I was practically catatonic by the end of my relationship with the narcissist. I went to a self help group and a woman there told me “He is a narcissist. Go to RUclips and listen to Sam Vaknin. If you’re still alive next week we can go out for coffee and talk”. Dr. Vaknin, you saved my life. You. gave me words to use, and explained an inexplicable situation.
@@samvaknin how do I get out of marriage with one when he won't leave the home and is dragging out the divorce and is offering me the worst deal - after a year in lockdown its actually sending me crazy - putting mortgage into arrears, sabotaging car, stealing bank cards, manipulating children
@@kateherron107 me too, I’m trapped in a marriage, left the house with equity he won’t budge. I’m on SSDI renting and he has my family banboozooled . I totally bankrupt cptsd ran for my life and they act like I abandoned him. I was literally a hostage in my own house, head and body.
My 8 year old son said “there’s no more chaos “ after his father was gone from the house. It was torture when he was here! Random behaviours. Abuse. Stress. Gaslighting.
The biggest danger of being involved in a relationship with a narc,is that you start thinking and behaving like a narcissist aswell. Like narcs become narcs after being dismissed by someone..so do you. Protect yourself from staying in a vicious cicle. Be with people who make you feel respected and strong...
At the same time, letting your own narc traits come to the forefront is the only way you can get free of them so you have to become a narc to a point or be completely swallowed.
The difference is you have control and a choice. You can choose to hurt people and to love people. All the pain and chaos they cause is a reflex they can't help to destroy their lives and everyone in it.
This was one oof the most disturbing parts of being in a narc family. If you didn't think like them or agree with hem, they would physically or financially harm me.
"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby becomes a monster, and if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good, and Evil
Dear Prof. Vaknin..I'm sorry for your childhood traumas...But your painful experiences have been a CURE to millions of people around the world... I can't explain how much you have Rescued me & my kìds.. We really appreciate Prof. PLEASE DON'T STOP!
I was raised by a narcissist/ obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I married a narcissist and was discarded on my birthday by the narcissist 3 years and 2 children later. I find your teachings accurate and now I live with my 93 year old narcissist today. Thank you for your help!
SO GRATEFUL TO THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN WHO HAS BEEN FAITHFULLY HELPING SO MANY SEVERELY ABUSED PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD FOR DECADES NOW- THANK YOU PROFESSOR VAKNIN
Oh my word a.All is Well. You have forgotten Sam is a narcissist; has said himself narcissists do not feel ANYTHING for anyone, do not do ANYTHING for the ANYONE unless it serves THEM, and do not do ANYTHING for the greater good. They know exactly what they are doing, while hiding behind their narcissistic mask, playing you. There is NO love NO compassion or sentiment for ANYONE . Sam tells us about his qualifications, all his videos, all the books he's written (grandiose superiority) but is only sharing his knowledge because it gives him the craved attention he NEEDS 24 HOURS A Day 365 DAYS A YEAR from 260k subscribers, but even a trillion subscribers would never be enough. He doesn't do ANYTHING to benefit you or me and you really have not learned what narcissists are about. You have been taken in through a computer screen ! you are ripe to be abused by a narcissist. From bitter experience I can tell you a narcissist is not a beautiful person. Imagine your worst nightmare, quadruple it and then realise even at that point you will only be scratching the surface of what they are capable of - with a smile of their face.
I’ve watched hundreds of your videos now and the information you are providing has fit my narcissists precisely. Sometimes the things you say, he has also said word for word. It’s quite interesting. That alone makes me believes that the things you are saying apply to the majority of the narcs out there. This is why I stick with your videos because of how they resonate with my past relationship.
Spot on . That constant little voice telling me something is not right, what is it that I can't properly read about him... Hypervigilance amplifies the experience and makes you addicted, but.. boy, is it the opposite of peace of mind !
Thank You Prof Vaknin, in the end the overthinking has caused more damage to my person than the antics of the narcissist, yes he has hurt me emotionally to the core but the overthinking has taken me down the darkest road I have ever travelled, thank you for giving us permission to let it go, it truly is a gift ❤ and yes some of us actually NEED permission as sad as that is.... on a lighter note the subtitles are hilarious especially when it changes the narcissist to the Nazi and the false self to the forth self 😂 personally I enjoy your accent and love all the new words you introduce to my world X
What I find amusing is pushing both buttons at the same time 😂 "You are indeed the biggest authority in your field (not really) but at the moment we don't really need your advice" "You are very rich and successful (not really), but we don't want your money" "You are very sexy (not really), just not going to happen, ever" And a secret, do you know when a narcissist lies? When he moves his lips. They believe their own lies of course, and it's what makes them pitiful.
I personally think the material you put out is invaluable. My mother is a narcissist, as is my brother & sister, I had a narcissistic boss, divorced a covert narcissistic sociopath and just dumped a malignant narcissistic psychopath I was dating. Your lectures are spot on, actually didn’t know what I was dealing with, this last one that is, it was your lectures that helped me identify. The descriptions you gave were as though you were peering in the window witnessing. I thank you very much for your work.
I think the other side of the coin is the co-dependent who is always the supply for the narcissist. Both feel like they will die without each other, both are wounded and empty inside. The codependents can integrate and can evolve but the narcissist can not. It’s as if the narcissist role is to wake up the co dependent to evolve. Then hopefully with new understanding the co dependent can integrate and become whole.
i think you are exactly right. i left mine almost a year ago (6/12 will make a year of NC). it took about 6-7 months of introspection, therapy, and self examination before i started to feel like myself again… now, as wrong as it feels to admit, i am almost grateful for that awful experience with him. the pain of it all may have brought me to my knees and cracked me open, but it also forced me to confront parts of myself i didn’t even know existed. parts of me that i may have never met, otherwise.
Very well said. This is the conclusion I have come to as a codependent. He showed me how I avoid myself and need to evolve. If I had been more evolved, I would have seen through him much sooner and not chosen to be with him. Thank you for your thoughtful response.
Your lectures are spectacular. I have been married to a grandiose narcissist = when i first met him, he said well i'm only 37 but i'm really in my 60s because i've had such a vast life that has been full of much more experience than anybody you could ever know.....and when I heard you say this as the first secret button I was shocked. He also thought he was going to be a GOD and teach me how to become enlightened as well as teaching the rest of the world....claiming to be a GURU and genius as well....he fits ALL your buttons. Thank you so much for helping me navigate through this nightmarish maze that I'm in. It's been a year since I left him and I am slowly starting to wake up. Sending much gratitude to you for this much needed work!
All the ex narcs I've had to deal with always had the Jekyll & Hyde bipolar personality traits. One minute too good to be true, people pleasing child like to excess, the next outrageous grandiose enraged monstrous domineering father figure. My inner 6th spider sense buttons tingled from day 1, with my latest ex narc, wondering what was up with him. I've seen all the different aspects of the personalities described in the above, from the Batman t-shirt wearing inner child, to the masochistic guru wannabe long haired Jesus lookalike vegetarian, to the rockstar demonic goth band guitarist psycho with his harem of thousands of 2 dimensional adoring bad witch women online. A very confused person. Since he met me, he really struggled, adopting different personas, trying to dominate me didn't work, I just call him a toddler having a tantrum. The inner spoilt brat vulnerable covert child expecting to treat me like a mother replacement picking his rubbish up after him won't work either because I call him out every time. The latest hoover attempt after I told him I don't need to see him again, I've had enough of his tantrums, he's been showing off to me how great he is at strimming & how he wants to do my strimming when he's not offering me carpets, bicycles & literal vacuum cleaners I don't need. I'm just saying "yes dear, well done" now, when I'm not practicing zero tolerance for BS. I've also told him he needs to get his sugar levels & mental health assessment tested with his doctor because I'm not his therapist. I think he has schizoaffective disorder. His personality literally shifts from moment to moment. I feel sorry for him, he's lovely when he's loving, but demonic when he's not. His parents relationship was really messed up, abusive plate throwing narcissistic dad, & psychotic mum who was either never there neglecting him, or took her rage out on him scapegoating him as a kid shouting at him in his sleep to get up instead of just buying him an alarm clock like normal parents. He can't even sleep peacefully he wakes up continually with anxiety dreams, to this day now he's in his 50s. I have to keep telling him I'm not his mum, he can scream & shout at all his toxic vampire obsessed witch women groupies at his gigs instead. I've seen behind the mask of the covert rock star narcissist & the reality is it's all a front, an act, a performance, a re-enactment of the weird messed up psychodrama behind the scenes.
Thank you Sam, this really helped pull me out of the madness and constant self-scrutiny . Helped me understand where the gaslighting comes from, how they convince others of their unique special saviour-ness and make sense of why I have been so abused. She was neglected and abused as a child. I married her, had a child, separated and am still entangled in co-parenting, experiencing all these archetypes in full glory and terrifying chaos. At the moment she is restricting access to my daughter, playing the vengeful god of old testament, the father guru demanding arbitrary regulations and rules, the hero by saving the children from an imaginary monster, the new testament god in that she sacrifices herself by all that she does, as the prodigy child that is 'innocently' succeeding despite her limitations. Feeding off the supply of my pain and everyone that believes her public hero mask and that showers her with support and admiration for what is actually the chaos that she is inflicting with the allies of her righteous superior unquestioned divinity. I remember when we were dating when I was asleep next to her, wondering if she would murder me in my sleep. This was my intuition warning me, but I fell into the phantasy and unknowingly plunged myself deep exposing myself to her true hidden inner darkness. My life has been destroyed, by her, the idolise, devalue, reject cycle 10000 times, have had 20 mental breakdowns, severe depression and what I think is emergent (maybe previously dormant) BPD, but it looks to others like I did it alone all my fault. Abuse that was always in private, never when playing the hero. I'm trying to rebuild while she keeps destroying it.
I feel you brother. All I want to do is reach out to her family which she will abandom or cancel time with me to dote and fuss over and who im kept far away from. Tell them who I am and my experience and explain how much I love her and all the pain and chaos it's caused in my life. That I'm not just a jealous controlling faceless man. The crazy ex boyfriend.
I'm autistic and the part about how narcissists put everything into sharp relief and keep people on their toes really puts my relationship with narcissists into perspective. All social relationships with NT people do that to me, so learning to manually navigate and try to understand the behaviour of narcissists is not too different from having to do the same around any other NT people
Can you recognize narcissism in people? Or do you also miss these cues? I think I miss a lot of cues and oversee narcissistic traits. My ex was totally like Sam. He even spoke that way when conveying ideas. He used a lot of synonyms as Sam does 😀 I think maybe because I am autistic (I suspect) I did push all his buttons in the positive way. And maybe yes, when I stopped doing that, because circumstances had changed, he showed his uglier parts. I am really good at pushing buttons. In both ways. I miss so much information, though. I trust too much. I don't know that people close to me lie and deceive. The ingenuity is so big. And I tend to blame myself and not them. Is it autism or maybe also narcissism?
I also love being alone - and left alone. Nonetheless, the world has forced me to learn to be more comfortable - even functional & effective - around other people. It's never been my preference to go out & about among others.
Being alone or introverted has been perceived as a threat (I guess, in Western Cultural society) as other people, obsessed with finding fulfillment **strictly** through relationships, proclaim that being alone is ANTIsocial (I prefer asocial) and must be a symptom of (any?) Personality disorder; which, I suppose isn't **wrong**; but whom do we allow the authority to say what's considered "healthy" or Gandalf forbid, normal? What if, certain people don't need *so* *much* interaction with other people (or, the tribe) to be healthy 🤔 idk but you can't be **more** free than when you're alone.
@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 A personality disorder is a misuse of motive. It isn't selfish to be alone, it is a relief from the selfish. Something a narcissist refuses to understand. We have to turn to our own balance of mind to handle influence otherwise, allowing others to feel more comfortable with its sense.
@@RHope7, As I recallled, but I could be wrong....But Sam did say in one of his most recent videos, that in these times it might be not necessarily a bad thing to be alone because people are worse. And a lot of people are suffering from feeling like they are alone. So I hope people who feel lonely don't overthink it, & with this knoeledge being put out how can most not be. Narcs can't handle/game a lot of people like they use too.
I have been pushing these buttons for awhile. I am a co dependent, and it has been the biggest struggle of my life. I knew he was a child, but wanted control like a father, but did not want responsibility. In public many see him as a folk hero, but at home he's a ghost like monster. I knew he wanted to be god like but is a substance abuser. Knowing he surrounds himself with supplies and Gammas he has spiraled downward. I have two children with him. I loved him for reasons that may take a life time to understand. I am leaving and its worse than him dying. I had to make the choice of losing myself entirely, withering away as a person in hopes he could change, or walking away and starting a new life with our two beautiful girls he spends no time with. What you said about the energy in the room when the narcissist is true. I feel like I have to crawl in the crack in my heart and hide from him. Unwanted advice from him and my parents, coincidence, I think not. There is no hope in raising kids with a covert narcissist, especially a Gamma.
divorce from covert narcissist is a nightmare in hell experience - you wake up and drama is endless, you sleep and you do not get rest. Your children are used as non animated objects for any imaginable and non imaginable abuse, DCF, police psychologists , whatever legal power exist cannot control him, only restrains temporarily until he adopts and morphs himself into the new creature to haunt you, sending his pets/flying monkeys at the same time to cover all directions you could possibly go to get some oxygen to breathe. Anything goes- no food/water for children, sexual - touching, sleeping, grooming and if he is not allowed to touch, then he will expose himself and touches himself. Any degree of psychological/ emotional/financial abuse/neglect goes. Sometimes I believe that he is watching some horror movies and imagining himself the main character in them. It still not possible for me to comprehend that all of that could be inside of just one non-human mind.
Good luck to you! My story is very similar to yours. Great fake personality, but they let you do the work. I stayed with my narcissistic husband more than 20 years because I saw his potential. I believed that he could become a great person if he put in some effort. Except, he is not in the least inclined to do that, he‘d rather work on his fake image than on himself. Also, my mother and grandmother both had narcissistic husbands, so I thought his behavior was normal. I thought all men were like that. If you doubt your decision to leave, think of your girls! You have to protect them or they’ll suffer and even end up in narcissistic relationships themselves. 💕
I too have the same situation. That sensation of not being able to breathe. It’s funny how when I first met him I would have the sensation of choking so I couldn’t breathe. 20+ years later I Now know what that meant. I’ve been trying to divorce and it’s taking years and the silent abuse gets worse but the contempt and hate we have for each other is surely the worst experience for our children. How do I get him out of the house so I can breathe
@@thescreenbiz people say walk away, not realizing what that means to children. I understand. Stay grounded in your values, & your reality. You will have to be a warrior like leader for your kids. Falter internally never waver externally. They feed off weakness, narcissists. Be strong, do it for yourself & your kids. It’s the challenge of a lifetime, in my experience.
When we were in the process of separating he screamed at me " I took you and your kids out of a life of shit". So much for the rescuer. I shut down on him sexually years ago and he read it in my journals. After being cheated on 2x I had nothing left inside for him.
I’ve been listening to all your videos for hours throughout this pandemic it has given much relief from an entity who try to destroy me in deepest core of my life…. Been married for ten years I had no clue what was Narcissism Abuse …. Reading gaining knowledge day by day listening to your videos has given me strength Professor Sam …. To make my way out of marriage …. I gave him everything I walk away …. I want nothing jus a peace of mind …. Still have many questions but after listening to thus video … I had to comment and tell you thank you 🙏 for helping me Yes I stayed for ten years but now I know better it’s been 8 months n NO CONTACT … I’m stronger than ever … been listening to you over one year n I had the strength to leave this Predator a parasite 🦠who took away my identity hurted me but guess what I gain knowledge n much more wisdom there’s no turning back …. My first time commenting I needed to say this to you Professor thank you 🙏 thank you Sir This was an amazing video much love ❤️ much RESPECT 🌹🌹🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️❤️
15 years here. I did not know either about Narcissism abuse, I Did not know the word “gaslighting” but I had been dealing with it all these years. Trying to find my way out, we have an early teen so it’s not just me fleeing. Trying to regain my financial independence and struggling with all the pain and frustration. Good to hear you made it!
@@lpokrova hi 👋 I’m going great …. No contact he try calling me with different numbers I blocked everyone I don’t even pick up the phone bcus I don’t recognize the number … no contact is the key to our healing it’s hard but it works … I don’t even think bout him anymore I forgive him bcus it’s a disorder but no contact no contact works…. When we get stronger they get weaker believe me …. I do come on RUclips n still listen not all the time … I’m doing much better …. Most important I have a peace of mind…. No contact is the key to your happiness….
@@lpokrova not a problem you see this will be the best time since you guys are far apart you need to heal from all this Larisa … I’m telling you the truth you will be crying a lot it helps cry it it out … you need to speak with ppl who understand narcissism … let me give you a joke I told some friends n you know what they tell me move in forget him but it wasn’t easy to do bcus u know why they don’t know what I’ve been through … he told them I’m crazy etc… u kbow what I did … I got up blocked all those so call friends drop them n you tube n quora bcame my friends let me tell u Larisa I was reading everything that I could find to help me pull through this n look at me today I’m doing really good … I didn’t know I could pull myself out of it out I did…. When u get stronger these parasites get weaker … u need to pull yourself together n get back what you had before he came in the picture… this why I’m telling u read n pray pray for god’s to direct you to give you courage n strength pray for guidance I’m only telling you my experience that helped me … listen it have coaches on RUclips I’ll give you some names to listen too n you can read the comments as well The tea on NPD and relationships the coach is Telsha omg she’s good Another Doctor Ramani she’s amazing she’s a phycologist… once u ask her questions she answers you really good …. Narc Surivior his name is Chris he’s good …..you have Mental Healness with Lee Hammock he’s a diagnosis Narcissist he’s in therapy he’s telling u how narcissistic ppl are I ask him so many questions I got all my answers u won’t believe how these coaches has helped me today …. I’m not telling you I’m begging you plz look up what I jus send you n you will let me know u can speak with them one b one as well … I forgot to give you another Assc direct Channel he’s a coach really really good plz try listening to them kk best advice I can give you …. Don’t hesitate to contact me kk I’ve been there I know what you’re going through …. Try to relax kk you jus need to work on being you again n try your best NO CONTACT NO CONTACT ITS THE KEY TO YOUT HAPPINESS ☝️
@@lpokrova I forgot you need to take back your POWER …. He has none none …. These predators are cowards liars manipulative n very destructive demonic entities remember forgive n get better …. Don’t take him back it will get worse trust me I’m reaching out to you bcus I care Larisa I live in Canada 🇨🇦 at least we can still communicate from all over the world I know what’s happening to you … u found a person who’s looking out for your best interest … take care send me a message day or night I’m here to answer any questions you have … every Thursday tea on NPD with Telsha she’s live to speak to her audience n ask any questions u have to ask jus let me know n I’ll introduce the coach to you … jus remember I’m a survivor to narcissism… trying to help another reach where I am …. It will get better my dear friend Larisa kk 👍👍
Thank you Prof. VAKNIN, for another most informative - and also delightful - presentation. I have watched many of your talks. I'm a narc survivor. Had learned after a few years with him how to conduct myself around him until my children were old enough to make our exit. I feel very fortunate that I have managed this although it took me several years to heal and ' pull my Sox up" , move on and thrive. I have become stronger , he now is suffering his " come-uppance," is a sick, friendless blob. What goes around comes around. But we don't have to be around to witness it. To paraphrase Shakespeare: "leave them to heaven".
I absolutely experience an overwhelming flood of THOUGHTS after being around this person, or in anticipation of being around him, negative intrusive and inescapable ruminating. Thanks for the video, I will use these ideas to try and resolve this relationship.
Theyre super easy to identity and neutralize; in the 3rd interaction you can see their Narcissism. The moment you see you make it impossible for them to reach you and than they start the TERROR and than they EXPOSÉ themselves. Than they run away.
Hi, I just wanted to say thank you. I've listened to many of your videos and you have offered the most validation, helpful tips and astute information that I have come across. I'm starting to understand that I am not crazy or delusional and additionally I now understand why I am the only one who sees what I see. I have finally exited from the relationship and am thankful to learn all of the information you share, even if I found it a bit late. Thank you.
So far I’ve watched a few of his videos, and he has so much information. I’m LEARNING after 15 years that this is a real thing Narcissist he talks like he knows my narcissistic lol
Great Stuff Sam!! I really appreciate your insights and knowledge into the narcissistic personality! You are spot on with so much of your wisdom into this realm.
I think being with a narcissist is a gift he make me think differently and deeply and i questioned everything and after i received answers for all my questions now i own my life and love him too but i decided to not live with him🙂🥰
Well you must have had a very different experience then me. There is nothing about the time I spent being used and degraded disrespected and fake loved that I could ever consider a gift .I was a fool for believing a monster was a person. So at least I will never be able to trust another person again. I obviously have to assume anyone is a monster at this point. I could only make that mistake one time in life because its like the one mistake that cant be undone. It's almost like a part of me is dead and dead is dead!
@@lilbirdhates6 No point beating yourself up. Please. You are allowed to make mistakes. Forgive yourself and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes in the future as well. Once you accept what has happened you can start to process and learn what took place. That is when you have better chance it not happening again.
The Narcissist I am in death struggle with has 100s of Spider-Man comics. Constantly tells me to watch avenger and X-men movies Also 90s wrestling. He is a child. I have cancer and he has been pushed to adulthood. He stands in the kitchen gasping for air and Groaning. It’s the weirdest thing I have ever seen. It’s how I figured out his vulnerable narcissism. The fog lifted.
It's the most traumatic experience as a woman ok can't imagine how to survive this trauma only prayer helping me right now because I nearly scalped myself and realized he pulled psycho out and with someone with schizophrenia and taurettes it was a Dominic year for me I am glad I am alive
Mystery solved! I pressed the button of the ( father guru) without being aware of the consequences! I came to a point when I got tired of her way of explaining everything like i am a child. And one time i interrupted and told her ( i know what you are saying from before) in a firm way... I will never forget her face half smiling at me ( smirk) ... I wasn't aware of narcissism before I got discarded later
Hello Sam very interesting topic I didn't know I was in a realashionship with a narccist till I listened to your videos I had never heard of them thanx for teaching me the way forward 😀
I'm referring to the God like narcisst..I feel like the more I give to the narcisst the more the narcisst hates me but if the narcisst gets the same attention from someone else than it's ok. So, I'm confused about catering the narcisst needs. The narcisst ends up hating me but loves the same attention from someone else. I understand the understanding of treating the narcisst bad because the narcisst is used to it..so perhaps the narcisst is devaluing me when the narcisst likes the same kind of attention from someone else and not from me or perhaps it's because it's new supply...hmmm🤔
CoDA. I reflect on why people seek attention from people who care little for the others well being. Its a sadistic cyclical dynamic.The buttons are optional variables, pick all the above option B. My opinion from experience, run.
Each time he rejects or disapproves it keeps you hooked and he has a giant mindgasm as you try to please him more. Or less doesn't matter. He sees your ploy and keeps rejecting your attempts to reject or attract his attention.
If it comes from you it might remind him of his mother. So he hates that and he has no respect of female attributes. With a stranger it is different, bec. there is no attachment
“You feel dis-ease (ill at ease), something is missing, something ambient, something is in the air, the atmosphere, an instantaneously polluted, poisoned...”. My question Sam is if they are higher on the spectrum would one feel this more so? There’s been a select few where I’ve felt this much more strongly around and some where it’s not as strong.
I’m still trying to figure out if she’s a narc or if she’s just a human being with some character flaws... mostly caused by her parents style of raising her... also, she admits she has issues and has been seeing a therapist for 2 years.... I know she has a lot of fears which she’s finally admitting... At this point most of you reading this are thinking “ He’s gonna be eaten alive by her” Well, she has many beautiful traits and if she is truly willing to change as she claims..... I’m not putting a label on her yet... wish you all clarity and self love ✊🏼
@@stevetrivago if she is willing to learn, to change, to get therapy and counsel she is most likely not a narc. But rather a victim of her upbringing or some abuse along the way. Bec a narc can normally not self-reflect. They don't want any help either, bec. They see themselves perfect. .... Maybe your girlfriend has posttraumatic stress syndrome. If you support and love her she might slowly heal. Most of all listen, and don't bring fixing solutions. Just be there for her
@@stevetrivago To be honest my husband after researching the benefits of micro dosing fungi and PTSD tried it. It helped. Tried a higher dose. After it was over the next day cried about what he had a revelation on, he's a narcissist and the full extent of the harm he caused me and the children. He had a spiritual awakening which is the only hope for a narcissist to change. Life has been much better but he is still working to not fall back into bad habits. Edit: Also in 11 years of marriage it's only time he's cried.
I don't have two pennies to rub together. You have helped me to understand my relationships with narcissists . Is there anyway you can gift a book? You have been a big part of my life. When I'm able to get service on my phone. I always find you to better myself. Need to find out more about myself. To stop the cycle . Thank you for what you do.
12:17 ‘when a narcissist is 60 he will say he is like a 200 yo man’… my narc told our 6 year old that he turned 177 years old this year (instead of the truth, 57). He has also renewed his passion for saddle bronc riding and has even done bull riding, infantilism is right Dr. V!
Id do stuff like that as well .like I could send them to score lol. By listening to the game in a am radio and watching on TV at same time But hey I can't watch TV or sports like nothing fake on TV or censored news anymore I get so irritated and nauseous I HAVE AN URGE OR SOMETHING TELLING ME TOO TAKE THIS HORROR OF A LIFE AND START FROM THE BEGINNING I JUST AM LAZY TO WRITE AND IM NOT SURE HOW TO EVEN SYART OR STYLE OR WHAT I CANT EVER STAY IN THE LINES. IM BROKEN TO PIECE'S AFTER ALREADY BEEN BROKEN AND. GLUED BACK TOGETHER. HE CHOSE TO FUCK MY NEIGHBORS JUNKIE FAT WHORE GIRLFRIEND WITH IHUGE TITS HES ALWAYS SAID DISGUST HIM . THEY BOTH ARE GASLIGHTING ME AFTER I CONFRONTED THEM INFRONT OF THE CHICKS BOYFRIEND MY EXS FRIEND AND DOPE DEALER . MY EX SND HER ARE LYING S D JUSR SAYING IM DELUSIONAL AND CRAZY AND HER BOYFRIEND THINKS I REALLY AM DELUSIONAL LIKE HE HATES ME BUT WHY IM TRYING TO HELP HOM REALIZE MY EX EX GIS FRIEND GAS ALREADY FUCKED HER IN HIS OWN HOUSE WHILE HE WAS AT WORK I WAS RIGHT AT TGE HOUSE HE WENT MISSING ABD TGE DOIR TO HER HOUSE IS 4 FEET FROM MINE OMG I'MLIKE PLEASE NOTAT MY PLACE WHERR I LIVE. Now I feel paranoid but I really think my best friend Monica has lied and slept with my ex as well. I totally believe that my friend Monica is exactly like my mom and my ex. Living with her last year made me feel like I do at moms. Like I'm not really anything special or less than .orals and shit to me are no longer in her just pure manipulative tactics 3 boyfriends I know of and she has always had sex with my lovers. Fml I have been triangulated by Narcissistic abuse for my whole life. I almost died 2 YEARS ago from my ex's hand in my throat. Lucky I have had to wear false teeth for a long time and i grabbed them out of my mouth to be able to breathe omg. He was biting my arm growing and pulling my skin off. While still crushing my throat. Manger chick came I got free and he went to jail been out now a year or More now and he even got my name tattoo on his wrist. Something he said he would NEVER do
It seems that you always talk about “pure” people with NPD, whereas in reality, most people have a mix of NPD, BPD, and ASPD to some degree. This is what confuses me the most.
@samvaknin There is no other being that has to the nail described the narcissist as a whole. Everything you have said I have experienced with no exceptions. Its like you were reading my palm. Some of the phases happened ( mortification) naturally before I came to realise what I was dealing with. And now I am still in the process of utter shock, what i experienced, why I still thought that I could "save us" or intellectually talk it out with this somatic now turning into celebral because of his age. It was chaos... it was like I was trying to talk to a mad man. I experienced acute stress reaction where all blood flows away from frontal parts of your brain and i couldn't articulate myself. Sam... how can I talk to you? I need to talk to you. I don't deserve it but I'd wish to talk to you. Thank you.
Superman is an exception. He wears the mask of a human, but he is still the superhero every time, even when he sleeps. The others are humans who put on the mask of superheroes to do the hero things.
Well Professor Sam, I've been watching your videos for a while. It didn't really start with you though. I admit. I was drawn to the flashy shorter quick fix stuff. I realize now, that you were a pioneering thinker, and a source that has given a great deal of insight to the others that came after you. You have a lot of meat on your bones! I'd love to know what kind asshole drove you to go that deep! But thank you so much, Sir!
God..I just had an epiphany moment reading this lol ..if you ever read these comments professor....I have a special someone I'd love you to Annalise...🙏
I dont need you to explain or convince me that your information is valid because I was with an actual narcissist and you are 100% on 100% of the nightmare that is a narcissist!
How did you heal from being a narcissist? I heard it was something that is irreversible and your false self is ingrained once you lose your sense of self as a child.
42:35 Why is thinking outside the box a negative thing? It is likely that I am a narcissist, and me wanting potential partners not to be puppets is me wanting to find someone similar to me that have the same need for creative pursuits.
Mine said, I am a god in my own world and said I need to a goddess in my own world after we separated. I was in contact with him after he left. I’m in no contact now.
Superman put the mask of a human on to hide the alien. Other heros put a mask on to hide their human identity. I never liked Superman much because what is so special heroic to do the things that he does, when he has nearly every super power and is somewhat invincible. The human do really sacrifice, they could be wounded or killed by every action, they also operate with human powers, so they put more effort in. They are not bulletproof and do the job anyway. They are somewhat like cops.
hi @sam. thank you again for sharing. is there a video where you discuss narcissists who did not have a “dead mother” and instead had a very passive mom who turned a blind eye to things but did not discipline or abuse her sons? the mom who was not a narcissist herself, but was a sweet loving, caring mom.. can this be consider the “bad / dead mother or object” too?
Professor, have you done any videos on the following: Narcissism & bipolar, schizophrenia & schizoaffective disorder? The way the personality can shift due to a disintegration of the inner self? Also, have you discussed narcissism & the stalker? The description of the hopeless romantic fantasy obsessed gamma male narcissist reminds me of every single male I've met who has turned into a psychotic stalker after rejecting them. As well as dealing with my ex, I've also had to deal with various stalker types in my life, following a similar pattern, starting out being overly friendly, offering unwanted help, then acting like OCD stalkers, then demonstrating psychotic rage episodes.
Great video. I think I belong to the divinity category, because the more he mistreated me the more I was attached to him. Or is the trauma bonding? I don't know... I would like to ask another question :if we play along with the narcissistic and treat him always as he expects, does this mean, he is able to change? For example stop triangulating? And if we call him sexually incapable, will it hurt him, or cause an injury?
He will not change. Only you learn to cope sort of.... I was with one for 20 years. And relating to your last question, of course that will hurt him and you might cause a big narcissistic injury to him. He might rage or take revenge or whatever. So why would you say it and what is your motive behind that. It is not helpful in any way i believe.
@@aussieopalgirl2915 Thank you for answering. I ask because I try to understand. I worry that I may have caused already an injury. I thought he was having an affair. I meant it back then, but I regretted it. I shouldn't be so mean to him. After all, is he really a narcissistic or is it my fault also? But you are right, he came back just for revenge and guess what.. He did it! I really suffered..he did and said many nasty things.. I am more sure now that he wanted revenge , my instinct warned me though. I am sorry that you had to suffer for so many years.... You must be a very strong person..! I wish you luck, love and light in your life fron now on! ❤️
@@whatever4218 thanks a lot. If he is revengeful that is a very bad sign. Try to get out. A normal person does not want to harm. Bec. we have a conscience. But a crazy person acts like either to make you obay or pay....so a crazy person is an indication of wasting time with the wrong one. Bec. They will not change. And crazyness is a form of mental illness. Be aware. Protect your future children. I have lost 2 Teenager Children to suicide. Living with their father for 20 years. They were not as patient as I They were fragile small people. So my own strength only helped me to survive. Not them
@@aussieopalgirl2915 Now I am more certain that you are a strong, amazing person who gives strength to others too... They say that God only gives us what we can handle.. I will pray for you and your children every day... They are in heaven! As for you... I know it is hard.. But I m sure that you will find something that makes you feel better each day.. and maybe you will make a difference in this world..!
@@whatever4218 i think i have healed now quite well from PTSD. But i have not found so much to be motivated in General, where is my joy? .... I have educated myself a bit in understanding Narcissistic disorder. But nevertheless i asume now my second husband is just the same. He also has 2 faces i think. So the ugly one has overshadowed now everything and i am not sure anymore if i should stay. He is sort of different, but also such a difficult character.Now i am learning about gaslighting, i believe this is what is happening now in this relationship. I am kind of disappointed and think i want to rather stay single for the future. Need to make up my mind. But you are right, my faith in God helpes me tp survive
When I push the "right" buttons to keep the narcissist he calls me codependent and that I should ask him to do chores, get a job etc. But when I do he's ready to leave. What game is he playing and how do I fix this?
To be honest, I absolutely love your content as i am trying to figure out how to coexist with my narcissist partner. I am really interested in having a discussion with you.
I was practically catatonic by the end of my relationship with the narcissist. I went to a self help group and a woman there told me “He is a narcissist. Go to RUclips and listen to Sam Vaknin. If you’re still alive next week we can go out for coffee and talk”. Dr. Vaknin, you saved my life. You. gave me words to use, and explained an inexplicable situation.
The only button you need to push is the EXIT button.
No contact (the set of strategies I invented in 1995). Well said.
@@samvaknin how do I get out of marriage with one when he won't leave the home and is dragging out the divorce and is offering me the worst deal - after a year in lockdown its actually sending me crazy - putting mortgage into arrears, sabotaging car, stealing bank cards, manipulating children
Truth!
@@kateherron107 me too, I’m trapped in a marriage, left the house with equity he won’t budge. I’m on SSDI renting and he has my family banboozooled . I totally bankrupt cptsd ran for my life and they act like I abandoned him. I was literally a hostage in my own house, head and body.
@@kateherron107 seek legal advice
My 8 year old son said “there’s no more chaos “ after his father was gone from the house. It was torture when he was here! Random behaviours. Abuse. Stress. Gaslighting.
Sorry hope you guys are healing and I hope your son is in counseling and you as well.
same at our house, sadly
Same here!!!
@@karlippo it seems like your kids have first hand experience in recognizing npd. Chaos is a strong signal.
The biggest danger of being involved in a relationship with a narc,is that you start thinking and behaving like a narcissist aswell.
Like narcs become narcs after being dismissed by someone..so do you.
Protect yourself from staying in a vicious cicle.
Be with people who make you feel respected and strong...
Like Sam said, this thing we are dealing with is much, much more contagious than the Rona lol
At the same time, letting your own narc traits come to the forefront is the only way you can get free of them so you have to become a narc to a point or be completely swallowed.
@@CityLightsFlash Thank you for posting this..Very poignant.
The difference is you have control and a choice. You can choose to hurt people and to love people. All the pain and chaos they cause is a reflex they can't help to destroy their lives and everyone in it.
This was one oof the most disturbing parts of being in a narc family. If you didn't think like them or agree with hem, they would physically or financially harm me.
"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby becomes a monster, and if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good, and Evil
Thanks for that reminder
Dear Prof. Vaknin..I'm sorry for your childhood traumas...But your painful experiences have been a CURE to millions of people around the world... I can't explain how much you have Rescued me & my kìds.. We really appreciate Prof. PLEASE DON'T STOP!
I was raised by a narcissist/ obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I married a narcissist and was discarded on my birthday by the narcissist 3 years and 2 children later. I find your teachings accurate and now I live with my 93 year old narcissist today. Thank you for your help!
SO GRATEFUL TO THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN WHO HAS BEEN FAITHFULLY HELPING SO MANY SEVERELY ABUSED PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD FOR DECADES NOW- THANK YOU PROFESSOR VAKNIN
Oh my word a.All is Well. You have forgotten Sam is a narcissist; has said himself narcissists do not feel ANYTHING for anyone, do not do ANYTHING for the ANYONE unless it serves THEM, and do not do ANYTHING for the greater good. They know exactly what they are doing, while hiding behind their narcissistic mask, playing you. There is NO love NO compassion or sentiment for ANYONE . Sam tells us about his qualifications, all his videos, all the books he's written (grandiose superiority) but is only sharing his knowledge because it gives him the craved attention he NEEDS 24 HOURS A Day 365 DAYS A YEAR from 260k subscribers, but even a trillion subscribers would never be enough. He doesn't do ANYTHING to benefit you or me and you really have not learned what narcissists are about. You have been taken in through a computer screen ! you are ripe to be abused by a narcissist. From bitter experience I can tell you a narcissist is not a beautiful person. Imagine your worst nightmare, quadruple it and then realise even at that point you will only be scratching the surface of what they are capable of - with a smile of their face.
@@susanbell8270 Maybe so, but who cares if his information provides knowledge and healing for people?
I’ve watched hundreds of your videos now and the information you are providing has fit my narcissists precisely. Sometimes the things you say, he has also said word for word. It’s quite interesting. That alone makes me believes that the things you are saying apply to the majority of the narcs out there.
This is why I stick with your videos because of how they resonate with my past relationship.
Great video. It is totally ironic that these people who desperately need people wind up pushing them away by their abysmal treatment!
My mother to a T.
All they want is love, but all they give is hate.
I said to my narc why do you make it so hard to love you…he couldn’t answer.
@@inkmonkey09They give love except their definition of it was programmed incorrectly.
Spot on . That constant little voice telling me something is not right, what is it that I can't properly read about him... Hypervigilance amplifies the experience and makes you addicted, but.. boy, is it the opposite of peace of mind !
The “addiction” we are subjected to is like witnessing a multiple car pileup accident, you can’t look away and watch every second of it.🙁
Thank You Prof Vaknin, in the end the overthinking has caused more damage to my person than the antics of the narcissist, yes he has hurt me emotionally to the core but the overthinking has taken me down the darkest road I have ever travelled, thank you for giving us permission to let it go, it truly is a gift ❤ and yes some of us actually NEED permission as sad as that is.... on a lighter note the subtitles are hilarious especially when it changes the narcissist to the Nazi and the false self to the forth self 😂 personally I enjoy your accent and love all the new words you introduce to my world X
What I find amusing is pushing both buttons at the same time 😂
"You are indeed the biggest authority in your field (not really) but at the moment we don't really need your advice"
"You are very rich and successful (not really), but we don't want your money"
"You are very sexy (not really), just not going to happen, ever"
And a secret, do you know when a narcissist lies? When he moves his lips. They believe their own lies of course, and it's what makes them pitiful.
I personally think the material you put out is invaluable. My mother is a narcissist, as is my brother & sister, I had a narcissistic boss, divorced a covert narcissistic sociopath and just dumped a malignant narcissistic psychopath I was dating.
Your lectures are spot on, actually didn’t know what I was dealing with, this last one that is, it was your lectures that helped me identify. The descriptions you gave were as though you were peering in the window witnessing.
I thank you very much for your work.
I think the other side of the coin is the co-dependent who is always the supply for the narcissist. Both feel like they will die without each other, both are wounded and empty inside. The codependents can integrate and can evolve but the narcissist can not. It’s as if the narcissist role is to wake up the co dependent to evolve. Then hopefully with new understanding the co dependent can integrate and become whole.
i think you are exactly right.
i left mine almost a year ago (6/12 will make a year of NC). it took about 6-7 months of introspection, therapy, and self examination before i started to feel like myself again… now, as wrong as it feels to admit, i am almost grateful for that awful experience with him. the pain of it all may have brought me to my knees and cracked me open, but it also forced me to confront parts of myself i didn’t even know existed. parts of me that i may have never met, otherwise.
Very well said. This is the conclusion I have come to as a codependent. He showed me how I avoid myself and need to evolve. If I had been more evolved, I would have seen through him much sooner and not chosen to be with him. Thank you for your thoughtful response.
right on!! Trust me she woke me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only winning move is “ Not to play”
Your lectures are spectacular. I have been married to a grandiose narcissist = when i first met him, he said well i'm only 37 but i'm really in my 60s because i've had such a vast life that has been full of much more experience than anybody you could ever know.....and when I heard you say this as the first secret button I was shocked. He also thought he was going to be a GOD and teach me how to become enlightened as well as teaching the rest of the world....claiming to be a GURU and genius as well....he fits ALL your buttons. Thank you so much for helping me navigate through this nightmarish maze that I'm in. It's been a year since I left him and I am slowly starting to wake up. Sending much gratitude to you for this much needed work!
Anyone who has time in their life to reaffirm to a narcissist how amazing and all powerful they are has way too much free time.
I am amazed about how entertaining and hilarious precious knowledge can be . What a combination. Thank you 🙏
Yes, there is something in the aura of a narcissist. There is a DARKNESS or things are TOO SHINY, this is the only way I can explain it.
All the ex narcs I've had to deal with always had the Jekyll & Hyde bipolar personality traits. One minute too good to be true, people pleasing child like to excess, the next outrageous grandiose enraged monstrous domineering father figure. My inner 6th spider sense buttons tingled from day 1, with my latest ex narc, wondering what was up with him. I've seen all the different aspects of the personalities described in the above, from the Batman t-shirt wearing inner child, to the masochistic guru wannabe long haired Jesus lookalike vegetarian, to the rockstar demonic goth band guitarist psycho with his harem of thousands of 2 dimensional adoring bad witch women online. A very confused person. Since he met me, he really struggled, adopting different personas, trying to dominate me didn't work, I just call him a toddler having a tantrum. The inner spoilt brat vulnerable covert child expecting to treat me like a mother replacement picking his rubbish up after him won't work either because I call him out every time. The latest hoover attempt after I told him I don't need to see him again, I've had enough of his tantrums, he's been showing off to me how great he is at strimming & how he wants to do my strimming when he's not offering me carpets, bicycles & literal vacuum cleaners I don't need. I'm just saying "yes dear, well done" now, when I'm not practicing zero tolerance for BS. I've also told him he needs to get his sugar levels & mental health assessment tested with his doctor because I'm not his therapist. I think he has schizoaffective disorder. His personality literally shifts from moment to moment. I feel sorry for him, he's lovely when he's loving, but demonic when he's not. His parents relationship was really messed up, abusive plate throwing narcissistic dad, & psychotic mum who was either never there neglecting him, or took her rage out on him scapegoating him as a kid shouting at him in his sleep to get up instead of just buying him an alarm clock like normal parents. He can't even sleep peacefully he wakes up continually with anxiety dreams, to this day now he's in his 50s. I have to keep telling him I'm not his mum, he can scream & shout at all his toxic vampire obsessed witch women groupies at his gigs instead. I've seen behind the mask of the covert rock star narcissist & the reality is it's all a front, an act, a performance, a re-enactment of the weird messed up psychodrama behind the scenes.
Thank you Sam, this really helped pull me out of the madness and constant self-scrutiny . Helped me understand where the gaslighting comes from, how they convince others of their unique special saviour-ness and make sense of why I have been so abused. She was neglected and abused as a child. I married her, had a child, separated and am still entangled in co-parenting, experiencing all these archetypes in full glory and terrifying chaos. At the moment she is restricting access to my daughter, playing the vengeful god of old testament, the father guru demanding arbitrary regulations and rules, the hero by saving the children from an imaginary monster, the new testament god in that she sacrifices herself by all that she does, as the prodigy child that is 'innocently' succeeding despite her limitations. Feeding off the supply of my pain and everyone that believes her public hero mask and that showers her with support and admiration for what is actually the chaos that she is inflicting with the allies of her righteous superior unquestioned divinity. I remember when we were dating when I was asleep next to her, wondering if she would murder me in my sleep. This was my intuition warning me, but I fell into the phantasy and unknowingly plunged myself deep exposing myself to her true hidden inner darkness. My life has been destroyed, by her, the idolise, devalue, reject cycle 10000 times, have had 20 mental breakdowns, severe depression and what I think is emergent (maybe previously dormant) BPD, but it looks to others like I did it alone all my fault. Abuse that was always in private, never when playing the hero. I'm trying to rebuild while she keeps destroying it.
I feel you brother. All I want to do is reach out to her family which she will abandom or cancel time with me to dote and fuss over and who im kept far away from. Tell them who I am and my experience and explain how much I love her and all the pain and chaos it's caused in my life. That I'm not just a jealous controlling faceless man. The crazy ex boyfriend.
It trully is a nightmare. I learned to not be so naive with these type people.
Dear lord I feel bad for you, hope you can at least rescue your child from that monster.
I'm autistic and the part about how narcissists put everything into sharp relief and keep people on their toes really puts my relationship with narcissists into perspective. All social relationships with NT people do that to me, so learning to manually navigate and try to understand the behaviour of narcissists is not too different from having to do the same around any other NT people
NT?
@@enoch6977I think it means neuro typical
Can you recognize narcissism in people? Or do you also miss these cues? I think I miss a lot of cues and oversee narcissistic traits.
My ex was totally like Sam. He even spoke that way when conveying ideas. He used a lot of synonyms as Sam does 😀 I think maybe because I am autistic (I suspect) I did push all his buttons in the positive way. And maybe yes, when I stopped doing that, because circumstances had changed, he showed his uglier parts. I am really good at pushing buttons. In both ways. I miss so much information, though. I trust too much. I don't know that people close to me lie and deceive. The ingenuity is so big. And I tend to blame myself and not them. Is it autism or maybe also narcissism?
Its so alien, the idea that being alone is unsafe. Its other people that I have a hard time feeling safe around
I also love being alone - and left alone. Nonetheless, the world has forced me to learn to be more comfortable - even functional & effective - around other people. It's never been my preference to go out & about among others.
Biggest Narc exploit. Those in authority have dependants parroting it.
Being alone or introverted has been perceived as a threat (I guess, in Western Cultural society) as other people, obsessed with finding fulfillment **strictly** through relationships, proclaim that being alone is ANTIsocial (I prefer asocial) and must be a symptom of (any?) Personality disorder; which, I suppose isn't **wrong**; but whom do we allow the authority to say what's considered "healthy" or Gandalf forbid, normal?
What if, certain people don't need *so* *much* interaction with other people (or, the tribe) to be healthy 🤔 idk but you can't be **more** free than when you're alone.
@@sojournerkarunatruth4406 A personality disorder is a misuse of motive. It isn't selfish to be alone, it is a relief from the selfish. Something a narcissist refuses to understand. We have to turn to our own balance of mind to handle influence otherwise, allowing others to feel more comfortable with its sense.
@@RHope7, As I recallled, but I could be wrong....But Sam did say in one of his most recent videos, that in these times it might be not necessarily a bad thing to be alone because people are worse. And a lot of people are suffering from feeling like they are alone. So I hope people who feel lonely don't overthink it, & with this knoeledge being put out how can most not be. Narcs can't handle/game a lot of people like they use too.
I have been pushing these buttons for awhile. I am a co dependent, and it has been the biggest struggle of my life. I knew he was a child, but wanted control like a father, but did not want responsibility. In public many see him as a folk hero, but at home he's a ghost like monster. I knew he wanted to be god like but is a substance abuser. Knowing he surrounds himself with supplies and Gammas he has spiraled downward. I have two children with him. I loved him for reasons that may take a life time to understand. I am leaving and its worse than him dying. I had to make the choice of losing myself entirely, withering away as a person in hopes he could change, or walking away and starting a new life with our two beautiful girls he spends no time with. What you said about the energy in the room when the narcissist is true. I feel like I have to crawl in the crack in my heart and hide from him. Unwanted advice from him and my parents, coincidence, I think not. There is no hope in raising kids with a covert narcissist, especially a Gamma.
divorce from covert narcissist is a nightmare in hell experience - you wake up and drama is endless, you sleep and you do not get rest. Your children are used as non animated objects for any imaginable and non imaginable abuse, DCF, police psychologists , whatever legal power exist cannot control him, only restrains temporarily until he adopts and morphs himself into the new creature to haunt you, sending his pets/flying monkeys at the same time to cover all directions you could possibly go to get some oxygen to breathe.
Anything goes- no food/water for children, sexual - touching, sleeping, grooming and if he is not allowed to touch, then he will expose himself and touches himself. Any degree of psychological/ emotional/financial abuse/neglect goes. Sometimes I believe that he is watching some horror movies and imagining himself the main character in them. It still not possible for me to comprehend that all of that could be inside of just one non-human mind.
Good luck to you! My story is very similar to yours. Great fake personality, but they let you do the work. I stayed with my narcissistic husband more than 20 years because I saw his potential. I believed that he could become a great person if he put in some effort. Except, he is not in the least inclined to do that, he‘d rather work on his fake image than on himself. Also, my mother and grandmother both had narcissistic husbands, so I thought his behavior was normal. I thought all men were like that. If you doubt your decision to leave, think of your girls! You have to protect them or they’ll suffer and even end up in narcissistic relationships themselves. 💕
I too have the same situation. That sensation of not being able to breathe. It’s funny how when I first met him I would have the sensation of choking so I couldn’t breathe. 20+ years later I Now know what that meant. I’ve been trying to divorce and it’s taking years and the silent abuse gets worse but the contempt and hate we have for each other is surely the worst experience for our children. How do I get him out of the house so I can breathe
@@thescreenbiz people say walk away, not realizing what that means to children. I understand. Stay grounded in your values, & your reality. You will have to be a warrior like leader for your kids. Falter internally never waver externally. They feed off weakness, narcissists. Be strong, do it for yourself & your kids. It’s the challenge of a lifetime, in my experience.
@@zensurf2709 I think you are right I'm doing a prayer blessing what ever you want to call it now I'm a surfer to you are wise and strong 🤙
The Precocious Child / The Conquering Hero / The Father Guru / Divinity (Godlike) - very informative as always
When we were in the process of separating he screamed at me " I took you and your kids out of a life of shit". So much for the rescuer. I shut down on him sexually years ago and he read it in my journals. After being cheated on 2x I had nothing left inside for him.
I’ve been listening to all your videos for hours throughout this pandemic it has given much relief from an entity who try to destroy me in deepest core of my life…. Been married for ten years I had no clue what was Narcissism Abuse …. Reading gaining knowledge day by day listening to your videos has given me strength Professor Sam …. To make my way out of marriage …. I gave him everything I walk away …. I want nothing jus a peace of mind …. Still have many questions but after listening to thus video … I had to comment and tell you thank you 🙏 for helping me Yes I stayed for ten years but now I know better it’s been 8 months n NO CONTACT … I’m stronger than ever … been listening to you over one year n I had the strength to leave this Predator a parasite 🦠who took away my identity hurted me but guess what I gain knowledge n much more wisdom there’s no turning back …. My first time commenting I needed to say this to you Professor thank you 🙏 thank you Sir
This was an amazing video much love ❤️ much RESPECT 🌹🌹🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️❤️
Exactly like me.
15 years here. I did not know either about Narcissism abuse, I Did not know the word “gaslighting” but I had been dealing with it all these years. Trying to find my way out, we have an early teen so it’s not just me fleeing. Trying to regain my financial independence and struggling with all the pain and frustration. Good to hear you made it!
@@lpokrova hi 👋 I’m going great …. No contact he try calling me with different numbers I blocked everyone I don’t even pick up the phone bcus I don’t recognize the number … no contact is the key to our healing it’s hard but it works … I don’t even think bout him anymore I forgive him bcus it’s a disorder but no contact no contact works…. When we get stronger they get weaker believe me …. I do come on RUclips n still listen not all the time … I’m doing much better …. Most important I have a peace of mind…. No contact is the key to your happiness….
@@lpokrova not a problem you see this will be the best time since you guys are far apart you need to heal from all this Larisa … I’m telling you the truth you will be crying a lot it helps cry it it out … you need to speak with ppl who understand narcissism … let me give you a joke I told some friends n you know what they tell me move in forget him but it wasn’t easy to do bcus u know why they don’t know what I’ve been through … he told them I’m crazy etc… u kbow what I did … I got up blocked all those so call friends drop them n you tube n quora bcame my friends let me tell u Larisa I was reading everything that I could find to help me pull through this n look at me today I’m doing really good … I didn’t know I could pull myself out of it out I did…. When u get stronger these parasites get weaker … u need to pull yourself together n get back what you had before he came in the picture… this why I’m telling u read n pray pray for god’s to direct you to give you courage n strength pray for guidance I’m only telling you my experience that helped me … listen it have coaches on RUclips I’ll give you some names to listen too n you can read the comments as well
The tea on NPD and relationships the coach is Telsha omg she’s good
Another Doctor Ramani she’s amazing she’s a phycologist… once u ask her questions she answers you really good …. Narc Surivior his name is Chris he’s good …..you have Mental Healness with Lee Hammock he’s a diagnosis Narcissist he’s in therapy he’s telling u how narcissistic ppl are I ask him so many questions I got all my answers u won’t believe how these coaches has helped me today …. I’m not telling you I’m begging you plz look up what I jus send you n you will let me know u can speak with them one b one as well … I forgot to give you another Assc direct Channel he’s a coach really really good plz try listening to them kk best advice I can give you …. Don’t hesitate to contact me kk I’ve been there I know what you’re going through …. Try to relax kk you jus need to work on being you again n try your best NO CONTACT NO CONTACT ITS THE KEY TO YOUT HAPPINESS ☝️
@@lpokrova I forgot you need to take back your POWER …. He has none none …. These predators are cowards liars manipulative n very destructive demonic entities remember forgive n get better …. Don’t take him back it will get worse trust me I’m reaching out to you bcus I care Larisa I live in Canada 🇨🇦 at least we can still communicate from all over the world I know what’s happening to you … u found a person who’s looking out for your best interest … take care send me a message day or night I’m here to answer any questions you have … every Thursday tea on NPD with Telsha she’s live to speak to her audience n ask any questions u have to ask jus let me know n I’ll introduce the coach to you … jus remember I’m a survivor to narcissism… trying to help another reach where I am …. It will get better my dear friend Larisa kk 👍👍
Fantastic Sam... like fine wine only gets better
Thank you Prof. VAKNIN, for another most informative - and also delightful - presentation. I have watched many of your talks. I'm a narc survivor.
Had learned after a few years with him how to conduct myself around him until my children were old enough to make our exit. I feel very fortunate that I have managed this although it took me several years to heal and ' pull my Sox up" , move on and thrive.
I have become stronger , he now is suffering his " come-uppance," is a sick, friendless blob. What goes around comes around. But we don't have to be around to witness it.
To paraphrase Shakespeare: "leave them to heaven".
I absolutely experience an overwhelming flood of THOUGHTS after being around this person, or in anticipation of being around him, negative intrusive and inescapable ruminating. Thanks for the video, I will use these ideas to try and resolve this relationship.
Resolve as in severe the relationship? You must know there are no tricks, or tips to make the relationship better. Get away and go no contact.
It is very dangerous to try to piss off a narc be careful.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. Had i known this, i would have saved myself a 20 year torture.
Thank you for talking about IQ! I had been depressed for most of my life about the fact that I’m not as smart as I would like to be.
Revisiting this 4 months later was worth it. Thank you as always Sam
Theyre super easy to identity and neutralize; in the 3rd interaction you can see their Narcissism. The moment you see you make it impossible for them to reach you and than they start the TERROR and than they EXPOSÉ themselves. Than they run away.
Yes, when I got up fast and started studying forensic linguistics I was told "I find it hard to believe you got up so fast"
Hi, I just wanted to say thank you. I've listened to many of your videos and you have offered the most validation, helpful tips and astute information that I have come across. I'm starting to understand that I am not crazy or delusional and additionally I now understand why I am the only one who sees what I see. I have finally exited from the relationship and am thankful to learn all of the information you share, even if I found it a bit late. Thank you.
I no longer participate in this General Psychosis of Fear and Coercion!
You are AMAZING Professor Vaknin. Thank you for your amazing knowledge
So far I’ve watched a few of his videos, and he has so much information. I’m LEARNING after 15 years that this is a real thing Narcissist he talks like he knows my narcissistic lol
You nail it everytime.... I value your insights.
Great Stuff Sam!! I really appreciate your insights and knowledge into the narcissistic personality! You are spot on with so much of your wisdom into this realm.
I think being with a narcissist is a gift he make me think differently and deeply and i questioned everything and after i received answers for all my questions now i own my life and love him too but i decided to not live with him🙂🥰
Yep. We thank them for the lesson
Well you must have had a very different experience then me. There is nothing about the time I spent being used and degraded disrespected and fake loved that I could ever consider a gift .I was a fool for believing a monster was a person. So at least I will never be able to trust another person again. I obviously have to assume anyone is a monster at this point. I could only make that mistake one time in life because its like the one mistake that cant be undone. It's almost like a part of me is dead and dead is dead!
@@lilbirdhates6 No point beating yourself up. Please. You are allowed to make mistakes. Forgive yourself and allow yourself the grace to make mistakes in the future as well. Once you accept what has happened you can start to process and learn what took place. That is when you have better chance it not happening again.
I have watched many of your videos and each one has helped me. Thank you
Oh my God. This is so crazy. And true. I hate my ex narc. He’s a total psychopath. 🔥
The Narcissist I am in death struggle with has 100s of Spider-Man comics. Constantly tells me to watch avenger and X-men movies Also 90s wrestling. He is a child. I have cancer and he has been pushed to adulthood. He stands in the kitchen gasping for air and Groaning. It’s the weirdest thing I have ever seen. It’s how I figured out his vulnerable narcissism. The fog lifted.
Brilliant, very informative. Thankyou 😊
It's the most traumatic experience as a woman ok can't imagine how to survive this trauma only prayer helping me right now because I nearly scalped myself and realized he pulled psycho out and with someone with schizophrenia and taurettes it was a Dominic year for me I am glad I am alive
You helped me exit this week I almost died
thumbnail is wild
Mystery solved!
I pressed the button of the ( father guru) without being aware of the consequences! I came to a point when I got tired of her way of explaining everything like i am a child. And one time i interrupted and told her ( i know what you are saying from before) in a firm way... I will never forget her face half smiling at me ( smirk) ... I wasn't aware of narcissism before I got discarded later
Just found your channel. Can't get enough of all your interesting videos, thank you 🎉
Hello Sam very interesting topic I didn't know I was in a realashionship with a narccist till I listened to your videos I had never heard of them thanx for teaching me the way forward 😀
just move them on so you can enjoy your own life
Thankyou Carla.
Thank you for the deep understanding, professor! So important to know how things work.
Yes you are right about that instinct!!
genius as usual
I'm referring to the God like narcisst..I feel like the more I give to the narcisst the more the narcisst hates me but if the narcisst gets the same attention from someone else than it's ok. So, I'm confused about catering the narcisst needs. The narcisst ends up hating me but loves the same attention from someone else. I understand the understanding of treating the narcisst bad because the narcisst is used to it..so perhaps the narcisst is devaluing me when the narcisst likes the same kind of attention from someone else and not from me or perhaps it's because it's new supply...hmmm🤔
CoDA. I reflect on why people seek attention from people who care little for the others well being. Its a sadistic cyclical dynamic.The buttons are optional variables, pick all the above option B. My opinion from experience, run.
Each time he rejects or disapproves it keeps you hooked and he has a giant mindgasm as you try to please him more. Or less doesn't matter. He sees your ploy and keeps rejecting your attempts to reject or attract his attention.
You are confusing narcissistic supply with kind attentive empathy (what you are offering him).
If it comes from you it might remind him of his mother. So he hates that and he has no respect of female attributes. With a stranger it is different, bec. there is no attachment
Exit strategy...
I have learned a lot from your videos.
“You feel dis-ease (ill at ease), something is missing, something ambient, something is in the air, the atmosphere, an instantaneously polluted, poisoned...”.
My question Sam is if they are higher on the spectrum would one feel this more so? There’s been a select few where I’ve felt this much more strongly around and some where it’s not as strong.
I’m still trying to figure out if she’s a narc or if she’s just a human being with some character flaws... mostly caused by her parents style of raising her... also, she admits she has issues and has been seeing a therapist for 2 years.... I know she has a lot of fears which she’s finally admitting... At this point most of you reading this are thinking “ He’s gonna be eaten alive by her” Well, she has many beautiful traits and if she is truly willing to change as she claims..... I’m not putting a label on her yet... wish you all clarity and self love ✊🏼
Yes. My work deals exclusively with people who are diagnosed with NPD (=narcissists). People with a narcissistic style are not narcissists (Sperry).
Absolutely True Professor Sam Vaknin
@@stevetrivago if she is willing to learn, to change, to get therapy and counsel she is most likely not a narc. But rather a victim of her upbringing or some abuse along the way. Bec a narc can normally not self-reflect. They don't want any help either, bec. They see themselves perfect.
.... Maybe your girlfriend has posttraumatic stress syndrome. If you support and love her she might slowly heal. Most of all listen, and don't bring fixing solutions. Just be there for her
@@stevetrivago To be honest my husband after researching the benefits of micro dosing fungi and PTSD tried it. It helped. Tried a higher dose. After it was over the next day cried about what he had a revelation on, he's a narcissist and the full extent of the harm he caused me and the children. He had a spiritual awakening which is the only hope for a narcissist to change. Life has been much better but he is still working to not fall back into bad habits. Edit: Also in 11 years of marriage it's only time he's cried.
Interesting that all of these buttons which are narcissistic characteristics involve catering or negating control and manipulation of the narcissist.
I don't have two pennies to rub together. You have helped me to understand my relationships with narcissists . Is there anyway you can gift a book?
You have been a big part of my life. When I'm able to get service on my phone. I always find you to better myself. Need to find out more about myself. To stop the cycle .
Thank you for what you do.
12:17 ‘when a narcissist is 60 he will say he is like a 200 yo man’… my narc told our 6 year old that he turned 177 years old this year (instead of the truth, 57). He has also renewed his passion for saddle bronc riding and has even done bull riding, infantilism is right Dr. V!
@14:00 I used to pretend as a teenager that if I were
not watching my favorite team they’d lose.
Id do stuff like that as well .like I could send them to score lol. By listening to the game in a am radio and watching on TV at same time But hey I can't watch TV or sports like nothing fake on TV or censored news anymore I get so irritated and nauseous
I HAVE AN URGE OR SOMETHING TELLING ME TOO TAKE THIS HORROR OF A LIFE AND START FROM THE BEGINNING
I JUST AM LAZY TO WRITE AND IM NOT SURE HOW TO EVEN SYART OR STYLE OR WHAT I CANT EVER STAY IN THE LINES. IM BROKEN TO PIECE'S AFTER ALREADY BEEN BROKEN AND. GLUED BACK TOGETHER. HE CHOSE TO FUCK MY NEIGHBORS JUNKIE FAT WHORE GIRLFRIEND WITH IHUGE TITS HES ALWAYS SAID DISGUST HIM . THEY BOTH ARE GASLIGHTING ME AFTER I CONFRONTED THEM INFRONT OF THE CHICKS BOYFRIEND MY EXS FRIEND AND DOPE DEALER . MY EX SND HER ARE LYING S D JUSR SAYING IM DELUSIONAL AND CRAZY AND HER BOYFRIEND THINKS I REALLY AM DELUSIONAL LIKE HE HATES ME BUT WHY IM TRYING TO HELP HOM REALIZE MY EX EX GIS FRIEND GAS ALREADY FUCKED HER IN HIS OWN HOUSE WHILE HE WAS AT WORK I WAS RIGHT AT TGE HOUSE HE WENT MISSING ABD TGE DOIR TO HER HOUSE IS 4 FEET FROM MINE OMG I'MLIKE PLEASE NOTAT MY PLACE WHERR I LIVE. Now I feel paranoid but I really think my best friend Monica has lied and slept with my ex as well. I totally believe that my friend Monica is exactly like my mom and my ex. Living with her last year made me feel like I do at moms. Like I'm not really anything special or less than .orals and shit to me are no longer in her just pure manipulative tactics 3 boyfriends I know of and she has always had sex with my lovers. Fml I have been triangulated by Narcissistic abuse for my whole life. I almost died 2 YEARS ago from my ex's hand in my throat. Lucky I have had to wear false teeth for a long time and i grabbed them out of my mouth to be able to breathe omg. He was biting my arm growing and pulling my skin off. While still crushing my throat. Manger chick came I got free and he went to jail been out now a year or More now and he even got my name tattoo on his wrist. Something he said he would NEVER do
It seems that you always talk about “pure” people with NPD, whereas in reality, most people have a mix of NPD, BPD, and ASPD to some degree. This is what confuses me the most.
@samvaknin There is no other being that has to the nail described the narcissist as a whole. Everything you have said I have experienced with no exceptions. Its like you were reading my palm. Some of the phases happened ( mortification) naturally before I came to realise what I was dealing with. And now I am still in the process of utter shock, what i experienced, why I still thought that I could "save us" or intellectually talk it out with this somatic now turning into celebral because of his age. It was chaos... it was like I was trying to talk to a mad man. I experienced acute stress reaction where all blood flows away from frontal parts of your brain and i couldn't articulate myself.
Sam... how can I talk to you? I need to talk to you. I don't deserve it but I'd wish to talk to you. Thank you.
Superman is an exception. He wears the mask of a human, but he is still the superhero every time, even when he sleeps.
The others are humans who put on the mask of superheroes to do the hero things.
I always get in infatuation with that child in narcissist and want to protect it but at the same time i afraid to not stop the growth.
Well Professor Sam, I've been watching your videos for a while. It didn't really start with you though. I admit. I was drawn to the flashy shorter quick fix stuff. I realize now, that you were a pioneering thinker, and a source that has given a great deal of insight to the others that came after you. You have a lot of meat on your bones! I'd love to know what kind asshole drove you to go that deep! But thank you so much, Sir!
Pretty sure I'm some of these. Oh my poor estranged family.
Thanks to you Sam for your teachings
Very nice message.
How well explained.. Thanks
Love your videos
This is a wonderful video, professor ❤❤
Last time I checked 😆. You are hilarious about your disorder 🌹😂
Thank you for sharing your knowledge!
it has been 21 days since I spoke with my ex narc. I am so happy I have not had any contact with him. My hope is I will never ever see, hear him again
Oh I read Carl Jung’s books 📚
"You remember Every moment and every second "... this is true for me now with the recent happenings in Russia
God..I just had an epiphany moment reading this lol ..if you ever read these comments professor....I have a special someone I'd love you to Annalise...🙏
I dont need you to explain or convince me that your information is valid because I was with an actual narcissist and you are 100% on 100% of the nightmare that is a narcissist!
How did you heal from being a narcissist? I heard it was something that is irreversible and your false self is ingrained once you lose your sense of self as a child.
Well you do have a point as N. is not classified in the ICD as I recall but is in the DSM.
42:35 Why is thinking outside the box a negative thing? It is likely that I am a narcissist, and me wanting potential partners not to be puppets is me wanting to find someone similar to me that have the same need for creative pursuits.
Mine said, I am a god in my own world and said I need to a goddess in my own world after we separated. I was in contact with him after he left. I’m in no contact now.
Im getting so confused....now everybody seems narcistic
The quality of this information is just amazing! Kudos!
Superman put the mask of a human on to hide the alien. Other heros put a mask on to hide their human identity. I never liked Superman much because what is so special heroic to do the things that he does, when he has nearly every super power and is somewhat invincible.
The human do really sacrifice, they could be wounded or killed by every action, they also operate with human powers, so they put more effort in. They are not bulletproof and do the job anyway. They are somewhat like cops.
hahahahahahahaha The Vaknin horror show, love it,
Constant self scrutiny-38.33
hi @sam. thank you again for sharing. is there a video where you discuss narcissists who did not have a “dead mother” and instead had a very passive mom who turned a blind eye to things but did not discipline or abuse her sons? the mom who was not a narcissist herself, but was a sweet loving, caring mom.. can this be consider the “bad / dead mother or object” too?
Yes.
I challenged him told him home truths and he ran 😂
"If you're still alive" Bahaaaaaahahahaha....
Professor, have you done any videos on the following:
Narcissism & bipolar, schizophrenia & schizoaffective disorder?
The way the personality can shift due to a disintegration of the inner self?
Also, have you discussed narcissism & the stalker?
The description of the hopeless romantic fantasy obsessed gamma male narcissist reminds me of every single male I've met who has turned into a psychotic stalker after rejecting them.
As well as dealing with my ex, I've also had to deal with various stalker types in my life, following a similar pattern, starting out being overly friendly, offering unwanted help, then acting like OCD stalkers, then demonstrating psychotic rage episodes.
Search the channel and its playlists.
Narcissists see themselves as God. Explains why my ex would preferred to have had Apollo for his name. Lol
Kindly do each emotions and how to counter.
Well since you've called it on! How smart do you think H. G. Tudor is on the Richter scale?
Great video. I think I belong to the divinity category, because the more he mistreated me the more I was attached to him. Or is the trauma bonding? I don't know... I would like to ask another question :if we play along with the narcissistic and treat him always as he expects, does this mean, he is able to change? For example stop triangulating? And if we call him sexually incapable, will it hurt him, or cause an injury?
He will not change. Only you learn to cope sort of.... I was with one for 20 years. And relating to your last question, of course that will hurt him and you might cause a big narcissistic injury to him. He might rage or take revenge or whatever. So why would you say it and what is your motive behind that. It is not helpful in any way i believe.
@@aussieopalgirl2915 Thank you for answering. I ask because I try to understand. I worry that I may have caused already an injury. I thought he was having an affair. I meant it back then, but I regretted it. I shouldn't be so mean to him. After all, is he really a narcissistic or is it my fault also? But you are right, he came back just for revenge and guess what.. He did it! I really suffered..he did and said many nasty things.. I am more sure now that he wanted revenge , my instinct warned me though. I am sorry that you had to suffer for so many years.... You must be a very strong person..! I wish you luck, love and light in your life fron now on! ❤️
@@whatever4218 thanks a lot. If he is revengeful that is a very bad sign. Try to get out. A normal person does not want to harm. Bec. we have a conscience. But a crazy person acts like either to make you obay or pay....so a crazy person is an indication of wasting time with the wrong one. Bec. They will not change. And crazyness is a form of mental illness. Be aware. Protect your future children. I have lost 2 Teenager Children to suicide. Living with their father for 20 years. They were not as patient as I
They were fragile small people. So my own strength only helped me to survive. Not them
@@aussieopalgirl2915 Now I am more certain that you are a strong, amazing person who gives strength to others too... They say that God only gives us what we can handle.. I will pray for you and your children every day... They are in heaven! As for you... I know it is hard.. But I m sure that you will find something that makes you feel better each day.. and maybe you will make a difference in this world..!
@@whatever4218 i think i have healed now quite well from PTSD. But i have not found so much to be motivated in General, where is my joy? .... I have educated myself a bit in understanding Narcissistic disorder. But nevertheless i asume now my second husband is just the same. He also has 2 faces i think. So the ugly one has overshadowed now everything and i am not sure anymore if i should stay. He is sort of different, but also such a difficult character.Now i am learning about gaslighting, i believe this is what is happening now in this relationship. I am kind of disappointed and think i want to rather stay single for the future. Need to make up my mind. But you are right, my faith in God helpes me tp survive
I got to collect them all 😂😂
When I push the "right" buttons to keep the narcissist he calls me codependent and that I should ask him to do chores, get a job etc. But when I do he's ready to leave. What game is he playing and how do I fix this?
You fix it by walking away and never looking back.
To be honest, I absolutely love your content as i am trying to figure out how to coexist with my narcissist partner. I am really interested in having a discussion with you.
Partner as in you are not married? I suggest stop trying and get out, go no contact. No cure for these folks.