recommend therapy (with the good therapist!), btw. Not to over step my boundaries here, but my patients with whom I've worked with are doing better in intimate relationships, but not with friends. This is the conundrum.
Please... insert a "jump / space" like every 4ish lines... not going to read a "wall of text"
You should type like this:
Hbibibivvvvib
Ihivivvivivibibibibiv
Ibivibibibbobobob
Ivivivivivivvibi
(the empty void / space / no text)
Ibibibibobbobb
Vobibibibibib
Ibbibibbobbib
Obobobob
Thanks man, I feel the same way about feeling like I speak weird and monotone, the anxiety, the self-deprecation, and the inner dialogue. I feel like there is something wrong with me as a 34 year old still working on it. You seem to speak comfortably now on camera and I think you sound just great. Thanks for the honesty and inspiration in terms of being confident to speak and upload a video.
I recommend perhaps finding an interest like a spot that would have a club or league that people meet up weekly. And you can easily make friends sharing a similar interest.
My goodness, there is so much beauty in how vulnerable and eloquent you are in describing these emotions and mental constraints that plague so many people. I know the struggle of overthinking and how tough it can be with the internal dialogue.
Someone once gave me a tip which has helped me tremendously, and that is - tell that negative inner voice “I love you”. Don’t try to change it, or reason with it. Only loving words. “Hey I see you, and I love you”.
Drown it with “I love you”
“i love you i love you i love I LOVE YOU”
I'm going to try this, this makes sense to do!
Hi Josh. I'm 60 years old today. You are not the problem. You're misinterpreting strengths for weaknesses.
I've felt much the same way for much of my life. I've studied anthropology, sociology, psychology, and forensic psychology to understand why I struggle to make meaningful friendships.
I've come to believe being isolated from the usual school-age social networking left me oblivious to the quid-pro-quo nature of all social situations. 'Correctly' socialized people rarely do something without self-interest being the primary motive. Mostly unwittingly.
Learn to be grateful for your self-reliance. Your self-contained independence.
To still the 'Chattering monkey' part of your brain learn to meditate. The Barry Long Foundation's, 'An Introduction to Meditation', is uncluttered with religious dogma.
If you study stoicism you'll never crave human company again.
Best wishes.
Spot on great advise
Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh And intermeddleth with all wisdom. Proverbs 18:1
“Whosoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god.” ~Aristotle
Brilliant!! And your first name is not Ashley. I feel able to face the world again this minute! Thank you.
People are figuring out that everything they need is within themselves. If you recognize that you don’t need friends.
JOSH, I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND! 😻
Seriously though, you have a very relaxed aura, that is you come across as VERY SINCERELY GENUINE. I could listen to you for hours. Stay cool beautiful!
MUCH PEACE AND LOVE. 🫂
I’m 49 and I have a very small group of close, close friends that has taken me my entire life to find due to social anxiety and trust issues. It’s a life process finding real souls who understand us so try not to feel down on yourself - and you are a fine speaker
my Grandma used to say if i can count my friends on my hand im blessed… she was right
If I had only one finger, it would be in my nose, and I still would have no friends.
I just want to give you a hug. I'm 36 and I relate. You're okay, you're going to be okay. Not having "friends" doesn't mean you're alone.
This is funny😢😢 This guy is an introvert, empath, and intuitive. I’m the same. I had to learn to get comfortable with the voices and what I feel. Thanks for sharing
Please google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
Pisces?
@@GiorniVenibatoI am and am also an introvert empath and intuitive
Introverts do not concern themselves with being alone.
You’re describing Anxiety which often stems from childhood traumas. I used to overthink that people were judging me too but then I went to therapy for a couple years. I built up my confidence and healed from my childhood hurts then the Anxiety naturally went away.
Trying to "fit in" is excruciating. I did it for the first 42 years of my life, trying to be someone I wasn't.
I was in the company of people, I knew deep down inside that were wrong for me.
And then I woke up.
I am 67 now and being able to do what I want without getting the approval from those around me is liberating.
I can't say I am friendless; my friends are like minded people who are there if I need them, most of whom live in different parts of the world so it's physically impossible to be with them.
When we are young we feel peer pressure and we do things we know that are wrong, to be part of the "gang."
I see it in the youth of today sometimes to their detriment.
Be mindful of the voice within and quit the ego.
We all enter this world alone and we leave it alone.
You sound like me i,m 67 I never had many close friends if I did I always had to move or they died on me .I quess my best friend is myself an empath❤❤❤😢
I AM ~ the kingdom of god is within ~ (that little POSITIVE voice) ~
@bodhi9464 I refer to it as the "power of the universe"... same thing... different name.😊
Beautifully said
Yes... I am a firm believer in the power of the universe.. I ask for its discretion all the time.
I relate to you quite a lot. I have lots of childhood and early life trauma that essentially made me develop in a way that I sort of stay in my own “bubble.” I had friends growing up but nothing was ever all that deep. I have a hard time socializing at work and such. I’ve been told this is a defense mechanism to prevent me from further hurt or trauma. I am stuck in the past and have a hard time getting over it/healing from it. You’re far from alone man. By appearance, you seem to be into fitness/working out. Stick with this. This makes a big difference. Not having friends can actually be a huge blessing and save you lots of toxic relationships and heartache truthfully.
I'm 45, and I have no friends. This is admittedly mostly because I like being alone, but one of the biggest reasons why I dont make friends is because I'm poor, and i cant afford to do things with friends, I cant afford to buy gifts, i cant afford to go out to eat, or do any of the normal activities that it costs to do things with friends.
The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends. Proverbs 14:20
Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour. Proverbs 19:4
@@ayoolukoga9829just goes to show there is nothing new under the Sun. People seem to only want to associate with those who can do something for them instead of liking the person regardless of what they can give you or they can't.
I'm sorry it's like that for you. What is your country ?
If you are in Arizona, we can hang out and be broke together.
All you need to do is look for poor friends . Find things to do that cost minimal money.
wow I think a quiet, thoughtful man is a beautiful thing
Me too
As long as he 6' and makes a lot of money. Otherwise? "He's too nice. I could never date him."
@@1974greymalkinsomeone’s got some sour grapes…
@@alleycat616 He's not wrong though. If he was dorky looking or ungroomed and quiet, you'd think he was a creep.
We're visual creatures and appearances really do shape our perceptions. Two things can be identical, but look different. To our perception, they are antithetical to each other. It's called the Halo Effect and it's a real phenomena.
@@PowerofRock24 I suppose. But you can’t hate people for being attracted to attractive people and not so much to unattractive. It’s just in our biology and how we are wired. I guess it’s not fair of course that unattractive men may be seen as “creepy” where an attractive one wouldn’t under certain circumstances. Definitely something to ponder over. Maybe it’s something about the guy not knowing his “place” and trying to “punch way above his weight” so to speak which may be annoying to women who know he has no chance with them, which also says that maybe he’s a little mentally questionable because he’s not getting what should be consider common sense to a degree. And if he’s not getting what should be obvious then maybe he’s got a few screws loose. More likely to not get the clue they aren’t interested (since he didn’t already) and keep pestering them. Or maybe these women are just really wanting it very clear that they are not interested. Maybe just outright saying he’s ugly is too “mean” so insinuating he’s “creepy” takes that off of them? Maybe a mixture of all of the above?
Great to see you again! You are so good-looking it hurts. Cheers gorgeous man.
I'm 39 and male. Have my own home and moved across the country right before covid. I feel the same. I have no friends but I still have old friends from back home. I don't think it's us that is the problem. Society has moved towards short term dopamine rushes. We think logically and long term. Small talk and mindless banter is such a hollow way to live. We like to think about deep philosophical questions about life. We ponder about nature and this globe we are on. I tend to reject what society has become. Most things are devoid of meaning. While everyone tries to change things around them to make them feel better about their short comings, we look inward. That is truly a gift. The world has become more feminine and a lot of men have accepted that. Don't let the madness of this world gaslight you into believing there is something wrong with you. You're instincts re telling you something is off, and I agree with you. From one alone male to another, I got your back bro. We gotta stick together, even if that means we don't do it verbally.
It’s so hard to find the line between making change but accepting who you are. Some things we can’t change but some things we can. It requires us to put in the work and make sacrifices, but in a kind way that allows us to be the best version of ourselves rather than a different version of ourselves
I think you’re doing everything fine. I think it’s normal to not have too many friends. No need to over think so much brother ;)
I'm 38, an Autist, and I struggle. I am married and I know what I need to do. But I cannot do what I need to do. I am working with my therapist about this. My friends know how and why I struggle. And they give me space and latitude to be me. To be comfortable. And a friend is that. You are so powerful, heard, and loved. I struggle with doubt and self-dishonesty. Thank you for sharing.
Come unto me, all ye that Labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
I think I know what you are too afraid to admit to yourself but it's too personal to put it out on here. I was like that until I finally just had to be true to myself. You will get there. Your wife will understand and you'll be much happier.
I was like you when I was a young man. I had very few friends. I was always insecure with myself even though I am not a bad looking guy. Now as a 70-year-old I have more friends than ever before. Now I don't have to deal with people at work or school or any of that or even going to weddings or parties that I always hated. I finally gave myself a break and can say I enjoy my life and the friends that I have. I accept myself as I am and happy. Life is good.
This is so relatable! You're helping more people than you realize. Learning to truly love yourself and finding joy within-whether you're alone or not-is so powerful. Once you do, you'll naturally attract others to you. The real challenge will be deciding which connections are worth your time and energy. 💛
You know you have true friends when you hit a rough patch in life. Me, found out I have cancer in Dec 23 and every "friend" I told has turned their back, lost contact etc. I was upset at first but glad I found out about them.
Same happened to me and almost everyone else had no friends - was 17. Next year 40. :)
I don't believe that there is no such thing as a real friend especially when you need them. The only people that you can count on is your family and sadly for some that isn't true either. I got help from my family when I needed it and gave it to them when they needed it, so I am very grateful for that.
I know it might sound weird because I don’t know you in real life, but just from following you for a few years and seeing your efforts in life, it really seems like you are an exceptional man and you are someone I want to be like. You prioritize your health, your marriage, your career… you make a nice environment for yourself and you are very committed to self-improvement… I know you might get sick of hearing it, but you’re also a gorgeous human being. Just remember that there are people who can see your worth clear as day. 😇
I really appreciate that, Joey. Thanks for the kind words, they go a long way and I’m happy to help model some sort of positivity 🙏🏼
It’s cause most men are vibrating at a low life level of existence/being. The shift occurred a few years ago. But many have able to see through the veil for ages.
Those with true Masculine Divinity repel others. The trigger occurs in the hearts of the lesser/less than.
Fear & Judgement starts to creep in the mind.
Time=Exit
What is one doing with their “time” in this human experience?
Many have lost their way and now something sinister is creating a new age of reason-people “HUMANITY” are loosing their sovereignty. A connection severed, has occurred. Alone or Al One.
We were lied to on a severe dangerous spiritual level, since being birthed into this physical reality.
Purpose & Context has been distorted.
I can see all of you for what you are. Your heart has revealed the truth about you. None of you are hidden and 100% of every being in existence has been turned into permanent witnesses of eternity.
I love all of you with respect and I’m rooting for all of you. My prayers and good intentions of the heart go out to all of who are hurting and upset with this current known paradigm we are operating in.
Live in the moment of NOW. Take your sovereignty back.
well stated. i get this impression as well. the thing with friends is less about (our perceived) worth and more about being OUT and meeting enough people so you're bound to find the ones who DO see your worth clear as day. they are out there, you just have to find them.
@@JoshHittiPlease google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
@@Oghenegueke We all have something wrong, including you.
Josh, only a day after posting this, you already have over a thousand comments. Most men who feel this way don''t admit it, so well done for letting other people know they're not alone! I'm a 54-yr old Aussie, and I related to so much of what you say, I actually found myself chuckling with recognition, even as I was fighting back tears.
Please google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
@@OgheneguekeIt doesn’t mean we’re not capable of having close friendships…
@@OgheneguekeYeah, usually with the so called asshole friends
I'm 33 and I'm happily friendless. I mean, I have some good acquaintances but I don't feel that strong connection with people. I accept that and I know I could find good friends or a good friend but I am not forcing anything. In my culture, the word "amigo" is common but I don't feel anyone as such. Greetings from Panama :)
The fact that you are well groomed, work out etc, is a sign of loving yourself, which is enough. That is a good start 😊 I’m 58 and decided to engage with people depth only. Almost impossible to find though.
How can you tell who has depth unless you take the time to know them?
True.
🙋🏼♀️
Y’all sound lonely and bitter 💯
@@BowserStrangethe only critical or bitter comment is yours lol! Everyone else seems pretty supportive and kind
Feels like I’m looking in a mirror 😭😢
I’m 64 and in the same boat. Seems everyone has gone to text and social media friendships these days. No more front porch sitting. Sad. You seem like a really nice young man and I’m certain anyone would be fortunate to have you as a friend. But it’s harder as an adult to make friends because everyone gets involved with their own kids and families, etc.
@catcren Good afternoon catcren. You don't have friends either? You don't have a boyfriend/husband, kids? You look quite pretty. Would love to be a possible friend of yours (even though I'm younger lol).
Feel you!!
Thank you for sharing and your insight. We never stop working on improving ourselves. emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
So sweet and encouraging that you are willing to share this topic in public!
Being alone makes you realise that you only need yourself 😊
We do need healthy connections to people tho the key word healthy not toxic people.
But apparently Josh is married!
@@sunnyann7 So? Your point?
@@JamieTheSassenachLass He ain’t alone
@@sunnyann7 that’s a good thing then 😊
I relate to this overthinking! It's anxiety. I was extremely quiet and shy as a kid too. I've had to really push myself to try and make friends. It does get better my friend. You've got this! Your a good guy
i totally feel what you are going thru....the good guy internal voice started for me when i stopped going to therapy. that voice has helped me from staying out of the dark place and helped me understand what stuff i never really understood. that voice almost took my actual therapist place since i stopped going....its weird lol u got this bro
OK, so this is the first time I have seen any of your videos but I felt compelled to comment. I am 43 and I became a Mother very young and had to do it alone! I raised two amazing young ladies by myself. I took my job as mom and dad very seriously so my motto was parent first, be friends later. I had a rough childhood and life in general, and had to learn to depend on myself and that's all I have ever known! That caused me to react with a lot of traumatic responses with everyone who I associate with! My girls would grew to become my best friends and my youngest just turned 18. She has a great boyfriend, a job, extremely active in school and will graduate this year with honors and I could go on but she's amazing! That means now she's spreading her wings. My oldest is 27 and married and just had her second little girl! I catch myself so alone and realize I always have been! Being their Mom just gave me purpose, motivation and happiness! Now I have to learn who I am because I lost my identity! I will say this, not having friends is not as bad as having a bunch of "friend's" who don't have good intentions, don't actually care about you or may use,hurt and lie to you! Now days its not just relationships that are hard to find but also good friendship's! It has to do with people now in general! Not many people have good morals and values and trust has to be earned not given! Most can't accomplish that! So self reflection is great but be careful not to over think circumstances and place more of the problem on yourself! A lot of times we become to empathetic to others and it becomes easier to place the blame on ourselves because we are used to being the problem in our own head! You are different but not in a bad way! Do you know the kind of strength it takes to eat alone, to do life alone? To have those tough conversations and realize things about ourselves that we acknowledge but learn to accept? If you are like me, you are very emotional but you don't like to show it and probably also very empathetic! That alone can be exhausting being around others, especially if they aren't authentic! We also have our moments of wanting something's to be acknowledged but we keep ourselves in the background! If I had a dollar for every time someone told me how strong I am, I would be rich! I also want to scream to the top of my lungs each time I hear it! How I appear on the outside, is nothing close to how I feel on the inside! I heard this quote recently that says, The world breaks everyone at some point and the one's it doesn't break, it will kill ! For some reason that gave me a little bit of peace! Being broken is how the light gets in! I used to hate being different, now I appreciate it! Because with all of my faults and issues, at the end of the day I know I have a beautiful heart and mind, even if they are broken! I don't know you but,I can see the cracks, but I also see the light!! Try not to get lost in your head, sometimes that is the worst place to be! Especially for over thinkers! It keeps you from recognizing the good and tries to fixate on the bad things you keep stored! Just know you aren't alone!! I sometimes wish I had the ability to allow others to see themselves through my eyes! I see someone kind, who struggles with a lot and they have allowed a coping mechanism to keep them from seeing their self correctly! The world is a not so kind place and true friends are extremely rare! Try to remember that when you get stuck in your head! I see a beautiful soul, now you need to see that as well!
Hello Sally.
Reading your message made me cry.
I moved to another country in 2020, and my Mom was left alone I my homecountry. She had son there too but it was me who she was living with my whole life. She passed last summer. I feel such guilt of moving away (because I met my husband who is of another citizenship/ethnicity that's why I moved) and reading your message makes me think of how Lonely my mommy must have felt after I left... I'm crying now reading of how you are feeling. I'm very sorry for all the hardships you faced with life. Amd how lonely you must feel now, now that ypur daughters are grown up and started their own life. Since my mom passed I lost half of my heart and soul and honestly I been suicidal. My Mom was like you, Very strong on the outside, also great sense of humour what kept her going although near the end she was suffering a lot due to sickness. But on the inside she was just a little girl who had poor and harsh upbringing and who just needed love. She was also a single Mom of three. My heart is aching.
I'm sending my love to you. Sorry for the ramble. I just got very emotional reading ypur message.
Thank you for telling us about your life.
Wishing you a happy life and a nice day ❤
Im 33, female. I also dont really have friends. I used to have lots of friends in school, but we just drifted apart I guess. Now I just try to focus on hobby's I can do by myself. Sometimes I even go out on my own. Try to socialize a little, even if it's just on a superficial level. Also pets help a lot. And remember you are good enough! You dont need the be perfect to have friends. Nobody is. Dont put so much pressure on youself. Just be you. You are worthy.
i'll be your friend baby
Being alone is a powerful thing to do that hardly anyone can do it.
A fellow over-analyzer here 🙋🏼♀️ I can relate to what you are saying. But you know what Josh? You seem like a person with a heart of gold! You seem very authentic! Thank you for sharing this and being so open about this
Hi, it’s nice that you are honest with your struggle and willing to share, which can be helpful for others with the same struggle. I would suggest not taking friends-making as a task to be practiced on or a goal to be realised, but a natural occurrence of you knowing what you like to do and sharing the fun or insight of it with others.
You don't need friends to survive. I am happy being alone.
But just surviving is not really living my friend! A friend could be the person you see regularly at a nearby coffee shop who serves you your coffee! Just say hi and ask how’s there day going! You’d be surprised peoples reactions to that! Try it! 🫶🏻don’t shut the world out!
@@markd4768 You make very good points, and I appreciate the kind words. I am 64 and as a child was left alone a lot because of my parents having a CW band. I am so much more of an asocial person than you can imagine. I have 3 siblings and awhile back I told them that I will not go to any more family functions. I don't look at or talk to any neighbors. It is horrible for me to have to go to Walmart, so I make sure I only have to go once every 45 days. I retired 5 yrs ago. I had to be around people there and I hated every minute of it, I worked there 35 yrs. I am just in my house watching RUclips over 95% of the time. I should be on psychedelics, but they wont legalize them. I do a lot of water fasts and want to start doing dry fasts, also I eat only whole foods. I decided 3 yrs ago that I need to take very good care of myself because people that don't participate in society tend to not live long. Believe it or not, I am happy and content most of the time, and living without any stress and drama is the best life for me. Also I cant imagine saying hi to someone and ask how’s there day going. It seems insane to me.
That’s how I get my social interaction. 🐨🇦🇺🦘
@@markd4768 I cant even imagine doing that. I don't talk to the neighbors, and told my siblings that I will not go to any more family functions. I only go to get food once every 45 to 60 days. It is a crazy way to live, but it is the only way I feel comfortable.
I'm 37 years old and I have no friends either. The problem was me. I have always had unrealistic expectations of people I tried to be friends with and when they did not live up to them I burned the bridges down. Let's say I been through some traumatic situations where having just one friend would've helped a lot.
I do that too ❤ I try not to but I can’t help it
It's the same for me that's happened in whole my life i had many expectations I'm 42 and i have no friends and sometimes i feel depressed for that
@@claudiasalander7056 I used to live in share houses for a time and I always expected the others to be my firends. I stopped that thinking completely. Some people were completely cold and some were very friendly, but I simply had to learn not to take it personally.
Please google insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong
that can definitely make people run. sorry
I'm quite a bit older than you, but I can still relate to a lot of this. Have made progress in healing my low self-esteem and have dropped the self-destructive behaviors, thanks in part to therapy, but still don't have the relationships. And now at this point feel like I have to make peace with the way I've lived my life. Thanks for your candor and honesty. Felt good to hear somebody else give voice to what it's like.
Sentiment in the comments is spot on, while I've had some great times in my life with friends (some of the best memories) - but I've had very few true, authentic friendships that have lasted and that I can fully trust. Friends have also backstabbed me, and stolen from me. “Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer”
Im 36 too and not long ago felt the same way. The Key is to be happy with yourself and everything else will come after.
So many of us experience this or something similar. When we're in our 20s, we are bombarded with people coming at us from all directions and we think it'll always be that way. That slows down until you achieve total invisiblity starting around age 50. If you don't get married in your 20s - with all THAT entails - you'll be lucky if you come across anyone you even want to be friends with. Don't take being single / alone personally. Its what we chose because deep down it's what we wanted. When you get older, you'll appreciate it for the luxury it is. Nurture your old friendships because they're the best ones.
This is just wrong. I don't care how common it is, it's still wrong and I'll never accept it. Friendship is the most beautiful thing on this world.
Friendships are beautiful but the friendships you make later in life aren't the same as the ones you make once you're in your 50s. The ones you make when you're young have a rich history attached. The friendships you make later are still good just different.
I’m 50 years old single man who lived alone for years , why do i need friends for ? I can use social media to talk to whom ever i want across the globe and then just switch off my phone or tablet . I have a close supporting family, that’s enough for me 😊
That's me at 65 . Nice to hear there are other people like me out there 😊
58 yr old here I concur, I’ve a few friends…more acquaintances. Go to the few and far between social event. Prefer my own company, stay in touch with family by phone etc.
We are same age @ 50 years. I have like 2 friends with whom I communicate with almost entirely via whatsaap. I see them like twice or thrice a year which is just so perfect for me. I like being by myself. No drama. I can do what I want, how I want it and when I want it. I talk to my siblings every day for a bit and that's just enough for me. 😊🥰
You are very good looking and articulate and appear like a "normal" successful person. Get on a dating site. Your good looks will really help. I think getting a girlfriend is the way to start. You have a lot to offer!!
Family is most important
So accurate, i can go months without really caring about not having friends, but i always have a point in the year where it becomes debilitating but then that feeling goes away at some point again, not sure why this happens. But in general I do believe if i did have friends or a friend group a lot of my insecurities and negative thinking would decrease. Ugh why do we have to be like this man!!
i have an attachment injury , adhd childhood trauma complex grief. i over analyze everything. for me it recognize it as a way to stay safe and not need other people. a defense mechanism. im practicing just being light, present with people, open , questioning, in the moment and fun.
Please research on insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong. I'm on this same journey and this information has helped me a lot. I hope you heal
Dogs are the best friends. They love you and love when you’re around. They don’t judge and don’t care what you look like. 🐶
💯
Well, I must agree with the dog thing. Mine provide me with such pleasant companionship. I have 4 and I walk them every day. But they have also brought me friends! I walk around a the outside of a dog park every day,; I don't take my dogs in because they are too old to interact with the rambunctious young dogs inside. But I chat with the dog owners over the fence and have become friends with several of them. Dogs are a happy, common interest.
Yup. Rescue Dogs. You'll never be alone.
Not the same.
And then they steal them
I am a loner, but I enjoy it. Ask yourself. Are the thoughts paying rent inside your head. NO. Evict them. Focus on that, it helped me. God bless.
I've been through this mindset and have felt the pain. The times I feel it most is when I choose comfort. If I don't constantly push myself, and I don't mean stress myself, but find something hard to do that can make the rest of the days easy, then i slip into anxiety and discomfort. The book "The Comfort Crisis" outlines this well, but as a daily challenge I found that Brazilian Jiu-jitsu works the best
Im 23 years old, and also have no friends, at first it was very hurtful when i see people gathering together and making plans together... and always exclude me.
But now i get used to it, i don't expect anything from anyone and start focusing on my carreer, maybe in the future i can have some true friends or maybe not.
I feel this
Hello Josh.
I just came across this post in my main feed and thought I'd see what the good looking man has to say.
I'm very glad I did! There's nothing more attractive than a person who is intelligent, compassionate, empathetic, self reflecting and has the emotional intelligence to be appropriately vulnerable. The latter quality requires strength most people do not have.
That being said, I have one piece of advice. Temper that wonderful mind just enough to be fully present when connecting to people you find engaging. I suspect that's a small subset of humanity. A lot of people just aren't willing or capable of connecting at your level.
I have no doubt you will find the connection you feel you're missing. Quality over quantity, my friend. ❤️
Thanks for the smile and I hope you enjoy your day.
You're a good man, my man 👌🏻
Yes, Josh is good-looking and you ain't so bad yourself 👌🏻
@@PontificusPinion that's very kind of you to say! Thank you. ☺️
I get all of this and strangely I have no desire to make friends. I enjoy being out and about doing things but i love spending time with myself. Whether it’s touring around, going out to eat, or at home reading a book.
I feel you. Very much the same for myself and it's rough and hard to talk about. Live in a state I didn't grow up in, and am a father now. Something about me, and never figured it out, and I just eventually managed to stop caring, though it hurts at times.
Weirdly comforting to hearing someone being so candid about this. M 33 with barely no friends either. Just acquaintances i talk to occasionally. Way too introverted and passionate about my own interests to bother going through the effort of making new friends. Was way too insecure as a kid and that made me really comfortable being alone as it was easier and felt safe. Never really changed. Hard to teach an old dog to bark etc.
We'll be ok!
His video in 2021 with this topic was bombshell in positive sense. Josh was surprised how much views it got and huge comments
Please research on insecure emotional attachment styles, I'm surprised no one is talking about this. Humans are social creatures so if you really do not have stable/ close friendships then there's probably something wrong. I'm on this same journey and this information has helped me a lot. I hope you heal
@@Oghenegueke Always - it is the society , the ambient that is toxic.
Like living in a Shame based culture country, on macro level or dysfunctional family on micro level or domestic abuse.
-
Young American explained why she left Croatia:
"In Croatia people constantly express intrusive opinion about matters which are none of their business. The most irritating things were rude people."
(poslovni hr)
Young American explained why she escaped from Croatia:
"Often I heard Croats intruding why am I eating something, or commenting about what I wore. There is no such thing in America, we allow people to be what they want to be."
My dog is old and barks constantly
I am 64. When I was younger I always had 1 or 2 close friends and several acquaintences that we hung out with. As I got older life became hectic and acquaintances fell away. Friends died. After so many hurts and disappointments I find myself isolated, living alone, and anxious about meeting people. It got so depressing I started going to church again to just be around people, and I did meet a few. That was 7 months ago. I find myself feeling awkward, "rehearsing" what might be talked about, and yes, "imposter syndrome". (I just recently learned about that). I don't know what to tell you other than keep talking, keep reaching, keep sharing. I like your self-awareness and that you share not just what you go through but also what you do to try to mitigate the other stuff.
Mate, I'm 37 and experience the EXACT same challenges re mental health and friends. You are certainly not alone there. In a sad but very enlightening turn of events, my mother was diagnosed with leukaemia last Thursday and I'm now beginning to realise that my growing family (wife, 2 year old and another on the way) is my primary focus now in life. I have "friends" that I ride with in a cycling club every week and between them and my family, I feel content/satisfied. I've realised that I don't need or necessarily want a multitude of friends like I did 5-10 years ago. And trust me, my friendship circle and hitting the clubs was ALL I ever thought about and prioritised back then. It's amazing how priorities and realisations change as you get older and start a family. I don't know if you have started a family of your own yet, no rush if you haven't but just know that everything changes. And it changes for the better.
You seem like SUCH a nice gentleman! I can totally relate to your posting. I feel like I overthink a lot too. Whoever encounters you in person will be lucky, I can tell just the way your speaking you a a good ❤.
I tell all my clients to get a couple of hobbies . Why ?
Good for the soul. You will make more friends than when you were im in grade school .
It works 100 percent of the time .
You have to give it 6 months.
Just keep showing up to your life .
You deserve this .
🎉❤
Agree! I started up with a local runners group. They had different levels, I started with beginners. Made some lovely, like-minded friends through that.
I’m in the same boat, recently ended a 10 year relationship. She had tons of friends, but they weren’t my friends, so now I find myself completely alone. My phone only rings from spam callers!
Same 😅
Same
In the near future: "Do you, frankswildyear, take spamcaller as your lawful wedded wife?"
I can totally relate . Stay single life is better even alone ..
@@colin3651 are you able to go out alone? I go to a restaurant have a meal, go see a show do whatever by yourself? It feels very awkward because I always had company no matter what we did.
Me too. No friends. Such a tough inner voice that speaks to us in our heads. I hear you.
I used to have anxiety when I was younger.
I was very insecure, but over time it went away. You're a good looking guy and seem very nice.
My older brother once told me that the older you get, the harder it is to make real friends, and I think he was right. I haven't really had any "IRL" friends in thirty years, and I'm 57 years old. A big part of the problem, apart from my own ingrained asocial tendencies, is that the USA is an extremely socially atomized society.
Reminds me of the song '7 Years' by Lukas Graham.
What do you mean by "extremely socially aotomized society"?
@@carlosdante3827 I think he/she is talking about that the culture you live in has kind of an impact on how we relate, gather, connect, make friends in general. I think Americans are always trying to be productive (I think it is amazing), there is big culture of working, the cost of living is more expensive so you do need to work of course. And the American culture really validates being productive, gaining skills... other cultures have a more "relaxed lifestyle". For instance, in the US, while people grow up, there is a higher expectation on being smart, doing good at school for college or scholarships, making money during summer breaks and stuff, and having friends is not that important, it is more about taking advantage of your time for something productive. But in other cultures, kids are more encouraged to have a more meaningful social life, and having no friends is simply terrible. The expectation is to be popular, meet people, keep close to your family...
Anyways, I just love reading comment and say what I think. All good with all the cultures...
@@theaugustoshow thank you for your point.
I think the older you are the less you should need friends. The concept of friends is for "bachelor groups", juveniles who aren't strong enough to compete with adult males form roving gangs for safety. You SHOULD grow out of that.