So glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel, or sign up for our newsletter for content delivered right to your inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
Wow! Bless your soul! That gives me empowering motivation! 17 years together, 13 married, 3 daughters, 3 with the Lord along with my mom who just passed away Never felt so alone or terrified but certain that I have to sever the tie
Thank you can you explain how you got the courage? Every time i’m close it’s like he somehow knows and starts breadcrumbing me and even though I finally know exactly what that is, it still feels impossible to make the final move 😢
@@kimpowell9758 There is a scripture “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” For me (not sure if you were asking the original commenter or just in general but I saw this and desired to offer response because I too struggled with this)….I started being more in touch with reality by the grace of God. My desire was for sincerity. My desire was for reciprocity. My desire was for love and peace. But, nefariously there was much manipulation and gaslighting. I became honest with myself in that it wasn’t loving to myself to tolerate the behavior and how it tied to past trauma that told me the lie that I wasn’t worth the salt of the things I truly desired. I became honest with myself that this mindset is poison to me, to the example set for my daughters and opposes all the love God offers me purely in grace and no merit of my own. I wasn’t loving to him by insisting something he wasn’t actually capable of. It wasn’t his natural response to love me without that manipulative aspect. To force, insist, beg, barter, plead….this isn’t love. It wasn’t loving to him in the sense that it held no personal accountability over him to set back and see how his actions had impacted me, our children or himself. How am I truly loving him if I’m enabling him to behave so poorly. So beneath either of us. So it was truly all about being honest with myself. In that honesty….we know the repeated cycle, we know the broken record….why participate in the lie. Why not pursue truth. That you are worthy of love. That you are capable of love. That you can have that true love your heart aches for. Stop participating in the lie or you are no better than the deceiver and therefore complicit. This was a profound misunderstanding for me. God bless! 💜
The worst I’ve ever been with, I remember him picking this fight in a mall parking lot, and prancing around, trying to cause a scene, and all I could think is, GOD! Is he a drama QUEEN or what?? I am so tired of this ridiculous drama-it is EXHAUSTING.
I wish I knew this before. It'd saved me lots of tears & sadness & physically/mentally feeling unwell 😢. If it wasn't because I kept the faith & God carried me through all these years, I don't know what would've happened. The funny thing is I was always weak & wanted to be stronger & I think I am getting stronger each day. PTL!
@@lisamoag6548 Yes, good one. Pack of bullies. Maybe it differs per situation but they would need some similar traits like the bully such as low empathy and who knows enjoying to see others suffer because it's not them.
To all whom are rwading this, you deserve better, walk away! Time isnt stopping, you deserve a better life! It took me over 30 years to move out, now to finalize & let go! I wasted my life being abused, because I was convinced I could show him that I loved him, he would change, the emotional became ohysical, & cheating, never admitting his faults, then when I searched for a better relationship online, my cheating by web was sooo much worse than the beatings, the verbal abuse, etc.. They do not change!
The mental, emotional and physical loneliness ... simply put... is like being married to a 🌵 🌵 🌵 cactus... The only time you get affection or any form of "friendship"... is when THEY want to be watered !!! .... which is not often... You know ... because after all ... he is a 🌵 🌵 🌵 cactus by nature.😢
Yes he does, but only because he works with men all day long. We realize women can be emotionally abusive as well and have done some videos on the topic. Thanks for your comment
Female abusers = more needs to be spoken of on the topic. It’s still kinda taboo that females can and do abuse and cause tremendous damage. I being one have seen countless men ensnared by these monsters. It breaks your heart.
The post separation abuse is so hard. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. We stayed at a domestic violence shelter for 3 weeks, and he manipulated me back. I finally just got out 6 months after coming home from the shelter. Sept will be one year since I realized I was being a abused. 8 year relationship and 4 year old twins. I can't believe the damage someone can do to your brain, but again, everything is my fault. ( as he says. ) This healing journey is so hard. He refuses to be with the twins because I won't be with him. I'm exhausted. Send good vibes. 😔
…even if it pertains to “her” as well. My wife threw me in jail the one time I reacted to her abuse. A year of her abuse and she called the cops on me bc she “wanted me out of the house” landed me a class A misdemeanor. Now reconciliation feels like the most daunting task. Like why?! What reason should I reconcile with her for?!
Hello. I have only watched a few videos so far, and I like the info and have subscribed. I was curious though... It appears you direct your advice towards women, as the victims, and men as the abusers. Why is that? Also, do you share any info directed towards those who ARE the emotional abusers (man or woman, or other) in the relationships, or are you geared towards the victims mostly? Thanks!
Thanks for your inquiry. Dr. Hawkins does tend to fall back on the male pronoun for abusers and female pronoun for victims because that is the demographic he works with day in and day out for years. It does not imply that he believes all abusers are men and vice versa. A lot of our work focuses on working with the emotional abusers, but given that they are usually not seeking information and education on the internet, but victims are desperately seeking information, a lot of our content is based on the need that is presented to us.
SIR, I AM 71 AND PERISHING FROM COVERT MALIGNANT NARC. DO YOU ASSIST MEN. I HAVE A WIFE THAT HAS HAD ME BUILD A HOME AND SHE DECEIVED BANK TO DEED INTO HER MAIDEN NAME. SHE HAS DESTROYED THE 401K AND HAS ME INTO 5 YRS TAX EVASION WTH GOV AND STATE. DO YOU KNOW WOMEN LIKE THAT?? RESPECTFULLY YOURS, IT'S TOO LATE
I had a husband just like that! It didn't end well and you can't avoid the financial abuse and cheating without a divorce. As long as you are legally married, you are half responsible for her lies financially. Run quietly but first hide your money with a trusted friend or a safe at a secret storage facility which you pay cash for.
Sound advice. I need to take it. Husband commited adulterous and financial infidelity. Now we have to file chapter 13 bankruptcy for all the mismanaging he did with our money and the cheating dirtbag he was giving our money too as well as expensive gifts. He lost his mind trying to maintain our household and keep her coming back for more. Shit is real crazy right now. I am in therapy for the pain this has caused me and our family. Why would someone implode his whole life for a pice of ass from someone he don’t really like. Why are men like this. I’ve been an awesome wife to him and have bailed him out of many financial boo-boos
I am 69 and just finished a divorce from a female covert narcissist. Unless you are in a State where everything is automatically split, YOU CAN file and ask for alimony, spousal support, for half the property (which may make her have to file for bankruptcy, or take out a second mortgage, or even have to sell to give you your half), and ask for her to pay the legal fees. The only way they can truly make a case for her keeping all of the house is if it was in their name before marriage.) 💡Make sure you are somehow contributing to making at least part of the mortgage payments. We had a joint account in which I put in enough money to equal the mortgage payment.⚡⚡ I experienced the love bombing, devaluing, and discarding multiple times and then there was the final BIG discard. 💥 She filed for divorce right after our tenth wedding anniversary at which she re-professed her love to me at the resort. She love bombed me on the anniversary trip. Then, as soon as we got back from the trip, she discarded me with the divorce. 💥 But right before she divorced me, she was devaluing me. It was the 4th Sunday morning after our 10th.. We were cooking breakfast together. Laughing & talking. All truly seemed right with the world. We spent 2 hours talking and drinking coffee ☕ after breakfast. Nothing negative happened at all in the conversation. I got up to clean the dishes. She then blurted out that she was divorcing me. Low and behold, she had gone to see a lawyer the week after our anniversary. The papers had already been signed and filled with the court. 👿 THAT'S EVIL.👿 BUT, in the end I WON THE DIVORCE CASE. Before the anniversary I had been recording her rage baiting, writing down gaslighting and manipulation tricks she had been doing. 💥 She asked for alimony, spousal support, for me to take on half her debt, and wanted half of the $5,600 I had in savings. Because I was prepared with evidence, I won.
Hi I don't know if you're believer in the Holy scriptures. But this woman sounds like she is probably in witchcraft or the occult. they capture the soul of a man and they're in a prison in the second heaven and they are slaves to these people. Some of them are not even real people the Nephilim are among us just like in the days of Noah. I would pray and research the Marine Kingdom and stay out of fear and full of faith. Our heavenly father sits on the throne and unchanged and unmoved and he has your back. The problem is most people don't understand the true battle we face between light and darkness. It causes much pain and then tormentor spirits can come and increase the pain as we have become a victim of the occult activity. Hope this is helpful in some way or another this is not a battle of flesh and blood I'm so sorry you went through this this world is not our home
Thank you. It took me years to realize what I was experiencing was abuse. I felt like I was going crazy.
So glad you found it helpful. For more related content, subscribe to our channel, or sign up for our newsletter for content delivered right to your inbox: marriagerecoverycenter.com/mailing-list/
Yep, and others have no idea that he's different when it's just us.
And we can't put it into words. Or how it's effected us and why we're stuck.
This is validating!
Amen, brother!
5 years divorced from covert abuser and feeling so much better!
24 year marriage, 6 children
Wow!
Bless your soul! That gives me empowering motivation!
17 years together, 13 married, 3 daughters, 3 with the Lord along with my mom who just passed away
Never felt so alone or terrified but certain that I have to sever the tie
Thank you can you explain how you got the courage? Every time i’m close it’s like he somehow knows and starts breadcrumbing me and even though I finally know exactly what that is, it still feels impossible to make the final move 😢
I had a pastor and two amazing therapists who helped me. Find a support system and keep it in place.
@@kimpowell9758
There is a scripture “out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks”
For me (not sure if you were asking the original commenter or just in general but I saw this and desired to offer response because I too struggled with this)….I started being more in touch with reality by the grace of God.
My desire was for sincerity. My desire was for reciprocity. My desire was for love and peace.
But, nefariously there was much manipulation and gaslighting.
I became honest with myself in that it wasn’t loving to myself to tolerate the behavior and how it tied to past trauma that told me the lie that I wasn’t worth the salt of the things I truly desired. I became honest with myself that this mindset is poison to me, to the example set for my daughters and opposes all the love God offers me purely in grace and no merit of my own.
I wasn’t loving to him by insisting something he wasn’t actually capable of. It wasn’t his natural response to love me without that manipulative aspect. To force, insist, beg, barter, plead….this isn’t love. It wasn’t loving to him in the sense that it held no personal accountability over him to set back and see how his actions had impacted me, our children or himself. How am I truly loving him if I’m enabling him to behave so poorly. So beneath either of us.
So it was truly all about being honest with myself.
In that honesty….we know the repeated cycle, we know the broken record….why participate in the lie.
Why not pursue truth. That you are worthy of love. That you are capable of love. That you can have that true love your heart aches for.
Stop participating in the lie or you are no better than the deceiver and therefore complicit.
This was a profound misunderstanding for me.
God bless! 💜
@@rhondanerren4797can I ask the name of the therapists and pastor?
I can relate to this video for sure. I was going crazy, confused. And yes I was exhausted....it was like you were always on a hamster wheel
The worst I’ve ever been with, I remember him picking this fight in a mall parking lot, and prancing around, trying to cause a scene, and all I could think is, GOD! Is he a drama QUEEN or what?? I am so tired of this ridiculous drama-it is EXHAUSTING.
Hope you have found healing and restoration
I wish I knew this before. It'd saved me lots of tears & sadness & physically/mentally feeling unwell 😢. If it wasn't because I kept the faith & God carried me through all these years, I don't know what would've happened. The funny thing is I was always weak & wanted to be stronger & I think I am getting stronger each day. PTL!
Faith allowed me to live, now to recover
Exactly! So done.
And everyone blames you for choosing them, victims of physical abuse are not blamed
Yes they are .
People who accuse the victim of choosing being mistreated, are probably somewhat abusive themselves..they secretly understand the abuser...
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 ahh thank you makes sense
Protection from the pack of bullies for the bully.
@@lisamoag6548 Yes, good one. Pack of bullies.
Maybe it differs per situation but they would need some similar traits like the bully such as low empathy and who knows enjoying to see others suffer because it's not them.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
bruh if u know what would happen I would have never accepted the first date 😢
So true
Feel this way now..... 😔
I am told by my husband that I am in my own. When I ask him to defend me, he says no.
To all whom are rwading this, you deserve better, walk away! Time isnt stopping, you deserve a better life!
It took me over 30 years to move out, now to finalize & let go!
I wasted my life being abused, because I was convinced I could show him that I loved him, he would change, the emotional became ohysical, & cheating, never admitting his faults, then when I searched for a better relationship online, my cheating by web was sooo much worse than the beatings, the verbal abuse, etc.. They do not change!
Thank you Dr. Hawkins!
The mental, emotional and physical loneliness ... simply put... is like being married to a 🌵 🌵 🌵 cactus...
The only time you get affection or any form of "friendship"... is when THEY want to be watered !!! .... which is not often...
You know ... because after all ... he is a 🌵 🌵 🌵 cactus by nature.😢
They want physical intimacy in other words.
He almost always says "he" & "him." I spent 10 years with a "her" who was a crazy maker.
Yes he does, but only because he works with men all day long. We realize women can be emotionally abusive as well and have done some videos on the topic. Thanks for your comment
Female abusers = more needs to be spoken of on the topic. It’s still kinda taboo that females can and do abuse and cause tremendous damage. I being one have seen countless men ensnared by these monsters. It breaks your heart.
I feel like men are less likely to report the abuse they are experiencing as well.
It’s exhausting.
The post separation abuse is so hard. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. We stayed at a domestic violence shelter for 3 weeks, and he manipulated me back. I finally just got out 6 months after coming home from the shelter. Sept will be one year since I realized I was being a abused. 8 year relationship and 4 year old twins. I can't believe the damage someone can do to your brain, but again, everything is my fault. ( as he says. )
This healing journey is so hard. He refuses to be with the twins because I won't be with him. I'm exhausted. Send good vibes. 😔
Dr , your videos are a great help , can I have your some 4-5 mins of personal counselling/advise am going through quite hard time in my life . Please
He works for marriage recovery center. He is actually the founder but their whole team is great. Definitely worth the packages
Also check out Leslie Vernick she is excellent and has rotating women's groups with community support
…even if it pertains to “her” as well. My wife threw me in jail the one time I reacted to her abuse. A year of her abuse and she called the cops on me bc she “wanted me out of the house” landed me a class A misdemeanor. Now reconciliation feels like the most daunting task. Like why?! What reason should I reconcile with her for?!
He just "can't believe I'm asking him questions again!"......
😔
Yes im exhausted
And youll be super confused. All the time. They switch realities all the time.They are dillusional and you have to back up their dillusions.😮
Thank you
Been there.
Stronger now.
I cannot understand them.
Worste part is 2nd daughter just like her mother.
It's so sad and painful to realize.
That last part was certainly never my ex
Listen to your instincts.
Yesssss
Theyre awful
You know I just found you. Thank you, how do you find a trained therapist?
😮 do they do this on purpose or? Do they know they’re doing it!? So are they capable of receiving love?
Hello. I have only watched a few videos so far, and I like the info and have subscribed. I was curious though... It appears you direct your advice towards women, as the victims, and men as the abusers. Why is that?
Also, do you share any info directed towards those who ARE the emotional abusers (man or woman, or other) in the relationships, or are you geared towards the victims mostly?
Thanks!
Thanks for your inquiry. Dr. Hawkins does tend to fall back on the male pronoun for abusers and female pronoun for victims because that is the demographic he works with day in and day out for years. It does not imply that he believes all abusers are men and vice versa. A lot of our work focuses on working with the emotional abusers, but given that they are usually not seeking information and education on the internet, but victims are desperately seeking information, a lot of our content is based on the need that is presented to us.
SIR, I AM 71 AND PERISHING FROM COVERT MALIGNANT NARC. DO YOU ASSIST MEN. I HAVE A WIFE THAT HAS HAD ME BUILD A HOME AND SHE DECEIVED BANK TO DEED INTO HER MAIDEN NAME. SHE HAS DESTROYED THE 401K AND HAS ME INTO 5 YRS TAX EVASION WTH GOV AND STATE. DO YOU KNOW WOMEN LIKE THAT??
RESPECTFULLY YOURS,
IT'S TOO LATE
I had a husband just like that! It didn't end well and you can't avoid the financial abuse and cheating without a divorce. As long as you are legally married, you are half responsible for her lies financially. Run quietly but first hide your money with a trusted friend or a safe at a secret storage facility which you pay cash for.
Sound advice. I need to take it. Husband commited adulterous and financial infidelity. Now we have to file chapter 13 bankruptcy for all the mismanaging he did with our money and the cheating dirtbag he was giving our money too as well as expensive gifts. He lost his mind trying to maintain our household and keep her coming back for more. Shit is real crazy right now. I am in therapy for the pain this has caused me and our family. Why would someone implode his whole life for a pice of ass from someone he don’t really like. Why are men like this. I’ve been an awesome wife to him and have bailed him out of many financial boo-boos
I am 69 and just finished a divorce from a female covert narcissist. Unless you are in a State where everything is automatically split, YOU CAN file and ask for alimony, spousal support, for half the property (which may make her have to file for bankruptcy, or take out a second mortgage, or even have to sell to give you your half), and ask for her to pay the legal fees. The only way they can truly make a case for her keeping all of the house is if it was in their name before marriage.) 💡Make sure you are somehow contributing to making at least part of the mortgage payments. We had a joint account in which I put in enough money to equal the mortgage payment.⚡⚡ I experienced the love bombing, devaluing, and discarding multiple times and then there was the final BIG discard. 💥 She filed for divorce right after our tenth wedding anniversary at which she re-professed her love to me at the resort. She love bombed me on the anniversary trip. Then, as soon as we got back from the trip, she discarded me with the divorce. 💥 But right before she divorced me, she was devaluing me. It was the 4th Sunday morning after our 10th.. We were cooking breakfast together. Laughing & talking. All truly seemed right with the world. We spent 2 hours talking and drinking coffee ☕ after breakfast. Nothing negative happened at all in the conversation. I got up to clean the dishes. She then blurted out that she was divorcing me. Low and behold, she had gone to see a lawyer the week after our anniversary. The papers had already been signed and filled with the court. 👿 THAT'S EVIL.👿
BUT, in the end I WON THE DIVORCE CASE. Before the anniversary I had been recording her rage baiting, writing down gaslighting and manipulation tricks she had been doing. 💥 She asked for alimony, spousal support, for me to take on half her debt, and wanted half of the $5,600 I had in savings. Because I was prepared with evidence, I won.
Hi I don't know if you're believer in the Holy scriptures. But this woman sounds like she is probably in witchcraft or the occult. they capture the soul of a man and they're in a prison in the second heaven and they are slaves to these people. Some of them are not even real people the Nephilim are among us just like in the days of Noah. I would pray and research the Marine Kingdom and stay out of fear and full of faith. Our heavenly father sits on the throne and unchanged and unmoved and he has your back. The problem is most people don't understand the true battle we face between light and darkness. It causes much pain and then tormentor spirits can come and increase the pain as we have become a victim of the occult activity. Hope this is helpful in some way or another this is not a battle of flesh and blood I'm so sorry you went through this this world is not our home
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
😢
Fuc
your words are fact..
Your gestures and delivery...
Nope. I don't trust you..