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this is dumb and like asking middle class folks why more of them aren't driving BMWs and mercedes lol... if you pay for my kids i will have as many as you want me too simple..
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Some conclusions we can gather from your investigations here in two videos. 1) generally the western trend starting with millennials but cemented in consequences and attitude with gen z globally is the cultural rejection of having kids without freedom and security in their lives 2) this can’t happen due to economic and sociopolitical frustrations being self aware due to the internet and social media dominating their lives 3) ever increasing societal to pressures past religious hegemonic dominant cultural force lessened dramatically, social and political groups going becoming more pronounced in ppls lives due to this loss of religion given forced universal meaning. Being self aware as to what having a child means of one’s a feminist or business hustler focused on that. 4) This develops into an attitude of self freedom and individualism. A need to remove from longstanding cultural norms that’s began with boomers and the world changing with growing tech and businesses and globalised media not restricting them which has developed into this. 5) And ever increasing chaos from lack of mass media trust for open truth, ageing population awareness along with increased mental health and lack of infrastructure change and development in economics especially in developed countries like America makes accumulating wealth without unnecessary sacrifice along with proper partner prospects especially with gen z makes it too expensive, not foreseeable in the near future as a safe gurantee for you or your child and attitudes toward even having kids. All different and present differently but the same with similar themes from east asia to Europe. Africa and some of asia now are even starting to feel and realise this in their generations even if their more communal in general. Japan like in the video is another example of this and accepting the effects of this stuff changing by having more immigrants. It’s becoming the house problem millennials we’re releasing before already a lost cause for gen z. And I probably am gonna be childfree too tbh.
Yup and unfortunately plp change the plan in the marriage I knew one person who decided a few years in she didn’t want kids felt bad for the husband who wanted multiple kids
My brother is in that situation, but he's the only person I know with a solid financial partner. You have to think that most women that are young are not good partners, if the 1 downside is they don't want kids, it's a crazy compromise, but I get why he's in the situation he's in.
That's because women control relationships not men. Sadly, most men in relationships are cucks who look for woman's approval in their actions rather than taking the lead.
@@mariasol1545 there's a biological reason for this, but it applies more to women than men. Mathematically, if the woman is over the age of 35, the probability for birth defects increases dramatically. This is unfair to the child also.
@@mariasol1545 I had kids later in life. I have a total of 4 kids. I had my first kid at 31 and my last kid at 46 and I regret it. The best time to have kids is in your 20's.
@@mariasol1545 it seems to not be the case. The window for a healthy birth is still quite short although technology has helped it become possible for some couples but at a cost
These men usually talk about legacy, but when they have them, they know nothing about their children because its a woman's job to raise them. If you're thinking about children and you're doing it for the sole purpose of just having a legacy, ask yourself this. What was your great grandfathers name, and what did he do for a living? If you can't answer that, what makes you think you're worth remembering?
And I love how when they bring up "legacy", there is always the underlying assumption that the kids will always (a) outlive you, (b) actually grow up to be good, decent people, and (c) not have severe mental or physical disabilities
I don't want to be a single mother. I especially don't want to be a married single mother. I've grown up around men who did nothing in the household, nothing related to raising their children, while the mothers did everything on top of having fulltime jobs... THAT is my worst nightmare. If the right guy shows up and I feel secure in our relationship and assured that I'm not going to raise OUR children ALONE, then we can talk about it.
In my experience, it was the complete opposite - the women I've witnessed growing up did absolutely nothing but spend her husbands money on themselves and the men did everything. All of my male family members and friends who have been married have been screwed over by their wives or are currently being mistreated by them, and my female family members screwed over their many partners too (one even got her BF killed due to her drug addiction). As a result, I have major trust issues with women and will likely not get married unless someone really exceptional comes along that I feel like I can trust (not likely). Reading these comments, it seems like there is some major mistrust and disconnects between genders these days which will likely never be resolved. Oh well.
I seen this.. This is HUGE in my community. Men don't do anything and the woman does everything, cleaning, working, buying the house. I'm lucky I got a traditional man who actually provides for me and our children.
the BIG difference between back in the day and now is the lack of community, you would have a family if you had a community to support you through it. there is almost no sense of community left for the average middle class indevidual.
Yes, this is a good point. My parents raised my siblings and I without help, and I see how difficult it can be. This is probably why my siblings and I have a hard time connecting to people because we didn't have a consistent sense of community. If I ever have kids, then I would make sure to have a community for them. No community growing up has made adulthood difficult and lonely at times.
@@jxx9x So you argue with a basic logic that being able to choose doesn't restrict you to just one choice (like the op implies about having a choice = not having children)?
@@epayne men's role and men's expectation by women haven't changed since the dawn of this planet, but men hv to change the expectation for women? GTFO
Exactly, and then they wonder why women don't want to have kids anymore... Women are always seen as the bad ones, alot of men these days are children themselves, and they wonder why women won't deal with that on top of a full time job and household chores..
Why is everyone shaming women who dont have kids? I taught for 20 years and most of the kids had little or no parenting at home. The parents avoided their kids. Kids are energy/ attention sponges. Just popping them out doesnt mean the parents love them and want to invest all their life energy into them. Most kids are latchkey kids even if the parents are around. Show me these loving involved parents ? I've only seen a few. Most just breed, clothe and feed. Most pregnancies are not planned. We dont live in the 1950s anymore where everyone was married, owned a home, and the husband had good paying job and all women did was cook and clean and raise children. How many children do we have in the foster care system? What happens to them? They don't matter because they weren't sired by your loins? The children of Child Protective Services are a non-issue in this society.
@@Vlad-bs1jsbut why put your kid through the struggle? Very selfish having kids when ur not financially stable. Better having kids later, than raising them without basic needs met.
More than money I think TIME is the big issue. If you are up at 7 and have to commute a hour to work at 9, finish at 5, commute a hour back, get dinner prepared, workout because you sit all day, then do chores around the house. By the time you finish it is 8-9 at night. When is there time to raise a child in that? Traditionally the mother was around to offset the father being out working but if both parents are working then nobody has the time.
@@GameFuMaster What if the grandparents are working the same hours? People usually retire between 65-70 and if you are having kids at 25-30 your parents are likely still working and have all the exact same issues.
@@aba1design if that's the case, if 6 people (grandparents from both sides) are working and you can't afford childcare, then you're really fked as a whole family then.
In what world is it selfish to NOT have them ? Aside from your government, and mostly the richer people, you do not help anyone by just pumping out children The one girl who says it's selfish is religious, so obviously she believes it's her role to do that, which is hella biased, but aside from that, i just don't understand at all how it's selfish, you're going against nobody, you're just doing your own thing
It’s not selfish, it’s self preservation to not have kids. Also if you don’t want to have kids, you shouldn’t have kids. No kid wants to feel unwanted.
It's about survival of human kind. In the western world, birth rates are far below 2, which is suicidal. So instead of pushing mass immigration to compensate for this deficit, governments should set up a positive propaganda campaign to convince people to reproduce more. This will not happen tho since big companies profit from immigrants because they will go along with lower loans. Many times they don't speak the language of their employers or even their colleagues, so they can't really do anything about their working conditions anyway. That is also the reason why billionaires are behind the funding of most modern feminist and LGBT-activist movements. It all fuels the division between men and women.
It's about survival of human kind. In the western world, birth rates are far below 2, which is more than problematic. So instead of pushing mass immigration to compensate for this deficit, governments should set up a positive propaganda campaign to convince people to reproduce more. This will not happen tho since big companies profit from immigrants because they will go along with lower loans. Many times they don't speak the language of their employers or even their colleagues, so they can't really do anything about their working conditions anyway. That is also the reason why billionaires are behind the funding of most modern feminist and LGBT-activist movements. It all fuels the division between men and women.
It's about survival of human kind. In the western world, birth rates are far below 2, which is more than problematic. So instead of pushing immigration to compensate for this deficit, governments should set up a positive campaign to convince people to reproduce more. This will not happen tho since big companies profit from immigration because they will go along with lower loans. Many times they don't speak the language of their employers or even their colleagues, so they can't really do anything about their working conditions anyway. That is also the reason why billionaires are behind the funding of most modern feminist and LGBT-activist movements. It all fuels the division between men and women.
I think a big part of it is just how non-committal our society has become. You don’t have to commit to an institution, you don’t even have to commit to a spouse. But kids are the ultimate commitment. People are more cautious of something lifelong because of how frail some of the pillars of society has become. There’s bad faith all around us: in safety, financial stability, in a trustworthy parter, in media, our government etc.
True. It’s a reaction to the disappointment around us. But humans still need community and faith in good things to come. We’re becoming more and more individualistic and I don’t think that’s good in the long run. There has to be a balance between self-preservation, and sacrifice for a better future. Who knows how though.
@@meganhartman2755 I would cynically believe that as population collapse there will be more openings for the new generation to have more children to take their place. I'm not that worried
@@meganhartman2755 I don't have to commit to KIDS nor FAMILY . Stop romanticizing having kids people wanna live how they want and that's the opposite of selfishness such as having kids.
The video title says it all. All the pressure and responsibility to have kids and be a good parent is on women. Those who choose to have kids often end up single mothers and people are surprised that less women wants kids. Even married women take care of the majority if not all childcare, household chores and need a job on the side to help their husbands.
Exactly. The average "committed" unmarried relationship lasts 2 years, and the average marriage lasts 8 years. Women don't want to have children when the majority of the time, they'll be a single mother before the children are even out of elementary school. And then they'll get blamed for being a single mother, no matter what the man did.
Ding ding ding. I'm extremely suprised most of the people interviewed didn't say that. I'm never having children for many reasons. But that is one of the biggest reasons. I think lots of us women grew up seeing our mothers and so many other women being abu*ed and not being cared for by men. And we promised ourselves we would never accept that behavior. Most men are not good partners or fathers. Sadly, I know a small handful of men who are good fathers. It shouldn't be like this, but the patriarchy is just too real...
One thing I have learned in my now mid-thiries is that younger people have no concept of how quickly their lives will go. I used to believe I had many years to make certain decisions before the door closed. It's only with time you understand that many things in life have limited windows of choice. I encourage all my friends to be intentional and circumspect about their long-term life plans. You can't have it all, but you can have what matters most if you're wise and act with purpose.
@@spoonman4024 we are aware of that and we don't want kids we wanna live our short lives as we want and not get into unnecessary and selfish acts such as having kids .
@@spoonman4024 yeah life is short that's one of the reasons I don't want kids and am CHILDFREE . I don't wanna throw my freedom away in my short life .
Women bear almost all of the responsibility when it comes to rearing children. A lot of men view motherhood as living on easy mode, and that it isn't difficult to be a mother. The women sacrifice their youth, their bodies, and their mental health, and all of it is taken for granted or brushed aside as non-issues. A lot of young women are looking at older women who have been through all of it, and they decide that it's not worth it for them.
Topics like these stagnate and don't move forward because people assume that they can estimate how the majority of people think about things and there is nothing that would change their opinion. How'd you come to the conclusion that that is the primary contributor to this issue?
Women demand men with high paying jobs, don’t care how much work he puts you just want a primary provider, women still hold men to ALL trad men responsibilities baring the provider even that men are still PRIMARY provider as in man pays more or majority of the bills but god forbid women fulfill trad women responsibilities of chores or nurturing children it’s end of the world. Other than first 4 years of child raising, being a housewife is a fuckin privilege its a luxury not even remotely as hard as corporate job working yourself to de@th
@@youtube-nutzer2895 It's not the primary contributor to this issue. But it is one of them. I came to this particular conclusion because of what my family has been through, what I've seen, and what I've heard from other women.
This is a solid video. As a childless 40-year-old educated man...i had assumptions in my early-mid 20s...that after graduation, I'd work and get experience while figuring out what I wanted to really specialize in and return to graduate school. But, recessions happen, bad relationships, bad jobs...suddenly, I'm 40, preparing for divorce, childless, underemployed...and returning to graduate school and starting a real family now seem impossibilities. The thing the old generations lie to the young ones about is that you have time to figure it out because life is long. Yes, life can be long, but all the major things need to already happen or be in progress by middle age or you've missed your chance.
I think if you are paying attention the message is still there. The newer generations just don’t want to listen, or get offended by the advice. I listened and it has worked well for me. Most people are sheep. They are too worried about what others think to look at things for what they are. Reproduction and raising the next generation is your purpose in life. You can distract yourself with shiny things and pretty women, but one day you will be old, sad, and alone. Trying to convince others to do the same so you have someone to commiserate with.
Assuming positive intent by everyone involved, one thing we can attest is that generations tend to react to their own experiences and try to correct the mistakes of their elders. Our parents might have felt pressured and tried to relieve that pressure in our generation, resulting in adults who have no sense of meaning and urgency. Our generation (millennials) feels like we suffered emotional neglect and trauma, so we've become helicopter parents obsessed with cuddling our kids into snowflakes. It's darkly comical that no matter how much a collective tries to rebalance this, there will always be a flipside to the approach resulting in unforeseen negative outcomes.
It's okay to want kids, and it's also okay to not want kids. Let people live their lives and make their own choices. No one should be pressured into anything.
I agree people shouldn't be pressured into either route, but I also believe it's incorrect to assume this many people desire to be childless uninfluenced. The pressures have just swung from one extreme to the other
@@willybe6427 Love doesn't pay the bills. Few people have a stable home, which is sad. My parents never paid attention to me and always worked. So I raised myself. Then my dad got cancer and everything went to hell.
@@willybe6427, I think that's the problem though. There's a whole world of difference between having kids because you *love* being a parent and having kids because that's what you *think* your role should be.
My reasoning is: if I can barely afford my rent and food, and it is impossible for me to afford a car even with a higher than minimum wage, how am I supposed to support a whole other person? For THE REST OF MY LIFETIME??? Also, everyone talks about not having time for anything. I would rather spend my time cultivating and spreading happiness, instead of having a young child who depends on a stressed out, miserable adult. Thanks for coming to my TED talk!
Highly agree! Not being financially stable is a huge factor for me, especially growing up poor and having to grow up sooner to support my single mom is not something I'd want to put on my own child. Another huge factor is the increase in infertility. I myself suffer from pcos, but I know a lot of female friends who also suffer from pcos or similar conditions that really lower their chances. It's concerning and we should really be looking into why this is becoming so common. 😟
As someone with one child who wants another, I completely see why women wouldn’t want children. It’s scary and you have to have a lot of trust in your partner. Not everyone should or has to have kids.
There's an ex trad-wife that said something along the lines of "my ability to feed my children was dependent on my husband staying in love with me." I never realized how transactional a marriage was until I was in one myself and once I started having kids. It really shouldn't be but it is. Absolute unconditional love within a marriage is rare and if you happen to really find "the one", you're extremely lucky. I'm not surprised 50% of marriages end with a divorce and I'm always wondering how many marriages, where the couples are mutually genuinely happy, are really out there.
My aunt was a SAHM, and I remember we wouldn't see her for weeks at a time because her husband wouldn't give her gas money. They lived in a rural area, so there were no neighbors for her to talk to, and the roads were dangerous, so we could only spend a bit of time there before it got pitch dark. He thought he was a great husband for keeping the bills paid but made the home her prison.
@@sachi8483 It is supposedly bad, because a person choses not to exist in worst case. If one is overneuroticieced about children, like you are, worst case is presumed as standart for some reason, but then still there is nothing that a kid has lost. It does not fall under no definition of selfishness.
The economy always plays a role. There’s a reason why the “Silent Generation”, a small generation, occurred during the Great Depression and the “Baby Boomers”, the largest population, were born during a time of economic prosperity. The economy plays a role
This comment should be higher up. To successfully raise children, you need both time and money. Most couples nowadays only have one of those. My partner and I are both full-time employees. Everyone else talking about anxiety or purpose is being unrealistic.
@honigwaffel6411 then how come people in Norway are also not having kids? Finances are not an issue there since people get huge government bonuses for having kids yet they don't? Economy is a factor for sure but it's by far not the dominating one.
As a 21-year-old man, I'm getting sick of hearing other men stating that their reasoning behind reproducing is to "leave a legacy". You're not that important, and most of you do not known the names of your great grandfathers nor do you know if they were actually good people or not. When women state that their reasoning behind having kids, its never about leaving a legacy. They always mention wanting to pour their love onto their children, since they didn't have that growing up. They always mention how they have so much love to give, about how they want to adopt a child instead of bringing in another due to how many children are in the system, unwanted, unloved, and almost always abused/exploited. I'm also sick and tired of men blaming single mothers for "choosing" their childs father, as if she knew he was going to be a deadbeat BEFORE having a child. Then, they turn around and blame women for having abortions when their circumstances aren't "ideal". If they keep the child, theyre scrutinized and blamed for the actions of the childs father, yet if they abort the child due to not wanting them growing up with an absent father, they're called " baby-killers". You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. These same men will never give women credit for stepping up as mothers, keeping their children despite the circumstances, and raising their children on their own due to their fathers actions. They will never blame deadbeats because they couldn't care less about the well-being of the child as much as they care about coming off in a certain manner while pouring their frustrations on the mothers who are resilient enough to raise children on their own. Overall, if your reasoning behind having children is anything that involves social status (the title of father/mother) or to "leave a legacy", you're not ready to be a good father. Any idiot can be a "father", but it takes a real man to be a good "dad". The fact that women almost always step up to fill the role of a provider, protector, and nurturer for their children while its more common for the father to not be as involved in his childrens lives says enough about why women are frustrated with men when it comes to reproduction. I'd be frustrated with us too. My reasoning behind not wanting to reproduce is due to the fact that not only can't I afford them, but I can't trust anyone other than my childs mother to babysit them. Predators are roaming around everywhere because they're barely given a slap on the wrist for committing the worst crimes fathomable. In my state, after my daughter/son turns 16, I can no longer legally do anything if a child predator targets them since they're "legal ". And I haven't even started on the dangers of predators in schools or on the internet, not to mention how often school shootings occur in our country, as well as the people trusted to protect our children being the ones to harm them (its disturbingly common for police, priests, pastors, judges, doctors, teachers, and babysitters to molest children, as they intentionally choose professions that gains them the trust of parents and easier access to their children). If they put half as much effort into protecting children and prosecuting pedophiles as they do with protecting each other, I wouldn't even have to contemplate the disturbing possibility (25% chance for girls and 17% chance for boys) of my children being molested, even if I do everything in my power to protect them, the only way to ensure they grow up in a stable environment is to isolste them from the world, which can also be a form of abuse! Its not that we don't want kids. It, quite frankly, makes absolutely no sense to bring a child into this world where the adults around them are not held accountable to the same extent as they used to. It takes a village to raise a child, but unlike hundreds of years ago when pedophiles were executed so that they have a 0% chance of re offending, those same pedophiles are in positions of power to not only exploit children, but protect each other when getting caught. We're not selfish enough to bring a child into this world given its current state, and if nothing drastic changes in regards to how we handle predators, that will not change, even given the slim chance that reproducing becomes more affordable.
I am a 19 year old woman and you took the words I have been espousing from day one right out of my mouth. Why would I bring a child into this wretched cruel world where they can be subjected to unfathomable evil. I would never want a child to suffer mentally as I have, and I would never want a child to endure what I have. honestly hearing about babies or the youth of today is heartbreaking. All my friends struggle with their mental health and hardly have any hope or peace in their lives. Living is such a an inconceivable struggle in and of itself
True this is going to lead to the state having custody and rights over the kids in Marge housing while the parents only provide the sperm and egg get paíd then the state raises the kids
One could argue having kids is usually for selfish reasons. The commans to have children and fill the earth was directed solely to Eve but somehow people think it applies to every women
I think the ones that have children are the selfish ones. They think how THEY want a legacy, THEY want a family, and put the kids on this cruel world to deal with all kinds of problems. A lot of unprepared people have children just because they want, and the children have to pay. The ones that are really prepared are few.
@@8RGLYou think the world is some utopia? Everything isn’t going to be perfect. And as a counterpoint, all it does is make for insensitive, ignorant, and entitled children who think everything should come their way. There’s trade-offs to both paths (including everything in between).
Motherhood is looked down upon in our society. Someone who devotes their life to caretaking instead of working is looked at as a parasite. Women are expected to work full time, take care of the baby, and do all the cleaning. But yeah, it’s so shocking that so many opt out.
@@lavendercait It's mostly just liberal women who look down on motherhood, not society as a whole. If both the man and woman in a relationship have to work, communicating the importance of splitting cleaning and taking care of the baby isn't some impossible task.
@@nickc5577 trusting a man to take care of you financially is a big gamble for women. The hand that feeds you is also the hand that can starve you. Women need community.
@@nickc5577 nope, it's men. Both liberal and conservative. The amount of men who look down on stay at home moms is crazy actually. Sometimes is their own wifes.
I think another factor is that we live in such an individualistic society that it's incredibly challenging raising kids on our own. Even in a two parent household... the time, money, and energy constraints are hard on parents. Throughout history, community has participated in helping with childcare. There's a reason the phrase "it takes a village" exists. It does! Women used to work together, families used to live in mult-generational homes, etc. Even when there weren't grandparents living in the homes... people relied heavily on neighbors, friends, and their communities to help child rear. It's not natural for two people to raise kids AND maintain full-time jobs. Yet, we do it. I don't think it's very appealing to a lot of people and thus makes them reconsider. All of that being said, I do think having children is one of the more selfless things someone can do. It forces people to consider something bigger than themselves and invest into something that is not them. There are people all over the world who lack the resources we have in the west and they're still able to have children. Perhaps it's not ideal to have children in a lower tax bracket... but in my opinion, the most important thing parents can do for their kids is give them unconditional love. The love is what matters, not the money.
It’s ironic that the higher up the tax bracket you go the less kids families tend to have. It’s typically your lower income to lower middle classes that are having the most kids.
A lot of parents have kids to "do-over" their own lives. That girl in the blue outfit also said this, she wanted to raise a kid to relive her own life through them. Which doesn't bode well since they will shape their kid in their own ideal and not treat them as a person.
I think it's selfish to have kids if you can't adequately support them, especially if it's motivated by social validation, ie you see people posting baby pics on social media.
Here are some reasons I’ve figured 1) generally the western trend starting with millennials but cemented in consequences and attitude with gen z globally is the cultural rejection of having kids without freedom and security in their lives 2) this can’t happen due to economic and sociopolitical frustrations being self aware due to the internet and social media dominating their lives 3) ever increasing societal to pressures past religious hegemonic dominant cultural force lessened dramatically, social and political groups going becoming more pronounced in ppls lives due to this loss of religion given forced universal meaning. Being self aware as to what having a child means of one’s a feminist or business hustler focused on that. 4) This develops into an attitude of self freedom and individualism. A need to remove from longstanding cultural norms that’s began with boomers and the world changing with growing tech and businesses and globalised media not restricting them which has developed into this. 5) And ever increasing chaos from lack of mass media trust for open truth, ageing population awareness along with increased mental health and lack of infrastructure change and development in economics especially in developed countries like America makes accumulating wealth without unnecessary sacrifice along with proper partner prospects especially with gen z makes it too expensive, not foreseeable in the near future as a safe gurantee for you or your child and attitudes toward even having kids. All different and present differently but the same with similar themes from east asia to Europe. Africa and some of asia now are even starting to feel and realise this in their generations even if their more communal in general. Japan like in the video is another example of this and accepting the effects of this stuff changing by having more immigrants. It’s becoming the house problem millennials we’re releasing before already a lost cause for gen z. And I personally makes me childfree tbh. But things can change
Here are some reasons I’ve figured 1) generally the western trend starting with millennials but cemented in consequences and attitude with gen z globally is the cultural rejection of having kids without freedom and security in their lives 2) this can’t happen due to economic and sociopolitical frustrations being self aware due to the internet and social media dominating their lives 3) ever increasing societal to pressures past religious hegemonic dominant cultural force lessened dramatically, social and political groups going becoming more pronounced in ppls lives due to this loss of religion given forced universal meaning. Being self aware as to what having a child means of one’s a feminist or business hustler focused on that. 4) This develops into an attitude of self freedom and individualism. A need to remove from longstanding cultural norms that’s began with boomers and the world changing with growing tech and businesses and globalised media not restricting them which has developed into this. 5) And ever increasing chaos from lack of mass media trust for open truth, ageing population awareness along with increased mental health and lack of infrastructure change and development in economics especially in developed countries like America makes accumulating wealth without unnecessary sacrifice along with proper partner prospects especially with gen z makes it too expensive, not foreseeable in the near future as a safe gurantee for you or your child and attitudes toward even having kids. All different and present differently but the same with similar themes from east asia to Europe. Africa and some of asia now are even starting to feel and realise this in their generations even if their more communal in general. Japan like in the video is another example of this and accepting the effects of this stuff changing by having more immigrants. It’s becoming the house problem millennials we’re releasing before already a lost cause for gen z. And I personally makes me childfree tbh. But things can change.
If kids are so important why arent they talking about orphans, kids in foster care - most people seem to want biological kids and not some other random kid thats already existing and in need. I think thats true selfishness
Let me ask you something, are you planning on adopting any of those foster kids? Or speaking out or doing anything in other spaces to help fix foster care system? There’s currently over a million people on the adoption waiting list. A lot of people like to say “why isn’t anybody talking about orphans and foster care” while not doing anything to contribute themselves. It’s selfish to only want your own biological kids, it’s selfish to pursue a relationship expecting kids when partner doesn’t, selfish to not want kids but still pursue the relationship…seems to me that humans are just naturally selfish 🤷🏽♀️
@LuvNikNac the point is to shut up and leave people alone who don't want kids. Especially when there are children already born in foster care. But I will let you know that my older sister - who never married and never had kids- spent over 30 years of her life advocating and teaching autistic and other special needs children who were in an institution for disabled children. Her mission meant more to her than popping out a biological kid.
They pretend to care about kids until they're actually born, then they're just some burden rather than a blessing. That's the world for those children. Looked at as a curse but for some reason they act like they care about the birthrate and immediately blame it on women.
One thing I don't understand about this. Literally ALL of Africa is dominating in terms of total fertility rate and birth rates. If this whole thing was truly about poor economy and hardships in life, wouldn't we see something vice versa? Why are countries in Africa such as Nigeria and Somalia having the highest birthrates globally, way higher than more economically developed countries like South Korea and Japan? Could someone explain? I'm not understanding.
@@irm316Lack of sexual education, lack of contraception, lack of awareness. Religious pressure , familial pressure , social pressure. Low income , but cost of living also low. You can manage to feed a lot of mouth , even if your conditions of living won’t be great. But it’s impossible in a rich country because salary are higher , but cost of living and food is ridiculously high. That’s my observation from what I have seen in Africa.
It's not selfish to not have kids. Too many people are like "oops I'm pregnant", have the kid/kids, and become terrible and irresponsible parents. Better to not have kids than to be a bad parent who raises another generation of angry children who go on to become terrible adults.
I think selfish as a word has been given a negative stereotype. Because it’s ok to be selfish, but at the same time understand that, it’s selfish reasons that drive not wanting kids.
Wrong. Being a bad parent is a choice. I have seen all kinds of people who think they will be bad parents, and the good ones are the ones who tried to be good. They had the same troubled backgrounds and financial issues as the bad parents.
They're not selfish because they're not having kids. They're not having kids because they're too selfish to devote such a large part of their life to taking care of a child.
Imagine working full time, cooking, cleaning and still have energy to sleep with your husband while your husband expects you to be the caretaker of the home. Is too much expectation on us women. God forbid getting divorced now your a single mom where you are now consider Undesirable by most men. It just seems like a lose situation for a woman.
I guess single patenting becomes the norm in the near future, so the society should open up for this. I also think that our parents did not have so much distractions, like gaming, social media, traveling or becoming a physics PhD. So they did fill up their lives with ... life
You already do everything you just mentioned. So do the majority of men. The problem is you think so little of men and children. The question is why? Who put those ideas in your head?
As a father, one of the best ways i can tell someone would be a good parent is when they recognize their faults and admit they are unsure they would be. Second good sign is if they are openly working on themself.
But really anyone. I was a loser druggie. But having my daughter gave me the strength to quit all that and get my shit together. So.... You never know.
You never know. I used to be a loser druggie. But having my daughter gave me the strength to quit all that and get my proverbial shite together. So, you never know.
Not everybody want children and that is ok. It is a choice. I met some men that forces women to have children but then do not take care of the kids they force her to have I met some men that have kids that are horrible fathers. Not having children does not make you selfish. Having children and not taking care of them makes you selfish. Not everybody wants to be a wife or have children it is ok. Stop forcing people. I seen too many parents that have children that neglect or straight abuse their children.
@@Ndasuunye You do that alot of people that have children still go to nursing homes right? I knew a lady that had seven kids and that died alone. Do not have children because you are getting old. Have children because you want them. Not all children take care of their elderly parents. If you think that all children takes care of their elderly parents you are going to be very disappointed. Have children because you want them not because society forces you too and definitely do not have children to take care of you when you are old.
@@savagesweetheart90 exactly. If someone says bringing children is the best, greatest things you can do... It all subjective. For some yes, for others no way
I found out I didn't want kids before I even knew how babies were made, I was 6. I am 35 now, never ever changed my mind, not even for a second. Some people don't want to be parents the same way some people don't want to go to law school. Not wanting kids should be enough of an answer.
Same. I knew since I was 5 that I did not like kids. I got that notion in kindergarten, while observing my peers. I am 33 and my disgust has never disappeared. 😂
Right! When I was in preschool, I saw 3 of my peers fitting nearly a whole orange in their mouths and I thought that was disgusting. I said to them don't do that and they didn't listen. The teacher had to step in and tell me "oh they're just having fun" but thinking back at it, that is dangerous so she really should've stopped them. As a kid I said "I don't like kids, they're annoying" and a few adults who heard me say that are like "oh but you're a kid too" and even once I became a teen/young adult, when people ask me why I don't like kids, I said the same thing when I was a kid but a little more. They still had that same response except it was "you were a kid once" you would think hearing these excuses would change my opinion but no. It actually made me push further to not want one 😂
@@skiiminette6725 your experience made me laugh because I went through something similar. My first day at pre school I cried so much because of the noise and mess the kids were making they had to call my mum. 😂
Exactly. There’s a reason why the saying “every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child” exists. I’ve seen too many cases of neglectful and bad parents, some who can simultaneously love their kids but then act in the worst way possible as a parent, to think that everyone should just have kids. It should absolutely be a careful process of consideration and mindful communication with your partner before even thinking of having kids.
The point is why is that the number of people to which having kids is not for them is increasing and why ? So We can combat it, because were heading to a population collapse and old people will just starve to death without enough younger to finance them with labour and money
I (f, 24) never wanted kids and had my uterus removed 4 months ago because of an illness. So many people told me that I would defintely regrett it and that I was too young to make that decision for myself. I´m asexual, never wanted kids and think that I wouldn´t have been a great mother and getting this surgery was so difficult, even thought I had an illness that justified it in a medical sense. My ability to have kids was considered more important than my physical and mental health by most doctors and that is simply astonishing. I was told that I´m a horrible person and that nobody would ever love me and I would die alone just because I didn´t want kids. All the while I had to suffer years of pain and serious health issues. Now that I´m finally free, I don´t regret it one single bit. I´ve never felt as good as this in the past 12 years and I couldt be happier about it.
I am an elderly woman who never had children. I know several women my age who chose to be childfree. Your right, you are viewed as abnormal because you never became a mother, but if you look around, you will find people that support you and respects you for your decision. I am glad that you have found solace.
@FlippyFlipperton Trust me, I can honestly say I don't regret the surgery. If I hadn't done IT, I would have Had to live with that pain for a very Long Time. And that's defintely Not Worth IT. Not to me.
I'm a woman and I don't want kids. This is not the right world to bring up a child and I have a cat. Men usually make fun of people like that but I'm satisfied. I hope and pray to find a child free man like myself one day. Anyone else interested in having their own kids, I wish them the best in life.
Right on! I feel the exact same way. If I ever decide to start dating again, the man will need to be childfree and on the same page as me. I want to travel together, build together, and explore the world without having to do all the extra stuff you'd have to do when you have children.
I wish both of you happiness and luck on your respective journeys. But I also hope you realise sooner than later that for us as humans fulfillment comes from community, family and bettering oneself for the sake of those. You use your pets to fill the emptyness you have, to care for something more than just you. To feel warmth and have someone at home waiting for you and not feel lonely. But the relationship of a pet and it's human is as abusive as one from slave and master. You learnt not to compromise and hold nothing higher than you. With all that you laid the foundation for your inability to have a healthy and happy relationship and also be lonlely. ❤
@arthurmontana2314 man be like, you're using your pet to fill a hole, now you can't possibly build a good relationship. Haha lady. Not: ethically you decided not to have children, because you can't give them the life they deserve. So yes, get a cat because that's a part of your community, and have loving friends, and be a good person.
Also, before, women didnt have a choice: they could either be nurse, secretary, teacher or stay at home; men would not help beside from bringing miney to the house and women started to see that. now we can do watever we want and you can’t pressure us to have kids.
@@redparis9225people didn’t have the choice to divorce partners/have access to contraception back then. We continue to see high birth rates in countries where contraception and family planning are inaccessible. I do believe a falling birth rate is a sacrifice worth making for people being able to control when they have kids though.
Having kids involves a desire, to really have that deep desire to bring children into this life, I’m 34 and I really haven’t had that calling, it’s not about money, or being selfish or anything that is mentioned in this video, it’s just that I don’t desire to be a mum… it seems that for some people is hard to understand this reason.
and it is very legit and important reason not to have them. I think many people just make them out of pressure, impulsively and then they realize it's not for them.
5:25 It's not really selfish to not have kids. It would be selfish to bring a child into this world and not care for them but deciding to not have kids is neither selfless or selfish. The child does not exist so you are not being selfish by not having them. It is only selfish if you decide you don't want to be a parent after already having a child. Deciding you don't want children and never bringing a child into this world is not selfish because you are not neglecting the responsibility for someone else when that someone else never existed. Bringing a child into this world is not selfless either, it is just a choice you decided to make because you wanted kids. Neither choice is wrong but acting like you are a better person for making either choice is just arrogance.
Any action is a selfish choice. But, not helping your kids after having them is really stupid. Why would you have kids and use resources on them just to abandon them?
Yes it is selfish because you are not raising a child to produce the products and services that society needs. Your parents and all the humans before them made the sacrifice but you are choosing to spend your time and money purely on yourself.
@@sadfasde3108 that view dehumanizes the child as just a cog in an economic machine. That's inherently selfish because it fundamentally disregards that this hypothetical child will have needs and desires that may be at odds with their economic production. Opting not to subject a child to an existence which detrmines their value not by what they want, but by their production, may be selfish from the perspective of macroeconomic machinations. But it's a more empathetic position. Less conceptually, nearly nobody chooses to have children to pay a debt or fulfil a duty to society. They have children because they want them, or because they don't want them but can't or won't terminate the pregnancy.
@@sadfasde3108 well, it is also selfish to bring them just because parents or you expect they will take care of you later so... doesn't matter. Both are selfish.
To understand why people aren’t procreating, you need to know why people are divorcing. Divorce rates are between 40-50% The top reasons women initiate divorce are unequal division of household chores and childcare, even when both partners work full-time, alcohol addiction, infidelity, and abuse (physical and/or emotional). Who wants to have kids in these scenarios? Plus, mental health is at an all-time low. Selfish to spare children? No.
@@AustrianPainter14false reasons are infidelity, abuse, financial issues, lack of commitment/intimacy. Stop projecting coz men are more likely to not be monogamous in marriages than women.
Me not wanting to have kids has less to do with me and more to do with my potential children. I don’t want to put my children on this corrupt, traumatic planet. Most people talk about how much they are struggling, mentally, financially, physically… yet you want to pass that on to the most important people that you claim to love. Doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t wait to exit this life and never come back here.
Why are not women having kids ? Bro why would anyone have kids in this economy ? Add on top of that the negative picture our parents gave us about raising kids
Written on an iPhone. Yall (most people not just you) have enough money to buy the newest phone, buy the trendiest clothes, subscribe to the most useless entertainment enterprises, yet complain about the economy
@@armorbearer9702 Some saw their parents get divorced , some saw their parents arguing everyday Some saw their parents looking tired & exhausted from parental duties So a person with a brain says if marriage is terrible like this why get into it ?
Good Lord, of the 4billion men on the planet 99% of them are not going to be irresponsible adults and bad fathers. I truly feel bad for people who don’t have good male role models or fathers in their lives. All because you have multiple bad experience with the opposite sex doesn’t mean that all members of that sex are horrible or that any man/women should give up on relationships But what am I saying, since this is RUclips my sentiment will fall on deaf ears and the gender wars will continue. Healthy relationships aren’t as entertaining or clickable.
Parentified child here! I have already lost my childhood once, and now I'm trying to rebuild any sense of self I've never had. When your value is measured only in how much you can freely give away to other people, no matter the cost for your health, safety and mind, it leaves a huge scar on your decisiveness. I really, really don't want to go through it again. All the best for people who are ready though, best of all to you. There are just too many people, sticking their noses where they shouldn't, not knowing the full story but feeling entitled to judge others.
Why is it only women who cry like this when they are born into leadership positions? Men usually bear the weight with honor. I guess this is why, traditionally, things were the way they were.
@@tomfrienI worked in a nursing home. Most of our patients went without visits. And if they had visits they were usually cut short because a lot of the adult children only visited due to a sense of obligation, not genuine love.
@@tomfrien I was a caregiver at Aegis Living. The elderly who lived there had many children, but none came to visit unless they were near death. There were 1 or 2 people who were childless, but they were visited by friends.
If having no kids is "selfish" who is it selfish to? Selfishness is lack of consideration for others. And if society views it as such, they're entitled.
it's selfish because you don't care for society, you don't want to give anything back. your parents sacrificed their time, their money etc. to give you a life. you don't want to sacrifice anything because you want all your money for yourself, for your travels, for your daily amazon deliveries, for your frappuccinos. you have no idea who is taking care of you when you are old and bedridden. the nursing home? they won't have enough people working there when you are old because nobody wanted to have children, nobody cared.
Having kids, is imo the MOST selfish thing you can do. A child did not ask to be born. YOU make the decision on another person's behalf. If you do this, you better be ready and really want it.
That’s a very dumb thing to say. The primary purpose of life is literally. Very literally to reproduce. Almost everything on the human body is design for breeding and survival. The need to have children is not economic. It’s primal.
That’s a very dumb thing to say. The primary purpose of life is literally. Very literally to reproduce. Almost everything on the human body is design for breeding and survival. The need to have children is not economic. It’s primal.
Oh yeah, and abortion is a act of altruism and adopting is a act of gallantry. This is just stupid. Having children is wholesome, both an act for yourself and for another being. Dont worry to understand because selfish people just cannot grasp the concept.
@@PedroCavalcanti-nk9ik But once this child need extra money for medicine, or money for education you sure as hell don't want to pay for it. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, SUCKER. Having a child is the most selfish act a person can do. No child asked to be born. You're making the decision for them. So pay for them.
Tell me you haven't even seen a child grow without telling me you haven't even seen a child grow. Your statement is naive and you probably need to solve your own mommy/daddy issues first.
It's more so about society in general. All jobs are done by people. The jobs that you depend on: healthcare, food manufacturing, delivery of goods, infrastructure maintenance. For those jobs to continue being done, new people need to be born. When you don't have kids, you're putting this responsibility on others. And then you'll use products of someone's children's labor. So those parents did all the work but you also get to enjoy the results of that work.
I think the idea is because your family then dies with you. If you're American, there's probably a story of a grandfather who fought poverty/wars/bigotry to get the family established. That legacy stops with you if you don't have children. No genetic trace into the future.
We got so many people in the world near to 10 billion and bringing kids into this world is selfish. You are just deciding for the kids you basically forcing them to the world and they don't ask to be here anyway.
You can't ask for welfare programs, SS, medicare and then say you're not going to contribute to the future tax base until it's unaffordable and crash the system.
I'm 25, and I absolutely want children. My issue isn't the economy, it is 100% finding the right man. Trying to find someone in this current society has been exhausting... Religion and morality is the one vein in life I can't compromise. If God helps me find a good man, though, I'd love to start a family. 😭
I hope you can find the right man. Wanting very traditional values in a relationship plus wanting someone that shares your faith will be incredibly hard these days.
Seems like most men want a wife and kids but don’t actually appreciate and value her and how much she does for the family. Than later come to resent her for “not doing more” while she does the most.
Cut the bullcrap of women doing most they don’t, men are still expected to adhere to ALL the trad men responsibility including from paying for dates ,ring,wedding to paying most bills in the marriage it’s women who do chores and label it ” unpaid work,emotional labour” bullcr@p, women taking men bills for granted and moaning about women putting in the work
I have 4kids. I was a single parent within my marriage. It’s exhausting. Gender roles are not applicable today. I make more than my ex and had he gotten his ego in line, I could have built a nice life for the family WE created. But, the sad truth is, I never wanted kids, I had them and I love them . I live my life for them . And that’s the issue, you lose your identity and if there is no support you fail. And the obligation is a strain on the parent who showed up. Childcare is expensive and or available. My career is on hold indefinitely, that is what has to happen. The father, well- he doesn’t have to experience this. If I look back, I wouldn’t have chosen motherhood . Only because it’s a situation of damned if I do and damned I don’t
For me my changing point was seeing my Grandmother die. Before hand I was like "Kids will ruin my life" which is what we were often taught growing up (school, media etc). But seeing her die with everyone around her made me think about when my day or future wife's day comes. Like if I died first and we didn't have kid's imagine how sad it would be for her laying in bed alone... Same for me if she died first. I'm not like "oh now I must have kids now!". But more I really want to stop getting by like I have been (as I've just been happy getting by enough to keep my pets) and now want to be successful enough so I can put myself in a position to be ready to have kids.
Yes! I think death puts life into perspective. My grandparents had their kids to take care of them. Which was huge. Life changing. I’m so thankful for family and want to have one. Having kids is a transformation of yourself.
I’m a 50 year old dude. I’ve never been married, no kids or wife. Having a family, wife and kids is so overrated. You don’t have to do what society says you have to do. 😎🕺
@@oilmoney2007 but then they need others to have kids because who's gonna buy products/services from them/their employer to generate that wealth? People. People are created through childbirth.
@@oilmoney2007 so? I spent my whole 20s making pretty good money, spent plenty of time relishing in material possessions, none of that was as fulfilling as seeing my kids grow up
@@User_U571 NO because the easy question is imposed, who wants to deny Children or Cute Babies or Kids?? BUT if you ask a person randomly about PARENTHOOD, there you have the shocking reality of full responsibility. NOT the same thing. Makes you think TWICE when the question is framed more accurately. Do I want babies? Sure! But do I want the responsibility of Parenthood for EIGHTEEN years??? 🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻
I never wanted to have kids, and society yelling at us to have kids because of the future is just annoying. Is humanity really so important that people who don't want kids need to have kids? There's a lot of people that want to have kids but don't feel safe with having children in this age.
yep same! also im from really awful family background ( incest survivor) I dont see anyone father material and trustworthy to have kids with seen the same cycle repeat: married in their 20s divorced in their 50s, going after younger cause of closing death anxiety why I would bring kids here just end up cheated on and left for 20y old?
This is just a propaganda piece from people that want other to not have children. It is a preposterous statement. Humans will always be here, it is just nature of stuff. People who do not have children becomes very sad and angry people, and some of them is harmful to children. We se the trans movement in school as a result of this, where they want to force kids to watch or engage with sexually explicit content. We see the environment groups that prey on children to become activists in destroying the society and having them consume poison. I think a healthy society is a society where most people have children, and tries to build functioning families. This is good for mental health, purpose, and meaning of life.
That's the thing, one of the arguments on the pro-children side is that every single one of us somehow have a "duty" to "continue a legacy" and to "ensure the survival of the human race". What does any of that have to do with me? I didn't ask to be here, why is it my "duty" to have kids if that isn't something that I want to do? And more importantly, why would it matter to me if humanity continued or ended? I won't be here to see the end of humanity, why is that my problem?
Gen, better question for the young people would be "do you think the baby has a best chance to survive and flourish having you as a parent? Low birthrate could be nature's way of telling us that it is not happy with this batch as caretakers for next generation and is willing to reset. We can't fight human nature to build family with love one, and there are plenty of good people willing to make the sacrifice and enjoy their children. Birthrate will recover and we'll thrive again. We don't let unqualified people to drive on public road, I'm just glad that these people are actually smart enough to understand that they shouldn't be part of shaping our next generation. Its not doom and gloom but its part of human evolution. We'll be fine.
this feels like a reductionist approach to the issue (in fact is verges on the rhetoric of "capitalism is human nature' argument. if you want the birth rate to be fixed (and by extension parenting and children) you must address systemic issues. there are so many problems in the world that kinda just saying "oh this is evolution taking place" ignores every responsibility that we make to better human society. in a way we are letting those in power win over us, every day across the world people rights are taken away, even in countries that claim to be democratic, "freedom is earned, not given
@@merlin5662 You are both right in a way. But I contend that "rights" and "freedom" are a poor foundation for society. If the child-free life is more "free" than the parenting life, then why on Earth would any "freedom loving democratic person" give up their "right" to be child-free?
Humans are animals and we are one overpopulated species. I see this as one big natural reset. Like how predator species will die off when there's a lack of prey. This is just humans suffering from the success of being apex predator and taking up resources faster than could be replenished.
more like previous generation's f'd up so bad that society is breaking down and what we're seeing is merely the effects of that. But boomer's are truly exceptional at blaming other's so I'm not surprised by this take
For me it was purely financial. Took me 34 years to buy a house (luckily in 2019), get married to a woman young enough to have a child. I was 37 when I had my first child, my wife was 33. I am now 39 and wife is pregnant with 2nd at 35 (considered a geriatric pregnancy). I've always wanted children but it took so long to get what I considered stability to bring children into the world.
Money is definitely a reason, but besides from that, I think it's also just men and women not thinking they would be good parents, or that the stress would just be too much for them and they just wouldn't want to do it. To much self doubt
That is exactly why I chose to be childfree. I have mental health issues and was abused as a child by my dad. I am scared that I would be a horrible mother. I love children so this was the hardest decision of my life but at almost age 50, I know I made the right choice.
@@SP-ml3bs Thank you for sharing! Your reasoning for not wanting kids is one that’s not mentioned all that much. Childhood trauma and abuse can have a huge effect on someone’s adult life.
I like that people are having kids later in life, since you are more mature, we also live longer! so why would society pressure so hard to have kids in early twenties when we live up to 100...
Because it is dangerous. Pregnancy over 35 is called geriatric pregnancy, because you’re supposed to give birth at a young age. Fertility starts declining after you turn 30, which is why I’m planning to be done having kids at 30. Miscarriage rates, defects, and stillbirth are all more common in geriatric pregnancies. You’re not doing yourself favors by waiting.
I am 38 and we have two. My wife and I have been together for a long time, and we wanted to wait until we were financially stable, but it came to a point where her age due to other medical issues, it would be more dangerous for her, so we bit the bullet and tried, and it happened. We are ok financially, not great, and we both sacrifice much for our children's wellbeing and happiness. It is very hard, but neither of us have any regrets because this is what we wanted. I love being a dad, but it is incredibly hard.
Some men and women find parenting so incredibly hard that they leave. Everyone can't stand up to the pressure of adding kids to their relationship - its great that your family is what you truly wanted.
1. Fear of being trapped in an abusive relationship, and then when expressing this getting degraded about it as if this isn't possible when you've seen and experienced it over and over. 2. Fleeing that abusive relationship and then being stuck as a single mom (with a bonus stalker if he doesn't get over you, and forced visitation if he knows how to hide his crazy.) 3. No community, the less people who have children the more we see public parks being turned into dog parks. What kind of life will the child have when there are no friends or family to play with? Throw a tablet at them and call it a day? 4. Why am I going to put my body through the stress of having a child, loving it more than anything, then dealing with the trauma of being separated from that child 6 weeks after it's made, where I will then have to go back to work and wonder what is happening to them all day when I have no choice but to put them in child care which will get half of my paychecks anyways. Otherwise I could try to be a stay at home mom if I'm lucky enough that the father wouldn't end up abusive, but then I will be shunned by society and deemed lazy. 5.Then when they're old enough send them to school to be brainwashed in ways I myself narrowly escaped after a very hard journey. After all of that to come home and be a stranger to the thing you've created, because you have to work and provide for them while their teachers brainwash them into hating you among other horrific things. I'm not saying I don't want them, I've been hoping to for years but the more time goes by, the more opportunities pass, the more I am simply struggling to survive, I review these things in my mind and say maybe it's for the best I was never blessed and I've just got to focus on surviving. As a woman you're not just getting a career to be a "boss babe", it's survival. If the man you chose to provide turns out to be bad, you need a exit plan. You could even find the dream man, perfect in every way, would never harm you, and what if he drops dead from a sudden heart attack? So you simultaneously have to strive to be a girl boss to have yourself covered and secure, but also be a trad wife and do all of the womanly duties while paying half the bills. Then your body gets destroyed having his children and he cheats on you for not looking good anymore. You just can't win. If you have a job and your own income you're apparently selfish and narcissistic, but if you are unemployed and want a supportive husband you're a gold digger. There is also a lot of risk on a man's end of things too, he marries the girl and loses half his stuff. I just don't know, from a female perspective it's so much more personal. They just get to have fun for 5 minutes, you get physically destroyed for like a year, or sometimes permanently. Finding a man you trust enough to be put in such a vulnerable position with is terrifying. Witnessing the nightmare of other women who chose wrong and hoping you're not going to be stuck like that. I don't know. Maybe the girl in this video has the answer but I'm not really sure I'd want to do it all alone like that.
I've personally never wanted kids. When I was growing up all my friends wanted to be mothers when they grew up and I couldn't relate - I wanted to travel, understand myself, accomplish dreams. I have so much left to learn about myself. I do feel guilty sometimes for having this mindset, especially visiting my boyfriend's family and seeing the life they've built and the community they expect to keep growing. But at the end of the day, I don't feel cut out to be a mother, and I think it's okay to feel that way. (26F btw)
@@Bowens443 That's the problem, people are so selfish and self centered nowadays, it's always about me and how I feel and how I want to feel instead of doing the selfless thing and having kids and sharing your experience with them. It's not okay to not want kids, it's not normal, it goes against our biology and it's bad for society. It will literally lead to the collapse of western civilization.
I feel like if you're a Woman at some point in your life you have to choose between being a Mother and having a career, not everyone wants to sacrifice their career to be a Mother, there are a lot of women that do but not everyone wants to.
@@aliyahharmon9045 As a guy I don't want a stay-at-home partner. I don't want to be solely responsible for finances. If a divorce happens i don't want to get taken to the cleaners. Its best if both people work. But, unfortunately society expects too much work from us to let that work for child rearing.
nah my mother end up in a shitful marriage and had to work 8h a day and do all the care of the children. its a hard pass for me. is either sahw or no kids for me 🤚. of course ultin then im gonna have a career and get a degree just in case for a back up plane but doing everything just to end up in a shitful marriege too isnt work it
If a person doesn't want kids, than they shouldn't have them There's nothing selfish about it, selfish means doing something for yourself at the expense of hurting others, they aren't hurting anyone by not having kids, so it's impossible for this to be selfish
I'm a female in my early 30s and still don't want kids. I feel like if I get them, my life and freedom will end. And I'm not even a party girl, I'm a homebody. I don't want my life to change, I'm scared of my body changing and the weak position I will get into if I get a kid. If I think of the pros and cons, there will be a long list of cons and zero pros. Also, finding the right men that can make a woman feel secure enough is another huge issue.
When were the better times? The economic crises of the 1970s, World War II, or the Great Depression? It’s not about the time; it’s about a lack of responsibility and immaturity.
Y'all are missing the point. People in the past had purpose. They had faith. They had community. They were needed by the people around them. Now we have technology for everything, religion is being destroyed and the communities are "online." There are twice as many human beings in existence today as there were last century, the value of each individual human has been halved.
I'm a multimillionaire with a teenage daughter. The decision to have kids is no joke. Money is important but it's not everything. For the first 10 years or so, you kinda have to give up everything that you like. What makes you, you has to go on hold. At the point in life where I'm at now, it's super rewarding to have a successful, well-adjusted kid but it is absolutely not for everyone. And I think she may not have been as successful or well adjusted if I didn't put my life on hold, either by hiring help or trying to do it all. I would think that a declining population is preferable to a growing, yet dysfunctional one.
I’m 22 now and I used to hear a lot about overpopulation, the world population reaching 8 billion in a few years, and the Earth’s “tipping point,” which I think definitely made the idea of having kids feel like it would be adding to the problem or essentially helping the world end faster. Because of those childhood fears, I usually feel relieved subconsciously when I hear about the declining population, but I realistically know it comes with its own challenges like what you mentioned with there not being enough working people to support the aging population. Personally, during middle school, I started to get the idea of not wanting kids, but as I got older I started thinking I’d want to adopt. I’d want to adopt not just because there are already so many children with unreliable/unsafe bio parents, but also because I wouldn’t want to pass on any of my health conditions or worsen my own since pregnancy is a lot on the body. Even if I don’t end up formally adopting, I’d like to take care of a kid at some point and be a part of their positive upbringing :)
Honestly the best answer I've read so far. Most people make kids to find fulfillment in their own lives. They don't make a child for the child; It's for themselves. The child is put into inevitable suffering of some sort, and it never has a say in it. It will grow up to become a wage slave and forced to find meaning in a life it never asked for. Creating a child is one of the most selfish actions a human can do. However, adopting another human, whilst it can fulfill your own desires of having a kid, it also fulfills the need and desire of the already existing child to have parents. Hence, it should be considered the morally preferable option. To take care of another human being for the rest of your life is indeed an act of selflessness, but only if you didn't create the "problem that has to be taken care of" in the first place. I love my child. Therefore I will not bring it into this world.
Yes! I grew up in that “population explosion” era. They said only have kids if you can afford them. Or no more than 2. And now they are saying the opposite 😂😂😂
Just FYI, the population scare tactic people have been saying the world can only handle x billion. I'm 54 and when I was a kid, the earth would run out of resources at 6 billion. Then 7 billion. Then 8 billion. There's still plenty of resources. Good luck on your journey.
@@Emptytopfloor the whole narrative shift seems incredibly insincere. As far as I observe, it comes mostly from people concerned with loss of political power and economic dominance tied to aging populations. And also from religious leaders, who rely on birthrates to propagate the existence of the structures that enable them social standing. But the fact, that this issue is global gives me hope that people start seeing through their 🐂s**t It would be totally fine if population went stable somewhere on pre-boomer numbers
This could be a hot take. I felt like I was convinced that if I had kids I won't have a life anymore. Won't be able to travel, go on dates with my husband, buy myself nice things etc. So I was basically almost scared out of ever wanting kids because I didn't want to lose all those freedoms. Now I'm 31 and I'm a mom to a toddler and yes it's very difficult but I still have my life, we still can plan things as a family it's just takes a bit more effort. I wouldn't change anything, though. Being a mom is by far the most fulfilling and beautiful thing I have ever experienced by far and pales in comparison to anything I can buy.
I think this is very true. I decided not to have kids due to disablity and trauma in my family and I did not want to pass on genetic disabilities potentially to the next generation.
one thing in life that i feel like a LOT of people don't understand (unless less your obscenely rich) is that you can't have everything, you either have freedom to whatever but the lack of security or vice versa. nobody wins in this world except for those who pay their way through it.
To some extent you do lose the life you have. But children give you a life that is richer and more fulfilling and more challenging and better than the one without them. Of course that's my opinion. I'm so glad I have kids. 😊
@@Skyesoceaneyesthat is IF you like being a mother. I know several women who if they could, would go back in time and not have their children. Even the married ones.
As a child free woman I do care way more about my career, body and my time. Having a child would hurt my goals and I am extremely selfish so why should I put a child and myself through that🤨??
Well people who aren't garbage usually seek to better themselves instead of happily admitting to and maintaining selfishness and shallowness. But you seem to know your place.
@@USAwrestling639oh get over it. She doesn't want kids and you sound like you'd be a terrible parent since you don't respect other people's choices. Weird 😒
She's not hurting anyone though? Since selfishness is only bad if it hurts others. Plus, you seem like quite a rude person, calling other people garbage. @@USAwrestling639
@@USAwrestling639 @John Cena said he didn't want kids and I bet you praised him, though. If we want to be the main characters in our lives and put ourselves first, that's our choice. Yall expect women to be the baby making machines and to serve you while yall run around and do whatever. Nah, I'll pass.
I never wanted kids. I always saw them as a giant drain on all resources. I have a wife because I enjoy her company. Introduce children and the adult relationship disappears and everything becomes about the kids. No thank you! You either get toys, or children. I like my toys. 🙂
@@Vlad-bs1js Thanks for the laugh and I suppose it's true. I have toys! They're just big kid toys like cars and boats. 🙂 Seriously, thanks for sharing that thought, it put a huge smile on my face.
For me, it came down to risk vs reward. Being in a relationship as a woman is risky. Home work and child care isn't shared evenly even if the wife makes more. This means less time for fun, projects, self improvement, starting a business, doing what I want to do. This in term limits opportunities such as promotions, building contacts, so on. Add to that, divorce rates are fairly high, abuse is a risk, and it's just harder for a woman to survive during a breakup than a man when kids are involved. On the other side, the need (reward) of men has greatly decreased. Women make as much money now, aren't limited as much in freedom, can have safe sex with no children, and don't need as much protection. Its a nice to have to have a good man but its no longer a requirement.
My friend has 2 toddlers and is burdened with most of the responsibility. Her identity is solely Mom it seems; she’s lost herself. She & husband both work. She’s constantly exhausted & will complain about it once in awhile but then when we do hang out want to get home to them after 1-2 hours cuz she misses them. 🤷🏻♀️ sounds like misery to me; the risk greatly outweighs the reward.
Side note to people saying you’ll age out of being able to care for children - how about fostering kids? Or adopting them? If you would be able to have the funds as a single parent to support a child (if it’s something you want that badly), why not give it to a child, who’s ALREADY born, and ALREADY in need of a family?
@@tomfrienthe average peasant had more economic power after the black plague when populations were historically low. An educated, small population leads to better economic outcomes for the lower class. A large population leads to an undervaluing of labor due to surplus.
With the way men shame women gaining weight during pregnancy or having stretch marks, I can see why women are choosing their physique instead. I can't imagine carrying some a-holes kid for 9 months who thinks it's acceptable to cheat on me just cause I gained few pounds or have stretch marks.
I just became 18 years old this year. Pregnancy always scared me because i don't see myself having kids. Maybe like my parents said i will change my mind in the future but as of right now i'm more focused on my law degree and finishing my studies to have a good job.
I was questioning myself if I should comment this, because you will probably not like what I have to tell you, but I may help a younger person, so I will. Getting a degree and "a good job" is building a kingdom for others, while creating a family is like building a kingdom for ourselves. At least think a little about that. Life is shorter than what we think it is and in the end your regrets will weigh more on you than things you accomplished.
Focus on what YOU want to do with your life and not what society (including friends and family) thinks you should do. If you change your mind about having children, great and if you still don't want any that's also great. Wishing you all the best in your law school journey 🌺
@@Zielschmer a family is not a guarantee of support. People you might or might not create don't owe you anything, which means that at some point they might cause you problems or betray you. So I'd rather be building a life for myself and not allowing even a possibility of a backstab
@@NoirChloe That is nowadays "family". Families didn't used to be like that, but this is the type of family most people have nowadays in this individualistic society. People rather trust in the government than in their own family, crazy.
Im 28 my husband is 30, we have 4 planned wonderful kids. The most important thing is to communicate! So many people are getting into relationships without actually communicating with eachother.
@@Conservative_carnivorenuclear family forced women to get lobotomized in the 50s. It’s the most damaging structure for women. And it’s not even traditional, it’s quite modern, as modern as capitalism.
I have 4 kids, the relationship failed because he didn’t want to communicate no matter how much I tried to get him to talk…social media and the fact you can go on a dating app and meet up the next best thing in the same day…the children I do not regret, I regret our society and how fake people are. Kids are a blessing even if you have to do it single. Where there’s a will there is a way and my kids need for nothing, go me in this economy 😂🎉
@@nikkiangelo-perez7865man hearing women that get left like this makes my blood boil… I usually hear about men that have been alienated from the kid by the mother, so hearing this stirs up… I can understand a man running away from responsibility if the kid was born out of a ons… but 4 kids? Come on now!! I hope you get the strength u need to raise them
I had it all planned out; my career, family, my own home...and now at 35 I have none of that. I'm working my way through trade school and I often ask myself "to what end?" Dating/relationships having changed so radically this past 10+ years, I'm slowly coming to the acceptance that perhaps love and family were never meant to be. And so i am working towards a career not to become a provider but simply for survival and to avoid working dead end jobs. Perhaps it's not a total loss though; I am developing a closer connection to my faith and I am seeking more wisdom and understanding as well as appreciating the little things in life that most of us take for granted.
People are having kids for 1) not to feel lonely 2) have someone to take care of them when they are old 3) to have their legacy 4) to be proud of their children's achievements (sometimes because they do not have their own achievements) 5) because other people have children 6) because they think this is the right way to do. They are bringing a human being on this earth to suffer and then die mostly because of those (and probably other) reasons. And some of them will say that not having children is selfish. Where is the logic behind this?
The logic is that they're animals and aren't aware of that instinct or desire. They will throw their children out for those desires to fulfill some sort of prophecy of a "completed life". Of course I'm joking mostly lol. Honestly there's not much logic to it. Both are selfish in their own ways but judging people for their own personal choices is fucking terrible. I see this mostly from the pro-child side.
calling it selfish when kids are expensive as hell and in this economy? not every woman WANTS the responsibility of having children. just because we are women doesnt mean we must have kids.
It doesn't matter what you say ,idiot If it below replacement rate then women will be forced to do it or their women's right will be taken away from them .
It's not selfish to not want kids. It's selfish to want them because you want someone to take care of you later, because you want social credits, or to show them off as a trophy. To have them while you're living in extreme poverty, while addi'cted, etc.
Nobody considers these points. They never do. They never consider the cycle of abuse either. But when you bring these very good points up, they act like these are exceptions when they're extremely common. That, or they dismiss those points. They aren't ready to have that conversation. It seems they only either want to blame women (take South Korea for that example..its a lot) or assume that the majority don't want to have kids because "they want to buy the next iPhone".
Children don't need parents. They need love, guidance and protection, regardless of the giver. Blood ties don't guarantee any of that. To raise a child (not _have_ a child), a woman needs a support system. It so happens that western societies have limited valid options to a spouse because of inheritance (patrimony). Family has been reduced to its barest expression. Yet, we keep expecting the model to somehow make a comeback. It's absurd. The only way out is by learning to expand the circle of people we depend on, building communities. We either learn to live together or we will die alone. Edit: I am married with teenage kids btw.
THATS WHAT IM SAYING BRO! Thats why these corporations are complaining about the birth rate being low. Cause they won't be able to have more wage slaves!!!
I grew up in a very toxic family. You can't force an outcome, even with the best of intentions... I'm opting out. I find plenty of purpose in this world without creating a whole new life.
Yo this was probably my favorite video to make recently, so I want to hear your thoughts, do you want kids yourself? Because I sure as hell do
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I’m here for some reson
- population collapse
- Yes, but due to bad genetics I don't get a chance
this is dumb and like asking middle class folks why more of them aren't driving BMWs and mercedes lol... if you pay for my kids i will have as many as you want me too simple..
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Some conclusions we can gather from your investigations here in two videos.
1) generally the western trend starting with millennials but cemented in consequences and attitude with gen z globally is the cultural rejection of having kids without freedom and security in their lives
2) this can’t happen due to economic and sociopolitical frustrations being self aware due to the internet and social media dominating their lives
3) ever increasing societal to pressures past religious hegemonic dominant cultural force lessened dramatically, social and political groups going becoming more pronounced in ppls lives due to this loss of religion given forced universal meaning. Being self aware as to what having a child means of one’s a feminist or business hustler focused on that.
4) This develops into an attitude of self freedom and individualism. A need to remove from longstanding cultural norms that’s began with boomers and the world changing with growing tech and businesses and globalised media not restricting them which has developed into this.
5) And ever increasing chaos from lack of mass media trust for open truth, ageing population awareness along with increased mental health and lack of infrastructure change and development in economics especially in developed countries like America makes accumulating wealth without unnecessary sacrifice along with proper partner prospects especially with gen z makes it too expensive, not foreseeable in the near future as a safe gurantee for you or your child and attitudes toward even having kids. All different and present differently but the same with similar themes from east asia to Europe. Africa and some of asia now are even starting to feel and realise this in their generations even if their more communal in general. Japan like in the video is another example of this and accepting the effects of this stuff changing by having more immigrants.
It’s becoming the house problem millennials we’re releasing before already a lost cause for gen z.
And I probably am gonna be childfree too tbh.
Wow marrying someone who doesn't want kids when you do is CRAZY WORK. Conversations before marriage.... So important
Yup and unfortunately plp change the plan in the marriage I knew one person who decided a few years in she didn’t want kids felt bad for the husband who wanted multiple kids
My brother is in that situation, but he's the only person I know with a solid financial partner. You have to think that most women that are young are not good partners, if the 1 downside is they don't want kids, it's a crazy compromise, but I get why he's in the situation he's in.
That's because women control relationships not men. Sadly, most men in relationships are cucks who look for woman's approval in their actions rather than taking the lead.
That Will lead to him either lesving her for a younger woman later on or the marriage going Dead
You are assuming that people don't change their minds in the long-term.
All kids deserve parents BUT not all parents deserve kids.
I like that people are having kids later in life,
why would society pressure so hard to have kids in early twenties when we live up to 100...
Isn't that a real world conundrum
@@mariasol1545 there's a biological reason for this, but it applies more to women than men. Mathematically, if the woman is over the age of 35, the probability for birth defects increases dramatically. This is unfair to the child also.
@@mariasol1545 I had kids later in life. I have a total of 4 kids. I had my first kid at 31 and my last kid at 46 and I regret it. The best time to have kids is in your 20's.
@@mariasol1545 it seems to not be the case. The window for a healthy birth is still quite short although technology has helped it become possible for some couples but at a cost
These men usually talk about legacy, but when they have them, they know nothing about their children because its a woman's job to raise them. If you're thinking about children and you're doing it for the sole purpose of just having a legacy, ask yourself this. What was your great grandfathers name, and what did he do for a living? If you can't answer that, what makes you think you're worth remembering?
EXACTLY 👏 when I start hearing the “I want to leave a legacy” line, my eyes roll so hard. it’s clear they have no idea what they’re even saying.
And I love how when they bring up "legacy", there is always the underlying assumption that the kids will always (a) outlive you, (b) actually grow up to be good, decent people, and (c) not have severe mental or physical disabilities
most of these men have a legacy of being absent or shitty fathers anyways like what legacy are they talking about 🤣
Exactly deadbeats most of them !!!
This comment. Say it louder 👏 🙌
I don't want to be a single mother. I especially don't want to be a married single mother. I've grown up around men who did nothing in the household, nothing related to raising their children, while the mothers did everything on top of having fulltime jobs... THAT is my worst nightmare. If the right guy shows up and I feel secure in our relationship and assured that I'm not going to raise OUR children ALONE, then we can talk about it.
In my experience, it was the complete opposite - the women I've witnessed growing up did absolutely nothing but spend her husbands money on themselves and the men did everything. All of my male family members and friends who have been married have been screwed over by their wives or are currently being mistreated by them, and my female family members screwed over their many partners too (one even got her BF killed due to her drug addiction). As a result, I have major trust issues with women and will likely not get married unless someone really exceptional comes along that I feel like I can trust (not likely). Reading these comments, it seems like there is some major mistrust and disconnects between genders these days which will likely never be resolved. Oh well.
I seen this.. This is HUGE in my community. Men don't do anything and the woman does everything, cleaning, working, buying the house.
I'm lucky I got a traditional man who actually provides for me and our children.
Facts no womb!!!!😊
@@kathreyn34Always have a back up plan and savings men can’t be trusted!!!!
Don’t believe that many men switch up all the time!!!
the BIG difference between back in the day and now is the lack of community, you would have a family if you had a community to support you through it. there is almost no sense of community left for the average middle class indevidual.
Yes, this is a good point. My parents raised my siblings and I without help, and I see how difficult it can be. This is probably why my siblings and I have a hard time connecting to people because we didn't have a consistent sense of community. If I ever have kids, then I would make sure to have a community for them. No community growing up has made adulthood difficult and lonely at times.
*individual (hate to be that guy, but other than that true comment).
It’s also about paid pregnancy/parental leave.
No American culture anymore, no one cares about anyone.
Yea, for many, having a good career meant moving somewhere far away from where you grew up and have family to help.
Why are women no longe having kids? Because they are educated. Education teaches you that you have a choice.
Just because you have a choice to not have kids, it doesn't mean you shouldn't have them.
@@igors1234What? It’s not up to you
@@jxx9x What's not up to me?
@@jxx9x So you argue with a basic logic that being able to choose doesn't restrict you to just one choice (like the op implies about having a choice = not having children)?
Let me show you an analogue. You have a choice to sell your house for 1 dollar. Does it mean that you should do that?
Notice how they constantly talk about what a "good mom" supposed to be, but not a "good dad"?
I actually think men not being in their role holds the greatest responsibility for why women aren't having more kids.
Typical women response. Are we surprised?
@@epayne men's role and men's expectation by women haven't changed since the dawn of this planet, but men hv to change the expectation for women? GTFO
Exactly, and then they wonder why women don't want to have kids anymore... Women are always seen as the bad ones, alot of men these days are children themselves, and they wonder why women won't deal with that on top of a full time job and household chores..
Males ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️🤡
Why is everyone shaming women who dont have kids? I taught for 20 years and most of the kids had little or no parenting at home. The parents avoided their kids. Kids are energy/ attention sponges. Just popping them out doesnt mean the parents love them and want to invest all their life energy into them. Most kids are latchkey kids even if the parents are around. Show me these loving involved parents ? I've only seen a few. Most just breed, clothe and feed. Most pregnancies are not planned.
We dont live in the 1950s anymore where everyone was married, owned a home, and the husband had good paying job and all women did was cook and clean and raise children.
How many children do we have in the foster care system? What happens to them? They don't matter because they weren't sired by your loins? The children of Child Protective Services are a non-issue in this society.
oh i dont know maybe its because its them WHO CAN HAVE BABIES?
👏👏👏 love this comment. Finally some truth.
Bcs at this rate humanity will be extinct and then women will complain "ohh robots will take over us".😂😂
Noticed how they only talk about motherhood and they NEVER once mentioned fatherhood? That is the biggest problem SEXIST bs
Which is why I always say, "Any idiot can have a child"
I relate to two points here. 1. I want to be financially stable 2. Finding the right person to have kids with
You can become financially stable after having kids but you can't overcome the risks associated with having kids later on in life.
@Vlad-bs1js
Not true. Adoption always exists
@@Vlad-bs1jsNot in this economy. The government literally makes it impossible for people who have a lot of kids to be financially comfortable.
You don't have to be financially stable to have children, you just need a close family or community. Having the right person is non-negotiable.
@@Vlad-bs1jsbut why put your kid through the struggle? Very selfish having kids when ur not financially stable. Better having kids later, than raising them without basic needs met.
More than money I think TIME is the big issue. If you are up at 7 and have to commute a hour to work at 9, finish at 5, commute a hour back, get dinner prepared, workout because you sit all day, then do chores around the house. By the time you finish it is 8-9 at night. When is there time to raise a child in that?
Traditionally the mother was around to offset the father being out working but if both parents are working then nobody has the time.
In the good old days, these other caretakers were called GRANDPARENTS. But for some reason, people today prefer to go it alone for some reason.
@@GameFuMaster What if the grandparents are working the same hours? People usually retire between 65-70 and if you are having kids at 25-30 your parents are likely still working and have all the exact same issues.
@@aba1design if that's the case, if 6 people (grandparents from both sides) are working and you can't afford childcare, then you're really fked as a whole family then.
@@aba1design if 6 people working can't afford childcare or other means of raising children, then you are in a really bad situation
And there are men not working who wouldn't do it anyway
selfish if you do - selfish if you dont. You can frame it either way.
Some have them just to have meaning and why in life. Passing down their mediocrity on another pittiful human soul.
@@LOL_MANN Damn, I was trying to find some sugar-coated words to say the same, but damn, that is right.
Selfless if you don’t, not selfish.
In what world is it selfish to NOT have them ?
Aside from your government, and mostly the richer people, you do not help anyone by just pumping out children
The one girl who says it's selfish is religious, so obviously she believes it's her role to do that, which is hella biased, but aside from that, i just don't understand at all how it's selfish, you're going against nobody, you're just doing your own thing
Without kids there are no future, so not having kids are very selfish.
It’s not selfish, it’s self preservation to not have kids. Also if you don’t want to have kids, you shouldn’t have kids. No kid wants to feel unwanted.
My dad definitely grew up in a home where there was a definite vibe that the kids were not wanted, they were just "there".
Socity says women should work more than be a parent and you think its bad. Your answer is to give up. Intersting Darwin wins every time.
It's about survival of human kind. In the western world, birth rates are far below 2, which is suicidal. So instead of pushing mass immigration to compensate for this deficit, governments should set up a positive propaganda campaign to convince people to reproduce more. This will not happen tho since big companies profit from immigrants because they will go along with lower loans. Many times they don't speak the language of their employers or even their colleagues, so they can't really do anything about their working conditions anyway. That is also the reason why billionaires are behind the funding of most modern feminist and LGBT-activist movements. It all fuels the division between men and women.
It's about survival of human kind. In the western world, birth rates are far below 2, which is more than problematic. So instead of pushing mass immigration to compensate for this deficit, governments should set up a positive propaganda campaign to convince people to reproduce more. This will not happen tho since big companies profit from immigrants because they will go along with lower loans. Many times they don't speak the language of their employers or even their colleagues, so they can't really do anything about their working conditions anyway. That is also the reason why billionaires are behind the funding of most modern feminist and LGBT-activist movements. It all fuels the division between men and women.
It's about survival of human kind. In the western world, birth rates are far below 2, which is more than problematic. So instead of pushing immigration to compensate for this deficit, governments should set up a positive campaign to convince people to reproduce more. This will not happen tho since big companies profit from immigration because they will go along with lower loans. Many times they don't speak the language of their employers or even their colleagues, so they can't really do anything about their working conditions anyway. That is also the reason why billionaires are behind the funding of most modern feminist and LGBT-activist movements. It all fuels the division between men and women.
I think a big part of it is just how non-committal our society has become. You don’t have to commit to an institution, you don’t even have to commit to a spouse. But kids are the ultimate commitment. People are more cautious of something lifelong because of how frail some of the pillars of society has become. There’s bad faith all around us: in safety, financial stability, in a trustworthy parter, in media, our government etc.
@@meganhartman2755 our employers don't commit to us, our society constantly pull the rug from under us, can't blame us for reciprocating
True. It’s a reaction to the disappointment around us. But humans still need community and faith in good things to come. We’re becoming more and more individualistic and I don’t think that’s good in the long run. There has to be a balance between self-preservation, and sacrifice for a better future. Who knows how though.
@@meganhartman2755 I would cynically believe that as population collapse there will be more openings for the new generation to have more children to take their place. I'm not that worried
TBH, I’m worried less about population in the future and more about principles. It bleeds into so much more.
@@meganhartman2755 I don't have to commit to KIDS nor FAMILY .
Stop romanticizing having kids people wanna live how they want and that's the opposite of selfishness such as having kids.
The video title says it all. All the pressure and responsibility to have kids and be a good parent is on women. Those who choose to have kids often end up single mothers and people are surprised that less women wants kids. Even married women take care of the majority if not all childcare, household chores and need a job on the side to help their husbands.
Motherhood is a scam!!!!
Motherhood is a scam!!!!
Exactly. The average "committed" unmarried relationship lasts 2 years, and the average marriage lasts 8 years. Women don't want to have children when the majority of the time, they'll be a single mother before the children are even out of elementary school. And then they'll get blamed for being a single mother, no matter what the man did.
Right. It’s too much work and for what? A man that’s going to ‘trade you in’ when you get older? Hard pass 👉🏼😂😴🚮
Ding ding ding. I'm extremely suprised most of the people interviewed didn't say that. I'm never having children for many reasons. But that is one of the biggest reasons. I think lots of us women grew up seeing our mothers and so many other women being abu*ed and not being cared for by men. And we promised ourselves we would never accept that behavior. Most men are not good partners or fathers. Sadly, I know a small handful of men who are good fathers. It shouldn't be like this, but the patriarchy is just too real...
One thing I have learned in my now mid-thiries is that younger people have no concept of how quickly their lives will go. I used to believe I had many years to make certain decisions before the door closed. It's only with time you understand that many things in life have limited windows of choice. I encourage all my friends to be intentional and circumspect about their long-term life plans. You can't have it all, but you can have what matters most if you're wise and act with purpose.
@@spoonman4024 we are aware of that and we don't want kids we wanna live our short lives as we want and not get into unnecessary and selfish acts such as having kids .
Thank you for this! This is absolutely great advice for anything in life. I'll definitely take it to heart!
Literally what the song landslide by Fleetwood Mac is about.
Yup it goes by soo fast after your mid 20’s.
@@spoonman4024 yeah life is short that's one of the reasons I don't want kids and am CHILDFREE .
I don't wanna throw my freedom away in my short life .
Women bear almost all of the responsibility when it comes to rearing children. A lot of men view motherhood as living on easy mode, and that it isn't difficult to be a mother. The women sacrifice their youth, their bodies, and their mental health, and all of it is taken for granted or brushed aside as non-issues. A lot of young women are looking at older women who have been through all of it, and they decide that it's not worth it for them.
Also mothers sacrifice their careers and incomes tremendously
Topics like these stagnate and don't move forward because people assume that they can estimate how the majority of people think about things and there is nothing that would change their opinion.
How'd you come to the conclusion that that is the primary contributor to this issue?
@@youtube-nutzer2895feelings that’s how
Women demand men with high paying jobs, don’t care how much work he puts you just want a primary provider, women still hold men to ALL trad men responsibilities baring the provider even that men are still PRIMARY provider as in man pays more or majority of the bills but god forbid women fulfill trad women responsibilities of chores or nurturing children it’s end of the world.
Other than first 4 years of child raising, being a housewife is a fuckin privilege its a luxury not even remotely as hard as corporate job working yourself to de@th
@@youtube-nutzer2895 It's not the primary contributor to this issue. But it is one of them. I came to this particular conclusion because of what my family has been through, what I've seen, and what I've heard from other women.
This is a solid video.
As a childless 40-year-old educated man...i had assumptions in my early-mid 20s...that after graduation, I'd work and get experience while figuring out what I wanted to really specialize in and return to graduate school. But, recessions happen, bad relationships, bad jobs...suddenly, I'm 40, preparing for divorce, childless, underemployed...and returning to graduate school and starting a real family now seem impossibilities.
The thing the old generations lie to the young ones about is that you have time to figure it out because life is long. Yes, life can be long, but all the major things need to already happen or be in progress by middle age or you've missed your chance.
I think if you are paying attention the message is still there. The newer generations just don’t want to listen, or get offended by the advice. I listened and it has worked well for me.
Most people are sheep. They are too worried about what others think to look at things for what they are.
Reproduction and raising the next generation is your purpose in life. You can distract yourself with shiny things and pretty women, but one day you will be old, sad, and alone. Trying to convince others to do the same so you have someone to commiserate with.
Assuming positive intent by everyone involved, one thing we can attest is that generations tend to react to their own experiences and try to correct the mistakes of their elders. Our parents might have felt pressured and tried to relieve that pressure in our generation, resulting in adults who have no sense of meaning and urgency. Our generation (millennials) feels like we suffered emotional neglect and trauma, so we've become helicopter parents obsessed with cuddling our kids into snowflakes.
It's darkly comical that no matter how much a collective tries to rebalance this, there will always be a flipside to the approach resulting in unforeseen negative outcomes.
it's easy if you focus on religion
@@HonestElk22 I don't know how you came to that conclusion or how it relates to my comment. I was not talking about blame at all.
No one ever tells a woman she has time. Someone told you that but it is rare. You absolutely do not have time. Life is short.
It's okay to want kids, and it's also okay to not want kids. Let people live their lives and make their own choices. No one should be pressured into anything.
I totally agree and should not be judged by going either way.
Exactly! Well said.
I agree people shouldn't be pressured into either route, but I also believe it's incorrect to assume this many people desire to be childless uninfluenced. The pressures have just swung from one extreme to the other
Just admit you don’t want kids
@@AustrianPainter14Or you want to be a selfish person (whether with or without children)
It takes an insane amount of effort and sacrifice to be a GOOD parent.
not if you love them..
@@willybe6427 Love doesn't pay the bills. Few people have a stable home, which is sad. My parents never paid attention to me and always worked. So I raised myself. Then my dad got cancer and everything went to hell.
As a relatively new dad with a 1 year old, the rewards are way more than the costs.
@@willybe6427, I think that's the problem though.
There's a whole world of difference between having kids because you *love* being a parent and having kids because that's what you *think* your role should be.
Well I think it depends on what's supposed to be involved in "being a good parent" and a give an individual's aptitudes and preferences.
My reasoning is: if I can barely afford my rent and food, and it is impossible for me to afford a car even with a higher than minimum wage, how am I supposed to support a whole other person? For THE REST OF MY LIFETIME???
Also, everyone talks about not having time for anything. I would rather spend my time cultivating and spreading happiness, instead of having a young child who depends on a stressed out, miserable adult.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk!
Fix your situation, then have kids, whoever taught you you're supposed to be stuck at the bottom was teaching you nothing but lies.
I made my first million a year ago, didn't change my mind about kids lol. I want them less than ever
Mood
youre stress either way
Highly agree! Not being financially stable is a huge factor for me, especially growing up poor and having to grow up sooner to support my single mom is not something I'd want to put on my own child. Another huge factor is the increase in infertility. I myself suffer from pcos, but I know a lot of female friends who also suffer from pcos or similar conditions that really lower their chances. It's concerning and we should really be looking into why this is becoming so common. 😟
As someone with one child who wants another, I completely see why women wouldn’t want children. It’s scary and you have to have a lot of trust in your partner. Not everyone should or has to have kids.
Yeah. I'm very fearful of dying for the children, leaving them nothing. At least when I'm put together and I die with a partner, I wouldn't worry.
There's an ex trad-wife that said something along the lines of "my ability to feed my children was dependent on my husband staying in love with me."
I never realized how transactional a marriage was until I was in one myself and once I started having kids. It really shouldn't be but it is. Absolute unconditional love within a marriage is rare and if you happen to really find "the one", you're extremely lucky. I'm not surprised 50% of marriages end with a divorce and I'm always wondering how many marriages, where the couples are mutually genuinely happy, are really out there.
My aunt was a SAHM, and I remember we wouldn't see her for weeks at a time because her husband wouldn't give her gas money. They lived in a rural area, so there were no neighbors for her to talk to, and the roads were dangerous, so we could only spend a bit of time there before it got pitch dark. He thought he was a great husband for keeping the bills paid but made the home her prison.
Too many single mothers by men that’s the truth!!!!
This is why the religious will inherit the earth. Secular is too big of a familial risk
It is not selfish to not want kids. It’s selfish to have kids, knowing you don’t want them and then mistreating them.
How is that selfish? Kids can end their journey if they want at all times
@@haobinlu What a wonderful lifepath you'v just layed out.
@@haobinluYou obviously didn’t read that correctly 😂
@@sachi8483 It is supposedly bad, because a person choses not to exist in worst case. If one is overneuroticieced about children, like you are, worst case is presumed as standart for some reason, but then still there is nothing that a kid has lost. It does not fall under no definition of selfishness.
@@sachi8483 Why did you presume the worst case as default, which is btw still better then non existance? Neuroticized?
The economy always plays a role. There’s a reason why the “Silent Generation”, a small generation, occurred during the Great Depression and the “Baby Boomers”, the largest population, were born during a time of economic prosperity. The economy plays a role
This comment should be higher up. To successfully raise children, you need both time and money. Most couples nowadays only have one of those. My partner and I are both full-time employees. Everyone else talking about anxiety or purpose is being unrealistic.
missy, the love of many has waxed cold, just as prophesied.
Yesss omg this needs more likes
@honigwaffel6411 then how come people in Norway are also not having kids?
Finances are not an issue there since people get huge government bonuses for having kids yet they don't?
Economy is a factor for sure but it's by far not the dominating one.
@@XD-vn3ni The problem is that abortion is legal.
As a 21-year-old man, I'm getting sick of hearing other men stating that their reasoning behind reproducing is to "leave a legacy". You're not that important, and most of you do not known the names of your great grandfathers nor do you know if they were actually good people or not. When women state that their reasoning behind having kids, its never about leaving a legacy. They always mention wanting to pour their love onto their children, since they didn't have that growing up. They always mention how they have so much love to give, about how they want to adopt a child instead of bringing in another due to how many children are in the system, unwanted, unloved, and almost always abused/exploited.
I'm also sick and tired of men blaming single mothers for "choosing" their childs father, as if she knew he was going to be a deadbeat BEFORE having a child. Then, they turn around and blame women for having abortions when their circumstances aren't "ideal". If they keep the child, theyre scrutinized and blamed for the actions of the childs father, yet if they abort the child due to not wanting them growing up with an absent father, they're called " baby-killers". You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. These same men will never give women credit for stepping up as mothers, keeping their children despite the circumstances, and raising their children on their own due to their fathers actions. They will never blame deadbeats because they couldn't care less about the well-being of the child as much as they care about coming off in a certain manner while pouring their frustrations on the mothers who are resilient enough to raise children on their own.
Overall, if your reasoning behind having children is anything that involves social status (the title of father/mother) or to "leave a legacy", you're not ready to be a good father. Any idiot can be a "father", but it takes a real man to be a good "dad". The fact that women almost always step up to fill the role of a provider, protector, and nurturer for their children while its more common for the father to not be as involved in his childrens lives says enough about why women are frustrated with men when it comes to reproduction. I'd be frustrated with us too.
My reasoning behind not wanting to reproduce is due to the fact that not only can't I afford them, but I can't trust anyone other than my childs mother to babysit them. Predators are roaming around everywhere because they're barely given a slap on the wrist for committing the worst crimes fathomable. In my state, after my daughter/son turns 16, I can no longer legally do anything if a child predator targets them since they're "legal ". And I haven't even started on the dangers of predators in schools or on the internet, not to mention how often school shootings occur in our country, as well as the people trusted to protect our children being the ones to harm them (its disturbingly common for police, priests, pastors, judges, doctors, teachers, and babysitters to molest children, as they intentionally choose professions that gains them the trust of parents and easier access to their children). If they put half as much effort into protecting children and prosecuting pedophiles as they do with protecting each other, I wouldn't even have to contemplate the disturbing possibility (25% chance for girls and 17% chance for boys) of my children being molested, even if I do everything in my power to protect them, the only way to ensure they grow up in a stable environment is to isolste them from the world, which can also be a form of abuse!
Its not that we don't want kids. It, quite frankly, makes absolutely no sense to bring a child into this world where the adults around them are not held accountable to the same extent as they used to. It takes a village to raise a child, but unlike hundreds of years ago when pedophiles were executed so that they have a 0% chance of re offending, those same pedophiles are in positions of power to not only exploit children, but protect each other when getting caught. We're not selfish enough to bring a child into this world given its current state, and if nothing drastic changes in regards to how we handle predators, that will not change, even given the slim chance that reproducing becomes more affordable.
facts. i agree with everything you say🫶🏻💯
greater words haven't been spoken until now!
I am a 19 year old woman and you took the words I have been espousing from day one right out of my mouth. Why would I bring a child into this wretched cruel world where they can be subjected to unfathomable evil. I would never want a child to suffer mentally as I have, and I would never want a child to endure what I have. honestly hearing about babies or the youth of today is heartbreaking. All my friends struggle with their mental health and hardly have any hope or peace in their lives. Living is such a an inconceivable struggle in and of itself
You are the most sanest man I ever read a comment from ❤
@@missandry2669 Thanks! Also I love your username; that's brilliant 😭
Regardless of what the statistics say, not every couple is destined to be parents.
unfortunately, a lot of people who would make great parents end up believing they wouldn't be great parents.
True this is going to lead to the state having custody and rights over the kids in Marge housing while the parents only provide the sperm and egg get paíd then the state raises the kids
@@BlueSpider2099
Even if they would, parents don't really get to raise the kids anymore. The government, Hollywood and Silicon Valley do that.
True. Around 60% are good to go though
It’s also hard for some people. It took us 4 years. I thought it would never happen.
Having kids doesnt absolve you of selfishness. Thats such a one dimensional way of thinking.
right? especially bc people can have kids for selfish reasons as well
One could argue having kids is usually for selfish reasons. The commans to have children and fill the earth was directed solely to Eve but somehow people think it applies to every women
I think the ones that have children are the selfish ones. They think how THEY want a legacy, THEY want a family, and put the kids on this cruel world to deal with all kinds of problems. A lot of unprepared people have children just because they want, and the children have to pay. The ones that are really prepared are few.
@@8RGLYou think the world is some utopia? Everything isn’t going to be perfect. And as a counterpoint, all it does is make for insensitive, ignorant, and entitled children who think everything should come their way. There’s trade-offs to both paths (including everything in between).
Seems more selfish to have them because of something like wanting a "legacy."
Social media is a cancer bro.
But if anybody in power ever took action and banned it, they'd be demonized for it. So... 🤷
@@sullathehutt7720 banning someting? Is that is your solution ? Then go to Afghansitan. If you don't like freedom go to North Korea.
@@sullathehutt7720because free speech? lol. The government should have no say in this.
Then you're part of it. Don't try to blame anyone but always excluding yourself. Coward.
@@BolitaBalls
I reject the concept of "free speech." 🗿
Motherhood is looked down upon in our society. Someone who devotes their life to caretaking instead of working is looked at as a parasite. Women are expected to work full time, take care of the baby, and do all the cleaning. But yeah, it’s so shocking that so many opt out.
It’s a scam !!!
@@lavendercait It's mostly just liberal women who look down on motherhood, not society as a whole.
If both the man and woman in a relationship have to work, communicating the importance of splitting cleaning and taking care of the baby isn't some impossible task.
@@nickc5577 trusting a man to take care of you financially is a big gamble for women. The hand that feeds you is also the hand that can starve you. Women need community.
@@nickc5577Motherhood is looked down on by MEN you MEN caused this!!!
@@nickc5577 nope, it's men. Both liberal and conservative. The amount of men who look down on stay at home moms is crazy actually. Sometimes is their own wifes.
I think another factor is that we live in such an individualistic society that it's incredibly challenging raising kids on our own. Even in a two parent household... the time, money, and energy constraints are hard on parents. Throughout history, community has participated in helping with childcare. There's a reason the phrase "it takes a village" exists. It does! Women used to work together, families used to live in mult-generational homes, etc. Even when there weren't grandparents living in the homes... people relied heavily on neighbors, friends, and their communities to help child rear.
It's not natural for two people to raise kids AND maintain full-time jobs. Yet, we do it. I don't think it's very appealing to a lot of people and thus makes them reconsider.
All of that being said, I do think having children is one of the more selfless things someone can do. It forces people to consider something bigger than themselves and invest into something that is not them.
There are people all over the world who lack the resources we have in the west and they're still able to have children. Perhaps it's not ideal to have children in a lower tax bracket... but in my opinion, the most important thing parents can do for their kids is give them unconditional love. The love is what matters, not the money.
It’s ironic that the higher up the tax bracket you go the less kids families tend to have. It’s typically your lower income to lower middle classes that are having the most kids.
A lot of parents have kids to "do-over" their own lives. That girl in the blue outfit also said this, she wanted to raise a kid to relive her own life through them. Which doesn't bode well since they will shape their kid in their own ideal and not treat them as a person.
I think it's selfish to have kids if you can't adequately support them, especially if it's motivated by social validation, ie you see people posting baby pics on social media.
Here are some reasons I’ve figured
1) generally the western trend starting with millennials but cemented in consequences and attitude with gen z globally is the cultural rejection of having kids without freedom and security in their lives
2) this can’t happen due to economic and sociopolitical frustrations being self aware due to the internet and social media dominating their lives
3) ever increasing societal to pressures past religious hegemonic dominant cultural force lessened dramatically, social and political groups going becoming more pronounced in ppls lives due to this loss of religion given forced universal meaning. Being self aware as to what having a child means of one’s a feminist or business hustler focused on that.
4) This develops into an attitude of self freedom and individualism. A need to remove from longstanding cultural norms that’s began with boomers and the world changing with growing tech and businesses and globalised media not restricting them which has developed into this.
5) And ever increasing chaos from lack of mass media trust for open truth, ageing population awareness along with increased mental health and lack of infrastructure change and development in economics especially in developed countries like America makes accumulating wealth without unnecessary sacrifice along with proper partner prospects especially with gen z makes it too expensive, not foreseeable in the near future as a safe gurantee for you or your child and attitudes toward even having kids. All different and present differently but the same with similar themes from east asia to Europe. Africa and some of asia now are even starting to feel and realise this in their generations even if their more communal in general. Japan like in the video is another example of this and accepting the effects of this stuff changing by having more immigrants.
It’s becoming the house problem millennials we’re releasing before already a lost cause for gen z.
And I personally makes me childfree tbh. But things can change
Here are some reasons I’ve figured
1) generally the western trend starting with millennials but cemented in consequences and attitude with gen z globally is the cultural rejection of having kids without freedom and security in their lives
2) this can’t happen due to economic and sociopolitical frustrations being self aware due to the internet and social media dominating their lives
3) ever increasing societal to pressures past religious hegemonic dominant cultural force lessened dramatically, social and political groups going becoming more pronounced in ppls lives due to this loss of religion given forced universal meaning. Being self aware as to what having a child means of one’s a feminist or business hustler focused on that.
4) This develops into an attitude of self freedom and individualism. A need to remove from longstanding cultural norms that’s began with boomers and the world changing with growing tech and businesses and globalised media not restricting them which has developed into this.
5) And ever increasing chaos from lack of mass media trust for open truth, ageing population awareness along with increased mental health and lack of infrastructure change and development in economics especially in developed countries like America makes accumulating wealth without unnecessary sacrifice along with proper partner prospects especially with gen z makes it too expensive, not foreseeable in the near future as a safe gurantee for you or your child and attitudes toward even having kids. All different and present differently but the same with similar themes from east asia to Europe. Africa and some of asia now are even starting to feel and realise this in their generations even if their more communal in general. Japan like in the video is another example of this and accepting the effects of this stuff changing by having more immigrants.
It’s becoming the house problem millennials we’re releasing before already a lost cause for gen z.
And I personally makes me childfree tbh. But things can change.
I don't want kids because I have no desire to parent another living being. Simple as that.
Exactly
If you're young then that's a good mindset to have! Work on yourself instead of focusing on rushing to get married as early as possible
and power to you!
Same
oMg yOuRe sO sELfiSH
If kids are so important why arent they talking about orphans, kids in foster care - most people seem to want biological kids and not some other random kid thats already existing and in need. I think thats true selfishness
💯
Yes!! Thank you. I was thinking the same.
Let me ask you something, are you planning on adopting any of those foster kids? Or speaking out or doing anything in other spaces to help fix foster care system? There’s currently over a million people on the adoption waiting list. A lot of people like to say “why isn’t anybody talking about orphans and foster care” while not doing anything to contribute themselves. It’s selfish to only want your own biological kids, it’s selfish to pursue a relationship expecting kids when partner doesn’t, selfish to not want kids but still pursue the relationship…seems to me that humans are just naturally selfish 🤷🏽♀️
@LuvNikNac the point is to shut up and leave people alone who don't want kids. Especially when there are children already born in foster care. But I will let you know that my older sister - who never married and never had kids- spent over 30 years of her life advocating and teaching autistic and other special needs children who were in an institution for disabled children. Her mission meant more to her than popping out a biological kid.
They pretend to care about kids until they're actually born, then they're just some burden rather than a blessing.
That's the world for those children. Looked at as a curse but for some reason they act like they care about the birthrate and immediately blame it on women.
I believe the term "anxious generation" captures our fears about parenting.
FACTS
you can thank being chronically online for that
@@bunille go touch fucking grass, and leave your phone alone, its your own fault nobody else. 2hrs of screen time per day should be plenty.
One thing I don't understand about this.
Literally ALL of Africa is dominating in terms of total fertility rate and birth rates.
If this whole thing was truly about poor economy and hardships in life, wouldn't we see something vice versa?
Why are countries in Africa such as Nigeria and Somalia having the highest birthrates globally, way higher than more economically developed countries like South Korea and Japan?
Could someone explain? I'm not understanding.
@@irm316Lack of sexual education, lack of contraception, lack of awareness.
Religious pressure , familial pressure , social pressure.
Low income , but cost of living also low.
You can manage to feed a lot of mouth , even if your conditions of living won’t be great.
But it’s impossible in a rich country because salary are higher , but cost of living and food is ridiculously high.
That’s my observation from what I have seen in Africa.
It's not selfish to not have kids. Too many people are like "oops I'm pregnant", have the kid/kids, and become terrible and irresponsible parents. Better to not have kids than to be a bad parent who raises another generation of angry children who go on to become terrible adults.
I think selfish as a word has been given a negative stereotype. Because it’s ok to be selfish, but at the same time understand that, it’s selfish reasons that drive not wanting kids.
Absolutely true!😊
Wrong. Being a bad parent is a choice. I have seen all kinds of people who think they will be bad parents, and the good ones are the ones who tried to be good. They had the same troubled backgrounds and financial issues as the bad parents.
@@SetitesTechAdventures What are you replying to?
They're not selfish because they're not having kids. They're not having kids because they're too selfish to devote such a large part of their life to taking care of a child.
Here's a crazy radical idea
Somebody wants to have kids: Let Them
Somebody wants to be Childfree: Let them
Not a difficult concept to understand
YES
Just say you’re selfish
@@ItsOnPaper Go harass a Infertile person
@@ItsOnPaper Go find an Infertile person to harass.
@@ItsOnPaper Just say you want a drastic increase in the number of abusive parents in the world.
Imagine working full time, cooking, cleaning and still have energy to sleep with your husband while your husband expects you to be the caretaker of the home. Is too much expectation on us women. God forbid getting divorced now your a single mom where you are now consider Undesirable by most men. It just seems like a lose situation for a woman.
Everyone is having 3 some so don't want kids or get married and ban smartphones is where it all starts.
Find a man, who is not a manchild and who contributes to the household by doing his part.
I guess single patenting becomes the norm in the near future, so the society should open up for this.
I also think that our parents did not have so much distractions, like gaming, social media, traveling or becoming a physics PhD.
So they did fill up their lives with ... life
good comment.
You already do everything you just mentioned. So do the majority of men. The problem is you think so little of men and children. The question is why? Who put those ideas in your head?
As a father, one of the best ways i can tell someone would be a good parent is when they recognize their faults and admit they are unsure they would be. Second good sign is if they are openly working on themself.
Soon to be mom this month and I hope to live by this example. Thanks for saying this! Good reminder.
But really anyone. I was a loser druggie. But having my daughter gave me the strength to quit all that and get my shit together. So.... You never know.
You never know. I used to be a loser druggie. But having my daughter gave me the strength to quit all that and get my proverbial shite together. So, you never know.
You are a father, not the mother. I would want to have kids too if I could be the dad. Unfortunately I was born as a women. So i will gladly skip.
@teoleno4019 be bitter elsewhere
Not everybody want children and that is ok. It is a choice. I met some men that forces women to have children but then do not take care of the kids they force her to have I met some men that have kids that are horrible fathers. Not having children does not make you selfish. Having children and not taking care of them makes you selfish. Not everybody wants to be a wife or have children it is ok. Stop forcing people. I seen too many parents that have children that neglect or straight abuse their children.
THIS. If only people understood.
@@SeraYagami people do. Women understand it, men - don't. For them. raising children is woman's responsibility.
yeah untill your olld and complaining SSI is suddenly low.
Honestly, 90% of men make terrible fathers. The 10% is not worth risking it.
@@Ndasuunye You do that alot of people that have children still go to nursing homes right? I knew a lady that had seven kids and that died alone. Do not have children because you are getting old. Have children because you want them. Not all children take care of their elderly parents. If you think that all children takes care of their elderly parents you are going to be very disappointed. Have children because you want them not because society forces you too and definitely do not have children to take care of you when you are old.
Good video, but one can definitely have purpose without having kids. Let’s not forget and deny that.
There are PLENTY of historical figures that had zero children and their legacies are still known and remembered to this day.
@@savagesweetheart90 exactly. If someone says bringing children is the best, greatest things you can do... It all subjective. For some yes, for others no way
@@PeterSkye Oprah has no kids and her legacy will be felt for generations to come.
For most people Kids bring them Joy, satisfaction, purpose during adulthood while comfort and protection during old age. For some people its cats.
Can you though? Scale it,what purpose do you have if there is noone to appreciate your efforts in 50 years
I found out I didn't want kids before I even knew how babies were made, I was 6. I am 35 now, never ever changed my mind, not even for a second. Some people don't want to be parents the same way some people don't want to go to law school.
Not wanting kids should be enough of an answer.
Same. I knew since I was 5 that I did not like kids. I got that notion in kindergarten, while observing my peers. I am 33 and my disgust has never disappeared. 😂
Right! When I was in preschool, I saw 3 of my peers fitting nearly a whole orange in their mouths and I thought that was disgusting. I said to them don't do that and they didn't listen. The teacher had to step in and tell me "oh they're just having fun" but thinking back at it, that is dangerous so she really should've stopped them. As a kid I said "I don't like kids, they're annoying" and a few adults who heard me say that are like "oh but you're a kid too" and even once I became a teen/young adult, when people ask me why I don't like kids, I said the same thing when I was a kid but a little more. They still had that same response except it was "you were a kid once" you would think hearing these excuses would change my opinion but no. It actually made me push further to not want one 😂
You shouldn’t be allowed to vote
@@skiiminette6725 your experience made me laugh because I went through something similar. My first day at pre school I cried so much because of the noise and mess the kids were making they had to call my mum. 😂
@@AustrianPainter14 bad news for you, I am allowed to vote in 3 different countries. 😂
Having kids is not for everyone, it’s as simple as that.
Exactly. There’s a reason why the saying “every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child” exists. I’ve seen too many cases of neglectful and bad parents, some who can simultaneously love their kids but then act in the worst way possible as a parent, to think that everyone should just have kids. It should absolutely be a careful process of consideration and mindful communication with your partner before even thinking of having kids.
So many bad parents out there who don’t even know how to discipline or teach their kids alone people having more
The point is why is that the number of people to which having kids is not for them is increasing and why ? So We can combat it, because were heading to a population collapse and old people will just starve to death without enough younger to finance them with labour and money
It's never as simple as that 😂
Ikr like that religious chick was so stupid with her argument. Its not selfish at all. And the earth IS overpopulated 😭
I (f, 24) never wanted kids and had my uterus removed 4 months ago because of an illness. So many people told me that I would defintely regrett it and that I was too young to make that decision for myself. I´m asexual, never wanted kids and think that I wouldn´t have been a great mother and getting this surgery was so difficult, even thought I had an illness that justified it in a medical sense. My ability to have kids was considered more important than my physical and mental health by most doctors and that is simply astonishing. I was told that I´m a horrible person and that nobody would ever love me and I would die alone just because I didn´t want kids. All the while I had to suffer years of pain and serious health issues. Now that I´m finally free, I don´t regret it one single bit. I´ve never felt as good as this in the past 12 years and I couldt be happier about it.
Great
Hopefully you don't ever regret it because it would be very bad if you did
Yeah same for me I got rid of my penis and I never felt better in my whole life!
I am an elderly woman who never had children. I know several women my age who chose to be childfree. Your right, you are viewed as abnormal because you never became a mother, but if you look around, you will find people that support you and respects you for your decision. I am glad that you have found solace.
You never had kids, so you can't honestly say you don't regret it.
@FlippyFlipperton Trust me, I can honestly say I don't regret the surgery. If I hadn't done IT, I would have Had to live with that pain for a very Long Time. And that's defintely Not Worth IT. Not to me.
I'm a woman and I don't want kids. This is not the right world to bring up a child and I have a cat. Men usually make fun of people like that but I'm satisfied. I hope and pray to find a child free man like myself one day. Anyone else interested in having their own kids, I wish them the best in life.
Right on! I feel the exact same way. If I ever decide to start dating again, the man will need to be childfree and on the same page as me. I want to travel together, build together, and explore the world without having to do all the extra stuff you'd have to do when you have children.
I wish both of you happiness and luck on your respective journeys.
But I also hope you realise sooner than later that for us as humans fulfillment comes from community, family and bettering oneself for the sake of those.
You use your pets to fill the emptyness you have, to care for something more than just you. To feel warmth and have someone at home waiting for you and not feel lonely.
But the relationship of a pet and it's human is as abusive as one from slave and master.
You learnt not to compromise and hold nothing higher than you.
With all that you laid the foundation for your inability to have a healthy and happy relationship and also be lonlely.
❤
@arthurmontana2314 man be like, you're using your pet to fill a hole, now you can't possibly build a good relationship. Haha lady.
Not: ethically you decided not to have children, because you can't give them the life they deserve. So yes, get a cat because that's a part of your community, and have loving friends, and be a good person.
@@arthurmontana2314 your emptiness and fears not hers
"Build together" what?
@@AVibeCalledYes
Also, before, women didnt have a choice: they could either be nurse, secretary, teacher or stay at home; men would not help beside from bringing miney to the house and women started to see that. now we can do watever we want and you can’t pressure us to have kids.
U can’t erase evaluation and u can’t ur biological wiring no how much feminism u believe in 😂.
Good and don’t breed
It's annoying when the focus is on women when talking about kids. When we should he focusing on the rising prices, economy, healthcare, etc.
But we didn't have this big of a problem during the great depression when the economy was worse and healthcare was worse
@@redparis9225people didn’t have the choice to divorce partners/have access to contraception back then. We continue to see high birth rates in countries where contraception and family planning are inaccessible. I do believe a falling birth rate is a sacrifice worth making for people being able to control when they have kids though.
the focus is on women?
Women have the final say in childbirth, that's why. She wants to abort? Fine, her body her choice. You, as a man, want to abort? Too bad.
😂😂😂
It the women job & that is natural law & natural order
Having kids involves a desire, to really have that deep desire to bring children into this life, I’m 34 and I really haven’t had that calling, it’s not about money, or being selfish or anything that is mentioned in this video, it’s just that I don’t desire to be a mum… it seems that for some people is hard to understand this reason.
and it is very legit and important reason not to have them. I think many people just make them out of pressure, impulsively and then they realize it's not for them.
Because having kids takes work. Technology has made society incredibly lazy and scared of discomfort.
Also males don’t want to be father and know nothing about fatherhood
It’s apart of ur biological wiring and evaluation not desire.
@@ceeIoc Well, yes? And who wants a job that is 24/7 with no pay?
5:25 It's not really selfish to not have kids. It would be selfish to bring a child into this world and not care for them but deciding to not have kids is neither selfless or selfish. The child does not exist so you are not being selfish by not having them. It is only selfish if you decide you don't want to be a parent after already having a child. Deciding you don't want children and never bringing a child into this world is not selfish because you are not neglecting the responsibility for someone else when that someone else never existed. Bringing a child into this world is not selfless either, it is just a choice you decided to make because you wanted kids. Neither choice is wrong but acting like you are a better person for making either choice is just arrogance.
Any action is a selfish choice. But, not helping your kids after having them is really stupid. Why would you have kids and use resources on them just to abandon them?
Yes it is selfish because you are not raising a child to produce the products and services that society needs. Your parents and all the humans before them made the sacrifice but you are choosing to spend your time and money purely on yourself.
@@sadfasde3108 that view dehumanizes the child as just a cog in an economic machine. That's inherently selfish because it fundamentally disregards that this hypothetical child will have needs and desires that may be at odds with their economic production. Opting not to subject a child to an existence which detrmines their value not by what they want, but by their production, may be selfish from the perspective of macroeconomic machinations. But it's a more empathetic position.
Less conceptually, nearly nobody chooses to have children to pay a debt or fulfil a duty to society. They have children because they want them, or because they don't want them but can't or won't terminate the pregnancy.
@@sadfasde3108Oh shut up. It's not selfish.
@@sadfasde3108 well, it is also selfish to bring them just because parents or you expect they will take care of you later so... doesn't matter. Both are selfish.
I think mostly is because people have grown in terrible family dynamics and they do not want to repeat that. Let's be honest.
Good point!
To understand why people aren’t procreating, you need to know why people are divorcing. Divorce rates are between 40-50% The top reasons women initiate divorce are unequal division of household chores and childcare, even when both partners work full-time, alcohol addiction, infidelity, and abuse (physical and/or emotional). Who wants to have kids in these scenarios? Plus, mental health is at an all-time low. Selfish to spare children? No.
False. You all divorce men because you aren’t monogamous.
@@AustrianPainter14. Guys should be the last ones to talk about monogamy. Stop it. 😅😴
@@AustrianPainter14false reasons are infidelity, abuse, financial issues, lack of commitment/intimacy. Stop projecting coz men are more likely to not be monogamous in marriages than women.
@@ange0712 this is so true. And instead of listening to women that keep on saying this, some men will go and listen to Andrew Tate.
@@AustrianPainter14 to divorce because you're not monogamous is better than staying and cheating
Me not wanting to have kids has less to do with me and more to do with my potential children. I don’t want to put my children on this corrupt, traumatic planet. Most people talk about how much they are struggling, mentally, financially, physically… yet you want to pass that on to the most important people that you claim to love. Doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t wait to exit this life and never come back here.
Nothing is stopping you rn
So true I don't see that as selfish, how could it be when we people are thinking it so hard to not hurt someone who isn't even here
maybe your child can have a positive impact in this world
That's how I think
@@Fc9ersthe problem is the impact of the world on a child that didn't ask to be born
Why are not women having kids ?
Bro why would anyone have kids in this economy ? Add on top of that the negative picture our parents gave us about raising kids
Written on an iPhone. Yall (most people not just you) have enough money to buy the newest phone, buy the trendiest clothes, subscribe to the most useless entertainment enterprises, yet complain about the economy
@@lwms120Speak for yourself, not others.
Not everyone has those things and they live pay check to pay check.
You raise a good point. Some people do not have good parents that taught them how to have a good marriage and raise kids properly.
@@lwms120
So you think an iphone 14 you buy once in 4 yrs , is of a similar cost to raising a child ? This is some flat earth level argument
@@armorbearer9702
Some saw their parents get divorced , some saw their parents arguing everyday
Some saw their parents looking tired & exhausted from parental duties
So a person with a brain says if marriage is terrible like this why get into it ?
I watched my niece cry her eyes out because her dad stood her up for the third time. This convinced me to not have kids. They deserve better.
So you're saying you won't be a go parent
Good Lord, of the 4billion men on the planet 99% of them are not going to be irresponsible adults and bad fathers.
I truly feel bad for people who don’t have good male role models or fathers in their lives. All because you have multiple bad experience with the opposite sex doesn’t mean that all members of that sex are horrible or that any man/women should give up on relationships
But what am I saying, since this is RUclips my sentiment will fall on deaf ears and the gender wars will continue. Healthy relationships aren’t as entertaining or clickable.
Parentified child here! I have already lost my childhood once, and now I'm trying to rebuild any sense of self I've never had. When your value is measured only in how much you can freely give away to other people, no matter the cost for your health, safety and mind, it leaves a huge scar on your decisiveness. I really, really don't want to go through it again. All the best for people who are ready though, best of all to you. There are just too many people, sticking their noses where they shouldn't, not knowing the full story but feeling entitled to judge others.
I am sorry. This also sealed the deal for me. I’m joyfully childfree.
Why is it only women who cry like this when they are born into leadership positions? Men usually bear the weight with honor. I guess this is why, traditionally, things were the way they were.
lol let me know how happy you are with 0 grandkids when your 70
@@tomfrienI worked in a nursing home. Most of our patients went without visits. And if they had visits they were usually cut short because a lot of the adult children only visited due to a sense of obligation, not genuine love.
@@tomfrien I was a caregiver at Aegis Living. The elderly who lived there had many children, but none came to visit unless they were near death. There were 1 or 2 people who were childless, but they were visited by friends.
If having no kids is "selfish" who is it selfish to? Selfishness is lack of consideration for others. And if society views it as such, they're entitled.
Society lol
The human species because if ppl don't have kids to mitigate population crisis then we'll go extinct
Yes society, as even in the most individualistic sociery we are making up a demographic and making it collapse is bad.
@@ballenboy Capitalism makes societies collapse. Utopias don´t.
it's selfish because you don't care for society, you don't want to give anything back. your parents sacrificed their time, their money etc. to give you a life. you don't want to sacrifice anything because you want all your money for yourself, for your travels, for your daily amazon deliveries, for your frappuccinos. you have no idea who is taking care of you when you are old and bedridden. the nursing home? they won't have enough people working there when you are old because nobody wanted to have children, nobody cared.
I don't see any problem with this trend, my pet food store will continue to be successful.
You need people to work in your pet food store
@@MarkStein-v4j
They will never lack for workers
@@MarkStein-v4j There's plenty of people to work in your pet food store
@@MarkStein-v4j he thought he hit with this comment
@@MarkStein-v4j Immigrants will fill in the gap like they always do
Having kids, is imo the MOST selfish thing you can do. A child did not ask to be born. YOU make the decision on another person's behalf.
If you do this, you better be ready and really want it.
That’s a very dumb thing to say. The primary purpose of life is literally. Very literally to reproduce. Almost everything on the human body is design for breeding and survival. The need to have children is not economic. It’s primal.
That’s a very dumb thing to say. The primary purpose of life is literally. Very literally to reproduce. Almost everything on the human body is design for breeding and survival. The need to have children is not economic. It’s primal.
Oh yeah, and abortion is a act of altruism and adopting is a act of gallantry. This is just stupid.
Having children is wholesome, both an act for yourself and for another being. Dont worry to understand because selfish people just cannot grasp the concept.
@@PedroCavalcanti-nk9ik But once this child need extra money for medicine, or money for education you sure as hell don't want to pay for it. YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, SUCKER.
Having a child is the most selfish act a person can do. No child asked to be born. You're making the decision for them. So pay for them.
Tell me you haven't even seen a child grow without telling me you haven't even seen a child grow. Your statement is naive and you probably need to solve your own mommy/daddy issues first.
How can you be selfish to a person who doesn’t exist?
🎯🎯🎯
It's more so about society in general. All jobs are done by people. The jobs that you depend on: healthcare, food manufacturing, delivery of goods, infrastructure maintenance. For those jobs to continue being done, new people need to be born. When you don't have kids, you're putting this responsibility on others. And then you'll use products of someone's children's labor. So those parents did all the work but you also get to enjoy the results of that work.
I think the idea is because your family then dies with you. If you're American, there's probably a story of a grandfather who fought poverty/wars/bigotry to get the family established. That legacy stops with you if you don't have children. No genetic trace into the future.
We got so many people in the world near to 10 billion and bringing kids into this world is selfish. You are just deciding for the kids you basically forcing them to the world and they don't ask to be here anyway.
Somebody is in a coma. He'll surely wake up. You just don't know when. Are you pulling the plug?
Saying people who don’t want children are “selfish” is absurd
You can't ask for welfare programs, SS, medicare and then say you're not going to contribute to the future tax base until it's unaffordable and crash the system.
I'm 25, and I absolutely want children. My issue isn't the economy, it is 100% finding the right man. Trying to find someone in this current society has been exhausting... Religion and morality is the one vein in life I can't compromise. If God helps me find a good man, though, I'd love to start a family. 😭
I hope you can find the right man. Wanting very traditional values in a relationship plus wanting someone that shares your faith will be incredibly hard these days.
@zs9652 Tyvm, I appreciate the kind words. It's definitely tough, but I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't value the same God. 💕
Date Asian men lol , not even kidding, I’m 23 , have a almost 2 year old, am almost 36 weeks now and have a Asian partner, their really good dads
Aren’t there men at your church?
@@Italianbarbie2711 a Christian aisan would be very rare I would have thought
Seems like most men want a wife and kids but don’t actually appreciate and value her and how much she does for the family. Than later come to resent her for “not doing more” while she does the most.
Cut the bullcrap of women doing most they don’t, men are still expected to adhere to ALL the trad men responsibility including from paying for dates ,ring,wedding to paying most bills in the marriage it’s women who do chores and label it ” unpaid work,emotional labour” bullcr@p, women taking men bills for granted and moaning about women putting in the work
Everyone said they hated young moms... women list3ned now yall mad again
never enough! XD
I don't know anyone who has ever said that
@@BigBiteDoughnut Exactly don’t forget how men insult single mothers women are waking up!!!!
@@tann_man Stop the lies go watch videos of men insulting young mothers or single mothers.
@@tann_manreally? god people would treat a teen mom friend of mine like trash.
I have 4kids. I was a single parent within my marriage. It’s exhausting. Gender roles are not applicable today. I make more than my ex and had he gotten his ego in line, I could have built a nice life for the family WE created. But, the sad truth is, I never wanted kids, I had them and I love them . I live my life for them . And that’s the issue, you lose your identity and if there is no support you fail. And the obligation is a strain on the parent who showed up. Childcare is expensive and or available. My career is on hold indefinitely, that is what has to happen. The father, well- he doesn’t have to experience this. If I look back, I wouldn’t have chosen motherhood . Only because it’s a situation of damned if I do and damned I don’t
For me my changing point was seeing my Grandmother die.
Before hand I was like "Kids will ruin my life" which is what we were often taught growing up (school, media etc).
But seeing her die with everyone around her made me think about when my day or future wife's day comes.
Like if I died first and we didn't have kid's imagine how sad it would be for her laying in bed alone... Same for me if she died first.
I'm not like "oh now I must have kids now!". But more I really want to stop getting by like I have been (as I've just been happy getting by enough to keep my pets) and now want to be successful enough so I can put myself in a position to be ready to have kids.
Yes! I think death puts life into perspective. My grandparents had their kids to take care of them. Which was huge. Life changing. I’m so thankful for family and want to have one. Having kids is a transformation of yourself.
you only want kids so you don't die alone or your partner? thats a weird way of thinking..
@@yeo5944nah, the weird part is you dont get it
That’s selfish of you
@@yeo5944 nah, you dont get it
I’m a 50 year old dude. I’ve never been married, no kids or wife. Having a family, wife and kids is so overrated. You don’t have to do what society says you have to do. 😎🕺
Male version of crazy cat lady. Except you don't get shamed. Lucky
Coping 😂
@SophieKathleen-cc4ll Get off my lawn kid😂🤪🕺😎
@SophieKathleen-cc4ll Sure thing sweetheart 🤪😂
There you go. 19 year old woman single for life here(however long that is)
Had my two kids before 30 and both of those kids have fulfilled my life more than any monetary gain I've ever had
Love to hear it
Most childless people won't even get wealthy, so they might end up not having kids for the sake of extra 2k dollars a year
@@inenfmk childless people are much more likely to obtain wealth tho
@@oilmoney2007 but then they need others to have kids because who's gonna buy products/services from them/their employer to generate that wealth? People. People are created through childbirth.
@@oilmoney2007 so? I spent my whole 20s making pretty good money, spent plenty of time relishing in material possessions, none of that was as fulfilling as seeing my kids grow up
❌ “Do you want Children?’’ ❌
✅ ‘’Do you want to become a PARENT???”
🎯🎯🎯
Uhh same thing
@ NO, the frame of the question is totally different. Sure, people like babies and kids.
But DO YOU DESIRE PARENTHOOD???
@@RamonDesantis well I just think you’re thinking too deep about it…end of the day same thing.
@@User_U571 NO because the easy question is imposed, who wants to deny Children or Cute Babies or Kids?? BUT if you ask a person randomly about PARENTHOOD, there you have the shocking reality of full responsibility. NOT the same thing. Makes you think TWICE when the question is framed more accurately. Do I want babies? Sure! But do I want the responsibility of Parenthood for EIGHTEEN years??? 🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻
I never wanted to have kids, and society yelling at us to have kids because of the future is just annoying. Is humanity really so important that people who don't want kids need to have kids?
There's a lot of people that want to have kids but don't feel safe with having children in this age.
yep same! also im from really awful family background ( incest survivor) I dont see anyone father material and trustworthy to have kids with
seen the same cycle repeat: married in their 20s divorced in their 50s, going after younger cause of closing death anxiety
why I would bring kids here just end up cheated on and left for 20y old?
Lmao you ARE humanity
This is just a propaganda piece from people that want other to not have children. It is a preposterous statement. Humans will always be here, it is just nature of stuff.
People who do not have children becomes very sad and angry people, and some of them is harmful to children. We se the trans movement in school as a result of this, where they want to force kids to watch or engage with sexually explicit content. We see the environment groups that prey on children to become activists in destroying the society and having them consume poison.
I think a healthy society is a society where most people have children, and tries to build functioning families. This is good for mental health, purpose, and meaning of life.
Never allow others to determine your life path for you - do you & just be the best person you can be. That's it. That's all. F uck the rest. #OUTLAW
That's the thing, one of the arguments on the pro-children side is that every single one of us somehow have a "duty" to "continue a legacy" and to "ensure the survival of the human race". What does any of that have to do with me? I didn't ask to be here, why is it my "duty" to have kids if that isn't something that I want to do? And more importantly, why would it matter to me if humanity continued or ended? I won't be here to see the end of humanity, why is that my problem?
Gen, better question for the young people would be "do you think the baby has a best chance to survive and flourish having you as a parent?
Low birthrate could be nature's way of telling us that it is not happy with this batch as caretakers for next generation and is willing to reset. We can't fight human nature to build family with love one, and there are plenty of good people willing to make the sacrifice and enjoy their children. Birthrate will recover and we'll thrive again. We don't let unqualified people to drive on public road, I'm just glad that these people are actually smart enough to understand that they shouldn't be part of shaping our next generation. Its not doom and gloom but its part of human evolution. We'll be fine.
this feels like a reductionist approach to the issue (in fact is verges on the rhetoric of "capitalism is human nature' argument. if you want the birth rate to be fixed (and by extension parenting and children) you must address systemic issues. there are so many problems in the world that kinda just saying "oh this is evolution taking place" ignores every responsibility that we make to better human society. in a way we are letting those in power win over us, every day across the world people rights are taken away, even in countries that claim to be democratic, "freedom is earned, not given
@@merlin5662
You are both right in a way. But I contend that "rights" and "freedom" are a poor foundation for society. If the child-free life is more "free" than the parenting life, then why on Earth would any "freedom loving democratic person" give up their "right" to be child-free?
Humans are animals and we are one overpopulated species. I see this as one big natural reset. Like how predator species will die off when there's a lack of prey. This is just humans suffering from the success of being apex predator and taking up resources faster than could be replenished.
Pretty sure the amount of crappy, unqualified parents out there disproves your point
more like previous generation's f'd up so bad that society is breaking down and what we're seeing is merely the effects of that. But boomer's are truly exceptional at blaming other's so I'm not surprised by this take
For me it was purely financial. Took me 34 years to buy a house (luckily in 2019), get married to a woman young enough to have a child. I was 37 when I had my first child, my wife was 33. I am now 39 and wife is pregnant with 2nd at 35 (considered a geriatric pregnancy). I've always wanted children but it took so long to get what I considered stability to bring children into the world.
Money is definitely a reason, but besides from that, I think it's also just men and women not thinking they would be good parents, or that the stress would just be too much for them and they just wouldn't want to do it. To much self doubt
@@billywright1890 as a parent, I agree with this take. The stress of parenting nowadays is almost completely unbearable.
That is exactly why I chose to be childfree. I have mental health issues and was abused as a child by my dad. I am scared that I would be a horrible mother. I love children so this was the hardest decision of my life but at almost age 50, I know I made the right choice.
@@SP-ml3bs sorry that happened to u
@@SP-ml3bs Thank you for sharing! Your reasoning for not wanting kids is one that’s not mentioned all that much. Childhood trauma and abuse can have a huge effect on someone’s adult life.
I'm 39 and I'll have my first kid, God willing, in February 🙏 and I plan to have a second.
congrats
thank you! It's a girl :) couldn't be more excited!
Goodluck bro god is with you
I like that people are having kids later in life, since you are more mature,
we also live longer!
so why would society pressure so hard to have kids in early twenties when we live up to 100...
Because it is dangerous. Pregnancy over 35 is called geriatric pregnancy, because you’re supposed to give birth at a young age. Fertility starts declining after you turn 30, which is why I’m planning to be done having kids at 30. Miscarriage rates, defects, and stillbirth are all more common in geriatric pregnancies. You’re not doing yourself favors by waiting.
I am 38 and we have two. My wife and I have been together for a long time, and we wanted to wait until we were financially stable, but it came to a point where her age due to other medical issues, it would be more dangerous for her, so we bit the bullet and tried, and it happened.
We are ok financially, not great, and we both sacrifice much for our children's wellbeing and happiness. It is very hard, but neither of us have any regrets because this is what we wanted. I love being a dad, but it is incredibly hard.
Some men and women find parenting so incredibly hard that they leave. Everyone can't stand up to the pressure of adding kids to their relationship - its great that your family is what you truly wanted.
Good Job Dad. I remember my in laws coming to the rescue so I could get some sleep.
Anything worth having is hard work
Jesus christ, my man, you whine like a 12 year old in a toy store.
Sounds like absolute misery
1. Fear of being trapped in an abusive relationship, and then when expressing this getting degraded about it as if this isn't possible when you've seen and experienced it over and over.
2. Fleeing that abusive relationship and then being stuck as a single mom (with a bonus stalker if he doesn't get over you, and forced visitation if he knows how to hide his crazy.)
3. No community, the less people who have children the more we see public parks being turned into dog parks. What kind of life will the child have when there are no friends or family to play with? Throw a tablet at them and call it a day?
4. Why am I going to put my body through the stress of having a child, loving it more than anything, then dealing with the trauma of being separated from that child 6 weeks after it's made, where I will then have to go back to work and wonder what is happening to them all day when I have no choice but to put them in child care which will get half of my paychecks anyways. Otherwise I could try to be a stay at home mom if I'm lucky enough that the father wouldn't end up abusive, but then I will be shunned by society and deemed lazy.
5.Then when they're old enough send them to school to be brainwashed in ways I myself narrowly escaped after a very hard journey. After all of that to come home and be a stranger to the thing you've created, because you have to work and provide for them while their teachers brainwash them into hating you among other horrific things.
I'm not saying I don't want them, I've been hoping to for years but the more time goes by, the more opportunities pass, the more I am simply struggling to survive, I review these things in my mind and say maybe it's for the best I was never blessed and I've just got to focus on surviving.
As a woman you're not just getting a career to be a "boss babe", it's survival. If the man you chose to provide turns out to be bad, you need a exit plan. You could even find the dream man, perfect in every way, would never harm you, and what if he drops dead from a sudden heart attack? So you simultaneously have to strive to be a girl boss to have yourself covered and secure, but also be a trad wife and do all of the womanly duties while paying half the bills. Then your body gets destroyed having his children and he cheats on you for not looking good anymore. You just can't win. If you have a job and your own income you're apparently selfish and narcissistic, but if you are unemployed and want a supportive husband you're a gold digger.
There is also a lot of risk on a man's end of things too, he marries the girl and loses half his stuff. I just don't know, from a female perspective it's so much more personal. They just get to have fun for 5 minutes, you get physically destroyed for like a year, or sometimes permanently.
Finding a man you trust enough to be put in such a vulnerable position with is terrifying. Witnessing the nightmare of other women who chose wrong and hoping you're not going to be stuck like that. I don't know. Maybe the girl in this video has the answer but I'm not really sure I'd want to do it all alone like that.
I've personally never wanted kids. When I was growing up all my friends wanted to be mothers when they grew up and I couldn't relate - I wanted to travel, understand myself, accomplish dreams. I have so much left to learn about myself. I do feel guilty sometimes for having this mindset, especially visiting my boyfriend's family and seeing the life they've built and the community they expect to keep growing. But at the end of the day, I don't feel cut out to be a mother, and I think it's okay to feel that way. (26F btw)
That's actually a fantastic reason not to and you would be crazy otherwise to do so!
I feel the same way.
Then you should not be allowed to vote
You think there’s no chance you’ll change your mind? Decent chance
@@Bowens443 That's the problem, people are so selfish and self centered nowadays, it's always about me and how I feel and how I want to feel instead of doing the selfless thing and having kids and sharing your experience with them. It's not okay to not want kids, it's not normal, it goes against our biology and it's bad for society. It will literally lead to the collapse of western civilization.
I feel like if you're a Woman at some point in your life you have to choose between being a Mother and having a career, not everyone wants to sacrifice their career to be a Mother, there are a lot of women that do but not everyone wants to.
And some of us watched other women in family go through abuse because they chose to stay home with children. Being provided for is risky.
And too many single mothers by men !!!!
... and Some Women Choose Both 🫠
@@aliyahharmon9045 As a guy I don't want a stay-at-home partner. I don't want to be solely responsible for finances. If a divorce happens i don't want to get taken to the cleaners. Its best if both people work. But, unfortunately society expects too much work from us to let that work for child rearing.
nah my mother end up in a shitful marriage and had to work 8h a day and do all the care of the children. its a hard pass for me. is either sahw or no kids for me 🤚. of course ultin then im gonna have a career and get a degree just in case for a back up plane but doing everything just to end up in a shitful marriege too isnt work it
If a person doesn't want kids, than they shouldn't have them
There's nothing selfish about it, selfish means doing something for yourself at the expense of hurting others, they aren't hurting anyone by not having kids, so it's impossible for this to be selfish
That sounds like what a selfish person would say
I don’t want my name to be a draft yet it is because Vvomen don’t want to be there.
@@cedricburkhart3738 A selfish person would say it's wrong to hurt others ? 🙄
@ChristineVress Yeah probably
@@cedricburkhart3738Sure. Having children, then just abandon or doing abusive thing. WhattaBS.
I'm a female in my early 30s and still don't want kids. I feel like if I get them, my life and freedom will end. And I'm not even a party girl, I'm a homebody. I don't want my life to change, I'm scared of my body changing and the weak position I will get into if I get a kid. If I think of the pros and cons, there will be a long list of cons and zero pros. Also, finding the right men that can make a woman feel secure enough is another huge issue.
Raising kids in these madness times?
I pass.
When were the better times? The economic crises of the 1970s, World War II, or the Great Depression? It’s not about the time; it’s about a lack of responsibility and immaturity.
You live in the best of times
Y'all are missing the point. People in the past had purpose. They had faith. They had community. They were needed by the people around them. Now we have technology for everything, religion is being destroyed and the communities are "online." There are twice as many human beings in existence today as there were last century, the value of each individual human has been halved.
You were passed over by women. Admit it
@sullathehutt7720 So, what am I supposed to do?
I'm a multimillionaire with a teenage daughter. The decision to have kids is no joke. Money is important but it's not everything. For the first 10 years or so, you kinda have to give up everything that you like. What makes you, you has to go on hold. At the point in life where I'm at now, it's super rewarding to have a successful, well-adjusted kid but it is absolutely not for everyone. And I think she may not have been as successful or well adjusted if I didn't put my life on hold, either by hiring help or trying to do it all. I would think that a declining population is preferable to a growing, yet dysfunctional one.
I’m 22 now and I used to hear a lot about overpopulation, the world population reaching 8 billion in a few years, and the Earth’s “tipping point,” which I think definitely made the idea of having kids feel like it would be adding to the problem or essentially helping the world end faster.
Because of those childhood fears, I usually feel relieved subconsciously when I hear about the declining population, but I realistically know it comes with its own challenges like what you mentioned with there not being enough working people to support the aging population.
Personally, during middle school, I started to get the idea of not wanting kids, but as I got older I started thinking I’d want to adopt. I’d want to adopt not just because there are already so many children with unreliable/unsafe bio parents, but also because I wouldn’t want to pass on any of my health conditions or worsen my own since pregnancy is a lot on the body. Even if I don’t end up formally adopting, I’d like to take care of a kid at some point and be a part of their positive upbringing :)
Honestly the best answer I've read so far.
Most people make kids to find fulfillment in their own lives. They don't make a child for the child; It's for themselves. The child is put into inevitable suffering of some sort, and it never has a say in it. It will grow up to become a wage slave and forced to find meaning in a life it never asked for. Creating a child is one of the most selfish actions a human can do.
However, adopting another human, whilst it can fulfill your own desires of having a kid, it also fulfills the need and desire of the already existing child to have parents. Hence, it should be considered the morally preferable option. To take care of another human being for the rest of your life is indeed an act of selflessness, but only if you didn't create the "problem that has to be taken care of" in the first place.
I love my child. Therefore I will not bring it into this world.
Stop making excuses and blaming abstractions for your not wanting kids or a husband
Yes! I grew up in that “population explosion” era. They said only have kids if you can afford them. Or no more than 2. And now they are saying the opposite 😂😂😂
Just FYI, the population scare tactic people have been saying the world can only handle x billion. I'm 54 and when I was a kid, the earth would run out of resources at 6 billion. Then 7 billion. Then 8 billion. There's still plenty of resources. Good luck on your journey.
@@Emptytopfloor the whole narrative shift seems incredibly insincere. As far as I observe, it comes mostly from people concerned with loss of political power and economic dominance tied to aging populations.
And also from religious leaders, who rely on birthrates to propagate the existence of the structures that enable them social standing.
But the fact, that this issue is global gives me hope that people start seeing through their 🐂s**t
It would be totally fine if population went stable somewhere on pre-boomer numbers
People who call childless people "selfish" need to touch grass
This could be a hot take. I felt like I was convinced that if I had kids I won't have a life anymore. Won't be able to travel, go on dates with my husband, buy myself nice things etc. So I was basically almost scared out of ever wanting kids because I didn't want to lose all those freedoms.
Now I'm 31 and I'm a mom to a toddler and yes it's very difficult but I still have my life, we still can plan things as a family it's just takes a bit more effort.
I wouldn't change anything, though. Being a mom is by far the most fulfilling and beautiful thing I have ever experienced by far and pales in comparison to anything I can buy.
I think this is very true.
I decided not to have kids due to disablity and trauma in my family and I did not want to pass on genetic disabilities potentially to the next generation.
one thing in life that i feel like a LOT of people don't understand (unless less your obscenely rich) is that you can't have everything, you either have freedom to whatever but the lack of security or vice versa. nobody wins in this world except for those who pay their way through it.
To some extent you do lose the life you have. But children give you a life that is richer and more fulfilling and more challenging and better than the one without them. Of course that's my opinion. I'm so glad I have kids. 😊
Hot take, but you’re incompetent and lack critical thinking skills.
@@Skyesoceaneyesthat is IF you like being a mother. I know several women who if they could, would go back in time and not have their children. Even the married ones.
As a child free woman I do care way more about my career, body and my time. Having a child would hurt my goals and I am extremely selfish so why should I put a child and myself through that🤨??
Well people who aren't garbage usually seek to better themselves instead of happily admitting to and maintaining selfishness and shallowness. But you seem to know your place.
I don’t want my name in a draft for women to vote me into war…yet it’s still there.
@@USAwrestling639oh get over it. She doesn't want kids and you sound like you'd be a terrible parent since you don't respect other people's choices. Weird 😒
She's not hurting anyone though? Since selfishness is only bad if it hurts others.
Plus, you seem like quite a rude person, calling other people garbage. @@USAwrestling639
@@USAwrestling639 @John Cena said he didn't want kids and I bet you praised him, though. If we want to be the main characters in our lives and put ourselves first, that's our choice. Yall expect women to be the baby making machines and to serve you while yall run around and do whatever. Nah, I'll pass.
I don’t get the legacy thing. I couldn’t name you my great grandparents.
I don’t think he actually meant legacy, the right word was probably reputation🤷🏻♀️
sadly
I never wanted kids. I always saw them as a giant drain on all resources. I have a wife because I enjoy her company. Introduce children and the adult relationship disappears and everything becomes about the kids. No thank you! You either get toys, or children. I like my toys. 🙂
So you basically get children either way, but now the child is you :)))
@@Vlad-bs1js Thanks for the laugh and I suppose it's true. I have toys! They're just big kid toys like cars and boats. 🙂 Seriously, thanks for sharing that thought, it put a huge smile on my face.
@@fsj197811 I'm glad it made you laught. That was the whole point of the reply
Women are for sex and reproduction not company.
For me, it came down to risk vs reward. Being in a relationship as a woman is risky. Home work and child care isn't shared evenly even if the wife makes more. This means less time for fun, projects, self improvement, starting a business, doing what I want to do. This in term limits opportunities such as promotions, building contacts, so on. Add to that, divorce rates are fairly high, abuse is a risk, and it's just harder for a woman to survive during a breakup than a man when kids are involved.
On the other side, the need (reward) of men has greatly decreased. Women make as much money now, aren't limited as much in freedom, can have safe sex with no children, and don't need as much protection. Its a nice to have to have a good man but its no longer a requirement.
Don't forget about the motherhood penalty too. Mothers get paid less compared to their childfree/childless coworkers.
Facts it’s a scam
My friend has 2 toddlers and is burdened with most of the responsibility. Her identity is solely Mom it seems; she’s lost herself. She & husband both work. She’s constantly exhausted & will complain about it once in awhile but then when we do hang out want to get home to them after 1-2 hours cuz she misses them. 🤷🏻♀️ sounds like misery to me; the risk greatly outweighs the reward.
Side note to people saying you’ll age out of being able to care for children - how about fostering kids? Or adopting them?
If you would be able to have the funds as a single parent to support a child (if it’s something you want that badly), why not give it to a child, who’s ALREADY born, and ALREADY in need of a family?
They don't want to open that can of worms 🤭
As much as people like to bs, they want their own kid with their own DNA not a kid with god knows what trauma
That’s happening, in the US a growing number of single men are adopting kids. While this is a small population, it’s a growing one
Children today is a guaranteed pay check for the politicians in the future.
Precisely
Just admit you don’t want kids, missy.
What does that even mean? End your bloodline to own the politicians? 😂
Just admit you don’t want children. Stop blaming abstractions and own it
@@tomfrienthe average peasant had more economic power after the black plague when populations were historically low. An educated, small population leads to better economic outcomes for the lower class. A large population leads to an undervaluing of labor due to surplus.
I straight up had a co-worker say she didn't want kids because she didn't want to lose her "abs." 😐
With the way men shame women gaining weight during pregnancy or having stretch marks, I can see why women are choosing their physique instead. I can't imagine carrying some a-holes kid for 9 months who thinks it's acceptable to cheat on me just cause I gained few pounds or have stretch marks.
I just became 18 years old this year. Pregnancy always scared me because i don't see myself having kids. Maybe like my parents said i will change my mind in the future but as of right now i'm more focused on my law degree and finishing my studies to have a good job.
I was questioning myself if I should comment this, because you will probably not like what I have to tell you, but I may help a younger person, so I will.
Getting a degree and "a good job" is building a kingdom for others, while creating a family is like building a kingdom for ourselves. At least think a little about that. Life is shorter than what we think it is and in the end your regrets will weigh more on you than things you accomplished.
Focus on what YOU want to do with your life and not what society (including friends and family) thinks you should do.
If you change your mind about having children, great and if you still don't want any that's also great.
Wishing you all the best in your law school journey 🌺
@@savagesweetheart90 thanks 🌺
@@Zielschmer a family is not a guarantee of support. People you might or might not create don't owe you anything, which means that at some point they might cause you problems or betray you. So I'd rather be building a life for myself and not allowing even a possibility of a backstab
@@NoirChloe That is nowadays "family". Families didn't used to be like that, but this is the type of family most people have nowadays in this individualistic society. People rather trust in the government than in their own family, crazy.
Every reason about wanting kids starts with "I want..." 🤷♀
🎯🎯
You can say the same thing about CF people….I want more money for myself, I want my free time, etc
Strawman argument
@Loakley1998
Not at all. "I don't have enough money to afford children." How is that an I want statement for CF? 😅
Im 28 my husband is 30, we have 4 planned wonderful kids. The most important thing is to communicate! So many people are getting into relationships without actually communicating with eachother.
Congrats, nuclear family is what builds strong societies. You've also fulfilled your duty. Much respect to you
@@Conservative_carnivorenuclear family forced women to get lobotomized in the 50s. It’s the most damaging structure for women. And it’s not even traditional, it’s quite modern, as modern as capitalism.
I have 4 kids, the relationship failed because he didn’t want to communicate no matter how much I tried to get him to talk…social media and the fact you can go on a dating app and meet up the next best thing in the same day…the children I do not regret, I regret our society and how fake people are. Kids are a blessing even if you have to do it single. Where there’s a will there is a way and my kids need for nothing, go me in this economy 😂🎉
@@nikkiangelo-perez7865man hearing women that get left like this makes my blood boil… I usually hear about men that have been alienated from the kid by the mother, so hearing this stirs up… I can understand a man running away from responsibility if the kid was born out of a ons… but 4 kids? Come on now!! I hope you get the strength u need to raise them
I had it all planned out; my career, family, my own home...and now at 35 I have none of that. I'm working my way through trade school and I often ask myself "to what end?" Dating/relationships having changed so radically this past 10+ years, I'm slowly coming to the acceptance that perhaps love and family were never meant to be. And so i am working towards a career not to become a provider but simply for survival and to avoid working dead end jobs.
Perhaps it's not a total loss though; I am developing a closer connection to my faith and I am seeking more wisdom and understanding as well as appreciating the little things in life that most of us take for granted.
I hope amazing things come ur way! Sending you luv and light!
People are having kids for 1) not to feel lonely 2) have someone to take care of them when they are old 3) to have their legacy 4) to be proud of their children's achievements (sometimes because they do not have their own achievements) 5) because other people have children 6) because they think this is the right way to do. They are bringing a human being on this earth to suffer and then die mostly because of those (and probably other) reasons. And some of them will say that not having children is selfish. Where is the logic behind this?
The logic is that they're animals and aren't aware of that instinct or desire. They will throw their children out for those desires to fulfill some sort of prophecy of a "completed life".
Of course I'm joking mostly lol. Honestly there's not much logic to it. Both are selfish in their own ways but judging people for their own personal choices is fucking terrible. I see this mostly from the pro-child side.
I'm 50. I never felt like an asset to my parents. They just basically used us to do chores😅
calling it selfish when kids are expensive as hell and in this economy? not every woman WANTS the responsibility of having children. just because we are women doesnt mean we must have kids.
that woman who believes in god? lmao 😂😂 i can disagree with everything shes claiming
@@bbanglix lol she was clearly crazy and misinformed, typical
@@bbanglix You can be Christian and still be scared of having a child. Media appear to glorify childlessness by showing risks of parenting.
It doesn't matter what you say ,idiot
If it below replacement rate then women will be forced to do it or their women's right will be taken away from them .
Okay doesn't make you right or her wrong just because she's religious. @bbanglix
It's not selfish to not want kids. It's selfish to want them because you want someone to take care of you later, because you want social credits, or to show them off as a trophy. To have them while you're living in extreme poverty, while addi'cted, etc.
Nobody considers these points. They never do. They never consider the cycle of abuse either. But when you bring these very good points up, they act like these are exceptions when they're extremely common. That, or they dismiss those points. They aren't ready to have that conversation. It seems they only either want to blame women (take South Korea for that example..its a lot) or assume that the majority don't want to have kids because "they want to buy the next iPhone".
Children don't need parents. They need love, guidance and protection, regardless of the giver. Blood ties don't guarantee any of that. To raise a child (not _have_ a child), a woman needs a support system. It so happens that western societies have limited valid options to a spouse because of inheritance (patrimony). Family has been reduced to its barest expression. Yet, we keep expecting the model to somehow make a comeback. It's absurd.
The only way out is by learning to expand the circle of people we depend on, building communities. We either learn to live together or we will die alone.
Edit: I am married with teenage kids btw.
this is very true
There's no shortage of human beings and not everyone needs to be a parent. Remember 8 billion and counting. The rich only want more workers.
THATS WHAT IM SAYING BRO! Thats why these corporations are complaining about the birth rate being low. Cause they won't be able to have more wage slaves!!!
I grew up in a very toxic family. You can't force an outcome, even with the best of intentions... I'm opting out. I find plenty of purpose in this world without creating a whole new life.