As someone who’s been emotionally abused I’m tired. Tired of being blamed for someone else’s actions, not having the resources to get help, and being forced to take responsibility for the actions of the narcissist. It’s always the victim that has to take responsibility and never the perpetrator. All I want is to be left alone and preserve whatever peace I got.
Thanks for sharing. Here are some videos that can help you take some first steps towards healing and that peace of mind you long for. Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist: ruclips.net/p/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz
@@Peacewithin807 Kim Saeed "Live Your Best Life AftervToxic Relationships" RUclips channel went through same with her young son. Perhaps you could find useful tips from her journey.
When I used to talk to friends about my husbands -Robles, all they said was “you need to leave”. That didn’t help. One day a friend told me what my husbands problem was. He was a passive aggressive covert narcissist, I had no clue what that was so after a lot of YouTubing, I understood it wasn’t my fault and was able to make a plan and escape with my daughter. That was what I needed, I just didn’t know I needed until I was told what the problem was. Good luck to those, still stuck. It is not your fault.
I just walk out from the house with my daughter 4 days ago & we homeless & its hard🥹But i know i do the right things & save myself & my daughter from his abusive behaviour.
After 27 years of marriage & 12 years out of the marriage it was just a few days ago that the light bulb went off and I saw clearly what had/has been happening to me. I’m grateful for the understanding and knowing that it wasn’t me but still deeply hurt & saddened.
Deep down the rage in me was building and building from being abused. One day after he continued to emotionally abuse me, I snapped. Gathered my things and left. It was the biggest relief I felt when I got in my car and drove away. That night and next day I slept so long and so good as I was emotionally drained. I refuse to look back as the abuse was terrible. I hope this helps who needs to read this.❤️❤️
I'm not a victim period. I have been emotionally abused but I'm far from a victim. I signed up for it, even if it was in ignorance. I am taking responsibility for my own well being. He's not going to change. He doesn't have the courage to face himself. I do have the courage to face myself. He's a coward. In this moment I need to be here for myself and be my own best friend. I have strong boundaries and I asked him to leave. He left. He'll never grow. He doesn't have the capacity to be honest with himself. He's emotionally about 12 years old and he's a narcissist. Thanks for the video.
Did he leave without police intervening? Mine is 💯 financially dependent on me and if he leaves he is homeless with no job and has told me he would never be civil and live in a 5 bedroom house while he got on his feet. He is forcing me to bring I’m the police and restraining orders. It’s so hard for me to hurt him like that. I know it’s destroying me
I'm sorry but ain't that victim blaming yourself it's not your fault some piece of shit barged into your life and made it a living hell you shouldn't be responsible for anything from him
@@june-cz1cw just cuz I signed up for it, doesn't mean I'm responsible for it. I am responsible for myself, not others. I don't take responsibility for the actions of others. I just don't sit around being a victim either. What happened happened. I don't blame others for my state of being.
@@june-cz1cw I never said it was my fault. But I did agree to it prior to incarnating so I could learn what I needed to learn. I learned how to have boundaries and self respect and not to allow others to walk on me or take advantage of me. Those were some of the lessons.
When I was trapped in abusive hell, what I needed was: A safe place to run to. Protection. A clear exit path and plan. Legal and emotional support. I was absolutely blessed with people who helped me out and back on my feet. Now I have independence and peace. No contact, ever again.
@@WendyHannan-pt7ez Like I said, absolutely blessed. I am horrified at the plight of women in my former position who are swinging out all by themselves, and God help them with children to protect and support.
@@WendyHannan-pt7ez The question asked what women in that situation need. Having been through it, I know what we need, specifically. Yes, I was very, very fortunate. When it all collapsed, I thought I was completely alone (we all do), but I had a place to run, and God threw angels in my path.
@@karenk2409 I understand, and some times it’s the people you least expect that give you help and support,. Bless you, and all the women out there, that have the courage to say enough’s enough, marriage and partnerships don’t always last for ever. 😉
The constant fight or flight as a child before they lack the cognitive ability to decipher between good parent bad parent, they can't split the parent because the child needs them to survive. So the child splits and shuts their true self away and that's when the narcissistic qualities are crested as a child. Cortisol constantly spewing from heightened sensitivity to the behavior of the abuser. Over time the hormones are affected with Cortisol. NPD should get blood work done anyone that has been abused should. It affects immune system and hormones levels plus vit D.
Well all stress depletes minerals and that is the cause of All health issues at the root. I’m a mineral analysis practitioner so I’ve got more training in this that the average person. We need lots of trace minerals. Nettle infusions and lots of herbs as infusions are loaded with them
I believe you. Please read what I put in the comments here. I believe that, very tragically, the more we ask to be believed, the less people care that we are. I've become very convinced that speaking about the abuse we've endured is not only moot, but. egregiously deleterious to the prevention of further abuse. Think about it. You wish to be believed, but aren't. And then you're punished for making it up, or being weak, or being worthy of being beaten. Don't speak.
This is wat i use to say when i was in relationship w narcissistic girl she abused me to the hell despite i loved her the most.. now i feel i need no human relationship
I believe you just as I believe myself. The amount of people who don’t believe you will always outnumber those that will believe you. It doesn’t make it any less true. And one day, it’ll all show and then no one can deny it anymore.
People do NOT help you if you're a target of Narc abuse, NOR with the trauma, OR with the real life fall-out or recovery. Not when you're a child, not when you're a teen, not when you're an adult, not when you're elderly. In fact, most will either abandon you, or avoid you, or make all kinds of distance from you, or they'll see it as an opportunity to either manipulate you, or to turn against you along WITH the Narcissist and their group. What do I need in this day ? What I always needed. Basic and normal support from other human beings regarding what I'm dealing with, the effects on my life and my health, and as an adult, normal support for parenting my son, all things that most people take very much for granted.. None of which anyone has ever given me, save my ex's Mom just in the last few years who's ninety two years old, and who gets it because she's still dealing with it. There's only so much she can do with support, but she is there, and I'm there for her as well. Without going around and around in circles trying to maneuver out of effort, accountability, shame, or guilt, like most people I've ever known, since I was a child, have done.
You are absolutely right, you need support and resources to not just help you cope but to help you heal. We pray you find the support you need. Please reach out if you would like to learn about our healing programs marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/
I completely agree that people abandon you over the years watching you deteriorate. I think they just maybe don't understand it and don't know what to say or do to truly help. My mom has always been into tough love type of helping or advising so she will give me the answer of "although I understand what you're going through and I feel for you I can't enable you by helping you to not help yourself" but sometimes I really just need the help and support of others to be able to pull myself up because I've got to get things together around me in order to function. I feel like I need a starting point!
I feel the same way. I feel TOTALLY alone. I think friends care but the truth is my trauma and my problems only scare people away. Even my sister who shares the trauma cannot handle my inability to do something about my situation. I feel like I have nobody and I am slowly falling apart. I put a facade of bravery, energy, excitement. All things I used to have ... now I feel defeated, lost, scared, lonely. I want things to work with my husband, I want him to see how he's hurting me. I know I've made mistakes but he uses my mistakes to beatdown my spirit.. he even uses my childhood trauma against me, which breaks my heart. I don't have economic stability to do anything about this. I'm afraid that he will leave me and try to take the kids. He says he wouldn't do that but he constantly threatens me. then he denies is and says I'm crazy and I'm a liar. He gaslights me so much to the point where he tell me I'm the one gaslighting him. I don't know what to do. I need help please.
@@sallydr there is just no confronting them is there. We are living in a time of spoiled brats. Dangerous, life wrecking spoiled brats. Our culture has trained everyone to sit back and watch people suffer and spend their lives trying to work their way out of it alone than lift a finger. They are steeped in backwash with all the mercy for the perpetrator while high and drying those they trash. There aren't any heros and its time we forget this lame mantra. How does anyone take glory in surviving abandoning others and making excuses for bullies never saying they are wrong and with an agenda (narcissism). Having no compassion towards the true victim of all these dynamics is warped and sick, just what the narcissist counts on. It's a form of enabling them. It's time the world grew up and got the facts straight and returned to a conscience. Those who've been there know how it feels supposedly and are without excuse abandoning others. It seems fashionable to have no problems I guess
A lot of people try to help by saying “just don’t think about it.” or “it’s in the past.” I can’t just turn off my PTSD and trauma… domestic violence causes permanent damage…
Those comments actually mean, "I don't want to hear about this anymore, so stop talking about it and just be happy." It's a kind of gaslighting, even among well-meaning friends. Healing takes time along with understanding just what happened to you and building a life without that abusive dynamic. It is part of your life experience and memories, it never completely goes away - that's ridiculous.
@@TrippyTrash1999 yes thank you, into Hawkins for the response, I don't feel so alone, same thing happens to me too, the let It Go or I think too much don't think about it it's in the past... I got to write that down trauma recovery therapy somewhere I got to find.
I have been married to a man who has been emotionally abusive for 19 years. He refuses to get help. He’s not going to change until he can admit to it and is ready to change. I’ve reached the point where I just want peace, and emotional recovery.
Many women come to us who are in the same place - they are so emotionally exhausted and finally ready to focus on their own emotional well-being and healing rather than expending all their energy on their spouse and on the relationship. Learn about our emotional abuse recovery program: marriagerecoverycenter.com/redeemed/ Or contact us at marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/
Same, I have neglected myself from the emotional abuse from a twenty year marriage. Everyone else sees him as the perfect husband and he's at the top of his game in his career. So he gets calls for another employee on how do I fix this corporation problem? When it was supposed to be our time after him being on the road for days to a week I was left with toddlers to care for. I put them in my mother's care since she wanted to keep her first grandchild, a boy. I worked fifty hours being a people pleaser job. Would do research to help people discover their heritage or where did my great great grandma get the land we now live on. I remember being five months pregnant with my first child. If you've ever been in a courthouse. Well the old handwritten books were two foot by three foot but I'd pull those off the shelf for the county resident to read. I ended up explaining because they had no clue. Much was what they were told on how Great Great Grandma wasn't matching up with what a judges order in the 50's. Only to later learn my mother was a narcissist.i had my children being watched by a narcissist. It took me weeks to go back over this mom had done to me as a child but I thought she'd changed, I guess. I needed help and she was there. My brother was twelve years older than me and he was in his later forties when he married a Russian lady. When they had children mine got pushout out the door. We paid mom to care for our children and paid very well. I had to distance myself and my children from her narcissist behaviors. She's bad and you can't get through to her. She's destroyed others in the family as well.
im bed bound many years after many abusive relationships, physical and emotional, mental traumatic events since early childhood, i can't hardly walk,had head and body injuries too from them, hopeing GOD will heal me from it all.
What do I need? I've needed to emotionally discharge the negative energy by being heard. Then safety, space, sleep and rest, support. Solitude for clarity.
Oboy, you got that right! One of the first things I did was find a therapist to listen to me, because I didn't want to wear out my (very good) friends with all the crap I needed to get out. Then a lawyer to finally sever all ties and enforce a protective order. Then time - to sleep, rest, scream and cry in private, solitude for clarity. Then - very important - I had to decide on a path for my purpose in life at that moment that was not focused on everything I had lost. Here came the covid lockdown. I picked going for a college degree online and it made me feel better about myself, gave me something to aspire to, and helped me redefine who I was. Whatever is your purpose, now is the time to find it and work your heart out for it. You have to replace the poison with something positive.
It is absolutely horrific to be on the end of it. I had to tell my ex husband over 50 times in messages, in therapy that his emotional abuse was killing me. Not once did he stop it and neither did our therapist stop it either. When you tell others they do not believe you and then you have to deal with the defamation of character and smear campaign on top of it
Yes. They do not stop what is killing us. They act like we asked them to go to the moon... When it is a simple thing that will solve the problem. This is all done on purpose.. Gaslighting etc
You know now that if he cared a whit about your pain, he wouldn't have abused you in the first place. People often do not want to believe you; it's uncomfortable and they tend to back away or be angry at you for exposing him. The defamation of character and smear campaign (completely predictable) is horrible, and you will lose people you thought were friends or family - talk about a trial by fire - but now they have told you who they are, and you must let them go (or go no contact) and move on. I survived by isolating myself socially and emotionally as much as possible until I gradually rebuilt myself and my sadder but wiser life. Last, please find your own counselor (mine helped alot), as "our" counselor never works with a manipulative abuser; he drives you crazy, then you are condemned for being crazy, and the counselor will be drawn in. I wish you well on your journey to peace and safety!
What I needed was the realize my power to no longer be a victim and help getting out of the relationship, knowing he could only change himself. 10 yrs later, he is still the same, but I have grown!! What I need now is how to ever have another relationship and trust someone else again.
So glad to hear you found your power. Leaving doesn't equate to healing, now the healing work begins. If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out to info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
In this moment, I would like validation and honesty about the reality of what has happened. I can offer it to myself, but - we can be wounded by others and then, also healed by them. Healthy, supportive connections are key to recovery. And also walking away from these dangerous relationship situations.
The fact is narcissistic abuse destroys your life and resources. Victims are rarely able to self support or even have the resources to self support. It's like being in a major car accident and being hospitalized for months in a coma. Victims of narcissistic abuse need first and foremost the ability to self support even before prosecution of abuse.
I agree but it's not only women that are subject to narcissistic abuse. My life has been destroyed by narcissistic torture. I've done my best to repel borders but in the end they will suck you dry and leave you with nothing. I'm sleeping in the woods with nothing but what I was able to escape with and no hope of recovery. My life is destroyed and the narcissistic criminals go unprosecuted while I continue to suffer. There is nothing I can do.
I promise: Your closure will have nothing to do with him. He will never give that to you. Your closure will be the day you finally can close that door behind you and look forward to the life ahead, when your feelings about him are indifference. All that energy will then be focused on your own well-being. That's the best closure ever. (Been there, done that!}
Emotional abuse is just the shittiest thing in the world! It has taken me in the past 18 years from a wonderful mother and productive member of society to absolutely nothing. I don't need him to change at this point. I just need me to find a piece of me, just a small enough piece to stand up and move on. I just don't have any energy to even do that.
Me too. I was married for 22 years and my ex-husband and I divorced. He can’t date it so what I’ve been online it lasted for months and we broke up that I dated a bit from my gym that I’ve known for years. Headed up that somehow my ex-boyfriend contacted his ex girlfriend claimed that I was cheated he was cheating I wasn’t but for three years I’ve been playing prove myself innocent and I’ve lost all my discipline
@@619mom8 the fact that you feel the need to prove yourself innocent is why he uses it against you. It obviously bothers you so much to be accused of it that you need to fix that opinion but you're not going to fix his opinion because he probably knows better but at this point he's getting reinforced by your reaction and need to defend. If you can learn to keep it to yourself and just say whatever and go about your business without letting it bother you then that will give you the best results that you could hope for.
He/she is never going to change, People can't seem to grasp this fact and move on, once that line is crossed and you let the other person mistreat you it's over.
That’s the problem these abuser’s pick kind hearted good people . We think we can change them, we can’t they’re incapable of change, and some times we find out too late. I’m so glad there’s awareness out there, on abuse and narcissism.
Hello i am from south korea, i found this channel long times ago but i couldn't finish this relationship. But i finish this painful relationship today (just few hours ago). I used to ask him not disappear without reason. But he did it again than we fought. He called me i am hysteric person all the time. I thought i will be fine after break up but i am so painful. I cannot imagine how i can handle all these pain... Even i couldnt sleep well long times ago but i dont feel sleep. Night time and morning are the most painful time. I am reading all thia channel comments that makes me feel better amd right choice.
Yes, it's especially hard for men who are victimized by narcissistic women because of the lack of information specifically addressing this, although most of the information applies to both situations. Women are the ones that are seeking the help and the information and reaching out. We all need to do a better job, including us, with gender neutral language and educating the public that it goes both ways.
I'm not a narcissist, but I was horribly emotionally abusive to my husband. I finally really saw how i was hurting him and stopped. Point blank period. Now I'm looking for ways to help him heal from what I did to this beautiful man.
I need connection. To be able to hug someone and have eye contact, understanding, validation. And not with him. It has to be someone I feel I can trust, and I don’t think I feel safe with him now.
Intimacy can only exist in a safe environment. Safety must be established first before you can begin to work on connection and intimacy. Please reach out if you want to know how we can help. info@marriagerecoverycenter.com (206) 219-0145
I would say learn to love and trust yourself first. If you don’t, you will end up in another abusive relationship. Learning to be by yourself and loving yourself will make you strong. Of course, I don’t know you or your circumstances so this is only meant with love. I am sure that many people on here who have been through similar things are giving you long distance hugs and validation.❤
Just left my abuser after 10 years of bad domestic violence and emotional abuse and I'm so damaged and so angry inside that I feel like I don't wanna be here anymore. I don't wanna live in pain and anger forever. Its changed me into a person I hate. I'm so damaged 💔
My problem is that I have no money to leave. We have a 5 year old together. I have no support circle, my self esteem is in the toilet (always has been to be honest), I would have to find a way to pay bills and get my son on and off the bus (or to and from school). I don't have family that can help with that. I feel completely stuck. I have a bachelor's degree and an insurance license but I don't make enough money to live on my own so I stay here stuck. I feel so hopeless. I've also been raised with similar treatment to what my partner does to me and so this hopelessness, low self esteem and self worth is so deep seeded in me. I also only realize the treatment isn't normal when I spend some time with other people and see that they are not treated like that.
Here is a video that offers women insight and encouragement on how to move forward in your healing when you don't feel like you have much options. We have many more videos that can help you in your healing journey, particularly the ones by Sharmen Kimbrough, she primarily works with the women, so please check out our channel. ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
@BFRIZZLE909 I think the answer is 12 step program for codependent people, (I remember It's called coda or something) I understand your pain and feel the same, so I've chose to try this maybe it's a way out. Because codependent people are in danger contacting with abusers in most cases.
Thank you. This validated my suspicion of my parents so much. The immature behaviour patterns, constantly being made to feel smaller, restricting post or outright hurting your feelings. Love and healing
Thank you for asking and genuinely wanting to know how to help. Thank you for holding abusers accountable in the name of lasting change. I appreciate you and your ministry. What I desperately needed was a place to go where I would be heard and believed. My ex husband and I went to counseling. Within a month he had convinced the counselor that all the marriage problems were a result of me not understanding my value in Christ, and my anger issues. She was patient and lenient with him and highly critical and strict with me. She refused to celebrate any forgiveness or healing I did unless I was completely healed. And she joked around with him as her form of holding him accountable for his actions (that he didn't disclose, and she had to weasel out of him). Clearly she was not trauma-informed, nor did she recognize the signs of abuse within marriage. I didn't feel safe at home. I didn't feel safe with the counselor. I needed a place to feel safe. So I tried talking with my pastors' wives and elders' wives, and Bible study members. I even talked with a couple of my pastors about the abuse (I even named it with one of them), and they did nothing. They didn't offer me an opportunity to talk about it. They never asked if I or the kids were in danger. I was left to discover, navigate, and leave the abuse on my own. I was left to build a new life on my own. I was left to handle post-separation abuse (stalking, harassing, trespassing, attempts to change the kids's schedules on my time) all by myself. And my reward after leaving was being shunned by many of my friends, and passive-aggressively marginalized, silenced, and eventually pressed out of my own church of a decade. I owe my life and sanity to the dozen or so friends who were there for me, and who listened to my story time and time again. Twenty months after leaving, I'm discovering that the most traumatizing part about being in an emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage has been the lack of support for me and my kids, and the lack of accountability for him. To this day I am unaware that his actions were questioned by his (formerly our) church, the community college where he teaches, or the National Guard. The "poor poor man whose wife left him" has loads of supporters. In the meantime, I get to re-build my life basically alone. What so many of us need is a list of trauma-informed counselors or pastors or even just lay-people. That's a huge undertaking, I understand, and it will require consistent updating. But I can't keep wondering if support for me and my kids, and accountability for him would have resulted in him thinking twice about stalking, trespassing, and harassing me for the past 20 months. Him hitting rock bottom sooner might actually have caused him the sorrow he needed to change his behavior. As it sits, he seems to have no reason to change his behavior. And his story is not isolated. How many women and children could be spared from stalking and harassment if the church made it clear that it is willing to take the time to identify toxic behavior and only support those who should be supported...you know, Matthew chapter 5 and Proverbs-type of stuff. Thank you, again, for asking. It means a lot that you even care to discover the truth, much less continue to act on it.
Thanks for sharing your story - it will help many others who are in similar situations. You are so right about the need for trauma recovery work, this is why trauma recovery is a big part of what we do. We even have an EMDR therapist that works with adults and children to help them overcome trauma. To learn more, please reach out at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
I need to stop seeing myself through his eyes. I am not exaggerating, crazy or anything else he keeps saying I am. But I am always afraid people will believe him. I left 9 years ago-he is still taking me to court over virtually nothing. What if the judge believes him? I am financially devastated and I cannot afford to defend myself anymore.
I don’t need anything from him. I just need to learn how to be myself and live again. Once I do that I may or may not be able to tolerate him but at least I’ll have the clarity and confidence to move on if I need to.
You are exactly right! If you want help reclaiming your identity after emotional abuse, check out our Redeemed healing program: marriagerecoverycenter.com/redeemed/
I know this video is old and I haven't read comments from others yet but I just don't think people really understand what we go through. For 7 years and counting not even married I have been treading water every second of every single day to just push through and merely survive. Listen the truth is at least for me all my energy and time is taken from him as I deal endlessly with lies, repaing situations he put us in, his blaming me and the excuses come from a bottomless bucket. He is one person outside our house to EVERYONE but to me he is the devil and no one knows. He lies about me. But that is the least of my cares anymore. He is incapable of having a conversation with me. Sometimes I look in his direction and he starts screaming at me. That's all it took. My very presence. I've attempted to work but he sabotage every opportunity I've been given. He's taught my children to lie to me. More often than not if I ask him a question he doesn't acknowledge that I spoke a word. He calls me every name under the sun. I have been desperate to get out. But I'm 41. I have 3 children 2 of whom are young. He literally yells at me to move out but we have 1 car in his name that's worth maybe 1000.00 we live below poverty line. We live 2 hours from all family and friends. Plus I have no where to go with 2 kids. I went for help at a women's shelter but because I hadn't been physically assaulted that time they would not help me. I have no money haven't worked in years now. No car. No shelter that will help us. I have my name on a waiting list through the government. But the list can take years before there is an opening. I put him in jail for hitting me about 3 years ago and it was me who completed his probation requirements because he refused to and knew if I let him go back to jail the kids and I would have no money to survive on. He had fines as well and it was I that had to go to the court and pay them for him. They were finally paid off 2 months ago. There is so much no one has any clue. But the worse is in the daily living because it's daily surviving . There is nothing more to give to make a plan for ourselves. And most days I'm just trying to keep my sanity in tack as best as I can. I've made it this long by God's grace alone. I've aged far faster than I probably should have. I definitely have physical pitfalls from living with a continuous racing heart and stress that never leaves and often is heightened like right or flight. Sometimes once a day sometimes little less. And sometimes more. I would give anything to have the wil power to figure things out beyond him. But there just isn't any thing left. I'm depleted. I'm drained. I'm used and abused. I hide in silence in my reality because no one would believe me anyway. I merely survive another day. Thanks for taking the time to read a glimpse of my life, Mary from Michigan
In my own situation and trying to deal with and get away from the narcissist, my most immediate need was food and money for gas to go to work to pay bills and mortgages. There was no room for thinking about healing. It’s survival mode.
As a man who was in a two year abusive relationship with a woman, this was incredibly validating. It’s hard to find videos for men in abusive relationships, but abuse is abuse no matter what gender. Trying to move on and recover.
I'm sorry you went through that and that there aren't many resources for men going through this. That must be a lot to carry. I pray for your healing. You deserve peace and to feel better. And you never deserved poor treatment from anyone. Keep seeking resources ❤
My mom was emotionally abusive. All my relationships ended up the same way. I think its because i didn't see the red flags, since i was raised in it. Long story short i stopped dating years ago and working on my health. My medical doctors cant find anything causing my physical pain and constant fatigue, im researching how emotional abuse can cause these symptoms. Im 54 now and im sick of being sick. How do i overcome the emotional abuse, so i can have a life
A covert narcissist does not respond to boundaries. They will not. Period. No matter what style of holding the boundary is offered. You’ve tried it all and they respect zero, none of it. And they may (will) become more forceful in their push against the boundary. I had to leave. I had no choice. I cocooned for a while, got the help I need to stop blaming myself, am still cocooning. The cocooning is not the same as withdrawal. It is where I can feel the stronger, healed me nurturing my way back. There IS room for laughter again! At first I was angry about having to rebuild my life. At 65 it’s not what I envisioned or even thought would happen. But you know what’s worse? Staying. Having no hope. Pretending it’s ok or thinking it’s my fault. I’m human. So yeah, I’m not perfect. AND I deserve peace, happiness, love and respect. So do you.
Separation is a VERY DANGEROUS step from a mentally ill irrational human being. The only way it worked for me was to take my child and escape to a women's refuge. You CAN'T REWIRE these people with therapy. My mum was the same. She is in her seventies, still lying, conning money. ,still causing trouble, A complete separation from my parents and ex partner worked, It is the only way. He tried to shoot me with a crossbow when I got a court restriction and said "Do you think a piece of paper will stop this?!Go...far away
I was there many years ago , and for so many years . I didn't realize it was emotional abuse at the time . I did go to a psychologist because my husband said " You go fix you because I'm fine " I'm 89 years old now and that person died last year and I me still having nighmares about the things that happened .
With respect, as a male who is very experienced, and well studied, in narcissistic personality disorder, from the victim perspective, I can tell you, if those guys are not cluing in on their obvious degeneracy within an hour or two, of a therapist's well articulated descriptions of it, then they are no different than a criminal minded person, and willfully not accepting Truth, or it is not being articulated well to them. Because, I know myself, and I know I was a narcissist, on my natural path from childhood, and I know, it was simple self reflection, and self observation about a few simple issues, that changed that part of me, and helped me grow. It didn't change evrything baout me, or require some great sacrifice, in fact it was liberating to relalize I had no reason to insult a lot of people and things I had been.. It was a mature, adult, process of decisions and growth, from observing what behavior s were hurting me or hurt others, and stopping me from being the person I believed I was, and who I wanted to be. The narcissist just goes through life believing they are that picture of themselves, without ever really figuring out what they know and don't know. It's pathetic, cz they will even project this onto others, and still not be able to see it in themselves I believe the truly traumatized, false identity builders, are one type, and the other type is the dethroned intellect. The first type does not understand their way, the second type, absolutely knows their way, and may even feel some guilt, but ultimately convince their self that they are acting righteously. The first type builds their ID up, unaware of when they are fooling themselves, they are blocking pain from resurfacing by making the choice they do, not trying to hurt someone, if that's the feedback they get, they just have to use their own logic, and selected facts, to disagree. But the dethroned intellect, does know they are fabricating, assuming, slandering, they just believe themselves, because believing that guy is smarter than me, isn't going to happen. It's pathological achievement, addiction to greatness, whether you actually have it or not. Devaluing others who may be more great than you, is simply just another logical tactic to get ahead. That's the part they don't know they are doing, they don't know how their assumptions are hidden dishonesty, how their slander is self serving, and not educating people about bad things. But they know they answer a question with what they want to be true, but don't know for sure, they always leave out the 'not sure' part. I'm believing less and less that narcissists are strictly managing trauma, and working from a blind book of their motivations. You know, many people experience trauma, and don't become a complete jerk, and dishonest, etc. And most narcs do quite well for themselves, that's the idea, right. I see the trauma management too, but others, I know didn't undergo much trauma more than a strict parent, and they simply are just insecure, and usually smart -ish people, but not THE smartest in their sphere, and THAT is what they can't get past. They fabricate discrediting stories only of THAT person. They are only narcs to people who threaten their perceived, or real, status, as the smart one. These are both coverts, but 2 distinct animals. In fact, I even wonder if the dethroned is a disorder, or just being a c***. But they do hit all the markers.... Because if you just told people about the specific bad behavior, they will believe you, most of it,. But if you tell them the person has NPD, they don't believe you. This is KEY, to understanding these people.....And for the narc, It's like, ok, well, this, this and this, are ridiculous, why would you do that to someone? Well they can't answer for it either, and they start to think about it. But, if you tell them they have NPD, they blow you off, and others will let them. For one you are not a psychologist, so how would you know. And, the individual specific behaviors, the narc has learned to dismiss, or counter your complaint to make you look like you are weak and just want to hurt them, that's how they win! They are smarter than logic and facts, and others are not smart enough to decide who is honest and who is not. THAT'S the HEART of the problem! ... I'm glad I kept typing, I was struggling to find it, but that's it, trust me. This is destroying the world. And, as I say, it's very black and white, and easy to understand. You either know or you don't. Most people go through life thinking what they 'believe' is true, is what is actually true. Complete fools, and if you ask me losers. Weak, tit sucking, pathological dummies, all to avoid a second of embarrassment, in their eyes. .. And, just as bad are the people who listen, and follow wherever there is less friction, completely not concerned with Truth, or deciding for themselves who the victims are. . Narcissism has been like some sort of tragic Shakespearean comedy for me. Over and over and over. All angles and areas of life. I'll tell you, don't be smart, or moral around others, it's worse than, leprosy and aids and ebola all put together. All I have wanted for 15 yrs, is to be left alone, but that is also not allowed. 'You' will not insult us, by rejecting our abuse.... So, that makes peaceful society with no victims a mathematical impossibility. Peace
Some of how you're describing the styles of narcs reminds me of HG Tudor's descriptions. If you haven't already found his work, I recommend. He is a diagnosed psychopathic narcissist, but his insight into himself and "others of his kind" is revelational. He doesn't hide his narcissism. Anyway, I appreciate your comment. You have a lot of insight.
@@kaylaschroeder1 ... and you have my gratitude, that you got something from it, ty. When I just read it, I shook my head at how poorly I write sometimes. My thoughts are so much faster than my fingers, I'm constantly trying to remember where I was going, and sometimes don't get there. lol * which, I mean, on that note, your name is a pretty ironic and concise description of what I was doing here, and do often, lol. This helps me a lot with remembering what I've articulated to myself, and correcting myself as I go. I guess it substitutes for talking to someone. Need to hear it aloud to have a better chance of sticking ... Even more deeply though, it could be used to describe me overall. I have always made sure my thoughts get heard, and that is, 'thinking loud' :) ... It also very much makes one vulnerable, so be careful out there. Peace
@@blackopal3138 the whole making sure your thoughts are heard thing resonates with me We are what you would consider Verbal Processors. I struggled with my need to be heard until I figured out this little bit and it helped me to not be so hard on myself.
@@blackopal3138 I think narcissistic abuse is a crime of 21 century, and narc abusers should be isolated as dangerous for the other people. Sorry for all the victims of this phenomenon. Hope one day our society and planet will be clean from narcs and emotional abuse.
Thank you for recognising how we feel. I live in a country where there is not proper help because the therapist don't seem to have a clue about this topic.
I am luckily healing and currently have no-contact. Healing is possible, you are all so beautiful. Do not let other people determine who you are, or what you are worth. The only time that someone perceives or speaks of you becomes true is whenever you believe it yourself as well, because you are the only one who knows your truth. Don’t let them convince you of your worth, luckily in this life, you get to decide your own worth. You are smart, you are kind, you are strong, you are resilient, and I promise that you can come out on the better side of this. The second that you start healing is the second that everything gets easier. you are not psychotic, insane, or mentally ill for coming to terms with what is being done to you by another human being, you are simply acknowledging facts and deciding to change your perspective based on those facts. You don’t need to live this lie anymore. You are perfect just the way you are. You are human, forgive yourself and heal yourself, there is hope I promise.
Sometimes the realization doesn’t hit us in our early 20’s but now at 35, I feel like he “won” if you will. I feel like he made me so weak & feel so unworthy that he won & today I feel like nothing
I was emotionally abused by my wife. You use the sterotypical gender role pronouns in this video, but the same thing happened to me, even though the gender pronouns should be reversed in my case, and there are countless other men who have also suffered from covert natc abuse by female partners.
Yes, we absolutely agree it goes both ways and offer help to men and women who are suffering from emotional abuse. Here is a video you may find helpful: ruclips.net/video/N68Ch10E51k/видео.html
Hey Chad, I was abused by my wife as well. I made the mistake going to this guy. He lied to me and acted just like a narcissist himself. I had not even got through the grievance process and he listened to my abuser and ignored everything I told him. When I asked him why he did not address female Narcissist in his videos? He immediately got angry and retorted to me that he didn't like my criticism of that and that he had only seen male not female narcissist in his practice. I responded so you mean your patients are representing the hole narcissist population? Then he went on to tell me his friends would call me a narcissist but not him. But isn't saying it already!!? This guy hates men for what reason? Maybe he hates himself and is taking it out on every man that he suckered in. His treatment emboldened my wife to continue her abuse on me that I had to stay in motels to get away from her violent temper. The cops have had to come to get her off of me. All thanks to this loser!!!!
@@drdavidbhawkins never did that with me being abused by wife. I suffered so much more abuse from this so called specialist about nothing at all. He emboldened my wife's abuse even more to the point the police had to come to our home because of her violent temper. I told him everything and he turned everything against me and abused me with my wife at the Sametime in so called therapy!!!!!. Look at all the videos he turns off the comments. It's not because people are saying bad stuff. It's because he can'tet the truth come out the he is indeed a Narcissist. This man has a special place in hell waiting for him.
@@seangallagher6124 I understand. I got so bad off I developed CPTSD. And my brain went crazy. I got so bad that I started saying things I did not mean. I made threats and accusatiions toward the pastor, pushing him away, but down deep I never meant them nor wanted to hurt him, I was just wanting the pain to heal.
With skilled help, learned behaviors can be changed, generational patterns can be broken. Family history and past trauma needs to be addressed. We use EMDR in our practice to help people overcome past trauma and DBT to correct thinking errors. For more info, please reach out at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
@@drdavidbhawkins I totally agree that learned behaviors can be changed I did that. But I didn't use therapy I used my Bible thank you for the information and the people that you helped.
What is profoundly misunderstood is that being abused once, is only the beginning. Women are encouraged to "seek help" to speak out. That, unfortunately, is the beginning of abuse everlasting. Once you tell that you've been abused, people figure that you're open and up for more of it, and made for it. If abusive men are disparaged, abused women are seen as weak willing participants. So I respectfully disagree that seeking help following the first abuse promotes healing. In fact it propels more, and worse, abuse everlasting.
I’m not stupid in that. I’m hoping that my douche bag of a partner will change. I’m aware of that. I’ve just been beaten down emotionally and spiritually that I have no give a shit left in me. The answer to your question is; I need a lifeline. I need a friend to provide me with normalcy, a place where I can cry and be myself.. I need someone to go have coffee. I need a friend because at this point, I’ve lost all of mine or alienated them for him.
If you cannot find a lifeline in your sphere of friends at this time, a counselor can offer a lifeline, clarity, support, guidance, all those things. Please reach out if you want some help. (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
I read this and it's 100% how I feel. I now know he will never change. After 9 years of this I have nothing left. No friends, no family, no assets. I literally have nothing. Now it's just trying to scrape myself up off the pavement to just take the first step of making any decisions for myself. It feels impossible right at this moment.
Dr Hawkins, my first love was a narcissist for 7 years on and off we “dated”. This relationship changed me/ confused me. It’s been 4 years since I talked to him, I’m in a committed healthy relationship that I’ve never been able to fully invest in. He reached out to me and explained how he’s changed. Now I’m all steered up sick to myself. I thought I healed but now I’ve lost 10 lbs in 3 days because of where I am and what I think I want. My wires are crossed I don’t have a dad to look to or council with, what’s wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this..
Thank you for your podcasts. They are so very helpful and needed as validation especially for Christian wives. My pastor husband is a passive aggressive covert narcissist. I’ve just separated myself from him.
I believe you. My now decased negligent covert narcissist husband's first wife died of breast cancer that he did not know about because she just wanted to die and have peace and knew that if she told him he would insist she have treatment. 40 plus years and daily frustration with a husband that was emotionall abusive yet never 'saw' her other than as a servant and housekeeper wore her down...and her whole immune system. I hope you are recovering well from your cancer and are also free of your narc.
I need someone who cares. I have no one. No car, barely can work, my health is horrible. I have to rely on him for everything. Just as he wanted. My marriage is killing me.
We hope you are able to find some kind of support group, friend, church group that can provide the support you need. In the meantime, we have many videos on healing that we hope can help. Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html Spouse Won't Go To Counseling! What Are My Options? ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html Finding Healing (Sharmen) ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
I just need someone too trust me and give me grace and love me for who I am. I need someone who won’t give up on me and give me space to heal and not traumatize me again.
A separation might not help if there are children involved. I am divorced and still trapped in a relationship of terrorism with my ex husband who had more resources and less trauma to navigate - weaponize - the family court system. I stayed tenaciously in a 4 year physical separation until it destroyed me, and he used that affect of his own abuse for “his benefit” - at least he thinks temporarily. Now I cannot even work, the threats and bullying are too much. Which he will try to use against me for further custody. I need to be free of the need for his child support as that is the main reason he is trying to destroy me completely. But am in a catch-22. I am also a creative, musician, and writer, and cannot even access that create a part of my brain, because of the extent of being continually in fight or flight mode and living in spirit.
Amen Jailene but I called him again today hoping stupidly he would say sorry to show he is decent and loves me after all the years I spent with him he let me make an idiot of myself again God forgive me I know I have done my share of mistakes but help me get this outta my head
In this moment, I need a lawyer. I'm so thankful for professionals like you. I learned how to take accountability, codependency and gave myself to God. Now, I'm desperate for a lawyer to finish this divorce since he won't be man enough to get out my home. I want my life back...
To David, I am from NZ. My older brother has been on psychoactive drugs for 30 years and have made his life worse as the years have gone by. I have suffered psychological and emotional abuse and nicotine in our house is the root of why my older brother's drug has not been reviewed or ween them off after some many years. Do you know what legal support I can get about why my older brother is on this drug and what I can do to rectify the issue at home. We have Privacy Laws in our country to prevent all or any family members from going to the doctor and talk about medications, etc. My older brother has gone so bad that the drug has opened up doors spiritually to other evil forces in his mind and trying to "smoke" his mind away?????? Just wondering if anyone else is going through any issue like this in this world today. Matt
My girlfriend's last relationship was an emotionally abuse one and sadly her mind associates love with hurt. She loves me so much and she admits it but she tries to push me away because she feels she will hurt me. Her ex also used to tell her words that made her insecure about herself. She even said we are no longer in a relationship because she does not want to hurt me. I love her so much and I want to be a good support and help to her. I don't ask here how to bring the relationship back I am just asking how to help someone who got emotionally abused it affected their mind in this way. What can I do to support?
I would say if you can be patient and not take things personal, then creating good memories with her, travel, share her interests either sport, hobby. Respect her, appreciate her but mostly don’t be judgmental about her. I am talking from my own perspective as someone who has been abuse and almost killed by a narcissist, she still sees you as someone that can hurt her one day, she is being protective to her self before anything happens. It is a coopeing mechanism.
I need space and solitude to reset,unlearn and learn,get to love myself again. I don't want unnecessary chats,texts or calls. Unfortunately, I joined DV support group,that didn't help with my mental health and felt stuck all the time. Started experiencing PTSD so I stepped back from the group and doing well now
Don't feel bad, just understand there are good men out there & this good man will say this, just Reverse that and it would be logical & reasonable for my case of getting beat up hit attacked yelled at abused taken advantage of by my ex gf who left black eyes on me ECT, just cos she wanted her drugs over me, & years ago I walked away from it, blessed to still be alive.... God bless you & take very good care to all who see, Sincerely, ~Paul
Listen, I am in the same situation now and one thing that has helped me is having a few friends I can rely on and trust along with my faith in God. I am also a Mental Health Coach for adults and youth. Please reach out to me anyone who would like to talk. ❤
You ask, what do I need, at this moment . . . I need $ to live on, so I can leave. My job alone will not cover the bills I will have to take on; rent, electric bill, and car insurance - I can manage my car pymt and food. This is what I would need if I can find a rental near my place of work.
They certainly don't just change, just like addicts don't just one day change. It takes hitting rock bottom and an intervention from an experienced professional, and even that doesn't guarantee change, but it allows you to know if change is possible or not. Science has shown that our brains can be rewired, so we know change is possible, it's just that not everyone chooses that path.
Thank You Doctor Hawkins. II though all my wounds had been healed. All done. I'm nearly 56 years of age and a few past horrible feelings are rearing their ugly heads. I react differently now. I immediately & politely stand up for myself these days. I deal with verbally abusive co-workers my marriage ended 20 years ago so it's no longer that environment for me, it's at work. Supervisors know, they speak with the instigator over & over but they still do it and still have their job. I keep telling myself " Chin Up" I DO NOT want the bullies to win by me leaving my job that I really do love. I pray for strength, guidance and courage . If I end up moving on from my job I love maybe they win OR maybe I' m taking care of myself and this is God's Will for me. I will continue paying attention the the signs from above.🙂
The fact that you are aware of what is happening and choosing how you will respond rather than react, is a HUGE step in the right direction. Keep seeking truth and don't let the toxicity seep into your heart and soul. You have to create your own emotional safety, as this video suggests: ruclips.net/video/GJ0Sh1ImVo0/видео.html God bless, thanks for sharing.
Im 38 years old and my father screamed at me over the usage of a conventional can opener. Thats just the most recent. 😢. No support network and im disabled due to organs failing. They denied my case and im waiting on what could be a 10 year appeal process that i probably wont get either. I literally cannot see myself surviving for another 5-10 years due to lack of funds and a completely lack of independence.
So sorry to hear what you are enduring. This is the kind of situation where you have to learn to create emotional safety by creating a space (mental and emotional if not physical) where you protect yourself from unwanted behaviors through boundaries.
This is me constantly feeling abused I use to feel beautiful and vibrant and a natural love for life I realize I need help now I can’t do it on my own the yelling the putting me down everyday the isolation from my family and friends I’m trying to get back to myself I’m starting to consider just leaving and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted he use to cheat really bad and I almost didn’t make it through that the trauma was so severe
I can not allow it to continue. I am totally at his control. I do not want to heal this relationship or change him. It’s been 20 years plus… this is killing me😢
Many of the women we work with are in the same place. A lot of our work is focused on helping them realize that healing themselves is their first priority, not their partner or the relationship. To learn more, please reach out at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
@theodorebrown1111 I don't know your situation but it took me til I was 25 to realise my dad would never meet my base requirement for a parent. Not spoken to him in near a decade and, although hard and sad, my mental health has been leaps and bounds better since. Prayers are with you.
My ex boyfriend almost killed me. I am so angry for allowing him to do this to me, he would do the most appalling things that i can't write them here. What can I do to heal from this man. What do I need is for him to be locked up so he can't hurt others.
As someone who’s been emotionally abused I’m tired. Tired of being blamed for someone else’s actions, not having the resources to get help, and being forced to take responsibility for the actions of the narcissist. It’s always the victim that has to take responsibility and never the perpetrator. All I want is to be left alone and preserve whatever peace I got.
Thanks for sharing. Here are some videos that can help you take some first steps towards healing and that peace of mind you long for.
Healing From Emotional Abuse playlist:
ruclips.net/p/PLzb_gedZa6y5VGEhh3V4Qt_Ksb0CNFdIz
I finally left. With seizures and kids on heroin. I'll never regret it. Whole new book
The bone-weary fatigue is very real. Hope you have escaped and found peace.
@@Peacewithin807 Kim Saeed "Live Your Best Life AftervToxic Relationships" RUclips channel went through same with her young son. Perhaps you could find useful tips from her journey.
I am exactly in your position! Just want to be alone!! I am tired!
When I used to talk to friends about my husbands -Robles, all they said was “you need to leave”. That didn’t help. One day a friend told me what my husbands problem was. He was a passive aggressive covert narcissist, I had no clue what that was so after a lot of YouTubing, I understood it wasn’t my fault and was able to make a plan and escape with my daughter. That was what I needed, I just didn’t know I needed until I was told what the problem was. Good luck to those, still stuck. It is not your fault.
I’ve been gone 3 months today. When does the pain go away
I just walk out from the house with my daughter 4 days ago & we homeless & its hard🥹But i know i do the right things & save myself & my daughter from his abusive behaviour.
@crazygeechee I wouldn't know but I BELIEVE 6 MONTHS TO A YEAR I SFCHANGEOR NECESSARY
After 27 years of marriage & 12 years out of the marriage it was just a few days ago that the light bulb went off and I saw clearly what had/has been happening to me. I’m grateful for the understanding and knowing that it wasn’t me but still deeply hurt & saddened.
@@melor76 pray to the lord 🙏🏻
Deep down the rage in me was building and building from being abused. One day after he continued to emotionally abuse me, I snapped. Gathered my things and left. It was the biggest relief I felt when I got in my car and drove away. That night and next day I slept so long and so good as I was emotionally drained. I refuse to look back as the abuse was terrible. I hope this helps who needs to read this.❤️❤️
Takes alot of courage..good for you
I'm not a victim period. I have been emotionally abused but I'm far from a victim. I signed up for it, even if it was in ignorance. I am taking responsibility for my own well being. He's not going to change. He doesn't have the courage to face himself. I do have the courage to face myself. He's a coward. In this moment I need to be here for myself and be my own best friend. I have strong boundaries and I asked him to leave. He left. He'll never grow. He doesn't have the capacity to be honest with himself. He's emotionally about 12 years old and he's a narcissist. Thanks for the video.
That’s very insightful - you can be abused but not a victim, thanks for sharing!
Did he leave without police intervening? Mine is 💯 financially dependent on me and if he leaves he is homeless with no job and has told me he would never be civil and live in a 5 bedroom house while he got on his feet. He is forcing me to bring I’m the police and restraining orders. It’s so hard for me to hurt him like that. I know it’s destroying me
I'm sorry but ain't that victim blaming yourself it's not your fault some piece of shit barged into your life and made it a living hell you shouldn't be responsible for anything from him
@@june-cz1cw just cuz I signed up for it, doesn't mean I'm responsible for it. I am responsible for myself, not others. I don't take responsibility for the actions of others. I just don't sit around being a victim either. What happened happened. I don't blame others for my state of being.
@@june-cz1cw I never said it was my fault. But I did agree to it prior to incarnating so I could learn what I needed to learn. I learned how to have boundaries and self respect and not to allow others to walk on me or take advantage of me. Those were some of the lessons.
When I was trapped in abusive hell, what I needed was: A safe place to run to. Protection. A clear exit path and plan. Legal and emotional support. I was absolutely blessed with people who helped me out and back on my feet. Now I have independence and peace. No contact, ever again.
You’re one of the lucky ones , many people have no one . I’m truly glad it worked out for you .
@@WendyHannan-pt7ez Like I said, absolutely blessed. I am horrified at the plight of women in my former position who are swinging out all by themselves, and God help them with children to protect and support.
@@WendyHannan-pt7ez The question asked what women in that situation need. Having been through it, I know what we need, specifically. Yes, I was very, very fortunate. When it all collapsed, I thought I was completely alone (we all do), but I had a place to run, and God threw angels in my path.
@@karenk2409 I understand, and some times it’s the people you least expect that give you help and support,. Bless you, and all the women out there, that have the courage to say enough’s enough, marriage and partnerships don’t always last for ever. 😉
you are so blessed. Glad you had people to help you out! Glad you went no contact! Peace! Finally!
I believe that long-term emotional abuse contributes to dementia down the line.
Cognitive dissonance and cognitive decline go hand in hand.
I would love to see data on this though because i believe you are right. So little information out there
The constant fight or flight as a child before they lack the cognitive ability to decipher between good parent bad parent, they can't split the parent because the child needs them to survive. So the child splits and shuts their true self away and that's when the narcissistic qualities are crested as a child. Cortisol constantly spewing from heightened sensitivity to the behavior of the abuser. Over time the hormones are affected with Cortisol. NPD should get blood work done anyone that has been abused should. It affects immune system and hormones levels plus vit D.
Well all stress depletes minerals and that is the cause of All health issues at the root. I’m a mineral analysis practitioner so I’ve got more training in this that the average person. We need lots of trace minerals. Nettle infusions and lots of herbs as infusions are loaded with them
Be careful what you believe or you will create that in your life.
I need one person on this planet that believes me and emotionally supports me. Just one person.
I believe you!!!!
I’m in the same spot 😢 the loneliness is real
I believe you. Please read what I put in the comments here. I believe that, very tragically, the more we ask to be believed, the less people care that we are. I've become very convinced that speaking about the abuse we've endured is not only moot, but. egregiously deleterious to the prevention of further abuse. Think about it. You wish to be believed, but aren't. And then you're punished for making it up, or being weak, or being worthy of being beaten. Don't speak.
This is wat i use to say when i was in relationship w narcissistic girl she abused me to the hell despite i loved her the most.. now i feel i need no human relationship
I believe you just as I believe myself. The amount of people who don’t believe you will always outnumber those that will believe you. It doesn’t make it any less true. And one day, it’ll all show and then no one can deny it anymore.
People do NOT help you if you're a target of Narc abuse, NOR with the trauma, OR with the real life fall-out or recovery. Not when you're a child, not when you're a teen, not when you're an adult, not when you're elderly. In fact, most will either abandon you, or avoid you, or make all kinds of distance from you, or they'll see it as an opportunity to either manipulate you, or to turn against you along WITH the Narcissist and their group.
What do I need in this day ? What I always needed. Basic and normal support from other human beings regarding what I'm dealing with, the effects on my life and my health, and as an adult, normal support for parenting my son, all things that most people take very much for granted.. None of which anyone has ever given me, save my ex's Mom just in the last few years who's ninety two years old, and who gets it because she's still dealing with it. There's only so much she can do with support, but she is there, and I'm there for her as well. Without going around and around in circles trying to maneuver out of effort, accountability, shame, or guilt, like most people I've ever known, since I was a child, have done.
You are absolutely right, you need support and resources to not just help you cope but to help you heal. We pray you find the support you need. Please reach out if you would like to learn about our healing programs marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/
Exactly people make you feel more ashamed by not being ok
I completely agree that people abandon you over the years watching you deteriorate. I think they just maybe don't understand it and don't know what to say or do to truly help. My mom has always been into tough love type of helping or advising so she will give me the answer of "although I understand what you're going through and I feel for you I can't enable you by helping you to not help yourself" but sometimes I really just need the help and support of others to be able to pull myself up because I've got to get things together around me in order to function. I feel like I need a starting point!
You wrote this better than I could. But this is exactly what I need as well.
I feel the same way. I feel TOTALLY alone. I think friends care but the truth is my trauma and my problems only scare people away. Even my sister who shares the trauma cannot handle my inability to do something about my situation. I feel like I have nobody and I am slowly falling apart. I put a facade of bravery, energy, excitement. All things I used to have ... now I feel defeated, lost, scared, lonely. I want things to work with my husband, I want him to see how he's hurting me. I know I've made mistakes but he uses my mistakes to beatdown my spirit.. he even uses my childhood trauma against me, which breaks my heart. I don't have economic stability to do anything about this. I'm afraid that he will leave me and try to take the kids. He says he wouldn't do that but he constantly threatens me. then he denies is and says I'm crazy and I'm a liar. He gaslights me so much to the point where he tell me I'm the one gaslighting him. I don't know what to do. I need help please.
I am leaving the narcissist. Good luck in trying to heal a narcissist. Don't hold your breath waiting for that.
@@sallydr there is just no confronting them is there. We are living in a time of spoiled brats. Dangerous, life wrecking spoiled brats. Our culture has trained everyone to sit back and watch people suffer and spend their lives trying to work their way out of it alone than lift a finger. They are steeped in backwash with all the mercy for the perpetrator while high and drying those they trash. There aren't any heros and its time we forget this lame mantra. How does anyone take glory in surviving abandoning others and making excuses for bullies never saying they are wrong and with an agenda (narcissism). Having no compassion towards the true victim of all these dynamics is warped and sick, just what the narcissist counts on. It's a form of enabling them. It's time the world grew up and got the facts straight and returned to a conscience. Those who've been there know how it feels supposedly and are without excuse abandoning others. It seems fashionable to have no problems I guess
A lot of people try to help by saying “just don’t think about it.” or “it’s in the past.” I can’t just turn off my PTSD and trauma… domestic violence causes permanent damage…
One does not just "get over" trauma. Trauma recovery therapy can help tremendously.
Those comments actually mean, "I don't want to hear about this anymore, so stop talking about it and just be happy." It's a kind of gaslighting, even among well-meaning friends. Healing takes time along with understanding just what happened to you and building a life without that abusive dynamic. It is part of your life experience and memories, it never completely goes away - that's ridiculous.
@@TrippyTrash1999 yes thank you, into Hawkins for the response, I don't feel so alone, same thing happens to me too, the let It Go or I think too much don't think about it it's in the past... I got to write that down trauma recovery therapy somewhere I got to find.
I have been married to a man who has been emotionally abusive for 19 years. He refuses to get help. He’s not going to change until he can admit to it and is ready to change. I’ve reached the point where I just want peace, and emotional recovery.
Many women come to us who are in the same place - they are so emotionally exhausted and finally ready to focus on their own emotional well-being and healing rather than expending all their energy on their spouse and on the relationship. Learn about our emotional abuse recovery program: marriagerecoverycenter.com/redeemed/
Or contact us at marriagerecoverycenter.com/contact-us/
Please get help for yourself forget trying to change him. You want to change so get help.
Same, I have neglected myself from the emotional abuse from a twenty year marriage. Everyone else sees him as the perfect husband and he's at the top of his game in his career. So he gets calls for another employee on how do I fix this corporation problem? When it was supposed to be our time after him being on the road for days to a week I was left with toddlers to care for. I put them in my mother's care since she wanted to keep her first grandchild, a boy. I worked fifty hours being a people pleaser job. Would do research to help people discover their heritage or where did my great great grandma get the land we now live on. I remember being five months pregnant with my first child. If you've ever been in a courthouse. Well the old handwritten books were two foot by three foot but I'd pull those off the shelf for the county resident to read. I ended up explaining because they had no clue. Much was what they were told on how Great Great Grandma wasn't matching up with what a judges order in the 50's. Only to later learn my mother was a narcissist.i had my children being watched by a narcissist. It took me weeks to go back over this mom had done to me as a child but I thought she'd changed, I guess. I needed help and she was there. My brother was twelve years older than me and he was in his later forties when he married a Russian lady. When they had children mine got pushout out the door. We paid mom to care for our children and paid very well. I had to distance myself and my children from her narcissist behaviors. She's bad and you can't get through to her. She's destroyed others in the family as well.
Me too❤
@@drdavidbhawkins is there anyway I can talk to you I really need help
What i need in this moment is to be loved.
im bed bound many years after many abusive relationships, physical and emotional, mental traumatic events since early childhood, i can't hardly walk,had head and body injuries too from them, hopeing GOD will heal me from it all.
What do I need? I've needed to emotionally discharge the negative energy by being heard. Then safety, space, sleep and rest, support. Solitude for clarity.
Oboy, you got that right! One of the first things I did was find a therapist to listen to me, because I didn't want to wear out my (very good) friends with all the crap I needed to get out. Then a lawyer to finally sever all ties and enforce a protective order. Then time - to sleep, rest, scream and cry in private, solitude for clarity. Then - very important - I had to decide on a path for my purpose in life at that moment that was not focused on everything I had lost. Here came the covid lockdown. I picked going for a college degree online and it made me feel better about myself, gave me something to aspire to, and helped me redefine who I was. Whatever is your purpose, now is the time to find it and work your heart out for it. You have to replace the poison with something positive.
It is absolutely horrific to be on the end of it. I had to tell my ex husband over 50 times in messages, in therapy that his emotional abuse was killing me. Not once did he stop it and neither did our therapist stop it either.
When you tell others they do not believe you and then you have to deal with the defamation of character and smear campaign on top of it
Yes. They do not stop what is killing us. They act like we asked them to go to the moon... When it is a simple thing that will solve the problem. This is all done on purpose.. Gaslighting etc
You know now that if he cared a whit about your pain, he wouldn't have abused you in the first place. People often do not want to believe you; it's uncomfortable and they tend to back away or be angry at you for exposing him. The defamation of character and smear campaign (completely predictable) is horrible, and you will lose people you thought were friends or family - talk about a trial by fire - but now they have told you who they are, and you must let them go (or go no contact) and move on. I survived by isolating myself socially and emotionally as much as possible until I gradually rebuilt myself and my sadder but wiser life. Last, please find your own counselor (mine helped alot), as "our" counselor never works with a manipulative abuser; he drives you crazy, then you are condemned for being crazy, and the counselor will be drawn in. I wish you well on your journey to peace and safety!
Amazing. Because I lived this too. And I know it to be true with these blood suckers. They just do so in a different way.
What I needed was the realize my power to no longer be a victim and help getting out of the relationship, knowing he could only change himself. 10 yrs later, he is still the same, but I have grown!!
What I need now is how to ever have another relationship and trust someone else again.
So glad to hear you found your power. Leaving doesn't equate to healing, now the healing work begins. If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out to info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
The million dollar move…I have been out of a relationship for more than a decade…it’s the most difficult thing for me..I opted to remain single.
In this moment, I would like validation and honesty about the reality of what has happened. I can offer it to myself, but - we can be wounded by others and then, also healed by them. Healthy, supportive connections are key to recovery. And also walking away from these dangerous relationship situations.
If there is disposition.
They will NEVER, EVER change.
The fact is narcissistic abuse destroys your life and resources. Victims are rarely able to self support or even have the resources to self support. It's like being in a major car accident and being hospitalized for months in a coma. Victims of narcissistic abuse need first and foremost the ability to self support even before prosecution of abuse.
Yes, thanks for that perspective. This is the reason so many women feel stuck in their situation with no way out.
I agree but it's not only women that are subject to narcissistic abuse.
My life has been destroyed by narcissistic torture. I've done my best to repel borders but in the end they will suck you dry and leave you with nothing. I'm sleeping in the woods with nothing but what I was able to escape with and no hope of recovery. My life is destroyed and the narcissistic criminals go unprosecuted while I continue to suffer. There is nothing I can do.
If I was asked what I need, I would say closure. I ended the relationship but still feel like I'm going insane 😢
The disrespect was closure. You are worth more than what he put you through! You will have better just hang on to this thought and go no contact
I promise: Your closure will have nothing to do with him. He will never give that to you. Your closure will be the day you finally can close that door behind you and look forward to the life ahead, when your feelings about him are indifference. All that energy will then be focused on your own well-being. That's the best closure ever. (Been there, done that!}
@@karenk2409praying for the day i’m able to close the door
I know how you feel, it's so hard, but sometimes you wish they would just listen instead of reacting, I get you
Emotional abuse is just the shittiest thing in the world! It has taken me in the past 18 years from a wonderful mother and productive member of society to absolutely nothing. I don't need him to change at this point. I just need me to find a piece of me, just a small enough piece to stand up and move on. I just don't have any energy to even do that.
Praying you find healing. Here's a video you may find helpful as you begin to think about how to heal: ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
Me too. I was married for 22 years and my ex-husband and I divorced. He can’t date it so what I’ve been online it lasted for months and we broke up that I dated a bit from my gym that I’ve known for years. Headed up that somehow my ex-boyfriend contacted his ex girlfriend claimed that I was cheated he was cheating I wasn’t but for three years I’ve been playing prove myself innocent and I’ve lost all my discipline
😢I can relate it to you and finding ways time to come out of it.
@@619mom8 the fact that you feel the need to prove yourself innocent is why he uses it against you. It obviously bothers you so much to be accused of it that you need to fix that opinion but you're not going to fix his opinion because he probably knows better but at this point he's getting reinforced by your reaction and need to defend. If you can learn to keep it to yourself and just say whatever and go about your business without letting it bother you then that will give you the best results that you could hope for.
Sometimes you just have to go for it. There are safe houses where women can go to helip mak the transition ❤️
He/she is never going to change, People can't seem to grasp this fact and move on, once that line is crossed and you let the other person mistreat you it's over.
Agreed I'm hopeful he'll seek out this program but I have my doubts and I need to walk away somehow, so hard
That’s the problem these abuser’s pick kind hearted good people . We think we can change them, we can’t they’re incapable of change, and some times we find out too late. I’m so glad there’s awareness out there, on abuse and narcissism.
Hello i am from south korea, i found this channel long times ago but i couldn't finish this relationship. But i finish this painful relationship today (just few hours ago). I used to ask him not disappear without reason. But he did it again than we fought. He called me i am hysteric person all the time. I thought i will be fine after break up but i am so painful. I cannot imagine how i can handle all these pain... Even i couldnt sleep well long times ago but i dont feel sleep. Night time and morning are the most painful time. I am reading all thia channel comments that makes me feel better amd right choice.
I feel like nobody understands that men go through this too.
Yes, it's especially hard for men who are victimized by narcissistic women because of the lack of information specifically addressing this, although most of the information applies to both situations. Women are the ones that are seeking the help and the information and reaching out. We all need to do a better job, including us, with gender neutral language and educating the public that it goes both ways.
Narcissism is a terrible trait that does not discriminate. 😢 any person can have it and I've personally seen the worst in women.
I'm not a narcissist, but I was horribly emotionally abusive to my husband. I finally really saw how i was hurting him and stopped. Point blank period. Now I'm looking for ways to help him heal from what I did to this beautiful man.
You should look up Dr David Edgington.
A hug
I need to feel warmth.
Yes, we are all designed for connection, touch and warmth as you so aptly put it. We hope you find all the love you deserve. God Bless.
I need connection. To be able to hug someone and have eye contact, understanding, validation. And not with him. It has to be someone I feel I can trust, and I don’t think I feel safe with him now.
Intimacy can only exist in a safe environment. Safety must be established first before you can begin to work on connection and intimacy. Please reach out if you want to know how we can help. info@marriagerecoverycenter.com (206) 219-0145
I would say learn to love and trust yourself first. If you don’t, you will end up in another abusive relationship. Learning to be by yourself and loving yourself will make you strong. Of course, I don’t know you or your circumstances so this is only meant with love. I am sure that many people on here who have been through similar things are giving you long distance hugs and validation.❤
Just left my abuser after 10 years of bad domestic violence and emotional abuse and I'm so damaged and so angry inside that I feel like I don't wanna be here anymore. I don't wanna live in pain and anger forever. Its changed me into a person I hate. I'm so damaged 💔
Here are some videos that we hope can get you started on your healing journey. Healing is possible. ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
Get yourself back. Let him and the emotions go. He doesn't own u anymore. U deserve to be here. He does not. Find yourself again. Bless your heart ♥
I hear you. I wasted my life on a narc. I feel the same way.
The pain he caused you is his. Focus on healing yourself. Much love to you, Star.
My problem is that I have no money to leave. We have a 5 year old together. I have no support circle, my self esteem is in the toilet (always has been to be honest), I would have to find a way to pay bills and get my son on and off the bus (or to and from school). I don't have family that can help with that. I feel completely stuck. I have a bachelor's degree and an insurance license but I don't make enough money to live on my own so I stay here stuck. I feel so hopeless. I've also been raised with similar treatment to what my partner does to me and so this hopelessness, low self esteem and self worth is so deep seeded in me. I also only realize the treatment isn't normal when I spend some time with other people and see that they are not treated like that.
Here is a video that offers women insight and encouragement on how to move forward in your healing when you don't feel like you have much options. We have many more videos that can help you in your healing journey, particularly the ones by Sharmen Kimbrough, she primarily works with the women, so please check out our channel.
ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
I know how you feel.
I'm in this same exact situation I feel so deeply for you. I long to be romantically loved and appreciated by someone before I leave this earth.
@BFRIZZLE909 I think the answer is 12 step program for codependent people, (I remember It's called coda or something)
I understand your pain and feel the same, so I've chose to try this maybe it's a way out. Because codependent people are in danger contacting with abusers in most cases.
I can empathize with you. I am so sorry. I have been in the hopeless state also. Praying God helps you!
Thank you. This validated my suspicion of my parents so much. The immature behaviour patterns, constantly being made to feel smaller, restricting post or outright hurting your feelings. Love and healing
Thank you for asking and genuinely wanting to know how to help. Thank you for holding abusers accountable in the name of lasting change. I appreciate you and your ministry.
What I desperately needed was a place to go where I would be heard and believed.
My ex husband and I went to counseling. Within a month he had convinced the counselor that all the marriage problems were a result of me not understanding my value in Christ, and my anger issues. She was patient and lenient with him and highly critical and strict with me. She refused to celebrate any forgiveness or healing I did unless I was completely healed. And she joked around with him as her form of holding him accountable for his actions (that he didn't disclose, and she had to weasel out of him). Clearly she was not trauma-informed, nor did she recognize the signs of abuse within marriage.
I didn't feel safe at home. I didn't feel safe with the counselor. I needed a place to feel safe. So I tried talking with my pastors' wives and elders' wives, and Bible study members. I even talked with a couple of my pastors about the abuse (I even named it with one of them), and they did nothing. They didn't offer me an opportunity to talk about it. They never asked if I or the kids were in danger.
I was left to discover, navigate, and leave the abuse on my own. I was left to build a new life on my own. I was left to handle post-separation abuse (stalking, harassing, trespassing, attempts to change the kids's schedules on my time) all by myself. And my reward after leaving was being shunned by many of my friends, and passive-aggressively marginalized, silenced, and eventually pressed out of my own church of a decade.
I owe my life and sanity to the dozen or so friends who were there for me, and who listened to my story time and time again. Twenty months after leaving, I'm discovering that the most traumatizing part about being in an emotionally and psychologically abusive marriage has been the lack of support for me and my kids, and the lack of accountability for him. To this day I am unaware that his actions were questioned by his (formerly our) church, the community college where he teaches, or the National Guard. The "poor poor man whose wife left him" has loads of supporters. In the meantime, I get to re-build my life basically alone.
What so many of us need is a list of trauma-informed counselors or pastors or even just lay-people. That's a huge undertaking, I understand, and it will require consistent updating. But I can't keep wondering if support for me and my kids, and accountability for him would have resulted in him thinking twice about stalking, trespassing, and harassing me for the past 20 months. Him hitting rock bottom sooner might actually have caused him the sorrow he needed to change his behavior. As it sits, he seems to have no reason to change his behavior. And his story is not isolated. How many women and children could be spared from stalking and harassment if the church made it clear that it is willing to take the time to identify toxic behavior and only support those who should be supported...you know, Matthew chapter 5 and Proverbs-type of stuff.
Thank you, again, for asking. It means a lot that you even care to discover the truth, much less continue to act on it.
Thanks for sharing your story - it will help many others who are in similar situations. You are so right about the need for trauma recovery work, this is why trauma recovery is a big part of what we do. We even have an EMDR therapist that works with adults and children to help them overcome trauma. To learn more, please reach out at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
I need to stop seeing myself through his eyes.
I am not exaggerating, crazy or anything else he keeps saying I am.
But I am always afraid people will believe him.
I left 9 years ago-he is still taking me to court over virtually nothing.
What if the judge believes him? I am financially devastated and I cannot afford to defend myself anymore.
Keep grounding yourself in the truth and shift your focus off him and his actions so you can keep moving towards complete healing and freedom.
Even if you do lose, it will all turn out in the end. God has your back 🙏🏻
And he has the money for that what a shit system
I don’t need anything from him. I just need to learn how to be myself and live again. Once I do that I may or may not be able to tolerate him but at least I’ll have the clarity and confidence to move on if I need to.
You are exactly right! If you want help reclaiming your identity after emotional abuse, check out our Redeemed healing program: marriagerecoverycenter.com/redeemed/
I know this video is old and I haven't read comments from others yet but I just don't think people really understand what we go through. For 7 years and counting not even married I have been treading water every second of every single day to just push through and merely survive. Listen the truth is at least for me all my energy and time is taken from him as I deal endlessly with lies, repaing situations he put us in, his blaming me and the excuses come from a bottomless bucket. He is one person outside our house to EVERYONE but to me he is the devil and no one knows. He lies about me. But that is the least of my cares anymore. He is incapable of having a conversation with me. Sometimes I look in his direction and he starts screaming at me. That's all it took. My very presence. I've attempted to work but he sabotage every opportunity I've been given. He's taught my children to lie to me. More often than not if I ask him a question he doesn't acknowledge that I spoke a word. He calls me every name under the sun. I have been desperate to get out. But I'm 41. I have 3 children 2 of whom are young. He literally yells at me to move out but we have 1 car in his name that's worth maybe 1000.00 we live below poverty line. We live 2 hours from all family and friends. Plus I have no where to go with 2 kids. I went for help at a women's shelter but because I hadn't been physically assaulted that time they would not help me. I have no money haven't worked in years now. No car. No shelter that will help us. I have my name on a waiting list through the government. But the list can take years before there is an opening. I put him in jail for hitting me about 3 years ago and it was me who completed his probation requirements because he refused to and knew if I let him go back to jail the kids and I would have no money to survive on. He had fines as well and it was I that had to go to the court and pay them for him. They were finally paid off 2 months ago. There is so much no one has any clue. But the worse is in the daily living because it's daily surviving . There is nothing more to give to make a plan for ourselves. And most days I'm just trying to keep my sanity in tack as best as I can. I've made it this long by God's grace alone. I've aged far faster than I probably should have. I definitely have physical pitfalls from living with a continuous racing heart and stress that never leaves and often is heightened like right or flight. Sometimes once a day sometimes little less. And sometimes more. I would give anything to have the wil power to figure things out beyond him. But there just isn't any thing left. I'm depleted. I'm drained. I'm used and abused. I hide in silence in my reality because no one would believe me anyway. I merely survive another day. Thanks for taking the time to read a glimpse of my life,
Mary from Michigan
Mary, keep strong, for you n your kids, hugs for you in your healing journey, I wish you all the best. Take care god bless you Avril ❤🙏😇
I need justice for all the years of trauma from my husband and family that is still ongoing
In my own situation and trying to deal with and get away from the narcissist, my most immediate need was food and money for gas to go to work to pay bills and mortgages. There was no room for thinking about healing. It’s survival mode.
As a man who was in a two year abusive relationship with a woman, this was incredibly validating. It’s hard to find videos for men in abusive relationships, but abuse is abuse no matter what gender. Trying to move on and recover.
I'm sorry you went through that and that there aren't many resources for men going through this. That must be a lot to carry. I pray for your healing. You deserve peace and to feel better. And you never deserved poor treatment from anyone. Keep seeking resources ❤
Especially if the woman lacks empathy... Be glad you caught on quickly and got out. Many will marry to insediously abuse the spouse.. Emotionally.
My mom was emotionally abusive. All my relationships ended up the same way. I think its because i didn't see the red flags, since i was raised in it. Long story short i stopped dating years ago and working on my health. My medical doctors cant find anything causing my physical pain and constant fatigue, im researching how emotional abuse can cause these symptoms. Im 54 now and im sick of being sick. How do i overcome the emotional abuse, so i can have a life
A covert narcissist does not respond to boundaries.
They will not. Period.
No matter what style of holding the boundary is offered. You’ve tried it all and they respect zero, none of it.
And they may (will) become more forceful in their push against the boundary.
I had to leave.
I had no choice.
I cocooned for a while, got the help I need to stop blaming myself, am still cocooning.
The cocooning is not the same as withdrawal.
It is where I can feel the stronger, healed me nurturing my way back.
There IS room for laughter again!
At first I was angry about having to rebuild my life. At 65 it’s not what I envisioned or even thought would happen. But you know what’s worse? Staying. Having no hope. Pretending it’s ok or thinking it’s my fault.
I’m human. So yeah, I’m not perfect. AND I deserve peace, happiness, love and respect. So do you.
Narcissist will NEVER change even to their death bed. I had a NM. It was hell all the way.
Your words have given me the courage to know the path I'm taking for me is right.
Separation is a VERY DANGEROUS step from a mentally ill irrational human being. The only way it worked for me was to take my child and escape to a women's refuge. You CAN'T REWIRE these people with therapy. My mum was the same. She is in her seventies, still lying, conning money. ,still causing trouble, A complete separation from my parents and ex partner worked, It is the only way. He tried to shoot me with a crossbow when I got a court restriction and said "Do you think a piece of paper will stop this?!Go...far away
I just need a hug from someone saying that no matter what I will not let anyone harm you ever again and will do anything to protect you 😭💔
You must do that for yourself my dear.
I need peace in my life. No mental abuse but Ill stand my ground.
I was there many years ago , and for so many years . I didn't realize it was emotional abuse at the time . I did go to a psychologist because my husband said " You go fix you because I'm fine " I'm 89 years old now and that person died last year and I me still having nighmares about the things that happened .
With respect, as a male who is very experienced, and well studied, in narcissistic personality disorder, from the victim perspective, I can tell you, if those guys are not cluing in on their obvious degeneracy within an hour or two, of a therapist's well articulated descriptions of it, then they are no different than a criminal minded person, and willfully not accepting Truth, or it is not being articulated well to them. Because, I know myself, and I know I was a narcissist, on my natural path from childhood, and I know, it was simple self reflection, and self observation about a few simple issues, that changed that part of me, and helped me grow. It didn't change evrything baout me, or require some great sacrifice, in fact it was liberating to relalize I had no reason to insult a lot of people and things I had been.. It was a mature, adult, process of decisions and growth, from observing what behavior s were hurting me or hurt others, and stopping me from being the person I believed I was, and who I wanted to be. The narcissist just goes through life believing they are that picture of themselves, without ever really figuring out what they know and don't know. It's pathetic, cz they will even project this onto others, and still not be able to see it in themselves
I believe the truly traumatized, false identity builders, are one type, and the other type is the dethroned intellect. The first type does not understand their way, the second type, absolutely knows their way, and may even feel some guilt, but ultimately convince their self that they are acting righteously. The first type builds their ID up, unaware of when they are fooling themselves, they are blocking pain from resurfacing by making the choice they do, not trying to hurt someone, if that's the feedback they get, they just have to use their own logic, and selected facts, to disagree. But the dethroned intellect, does know they are fabricating, assuming, slandering, they just believe themselves, because believing that guy is smarter than me, isn't going to happen. It's pathological achievement, addiction to greatness, whether you actually have it or not. Devaluing others who may be more great than you, is simply just another logical tactic to get ahead. That's the part they don't know they are doing, they don't know how their assumptions are hidden dishonesty, how their slander is self serving, and not educating people about bad things. But they know they answer a question with what they want to be true, but don't know for sure, they always leave out the 'not sure' part.
I'm believing less and less that narcissists are strictly managing trauma, and working from a blind book of their motivations. You know, many people experience trauma, and don't become a complete jerk, and dishonest, etc. And most narcs do quite well for themselves, that's the idea, right. I see the trauma management too, but others, I know didn't undergo much trauma more than a strict parent, and they simply are just insecure, and usually smart -ish people, but not THE smartest in their sphere, and THAT is what they can't get past. They fabricate discrediting stories only of THAT person. They are only narcs to people who threaten their perceived, or real, status, as the smart one. These are both coverts, but 2 distinct animals.
In fact, I even wonder if the dethroned is a disorder, or just being a c***. But they do hit all the markers.... Because if you just told people about the specific bad behavior, they will believe you, most of it,. But if you tell them the person has NPD, they don't believe you. This is KEY, to understanding these people.....And for the narc, It's like, ok, well, this, this and this, are ridiculous, why would you do that to someone? Well they can't answer for it either, and they start to think about it. But, if you tell them they have NPD, they blow you off, and others will let them. For one you are not a psychologist, so how would you know. And, the individual specific behaviors, the narc has learned to dismiss, or counter your complaint to make you look like you are weak and just want to hurt them, that's how they win! They are smarter than logic and facts, and others are not smart enough to decide who is honest and who is not. THAT'S the HEART of the problem! ... I'm glad I kept typing, I was struggling to find it, but that's it, trust me.
This is destroying the world. And, as I say, it's very black and white, and easy to understand. You either know or you don't. Most people go through life thinking what they 'believe' is true, is what is actually true. Complete fools, and if you ask me losers. Weak, tit sucking, pathological dummies, all to avoid a second of embarrassment, in their eyes. .. And, just as bad are the people who listen, and follow wherever there is less friction, completely not concerned with Truth, or deciding for themselves who the victims are. .
Narcissism has been like some sort of tragic Shakespearean comedy for me. Over and over and over. All angles and areas of life. I'll tell you, don't be smart, or moral around others, it's worse than, leprosy and aids and ebola all put together. All I have wanted for 15 yrs, is to be left alone, but that is also not allowed. 'You' will not insult us, by rejecting our abuse.... So, that makes peaceful society with no victims a mathematical impossibility.
Peace
Some of how you're describing the styles of narcs reminds me of HG Tudor's descriptions. If you haven't already found his work, I recommend. He is a diagnosed psychopathic narcissist, but his insight into himself and "others of his kind" is revelational. He doesn't hide his narcissism. Anyway, I appreciate your comment. You have a lot of insight.
@@kaylaschroeder1 ... and you have my gratitude, that you got something from it, ty. When I just read it, I shook my head at how poorly I write sometimes. My thoughts are so much faster than my fingers, I'm constantly trying to remember where I was going, and sometimes don't get there. lol
* which, I mean, on that note, your name is a pretty ironic and concise description of what I was doing here, and do often, lol. This helps me a lot with remembering what I've articulated to myself, and correcting myself as I go. I guess it substitutes for talking to someone. Need to hear it aloud to have a better chance of sticking ... Even more deeply though, it could be used to describe me overall. I have always made sure my thoughts get heard, and that is, 'thinking loud' :) ... It also very much makes one vulnerable, so be careful out there.
Peace
The majority don’t care and don’t care to know or understand because they think it’s all about them.
@@blackopal3138 the whole making sure your thoughts are heard thing resonates with me
We are what you would consider Verbal Processors. I struggled with my need to be heard until I figured out this little bit and it helped me to not be so hard on myself.
@@blackopal3138 I think narcissistic abuse is a crime of 21 century, and narc abusers should be isolated as dangerous for the other people. Sorry for all the victims of this phenomenon. Hope one day our society and planet will be clean from narcs and emotional abuse.
Abuse isn't limited to gender roles. He isn't always the abuser and she isn't always the victim.
Thank you for recognising how we feel. I live in a country where there is not proper help because the therapist don't seem to have a clue about this topic.
I am luckily healing and currently have no-contact. Healing is possible, you are all so beautiful. Do not let other people determine who you are, or what you are worth. The only time that someone perceives or speaks of you becomes true is whenever you believe it yourself as well, because you are the only one who knows your truth. Don’t let them convince you of your worth, luckily in this life, you get to decide your own worth. You are smart, you are kind, you are strong, you are resilient, and I promise that you can come out on the better side of this. The second that you start healing is the second that everything gets easier. you are not psychotic, insane, or mentally ill for coming to terms with what is being done to you by another human being, you are simply acknowledging facts and deciding to change your perspective based on those facts. You don’t need to live this lie anymore. You are perfect just the way you are. You are human, forgive yourself and heal yourself, there is hope I promise.
Sometimes the realization doesn’t hit us in our early 20’s but now at 35, I feel like he “won” if you will. I feel like he made me so weak & feel so unworthy that he won & today I feel like nothing
I was emotionally abused by my wife. You use the sterotypical gender role pronouns in this video, but the same thing happened to me, even though the gender pronouns should be reversed in my case, and there are countless other men who have also suffered from covert natc abuse by female partners.
Yes, we absolutely agree it goes both ways and offer help to men and women who are suffering from emotional abuse. Here is a video you may find helpful: ruclips.net/video/N68Ch10E51k/видео.html
Very important. Thank you for sharing this.
Hey Chad, I was abused by my wife as well. I made the mistake going to this guy. He lied to me and acted just like a narcissist himself. I had not even got through the grievance process and he listened to my abuser and ignored everything I told him. When I asked him why he did not address female Narcissist in his videos? He immediately got angry and retorted to me that he didn't like my criticism of that and that he had only seen male not female narcissist in his practice. I responded so you mean your patients are representing the hole narcissist population? Then he went on to tell me his friends would call me a narcissist but not him. But isn't saying it already!!? This guy hates men for what reason? Maybe he hates himself and is taking it out on every man that he suckered in. His treatment emboldened my wife to continue her abuse on me that I had to stay in motels to get away from her violent temper. The cops have had to come to get her off of me. All thanks to this loser!!!!
@@drdavidbhawkins never did that with me being abused by wife. I suffered so much more abuse from this so called specialist about nothing at all. He emboldened my wife's abuse even more to the point the police had to come to our home because of her violent temper. I told him everything and he turned everything against me and abused me with my wife at the Sametime in so called therapy!!!!!. Look at all the videos he turns off the comments. It's not because people are saying bad stuff. It's because he can'tet the truth come out the he is indeed a Narcissist. This man has a special place in hell waiting for him.
@@seangallagher6124 I understand. I got so bad off I developed CPTSD. And my brain went crazy. I got so bad that I started saying things I did not mean. I made threats and accusatiions toward the pastor, pushing him away, but down deep I never meant them nor wanted to hurt him, I was just wanting the pain to heal.
Physical and emotional narcissistic and neglect of abuse has gone back in my family at least four generations.
With skilled help, learned behaviors can be changed, generational patterns can be broken. Family history and past trauma needs to be addressed. We use EMDR in our practice to help people overcome past trauma and DBT to correct thinking errors. For more info, please reach out at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
@@drdavidbhawkins I totally agree that learned behaviors can be changed I did that. But I didn't use therapy I used my Bible thank you for the information and the people that you helped.
I need a safe place to live where I’m not surrounded by constant gaslighting and abuse.
just started the healing. I just need to trust people again and feel safe. I need to feel safe.
What is profoundly misunderstood is that being abused once, is only the beginning. Women are encouraged to "seek help" to speak out. That, unfortunately, is the beginning of abuse everlasting. Once you tell that you've been abused, people figure that you're open and up for more of it, and made for it. If abusive men are disparaged, abused women are seen as weak willing participants.
So I respectfully disagree that seeking help following the first abuse promotes healing. In fact it propels more, and worse, abuse everlasting.
I’m not stupid in that. I’m hoping that my douche bag of a partner will change. I’m aware of that. I’ve just been beaten down emotionally and spiritually that I have no give a shit left in me. The answer to your question is; I need a lifeline. I need a friend to provide me with normalcy, a place where I can cry and be myself.. I need someone to go have coffee. I need a friend because at this point, I’ve lost all of mine or alienated them for him.
If you cannot find a lifeline in your sphere of friends at this time, a counselor can offer a lifeline, clarity, support, guidance, all those things. Please reach out if you want some help. (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com
I read this and it's 100% how I feel. I now know he will never change. After 9 years of this I have nothing left. No friends, no family, no assets. I literally have nothing. Now it's just trying to scrape myself up off the pavement to just take the first step of making any decisions for myself. It feels impossible right at this moment.
We need people that can measure the emotional pain in others.
I need just one person to actually love me.
Dr Hawkins, my first love was a narcissist for 7 years on and off we “dated”. This relationship changed me/ confused me. It’s been 4 years since I talked to him, I’m in a committed healthy relationship that I’ve never been able to fully invest in. He reached out to me and explained how he’s changed. Now I’m all steered up sick to myself. I thought I healed but now I’ve lost 10 lbs in 3 days because of where I am and what I think I want. My wires are crossed I don’t have a dad to look to or council with, what’s wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this..
Yes.. You need to stop putting your well-being on the back burner
Thank you for your podcasts. They are so very helpful and needed as validation especially for Christian wives. My pastor husband is a passive aggressive covert narcissist. I’ve just separated myself from him.
The abuse of a narcissist gave me cancer
I believe you. My now decased negligent covert narcissist husband's first wife died of breast cancer that he did not know about because she just wanted to die and have peace and knew that if she told him he would insist she have treatment. 40 plus years and daily frustration with a husband that was emotionall abusive yet never 'saw' her other than as a servant and housekeeper wore her down...and her whole immune system. I hope you are recovering well from your cancer and are also free of your narc.
Thank you i have been crying so hard listening to you. Keep up the good work
So glad it resonates with you, we hope it's been helpful.
I need someone who cares. I have no one. No car, barely can work, my health is horrible. I have to rely on him for everything. Just as he wanted. My marriage is killing me.
We hope you are able to find some kind of support group, friend, church group that can provide the support you need. In the meantime, we have many videos on healing that we hope can help.
Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse
ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: ruclips.net/video/u9XkQuHLEJY/видео.html
Spouse Won't Go To Counseling!
What Are My Options?
ruclips.net/video/O0Q_In9nKKI/видео.html
Finding Healing (Sharmen)
ruclips.net/video/I5N5t_mQiTA/видео.html
Girl!!!!!!! Me toʻoooo lol
I just need someone too trust me and give me grace and love me for who I am. I need someone who won’t give up on me and give me space to heal and not traumatize me again.
A separation might not help if there are children involved. I am divorced and still trapped in a relationship of terrorism with my ex husband who had more resources and less trauma to navigate - weaponize - the family court system. I stayed tenaciously in a 4 year physical separation until it destroyed me, and he used that affect of his own abuse for “his benefit” - at least he thinks temporarily. Now I cannot even work, the threats and bullying are too much. Which he will try to use against me for further custody. I need to be free of the need for his child support as that is the main reason he is trying to destroy me completely. But am in a catch-22.
I am also a creative, musician, and writer, and cannot even access that create a part of my brain, because of the extent of being continually in fight or flight mode and living in spirit.
❤❤❤
I need to stay away for good and heal, be happy learn to love myself all over again.
Yes, learning to love yourself is the most important of journeys. Thanks for your comment
Amen Jailene but I called him again today hoping stupidly he would say sorry to show he is decent and loves me after all the years I spent with him he let me make an idiot of myself again God forgive me I know I have done my share of mistakes but help me get this outta my head
Thank you so much for your love!
The one I know truely cares and has an incredible understanding of the abuse I don't want to destroy what is real and safe
A 76 and I look forward to not remembering anything. It will be the only piece of ever had.
Thank you so much for this video! I needed to hear that and wish you were my Dr.🙂
In this moment, I need a lawyer. I'm so thankful for professionals like you. I learned how to take accountability, codependency and gave myself to God. Now, I'm desperate for a lawyer to finish this divorce since he won't be man enough to get out my home. I want my life back...
My life is too short for him to change.
Thank you for this video ❤
To David, I am from NZ. My older brother has been on psychoactive drugs for 30 years and have made his life worse as the years have gone by. I have suffered psychological and emotional abuse and nicotine in our house is the root of why my older brother's drug has not been reviewed or ween them off after some many years. Do you know what legal support I can get about why my older brother is on this drug and what I can do to rectify the issue at home.
We have Privacy Laws in our country to prevent all or any family members from going to the doctor and talk about medications, etc.
My older brother has gone so bad that the drug has opened up doors spiritually to other evil forces in his mind and trying to "smoke" his mind away??????
Just wondering if anyone else is going through any issue like this in this world today.
Matt
My girlfriend's last relationship was an emotionally abuse one and sadly her mind associates love with hurt. She loves me so much and she admits it but she tries to push me away because she feels she will hurt me. Her ex also used to tell her words that made her insecure about herself. She even said we are no longer in a relationship because she does not want to hurt me. I love her so much and I want to be a good support and help to her. I don't ask here how to bring the relationship back I am just asking how to help someone who got emotionally abused it affected their mind in this way. What can I do to support?
I would say if you can be patient and not take things personal, then creating good memories with her, travel, share her interests either sport, hobby.
Respect her, appreciate her but mostly don’t be judgmental about her.
I am talking from my own perspective as someone who has been abuse and almost killed by a narcissist, she still sees you as someone that can hurt her one day, she is being protective to her self before anything happens. It is a coopeing mechanism.
A friend. One single, honest friend
Emotional immaturity. Exactly. I raised by immature parents.
Freedom, peace and safety.
No we don't want him to change. We need to cry out to our heavenly Father for peace and strength to overcome
I don’t want him to change I just want a hug from my grandma and to learn how to exist what’s correct and what’s twisted
I need space and solitude to reset,unlearn and learn,get to love myself again. I don't want unnecessary chats,texts or calls. Unfortunately, I joined DV support group,that didn't help with my mental health and felt stuck all the time. Started experiencing PTSD so I stepped back from the group and doing well now
No I want love. From 17 men have abused me. I JUST WANT LOVE
Don't feel bad, just understand there are good men out there & this good man will say this, just Reverse that and it would be logical & reasonable for my case of getting beat up hit attacked yelled at abused taken advantage of by my ex gf who left black eyes on me ECT, just cos she wanted her drugs over me, & years ago I walked away from it, blessed to still be alive.... God bless you & take very good care to all who see, Sincerely, ~Paul
Listen, I am in the same situation now and one thing that has helped me is having a few friends I can rely on and trust along with my faith in God. I am also a Mental Health Coach for adults and youth. Please reach out to me anyone who would like to talk. ❤
You ask, what do I need, at this moment . . . I need $ to live on, so I can leave. My job alone will not cover the bills I will have to take on; rent, electric bill, and car insurance - I can manage my car pymt and food. This is what I would need if I can find a rental near my place of work.
So sorry
I need the following:
BELIEF
SUPPORT
EMPATHY
PRACTICAL HELP
REST
MAC AND CHEESE
Especially the last one! 😊
I’m here in this situation for 8years now😭 I needed help so bad😭
Narcissists DO NOT CHANGE. THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE.
LEAVE. GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
DONT WASTE ANY MORE OF YOUR LIFE.
They certainly don't just change, just like addicts don't just one day change. It takes hitting rock bottom and an intervention from an experienced professional, and even that doesn't guarantee change, but it allows you to know if change is possible or not. Science has shown that our brains can be rewired, so we know change is possible, it's just that not everyone chooses that path.
These demons don’t change.
Thank You Doctor Hawkins. II though all my wounds had been healed. All done. I'm nearly 56 years of age and a few past horrible feelings are rearing their ugly heads. I react differently now. I immediately & politely stand up for myself these days. I deal with verbally abusive co-workers my marriage ended 20 years ago so it's no longer that environment for me, it's at work. Supervisors know, they speak with the instigator over & over but they still do it and still have their job. I keep telling myself " Chin Up" I DO NOT want the bullies to win by me leaving my job that I really do love. I pray for strength, guidance and courage . If I end up moving on from my job I love maybe they win OR maybe I' m taking care of myself and this is God's Will for me. I will continue paying attention the the signs from above.🙂
The fact that you are aware of what is happening and choosing how you will respond rather than react, is a HUGE step in the right direction. Keep seeking truth and don't let the toxicity seep into your heart and soul. You have to create your own emotional safety, as this video suggests: ruclips.net/video/GJ0Sh1ImVo0/видео.html
God bless, thanks for sharing.
@@drdavidbhawkins Thank you
Im 38 years old and my father screamed at me over the usage of a conventional can opener. Thats just the most recent. 😢. No support network and im disabled due to organs failing. They denied my case and im waiting on what could be a 10 year appeal process that i probably wont get either. I literally cannot see myself surviving for another 5-10 years due to lack of funds and a completely lack of independence.
So sorry to hear what you are enduring. This is the kind of situation where you have to learn to create emotional safety by creating a space (mental and emotional if not physical) where you protect yourself from unwanted behaviors through boundaries.
Amen. long journey. I think most of the time, though not often possible the couple needs to separate. And as Dr. R says they are not going to change.
I'm a man seeking help with an emotionally abusive wife. Your videos teaching me how to be a strong powerful woman 😂
😂😂😂Bro Dont do that
I'm joking of course, I'm just lightheartedly pointing out that the sexes in your scenarios can be reversed. Great info though!@@ForeignTyler
Thank you so much. I still living in birdcage but this information is so helpful to me. God bless you. Gaslit for 38 years.
A hug and a break in a quiet place.
This is me constantly feeling abused I use to feel beautiful and vibrant and a natural love for life I realize I need help now I can’t do it on my own the yelling the putting me down everyday the isolation from my family and friends I’m trying to get back to myself I’m starting to consider just leaving and I’m emotionally and physically exhausted he use to cheat really bad and I almost didn’t make it through that the trauma was so severe
I can not allow it to continue. I am totally at his control. I do not want to heal this relationship or change him. It’s been 20 years plus… this is killing me😢
Many of the women we work with are in the same place. A lot of our work is focused on helping them realize that healing themselves is their first priority, not their partner or the relationship. To learn more, please reach out at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com or (206) 219-0145
What do you think about ghosting an abusive person? Just to be on the safe side.
I came here hoping for support but as a male who is a victim of emotional abuse i feel even more alone snd isolated. Men can be victims too!
I’m going through the same thing now with my abusive mum
@theodorebrown1111 I don't know your situation but it took me til I was 25 to realise my dad would never meet my base requirement for a parent. Not spoken to him in near a decade and, although hard and sad, my mental health has been leaps and bounds better since. Prayers are with you.
@@Numbers-06127 thanks bro
I need to know that I will survive his abuse
My ex boyfriend almost killed me. I am so angry for allowing him to do this to me, he would do the most appalling things that i can't write them here. What can I do to heal from this man. What do I need is for him to be locked up so he can't hurt others.
What I need help is to stop hearing his voice in my head.