My 59-Year-Old Sister Just Told Me She Was Moving In With Me
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 29 май 2024
- 💵 Plan your monthly spending for free with EveryDollar- ter.li/1j40v5
📞 Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET or send us a message - www.ramseysolutions.com/shows...
🏦 Take Your 3-Minute Money Assessment - ter.li/fi5xhh
Explore More Shows from Ramsey Network:
🎙️ The Ramsey Show ⮕ ter.li/rqwdws
🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour ⮕ ter.li/tmj3vq
🧠 The Dr. John Delony Show ⮕ ter.li/s5yazz
💰 George Kamel ⮕ ter.li/dc2gee
💡 The Rachel Cruze Show ⮕ ter.li/a6emrr
💼 The Ken Coleman Show - Highlights ⮕ ter.li/v8n4u8
📈EntrLeadership ⮕ ter.li/g7s9g0
Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy
www.ramseysolutions.com/compa...
90% of calls with family issues could be resolved by simply learning to say “No.”
True.
Thank you!! I don't understand!
100%
Hardest people to say no to but definitely the truth
@@EricHansen-fr3cz Right, less the “I love you too much” girlie thing.
You can’t afford her problems, you have your own. She is the only one responsible for her self
Don’t know why people keep conflating having a degree and being intelligent.
People who stack degrees (unless it’s absolutely required for the career they then excel in, like an anesthesiologist) are always of less than average IQ, desperately trying to feel intelligent. In the US, major industries like colleges/universities, schools, and healthcare are filled with these types. They are led by the incompetent... which is why we are seeing the absolute destruction of these institutions.
No commen sense.
Just means they memorized well. lol.
It's L.A. The fakest bunch of people on earth.
But she has two Masters degrees you know. lol
Your answer isn't "No", it's "Hell No!"
I made that comment once regarding another video. If "no" doesn't work, try "hell, no!".
Or ‘a hell to the NO’.
If you’re 59 and have to live in your car, you have serious issues. If she lets her sister live with her, the sister will never leave.
She is earning 6 figures!
You won’t get rid of her.
Tell her you're in debt
Don’t let that woman in your house
What I suspect they never got to is that Mom (whose house it ALSO is) wants the sister to move in and has possibly already talked with her and given her permission.
@@Run4Ever77probably.... But too bad, mom's old and the younger sister also has a say.
@@kbanghart what does "mom's old" have to do with anything? Thanks.
It means she can hardly take care of herself and the little sister is a caretaker so she is in charge of what's going on in the house so it doesn't matter what the mother says because she's not in her right mind at all she can't take care of herself.@@Run4Ever77
@@Run4Ever77 I'm not sure what I meant at that time, but I'm guessing it has to do with moms more set in her ways and harder to move from the house.
She took a mortgage on a house that she will eventually have to split and sell. That's A TERRIBLE deal for her
Maybe? It's a house in LA. Could be 7 figures easily and we don't know the mortgage balance.
Mortgage should be deducted paid off from proceeds (as it was used for mom’s care) and net proceeds of a home sale split 50/50 to the sisters.
Even with a court involved in the issue, they could claim she was living there X amount of time so that she is liable for the whole debt from her half of the sale
The value of the house that will eventually be split, is after whatever money they have to spend from the mortgage to look after the mother.
Mom is just using her as a channel to get herself care. It’s not really intended to be just hers. The will splits 50/50.
The sister will never agree to the sale after the mother passes. She will drag it out forever. The nightmare hasn’t even started yet
That depends. If the deed has rights of survivorship instead of tenants in common then the sister has zero rights to the house even if the mom dies. Also the mom can simply leave her out of the will. It's common practice to leave $100 and nothing else to grown children. This makes it extremely difficult to contest the will.
Without knowing the specifics of the estate there is no way to know this. Without knowing how title is held (or what the mother has done in her will) the older sister may have no rights whatsoever. If the mother is still of sound mind? These details need to be worked out now.
Hit her with the "No you ain't" like Sandy Cheeks lol
😂😂😂😂
Not really relevant here
I love the way Dave cuts to the chase.
Nobody can just move into your house LOL without your permission that's ridiculous and thinking that she even has the right to do that speaks volumes I would give her the numbers to the nearest homeless shelters and soup kitchens and tell her to enjoy
NO CHRISTIANS HELP FAMILY !
@@HOLDXSTEELyou got hurt by so called Christians too eh?
@@HOLDXSTEEL Dave is a devout Christian and he has consistently said "you have no obligation"
@@TMPS93 good for him? He got lucky and hit it big and reprimands people who aren’t so lucky
I don't know what culture she's from, but in my culture, it's expected to be there for your immediate family and the rest of our relatives.
No! No! No! My sister and I have talked about moving in together because we both have large homes, live alone and it would be financially advantageous. We've also agreed we would probably kill each other. As good as it looks on paper, it's just not a good idea! 🤣
You guys are just bad siblings 😂
Haha! I so understand. I have three sisters, and we talk about living together when we are older. Then we laugh and start trying to figure out who would kill who first and how long it would take. Maximum ever given is one week. Sounds logical but know it's impossible.
I couldn't live with my sister too!! But I could live with one of my cousins.
@@tupelohoney622 you just hate your siblings you’re an ass
Hahaha love how you're all on the same page 😂
The title and the caller are incredibly misleading. It’s her mother’s house, she just lives there. She is on the deed because she borrowed against the equity in her mother’s home. Her sister is saying she’s going to move in with her mom just like the caller did.
Bingo! And probably already talked with the mom about moving in and got permission, hence the "informed" part.
Her name is on the deed. She IS part owner of the house
Facts changed in middle of call.
This called sounded like she's been the doormat of the family.
Borrowed against to afford her mothers caretaker. Mom probably wants to stay in her home as long as possible.
The issue with calls like this is Dave (and everyone in the comments) just accepts the perspective and facts as presented by the caller. The only reason this lady is on title is because she took out a mortgage against her mother's house so her mother would have money for the mother's care. The intent of the mother is that the house will be shared 50/50 with the sister. I guarantee you if we spoke with the sister, she would say that the caller unilaterally moved into the mother's house then put herself on title and basically took over the house, and the sister is just trying to move in the same as what the caller did.
She didnt just move into the house if she took out a mortgage!
Maybe - but this caller at least took on best in her own name to help her mother, and provides care for her mother. The older daughter is an incompetent drug addict who’s looking to become her mother’s and sister’s dependent. She cannot even care for herself - does anyone really believe she wants to move in to help anyone else? Which still brings us to the point that the caller is part owner of the home... and if I were her, I’d be immediately letting mom know that she has a choice: pill-popping sister does not move in, or she moves in and I’ll get out of my portion of the home ownership. Which means mom and pill-popping sister will need to sell and move. Either way - if I’m the caller, there is absolutely no way I am allowing my sister to force me to pay for her.
Bingo!
That's a great point
I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE!!
At the end of the day, the caller should know her life will be an absolute nightmare if the sister moves in with her.
Yup, if she hesitant to do it, she'll kick herself if she does it anyway, thinking "I KNEW I shouldn't have done this." Best to say no from the start.
It's really not the one daughter's decision - the mom owns 1/2 of that house and could allow the sister in regardless of what the other sister days.
@@cynthiaivers1708 The mother and daughter would both have to agree. The caller is half owner. An ill, elderly woman is not going to be able to afford to look after a 60 year old, unmotivated person. Why would the caller, a 54 year old that took out a mortgage have to look after another who sounds like she won’t be doing much.
@@jujube8067 I don't think so. If the mother is part owner, she can - unilaterally - allow the other daughter in. In fact, the mom can rent out the home, etc. If that happens, the part-owner daughter can file a partition with the court, but the mom doesn't need the other daughter's approval. That's one of the huge downsides of being joint owners of a property with someone who isn't your spouse, etc.
@@cynthiaivers1708 Wow!
Tell her it’s WAY past time to grow up and take accountability for her own life.
Every week I buy more of whatever is the lowest percentage of my portfolio and try to keep everything around 10%. Please what could be my safest buys with $400k to outperform the market in 2024?
I'd avoid the index funds, mutual funds, or specific stocks for the time being. The 5% fixed incomes are the safest bet for now. Save your cash for when the market actually shows sign of recovery.
This is why I entrusted a fiduciary with my investmnt decisions. Many underestimate advisors until emotions lead to losses. My advisor crafted a tailored strategy aligning with my long-term goals, guiding entry and exit points for the equities I focus on. This has grown my portfolio to over $850k. My personal best so far
How can I participate in this? I sincerely aspire to establish a secure financial future and am eager to participate. Who is the driving force behind your success?.
Just research the name Angela Lynn Schilling. You’d find necessary details to work with a correspondence to set up an appointment.
Thanks for sharing, I just looked her up on the web and I would say she really has an impressive background in investing. I will write her an e-mail shortly.
I hope this lady listens to Dave. His advice would save her from a world of hurt.
Final outcome: sister moves in.
You know it! Linda will cave in because 59 year old sister is going to go to Mama and cry. What a mess.
This is a family of people who let life run over them, woke up one day old, without a partner, in debt, and in a shitty job and wondered how this could happen to them.
Exactly. So now they need to stick together to survive their own old age. And stay in the family home.
Her arguing with Dave about this is complete insanity!!!!
She’s correcting him she’s on the deed
Dave is also not listening to her! She is trying to tell him there is more to the story and he won’t listen!
@@ebriggs3498 of course there's more to the story, it's just that the story is irrelevant
Dave apologized about saying how she owns the house and not just her mother
Well Dave was informing her that she was’t part owner of the home... and kept interrupting her when she was trying to correct this fact. Hence why he then apologized. I am always astounded at the low comprehension so many people struggle with.
I'll bet the sister doesn't know that the caller is on the deed. I'd lawyer up and let my lawyer do the talking after saying "no" and sister throws a fit. I want to know what the mom thinks about this. Big sister didn't just develop this entitlement overnight. The caller will nerver get her half of the house if the sister moves in. She needs to keep her sister out of there and put it up for sale the day after mom passes, because the sister will show up with her stuff to move into "her half."
The caller is a limp noodle so she’s going to railroaded here. But what she should do is explain to her mother (whom she never should have EVER co-owned a home with) that if the mother lets the sister in, the caller will immediately make the legal move to force the mother to sell, or buy out her portion. Then I’d be crystal clear that mom will then be dependent on pain-pill-popping loser sister. Mom has to make a choice - but the caller can make it clear that she is not accepting her older sister as a dependent. Man... this is idiotic. My husband and I and our small children sold our home and moved in with my father after my mother died... but we BOUGHT the home from him, we didn’t co-own it with him. I bet all three of these women are feminists 🤣
That's quite possible and explains why the 59 year old sister feels entitled to something she will inherit one day. The reality is though, the home has a mortgage on it, probably a reverse mortgage, and by the time mom passes, there may be no equity left. Therefore, nothing to inherit. I agree the caller needs to inform her sister on these facts.
My suspicion is that Mom is also in the deed, and considers it still to be her own house, even though ownership is now split. I also suspect that Mom already talked with the sister and gave her permission to move in, which is why the sister "informed" the caller rather than asking.
It was Mom's house originally. I'm sure she still thinks of it as her own. Especially if she plans to leave it 50-50 to both daughters.
@@Run4Ever77 I think you are right. Which means that either mom is a fool, or favors the masters educated junkie. This caller took out a mortgage so mom could stay in the home. Stupid - she should have simply bought the home from her mother. But now if the mother and daughter each are on the deed - that’s a 50/50 ownership. So if mom makes in a 50/50 for her daughters... that means she will simply leave her ownership to the loser - as this caller already OWNS 50% with her own money. Mom could leave her 50% to both daughters evenly - which mean loser gets a 25% stake, and caller now gets a 75% stake. But this mother is likely never going to do that. Caller has to either bend over and take it for the rest of her life from her mother and loser sister... or force a sale of the house before pill-popping incompetent sister becomes her dependent.
@@Run4Ever77 Yeah, that's what I thinking too. That's why I wanted to know what the mom thought of all this. I had a feeling she just said yes, or sister knew she could con the mom into saying it's ok because "it's her house."
If that's what happens, I'd pay off the mortgage as quickly as possible and move out. Leave them to take care of themselves.
I love how she snuck in the sister’s weight! 😂😂
The weight speaks to an overall undisciplined lifestyle that is unhealthy
It is a clear sign of consistent bad decision making, lack of personal responaibility and self control.
@@ElevatedAgendaI guess Dave is all those things you mentioned huh? Or maybe we should just criticize people for what they do to us rather than whatever we feel they do wrong. If a smoker wrongs me it’s stupid to bring up the fact that they’re a smoker as evidence for how they’re bad, even though it’s a bad decision.
As if all the commenters that are so perfect judging (Such a sweet Christian crowd) the sister that nobody knows anything about except from this caller that is trash talking her and is taking over Mom's house which is deeded to both...😂
Dave says screw your sister and the crowd roars!! 😂
@@Riggy931 Dave is not perfect. You can lose weight and I am cheering for you! I wish you the best and hope that you have a wonderful evening.
Great advice. When money is involved, this dynamic takes a very hard turn south. Every single family has at least ONE person in the family fold (regardless of where in the line-up they fall) who is the all-negative, "fuzzy end of the lollipop" person who is expecting everyone else to make things all better. They love to use the pity card, which they draw on regularly, "martyr me" their way through every stressful situation - "look and how much I did and no one helped" or "I never received love/advantages/support along the way." It's toxic, and nobody needs that.
And change the locks if she has a key to the house. You may come home and find she has moved in with her stuff and elderly cat (because 59 yr olds have an elderly cat.)
Why was it necessary to crap on older people? Sanctimonious at best.
Yeah she definitely has some issues but didn't need to add the cat comment. I don't even think she could care for a cat.
Thank God for Dave telling it like it is. People sugarcoat things too much these days. We need to be direct with people.
She’s only on the deed as a channel for mom to afford her care. The will splits 50/50. It may legally be hers for now, but not really hers as mom intended. I think sister deserves to be in the house as long as she contributes to mom’s care and house bills.
It will be 25 to 75 when mom dies
She doesnt have a job!!!!
@@barbaraweiss6496 ok so say she gets a job, does she get to live in the house now?
Sister is an incompetent junkie. She can’t even take care of herself - do you actually think she’ll move in and “contribute to mom’s care and house bills”?
100% agree 👍
I wish Dave wouldn't yell at people.
Let them explain.
I'll all for firmness, but interrupting them isn't good.
Apartments can be shared with a roommate. Even at 59 years old.
Not if this sister is irresponsible and looking to mooch off others.
It's not really her house either.
It's her mother's house
If the caller's name is on the mortgage and on the deed along with her mother, then yes she is part owner.
@@DoctorSmartyPants part owner yes. The other part belongs to the mother and is likely the reason she wants to move in. The only person who can stop her is the mother
@@lolaadesina5362mom probably already gave the sister permission, hence why she "informed" the caller.
@@lolaadesina5362 “The only person who can stop her is the mother”. Not really - if I’m the caller, I’d force the sale of the home. If mom tries to screw me over, so that my older, incompetent, pill-popping sister can get a free ride... I’d do it.
The conflict it’s mom house and they both was raised there, that’s why she told instead of ask can she move in cause she looks at it as mom house not ur house
But caller actually co-owns the home. Simple solution - if mom and pill-popping sister try to scare over caller, caller sells her portion of the house and leaves.
@@katiejon17You can't sell a "portion".
@@pm2886 First, I never mentioned cats - so....?
Second, basic deductive reasoning would indicate that I was referring to selling and getting the “portion” that I owned, back. Sorry you struggled with that one.
No, it's just a dysfunctional user type seeking justification for mooching off of a sibling.
She should let the sister live there until her the Mother passes away then sell the home and split the difference and both can go their separate ways and therefore save the relationship..
Don't always listen to Dave Ramsey he can be very COLD at times
Only if she pays rent.
Sister will refuse to sell.
No. Don't let dysfunctional people move in with you. You'll never get rid of them and they'll suck you dry.
Younger daughter is paying for mom’s care by paying a mortgage. Someone with two master’s degrees should be able to afford an apartment. This would be a nightmare, and younger sister would end up supporting mom plus older sister. That is not her obligation.
Dave over here yelling about whose house is it has me dying lol. Let the woman talk.
Bruh if you don't force women to get to the point, they'll talk circles for hours
He constantly does that.
@@fauxbro1983 She was trying to explain. He was gaslighting her, calling her a liar, and did not want to listen.
And, the caller danced around it because she wants to keep the sister out of a house that her Mom is still part owner.
@@fauxbro1983 This was not the best example of that. She literally said it was her house, but he spoke over her and didnt hear her.
Once family move in, its hard for them to move out. Hell no
Well the caller acts like its her home... So the sister was just letting her know. I can only imagine when the mom passes away the fight thats about to happen.
Caller has taken on debt and partial ownership of the hone to help mom. Sister is a pill-popping incompetent. If this caller is savvy - there will be no fight. Mom chooses which sister will live with her and provided for her, but not both. If she chooses pill-popper... caller gives her sister and mother the opportunity to buy her out of the house... or she forces the sale of the house. There is no way caller should allow herself to be railroaded into being her sister’s keeper.
My family don't like me and I don't like them..life is so much simpler this way!!
Don’t kid yourself, her sister is moving in, with or without her sisters approval.
She comes home one day and she will be there all moved in
Exactly. This is her mother's house. She might have gotten a mortgage and added her name to the deed, but her sister is moving in.
@@jewelswinfield ,no. She was added to the deed by the mother, making it both of there’s house.
I am stating that this older sister will not care when she is told “no” to moving in, and will do so anyway.
Probably when the owner-sister is away for a weekend, or even just for an errand.
And that's when you let all of it go. Get a place somewhere else. Leave it all behind. Now who's going to pay.
@@MsJoyce31202yup. Leave
Crucial is what mom has to say about it. Probably Sis will move in and this lady will be kicked out of the house and still paying the mortgage.
This is gonna be a mess when said mother dies. Seems like the caller is also living in "Mom's" house with the mom. If the mom is ok with other daughter living there too then she has all rights to live there too. This sister is actling like she owns the home out right and will be in a mess not allowing the other sibling live there with the spare empty room already. Sounds like the other one is dealing with depression the way she explained no motivation, weight gain, pain meds, etc. Karma will bite ya and if make sister homeless, then the mom could die tomorrow and that sister could force the sale of the house just to spite and neither would have a home currently.
Yeah, the more the caller talked, the less I felt like I'm on "her side" in this situation. There's so much we don't know, including the possibility that the caller may have been in a rough spot or between jobs herself when she decided to move into her mom's house (thereby saving on her own housing expenses) and then later on the mom developed health issues. Just because the caller moved in first & took out a mortgage, according to Dave, the caller gets to decide if her older sister gets to stay there at all which may technically be true but the fact that the caller didn't mention some very key details about this situation until Dave dug it out of her tells me hearing the other sister's side of the story might make the caller seem less innocent than she tries to portray herself.
This whole thing is wraught with bad and hazy deals and arrangements and nonexistent boundaries and crazy expectations and zero communication. Way too many feelings and little thought of facts. Enmeshment galore. Bad for everyone involved. I keep far from most my toxic family and consider it a blessing at this point compared to having family relations like these. Heavenly peace is priceless, thank you very much. No drama baby
@@EdBball99 💯
Caller has taken on debt and co-ownership of the house so her mom can remain in it. That’s very different than an old, pill-addicted, incompetent sister who’s looking for a free ride.
Ong this is my family!!! Thank you! Appreciate the wisdom and call! Remember, NO is a complete sentence!
Women in their 50s still paying a mortgage and with 6-figure jobs are completely broke. mama failed for about 60 years raising these girls.
You can only do so much.
agree 100% both of them have issues.
@@janelleg597 She's paying for care for her mom.
We can’t all be perfect
Really? The minute you’re able to open a book, search in the internet, it becomes your responsibility to learn. My parents never talked about finances with us growing up, nor manage their own very well, but I somehow came out alright bc I’ve always been curious to do well financially.
Well the Mother is still part owner of the house. The sister called and said she was moving in to the spare room of their house. Not so clear what is really going on here to just bash the crap out of the sister. The caller clearly said that the Mom was passing the house to she and the sister.
It’s complicated because the mom might have said yes to the situation. Dave just wants to yell and scream at everyone bc it’s good content.
@@o0usf0o 😅😅😅 Yep!
Mom can only pass her share of the house. If caller owns 50% of the home, and mom passes her share to both sisters... then caller has 75% ownership and pill-popper has 25%. I’d be forcing the sale of the house before mom and pill-popper make me be my sister’s keeper.
@@katiejon17 I’m sure the other sister will get 100% of the mom’s share.
@@o0usf0o then that would mean mom uses the caller, and favors the pill-popping sister. I would DEFINITELY be forcing the sale of the house now, just to avoid mom trying to entrap me to pay for my sister.
I have a younger sister that is age 45 that can’t get her 💩 together. Dumped her 19 and 30 year old , jobless adult children on our 76 year old mother so she could move in with a 35 year old boyfriend. I would definitely say a HELL NO to a sibling trying to move in. No thank you !
Even the phrasing is a red flag, hahaha.
My parents came from a different country and they told me that in America, families act as in this example.
We don't really know if this 59 year old sister is truly in pain from a condition and truly needs help.
There is no situation where i would have a family member live with me. Creates wayy too many problems, especially if said family member is a deadbeat.
My Dad lives with me and has for the last 12 years. I'm fine by that. It won't be but a few more years where he will live with me as long as I lived with him as a kid.
If she moves in, she's never going to leave. Period.
She will move in after Mom passes. Then the nightmare will start . She won’t agree to sell.
And if the sister has a 'spare' key to the house, change the locks!!
Well Said, Dave. Tough Love. We are not responsible for how others react to our boundaries. People get very upset when they don''t get what they want and try to make us feel guilty if they fail.
No. This caller is living in her mom's house. She took out a loan to get money out of her mom's house. That's pretty scummy behavior and it doesn't make it her house, even if the mom allowed it. If the mom is okay with the other sister moving in, the caller has no right to say no. She's not coming from a place of love, that's obvious from her insults. When a good family has a member struggling with drugs (or weight or job loss) there's always grief and concern in their tone, not the smug condescension of this caller.
Agreed something is off. Unless the money did go to medical expenses, could make sense. My parents relented and let me move in with addiction but I had to make progress work 9-5 outside the house, contribute, keep my job! By then though I was already on the recovery road and this doesn’t seem the case.
Caregivers aren't cheap, and where has the other sister been when mom needed help?
Maybe she's just working on history here.
I couldn't have said it any better 👍. These sisters likely had a sibling rivalry growing up and this caller is looking for any reason to put her sister down in front of millions.
How you can call someone moving in to take care of their mother and getting money out of the house to pay for her care while she is working etc. "scummy" is beyond me. Yes, the house initially belonged to mom, and she sounds willing to honor the inheritance after mom passes with her sister. The issue is who lives in the house with mom NOW - the sister who is there to look out for and take care of mom or the sister who wants to leach off of mom? Currently her goal is to watch out for mom. That doesn't change the inheritance later, but it is her responsibility to protect mom's assets, use them for her care, and provide her an optimal living situation. After mom dies, the house can be sold and the money can be split. While mom is living the house has one goal - to support mom's care. In an ideal world, unemployed sister could move in and take over the paid caregiver role making it a win/win, keeping the value of the house intact and evening out the workload. It doesn't sound like addicted sister is a good option as a caregiver and will be a drain on mom's assets, not a contributor.
She spent the mortgage on mom
This is classic example of the sibling who has to take all the responsibility, when other sibling doesn't want to. Happening in my wife's family right now, and my wife has cut off ties, thank goodness.
I wonder if the 59 year old sister is going to be willing to take care of Mom, or does she just want a free place to stay? If Mom is ok with the older sister staying, is she ok with the younger sister moving out? Or will the 59 year old sister not be willing to take care of Mom or keep the place clean?
It's sad that families can't help families anymore
This isn't help. This is a free ride.
Sending lots of encouragement your way, Joseph! Depression is tough to deal with but it starts with therapy. Grab that opportunity Caleb offered you and get healthy! You deserve it.
Can’t sister move in with just Mother’s permission? This is a potential no-win scenario.
Yes, the Dave completely missed this. The mother is a co-owner. Even if the caller tells her sister "no," the sister will simply guilt the mother into granting permission to move in.
Co-owning property with someone besides your spouse is a stupid decision 100% of the time.
Caller should sell the house and get her mother to move somewhere cheaper, and then find her own place.
I dont care what everyone thinks but i would never leave my sister who lost her job at 59 with no help when I have a spare room. Family should help eachother in need!! Shes always welcome to stay, no matter how long it will take her to get back on her feet!!
Forever. It will take forever. You know this.
It’s not fair to YOU tho, it’s always nice to have a safety net but that’s her older sister who has a masters, she would be enabling her if she let her stay with her
Agreed. Family first, defintely before money/costs.
@@deekang6244 I dont mind. Can't live with the fact that I had spare room nd did not help her. That is how we operate. We pick eachother up.
She is addicted to pain pills, no job, no motivation. You want that around your kids? No that would not be fair to your kids.
I love how when the caller tries to make an excuse that she will be angry that he just says he doesn’t care. 😂.
Enablers are NOT sweet people. They care more about their own comfort than the person they are enabling. If they love the person well, it'll be uncomfortable for them so they won't do it.
How can enablers be comfortable giving their money away and having others live off of them?
Enablers can be sweet, but misguided. I was an enabler for many years as a kid. As a child I did what I thought was helpful, but it was actually very wrong. As I grew up I learned all I was doing was adding fuel to the fire and stepped back and while some people never learn the lesson, it doesn’t make them have bad intentions.
Believe Delony calls it the 3 F’s Fight, Flight, and Fawn
Well said!
@@CurieBohrbecause they see that situation as a better alternative to having their relative living on the street, begging for money and food, and/or getting arrested. In the enablers mind they see themselves providing some kind of protection just by providing a roof over their heads. Which, in turn, makes enablers feel like they are helping and being a good person.
I’m always super skeptical when people say they moved in with their elderly parent to care for them. BS. Successful people have their own houses by the time they are in their 50s and do not give them up to go live in somebody else’s house. We have had elderly grandparents on my mom’s side, dad’s side, my MIL’s side and my FIL’s side. Nobody moved in with the elderly parents to care for them. I think both the caller and her sister are unsuccessful, reliant on their mama, and big on drama.
+1. This has been my observation as well.
I had a roommate for 30 years who went and did this she lost her Job here in the City but we have a very low rent and she could have got another instead she moved back home and does everything for her mom she has a full time Job and she also pays the utilities does the food shopping and the cooking and a lot of the Yard work
Yes, it's usually the other way around. The elderly parent moves in with their kid/s.
You don't disrupt a whole family by moving them to Grandma's unsuitable house. You move Grandma to your house. Always.
My family is like that. My cousin who can't keep a job moved in with my grandma to take care of her. We were happy about it because it was cheaper than having to hire a caregiver.
@@weirdnomad8868 it’s cheaper now, but just wait til your cousin tries to get his/her name on the deed 😬 once they get used to living there for free it’s pretty hard to get them out.
To me the smart thing to do would be to sell the house pay for the mother's care then when she passes split the left over cash 50/50. Oh wait then the caller wouldn't have a place to live and she'd be in the same boat as the older sister. Sounds like the caller beat the older sister to the punch and they are both weasels.
1000% All the comments seem to miss this. The sister wants the same set up as the caller.
@@nailatiylluf Will the one who wants the same setup be willing to be a caregiver to Mom too, or is she just looking for a place to live rent/mortgage free?
@@CarlaQuattlebaumWe have no outside judgment on how well the current sister is providing for Mom, so the comparison is moot.
When you have an empty bedroom there is always a family member that is about to become homeless......Odd
The fact the caller is the one taking care of mom and paying for a caregiver (buy paying off the mortgage) the drug addict with no job, shouldn't be getting half the house when the mom dies. No way should she let the sister stay there.
Yeah but the other one will take half of the profit from the house sale even though the caller is paying the bills. The mom should sort it out
Lol, took about 3 minutes to reveal that the caller is ALSO a mess intertwined ridiculously with other family and a financial mess. Sister is just going to go to Mom and get what she wants. She’ll be moved into the room by the end of the day
There's resentment here. Sounds justifiable. To pay for the insanely expensive care for THEIR mother, she took out a mortgage. Choosing and paying caregivers is a nightmare. Just went through this... 9 siblings gave ZERO to contribute to their dying mother's care for a in-law of mine. While she's doing this, her sister is throwing a pity party, eating everything and now expects to move in. At 59, she ain't ever leaving and she probably still won't "feel motivated" to help with the caregivers or help pay on the mortgage. Make her pay rent and evict if necessary. In CA, maybe she'll be on Medicare by the time she has to leave.
She is paying for the care using the equity from her mothers home….
An elderly mother with two old, single maids for daughters... I’m getting the picture here. Pill-popping sister is 59... she thinks this issuer retirement plan.
In CA? The sister will have more rights to the home than the caller if she moves in. Squatters rights are horrible out there.
@@nailatiyllufExactly. Let older sister tap her part of the equity and she'll be able to "contribute" as well.
Once she moves in she will never leave.
Why should she leave?
What does the caller's mother say about it? It's her house, too. She probably won't want her daughter sleeping in the car.
Just the fact she TELLS them she coming to live with them shows how entitled she is and why you should say no 100% to this request and other manipulative requests.
Yes, I've had a couple people tell me they are entitled to live in the house that I alone own and paid for. People don't always follow social and ethical norms. They make up a false reality that suits their wants and needs.
Omigosh, say no!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!! My brother moved in with me moving from Tennesee for 4 months that were pure hell. I had to serve him with eviction papers. He called the police on me (because I was watching Big Brother). He went to a magistrate to see if I could be barred from my own home while still on the hook to pay all the bills. My son finally had to pay him $1800 to get him to move to a cheap apartment. It was hell. Eleven years later, and I have only let my brother in to visit maybe 3 times. Ugh!!!!!!
I had to evict a family member out of my house. It was hell. They contested the eviction. They responded by suing me for 5k for changing the locks while they were still living in my house. It’s been 8 yrs that person has never been back to my house.
I wouldn't speak to a relative again if they squatted in my house and I had to evict them.
When somebody moves in with you, they think it is free to you. It costs a lot to share your home with them.
I moved in with my sister when her husband passed I'm a longhaul truckdriver who's only home 5 days a month. Didn't make sense to get a place I'm hardly at just to come home one day to find squatters living in it. I pay half the bills there,which gives us more money to save.
“Givers must set limits because Takers never will.”
“That doesn’t work for me.” Your new Mantra!!!
I like all of that. I'll have to remember that when a family member asks for money again. True, takers may think it's ok to keep asking if the giver doesn't set a limit. And that new mantra -- I'm sure the relative with "throw a duck fit" when they hear that.
My mother tried to force me to let my sister to move in. Went no contact for two months, they didn’t like it to much 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Next time, tell your mother to be generous with her OWN house and mover her in!!
Thank you for your research. I find your videos are well done. RIght now I'm keeping an eye on Eledator
The house should be sold and each get their own home.
How was the drug addiction not the first thing mentioned?
Because the dribble and drips of the story like the caller mentioning my sister is saying she's moving into my home, then saying she's on the deed of HER MOTHER'S house and owns it, but still also saying that she is going to honor the house as one of her mother's assets after death makes you very quicky to support this woman, than have to just as quickly reconsider the circumstances.
This isn’t her house. It’s her mother’s house. It’s a family house. The sister should be able to move in without a problem.
The caller was obviously talking around that part and Dave gave her an easy pass. The caller clearly said that the house will be split between she and her sister.
If she's paying for it, it's hers!
The house is in her and her mom’s name. As clearly stated by the caller. So yes, it’s her house and not her sisters.
@@CurieBohr The mother who still has ownership has every right to allow her other daughter to live in the house.
@@JustinCase780 she does. Thats not what the caller asked about. She asked her sister.
The caller had already dug a hole by getting put on the deed then taking a mortgage. Momma should have taken the mortgage for mommas care. If she couldn’t qualify, then they should have sold the house and gotten an apt. How will momma fund her care when the proceeds of the mortgage is gone? This momma/sister/caller train is gonna crash into the station real soon.
Caller will be supporting all three of them!!
I disagree with this. None of us know what her sister is going through. It sounds like depression or maybe worse. Her mother is ill. This woman is living with the mother “ taking care of her”. But her finances are all messed up too. When Dave told her to get ready to move out, she sounded very hesitant. So, she’s living with her mother and doesn’t want her sister to come back home? What exactly is going on here? She has her name on the deed, now. But was this discussed with her sister beforehand. What does her mother say about this? I find it hypocritical that one sister is living in the mother’s home and doesn’t want her other sister to come even though she’s falling apart. Neither have husbands. Both are losing their mom. Both are struggling financially. So what am I missing? Seems like she wants the house and is trying to weasel her way into controlling everything.
What you’re missing is that the daughter took out the mortgage and is now paying it off.
@@deekang6244No, I didn’t miss that. The lady is single. She lives with her mother and says it’s because she takes care of her. However, she also took out a mortgage on the property to “ pay for the caregiver “. Uh, ok. Was this discussed with the other sister prior to doing that, was my question. Maybe the sister would have been willing to move in and be the other caregiver. Maybe they can stop spending money on another caregiver.
Glad I'm not the only one who LOLd when the caller said she was living in her mom's home.
Wait, do you think cryptocurrency will crash? I don't think so. I'm using Eledator, traders just do business instead of me :) I don't afraid even if crypto will crash
You’ve got some nerve to push an investment product on this channel. Please move your promotion to your own channel.
@@probablynot1368 It's not even a product. It's a scam.
Ken is smirking in the beginning thinking about his Subway Footlong (Tuna) for Lunch today
And, thinking should I get the pickles?
@@JustinCase780 Yes, let’s not forget the Pickles and triple toasted
@@DudeDude491 And, definitely throwing in a little bag of Lays chips.
@@JustinCase780 Oh yes, we don’t want to forget the cheddar flavored cattle cooked Chips
Telling him she’s moving in?!? That would be a hard nope from me. At nearly 60 years old, she needs to figure out her life and her own retirement, and not at my expense. Tough love, my friend.
Cant the mother allow her to move in?
She said the sister has a 6 figure job. I want to know where she's living now and has been living
She called to tell her she’s moving in and not to ask her to move in? That would make it easier for me to say no!
Oh, I love you guys, the best market analysis! Seriously, why not mention Eledator?
Being “very smart” is often times not connected to the habit of degree-stacking. People stack degrees to compensate for the fact that they are not smart. We see it every day. And it is ok to stop pretending like saying “no” has to do with “loving you too much”, and admit “I will not suffer the consequences of your lifetime of bad choices”. Tell your sister to use her “two master’s degrees” worth of education and apply for low-income, elderly housing.
"Bocking and flapping around" 😂😂😂
Speaking from experience you will never get rid of her. I am looking to downsize from a 3 bedroom house to a small apartment since it's just me and my long term partner. My mom and one of my brothers are staying here during the work days and they are upset bc they won't have space in that small apartment. No one asked them to come along and yet they're sure they're moving in there too. They're not paying for shit.
Great Advice!
I disagree. The mother should have a say in the matter. If the mother wants her other daughter in the house, she should be allowed in, especially if this was the family home.
Agree the other sister is living there for free too
😂😂😂59” years old🤦🏽 if she did the right thing🙏🏽 she should have had over 2 1/2 million dollars✊🏽🫡🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽 do the right thing people✊🏽🫡
Why is this caller telling about not wanting the sister to move in with her to Dave and not to her sister? She's 54, say all this to her sister.
I made it extraordinarily clear to my partner that his bum brother will never live with us.
This caller stole the mother's house from her sister. It's why I suspect the sister wants to move in ASAP because when the mom dies, she thinks half the house is hers. This is in Los Angeles, so it's a million dollar plus home. So why is the caller (54-year-old) allowed to live with the mother and not the sister?
Wow you're a mind reader. You don't know if the house is a shack or not.
It sounds like she's paying the mortgage and taking care of mom.
Lot of homes in LA in 500,000-600,000 pric3 range
All the comments seem to be missing this. The caller lives with her mom and her sister wants the same deal. The caller just got lucky because she’s technically on the deed because she borrowed money from the homes equity.
@@susanlovesjava4961 the sisters are both fighting over the Los Angeles home. So I bet it’s not a shack
If this caller is on the deed in joint tenancy, won't she be the sole owner when the Mother dies? If that is not the case, she should still get half the house when the mother passes, plus half of her mother's share.
I thought the same thing here that caller may be trying to manipulate the inheritance by being added onto the deed. The mother would have to have her full (half) of the home passed to the other daughter since the 1 daughter is now half owner on the deed. Caller could easily end up with 75% ownership of the home if that falls thru the cracks like that. That may be justified if she is the one taking care of the mother financially and handling all costs of the long term care but just her tone and words seems a little smug on this call. There is jealousy or resentment between the siblings to make the claims that she did calling her a slacker at her employment and life.... There are many layoffs happening from very good working people that has nothing to do with their job performances
Hot mess
Yes, in that case, it would be 75% for the caller and 25% to the sister. I get not wanting an annoying sibling to move in, but the stuff with the deed makes it sounds like the caller is trying to find ways to get her sister's inheritance
That No word is very powerful.
She’s gonna bring that poor performance to her home, now.
Dave could be a little bit nicer with his callers when getting information for them. Sometimes they’re not hiding things it’s just a complicated conversation.
Would love to hear a follow up on this family.
"I feel really bad - she's my sister" ...... there it is. The death knell and EXACTLY the words the sister wants to hear. LOL. Some people are SUCH easy targets. The word you're looking for is NO.
Devils advocate here: I totally disagree. I have prayed on this and forsee: Sounds like her sister needs professional and medical help. She doesn't know how to say she needs help. I would let her stay in the family home. She has earning potential and if your mother pass you will need financial help. You are single with no husband at 54 and could not afford the home without your mother. Your sister has proven she can make 6 figures she just going through a rough spot. If you read this do not burn this bridge with your sister. Give her a time frame. It is a family home and do not let your sister go into the streets. If your mother passes you will be force to sell the home when you and your sister could slavage it and live together and be financially stable. Both of you are single women. It now takes two incomes. The economy is changing. DO NOT TAKE THEIR ADVICE ON THIS ONE. Many Blessings beloved🙏
Once she moves in they will never get her out. Addictions are always first.
I agree. I would have liked to know why she's on pain medicine. Is she sick? Did she get injured at some point? She was making 6 figures and is losing her job, why? I would like to have heard more details.
She didn't say she can't afford to live there alone she only said she had to borrow money to pay for the mother's care
I'm a little taken aback from Dave's advice here. It seems cold hearted. The older sister is having problems with maybe a health or injury situation which involves pain and the need for pain meds. Life happens.
No noooo nooooooo don't do it 😅 my mother in law ask me this, and I say nooooooo and the same thing to my sister in law sorry not sorry have to take care of my own family
You’re not a godly person