I'm Worried About My Boyfriend's Lack Of Ambition
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- Опубликовано: 31 янв 2017
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“I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” Michael Jordan
You ever had your spirit completely broken? As a guy with suicidal thoughts and depression....”going out and trying to better yourself” and achieve goals is like someone who is crippled trying to climb a mountain
But in that case the crippled person still can have the fighting, strong spirit:...take away that and purpose....replace it with pain....it makes even doing simple things completely overwhelming
And it’s not so simple to fix
Yeah I had those things and I overcame them. You can too, but your going to have to want to and you are going to have to realise that like me, it is ultimately your perspective which is making your life difficult.
Yeah Yes, but that is not the point. Let us assume you are in the lowest point of your life. The lowest that anyone could reach. What now?! I guarantee you, sitting there and wallowing in shame and depression will only get you more of it. But even the slightest step forward will cause an upward spiral. It is not about where you are now, it is simply about the best way to move forward.
@@MasonOfLife The comment was not meant as a blanket statement. Of course mental disorders, cognitive disabilities, etc. aren't included.
Wow, that statement is so powerfull Hazem. Glad to have heard it and thank you. Unfortunately those that don't try suffer horribly. It is painfull to see a man that is like that they really aren't a man at all they look more like a baby with facial hair. Sometimes failure leads you to a better path in life. I have seen that in my life. Be well ☯️.
Nothing wrong with a woman looking for a hardworking man 🤷🏻♂️
As a man myself, I don't blame them. Had a dead-beat dad and even as a child, I was tired.
true!
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed
@@Churlz your an idiot to talk bad or diss your father. I can mention I have had a bad father but that's disrepectful bro. Life's what we make it. I had to break my family lineage verbally, Mentally, Emotionally, you don't get to diss your parents dude they brought you here. If your children diss you you'll know how it feels
@@christianhenry4173 what a clown you are. I don't live by such ridiculous morale codes and I'm in the upper middle class... if your parents are bad they are bad, simple as that.
I am 54 years old and what I will say to you is this, love doesn't pay the bills or put food on the table.
Sure it does. Love seeks the best for the other and is not selfish. That causes you to act accordingly and provide. You must be thinking of lust.
lol. 177+ points for redpillers. it's not about love, people. at the end of the day, it's about resources and optimal genetics
Valrita Jones you are speaking nothing but straight truth.
Neither does housework.
Valrita Jones I agree 200 percent!
I remember this one guy in church I dated, he was 30 living at his mom's house. He had nothing but when he spoke he sounded very ambitious like someone with big goals in life. He was making $100 a month. After about a month or so I saw serious red flags; he said he was too good to work a regular job because he was an entrepreneur at heart. When I asked him what was the plan to get started with business he said he was praying and God would do it for him. He also believed he was too smart to go to school, learn a skill, attend a seminar, SOMETHING... 5 years later he still living with his mom praying and fasting for God to come down and do the work for him. Thank God I walked away back then
Christa Nom lol....you dodged that bullet sis!
@Epiphany I live in South Africa, where things are very different. It is common for people to never move out of their family homes or parents houses unless they get married and have 2 incomes which gives them a fighting chance
The irony is that one Bible verse that says those who refuse to work shouldn’t be allowed to eat (2 Thess 3:10). Thank God indeed!
@Epiphany you completely missed what I said
Epiphany you sound like a sexist loser. Incel?
This relationship will not work. The dating should be the sweetest time but already she is worried.
StriveWithMe i agree..but i think she really cares about “financial status”. More than likely he may lack ambition, maybe he hasn’t found his path yet at 36...😳 she should have not gotten into that relationship from the beginning.
Dating period is sweet yes and they ignore all the questions they suppose to be asking and ignore redflags that's why we have so much divorces..
I think her question is an excellent one to ask before marriage..
@@tripleekitchen...6676 people forget that for much of human history, marriage was a business negotiation between two families and had nothing to do with love. There's a reason for that.
@Eli Pen its about ambition lack of motivation .
You want to be a critical dater and an understanding spouse.
She is not a snob at all. She is rightfully worried because she wants a better future but she's seeing a hamster wheel situation
No, She wants to quit her job and have him support her 100%
ba sillah women should ALWAYS consider what life will be like when they have kids and whether husband will be able to support them well
Women want Money and Status. Men want Youth and Beauty!
Tucker Carlson just did a story about how women don't find men who earn less than they do attractive. The View critiqued Tucker's report for being not based in reality because women don't care what their men earn. LOL
@Milan Dude is broke and irresponsible.
There is a difference between making 30k and being debt free and being drowned in debt.
He professes faith yet keeps racking up debt with no intention to get out of it.
I dated a guy who made about the same and honestly I might have been ok with it if he had drive, but he didn’t. All he did was complain about his job and do nothing to change it. I’m not attracted to lack of ambition, especially when I’m working to better myself.
Same here. Unfortunately, it was only those types of guys who would approach me. They were all talk "I want my own business, I'm going to do a degree in business blah blah" but not making any efforts to reach their goals.
I'm quite ambitious and very studious. So instead of settling for the type of person I don't respect, I'd rather remain single
I have been through that... I promise you will not have respect for him and eventually will repulsed by his lack of motivation .... I’m sorry 😐
No, She wants to quit her job and have him support her 100%
ba sillah if she has the intentions of quitting her job and not working, why would she spend all that time and money getting into the medical field?
Woman are attracted to drive and motivation in a man.
I had the exact same situation and he got increasingly angry with me trying to motivate him, needless to say we both walked away from the relationship.
She said that he’s happy with his job. What’s so bad about that?
She'll end up carrying him if she marries him and she knows it.
Like men have done for their ladies for the past 500 years....
Matthew M you know men chose to do that right? It isn’t like women were allowed to be heads of households until very recently
@@kupidrosalindavateri3965 So what's the problem if the roles are reversed? If it was HIM making the big bucks, should he be complaining about how his girlfriend is making less?
@@kupidrosalindavateri3965 but that's the point! Women don't want to look after a man. So dumb
Laura Dee if he wanted to complain he could but statistically men still make more than women so I don’t know if there’s anything she can do about it
I think she already knows the answer to her question. Otherwise she wouldn't have called.
I'm a guy on the other side of this relationship. My (ex)girlfriend just broke up with me and it's opened my eyes to how little motivation I've had and why I need more. So I'm changing my ways to better align with my faith and expectations of what someone needs in life. It hurts, but we press on and become better.
Q7Nator idk how but I got told the same but it’s bc I was in school I just finished and going into my field of interested I still have to go back to school to get my final medical training but I’ve never stopped working and idk how she sees I got in ambition on doing anything. I’ve been working on this for about 6 years tho I guess it’s bc I’ve taken too long idk what you think ? I told her I refuse to marry unless I can be a well provider making more than what I’m making now and I’m 26 and making about 30k a year but with the new job working 70 hours or so a week I should be in better position but tell me what changes did you do ?
I don’t know if either of you two will see this, but just a word of encouragement; keep working hard and doing the right thing. You’re growing day by day. One thing Dave says to a lot of callers is “what do you want to be doing in 10 years?” I love that question because the path to get there starts with the small decisions you make today. As you grow into a better you, the right one will come along. Also, you will be so much closer to your financial goals too. 4 years ago I was in a loveless marriage and a financial mess. A little time, some big decisions and a sprinkle of focus and now here I am in an amazing marriage, a beautiful kid and we are on a debt free journey! Oh and I make 30k more in my job now than my ‘household’ income was 4 years ago and my wife stays at home
I feel like my relationship with my bf is currently strained. I feel like he won't want to improve himself unless I break up with him. I've tried talking, I've tried involving him in things with me, but he just comes home and watches streams and plays his phone games. Rinse and repeat. Can't even wash dishes on his work days even after I cook for him. What would be the best suggestions you have for getting them to improve themselves besides just breaking up? :\
Lin Z have you tried talking to him about it ?
@@eclipseshadowyt5917 Not thoroughly, I plan to in the next two months. I'm just afraid to bring it up, he grew up in a neglectful and poor household as a child and he cares very much for me. For example, when he buys food or groceries, he sometimes makes sure to get things that I would like to eat too or at least can share with me. But he has no drive for himself. He works as a floor clerk in a chain, comes home always tired and complains bout his job, I just wish instead of complaining he chooses to improve himself.
Anything I bring up to self-improve gets shot down by saying he doesn't have the funds for it, yet whenever he gets a paycheck he wants to take me out to eat. This latter I have been refusing absolutely because I want that extra money to help himself, but he's bitter we don't do anything then. :\
I had to tell a guy I’m not interested because he lacks ambition and no job. At first I felt bad for telling him the bitter truth and now i feel free and proud of myself.
Bitter for him, sweet for you. Congrats on not getting shackled to a slacker.
That's right thing to do . Because you will suffer if you chose to stay . unambitious mans are so unattractive . It's frustrating too because i had one like that . Glad i dumped him.
And maybe you did him the favor of opening his eyes and shaking him up a bit to do better :)
I think people should be yoked equally. If she hustles and he doesn't, then there's an unbalance.
That's not even what equally yoked means
Doesn’t yoked mean super fit?
More red flags than the Chinese Army
JustLouIt no issues at all the man is happy with his job!
Red Red Red Red Red Alert!!!
😂😂😂
Lol
Zechariah Cameron agree but let’s just hope he gets that debt paid off
First red flag is that engagement is on the table after 7 months, Second red flag is that he is in over 70 grand in debt, 60 of which is student debt when he is only making 30 grand a year. What did he get a degree in that cost 60 grand that pays 30 a year?
I was thinking thw same thing
A chunk of that 60k could be due to interest. And it may not have been just the degree he financed with the loan. Housing, food, books, etc.
dachicagoan you’re a silly creature lol -from a history major making six figures
wutup5566 college history is all lies? No- nothing paranoid about that assertion lol
wutup5566 lol you’re ridiculous and you know it.
The dollar amount doesn't matter. If you have $30k annual income with no debt that's way different than having $30k annual income and $65k in debt.
Very true.
You got a point
🤣
How does he pay his rent? Can't buy a house when you live hand-to-mouth.
Darin Pirkey it kind of does. No girl wants a man debt or no debt that makes only 30,000 a year.
I needed this one. I'm an extremely ambitious individual who generally dates people who aren't as ambitious. It drives me nutty when I'm in relationships with these people and now I understand why. I really needed to hear that it's okay to not be okay with someone that isn't living up to their potential. I often have fallen in love with someone's potential and not their current self. Thank you all for helping me see that I'm not a snob for wanting more.
wow, so relatable
You need to think more highly of yourself. Then you will find a good man.
Wonderful smart young lady not letting her emotions and lust put the blinders on.
If my wife made double what I made, I'd be very motivated - doing dishes, vacuuming, cooking lol
Those are life basics for any gender.
@Luis Mine did it for 6 years. Fact of the matter is if you make significant money, you can pick who you want. Male or female
Wow, good for you. I need a guy like you.
Mr mom
And eventually you would come to resent her for being more successful as you tend to the home.
Thank you Dave, I had a lazy boyfriend who didn’t want to work and just live on disability - and everytime I advise him to work he always get angry at me.
LEAVE
Leave him
Typically the disability is laziness
I had one of those too. He encouraged me to go to school to earn more money, so I could “support him”. Nope. Bye. I now make more money than him and am free of the burden of him.
@@sherikwasnik5290 unbelievable, the nerve
I dont think this lady is a snob at all and I can relate to her concerns...
yeah their isn't enough gold to dig out of his pockets. I bet it pisses all gold digger off.
I agree, she’s not. She just wants to know that she can depend and trust her man with situations in life, wants him to fight for them.
She needs to dump him. If I had his attitude my wife would have every reason to dump me.
Yea i can also relate, I dated a girl who was studying in university but once she told me she was content with a simple part time job and wanted to be a housewife and me to support her, I was like ehhh no thanks. 🤞
I think it works both ways. Ideally I'd like a woman who has similar levels of career ambition salary levels so it is more relatable and no one feels used financially.
Adel B so it’s not important for your wife to take a few years off to raise your children?
@@sassysandie2865 If I get married with kids, maybe I might want to take off a few years to raise my children or ideally, take turns with the wife. I am not incredibly ambitious career wise either and would probably enjoy taking a break from work to spend time my kids.
How is he "comfortable" making $30k and $60k+ in debt?
Right? Does he live with his parents??
because he thinks he found a sugar momma!
Why because she says so they only been dating 7 months how she kniw that maybe at that job you got to put your time in
Some people just don't care
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed a blessing
If you need to call Dave Ramsey about your relaionship uncertainty then you need to break up.
Lord, I was in this situation, girl walk away...I was even constantly encouraging him, but at the end of the day, you can’t change someone overnight.
Girl🙄, don’t get blinded by his faith!!! RUNNNN🏃♀️
Many of us Christian women already find it hard to get someone who is 'equally yoked' in faith.
And when we get that, he can have other major problems like the one this girl described!!!!
A man who doesn't provide for his family especially for those of his own household .. he's worse than an unbeliever
@@missmargmillionaire6421 Gods aren’t real, the best you can get is an atheist man who hates the patriarchy
@@gladlock speak for yourself.
@@missmargmillionaire6421 if he's a stay at home dad? I don't think I'll ever allow my wife to retire unless she's isn't capable of working anymore
Ladies, avoid men who see you as a nurse and a purse.
@Luís Andrade i agree with both statements.
I am a nurse and as we nurses get older, that is seriously a concern.
@@annwallace9537 what concern? You’re getting older and can’t get that high tier man anymore?
Any nurses with purses out here
I remember watching this episode and thinking the problem wasn't with the boyfriend's low income, but that he had lots of debt and no motivation to get more income to pay off the debt. Just like Dave said 'lack of ambition.' Now if he made 35k, lived on 8k per year, no debt, and was a super-saver and had already saved $50k and was contributing to retirement, then that would be a different story.
Where are you going to live on 8k per year? Average rent/mortgage in US is over $1000/mo. and that doesn't even bring into account utilities and food.
TeKnoVKNG23 I live on 400 a month.
robert warner that is hilarious! Where is the laugh button! 😂
robert warner I have a 3 bedroom house actually...
No, She wants to quit her job and have him support her 100%
Lack of ambition is a big deal, in men and women!!
if there is doubt, then there is no doubt.
👏
A woman should never even consider marrying a man without a vision. The fact that he's "ok" with debt says he isn't envisioning a better more comfortable future because debt ESPECIALLY student loan debt is a ball & chain. Where there is no vision the people perish.
Don’t cite the Word of God out of context to try and rationalize your spirit of covetousness.
My sister dated a guy that was a sloth and lacked ambition. I told her honestly that he wasn't the one for her 2 months into them dating. After a year and a half she came to me stressed on how to break up with him because she realized he really was. Fortunately, she's a sweetheart and they remained friends after the break up, but some characteristics aren't what you want/need for a partner.
so she has guy friends, lol red flag.
I don’t understand why people are in such a hurry to get married why don’t they make sure they are financially stable and also pay off most of their debt if not all and then get married
Ummm maybe cuz life is short.
Men aren't in a hurry. Marriage is for women, the sooner they get married, the sooner they have their boyfriends by the nuts and then it's alimony o'clock.
Why wait to get married and start a family at an old age? If you wait until you're financially stable, you're never going to get married. Also, statistics show that men who are married and with families make more money than single men with the exact same credentials. In general, starting a family will light a fire under their butts and get them to work harder.
life is to short to get married
Women have a limited time of reproduction, that's why.
This post hits home with me. I have been a saver, working on baby steps, am 38 years old and now only have 60k left in mortgage, otherwise debt free. I have been saving for retirement and emergency fund. My boyfriend of 2 years has no emergency fund, $17k in debt on a fund, is 45 years old and has no emergency fund, no retirement and is not worried! He only makes between 30-40 k a year. It is making me sick and when we talk about, he says he is not worried. He is a good man but I have worked so hard to get where I am.... It's hard.
Shouldn't you be thankful that men have been freed by feminism, that you are strong enough to carry the burden of financial performance men used to have?
They aren't compatible and that's okay.
I wouldn't walk away...I would RUNNNNNNN!
Little Miss that’s why u single hagaha
black john snow EXACTLY better to be single then with pathetic “men”’😂😂😂 so many of today’s men are so pathetic
@@indiaxlovee yea and many pathetic women are just like that too. 😂 Man our society is fked.
hahaha love this 😂😂
There is a saying in Bosnian saying " laziness in the door, love outt the door"
She's looking for security. I get it. My husband does not make much money but he has an entrepreneur spirit and we have common goals that we are working towards
She is looking not to get ripped off by a potential low-life who has not showed his entire hand once he has access to 3x money for no extra effort at her expense. This guy is not an equal yoke for this girl. Surprised she didn't say 'youth pastor' actually.
@Jacob Votava yeah working full time makes you a looser. such a dead beat.
@Jacob Votava a bit harsh. He works in some type of full time accounts payable job that while doesn't pay well is still a decent living depending on where he lives. The only thing that could warrant that label is his indifferent to his debt.
@Jacob Votava if he's getting 35k and benefits it would be a good amount over minimum wage. Also the caller specifically said he's content and happy in his job. Only the debt at his age makes him a loser.
I don’t think she’s looking for security she’s looking for a man with ambition and who wants better .
Sounds like she needs to say to him what I said to my now husband when we were dating. I told him that I had high dreams and aspirations for my life and that if he was happy working part time changing oil that was fine, but that was not my future. I wanted to be with someone who wanted more out of life!
Best way to handle it.
And what did he do?
Be prepared to support him for the rest of his life, if she marries him. (I like how Dave notes, "The diligent prosper")
Support him and he will probably replace you when he's 40 with a woman who is 30. Zero respect runs in a situation like that.
When men support women, its considered normal. When woman has to support a man, everyone thinks the princess deserves higher financial status male who earns more than she does.
@@teemuvesala9575 yup and it’s sick
@@dr.jenniferma3914True
I just love being single
there is a simplicity to it. With the right woman it adds complexity but there can be an ease and grace to it though, but it eludes so many.
same
Just get you some friends with benefits and you're all set.
Miguel A. Collado Me too Miguel. I only have me to motivate 😉
I have a peace of mind i wouldn't want to give up for the world.
Hypergamy... when the wife makes more than hubby... statistically it’s only days till she files for divorce
He's 36 and still has 5 figures of student loan debt. She realized he's a gold digger
People are calling her a gold digger but i don’t understand why. He makes 30k a year which isn’t what bothers her it’s that he has a bunch of debt on top of that.
I think the concern stemmed from the fact that he doesn't care about paying off his debt and thus is more likely to accumulate even more debt. If they marry and she's worked to pay off her debt, now she has to help pay his debt or else their financial situation will get worse and anyone, male or female, grows resentment if they are constantly having to pay off their partner's debts to avoid damage to their family overall.
robert warner how can you be a gold digger when he’s poiry
robert warner poor?
She’s a GOAL digger not a gold digger.. a man with GOALS is sexy, af!
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed
I think the concern stemmed from the fact that he doesn't care about paying off his debt and thus is more likely to accumulate even more debt. If they marry and she's worked to pay off her debt, now she has to help pay his debt or else their financial situation will get worse and anyone, male or female, grows resentment if they are constantly having to pay off their partner's debts to avoid damage to their family overall.
Being single and childless is a blessing
A lot of guys think being poor makes them a spiritual person and uses that as an excuse to be lazy. When what they should be doing is actually being a good person by building something that serves as many people in their community as possible and charge for it.
His debt will weigh her down and she will be unhappy. She needs to understand she has a right to know what she wants without making excuses or feeling guilty.
Girl.....RUN! Run for the nearest door! You will take on his debt, his immaturity, and all his issues if you marry him. At 36 years old, he should be a little more stable in life.
Dump him; I’ve been in the same situation too, there’s no changing some people 🤦🏻♀️
Me too. It only gets worse. You have to carry his load and also change your values just to be yolked with him. You start questioning your own dreams. The boredom is nauseating.
I have zero career goals or ambition. I have an okay job that pays my bills and let's me save. I have investments that I track that have some serious potential. I have no debt and no kids. I'm content with where I'm at. Climbing a career ladder just doesn't appeal to me...at all.
best advice ever. I'm in the same situation and feel the same way about my boyfriend as well. Thank you.
I was in this situation before and decided to leave the man. Now I am happily married to another man that is financially stable and it feels so good!
Thelondonbadger I left my then boyfriend. I’m a lot happier now. And I have a purpose for my life.
Me too 🙇🏼♀️
@@NoraTalesia93 LEAVE
me too, unfortunately 😢
She said she has worked really hard to be where she is financially, and is about to pay off her debt. She knows how hard it is to be debt free. And it worries her that he isn't focused to do it. She's not snob. She just doesn't want to take on his debt as well.
Much more alarming than his low income is his high debt. A person only has so much control over what they earn, but they have all the control over what they spend.
True. But what they earn matters too.
She's dating him for 7 months and says, "engagement is on the table." Hang up the call.
She needs to listen to her intuition. If you guys aren't on the same page, then it won't work.
Dave's advice is spot on. He read that caller right. It's hard to build a future with someone that doesnt have the same outlook financially. Hope it works out for them both
A good woman doesn’t care about money, but she does want stability in all areas of life.
She should not be marrying him. She’s already bothered by his attitude and it’s not going to improve when married, specially if he’s already 36.
If he’s not willing to work hard, dump him!
That's false. Good women do care about money. Nothing wrong with that.
Money is stability and security
She has to think, what kind of life will he build 1,3,5,10 years from now. Once they marry every worry or issue on the table is magnified. If he's really happy where he is, let him be.
what happens when you have kids? your going to be wiped out with debt and hes not taking responsibility for the future
Hence why women should always seek a stable mate. It's like this for virtually every species in the animal kingdom. The dominant male that can provide (food, shelter, etc) has priority for offspring.
@@JonnyBeoulve in today's world that is called gold digger by men who lack ambition.
@@carmcam1 in a world where women are as capable as men to make a good living then, yes she's a gold digger. This dude could be a stay at home husband while she works
I agree that s why there is so much kids suffering in poverty because of people who want to get married without thinking how to improve their lives.
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed a blessing
This is why I ask about financial status even before a relationship happens.
Trust your gut and not your heart. It doesn't get any clearer than this. If you need this translated it means if you are feeling this is not a good choice IT'S NOT A GOOD CHOICE! Don't listen to others saying that everyone takes risks. It's a terrible and reckless way to live.
Exactly. She already knows the truth.
Amen to your words.
But us women don't have it easy always.
She is probably thinking that she's over 30, if she broke up with this guy, another risk might be waiting for her which is not being able to have her own future babies.
It's just tough, but God is big.
I agree with Dave fully because this is my parent situation. My mother makes 3 times income than my father. And with the time pass my mother nagging my father all the times and at one point my father fight back. My mother rarely do housework anymore and now my father kinda stop caring. They lose their respect for each other and hate each other but still have to stay together. It's really sad and depressing for everyone in the family.
If your mom is working way more hours than your father, why can't he pick up the slack around the house? Does he expect her to go to work and also take care of the household as well?
Lack of ambition, lack of plans, will result to lack of love afterwards. So why would she bother to stay in relationship, if she already knew that it would go nowhere.
Sometimes when we are in the situation things are not so clear. Now if she went through this in a previous relationship she would have learned from it and wouldn't be in this position. It's sad, but sometimes people have to live through things in order to understand how badly they can impact our lives.
"Hey Dave, should I marry down? "
You win.
I guess it is ok for men all the time, but not for women.
Jake it is for men also, just be upfront about it
Not everyone can marry up it’s just reality
Hmm women alwey want someone financially better than they are! Leopard never change their colour.
A real man steps up to the plate and will stop at nothing to improve himself, little by little, every day.
It's exhausting... my 26 yr old ex had no life experience. I tried to help, but I think he missed being in High School. No car, no drive to save for one... he was not showing me he had much to offer other than companionship. I gave him a year, he was doing good for 3 months. At least he's still continuing college.
So is he gone for good now?
Yep, getting himself some college debt.
I know the feeling, I've had girlfriends that wanted to coast through life in some easy job while spending the little money they bring in on nonsense expecting me to work myself to death to give her the lifestyle she thinks she _deserves_ .
People like that should be given a chance to increase their value to the relationship and get on the same level as you but if they refuse, leave them behind. You can't have an anchor around your neck as you sink into oblivion because of someone like that.
Yea, ah, but, ...in our society, women get a free pass. Flip the sexes in this relationship, and no one cares.
@@Jake-go8pz they only get a free pass because there are thirsty men who enable them. If men were more careful, they'd only marry women who have a similar earning potential and wont drag them down and waste their money. We'd see that there would be less pathetic broke women who would be enabled by the wanna be thirsty sugar daddies.
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exactly. Have a genuine conversation about this. Lay it out as a dealbreaker. Assume the relationship is over unless he not only agrees but SHOWS ambition. Assume the relationship is over anyway because he's probably just acting. Ambition is a self-made impulse. Your girlfriend harassing you into it won't work. Walk away.
@@Jake-go8pz Yes, because woman are the ones who bear babies and have most of the responsibility to raise them well. They also go through menstrual cycles and suffer monthly and have weaker bodies. Yet. men expect them to be like men AND women by looking beautiful and having a stress free personality? Honestly, some of you men are greedy and lazy because a real man wouldn't expect his women to be a man and a woman in the relationship. If you want to marry a working woman that is in a high end job, expect to marry a very masculine woman that will likely neglect her health, kids and you also.
If he had zero debt, but was a good man with a lower income? I'd say marry him if you love him. There is no reason why the man has to have the be the main breadwinner. I know a stay at home Dad who works part time nights and the wife has a high income day job, it works very well for them. His part time job goes 100% into their savings account. He may only clock in 20 hours a week but he is an amazing father and is there for their 4 kids all the time. I don't know how he does it. She always says he works twice as hard as she does.
But low income, high debt and no ambition? Run Girl................................
No problem that men can be happier with being househusbands. My dad was so good at raising me and taking good care of our house while my mom was so sub-par on that. But those men need to marry alpha women. Alpha women love to lead and make good money. If those men do not mind being Beta (which I doubt) it's gonna be very ok.
bobloblaw4life whoa, you’re delusional beyond belief. You think you have us all figured out? You don’t.
That is not exactly high debt low income. 77k debt, 30k income. Between house and student debt I own around 100k and make like 27k, I keep all my bills paid live comfortably.
When you look at the two of them, which you should because they are talking marriage, they make 90k with 89k in debt. That is not the kind of crisis situation where she should be looking for him to leave a job he likes and is happy with because she thinks he should find something better.
Being happy with your job is not something to give up just for more money if you can already live comfortably.
CarolAnn0308 love needs to have a foundation to live. Otherwise, it’s illusion. A person who sits around doing nothing to better themselves does not deserve love
women don't get wet for men that aren't either good looking or have money.
I dated a woman last year (one time date only) and her ex left her because her previous boyfriend was commission based and struck a 6 figure income to a 7 income figure within the year they dated. He was upset she couldn't keep up with him financially and started to cheat on her behind her back. So at our date, she asked me if I was content with in income, which is great in Northern Virginia, but turned her off that I didn't want to chase some magic dream to be a millionaire. Her ex's ambition and goals rubbed off on her and I feel she is still single to this day.
Probably mate
There are plenty of people who meet other baristas and they're just fine. Some people want more. Nothing wrong with that.
@@dr.jenniferma3914But wanting a millionaire for a bf? At least try to be realistic 😂
I was cool with my $30K job, but I didnt have $65k in debt!
IF financial status is important to you, then do walk away. Don’t ever let anyone tell YOU what’s important to YOU.EVER. Period
This, is when the guy needs to have some self awareness, and needs to know he needs to shape up, or stay single. Coming from someone who has no ambition, I at least am aware enough to not get into a relationship, and try to drag somebody else down with me, because I know I would be a horrible catch.
I’m in this predicament right now. My boyfriend works 37-40 hours a week and spends the rest of his time hanging out at home playing video games while I work 40 hours + a side hustle to build a house because I’m 30 and not getting any younger.
People who lack ambition are terrible mates. Dump him quick and move on.
cato Like a hot potato
Spoken like a true woman.
Translation: Men who aren't rich are unattractive to me...
Laziness is a weak trait. You could argue it should lose in natural selection and be cast out of the gene pool. It's women's job to secure a mate that can provide stability and health for their offspring.
She is 31 and her body is ticking... What Man wants that?
I'm in radiation therapy and salary is more than $60k annually. In CA it's above $100k but then everything here is too expensive anyway.
It's about the career drive, and home boy has tapped out. Run girl.
The world runs on money whether you like it or not. The difference is how much you need for the lifestyle you desire. If the man in their situation doesn't have ambition to achieve further in life while the woman is, then they have a disconnect in life goals. Marriages end in divorce, mostly due to money issues, and it looks like they are off on an iffy foundation.
And seriously, only 20-30k income with his debt and at 36 years old, is rather sad.
No the world runs on everything not just money try eating dollar bills when your hungry
@@kingc1198 try eating without money
@@thelonlypanda1 there places where you could eat without money if you grow your own food .
Shes a slag who is trying to pretend this is about something other than her ambition to be taken care of.
You still need to buy seeds! ;)
I so understand this caller... I cannot endure a man without ambition. Let his income be whatever it is, but if I see he is making the most and the best of it, I can respect him and walk with him in doing it. I also understand and respect men going through periods of life where they are tired and need to rest and heal before or after some big push. Ups and downs are part of life.
But LAZY I cannot endure, and COP OUT I cannot endure, and PERMANENT VICTIM MINDSET I cannot endure. Men of that mind are useless to any long-term endeavor-- they have internalized defeat, and there is nothing more impossible to work with in a man!
This is my current boyfriend. Sadly. And we're on the brink. Which is why I even am in this video commentary 💀 ...so sad.
So suicide is the option for such guys?
Really appreciate your show and the advice you give. Thanks so much for helping us out there figure out our situations
People ignore all the signs, then complain that they were no good.
I like how they quickly fixed the separated “boy friend” to “boyfriend” nonchalantly
Simple they don’t have same goals
Goals change with age. You would be surprised. She may dump her job for children in the next 3 years, and find that "staying home with the kids is the greatest achievement in life". See it all the time.
I'm currently with a bf who also doesn't want to better himself. I was offered a better paying job across the country and asked him if he wanted to go with me and I could hook him up with a better paying job and cheaper rent and living so that we can save to buy a house but he refused it many times I brought it up. I feel selfish for wanting to leave him because we are just staying broke if I stay here... I have goals and ambitions but sadly we are not on the same page.
I do hope you took the job!
@@claudiaditrapani2689 I did 💯 😊
This call really sums it up. It’s not where you are in your life but it’s where you’re going. My girlfriend makes 4x what I make. But she sees me move out of my parents place. She saw me go from brand new employee to upper management within a year and a half. She’s seen me save up to go to school without any student loans. Life is expensive and love alone won’t feed you or give you shelter. And wanting to trust your partner financially doesn’t make you a gold digger.
Exactly what I needed in my life for now. Thanks
I'm graduating college next year and still depend on my parents for allowance. I live with my jobless boyfriend, I just can't get the guts cut ties with him as he's always so aggressive when I bring out issues about his laziness. It's killing me inside.
@@akirakitana9260 yessss! He always says he wants to be successful but I can't see any effort for him to even take the first step. He's always "contented" with what we have but it doesn't work that well for me. Everytime I open this up to him, he dismisses it or tells me to think of my own problems instead.
I'll be finishing pharmacy this August, let's see what happens when I get a job. I don't wanna be taking care of a man-child for the rest of my life.
Hope we find solutions to both our problems soon, 'cause I can't take this anymore.
I love when Dave preaches the word and the importance of exercising your faith in the Marketplace. Love that lesson.
Funny,.....I find it completely professionally inappropriate. Bringing religion in to any issue is ridiculous. There are over 1000 religions.......let me guess.....because you were raised in your religion, then it is the best??
@@Jake-go8pz Same thing for non religious moral beliefs. There are thousands of moral theories, beliefs, phillosphies...none of them are falsifiable. Doesn't matter whether moral belief is religious or secular it's all speculative/emotional beliefs.
@@Jake-go8pz exercising your faith in the marketplace = high work ethic, doing it as for God, not for men. It means not having a theoretical faith that God's gonna rain bread from heaven, but to actually go earn the bread with the power God gives you.
People are actually in charge of themselves. If the fit isn't right.... then walk on lady. He should not change his desires to ONY please you. Walk on and LOVE, BLESS him as you do.
I'm the same way. Couldn't date him, even if he is amazing. I am very ambitious and need someone at that level. I have tried, but eventually I get frustrated...worked way too hard to be where I am at.
I can relate to this so much!
I feel her pain. I'm a 25 female and it seems hard to find men with ambition near my age. I'm dating one rn who isn't ambitious at all and is fine with working a job flipping burgers because its "in his skillset."
You have to date a little older. five years.
I’m 24 and I feel like most of my friends are like that, they don’t take their finances seriously or their health
@@dr.jenniferma3914Yeah, but date too old and you get autism/schizophrenia sperm. He needs to be young enough to be healthy.
How is that attractive? Id rather be single.
They are simply unequal, different values and goals in life.
Before my wife and I got married the plan was for her to go back to work after we got settled in. Within three months she told me she wasn’t going to work because she is a woman and shouldn’t have to work. We’ve had problems ever since.
Um did it ever get resolved?
At 32 she’s in the twilight of her SMV. Smells like desperation with apprehension. 7 months is definitely too soon for an engagement. Lived with roommates for 3 years and still find new facts and surprises from them
I agree. It's desperation. At 23 she wouldn't be eager to marry someone.
And he's at the age where his sperm can't even be donated anymore. She needs to offset her age by dating a younger healthier guy
I don't like this materialistic girl. He has a job. He's working. Let him be.
Wise words from Dave thank you.
Bingo! Ambition AND drive. I JUST had this conversation. Great video!!
I dated a Christian guy like that too, he had 70k in student loans that he tried to hide, he had some money he got in a law suit but still he wouldn’t pay his student loan for a college he dropped out.
He didn’t want to change his remotely job and get something else, no ambitions to get better to get married, and he would say he was Christian.
I am pretty certain only a handful of people got what this conversation was all about. Never thought I will find this video, loved it !
36 years old with $65,000 in student loan debt? I don’t know the full story but if he graduated when he was 22/25 with a degree and only makes $30,000 this would concern me as well. Like Dave said this man is cruising. There’s no urgency.
If women can complain about concern for lack of ambition men can complain and show concern about a womans weight gain. Its complacency in both sexes
Agree 100% as long as its not straight after having had a child and she is given some time to get into the mothering role