Narcissists' Communication Style
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- Опубликовано: 24 июн 2016
- In my experience, a narcissist can be identified by their communication style alone. In particular, their tendency to monopolize and dominate conversations. It has to do with their total disregard for you as a person. Watch the video to learn more about this #1 sign!
#Narcissism #Communication #Relationships
if they do ask about you and your life it's only to gather info to use against you later. they are not really interested in you...
Yes, my younger bro does this to me every time we see each other. He hones in on topics about you that are old news or irrelevant and turns every conversation into a full on debate but then you suddenly realise that he couldn't care less about your reply as long as you're irritated by it. Would absolutely cut contact if I could.
Clare C
Just do it 🙄
Cut those people out of your life
@@metastract go grey rock on him
i was going to say they do ask, at least to appear interested and usually to obtain info.
Ny narc half sister cuts me off mid sentence. Once I was trying to tell her something important but she cut me off dead. So I never brought it up again. Later she complained that I hadn't informed her about the incident, which was serious and involved our dad.
Love it...Narc could talk for hours about nothing, but himself....when I talked, Narc dismissed it...so I dismissed the Narc!
lol lol I LOVE it Cathy! lol Dismiss the Narc!!!!!!! lol lol
Lol
nars🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂👌
yes they do and others cannot hold a conversation because there is nothing in their head. Empty shell
Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets :
- Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
- When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
- Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
- They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
- Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
- They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
- Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
- They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
- They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
- Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
- Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
- When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
- Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
- They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
- They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
- They think they are models to be followed.
- They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
Please share this message to other people and forums. We have to raise awareness!
Good!
You said a mouthful💯💯
Wow 😨
Do you know my sister???????
Sounds just like her
If she has done something wrong, and I remind her, then I lie. Or doesn't remember correctly. She has disliked me since I was about 2 years old. Telling me I was a brat 😶🙄
I have been used and discarded by her several times. And when I fled from her the first time, she claimed I was the difficult one. I've been slapped, taken advantage of, I talked down to for as long as I can recall.
Now we have no contact, since I stopped her and my other sister from doing something really unjust. My father died, and they had decided to take back their travelling expenses for the funeral, before sharing the inheritance.
They had higher expenses than me, and one person had no at all.
By doing this they would take from our inheritance to cover their expenses.
Not fair at all.
I stopped them from doing this.
And now they are really angry because I refused to give in.
I could not afford to let them take from my inheritance to do this.
No contact is fine with me 😊
Bought "friendship" is no friendship.
I feel free without them in my life 🤗😘
The projection and gaslighting was driving me crazy! And even when clearly it was his fault, like when I caught him cheating...it turned out to be my fault anyway. Yet we were good, that is what I didn't get...but it was still my fault and the apology never came. Actually, it was turned into ways I should make him more happy and satisfied. I was like, you must be kidding! No apology and no remorse...I just blocked the shit out of him and went no contact. All the insults that were masked as jokes were meant to chip at my self esteem. He once commented that I was the most emotionally stable lady he has ever dated when we had just started dating. I came to connect the dots later
..Thank God he did not break me!
Fireheart Lightning how can I share these narcsistic characters ?
The only thing I disagree is the not listening. When they meet someone they wanna use as supply, they do listen. Not because they care, but because they wanna know how the person functions psychologically so he can properly abuse them and get away with it.
Luiz, very true!!!
Very true! They will listen and kiss up to you when then need or want you for something.
This is true for covert or sociopaths, but not so for overt narcissists. Guaranteed that Donald Trump has no idea what his daughters favorite color is or what his wife's earliest memory is.
This was my experience at the beginning. I had left a 27 year marriage so when my Narc came into my life I was so amazed that he listened so intently to me. I fell head over heals and I was even a bit nervous that he really heard everything I said. Fast forward 3 years into the relationship...(maybe even less) I beg for conversation that doesn't come with a quick dismissal, yawning, hands on face...completely unable to be in back and forth conversation. This is driving me crazy...feels abusive to me.
Evening Ransom if he were a narcissist then he would not be trying to save our country!!!!
They only ask about you when they want information to use against you and destroy your plans .
Pretty much just can’t trust no one
YES the BOREDOM when I spoke!!!! He stared out of the window and TOTALLY disconnected
I myself have just recently picked up on this about my Narc, and I always wondered why I felt like I was taking up his time or was boring him. And I picked up that he changes the subject on me, midway from my conversation.and wondered why I felt the need to go back and address the same issue the next day or even week. - because I wasn't heard properly, listened to, or I never got to express MY needs and wants. And that used to infuriate me and I would find myself ruminating over what I NEEDED to express but didn't and then be obsessing over it, the issues on my mind for days, weeks. I thought it was because I didn't explain myself properly, but now I know he just wasn't listening and didn't care enough to ASK questions if he didn't understand me or get my meaning.
You just described my 5-year college relationship. Anytime I raised an issue, he said "You're being dramatic." Even if I presented it in the most calm, logical, thought-out fashion, I was still being 'dramatic.' I'd ruminate like you, then explode a few weeks later with everything I'd been holding in. What would he say then? "Why'd you wait so long to tell me all of these things?" *Insert angry-faced emoji*
This is EXACTLY what is happening in my life!! AND ANGRY FACE!!! LOL - seriously, the demon face they make is scary!
AmethystDreaming infuriating!!! how rudely & abruptly they just turn away when they are done feeding of your supply!!!! aaaargh!!!
My husband yawns sometimes when I speak, he says he's tired but I think he's bored, and interrupts me when I speak. When I tell him to please stop interrupting me, he tells me I take too long, but it's not true, it's just a lie he tells me to justify his rudeness instead of apologising :( He continues to do it and speak over me even after I've told him that's a narcissistic trait.
They also lie all the time. Even over the most stupid stuff
My narc mother (aged 75 now) never speaks truth.
She talks a lot, but truth never comes out of her mouth.
She is good in acting, and telling lies, creating problem in every ones life around.
I am 53 years of age now, I have not listened even one truth from her mouth so far.
Exactly!!
Not all do! Depends on the level their own.
everything is a big jokes, from movies, filmes, etccccc, it s non sense
So true. Actually there is no communication. They talk to you. Communication implies speaking and listening which Narcs don't do well. Then they blame you for having a communication problem. The ex Narc is my life used the silent treatment to punish me because he knew I loved to talk. Keep up the good work.
Silent treatment. yeah. or blocked from text.. She placed restraining order and now is texting me.. But I don't respond. If they know you wanted to communicate during the relationship to get to the root of problems, then they also know that's the Hook. She will do this by say, 'end of discussion', or 'im blocking you' . And for me its at this point with only 2 months no contact. It re-lives the abuse of the whole situation. Eventually I have to communicate for our son and my visitation. everyday is wonder how to to get through the day with her, and the next 13 years.. I hate these people. All I want it caring person and they can do whatever they want. but no closure is soul crushing.
Shirley Akpelu yes! Mine uses the silent treatment all the time when I do something that they don't like- never lets me talk after saying something hurtful to me, just grabs his things and leaves the house on me then comes back and acts like nothing happened.
Yeah, they are big cry babies crying crocodile tears. Pathetic creatures.
True. True. Smh. Sad. Sometimes I feel sorry for them.
Shirley Akpelu reason why i keep taking him back and hurting myself continuously. feeling sorry for him
They play victim too by gaslighting and blameshifting. You will think you're crazy 😜 by the time you try to have a real relationship with them.
Yup - the psychological damage they can cause is nuts.
Describes my ex husband. So glad we are divorced. Took me until 8 years after the divorce to finally understand what was still going on. Thank God for my beautiful children. They were the only good that came out of that marriage. I hate they are stuck with him as a father.
Yep, I just got out of one and I never thought I'd make it he bashed me down so low.
I feel so free!
@@Sconnieification Congratulations. Stay free. Don't go back EVER!!!
@@duderanch18237 I was with one for 15 years and am still working on overcoming the psychological damage.
The narc is always criticizing and complaining when they go out to restaurants or bars. they will complain over nothing. Major red flag.
🗣️ I cannot stand it!!! He complains about black women always 🤦it's embarrassing 😒
My narc former friend was dropped by her orthodontist as being "too difficult".
My narc ex complained because her fish was cut lengthwise rather than across. Ffs
ORRRR, they are unnecessarily rude to employees in a restaurant 😐
I am a great cook. Everyone ask for certain dishes they like, but my Narc will find some criticism on my food no matter what other say or even I say. Everyday 24/7 he is absolutely negative.I feel for you all dealing with such bad behavior. God be with you🕇❤
"They will literally shut down the conversation" Brilliant video, my ex Narc did just that, whenever I talked about my feelings being authentic he hated it, he would either ignore me, mock me, storm off, talk over me or totally change the subject. I went No Contact and he tried every trick in the book to win back my sympathy, playing the victim, I didn't cave in and I am getting myself back day by day. He now has his flying monkeys for his supply, smear campaigning and that jazz, it's pathetic but the good thing is he doesn't effect me anymore, he never could extinguish that light inside of me
Suki Tunes so accurate and so beautifully said.
Sounds like my narc. He NEVER listens! Fuck him, I'm done!
question..
Has anyone here ever noticed the narcs are the angry driver?
speeding, honking the horn, yelling out the window and flipping off people?
My narc 'friend' is a nightmare to drive around. He curses at me and tells me which lane to be in very rudely. I am driving a large pick-up and he can't see what I see. I stopped and told him to get the f@ck out, even opened his door, he shut up. >.
boarderliners too
Lin, thst was soo funny :))))) Way to go!
It got so that I would go anywhere with my ex - he was brutal to drive with. Scary and embarassing
lin sioux Nice. I told a narc recently he could get out and walk if he was going to continue to rant at me while I was driving. He shut up. But not for long. Lol. Ass 😂😂
Yep.....the narc thinks in his mind......"your my dumping ground for all my problems, emotional baggage".....
I've noticed from personal experience, that covert narcissists (not sure if typical narcissists do this too) will NEVER ask you about your day. Usually they will only ask where you've been or who you've seen that day.
Chloe my covert narc ex bf would ask about my day... only if he were going to criticize me for not directly asking him about his day so that he could accuse me of not caring about him. I never asked about his day because (after he started college while I was still in high school) he could text me all day while I couldn't have my phone. He usually told me all about his day before i could even ask. And I would listen to him talk for hours about his three favorite subjects: computers, the new thing he bought on amazon, or all the people he blames for his lack of passing grades. That was an awful lot of ranting too for things that were mostly his own fault. If I ever needed to rant though he didn't want to hear it. He'd always pull the "I have it worse than you" card.
Phantasma Monkey That must have been an awful way to live, thankfully you got away from him :/ I know exactly what you mean when you say he would pull out the "I have it worse card", the narc in my life always does this, one occasion stands out to me the most, my sister had just lost her partner suddenly and she was at our house, narc comes home from work and instead of offering condolences, he proceeds to complain about the utterly stressful day he's had at work and all of the things he has to put up with. I've known this narc for 20 years but he never ceases to amaze me..
Chloe my ex and I both work part time retail right across the street from each other. He works at a wegmans, which is rated one of the nicest grocery stores at which to work, and I work at a five below. If i had a specific annoying customer I couldn't tell him about it without him saying how I don't have it that bad because he gets hundreds of customers through his line in one shift. Five below actually gets screaming kids under the age of ten left unsupervised in the store almost every week.
Chloe i know what you mean. thinking about my ex makes me angry, and the fact that so many people have similar experiences makes me worry that the odds I'll end up with another narc are very high
Chloe true!
Yes ma'am...I'm healing from these narc ppl...miserable ppl....misery loves company
So crazy it took me this long to know this was a real disorder! So glad I'm no longer blind to it. I'm going through a divorce now from a narcissist. I have been truly heart broken not knowing why he didn't have feelings. Why is it always about him!?! I've tried so hard to get him to see his self and nothing has worked. I couldn't understand why everything was about his ego or image. He was even jealous about the love I have for my kids and left me to punish me for it. Well he filed for divorce and has told everyone that will listen that I am the crazy one. It's been extremely exhausting and for once I'm so grateful it's almost over. Thank you!!
Valerie Matthews My heart breaks for you.I went through the exact same thing, it took me 7 yrs to figure out my ex husbands issue, I have been divorced for 3 years & I've allowed myself to still be in contact thinking we could be friends, but after much thought & a conversation I had with him just a few days ago, I now know, it's time for me to close this chapter in my life. That is the only way I will finally have peace. I wish you well.Take care of yourself & thank you for sharing your story.
When they know that you aren’t fooled by them anymore, lightening strikes. Run ppl run!!!
Susan Peters when the mask comes off all hell breaks lose
I will add, DO NOT tell them that you know they’re a narcissist. It didn’t turn out well for me.
Moms best friend
Can't run , but can choose not to be bothered.
When you ignore them they try the nice act shit again !!!
Zenith The Nihil I just act innocent.I distract their attack.I dont get involved into their fight.
What do they do when the mask comes off, do they become violent or try too harm you
Yes this so true they are very rude, disrespectful, conniving, manipulative, judgemental, demanding, degrading, intimidating, violating, deceiving, possessive, abusive, and controlling! I feel so deceived and confused about who the person I actually married really is now I'm in a state of shock, disgust, distrust, and betrayal and seeking help and healing
I love HEARING your smile as you speak. Just saying 😊
you have hit the nail right on the head. my husband can't produce a comment on anything i say to him.
he REPEATS his stories all of the time. i was always wondering if he maybe had a brain issue. the second time he would tell a story, i would be polite. the third time i might indicate hey you've said this rote memorized story to me before. after the 4th, 5th time i just sit there waiting for it to be over.
shutting down conversations that are uncomfortable! that is all he does. nothing can be accomplished. we cant progress. anything i bring up, is my fault somehow.thank you for this content.
i was feeling like i was just crazy.
Malinda Eckert my husband as well
Malinda Eckert you need to file for divorce. There is no saving him, and it only gets way worse. He is incapable of love at all. I suffered for 4 years and went mentally insane and my ex wife drove my self esteem into the ground by tearing me down making me feel like I could NEVER do ANYTHING RIGHT AT ALL. I have kids with this woman, and now that I know her manipulation tactics and shut them DOWN she tries to evolve to different tactics and the more I Learn the more I shut her down. It drives her crazy now and not me. I am now free on this craziness. You are fighting a non winable battle.
Malinda Eckert they definetly have brain issues that's for sure.
Malinda Eckert I can do relate. I'm happy and sad that I'm not alone in this complete craziness.
very sad!
Or the opposite case they're always asking you questions but never allow you to probe into their life
Yes!
Trueeeee.
They'll be irriated if you don't share about yourself.
Yup
True! I heard the same few rehearsed lines about his childhood and nothing more.
We were sitting on our patio and I was talking my mother in law telling her about my sisters recent death. She looked over my shoulder and excited said, "Look! There's a boat!" Uh huh.
B C it’s so sad
It’s very strange bc I’ve seen someone who I believe has narcissistic traits have “normal” back and forth convo with strangers or people they don’t know very well. Like social chit chat. But they don’t do this in a deep conversation with those “close” to them. They shut down any normal back and forth discussion by saying “I’m not arguing with you”. Even though it’s not an argument, just a conversation..
They lose respect, in my opinion, for people that know them beyond the surface. I'd had great interactions with my X before we started dating. Then the gloves came off and he no longer cared how he spoke to me because he "had" me. It's all an act, all about image.
So true. Very, very similar! So true!
U don’t glorify them
The strangers or casual friends somehow make them feel elevated
The casual friend will affirm the “good” side and he can keep his “bad” side secret
With you, they KNOW YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE and have NO need to impress you or even talk to you
YOU ARE NOW TRIVIAL TO THEM EXCEPT TO FULFILL A ROLE
They want to impress people on the outside. They save the nasty for their "nearest and dearest." That where they get their "supply." I know from personal experience.
My dad, my twin sister, my brother...all narcissists. My mom is a schizoid. It was a living hell growing up in all that. There was never any room for me. After 45 years I finally know a bit about who I am. I stopped taking responsibility for their insanity and evil deeds.
BendyBus Song you are so not alone in that. You would not believe how similar your story sounds to mine.
Glad u r ok
Join the club
Good for you. I hope you're healing❤︎
Me too. No contact. Keeping so strong
narcissists flip out if you do the "tennis match" type convo style with them. they will get so pissed if you ask normal questions to keep the convo going and they will attack you for "prying, poking, question after question". so then i gotta talk like the narc described here, like a sponge yup ahhahh oh okay, good job blah blah. when issues come up they most certainly do shut it down and even start the silent treatment cuz your dramatic, negative blah blah. and when punishment is over they hit a reset button and make to feel like your wrong to try to discuss what happen. they just act like the original conflict disappeared. that is the diff between silent treatment and time out. time out will end with the silent treatment ending and the person comes to you wanting to talk about the original problem.
joan baczek so true.
this video just broke my "like" button. OMFG i wish i would have listened to this when i was dating my wife.
Wow! This makes me incredibly sad, as I have known for a while this is my husband. No matter what I do it's never good enough. Cooking, cleaning, ironing...EVERYTHING. And if I get upset he attacks me with "you're too sensitive." And as far as what i do, including having my own job, he states "It's your job as the woman. You want a cookie for cooking or something?" So....after 15 years I guess it's time to think about myself. Thank you SO MUCH for your channel. It has helped me immensely.
Jessica Wilbur God i know what you ARE going through. I'm SO SORRY. I LEFT after 15 months after my marriage. He monitored my diet, saying how stupid, pathetic , weak and lame I was, how I lacked sophistication, intelligence, sense of humor, communication skills, social etiquette and people skills, quizzed me about politics and grammatical topics just to try and train me to fit in as a mold of his TROPHY FACADE OF HIS WIFE. HIS unbelievable amount of guilt, ridicule, disrespect, shame, blame, mind games and control and all to beat down my self worth SO I WOULD NOT LEAVE HIS INSECURE AND DYSFUNCTIONAL LIFE. HIS DISTORTED REALITY BELIEVED that I wasnt strong and courageous to walk away but his constant negligence and disregard for my health decline over a short period of time was ALL IT TOOK ,as I realized that my time as well as my health WAS not in his hands abd he would never be able to take me down to my grave. It was terrible and pity at the same time. He seemed to be scanning the environment every place we were, even in our home just to point out what stupid damn irrelevant mistake Id make such as leaving a light on during the night bc I needed to get to bed, bitching about me using a plastic cup out of the new pack vs one thats been used, humiliating me at a restaurant for not putting my napkin in my lap bc i dont like my silverware touching a dirty table, he'd walk 100 feet ahead of me knowing im suffering from 4 back surgeries and 45 procedures at the age of 36 yrs old. Telling me that I dont understand anything, that SOMEONE my age should KNOW about things and it was embarrassing for him to take me in public. TELLING me WHAT I should do, be, not feel, and what not to talk about infront of others and LET ME SAY THE LIST OF NAME CALLING IS PATHETICALLY LONG AND NEVER ENDING. I LEFT 3 YEARS AGO. I called him out, he was diagnosed with NPD AND BPD FROM a prestigious therapist in Dallas. He called her a quack. HOWEVER, now that we are separated by 1000 miles and three years later, he doesn't WANT the divorce and I at ever chance would do the work to dave the marriage ig he was SHOWING me the desired treatment of any partner obviously should be doing. During the 3 years, I was in a lot of CBT AND WORKING WITH A COACH this entire time so i could recover the wounded and lost spirit I NEVER had to be exposed to in my entire LIFE and to go through this in my late 30s, was shock therapy and it was unbelievable bad from a first timer who is not used to dysfunction AND abuse. I made sure to push myself out of the victim role and NOW HES QUIET the victim as hes DEPRESSED AND SUFFERING. I saw the patient portal of his doctors and sure enough he's been on Zoloft and Prozac since I left. He did make a lot of positive changes in the last two years HOWEVER ive seen him in the last five days and one month ago as well as five other visits that he paid for in order to fly me to see him. Hes been financially supporting me DUE to my physical disability that starts next month however we talked about me coming back for the past year and we were talking this week ABOUT dropping the divorce attorney's so we could work out the marriage. Now, Thats not my plan that I will agree to. TOMORROW NIGHT IM FLYING BACK TO GEORGIA. I didnt think in a million years that this is the behavior he'd have towards me after such great progress. ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE TO REALIZE hes envious and fearful that I am going to abandon him and its not been talked in regard to my plan to move back bc I WILL NEVER COME BACK TO THIS HELLHOLE. THE last few days have FUCKING HELL. I LOVE THE PERSON HE USED TO BE , prior to our marriage, move and his high quality career THAT is about to make him a millionaire and thats the arrogant, heartless sob that I dont know, want to be around or have near my heart again. IM not sure what his intentions truly are bc its cheaper to keep her but He was taking a very good investment in me and never had ANY other person in his life since I left. Hes a addictive PERSON with deeply wounded childlike senses but he will have to help himself. I will never lose myself and give him my gift of love, sincerity, loyalty and dedication after the bullshit control and abuse he inflicted and denied today since for first night of my arrival 5 days ago . He is about to be sadly mistaken when my Arrogant ass and my Attorney send him the final settlement agreement with a desired outcome to go my own way. HE thought I needed him but after this week, Id rather live in a cat box in the sewer than be sick with him. No chance in hell. I'm not letting him know anything bc its critical for me to take caution.
I'll tell you this, I strongly suggest that you get into a really great support group and cognitive therapy so that you can retrain your brain too counter block all the negative emotions, thoughts, beliefs and deception of yourself and self worth bc youre lovable, worthy of happiness and fulfillment that Any person will be effortlessly able to give you AND I promise you that. THE shame and blame that you have encountered from his toxic shame was projected and taken out on you and its his own problem not yours . It took me a good year and half to laugh and return to my truest self and I've become more confident than I ever imagined I could be and this WORK is a blessing in disguise. So please stay strong and take care of yourself because you will lose your spirit and your soul be broken along with every opportunity to live a great life if you stay bc he wont take you seriously and you have to be OVER AND BEYOND HIS SICKNESS to feel again, thats empowerment and freedom !!!!!! keep in touch. good luck
❤️ 🕊
I wish you knew They never change, they’ll tell you they will go to therapy or they’ll suddenly be nice and apologetic but it’s just a ploy to butter you up. I’m sorry you got sucked back in. I fell in love with my ex Narc’s false self and I found the last month of our relationship wondering what the hell happened to the person I met and how can I get him to treat me the way he used to but then I realized I was love bombed and now in the devaluation stage so I chose to discard him before he discarded me. Walking away was so painful but I know abuse when I see and hear it, the subtle digs and put downs yet talking about how beautiful and gorgeous other women were. The complete cut off of all intimacy yet he told me he masterbates to porn. No thank you not husband material. I’m just glad he showed his true colors 3 months in instead of after marriage because he told me I was the one he wanted to marry.
Bombshell Conspiracy Theories run! There's no reciprocity, ever. Don't waste your life
Bombshell Conspiracy Theories Why on earth would you put up with mistreatment for 15 years unless you grew up in an abusive household and thought this was normal? Thankfully I knew how my ex was treating me was not a healthy relationship and he had tricked me into thinking he was a super great kind guy during the love bombing when in fact he’s really a Covert Narc. As soon as I realized he was causing me nothing but torturous anxiety I left just after 3 months and it has been even more hell trying to get over him because I loved him so much but I fell in love with a fake persona and found out just how mean he really is after leaving him due to his ghosting and silent treatments and other games he plays. I dodged a bullet if I would’ve married him like he wanted I would’ve never felt good enough. He already made me feel like he’d rather be with other women than me. They have no regards for our feelings and no ability to put themselves in someone’s shoes that is completely missing. How he has these female friends who’ve stuck around so long I don’t know unless they just use him.
My ex would constantly interrupt me. constantly. When I tried to say something he would accuse me of interrupting him.
They are rude. They have to have everyone agree with them. They
They suggest you are being a certain way. They suggest you are acting angry when you are clearly not.
This is probably THE most useful information one can have when trying to spot a narcissist. Usually, this communication style will become discernible long before any really abusive behavior begins. Thank you for sharing!
Dennis Fritz lol wow this is insightful this explains my mom to the tee.
Mia Vegan
they actually deny ever doing or saying anything that hurt you even when you tell them exactly what they did that hurt you.
Dennis Fritz mine gives fake apologies, w/plans to change ....after 35yrs no change, no sincere sorrow. At the same time , he is very dismissal, and Terrible listener in other words, not caring, like I don't matter ....
Right
Red flag...I know from experience...they answer a question with a question..reflecting your question back to you.......great video....
Lee Rdee .. you're so true..they ask a question for a question.., it's happens with me when I deal with my husband..
I'm so tired of his tactics..not able to come out of it..not able to stay in it..
I'm literally not able to take a breath
Liked the 33 thumbs up...scottie pippen...but had to make it 34@💖
In a close relationship it is impossible to have a serious talk. They act like spoiled little brats full of drama, where we are the perpetrators and they are the poor little victims
It is so ridiculous that now for is hilarious just like going to a stand comedy 😁
Thank you very much for your videos
Tania Azevedo 😂 yes a full blown theatrical play. Smh 🤦🏽♀️
Omg this is so true they pretend we are perpetrators till the day they die!!
I got so fed up with people doing this conversation dominating thing, that now I just jump in and interrupt them or talk over them. They hate this, but in time some with get used to it and have to deal. Like a battle of the words.
So spot on. Thank you. My husband of 15 years does exactly that to me - your words dont matter, your opinion dont matter, your humanity dont matter. What you do dont matter, your happiness dont matter. Your inconveniences dont matter. And he repeats himself, his great story, his great experience abroad, etc etc. I so want to vomit at this stage. Im one year 4 months into finding out hes narcissist. And when and what time he wants to connect with me, it will be on his term. Completely expecting me to drop everything and run or respond to him. How disgusting to know that i have loved that thing for 23 years and gave my youth and my future to him
Perfect description.
Dismissing conversation and not listening? Like playing phone games while chatting with you. Hmm
I recognize everything you're saying - every word of it I've experienced with my ex. It's a blessing and a nightmare waking up to it all. Took me 30 years to fully get it... Thank you so very much for your insightful video 💚
wilma magpie Windsong I feel very similar.
"I do NOT DESERVE, for them to TALK to me DIRECTLY.
They are way more SUPERIOR than me for them to SPEAK to me."
I truly could hug you. You have described my husband to a T. I’m not crazy I’m not imagining this it is real. 27 years of this n it now makes total sense thank you so much 😊
I found that my ex narcissist girlfriend would always end the conversation. if I was speaking to her on the phone and if we were texting. She would stop texting and leave me hanging. She would avoid or ignore my questions and was very evasive . She would interupt me when we were having a disagreement and talk over me. She would never listen. I also found that she constantly repeated herself. And everything seemed scripted. .Lots of circle conversations with no resolution to any issues in the relationship. She would always say that she couldn't understand what I meant by what I said.. So I found myself always explaining myself. She would always text me in the morning and at night and and say the exact same thing every day.
Patrick Pepin Mine always ends phone convos...when I try to say I gotta go, I get a "what? You don't wanna talk to me anymore?? Don't you love me??" Ughhh
They're hollow. They don't bond with other people and they don't understand context.
'scripted', yes the repetition of the creepy scripted monologue, forced to listen until it has ended like those automated telephone option menus.
I felt so alone whenever I was with him.
You are a talented communicator/presenter. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
These videos are so thoughtful, helpful, and accurate. Thanks for making me feel less alone.
Ma’am I have and am living this. I have done an immense amount of research on this. I cannot tell you how on point your video is. Down to the memorized scripts that hold others accountable, but not themselves to the boring stories they reheat and tell again. Thank you for this 🗣
THANK YOU SO MUCH! These people are so in love with the sound of their own voices, it's completely nauseating. FAVORITE QUOTE FROM THIS VIDEO: "They're not interested. It's not about you."
I'd already suspected an acquaintance of having narcissistic personality disorder, but this confirms it. They're dismissive and have no respect for another person's perspective or opinions. They will often play along to get what they want though. Just look for that initial clear rejection of the idea that you could have a valid opinion.
Omg you’re just describing my ex in everything you said lol hes not just interrupted me during conversations and talk over me but also talks to his friends whilst keeping me on hold on the phone when I haven’t even finished my conversation
My. Narc would shut down a topic and imagine I forgot about it.
I know someone who will deliver a perfect monologue about their life, children, dramas etc and then I'll hear them tell the exact word for word monologue to someone else in the room 10 minutes later - word perfect.
It will also take them a minimum of 30 minutes before they ask after you, and when they do they either interrupt you because they've just seen someone else they know in the room, restaurant etc, check their phone OR they will interrupt and tell you what you are thinking. Getting a word in is impossible and when you do the subject has changed.
great vids, thank you
Omg!!! Again spot on!!! It’s all about him all the time. His life, his jokes, his everything!
I remember, in the last year in my relationship, I couldn’t really talk. I remember we were at a cafe for lunch. I just was so afraid to talk, afraid to say something wrong. And to disturb. He was on his phone during that whole half an hour we had the lunch. I didn’t dare asking about what he was doing on the phone. Actually as far as I recall, this was the last time we went out together in public to do other thing but just pick up groceries. It’s really odd to think about this now, but I remember the feelings I had at that lunch. I felt anxious and the trying to keep low. Say nothing unless asked.
I didn’t even know how to start a conversation at that point, because of the criticism I’d been experienced for a long time. All the things that happened to him that was a normal conversation between us, but these things could not be addressed in public. It was really one of many red flags.
It just came to me, this memory, when I saw this video.
Before I was happy, social and out going. Then I learned to introvert, and I didn’t really have anything good to say. Maybe because he never really listened to me? It caused a really major depression in me a few years ago.
If I told something I did at work, he always found something he’d done even seriously much better and exciting. And the same stories, again and again, and faults, never his fault. I see it today when I look back. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to. I’m not into that revenge thing or if I’m right at all. I just know what it did to me.
I got a long way to go further, but this is really helpful.
Akehap Kap you are right. We can't all be wrong. There are so many of us that have had the same experiences with these people. Your story sounds extremely similar to mine.
Yep now that I am out I seem to over share for 19 years in one then dating the same type I got into another and also felt like I could say nothing right or that it mattered... Now I am out did some healing and working on my over sharing 🙁 seems one extreme to the other, but I know until I heal I will not go into another relationship
i had a female friend like that , she would constantly interrupt me, then tell me im obsessed cuz i had to keep going back to the same subject, one time it took 4 visits just to tell her one thing.
I almost find these depressing in a way because you are so amazing at describing it that it causes flashbacks to situations I've had with them
I found out I'm a narcissist today from an ex. Your videos help me see all I've been doing wrong & can work on being better about. Thank you for posting these.
Their whole life is on reruns. Ex narc husband would start fights about the same garbage over and over and over. Of course all because of my behavior; being that I'm just a horrible person. The repeated fights got so exhausting I would literally fall asleep while he's lecturing me. Which made him enrage, so he started his lectures in public in places, where I couldn't just fall asleep. Sometimes being at family functions, once we went back inside from my lecture he would whisper or text me that I'm embarrassing him in front of his family and that I should be happy cause I'm there with him. God forbid I ever cried from his insults, he would storm out saying "I'm bringing him down" he once walked out of the car at a red light. When I would ask why are arguments are based around me and never about how he sucks as a person, he would tell some sob story or fake an illness, of his classic get out of jail free card "I'm going to go kill myself"
Wow. That's horrible. I am glad he is your ex now. That is just so pathetic of him. My ex would do the same exact thing, and to think I was going to marry him. 2 months no contact for me as of now.
Mukbang High wow! It's hard to believe, since we don't know each other, that you have just described my ex narc's behaviour to a T. It's scary how they have the same traits across the world.
How could we all have been married to the same dude? Holy shit.
Your revelations on this topic are helping me heal. Thank you!!
X did all of this! A constant merry-go-round of talking, but no actual conversation, comprehension or resolve.
So well explained!!!! I thought I was going mad at one point.
EXACTLY. HE THINKS I HAVE TO REACH OUT FIRST. I'm done doing that.
aalexandriaa212 same
My Narcissistic Dad is like a "Broken Record" (vinyl record)
He has nothing interesting to say.
He is a very SUPERFICIAL man. There is nothing going on beneath the exterior.
My Narcissistic Mom WAS never interested in me, my life & my needs.
She easily gets bored with me.
My dad too. So annoying.
Carlos: I could be wrong but sounds like she doesn't kno how to connect with you, and it hurts her to not be able to reach you because she does love you but are unable to show it because of her own emotional conflicts. Pray, pray,pray for her she is your mother. I wish you both the best, its not you she's struggling emotionally
100% true, I've been thru that for 6 years, contact stopped in 2015, picked up again 2016.....and he continued where we left off in 2015......unbelievable!!!!
friend I knew for 20 years, dumped me when got married. she lives only two blocks away. never heard from her. Not even a phone call, card, visit. she never bothered even to say "hi". I didn't want to intrude cos she was busy. just gave her time n space. found out 4 years later that she eas ready to deliver a baby in the same hospital I visited when my dad was dying. she didn't even bother to tell me the good news. Saw her mother in yhe hospital that day she was due to deliver. Seven years later, she turns up at my doorstep, I invite her in. she didn't even bother to ask about my life, what I was doing, how I was basically, started going on and on about herself as usual. It was really weird, I just nodded to the one-sided conversation about herself. Typically self absorbed, she thought I was just there whenever she felt like, or needed an audience. She spoke about people I don't even know, not even asked a SINGLE thing about me.
StarlightnDust
Typical self absorbed person 😣
Just tell those people to leave
great info..
just some of my experiences with them..
they sigh when you tell them that you would like to get a chance to talk..
everything too them are material things and they are usually workaholics..
they hope that you stop talking once they do their texting game to whomever or to their make beleive friend..
when you put them in their place for whatever reason, they become all glassy eyed, like their anger and rage just wants to come out of them..
the dangerous ones stare at you and try to penatrate their evil unto you..
i try not to walk behind them because i always feel their negative energy..a couple times a so called best friend did hand gestures towards me and i saw it through the store windows while window shopping..it was very creepy to say the least.
OMG!!!!!! This describes a woman I work with to a T!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't tell you how many times I've heard her stories...I want to tell her to shut up and she's not that important!!!!! The only conversation she is able to have involves either her kids and grandkids or gossip about someone in town. Thank you for putting a name to this behavior. Love your videos!!!
This is my husband all the way!!!
run for your life! this is not a drill
kikibabiidoll mine too
kikibabiidoll - get rid of him...!
You got this down. Awesome. Write this in a book, please. Self-publish. This is great. Thanks!!! It is a bit said though, you described my mother in detail :)
I appreciate your distinction with hyper-active people. It's a good perspective - and one that hypers need to work on, but isn't the same as a narcissist.
My sister to a T. one cannot get a word in by the time I jump in she ALWAYS has another call coming in or someone is at the door. This happens all the time.
I read so many of these comments.
I've read and learned so much about NPD. Was married to what I think was a covert. He was so lovely and amazing for so long. I still just cannot get my head around it.
He wouldn't communicate or resolve issues when we were married. He was glad to let big issues fall on me.
When I called him out he blamed me. Left. Drank. Stone walled. He would go off topic by insulting me. Nothing ever got resolved.
It truly gets so lonely in a relationship like this. I loved him. I still do and wish I could erase all the memories that meant so much to me.
my narcissist said NOTHING. EVER. It was so obvious when he did speak that he was not here, on this planet that he would not say anything for fear of someone figuring him out. Hes on to the next victim who has no idea....
Louanne Bridges
Feel sorry for that next victim 😣
Mine didn't either
THIS video is SO on point! I experienced EVERYthing you described here in my last relationship. Wow! Thank you for this.
I've stopped making small talk, casual conversation with my Narc sister, who I'm forced to live with. In the past, when I did, all I got was a wall of rage, general hostility. She would be critical, sarcastic n generally be rude on her best days. She would never show genuine interest in me or what I wanted to say. No communication skills. But when friends n family visit, suddenly she's open, friendly, caring, excited etc with them. She has a Jekyll n Hide personality. If I asked her something, casually, she would flat out ignore me. She would only talk when she wanted something done, help with things. I would have to walk on eggshells sometimes, afraid n nervous she might blow up, get into another rage attack n gaslighted me (she would do this every week). Everyone outside out immediate family thinks she so nice n sweet. She's extremely controlling, greedy, materialistic, rude, cold, lazy.
Sorry to hear that. My brother is the same way. He disrespects me so much. I don't even consider me having a family anymore. I honestly feel like an orphan. But it's gonna be OK because we can heal and be good people, but they will most likely always stay that way. Better to save yourself...
xx sorry just saw your reply. Yeah, they will Never change. Keep strong. X.
StarlightnDust :are you talking about my sister?i lived with my narc sis for more then 2years and that all she did to me,now i mooved out and just cut all comunication with her
Know this is old post, but new education for me! This sounds eXACtly like my sister! How can this be? I've since blocked her phone number and it's been so peaceful!
Best Explanation of a Narcissist ever. Spot on! (in my experience). Thank you so much for the 411.
Love the channel! You forgot to mention how calm logic and reason = condescending.
Yes! The narc I know used to be a hothead. He'd get upset almost immediately. Since I wouldn't put up with that nonsense, he know plays the cool, calm, and collected game, so I agree with your statement.
the marcs are possessed. their entry I think is through abuse of tramatization which renders the subject in a dissacociated state and therefore unaware of the entity.
When you date a narcissist they study you like a PhD; asking all kinds of questions. You'll be amazed of all the things they remember to use against you later. One thing I need to add is if a narcissist is reaching out to you it's only because you are a target. They start off nice then slowly try to get you upset about something. I found that if you don't allow yourself to get upset by anything that they say they'll drop that topic and come back at you a later time, only because they don't like happy people.
They hate happy people!!
Being happy, even for no reason, is your best weapon. They cannot do this and envy it.
AMEN ! The longer your around them, you notice this kind of behavior, not listening, jealousy and envy. And either negative conversation , and rude remarks.
Usually they dont listen at least they dont hear you, but if you told them that you won the lottery they would offer to manage that money for you. Excellent video, thank you.
I did notice that my narcissistic friend did ask me about my problems and then used the info against me at a later date. I’m just about at the no contact stage now. If I can’t avoid her I just make sure I’m extremely happy in her presence which she hates!
You are quite a pleasant lady! Thank you so much for eloquently, verbally, detailing this tragic behavior. So toxic. Long lasting damage from them. I often wonder what most narcissists views or thoughts on eternal or after-life are. Where do they end up, when they keep it up til the bitter end? Namaste to everyone who reads this. Yeshua(Jesus) loves you sooooo much and forever!🗽🔭🔅
I just started watching this, & at 1:10 in I paused to write this comment. Just so funny 😂 when you said that knowing how to identify one saves you time, effort, thought, etc.... SO true!! 😂😂😂 *Just heard the rest of it, OMG, I can't say enough how SPOT ON every detail of this info truly IS. *!!!PERFECT!!!*
I'm glad I stumbled upon your channel, it's great! Very clear and concise, yet detailed and specific for a broad range of situations.
I did it yesterday! Met a Narc leading a group.
The old me would have been too embarrassed but I said "when someone talks to me for 10-15 minutes straight without pause, alarm bells go off in my head" there were like, 10 other signs but that was a good one.
I stood up, told the group "you guys should consider that too" and walked away.
I'm proud and just knowing I stood up to him makes me believe in myself and feel like I can meet people and not be so worried, because If I could do that in a group where I was put on the spot, I can do anything.
I was afraid I would get victimized again if I met another one but I scared him and it was nice to think he probably spend the rest of day doing damage control!
ha! Thanks for helping me think about my experiences & reflect. you help me keep these things in the forefront of my mind, and all the commenters too.
mz **virtual fist bump** 👊👊👊 Yes!!!! This is so inspirational to me!
thank you for saying that. It proves I am growing despite feeling stuck. Your videos do a lot to validate my thoughts and feelings, and you have so many new ideas and thoughts so thank you so much for having the bravery to do this.
SO glad I can lead by example! You can do it!
mz I love!
And oftentimes when they are religious, they have the same relationship with God. The relationship is all about them, not about God and his Majesty
You've said something here!!!!
I had someone to tell me they are God.
My narcissist mother in law is the religious type that goes to church on Sundays and used to thank God for the food I cooked for her at family gatherings (we stopped doing that as I don't believe in religion), then lies to me through her teeth. She's the biggest liar and hypocrite I know; typical covert narcissist.
Inma Vassar i'm sorry to hear you don't go to church anymore, I hope it wasn't because of them, I had a hard time holding on because they were my role model, but I wanted to seek God past them and I'm glad I did.
Was not going to let them define my relationship
But you're right, they are the biggest hypocrites, and that's who Jesus was angry out in the Bible, the Pharisees, the hypocrites
yes. sad but very very true!
This has helped me so much I cannot even tell you. JUST what I needed to hear. I can't believe I made it through he bashed me down so low. Big deep breath!
Thank you!
Yes. Thanks for figuring all this out & explaining it.
YES.. he said the SAME stuff over and over blimey!!!
i literally caught my man putting his fingers in his ears. when he thought i wasn't looking his direction.
Fila Kri me too. by returning the favor. and it worked several times. got him pissed. lol
Fila Kri funny my narc suddenly ( after affairs with young girls) can't stand my voice either. he literally asked me once to higher my voice. the truth is i get guys just by talking with my sexy german accent. lol
He uses ear plugs. Time for you to go shopping. Lolololololo
@@buffhotchkiss7400 lmao. Shit that was sign language.
The stick to "the script"/stories of glory confirms for me that you know exactly what you are talking about it. I appreciate your video!
They are the actors you the audience. The actor tells the story, they dont ask the audience questions, they looove the standing ovation!
When someone by mistake steps in front of my ex narc husband or maybe reach for the same item in a store, he would give off a horrible sigh of being inconvenienced. He would deliberately park far away in parking lots because he hates having to wait for someone to get in their car. And please don't let the cashiers ask questions such as, paper or plastic, or would you like your candy bar in your bag, it was like stabbing him. Whenever I hear him doing business over the phone, I would cringe because he would lose his cool and argue with the person on the other end and ask for the supervisor. And if you disagree or have your own opinion, how dare you. If you find yourself always walking on egg shells because of their hypervigilence, be careful, you don't want to pick up their narcissistic fleas.
mixtic shell That is totally my husband!!!
Oh my goodness!! He was getting frustrated because customer service asked him to repeat his address. Wow!!
mixtic shell, you said a lot in your comment all familiar to all us scapegoats. By far the best word you said was, "ex" (husband).
Had to listen to this one twice. Thank you so much for your channel! 💜
You're so on point. I can't count how many times I've been told, "I don't want to talk about this, don't want to be in that state of mind."
So true....the Narc tales control of a conversation with no concern what you think or you has to say.
Ah but beware,,,sine barcs ask a LOT of questions' MINING for data they can exploit later...looking for which buttons to push.
WOW!!!!!! I adore this lady.......I feel validation , dead on you are,,,,,and I have actually used a few of your tecnics..I come home from work with a smile from ear to ear now......Thank you Thank you
Dagnabit Achoti, you #NAILED this video! EVERYTHING you talked about in this video I recently have gone through. I went through this almost every day for 2 years; I was blessed to find out who he was and discard him at the end of January this year. Every time I would say something he cut me off, and if I would try to go back to my story, he would blow up and say he hates to be interrupted! I carried the 2 year relationship. He never invited me out on a date, I began to feel I was the man and he was the woman!
Todah for this video! This whole debacle finally makes sense! I was truly with a narc! Shalum, YAHUSHUA continue to bless and protect you and your family.
#Here'sToTheNarcSurvivors
The descriptions of a narcissists' typical communication style in this video are phenomenal. They absolutely resonate with me. Thank you for expressing so much clairaudience on narcissism, with all sincerity. :)
I don't think "you don't matter" captures it quite adequately. I think what is more painful is that you realize you're in a relationship with no one. It's meaningless. You have no one to share your genuine experiences with.
Yup it all fits .where are the caring people?.Tired of narcs. Every where🙁
I LOVE your videos! VERY informative!!!!!!!!!!!! Narcissists are IMPOSSIBLE to deal with! Unhappy, miserable, JEALOUS people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a great audio!! You are so correct about everything you said. Thank you for putting your information out there. I had a narcissistic boss for almost 4 years and we were acquaintances for ten years before that (from college until when I went to work for her). It was a small organization that she ran and we had close contact every day. OMG it was a NIGHTMARE! At first I kept thinking "Oh she's just having a bad day" or "Oh, she just needs to improve her management skills", etc. but it just kept getting worse and affecting most of our staff (e.g. she would threaten "I'm just going to fire everyone!!") and we would meet to try to figure her out and we could never manage to "manage the manager" in any way. It was like dealing with a brick wall.
One day the NPD thing popped in my head and after doing research I finally realized I was dealing with a narcissist, after about 3 years into the job and I left 3 weeks later because I realized she would never change. Over the next 9 months after I left, 7 more people left the org. The total employees including her were 13 so only 2 people stayed on long term (but then they eventually got the hell out as well). CRAZY! It took me about 2.5 years to get past PTSD from the narcissistic abuse she piled on me every day. I'm so much happier now that I work with a boss who is NORMAL! :-)