I agree. They see it as something to take advantage of, as an opportunity to feed. They do not have any of the normal, healthy morality or conscience to hold them back from treating someone in that way. They're spiritually dead and their ego is out of control.
Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets : - Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke. - When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim. - Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not. - They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right. - Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical. - They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection. - Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target. - They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing). - They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!). - Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything. - Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help. - When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors. - Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them. - They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior. - They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer. - They think they are models to be followed. - They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief. Please share this message to other people and forums. We have to raise awareness!
What a great presentation!!!! You must have suffered with one at one time! Thank God we got away and have learned. And.. spot on about EVIL. When people write about feeling sorry for them, or they are NOT evil... I gotta say, the one I dealt with LOOKS like SATAN!
I have experienced this so many times. They make you feel obligated to interact with them. They feel entitled to your attention. Do not want your feedback unless it is in agreement with theirs. They can't go anywhere without someone with them. And when you go with them you end up paying and doing all the work. It feels like you no longer have your own life. They don't consider your time as yours. They care less about what you have to do.
All of the above... they care less about u, period. They don't consider u, ur feelings don't matter, like u don't even exist! Only as much as they can use u, or only if they need u for something!
One potential Red Flag... Their Gifts Are NOT always Well-Thought of... They give gifts that are not what you Asked... gifts that are not based on your Preferences... Their Gifts are a Love-BOMB not out of Love...
Yes. Just wrote that in part. Along with that is: Do they make you feel special? The sexiest, never loved anyone more, so intelligent, shows you off, etc. Feels good, right. That’s how narcs and sociopaths get their prey. The entanglement is very complex when dealing with a Covert Narc. That’s my mother. Hard! I’m the designated black sheep a covert narc has to have to put all their stuff onto. (Currently given my situation behaviors are more despicable than ever. I see. Most just get coerced by her against me, her daughter).
Gifts are given as if they are really nice or that person thought about you but often the gift is an insult or negative in some way but the victim is expected to act as if it is really nice the narcissist gave them a gift.
Possession = Ownership. This is a Narcs Goal, everyday 24/7, of their "Prey". They demand to be your 1 & Only relationship. They are like Vultures, flying in circles above their victim.
I believe truly they never give with the intention of giving from their heart they always give because they will expect you to give what they want in return later like I'll do you a favor now that you never asked for and they definitely require a favor back from you when they want
Always an indication to run, or backup off them. My neighbors, seemingly nice, mowed my lawn,. Keeping in mind, my lawn is so small, it’s cute. They wouldn’t take my money..so I bought them 2 cases of their favorite beer ( it’s what they were drinking, while mowing) Then, and I do me literally they would be uninvited in my back yard, or knocking on my door... they just attached themselves to me. I had to shut it down immediately! Healthy boundaries are my strong suit. I am a woman that lives alone, I’m not trying to have those kind of problems.
The narc actually told me angrily that I didnt know how to be a friend and then proceeded to lecture me about how 'friendship' works. He said you have to do things for people and keep a written record so you can use it for leverage later on in order to control them. He made out I was a bad person because I didnt do that. I was speechless.
Sister you are so right about this. I met a woman who got mad because I didn’t let Her pay for my purchase and then again when I refused to ride with her and chose to ride with my Daughter instead!!! And if that was not bad enough. She would do things for me that I did not ask or expect. Spent much money on me for things in the name of the Lord!!!! Then in the same breath. Tell me I spent so much on you and I ain’t even your man. Whoa! This statement alone had me back up and check the whole friendship out. I heard in my spirit. She is tired of you and she jealous of you too. It all made sense at that point. I could never be on a phone call with her around because all the caller hear on the other end is her loud mouth and I would be asked who is that loud mouth woman in the background. Then if a man look at me and she with me. She act like a jilted lover which was crazy. I don’t swing that way and yet she would always act like I kicked her to the curb.... i finally moved on and changed my number doing no contact ever again... All I can say, is watch the people who push their way into your life🙏🏿
Oh my... This is so true. I have also noticed this kind of arrogant behaviour in the form of barging into other people's houses uninvited. So arrogant! They literally disregard your personal space and time, and even boundaries, thinking you NEED to leave everything you are doing just because THEY need to vent or something. And then they guilt-trip you if you don't comply. Have you experienced this?
Vesna Nujić what makes me sick r kids these days that have no concept of boundaries. I have 2 friends with kids that will go thru my swim bag, looking for swim toys and food, without even asking me. Their mother is right there and says nothing. Wth. My kid would not even Think of going thru some other moms bag......
They have zero concept of boundaries or how to have a healthy, non-invasive relationship with anybody. They are NOT self-sustaining and therefore all they care about is getting their next feed. The way they relate to other people is extremely creepy in this regard.
I've noticed a pattern of emulation. Food choices, style, hobbies, speech patterns...they discard you still processing all the light you gave them. It's crazzzy and weird.
My narcs did the opposite of what you are saying- they never sought me out to give anything to me to loop me in. They adopted a pity pot victimized mode so that I would take care of them in the relationship (by providing love, attention, advice, mentorship, money, whatever) and then refused to ever reciprocate. After several years of it all being about them and their needs (because they are eternal victims), the codependent needs to start asking for some kind of reciprocation but feels guilty because of all the other person has supposedly been through. Eventually after several years it makes you snap and you are the one who gets angry when they never reciprocate, because you are starving by that point for all the things you have consistently given to them but never received. You thought that once they healed the relationship would naturally become more equal, but it never did. Then you realize the person is just a complete taker, and that when they are done listening to their whiny stories to you, they will find someone else to believe them and take care of them. When they are with you, I find they are possessive, but only when other people threaten to take the codependent away. I find they are especially jealous when other narcs are around.
I click on your profile, you subcribe to richard gannon, Teal swan, Melania Torrie. They are all Narcissists! You seek advice from narcissists. Be careful whom you are listening. I am just saying. :)
thiery572 Thanks I appreciate your concern, I really do. And that may be true, but perhaps then they might know even more about how narcs think. San Vaknin admits he is a narc but gives pretty good analysis of narcs... I just need to scan as many sources as possible to learn how to avoid narcs in my day to day life...
Chooselove 4all This is my perspective. I didn't come from Narcissist background at the first place, so I can separate healthy perspective vs. non healthy perspective. Listen to this Permission channel, begood4000, NPDrecovery, Ollie Matthews. I don't necessarily agree to everything they say. But they do have healthy perspectives. Don't listen to Sam Vaknin. I used to be a fan of Teal for 3 years. But then she got worse, and she would erase anyone who has 'independent mind' (e.g. the persons' forum account is banned). These narcissists cater to people who are addicted to victimhood. They help you in the beginning. But once you start to grow, have 'independent mind' and start to question them, they will hate you. Of course, I am just saying. It's up to you who you are listened to. :D
I think I want to continue to listen to Teal Swan as I have learned from some of her videos. If I feel I start to question her or that I am stuck in the victim role somehow or growing out of her videos, I will just stop watching... I checked out the ones you recommended and I particularly resonate to the NPDrecovery one. It is very insightful, clear, and brief while actually describing the feelings extremely accurately! Thanks for the tip!
This is so true. Thanks. I had a "friend" who has NPD. In his mind he is responsible for all your accomplishments. If you graduated at the top of your class, it was his "help" that got you there. If you are an artist or a musician he is the one who "inspired" you to practice with all his amazing advice, etc. Beware of narcissists who want to take you under their wing. They are interested in sucking the life out of you and inserting themselves in its place. And if you figure out how full of BS they are, they will suddenly go from "spiritual" and "creative" to cheap, petty and critical. The "creative genius" routine is all an act with a narcissist -- an act they will play for most of their life sometimes. They even gather a throng of followers around them over the years. They sometimes seem very legit. And then one day the light bulb goes on.
Oh Lord, I get so tired of these types...they know you 2 days and have their hands around your neck. When it gets to the checking on you/monitoring you every day-run, don't walk, away. NOW!
You are so right about the formation of true friendship. When people befriend me quickly or unexpectedly,I get suspicious and I want to sneak out the door. My best friend and I became friends slowly. I didn't even feel it happening. It was that gradual.
No they won't keep targeting you if you speak up and defend yourself using boundaries. People can only be somewhere if they choose. The sweet mean cycle is how it works. This doesn't sound like a malicious intention... a true narcissist will make up lies so people dislike you or ignore you completely. They prey on your weaknesses and try to gain control over you.
Kerri Potkonen, depends on the situation. If you are a child or spouse ( for example) of a narc, if you speak up they will get supply somehow. They will rage or demean you for speaking up and dismissively and flippantly gaslight you.
I’ve been married to a narcissistic for years. Only recently understood what was happening. We probably will be divorced soon. I’m worried about connecting with people when it’s over. Great advice thank you!
Yes, thank you. The warp speed at which they try to bond with you is a huge red flag. They very quickly detect the fact that you're a giving spirit. So they run the calculation. If they're helpful with you just for a little while-- long enough to gain your trust-- the dividends will be substantial. They're very clear, from the very outset, that they're going to be able to get a lot more from you than you're going to be able to get from them. When they succeed at this, it makes them feel powerful. They're therefore getting loads of practical, real life help from you, while also getting narcissistic supply. Latching onto you quickly, therefore, is a major component of their game. As it is written, the enemy comes in like a flood.
Normal people respect you where the Narc doesn't, and Yeah Narcs seem to be overloaded with an emotion that drives them. An energy that doesn't let them go..and eventually they try to put that energy off on us.
It really is like they're possessed. Like there's something else driving them at all times. Call it ego or whatever you want, but...their authentic selves are NOT operating their person.
Yes, I just shoo'd away two narcs recently who would constantly try to keep me engaged by asking to meet up, texting me, trying to arrange phone calls, etc. Then of course, they try to make me the bad guy when I finally had enuff.. This one old man tried to interject himself into my life. At first I thought he was nice. Then I heard him refer to himself as an old dirtbag to someone. I thought BINGO! He was trying to convince me to go into business with him during our first conversation, telling me he can't wait for me to meet his daughter, and telling me we are just alike. All within a week of meeting him! He is looking for someone to take care of his old ass. It ain't gonna be me!! My radar was going off full blast, and when he kept crossing the boundaries I was setting, I decided to just cut off contact completely. It's a relief. I totally don't care what he or the other covert narc say about me. Good riddance!! Great vid - it solidifies my thoughts & intuition. Peace & love :^)
I was once told, listen to how people describe themselves, dirtbag, teaser, insecure, etc, they are probably right, listen to them, they know themselves best.!!!
This is EXACTLY what happened to me with the narc I was involved with. We happen to be in the same business. He is someone who had a lot of success in the company and, because of that, he's well-known and respected. Out of nowhere, he latched onto me at a company event under the guise that he was going to mentor me. Even though my spidey senses were tingling during those initial interactions, I desperately wanted to believe he was actually going to help me reach the pinnacle I wanted to reach in my business. So, I entertained him. I ended up being entangled in his web for about 2 years. It's over now and I have peace; but he still tries to connect with me from time to time. Narcs are relentless!
They are relentless and none of what they do has anything whatsoever to do with your well-being or your greater good. They don't even see you as a person, they see you as an object that they WANT for themselves, for whatever reason. They will take everything from you and give literally nothing back in return. They have no energy to give, they're like black holes sucking everything INTO themselves, forever.
Your common sense soothes my soul. I need to seek out more people like you. Your energy is very grounding. I love this stuff. So, so, so accurate, clear and truthful. Thank you for sharing!
(Narcissist Target) -- This is very true. Everywhere I go (Gym/Store/Work/etc.), I always seem to attract a narcissist. That being said, by way of yourself and others, here on RUclips, I have been able to spot them. And to that I say, thank you!
Am glad to have bumped into this Chanel I went through all those things you have just mentioned and I would advice anyone don't drink or do anything fun with a narcissists boss am glad now am healing those people destroy your confidence self esteem.
Thanks so much for this!! You covered this topic really well! I can definitely relate to this one, as I recently went through this at my current job. I started a new job early this year, and my covert narcissist coworker who was assigned to train me, latched onto me almost immediately. This woman did everything she could to "take me under her wing," and "rescue" me whether I needed it, or not. I obviously needed the training, but however, something just felt "off" about her. I got the impression that there were strings attached to the help, along with the fact that she was trying too hard to be best friends so soon as after meeting her. She started the copycat/mirroring BS, and watched me like a hawk. She was also very possessive; she tried to interfere with any of my attempts to bond with other office staff. She tried to befriend anyone I tried to befriend. I swiftly cut her off as much as I could, as this was all very unsettling and creepy to me. Even then, she kept on following me around the office, creating drama, until I had to get management involved. She is now gone from the company... Thank goodness! I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone.
They have their ways of making you feel guilty of things you haven’t done from their somehow self harming martyr complex personality and behaviors (and they find sick joy in it as a fact that it brings bodily pleasures or mentally pleasures).
I am rewatching these treasures of videos. My old boss tried to Hoover me back the other day by pretending to care and “prey” for me... same ole patronizing mentor ship fakery... Blocked her. Narcs are all about themselves, don’t be fooled!
I thought it was love that's why he was following everything that i do and keeping track of all my activities. Booo hooo. I was his puppy all this years. I am 52 yrs old now. What a .....! Thank you so much. Now i know what to do. I'm getting back my life. He can continue narcing while i continue claiming what i deserve to have.
Many people on common society and internet forums offers you unsolicited mentoring. They only respond to you when you can be perceived as inferior over them. But when you create something nice, e.g. write beautiful poems, music, etc. they ignore as those never exist. Also people on society tend to underestimate me (just because I am nice and not aggresive like most others), while I have tendency to overestimate people. They don't want you to outshine them. :)
Adrianna A I have a friend, I realize now, she only reply my emails when I have sad stories, but when I have happy stories, she always ignore my emails. lol
I have an INFJ personality type and I find that narcissistic people tend to target us... because of the level of empathy we express and how we are naturally people pleasers.
You made ALOT of sense there.... They sounds and look like credit cards, sure, use me now, accept my help, but later you will be paying me back with INTEREST, and you now credit cards, you can never catch up with the repayments....Healthy people give you space (leave you alone) after they invite you somewhere, they don't want to seem a nuisance, they give you space so you have room to make your move, if you want to continue being friends, so now it's your turn to invite them somewhere you want to go....I think the word you were looking for was INTENT, be mindful of their intention of doing what ( & why) they were doing for you...if hey keep asking for more small favour and impose on you, you know what they are REALLY up too
I have an uncle who is constantly trying to get me n my sisters to visit his house. He lives in the other end of town n we barely know him. Point is he has been trying for years to get us round his house. Nobody is interested. Whenever he visits my parents, he keeps asking about what we are getting up to in our lives, asking about what we possess ie money, jobs n property. He even tried to sabotage my dad's funeral, trying to get us to stay for the wake round his mother's house, ie. my grand aunt. He keeps trying n trying. In the wake, he kept making passive/agressive digs at me cos I explained to him we would have the wake in our gone cos it's my father's funeral n friends, neighbours would like to pay their respects. He hates me cos he knows I suspect his intention. He just wants us close to him so he can get his ulterior motives met. My sisters don't suspect anything, cos he uses his charm whenever they are around but I can see through him. He even once said that we all should sell our house n move near him. Now for over 40 years we have spent living in our town, nobody wants to move, we are very happy where we live. So why should we sell our home? It's absurd for h to even suggest this! I'm suspicious that he is a Narc n trying to control me, my sisters n my um for his agenda. Every time he visits, he asks penetrating, nosy questions about our lives, he even insisted that my sister throw a party in her new expensive home at my dad's funeral, made a huge a scene in the graveyard , after when we buried my dad to get us to listen to him where we have the wake. I think he's a controlling Narc, who wants to get the upper hand in our lives.
My dear husband have just gaslighted me the other day. Thanks to all your videos. My life and my children's life will be a total wreck if i have not learned about NPD. I Am still hoping that we can move on with our lives together. He can continue narcing us while i continue following your advice. It's quite a challenge and i find it hillarious to play with my narc husband.
"They make you an offer you have to decline'' Also they'll set you up in a situation where after they've created a NEED & you ask for said help with said need, they deny it and actually flip out on you too because truth be told they weren't going to help you would in the first place little did you know they just wanted to get you rattled & start some shit so they can make you look like you're the Bad Guy
7:26 Very true. You agree to that boat ride = You agree to be manipulated. While the truth is, I just try to be nice, but it's translated as I do that because I want something from them (or as cheaty as them, except I am slightly dumber than them), then they are in power on in control. Cheat or be cheated, "ha, you are dumb enough to be cheated" ( because that's on their mind all life long). Be careful to be nice to people who never receive love.
"like a friendship that has progressed to the fifth or sixth year by day two (? paraphrased)".... yes! Or ALMOST like, in a platonic same sex friendship, there's a ROMANTIC element to it. I had a female narc latch onto me this way, and when I put the brakes on the friendship after some inappropriate behavior, likewise, her reaction was almost 'jilted lover.' I wonder if this ties into, in some narc people, and almost homosexual aspect, either real or just in feeling.... that in being their object, your sex doesn't really matter, same way that in having a relationship with someone, their need to be adored is irregardless of being platonic or romantic.
Georgia Byrd I received the same reaction from my friend when I couldn't spend so much time with her -so much so that when I told my mother the story of how my friend reacted she had to ask me, is this girl actually a lesbian?? I knew my friend was overreacting and acting like a diva but when my mom thought it was on a whole different level that made me stop and think. In the end she's not a lesbian but a narcissist that needs a lot of attention.
ahhhh more christian mysogyny. jezebel is a far more complex character and there is much more to the story. men are terrified of free spirited, free thinking women that are in sexual control so then they must be evil and the downfall of man. Notice how christian theology ALWAYS has that narrative??? BS
Yes it is the Jezebel spirit and it isnt gender specific plenty of men have it. People call it the Jezebel spirit because of the notorious person of Jezebel but perhaps more accurately we could say that Jezebel had a narcissist demon. I hope that clarifies for anyone, it isnt sexist or misogynistic.
@@lisayun8995 Exactly....Jezebel and Ahab were BOTH narcs...This freak couple usually ends up together in the end because no SANE person wants either one of their azzes.
Yes so true what you saying in this video. This happened to me with my ex narcissistic. See in the beginning of the relationship she was buying me a lot of things taking me out to dinners buy me and my daughter new phones then when we broke up she ask for half of the money that she gave me. It goes a little like this. Oh can you give me half of the money that I gave you because I need it. And I said I thought you did that out of the kindness of your heart I didn't know you loan me money. U did all this kind things to me for then to throw it in my Face. But what I didn't know and what I know now is that narcissistic do things behind a motive everything you do is a motive behind it they don't never do anything just out of the kindness of the heart or because they want to they never do anything without getting something in return. I know this now I didn't know this then. Thanks for your video Keep It Coming. 😘❤️
Thank you for that message. That's the next step for me as a survivor of Narcissism in every step I take from now on it will be different as I 'm now stronger than I was before. Peace and be good to yourself.
Always something attached! Yes, they monopolize your time and want your constant attention. Also, they may try to use all of your resources that they can get their hands on like your money, your car rides, your pills/medicines, your clothes, etc.
So glad you made this video. I meet a new "friend" that helped me get away from the Sociopath I was with that did have me stripped down to a mute bird in a cage for 3 yrs. It was seriously hard to get out of and Horrible. Well... she is not paying attention to any of my boundaries. She is so up my ass that if I say ANYTHING - SHE IS ON IT LIKE WHITE ON RICE!!! OMG!!! I stated the other day that I'm a little loney just moving here and being in a state of serious changes, just got away from the sicko 2 months ago. She gave my phone number to men she knows!!! Men that I dont know are calling me!!! She did this last month as well. I told her to stop. I dont appreciate her giving my number to people I dont even know. She did it again yesterday. I told her to stop telling strangers I dont know my personal business. She apologizes and keeps doing it. She is living MY LIFE for me now. She is all about finding me a new job, a new spouse, a new home, she is picking EVERYTHING out and pushing it on me. And making calls and talking to people for me on my behalf when I know nothing about it!!! And she tells total stranger all my affairs!!! Now I know she has hidden cameras at work and watches her employees and listen to their private conversations. We go to lunch and the whole time she is spying on them with an app on her phone. And she drives past thier houses to see if they are home? What they are doing, with whom and where their are and how they are spending their time. I was in herin her car when she did this stuff 2 weeks ago. So... now I know... A Narcissist helped me get away from The Sociopath. 🙄 Good Lord help me. She knows I work 2 jobs and sleep that my life since I'm upside down in debt to leave that Sociopath. She tries to suck up all of the little free time I have. Calls me to come over then is busy with other people and leaves me just sitting there wasting hrs of my time. So I've stopped that. I show up and stuff like that is happening I quickly and quietly say I have to go. I have little to no time so I'm gonna go do my errands and get to sleep earlier. I'm slowly backing out of this friendship. Gonna try to keep it light. Move it into a form of small town friendly accuntance ONLY. GEEZ 😒
"After all I've done for you!" Classic narc parent refrain. They've kept a log of all the food and clothes, etc that you got as a child. They figure that's a debt that you will never be able to repay so you are their possession for life and must obey them and take all their crap because they allowed you to live.
Great info! I work with a woman who tries to control when and where we all go to lunch, among many other things. I used to let her do it and would just go with the flow but after dealing with her narcissism for years, I stopped and usually don't go with them especially when she has been a raving witch. It ticks her off that I don't allow her to control me. Honestly instead of running, she just controls other things instead. I've gone to the boss but he doesn't like confrontation so he won't do anything about it. She knows that so she does what she can to get to me. I try to just stay in my office and not get involved in the crap going on.
I love your voice too. So warm and friendly. Makes me feel safe! I trust your advice! Thanks for keeping me educated on the crazy narcopath world that has plagued me.
Permission To Exist It's true u sound great. Are u the organisational psychologist? There's one on you tube who sounds just like u. Thanks for your advice.
Looking at your picture of the bird in a cage reminded me of a poem by William Blake ( 1757 - 1827. ) It fits so well with the motives of the narcissist. SONG How sweet I roam'd from field to field, And tasted all the Summer's pride, Till I, the Prince of Love beheld, Who in the sunny beams did glide, He shew'd me Lilys for my hair, And blushing roses for my brow, He led me through his garden fair, Where all his golden pleasures grow. With sweet May dews, my wings were wet, And Phoebus fir'd my vocal range, He caught me in his silkened net, And shut me in his golden cage. He loves to sit and hear me sing, Then laughs, sports and plays with me, Then stretches out my golden wing, And mocks my loss of liberty.
EVERY SINGLE THING WHICH YOU OUTLINED HERE HAPPENED TO ME !! THE BOAT TRIP, PAINTING THE HOUSE, REPAIRING THE HOUSE, AN INVITATION TO TRAVEL WHICH WAS CANCELLED, EVERYTHING TO HELP THE NARC WITHOUT REGARD THAT I FLEW IN FROM NYC TO MIAMI AFTER WORKING ALL WEEK, THEN WORKING ON NARC´S PROJECTS.
Oh yes..my narcs would help...BUT...its a high price to pay for some low rent living. Id rather be without help. Im very leery on someone helping me or being nice. Im not hey hey anymore to anyone. I wont even ride in the car with anyone...unless im driving...fear of being thrown out. Yes...thrown out miles from home. smh...
Listening to this video for the third time, what strikes me is that two of the Narcs I picked up, at a new job, in a new city, were already fully established there. They were born and bred. I was new to the city. But the way they acted you would think they were new to the city and I was the one that was already settled there. They just seemed so keen to be friends. And not just friend friends, special, huggy, friends. Always struck me as odd. Now listening to this I'm like, righttt.
narcs run away when you respond with anger towards them when they are running their game on you. they know that you are not someone to fuck with. I see these assholes all the time. I can feel them in my gut when they come around. when they learn that up front you are not going to fall for their shit they move on to another target. THEIR TEST IS AN ACT OF AGGRESSION. THEY WANT TO SEE IF YOU WILL TAKE IT. they always test the target up front. if you do not recognize the test and what they are they will start their aggression on you. many of them are shocked when you look them strait in they eyes and tell them you know what they are doing and it is not going to work with you. Many times i feel it in my spirit when they are around and I know something is not right way before my brain figures out what is going on
This guy gave me all of his attention and I liked it at first. However I slighted this person and then he started ignoring me for weeks. When I forgot about him he surprised me and said " I got a gift for you. Do you want it?" I said "well..." and to my astonishment it was exactly what I wanted! A limited B side CD from a band that I love. It was a very hard CD to come by. I couldn't resist. He left but he gave me a sideways glance like....I am coming for you. So this was his personality in a nutshell. I got totally entangled with him and it lasted for years! At the beginning I watched him dump one of his "best friends" saying that he was too busy to hang out with him because he was with me. This friend became really depressed and he didn't care. I should of known it then but I never really met anyone like him before. He became a psychological nightmare. I wish I never met him now.
They seduce you. It's not for love or any genuine interest. It's to gain access to your mind and then to eventually own/control/destroy you. They're so sick and twisted, there is *nothing* normal about the way they interact with anybody.
My previous boss was like this. You had no choice but to be her friend. New people arrived and were taken for lunch and dragged out. She never ran out of supply/fuel.
14:20, such as having a child with them. Oh, my yes, you owe them. Heads will roll and you will pay. And their favorite way to profit isn't by exacting the price from you, but from someone you love instead, preferably a child or pet (more innocent = more reaction from you), or parents and friends (sources of validation and counsel for you). In response you'll try to insulate the narc to protect the other (giving narc ample supply, and starving the other); or insulate yourself to protect the other (so the narc has no competition for supply, and you are starved of others). Depending on how manipulative the narc is, they can set it up to pit two people against each other for an endless roller coaster ride of isolation and drama.
I've been trying to find the answer to this. Can a person who pays for everything and doesn't allow you to reciprocate be a narcissist? My mother wouldn't let me buy my own things if we are in the store together. I'm an educated adult. My childhood friend, the same. I could never cover a check or do the same for her. I make excellent money, over $100,000 per year. They refuse to acknowledge this. I believe this a method of control or one-upping me with $$$$, even envy. It's such strange behaviour. I can't find any information on this, but they both (as well as my non-reciprocal dad) score high on the Narc checklist.
Especially empathetic people that they think they are weak and fun to fool around with, to be their designated claws for their soul entertainment purpose, to boost their egos.
Yep, it may often be the case that dealing with narcissists and other Cluster B types is much like what my mother used to say, if I ate something that made me ill. To watch what I eat. But, the reality is that, you’ll often only know, once you’ve eaten it. The difference between food and a narcissist is that a narcissist knows they are lying to you and luring you in. I’d even say that a narcissist looks at you, in much the same way a job does. You’re hired to serve them and at the lowest cost possible usually. You’re to have allegiance to them and you’re never to lie to them, even during the application process. But they can lie to you about what the job, that you’re expected to do, maybe say in and out for years, entails. They can switch it up, blatantly lie to you, be abusive, controlling, bullying, gaslighting. But, you’d better remain respectful and reliable and subservient. Some jobs are sooo very owning and tenacious of you, they become enraged, when you merely turn down their offer and haven’t even begun working there yet. Tells you that you probably made the right choice, right there.
This has happened to me. I declined going places with this person and they snapped on me. I told him I can’t be with you. Now keep in mind he has played a father role from the get go to my kids. I’m telling you since I told him I couldn’t hang with him anymore I’m afraid he’s going to do something to me. I know for certain this man is a narcissistic person. To much to soon. Yes I felt a sense of obligation to him to. I seen the real him and he was entangling me. I don’t know what this person is capable of doing now that I told him I don’t like the way he is. He tried to get into arguments with me and finally I told him listen you don’t know what your talking about. This person has been stalking me for years. Yes I feel so smothered and it’s not healthy. I don’t want anything to do with him I just hope I have seen the last of him. He told me he has driven by my house and how I never include him and he got vicious.
My narc infanted all over me. Appealed to my maternal side by presenting himself as a (seductive) victim of child abuse and suicidiality. He knocked me off my feet. I am still untangling 10 years later. He's gay now (ha, new victim gender, of course). I wonder if I'll ever know if the child abuse was real. I am happy to continue no contact, but I do consider that I always bought the child abuse thing--WHY? Why did I give it sustained credence when his sociopathy was so deep?? PS. He knew I was a therapist initially and ate that up with a shovel! He hit the target-jackpot. He also wanted to hurt his friend by sleeping with me. Tasty side-effect for him.
keldra alpine That is a key ingredient to how they get this way. Child abuse of any kind but sexual abuse screws up the psyche more than any other abuse. My narc had all the symptoms of sexual abuse survivor. I did discover he was sexually abused as a child. This is what made it almost impossible to abandon Him...Until the betrayal gets so hideous you have to or you will abandon Your own soul.
i was 13 out with friends after a football game when he pulls up ,all cocky my sister didnt want to leave yet and went off with a guy so he offered me a ride HE WAS 21, THEN would call while i was out constantly id come home messages from this guy, the first time i went out all i heard was how he was abused and his brother and wife were spending his money etc..... but i was to young to see what he was doing i broke up with him because of lies and he shows up a week or two later after a car wreck used it to get me to feel bad for him, i didnt go after this guy HE HUNTED ME, THEN ABUSED ME FOR 43 YRS.
I knew an English teacher from Scotland. He rubbed his naked backside on my face when I was asleep. Then, after I woke up because I had felt andsen it, obviously, just for the laugh of it, he denied it happened.
I have noticed in myself, that when faced with a person that clearly shows all the signs, the red flags, of someone that isnt good company, I have an inability to steer clear like most people can. I seem to let this new encounter last longer than it should. It's like I have denial of the obvious. Its like maybe I think everyone is honest and has my best interests in mind, but I don't think it's that. It's more like I just don't bother paying attention, a laziness, like I just don't care enough. Thats the trait or behaviour that allows them in my life. Its like theres a part of my brain thats missing, the part that identifies unhealthy and untrustworthy people. It's me that lets them in. They keep trying people until they find someone that lets them in. A failure to take care of my environment, of me. Like i leave it up to luck. Thats what it is! I think it will just work itself out, the tooth fairy will fly in and take care of it, that attitude has caused me a great deal of pain my whole life. magical thinking, putting my life in other peoples hands, or the hands of luck. I'm guessing I'm a person with no boundaries. Or very poor boundaries. I'm learning though, I ejected a full blown Narc out of my life last week, in record time haha but he shouldnt have been there at all. I'm a work in progress.
Troubling last statement sounds like something a narcissist would say, "I grant you the right to exist" vs Exercise your right to exist the way you want to or something similar.
Excellent Video. You are so good at talking about this subject. Great information. I'm getting ready to go No Contact again with my Narcissist Mom - she's 87 and getting worst as she gets older. Reminds me of being a rebellious teenager in High School times. She hates me having boundaries and speaking up for myself. She's so horridly EVIL and has no remorse or nor any modesty about her awful behavior and rages. If you do decide you want to do another video one day on possession by your Narcissist or Black Magic used on their kids . . . I have so much information on this topic if you ever want to talk. I had no idea she did this all my life with her mental illness. I woke up to it a decade ago in my 40s. I didn't have a horrible complexion and horrible cramps growing up because of my personal make up. It was my mother being spiteful and needing me insecure for her to feel better. She's used her Catholic black magic on this family her entire life. She shortened my dad's life with heart disease. In her later years as well, she is trying to shut me up about her affair with her brother - St Joe. I believe he fathered two of my brothers - the blonde hair blue eyed brothers. My other brother and I are brown haired and brown eyed and look like our Dad. My mother's brother Joe, came onto me in my 30s. My mother made me out to be a liar to everyone and then vacationed with him 4 times the year my father died 18 months later. LOVE your videos. I'm seeing things I have never seen and some of your suggestions are really ringing bells for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! ♡❥♡❥♡ Partners in Healing Planet Earth ♡❥♡❥♡
I believe why we attract narcissists is the fact that we are empathetic. They see that in us and then plan to use that to their advantage.
Shanta Webb bingo
I agree. They see it as something to take advantage of, as an opportunity to feed. They do not have any of the normal, healthy morality or conscience to hold them back from treating someone in that way. They're spiritually dead and their ego is out of control.
Has to be. All I meet is crazy women 😂no offense sis
Word up sweetie it's true I am an empath myself 😢😢🙏🏽🙏🏽👽👁👁🤐
We are suckers with no boundaries that’s why
Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets :
- Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
- When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
- Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
- They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
- Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
- They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
- Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
- They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
- They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
- Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
- Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
- When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
- Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
- They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
- They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
- They think they are models to be followed.
- They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.
Please share this message to other people and forums. We have to raise awareness!
Fireheart Lightning Spot on!! Every single one. Narc parent has done, and continues to do, every single one of these.
Fireheart Lightning so true..I had second thoughts at first about the narc..now I know for sure! Wish I knew this sooner...👍💯
Thank you. And you are right, WE HAVE TO RAISE AWARENESS! These people are EVIL! EVIL. I have dealt with two in my life. EVIL. Period.
👍💯
What a great presentation!!!! You must have suffered with one at one time! Thank God we got away and have learned. And.. spot on about EVIL. When people write about feeling sorry for them, or they are NOT evil... I gotta say, the one I dealt with LOOKS like SATAN!
I have experienced this so many times.
They make you feel obligated to interact with them.
They feel entitled to your attention.
Do not want your feedback unless it is in agreement with theirs.
They can't go anywhere without someone with them. And when you go with them you end up paying and doing all the work.
It feels like you no longer have your own life.
They don't consider your time as yours.
They care less about what you have to do.
omg....this is me. all of your attention; they have to have sum1 with them @ all times, blame u for everything that happens bad.
All of the above... they care less about u, period. They don't consider u, ur feelings don't matter, like u don't even exist! Only as much as they can use u, or only if they need u for something!
@@keonajohnson1708 OMG
Me too. Exactly!
One potential Red Flag...
Their Gifts Are NOT always Well-Thought of...
They give gifts that are not what you Asked... gifts that are not based on your Preferences... Their Gifts
are a Love-BOMB not out of Love...
They love bomb so they can beg later
Yes. Just wrote that in part. Along with that is: Do they make you feel special? The sexiest, never loved anyone more, so intelligent, shows you off, etc. Feels good, right. That’s how narcs and sociopaths get their prey. The entanglement is very complex when dealing with a Covert Narc. That’s my mother. Hard! I’m the designated black sheep a covert narc has to have to put all their stuff onto. (Currently given my situation behaviors are more despicable than ever. I see. Most just get coerced by her against me, her daughter).
I agree. The gift giving is extreme and out right disrespectful especially at the beginning of getting to know the person.
Gifts are given as if they are really nice or that person thought about you but often the gift is an insult or negative in some way but the victim is expected to act as if it is really nice the narcissist gave them a gift.
They ask u what u want and make sure they dont get it.
Possession = Ownership. This is a Narcs Goal, everyday 24/7, of their "Prey". They demand to be your 1 & Only relationship.
They are like Vultures, flying in circles above their victim.
"There, I did something nice for you....I'll put it on your tab!" yep, that's happened to me...
Jayman 71 or giving with strings attached
I believe truly they never give with the intention of giving from their heart they always give because they will expect you to give what they want in return later like I'll do you a favor now that you never asked for and they definitely require a favor back from you when they want
Plus interest...
Always an indication to run, or backup off them. My neighbors, seemingly nice, mowed my lawn,. Keeping in mind, my lawn is so small, it’s cute. They wouldn’t take my money..so I bought them 2 cases of their favorite beer ( it’s what they were drinking, while mowing) Then, and I do me literally they would be uninvited in my back yard, or knocking on my door... they just attached themselves to me. I had to shut it down immediately! Healthy boundaries are my strong suit. I am a woman that lives alone, I’m not trying to have those kind of problems.
The narc actually told me angrily that I didnt know how to be a friend and then proceeded to lecture me about how 'friendship' works. He said you have to do things for people and keep a written record so you can use it for leverage later on in order to control them. He made out I was a bad person because I didnt do that. I was speechless.
Sister you are so right about this. I met a woman who got mad because I didn’t let Her pay for my purchase and then again when I refused to ride with her and chose to ride with my Daughter instead!!! And if that was not bad enough. She would do things for me that I did not ask or expect. Spent much money on me for things in the name of the Lord!!!! Then in the same breath. Tell me I spent so much on you and I ain’t even your man. Whoa! This statement alone had me back up and check the whole friendship out. I heard in my spirit. She is tired of you and she jealous of you too. It all made sense at that point. I could never be on a phone call with her around because all the caller hear on the other end is her loud mouth and I would be asked who is that loud mouth woman in the background. Then if a man look at me and she with me. She act like a jilted lover which was crazy. I don’t swing that way and yet she would always act like I kicked her to the curb.... i finally moved on and changed my number doing no contact ever again... All I can say, is watch the people who push their way into your life🙏🏿
True. Narcs don't do anything out of the kindness of their hearts. There is always an agenda behind any "favors" they do for you.
Amen to that..!
indeed my narc mother will do a so call good deed then follow it though with abuse right after or befor
there is allways a trade off
Completely agree.
Oh my... This is so true. I have also noticed this kind of arrogant behaviour in the form of barging into other people's houses uninvited. So arrogant! They literally disregard your personal space and time, and even boundaries, thinking you NEED to leave everything you are doing just because THEY need to vent or something. And then they guilt-trip you if you don't comply. Have you experienced this?
MY husbands friend did this and he(my husband) mimics who ever is his best friend at the time.
Vesna Nujić what makes me sick r kids these days that have no concept of boundaries. I have 2 friends with kids that will go thru my swim bag, looking for swim toys and food, without even asking me. Their mother is right there and says nothing. Wth. My kid would not even Think of going thru some other moms bag......
They have zero concept of boundaries or how to have a healthy, non-invasive relationship with anybody. They are NOT self-sustaining and therefore all they care about is getting their next feed. The way they relate to other people is extremely creepy in this regard.
Yes!
So true! What I thought was self-confidence (real manly type)...was unbelievable arrogance.
I've noticed a pattern of emulation. Food choices, style, hobbies, speech patterns...they discard you still processing all the light you gave them. It's crazzzy and weird.
Lady Lovely Locs YES. I have made the same observation. It’s pathetic.
Narccicists have strings attached to every nice thing they do for you. You will always pay for it later
A narcissist friends circle are usually composed of a lot of great people because they pick givers since they need constant validation and service.
Ass kissing I won't do
My narcs did the opposite of what you are saying- they never sought me out to give anything to me to loop me in. They adopted a pity pot victimized mode so that I would take care of them in the relationship (by providing love, attention, advice, mentorship, money, whatever) and then refused to ever reciprocate. After several years of it all being about them and their needs (because they are eternal victims), the codependent needs to start asking for some kind of reciprocation but feels guilty because of all the other person has supposedly been through. Eventually after several years it makes you snap and you are the one who gets angry when they never reciprocate, because you are starving by that point for all the things you have consistently given to them but never received. You thought that once they healed the relationship would naturally become more equal, but it never did. Then you realize the person is just a complete taker, and that when they are done listening to their whiny stories to you, they will find someone else to believe them and take care of them. When they are with you, I find they are possessive, but only when other people threaten to take the codependent away. I find they are especially jealous when other narcs are around.
Chooselove 4all Soooo much truth in this comment.
I click on your profile, you subcribe to richard gannon, Teal swan, Melania Torrie. They are all Narcissists! You seek advice from narcissists. Be careful whom you are listening. I am just saying. :)
thiery572 Thanks I appreciate your concern, I really do. And that may be true, but perhaps then they might know even more about how narcs think. San Vaknin admits he is a narc but gives pretty good analysis of narcs... I just need to scan as many sources as possible to learn how to avoid narcs in my day to day life...
Chooselove 4all This is my perspective. I didn't come from Narcissist background at the first place, so I can separate healthy perspective vs. non healthy perspective.
Listen to this Permission channel, begood4000, NPDrecovery, Ollie Matthews. I don't necessarily agree to everything they say. But they do have healthy perspectives.
Don't listen to Sam Vaknin.
I used to be a fan of Teal for 3 years. But then she got worse, and she would erase anyone who has 'independent mind' (e.g. the persons' forum account is banned).
These narcissists cater to people who are addicted to victimhood. They help you in the beginning. But once you start to grow, have 'independent mind' and start to question them, they will hate you.
Of course, I am just saying. It's up to you who you are listened to. :D
I think I want to continue to listen to Teal Swan as I have learned from some of her videos. If I feel I start to question her or that I am stuck in the victim role somehow or growing out of her videos, I will just stop watching... I checked out the ones you recommended and I particularly resonate to the NPDrecovery one. It is very insightful, clear, and brief while actually describing the feelings extremely accurately! Thanks for the tip!
This is so true. Thanks. I had a "friend" who has NPD. In his mind he is responsible for all your accomplishments. If you graduated at the top of your class, it was his "help" that got you there. If you are an artist or a musician he is the one who "inspired" you to practice with all his amazing advice, etc. Beware of narcissists who want to take you under their wing. They are interested in sucking the life out of you and inserting themselves in its place. And if you figure out how full of BS they are, they will suddenly go from "spiritual" and "creative" to cheap, petty and critical. The "creative genius" routine is all an act with a narcissist -- an act they will play for most of their life sometimes. They even gather a throng of followers around them over the years. They sometimes seem very legit. And then one day the light bulb goes on.
Oh Lord, I get so tired of these types...they know you 2 days and have their hands around your neck. When it gets to the checking on you/monitoring you every day-run, don't walk, away. NOW!
Barb Thornell true🏃🏃🏃Run!
I bet even if some of us suck at spelling, every damn one of us can spell Narcissist
Mike Slone lmaoo 😂. True
True dude💯😢
😂 FACTS!
They are not narcissists, they are Predators
😂😂😂😂
You are so right about the formation of true friendship. When people befriend me quickly or unexpectedly,I get suspicious and I want to sneak out the door. My best friend and I became friends slowly. I didn't even feel it happening. It was that gradual.
No they won't keep targeting you if you speak up and defend yourself using boundaries. People can only be somewhere if they choose. The sweet mean cycle is how it works. This doesn't sound like a malicious intention... a true narcissist will make up lies so people dislike you or ignore you completely. They prey on your weaknesses and try to gain control over you.
Kerri Potkonen, depends on the situation. If you are a child or spouse ( for example) of a narc, if you speak up they will get supply somehow. They will rage or demean you for speaking up and dismissively and flippantly gaslight you.
Exactly
The Christian view is they are called the spirit of Jezebel. Just thought that was interesting.
Crazy Nerd and it is VERY real.
Crazy Nerd and they usually are possessed by marine spirits
Catherine Juarez marine spirits are a false teaching. stop listening to jenifer leclaire
I’ve been married to a narcissistic for years. Only recently understood what was happening. We probably will be divorced soon. I’m worried about connecting with people when it’s over. Great advice thank you!
Amen.. Spot on..
Yes, thank you. The warp speed at which they try to bond with you is a huge red flag. They very quickly detect the fact that you're a giving spirit. So they run the calculation. If they're helpful with you just for a little while-- long enough to gain your trust-- the dividends will be substantial. They're very clear, from the very outset, that they're going to be able to get a lot more from you than you're going to be able to get from them. When they succeed at this, it makes them feel powerful. They're therefore getting loads of practical, real life help from you, while also getting narcissistic supply. Latching onto you quickly, therefore, is a major component of their game. As it is written, the enemy comes in like a flood.
Normal people respect you where the Narc doesn't, and Yeah Narcs seem to be overloaded with an emotion that drives them. An energy that doesn't let them go..and eventually they try to put that energy off on us.
It really is like they're possessed. Like there's something else driving them at all times. Call it ego or whatever you want, but...their authentic selves are NOT operating their person.
Yes, I just shoo'd away two narcs recently who would constantly try to keep me engaged by asking to meet up, texting me, trying to arrange phone calls, etc. Then of course, they try to make me the bad guy when I finally had enuff.. This one old man tried to interject himself into my life. At first I thought he was nice. Then I heard him refer to himself as an old dirtbag to someone. I thought BINGO! He was trying to convince me to go into business with him during our first conversation, telling me he can't wait for me to meet his daughter, and telling me we are just alike. All within a week of meeting him! He is looking for someone to take care of his old ass. It ain't gonna be me!! My radar was going off full blast, and when he kept crossing the boundaries I was setting, I decided to just cut off contact completely. It's a relief. I totally don't care what he or the other covert narc say about me. Good riddance!! Great vid - it solidifies my thoughts & intuition. Peace & love :^)
I was once told, listen to how people describe themselves, dirtbag, teaser, insecure, etc, they are probably right, listen to them, they know themselves best.!!!
For sure! And, when we say anything relating to insecurity about ourselves, narcs jump on that like flies on cow patties.
This is EXACTLY what happened to me with the narc I was involved with. We happen to be in the same business. He is someone who had a lot of success in the company and, because of that, he's well-known and respected. Out of nowhere, he latched onto me at a company event under the guise that he was going to mentor me. Even though my spidey senses were tingling during those initial interactions, I desperately wanted to believe he was actually going to help me reach the pinnacle I wanted to reach in my business. So, I entertained him. I ended up being entangled in his web for about 2 years. It's over now and I have peace; but he still tries to connect with me from time to time. Narcs are relentless!
They are relentless and none of what they do has anything whatsoever to do with your well-being or your greater good. They don't even see you as a person, they see you as an object that they WANT for themselves, for whatever reason. They will take everything from you and give literally nothing back in return. They have no energy to give, they're like black holes sucking everything INTO themselves, forever.
This description is so accurate, K Star. I completely agree.
Your common sense soothes my soul. I need to seek out more people like you. Your energy is very grounding. I love this stuff. So, so, so accurate, clear and truthful.
Thank you for sharing!
You are so very welcome :)
They're so sick I feel like throwing up.
(Narcissist Target)
-- This is very true. Everywhere I go (Gym/Store/Work/etc.), I always seem to attract a narcissist. That being said, by way of yourself and others, here on RUclips, I have been able to spot them. And to that I say, thank you!
Am glad to have bumped into this Chanel I went through all those things you have just mentioned and I would advice anyone don't drink or do anything fun with a narcissists boss am glad now am healing those people destroy your confidence self esteem.
Thanks so much for this!! You covered this topic really well! I can definitely relate to this one, as I recently went through this at my current job. I started a new job early this year, and my covert narcissist coworker who was assigned to train me, latched onto me almost immediately. This woman did everything she could to "take me under her wing," and "rescue" me whether I needed it, or not. I obviously needed the training, but however, something just felt "off" about her. I got the impression that there were strings attached to the help, along with the fact that she was trying too hard to be best friends so soon as after meeting her. She started the copycat/mirroring BS, and watched me like a hawk. She was also very possessive; she tried to interfere with any of my attempts to bond with other office staff. She tried to befriend anyone I tried to befriend. I swiftly cut her off as much as I could, as this was all very unsettling and creepy to me. Even then, she kept on following me around the office, creating drama, until I had to get management involved. She is now gone from the company... Thank goodness! I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone.
They have their ways of making you feel guilty of things you haven’t done from their somehow self harming martyr complex personality and behaviors (and they find sick joy in it as a fact that it brings bodily pleasures or mentally pleasures).
Hit the nail on the head with these sadistic pieces of crap.
I am rewatching these treasures of videos. My old boss tried to Hoover me back the other day by pretending to care and “prey” for me... same ole patronizing mentor ship fakery... Blocked her. Narcs are all about themselves, don’t be fooled!
or they take you out on the boat and turn it into a torture trauma session because they have you trapped.
I thought it was love that's why he was following everything that i do and keeping track of all my activities. Booo hooo. I was his puppy all this years. I am 52 yrs old now. What a .....! Thank you so much. Now i know what to do. I'm getting back my life. He can continue narcing while i continue claiming what i deserve to have.
Many people on common society and internet forums offers you unsolicited mentoring. They only respond to you when you can be perceived as inferior over them. But when you create something nice, e.g. write beautiful poems, music, etc. they ignore as those never exist.
Also people on society tend to underestimate me (just because I am nice and not aggresive like most others), while I have tendency to overestimate people.
They don't want you to outshine them. :)
Adrianna A I have a friend, I realize now, she only reply my emails when I have sad stories, but when I have happy stories, she always ignore my emails. lol
She 's not a real friend :-(
Adrianna A. Right. She's not a real friend.
Summed it all up
Very eye opening. Its a tough crowd I tell yah. May God continue to give us strength and we remain protected at all times.
I have an INFJ personality type and I find that narcissistic people tend to target us... because of the level of empathy we express and how we are naturally people pleasers.
Obligation and pedestal placing are just high standards they can make you feel guilty about.
You made ALOT of sense there.... They sounds and look like credit cards, sure, use me now, accept my help, but later you will be paying me back with INTEREST, and you now credit cards, you can never catch up with the repayments....Healthy people give you space (leave you alone) after they invite you somewhere, they don't want to seem a nuisance, they give you space so you have room to make your move, if you want to continue being friends, so now it's your turn to invite them somewhere you want to go....I think the word you were looking for was INTENT, be mindful of their intention of doing what ( & why) they were doing for you...if hey keep asking for more small favour and impose on you, you know what they are REALLY up too
Yep
I have an uncle who is constantly trying to get me n my sisters to visit his house. He lives in the other end of town n we barely know him. Point is he has been trying for years to get us round his house. Nobody is interested. Whenever he visits my parents, he keeps asking about what we are getting up to in our lives, asking about what we possess ie money, jobs n property. He even tried to sabotage my dad's funeral, trying to get us to stay for the wake round his mother's house, ie. my grand aunt. He keeps trying n trying. In the wake, he kept making passive/agressive digs at me cos I explained to him we would have the wake in our gone cos it's my father's funeral n friends, neighbours would like to pay their respects. He hates me cos he knows I suspect his intention. He just wants us close to him so he can get his ulterior motives met. My sisters don't suspect anything, cos he uses his charm whenever they are around but I can see through him. He even once said that we all should sell our house n move near him. Now for over 40 years we have spent living in our town, nobody wants to move, we are very happy where we live. So why should we sell our home? It's absurd for h to even suggest this! I'm suspicious that he is a Narc n trying to control me, my sisters n my um for his agenda. Every time he visits, he asks penetrating, nosy questions about our lives, he even insisted that my sister throw a party in her new expensive home at my dad's funeral, made a huge a scene in the graveyard , after when we buried my dad to get us to listen to him where we have the wake. I think he's a controlling Narc, who wants to get the upper hand in our lives.
your a very smart women with a lovely voice thank you for.this information
My dear husband have just gaslighted me the other day. Thanks to all your videos. My life and my children's life will be a total wreck if i have not learned about NPD. I Am still hoping that we can move on with our lives together. He can continue narcing us while i continue following your advice. It's quite a challenge and i find it hillarious to play with my narc husband.
Advice my mother gave me: If you play with a cowpie, your fingers will stink. Playing with a narc is dangerous. You will NEVER win....NEVER.
"They make you an offer you have to decline''
Also they'll set you up in a situation where after they've created a NEED & you ask for said help with said need, they deny it and actually flip out on you too because truth be told they weren't going to help you would in the first place little did you know they just wanted to get you rattled & start some shit so they can make you look like you're the Bad Guy
Yes yes yes, petty ash
That`s the way it is, over and over and over. EXACTLY!
7:26 Very true. You agree to that boat ride = You agree to be manipulated.
While the truth is, I just try to be nice, but it's translated as I do that because I want something from them (or as cheaty as them, except I am slightly dumber than them), then they are in power on in control. Cheat or be cheated, "ha, you are dumb enough to be cheated" ( because that's on their mind all life long).
Be careful to be nice to people who never receive love.
"like a friendship that has progressed to the fifth or sixth year by day two (? paraphrased)".... yes! Or ALMOST like, in a platonic same sex friendship, there's a ROMANTIC element to it.
I had a female narc latch onto me this way, and when I put the brakes on the friendship after some inappropriate behavior, likewise, her reaction was almost 'jilted lover.'
I wonder if this ties into, in some narc people, and almost homosexual aspect, either real or just in feeling.... that in being their object, your sex doesn't really matter, same way that in having a relationship with someone, their need to be adored is irregardless of being platonic or romantic.
Yes! I had to drop a friend who was forcing herself into my personal space. This fool had the nerve to say that i LEFT HER!!
Georgia Byrd I received the same reaction from my friend when I couldn't spend so much time with her -so much so that when I told my mother the story of how my friend reacted she had to ask me, is this girl actually a lesbian?? I knew my friend was overreacting and acting like a diva but when my mom thought it was on a whole different level that made me stop and think. In the end she's not a lesbian but a narcissist that needs a lot of attention.
There is a spiritual name for Narcissists as well: The Jezebel Spirit
Original Man Yes! 🙏🏾
❤️👏🏾
ahhhh more christian mysogyny. jezebel is a far more complex character and there is much more to the story. men are terrified of free spirited, free thinking women that are in sexual control so then they must be evil and the downfall of man. Notice how christian theology ALWAYS has that narrative??? BS
Yes it is the Jezebel spirit and it isnt gender specific plenty of men have it. People call it the Jezebel spirit because of the notorious person of Jezebel but perhaps more accurately we could say that Jezebel had a narcissist demon. I hope that clarifies for anyone, it isnt sexist or misogynistic.
@@lisayun8995 Exactly....Jezebel and Ahab were BOTH narcs...This freak couple usually ends up together in the end because no SANE person wants either one of their azzes.
Yes so true what you saying in this video. This happened to me with my ex narcissistic. See in the beginning of the relationship she was buying me a lot of things taking me out to dinners buy me and my daughter new phones then when we broke up she ask for half of the money that she gave me. It goes a little like this. Oh can you give me half of the money that I gave you because I need it. And I said I thought you did that out of the kindness of your heart I didn't know you loan me money. U did all this kind things to me for then to throw it in my Face. But what I didn't know and what I know now is that narcissistic do things behind a motive everything you do is a motive behind it they don't never do anything just out of the kindness of the heart or because they want to they never do anything without getting something in return. I know this now I didn't know this then. Thanks for your video Keep It Coming. 😘❤️
Thank you for that message. That's the next step for me as a survivor of Narcissism in every step I take from now on it will be different as I 'm now stronger than I was before. Peace and be good to yourself.
Always something attached!
Yes, they monopolize your time and want your constant attention.
Also, they may try to use all of your resources that they can get their hands on like your money, your car rides, your pills/medicines, your clothes, etc.
Yes! And if you say yes once, congratulations! You are now a resource lol
So glad you made this video.
I meet a new "friend" that helped me get away from the Sociopath I was with that did have me stripped down to a mute bird in a cage for 3 yrs.
It was seriously hard to get out of and Horrible.
Well... she is not paying attention to any of my boundaries.
She is so up my ass that if I say ANYTHING - SHE IS ON IT LIKE WHITE ON RICE!!! OMG!!!
I stated the other day that I'm a little loney just moving here and being in a state of serious changes, just got away from the sicko 2 months ago.
She gave my phone number to men she knows!!! Men that I dont know are calling me!!! She did this last month as well. I told her to stop.
I dont appreciate her giving my number to people I dont even know.
She did it again yesterday.
I told her to stop telling strangers I dont know my personal business.
She apologizes and keeps doing it.
She is living MY LIFE for me now.
She is all about finding me a new job, a new spouse, a new home, she is picking EVERYTHING out and pushing it on me.
And making calls and talking to people for me on my behalf when I know nothing about it!!!
And she tells total stranger all my affairs!!!
Now I know she has hidden cameras at work and watches her employees and listen to their private conversations. We go to lunch and the whole time she is spying on them with an app on her phone.
And she drives past thier houses to see if they are home? What they are doing, with whom and where their are and how they are spending their time.
I was in herin her car when she did this stuff 2 weeks ago.
So... now I know...
A Narcissist helped me get away from The Sociopath.
🙄 Good Lord help me.
She knows I work 2 jobs and sleep that my life since I'm upside down in debt to leave that Sociopath.
She tries to suck up all of the little free time I have.
Calls me to come over then is busy with other people and leaves me just sitting there wasting hrs of my time. So I've stopped that.
I show up and stuff like that is happening I quickly and quietly say I have to go. I have little to no time so I'm gonna go do my errands and get to sleep earlier.
I'm slowly backing out of this friendship. Gonna try to keep it light.
Move it into a form of small town friendly accuntance ONLY.
GEEZ 😒
haha mine painted my bathroom and cleaned my blinds...just to ask me to cosign his new car...
They act like victims themselves first.
"After all I've done for you!" Classic narc parent refrain. They've kept a log of all the food and clothes, etc that you got as a child. They figure that's a debt that you will never be able to repay so you are their possession for life and must obey them and take all their crap because they allowed you to live.
Great info! I work with a woman who tries to control when and where we all go to lunch, among many other things. I used to let her do it and would just go with the flow but after dealing with her narcissism for years, I stopped and usually don't go with them especially when she has been a raving witch. It ticks her off that I don't allow her to control me. Honestly instead of running, she just controls other things instead. I've gone to the boss but he doesn't like confrontation so he won't do anything about it. She knows that so she does what she can to get to me. I try to just stay in my office and not get involved in the crap going on.
I just learned that NO is a complete sentence 💖
hi! I love listening to your voice:)
Thank you :)
Totally agree - a very kind voice. You sound like a good person :)
I love your voice too. So warm and friendly. Makes me feel safe! I trust your advice! Thanks for keeping me educated on the crazy narcopath world that has plagued me.
very perceptive and intelligent too.
Permission To Exist
It's true u sound great. Are u the organisational psychologist? There's one on you tube who sounds just like u. Thanks for your advice.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't with these leeches.
We have intuition/gut instinct/discernment for a reason! Don't ever ignore it❤︎
This should be the narcissist survivors anthem! Dammed if we do or don’t. No contact n healing is the only way
That would boost their in fact low esteems. Like soul bullying.
Looking at your picture of the bird in a cage reminded me of a poem by William Blake ( 1757 - 1827. ) It fits so well with the motives of the narcissist.
SONG
How sweet I roam'd from field to field,
And tasted all the Summer's pride,
Till I, the Prince of Love beheld,
Who in the sunny beams did glide,
He shew'd me Lilys for my hair,
And blushing roses for my brow,
He led me through his garden fair,
Where all his golden pleasures grow.
With sweet May dews, my wings were wet,
And Phoebus fir'd my vocal range,
He caught me in his silkened net,
And shut me in his golden cage.
He loves to sit and hear me sing,
Then laughs, sports and plays with me,
Then stretches out my golden wing,
And mocks my loss of liberty.
It’s the liberty for me! Incredible
EVERY SINGLE THING WHICH YOU OUTLINED HERE HAPPENED TO ME !! THE BOAT TRIP, PAINTING THE HOUSE, REPAIRING THE HOUSE, AN INVITATION TO TRAVEL WHICH WAS CANCELLED, EVERYTHING TO HELP THE NARC WITHOUT REGARD THAT I FLEW IN FROM NYC TO MIAMI AFTER WORKING ALL WEEK, THEN WORKING ON NARC´S PROJECTS.
When I deal with these narcissistic people love to tell them No, 😂 and I never let them attached to me..🎭 under no circumstance.
Oh yes..my narcs would help...BUT...its a high price to pay for some low rent living. Id rather be without help. Im very leery on someone helping me or being nice. Im not hey hey anymore to anyone. I wont even ride in the car with anyone...unless im driving...fear of being thrown out. Yes...thrown out miles from home. smh...
Gavin DeBecker calls it UNSOLICITED FAVOURS/GIFTS for LOAN SHARKING behaviour.
Listening to this video for the third time, what strikes me is that two of the Narcs I picked up, at a new job, in a new city, were already fully established there. They were born and bred. I was new to the city. But the way they acted you would think they were new to the city and I was the one that was already settled there. They just seemed so keen to be friends. And not just friend friends, special, huggy, friends. Always struck me as odd. Now listening to this I'm like, righttt.
narcs run away when you respond with anger towards them when they are running their game on you. they know that you are not someone to fuck with. I see these assholes all the time. I can feel them in my gut when they come around. when they learn that up front you are not going to fall for their shit they move on to another target. THEIR TEST IS AN ACT OF AGGRESSION. THEY WANT TO SEE IF YOU WILL TAKE IT. they always test the target up front. if you do not recognize the test and what they are they will start their aggression on you. many of them are shocked when you look them strait in they eyes and tell them you know what they are doing and it is not going to work with you. Many times i feel it in my spirit when they are around and I know something is not right way before my brain figures out what is going on
you are awesome. love these. thank you!
I know this type in females. I ended being a flunkie for this woman. No more. Not for her and no one else.
This guy gave me all of his attention and I liked it at first. However I slighted this person and then he started ignoring me for weeks. When I forgot about him he surprised me and said " I got a gift for you. Do you want it?" I said "well..." and to my astonishment it was exactly what I wanted! A limited B side CD from a band that I love. It was a very hard CD to come by. I couldn't resist. He left but he gave me a sideways glance like....I am coming for you. So this was his personality in a nutshell. I got totally entangled with him and it lasted for years! At the beginning I watched him dump one of his "best friends" saying that he was too busy to hang out with him because he was with me. This friend became really depressed and he didn't care. I should of known it then but I never really met anyone like him before. He became a psychological nightmare. I wish I never met him now.
They seduce you. It's not for love or any genuine interest. It's to gain access to your mind and then to eventually own/control/destroy you. They're so sick and twisted, there is *nothing* normal about the way they interact with anybody.
Great teaching illustrations and explanations plus boundary applications. Thank you!!
I absolutely love this video it's so factual according to my experience. thank you
My previous boss was like this. You had no choice but to be her friend. New people arrived and were taken for lunch and dragged out. She never ran out of supply/fuel.
14:20, such as having a child with them. Oh, my yes, you owe them. Heads will roll and you will pay. And their favorite way to profit isn't by exacting the price from you, but from someone you love instead, preferably a child or pet (more innocent = more reaction from you), or parents and friends (sources of validation and counsel for you). In response you'll try to insulate the narc to protect the other (giving narc ample supply, and starving the other); or insulate yourself to protect the other (so the narc has no competition for supply, and you are starved of others). Depending on how manipulative the narc is, they can set it up to pit two people against each other for an endless roller coaster ride of isolation and drama.
Another outstanding video!!!
100% AGREED
I lived it
I always felt like a jerk for feeling smothered but at least I know better now.
Very well explained!! Quite informative!! Thank you!!🌸
Another good one. Exactly on point. Narcs will make you think you are nothing without them.
You have such great insights! All the best to you.
Thank for this video. I really enjoyed it. It's almost if we knew the same person. #NarcissistFollowTheSameScript
You are describing the person I had in my life!!!!!! I cannot believe this. Thank you so much - thought I was just paranoid. OMG
I've been trying to find the answer to this. Can a person who pays for everything and doesn't allow you to reciprocate be a narcissist? My mother wouldn't let me buy my own things if we are in the store together. I'm an educated adult. My childhood friend, the same. I could never cover a check or do the same for her. I make excellent money, over $100,000 per year. They refuse to acknowledge this. I believe this a method of control or one-upping me with $$$$, even envy. It's such strange behaviour. I can't find any information on this, but they both (as well as my non-reciprocal dad) score high on the Narc checklist.
Never doubt yourself. You are correct, my mother n law and father n law dies this to me and their son. Keep those spidey senses.
Especially empathetic people that they think they are weak and fun to fool around with, to be their designated claws for their soul entertainment purpose, to boost their egos.
Yep, it may often be the case that dealing with narcissists and other Cluster B types is much like what my mother used to say, if I ate something that made me ill. To watch what I eat. But, the reality is that, you’ll often only know, once you’ve eaten it. The difference between food and a narcissist is that a narcissist knows they are lying to you and luring you in.
I’d even say that a narcissist looks at you, in much the same way a job does. You’re hired to serve them and at the lowest cost possible usually. You’re to have allegiance to them and you’re never to lie to them, even during the application process. But they can lie to you about what the job, that you’re expected to do, maybe say in and out for years, entails. They can switch it up, blatantly lie to you, be abusive, controlling, bullying, gaslighting. But, you’d better remain respectful and reliable and subservient. Some jobs are sooo very owning and tenacious of you, they become enraged, when you merely turn down their offer and haven’t even begun working there yet. Tells you that you probably made the right choice, right there.
Wow sounds like NeNe Leakes of Housewives of Atlanta
This has happened to me. I declined going places with this person and they snapped on me. I told him I can’t be with you. Now keep in mind he has played a father role from the get go to my kids. I’m telling you since I told him I couldn’t hang with him anymore I’m afraid he’s going to do something to me. I know for certain this man is a narcissistic person. To much to soon. Yes I felt a sense of obligation to him to. I seen the real him and he was entangling me. I don’t know what this person is capable of doing now that I told him I don’t like the way he is. He tried to get into arguments with me and finally I told him listen you don’t know what your talking about. This person has been stalking me for years. Yes I feel so smothered and it’s not healthy. I don’t want anything to do with him I just hope I have seen the last of him. He told me he has driven by my house and how I never include him and he got vicious.
So spot on! Thank you!
My narc infanted all over me. Appealed to my maternal side by presenting himself as a (seductive) victim of child abuse and suicidiality. He knocked me off my feet. I am still untangling 10 years later. He's gay now (ha, new victim gender, of course). I wonder if I'll ever know if the child abuse was real. I am happy to continue no contact, but I do consider that I always bought the child abuse thing--WHY? Why did I give it sustained credence when his sociopathy was so deep?? PS. He knew I was a therapist initially and ate that up with a shovel! He hit the target-jackpot. He also wanted to hurt his friend by sleeping with me. Tasty side-effect for him.
keldra alpine That is a key ingredient to how they get this way. Child abuse of any kind but sexual abuse screws up the psyche more than any other abuse. My narc had all the symptoms of sexual abuse survivor. I did discover he was sexually abused as a child. This is what made it almost impossible to abandon Him...Until the betrayal gets so hideous you have to or you will abandon Your own soul.
i was 13 out with friends after a football game when he pulls up ,all cocky my sister didnt want to leave yet and went off with a guy so he offered me a ride HE WAS 21, THEN would call while i was out constantly id come home messages from this guy, the first time i went out all i heard was how he was abused and his brother and wife were spending his money etc..... but i was to young to see what he was doing i broke up with him because of lies and he shows up a week or two later after a car wreck used it to get me to feel bad for him, i didnt go after this guy HE HUNTED ME, THEN ABUSED ME FOR 43 YRS.
Big thanks for this video, it explains a lot and fully covers my experience with narcissist..
How I differentiate between normal humans and narcissists: Genuine vs ingenuine behaviour.
Oh the typical narc! Always have a "tally board". You're the first I've heard bring that up.
Yes, the narcissist wants to be the person at the heart of the event. Not with me they aren’t. I love to refuse to do something when I don’t need to.
Eventually they’ll abuse you at their house when you’re passed out drunk and deny they touched you.
I knew an English teacher from Scotland. He rubbed his naked backside on my face when I was asleep. Then, after I woke up because I had felt andsen it, obviously, just for the laugh of it, he denied it happened.
I have noticed in myself, that when faced with a person that clearly shows all the signs, the red flags, of someone that isnt good company, I have an inability to steer clear like most people can. I seem to let this new encounter last longer than it should. It's like I have denial of the obvious. Its like maybe I think everyone is honest and has my best interests in mind, but I don't think it's that. It's more like I just don't bother paying attention, a laziness, like I just don't care enough. Thats the trait or behaviour that allows them in my life. Its like theres a part of my brain thats missing, the part that identifies unhealthy and untrustworthy people. It's me that lets them in. They keep trying people until they find someone that lets them in. A failure to take care of my environment, of me. Like i leave it up to luck. Thats what it is! I think it will just work itself out, the tooth fairy will fly in and take care of it, that attitude has caused me a great deal of pain my whole life. magical thinking, putting my life in other peoples hands, or the hands of luck. I'm guessing I'm a person with no boundaries. Or very poor boundaries. I'm learning though, I ejected a full blown Narc out of my life last week, in record time haha but he shouldnt have been there at all. I'm a work in progress.
My new favorite channel. So validating!
This reminds me of two spiritual teachers who tried to prey on me...G. This makes so much sense
Troubling last statement sounds like something a narcissist would say, "I grant you the right to exist" vs Exercise your right to exist the way you want to or something similar.
Excellent Video. You are so good at talking about this subject. Great information.
I'm getting ready to go No Contact again with my Narcissist Mom - she's 87 and getting worst as she gets older. Reminds me of being a rebellious teenager in High School times. She hates me having boundaries and speaking up for myself.
She's so horridly EVIL and has no remorse or nor any modesty about her awful behavior and rages.
If you do decide you want to do another video one day on possession by your Narcissist or Black Magic used on their kids . . . I have so much information on this topic if you ever want to talk.
I had no idea she did this all my life with her mental illness. I woke up to it a decade ago in my 40s. I didn't have a horrible complexion and horrible cramps growing up because of my personal make up. It was my mother being spiteful and needing me insecure for her to feel better. She's used her Catholic black magic on this family her entire life. She shortened my dad's life with heart disease.
In her later years as well, she is trying to shut me up about her affair with her brother - St Joe. I believe he fathered two of my brothers - the blonde hair blue eyed brothers. My other brother and I are brown haired and brown eyed and look like our Dad. My mother's brother Joe, came onto me in my 30s. My mother made me out to be a liar to everyone and then vacationed with him 4 times the year my father died 18 months later.
LOVE your videos. I'm seeing things I have never seen and some of your suggestions are really ringing bells for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
♡❥♡❥♡ Partners in Healing Planet Earth ♡❥♡❥♡
Thank you for tapping into and using your gifts! God send. Much love. 🙏🏾❤️👏🏾
was there ever a video that was ever done on the traits of people who narcissists are attracted to?
Yes! I did a video called "Narcissists' Favorite People" ruclips.net/video/uvhUonCNFos/видео.html
People who have Codependent Behavior. Watch Dr. Ramani Durvasula s videos.
I love ur voice and ur channel great job!
Wow! Thank you for sharing ur thoughts. I am a new subscriber to ur videos. So insightful !
Cody Ryan Welcome!
Demonizing
Oh does this make sense to me.. and by them being our ambassador you don't meet real people. . they become your life!!