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50 or so years ago my grandmother taught me to handle pushy, intrusive people. Look them straight in the eye & ask them "why would YOU want to know THAT?" then they are stuck. Either they retract their very intrusive question, or they admit they are out of their lane & just really nosy. Either way, I have countered with an impervious wall to their inability to respect boundaries. It has never failed me. Ever.
So good I'm going to steal it, inflection and all. AREN'T GRANDMOTHERS WONDERFUL TEACHERS? My favorite from mine is the three second look. And she was a master at that. God I miss her!
As a challenged adult child of the Narcissistic Family who is a trained scapegoat- thank you! I’m guessing that’s enough said. When you are the one who asks questions about the past and self-reflects upon everything it means you will be called out for “over analyzing or using psycho babble “ by people who would burst into flames if they looked inward . Just thank you.
Thanks for sharing, the results of real life situations are much sought after & helpful. Years ago, I thought about doing videos of either real life situations or reenactments of how to respond to verbal abuse & other communication tactics - now I wish I would have, as I now realize how difficult those things are to find.
@@TheWizardOfWords The proof of your enlightenment is in your work. You see things clearly just as they are, and teach that way too, but it's much more than that - you're not just teaching the knowledge you've accumulated, your work includes all of what's within you: your hands, your heart, your head, and your energies, it's as clear as day, that's something that can't be missed, it's right there in your work - the path of all your experience, and using your intelligence in an authentic way. Enlightenment is not mixing "memory" (or what a person accumulates, kind of like karma) with intelligence, so there's only clarity, with the addition of the "good' karma, like what your father taught you - that is good karma that benefits many through your work. Anyone can be labeled or perceived as an expert, a scholar, etc, for their knowledge, but few truly teach like you do, or use their intelligence like you do. It's like what you teach about ego & emotions in communication - we have to separate from one's "self" in that way, to see clearly. Knowledge and intelligence are two different things.
If your boss put you down, /or tries to embarrass you, every chance he gets, then RUclips's Les Carter can help just look up narcissist or narcissism, or narcissistic abuse. I'll be keeping you in prayer 🌈✝️🕊️🙏🌈
This was really good to hear. I have nosey gossipy neighbours, bully types ,who loudly ask me, publicly, what I think are private questions, Screaming across their front yards which are across the road from me, or as soon as I see them from 30 feet away from me. You know what I mean? Questioning me from a great distance away from me. They are such an embarrasment. I have been thinking I should just ask them, "This is how you say hello, when I haven't seen you in awhile?Why do you ask this of me?" I don't know I was thinking of deflecting. I guess it is better to yell back "This is private" ? "I gotta go, talk to you later." And hope that later never comes.
I think simply saying "I prefer not to discuss private matters and I know you'll understand" would do the trick. Use the broken record if necessary; just keep repeating the same thing.
Just binge watching some of your videos in preparation for the upcoming and dreaded get together in a few weeks (Christmas) with the passive aggressive in laws! I totally feel ready, thank you! ❤️🇦🇺 I'm going to keep watching over the next few weeks too 😂
Omg!!! you just solved my problems. I have been caught in those situations like that and did not know how to answer. Also I did not wanted to be rude. That’s a great way to respond. Love it!!! Thanks for your videos.
Laura, seriously--I try not to argue. If I can't have conversations without the heat, I'd prefer no conversation at all. Conversations should provide light, not heat--and when they deteriorate into heat, I skedaddle.
Thank you sooooo very much for these sessions!!! I’ve let a certain family member’s behavior enable me to be emotionally vacant when ever we are present at family functions. Our family knows exactly how toxic this person is . They’ve expressed how they feel. At this point in my life , I’m 66 yrs. old, that I’m not going to avoid them or anymore family functions because YOU’VE given me the tools to stand up for myself and put a stop to their bullying … 👍🏻😃🥰
I can relate, to your "Black Sheep of the Family", story. We had one. He was a lush and assaulted practically everyone in the family looking for money. When he died, I asked my Aunt; "Are we having a Memorial Service for Uncle Harold"? She replied, "Hell no". "I'm gonna burn his ass". And she did. She had him cremated. So, envision this story every time you have to deal with "Your Uncle Harold". haha
A neighbor I barely know ( I don’t even know her name), came up to my son and asked him if he was fully vaccinated. When he said no, she proceeded to berate him and tell him to get right on that...that he didn’t want to be left behind. I am on here trying to learn the right response to her absolute rude and inappropriate comments. I had a talk with my son about how no one deserves his personal information, even if they are elders. He is well mannered and is always respectful to people, but he can refuse to answer anyone.
Teach him to use the broken record when asked an intrusive question. "I like to keep my personal information personal." If pressed, he smiles and repeats the same thing, not giving in to prodding or pushing.
Bluntly tell her to mind her own business if that doesn't work ask her what has this stuff done for you besides turning you into a venomous snake with a demon hanging out your rear end
Wished I had these "Life Lessons"and "Phrases" before. Sure could have saved my bacon in a lot of different scenario's. Especially with the in-laws and their extended family. EVERYONE needs to see these video's. I love the "flash card", idea.
Merry Christmas Dan! Thank you so much for your videos, they have helped me a great deal so far and are a breath of fresh air, love, positivity, and confidence with a splash of humour that is like nothing else!! All the very best to you
Thank you for your wisdom! I work with a toxic gossip co-worker that enjoys causing drama. This video helped me to NOT EAT MY YOUNG…A common phrase used in the nursing field.
Thank you for your videos and amazing words of wisdom! I always worry that by setting boundaries I will hurt people’s feelings or be too harsh... that is my biggest challenge but then by not setting boundaries I am hurting myself. Your videos are going to help me so much thank you ❤️
Thank you Dan. Using your skills has definitely changed my life for the better and has removed my fear of difficult situations. It has increased my capacity to love even my enemies. God bless you.
Thank you Grace. It is heartwarming to be appreciated. We all need a little appreciation now and again, right? We don't express appreciation for one another nearly enough. So again, thank you!
Stay tuned for more, Curious. I'll try not to repeat ad nauseum, but I also know that people learn when they're ready to listen, and that happens at different times for different people. (Too bad teachers don't get that; if they did, there would be more "learn at your own pace" teaching and kids would learn much much more.)
@@TheWizardOfWords I love your approach, and benefit greatly from it. You also make me smile every time I listen to you. I wouldn’t change a thing in how you put out content.
😂😂😂 these are great! Thank you! I’ve been using your tools for at least 5 yrs now and doing much better. I’m more aware of when I’m in my fight or flight brain and to delay anymore talking till I’m back in my right mind. Thankyou again.
What some things accidentally sounded like (about things "coming out" etc) is actually true, in an "ironic" way: Diareah chatter. Just like people having mental diareah, (not being conscious & mindful enough to control their distorted, biased, or negative thoughts & emotions), people have a bunch of diareah coming out of their mouth for the same reasons, not being conscious enough to communicate effectively, but instead spewing out their thoughts & emotions that have nothing to do with reality.
I am doing' great and you actualy opened up a diimension of my current growth i certainly have had occur yet its what i have now and my ability to get instantky what it means to apply faith I really share the confidence in communication as tools that done in the way love fuels Can move me out of self pity dispair loneliness There's always enough time to do it right but i thonk you for keeping things real and i only just began to reap the harvest
Thank you Dan so much. I LOVE how you show us how to use a broken record without taking the bait (hypothetically) as in, "I don't know why you are afraid", "are you ashamed?" I know that I would be tempted to say something like, "when did you start to believe that you are correct in assuming that I am ashamed/afraid?" and I would keep on with the broken record.
I’m really happy and optimistic❣️ I love the holidays and my birthday is in December too so I always enjoy this month - no matter how challenging the year, I find that when December rolls around, my spirits lift and my mood improves My sister and I have become room mates and she is such a lovely person to live with - I find I’m more optimistic about the future as a result
Thank you for spreading love and teaching this in the impeccable way that you do! I am a loving person and in this world I feel its not received and your help is so liberating! Thank you.💕
Another great video! You are so funny and you give the great advice. I love it when you laugh and keep things funny, although your serious videos are great too. You are the best communication expert I've ever heard!
“I forgot you told me not to give the kids brandy!” 🤣 😂 🤪 Love this! I’m a blurter when enthused especially, as you may have noticed. I tend to TMI that way. Oops. “Are you saying you think I run run run with the wrong reindeer”!!!! I will steel this. I can blurt this out instead. 💗 💕 ❤️ the alliteration illustrates how ridiculous the question is. Thank you!
A friend shared a phrase she uses; I've never been brave enough before but I'm working on it! When she's asked a highly personal question she says, "Why do you need to know?"
Getting ready for post Xmas lunches with frenemies and friends (can't avoid the former when they come with the real friends). So practicing my phrases: Why would you ask that? That may be but.. Are you really saying..? Thanks a million Dan.
Oh, yeah, I have a good one. My sister was suffered from being bipolar. I'm accustomed to dealing with people who have a mental illness and are irrational.
Thank you. This is probably my favorite of all the millions of videos I’ve heard you speak in! I just love you. Now having said that… Some of these probing questions are perfect for someone like me who is involved in an intercessory healing and deliverance prayer ministry! In other words… Rule out or to check for not just mental illnesses but for spiritual infestations if you know what I mean. We could laugh but this is very real I’ve experienced it too many times in life and in this ministry now… Where people are either oppressed or even possessed which I know is rare but look at the world around us look at the heinous crimes and the increased lawlessness… BTW which is one of the foretold predictions of what will happen before the departure with Christ/the rapture with Christ and then followed by the seven years of tribulation and where the antichrist will rule… Too much to say on that but anyway I just get a kick out of you and learn and those are two good combinations! You are so on the right track and I appreciate you all of your videos. Take good care. BTW if you are ever curious read the book of John in the New Testament especially chapters one, three, 14 and check out: 1 corinthians 15, Romans 10:9-12, Ephesians 2, if using 6:10-18, Matthew seven and wherever Holy Spirit lead you… It doesn’t cost anything it’s not about religion it’s about relationship with Christ and ask Christ to fill you with Holy Spirit fire because the days are short… Time is running out here there is no fear in Christ.
Great advice as usual, appreciated Dan! And lol, although you are clearly a very brilliant communicator, and teacher, we will find you a new animator (or snowman)!
Eric, how about you find me someone who can migrate my website to Kajabi? That's even more important than a new animator. My usual even-keel temperament is about to explode if I can't find SOMEBODY TO MIGRATE MY PRODUCTS AND PAGES FROM MY WP WEBSITE TO KAJABI. Pardon the yelling. :( :( :(
KayeKaye, you don't want to be more like me; you want to be more like YOU. You are no doubt kind and loving and compassionate. Bring that to the fore whenever the opportunity presents.
Thank you for providing this information and making me laugh at the same time! Not only are your videos going to guide me with communicating better and more appropriately, but also the examples you provide are helping me understand that I might come across as rude, when I don't intend to. Invaluable tools to better myself and it's free. I'm subscribing now!
I am doing very well and thank you for asking. Thank you for helping me speak loving words even to the ones i don't. I used the broken record one and the why are you asking me that one to a coworker. I love the holiday season with all the lights and songs although i am not Christian I am Wiccan I still sing along and put out my Yule tide decorations and give gifts. I've had people ask me very personal questions about my religious beliefs and try to say ugly things to me although I am participating in thier Christian holiday i respect them and thier ways. No i don't worship the devil and i never shun them for not recognizing Yule or winter solstice. I have remind them when they do the probing questions that i am lucky to live in a country that allows me the right to religious freedom and add..aren't you?
It is wonderful and admirable that you can participate and enjoy the traditions of others--even if they are not your traditions. It would be a much more peaceful and accepting world if everyone would strive to do that. And I think your last statement "aren't you?" is a mindful and appropriate way to call out these people.
Can you do a video on what to do if one person in a group is trying to intimidate you in to leaving by giving you the silent treatment but love bombin every other member of the group. There's nothing to challenge because she ignores me like I"m a ghost. NObody notices. They think she's lovely. I have just as much right to be in the group, but I just seeem to wither when she is icing me. Rationally I know she's advertising her insecurities to me but I cannot seem to stay grounded in myself when she is icing me. I wither.
I’ve experienced this, we all have at some time or another and it will happen from time to time. The frustrating thing is everyone else tends not to notice because they are being ‘love-bombed’ by that person. Well, what I found works for me is to be very nice & kind to that person which will have one of the following results: 1. If that person continues to ‘ice’ you in front of the group when you are being helpful & kind others will start to notice. 2. Said person will start to see you in a new light and overcome their fears/prejudices towards you and warm to you. 3. You’ll prompt that person to acknowledge you and show their true feelings towards you and you’ll get some insight to why their are behaving that way. Sometimes it’s confusing as we don’t understand what we’ve done to deserve this unfair treatment- and perhaps it’s something we’ve said/done, or not done. I hope this helps and you find a way to overcome the negativity you’re receiving, as it’s not good for our mental health/physical health when we enter a group and feel sidelined. Good luck! But do try being super nice to this person to understand why she’s behaving this way.
I just read Annie Jones' response to you and I have nothing to add other than--kudos to Annie for a thoughtful response that is definitely mindful and definitely worth the old college try. Go for it Susan.
@@Butterflybleu14 well, i am naturally inclined to be nice to people and when this happens it's because my peoplepleasyness has marked me out to them as easy prey. Ordinarily being nicer is not a bad solution but it doesnt work when a scapegoating narcissist has identified you as the one whose purpose is to make them feel superior.
@@TheWizardOfWords Dan can you do a video that goes a bit deeper. I am too nice. 99 times out of a hundred that's not a problem because people dont take advantage, they arent looking for a scapegoat, or they dont need to use you to feel superior. BUT when these people do this, people pleasing nice people are their targets!! So a solution of be nicer would not be right here. It is too late now but i wish i had used yr "shine a light on it" technique early on, when i first realised she was definitely ignoring me.
Happy Holidays Dan ! Brushing up on my 2021 Holiday communication skills, rewatching these epsiodes😆🎄🙏 You are a godsend thank you for you words and wisdom.
Great advice, as always. However, my experience of calling ppl out (as reasonable as that may be) often results in being gaslit, both in personal and professional settings. It either ends up in a dynamic where I find myself defending my position or reasoning with the individual (which isn't ideal, I'm working on it) or if I've recognised the gaslighting there n then, calling that out. Doesn't end well either way, despite being super sensitive and conscientious about my delivery. It's hard work!
I just recently started watching your videos. I have a sister in law, that has said rude things to me for many years. Her brother and I were married 41 years before he passed 4 years ago. I’ve handled her belittling comments wrong all of these years. I’ve always had the feeling she is jealous, but for the life of me, I have no idea why. About a year ago, I was sitting in my church service and right before it started, she sat behind me and said, “ wow, those are some big earrings. You’re trying to make a statement”. I was furious, turned around and said, “no I’m not” and she actually replied “yes you are!” I took the earrings off, threw them in my purse and told her to shut up. Next time I saw her, she acted like nothing happened. I’ve broken all ties with my husbands family, I’ve been invited to many of my husbands family get togethers, since he passed, but now I attend none. This is so sad. I just received an invitation from her, to their family Christmas celebration this year. As much as I would like to go and see everyone, I don’t think I can do it. I really like your videos and I appreciate you saying that we can always stick up for ourselves in a loving way. My situation has been going on for years, and I’ve been in pain over this for a long time. Any advice and help would be greatly appreciated since we’re getting closer to the holiday season. Thanks so much!
Pam, be straight up with this woman. Talk to her before the Christmas party. Meet her face to face and ask her why she feels compelled to be passive-aggressive with you. Give concrete examples--nothing starting with "you always . . . ." Ask her if she thinks it is possible for the two of you to be close or if not close, at least civil. Depending on how the conversation goes, you might tell her that you are coming to the Christmas party because you'd love to spend time with your husband's family. However, I would make it clear that if any snide comments come your way you'll spotlight them, not dodge them. Then do it. "Why would you say that? Why would you do that? Did you really mean to be insulting, because that statement is insulting?" These are examples of spotlight questions. This woman is living in your head rent-free. Kick her out. The way to do that is to mindfully talk to her before the party, tell her how you feel, tell her what you are going to do--and then do it.
Thanks for your advice Dan. I like the spotlight questions you suggested and I agree, a meeting face to face is a good idea. I appreciate your response. Im learning a lot from your videos. Thanks so much for sharing them on RUclips! I’m a fan.
HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!
50 or so years ago my grandmother taught me to handle pushy, intrusive people. Look them straight in the eye & ask them "why would YOU want to know THAT?" then they are stuck. Either they retract their very intrusive question, or they admit they are out of their lane & just really nosy. Either way, I have countered with an impervious wall to their inability to respect boundaries. It has never failed me. Ever.
So good I'm going to steal it, inflection and all. AREN'T GRANDMOTHERS WONDERFUL TEACHERS? My favorite from mine is the three second look. And she was a master at that. God I miss her!
LOVE this. Love grandmothers.
They're the jewel in the crown 👑
Great advice!
Gonna use it, and thank you and your grandma.❤
As a challenged adult child of the Narcissistic Family who is a trained scapegoat- thank you! I’m guessing that’s enough said. When you are the one who asks questions about the past and self-reflects upon everything it means you will be called out for “over analyzing or using psycho babble “ by people who would burst into flames if they looked inward . Just thank you.
Just you're welcome!
👏🏻
A few months ago I used the broken record on a contractor who tried to cut a 5k$ corner, and it worked!
Excellent. That makes my day, Snooperzan.
It is anazing how well that works with teenagers, too
.
Thanks for sharing, the results of real life situations are much sought after & helpful. Years ago, I thought about doing videos of either real life situations or reenactments of how to respond to verbal abuse & other communication tactics - now I wish I would have, as I now realize how difficult those things are to find.
I love how he breaks the phrases by laughing 😂 it makes this video so much fun and easy to practice
😂😂😂
A great teacher is someone who is joyful, caring, and enlightened enough to laugh while teaching - that's Dan O'Conner.
That's quite a compliment, Avmedic. I suppose if I follow my own teaching I should accept it with humility and just say "Thank you."
@@TheWizardOfWords The proof of your enlightenment is in your work. You see things clearly just as they are, and teach that way too, but it's much more than that - you're not just teaching the knowledge you've accumulated, your work includes all of what's within you: your hands, your heart, your head, and your energies, it's as clear as day, that's something that can't be missed, it's right there in your work - the path of all your experience, and using your intelligence in an authentic way.
Enlightenment is not mixing "memory" (or what a person accumulates, kind of like karma) with intelligence, so there's only clarity, with the addition of the "good' karma, like what your father taught you - that is good karma that benefits many through your work.
Anyone can be labeled or perceived as an expert, a scholar, etc, for their knowledge, but few truly teach like you do, or use their intelligence like you do. It's like what you teach about ego & emotions in communication - we have to separate from one's "self" in that way, to see clearly. Knowledge and intelligence are two different things.
I laughed every time you laugh. Lol. Can someone give him a Netflix special please! 💕😂
Yes! Dan needs his own Netflix series!
His smile is phenomenal 🤩😍
Im hooked.on him too!...every work place should ha e him as a life skills coach😅...Great stuff Dan karen (u.k)
No I cannot do metflix 0:39
Oh my gosh I think you can help me deal with my boss. My male boss puts into tears. He humiliates me.
I think I love you. 😁
If your boss put you down, /or tries to embarrass you, every chance he gets, then RUclips's Les Carter can help just look up narcissist or narcissism, or narcissistic abuse. I'll be keeping you in prayer 🌈✝️🕊️🙏🌈
I will definitely be using these. I have a "friend" that tries to throw shade via jokes. Very passive aggressive and shady.
This was really good to hear. I have nosey gossipy neighbours, bully types ,who loudly ask me, publicly, what I think are private questions, Screaming across their front yards which are across the road from me, or as soon as I see them from 30 feet away from me. You know what I mean? Questioning me from a great distance away from me. They are such an embarrasment. I have been thinking I should just ask them, "This is how you say hello, when I haven't seen you in awhile?Why do you ask this of me?" I don't know I was thinking of deflecting. I guess it is better to yell back "This is private" ? "I gotta go, talk to you later." And hope that later never comes.
I think simply saying "I prefer not to discuss private matters and I know you'll understand" would do the trick. Use the broken record if necessary; just keep repeating the same thing.
I appreciate you . Thank you for helping me with my communication skills. I always enjoy watching your videos. I hope you are happy and well.
Many thanks, Wayne, and I am happy and well!
OMG this guy is so witty and funny!! Love him!
Just binge watching some of your videos in preparation for the upcoming and dreaded get together in a few weeks (Christmas) with the passive aggressive in laws! I totally feel ready, thank you! ❤️🇦🇺 I'm going to keep watching over the next few weeks too 😂
You're welcome and YES, keep watching.
I wonder how many people dread family get togethers? How many really enjoy the get together.
You don't have to go arrange something else and tell them where to go
Omg!!! you just solved my problems. I have been caught in those situations like that and did not know how to answer. Also I did not wanted to be rude. That’s a great way to respond. Love it!!! Thanks for your videos.
Thanks much Maricela; I hope I've helped YOU solve those problems!
I would not want to get into an argument with this man. He's REALLY good! AND VERY FUNNY TOO!
Laura, seriously--I try not to argue. If I can't have conversations without the heat, I'd prefer no conversation at all. Conversations should provide light, not heat--and when they deteriorate into heat, I skedaddle.
@@TheWizardOfWords Oh wise one!!! You'll live longer that way! I love your videos!
Thank you sooooo very much for these sessions!!! I’ve let a certain family member’s behavior enable me to be emotionally vacant when ever we are present at family functions. Our family knows exactly how toxic this person is . They’ve expressed how they feel. At this point in my life , I’m 66 yrs. old, that I’m not going to avoid them or anymore family functions because YOU’VE given me the tools to stand up for myself and put a stop to their bullying … 👍🏻😃🥰
I can relate, to your "Black Sheep of the Family", story. We had one. He was a lush and assaulted practically everyone in the family looking for money. When he died, I asked my Aunt; "Are we having a Memorial Service for Uncle Harold"? She replied, "Hell no". "I'm gonna burn his ass". And she did. She had him cremated. So, envision this story every time you have to deal with "Your Uncle Harold". haha
I wish I watched this video, this morning because OMG! I wouldn't have ended my day frustrated and in tears!
Le Remi, hopefully having watched it will save you from tears tomorrow. I hope so!!!
A neighbor I barely know ( I don’t even know her name), came up to my son and asked him if he was fully vaccinated. When he said no, she proceeded to berate him and tell him to get right on that...that he didn’t want to be left behind. I am on here trying to learn the right response to her absolute rude and inappropriate comments. I had a talk with my son about how no one deserves his personal information, even if they are elders. He is well mannered and is always respectful to people, but he can refuse to answer anyone.
Teach him to use the broken record when asked an intrusive question. "I like to keep my personal information personal." If pressed, he smiles and repeats the same thing, not giving in to prodding or pushing.
@@TheWizardOfWords thank you.
Bluntly tell her to mind her own business if that doesn't work ask her what has this stuff done for you besides turning you into a venomous snake with a demon hanging out your rear end
You are really helping me to figure out how to deal with some toxic people in our group1
I learn faster with comedy added. You are now my fave teacher of communication.
Thank you Lisa and please spread the word.
I used the compliment in the active voice and it did make the person I talked to fill up with pride. Using it. :) You are helping :) x
I love the tips you give. Always keeps me laughing and they WORK !!
Wished I had these "Life Lessons"and "Phrases" before. Sure could have saved my bacon in a lot of different scenario's. Especially with the in-laws and their extended family. EVERYONE needs to see these video's. I love the "flash card", idea.
Thanks, Earl, and please spread the word. The holidays are approaching . . . .
Merry Christmas Dan! Thank you so much for your videos, they have helped me a great deal so far and are a breath of fresh air, love, positivity, and confidence with a splash of humour that is like nothing else!! All the very best to you
Thank you for your kind words and vote of confidence, Karen. Merry Christmas to you too!
Thank you for your wisdom! I work with a toxic gossip co-worker that enjoys causing drama. This video helped me to NOT EAT MY YOUNG…A common phrase used in the nursing field.
I'm glad you found it helpful!
Thank you for your videos and amazing words of wisdom! I always worry that by setting boundaries I will hurt people’s feelings or be too harsh... that is my biggest challenge but then by not setting boundaries I am hurting myself. Your videos are going to help me so much thank you ❤️
you are pure GENIUS and doing the TOP service to others and you are GRRREAT!
I'm plugging along, doing my thing, mindful that others are doing the same. Having said that==THANK YOU Kiersten :)
You make me laugh so much. Your responses to rude people are phenomenal.. I Love It!!! Thanks for these videos.
You're welcome, Victory L.
Thank you Dan. Using your skills has definitely changed my life for the better and has removed my fear of difficult situations. It has increased my capacity to love even my enemies. God bless you.
What a wonderful thing for me to read this afternoon. Thank you for writing it Jesusloves Youtoo.
I love how you laugh at yourself!
I watch you everyday.
And still learning. I apprecite you.
Grace
Thank you Grace. It is heartwarming to be appreciated. We all need a little appreciation now and again, right? We don't express appreciation for one another nearly enough. So again, thank you!
Thanks Dan! I think we need you to keep using the broken record method to reinforce and convey your communication strategies!❤️
Stay tuned for more, Curious. I'll try not to repeat ad nauseum, but I also know that people learn when they're ready to listen, and that happens at different times for different people. (Too bad teachers don't get that; if they did, there would be more "learn at your own pace" teaching and kids would learn much much more.)
@@TheWizardOfWords I love your approach, and benefit greatly from it. You also make me smile every time I listen to you. I wouldn’t change a thing in how you put out content.
Pure Gold!!
You are incredible! Your videos are truly life changing!
Many thanks, Dee Dee; I am gratified to hear that.
This vid had me chuckling.
Well OK, in this day and age I'd consider that an accomplishment!
You're fantastic! Always love your content and thank you for the helpful advice.
OK Stephanie; I hear you. Dan
😂😂😂 these are great! Thank you!
I’ve been using your tools for at least 5 yrs now and doing much better. I’m more aware of when I’m in my fight or flight brain and to delay anymore talking till I’m back in my right mind. Thankyou again.
Great to hear!
What some things accidentally sounded like (about things "coming out" etc) is actually true, in an "ironic" way: Diareah chatter. Just like people having mental diareah, (not being conscious & mindful enough to control their distorted, biased, or negative thoughts & emotions), people have a bunch of diareah coming out of their mouth for the same reasons, not being conscious enough to communicate effectively, but instead spewing out their thoughts & emotions that have nothing to do with reality.
I am doing' great and you actualy opened up a diimension of my current growth i certainly have had occur yet its what i have now and my ability to get instantky what it means to apply faith
I really share the confidence in communication as tools that done in the way love fuels
Can move me out of self pity dispair loneliness
There's always enough time to do it right but i thonk you for keeping things real and i only just began to reap the harvest
This was very helpful thank you!
Thank you Dan so much. I LOVE how you show us how to use a broken record without taking the bait (hypothetically) as in, "I don't know why you are afraid", "are you ashamed?" I know that I would be tempted to say something like, "when did you start to believe that you are correct in assuming that I am ashamed/afraid?" and I would keep on with the broken record.
The broken record is one of the most effective tools on the planet for placing a period where it belongs.
"Amygdala hijacking" can really make thinking under stress difficult.
Well I would think so :)
I’m really happy and optimistic❣️ I love the holidays and my birthday is in December too so I always enjoy this month - no matter how challenging the year, I find that when December rolls around, my spirits lift and my mood improves
My sister and I have become room mates and she is such a lovely person to live with - I find I’m more optimistic about the future as a result
Thank you for this. Very helpful and positive
You are so welcome, Sky.
Thank you for spreading love and teaching this in the impeccable way that you do! I am a loving person and in this world I feel its not received and your help is so liberating! Thank you.💕
Received or not, keep giving love, Tayisha. ALWAYS. :) :)
Dan you are such a wonderful teacher and so funny thank you so much 💕💕💕💕💕💕
OMG! This one completely KICKS ASS! Thank you, Dan!
Another great video! You are so funny and you give the great advice. I love it when you laugh and keep things funny, although your serious videos are great too. You are the best communication expert I've ever heard!
That's a wonderful compliment Quintessence; thank you for sending it my way.
“I forgot you told me not to give the kids brandy!” 🤣 😂 🤪
Love this! I’m a blurter when enthused especially, as you may have noticed. I tend to TMI that way. Oops.
“Are you saying you think I run run run with the wrong reindeer”!!!! I will steel this. I can blurt this out instead. 💗 💕 ❤️ the alliteration illustrates how ridiculous the question is. Thank you!
A friend shared a phrase she uses; I've never been brave enough before but I'm working on it! When she's asked a highly personal question she says, "Why do you need to know?"
I love it.
He's cool. Funny. Helpful.
I appreciate you so much my guy. Thank you.
I'm happy to be connected with you, AR. And again--keep that gun in its case :)
Getting ready for post Xmas lunches with frenemies and friends (can't avoid the former when they come with the real friends). So practicing my phrases: Why would you ask that? That may be but.. Are you really saying..? Thanks a million Dan.
You're welcome a million, P T.
Thank you. Your a joy to watch and very helpful.
Thanks for watching, SP.
Oh, yeah, I have a good one. My sister was suffered from being bipolar. I'm accustomed to dealing with people who have a mental illness and are irrational.
You have such a good heart! I appreciate you, and thank tou for sharing with us. ♥️
Dan you are brilliant ❤
You are a great teacher. Thank you for sharing this 🙏🏽💛
Glad it was helpful!
Take care Dan 🤗
I will, JustMeJo and you do as well.
oh my god i LOVE you. these lines are so great lol
Oh, I love the caseworker line!!
Oh God I wish you had a RUclips channel way back when my narcissistic grandmother was alive!!!
Dan! You are an awesome man! Thank you for your videos! You are doing a lot of good for all of us out here!
I appreciate your comment, Tracy. Please be sure and share these videos.
Did you say “run, run run with the wrong wrong reindeer?” Haaaa. So classic.
I'm afraid I might have . . . . and btw, I will be answering your email later this evening, Traci :).
Love, love your comebacks. Thank you sooooo much.
Glad you like them and more importantly I hope you find them useful.
One of my favorite channels!
ONE of your favorite channels? ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE CHANNELS???? hmmpffffff.
@@TheWizardOfWords hahaha sorry yeah lmao
Thank you. This is probably my favorite of all the millions of videos I’ve heard you speak in! I just love you. Now having said that… Some of these probing questions are perfect for someone like me who is involved in an intercessory healing and deliverance prayer ministry! In other words… Rule out or to check for not just mental illnesses but for spiritual infestations if you know what I mean. We could laugh but this is very real I’ve experienced it too many times in life and in this ministry now… Where people are either oppressed or even possessed which I know is rare but look at the world around us look at the heinous crimes and the increased lawlessness… BTW which is one of the foretold predictions of what will happen before the departure with Christ/the rapture with Christ and then followed by the seven years of tribulation and where the antichrist will rule… Too much to say on that but anyway I just get a kick out of you and learn and those are two good combinations! You are so on the right track and I appreciate you all of your videos. Take good care. BTW if you are ever curious read the book of John in the New Testament especially chapters one, three, 14 and check out:
1 corinthians 15, Romans 10:9-12, Ephesians 2, if using 6:10-18, Matthew seven and wherever Holy Spirit lead you… It doesn’t cost anything it’s not about religion it’s about relationship with Christ and ask Christ to fill you with Holy Spirit fire because the days are short… Time is running out here there is no fear in Christ.
It has been a tough year! 21.00 in London/dublin /lisboa. That is the best time :-p
THANK YOU. And Yes, it's been a tough year, but the new one is just around the corner. :)
Dan, I love you!!!!!
Love right back at you, Jo Ann.
I love you, Dan!
Love and gratitude! Thank you!
Love right back at you, Nealson, and the best for the new year and all years thereafter.
Great advice as usual, appreciated Dan! And lol, although you are clearly a very brilliant communicator, and teacher, we will find you a new animator (or snowman)!
Eric, how about you find me someone who can migrate my website to Kajabi? That's even more important than a new animator. My usual even-keel temperament is about to explode if I can't find SOMEBODY TO MIGRATE MY PRODUCTS AND PAGES FROM MY WP WEBSITE TO KAJABI. Pardon the yelling. :( :( :(
Thanks for the tips.
You're welcome Amizontech. And thanks for Amizon!
You are such a nice person, I wish I was more like you.
KayeKaye, you don't want to be more like me; you want to be more like YOU. You are no doubt kind and loving and compassionate. Bring that to the fore whenever the opportunity presents.
You are classs !!! Love it
Thanks, Biscotti :)
Thank you for providing this information and making me laugh at the same time! Not only are your videos going to guide me with communicating better and more appropriately, but also the examples you provide are helping me understand that I might come across as rude, when I don't intend to. Invaluable tools to better myself and it's free. I'm subscribing now!
Thanks, Rose, and please feel free to like and share at will!
@@TheWizardOfWords Thank you!
Omg! Thank you!!! I’m going to serious boyfriend’s mother’s birthday dinner and I need to be prepared.
GREAT VIDEO, I will use those responses 👍
Happy to help, Jessica :)
I just stumbled upon this video. You are great!!!
OMIGOD, DID YOU HURT YOURSELF??? Just joking. Thanks for writing, G and please share whatever you find valuable.
I am doing very well and thank you for asking. Thank you for helping me speak loving words even to the ones i don't. I used the broken record one and the why are you asking me that one to a coworker. I love the holiday season with all the lights and songs although i am not Christian I am Wiccan I still sing along and put out my Yule tide decorations and give gifts. I've had people ask me very personal questions about my religious beliefs and try to say ugly things to me although I am participating in thier Christian holiday i respect them and thier ways. No i don't worship the devil and i never shun them for not recognizing Yule or winter solstice. I have remind them when they do the probing questions that i am lucky to live in a country that allows me the right to religious freedom and add..aren't you?
It is wonderful and admirable that you can participate and enjoy the traditions of others--even if they are not your traditions. It would be a much more peaceful and accepting world if everyone would strive to do that. And I think your last statement "aren't you?" is a mindful and appropriate way to call out these people.
I LOVED this one. I’m a jokester so it just sounds like something I really would say…thank you for the suggestions!
😄
I love your channel and this makes me so happy I have an awesome mother-in-law
I hope you can use some of these ideas on people other than that awesome MIL!
Ty so much. ❤️
Can you do a video on what to do if one person in a group is trying to intimidate you in to leaving by giving you the silent treatment but love bombin every other member of the group. There's nothing to challenge because she ignores me like I"m a ghost. NObody notices. They think she's lovely. I have just as much right to be in the group, but I just seeem to wither when she is icing me. Rationally I know she's advertising her insecurities to me but I cannot seem to stay grounded in myself when she is icing me. I wither.
I’ve experienced this, we all have at some time or another and it will happen from time to time. The frustrating thing is everyone else tends not to notice because they are being ‘love-bombed’ by that person. Well, what I found works for me is to be very nice & kind to that person which will have one of the following results: 1. If that person continues to ‘ice’ you in front of the group when you are being helpful & kind others will start to notice. 2. Said person will start to see you in a new light and overcome their fears/prejudices towards you and warm to you. 3. You’ll prompt that person to acknowledge you and show their true feelings towards you and you’ll get some insight to why their are behaving that way. Sometimes it’s confusing as we don’t understand what we’ve done to deserve this unfair treatment- and perhaps it’s something we’ve said/done, or not done.
I hope this helps and you find a way to overcome the negativity you’re receiving, as it’s not good for our mental health/physical health when we enter a group and feel sidelined. Good luck! But do try being super nice to this person to understand why she’s behaving this way.
I just read Annie Jones' response to you and I have nothing to add other than--kudos to Annie for a thoughtful response that is definitely mindful and definitely worth the old college try. Go for it Susan.
You go, Annie. Great response--including the possible outcomes. :)
@@Butterflybleu14 well, i am naturally inclined to be nice to people and when this happens it's because my peoplepleasyness has marked me out to them as easy prey. Ordinarily being nicer is not a bad solution but it doesnt work when a scapegoating narcissist has identified you as the one whose purpose is to make them feel superior.
@@TheWizardOfWords Dan can you do a video that goes a bit deeper. I am too nice. 99 times out of a hundred that's not a problem because people dont take advantage, they arent looking for a scapegoat, or they dont need to use you to feel superior. BUT when these people do this, people pleasing nice people are their targets!! So a solution of be nicer would not be right here. It is too late now but i wish i had used yr "shine a light on it" technique early on, when i first realised she was definitely ignoring me.
These will come in handy for the narcissistic person at work........however, I normally just ignore him full-on.
Thank you for your videos !!! I appreciate them !
You're welcome, Jill and I hope you share these.
Dan
Thank you 🙏
Thank you for your content. You appear to be aging backwards 🤗
Happy Holidays Dan ! Brushing up on my 2021 Holiday communication skills, rewatching these epsiodes😆🎄🙏 You are a godsend thank you for you words and wisdom.
Stay tuned for more over this holiday season, Jessica.
Bahahahaha this is exactly what I needed. A laugh, and some very important suggestions.
You’re funny! 😂Love your advice, I know I can count on solid insight!😊
You can if you become a subscriber and also a channel member. It's memberships that help keep me going, LisaGirl.
Love it!!
Hey, we'll be talking in January. In the meantime, have a great Christmas and New Year--and holiday season in general, Natalia!
Thanks for all you do ❤
You are so welcome, Valarie.
🤣 I love your humor! Your lessons are so valuable!
Great advice, as always. However, my experience of calling ppl out (as reasonable as that may be) often results in being gaslit, both in personal and professional settings. It either ends up in a dynamic where I find myself defending my position or reasoning with the individual (which isn't ideal, I'm working on it) or if I've recognised the gaslighting there n then, calling that out. Doesn't end well either way, despite being super sensitive and conscientious about my delivery. It's hard work!
It is hard work, but probably worth it, as opposed to passively accepting unacceptable behavior. Would you agree?
@@TheWizardOfWords Defo! Thanks for all the help, guidance and words of wisdom delivered with laughter and kindness. Love it 🙏💕
You are welcome, NJ.
I just love you.
Must remember that line have you mentioned this to your psychologist. Lol
I love your videos❤❤❤
you are wonderful mentor
Thank you augustbadsun.
I just recently started watching your videos. I have a sister in law, that has said rude things to me for many years. Her brother and I were married 41 years before he passed 4 years ago. I’ve handled her belittling comments wrong all of these years. I’ve always had the feeling she is jealous, but for the life of me, I have no idea why. About a year ago, I was sitting in my church service and right before it started, she sat behind me and said, “ wow, those are some big earrings. You’re trying to make a statement”. I was furious, turned around and said, “no I’m not” and she actually replied “yes you are!” I took the earrings off, threw them in my purse and told her to shut up. Next time I saw her, she acted like nothing happened. I’ve broken all ties with my husbands family, I’ve been invited to many of my husbands family get togethers, since he passed, but now I attend none. This is so sad. I just received an invitation from her, to their family Christmas celebration this year. As much as I would like to go and see everyone, I don’t think I can do it. I really like your videos and I appreciate you saying that we can always stick up for ourselves in a loving way. My situation has been going on for years, and I’ve been in pain over this for a long time. Any advice and help would be greatly appreciated since we’re getting closer to the holiday season. Thanks so much!
Pam, be straight up with this woman. Talk to her before the Christmas party. Meet her face to face and ask her why she feels compelled to be passive-aggressive with you. Give concrete examples--nothing starting with "you always . . . ." Ask her if she thinks it is possible for the two of you to be close or if not close, at least civil. Depending on how the conversation goes, you might tell her that you are coming to the Christmas party because you'd love to spend time with your husband's family. However, I would make it clear that if any snide comments come your way you'll spotlight them, not dodge them. Then do it. "Why would you say that? Why would you do that? Did you really mean to be insulting, because that statement is insulting?" These are examples of spotlight questions. This woman is living in your head rent-free. Kick her out. The way to do that is to mindfully talk to her before the party, tell her how you feel, tell her what you are going to do--and then do it.
Thanks for your advice Dan. I like the spotlight questions you suggested and I agree, a meeting face to face is a good idea. I appreciate your response. Im learning a lot from your videos. Thanks so much for sharing them on RUclips! I’m a fan.