the romanticization of sad girls
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- Опубликовано: 5 авг 2024
- crying on the internet is not just a trend. it's an AESTHETIC
Grow with me mentally and physically.
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//🕙Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
1:45 what is a sad girl
3:44 obsession with the sad white girl trope
5:32 why do we associate beauty with sadness?
9:45 romanticizing mental illness
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Honestly I hate it when people think having mental problems is cool or aesthetic, it's a serious thing people go through, not a trend.
Definitely, especially in the "I'm not like the other girls" era too, they treat being alone and being misunderstood as cool and take down the "normal" people who just wanna do their own thing, it really is serious and does influence people, I was a kid and when seeing the trend I isolated myself more and more and got sad over the smallest things which resulted with me having serious anxiety, I regret it alot yeah it was stupid, but what do you expect from a kid who used their gadget for their whole life its an object that is precious to me much more than my own well being
Yeah when I have a mental breakdown ppl would just be like “lmao emoooo” and I’m just like so sad… yk?
I hate it, too. The reality is much harsher. I wish I could turn it off like the people who use it as an aesthetic.
I think youtube deleted my comment but i said that bad mental health is not aesthetic and quirky. As someone who has depression, ARFID, anxiety and insomnia, its not cute and pretty. Its painful and miserable
as someone with diagnosed social anxiety (im sure people have it more rough than me but still) it icks me that someone would thinks this is cool or a vibe
I have actual diagnosed depression amongst other mental illnesses and I really appreciate you covering this topic. It bothers me that the "sad girl" aesthetic is being so glorified nowadays. Being sad and having depression are two very different things and having to deal with depression is really hard, a daily struggle.
I do as well and I totally agree. It's mentally and physically tolling and it's not pretty at all. I hate the 'crying girl makeup' trend.
@@jenna0158 yeah when I was at one of my lowest points I lost twenty pounds (I'm already skinny so I literally just looked so sick) and I think it perfectly represented my then mental state
Yes. Totally agree
amen to that. depression ruined my schooling and especially work. almost my relationship too. so its kinda sad to see this topic. I dont use social media for reasons like this. (even tho social media tbh is more suppose to make connections) but any who, never knew this was a 'trend' that has been happening.
You should not believe in every “diagnosis” a “doctor” make
my favourite EVER tiktok screenshot said - 'you're not in your fleabag or sally rooney era. modern media has just excessively romanticized deranged and mentally ill women and thus creating a whole generation of young women who would rather wallow in self imposed agony than get help and find healing because they think stability will make them mundane and uninteresting.' nothing has ever hit that hard for me since
Exactly!!! Then we have a lot of people who come and sy "you don't understand", "it's not me", "you can't take depression away", when they are eating poorly, not looking for help, not going out, drinking and or smoking, and actively seeking situations and people who make them worse.
That's not real depression and it sucks to see people pretend that this is the same thing
@@Kaybye555 All of those things you mentioned can come as a result of depression. Just because someones glamorizing there mental illness or not actively seeking out help does not mean there mental illness isn't real. Who are you to decide who has "real depression" and who doesn't?
@@stickynotes2040 I'm obviously talking about people who don't... Why so triggered? Do you do this?
I'm someone with chronic depression. Doesn't mean I gotta protect everyone's' feeling when they are doing something wrong. Whatever the reason
@@PostalDude97 that doesn't make it a good coping mechanism. Just because someone does something doesn't mean it's a good thing
yeah the whole “ill loose my sparkle if im not depressed anymore” idea. like babe, what sparkle
Thank you for saying that. The way my hair looks because I haven't been able to wash it for so long, the way I stink and feel ashamed because I couldn't shower for days, or the way my breath smells because I couldn't care for my teeth are not an aesthetic. That's what lies behind those pretty moody pinterest boards
Frfr. I agree
Its not just something u can put on like an outfit, its a whole emotional void
the way i cant be there for the people i love, the way its hard for me to clean my room, or the way its so goddamn difficult to not overthink everything i touch.
YES. Suicidal idealization to look cute is disgusting. They're missing the actual shame and guilt that comes with true suicidal tendencies. I know sure as hell I don't want to feel the need to end my life. When I am at my lows, I don't think about it, but once the feeling passes I am overcome with shame. Like fuck, again? Why can't I be normal? Normal and happy people don't feel like this. I promised myself I wouldn't go that far. I promised to love myself. Grounding myself. Trying to remember why I chose to fight against these urges. A lot of this is all internal dialogue that you carry upon waking up and going to sleep; all of this is never said out loud. It's a fucking struggle.
Depression is exactly something serious something real not a simple aesthetic
I’m really glad to see this being discussed- I’m a 40 year old mom of a 13 year old girl that started down a slippery slope of this sad girl aesthetic last year. I pulled her from the school she was attending and outlawed certain apps once I saw what was going on. She was showing true signs of depression, so we got her started on Zoloft and into therapy but I think the change of mindset and environment helped more than anything. Now when I pick her up from school, she’s hugging her (non sad) friends and there are times I have to choke back tears to keep from embarrassing her in front of these friends. She has admitted to her therapist that her previous friends influenced her depression and now knows what she wants to avoid. It’s been a beautiful thing to witness 👩👧❤
I'm happy to see that you're daughter is happy now ! this aesthetic is really dangerous because it can really cause mental disorders such as depression.
You had the right reflexes, she is lucky to have you
@@gwenbar8144 thank you- I know she thought I was a jerk for a few weeks for taking away her “friends” and limiting access, but I’m really thankful she sees the light now!
THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for taking action. My mom never really cared about my depression, never cared about any of my traumas, she pretty much doesn't care about my mental health at all. I wish I had a mom like you growing up. As a depressed 27 year old I'm telling you, you are saving your daughter from a life of misery. I'm wishing you both the best!!
@@CarolaTesla I am sending you love 🫶🏻
@@ExploringWithRandR640 I can imagine that it was not easy for her at the beginning but in the end she is surely grateful for it now
The worst thing is, the more you look at it, the more you feel that way and it confirms your deep feelings. Then the next day when you don't go online and see it you feel fine. It plays with your mind. (writing from experience)...
Frrr I definitely agree with you
AMEN
Yes I feel that way watching it
I love Lana Del Rey so much, her songs gives me so much comfort and some of her songs gives a message from things she been through. But sometimes I hate it when people compare her art as sad girl and wishing they had violent relationship just like her. First of all she’s telling her story and her lyrics is giving the story but I hate the internet just want to compare the glamorous aesthetic from it than the real issue.
literally
THIS
Came here to write exactly this, thank you for pointing it out!
Yes. People always misunderstand Lana’s music.
Yes 😭 I love Lana so much. Might I add, her lyrics (especially the earliest ones) also reflected some kind of persona she had to endure in the business. It was her style and aesthetic all along, but I can’t help myself but think it was all exacerbated by the need of creating this kind of persona. Her recent lyrics are definitely more intimate and personal: she has admitted multiple times she was depressed and I don’t think there’s anything bad in expressing one’s suffering through art. It just get messy when labels and marketing get in the way.
Mental health is slowly starting to not be taken seriously anymore. Ive seen some many people be like "I'm mental unstable" or "I'm so depressed" and they use this as their whole personality. Have mental health issues is like a joke or a quirky trait to them.
literally. or they take it lightly. like “my room is messy and i don’t like it. i guess i have OCD”. and people will say “no one says that” but i’ve had many friends say exactly that and take it as a quirk or use it for attention.
It's bizarre, an ongoing issue that communities still have trouble dealing with, and it's either normalized or belittled in order to keep up appearances. There are countless stories of families being broken apart, workplaces being toxic environments, and yet it's deemed as 'expected' or that people are only becoming more 'sensitive' instead. It's bittersweet that with social media these issues can be tackled in a healthy way and yet people choose to 'hurt' themselves in front of others as a solution instead (makeup can be used to send a message however it's clear once it became a trend the message was lost).
Those kinds of people make my blood boil. I hate it when they make out of pocket edgy statements.
@@victoriaaaaa. BLEUGH it bugs me a lot when people do that. I don’t want to self diagnose or whatever (this is so ironic) but when I was in fifth grade I constantly had intrusive thoughts like “If you don’t do this your family will die” or other gross intrusive thoughts. I didn’t understand what was happening and thought I was going crazy because I’ve not found out what OCD was at the time. It’s so frustrating to hear people say “omg i’m literally so OCD”
it was never taken seriously
The "sad girl aesthetic" prevented me from seeking help for so many years because I thought I was better off just feeling sad. It was a nasty journey to get help, go to therapy, get diagnosed... This needs to stop. It's not ✨ pretty ✨to be ill. People die because of it. I almost died because of it and there was nothing aesthetic about it.
I hate the "crazy girl" aesthetic just as much. As a guy with schizoaffective disorder, I hate how many girls try and act like being toxic is the same as having psychosis. I get demonized as being "dangerous" simply for having my illness as well as being a man. I can't ever show symptoms or talk about my illness because of the stigma while these girls walk around using "craziness" for attention. It's so disrespectful because they're usually the same girls that would call an actual individual with psychosis a freak if they ever encountered them in real life.
frfr
Yes, I feel like I can't ever be transparent about my mental issues because they're an automatic red flag. People will run before truly getting to know me, because they wouldn't want to "risk it". Too much trauma and baggage.
This is so damn true and it’s getting outta control
I think the issue is not only "making yourself" a sad girl, or wallowing in self-pity for attention. Might be kind of a response to the frustration of unstable and decaying mental well-being. I bet a lot of girls embrace the aesthetic because it gives them a weird sense of control, being the ones responsible for their own sadness and mental issues.
Basically, a community for people who feel helpless and find comfort in exposing their problems as part of their beauty.
This. I think a lot of this sad girl aesthetic comes from actually depressed people who cope with their sadness by seeing it as a beautiful part of themselves. They are struggling and they do need help. There’s definitely a deeper issue than girls just looking for attention.
I agree. There's a lot of assumption in the discourse around this, that the sad girl won't be seeking out help because she loves romanticizing her mental illness so much. And I'm sure for some people that's the case.
But the OG Tumblr sad girls I knew were all trying (often failing) to get help from adults/therapists. Some of them were going through these more public ups and downs due to hormone shifts from testing antidepressants. Maybe their social media was "mentally ill aesthetic" but they didn't actually enjoy being sad.
The girls I knew leaned into the tragic trend because they had been hurt emotionally by conventionally pretty, toxically positive people and had given up on trying to fit into those standards. Crying content was a backlash against society, a raw/jarring way to show people that things they say and do to someone can actually destroy them.
Unfortunately people bond over similarities, so the perpetually sad will understand each other more and group together. They can empathize with each other's struggles and help each other feel like you can still be mentally ill and attractive. They inspire each other to feel better about themselves while also unintentionally role modeling unhealthy behaviors too.
Finally they have a friend group, and are seen as beautiful (add: loved for "who they truly are" and not having "fake friends") But at the same time they are now getting advice and perspective from friends who also haven't got much hope or self-compassion.
Ok, but why is that socially acceptable only if the white beautiful girl's doing it?
Wich brings us back to the point of failing to acknowledge societal issues without romanticising it: people pushed back serious problems like mental illness labeling it as "taboo" for centuries , yet once the rich powerful white ppl (not generalising)try to profit from it in order to cover up the shitty power dynamic , and seem more "relatable "and "different but so similar " it magically becomes an open subject. And so, naive young marginalised folk buy into their joke of a representation due to how horrendously they were treated before , they try to embrace their imperfections while simultaneously wanting to appeal to the standard put thanks to fantasy (aka RePrEsEnTaTiOn) portrayed through media .
That doesn't mean it's a good way to deal with it.
When people are going through dark times, we should be empathetic with them and direct them towards getting help if it’s a serious issue. I feel that romanticizing mental health issues stems from wanting to be relatable to everyone in that we’re all human and have bad days, but it has grown to be unhealthy where we should instead focus on recovering from mental illness and learning to live in tandem with it.
Exactly. The goal is to get better but now when we try to help we get sarcastic remarks and pushback. These sad girl episodes just feed onto the bad and make things worse.
It will push people away, it is not others responsibility to feed onto this "sadness"
My thoughts, as someone who constantly wants to die and with diagnosed major depression, is that the sad girl aesthetic isn't something you want in reality. It sucks so bad and I would give anything to not feel the negative emotions the way I do.
Anyways, notification gang 😊
I noticed this. Last onto I googled love and in love bc I wanted some drawing inspired, but 95% of thebreaults were heartbreak, suffering, saddness.. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE SAD OR SUFFER FOR LOVE OR BC OF LOVE. IT DONT HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT SIS. dayum
THIS!!! I got so tired of seeing painful and angsty romances. Like please let me read a sweet romance with no issues and complications.
True. Whenever I watch these stories themed on painful love, I always think maybe my last relationship was not toxic or that's how love is supposed to be. But it's not, it's what the situation of the people involved is, not the things they do voluntarily.
I really wish happiness was a trend:)
Me too. I prefer happiness and positivity
I was very depressed a couple months ago but somehow I've learnt to overcome from this feeling. I just try to focus on things I can control
I’m the complete opposite of this. I try my best to be happy, even when nobody’s around, because I think people who are happy are more attractive. I’m a romantic, and my depression has gotten in the way of most of my relationships, alongside my career and studies, so overcoming that is the number one goal
Same. Like I do cry and feel sad but I try to give positive vibes, especially when I’m around people. So seeing people like this just makes me feel so disgusted.😢
I’m the same as you. I was sad for so long (I have BPD and bipolar disorder, diagnosed 10 years ago) that now thanks to medication and therapy I have become a kinda happier person, and that’s my goal, to be someone cheerful to be around. I’ve noticed that being more cheerful has attracted people’s attention more, I’m making new friends despite being in my 40’s now, and people want to be with me, it’s such a nice experience. I lost my 30’s been sad and miserable, I remember been on tumblr 24/7 writing about how sad and suic*dal I was. Now I can say things are funnier, better and happier. 😊
@@nicolec.5352 ah that’s amazing to hear! That’s another thing about mental health, you almost want to say online how awful you’re feeling, because you want to hear that someone cares. Issue is, people treat it as being attention seeking and over-exaggerating, probably because of this aesthetic
Hope you are all doing well 🤍What are your thoughts on the “sad girl aesthetic”? 🥀
I think its absolutely horrible and should not be promoted in any way
MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT BEAUTIFUL!!
this video was one of the most interesting i’ve watched, and i really have a new perspective now. thank you zoe :)
Is offensive. Lol got me pissed watching this :/
Definitely making fun of serious problems, like girls out there trying to recreate the crying look w makeup while I frantically Google ways to depuff my eyes and face before going to school .
It’s sad that people are sitting there and trying to cry to be able to tell their friends
This is definitely one of my favourite topics you've talked about so far. I would definitely say that this needs to be talked about more because it is important to acknowledge these different aesthetics being made from serious topics
The sad boy aesthetic is also so problematic🥲
Another danger, I feel, is that it makes people who actually have those illnesses seem "fake". Like, people thought I wasn't actually depressed ot had actual anxiety because they thought I was just trying to fit the aesthetic, when in reality, I was in such a dark place at that time. No one took me seriously because they just thought I was trying to be different
I wonder how much of me buying into the sad girl aesthetic (moreso in my younger years) is fueled by only ever receiving any attention/concern/affection when I was suffering (e.g. sick and hurt) and never for my achievements/attributes
I remember this time, I was like ten or eleven years old, I was studying in the kitchen table and got so stressed that I started crying it out. My mom was there and as I heard a camera sound turned to look at her only to find she was taking a picture of me crying, and got so upset that I asked her why and she just said "oh, just, you know, you look pretty like this"
thats....messed up....
Can't believe what world we live in today where the first instinct of some parent is to take a photo of their kid crying rather than asking them what's wrong and helping them.
Wtfff
that's so fucked up wtf?? im so sorry she did that to u :-(
you are definitely one of my fav youtubers with really high quality content!! keep going, ly ❤️
honestly this needs to be talked about more. Thanks for spreading awareness.
and of course surprisingly the part about not taking showers and keeping the same clothes for days isn't part of this whole "aesthetic"
mental health really has a harsh reality, it's not supposed to be romanticized or encouraged. i realized on tiktok many of the videos are known to be depressing or su!c!d@l. some people had noticed these videos would make them feel more down. this should not be a normalized "trend/aesthetic" as it seems problematic and can impact others. thanks for coming to attention on this topic zoe :)
You are honestly such a wonderful content creator who never fails to unapologetically put the point across on the current reality/ happenings of the media and industry
It's rare to find someone who doesn't do this for clout or trend but does this from a point of genuine interest and concern
Sending lots of good wishes Zoe 💛
As a person with a chronic mental illness that has to take pills daily to keep me stable, I find this to be so dishearting that they treat this like a joke. Mental illness is no joke, its a long hard battle that constantly requires you to keep fighting because it doesn't just go away.
i feel like this is the trend that made me feel like an attention seeker whenever I'm sad or crying
Thank you for discussing this. Those of us with debilitating mental illnesses are so tired of being glamorized and vilified at the same time. Trust me, when I'm "sad" it's anything but attractive. I don't really want to see people pretend to suffer for an aesthetic while I'm struggling to brush my hair for the first time in a week, as these same individuals look down on for my reality.
Thanks for covering this topic Zoe .
Mental illness were being treated like a trend on social media.The things i have gone through, everyone has through isn't just a asthetic.
I couldn't help but feel so traumatized see those things taken this way it was frustrating.i am glad we are talking about this..
Honestly, the sad girl aesthetic and sad (girl) art used to make me feel like I could only ever be an artist if I continued to feel miserable in life. This led to me not wanting to feel better even though I hated my life.
It's a long time ago. I don't want to an artist anymore and I do feel better and think differently now. But all this romanization of suffering can be really dangerous
I create my art from joy, but really you can use any emotion or you can just focus on a cool idea. It's an outlet, and if you're sad a lot with art as your outlet you get a lot of practice which makes your art better.
@@sprigganpanda now i also create from joy. But back than I always heard about pain being the best inspiration and what not
I could listen to you talk for hours on hours! Thank u for talking about subjects more people should talk about or are too scared to talk about xx
The trend hits me hardest when I catch how I look in the mirror after an episode. And I get these bitter intrusive thoughts about sad girl aesthetic and what it really looks like. “This makeup isn’t hot it’s just caked from the sweat and tears” “sad isn’t cool when you’re depression outfit is stained to hell” “I bet their sadness smells like flowers mine smells like a locker room” “am I sad bc social media or bc my brain needs an excuse for my emotions” “how do they stand in front of a camera when they feel like that” mad mad mad
This is pretty relatable. I remember a few years ago when I was a very young teenager following along with this aesthetic and after crying and going to the bathroom i remember feeling disgust in the way i looked because it wasn’t pretty. Now natural crying is kinda beautiful to me? i hope you get what i mean
Thank you for this Zoe… this is actually something that has affected me hugely and I’m so glad you’ve talked about it and brought attention to it because it’s affecting so many people
I used to be like this too. I used to indulge in the sad girl trope just because social media glamorized the "uniqueness" of it and passed it as being "relatable" yet exclusive. It felt good to feel like I was being myself naturally and that so many people found it cool or pretty. But when my actual disorders started worsening, did it help? No. It didn't. It didn't do anything to help me in the slightest and being actually sad while trying to be a sad girl to everyone else just made me feel like an imposter. It felt so invalidating. Now I'm mature enough to understand how tiring it is. I actually want to get better and it's so exhausting trying to be and failing at what social media portrays. It created this toxic stubbornness in me, telling me that I didn't want to get better because the world around me has this expectation and idea of what I should be, as an actual sad girl.
I have only ever seen your RUclips shorts videos but this long form video was amazing. You presented your findings very well and not many people think to talk about the danger of this “aesthetic”. Thank you for talking about it.
Honestly, i have nothing to say. "emotions are not a trend." that was beautifully said. This is just such a great video that might help many people. ☺❤
The ambulance breaks need its own series at this point lol. Great video! I was thinking about this. Rachel Bloom's Sexy French Depression does a good satire on the "beautiful sad girls".
“Emotions are not luxury, they are a complex aid in the fight for existence.” -Antonio R. Damasio
I feel like the "sad girl aestetic" puts pressure on crying- if you are not crying you are not sad... Me and my "friends" were talking about their problems and how they feel, and I just mentioned the fact I am also not 100% mantally ok, but just bc I had not cried for months they told me to shut up...
That's okay not to cry. It shows you're strong to keep going
As someone who had MAJOR depressive episodes and been at the lowest one can be, I don't really care. The sad girl aesthetic or even romanticizing mental illness doesn't bother me one bit. But then again, I'm the kind of individual that doesn't get affected at all with what others do with their life. When you're in hell in your mind, you don't care about the sad girl aesthetic or whatever, you don't care about aesthetics at all. Or at least that's how I felt, which is the complete opposite of what I am when I'm doing good mentally. I love aesthetics(I am a photographer) and if the pictures are beautiful, I like them. There is something beautiful in sadness sometimes and some people might cope with it by making art out of it. I sometimes do too, when I'm a little low but not completely.
im really glad someone spoke up about this. it makes the viewer believe that life would be better if they had mental health issues, and it makes them long to be like the people that h@rm themselves physically or mentally.
Hi I love your videos! Also with the topics in the video, at school there are a few girls who are a little into the 'sad girl' aesthetic and they think its 'cool' when it isn't. I actually do struggle with that stuff and its not really super nice, sorry if this sounds gross but sometimes I can't bother to get up and brush my teeth/hair, shower etc, and those same 'sad girls' would make fun of me for it because I would walk into school a mess with eye bags and messy hair and I would kinda stumble around, one of the girls even would call me a literal zombie at times and I just think its weird that they think it's cool but they make fun of people who actually have their lives affected by it..
she is so real🤍 thank you zoe
*waves hello*
kindly remember you don't have to force yourself to have a "happy new year" when you're not feeling it~
This reminds me of Mina Le's commentaries - I hope you two will amicably meet since you're in the same space ^^
I notice that a part of the sadness is from break ups, lost love, and tragic romance but what if ur aromantic? Or romance is not a priority
Can the sad girl aesthetic still hold up if the tragic romance is taken away?
as someone with diagnosed anxiety and is taking medication for it I absolutely hate the mental illness trend. I deleted all social media platforms months ago and for the first time in years I have been genuinely happy, it's not a romantic aesthetic thing is a illness that ruins lives
When I was a teenager (2000's) I used Tumblr to feet my sadness. Being a teenager can be hard for us for a lot of reasons (don't knowing who we are, bullying, problems with our parents, etc). And now that I look back I realized that sadness can be addictive, like a drug and that was dangerous for me. I know why I was feeling bad about myself and everything. But I can tell you something, it will past, you will get better and you will find the joy of being alive. Happy new year all. You will be happy again 🖤🖤
Thank you for saving million, billions of lives with wholesome truth. Ilysm Zoe
i really appreciate this because it lets me know that I'm not the only one who thinks that something that's upsetting should be an 'aesthetic' and people actually agree with me. in my opinion, the 'sad people' try so hard to find something wrong about themselves or try to stay sad by digging the hole deeper than it has to be to get attention or feel 'special', and most of the time they just cried over dropping a sandwich. and I experienced people thinking and telling me that I was telling them that I was depressed for attention when I was just seeking help and wanted to communicate my feelings as a person of color it made me feel so bad but the fact that people who barely have mental illness can get an "awe are you okay" just isn't fair to the people who actually go through lots of stuff in my opinion
Another thing is that these aesthetics never show a diverse amount problems, like drug addiction or oversexulization. They only show problems like a breakup. And I’m not saying that breakups aren’t hard, I’m just saying that these aesthetics only show a very specific group of problems.
This is an amazing video. The pain of wanting to end your life is horrible. I know of someone who did many years ago and his family still feel great pain. I think the point about not seeking help was really vital, people shouldn’t be encouraged to stay sad by themselves, you need help from others to heal as well as professional help if you have access to it. Please don’t suffer in silence.
Sadness is like a warm, comforting blanket. Its a constant, its trustable, its romanticize-able. Its addictive. It may be unhealthy but its all a person has. Happiness is too hard, sadness is basically just giving up. Giving in to the ocean of apathy.
Sadness is comfortable, I agree, but I disagree with saying that it is the equivalent of giving up. The fact about sadness is that it must be embraced and understood in order to control it.
When you let your sadness take control, it is easy for other people to see your discomfort and empathize with you. Sadness becomes a way to get closer to others, a sort of language.
@@Abligurition for me it is (giving up). Feeling okay is something i have to spend energy for. Feeling good is something that just randomly happens around once a week when i get a burst of energy. Sadness is my baseline emotion, when i stop trying to feel okay - giving up - i fall back into that sadness.
@@cynder6596 I understand want you were saying now - I went through it and I was lucky enough to overcome it through therapy and time. I also understand that this path is not always successful for everyone in the same way.
I just wanted to ask if you feel hurt or mocked by that kind of content online, or is just something that you know is just a trend, "it doesn't matter".
@@Abligurition people who make it a trend are normalizing having a bad mental health and mental disorders. They make other people downplay their own mental issues and others mental issues, treating it as if "its normal to feel this way, everyone goes through it. Its just a phase and ill get over it with due time. Im being overdramatic and attention seeking". But time doesnt fix everything. I went a long time trying to wait out this "phase" but it didnt go away, it got even worse.
But this is all my opinion so idk.
So yes. I do feel mocked by it in a way but i can easily understand the other side of it.
Ohh that's explain a lot about my up mental health, it makes me hold into my sad state for longer than necessary cuz i want the aesthetic. its funny how after a mental breakdown in the bathroom i would stare at the mirror and wonder if i look pretty (ㅠ_ㅠ) if i think i do look pretty i then force myself to cry some more cuz i liked the delicate look i have. In a way it makes me distracted from what im even sad about and feel a bit better if that makes sense.
But I sometimes look at the mirror but my eyes were so red with snot everywhere and I think "ew i look ugly" this thought makes me a little more sad...
yeh its doesn't feel as good as it looks.
It's ingrained in our being for throughout history, it was always a goddess or a supernatural female tears that were responsible for beauty or life or even precious gems. In Ancient Greek mythology Aphrodite was the goddess of love and beauty. According to her myth when she wept in sorrow and grief her tears were transformed into flowers and as they fell to the ground they blossomed into anemones. This world was often referred to as a sea of sorrows. idk about you, but weeping is a recoverable state of sadness, a release, for when fully depress you miss the tears for you're too disconnected from emotions and full on in apathy, my assumption of why cutting is a thing. Whenever I was in a morbidly dangerous state of depression, I was more careful to cover up my emotional state so others wouldn't get in the way if I did act upon it. There's a song called No Surprises by Radiohead that speaks to that, it's like okay no alarm bells, no surprises, I'm done. I guess it can be a bit disingenuous for others to play upon emotional states for empathy or even profit, but for people desperate to hear others speak to a pain they cannot share with anyone in their lives due to alarm bells and people trying to cheer you up or fix you, I feel it can help many get through it or at least recognize they're not alone in it. The last thing I want when I'm down is a happy song, but the last thing I want when I'm happy is a sad song - so I feel it's acceptable in the contribution of media and art to always have the availability of all emotions for those in different states in their journey called life - something to match their expression. But the downside of making it just aesthetic and not substantive is it can also enable others who are truly enduring to indulge in the feelings for a more dangerous length, so it's always good to expose it with videos like this to make others aware of the bigger picture. And sometimes you just have to call it what it is, like we all came into this world crying and screaming so perhaps it's sort of a default state that should let us become more tolerant of our mood swings and not dwell on this persistence that we should be happy since happiness is a pursuit for a reason. What I hate is knowing these MLM type trends spawn channels that generate viral trends, and then others who are suffering actually try to post their emotional health state and I just don't want to think how further heartbreaking it must be for them to see 1 or 2 or 5 views with potentially some bot comment like "Great vid - I like it" to feel invisible again.
i feel like you really have your emotions figured out. i want to be like you.
Thank you Zoe you speak the truth
This was amazing loved it you hit the spot exactly x
I recall being 18 and having a friend who was obsessed with being the sad girl. She'd send me pictures of herself looking miserable, sad face with a lone tear down her cheek - no context and no explanation, out of nowhere. It was very uncomfortable. I felt like I was being put on the spot, I didn't know if I could help her and didn't know if I could give advice or lend an ear. A part of me is still shocked that her first instinct was to take a selfie.
Ultimately, she just romanticised being hopeless and it brought down the mood of a lot of our interactions. It was just draining being around her and her made up melancholy. Honestly worsened my clinically diagnosed depression so I left that friendship. Living the sad girl life does zero good.
Girl you look so beautiful 💗💗
This video is very interesting. It's good to talk about it. More people should watch it 🙌🏼
“Your emotions are not a trend” whoahhhhh strong end as always 🥲 Thank you for this video
Although I understand that glamourising certain behaviours is not ethically correct, I also believe that romanticising sadness is not the same as telling people that hurting themselves is okay.
I feel like in your video there is no real distinction between "harmful sadness" (as in cutting, drugging or starving yourself) and "physiological sadness".
This is something that I've learnt in my mid-twenties when I was seeing a therapist. I asked if I was clinically depressed and the therapist answered that no, I was sad because sadness was my predominant emotion. Sadness is my main line. I like it and I leared to love it after I was taught by the therapist how to control it. After that, I never became a happy person, but I was happily accepting my sadness as part of myself. I don't want to say that I gave myself up to depression - because I didn't - but I accepted the fact that sadness is part of who I am.
And one more thing: I think that the greatest power of sadness is its cathartic action on our minds. Nothing is as effective as a good cry to shove anxiety and fear out of our bodies. Also, the soothing feeling of nostalgia that comes with pain. It makes people feel alive.
Please, take this comment as a personal opinion. I'm not talking about clinical depression. People with mental illness already know that they have a problem and they probably don't think much of a random photo of a random person crying on the internet.
zoeee! you remind me every single time you post that humans still have minds
Gurl I'm so glad somebody finally said it! It was quite infuriating watching my favourite creators do the "crying girl makeup look" while I was at my lowest with a terrible physical health as well. It was like watching someone say "you're sobbing? Stay still, lemme copy the look"
I am AMAZED the way you talk i know it is not easy. You have search, choose important sourse, add your own opinion, prepare your speach ... . I am amazed by your research and analyzing skills. How can i learn it? One word only- you nailded it girl.
I really love your videos zoe! And you look so so beautiful in this video!!
Thank you, I needed to hear that
wow i am honestly speechless thank you so much zoe for talking about this issue yes people listen sad songs and identify them as a cool person which is absolutely not healthy
feel bad now that at one point I was part of those who thought "romanticized" mental illness was normal and thought self-isolation is okay. Its not, and I like that you adressed this!
This is so true
As one of the millions who have dealt with very serious and debilitating chronic depression for decades... thank you. Being in and out of hospitals for many, many years due to suicide attempts and playing Russian roulette with medications that might take your life because of the side effects, while also maintaining a neverending schedule that is dedicated to attending different forms of trauma and behavioral therapies isn't glamorous. It's exhausting, time-consuming, and disheartening. Most of us grieve the lives we'll never get to live due to this illness.
Nice video. Talking about and shining light on some real stuff. I LOVE IT.
loved the video, it's something I realised in me as well but EXCUSE ME YOUR DRESS IS AMAZING MAM
I was diagnosed by major depressive disorder plus generalized anxiety disorder and my body is resistant to antidepressants so I assure that it isn't beautiful at all, it's very ugly. I like the fact that mental illness is represented in the media but they are not representing it well (I personally don't relate at all to what I see), I just wish that our sufference won't be turned to a trend or to a beautiful thing, cause some people really struggles to keep themselves alive. Being ill isn't beautiful and I wish that the media could represent our struggles in a more realistic way
Okay but lets be honest..who has seen an "ugly" person cry in social media?...Not many am I right? o-o Mostly it is "pretty" girls that are recording themselves cry for views. A very few amount of people are actually doing it to help themselves...Thats just my opinion though...
I really fell like being sad angry or feeling any emotion should not be considered as an aesthetic like it makes not sense to be sad and call it an aesthetic but the world we leave in people just come up with anything really
It also often unintentionally invalidates people with actual mental health problems, I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety, depression, and panic disorder at 13 and was doing anything I could to hide my symptoms and fly under the radar but a lot of my friends and peers at school assumed that I was faking mental health issues for attention which only made my mental health worse :/ and teach my younger self that it wasn't okay to talk about
This was a trend in the early 2000’s too before the days of tumblr but in the era of blogs and forums it is wild to see how it’s evolved and gotten darker
Exactly, when she said 2015 I was like naaah, a lot earlier. Guess I'm old 😅
Like as someone with clinical depression, it sucks to see it be turned into some sort of aesthetic bc I was so convinced I would take my own life that I made no plans, saved no money, and basically let my life go to shit, and now I have to fix everything I broke. I basically sabotaged my life. Mental illnesses do more than just make u cry at night lmao
Happy happy new year Zoe
As someone who used to suffer from severe depression and anxiety I hate seeing people glorify the idea of mental illness it’s not as beautiful and aesthetic as it looks. Love your videos 💕
i hope as much as ppl glamorize mental illness they also accept and understand that most mental illnesses are ugly and the suffering you go through is not easy. ppl dont pay thousands to therapists and rehabs for nothing,, its not pretty or beautiful i swear. normalizing nd talking abt mental health is important, but romanticizing issues like adhd anxiety depression etc to the point that ppl think its just another feeling or mood is not right rlly. the overuse of certain mental disorders names just surprises me bcs they're no longer an actual issue but just a label that ppl think is cool or attractive, which is dangerous bcs ppl who actually need help are ignored
Looove the reality you highlight 🙌
TW: eating disorders. Please take care of yourselves
great video!
This aesthetic of "mental problems" makes me really angry.
People spend a huge amount of money, time and effort to become normal and help themselves.
This trope is reminding me of Halsey's song called Colours. In the bridge of the song, she says something like "you were red, I was blue and when you touch me I was a lilac sky, then you decided that purple was not a colour for you". I heavily associated this with this song because it is talking about how the boyfriend was attracted by her sadness and depressed vibes when they met, however, he got bored of her happiness that was raised when she was brightened by him. I feel like this is making a big impact on today's perception, cuz like, if someone is sad, that means they are sad. The kind of bad boy or bad girl types are usually depressed, "not giving a shit" mood people. It is so sad because I have been through mental illnesses and depressing timez during my life. Just thinking I was impressing or being perceived as "attractive girl" because I was so careless and confident, is giving me chills ugh. I'm usually a very planned and careful person and when I mentally break down, I just turn into a careless person. Which does not end up anyone in bad situations but that, for sure, gives me confidential vibes and I hate that sense. I hate that people can easily fall for other people just because of their sadness. That's a sickening thought.
I'm glad you are talking about this.
I like your take on this, just curious where you got the 2015 from. This aesthetic for the beautiful sad girl trope has been around in movies since I was a kid in the 80s.
probably because of tumblr. The sad girl trope became popular on tumblr during 2015, and quickly spread to other apps and websites.
I believe it goes way back to ancient times. A crying woman is often used as a beauty symbol in many myths. I've even once read a story about a woman who would do and say extremely sad, weird things just to appear mysterious and interesting. It was after she died that her love interest discovered who she really was and I found the irony hilarious. It was written in the 19th century by the russian writer Turgenyev. The sad girl aesthetic was probably always in ever since the beginning of time.
Very interesting video. The thing I find most interesting though, is that any girl commenting on this subject always starts with "I've gone through serious depression myself". I think that is where the biggest problem lies, since young girls will believe sadness is the norm and if all of their idols on social medias are depressed, then of course, they are going to follow the same way.
I have anxiety issues and my chest hurts now because I had an anxiety attack. I did not realize I always had them, but it got worse last night. It was hard to control and no one should want it now.
They did not want it then when I was labeled "retarded", "stupid", and "nuts" in elementary school by teachers, one principle, and students near my age. I was even called "devil child" and "problem child" by a student and a few vice principals in elementary and middle school. No one would see me as a person hurting. They saw me as lower than an animal.
In High School, I was slowly hiding it until I got to an BSC (Behavior Specialist Counselor) and I hid it well over the rest of my years at Leeward except my first year at Leeward. I did not hide it at UH West Oahu because I just exploded and everything came out, it still came out. That is why I believe no one truly wants this and why it is hard to breathe right now.
and thats why its so hard for everybody (including me) to get help. media makes sure to make sadness look desirable or beautiful, but what about the beauty in being happy? we shouldnt feel so comfortable being depressed or suicidal. we should desire happiness, thats really where the true beauty lies.
also there are people who dont fit this "aesthetic" who are sad and there are people who fit it who arent. this "aesthetic" are making mental illness a joke and it will make it harder for people to get help, which will further the real sadness, which unfortunately can be really ugly
As some who is going through a really though break-up at the moment and who has literally been a sad girl for the last weeks, it’s hard to figure out why someone would actually want to be sad and glorify that. It’s horrible. Being really sad looks nothing like in those videos. For me, it looks like crying whatever I do, with my mom sitting next to me on my bed, holding my hand as a 30 year old woman. Being heartbroken and therefore sad is not an art. It’s literally just that: heart breaking. Please live your best life and try to focus on the positive, as I’m trying to as well.
Not to do with the topic of the video, but somewhere in the middle I heard the audio of song and I had to comment something about it idk lol. It's called Wannabes by Lyre.
Always love your videos Zoe and I definitely agree with the things you said in this video and being sad should not be glorified because it's a horrible feeling and no one should like or want to feel sad or something. Life goes up and down.
Tbh this trend is really scary 😨
THANK YOU
OMG HI I LOVE YOUR VIDS SO MUCH YOUVE HELPED ME SO MUCH I LOVE YOU♡♡♡♡
Wow loved that last line!!,!!,!,!,!!
First and I love your videos so much tysm