How to Help the Narcissist Heal | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- In this video Dr. David Hawkins debunks the notion that there are only two options - run and get out, or stay and suffer. Dr. Hawkins and his team at The Marriage Recovery Center have been working with people with narcissistic traits for over a decade, and he shares with you the things that he has found to be effective, as well as what is NOT effective, when it comes to helping a narcissist heal. He is NOT saying it is your responsibility to heal them, but whether you know it or not, it's likely you are enabling the status quo by what you do or don't do. Instead, you must break this cycle to cause the breakdown that leads to healing.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#narcissistic #narcissist #narcissism
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I've personally seen my narcissistic mother change after she reached her lowest after therapy and people in her life put the pressure on. It's going on 5 years and she continues to improve. She's asked everyone to call her out when/if she reverts to any of her old behaviors, and we have. She basically asked us to show a mirror in her face so she could "catch and kill" those behaviors. She's not even the same person. It's amazing! It's only because she got her lowest low and CHOSE to change. No one else could have made that decision for her.
Im glad to see there is hope ive discovered that i am a narc my mother was a extreme narc and has caused me to be one i desperately want to change for my kids and their father
Simone! You can and will change, matter of fact you already have, you show concern and empathy for your family!!!
Thats the key they need to recognize it and choose the change.
melartista wow God bless her
Narcs are incurable, except maybe with a good exorcist. She's is probably just a run of the mill asshole.
I agree with you. Separated with mine and he had a breakdown and have given his life to Christ and he seem to have changed but still cautious and still are separated until I see major changes!
Thanks for sharing! Ongoing accountability and support is critical for real, lasting change. It is human to slip, so it is essential to have wise, godly people walking alongside you who can help you back up. It is good to proceed with caution but stay the course! - Client Care Team
queenofsuccess I hope it works out.
I hope it works out for you.......
The love of God can change ANYONE if they are willing..
If they help themselves, if they are humble enough to let God operate in their lives, most of narcissist I know, they believe they need no God for they claim to be the special children of God.
I like your attitude. I'm of the mindset that we live to heal. I wish I could heal my ex gf. Not so that we can be together, but because I know her behaviors come from a truly painful and troubled place. I wish her compassion and healing.
We appreciate your feedback and your compassionate perspective. We agree that all of us are on a journey of becoming whole and are blessed to be part of that journey for the people who come to us for help. - Client Care Team
Dylan who thank you for your compassionate viewpoint. I have BPD and don't mean anyone harm and hate that I do that with my erratic emotions. I'm trying very hard to heal. Really appreciate your point of view as the majority of people are very blaming and dismissive.
I agree. People who have another medical condition like cancer depression etc.. we don't just say run. We look for ways to help. We look for cures. There are ways to prevent this medical condition too. Making people aware and educating them that neglect trauma brain damage fetal alcohol syndrome etc. cause certain problems (ex. Less grey matter of the anterior something or other..some of that grey matter helps deals with emotions empathy impulse control etc) that affects thoughts which in turns affects behavior. We all must educate ourselves on how the brain works. I know why some people on meth go crazy from lack of sleep because the brain doesnt have a lymphatic system to get rid of waste like the cells in the rest of our body so sleep is very important to function properly. How many people understand it from that perspective. People do drugs for a reason. Its an escape.. it helps produce dopamine. Dopamine can be produced naturally. Anyways i'm still learning about narcissists and everything. I deal with a textbook narcissist myself but I'm not judging him. He didn't have a choice that his mom drank with him when she was pregnant. He had behavioral problems so he grew up in a group home. I'm not judging him even though no one else likes him because of his behaviors. I'm learning and studying about it now because I have an interest in psychology and neuroscience. I understand its not always safe being with a narc because of there abusive tendancies and they are toxic and own worst enemy but if we just say they are hopeless and throw our arms in the air we will never get anywhere.
Thanks for your insight Tammy. Personality Disorder is a condition that can be successfully treated by a professional who is knowledgeable and qualified. The partner must also invest in education and treatment for their own healing and well-being, as you are doing. - Client Care Team
Nicely put Dylan. I feel exactly the same. It would be wonderful to see everybody happy & at peace. The whole world would be so much nicer no doubt But in the meantime, one has to be wise and think of their own wellbeing.
I feel like, we HAVE to try to heal them, with time, energy and patience. So when the time comes that we realize NOTHING has made a difference, we can move on with a clear conscience and heart.
Wow
Sounds the same as mine. 24 wasted years. I was told by our 1st counselor to run because he doesn't want to change.
You can’t take on a narcissist healing. You can’t be expected to, and you can’t be asked to. It is insurmountable. You have to put it back on the narcissist. Tell the narcissist you are not able to help him. He needs to ask his counselor. It should not be put upon you because you’ve had to deal with the weight and toxicity long enough. You cannot carry 1 ounce more. It will begin to affect your health and your mental well-being and your personality and it will change you as a person instead. Do not take it on.
@@CupAChoco Your experience sounds awful.
The person with NPD must truly see the error of our ways and WANT to change. Otherwise it is indeed futile.
Yes, yes and yes. My husband wanted to and IS changing. My sister, who I've cut off from my life, has no problems even tho she's angry, raging and spitefully manipulative. Breakthroughs definitely depend upon the person with the disorder, not their victim.
Hello Mr. Hawkins and THANK YOU for the work you do. I am married to a Man that is a full blown narcissist. I have quite literally been to hell and back with my husband..........so you might ask the question, "what was it that made me stay with him?"
Well, the one tiny thing that always, always, always gave me hope was that SOMETIMES....not very often but once in a while.......I would see my husband's 'True Self' shining through all of the hate and rage and pain (he was horribly abused in his childhood). Many people might say that this is all part of the 'Act' that the narcissist puts on in order to deceive others, and whilst I have certainly seen my husband use his charm and acting skills (especially on me), I KNOW without a doubt that the 'True Self' that sometimes appears is genuine. Mr. Hawkins, it would take many hours for me to tell you of the miracle that has come in to me and my husband's lives, but what I will say is that I am convinced that my faith in Jesus has been the number one blessing that has helped my husband to heal.
I am NOT saying that my husband is 100% healed......his life has been too horrific and sad for him to ever be COMPLETELY free of his pain......BUT........I knew that a bridge had been crossed when I saw my husband sitting at his computer with his headphones on and tears streaming down his face. I stood next to him and he turned up the volume of what he was listening to and that is when I started crying too. It was 'Amazing Grace' being played on the Scottish Bagpipes (my husband is part Scottish).
It was perhaps the most moving, miraculous and wonderful moment either of us have ever known......my husband has always said that he is atheist and that there is no God.........I have NEVER tried to push my belief in Jesus on to him.....I simply accepted that my husband would always be too full of pain and rage to accept Jesus in to his life........but at that moment......both of us clinging to each other and crying......"I once was lost....but now I'm found....was blind.....but now I see."
Thank you Mr. Hawkins for telling the TRUTH: That NOTHING is ever 'impossible' and that with the love of God.......miracles can happen.....even for a narcissist and his partner.
I am not saying that EVERY narcissist can be healed......but I believe that when the narcissist truly WANTS to change......and if he (or she) has the adequate love and support.......then a miracle can REALLY happen. I know it can. It happened for me and my husband.
Hi Lorraine and thank you for your support! It brings us such encouragement to hear stories like yours! You are absolutely right - healing is possible for those that want it. It is our belief in God that drives our mission and keeps us remembering that there is always hope, for God never gives up on us. Have a blessed day! - Heather, Client Care Team
Thank you Heather, xx
lorraine smith Praise God!
Thank you so much Melodie.......Amen to that!
I am looking for a similar miracle.
If beating the crap out of you, shagging other women, lying to you about everything, accusing you of stuff he was doing, discarding you, stalking you, etc until you have PTSD didn't make him feel bad and think he's got a problem and needs therapy, then you keep the heat on and tell him you've had enough!
I’ve learned my sanity is more important and healing my inner wounds are more important than fixing or helping my ex narcissist of 11 yrs heal! Very misguiding to victims being abused and trying to save the narc and getting abused more you can’t help if the narcissist has a family of enablers!
We agree, protecting and nurturing your mental and emotional health and well-being is of utmost importance. We have a women's program that empowers women to do just that. -Client Care Team
David Hawkins yes was five years with one she swear to change and do counseling the more I tried to move her the worse she got was really intense shit
Change can only come about from within and most humans are resistant to change, but sometimes given the right circumstances and interventions, they can be motivated to seek help. Certainly not always, but we offer help to those seeking it. -Client Care Team
Katphena S fuck healing an abuser! Please
Warrior Within I never said you could heal a abuser I think you mis read what I said! I was in a narc relationship 12 yrs and nothing changed him he got worse after dv classes these people are very rarely healed and go back to old tactics narcs are not able to be healed maybe you should watch your abusive words!
I appreciate your video despite the criticism. I believe in shifting the focus and giving that hope and if it doesn't work then at least you tried. We all deserve the chance to become aware, change and recover.
No chance of any of that, becoming aware, changing and recovering. Narcissists believe that the way they operate works for them. It always has, and always will. No need to change.
i believe u can recommend a therapist for them and that's about it, because they can destroy you
We crave change but we are afraid of change . So we stay stuck on a wheel hopeing our story will Get better in the same way they were back when things were grand !!! We must always keep in mind that our most" sacred duty" is to OURSELVES. Along with the willingness to respect and be gentle to ourselves To come to an inner wholeness where you are not divided from your inner -self by shame or low self esteem or guilt or other EMOTION that might keep you from stepping out and letting go !!
We crave change but we are afraid of change . So we stay stuck on a wheel hopeing our story will Get better in the same way they were back when things were grand !!! We must always keep in mind that our most" sacred duty" is to OURSELVES. Along with the willingness to respect and be gentle to ourselves To come to an inner wholeness where you are not divided from your inner -self by shame or low self esteem or guilt or other EMOTION that might keep you from stepping out and letting go !!
Mia Perez
Giving them the benefits of the doubt is what they know you'll do, so keep playing the game, lose for you, win for them.
You repeatedly put the responsibility of "fixing the abuser", onto the victim. Not only is the victim in no way responsible, or qualified to do this, but is likely to be in danger by trying.
beckbabej I think what he means is not putting the responsibility of fixing the narc on the victim but rather giving hope to narc spouses to get back a loving person without divorcing and finding someone else. Definitely worth a try if that can happen.
Vida CK There is no "loving person" to get back to, that was theater, and mirroring. Not "worth a try", dangerous!
beckbabej Absolutely agree, do not do this on your own. You can waste your whole life trying to help a malignant person who does not want to get better. And give him a lot of opportunity to suck emotional blood from you! But give a chance to try for a therapist, that I would do ;)
What are you his secretary? Almost all the therapists (except this guy) say they can't cure NPD. This guy is a victim blaming quack, I didn't say don't try this alone, I said DON'T TRY THIS... go away VidaCK.
This guy in the video is a narc.
Are you as a therapist ever worried about narcissists faking that they’re learning from you OR that they’ll learn how to fake being empathetic etc. from things you suggest that he do to improve himself? Apparently narcissists do this very often and very efficiently but don’t actually change at all. It’s been said by some therapists that sometimes therapy even makes their patients worse because they just learn how to better fake being the way they are supposed to be.
This sounds like my husband 100%
Thank you for uploading this video. I am a woman who is having NPD tendencies. My family quit me. My friend embraced me and she was the one to make me realise how wrong I am. My behaviour is changing very slowly, and it is so exhausting for her......I feel so frustrated as to why I am not able to change fast so that people around me do not suffer.
We are all on a life long journey of becoming the best version of ourselves, it does not happen fast but the journey you are on is well worth it. If you would like to learn how we can help, please reach out. We don't just look at behavior change, we look at what is driving those behaviors and correcting the underlying thought patterns, and any past trauma, etc.
@@drdavidbhawkins Thank you for your kind reply Dr.Hawkins. I am living in India. Recently l have caused pain to my friend and it hurt me and made me feel ashamed so much that I turned on to RUclips for some answers. Your video was God sent for me. I know I need a doctor to help and guide me. I am trying to be able to afford a professional help.
@@drdavidbhawkins let me ask u a ? What if that person doesn’t want to attend therapy tho? I do know these people are horribly broken and have trauma. However, I have had much devastation from my narc mom, bullying and narc partners. So I’m not interested in being in relationship with anymore but it would be cool to help eradicate this issue.
Congratulations on trying , nothing good and lasting happens over night, it takes at least 9 months for a fetus and to mature and even then about 2;yrs to walk and talk. You've started the hardest part the start, looking with most Narcs refuse to even admit it. Try A A 's 12 steps even if your not an alcoholic just replace the word alcohol for NARSACISIM.
God bless hats of to u and I wish I a destiny free from Fear, (meditation & prayer)🎉
Thank you for trying to change. May God help you and easy your problem and help you heal. AMEEN
I've been with my husband for 28 yrs and feel SICK at the thought that he can't change. He sees what he does....and I thought ANYONE CAN CHANGE...its so refreshing to see a dr. Saying that its not an end to a long relationship....thank you SO MUCH! IM SO GRATEFUL TO YOU, DR. 😁😇❤🙏 2you
I’ve been with my husband 8 years now. In its only worsening as time goes. I am fed up. We have a baby together now, I feel stuck for her but living miserable with him. I’ve been to counseling to try to cope with this myself, but I never get a chance to heal because he continues and it’s only getting worse now saying that he has no problem. I see no solution, because he refuses to accept he has a problem. What do I do?
Well . . . I think that the standard-marriage is finally finished -> The future is a nice c o m m u n i t y. I recommend for you the wonderful "book of woman" (by Osho)
@@lizbethmleave him if you can't force him to therapy! Or ask him if he has traumas that needs to be healed. Other more extreme starting methods could be ayahuasca, or maybe there are psychiatrists that's working with psychotherapy and MDMA?
@@lizbethmAs someone with BPD with NPD traits, I recommend you save yourself and get away from him. If he's unwilling or unable to face himself, accept accountability for his abusive behavior, and work extremely hard to change, it's a lost cause.
You can if they'll let you. Pride usually won't let them. My husband told me if I didn't want to accept that he wanted to separate from our bedroom I could leave, it was put up with it or leave. Today I filed for divorce. Your words of affirmation are hopeful but it's a pseudo hope. Pride comes before destruction and a hauty spirit before a fall.
Every situation is different and must be evaluated carefully. You're right in that many are not willing to receive help. We don't offer blind hope for everyone - there must be a sincere willingness to change and engage in the work necessary. - Client Care Team
I tried helping and I tried EVERYTHING…have u ever personally dealt w a narcissist dr? Everybody has narcissistic traits as a weapon in defense but we don’t all live and breath like a pure form narcissist. The only way to tell difference between them being defensive traits opposed to being a actual narcissist is to observe and witness them in action for YEARS
Perfectly said!
Thanks for standing out from the crowd If GOD raised a dead man after 4 dys He can cure a living one Thanks for giving HOPE The world needs more of positive people God is still God
Thanks Ann, there are many people out there who believe that broken people should be discarded. Society doesn't discard people who are physically sick, why should we discard people who are emotionally sick without offering help? We have seen thousands of relationships restored and people healed based on therapeutic methods that work. - Client Care Team
He's saying we must help them have a breakdown. ALL they want is to maintain some kind of engagement, good or bad. They'll play the game as long as you want. AND they need to truly repent of the hurt they've caused before they can be trusted.
Narcissists play these therapists very well.
How do I have him to break down?
Wow! So many uneducated haters. Thanks Dr. Hawkins for working to help people and having hope for them and their relationships so they can work through their illnesses, struggles, and flaws to become more functional and happier people in their relationships.
Ruben Snow lol see you in a few years! :-D
New Worldorder
Ding ding ding! This exactly.
I think this would only work with someone with narcissistic tendencies, not a real narcissist. People get them confused. A real narcissist cannot ever see their faults or make change. My father covert narc has lost everything and had everyone try to help him, couple strokes and heart attacks, can’t take care of himself and no one wants to help him (although his sister does)… he still has grandiose dreams about his future and thinks he’s a perfect saint…. Nothing would ever break him. I think he will die smiling in his delusional fantasy land.
Yes it is impossible to heal a covert narcissist.
I have established no contact with my partner. Yes, he went through breakdown and breakthrough. yes he start looking for me and do think about getting back.
We keep in touch once a while, i be kind but not stupid as i know him well.
And i keep it clear, i cant be with him because he didn't changed.
At some point this video is right.
I have to agree because its happened.
I realized, the power is in me. I can choose to let my partner repeat the same or i can learn to love myself more.
Funny part is, if u have hatred and very revengeful to your NPD partner. You cant help anyone ...
Agreed
Wow I was with one five years and she convinced me it was all my problem it's only recently I realise what a narc is .I do love her wish her well but is draining experience and she think if we don't marry she can have many partners well I caught her then she admitted she was cheating etc.i miss us .but the level of deception was severe
Xeyra Adeen awesome lady just awesome. the power is within us
This is great thinking outside the box! Narcissist won't just participate in recovery on there own they have to hit rock bottom first! Thank u for doing this video despite the naysayers
Thank you so much for the optimism. I have witnessed some changes and it is so delightful to see . He is not in therapy, but I just separated from him after a year. I have a lot of knowledge on NPD so have managed to manage in my own creative way.. I am an art therapist and I discovered that one main connection is through doodles and doodling together on scraps of paper and notebooks. So sweet as it slowly brings meaning to emotions etc...
Wonderful to hear, thanks for sharing. Art is a great medium to access and express emotions.
I am lost for words all I can say is magnificent. I love you doctor. You are the best. You just made me see everything so much clear.
There is a spiritual aspect to this issue as well. I believe that through God, these behaviors can be broken. For people who have a relationship with God, He can break the chains that bind people to narcissism.
Amen🙏🏼❤️
Absolutely. This is because ultimately controlling behaviour and narcissism are all about not trusting. Or about trusting nobody and nothing except yourself. So when you trust the truth or God or the universe you can actually finally let go. You kind of need to consider that life is wise, that you do not know and cannot control the ultimate purpose. And that people who you think are imperfect and need correcting by you have been sent to you by a higher force which knows best why you are here on earth and what you must learn.
And will an adult person who really loves himself or herself allow him- or herself to be abused by a narcissist? Guess not. One's experience with narcissists teaches one to take better care of oneself and love oneself. There is definitely a learning curve for the victim of narcissism and it's about self love.
Yes it is a generational curse which only God can heal
I unfortunately have to disagree with you. I have a long life experience with narcissists: covert/overt in my immediate family and full blown overt in my last marriage. I actually found out about my family after recognizing that some patterns of abuse in my marriage were also present in my relationship with my parents and siblings. I tried badly to help my husband and he never even recognized he had a problem. What you’re talking about in your video may work for narcissistic people who fit in the beginning of the spectrum where self awareness and a certain degree of empathy are preserved. But those who reach the 2nd and 3rd levels of narcissism and fall into the realms of NPD itself, NO WAY. The internal connection between the true self and the false self no longer exists in any form. I’m saying this from personal experience by trying to help my narc ex to engage in therapy together. All he did was to lie, manipulate the whole thing and start a huge smear campaign against me and the therapist. I’m not sure if you ever dealt closely with a full blown malignant narcissist. I sense you didn’t cause if you did, you’d never think that way. Learning all the psychological theories and listening to other people’s experiences is not enough to make a person fully understand narcissistic abuse on a core level. Only those who went through this know the degree of devastation.
Rose
You're spot on.
Otie Jason Otie Jason I’m not in a contest about who’s better or worse, who’s more or less human. I sound worse than him why? All that I wrote is the plain TRUTH, you like it or not and if you think it’s not, good luck with your delusion. I thought just like you for many many years till I got a good final beating that was a big wake up call. Now, I’m wondering here why you got so triggered by what I wrote to the point of saying I sound worse than him: maybe you strongly identify with narc traits and are projecting your S*** onto me? I sound worse than “my narc” then take him home and cuddle in bed with him, lol. You’re an asshole, ugh!
Traveling Healer In Psychiatry, narcissism is considered a trait so we all develop narcissistic traits to a certain degree varying to the attachment issues that we developed while learning to bond in early childhood with our caregivers and also with the narcissistic cultural brainwashing (which is pretty strong right now in our society). I really agree a lot with the “3 stage” approach approach of Dr. Abdul Saad from Vital Mind Psychology. Narcissism is a pathological way of being founded in false Self in which the individual develops a strong complex of superiority to cover a very deep complex of inferiority. The problem is that most people see narcissism as “normal, non pathological” because they see narcissism as “excess of self love” when it’s actually the opposite. Narcissists hate their true selves to the core and bury them so deep that they live on a mask (their false selves) that require a huge amount of energy (narcissistic supply) to be maintained. The more narcissistic a person is, the more disconnected to his true self and self loathing he is. The bottom line is: in order to define what pathological narcissism we need to look at the degree of chaos and toxicity (like all cluster B personality disorders) it created in their interpersonal relationships. Narcissists have a long record of varied forms of abuse in the way they relate to people. All that being said, I disagree with the idea of “normal” narcissism. It’s pathological, meaning we all learn to be dissociated on an internal level in order to fit in the social models of success and we grow up learning that we need to be or appear to be a certain way or have things that are associated to power in order to be loved. True power comes from within, from a strong sense of self awareness/knowledge, and true self acceptance regardless of our flaws. All the rest that comes from the outside is just illusion and when the external support falls apart, the internal world collapses which is pretty true for narcissists.
Traveling Healer I respect your right of disagreeing but saying that narcissism is a trait is not a “blank statement” of mine. It’s something very well described in Psychiatry manuals that emphasize cluster B disorders or books specialized in narcissism. I was very resistant when I heard such thing in the very beginning but not after some research and understanding that we all have need for approval, reinforcement and self centeredness that are all narcissistic traits. Those traits start to be constructed during childhood cause every single child in this world goes through a narcissistic phase as part of the normal psychological development. The caregivers need to mirror, reinforce certain behaviors of the child and correct others during this stage so he/she can start to learn how to develop the ability to consider others while dealing with his own desires and put themselves in other people’s shows (those are empathic traits that children don’t have up to 2 years old in average). All that being said, empathy is in some way learned and NPDs learn how to mimic it overtime as first try to get what they want cause they don’t have it genuinely. Regarding the brain scans of narcissists being abnormal: I’ve seen several researches pointing out to certain dysfunctions in parts of the brains of people formally diagnosed with cluster B disorders such as an hyperactive reward system (this leads NPDs to the most varied types of addictions in order to numb the deep pain and the internal holes) PLUS their prefrontal cortex is shrunk in functional MRIs (that part of the frontal lobe of the brain is responsible for one’s moral emotions such as regret, guilt, compassion that are crucial for empathic behavior). The supremacy of genetic determinism has been more and more debunked in Biology because the presence of a gene doesn’t mean it’s going to be expressed (for such expressions of a gene, it needs to be triggered, activated by one’s life environment/experiences). Check out the Biology branch of Epigenetics and you’ll get more info on that. In Psychiatry, the cluster B disorders can be organized in a pyramid model with Borderlines and Histrionics on the bottom, followed by Narcissists in the middle and Antisocial (Psychopaths/Sociopaths) on the top. This model shows that empathy reduces and the dysfunctional behaviors grow progressively when we move towards the top. There’s a thin line separating malignant narcissists from people with mild psychopathy cause the signs and symptoms of all the cluster B disorders overlap and being on a high spectrum of narcissism takes someone to an area of transition to psychopathic/sociopathic traits. Anyways, believe it or not, like it or not, we ALL have narcissistic tendencies but the difference between us and a person with NPD is that those traits take over their personality and become a way of being that cannot be fixed (at least I never saw an ex-narcissist). Actually l’ve seen people who have been formally diagnosed with NPD that clearly state how difficult it is to change their mindset and behavior even being aware of how damaging they are in terms of interpersonal relationships. Do your research and you’ll see that what I said is not a blank statement. We humans can be as selfish as an irrational reptile. We just need the “proper trauma” very early in childhood to mess with our brains for life.
NPD, BDP - WE who have lived with those hellraisers can diagnose them because WE have been their target! I disagree. It is helpful. Furthermore, many of them see no problems with themselves, they blame everyone else, and they continue in their nasty, wicked ways. The way to heal a narcissist is to leave them so YOU can heal. Who has the energy and time to help them - we don't have time to babysit, track them, uncover their lies, cheating. That's the only way they know how to live. I'm sorry, but after so much abuse, who needs to do that. They don't care!
Hi Gloria, you are right, it is not your job to heal them and it is good that you are focusing on your own healing. However, it is our mission to offer hope and healing to those who are seeking help and are willing to do the work necessary to change. We also have programs to help heal those who have been harmed by dysfunction and emotional abuse. Contact us at frontdesk@marriagerecoverycenter.com if you'd like to learn more - Client Care Team
exactly, it is almost impossible to help them heal and in the process u can very likely destroy yourself
Narcissists don't want to change.
They act like it so they can bind you to them. It's just gaslighting.
Gloria Aquino
words from the wise and narcissistic!
agree, they are WAY MORE THAN A HANDFUL; you will spend your whole life dealing with a lot of abuse and manipulation and lies that in turn make you mentally or physically sick or both; I've seen this and AM seeing this with a relative and she had a lot of kids with this man but could not effectively raise them because she was so busy trying to keep her husband in line and following him everywhere so he doesn't get into trouble; their children have issues with alcohol, drugs and one is narcissistic just like the father and does a lot of manipulation and control in her home over her spouse and children; it is disgusting and TOTALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL; if you stay with a narc, FINE, but DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THESE PEOPLE
It is very helpful for people to know if they are dealing with a narcissist…. I can’t tell you how revolutionary it was to find material explaining all the crazy things my husband did to me that I just could not understand over three decades…. I lost everything trying to fix someone like this…. Bottomline is you can’t help a person fix themselves…. A willing person would go get help and an unwilling person will keep on being who they are. I’ve never seen a person healed from someone else carrying them on their back, but I have seen a lot of good people, especially Christian women get torn down mentally, physically emotionally and in some cases spiritually, some even loosing their life from violence or sickness from a deterioration of health. Praying for all who has been in these relationships whether it’s a partner, family or friends… 😞❤️🙏🏽
Agreed, one must walk the journey of healing themselves. Thanks for your feedback
@@drdavidbhawkins
Yes sir! You can only help when you are healed but going through it is a testimony and God gives some people the gift to allow others to benefit from their pain. I am thankful for all the people out here working hard to educate people about this very serious issue. 😞❤️🙏🏽
Well, I tried those things. I literally got him to an NPD specialist after a long separation. The day he was to go he didn't and continued to not take responsibility. 24 years of abuse and suffering and 3 years of INTENSE abuse he will NOT follow through on the actions. You can't force someone to take that last step. It almost killed me (yes literally) to get him help. He would talk the talk but NOT walk it out. It was wasted time at my mental, physical, emotional and financial expense.
That is true, no one can be forced to change. If the desire is there, the help is available but they must want it, even if for the wrong reasons.
Exactly!!!
An absolute waste of my life. My body. My soul. My health.
@@drdavidbhawkins
And what about adding infidelity into the mix?
Why would I even want to be with him because of that alone?
40 years of hell. Nothings but lies.
M health is gone. My sanity is gone.
Thank you for this. It’s encouraging since it’s my daughter with these “traits” (which I think she learned from my ex who I am NOT interested in “healing”). I’m also afraid that she can be hard on her husband, who is a terrific man and good for her. Thanks for the hope.
Thanks for the feedback. Education and awareness is a great first step to creating changes in one's life.
Sorry. We are not looking for a project here. Give me a break.
Mala Rai right
Mala Rai OR CHOKE you out of Air ! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yes, some of us have a narcissistic family member & we can't get away from him. Mine is my 43 year old son!!!
No shit right!
You can't be a narcissist without there being underlying issues in our/their pasts. Yes I am codependent and yes with a narcissistic - we can be healed , if not, what was the point of meeting someone? For our healing, not theirs? Seems selfish, seems narcissistic - oh wait apparantly only the 'good' people should heal!
How can you help someone who won't see a prob with their behavior and twist and turn relentlessly evehthing that is said to them ?
With expert guidance from an experienced professional, it is possible. But it is not your burden of responsibility to change another person. We are here to help those who are willing to engage in the process. If you want to learn more about our services, contact us at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
Bad bad bad advice!!! This man has never lived with a narc, or is one himself. All he did in his example is he got the couple back into the honeymoon phase. I bet its already back in the devalue/discard phase as we speak...Do not believe this!!!! You may get killed. No! he does not care about you!!! Saying "You must", puts all the burden back on the victim. This "dr" is very very bad!!!!!
Thanks for your comment, but before you make a hasty judgement based on one video, may I suggest looking into Dr. Hawkins' latest book "When Loving Him is Hurting You" to get a fuller picture of his views, particularly his insight and understanding of the victim's perspective. - Client Care Team www.amazon.com/When-Loving-Him-Hurting-You/dp/0736969810
YUP - BETTEY BRODERICK COMES TO MIND LOL
How about they help us heal from CPTSD? How bout that? Why is it always about them?
We have many programs to help people heal from the physical, mental and emotional effects of emotional abuse. marriagerecoverycenter.com/resources/ - Client Care Team
I think if these people can heal them they should let the narc live with THEM (ummm forever) while they are. Asking or suggesting a victim prolong their horrible abuse is so far beyond the realm of understanding it IS abuse. The only thing these people want is your money. They saw a corner in the market and went for it. How sick is that!
Quite the opposite, our goal is to empower people so they are no longer victimized or tolerate any further abuse. -Client Care Team
David Hawkins if you truly believe that then you would quit touting that a narcissist can be healed. They cannot. Even those that may have traits that can be "behaviorally modified" are few and far between and even then it takes years of therapy. You KNOW this. Who has that kind of time to waste hoping theyre partner can get better all the while they're being abused, sometimes horribly. Who in their right mind would think that's okay? A narc would. A narc who uses a system to keep a victim a victim that's who.
There is some truth to that. That's why we don't focus on behavior modification and surface issues, we focus on heart and character change. Love is a powerful agent for change. - Client Care Team
While "they" are breaking down from your refusal to participate in the abuse, they are plotting against "your" health and well being. It is all they know and want to know. Their garbage way of existing is what they believe in as a means to their successful life. Anything they learn, they will incorporate into their narcissistic way of being. I have no problem with trying, but for those of us who have fallen for it many times over decades, before rather suddenly becoming aware of what was really going on, we know better. At best, you can learn to be more covert and hidden, but the narcissists I have been tortured by, no way are they changing. They are very proud of it. But thanks for saving families, as you said you do. A functional narcissist situation is worth it to some.
isnt it STRANGE that he is the only ONE who protests that he can cure (!!)a narcissist?i mean if it were that easy to achieve why all the other doctors and therapists claim the opposite?i dont know in not a psychologist but i would be veeery careful with anyone claiming to offer assistance while everyone else say that is a waste of my time feelings money and mental to saythe least health.i mean i m very sure the other health specialists could use the money too . be extra careful and take care of your self everyone!
Keeping an open mind and heart is key
I totally agree with you, why would they change when they don't need to change. They're perfect right? I don't buy this video at all. I'm going back to watching Little Shaman videos. She is awesome.
Sofia Mylona
Just more false hope for money.
We don't claim to be able to "cure" a narcissist, only that we can help people heal using therapeutic methods. But certainly not all people, only those who want to heal and are willing to do the work necessary. Every situation is unique and evaluated carefully. -Client Care Team
No it's not. NPD, BPD and Histrionic Personality disorder all share similar traits, and are from the same cluster. DBT is one of the best ways to address BPD and if it works there, it shd have some effect for NPD sufferers as well.
Thank you for this. I wish I would have found you years ago but we're making good progress. Just started noticing and coming to terms with some things that are making me realize the one in my life has come so far but this person needs help with the healing part. Looking forward to learning as much as I can from you about helping this person heal from their trauma and become motivated to be the person their family needs them to be. I'm very grateful to have found your channel.
I’m watching this two years after you posted it. I’m in love with a man that has overtly expressed all the traits. I didn’t know what gaslighting was until after we broke up. I saw the beautiful soul inside. I’ve never thought that a narcissist couldn’t heal. It’s just a fancy word to for a deeply wounded soul. I’m doing my homework just Incase we get back together.
Thank you for the work you are doing.
Dear RayDel Sol, I was thinking very same thoughts 3 years ago. It is not going to happen. You deserve better. Don't waste your life like I did.
jurejo You are right. I’ve moved on. I can always hope he gets help but Just like an addiction, it’s up to him.
I hope you are well.
I’m afraid I’ve caused to much damage with infidelity amongst narcissistic traits for to many years. She’s wants to support but unfortunately being tricked and manipulated for 26 years has burdened her with mental health issues. I’m enjoying other videos Dr. Hawkins and learning from them thank you.
Pray
I think we should start a dating site for people that have dealt with narcissitic personalities in there lives
That would be unhealthy as well. You see, both partners would suffer PTSD (if they haven't healed from it), and that would not make the relationship work. Think about it....we ALL need healing. Every single person that ever lived, dealt with pain & grief. The narcissistic person and ourselves, as well. It's not healthy to live in a victim-like mentality of 'they hurt me, and it's their fault'. Yes, they did a lot of damage, but we also participated in keeping ourselves victims longer than is needed. Many women stay 20+ years in these relationships. Yes, it's hard to get out, but that's not an excuse to stay and blame it on the abuser.
Hi David, thanks! This is the first video about narcissism that actually makes sense to me. I love that you are solution focused and that you don't just jugglie with the labels. And also i'm happy that you mention that they CAN love. Narcissists are not monsters inside. They are just dressed up in their Halloween costume, all the year through, untill they understand they are much more beautiful without it, and have the courage to put that costume aside. Thanks!
Thanks for your feedback Anne. We understand that there are many who are in a relationship with narcissists who seemingly are incapable of expressing love, but not everyone can be labeled or put into a broad category as every situation is unique. Certainly there are some who will never learn to give or receive love, but we have also seen many people learn new ways of thinking and relating. It's not a quick fox, nor is it an easy process but there is hope for those who are willing to engage and commit to the process! - Client Care Team
Very few men or women with a high degree of these traits are willing to make the commitment to the process of change. They don’t see the need to change. The motivation is not there to spend the time or money. Everyone else needs to change.
You see what I'm seeing as the big problem with this, is that many therapists, and or advise found on line will tel you straight out!! You cant change them, no contact is the only answer, Yes but what about us who are stuck with them right now and cant leave right away. You have to deal with them! Either that or give up living or just go insane run around the house naked! I had a therapist who told me there was no changing them, so Ive set about changing myself and even then he said this wont make a bit of difference, you have to leave, well, I cant leave! Im stuck, and then he proceded to keep me feeling stuck with no positive empowering solutions to this situation at all. There was no winning for me was the basic message. I didnt believe it, so I found a new doctor who understood along the lines of what I was trying to convey to the other one who didnt get it, which sounds very much like what you are conveying now as well.. Good Deal. ++++
Serenity Fields
Read the book "Should I Stay or Should I Go?". I see you wrote this years ago but basically to deal with these types:
1) Give up hope they'll change.
2) Lowet your expectations a lot.
3) Cultivate friendships with people who can empathize and share in your joys and sorrows.
4) Don't talk to the narcissist about anything deep. The weather, an interesting anecdote you heard, a quick punchline joke - only trivial things.
5) Never expect them to give you love, sympathy, or understanding. Look to your friends for such things.
They are people to be managed, and not people to collaborate with.
I do agree that labels are easy to assign and everyone deserves a chance. We all need hope. However, often the damage is too deep to completely heal. Every situation has to be unique because we are all unique even if we have certain programming and similar themes to our problems.
We agree with you 100% Helen. Not everyone is able or willing to change, and not everyone responds to therapy in the way we would hope. Each situation is unique but every person who has a sincere desire for help deserves a chance. -Client Care Team
The narcissist and borderline will be changed by hitting bottom, but only as long as the heat and pressure are applied. Let me give you an example. My mother changed when she lost custody of me. He was horrified to lose me and suffered great emotional turmoil and withdrawal hence she was highly motivated to perform well in therapy. She did well for a few months after I was returned to her by a trick. Custody had been awarded to my Aunt and Uncle who lived in Utah. But they trustingly turned me back over to my mother’s care who then eventually fell back into her old abusive ways. Our family moved to another state. My life with her nearly destroyed me. Someone who is super toxic, who cannot regulate feelings, who gaslights and goes on rage attacks and who desperately, desperately needs to CONTROL you has no business being a parent or spouse. YES, depth counseling must continue, but the narcissist will get bored and tired.Most commonly the narc will find someone else to praise them who won't make demands. In my mother's case, she happened to have an adult child by another marriage 21 years before I was born. She turned to him and made all of his children, her grandchildren miserable, and her daughter-in-law terribly miserable. My elder half-brother didn't want to trust our mother, but she hoovered him, using money from my father's salary. He became the golden child and I the scapegoat. When she died, everyone was relieved, except my brother who thought she was going to leave him a bundle of cash. She didn't my father's money all flowed to me and he got nothing. He was sucked in by her manipulation, let her insult his wife and criticize his children. She was permitted to say and do whatever selfish, toxic thing she pleased just for the little money she dribbled to him each month. He was so bereft upon her death knowing he had been played the fool, that he became very ill, contracted lung cancer and died an embittered man.
Thanks for sharing Terry. Yes, it is essential that people living with narcissists have firm clear boundaries and consequences when those boundaries are not respected. - Client Care Team
Run don't rebel or try to "help"
Thank you for reminding us there is hope!
Thank you!
I have been married to a man with narcissistic traits for 12 years. I am glad you are not preaching the " Run away" tactic for dealing with it. I truly love him and believe that it's a disorder along the same lines as depression disorder. He really is trying to get a grip on it and I can't abandon him.
Thanks for your feedback Aurora. We hope he is getting the help he needs, and you as well, as you also need support while going through this. If you want to look into some resources, please visit us at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com or call us at (206) 219-0145
Omg. I actually burst out laughing watching this. What the hell did I just watch?
When I first suspected that I was being emotionally and financially abused and manipulated years ago I prayed hard for an answer. My Spirit said to me, “Google emotional abuse”. My research led me to a woman named Kim from the UK whose husband was a narcissist. What I loved about her work was that, without her being a therapist and being told by many THERAPIST that there was no hope for her MARRIAGE, she needed to just leave him, she followed her gut instinct not to. What she began to do was heal herself by STANDING UP TO THE NARCISSIST. She began to say NO and stick to her guns. What she found was that she needed to focus on her own behavior because it was HER BEHAVIOR that attracted her narcissistic husband to her in the first place. She wasn’t focused on them staying married more so than she was healing herself and standing up for herself and children.
As empaths we tend to be groomed to be people pleasers from our own upbringing. In taking responsibility for ourselves and our own behavior we can change the dynamics of all our relationships. Either the narcissistic people in your life will change their behavior because you have changed YOUR behavior in relating to them (holding them to the fire) or they will leave themselves because they don’t want to change. Some people who have narcissistic behavior traits actually DO love you the best way they know how. They haven’t been taught or have seen good examples on how to love properly. They have to have their false identity, false sense of self, and false world crumble in order to be “retrained”. Yes, they have to want it and No, it’s not the empaths responsibility to heal the narcissist. However it is the responsibility of the empath to no longer ENABLE the narcissist by going along with their behavior or by letting them off the hook by running away. The narcissists problem is that THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR. Holding them accountable is what it means to hold them to the fire.
I welcome all viewpoints because it’s not just black and white. It’s funny that you used that term because I’m currently writing my book about my experiences with narcissistic abuse entitled “A Search For Color Between Black & White: Memoirs of a Recovering Empath.
Side note: David Hawkins didn’t say that he is the ONLY ONE doing this kind of work. He said that THERE ARE FEW who are doing this work and he’s correct. In my 13 years of research and the many therapists and life coaches I’ve come across, ONLY TWO that I’ve found are dedicated to their attempt at helping to heal MARRIAGES between the empath and narcissist.
Thanks for your comment. We agree everyone must take responsibility for their own behavior and how it is contributing to either healing or further enabling the harmful behaviors. - Client Care Team
Now your talking !! I’m tired of being f up and attracting codependents and feel uncomfortable with healthy minded people I’m ready to
Heal thanks to Jesus !
You've already taken a critical step towards healing, which is acknowledging your need and desire to heal. If you're interested in speaking with someone on our Client Care Team about how we can help, please give us a call at (206) 219-0145 or visit www.marriagerecoverycenter.com
They have to be broken by God. Brokenness has to come in his life. There has to be a conversion...a road to Damascus like Saul to Paul. Stay away let God do His Work.
I see Saul & Paul the exact same way though, same personality, different goals. First, he wanted to kill Christians, and then he wanted to build up the Kingdom of God. But his strong & leader-like behaviors were the same both ways.
I got clickbaited for sure with this title, but I appreciate the concept and conversation it started. Can a narcissist be cured? Maybe, but should they be in a relationship while they are trying to be cured? Probably not. I don't think this video fully addressed the inherent pathology of such a relationship and personally I think one should escape the narcissist, not stay. Dr. Hawkins says 100% efficacy with the breakdown/breakthrough process which to me implies that he has been able to access reason and empathy within the chronic narcissist through leveraging their supply, but is the empathy and reasoning authentic? If not, then what is he managing for long term success, supply chain balancing, mutual destruction threat, or authentic healthy people?
I think we all have it in the back of our heads that given enough "perspective": the threat of removing their most craved prescriptive drug would be the ultimate method to draw out the reasonable and rational human from the narcissist, but in the case of "Breakdown/Breakthrough" are we truly seeing the authentic human, or are we simply witnessing an addict emulating what we want to hear so they can get back to their fix?
I think the real work belongs with the narcissist's supplier (the codependent), and not the consuming narcissist for the simple reason the codependent needs to be cured from their addiction (addiction to their avoidance system) before trying to rescue the injured narcissist. Just like in plane emergencies the more capable person puts on their oxygen before helping the less capable.
I guess the biggest problem I have with Dr. Hawkins video is it doesn't say when this strategy is to be used. How far along is the codependent in recovery from their addiction, and what tools are being used to prevent relapsing? I think it would be very dangerous to create the breakdown and then throw the codependent back in the relationship without them being fully aware of their addiction and their ability to manage it. I also think the breakthrough would be more effective for the narcissist if the breakdown had a permanent outcome of loss. I don't think it is wise to keep either addict together with their supplier.
Metaphorically, if the food realizes it's being eaten and doesn't want to be eaten then I don't think the food should stick around hoping the eater doesn't get hungry. I just think it's a bad idea to promote this type of relationship and that it is overwhelming difficult to try and fix two broken people while holding them in the environment built for breaking people. I think neither the codependent or the narcissist should be in any relationship until they have learned to manage their addictions, just like with any addiction programs.
Now if there are kids in the mix then the whole system is fucked because the children will become the ultimate supplier and ultimate leverage. The whole system will be fucked for sure. If you are a codependent in a relationship with a narcissist and you do not have kids RUN. Run as fast as you can to an addiction specialist and save your future children from the bullshit you almost put them through. You have to be healthy before you can raise healthy humans.
Good point about healing the codependent from being available as narcissistic supply.
Theoretically, we should all be single until the individuation and maturation process provides us with sufficient self-esteem so that external validation doesn't become an addiction.
Pragmatic awareness, social transparency, and individual strong boundaries could prevent most of the abuse if we educated our population in the dangers of narcissism. Unfortunately, individual responsibility is necessary but insufficient to reverse the trends of anti-social behavior on structural/systemic levels.
George Berven Agree 100%.
The message I do appreciate within this video is stop trying to diagnose a pathology because it is fruitless to do so. Trait identification is significantly more useful in my opinion because “diagnosing” removes the complicity to the problem.
I think we must first accept our involvement in processes which enable narcissistic traits so that we may recognize that healthy humans do not allow this behavior, and when confronted with a healthy human a narcissist either avoids them or yields to them.
We want the trait to yield. We don’t need a connection.
omg...thank you...when we are hurt by a NPD....we lump them all and say they can't change.. .it made me wonder where is our empathy for the child that was hurt so badly that they can't feel.....isn't that what we do? You hurt me so I won't feel empathy for your past...
I don't mean the NPD that truly like who they are....but
the ones who want to be so badly the good person they show as there mask.
Depending on the degree of narcissism ~ they don't think they need to change but the person they are targeting needs to change. 43 yrs of narcissistic abuse, no 47 ~ only GOD himself can break through this.
Tawnya Bartlett and sometimes we can be so hard on people because we were just like them-struggling to mature-haven given up hope-but we don’t see ourselves there now, and so we pretend-act superior, but, actually having been in this posture of I don’t want to deal with me, we can understand better someone else.
This position is not for the faithless. Jesus must be your friend, and to follow the speaker’s advice, one must be called by God, or we can get hurt or be brought to the point of hurting ourselves.
If the person wants to grow, we’ve got to see their desire.
It’s a personal walk with Jesus, an acceptance and love of self, and it is a love for others-that is real-just like the one struggling wants and is blessed with for themselves...
I do feel empathy for them and I think you're best off limiting your contact or cutting it completely.
I love my narcissist. I really do. I cry when I think of the sweet little boy he once was who was ignored and beaten and berated by his troubled parents. I know that little boy, though fading with the years, is still inside of the narcissistic man.
But I recognize that I cannot reach and heal him. If I found a lamp with a genie that would be my first wish - before wealth and comfort. I would heal that hurting little boy. But I have no genie. I cannot make others do anything nor can I change them. I would like to see him do some deep inner work and heal himself. Would make me very happy. But I cannot. So I will not drain myself chasing the impossible. That doesn't help anybody.
Don't narcissistic ppl loves feeding their own egos and that is only what matters to them😕
Unconditional love and truth telling and boundary setting, trusting the divine, trusting yourself and then putting trust in the so-called narcissist and complete and utter forgiveness as per Christ - no therapist is necessary. That is if it truly is love and if you see the full potential of them even when they give up on themselves….. it is NOT an overnight process and enabling is not helpful. 🙏🏻
Thank goodness people like you are giving hope here because most often we are told nothing can be done.
It sounds like you have walked the path of healing, thanks for sharing
I believe God and our saviour Jesus can help im bouta set out on a journey to try save the soul of my girl cassie who is been torn to shreds by the dark side they will not have her.
Dr. Facts. I was a narcass8st and i changed.
That’s really encouraging to hear. Thanks for sharing
👏🏽 congratulations I’m happy for you
🙌 👏 🙏 🤝 👍 we are all capable of learning !
How you do it
Well said!!!! Thank you for sharing a much needed change in perspective.
Glad you found it helpful. Thanks for your feedback
Thank you! I have instinctively been doing this. As badly as I want to hug him and make it all go away for him I know that I can’t right now. It is difficult for me to watch him break down. I was losing hope reading and watching a lot of this stuff. Thank you for hope.
You're so welcome Jacque! Feel free to reach out to us when your partner is ready for the breakthrough. We can help. - Client Care Team
I'm grateful for your voice. After 48 years, I'm hopeful! Thank you. ❤
This is really encouraging and makes sense.. thanks David!
You're very welcome Annette. Feel free to reach out to our office at info@marriagerecoverycenter.com if you'd like to learn more about how we can help. - Client Care Team
I appreciate your message I love my man so much and def have the faith and hope for him
So glad to hear that you share our hope Carmen. However, that hope must be coupled with action, which includes getting professional help and finding people who can support the two of you and hold your man accountable. If you want to know where to start, or simply gather information, please visit us at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
This advice glosses over the psychodynamics of this dyad. The victim should be given full disclosure, narcissist are very destructive to people's emotional health and the only thing that should matter is the victim. The victim does not have the know how to help a narcissist heal, they should be given a chance to move on with their life not false hope. Displays of strength and empathy is what prevents a narcissist from devaluing a therapist and allows them to heal, this is beyond most victim types area of expertise. I can only see this working in couples therapy, but it's not something that can be accomplished without a professional.
This video is only one in an entire series of videos and must be considered within context. We absolutely agree that victims must focus first and foremost on their own healing, and they are not responsible for their spouse's healing. Each person must take responsibility for their own healing. This video only points out that there are things that one does or does not do that can either hinder or facilitate their partner's progress, but we are not at all implying that you should take any responsibility for your partner's healing. Also in complete agreement that it needs to be under professional guidance. - Client Care Team
I would have like more emphasis placed on that fact the help of a professional is required, even adding that to the title of the video would be helpful.
i have to agree totally. he has to totally break and tons of work
Who knows he may be a narcisssit himself !
😆😂😂 .
Bsja Bsjaaj Lol
Mala Rai sis.sounds u r
nepali?i am too.i found ur comment superb.u nailed it🙌
Mala Rai doubt it
Mala Rai
I Can tell you that unless the Lord changes people, no one Will change. People with narcissism are cruel, calculating evil. I've not seen anyone with BPD or NPD, these folks will hurt you physically, or they will get others to destroy you. I think this is directed to stop labeling others. Don't call evil good and good evil!
No matter the diagnosis, ultimately the only person I can help heal is myself. If I can help others with insight so they can heal themselves, wonderful. Narcisists do need help, yet insight that is not self serving for them is elusive.
We agree wholeheartedly, ultimately each person must take responsibility for their own healing. But it can be helpful to know what are some of the things that are helping or hindering one's progress in seeking healing. This does not in any way assign responsibility or burden to one's mate. - Client Care Team
I have BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder my male partner shows traits of CNPD or Covert Narcissistic Personality Disorder and he never said healing would be easy.... others don't do it because it is not easy and it is often difficult to get a narcissist to honestly commit to therapy many may go once or twice and stop. They don't see the error of their ways. My male partner only agreed to go to therapy after I old him frankly if he did not he would lose me emotionally and/or physically at some point and I would leave him. As I have got better with my BPD symptoms and understand them in great detail I am able to see his pain and at the same time set firm boundaries and call him out on his behavior in a way that lets him know it's irrational and unacceptable without him perceiving it as an attack... I thought of an idea to help him want to have sex and going slow and asking permission and checking in with him by making eye contact frequently made him feel safe and connected and ultimately he enjoyed it and said it was way different than anything before. He is vulnerable and afraid of rejection, yet highly successful and grandiose with little empathy for others. He does have the capacity to love and care and feel he just doesn't know how but I know he wants to. Tomorrow will be our first couples therapy session and he really really doesn't want to do it but is making sure to arrange to be there 15 minutes early because he loves me and really does care deeply for our relationship and wants to be better to me. He doesn't get much from me for I have no money, he taught me everything about the career I have now, he helps me with groceries and my horrible bipolar type 1 and BPD symptoms, he helps my grandma with free tree work even though he doesn't want to, he always wants to see me happy, he does eventually come around and talk to me or change his ways to treat me the way I ask (which is not unreasonable), e has indicated in both word and action his wish is not to hurt me in any way.... he simply doesn't have the sympathetic and empathetic capacity to emotionally connect with me (an empath) the way he'd or I would like. If you truly love someone and are far enough along in your therapy that you can spot their projecting, manipulative, self-serving, wounded, and otherwise negative behaviors associated with narcissism, then you may be healthy enough to try to help the narcissist heal. My partner is worthy of patience and love as is someone such as myself living with BPD and Bipolar Type 1. Most articles and videos would tell everyone to run from me that I too would be incapable of true lasting nontoxic interpersonal and intimate relationships. They are dead wrong. I practice CBTherapy DBTherapy Mindfulness, inventorying behavior of mine with my partner to make sure I am staying on the path I would like to, talking about my mental disorders often with anyone, and use many other outlets, including relentless research of my disorders and his, to change. I work on changing myself everyday. I never maintain I always try hard every day every breath because I am determined to not be my disorder and I believe the same to be true of him or if anything his desire of not losing me may get him to that point one day..... Point being this man never said he could cure it he is giving ideas to implement that may or may not yield results with your narcissist. I happen to think a lot of what he is saying my help my narcissist and will be useful to bring up in therapy. I set attainable goals now because I know narcissists are goal driven especially covert and cerebral narcissists from what I can gather thus far through research and behavior comparison with symptoms ilsted for NPD from scholarly sources and very very similar first hand experiences alike.... They can heal just as I have with BPD and continue you to do each and every day. They are worth loving if you have the capacity and I know as an intellectual that a BPD and NPD relationship can work although I don't recommend trying it out if you can help it, because I do believe for this to succeed it requires both of us to commit to identifying accepting, owning, and correcting our character defects and other wrongdoings.
Bravo! Me too.
I am so encouraged by your post. Thank you. Your honesty and courage is inspiring. Owning up is not a very easy thing. Our faults are something we are never proud of. You got over your BPD is a big victory.
Wow! Suprised at the age of this.. such a refreshing take! Thank you. As relevant today as ever! 👏👏
i told my father it was wierd how he never looks me in the eye and never says my name..he had some excuse. then I said to him, when i was 30 years old you told me "I'm glad you grew up, you're not my problem anymore" instead of saying "I'm sorry" he said "that's unfortunate"......the wierd thing is it sounds sincere but shows no compassion or desire to change or right the wrong he's done.
Acknowledging how one has wronged someone in their life is an important step towards healing. But it requires coaching, guidance, support and accountability. We can help. Contact us for more info at (206) 219-0145 or info@marriagerecoverycenter.com.
Sorry hes had enough supply from me!!
I'm glad to see you spreading this message. I'm just a single guy that has a narcissist mother. This seamed to be aimed at married couples. I feel that anyone can change with the right motivation.
Its funny, I live with my mom right now and I am into personal growth, so I listen loudly to growth type videos and narcissism. She runs away usually. Lately she listens to anything but the narsicistic stuff. Then she runs like the wind into the back. lol
Point being, after 9 months of me healing and her seeing it and her hearing it, she is having little noticeable breakthroughs. However she still gets mad and jelious kinda easy, so more loud videos coming up.. : )
Most of our videos do speak to couples, but the principles apply to any relationship, and we've worked with individuals who are struggling in relationships with their children, parents, in-laws, etc. Good for you for taking initiative to heal and empower yourself! It all starts with you! - Client Care Team
Narcissism is on a spectrum. A full blown nod is probably not treatable. However a milder case may be able to change, and he makes that point.
You are one of the few people who actually listened with an open mind and was able to hear Dr. Hawkins make that point. Thanks for pointing that out and you are absolutely right. - Client Care Team
How do I get my husband of 23 years to even admit that he is narcissistic and that it will be beneficial to do your course? He gets incredibly defensive over absolutely nothing. We are not living together, a d for the first time in many years I'm feeling emotionally safer. There was much emotional and verbal abuse for many years. Can he do the course online as we live in Australia?
I agree with this guy. Keeping in mind that there is a scale of narcissism and some people are too far gone to put any energy into. Seems when people are stressed they become more narcissistic. I guess you have to decide for yourself. I have had major breakthroughs by changing my codependency behavior. Telling my needs when the person is not stressed. Also through crisis' that have come up in our lives. People don't change unless there is a crisis and you can create your own crisis.
Thanks for your feedback and insightful comments. You're absolutely right about crises being a catalyst for change. - Client Care Team
It’s dangerous to suggest that by threatening separation, you can cause a person to have an emotional break down leading to a break thru. Threatening separation, even temporarily, is an assault to the ego, which can cause angry or violent behavior brought on by fear & loss of control.
It is not meant to be a threat to manipulate but a last resort for someone who needs space to think clearly and heal. It is specific to the context of emotional abuse and someone on the verge of leaving anyway. We see your point - if used as a manipulation or fear tactic, that is wrong.
@@drdavidbhawkins I think it might be bigger then you concede. Making a suggestion like that so generally could end up costing lives. You should be more careful about suggesting such a specific action when speaking to people who are already in an emotionally vulnerable position. You could at least add a few maybes & mights to a suggestion like that.
And how is “tell your spouse you want to separate so they will learn their lesson and come crawling back” not a manipulative action?
I know, I’ve done it myself. It’s not wrong to manipulate people who are hurting you, just don’t pretend it’s anything but a manipulation.
What is wrong is suggesting that you CAN change another human being. It is extremely unlikely, and worse, it’s detrimental to have a mindset like that. Ask any therapist you can’t change other people! Ok, sometimes our actions do change others. But it’s not a straight line.
The only thing we have any control over changing is ourselves. Which is kinda where you were heading…if a person can pull together their will and manage to finally walk away, they are changing themselves by demonstrating their strength & independence. But you can’t (shouldn’t) tell people that by changing themselves it WILL do anything to the narcissist other then piss them off.
You’d be better off telling those women to STOP trying to get their partners to change. It’s that exact fantasy in their head that helps keep them oppressed. It’s the Hollywood dream: the man is an ogre, but the love of a good woman changes him into a prince, & everyone lives happily ever after. When in real life, the good woman just ends up being married to an ogre.
A very dangerous proposition if you ask me.
@@LOwens-xf8yowhat happens if genders are reversed?
@@AV-kr6gc I haven’t see that movie
Ok and? I did this and he inmediately went and found someone else and has recently been reaching out to me after having a new gf for only 2 weeks..
Ive been no contact with him...
And you want me to what? Forgive his abusive controlling shit? Start talking to him again?
Explain how this is healthy...
I really did want him to get help. I would've went with him.. Im sadly still in love with him. But he is SICK and he REFUSES to get any help at all.. Says hes fine...
We agree strong boundaries and sometimes physical separation or no contact is necessary and good in order to prevent further harm and protect your emotional health. We have programs that help women do just that. Visit our website at www.marriagerecoverycenter.com for more info. -Client Care Team
David Hawkins
Im not rich by any means. And if i were id do anything to have a HEALTHY relationship with him.
But there's no way i could afford to pay for it for 1 and 2 good luck talking to him about what hes doing..
I feel like this person is who i was meant to be with and he ran and shit all over what we had because hes a selfish entitled child.
So, dating for me is completely over. I dont wanna be in a relationship due to this. I gave my all and i got crushed in return. All bc i refuse to be controlled and manipulated anymore.
I didnt deserve that....
We have some free resources on our website that you may find helpful. Below is the link, as well as a link to Dr. Hawkins' latest book which I hope will bring you some insight.
marriagerecoverycenter.com/resources/
www.amazon.com/When-Loving-Him-Hurting-You/dp/0736969810
Im single but still I recognize, try to seek resources to, im not gonna lie, be successful, and heal before looking for a relationship
Iam so thankful to come across your video. We have children involved and playing his game hasnt cut it. It actually has made things worst b/c now he tends to say your doing or did this or that. I thought he would see the pain in his ways but that approach not only pushed us apart but allowed me to also justify going outside the marriage and start to move on. The bottom line is I still love him but not his ways. Iam going to try to get him to losten to this video and see if this is something he would be willing to do or continue to go our separate ways. For the sack of our children unlike other self help video he refused to listen to I hope this one and this resource will help.
Narcissists survive because of codependents and empaths that enable them. And I'll be the first to say I'm guilty of that, unfortunately. Perhaps if you're not far on the malignant side of the scale there is help for people with moderate narcissism.
Keep the heat on reminds me of when the Bible says stay alert and sober
Dr. Hawkins is referring to holding one accountable and following through with consequences for not respecting boundaries. It helps to stay alert and sober when one has an accountability partner or group. - Client Care Team
also i want to say that the MAIN reason from my observations, that a narc is the way they are is because of coddling and enabling by flying monkeys and in some cases whole societies enable narcissistic people like it seems is done here in the U.S. The narc wont change because they lack the incentive to, WHY should they when everyone is constantly kissing their asses and in many cases doing their evil bidding (flying monkeys abuse by proxy)? again i ask what is their incentive when they get whatever they want? since these people lack empathy and a conscience the only way for them to change is by their family and society shunning them when they do bad things. basically they are morally-challenged individuals and dont care to do whats right because they feel entitled to hurt others.
a fantastic way to help them is by calling them out on their behavior, not their victims but i mean their enablers and society, shunning them to show them theyre wrong. they'll get the message believe me! a victim can try to pour love on them for years which is what many of us tried to do and all it caused us was to get stomped on because we were so "stupid" for loving them when they knew they didnt deserve it. IT DOESNT WORK. narcs dont respect love and dont understand it. they only respect cruelty because thats how they operate. you gotta speak their language and that is to not take their shit at all, and then they think ur so "strong" in their puny minds. look up george k, simon who knows what he;s talking about when it comes to this.
also i do think a program like this would be great for a narc who feels he/she wants to change, not for a narc and their victim, it wont work.
Thanks for your insight. We agree that most people, and particularly a narcissist, will not change unless they HAVE to because they are going to lose something they don't want to lose. As Dr. Hawkins has said many times, a breakthrough cannot happen without a breakdown first. It is also important for victims and other well-intentioned people to be aware of what they are doing, or not doing, to enable or contribute to the problem. And yes, our greatest breakthroughs and success stories are those who have some desire to change. - Client Care Team
Im sorry
But after all, I've learned about narcissm , this past 7months, and what I've ignorantly endured for 17years , i have nothing left in me to carry on
Not even The Holy Spirit could convict him , all th4se years
I am numb and broken, with no hope of still fighting for his heart
My Dad, nearly 83 yrs. has NPD, and I have listened to your comments on the behaviors, actions and traits. My Dad recently, admitted that he made a mistake however, never admitted to his lies that he tells. He now needs my help with my Mom. As she is in a Rehab. facility, and he cannot go see her unless I drive him. He has a Home Health Care Aide that he is convinced has a crush on him. She is 28 yrs old. I see that he is not facing the reality of their relationship, and I know he is lonely for companionship. The Aide comes to his home 4X's a week. She and I spoke while he was in the hosp. last week about her false accusations told of me. My Dad was convinced that she never lied about me verbally assaulting her. However, she has told me that she never called her Employer to accuse me . I know the Aide lied and she used this lie to convince my Dad that I tried to fire her. Which isn't true, and she used this to keep me away, so she could hit him up for money for her own selfish needs. I saw the same traits in her as I do my Dad. As long as they can use a person, then there is no problems. But when you see thru their deception and lies then you are considered an evil person in their eyes. Since, I see this as a Spiritual battle in his life, I notice a lack of genuine love of God towards other believers. I am a born again Christian, and I do see that he has turned against other Christians if he does not have their approval and If he isn't the center of everyone's attention. He cannot control me, because I see thru his lies and deception, so he continues to tell my own daughters, which look up to him all of these lies about me. He is more concerned about their financial ability than their relationship with Christ. So sad to see him live like this and wonder if he is truly a born again Christian. My daughters follow the world and he has told them that since they prayed a prayer as little girls that he believes they are saved. This is what disturbs me most. I pray for him continually, and concerned for his own soul.
Lorie McNutt yep was only five years with one when I saw through her stuff she call me a motherfucker phyco etc I was accused f abandoning her wow it nearly killed me still recovering after 7 months away from her
Hi Dr David... I am just divorced from a narcissist and he was crying at the end begging me to stay and now he is asking me for where he can get treatment in hope to get together. I still love him
Hi Mayada, If you would like one of our counselors to speak into your situation, please give us a call at (206) 219-0145 or email frontdesk@marriagerecoverycenter.com to find out how we can help. - Client Care Team
Mayada, I am really sorry to say this but he doesn't love you. They are not capable of love. He is just playing games with you.Please find another videos on here talking about codependency which will help you understand yourself. Try Ross Rosenberg, he is psychatrist and was married to narcissist himself.
Only God can Help a Narcissist, and the only way they can Change is that they will have to SUBMIT TO GOD WHOLE HEARTILY ...No Religion Just Truth !
I’m guessing from the title that the answer is:
Leave them alone to figure out what healing looks like for them.
If you can somehow ‘get through’ to the narcissist, then they are not a narcissist. That’s the whole point. A true narc will never, EVER take responsibility for their destructive behaviour. ‘Keeping the heat on’ a true narcissist will burn you out way before the narc submits - which will happen when hell freezes over. It’s like successfully explaining what the colours of the rainbow are to a life long blind man. No matter how much you try, the blind man will never, ever know what red is. What green is. What blue is. Sorry, but this RUclips view point is horse shit.
You have a point. The people we work with are somewhere on the spectrum of narcissist behaviors. Rarely does someone with full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder reach out for help, and we acknowledge that there is very little likelihood of successful treatment for people with full blown NPD. The higher one is on the spectrum of narcissist behaviors, the more difficult it will be to treat. - Client Care Team
I couldn’t endure any longer. He said he wasn’t going for help so I finally filed for divorce. I told him either he had to get help or I had to go. He sad “oh that’s sad” but he still isn’t willing to get help. Maybe if I left the home that would have help…I don’t know. All I know is I needed out.
Unfortunately, we cannot force anyone to change and if there is no desire to work on the relationship, there is nothing left but to focus on your own healing.
It's not our job to heal these sick toxic people.. They create their own problems. They're only cure is to cut them out of your life for good and never look back. These people belong in the cage and shunned from society. They choose their own path to do the wrong thing, to manipulate, to deceive, to lie, to cheat. There is no cure death is the only cure for them. You cannot save someone that is broken. Horrible horrible horrible information you're putting out. You're probably a narcissist yourself.
We agree it is not anyone's job to heal another person, and it certainly cannot be forced on anyone, but we offer professional guidance for those who are seeking help and want to heal. Here at the Marriage Recovery Center, we don't believe in discarding the broken. Afterall, we are all broken in one way or another and all on a journey of learning to become more whole. That said, our heart is not only to help the broken, but also those who are being harmed by empowering them to break the cycle of abuse. - Client Care Team
When A person won't apologize from the heart and can pit themselves in another person shoes and feel some one else's grief and are good manipulators. They can manipulate thier therapy too . They will manipulate everyone if they could becouse they Love the attention and power it's drawing on everybody . The door that slams hard in the Face of a person . can usher a person to a new begging and A person has the POWER TO "revision" thier life A New, not run away from self esteem and let people hurt and abuse then on a cycle ,taking more risk and hurting ones life over and over !! I feel a good therapist and a good counselor will help people get in touch with thier inner voice and give them the courage to CUT off toxic waste from thier life . THen teach people how to set better limits to prtect thier life better , and keep them willing and able so they do not jave to settle for a piece of Crap that cannot honor you as a worthwhile humanbeing worthy of Respect and dignity . Pump that !! If a person cannot respect themselves no one will . That's TKO !! Total knock out! If we all put are boxing gloves on where will we end up ?? Killing each other. I think this counselor needs to Re- group this topic better .. Or might have an agenda to place people in jail or in A grave !! 🤤😓😥😮🤐😲😲😲😲
That's exactly what we do - help people discover their Core Self and take back their power, and to remove themselves from toxic cycle they feel trapped in. Our focus is on healing the whole person first, then the relationship if it can be healed. - Client Care Team
Quit giving people false promises that can never be delivered. These toxic people should be shunned from society. They are horrible people with no remorse. They chose this life when they were a child either because of abandonment issues or they had a narcissistic parent. They chose to prolong the cycle. Quit telling people you can heal them. You definitely sound like a narcissist yourself. The only cure is death for them. They don't belong in a functional Society they belong on a deserted island away from givers.
James Cadzow ironic you dont see the narcacism in your own comments
I like that you're out there saying this. I just don't believe that my father is incapable of change.
I've tried many therapists and they mostly say there's no hope and they won't help talk to him. I think they're not doing their job and they're telling me to do something morally wrong in kicking him out of my house to be homeless without even a single attempt to back up the verify validity of my boundaries. And I don't even think he needs a break down. He's not that bad of a narcissist. My guess is he's probably diagnosable, but I don't think he's evil...
I also come at this from the perspective of someone who has had to be an outsider giving hard truths to people in a sensitive manner probably hundreds of times. I've done something very similar to what I'm talking about over and over. The only thing is it doesn't work with family. But there's nobody to help. And it's severely damaged my life at this point. Financially, emotionally, career, interpersonally.
Does he have someone from his past that you can identify as a narcissist?
Have a chat, just informal, asking about that person.
Say his dad was a narc. Ask questions about how his dad treated him, just in conversation. As old people, we love to tell stories of our childhood, and narcs love to be seen as victims.
Just listen to his stories. Then after a long period of time, you could interject questions like, "ohhhh, is that like the time you said that to mom?"
Hello him see the connection between his narcissist and is narcissistic behavior, making sure to leave yourself out .
If you don't point out how he treats you, he'll think you didn't notice.
If he brings up how he did something to you, then you know he's making progress.
Also yawn, and watch. Narcissists Don't yawn when someone else yawns.
Good job! Tgere a plenty of ppl out there that went down a wrong pathway who can and do turn around and set things right. Some ppl are narsassistic BECAUSE THEY DONT KNOW ANY OTHER WAY. WE'RE ALL LEARNING ALL SORTS OF THINGS EVERY DAY. THE ALL ENCOMPASSING STATEMENTS by people thst narcassists can't change is false. It takes a serious crisis to just begin a change for them. But certainly a person can learn compassion and empathy.
We appreciate your feedback Martin! It's not that narcissists aren't "able" to change, but more likely that they simply don't want to. Most people are capable of doing almost anything if they truly want to, are wiling to to do the hard work involved, and have the tools and support along the way. And that's what we offer is the tools and support. We agree most times it is a crisis that is the catalyst to shifting one's direction. - Client Care Team
Wonderful perspective.
My husband has been in therapy almost 4 years and it only made him worse. He easnt even gaving narcissistic traits when he started therapy and now he seems to be a full blown narcissist. I feel like his therapist triggered his abandonment issues brought all his trauma to the surface bringing up suppressed memories and made him like this. I dont know what to do. I have books he and I will both be reading but he can't admit he is a narcissist but he is 100% I'm trying so hard wirh our therapists who work in the same practice to help him but nothing js working. 18 years I do love him so much and i want my husband back. How can you help us we live in Chicago? Can you help us?
while i visited my father my sisters were calling the house like hovering flying monkies worried that he needed protecting from me. lol. im so dangerous to tell him the truth, set boundaries, and expect something of him.
It is important to maintain your boundaries and follow through when those boundaries are infringed upon. - Client Care Team
I want to take this seriously, because I work with very young school children, and I see narcissistic behavior all the time. NATURALLY most of them are just kids being kids, and I'm confident that age and time will do the trick; but there are 1 or 2 here and there that show very disturbing signs already, and the idea of writing them off is unthinkable to me
please let the parents know and get them into some form of therapy, the sooner they do, maybe they will have a chance since they are so young otherwise, they will be unbearable in their preteens and beyond; there may be abusive behavior in their homes
He says he’s changing but now expects more interaction from me. After 35 years of hell I have too much resentment.
Thankyou this offers hope for my ex partner who I still care for ,thankyou for this video
I need healing I am a narcissist and I willing to heal
Hi Lynneth, we are here to help. Please contact our office. Our Client Care Team will help you get started. info@marriagerecoverycenter.com (206) 219-0145 - Client Care Team
Lynneth Charles Nice try. Not possible. You either are a narc in disgiuse or you're not a narc at all. Narc will never admit to being wrong or imperfect or in need of help.
Hello Juliette. While we appreciate your opinion, we see those with narcissistic tendencies face their bad behaviors and learn to overcome them all the time. - Client Care Team
@@juliettesherrill5116 i feel as tho i am a narc my mother was an extreme narc i desperately want to change i have pushed eveyone away from me and its so debilitating
Simone Washington it takes a big person to admit faults. Applause to you! Positive vibes.
YES...BROKENNESS! Breakdown leads to Breakthrough!!
What questions do we ask to find the right fit for a therapist?
He needs help now!
In addition to general qualifications, ask what kind of experience they have working with people with narcissist tendencies. You can learn more about our approach and qualifications at www. marriagerecoverycenter.com - Client Care Team
This is the best vedio so far ❤
If anyone is in Danger of thier life getting punshed or broken bones and thier life is threatend or in Danger or thier hair getting pulled out or thier teeth knocked out of thier mouth , black eyes along with someone grabbing hot coffee getting thrown all over thier face ! It's time to Crash or flight . You cannot have closure with every situation. Get help for yourself on what keeps you INSISTING on being with a creep. Find help for yourself and forget about changing any one !! Some people you are better off not having closure with because it puts your life at a high risk . no one is worth dying for or going to jail over . r !! Save yourself other's you can't change.. look to SAFTY first!! IF YOU ARE COUNSELING people to stay in a non - healthy relation- ship , waiting around on a wish and a prayer and do not care about peoples life.'s ENOUGH you shouldn't be a counselor. waiting On Grace or Mercy when things are not getting any better .Or waiting for a miracle to happen with someone that cannot feel another person's grief or pain. I' s like Not Loveing and Caring about yourself . I would rather advice people to do some soul searching better and advice people to seek a support counselor thatwill l help you stay to stay off a wheel of Abuse completely! In order to help yoirself and find out why you keep yourself in a bad relationship and not just try to face you own fears of being Alone and step OUT!! THAT what I call Love that is on ( TKO) TOTTALY knocked OUT !! PEOPLE need limits to keep themselves Safe !! Teach me to read the sighns on the " *Firmament " and how to sail my own Boat ashore !! It's my Voyage ! I am the captain to my own ship !! ONLY I can keep my own boat afloat !! I am not even a counselor . But one thing I do know you cannot help a person that think' s that abusing other people is perfectly fine .. Believe me people know wrong from right but a Remorseless person hold's no fury of the LEVEL of thier Wrath and Abuse !! I am a " feminist " and I am persuaded to believe that we are Preciouse gifts that hold human creation within our womb, we are (Mother's ) to human kind and we give up our own lives to push another Human into existence. All woman are BUETIFUL worthy of Love , honor , and respect .. I believe that Woman have a right to be free from Abuse and be Happy and deserve to be LOVED the proper way not be beaten on , used or taken advantage of or controlled or imprisoned as sex objects .. A woman hold's the life inside of Her womb . and should be cherished and if A person cannot offer Her the best of Life LET HER GO !! and fly away that a NEW and better door can open up for Her .. NOT TO BREAK and beat Her down . A REAL Man wouldn't do that . Narcissism is just an excuse .. That's why it really isn't a legal psychiatric symptom !! PEOPLE have choices and know EXACTLY what they do to other's unless they are INSANE! ... Then that's a different Topic all together!!
We absolutely agree that your safety comes first. We advocate for zero tolerance for abuse of any kind. The context for this video does not apply to every situation - there is a wide spectrum of narcissist tendencies. We don't claim to be able to treat everyone nor have we ever advised anyone to remain in an unsafe relationship. Quite the opposite, our purpose is to empower people to recognize abuse and get help. - Client Care Team
Maritza Valdes I wish I could give you 700 likes cause YOU deserve it.
nobody is obligated to help their abuser. if their abuser wants help they can get it themselves. most of the time being empathic towards ur narc will only help them in destroying u....this is very idealistic yet very dangerous advice. empathy w/ a narc can literally kill u!!
We absolutely agree, no one is obligated to help their abuser, and in most cases they are not qualified to do so even if they want to. What Dr. Hawkins is trying to do here is simply bring up the idea that everything we do, or don't do, is either helping or hurting (enabling) the situation, so it's important to be aware of the impact of our actions, or lack of actions, whether intentional or unintentional. - Client Care Team
I believe in you and your approach David :)
I am hoping my husband will opt for your suggested spouse supported therapies. Much love from Australia xo
Thank you Jane! If you need some additional guidance, we invite you to join one of our free classes by video. Learn more and sign up at marriagerecoverycenter.com/when-its-time-for-an-intervention/ - Client Care Team
Sincerest thanks David. All the best.